1 00:00:01,878 --> 00:00:03,713 - Blue Ribbon Content presents: 2 00:00:03,796 --> 00:00:07,717 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,554 [TV dial clicks, upbeat music plays] 4 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,097 [click] - Chance of flurries tonight, 5 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,557 and the crime advisory not expected 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,225 to dip below bright orange till after the-- 7 00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:17,810 [click, piano music plays] 8 00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:20,396 - The International Children's Goodwill Assembly, 9 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,232 uniting children around the world 10 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,943 with goodwill internationally. 11 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,989 [click] - ♪ The day breaks violently ♪ 12 00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:33,159 ♪ Dark purple shadows long ♪ 13 00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:34,660 [click, dramatic music plays] 14 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:37,747 - Ahh! What is that thing? 15 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,792 - A freak, an abomination, 16 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:44,545 a tasteless joke told by nature. 17 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,798 His mother named him Waylon Jones, 18 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:50,134 but he had a face even she couldn't love 19 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,261 and a twisted soul to match. 20 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:56,140 Now Gotham City knows him as the sewer-dwelling flesh-eater 21 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,267 called Killer Croc. 22 00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:01,437 [echoing] - Killer Croc! 23 00:01:01,521 --> 00:01:05,149 - And he is at large to prey on the innocent. 24 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,819 - [growls] 25 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,613 - 18 months ago, Killer Croc was released 26 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,406 from Arkham Asylum, 27 00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,076 given a job as a dishwasher in the Narrows, 28 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:18,871 declared rehabilitated, and maybe he was 29 00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:21,290 until dinnertime rolled around. 30 00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:22,917 - [growls] 31 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,420 [people screaming] 32 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:30,007 - Why is this fiend at liberty under our streets? 33 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,884 Who supported the furlough program 34 00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:34,595 that set Waylon "Killer Croc" Jones free 35 00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:36,472 to eat that poor knitting club? 36 00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:39,642 Who turned him loose on that retirement home? 37 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:44,063 Councilman Garland Borkley, and now he wants to be mayor? 38 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,065 Does Gotham really need a mayor 39 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:49,318 who's soft on cannibalism of the elderly? 40 00:01:49,402 --> 00:01:52,864 This election day, send Garland Borkley a message. 41 00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,657 Vote Hamilton Hill. 42 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,492 He doesn't care what anyone says; 43 00:01:56,576 --> 00:02:00,204 eating people is wrong, no matter how old they are. 44 00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:03,833 [upbeat music] 45 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:07,295 - ♪ Hamilton Hill the man for our times ♪ 46 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,130 ♪ The man for our town ♪ 47 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,674 - ♪ Ooh, Hamilton Hill the man for our times ♪ 48 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:16,554 - ♪ And he's strongly against consuming your fellow man ♪ 49 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,181 - ♪ Ooh, Hamilton Hill, Hamilton Hill ♪ 50 00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,850 ♪ The man for our times ♪ 51 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,352 - Remember, folks, a vote for Borkley is a vote 52 00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:26,522 for Nana getting eaten alive by a crocodile guy. 53 00:02:26,606 --> 00:02:29,901 I'm Hamilton Hill, and I approve this mess-- 54 00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,861 [static] 55 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,613 [smooth music] 56 00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:38,117 - Gotham City, skyscraper teeth bite at a red moon. 57 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,413 Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 58 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,081 February 10th. 59 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:48,336 As Valentine's Day approaches, a dead man's grin seems to wax 60 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,963 in the night sky like a Cheshire Cat's. 61 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:52,506 Just four days remain 62 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,217 until the Joker's latest murderous theatrical 63 00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,219 is to be staged citywide. 64 00:02:57,303 --> 00:03:00,556 Meanwhile, the Riddler grows frustrated with his failure 65 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,391 to capture the public imagination, 66 00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:06,145 and his frustration gives rise to evermore violent plays 67 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,438 for attention. 68 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,982 In Gotham's underworld, seismic upheaval 69 00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:12,443 as the Penguin is engaged in all-out war 70 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,656 with his gangland adversary, a badly deteriorating Two-Face, 71 00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:21,077 who has just barely survived a plunge into Gotham Harbor. 72 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,538 We rejoin our adventures out at the abandoned zoo 73 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,040 on Amusement Mile. 74 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,584 In the renovated House of Large Cats, 75 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:31,587 Catwoman spends a rare quiet evening at home. 76 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:34,090 Whilst reclining on a luxurious divan 77 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:35,883 amid hoards of stolen loot, 78 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:37,969 two strange figures in monks' robes 79 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,637 usher in an arrival. 80 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,430 - Goddess, Goddess! - Goddess. 81 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,808 Goddess of the silver astral mystery, 82 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,101 you have a visitor. 83 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,436 - Uh, hi, Catwoman. 84 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,438 I'm sorry to show up unannounced. 85 00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,691 - Vicki Vale, "Gotham Gazette." 86 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,943 Thank you, Nephra. Thank you, Setka. 87 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,486 That's all. 88 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,823 - The moon is hung in the heavens for you, Goddess. 89 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:02,535 - Your glorious dawn shall be the full moon, my goddess! 90 00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,286 - Um, what are those guys? 91 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:07,289 Are they, like--are those guys, like, priests or something? 92 00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:10,042 - Acolytes, they worship me. 93 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:12,878 - They what? - It's a long story. 94 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,130 The short version is, 95 00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:17,049 I stole this atrociously adorable amulet, 96 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,635 and don't you know, a cult of cat worshippers 97 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:21,762 came along with it. [chuckles] 98 00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:23,472 As long as I wear this necklace, 99 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,099 those two cue balls are convinced 100 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,351 I'm the cat goddess Nephrashazaradbaba. 101 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,186 - Well, isn't that something? [laughs softly] 102 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,188 - I don't have the heart to set 'em straight, 103 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,442 and I don't really do henchmen, so you know, 104 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,152 this is nice. [door creaks] 105 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:40,156 - Your glorious dawn shall be the full moon, my goddess! 106 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,491 - See? [chuckles] Nice. 107 00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:45,953 Copy that, Nephra. So what's up, sister? 108 00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:47,538 Should've called first. 109 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,541 I like you, but I don't really have an open door policy. 110 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,835 - Well, I don't really have a door, 111 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,879 so my options are limited right now. 112 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,382 - Whoa, is that luggage? Like, is all that your luggage? 113 00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:01,010 [laughs] Oh, don't tell me... 114 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,095 - Yeah, evicted. 115 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:05,681 I don't know how, but Mayor Hill is on to me. 116 00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:08,726 the loss of my rent-controlled loft is the least of it. 117 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,020 My sources on the street are clamming up. 118 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:14,231 He's spending a lot to keep people quiet. 119 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,733 - I feel for you, 120 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,570 but you don't think you're moving in here, do you? 121 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,864 - I guess not. Come on, Gracie. 122 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,199 [cat meows] 123 00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:26,660 We'll try to find a pet-friendly fleabag. 124 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,037 - The beleaguered journalist 125 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,664 hefts her collected worldly belongings. 126 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:34,001 - Seriously? Is that a cat carrier? 127 00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:37,088 - What, this? This is Gracie. 128 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,799 Sorry if she disturbed you. She's 15. 129 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:43,469 I'd ditch her, but Gracie and I are kind of inseparable. 130 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,180 I found her half-starved in a storm drain 131 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:49,391 in the middle of war-torn Santa Prisca. 132 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,893 I smuggled her out of the country, 133 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:53,813 and we've been together ever since. 134 00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,856 Let's go, Gracie. 135 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,358 - [sighs] Darn it. 136 00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:00,027 I got a pretty serious weakness in my defenses. 137 00:06:00,111 --> 00:06:02,196 Does everyone know that about me? 138 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,574 Fine, Gracie and you can stay 139 00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,785 just for a little while. 140 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,036 - Thanks, Catwoman. 141 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,205 I owe you, not that you're hard up. 142 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,250 Good grief, did you steal all this stuff? 143 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:15,626 Look at this place. 144 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,795 - Ugh, don't. It's a dump. 145 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,255 But I'm working on it. 146 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,715 I want to get this waterfall running again, 147 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,759 and I'm seeing a lot of Italian marble 148 00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:26,804 and Chinese silk in my future. 149 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,641 - Is this a Georgia O'Keeffe? - I don't know. 150 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,352 I just like dirty pictures. 151 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,480 - You have good taste, lots of it. 152 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:40,109 But I can't imagine choosing to live way out here. 153 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,945 You're a brave woman. - How's that? 154 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,656 Well, isn't your closest neighbor the homicidal comedian 155 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,242 down the road at the old funfair? 156 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,536 - Oh, I'm not so afraid of the clown. 157 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:53,164 Little known fact, when you go to the circus, 158 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,708 it's the lion tamer you gotta watch out for. 159 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,960 [tiger growls] Come here, sweetie. 160 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:02,214 - Holy safari, Catwoman. Tiger tamer, you mean. 161 00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:04,175 I hope they're friends of yours. 162 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:07,553 - That's just Dagger, and here comes Shank. 163 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,054 My new girlfriends. 164 00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,473 I recently liberated them from a ding-dong 165 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:14,143 with a sword gimmick named King Scimitar. 166 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,313 They're the reason for the present luxurious surroundings 167 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,565 and the reason why I'm rounding up a pile 168 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,610 of fast cash to spruce up the place. 169 00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,696 [Joker laughing] 170 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,949 And you know, to put some new locks on the doors. 171 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:32,786 Just a single girl and her cats living alone after all. 172 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,830 - Well, I'm sorry to disturb your peace, 173 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:36,665 but I'm not sure Mayor Hill will stop 174 00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:38,709 at just inconveniencing me. 175 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,795 He sends leg-breakers after his leg-breakers. 176 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:45,174 - Listen, don't you think we should drop this whole thing? 177 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,259 Hill's got his reelection locked up, 178 00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:49,553 which means he's got a lot of free back rubs 179 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:52,014 coming to him from the criminal underworld. 180 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,849 We can't get at him, 181 00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:55,768 not with this Killer Croc scandal 182 00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,020 torching Councilman Borkley in the press. 183 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:01,565 - Well, unless a bigger scandal knocks it off the front page. 184 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,525 - You got one handy? 185 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:05,819 - The Joker was released from Arkham 186 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,571 almost six months ago, 187 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,032 and sure, he's kept a low profile, 188 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,993 but he hasn't exactly stopped murdering people. 189 00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:17,039 You ever wonder why he gets to live such a quiet life? 190 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,540 - Say I did. 191 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,960 What's your investigative insight, Scoop? 192 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:23,587 - There's evidence Mayor Hill is deliberately keeping 193 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,339 the heat off Joker. 194 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,092 - Get out. - I'm serious. 195 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,803 - Well, Joker's killed a lot of people 196 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,304 over the last five years. 197 00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,682 And the mayor is looking the other way? 198 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,726 Even seen-it-all Gotham City won't let that slide. 199 00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,728 But for heaven's sake, why? 200 00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:43,190 What's in it for him to let the Joker do his sick thing? 201 00:08:43,274 --> 00:08:47,236 - I don't know, but together, we can get the whole story. 202 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,071 - Great, lead the way. 203 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:52,324 - It's in Penguin's safe at the Iceberg Casino. 204 00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:55,911 - Ha, oh, okay. We're not being serious. 205 00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,496 - No, I'm serious. 206 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,998 Penguin knows everything, 207 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,166 and blackmail over this Joker business is what 208 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,919 keeps the mayor dancing Penguin's jig. 209 00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:05,838 - That's so interesting. 210 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:09,717 Where else you headed tonight, Mars, Atlantis, 211 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,468 Paradise Island? 212 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,178 - I thought you were a cat burglar. 213 00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,597 - And what does that mean to you exactly? 214 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,808 Someone who can walk through walls, 215 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,184 melt solid steel, 216 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,353 and take point-blank machine gun fire 217 00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:24,398 while being viciously insulted? [chuckling] 218 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,900 Nobody robs the Penguin, sweetie. 219 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,944 That's why he's the Penguin. 220 00:09:29,028 --> 00:09:31,613 - Well, that's the way to bring Hamilton Hill down. 221 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:36,118 - Suddenly, an idea is born, and it's twins. 222 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:40,289 - Wait, Harvey Dent, Two-Face. 223 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,834 - Two-Face? - He's got resources I don't. 224 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,919 He runs an entire criminal syndicate 225 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:49,590 second only to the Penguin's, whose guts he hates. 226 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,092 All I got is these two coconuts. 227 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,345 - Goddess, Goddess! - Goddess, Goddess. 228 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,805 - Goddess, I have iced nectarines 229 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,474 and sugared lemon rinds. 230 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:02,269 - And I shall lie here should you wish your perfumed feet 231 00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:04,313 not to touch the ground when you rise. 232 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,024 - Uh-huh, that's tops, guys. 233 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,152 See, I hear Harvey doesn't just have an ax to grind 234 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,320 with the bird, 235 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,405 he's got the rock to grind it on. 236 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,324 I might be able to work with that. 237 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,493 Just gonna say it once though, 238 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,828 this is a whole lot of illegal you're talking about, 239 00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:24,500 Miss Uptown, crimes up to and including inciting a riot. 240 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,543 [chuckles] Think you can hang? 241 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:30,631 - Catwoman, I break the law in this crooked town all the time. 242 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:33,175 The end of the night, I sleep just fine 243 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,010 'cause when my head hits the pillow, 244 00:10:35,094 --> 00:10:37,513 there's a little more truth in this rotten city 245 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,181 than there was when I woke up. 246 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,851 Don't worry about me, Catwoman. I can hang. 247 00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:46,105 - Hm, game on, "Gotham Gazette." 248 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,440 Now, let me give you a hand with that luggage. 249 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:52,486 - Oh, no, no, no, no need. Don't disturb the cat. 250 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,071 She's probably-- 251 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,282 - There's a name and address on this cat carrier. 252 00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:58,992 It isn't yours. 253 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,537 - Okay, the cat's my neighbor's. 254 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,455 - [chuckles] I should've known. 255 00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:04,957 - I pulled the fire alarm at my building, 256 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,333 and I took the cat when everyone-- 257 00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:07,751 - You sociopath. 258 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,921 A storm drain in war-torn Santa Prisca? 259 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,716 - Hey, I'm pretty sure I fed her for a weekend once. 260 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,803 - Inseparable? - You would've said no. 261 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,305 I'm gonna give her back. I'm not a monster. 262 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:24,184 - Her name's not even Gracie. This says Gertie. 263 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,645 - Gertie, gah! That's it. 264 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,231 Ugh, that was on the tip of my tongue. 265 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,983 ♪ ♪ 266 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,568 - In an urban jungle of crime, 267 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:36,029 the zoo is a refuge from the wild savagery. 268 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,573 Such inversions are common 269 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,284 amidst "Life and Death in Gotham City." 270 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:44,955 ♪ ♪ 271 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,126 [upbeat music] 272 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,752 ♪ ♪ 273 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,880 - ♪ Gotham Daily Quick Pick ♪ 274 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:55,424 ♪ Mega Power Draw Lotto ♪ 275 00:11:55,507 --> 00:12:00,095 ♪ This time you're definitely gonna win ♪ 276 00:12:00,179 --> 00:12:01,764 - Good evening, Gothamites. 277 00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,017 It's time for your lucky lotto drawing for the night. 278 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,269 And here come those ping-pong balls 279 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:11,106 wheeled out to us by the lovely Celeste Delmonico. 280 00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:14,401 Thank you, Celeste. Get your tickets ready. 281 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:15,861 We're just about to-- 282 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,780 [gunshots, people scream] 283 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,658 - Shush, I'm making an entrance. 284 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:24,328 Ladies and gentlemen of Gotham City, 285 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:28,832 put your hands together for the commissar of conundrums, 286 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:33,128 the Julius Caesar of devious teasers, 287 00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:37,674 the one and only artist of crime, 288 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,968 the Riddler! 289 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,513 [laughing] [applause track playing] 290 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,681 - What is that? Who's doing that? 291 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,685 - Hey, thank you, thank you, people. 292 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:52,231 Hey, diddle-diddle, the bat and the riddle. 293 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:54,733 How's everybody doing tonight, huh? 294 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,027 - What is all this-- - Oh, it's not obvious? 295 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,487 You're all hostages. 296 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,281 Ms. Tuesday, if you please. [gun cocks] 297 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:05,244 - All right, so put your hands up and everything. 298 00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:06,912 [gunshot, body thuds] 299 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:11,166 - What the--he put his hands up, Ms. Tuesday. 300 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,126 So why'd you shoot him? 301 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,088 - I don't know, I guess I didn't say I wouldn't. 302 00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:19,675 - Well, no you didn't, but usually... 303 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,093 never mind. 304 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,512 You have your process. 305 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,098 Well, good evening, Gotham City. 306 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,432 I'm Eddie Nygma, 307 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,310 that world-famous artist of crime 308 00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:33,897 also known as the Riddler. 309 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,649 [laughs] 310 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:39,653 And this, this is my lovely assistant Ms. Tuesday. 311 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,738 [whistles] - Ugh. 312 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,616 - So do get your tickets ready, ladies and germs, 313 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,868 'cause it's showtime, all right? 314 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,037 Celeste Delmonico, pumpkin... - [sobbing] 315 00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:51,707 - Go ahead and tumble those ping-pong balls, will you? 316 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,876 I know you're scared, but this is live TV, okay? 317 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,379 They pay you to crank, so crank. 318 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:02,217 And the first number is... [balls bouncing] 319 00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:04,845 we have a nine! 320 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,806 The first number is nine. 321 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,892 Ms. Tuesday, would you do the honors, please? 322 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,145 - Ugh, this is lame. 323 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,063 - You said you wanted to do this. 324 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,983 You insisted we do this. - You wish I insisted. 325 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,860 - Oh, no, you said you wanted to do it. 326 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,778 - I didn't say I wanted to do it. 327 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:25,657 I said you shouldn't do it. - And what, why not? 328 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,118 - Uh, because you're a cringe fest? 329 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,329 Look, I'll just do it. I don't even care. 330 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,080 Say it again. Read the ball. 331 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:35,876 - The first number is nine. 332 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:40,422 - Engine, engine number nine, running down old Gotham line. 333 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,758 If the train should jump the track, 334 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,760 do you want your money back? 335 00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,011 - There we go. 336 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,638 Oh, boy, this sure sounds like trouble 337 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,765 with the number nine train, doesn't it? 338 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,142 But hold on, there's more. Go ahead, Celeste. 339 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,728 It's a crank. You turn it. 340 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:58,106 Don't just stand there letting your nose run. 341 00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:00,275 - [sobbing] [balls bouncing] 342 00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:02,069 - See, Ms. Tuesday? This is fun. 343 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,612 This is the artistic part. 344 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,948 Without this part, we're just criminals, see? 345 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,619 - Whatever. - You're having fun. 346 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,621 The next number is five. 347 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:16,458 Ooh, what do we have for five? 348 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:20,462 - Engine, engine number five, none on board is left alive. 349 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,381 As it barrels towards a ditch, 350 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:25,300 who will throw the dead man's switch? 351 00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:29,680 - Ooh, the five, too. That's just ominous. 352 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:35,143 Next is number three. 353 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:38,939 - Engine, engine number three accelerates aggressively. 354 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:43,193 Ahead a light comes into view. Is that engine number two? 355 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:48,323 - Uh-oh, that sounds like a head-on collision. 356 00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:51,243 Well, folks, your winning numbers are-- 357 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:52,661 oh, we're not done? 358 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,747 Then where are we going, Celeste Delmonico? 359 00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:56,957 [gunshots, people gasp] 360 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,209 Get back here, you nut. 361 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,795 Trying to crawl away. Hang in there. 362 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,756 I know you got one more in you. 363 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,925 Round and round she goes, 364 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,844 and finally, we got... 365 00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:12,764 the loneliest number, one. 366 00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:16,518 - Engine, engine number one. The engineer has got a gun. 367 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,228 If he shoots the brakeman dead, 368 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,939 can Batman stop the train instead? 369 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,607 Okay, that one was my favorite. 370 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,318 - Oh, you like that one? - It was decent. 371 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,529 - See? I told you. 372 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,948 I told you I was cool. 373 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,700 - Oh, my God, just no. 374 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:37,873 - Once again, the winning number is 9-5-3-1. 375 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,710 What do you win? That would be telling. 376 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:44,755 The good news is, you're all holding the winning ticket. 377 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:49,301 Good night and good luck, Gotham City. 378 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,304 [upbeat music] 379 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,055 ♪ ♪ 380 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,391 - ♪ Gotham Daily Quick Pick ♪ 381 00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,810 ♪ Mega Power Draw Lotto ♪ 382 00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:02,981 ♪ This time you're definitely gonna win ♪ 383 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,278 [smooth music] 384 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:13,241 - Gotham, the city is an urban artery opened lengthwise. 385 00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:15,285 Join us now for another tale 386 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:19,539 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 387 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,417 In the pitch-black wee hours of the new day, 388 00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,836 after-hours at his favorite restaurant, 389 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,923 Osteria Mezzaluna, sits Two-Face, 390 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:30,634 his wits decomposing rapidly. 391 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:34,763 He is beginning to suspect his only friend has been lying 392 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,348 to him. 393 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:37,766 - [tossing coin] 394 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,227 Good side. - Good side. 395 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,896 - [exhales sharply] Good side. - Ugh! 396 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,981 What are you trying to do to us, coin? 397 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:48,568 14 in a row, that's a new record. 398 00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:50,362 That's not normal. 399 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:52,155 That's not-- - Please, Signore Dent. 400 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,282 You pace so much. Sit down. 401 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,952 I get you some nice pelle pitone two ways. 402 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,246 Maybe a nice double martini? 403 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,248 [slams table] - Is it dinnertime, Vincenzo? 404 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:06,128 You know we eat dinner exactly at 2:22 a.m. every night! 405 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,129 How hard is that to remember? 406 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:12,384 - So sorry, excuse. Excuse, Signore Dent. 407 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,469 - Something weird going on, Vincenzo. 408 00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:17,222 We think we might be going crazy. 409 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:20,725 - Oh, how can you say this, Signore Dent? 410 00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:22,435 Two-Face crazy? 411 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,646 This is such a silly idea 412 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,815 that's never occurred to Vincenzo. 413 00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,650 - Our coin, Vincenzo. 414 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:33,154 I just flipped 14 good sides in a row, 14. 415 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,323 Does that seem right to you, Vincenzo? 416 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,993 [bell rings, door opens] - Evening, Two-Face. 417 00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,829 Sounds like you need change for that dollar. 418 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,998 - Cat. Hey, Vincenzo. 419 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:47,002 You let in a stray. Nothing here for you, kitty. 420 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:50,797 Now shoo. - Okay, I'll hang out. 421 00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:54,509 Geez, Harvey, both of your yous look terrible. 422 00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,344 IS this because of the Penguin? 423 00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,763 I heard you two were fussing and feuding. 424 00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,849 - Well, you know, he burned my face off 425 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:04,561 with a trick umbrella, so no, we're not too close. 426 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,563 - That's ancient history. 427 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,608 I'm talking about this last round of horseplay. 428 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,151 I'm not the hall monitor, 429 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,653 but I'm pretty sure I heard Penguin started it, 430 00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,363 and now you're letting him get to you. 431 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,825 If Oswald Cobblepot is living in your head now, too, 432 00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:20,619 it's gotta be crowded in there. 433 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,203 - And just where are we supposed to go 434 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,040 to get the Penguin off of our mind, huh, toots? 435 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:28,084 Whole stinking town's talking about his tacky gala. 436 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:32,005 - Ugh, it's so tedious. Ice Age this and Ice Age that. 437 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,925 - Big deal, bunch of idiots showing up to gawk 438 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,510 at one of them--whatchu call--hairy elephants, 439 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:41,681 you know, what's the-- from the caveman times. 440 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:44,225 - Woolly mammoth is what he's trying to say. 441 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,353 - [slams table] Are you making fun of me, 442 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,896 college boy? 443 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,982 - Long story short, we'd delight in seeing some egg 444 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,360 on that bird's face tomorrow night. 445 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:56,571 - Interesting, what's your play? 446 00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,239 - We don't got a play. 447 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,284 - You're just gonna let him preen all night 448 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,828 in front of Gotham's toniest? 449 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,747 Disappointing, you two. 450 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,540 Seems like a prime opportunity 451 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:10,835 for some humiliating criminal vandalism. 452 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,588 - We tried to shut him down and tie him up in court, 453 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:15,256 but he got loose. [tossing coin] 454 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,760 - Bird sees us coming now. Too much heat, too risky. 455 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:22,889 - [chuckles] Well, sure it is, for your operation. 456 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:26,518 What, Bob and Bub are gonna pull off that job? 457 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,937 - Okay, get lost, kitty-cat. 458 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:32,649 Vincenzo, you got a laser pointer or spray bottle? 459 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,444 See if you can get this puss to vamoose. 460 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,781 - You're not using your imagination, Harvey. 461 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,366 You want to send Penguin home 462 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,201 with a limp in his waddle, yeah? 463 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,370 You know how good I am at what I do. 464 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:49,040 I could do it for you. - Oh, is that so? 465 00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:50,500 Like do what? 466 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,794 - What do you think happens when you let a cat 467 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,587 into the birdcage? 468 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:55,922 - A moment passes, 469 00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,383 then two voices ring out in laughter. 470 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:01,469 - [laughs] - [laughs] 471 00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:04,347 You know what, puss? We love it. 472 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,975 - [chuckles] Doesn't that sound fun? 473 00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,102 - We're definitely interested. 474 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,813 Vincenzo, a chair for the kitty. 475 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:14,149 And get her anything else she wants, 476 00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,317 a saucer of milk or something. 477 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:19,487 - Ugh, I'm so tired of that joke, Harvey. 478 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,656 You can't possibly know. 479 00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,325 I cannot sit down where drinks are served 480 00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,327 without hearing that gasser. 481 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,830 - [laughs] That's 'cause it's funny 482 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,749 because cats like milk. 483 00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:33,960 Anyways, we're guessing you want access. 484 00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:36,046 - We can get keycards and disarm codes 485 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:37,672 to the Iceberg Casino. 486 00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:40,133 And we can get a copy of the security protocol, 487 00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:42,594 but you're going to have to put on a show. 488 00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:46,723 - Oh, you'll get two cartoons, two newsreels, 489 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,808 and a double feature. 490 00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:50,185 - Deal. 491 00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:51,519 - Deal. 492 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:54,939 - Now all that's left is to discuss my fee. 493 00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,191 - Your fee? 494 00:21:56,274 --> 00:21:58,568 I thought you said this was for fun. 495 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:02,197 - I said it'd be fun. It's not for fun. 496 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,867 I'm obviously not gonna do it for free, dumb-dumb. 497 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,827 - Hey, who's dumb? 498 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:11,539 - We're giving you the keys to a casino full of mob loot. 499 00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:13,708 That's not adequate compensation? 500 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,085 Do the job 501 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,045 and you take whatever you want on your way out. 502 00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:20,381 - Ha-ha, you want demolition and mayhem 503 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:22,467 and a humiliating spectacle. 504 00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,552 I'm not getting out of there with anything 505 00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:28,306 but my nine lives, gruesome, best case. 506 00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:30,391 - Bah. - [chuckles] 507 00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,935 And you've proved my point. 508 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:36,064 You don't know this business, and you do need my help. 509 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:39,234 Guess what? It's not free or cheap. 510 00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:40,693 - Neither would say it, 511 00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:44,739 but both of Two-Face sees the wisdom in this. 512 00:22:44,823 --> 00:22:46,699 - We'll pay you 20 large 513 00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:50,245 if you really deep-fry the Penguin's gizzard. 514 00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:51,830 - No, no, no. 515 00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,581 You want me to go pants the Penguin 516 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:57,001 at his big bar mitzvah, you'll double that, minimum. 517 00:22:57,085 --> 00:23:00,296 You know how to double things, right, Harv? 518 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,298 - You're crazy, lady. 519 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,592 You're out there where the busses don't stop. 520 00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:08,596 - We won't do it. $20,000's the offer. 521 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,976 - Okay, you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Harvey Two-Face. 522 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,853 $20,000 it is. 523 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:18,148 I know you're very particular about numbers. 524 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:22,735 Now then, it's almost 2:22 a.m. Let's eat. 525 00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:25,113 - We're in business. [snaps] 526 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,782 Vincenzo, bring us a double cut pork chop, 527 00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:29,450 burned on one side. 528 00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:33,663 - Uh, pink on the other side with two twice-baked potatoes. 529 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,833 - A double scoop of chocolate chocolate chip. 530 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,669 - And a couple fingers of two roses rye. 531 00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:42,380 - You can just say the usual, Signore. 532 00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:45,967 - No, Vincenzo, we can't. That's the whole problem. 533 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,760 Anyways, just bring Ms. Catwoman whatever 534 00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,012 she'd like. 535 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:52,307 - Thanks, Harvey. Gee, what do I want? 536 00:23:52,390 --> 00:23:55,310 I guess I'll start with a three-bean salad. 537 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:59,480 ["three" echoes] - Wait, wait, how many beans? 538 00:23:59,564 --> 00:24:02,817 - And a four-cheese pizza. - What are you doing? 539 00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:05,486 - Say, can you do a five-alarm chili? 540 00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:08,656 [numbers echoing] - You-you shouldn't do that. 541 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,659 - You're ruining our appetite! 542 00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:15,705 - Then a half-dozen oysters. - [groaning softly] 543 00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:20,335 - And finally, seven-layer cake for dessert. 544 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:23,421 - That's...that's cute, 545 00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:25,798 all them ugly numbers. 546 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:27,342 - I'm hungry. 547 00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:29,844 - Nice try, but it won't work. 548 00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:33,014 The price is firm, $20,000. 549 00:24:33,097 --> 00:24:35,350 - You both agree with that? 550 00:24:35,433 --> 00:24:39,854 - We're not [grumbles]... we're not paying you more money 551 00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:43,107 to change your dinner order. 552 00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:46,277 - $20,000, final offer. 553 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:48,488 - Loud and clear, Harvey. 554 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:50,698 Vincenzo, my good man, 555 00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:53,868 Thousand Island dressing on the three-bean salad 556 00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:57,121 and a 7 and 7 with a float of triple sec. 557 00:24:57,205 --> 00:25:00,541 - Vincenzo, don't bring any of that junk to our table. 558 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:04,712 It's...making us queasy just thinking about it. 559 00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:07,006 - Okay then, if you prefer, 560 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,925 just put a dozen cookies in a box 561 00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:13,012 with about 75 pounds of tri-tip for my cats, 562 00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,222 and I'll be off. 563 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:17,225 - Ah, can't take this right now. 564 00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,978 - A thousand pardons, Harvey. 565 00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:22,522 I'll just 23 skidoo. 566 00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:25,733 - Okay, okay, please, this is our nightmare. 567 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:28,569 - We'll pay whatever you want. Just cut it out. 568 00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:31,239 Please, please, just bring us back to two. 569 00:25:31,322 --> 00:25:34,242 Bring us back to two. Bring us back to two. 570 00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,577 [echoing stops] - Cancel that order, Vincenzo. 571 00:25:36,661 --> 00:25:39,998 On second thought, I'll have what they're having. 572 00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:41,499 Congratulations, Harvey. 573 00:25:41,582 --> 00:25:44,961 For the price of $20,000 times two, 574 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,964 you just melted Penguin's ice. 575 00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:49,882 - Cat versus bird, 576 00:25:49,966 --> 00:25:52,510 who will prevail in this classic conflict? 577 00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:55,013 Victory can mean many things when dealing 578 00:25:55,096 --> 00:25:58,266 with "Life and Death in Gotham City." 579 00:25:58,349 --> 00:26:01,227 ♪ ♪ 580 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:03,938 [phone ringing, classical music playing] 581 00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:07,108 - Finally, the caterer! [quacking laughter] 582 00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:10,028 It's about time, you culinary cretin. 583 00:26:10,111 --> 00:26:11,946 Where are my gonads? 584 00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:13,573 - I--what? 585 00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,116 No, Mr. Cobblepot, this is-- 586 00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:17,452 - I ordered 12 pounds 587 00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:20,663 of peeled and poached sea elephant gonads, 588 00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:23,791 and if the ambassador from Santa Prisca isn't 589 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:25,793 enjoying them on Melba toast 590 00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:27,462 tomorrow evening... - Okay-- 591 00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:28,796 - You're going to be 592 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,798 the only caterer in town... - Sir-- 593 00:26:30,882 --> 00:26:34,218 - Who takes all of his own meals through a tube! 594 00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:35,970 [cackles] 595 00:26:36,054 --> 00:26:39,015 - Uh, Mr. Cobblepot, sir, I-I'm not the caterer. 596 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,142 It's Mayor Hamilton Hill, sir. 597 00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:43,394 - [squawks] Huh? Mayor Hi--what? 598 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:46,898 What are you doing calling me on my personal line, Hill? 599 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:49,150 Have you gone barking mad? 600 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:53,696 I've got a gala tomorrow night I'm trying to coordinate. 601 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:57,742 - No, no, no, I know, sir, and trust me, I am so sorry. 602 00:26:57,825 --> 00:27:00,495 I-I just thought that you should know something. 603 00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:03,664 I've got a lot of heat on me right now. 604 00:27:03,748 --> 00:27:05,208 - Oh, really, Hill? - Mm-hmm. 605 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,752 - Well, let me cry you the blue Nile. 606 00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,505 That's what you get for being a gutless stooge. 607 00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:13,341 - Well, no, no, sir, but it's real pressure, 608 00:27:13,424 --> 00:27:16,010 Mr. Cobblepot, like Vicki Vale, 609 00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:18,388 "Gotham Gazette" pressure, yeah. 610 00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:21,349 - [quacks irately] Vicki Vale. 611 00:27:21,432 --> 00:27:24,352 - And I gotta warn you, sir, that she knows 612 00:27:24,435 --> 00:27:27,230 you've got the goods on me and that it's in your safe, 613 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:28,856 and I know she wants it. 614 00:27:28,940 --> 00:27:30,942 - Well, thank you, Mr. Mayor, 615 00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:33,444 but you realize you're warning the whale 616 00:27:33,528 --> 00:27:35,113 about a piece of krill. 617 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,740 Vicki Vale is not getting into my safe, 618 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:40,201 you dissipated dunce. 619 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:41,536 - Of-of course not. 620 00:27:41,619 --> 00:27:43,413 [laughs uncomfortably] She never could. 621 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,790 But I just thought--well, 622 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,793 Catwoman might be helping her. 623 00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:51,087 [chuckles nervously] Um, 624 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,964 Mr. Cobblepot? 625 00:27:53,047 --> 00:27:54,882 Sir, are you still there? [line beeping] 626 00:27:54,966 --> 00:27:56,259 - [squawks irately] 627 00:27:56,342 --> 00:27:59,303 That's my caterer on the other line, Hill. 628 00:27:59,387 --> 00:28:01,431 We'll discuss this later 629 00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:05,351 at your nearest inconvenience. 630 00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:07,854 - Yes, sir, Mr. Cobblepot, and again-- 631 00:28:07,937 --> 00:28:10,314 [line disconnects] Sorry about calling--hello? 632 00:28:10,398 --> 00:28:12,191 [smooth music] 633 00:28:12,275 --> 00:28:15,987 - Gotham, a city built with bricks and glass, 634 00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:17,905 and bullets and bombs. 635 00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:19,615 Join us now for another tale 636 00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:22,577 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 637 00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:24,871 ♪ ♪ 638 00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:27,832 At the headquarters of the Gotham City Police Department 639 00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:29,542 in a small basement office 640 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:33,045 are the fearless men and women of the bomb disposal unit. 641 00:28:33,129 --> 00:28:36,215 The grunt work is done by three bomb squad detectives 642 00:28:36,299 --> 00:28:40,094 known affectionately as Team TNT. 643 00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:42,096 [phone ringing] - Tyson, Terrigan. 644 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:44,724 - What's the word, Neaves? - That was Gordon on the phone. 645 00:28:44,807 --> 00:28:46,434 They found yet another riddle box. 646 00:28:46,517 --> 00:28:48,436 This one's on a number five elevated, 647 00:28:48,519 --> 00:28:50,396 just like he said at the lotto drawing. 648 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,523 - Fricking Eddie Nygma. 649 00:28:52,607 --> 00:28:54,609 Why won't that guy take a half day ever? 650 00:28:54,692 --> 00:28:56,527 - Box is big. It's the same general 651 00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:58,863 configuration as the boxes discovered on the one 652 00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:00,948 and the three trains. This is tough. 653 00:29:01,032 --> 00:29:02,700 Somebody's gotta take the lead on this, 654 00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:04,160 and I just want to say-- 655 00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:06,454 - Detective Neaves looks at her colleagues 656 00:29:06,537 --> 00:29:10,541 with the grim responsibility to tell them she is-- 657 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:12,960 - Not it, totally called not it. 658 00:29:13,044 --> 00:29:14,295 It's Tyson's turn. 659 00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:16,631 - Ah, yes, it would be, but it is not 660 00:29:16,714 --> 00:29:18,633 on account I traded my next riddle box 661 00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:20,760 for Terrigan's next Scarecrow bomb. 662 00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:22,261 - How did I lose that one? 663 00:29:22,345 --> 00:29:23,804 Scarecrow guy's on the street, 664 00:29:23,888 --> 00:29:26,015 and riddle guy was locked up in the rubber motel. 665 00:29:26,098 --> 00:29:29,310 - Eh, you bet against the wizard of crime, Terrigan. 666 00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,770 - Nah, he calls himself, like, 667 00:29:30,853 --> 00:29:33,147 the commodore of crime, I'm pretty sure. 668 00:29:33,231 --> 00:29:35,525 Wait, is it Captain Crime? - Who, Riddler? 669 00:29:35,608 --> 00:29:38,236 It's the maestro of vice or something stupid. 670 00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:40,196 And it ain't important right now, okay? 671 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:42,907 Game faces, people. Riddle box. 672 00:29:42,990 --> 00:29:44,992 I don't want my tombstone to read, 673 00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:48,079 "He was decapitated by a question mark," you know? 674 00:29:48,162 --> 00:29:49,830 That's not a good death. 675 00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:51,999 - Hey, speaking of not good death, 676 00:29:52,083 --> 00:29:53,626 you see that Joker vic they pulled out 677 00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:55,002 of the harbor this morning, 678 00:29:55,086 --> 00:29:56,671 that Polish guy? - [groaning] Yeah. 679 00:29:56,754 --> 00:29:59,173 - Great day in the morning, was that once a person? 680 00:29:59,257 --> 00:30:04,387 - Why, Tyson, why do we gotta talk about the clown right now? 681 00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:05,846 - I don't know, Neaves. 682 00:30:05,930 --> 00:30:08,015 Word is, even the Batman doesn't know exactly what 683 00:30:08,099 --> 00:30:10,685 he's up to for Valentine's Day, and that's not good. 684 00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:13,145 - Yeah, man, I'd trade two Scarecrow bombs, 685 00:30:13,229 --> 00:30:15,856 a riddle box, and anything the freeze guy's got 686 00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:18,484 for taking one Joker package off my hands. 687 00:30:18,568 --> 00:30:21,320 - Yeah, at least you know the Scarecrow's gonna be scary, 688 00:30:21,404 --> 00:30:23,322 and Mr. Freeze is gonna be cold. 689 00:30:23,406 --> 00:30:25,366 No telling what's in the Joker package. 690 00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:26,742 - Could be anything. 691 00:30:26,826 --> 00:30:28,744 It's gonna be whatever he thinks is funny 692 00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:30,204 on that particular day. 693 00:30:30,288 --> 00:30:32,206 Let me tell you a Joker joke. 694 00:30:32,290 --> 00:30:33,791 [suspenseful music] 695 00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:36,586 You guys didn't overlap with Sergeant Meeks, did you? 696 00:30:36,669 --> 00:30:38,796 He had the pleasure of dealing with one 697 00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:40,548 of the very first Joker packages 698 00:30:40,631 --> 00:30:43,384 this crew had to deal with. - Sure, about five years ago. 699 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:46,387 - Now, back then we knew the clown was dangerous, 700 00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:48,347 but we didn't know how he operated. 701 00:30:48,431 --> 00:30:49,932 So Meeks takes point, 702 00:30:50,016 --> 00:30:52,310 gets the purple box open, and it's a bomb, sure enough, 703 00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:54,395 but a bomb like you never seen. [bomb hissing, beeping] 704 00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:56,731 I mean, this thing looks like a ray gun crossed 705 00:30:56,814 --> 00:30:59,358 with a time machine crossed with a whoopie cushion. 706 00:30:59,442 --> 00:31:01,402 It makes no sense. 707 00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:03,446 About the only thing Meeks recognizes is 708 00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:04,989 a cell phone detonator. 709 00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:07,116 - Well, someplace to start at least. 710 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:11,162 - Yeah, except then it rings. Meeks thinks he's dead. 711 00:31:11,245 --> 00:31:14,415 Btu it's not even a detonator. It's just a cell phone. 712 00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:17,335 Somebody on the other end wants to have a conversation. 713 00:31:17,418 --> 00:31:19,503 [Joker laughing] - Was it him? 714 00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,089 - It's him. It's the Joker. 715 00:31:22,173 --> 00:31:25,092 They chat a while, pretty normal stuff, considering. 716 00:31:25,176 --> 00:31:28,012 Joker says he finds Meeks interesting, 717 00:31:28,095 --> 00:31:30,640 wants to know more about a man who chooses 718 00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,475 to disarm bombs for a living. 719 00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:33,934 What does he value? 720 00:31:34,018 --> 00:31:37,104 So he says he'll trade deactivation instructions 721 00:31:37,188 --> 00:31:39,106 for Meeks' home address. 722 00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:42,360 - Oh, no way. Oh, no way! 723 00:31:42,443 --> 00:31:43,861 What do you do? 724 00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:46,489 - Well, Meeks about flips 'cause this thing is gonna 725 00:31:46,572 --> 00:31:48,783 take out a city block in a few minutes. 726 00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:50,910 But then again, his three kids 727 00:31:50,993 --> 00:31:52,620 are at home alone. [children laugh] 728 00:31:52,703 --> 00:31:55,039 In the end, he agrees. He's gotta. 729 00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:56,749 He gives the Joker his address. 730 00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:58,626 The Joker tells him what wires to cut. 731 00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:00,086 - He was shooting straight? 732 00:32:00,169 --> 00:32:01,629 - It was a complicated bit of business, 733 00:32:01,712 --> 00:32:02,963 but it's on a level. 734 00:32:03,047 --> 00:32:04,799 Meeks deactivates the bomb. [wires snap] 735 00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:06,425 Then the Joker just says 736 00:32:06,509 --> 00:32:09,136 "expect the unexpected" and hangs up. 737 00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:11,389 Meeks rushes straight home. It takes him forever. 738 00:32:11,472 --> 00:32:12,890 Thank God the kids are all right. 739 00:32:12,973 --> 00:32:14,475 - Yes, thank God. 740 00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:17,228 - But they say they had a visit from the nicest clown. 741 00:32:17,311 --> 00:32:18,854 - Oh, I don't like this. 742 00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:20,898 - "The clown left us a present. Can we open it, Daddy? 743 00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:23,067 The clown said to wait until you got home." 744 00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:24,860 Sure enough, there's another purple box 745 00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:27,655 on the kitchen counter, just like the first one. 746 00:32:27,738 --> 00:32:29,323 - What the hell does he do? 747 00:32:29,407 --> 00:32:32,159 - Of course he grabs the kids, and they are out of there. 748 00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:35,121 He's on the next flight to stay with his sister in Co-city. 749 00:32:35,204 --> 00:32:37,123 - Man, I'da gone to planet Krypton. 750 00:32:37,206 --> 00:32:39,917 - So he lands over in Co-city, gets off the plane. 751 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,795 He's cranky 'cause the kids are horribly airsick. 752 00:32:42,878 --> 00:32:45,756 And there's a million messages waiting for him from the team. 753 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,592 - Oh, no. - "Come back, come back." 754 00:32:48,676 --> 00:32:49,969 Everyone is begging him 755 00:32:50,052 --> 00:32:51,679 to come straight back to Gotham City. 756 00:32:51,762 --> 00:32:54,390 They got the package open, and you know what's inside? 757 00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:57,351 Little tiny bottle with three pills in it 758 00:32:57,435 --> 00:32:59,854 and a handwritten note on a purple card. 759 00:32:59,937 --> 00:33:00,980 - What? 760 00:33:01,063 --> 00:33:02,857 What did the-- - Two words. 761 00:33:02,940 --> 00:33:06,861 It said "the antidote." 762 00:33:06,944 --> 00:33:08,529 - Oh, f-- - Yep. 763 00:33:08,612 --> 00:33:11,866 Joker had poisoned his three little kids, 764 00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,451 but he left Meeks the antidote 765 00:33:13,534 --> 00:33:14,869 to administer to save their lives. 766 00:33:14,952 --> 00:33:17,747 All Meeks had to do was open the box. 767 00:33:17,830 --> 00:33:19,707 "Expect the unexpected." 768 00:33:19,790 --> 00:33:22,543 Of course Meeks didn't get back from Co-city in time. 769 00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:26,505 He's in Arkham Asylum now. - Oh, man. 770 00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:29,300 - That's the clown's idea of funny, Neaves. 771 00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:31,010 Anyway, let's go. 772 00:33:31,093 --> 00:33:34,847 Gonna be a long day. Three riddle boxes, you know? 773 00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:37,224 Even so, I'd trade three riddles 774 00:33:37,308 --> 00:33:39,852 for one joke in this town any day. 775 00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:42,980 [pensive music] 776 00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:45,232 - They say laughter is the best medicine, 777 00:33:45,316 --> 00:33:48,861 but it turns out medicine is even better medicine. 778 00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:50,863 This humorous jape is brought to you 779 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,491 by the perverse comedian performing every night 780 00:33:53,574 --> 00:33:57,077 on the stage of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 781 00:33:57,161 --> 00:33:59,246 ♪ ♪ 782 00:34:00,998 --> 00:34:02,583 [on mic, echoing] - This Saturday 783 00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:05,085 at Gotham's fabulous Iceberg Casino, 784 00:34:05,169 --> 00:34:09,256 Oswald Cobblepot invites you to return to the Ice Age. 785 00:34:09,340 --> 00:34:11,717 [mammoth roars, trumpets] 786 00:34:11,801 --> 00:34:14,762 [dramatic music] 787 00:34:14,845 --> 00:34:16,847 ♪ ♪ 788 00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:18,140 [upbeat music] 789 00:34:18,224 --> 00:34:19,767 [tap shoes tapping] 790 00:34:19,850 --> 00:34:22,645 - ♪ The party started back a couple ages ago ♪ 791 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:24,438 ♪ When the neighborhood was nothing ♪ 792 00:34:24,522 --> 00:34:26,148 ♪ But the ice and the snow ♪ 793 00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:29,026 ♪ She was a proud pachyderm out shaking her trunk ♪ 794 00:34:29,110 --> 00:34:31,070 ♪ But they encased her in a glacier ♪ 795 00:34:31,153 --> 00:34:32,655 ♪ And we carved out a hunk ♪ 796 00:34:32,738 --> 00:34:35,741 ♪ She's a mammoth mama, she's a gala gal ♪ 797 00:34:35,825 --> 00:34:38,786 ♪ See her frozen patoot, win a pile of hot loot ♪ 798 00:34:38,869 --> 00:34:42,289 ♪ At the Iceberg Lounge, go and tell your pals ♪ 799 00:34:42,373 --> 00:34:46,001 ♪ It's the night we call the smoking hot ♪ 800 00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:49,672 ♪ RSVP to Cobblepot ♪ 801 00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:52,842 - The Ice Age Gala this Saturday 802 00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:54,718 at the Iceberg Casino, 803 00:34:54,802 --> 00:34:57,471 afloat in the center of Gotham Harbor. 804 00:34:57,555 --> 00:35:00,891 Tickets are sold out, but how bad do you want them? 805 00:35:00,975 --> 00:35:02,977 Maybe we can work something out. 806 00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:04,812 [suave music] 807 00:35:04,895 --> 00:35:09,108 - Gotham, a city where the abyss dares not gaze back. 808 00:35:09,191 --> 00:35:13,821 Join us for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 809 00:35:13,904 --> 00:35:16,282 ♪ ♪ 810 00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:21,203 Deep in the calciferous depths of the cavernous Batcave, 811 00:35:21,287 --> 00:35:24,456 the Batman is joined at the console of the Batcomputer 812 00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:27,668 by his young protégé, the Boy Wonder. 813 00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:31,338 - How was school? - Ugh, still can't stand it. 814 00:35:31,422 --> 00:35:33,716 Want to run away and rejoin the circus. 815 00:35:33,799 --> 00:35:36,594 - I sympathize, but Alfred is not homeschooling you. 816 00:35:36,677 --> 00:35:38,846 Public education built this country. 817 00:35:38,929 --> 00:35:40,806 Here, have a look at this. 818 00:35:40,890 --> 00:35:43,726 Batcomputer, gamma four gamma epsilon. 819 00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:47,813 Index 12.2.1. [electronic beeping] 820 00:35:47,897 --> 00:35:49,273 Thank you, noted. 821 00:35:49,356 --> 00:35:51,358 I'll recode your software to compensate. 822 00:35:51,442 --> 00:35:54,320 What do you see here, Robin? - Citywide chaos. 823 00:35:54,403 --> 00:35:57,948 It looks like the Riddler show is back for season whatever. 824 00:35:58,032 --> 00:36:01,201 Man, that guy is thirsty. What's the latest? 825 00:36:01,285 --> 00:36:02,995 - Of the four trains Riddler threatened 826 00:36:03,078 --> 00:36:04,413 during the lotto drawing, 827 00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:06,749 only one was a legitimate danger to civilians. 828 00:36:06,832 --> 00:36:09,376 15 people were hurt, none seriously. 829 00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:12,129 When engine number nine did indeed jump the track-- 830 00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:14,215 - And did they? - Excuse me? 831 00:36:14,298 --> 00:36:16,258 - Want their money back? 832 00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:19,094 - Not now, Robin, please. I was up all night. 833 00:36:19,178 --> 00:36:21,764 Riddle boxes were found on the three remaining trains 834 00:36:21,847 --> 00:36:24,642 Riddler mentioned at stations in the Chemical District. 835 00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:26,602 Here. 836 00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:30,522 - Sionis Plaza, Ace Chemical, and the "Gotham Gazette." 837 00:36:30,606 --> 00:36:32,066 Anybody get hurt there? 838 00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:33,901 - Not from the riddle boxes, thankfully. 839 00:36:33,984 --> 00:36:36,820 GCPD bomb squads are getting them open as we speak, 840 00:36:36,904 --> 00:36:39,239 but I fully expect the contents to be harmless, 841 00:36:39,323 --> 00:36:42,284 preening and condescending but harmless. 842 00:36:42,368 --> 00:36:43,869 - How can you be sure? 843 00:36:43,953 --> 00:36:46,080 - The Riddler's pathological arrogance compels him 844 00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:48,540 to forewarn of his crimes in advance, Robin. 845 00:36:48,624 --> 00:36:50,876 It's not a challenge for him otherwise. 846 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,087 Those train stations aren't his targets. 847 00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:54,672 They're his signed confession 848 00:36:54,755 --> 00:36:56,632 of the crime he's about to commit. 849 00:36:56,715 --> 00:37:00,135 - He commits crimes to hype his other crimes too? 850 00:37:00,219 --> 00:37:02,596 Did this guy steal the Joker's whole act? 851 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:06,266 - He's very sensitive about that accusation, but yes. 852 00:37:06,350 --> 00:37:08,268 Now look at the locations, Robin. 853 00:37:08,352 --> 00:37:11,939 Gazette, Ace, Sionis--G.A.S. 854 00:37:12,022 --> 00:37:13,774 He's announcing a gas attack. 855 00:37:13,857 --> 00:37:16,318 That's not even coded. He's boasting. 856 00:37:16,402 --> 00:37:19,029 The attack is likely planned for the evening rush. 857 00:37:19,113 --> 00:37:20,823 That's in less than half an hour. 858 00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,700 [electronic ringing] The question is, where? 859 00:37:22,783 --> 00:37:25,202 - Gordon is calling. - Go ahead, Commissioner. 860 00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:27,287 What do you have? We need to act quickly. 861 00:37:27,371 --> 00:37:30,291 - Batman, the bomb squad finally got all three 862 00:37:30,374 --> 00:37:31,875 riddle boxes opened safely. 863 00:37:31,959 --> 00:37:34,628 - Nothing but messages inside, correct, Commissioner? 864 00:37:34,712 --> 00:37:38,507 - Just as you said, Batman, same message all three times. 865 00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:40,509 - A riddle no doubt. 866 00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:44,054 - Just a single question, "Can you spot the crook?" 867 00:37:44,138 --> 00:37:46,432 - That's it? "Can you spot the crook?" 868 00:37:46,515 --> 00:37:49,101 In this town, you gotta be way more specific. 869 00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:51,812 - "Can you spot the crook?" 870 00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:54,064 - The miraculous mind of the super sleuth 871 00:37:54,148 --> 00:37:55,649 kicks into high gear. 872 00:37:55,733 --> 00:37:58,652 - "Can you spot the crook?" 873 00:37:58,736 --> 00:38:01,155 Interesting. Stand by, Commissioner. 874 00:38:01,238 --> 00:38:04,366 Riddler's intent is obvious. [electronic beeping] 875 00:38:04,450 --> 00:38:06,243 - Who are we looking for, Batman? 876 00:38:06,326 --> 00:38:08,871 Who's crooked? - Not who, Robin. 877 00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:10,873 He doesn't mean crook like criminal. 878 00:38:10,956 --> 00:38:13,751 He means a hooked shape, like a shepherd's crook. 879 00:38:13,834 --> 00:38:16,336 And it's not spot as in to lay eyes on. 880 00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:20,257 He means to mark with a spot. "Can you spot the crook?" 881 00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:23,719 If you draw a crook and then a spot-- 882 00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:26,513 - You have a question mark. 883 00:38:26,597 --> 00:38:28,182 How do you do it, Batman? 884 00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,476 - Deduction is merely improvised transportation 885 00:38:30,559 --> 00:38:32,770 on little-used mental roads, Robin. 886 00:38:32,853 --> 00:38:34,188 - If you say so. 887 00:38:34,271 --> 00:38:36,648 - Now look at this map of Gotham's gas mains. 888 00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:40,027 Those three train stations, Gazette, Ace, and Sionis, 889 00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:42,613 are all on the same city gas line. 890 00:38:42,696 --> 00:38:44,698 - Okay, not good. 891 00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,659 The route that pipeline runs is shaped like a crook. 892 00:38:47,743 --> 00:38:51,121 - And when you mark the spot below the pipeline crook, 893 00:38:51,205 --> 00:38:53,457 it gives us a location. 894 00:38:53,540 --> 00:38:56,293 - Bruce, the dot in the question mark, 895 00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:59,171 it's the Wayne Foundation building. 896 00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,881 - That fiend. 897 00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:02,382 The Wayne Foundation is hosting 898 00:39:02,466 --> 00:39:04,635 the International Children's Goodwill Assembly today. 899 00:39:04,718 --> 00:39:06,720 He's targeting children, Robin. 900 00:39:06,804 --> 00:39:08,514 - Have the Commissioner evacuate! 901 00:39:08,597 --> 00:39:11,433 - No time, I'm accessing the Wayne building security system 902 00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:12,851 remotely from the Batcomputer. 903 00:39:12,935 --> 00:39:14,228 Then we can-- [alarms blaring] 904 00:39:14,311 --> 00:39:16,522 - A riot of warnings and buzzers rises 905 00:39:16,605 --> 00:39:18,649 in a cacophonous chorus of complaint 906 00:39:18,732 --> 00:39:20,275 from the cave itself. 907 00:39:20,359 --> 00:39:21,902 - Batman, what happened? 908 00:39:21,985 --> 00:39:23,737 The whole cave is going haywire! 909 00:39:23,821 --> 00:39:26,615 - Some kind of malware running back along my signal 910 00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:29,743 from the Wayne building right into our mainframe, 911 00:39:29,827 --> 00:39:32,579 but that's--that's impossible. 912 00:39:32,663 --> 00:39:35,707 No one can hack the Batcomputer. 913 00:39:35,791 --> 00:39:38,418 [high-pitched static] [Riddler laughing] 914 00:39:38,502 --> 00:39:44,550 - You did not just call this the Batcomputer, did you? 915 00:39:44,633 --> 00:39:46,260 [laughing] - Riddler. 916 00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:50,806 - He's system-wide, Batman! He can see and hear us. 917 00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:53,350 - Oh, Batcomputer. 918 00:39:53,433 --> 00:39:56,186 Oh, that's unfortunate. 919 00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:58,438 Oh, Batman, I feel like I just caught you 920 00:39:58,522 --> 00:40:02,442 singing bat showtunes into your bat hairbrush. 921 00:40:02,526 --> 00:40:04,987 - Communications are down, surveillance down, 922 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,280 system core. 923 00:40:06,363 --> 00:40:08,782 - Oh, I don't want this for you, Batman. 924 00:40:08,866 --> 00:40:12,286 It's that thing where I just want the embarrassment 925 00:40:12,369 --> 00:40:15,205 to be over for you so I feel better. 926 00:40:15,289 --> 00:40:16,748 - Initiate lockdown protocols. 927 00:40:16,832 --> 00:40:18,458 - [mockingly] "Initiate lockdown protocols." 928 00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:21,795 [snorts] Oh, you beautiful lackwit. 929 00:40:21,879 --> 00:40:24,089 [laughs] 930 00:40:24,173 --> 00:40:27,968 Your admittedly rad-ass rank is mine now. 931 00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:31,305 It's a sophisticated system, maybe even challenging. 932 00:40:31,388 --> 00:40:36,685 Talks weird, but as for "no one can hack," 933 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,228 please. 934 00:40:38,312 --> 00:40:41,315 I'm the artist of crime. 935 00:40:41,398 --> 00:40:43,483 - He's in at the alpha code level, Batman. 936 00:40:43,567 --> 00:40:45,485 - I never know how much comprehension is going on 937 00:40:45,569 --> 00:40:47,946 in that sloping skull of yours, Batman, 938 00:40:48,030 --> 00:40:52,159 so let me be clear what just happened. 939 00:40:52,242 --> 00:40:57,247 I am now in complete remote control 940 00:40:57,331 --> 00:41:01,710 of the fabulous secret Batcave, and... 941 00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,587 - On the huge computer monitor, 942 00:41:03,670 --> 00:41:05,964 Edward Nygma's cathode ray smile 943 00:41:06,048 --> 00:41:08,592 flickers with slick self-satisfaction. 944 00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:11,428 - After another incoming calculation, 945 00:41:11,512 --> 00:41:15,265 I will know its hidden location. 946 00:41:15,349 --> 00:41:18,685 ♪ ♪ 947 00:41:18,769 --> 00:41:22,189 - The pasha of puzzlement is storming the very gates 948 00:41:22,272 --> 00:41:24,024 of Batman's inner sanctum. 949 00:41:24,107 --> 00:41:26,526 - You guys got snacks, or should I pick some up 950 00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:29,571 on my way over? [laughing maniacally] 951 00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:32,908 - Will he breach the Batcave? Stay tuned. 952 00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:34,743 The answer to come in the next tale 953 00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:37,913 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 954 00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:40,707 [Riddler continues laughing] 955 00:41:40,791 --> 00:41:44,044 ♪ ♪ 956 00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:46,421 To be continued. 957 00:41:47,798 --> 00:41:49,299 [upbeat music] 958 00:41:49,383 --> 00:41:51,593 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 959 00:41:51,677 --> 00:41:54,346 Written and directed by Dennis McNicholas. 960 00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,807 Based on the DC comic "Batman." 961 00:41:56,890 --> 00:41:59,893 Created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger. 962 00:41:59,977 --> 00:42:02,562 Based on characters from DC Comics. 963 00:42:02,646 --> 00:42:05,148 With performances by Jeffrey Wright, 964 00:42:05,232 --> 00:42:10,028 Ike Barinholtz, Rosario Dawson, Heidi Gardner, Toby Huss, 965 00:42:10,112 --> 00:42:14,700 John Leguizamo, Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell, Paula Pell, 966 00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:18,954 Katie Rich, Ben Rodgers, Pete Schultz, Brooke Shields, 967 00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:22,582 Brent Spiner, Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson, 968 00:42:22,666 --> 00:42:27,587 Melissa Villaseñor, Ray Wise, Anna Crowe, Erica Phillips, 969 00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:30,132 Tony Phillips, Robbie Wyckoff. 970 00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:32,634 Executive produced by Jon Berg. 971 00:42:32,718 --> 00:42:35,554 Executive produced by Kiliaen Van Rensselaer, 972 00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:38,557 Deborah Henderson, and Jordana Freydberg. 973 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,851 Produced by Dennis McNicholas. 974 00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:43,103 Produced by Angela Petrella. 975 00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:45,063 Music by Doug Bossi. 976 00:42:45,147 --> 00:42:48,817 Sound recording, design, and mixing by Big Yellow Duck. 977 00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:51,236 Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing, 978 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,613 and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney. 979 00:42:53,697 --> 00:42:55,907 Production manager Kay Tinder. 980 00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:58,619 Post supervisor Deanna Saracino. 981 00:42:58,702 --> 00:43:00,620 Writers' assistants Trey Woodard 982 00:43:00,704 --> 00:43:02,122 and Scott Weinstein. 983 00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:05,208 Additional sound recording by Icemen Audio. 984 00:43:05,292 --> 00:43:07,085 Production legal Jordan Rock. 985 00:43:07,169 --> 00:43:10,505 Production accounting Reva Jones and Steven D. Smith. 986 00:43:10,589 --> 00:43:14,092 Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips. 987 00:43:14,176 --> 00:43:17,471 Special thanks Bill Weinstein and Bryan Besser. 988 00:43:17,554 --> 00:43:21,266 Production services provided by Insurrection Media. 989 00:43:21,350 --> 00:43:23,018 The characters and events depicted 990 00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,686 in this podcast are fictional. 991 00:43:24,770 --> 00:43:27,898 Any similarity to any actual person living or dead 992 00:43:27,981 --> 00:43:31,401 or to any actual events, firms, places, and institutions, 993 00:43:31,485 --> 00:43:34,863 or other entities is coincidental and unintentional. 994 00:43:34,946 --> 00:43:36,990 This podcast is protected under the laws 995 00:43:37,074 --> 00:43:38,992 of the United States and other countries, 996 00:43:39,076 --> 00:43:40,660 and its unauthorized duplication, 997 00:43:40,744 --> 00:43:44,164 distribution, or exhibition may result in civil liability 998 00:43:44,247 --> 00:43:45,707 and criminal prosecution. 999 00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:49,002 Country of first publication United States of America. 1000 00:43:49,086 --> 00:43:50,962 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 1001 00:43:51,046 --> 00:43:54,674 Copyright 2019 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated. 1002 00:43:54,758 --> 00:43:57,302 Batman and all related characters and elements are 1003 00:43:57,386 --> 00:43:59,888 trademark and copyright DC Comics. 1004 00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:02,015 All rights reserved. 1005 00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:05,102 ♪ ♪