Lidia: Previously on "moonshine."
Nora: My big sis, lidia, is back in town.
- (cheering) - my daughter's an anarchist,
My son's clinically depressed,
Uh, my marriage might be over. Just a goddamn mess.
- (reads) "I, felicia finley,
Leave my piece of the moonshine to lidia."
- What?
- You've always wanted what's mine.
This is how the war starts, lidia.
- "may she finally turn this shithole
Into something worth a damn."
(birds chirp, radio clicks on)
Nora: Hey, hey, fox den,
Anyone in need of some high octane, renewal juju?
Life needs a kick in the ass?
Well, you're in luck, losers,
Because it is summer solstice time.
("big yellow taxi" by joni mitchell plays)
♪ with a pink hotel ♪
Nora: In some towns,
Virgins drink from magical wells.
Other towns turn druid and dance around giant stones.
My town feeds its sins to a goat,
And they barbecue the poor bastard
In a quest for sweet, sweet absolution.
(text alert chimes)
That's right, it is time for the moonshine's
Annual anything-goes, goat roast.
The time of year when you, your loved ones,
Even that sexy tent buddy whose name you can't remember,
Get to beach-party 'til ya barf.
What's that? Nothing to hide?
No sordid sins to absolve?
Fresh out of crack pipe confessions?
Then, giddy up, still plenty of time to make some mistakes.
♪ hey, farmer, farmer, put away that ddt now ♪
(engine rumbles)
♪ gimme spots on my apples ♪
♪ but leave me the birds and the bees ♪
- Absolutely not! That's not what we discussed!
No! I don't care! I don't care what you're saying!
Absolutely not!
♪ that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone ♪
♪ you paved paradise and put up a parking lot ♪
(trailer squeaks, door bangs)
(engine rumbles)
Less wanking, more working!
You're both late!
♪♪♪
♪ and the big yellow taxi took away my old man ♪
- Daniel, hey.
Yeah. I-I know. Sorry.
Uh, signals for shit. Hold on.
(engine roars)
♪ they paved paradise, put up a parking lot ♪
- Somebody's happy.
- Dingo in a donut box.
- Or there's a body out back.
- I put her in charge this weekend.
- Of my goat roast?
- Oh, you're on bed rest.
Besides, we're too old to absolve sins.
- People change. - (chuckles) we're not people.
- Hold on, hold on. Can you hear me now?
Okay, I think I got ya. Ugh!
Daniel: Have you told the kids about the separation?
- No, and do not say I'm avoiding.
- The girls have been avoiding each other since the memorial.
This weekend should be fun.
- Lidia and goats. No, not her speed.
- It's gonna be a bloodbath.
Daniel: I just don't understand what you're still doing there.
- This is where I need to be right now, okay,
In control of my own destiny,
Taking care of my mom, supporting my family--
(engine revs)
Having them support me.
I really think it's gonna be different this time!
Ah! No! Call you back.
Rhian! No! No! No!
You knocked that down, you stupid yellow
(indistinct shouting, engine rumbles)
♪ it's my life, it's my life ♪
♪ it's my life, my life ♪
♪ it's my life, it's my life ♪
♪ it's my life, my life ♪
- There's no way I'm staying here.
- (sighs) there is, and you are.
- Didn't even bring my retainer.
- Well, luckily teeth don't move very fast.
- This is a hostage situation.
A legit kidnapping. I'm calling dad.
- Your father is swamped at the office,
And he agrees this is the best place for you, this summer.
- What about what I want? What's there to do here?
- What's not to do?
- Um, finish my doc about the exploitation of sex workers
On the lower east side?
- Find another cause.
You okay?
At least happy-adjacent-slash- not hating me?
- Yeah, it's fine, mom.
- Look, I know this is a lot,
And I kinda sprung it on you,
But I want you guys to experience this place
Like I did back before, I dunno,
I resented the shit outta everything my mom did, too.
- I don't resent you, mom.
(mocking) - I don't resent you, mom.
- Finn, you are free to resent me.
It's a healthy and normal part of--
Shutting up now.
(sighs) bacon or sausage?
- What part of ovo-lacto vegetarian,
Do you not understand? (chair crashes) god!
(footsteps thud away quickly, door creaks and slams)
(insects buzz, seagulls cry)
(water runs, indistinct singing)
- I can piss and hit a mark at 15 feet, ilene.
- (indistinct singing) - ugh.
Maybe we need to uh, get the hell outta dodge?
Ryan: Why?
- Uh, because we live in a campground?
- It's close to work. Like, on work.
- It's true, it is super convenient.
But still, just weird, you know,
Like your family's around, all the time.
And I don't like the way that rhian talks to you.
- She's just, you know, super intense about the job.
- It's just, I was thinking,
The apartment over the fluff 'n' fold is for rent.
- One-eye finally got evicted? - Yeah.
- Did I call that, or what? - Yeah. You did.
But like, think about it. We could have like,
A private backyard, and a shower
That isn't directly over the shitter. Blinds.
- Those digs are sweet, but with what money?
- Well, maybe we could sell the shrooms,
And then use the money for first and last months.
- With a bit left over to celebrate.
- Sure! - You wanna get back in?
I think I missed a spot. - Oh, yeah,
It's just that I'm serious, babe, because that apartment
Isn't gonna be around forever, so we need to harvest
The shrooms and start selling.
- Okay, right after the goat roast.
- I dunno, I'm not sure that I like
Competing with a farm animal, ry.
- I promised my mom I'd help.
- Hmm. Can your mom give you a blowjob?
- Harvest time it is!
♪♪♪
- Woo! - (splash)
(door slams, gravel crunches)
♪♪♪
- (exhales)
- Why aren't you at the station?
- Uh, ken asked me to check up on security protocols
For the weekend.
- Dad said "security protocols"?
- And uh, I thought we could talk.
- We talked at breakfast.
- I thought of more things to say.
- Well? - Over dinner, maybe?
- Date night? No time.
Where is little miss inheritance when the inbreds
In cabin 5 turn their coffee maker into a bong?
- On top of the trailer, where you left her all morning.
- There will be time for sustenance
When the war is won, by me.
And remember whose side you're on.
(footsteps approach quickly, door opens and closes)
- I want peace. I wanna be friends.
- We're sisters, the opposite of friends.
- That's not a thing. - Number 36.
Do not be friends with lidia. Happy?
(footsteps thud)
- Uh, well, technically,
Technically, I'm your boss, now.
Dad told me he asked you to organize the weekend
And I'm fine with that.
- I have a goat to pick up.
- Oh! Well, come on, let us help,
Me and the kids. Show us the ropes.
I barely remember the last time I fed a sin to a goat.
- 1996. Lust monkey.
- Okay, fair. Mm-hmm.
But that was many sins ago,
And I-I'd like to make up for lost time.
Rhian? Come on, seriously,
Let's work together. No fighting, no ego.
- But I'm in charge?
- Pinky swear.
♪♪♪
- Staff meeting at noon. - Okay.
- So, who would like to climb the roof
And spend the day scraping bird excrement?
- Definitely lidia. All: (chuckle)
- You're hilarious. - Ryan, it is!
- That'll take all day! - Better not,
'cause you're scraping down the rental boats next.
I am also enforcing a strict no-bare-feet-rule this year.
The last thing we need is some drunk asshole
Suing us for slicing off a toe with broken glass.
- Isn't barefoot kind of a vibe?
- Yeah, I'm not really into the whole,
Wear-shoes-on-the-beach, thing.
Like, sand in shoes, shoes in cabins, sand in cabins.
And next thing you know, I'm on my hands and knees
With a vacuum hose, for like, hours.
- Yeah! - That is literally your job.
- Some of us have lives outside of this place, rhian.
Dreams. Housing options?
- Heartwarming story. Moving on. - Why so many changes?
Things have been running fine for the past 40 years, right.
Potluck, people pay what they can. We pony up a goat,
And a few kegs. - One keg, domestic,
Is all we can afford. Questions?
- Hmm. - Anybody else?
Um, I once paid three grand for a back to nature retreat
In the hamptons. Everyone slept under the stars
To reconnect with the earth. - And we care about
The adventures of some rich asshole, why?
- We could turn our lack of, into a plus.
- No wi-fi. We call it off-grid.
Limited supplies. It's called a cleanse.
Feeding sins to a goat.
Spiritual healing. - Ooh!
- With a bit of a re-brand, we could charge more.
Get a few wristbands, coachella it up.
- Could solve our cashflow issues.
- See? Sammy gets me. - Yeah, hippie chic.
Whole new clientele. - Uh, clientele?
- Ooh, frickin' fancy!
(gasps) I bet they tip large. - Yeah!
- Do you think we could get it together by the weekend?
- Oh, my firm did dozens of pop-ups.
I could call my suppliers. Bit of high-end décor,
Drop a few viral hints, (clicks tongue),
Hipsters love last minute.
- Great! Show of hands? - Oh, yeah!
♪♪♪
- You responded to my lady dick pic
With a fist bump emoji?
- I'm sorry, I-I just, I feel like--
- Taking your pants off? - Okay.
I know I made a ten-year mistake marrying rhian,
And I know that you wanna wait for the right time to tell her,
But all this sneaking around,
I just don't know if I can do it anymore.
- Okay. Bye.
My producer's gonna be back soon, anyway, so.
- That's it?
- I don't wanna put you in a situation
That makes you feel bad because the guilt
Is gonna make you spill your feelings all over town,
And when news breaks that nora finley-cullen
Is screwing her sister's husband,
Who gets thrown in the lobster pot?
The champion slut, or mr. Squeaky clean?
- You're not a champion slut.
- I better be. Do you think that you're
The only married guy I've slept with?
("roxy roller" by nick gilder plays)
(belt buckle jingles)
- I'm not so squeaky clean. - Prove it.
- Wah! Okay. (giggles)
♪♪♪
♪ flashlight dream ♪
♪ peaches and cream delight ♪
♪ roxy roller ♪
Hey, terry!
♪ five-bob job, she gets bubble gum on her knees ♪
(tires crunch)
♪ roxy roller ♪
(door latch clicks) beautiful day!
- Whatever you're on, it's working.
- Optimism, spunk,
An entire can of dry shampoo.
I figured out a way to make
The goat roast profitable this year.
- Ah! A pissing contest with rhian.
- No! I'm trying to help, and I hope you will, too.
- Have you discussed this with mom?
You know how much she loves change.
- Yeah, I don't wanna... Bother her
'til the details are ironed out. - Coward.
- She exhausts me.
I'm confident mom will eventually accept
That without change, comes bankruptcy.
Did you know they're six months behind on water bills
And it's gonna cost 150k to replace the septic?
- Hmm, pass!
- Please!
- Come on, I need you to read this on air.
(paper rustles) - (reads) "feeling baaa-d?
Come to the moonshine, feed your sins to our goat,
And discover your inner goddess."
This is some major bullshit.
- You know what's some major bullshit?
You being too cool to ever care about anything.
- I care about things. - Such as?
- Parmesan crackers, uh, these boots.
Hmm, sex? - Hmm, right.
Top secret married lover man.
- Are you judging?
- No, but I am a little curious.
Have you ever considered his poor, unsuspecting wife?
- What does this have to do with goats?
- Absolution of sins, babe.
- A man's choice to cheat on his wife is my sin, why?
- All alone. (inhales)
Shifting through the shards of a toxic marriage.
Breaking her children's hearts,
Forced to start a new life amidst impossible odds.
- You're the wife?
(sighs)
Daniel cheated, and that's why you stayed.
- Maybe.
Which is why you should feel super charitable and help me,
Before rhian shivs me in my sleep.
(paper rustles)
- Okay, pharmacist said to take these with food.
Wine doesn't count. - Grapes are a fruit.
(pills rattle) did you know eleanor
Is planning to go back to new york?
All packed up, ready to bolt.
You haven't told the kids about the separation, have you?
- I will.
- Days turn into decades, kiddo.
Just saying. (footsteps approach)
Jill: Lidia, I didn't expect to see you still in town.
- I decided to stay a bit longer.
You know, keep an eye on the inheritance.
- Treat her mother like a child. - My mother should be in bed.
- So, you're gonna be here for the goat roast. Lovely.
- So many sins, so little time!
- (chuckles) you behind all these fun changes?
- Changes? - Yeah, uh,
We decided to mix it up this year.
- We? - Yeah, goddess fest.
Female empowerment. Love it.
- I wanted to surprise you.
An estrogen-friendly twist on weekend fun.
- She never asks me when she knows it's gonna piss me off.
- How about you, jill? Need any sins absolved?
- Oh, me and your mom have been feeding the same sins to goats
For three decades, now?
- Oh yeah? How's that workin' out for ya?
- (chuckles) bea? - Great.
- Ah-ha. See? The goddess will provide.
Best year ever. We are gonna absolve so many sins.
Even yours, mom.
(receding footsteps thud)
- How long is she staying?
- Oh, she'll be tired of us and back to new york soon enough.
- Yeah, well, you let me know if you need any help with that.
- It'd be a shame if she got in the way
Of our little arrangement.
(lighter snicks, sizzling)
(goat bleats)
- Hi, little goatie!
Oh, my gosh, she's so cute!
Demon eyes, but cute.
- Mean mothers. They will eat anything,
If they are hungry enough. Very territorial,
Just like that skinny blonde one back at the farm,
Clearly trying to move in where she doesn't belong.
- Wish I could take her back to new york.
- When is your mom going home, anyway?
- No clue, but I'm out of here as soon as dad sends money
For a plane ticket.
(gate thuds)
- So, why a goat?
- Oh, you know "scapegoat."
(hammer bangs)
It was your grandma's idea, when we were kids.
We could choose one thing we wanted to erase that year,
And then have one hell of a feed.
- What do we feed it?
- Oh, no, it feeds us.
We roast it on the fire. It's delicious.
Well, first, we string it up, and then we, (clicks tongue),
You know, bleed it up. - (goat bleats)
- You wanna murder, then eat, this beautiful creature
After it's helped absolve your sins?
- No body, no crime. - (goat bleats)
♪♪♪
(goat bleats)
- Guard this with your life.
♪♪♪
- We need to stop the senseless goat slaughter.
- Yeah, right after the fish massacre.
- There's blood on our hands if we let them
Go through with this. - We can call peta.
- The local chapter's like, one guy,
And he's a total dick. - Oh.
Uh, okay, so what's your plan, then?
- We paper the town with posters,
Like really blood ones of slaughterhouses.
We block the gates with a protest.
- Man, if we make enough noise, like, we could go viral.
- Liberate the lobsters, the goats,
And our souls. - Huh.
- (scoffs)
(scraping sound)
- I was hoping to find a finley-cullen!
- Wasn't me!
- Hey, how does a newbie get a tour of this place?
- I wish I could oblige.
- Four hands make swift work.
(lobster trap rattles)
No better way to know a place.
Never been much of a relaxer.
- Seagulls and algae, man!
Some day, they'll be our overlords!
I'm ryan. - Oscar.
- So, moonshine been busy this summer?
- Same old. Hopin' to see some new faces this weekend
If big sis has got anything to do with it.
- Lidia, right? - One and only.
- She deal with the uh, day-to-day?
- Not yet. (exhales sharply)
That'd be my mom and dad. Rhian's the big cheese.
Likes to boss me around, that's for damn sure.
- Must be expensive to run.
Really high margins aren't uh, a thing in a seasonal business.
- Yeah, I guess.
- How do your folks keep this place afloat, anyway?
Little side hustle they got goin'?
Sorry to pry. I would just hate to see
A place like this so special go under.
- Nobody tells me shit about the money stuff.
(exhales sharply) but that don't matter.
Just me and my girl, we got our own thing.
Big payday, right around the corner.
- Do tell.
- Can you keep a secret? - (scoffs) to the grave.
(sizzles) (coughs loudly)
(door creaks open)
- Magic mushrooms! Organic, home-grown,
Limited batch, psilocybin.
Next gen high. - Serious operation.
- Mushies were my ticket to sobriety.
- My higher power.
- Sounds intense.
- Like a lawnmower of truth, man! Ha, ha!
- Big local market? - Bro, it's the moonshine.
It's the wild west, anything goes,
And everyone's invited. (laughs)
- Of course.
Hello, hello. - (keys tapping)
Ryan: Growing up big and strong, aren't ya?
Yes you are! Oh, you're doing so--
(suspenseful music) (chuckles)
Onshine.
No, I don't know anything about a goddess.
This is a campground, not a colon cleanse.
Goat? Yes, we have a goat!
♪♪♪
Demon whore!
(door bangs open) - oh, hey. Too low?
- I didn't approve this.
- Oh, come on, you're not seriously upset
About a little décor. - Pinky swear?
I'm in charge? - If guests are paying extra,
They're gonna expect extra! - There's more?
A yurt. What?!
A pop-up juice bar,
Hmm, flower-scented edibles.
How are we paying for all of this?
- Suppliers get paid when we do.
Yeah, I know, we're still in the hole
For the lobsters your kid stole. - Rhian, chill.
We already have 50 confirmed bookings.
Hold this a sec?
Okay.
♪♪♪
(waves lap) - woo!
♪♪♪
- Ryan, the oldest son,
Running drugs off the property. - Heroin? Meth?
Is this tied to the missing shipping containers
Out of the port of halifax? - Not sure.
Mushrooms, small crop, but where there's smoke,
There's fire. - Shrooms aren't worth the shit
They're grown in. - Okay, granted,
Ryan is not the sharpest axe in the woodpile.
- Yeah, he's a drunk. Dozens of duis.
He's not capable of remembering his middle name,
Let alone masterminding a smuggling ring.
- Maybe, but with a little bit of pressure, I can, you know--
- I need something concrete - phone records,
Double set of books, actual drugs.
- Ryan's twin sister, rhian,
She's in the know and I get a vibe from her.
- See? Strategy.
Go after the sister, get her to trust you.
- Yeah, all about the trust.
- Get a real in, or I'm bringing your scrawny ass home!
- Hey!
♪ when you're smiling ♪
- (happy sigh)
♪ the sun is shining hey, hey ♪
- Looking good!
(mic feedback)
- Okay, testing, testing.
- You love me.
- Even shitshows need a soundtrack.
- (chuckles)
Oh, see, that's the spirit of goddess fest,
Everyone working together. Female energy.
Where do you want this? - Uh, by the yurt.
- (gasps) you said yurt. Oh!
- So, what's on- what's on the deck?
- Oh, why, you think you're gonna get to control this?
- Well, a few requests.
A music person, you know that. You can be the--
(indistinct chatter, music)
(steps thud)
- Now I know why you wanted to talk.
- Rhian, look, I-- - admit it.
(sighs) admit what you've done.
- Things haven't been good between us for a long time,
Okay? You and me, we just don't--
- Nope, we don't.
- Which is why you...
Agreed to help lidia with her stupid idea?
- Yes. Yeah, I-I did agree
To help move speakers and carry yoga mats, but--
- What's that, clipboard?
My husband is sleeping with the enemy?
Ryan (over radio): Rhian, we have a situation at the gate.
(golf cart beeps on, rumbles)
- This isn't over.
- Goats deserve justice! - (honk) get out of the way!
- Meet goats! Not goat meats!
- This is utterly ridiculous! - Goats deserve justice!
- Stop the slaughter-- - hey! What is going on!
Woman: Move!
- You told me to find another cause; I found one.
- You're gonna upset your grandparents.
- They should be upset. They're serial killers.
- Ugh, el, I know you're passionate,
And I respect that, but this is tradition.
Not everyone objects to eating goat meat.
- Her name is susan b. Anthony.
- And my name is mom,
You know, the woman who grew you in my body,
And until you're 18, has a say over what you do
And do not have control over?
- You know, maybe she's right, el.
- Yes, yes, I am right. Thank you, finn.
- You want me to abandon the cause you told me to get?
- Just go put your flower crown on.
Man: Come on, move!
(gravel crunches) man: Thank you!
- Mom's precious little suck up. Let's get out of here.
- Not cool, bro.
Man: Come on. Woman: It's about time.
- Lidia... You need a drink?
- Yes, I do!
- Cheers!
(both gulp)
- (burps) ugh, I've raised socially conscious,
Compassionate citizens.
It's a total nightmare.
You're gonna same some sage, vaguely insulting thing
About women in full moons, aren't you?
- Yeah, probably. Both: (chuckle)
- Rhian hates me.
- Yeah, there's your sin. Self pity.
- More like, stupidity,
Thinking I could just roll back into town
And the past would be forgotten.
- Maybe you and rhian should just have it out,
Once and for all. - Funny advice from a pacifist.
- Well, I've had my share of squabbles.
- You? Please!
- Oh, I've earned my mellow. - (chuckles)
- Ugh, another fight with rhian
Is the last thing I need right now.
I-I have to believe it's all gonna be fine,
That this weekend will be a huge success,
That the spirit of goddess fest...
(lawnmower rumbles) will prevail, and...
(wood snaps) - whoa!
(confused reactions)
-Hey! Watch it! - Bring it, bitch.
(indistinct chatter, goat bleats)
- Whoa! (28:03
- Have you seen my clipboard?
- Uh, no?
- Agh! Frig!
- (party laughter) - (angry breathing)
(slippery squish)
(goat bleats)
- (deep inhale)
(gravel crunches, golf cart stops abruptly)
- Have you checked out goddess fest?
It is so cool!
- All hail, la lidia!
- We are gonna move so much product!
- I have to talk to you.
- Okay, no, you know what? I'm so glad that you said that,
Um, because I wanna be sensitive to your needs.
I know that this is the only place
That you have ever lived, but I promise you,
We're gonna make that apartment a real home!
- It's not that.
- (sighs) did something go wrong with the harvest?
- We screwed up! - How?
- Even I we sell the stash at a premium,
Street value's for shit on mushies these days.
- Who says? - My new buddy, oscar.
- Oh. Hey, should we be telling people
About our illegal mushroom growing operation?
- No, no, oscar's not just people, he's a mensch!
He's real smart and he says,
Meth or smuggling is where it's at.
- How could we not know that?
Like, I thought that you did research
Before we bought all of the equipment.
- No-no. I thought you did. - (inhales)
- Hmm.
♪♪♪
- Wow, that was my whole life savings.
I haven't even replaced my hair extensions since may.
- Babe.
- (sniffles)
♪♪♪
You know what? It's fine,
Because it is a little setback,
But we can fix it.
- Yeah, we, yeah, we can!
Crush it like a bug! - Yeah! Ugh! (chuckles)
- How? - Oh, I have no idea.
♪♪♪
(cards rustle, thumps)
- (sighs)
- You hidin' out? - Yep!
- Ground zero, goddess fest.
Bunch o' lawyers who spend
Hundreds of dollars on stained jeans,
20-year-olds wearin' woodstock t-shirts.
- With some big city bullshit.
- Yeah, it's cultural appropriation.
- It's a distraction. - Yeah, that's it.
Lidia's really rallied the troops,
Everyone's working together.
- She hasn't told the kids she and daniel are separating.
It isn't healthy.
- That's right, keepin' secrets from your kids
And not talkin' about your feelings, is unhealthy.
- (exhales) I shoulda sent lidia packing after the wake.
This isn't the place for her.
- Tell it to the goat.
Lidia: Hi. Crystal: Hi!
You inspired me.
At first, I was thinking face painting,
But face tattoos are really having a moment.
- Who knew? - The goddess did!
I have manifested 50 bucks, already. Ah!
(chuckles)
Get your-your vishnu tramp stamp!
Get your venus butt roses!
Make your face the constellation!
- Give one sin slip and a pencil to each guest,
Please and thank you. - What's your sin, mom, kidnap?
Accessory to goat murder? Lying about your botox?
- It's for my headaches.
- Interesting crowd. Nobody's puked yet.
- One sin slip. - Thank you.
- Where is my clipboard? - I have no idea.
- Theft of personal property can result in immediate expulsion.
Moonshine by-law 65. - (sighs)
- Do not walk away from me!
- You need to chill.
Peace, love, and goat slaughter. Remember?
Is this a game to you? Pass "go"?
Get out of jail, free?
Steal my ding-dang office supplies?
- Unresolved trauma, number one cause of addiction.
- Piss off, ryan. - On it!
Hey, have either of you guys seen the goat?
- Yeah, tied up, where I left it.
- No! Escapee, maybe. Hard to say,
But given the fact that it's gone, I'd say it's gone.
- Did you steal the goat, too?
- Don't be absurd!
- What's next, mom and dad's love?
- My husband? - You know, there's meds for this.
- Oh yeah, that's right, I'm crazy. Crazy rhian!
- You got braces, what did I get?
Not therapy. Anything that goes wrong with lidia,
It's all bow down, but when it's me, bananas,
Overwrought, unable to conceive!
- You are clinical.
- Maybe, but this is my asylum, princess!
- No! - Whoa!
Two decades of pilates. Try me!
- Oh, yeah? - Hold that!
- Okay. Oy, oy, oy!
(angry grunting, mat thuds) - get away from me!
- If you'd like to catch two psychos going at it,
Come on down to the lodge! - Shut up! Shut up!
- Two full-grown women fighting,
At a nice celebration of the--
- Hey, you bunch of stuck up posers,
Do you know what this is?
This is loser fest! (attendees gasp)
You're all delusional!
(grunting)
(both crash to ground)
(shouting) watch it! My shit!
Get her! (fighting screams)
(blow to face, attendees gasp)
(seagulls cry in the distance)
- This one wasn't me. - I wasn't even there.
- Oh, boo hoo, saint sammy. Eat me.
- They started it. - Okay, fine, it's my fault.
Happy? But in all fairness, I tried to keep you out of it.
- Oh, quit sucking up and tell me who stole my goat?
- Probably eleanor.
- Poor thing, having to witness her grown aunts and uncles--
- Seriously? Parenting advice? Look how we turned out.
- Uh, speak for yourself.
- Admittedly, I have a few issues.
- Okay, rhian is right, no goat, no goat roast.
No goat roast, no income.
We're gonna be tits-deep in guests demanding refunds,
And I know nobody wants to see my tits.
- Where are we gonna find another goat
On a holiday weekend?
- I have an idea.
(rollers rumble on track)
- Okay, keeping an open mind.
- Do you remember last year, when I was unjustly robbed
Of the title of lobster queen? - No.
- I wore the sexy bo peep costume.
- Oh! No. - It was on facebook.
- We're not friends, remember? - I do.
- Oh, can you get to the point? We-we have a crowd waiting,
And it's a few hours 'til sunset.
(tarp crinkles)
- My bo peep sheep is hollow.
Plenty of room for sins.
And I looked super hot in my costume, by the way.
- On chinese new year, in central park,
We send hollow paper dragons out
Over the jackie onassis reservoir.
- What's that, you lived in new york?
You've never mentioned that before.
We'll float the sins out over the great oceanic beyond,
Instead of burning them in the hell fire
Of charred animal flesh. I can work with this!
Woman: My turn!
Nora: Okay, people, bit of spiritual improv, here.
We'll be feeding all sins to a paper sheep,
Which will then float out over the ocean,
Where hopefully some poor seal doesn't choke to death.
Drone dvds, 20 bucks.
Witness the celebration from the eye of the goddess herself!
- You almost sold that.
- Not the most subtle remodel, lids.
- People seem into it. - Yeah, they're high.
- Oh I know. It's my add-on,
Flower of the goddess edibles. Right?
Hey, did you get a couple?
- Whoa.
You emancipated the goat. Way to hostage release!
- Wasn't me.
♪♪♪
- You let the goat out?
- While you guys were complaining,
I actually did something about it.
Anarchy in action. - Dude, you are insane.
(chuckles)
♪♪♪
- Here. - I'm on duty.
- Oh, you'll do things when lidia asks, but not me?
Please, terry, just do it!
Come on, she's giving out more than me!
- Oh, frig's sakes!
♪♪♪
Man: Don't let him bite you.
(indistinct chatter)
(paper rustles)
- Happy now?
- Oh, rhian! - I don't have time to fix
Your plumbing again right now. - No. No-no-no,
I just wanna say, great job with all this.
Your siblings speak very highly of you.
- (scoffs) wrong rhian.
(indistinct chatter)
(frogs croak, insects buzz)
(waves lap)
("the wind" by cat stevens plays)
(fire crackles)
(indistinct chatter)
Woman: Oh, that looks so cute!
♪ I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul ♪
- (chuckling)
♪ where I'll end up, ♪
♪ well, I think only god really knows ♪
Woman: Oh, there he goes!
(chatter, laughter)
(in awe) wow!
- And there they go, people, all your sins.
God speed.
♪♪♪
- So beautiful!
- Whoa...
- I'm kinda diggin' this.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
I gotta get the drone footage!
(drone buzzes) - get your sexy pilot on, babe!
♪ I listen to my words, but they fall far below ♪
Crystal: Wooo! - (laughs)
- Ryan, you missed the launch!
Look. You're flying too low.
I need a shot up over the water.
- Don't think you get how hard this is,
Especially when you're really, really trippin' on mushrooms.
(chuckling)
- Give it to me. - Oh!
Woman: Bon voyage, goat.
- Yeah, this stick is the, yah.
Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no--
(drone crashes into sheep) - oh! Oh, shit!
(all gasp) - shit.
♪ I let my music take me where my heart wants to go ♪
Woman: The sins! (papers flutter)
♪♪♪
- Ooh, the goddess is not happy.
- Eat your heart out, fellini.
♪ I'll never, never, never, never ♪
(papers rustle)
♪ I'll never make the same mistake ♪
♪ I'll never, never, never, never ♪
♪♪♪
Man: I think this is your wife's!
- Ew! - (indistinct chatter)
- Then who is my father?
- What kind of psycho hates avocados?
Attendees: What is this one?
No way!
- You aren't gay?
- Oh, god!
- The clientele would like a word.
(indistinct chatter)
- Sorry, here.
Still beautiful, though.
This is part of the experience.
(ominous music)
Man: I knew it! I knew it!
I've had enough. Stop it! No!
(indistinct chatter)
♪♪♪
- (mouths) terry?
(hushed) your sin is safe with me.
- Gimme that! Gimme that! Gimme that!
(gulps loudly)
(indistinct whispers) what?
(grass rustles) - what did it say?
(yells) what did it say?!
- Uncle. Fine! Damn it!
I'm sleeping with your husband.
(crowd gasps) - oh!
- That actually wasn't what I wrote.
But yeah, I'm sleeping with nora.
(crowd gasps)
I'm sorry, I-I tried to tell you.
- (breathes shakily)
♪♪♪
(goat bleats)
Oscar: The goat came back!
- The is all your fault.
♪♪♪
(music intensifies, goat bleats)
(goat bites off finger, blood gushes)
- Ahh! - Oh, my god!
(woman screams) rhian: Waaaaaaah!
(crowd screams)
Ahhhhhhhh! - Oh, rhian!
- Oh, hey. - (rhian screams)
(screaming continues, fades)
(indistinct dispatch radio chatter)
(footsteps thud, papers rustle)
- (softly) hey.
(footsteps crunch)
- What do you want now?
A kidney?
- Oh, I just wanted to tell you that
Everyone's out looking for the goat.
You know, to see if maybe they can retrieve--
- Stop talking. - Okay.
Oh, um, I found this! (chuckles)
- Would you mind adding something for me,
Please? My finger, you know.
- Yes, of course, of course.
(lid pops off) okay.
- Number 43... - Mm-hmm.
- D-I-e. - Mm-hmm.
(marker rasps)
(pops lid back on, clipboard thuds gently)
(ground crunches under foot)
(footsteps recede)
(rhian sobs)
(sniffles)
(door creaks open and shuts)
(footsteps crunch)
- I like your clipboard.
- Beat it. Please.
- I mean it. My boss mocks me.
I'm an analog guy - lists, laminate,
Nothing gets me going like a swift checkmark.
Got passed over twice by I.T. Yes-men.
(scoffs) hard to hold on to your values
In a digitized world.
Also, I'm really sorry about your finger,
And everything else.
(sighs) rough day?
Yeah. Been there.
("easy" by mesadorm plays)
Anyway, if there's anything you could ever need,
You know where to find me. (ground crunches)
♪ with your mother on the left ♪
♪ your daddy on the right ♪
♪ nothin' in the middle but a bare-knuckle fight ♪
♪ you're dizzy all day, lookin' side to side ♪
Crystal: (chuckles) yeah. Oh no, yeah!
- Oh...
- Yeah. (laughing) - okay.
So, just, yeah, be in-be in touch. (chuckles)
(happy squeal)
- Who's that? - Oh, that guy?
He works at the casino in halifax
And he might even have a job for me!
- Blowjob, maybe.
- Ryan, he saw my tattoo business,
And was admiring my entrepreneurial spirit.
- It wasn't your spirit he was staring at!
- That guy makes 40 grand a year.
I mean, that kinda money, he can give people jobs.
He can have his mother over for tea.
You know what? That's gonna be us someday!
(singsong) that is gonna be us someday!
That's gonna be us someday!
Us someday, us someday!
- Again, we are so sorry.
Here, take that complementary pass for next year.
- How bad is it?
- (sighs) bad.
- Are we talking bad, next week will be better,
Or bad, I need to rob a bank?
- Look, we'll stick together, and it'll all work out, right.
New day.
- (sighs) said no finley-cullen, ever.
- Dodged that genetic bullet, remember?
Which means, it's my job to keep the rest of you
From losing hope.
- Family fixer.
Love you, sammy. - Love you, too.
Go, I got this.
♪ try to get along together ah ah ♪
- (stressed exhale)
(door creaks open and shuts)
♪ rubber band brains all made of clay ♪
♪ you want to whisper words that would try to explain ♪
- I'm not offering any parenting advice.
♪ I can be easy ♪
(door closes gently)
- Any sign of the goat? - Nope.
- At least someone's free. - (chuckles)
Yeah, I um...
Actually, wanted to talk to you about that,
Why we didn't go back to new york with your dad.
- You guys are getting a divorce, aren't you?
- No.
(emotional) I don't know. Maybe.
This is a separation while we try to figure things out.
- Don't you love him anymore? - Oh, honey, of course I do.
But I married your dad when I was really young,
And, you know,
Before I knew what I wanted,
Or who I really was.
- Who are you?
- I'm your mom.
And I love you very much.
- Well, I'm still stranded here.
- (deep exhale)
How 'bout you, kiddo? (sniffles)
(emotionally) - my family's insane.
Both: (laugh heartily)
- Yeah.
- (sighs) - wanna talk about it?
- I told michael I'd go play video games so.
- Okay.
(kiss, sniffles)
Oh. (grunts)
(sharp exhale)
(running footsteps approach, goat bleats)
(goat bleats)
(slow footsteps crunch in the foliage)
(waves crash in distance)
(paper rustles)
(waves crash in distance)
♪ hey! ♪
♪♪♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪♪♪