- Blue Ribbon Content presents:
"Batman: The Audio Adventures."
[radio static]
[suspenseful music]
[gunfire]
- Code four, bystanders injured.
We are code four. Repeat, this is 2-Adam-1.
Shots fired at 202 Doubleday Street.
Bystanders injured!
We are code four, requesting backup, over.
- Copy 2-Adam-1.
Can I get your exact 926?
- In vehicle 8300 block on Morrison, pinned down.
Two-Face gang exchanging heavy gunfire
with-with unknown assailants at 202 Doubleday Street, over.
- Say again, 2-Adam-1. What is your 20?
- That's 202 Doubleday Street, over.
- [screams]
- Dispatch, do you copy?
- Copy your 20, 2-Adam-1.
We advise the address is a suspected site
of illegal narcotics manufacture.
Repeat, 202 Doubleday Street is a suspected drugs laboratory
operated by the Scarecrow gang, over.
- The Scarecrow gang?
Why is Two-Face hitting one of that psycho's meth labs?
[explosion] Sweet boiled peanuts!
- I didn't copy that, 2-Adam-1.
- It's Harvey Dent. He's out of his mind.
He's got a double-barreled bazooka.
He's screaming about toucans, over.
- Say again? - He's screaming about toucans!
Where are the toucans? Over.
- Like the bird? Over.
- Affirmative, dispatch.
That's the assessment on site,
that he's referencing the tropical bird,
like from the cereal box, over.
- 2-Adam-1, I have the commissioner here.
Are you able to-- [crash]
- Sweet--major explosion at the scene, gas clouds.
There is gas billowing from the--
[people screaming] [coughing]
- Fall back, 2-Adam-1.
- [coughing] Oh, my God!
What did he--he buried me. [gunfire]
- I do not copy, 2-Adam-1.
Did you say, "He buried me"?
- He buried me. He buried me alive.
[sirens wailing] Let me out of this coffin.
Let me out of this coffin! - Give me that.
Sergeant, this is Commissioner Gordon.
You just inhaled Scarecrow drugs.
You're not in a coffin. You're in your squad car.
- When did I die?
[woefully] I-I don't even remember dying.
- Sergeant, I need you to stay with me.
Do you have your antitoxin?
- Oh, my God, Commissioner, are you in here, too?
- Hey, hey, hey, do you have the Batman's antitoxin?
- Please don't breathe my air, Commissioner.
I can't breathe.
- Pull yourself together, Sergeant.
- The worms, the worms have--
- Take your antitoxin! Do you copy?
- The worms have--
[sobbing]
Teeth, Commission--
[static]
- Damn it, he's gone.
If what the Batman tells us is true,
he could feel the effects for the next 36 hours,
but he'll try to end it all a lot sooner than that.
Get a medical unit on the scene.
[phone rings] The Batphone!
Finally, some good news. [radio clicks]
All units be advised, 202 Doubleday Street is
an active Scarecrow Fear Gas hazard.
Repeat, Fear Gas is live at Doubleday Street 200 block.
Be advised the Batman is en route.
The Batman is en route.
- Gotham, a city built in the long shadow of cruel fate.
Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
February 5th.
Two years ago, Harvey Dent boarded a flight to madness
that is now approaching its final descent.
His complete mental breakdown is being helpfully hastened
by the malicious machinations of the Penguin.
This promises chaos in Gotham's world of organized crime,
just as the Joker and the Riddler promise servings
of their trademark disorganized crime.
Holding the center is the Batman,
but how long can we ask one man to fight back the void?
We rejoin our adventures at a dilapidated duplex
located at number 2 Gemini Street.
This is the hideout of the conflicted crime lord
known as Two-Face.
[record playing, coin flips, stops]
He is usually of two minds about things,
but tonight both of them are in agreement
that his bumbling henchmen must answer for the recent fiasco
at 202 Doubleday Street.
[record skipping]
[record stops] - Please, boss.
- You were a tremendous disappointment
to us today, Bob. - Both of us,
but I'm twice as mad. - [stammering]
- We'd say all hell broke loose out there, Bob.
And that'd be a charitable assessment.
- Boss--
- Pigs over here, goons over there,
and the dadgum Bat right in the middle of it.
We were lucky to make it to the safe house, Bob.
- Boss, let me explain. - Save it, Bob.
It's simple deductifying.
There's no way we hired two idiots, see?
So one of you two poltroons has to be the source
of the problem.
- We figured it was Bub.
Bub never seems to be on the stick, you know?
But the coin says it was you, Bob.
And we don't argue with the coin.
- Boss, please! - Where is that kid?
- Yes, sir, Mr. Two-Face?
- We'd appreciate a shoeshine, young man.
- Yes, sir. [cats meowing]
- You know, we wanted those two t-t-toucans, Bob.
- There were no toucans, boss.
- Is it that our instructions confuse you, Bob?
- No, boss, I don't get confused.
I'm only saying-- - Oh, he doesn't get confused.
Did you hear him say-- - Yeah, I heard him say that.
That's quite a claim, Bob. - What...
What, are you special, Bob?
Is your brain not split clean down the middle
like everyone else's, Bob?
- In other words, is there somehow no longitudinal fission
between Bob's cerebral hemispheres?
- Shut up, college boy. I just fricking said that.
I just said the same thing.
- Please, boss! - No!
- This is fascinating to us, Bob,
this miraculous undivided brain of yours.
We'd like to see it. - Oh, boss, don't.
- No, we want to see it.
Come here, you sissy.
Let's just make a little peephole,
so we can get a peek at Bob's one of a kind brain.
- Boss, please, you knew Penguin was setting you up.
Then the Bat shows up, and how do you expect--
- Careful, Bob.
- You're all set, Mr. Two-Face, sir.
I only shined the one shoe, just like you like.
- Nice job.
Let's ask the coin what kind of tip you earned, kiddo.
- With a practiced hand,
the cloven criminal flips his double-headed silver dollar.
Woe betide the boy if his luck is not good.
The result...
- Well, how 'bout that?
It's your lucky day, little shaver.
- Hey, thanks. Never seen a $2 bill.
- [chuckles] You're new around here.
- Now scram before we change our mind.
[footsteps departing] - Now, where were we, Bob?
You know, I think it was coin time.
- Please, boss, I'm begging you.
- Into the air again leaps the coin,
a spinning blur.
As the coin is revealed,
the terrified underling nearly collapses
with relief. - Oh! Oh.
- Well, well, good side up. Are you Irish, Bob?
You got the luck for it because this coin says you live.
But hold on.
Have we ruled out a bit of good old-fashioned
character-building torture? - Oh, please.
- Better ask the coin, don't you think?
- You read our mind.
- Oh, please, please, please, please.
[dramatic music]
- Lifting his palm slightly,
the fractured felon peeks at the coin beneath
with an acid scarred eyeball.
A moment elapses that takes years.
♪ ♪
At last the palm is lifted to reveal
the pristine face once again.
- Oh, thank--that's good, right, boss?
We're good?
- Coin says we're good, Bob.
- But suspicion has crept into his voice,
perhaps a flicker of doubt in the wisdom
of the almighty coin?
- We don't argue with the coin, do we?
- No, we don't. We don't argue with the coin.
- What?
No, I said we don't argue with the coin.
- The indecision is unnoticed by the ebullient underling,
but it does not escape a pair of keen eyes
secretly monitoring the scene from the skylight above.
♪ ♪
- Robin to Batcave, mission accomplished.
Two-Face had no idea it was me.
I even made two bucks out of it.
But I'm not sure about this.
- Discarding his shoeshine boy disguise,
the Boy Wonder cannot help but voice his doubts
to the dark knight.
- I gotta say, it feels like a risky play, Batman,
having me swap out Two-Face's coin
for that phony you had made up.
He's already starting to notice something's weird.
- I want him to notice, Robin.
That's not just a tracking device.
That duplicate coin you slipped him is carefully weighted
to come up good 77% of the time rather than 50%.
- So the theory is, now three out of four times,
he'll listen to his better side.
- My bet is he'll start to question his faith
in random duality as the coin
overwhelmingly tells him to make the moral choice.
- Wouldn't it be better to just drop the hammer on him now?
I'm looking at enough illegal firearms
to arm a small military.
And we have eyewitnesses that will testify
they saw Two-Face blow up a brownstone.
- He blew up a drug lab in the Narrows, Robin.
Scarecrow was a nuisance to criminals
and the decent citizenry alike.
Harvey knows how to make that kind of trouble disappear
in the legal system.
He always does.
Despite his illness, Harvey is still a legal genius.
No, Robin, there's only one way to rid the city of Two-Face,
and that's to appeal to the good man
who was once Harvey Dent.
He's still in there. I know he is.
- But why only 77%, Batman?
Why don't we put our thumb on the scale a little more?
Two-Face wouldn't buy it?
- Two-Face might, Robin, but Harvey Dent wouldn't.
No sane person would believe there's that much good luck
in Gotham City.
[smooth music]
- A simple coin toss, fate or physics?
If the day is divided evenly by night,
then whither the dusk and the dawn?
These are the questions tonight planted
in the mind of a maniac,
but will they grow towards the healing light?
The answer will be written in the book
of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
♪ ♪
- And now a message from Gotham City Mayor
Hamilton Hill.
- Gotham City, the treasure of the night.
Is it any wonder we're world-famous?
Our fair city has so many claims to fame.
Gotham is the largest city in the world.
We have more museums than London and Paris combined.
I personally try to promote our vibrant manufacturing district
and hip foodie culture.
[record scratch] But I don't kid myself.
I know Gotham City is mostly known
for poison gas attacks.
[wah-wah music]
And look, hey, in fairness, I get it.
[laughs] You know,
we got more gas attacks in this town
than we have tapas restaurants.
We got knockout gas, laughing gas, Fear Gas, what--
I mean, you know, apparently chemical warfare is
outlawed everywhere in the civilized world
except right here in Gotham City.
Oh, oh, that distinction looks fantastic
on a tourist brochure, by the way.
No, no, it really does.
You wouldn't think it, but a lot of people
make their vacation plans thanks to reverse psychology.
Yeah, yeah--oh, and if it's not clear,
I'm being sarcastic.
[lighter clicks] [inhales, exhales]
Anyway, GCPD has no reason to think it won't be
wall-to-wall gas attacks from Chinese New Year
to Flag Day again.
We went ahead and put together
another catchy instructional song
to help you remember what to do in the event
of a super crime related gas attack
in your Gotham neighborhood.
So, uh, go ahead, fellas.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh, if a cloud of gas is on its way ♪
♪ Make sure you go the other way ♪
♪ If you don't want gas to have its way ♪
♪ Then what we said is the only way ♪
- Oh, you gotta be fricking kidding me.
"Go the other way."
That's the advice we're gonna give a terrorized population.
[laughs] Wow.
And hey, guys, don't think I didn't notice
that every rhyme is "way"
with "way." Yeah. [cat meowing]
You guys told me you stopped drinking.
Yes, you did, yes, you--no, yes, you did.
You said it to my face that you had both had your last--oh, oh.
Oh, oh, Phil's going through a rough patch, Paul.
Oh, that's good.
Good for you to look out for your buddy like that,
your partner, but I have a question.
Then why do you smell
like 101 proof sock to the snot box?
Huh, Paul, huh?
No, no, no, no, no, you know what?
Hey, sorry, never mind, never mind, I'm done here.
That's it. Oh, no, no, no!
Yes, you are definitely going to air this take.
- This has been a message from Gotham City Mayor
Hamilton Hill.
[smooth music]
- Gotham, a city described in charcoal upon slate.
Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
♪ ♪
[clock clicking, tolls]
At the stroke of midnight
in the darkened and empty executive office
of the Janus Cosmetics company,
a master thief creeps in on silent cat's feet.
With purpose, she strides
across the ornate Turkish carpet.
With skill and stealth, she removes a large painting
to reveal
set into the wall behind it...
nothing. - What the--
- Catwoman finds, to her puzzlement,
there is no safe.
- Yes, that's right. There is no safe.
- What the--
- Catwoman has also discovered
she's no longer alone in the office.
She's been joined by a young woman
aiming a flashlight and a look of urgency.
- You've got about no seconds to tell me
what the hell you think you're doing.
- I think I'm trespassing after breaking and entering,
just like you, Catwoman.
So I'd really like this conversation
to go quickly and smoothly so we can go home.
- What conversation do you think we're going to have,
carrot-top?
Hold up, I know you. You're that reporter.
- Vicki Vale, "Gotham Gazette."
I'm chasing a story, and I kind of lured you here.
- Excuse me? - Yeah, sorry.
I may have casually suggested to some of my street contacts
that there was rumored to be a valuable new chemical formula
in a safe in the Janus Cosmetics headquarters.
And I'm pretty sure I did not mention that I made it up,
nothing to it.
Let me guess, Billy Wristwatch tipped you off, didn't he?
- Congratulations, Lois Lane. You trapped a cat.
That never goes well for whoever has
to empty the trap.
- Okay, this is neither going quickly nor smoothly.
The night watchman is old, but he's not dead,
so please just listen to me.
- What makes you think I won't kill you?
Or at least really ruin your night?
- Because I've heard stories about you,
and if even one of them is true,
you're not that kind of girl.
- That earned you five seconds.
- Okay, here's my pitch.
Don't do it. It's a bad idea.
- Now you know my ideas, lady? You're some reporter.
- I know you've got a backpack full of C-4 explosive.
Not a lot of good ideas start that way.
- How do you-- - I can smell the penthrite
in the detonating cord. - And how--
- I covered the war in Santa Prisca for three years.
I'll never forget the smell of improvised explosives.
- I'll stop asking.
- Here's what I know about your plans for tonight.
After you robbed my nonexistent safe,
you were planning to blow the joint sky-high
because you recently found out Janus Cosmetics is knee-deep
in a truly vile program of laboratory animal testing.
- Still listening.
- And I know you found that out
because it's the mayor who's looking the other way
in exchange for some extra greasy palms.
- The mayor.
- Yeah, you know him, the handsy sleazebag
you robbed last night?
You got his hard drive, didn't you?
I'm betting you saw a lot of stuff on that drive
that made you angry.
And angry people do stuff like blow up factories.
I came here tonight to tell you not to.
- [scoffs] You're not telling me anything, scoop,
except maybe where you get off.
- I've got two very persuasive reasons
why you're going to leave with me right now, Catwoman,
with the bomb still in your bag.
Number one, the mayor is rotten to the core
and entirely under the thumb of the criminal underworld,
but he can be brought down.
I'm working on it. You're not helping.
But you can.
If you give me a chance, I'll explain.
Now let's wrap this up and get out of here.
I promise you're going to want to hear what I have to say.
- Wait, you said you had two reasons
why I should bail on my plan.
What's the other one?
[siren wailing]
- Oh, yeah, just before you got here,
I called the cops on us.
If we don't move it immediately,
we're both going to jail.
I'll post bail. How 'bout you?
- The felonious feline flashes a sphinx-like smile.
- I'll go with you, Vicki Vale, "Gotham Gazette,"
but only until I sort out whether I hate your uptown guts
or we just became sisters for life.
♪ ♪
- Extra, extra.
The cat burglar queen meets the Gazette's
Pulitzer Prize winning reporter at midnight.
Will a partnership be wrought?
Answers in a very late edition
of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
- This Friday night at the fabulous Iceberg Lounge
and Casino, dance the night away
to swinging songs of heartbreak.
- ♪ Oh, woe, woe, woe is me ♪
♪ I'm feeling low ♪
- If listening to people in obvious pain is your idea
of a hot night on the town, the Iceberg has your fix.
No one warbles a tale of woe
like Miss Violet Bump and the Crimeli Gals.
- I'll tell you, it's tough being a Gotham fella's mom.
The only shiny things he brings home are bullet casings,
and the flowers are always for a funeral, honey.
[soft music]
- ♪ I'm feeling low ♪
- Oh, you don't know the half of it,
but these girls know what I'm talking about.
Sing it, girls.
- ♪ Oh, you ain't been lonely till you've known the lonely ♪
♪ I found down in old Gotham town ♪
♪ You think you've been low ♪
♪ But, Joe, you ain't low till old Gotham town gets you down ♪
- She's got style. She's got rhythm.
She's got a clinical case of melancholy.
Just try to remain hopeful when Miss Violet
sings her signature number, "Dark Purple Dawn."
[string music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪
♪ When the silver moon is gone ♪
♪ But before the sunshine ♪
- It's shadenfreude-lightful.
Oswald Cobblepot promises crushing misery
in musical form, and he delivers...
- [quacking laughter]
- At the Iceberg Casino.
♪ ♪
[smooth music]
- Gotham, a sizzling neon sign blacked out with grime.
Join us now for another tale
of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
♪ ♪
[wind howls]
Powerful binoculars scan the night sky
to find a wobbly police surveillance blimp
high above the Gotham skyline.
- Here it comes again, Batman.
- Flying erratically, it has been defaced
with a green question mark,
the emblem of that malignant manipulator, the Riddler.
Just as troubling, it has been fitted
with an ominous countdown clock,
but a countdown to what?
- The stolen drone is tacking north, Batman.
It's repeating the pattern.
- Robin lowers his binoculars and turns to the grim figure
at the wheel of the speeding Batmobile.
- It's time we looped in the commissioner.
- Batman, tell me you have something.
The countdown timer on that blimp has the city
on the edge of a panic.
- We followed the hacked police drone
through two full circuits
of its flight pattern, commissioner.
It's not random.
Riddler has it tracing letters in the sky over the city.
- S-O-S.
- That's not comforting, a distress call?
- "Save our souls,"
and the flight pattern navigates
over seven historic cathedrals and places of worship.
- I'll put out an evacuation order
at all seven locations.
Am I calling the bomb squad? - You better.
But I'm not certain that's what the countdown signifies.
Riddler is a cynical agnostic,
but bombing churches isn't consistent
with his obsessions.
- You know obsessions, Batman. What's bugging you?
- The man who calls himself Edward Nygma is
a homicidal narcissist.
He doesn't make any effort that doesn't feed
his massive regard for his own intellect.
This doesn't. - Batman!
Look up at the drone! The countdown stopped!
- Stopped? That makes no sense.
It had minutes to go. Commissioner?
- Hello, Batman. - Nygma.
- Are you wondering why my countdown stopped?
[cackles]
Well, here's a little hint.
Because it's already too late!
Still don't get it? Why am I even asking?
You're a clueless window licker.
So here's another hint, Batman.
Riddle me this,
if you're a phony farmer and a lying lumberjack,
I'm the only tool you'll ever need.
What am I?
- A phony farmer and a lying lumberjack
I'm a fool. [car horns honking]
[tires squealing]
- Whoa, Batman, you almost rolled us!
The blimp is flying away, Batman.
- It's harmless, Robin. Riddler played us.
If you're both a farmer and a lumberjack,
the one tool you'd need would be a combination of a hoe...
- Hoe and an ax. It's a hoe-ax?
- H-O-A-X.
- Aw, you're not serious, Batman.
The countdown was fake all along?
[radio static]
- Batman! - Commissioner.
- We're getting reports of a heist at the warehouse
owned by Star Occidental Shipping.
- SOS! - It's the Riddler gang.
- The churches were bait.
He had us chasing his blimp
while he committed his crime across town.
Don't worry, we're on our way, Commission--
- Too late, they made off with an entire shipping container--
[radio static] - Commissioner.
- [sniffing]
Do you smell burnt toast, Batman?
Well, that's probably because I just blew
that five-cent fuse that keeps your 40-watt brain
from shorting out.
[cackles]
- It's a recorded message. I can't trace it.
- This must be painfully embarrassing for you, Batman.
I suppose the kid is right there
to see the spectacular failure.
Hi, Boy Wonder!
I'm worried about you, mm-hmm.
You let me know if it's not entirely your choice
to wear that outfit, 'kay?
'Kay, bud, 'kay? [laughs]
Oh, Batman, I should tell you.
Things got a little dicey with the security guards,
as in slicey dicey, but good news,
no one who survived got hurt.
[laughs]
Anyhow, gotta run!
You know that old saying,
when you've got a hand grenade,
everything looks like an elementary school.
It's so true. Ciao, bella!
[radio static]
- Outside the Star Occidental Shipping group,
reports are four dead...
- Media is reporting four dead security guards.
- He cheated.
You couldn't have known, Batman.
- Wrong, Nygma got inside my head.
He let me outsmart myself.
But he's about to learn a hard lesson.
- What's that, Batman?
- This isn't just a battle of wits.
On his best day,
Edward Nygma may be smarter than I am,
but on my worst day, I'm much, much more violent.
Charge the taser knuckles, Robin.
- With a roar of atomic horsepower,
the Batmobile slices through the night.
What is its next destination, a date with destiny perhaps?
And with certainty,
another tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City."
♪ ♪
- The following is a test
of the Gotham City emergency broadcast system.
This is only a test.
[beep]
Okay, I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry to interrupt the beep.
When that test started, it was only a test,
but I've just been handed word that during the test,
it became real.
The note just says "Riddler." Well, that's never good.
So I guess this is not a test
of the Gotham City emergency broadcast system anymore.
It's real,
and I'm not sure what to do exactly.
This is my first week.
I wanted to impress the boss, so you know,
I took the manual home to read, and I left it at home, okay?
Here, let me find someone who can help.
I think the custodian is still here.
I think I know enough Portuguese.
In the meantime, let's go back to the beep.
That's probably better than nothing.
[beep]
[beep fades]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- "Life and Death in Gotham City" epilogue.
[radio static]
[upbeat music]
- ♪ WGVO ♪
♪ Gotham Oldies Radio ♪
- Welcome back, Gotham insomniacs,
to Dr. Dulcitone's Wee Hours Nuthouse on WGVO,
Gotham's Voice Over.
My name is the diabolical Dr. Dulcitone,
and no, I haven't escaped from a mental institution
to kill the Batman.
Why does everyone keep asking me that?
We're continuing our late night lonely hearts marathon
of listener requested love songs.
We just heard "Our Love is Here to Stay"
followed by "I Dream of Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair."
Let's keep the requests coming.
Next up on the line hailing from Amusement Mile,
we got Joe.
- Howdy, Doc. - Good evening, Joe!
We'll get to your request, but I gotta ask.
Amusement Mile? [chuckles] Rough neighborhood.
Are you participating
in a fraternity initiation or something?
Are you looking for a good place to hide a body,
or are you just a rat that grew large enough
to dial a vandalized payphone?
- [laughing]
That's funny, Dr. Dulcitone.
Well, maybe the rat gag was sweaty,
but the first two were solid.
No, I just like abandoned places for the quiet.
Sometimes Gotham is so noisy I can't hear myself think.
It's normal to hear yourself think, right, Doc?
- Sure it is, Joe.
- Right, right, it's hearing other people think
that's a no-no.
- Well, Joe, if you're calling from Amusement Mile
after 2:00 a.m., and you're listening to Dr. Dulcitone,
you're my kind of crazy.
- A lot of doctors think so at first.
- So are you in love, Joe? - Oh, I never touch the stuff.
They say when love's got to you,
you can't eat, you can't sleep.
Sounds to me like being handcuffed to a radiator
for a weekend, but what do I know?
- [laughs] Fair enough.
You have a love song you want to request at least?
- See, I don't think I get love songs either, Doc.
You know what a love song is?
A love song is some guy who badly needs to tell me
he dreams of Jeannie with the light brown hair.
Does that not seem weird?
- [laughs] Good point there, Joe.
- Seriously, if some weirdo started oversharing
about his hair fetish on the subway,
be honest, you'd get off a few stops early,
am I right?
- I definitely would.
- Right, so some box of muffins I never met
says he dreams of Jeannie.
Okay...fantastic.
Is he telling everyone this,
or am I just lucky? - [laughs]
You are a live one, Joe.
- I'm just asking,
how come alley-oop over here gets to yack my turnips off
about his dream,
meanwhile I share one little dream I have
about writing a pornographic bible
on a typewriter made
out of a vivisected department store Santa Claus,
and Dr. Arkham takes away my volleyball privileges?
[dark music]
- Wait, what? - Well, it's like they say.
If you don't want to spend eternity grinning
at your coffin lid, ask the undertaker
to bash your teeth out before he nails it shut.
- Who is this?
- I told ya, name's Joe, but that's not my real name,
just like your real name isn't Dr. Dulcitone.
It's Stuart Doheny of 137 Stillwater Street 5G.
- [chuckles nervously] How do you know where I--
[cat meows] - Your cat's water dish
is empty, Stuart Doheny.
And this goldfish bowl is filthy.
[water splashes] - Are-are you in my apartment?
- You've got some nerve spinning love songs
all night when you've got neglected pets at home.
And they call me a monster.
- Joe--Joker?
- I know radio DJs aren't rich, Stuart, but that's no excuse
for stealing your neighbor's Wi-Fi.
- Please, Mr. Joker, sir.
What--what do you want from me?
- I've got a request, Dr. D, what else?
I'd like you to play "Dark Purple Dawn."
I've always loved that song.
It's like a cold razor blade across your ears.
And if you would,
I want you to tell all your listeners
in Gotham land to just sit tight
until Valentine's Day.
And no matter how low down and brokenhearted
this town can make you feel, always remember
the Joker loves you.
The Joker loves you all with all my heart
and all my soul.
But doggone it, you always hurt the ones you love.
["Dark Purple Dawn" playing]
♪ ♪
- ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪
♪ When the silver moon is gone ♪
♪ But before the sunshine ♪
♪ Cheers the morning gloom ♪
♪ ♪
♪ It is then that I think of you ♪
♪ Dark purple for my blues ♪
♪ Dark purple music ♪
♪ Fills the room ♪
- To be continued.
- ♪ In the dark purple dawn ♪
♪ When the moon's grown pale and wan ♪
♪ While I wait alone ♪
♪ For sunshine's beck and call ♪
♪ ♪
[music fades]
[upbeat music]
- "Batman: The Audio Adventures."
Written and directed by Dennis McNicholas.
Based on the DC comic "Batman."
Created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger.
Based on characters from DC Comics.
With performances by Jeffrey Wright,
Ike Barinholtz, Rosario Dawson, Toby Huss,
John Leguizamo, Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell,
Paula Pell, Ben Rodgers, Brooke Shields, Brent Spiner,
Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson, Melissa Villaseñor,
Ray Wise, Doug Bossi, Erica Phillips, Tony Phillips.
Executive produced by Jon Berg.
Executive produced by Kiliaen Van Rensselaer,
Deborah Henderson, and Jordana Freydberg.
Produced by Dennis McNicholas.
Produced by Angela Petrella.
Music by Doug Bossi.
Sound recording, design, and mixing by Big Yellow Duck.
Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing,
and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney.
Production manager Kay Tinder.
Post supervisor Deanna Saracino.
Writers' assistants Trey Woodard
and Scott Weinstein.
Additional sound recording by Icemen Audio.
Production legal Jordan Rock.
Production accounting Reva Jones and Steven D. Smith.
Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips.
Special thanks Bill Weinstein and Bryan Besser.
Production services provided by Insurrection Media.
The characters and events depicted
in this podcast are fictional.
Any similarity to any actual person living or dead
or to any actual events, firms, places, and institutions,
or other entities is coincidental and unintentional.
This podcast is protected under the laws
of the United States and other countries,
and its unauthorized duplication,
distribution, or exhibition may result in civil liability
and criminal prosecution.
Country of first publication United States of America.
"Batman: The Audio Adventures."
Copyright 2019 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated.
Batman and all related characters and elements are
trademark and copyright DC Comics.
All rights reserved.
♪ ♪