1 00:00:01,878 --> 00:00:03,796 - Blue Ribbon Content presents: 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,758 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 3 00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:10,261 [radio static] 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,971 [suspenseful music] 5 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,222 [gunfire] 6 00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:15,641 - Code four, bystanders injured. 7 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,227 We are code four. Repeat, this is 2-Adam-1. 8 00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:20,605 Shots fired at 202 Doubleday Street. 9 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,981 Bystanders injured! 10 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,734 We are code four, requesting backup, over. 11 00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,194 - Copy 2-Adam-1. 12 00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:28,362 Can I get your exact 926? 13 00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:31,616 - In vehicle 8300 block on Morrison, pinned down. 14 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,743 Two-Face gang exchanging heavy gunfire 15 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:38,122 with-with unknown assailants at 202 Doubleday Street, over. 16 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,875 - Say again, 2-Adam-1. What is your 20? 17 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:44,128 - That's 202 Doubleday Street, over. 18 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,005 - [screams] 19 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,382 - Dispatch, do you copy? 20 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:49,926 - Copy your 20, 2-Adam-1. 21 00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:52,428 We advise the address is a suspected site 22 00:00:52,512 --> 00:00:54,430 of illegal narcotics manufacture. 23 00:00:54,514 --> 00:00:59,435 Repeat, 202 Doubleday Street is a suspected drugs laboratory 24 00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,146 operated by the Scarecrow gang, over. 25 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,815 - The Scarecrow gang? 26 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,859 Why is Two-Face hitting one of that psycho's meth labs? 27 00:01:06,943 --> 00:01:09,946 [explosion] Sweet boiled peanuts! 28 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:13,199 - I didn't copy that, 2-Adam-1. 29 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:16,744 - It's Harvey Dent. He's out of his mind. 30 00:01:16,828 --> 00:01:19,330 He's got a double-barreled bazooka. 31 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,499 He's screaming about toucans, over. 32 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,043 - Say again? - He's screaming about toucans! 33 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,462 Where are the toucans? Over. 34 00:01:26,546 --> 00:01:28,631 - Like the bird? Over. 35 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,841 - Affirmative, dispatch. 36 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,300 That's the assessment on site, 37 00:01:31,384 --> 00:01:33,427 that he's referencing the tropical bird, 38 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,304 like from the cereal box, over. 39 00:01:35,388 --> 00:01:37,348 - 2-Adam-1, I have the commissioner here. 40 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,016 Are you able to-- [crash] 41 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,144 - Sweet--major explosion at the scene, gas clouds. 42 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,438 There is gas billowing from the-- 43 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,190 [people screaming] [coughing] 44 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,817 - Fall back, 2-Adam-1. 45 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:51,654 - [coughing] Oh, my God! 46 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:55,116 What did he--he buried me. [gunfire] 47 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,993 - I do not copy, 2-Adam-1. 48 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,744 Did you say, "He buried me"? 49 00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:01,789 - He buried me. He buried me alive. 50 00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:04,000 [sirens wailing] Let me out of this coffin. 51 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,502 Let me out of this coffin! - Give me that. 52 00:02:06,586 --> 00:02:08,754 Sergeant, this is Commissioner Gordon. 53 00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:10,882 You just inhaled Scarecrow drugs. 54 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,968 You're not in a coffin. You're in your squad car. 55 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,344 - When did I die? 56 00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:17,263 [woefully] I-I don't even remember dying. 57 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,348 - Sergeant, I need you to stay with me. 58 00:02:19,432 --> 00:02:21,392 Do you have your antitoxin? 59 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,395 - Oh, my God, Commissioner, are you in here, too? 60 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,690 - Hey, hey, hey, do you have the Batman's antitoxin? 61 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,026 - Please don't breathe my air, Commissioner. 62 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,193 I can't breathe. 63 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,904 - Pull yourself together, Sergeant. 64 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:37,366 - The worms, the worms have-- 65 00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:40,369 - Take your antitoxin! Do you copy? 66 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,538 - The worms have-- 67 00:02:42,622 --> 00:02:46,042 [sobbing] 68 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,502 Teeth, Commission-- 69 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:49,962 [static] 70 00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,589 - Damn it, he's gone. 71 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,382 If what the Batman tells us is true, 72 00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:55,551 he could feel the effects for the next 36 hours, 73 00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:57,887 but he'll try to end it all a lot sooner than that. 74 00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,722 Get a medical unit on the scene. 75 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,182 [phone rings] The Batphone! 76 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,767 Finally, some good news. [radio clicks] 77 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,811 All units be advised, 202 Doubleday Street is 78 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:07,772 an active Scarecrow Fear Gas hazard. 79 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:11,943 Repeat, Fear Gas is live at Doubleday Street 200 block. 80 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:14,278 Be advised the Batman is en route. 81 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,614 The Batman is en route. 82 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:21,744 - Gotham, a city built in the long shadow of cruel fate. 83 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:25,706 Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 84 00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,291 February 5th. 85 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:30,419 Two years ago, Harvey Dent boarded a flight to madness 86 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:32,922 that is now approaching its final descent. 87 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:36,300 His complete mental breakdown is being helpfully hastened 88 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:39,553 by the malicious machinations of the Penguin. 89 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:43,766 This promises chaos in Gotham's world of organized crime, 90 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:46,852 just as the Joker and the Riddler promise servings 91 00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,897 of their trademark disorganized crime. 92 00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:52,316 Holding the center is the Batman, 93 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:57,697 but how long can we ask one man to fight back the void? 94 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:02,284 We rejoin our adventures at a dilapidated duplex 95 00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:05,037 located at number 2 Gemini Street. 96 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,832 This is the hideout of the conflicted crime lord 97 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,667 known as Two-Face. 98 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,629 [record playing, coin flips, stops] 99 00:04:13,713 --> 00:04:16,132 He is usually of two minds about things, 100 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:18,342 but tonight both of them are in agreement 101 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:22,346 that his bumbling henchmen must answer for the recent fiasco 102 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,765 at 202 Doubleday Street. 103 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:29,228 [record skipping] 104 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,313 [record stops] - Please, boss. 105 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,649 - You were a tremendous disappointment 106 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:35,401 to us today, Bob. - Both of us, 107 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,486 but I'm twice as mad. - [stammering] 108 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:40,239 - We'd say all hell broke loose out there, Bob. 109 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,158 And that'd be a charitable assessment. 110 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,284 - Boss-- 111 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,327 - Pigs over here, goons over there, 112 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,997 and the dadgum Bat right in the middle of it. 113 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,708 We were lucky to make it to the safe house, Bob. 114 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,711 - Boss, let me explain. - Save it, Bob. 115 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,379 It's simple deductifying. 116 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,174 There's no way we hired two idiots, see? 117 00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:01,010 So one of you two poltroons has to be the source 118 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,053 of the problem. 119 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:03,679 - We figured it was Bub. 120 00:05:03,763 --> 00:05:06,557 Bub never seems to be on the stick, you know? 121 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,852 But the coin says it was you, Bob. 122 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,395 And we don't argue with the coin. 123 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,856 - Boss, please! - Where is that kid? 124 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,524 - Yes, sir, Mr. Two-Face? 125 00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,693 - We'd appreciate a shoeshine, young man. 126 00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:19,361 - Yes, sir. [cats meowing] 127 00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:24,867 - You know, we wanted those two t-t-toucans, Bob. 128 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,453 - There were no toucans, boss. 129 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,997 - Is it that our instructions confuse you, Bob? 130 00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:32,291 - No, boss, I don't get confused. 131 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,628 I'm only saying-- - Oh, he doesn't get confused. 132 00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,422 Did you hear him say-- - Yeah, I heard him say that. 133 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,716 That's quite a claim, Bob. - What... 134 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,384 What, are you special, Bob? 135 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,887 Is your brain not split clean down the middle 136 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,639 like everyone else's, Bob? 137 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:50,643 - In other words, is there somehow no longitudinal fission 138 00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,020 between Bob's cerebral hemispheres? 139 00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:55,648 - Shut up, college boy. I just fricking said that. 140 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,233 I just said the same thing. 141 00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,110 - Please, boss! - No! 142 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,861 - This is fascinating to us, Bob, 143 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:04,532 this miraculous undivided brain of yours. 144 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:08,077 We'd like to see it. - Oh, boss, don't. 145 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,579 - No, we want to see it. 146 00:06:10,663 --> 00:06:12,540 Come here, you sissy. 147 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,500 Let's just make a little peephole, 148 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,878 so we can get a peek at Bob's one of a kind brain. 149 00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:21,382 - Boss, please, you knew Penguin was setting you up. 150 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:24,009 Then the Bat shows up, and how do you expect-- 151 00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:25,261 - Careful, Bob. 152 00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,846 - You're all set, Mr. Two-Face, sir. 153 00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:29,473 I only shined the one shoe, just like you like. 154 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,975 - Nice job. 155 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:34,645 Let's ask the coin what kind of tip you earned, kiddo. 156 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,355 - With a practiced hand, 157 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,608 the cloven criminal flips his double-headed silver dollar. 158 00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:43,863 Woe betide the boy if his luck is not good. 159 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,781 The result... 160 00:06:45,865 --> 00:06:47,658 - Well, how 'bout that? 161 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,702 It's your lucky day, little shaver. 162 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,538 - Hey, thanks. Never seen a $2 bill. 163 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,790 - [chuckles] You're new around here. 164 00:06:54,874 --> 00:06:57,626 - Now scram before we change our mind. 165 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,420 [footsteps departing] - Now, where were we, Bob? 166 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:02,464 You know, I think it was coin time. 167 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,758 - Please, boss, I'm begging you. 168 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:07,303 - Into the air again leaps the coin, 169 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,805 a spinning blur. 170 00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:11,473 As the coin is revealed, 171 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:15,311 the terrified underling nearly collapses 172 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:18,814 with relief. - Oh! Oh. 173 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:23,152 - Well, well, good side up. Are you Irish, Bob? 174 00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:27,656 You got the luck for it because this coin says you live. 175 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,450 But hold on. 176 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:32,328 Have we ruled out a bit of good old-fashioned 177 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,580 character-building torture? - Oh, please. 178 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,540 - Better ask the coin, don't you think? 179 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,000 - You read our mind. 180 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,794 - Oh, please, please, please, please. 181 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,963 [dramatic music] 182 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,673 - Lifting his palm slightly, 183 00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,343 the fractured felon peeks at the coin beneath 184 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,470 with an acid scarred eyeball. 185 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,681 A moment elapses that takes years. 186 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:55,351 ♪ ♪ 187 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:58,187 At last the palm is lifted to reveal 188 00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,147 the pristine face once again. 189 00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:03,525 - Oh, thank--that's good, right, boss? 190 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,652 We're good? 191 00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:07,404 - Coin says we're good, Bob. 192 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,199 - But suspicion has crept into his voice, 193 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,826 perhaps a flicker of doubt in the wisdom 194 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,411 of the almighty coin? 195 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,747 - We don't argue with the coin, do we? 196 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,209 - No, we don't. We don't argue with the coin. 197 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,460 - What? 198 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,171 No, I said we don't argue with the coin. 199 00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:27,549 - The indecision is unnoticed by the ebullient underling, 200 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,010 but it does not escape a pair of keen eyes 201 00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:33,555 secretly monitoring the scene from the skylight above. 202 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:35,641 ♪ ♪ 203 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,143 - Robin to Batcave, mission accomplished. 204 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,229 Two-Face had no idea it was me. 205 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,231 I even made two bucks out of it. 206 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,899 But I'm not sure about this. 207 00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:46,735 - Discarding his shoeshine boy disguise, 208 00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:49,488 the Boy Wonder cannot help but voice his doubts 209 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,073 to the dark knight. 210 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:54,368 - I gotta say, it feels like a risky play, Batman, 211 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,578 having me swap out Two-Face's coin 212 00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,205 for that phony you had made up. 213 00:08:58,289 --> 00:09:01,250 He's already starting to notice something's weird. 214 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,710 - I want him to notice, Robin. 215 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,420 That's not just a tracking device. 216 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,714 That duplicate coin you slipped him is carefully weighted 217 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:10,009 to come up good 77% of the time rather than 50%. 218 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,928 - So the theory is, now three out of four times, 219 00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:14,930 he'll listen to his better side. 220 00:09:15,014 --> 00:09:17,349 - My bet is he'll start to question his faith 221 00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,184 in random duality as the coin 222 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:22,396 overwhelmingly tells him to make the moral choice. 223 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,816 - Wouldn't it be better to just drop the hammer on him now? 224 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,943 I'm looking at enough illegal firearms 225 00:09:28,027 --> 00:09:29,403 to arm a small military. 226 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,739 And we have eyewitnesses that will testify 227 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,699 they saw Two-Face blow up a brownstone. 228 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,285 - He blew up a drug lab in the Narrows, Robin. 229 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,329 Scarecrow was a nuisance to criminals 230 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,122 and the decent citizenry alike. 231 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,499 Harvey knows how to make that kind of trouble disappear 232 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,917 in the legal system. 233 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,461 He always does. 234 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,505 Despite his illness, Harvey is still a legal genius. 235 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:52,092 No, Robin, there's only one way to rid the city of Two-Face, 236 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,219 and that's to appeal to the good man 237 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:55,846 who was once Harvey Dent. 238 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,307 He's still in there. I know he is. 239 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,893 - But why only 77%, Batman? 240 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,520 Why don't we put our thumb on the scale a little more? 241 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,980 Two-Face wouldn't buy it? 242 00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:08,108 - Two-Face might, Robin, but Harvey Dent wouldn't. 243 00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:10,944 No sane person would believe there's that much good luck 244 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,113 in Gotham City. 245 00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:14,823 [smooth music] 246 00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:18,535 - A simple coin toss, fate or physics? 247 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,288 If the day is divided evenly by night, 248 00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:23,749 then whither the dusk and the dawn? 249 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,001 These are the questions tonight planted 250 00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:27,711 in the mind of a maniac, 251 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:30,422 but will they grow towards the healing light? 252 00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:32,341 The answer will be written in the book 253 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,344 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 254 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:38,514 ♪ ♪ 255 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,186 - And now a message from Gotham City Mayor 256 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,521 Hamilton Hill. 257 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,107 - Gotham City, the treasure of the night. 258 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,484 Is it any wonder we're world-famous? 259 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:53,320 Our fair city has so many claims to fame. 260 00:10:53,404 --> 00:10:55,531 Gotham is the largest city in the world. 261 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,742 We have more museums than London and Paris combined. 262 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:02,246 I personally try to promote our vibrant manufacturing district 263 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,580 and hip foodie culture. 264 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,125 [record scratch] But I don't kid myself. 265 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,293 I know Gotham City is mostly known 266 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,003 for poison gas attacks. 267 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:12,923 [wah-wah music] 268 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,509 And look, hey, in fairness, I get it. 269 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,802 [laughs] You know, 270 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,720 we got more gas attacks in this town 271 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,389 than we have tapas restaurants. 272 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,976 We got knockout gas, laughing gas, Fear Gas, what-- 273 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,311 I mean, you know, apparently chemical warfare is 274 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,897 outlawed everywhere in the civilized world 275 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,233 except right here in Gotham City. 276 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,777 Oh, oh, that distinction looks fantastic 277 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,988 on a tourist brochure, by the way. 278 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,656 No, no, it really does. 279 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,075 You wouldn't think it, but a lot of people 280 00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:43,078 make their vacation plans thanks to reverse psychology. 281 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,247 Yeah, yeah--oh, and if it's not clear, 282 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,748 I'm being sarcastic. 283 00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:49,376 [lighter clicks] [inhales, exhales] 284 00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:52,296 Anyway, GCPD has no reason to think it won't be 285 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,756 wall-to-wall gas attacks from Chinese New Year 286 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:55,966 to Flag Day again. 287 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,259 We went ahead and put together 288 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,844 another catchy instructional song 289 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,929 to help you remember what to do in the event 290 00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:03,056 of a super crime related gas attack 291 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,975 in your Gotham neighborhood. 292 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,894 So, uh, go ahead, fellas. 293 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,938 [upbeat music] 294 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:13,442 ♪ ♪ 295 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:16,945 - ♪ Oh, if a cloud of gas is on its way ♪ 296 00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:20,282 ♪ Make sure you go the other way ♪ 297 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,410 ♪ If you don't want gas to have its way ♪ 298 00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:27,414 ♪ Then what we said is the only way ♪ 299 00:12:27,498 --> 00:12:29,625 - Oh, you gotta be fricking kidding me. 300 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,460 "Go the other way." 301 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,421 That's the advice we're gonna give a terrorized population. 302 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:35,923 [laughs] Wow. 303 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,300 And hey, guys, don't think I didn't notice 304 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,801 that every rhyme is "way" 305 00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,678 with "way." Yeah. [cat meowing] 306 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,056 You guys told me you stopped drinking. 307 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,225 Yes, you did, yes, you--no, yes, you did. 308 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:49,269 You said it to my face that you had both had your last--oh, oh. 309 00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,980 Oh, oh, Phil's going through a rough patch, Paul. 310 00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,315 Oh, that's good. 311 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,108 Good for you to look out for your buddy like that, 312 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,652 your partner, but I have a question. 313 00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,028 Then why do you smell 314 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,781 like 101 proof sock to the snot box? 315 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,866 Huh, Paul, huh? 316 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,493 No, no, no, no, no, you know what? 317 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,787 Hey, sorry, never mind, never mind, I'm done here. 318 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,330 That's it. Oh, no, no, no! 319 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,250 Yes, you are definitely going to air this take. 320 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,794 - This has been a message from Gotham City Mayor 321 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,420 Hamilton Hill. 322 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,297 [smooth music] 323 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:22,094 - Gotham, a city described in charcoal upon slate. 324 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:27,182 Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 325 00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:29,226 ♪ ♪ 326 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:33,313 [clock clicking, tolls] 327 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:34,856 At the stroke of midnight 328 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,359 in the darkened and empty executive office 329 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,236 of the Janus Cosmetics company, 330 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:43,365 a master thief creeps in on silent cat's feet. 331 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,075 With purpose, she strides 332 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,703 across the ornate Turkish carpet. 333 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,998 With skill and stealth, she removes a large painting 334 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,416 to reveal 335 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,168 set into the wall behind it... 336 00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:57,421 nothing. - What the-- 337 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,631 - Catwoman finds, to her puzzlement, 338 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,091 there is no safe. 339 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,427 - Yes, that's right. There is no safe. 340 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,553 - What the-- 341 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:06,138 - Catwoman has also discovered 342 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,348 she's no longer alone in the office. 343 00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:10,225 She's been joined by a young woman 344 00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:13,186 aiming a flashlight and a look of urgency. 345 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,564 - You've got about no seconds to tell me 346 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,232 what the hell you think you're doing. 347 00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:20,569 - I think I'm trespassing after breaking and entering, 348 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:21,945 just like you, Catwoman. 349 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,488 So I'd really like this conversation 350 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,158 to go quickly and smoothly so we can go home. 351 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:29,077 - What conversation do you think we're going to have, 352 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:30,454 carrot-top? 353 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,790 Hold up, I know you. You're that reporter. 354 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,751 - Vicki Vale, "Gotham Gazette." 355 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,630 I'm chasing a story, and I kind of lured you here. 356 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,424 - Excuse me? - Yeah, sorry. 357 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:46,470 I may have casually suggested to some of my street contacts 358 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:50,641 that there was rumored to be a valuable new chemical formula 359 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:53,268 in a safe in the Janus Cosmetics headquarters. 360 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:56,855 And I'm pretty sure I did not mention that I made it up, 361 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,482 nothing to it. 362 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:02,110 Let me guess, Billy Wristwatch tipped you off, didn't he? 363 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:05,530 - Congratulations, Lois Lane. You trapped a cat. 364 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,324 That never goes well for whoever has 365 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,950 to empty the trap. 366 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,453 - Okay, this is neither going quickly nor smoothly. 367 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:14,122 The night watchman is old, but he's not dead, 368 00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:16,416 so please just listen to me. 369 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,919 - What makes you think I won't kill you? 370 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,546 Or at least really ruin your night? 371 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,382 - Because I've heard stories about you, 372 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,175 and if even one of them is true, 373 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,719 you're not that kind of girl. 374 00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:29,554 - That earned you five seconds. 375 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,181 - Okay, here's my pitch. 376 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,016 Don't do it. It's a bad idea. 377 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:37,145 - Now you know my ideas, lady? You're some reporter. 378 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,815 - I know you've got a backpack full of C-4 explosive. 379 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,733 Not a lot of good ideas start that way. 380 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,527 - How do you-- - I can smell the penthrite 381 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,821 in the detonating cord. - And how-- 382 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,699 - I covered the war in Santa Prisca for three years. 383 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:52,327 I'll never forget the smell of improvised explosives. 384 00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:53,954 - I'll stop asking. 385 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,206 - Here's what I know about your plans for tonight. 386 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,959 After you robbed my nonexistent safe, 387 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,836 you were planning to blow the joint sky-high 388 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:04,172 because you recently found out Janus Cosmetics is knee-deep 389 00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:07,968 in a truly vile program of laboratory animal testing. 390 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,344 - Still listening. 391 00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:10,887 - And I know you found that out 392 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,848 because it's the mayor who's looking the other way 393 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,767 in exchange for some extra greasy palms. 394 00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,185 - The mayor. 395 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:19,438 - Yeah, you know him, the handsy sleazebag 396 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:20,814 you robbed last night? 397 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,524 You got his hard drive, didn't you? 398 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,068 I'm betting you saw a lot of stuff on that drive 399 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,737 that made you angry. 400 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,157 And angry people do stuff like blow up factories. 401 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,951 I came here tonight to tell you not to. 402 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,037 - [scoffs] You're not telling me anything, scoop, 403 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,039 except maybe where you get off. 404 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,876 - I've got two very persuasive reasons 405 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,628 why you're going to leave with me right now, Catwoman, 406 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,380 with the bomb still in your bag. 407 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:48,675 Number one, the mayor is rotten to the core 408 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:51,553 and entirely under the thumb of the criminal underworld, 409 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,222 but he can be brought down. 410 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:57,058 I'm working on it. You're not helping. 411 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,435 But you can. 412 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,562 If you give me a chance, I'll explain. 413 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,564 Now let's wrap this up and get out of here. 414 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,400 I promise you're going to want to hear what I have to say. 415 00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:08,403 - Wait, you said you had two reasons 416 00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:10,405 why I should bail on my plan. 417 00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:12,157 What's the other one? 418 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,867 [siren wailing] 419 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:17,245 - Oh, yeah, just before you got here, 420 00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,122 I called the cops on us. 421 00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,540 If we don't move it immediately, 422 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,542 we're both going to jail. 423 00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:25,086 I'll post bail. How 'bout you? 424 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:29,424 - The felonious feline flashes a sphinx-like smile. 425 00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:32,511 - I'll go with you, Vicki Vale, "Gotham Gazette," 426 00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:37,015 but only until I sort out whether I hate your uptown guts 427 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,643 or we just became sisters for life. 428 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,353 ♪ ♪ 429 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:42,813 - Extra, extra. 430 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,689 The cat burglar queen meets the Gazette's 431 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,109 Pulitzer Prize winning reporter at midnight. 432 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,985 Will a partnership be wrought? 433 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,112 Answers in a very late edition 434 00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:54,366 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 435 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,872 - This Friday night at the fabulous Iceberg Lounge 436 00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,625 and Casino, dance the night away 437 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,794 to swinging songs of heartbreak. 438 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:09,965 - ♪ Oh, woe, woe, woe is me ♪ 439 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,300 ♪ I'm feeling low ♪ 440 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:15,637 - If listening to people in obvious pain is your idea 441 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,307 of a hot night on the town, the Iceberg has your fix. 442 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,601 No one warbles a tale of woe 443 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:25,939 like Miss Violet Bump and the Crimeli Gals. 444 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:29,484 - I'll tell you, it's tough being a Gotham fella's mom. 445 00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,612 The only shiny things he brings home are bullet casings, 446 00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:36,032 and the flowers are always for a funeral, honey. 447 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,784 [soft music] 448 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:41,872 - ♪ I'm feeling low ♪ 449 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,665 - Oh, you don't know the half of it, 450 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,834 but these girls know what I'm talking about. 451 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,627 Sing it, girls. 452 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:51,631 - ♪ Oh, you ain't been lonely till you've known the lonely ♪ 453 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:57,554 ♪ I found down in old Gotham town ♪ 454 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,765 ♪ You think you've been low ♪ 455 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,895 ♪ But, Joe, you ain't low till old Gotham town gets you down ♪ 456 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,063 - She's got style. She's got rhythm. 457 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,524 She's got a clinical case of melancholy. 458 00:19:09,608 --> 00:19:11,484 Just try to remain hopeful when Miss Violet 459 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:15,280 sings her signature number, "Dark Purple Dawn." 460 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,283 [string music] 461 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:22,287 ♪ ♪ 462 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:26,249 - ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪ 463 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:30,378 ♪ When the silver moon is gone ♪ 464 00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,881 ♪ But before the sunshine ♪ 465 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:35,383 - It's shadenfreude-lightful. 466 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:38,553 Oswald Cobblepot promises crushing misery 467 00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:41,431 in musical form, and he delivers... 468 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,099 - [quacking laughter] 469 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,311 - At the Iceberg Casino. 470 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,813 ♪ ♪ 471 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,398 [smooth music] 472 00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:55,070 - Gotham, a sizzling neon sign blacked out with grime. 473 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,030 Join us now for another tale 474 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,783 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 475 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,326 ♪ ♪ 476 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,661 [wind howls] 477 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,246 Powerful binoculars scan the night sky 478 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,958 to find a wobbly police surveillance blimp 479 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,085 high above the Gotham skyline. 480 00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,586 - Here it comes again, Batman. 481 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:14,255 - Flying erratically, it has been defaced 482 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:15,882 with a green question mark, 483 00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:19,970 the emblem of that malignant manipulator, the Riddler. 484 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,180 Just as troubling, it has been fitted 485 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,307 with an ominous countdown clock, 486 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,934 but a countdown to what? 487 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,395 - The stolen drone is tacking north, Batman. 488 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,105 It's repeating the pattern. 489 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:33,233 - Robin lowers his binoculars and turns to the grim figure 490 00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:35,652 at the wheel of the speeding Batmobile. 491 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,612 - It's time we looped in the commissioner. 492 00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,197 - Batman, tell me you have something. 493 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,241 The countdown timer on that blimp has the city 494 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,784 on the edge of a panic. 495 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,369 - We followed the hacked police drone 496 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,704 through two full circuits 497 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,122 of its flight pattern, commissioner. 498 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,665 It's not random. 499 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,334 Riddler has it tracing letters in the sky over the city. 500 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:52,627 - S-O-S. 501 00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:55,964 - That's not comforting, a distress call? 502 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,132 - "Save our souls," 503 00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:58,800 and the flight pattern navigates 504 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,386 over seven historic cathedrals and places of worship. 505 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,054 - I'll put out an evacuation order 506 00:21:03,138 --> 00:21:04,472 at all seven locations. 507 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,142 Am I calling the bomb squad? - You better. 508 00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:09,811 But I'm not certain that's what the countdown signifies. 509 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,896 Riddler is a cynical agnostic, 510 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,149 but bombing churches isn't consistent 511 00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,650 with his obsessions. 512 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:18,111 - You know obsessions, Batman. What's bugging you? 513 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,321 - The man who calls himself Edward Nygma is 514 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,781 a homicidal narcissist. 515 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,908 He doesn't make any effort that doesn't feed 516 00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:26,161 his massive regard for his own intellect. 517 00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,912 This doesn't. - Batman! 518 00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,790 Look up at the drone! The countdown stopped! 519 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:32,709 - Stopped? That makes no sense. 520 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,003 It had minutes to go. Commissioner? 521 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:38,131 - Hello, Batman. - Nygma. 522 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,426 - Are you wondering why my countdown stopped? 523 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,178 [cackles] 524 00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:44,929 Well, here's a little hint. 525 00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:48,016 Because it's already too late! 526 00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:50,602 Still don't get it? Why am I even asking? 527 00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:52,729 You're a clueless window licker. 528 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,481 So here's another hint, Batman. 529 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:55,899 Riddle me this, 530 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,694 if you're a phony farmer and a lying lumberjack, 531 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:02,280 I'm the only tool you'll ever need. 532 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:05,075 What am I? 533 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:09,120 - A phony farmer and a lying lumberjack 534 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:10,830 I'm a fool. [car horns honking] 535 00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,207 [tires squealing] 536 00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:15,043 - Whoa, Batman, you almost rolled us! 537 00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:17,212 The blimp is flying away, Batman. 538 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:19,339 - It's harmless, Robin. Riddler played us. 539 00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,549 If you're both a farmer and a lumberjack, 540 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:24,469 the one tool you'd need would be a combination of a hoe... 541 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:29,766 - Hoe and an ax. It's a hoe-ax? 542 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,227 - H-O-A-X. 543 00:22:32,310 --> 00:22:34,562 - Aw, you're not serious, Batman. 544 00:22:34,646 --> 00:22:36,397 The countdown was fake all along? 545 00:22:36,481 --> 00:22:37,649 [radio static] 546 00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:39,275 - Batman! - Commissioner. 547 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,361 - We're getting reports of a heist at the warehouse 548 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,404 owned by Star Occidental Shipping. 549 00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:46,491 - SOS! - It's the Riddler gang. 550 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,909 - The churches were bait. 551 00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:49,285 He had us chasing his blimp 552 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,079 while he committed his crime across town. 553 00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:52,914 Don't worry, we're on our way, Commission-- 554 00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:55,708 - Too late, they made off with an entire shipping container-- 555 00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:57,502 [radio static] - Commissioner. 556 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:58,962 - [sniffing] 557 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:02,340 Do you smell burnt toast, Batman? 558 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:04,217 Well, that's probably because I just blew 559 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:08,179 that five-cent fuse that keeps your 40-watt brain 560 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:09,889 from shorting out. 561 00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:11,516 [cackles] 562 00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:13,601 - It's a recorded message. I can't trace it. 563 00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:18,773 - This must be painfully embarrassing for you, Batman. 564 00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:21,067 I suppose the kid is right there 565 00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:23,820 to see the spectacular failure. 566 00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,947 Hi, Boy Wonder! 567 00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:28,741 I'm worried about you, mm-hmm. 568 00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:31,244 You let me know if it's not entirely your choice 569 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,829 to wear that outfit, 'kay? 570 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,457 'Kay, bud, 'kay? [laughs] 571 00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:38,751 Oh, Batman, I should tell you. 572 00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:41,045 Things got a little dicey with the security guards, 573 00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:44,507 as in slicey dicey, but good news, 574 00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,968 no one who survived got hurt. 575 00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:49,304 [laughs] 576 00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:52,098 Anyhow, gotta run! 577 00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:53,558 You know that old saying, 578 00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,560 when you've got a hand grenade, 579 00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:58,855 everything looks like an elementary school. 580 00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:02,108 It's so true. Ciao, bella! 581 00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,235 [radio static] 582 00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:06,988 - Outside the Star Occidental Shipping group, 583 00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:08,698 reports are four dead... 584 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,409 - Media is reporting four dead security guards. 585 00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:12,577 - He cheated. 586 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,204 You couldn't have known, Batman. 587 00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:16,456 - Wrong, Nygma got inside my head. 588 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,124 He let me outsmart myself. 589 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:20,335 But he's about to learn a hard lesson. 590 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:22,212 - What's that, Batman? 591 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,214 - This isn't just a battle of wits. 592 00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:25,506 On his best day, 593 00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:27,300 Edward Nygma may be smarter than I am, 594 00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:31,012 but on my worst day, I'm much, much more violent. 595 00:24:31,095 --> 00:24:33,848 Charge the taser knuckles, Robin. 596 00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:36,351 - With a roar of atomic horsepower, 597 00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:39,187 the Batmobile slices through the night. 598 00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:43,358 What is its next destination, a date with destiny perhaps? 599 00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:44,776 And with certainty, 600 00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:48,529 another tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 601 00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:51,783 ♪ ♪ 602 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,204 - The following is a test 603 00:24:56,287 --> 00:24:58,873 of the Gotham City emergency broadcast system. 604 00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:01,501 This is only a test. 605 00:25:01,584 --> 00:25:07,632 [beep] 606 00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:10,468 Okay, I'm very sorry. 607 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,553 I'm sorry to interrupt the beep. 608 00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:15,223 When that test started, it was only a test, 609 00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:18,309 but I've just been handed word that during the test, 610 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:19,852 it became real. 611 00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:24,357 The note just says "Riddler." Well, that's never good. 612 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,900 So I guess this is not a test 613 00:25:25,984 --> 00:25:28,569 of the Gotham City emergency broadcast system anymore. 614 00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,071 It's real, 615 00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,031 and I'm not sure what to do exactly. 616 00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:33,533 This is my first week. 617 00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:35,368 I wanted to impress the boss, so you know, 618 00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:39,455 I took the manual home to read, and I left it at home, okay? 619 00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,124 Here, let me find someone who can help. 620 00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:42,667 I think the custodian is still here. 621 00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:44,502 I think I know enough Portuguese. 622 00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:47,046 In the meantime, let's go back to the beep. 623 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,923 That's probably better than nothing. 624 00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,384 [beep] 625 00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:53,428 [beep fades] 626 00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:56,431 [dramatic music] 627 00:25:56,514 --> 00:26:03,604 ♪ ♪ 628 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,170 - "Life and Death in Gotham City" epilogue. 629 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:28,963 [radio static] 630 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:33,468 [upbeat music] 631 00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:35,386 - ♪ WGVO ♪ 632 00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:40,433 ♪ Gotham Oldies Radio ♪ 633 00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:42,477 - Welcome back, Gotham insomniacs, 634 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,314 to Dr. Dulcitone's Wee Hours Nuthouse on WGVO, 635 00:26:46,397 --> 00:26:47,690 Gotham's Voice Over. 636 00:26:47,774 --> 00:26:50,401 My name is the diabolical Dr. Dulcitone, 637 00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:52,862 and no, I haven't escaped from a mental institution 638 00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:54,238 to kill the Batman. 639 00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:56,074 Why does everyone keep asking me that? 640 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:58,701 We're continuing our late night lonely hearts marathon 641 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,328 of listener requested love songs. 642 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:02,622 We just heard "Our Love is Here to Stay" 643 00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:05,708 followed by "I Dream of Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair." 644 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:07,293 Let's keep the requests coming. 645 00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:09,504 Next up on the line hailing from Amusement Mile, 646 00:27:09,587 --> 00:27:10,755 we got Joe. 647 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:13,508 - Howdy, Doc. - Good evening, Joe! 648 00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:15,927 We'll get to your request, but I gotta ask. 649 00:27:16,010 --> 00:27:18,930 Amusement Mile? [chuckles] Rough neighborhood. 650 00:27:19,013 --> 00:27:20,348 Are you participating 651 00:27:20,431 --> 00:27:22,433 in a fraternity initiation or something? 652 00:27:22,517 --> 00:27:24,227 Are you looking for a good place to hide a body, 653 00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:26,187 or are you just a rat that grew large enough 654 00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:28,022 to dial a vandalized payphone? 655 00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:29,857 - [laughing] 656 00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:33,111 That's funny, Dr. Dulcitone. 657 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:35,530 Well, maybe the rat gag was sweaty, 658 00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:37,281 but the first two were solid. 659 00:27:37,365 --> 00:27:41,744 No, I just like abandoned places for the quiet. 660 00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:46,707 Sometimes Gotham is so noisy I can't hear myself think. 661 00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:50,378 It's normal to hear yourself think, right, Doc? 662 00:27:50,461 --> 00:27:51,838 - Sure it is, Joe. 663 00:27:51,921 --> 00:27:55,299 - Right, right, it's hearing other people think 664 00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:56,843 that's a no-no. 665 00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:58,845 - Well, Joe, if you're calling from Amusement Mile 666 00:27:58,928 --> 00:28:02,181 after 2:00 a.m., and you're listening to Dr. Dulcitone, 667 00:28:02,265 --> 00:28:03,808 you're my kind of crazy. 668 00:28:03,891 --> 00:28:06,769 - A lot of doctors think so at first. 669 00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:10,648 - So are you in love, Joe? - Oh, I never touch the stuff. 670 00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:12,275 They say when love's got to you, 671 00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:14,277 you can't eat, you can't sleep. 672 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:17,363 Sounds to me like being handcuffed to a radiator 673 00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:19,282 for a weekend, but what do I know? 674 00:28:19,365 --> 00:28:21,033 - [laughs] Fair enough. 675 00:28:21,117 --> 00:28:23,244 You have a love song you want to request at least? 676 00:28:23,327 --> 00:28:26,414 - See, I don't think I get love songs either, Doc. 677 00:28:26,497 --> 00:28:28,749 You know what a love song is? 678 00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:32,378 A love song is some guy who badly needs to tell me 679 00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:36,132 he dreams of Jeannie with the light brown hair. 680 00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:38,342 Does that not seem weird? 681 00:28:38,426 --> 00:28:40,094 - [laughs] Good point there, Joe. 682 00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:43,890 - Seriously, if some weirdo started oversharing 683 00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:46,100 about his hair fetish on the subway, 684 00:28:46,184 --> 00:28:49,312 be honest, you'd get off a few stops early, 685 00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:50,521 am I right? 686 00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:52,315 - I definitely would. 687 00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,276 - Right, so some box of muffins I never met 688 00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:57,028 says he dreams of Jeannie. 689 00:28:57,111 --> 00:28:59,739 Okay...fantastic. 690 00:28:59,822 --> 00:29:01,908 Is he telling everyone this, 691 00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:03,784 or am I just lucky? - [laughs] 692 00:29:03,868 --> 00:29:05,995 You are a live one, Joe. 693 00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:07,663 - I'm just asking, 694 00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:11,542 how come alley-oop over here gets to yack my turnips off 695 00:29:11,626 --> 00:29:13,044 about his dream, 696 00:29:13,127 --> 00:29:16,881 meanwhile I share one little dream I have 697 00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:19,133 about writing a pornographic bible 698 00:29:19,217 --> 00:29:20,635 on a typewriter made 699 00:29:20,718 --> 00:29:23,554 out of a vivisected department store Santa Claus, 700 00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:28,643 and Dr. Arkham takes away my volleyball privileges? 701 00:29:28,726 --> 00:29:30,019 [dark music] 702 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,813 - Wait, what? - Well, it's like they say. 703 00:29:32,897 --> 00:29:35,650 If you don't want to spend eternity grinning 704 00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:38,736 at your coffin lid, ask the undertaker 705 00:29:38,819 --> 00:29:42,573 to bash your teeth out before he nails it shut. 706 00:29:42,657 --> 00:29:44,116 - Who is this? 707 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,496 - I told ya, name's Joe, but that's not my real name, 708 00:29:48,579 --> 00:29:52,875 just like your real name isn't Dr. Dulcitone. 709 00:29:52,959 --> 00:29:58,965 It's Stuart Doheny of 137 Stillwater Street 5G. 710 00:29:59,048 --> 00:30:01,008 - [chuckles nervously] How do you know where I-- 711 00:30:01,092 --> 00:30:02,510 [cat meows] - Your cat's water dish 712 00:30:02,593 --> 00:30:04,428 is empty, Stuart Doheny. 713 00:30:04,512 --> 00:30:07,014 And this goldfish bowl is filthy. 714 00:30:07,098 --> 00:30:09,517 [water splashes] - Are-are you in my apartment? 715 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,020 - You've got some nerve spinning love songs 716 00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:16,899 all night when you've got neglected pets at home. 717 00:30:16,983 --> 00:30:20,111 And they call me a monster. 718 00:30:20,194 --> 00:30:21,821 - Joe--Joker? 719 00:30:21,904 --> 00:30:26,033 - I know radio DJs aren't rich, Stuart, but that's no excuse 720 00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:28,578 for stealing your neighbor's Wi-Fi. 721 00:30:28,661 --> 00:30:31,372 - Please, Mr. Joker, sir. 722 00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:33,666 What--what do you want from me? 723 00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:36,961 - I've got a request, Dr. D, what else? 724 00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:40,214 I'd like you to play "Dark Purple Dawn." 725 00:30:40,298 --> 00:30:42,883 I've always loved that song. 726 00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:47,054 It's like a cold razor blade across your ears. 727 00:30:47,138 --> 00:30:48,347 And if you would, 728 00:30:48,431 --> 00:30:50,057 I want you to tell all your listeners 729 00:30:50,141 --> 00:30:52,351 in Gotham land to just sit tight 730 00:30:52,435 --> 00:30:54,729 until Valentine's Day. 731 00:30:54,812 --> 00:30:57,773 And no matter how low down and brokenhearted 732 00:30:57,857 --> 00:31:01,944 this town can make you feel, always remember 733 00:31:02,028 --> 00:31:04,238 the Joker loves you. 734 00:31:04,322 --> 00:31:08,993 The Joker loves you all with all my heart 735 00:31:09,076 --> 00:31:11,454 and all my soul. 736 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:16,584 But doggone it, you always hurt the ones you love. 737 00:31:16,667 --> 00:31:19,670 ["Dark Purple Dawn" playing] 738 00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:24,216 ♪ ♪ 739 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:27,928 - ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪ 740 00:31:28,012 --> 00:31:31,724 ♪ When the silver moon is gone ♪ 741 00:31:31,807 --> 00:31:34,894 ♪ But before the sunshine ♪ 742 00:31:34,977 --> 00:31:38,272 ♪ Cheers the morning gloom ♪ 743 00:31:38,356 --> 00:31:39,857 ♪ ♪ 744 00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:44,403 ♪ It is then that I think of you ♪ 745 00:31:44,487 --> 00:31:48,532 ♪ Dark purple for my blues ♪ 746 00:31:48,616 --> 00:31:51,202 ♪ Dark purple music ♪ 747 00:31:51,285 --> 00:31:56,082 ♪ Fills the room ♪ 748 00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,833 - To be continued. 749 00:31:57,917 --> 00:32:00,169 - ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪ 750 00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:04,799 ♪ When the moon's grown pale and wan ♪ 751 00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:06,884 ♪ While I wait alone ♪ 752 00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:10,471 ♪ For sunshine's beck and call ♪ 753 00:32:10,554 --> 00:32:12,765 ♪ ♪ 754 00:32:12,848 --> 00:32:15,226 [music fades] 755 00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:21,190 [upbeat music] 756 00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:23,651 - "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 757 00:32:23,734 --> 00:32:26,320 Written and directed by Dennis McNicholas. 758 00:32:26,404 --> 00:32:29,115 Based on the DC comic "Batman." 759 00:32:29,198 --> 00:32:32,159 Created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger. 760 00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:34,829 Based on characters from DC Comics. 761 00:32:34,912 --> 00:32:37,665 With performances by Jeffrey Wright, 762 00:32:37,748 --> 00:32:41,252 Ike Barinholtz, Rosario Dawson, Toby Huss, 763 00:32:41,335 --> 00:32:45,297 John Leguizamo, Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell, 764 00:32:45,381 --> 00:32:50,010 Paula Pell, Ben Rodgers, Brooke Shields, Brent Spiner, 765 00:32:50,094 --> 00:32:54,098 Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson, Melissa Villaseñor, 766 00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:58,686 Ray Wise, Doug Bossi, Erica Phillips, Tony Phillips. 767 00:32:58,769 --> 00:33:01,188 Executive produced by Jon Berg. 768 00:33:01,272 --> 00:33:04,358 Executive produced by Kiliaen Van Rensselaer, 769 00:33:04,442 --> 00:33:07,361 Deborah Henderson, and Jordana Freydberg. 770 00:33:07,445 --> 00:33:09,572 Produced by Dennis McNicholas. 771 00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:12,074 Produced by Angela Petrella. 772 00:33:12,158 --> 00:33:14,034 Music by Doug Bossi. 773 00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:17,872 Sound recording, design, and mixing by Big Yellow Duck. 774 00:33:17,955 --> 00:33:20,249 Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing, 775 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,960 and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney. 776 00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:25,045 Production manager Kay Tinder. 777 00:33:25,129 --> 00:33:27,882 Post supervisor Deanna Saracino. 778 00:33:27,965 --> 00:33:29,759 Writers' assistants Trey Woodard 779 00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:31,218 and Scott Weinstein. 780 00:33:31,302 --> 00:33:34,388 Additional sound recording by Icemen Audio. 781 00:33:34,472 --> 00:33:36,307 Production legal Jordan Rock. 782 00:33:36,390 --> 00:33:39,769 Production accounting Reva Jones and Steven D. Smith. 783 00:33:39,852 --> 00:33:43,355 Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips. 784 00:33:43,439 --> 00:33:46,734 Special thanks Bill Weinstein and Bryan Besser. 785 00:33:46,817 --> 00:33:50,362 Production services provided by Insurrection Media. 786 00:33:50,446 --> 00:33:52,198 The characters and events depicted 787 00:33:52,281 --> 00:33:53,741 in this podcast are fictional. 788 00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:56,994 Any similarity to any actual person living or dead 789 00:33:57,077 --> 00:34:00,498 or to any actual events, firms, places, and institutions, 790 00:34:00,581 --> 00:34:03,751 or other entities is coincidental and unintentional. 791 00:34:03,834 --> 00:34:05,920 This podcast is protected under the laws 792 00:34:06,003 --> 00:34:07,838 of the United States and other countries, 793 00:34:07,922 --> 00:34:09,548 and its unauthorized duplication, 794 00:34:09,632 --> 00:34:13,093 distribution, or exhibition may result in civil liability 795 00:34:13,177 --> 00:34:14,720 and criminal prosecution. 796 00:34:14,804 --> 00:34:18,140 Country of first publication United States of America. 797 00:34:18,224 --> 00:34:20,351 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 798 00:34:20,434 --> 00:34:24,063 Copyright 2019 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated. 799 00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:26,649 Batman and all related characters and elements are 800 00:34:26,732 --> 00:34:29,318 trademark and copyright DC Comics. 801 00:34:29,401 --> 00:34:31,445 All rights reserved. 802 00:34:31,529 --> 00:34:37,076 ♪ ♪