1 00:00:01,294 --> 00:00:07,467 - Blue Ribbon Content presents "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 2 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,719 [radio static] 3 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:13,848 - ♪ So if you're down and you're out in old Gotham ♪ 4 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:17,894 ♪ And you got nothing but your soul left to lose ♪ 5 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:21,981 ♪ They got a name for that in old Gotham ♪ 6 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,567 ♪ They call it the Gotham ♪ 7 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:27,195 ♪ Infirmary ♪ 8 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Blues ♪ 9 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,578 - ♪ WGVO ♪ 10 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:38,498 - And now a message from Gotham City mayor, 11 00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:39,916 Hamilton Hill. 12 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:42,376 - Good evening, citizens of Gotham City. 13 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:46,088 Tonight we announce a bold new experiment in law enforcement. 14 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,507 Effective immediately, 15 00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,884 The Gotham City Police Department is engaged 16 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,969 in an official partnership with the self-described 17 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,806 world's greatest detective known as the Batman. 18 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,183 [paper rustles] Yep, that's right. 19 00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,269 An unidentified civilian will be helping the city's cops 20 00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:02,230 solve crimes, which, [breathy chuckle] 21 00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:05,942 I mean, sounds super illegal, but they tell me it's not, 22 00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:07,735 so fantastic. 23 00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:10,446 In order to summon the services of the Batman, 24 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:14,033 we will be installing a bat-shaped searchlight 25 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:17,245 on the roof of police HQ. 26 00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:20,289 We'll just shine this Bat-Signal in the sky 27 00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:21,749 whenever we need him. 28 00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,209 Seriously, folks, 29 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,378 that's our official arrangement with this guy. 30 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:27,797 I mean, he wouldn't give us his phone number, apparently, 31 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,131 so--you know what? 32 00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:30,633 Maybe the guy doesn't have a phone. 33 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,134 You know, the guy with the nuclear rocket car 34 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,761 and all the gadgets on his belt, yeah. 35 00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:35,805 Well, you know, he's drawing a city paycheck now, 36 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:36,931 I guess for, what, beating the snot 37 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,474 out of turnstile jumpers? 38 00:01:38,558 --> 00:01:40,852 Does this not sound like insanity to you people? 39 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:44,146 I mean, I'm reading this thing, and I'm like--okay, look, 40 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:45,648 you voted for it, you know? 41 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,650 It was proposition B, by the way, if you care. 42 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,193 I don't. [ice clinks in glass] 43 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,779 Anyway, long story short, we now employ 44 00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:55,366 at the city level a mysterious man in a bat mask. 45 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,743 And you know, there's gonna be a creepy light 46 00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:59,829 in the sky all the time now, and if you see it, 47 00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,873 it ain't a movie premier, all right, kiddos? 48 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,041 It ain't good news. That's pretty much it. 49 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,543 All right, Gotham pride. 50 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,379 - This has been a message from Gotham City mayor, 51 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,672 Hamilton-- 52 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,966 [radio static] 53 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,676 [soft music] 54 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:18,472 - Gotham, a glittering web spun by a conspiracy of spiders. 55 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:22,643 Join us now for a tale of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 56 00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:24,020 February 3rd. 57 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,355 After five years of vigilante crime fighting, 58 00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:29,233 the caped crusader has begun an official partnership 59 00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,193 with the Gotham City police. 60 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:33,487 They will surely need his immediate assistance, 61 00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:37,325 as the notorious gangster known as Two-Face is experiencing 62 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,328 a violent breakdown after the second anniversary 63 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,372 of his tragic disfigurement. 64 00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:47,001 We rejoin our adventures deep in the cavernous sanctum 65 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,961 of the secret Batcave. 66 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:51,714 There is no sign of the master of the house. 67 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:55,259 Instead, a young student is hunched before the towering, 68 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,888 twittering cybernetic miracle known as the Batcomputer. 69 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,431 [beeping] 70 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:05,686 - Page down...page down... index and cross-reference. 71 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,064 - While his classmates at Gotham Public have 72 00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:09,982 long since closed their textbooks 73 00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,567 and gone to sleep for the night, 74 00:03:11,651 --> 00:03:15,237 Robin the Boy Wonder yet toils at his studies. 75 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:17,865 But no mere schoolwork is this. 76 00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:21,118 - Okay, I read the entire psychiatric profile 77 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,621 Batman compiled and his methodology report 78 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,040 cross-referenced with GCPD forensics. 79 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,418 Have I read all of Batman's case files about Two-Face? 80 00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:31,337 [negative beeping] What? 81 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,422 Well, how many pages is that? 82 00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:36,133 [beeping] Oh, no way. 83 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,593 It's not natural. 84 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:40,221 Where does a man find time to write all this stuff? 85 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,931 [beeping] 86 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,975 I wasn't actually asking. 87 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,102 Look, Bruce is too close to this. 88 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,645 Harvey Dent was his best friend. 89 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,022 I need an objective rundown on this guy. 90 00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:51,691 And no more reading psych reports. 91 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,734 Don't you have the movie version or something? 92 00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,237 [beeping] 93 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,989 - And now it's Gotham City One's 94 00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,700 award-winning documentary... - Aw, yes! 95 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:04,328 - Series "Ghosts of Gotham" with your host Jack Ryder. 96 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:05,788 Tonight's episode, 97 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:09,375 "Scarred for Life: The Harvey Dent Story." 98 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,878 - It's one of Gotham City's most tragic tales. 99 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:17,049 A lion-hearted litigator becomes a fractured fiend. 100 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,552 Once a beacon of hope for a brighter Gotham, 101 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,805 former district attorney Harvey Dent is now 102 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,933 one of the city's most erratic public enemies. 103 00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:30,312 As Two-Face, he's believed to run a vast criminal empire 104 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:31,647 within Gotham City. 105 00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:34,608 But a canny combination of legal genius 106 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:38,070 and vicious intimidation has thus far allowed him 107 00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:40,823 to evade arrest. 108 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,659 Harvey Dent was born to a modest household 109 00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,870 in the Gotham Narrows. His father was a domineering-- 110 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,705 - Hey, let's fast-forward to the-- 111 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,457 [fast-forward whirring] 112 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,167 - But all that hope and promise 113 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,085 would come to a violent end. 114 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,379 - Yeah, to the that. 115 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,548 - The date was February 2nd. 116 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,926 The place was the old Gotham courthouse. 117 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,678 Harvey Dent had shocked the city 118 00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:05,181 by finding a witness willing to testify 119 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,558 against a prominent Gotham businessman 120 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,518 and suspected crime kingpin, 121 00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:12,188 none other than Oswald Cobblepot. 122 00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,190 - [cackling] 123 00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,775 - Some call him the Penguin, 124 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,695 though rarely to his face and never more than once. 125 00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:21,405 It would have been the biggest conviction 126 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,491 of Harvey Dent's storied legal career. 127 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:28,329 Instead, it was the last case he ever tried. 128 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,081 [crowd chatter, gavel thuds] 129 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,541 - Can you please state your name for the record? 130 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,960 - The name's Jackson Pratkins. 131 00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:37,588 - Jackson Pratkins, are you also known 132 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,924 in the Gotham underworld as the contract killer 133 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,676 called Jack Sprat? 134 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,220 - Yeah, that's me. 135 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:47,098 Jack Sprat, by baseball bat, by knife, or gasoline. 136 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,974 [crowd murmurs] That was my gimmick. 137 00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,893 But that's not me no more. 138 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:53,896 I done some bad things, but I want to make it right. 139 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,565 - That's what we're here to do today, Mr. Pratkins. 140 00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:58,984 Now, when did you first accept payment 141 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:02,446 for illegal activities from Oswald Cobblepot? 142 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,534 - I'm sorry, Cobble-who? - Oswald Cobblepot. 143 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,120 You may know him as the Penguin. 144 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,663 - Oh, the casino man, 145 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:14,208 impresario extraordinaire Oswald Cobblepot. 146 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,586 I never met him. - You nev--[chuckles] 147 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:20,422 Mr. Pratkins, I remind you you are under oath 148 00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:22,049 and in your sworn statement, 149 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:25,636 you detailed numerous criminal transactions initiated 150 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,013 by Oswald Cobblepot. 151 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:29,765 - Oh, you misunderstood. 152 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:32,226 Sure, I said Mr. Cobblepot oughta be in jail 153 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,270 'cause he robs me blind every payday 154 00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:36,230 at that socko casino of his. 155 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,691 You know Stoveplate Sullivan plays there 156 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,025 every Saturday night? 157 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,111 Exclusive engagement. [laughter] 158 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,654 Beat that, folks. 159 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,365 - Mr. Pratkins, you are gonna be charged with perjury, 160 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,159 and your plea deal will be void 161 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:51,162 unless you tell this court the truth. 162 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,289 - Isn't it true that you... - [muttering] 163 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:56,041 - Murdered Gotham City Councilman Hubert Wainwright 164 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,586 on orders from Oswald Cobblepot? 165 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,629 - [sighs] - And isn't it in fact true 166 00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:03,924 that Oswald Cobblepot himself was present 167 00:07:04,008 --> 00:07:07,636 at the scene of the crime as evidenced by this article 168 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,098 of his personal property recovered by the police? 169 00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:17,188 This very distinctive custom-made umbrella. 170 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,481 One more chance, Mr. Pratkins. 171 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:23,777 Can you testify that this umbrella belongs 172 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,279 to the Penguin? 173 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,990 - Well, since you put it that way, 174 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,826 hand me that, uh, um-brella, 175 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:33,579 so I can get a better--yeah, thank you, counselor. 176 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,874 Oh, yeah, it seems I do remember something 177 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,792 about Penguin's special umbrellas. 178 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:42,588 I remember there's a little secret button here 179 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,506 on the handle, hard to see, 180 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:48,177 so take a real close look, handsome. 181 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,595 - What are you-- 182 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,972 - We pause for a moment to warn our viewers 183 00:07:52,056 --> 00:07:55,351 that what you are about to see is extremely disturbing. 184 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:58,812 Parental guidance is strongly advised. 185 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,440 - Have an acid spritzer, Dent! - Ahh! 186 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,651 - Courtesy of the Penguin! 187 00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:07,696 - Oh, my heavens! The umbrella was booby-trapped. 188 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,282 - The district attorney's been--oh, God! 189 00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:12,826 Mr. Dent, your face! - Video pause. 190 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,829 - The Boy Wonder, wise beyond his years, 191 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,873 takes a moment to reflect. 192 00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:21,126 - And just like that, his mind broke clean in two. 193 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:24,171 Makes you wonder if we're all held together on the inside 194 00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:26,465 by what we're made of on the outside. 195 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,635 Makes me wonder, anyway. How 'bout you, Alf? 196 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,805 - Ah, well, there's no getting the drop on you, 197 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,431 is there, Master Richard? 198 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,892 - Indeed, Robin has been silently joined 199 00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:38,727 by the majordomo of the household, 200 00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:42,231 the Batman's most trusted ally, Alfred Pennyworth. 201 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,818 - So you heard me approach even on my softest cat feet? 202 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,404 Your powers of detection are rapidly improving-- 203 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,072 - Nah--well, yeah, 204 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,241 but this time I more smelled the grilled cheese 205 00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,909 and tomato soup you got, Alf. 206 00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:56,745 Cream of tomato with a little bit of garlic. 207 00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,080 [stomach grumbling] 208 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,873 Whoa, did you hear that? 209 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:02,084 I think my stomach just screamed at me. 210 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,627 - Yes, Master Richard, 211 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,130 you've studied through supper again tonight. 212 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,757 - Really? That's not like me, Alf. 213 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:11,093 [slurping, gulps] 214 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,594 I'm worried about me. 215 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,180 - I'd say you're worried about Master Bruce. 216 00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:18,183 - I know Two-Face isn't just another psycho gangster 217 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,518 to Bruce. 218 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,354 They were so close. It's so personal for him. 219 00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,815 - As you know, Master Bruce believes in the good 220 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,483 inside all people. 221 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,403 Nowhere does his commitment to this bring him more pain 222 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,239 than in the tragic case of Harvey Dent. 223 00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,533 - Do you think he goes easy on him, Alf, 224 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,035 'cause they were friends? 225 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,996 - I know that he does not. 226 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,540 - Yeah, but how do you know, Alf? 227 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,667 On the roof of Yin and Yang's last night-- 228 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,128 - On the roof of Yin and Yang's last night, 229 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:50,674 I understand a man's life was saved by a lucky coin toss. 230 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,093 - Yeah, guy caught a lucky break. 231 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:55,846 - Did Master Bruce tell you what would have happened 232 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,806 had he not? 233 00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,058 - No. 234 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,934 - Master Bruce told me he had decided 235 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:05,022 that the very instant that coin revealed itself unfavorably, 236 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,275 he and Mr. Dent were going off the edge of that roof 237 00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:11,945 and down six stories into a trash strewn alley. 238 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,155 - Yow! 239 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,698 Dent would have been lucky to survive, 240 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,283 and I don't even know if Bruce could-- 241 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,494 - He was going to do what he always does, 242 00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:21,872 put himself between Gotham City and any bullet fired 243 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,332 at his fragile heart, 244 00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,501 no matter the permanent damage he may suffer. 245 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,711 [beeping] 246 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,922 - I don't know. I'll ask. 247 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:34,009 Hey, Alf, are you staying? - Am I staying? 248 00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:37,346 Am I to understand that machine is asking? 249 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:38,680 [beeping] 250 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,057 - Yeah, 'cause if you are, 251 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,017 it says, take a seat 'cause you-- 252 00:10:42,101 --> 00:10:43,477 - I what, precisely? 253 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,729 - You irritate the Batcomputer when you just, 254 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,856 you know, kind of stand around. 255 00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:52,486 - Oh, do I irritate that abominable electric gremlin? 256 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,739 I hope I give it ceaseless digital nightmares. 257 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,033 - Suddenly, with nary a breath of air, 258 00:10:58,117 --> 00:11:00,452 the ambient gloom reveals... 259 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,704 - Give Alfred your seat, Robin. 260 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,248 - Batman! 261 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,418 Did you hear him come in, Alf? 'Cause I did not. 262 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,294 - We're taking the Batmobile downtown. 263 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,714 Gear up and meet me on the platform in three minutes. 264 00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:15,384 - You're dialed all the way up on this one, boss. 265 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,469 - There's already a problem with the new Bat-Signal 266 00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:19,471 at GCPD HQ. 267 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:22,015 It's the Joker. He's back. 268 00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:24,893 - With a whispering noise, he again disappears 269 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,270 into the darkness. 270 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,897 - Alfred, you said Bruce believes in the good 271 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,441 in all people. 272 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:34,027 Does that count even-- - I misspoke, Master Richard. 273 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:36,655 - Ah, I was afraid you were gonna say that. 274 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,241 Two-Face is a maniac, but he knows it. 275 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,243 The Joker, he's so-- 276 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,996 - At peace with his torment, sir? 277 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,373 - More like strengthened by it. 278 00:11:46,457 --> 00:11:48,834 Do you think he knows how crazy he is, Alf? 279 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,503 The Joker, does he know how sick he is? 280 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,381 - No, Master Richard, in fact, the Joker is very much worse 281 00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:56,300 than ignorant of his depravity. 282 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,759 He thinks he's cured. 283 00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,429 He believes he used to be hopelessly lost. 284 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,265 Then he met Master Bruce. 285 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:07,186 Now he believes everything makes sense. 286 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,896 ♪ ♪ 287 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,608 - Deep down, don't we all fear that the lunatic knows a truth 288 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,067 the sane man does not? 289 00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,778 That would mean sanity is built upon a lie. 290 00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:20,199 But if that is true, then truth is indistinguishable 291 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,992 from the ravings of a madman. 292 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,120 A brief pause to disentangle that conundrum 293 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:27,498 as we ready ourselves for the next tale 294 00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,876 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 295 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,252 [music fades] 296 00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:35,589 [line trills] 297 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,299 - Thank you for calling 298 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,510 the Gotham City Feline Rescue Shelter. 299 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:41,803 All our volunteers are busy right meow, 300 00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:45,641 but no kitten, someone will be right with you. 301 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,810 - Meow-she, meow-she, Gotham City Feline Rescue. 302 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,771 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen. 303 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,314 I want to make a donation. 304 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,900 - Well, that's just purr-fect, sir. 305 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,653 I can help you with that. May I have your name? 306 00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:58,987 - I'm not giving you my name, lady. 307 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,489 I said I want to give you dough. 308 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:01,698 What's with the third deg-- [whip cracks] 309 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:02,824 Ow! Okay. 310 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:05,577 I'll tell--okay, I'll tell her! 311 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,413 [panting] My name's Harrison Pignuckle. 312 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:12,543 - Boss Pignuckle, the slumlord? From the Narrows? 313 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,003 - Come on, slumlord? That's liable, lady. 314 00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:16,004 I got-- [whip cracks] 315 00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,506 Ahh! Okay, okay. 316 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,133 Slumlord is probably fair, probably-- 317 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,177 Okay, so please help me out. 318 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,762 I want to give you a donation, 319 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,639 so that you can save the kitty-cats or whatever. 320 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:28,267 - That's very generous, Boss Pignuckle. 321 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,644 What size donation would you like to make today? 322 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,397 - I don't know. I was thinking like 40 large. 323 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,357 [whip cracks] Yow! 324 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,109 Like 80 large, maybe-- [whip cracking] 325 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,319 Ahh! Okay, okay, okay. 326 00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,862 An even hundred. 327 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:43,532 Please, what will make you stop? 328 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,284 - My goodness, sir! 329 00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,953 You're gonna make a bunch of fuzzy widdle pussycats 330 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,496 so very happy. 331 00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:53,208 Now, may I pause to put you on hold for a meow-ment? 332 00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:56,253 - What? No! Please don't take long! 333 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,754 [jazz music] 334 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,966 - I will be darned--hey, Margaret, Janice! 335 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,175 Guess what? 336 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,261 Catwoman, she got us another one! 337 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,055 [laughter] 338 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:14,187 ♪ ♪ 339 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:22,738 - Gotham, a flawless diamond on a rattlesnake's back. 340 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,865 Join us now for another tale 341 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:29,244 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 342 00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:30,912 [soft dramatic music] 343 00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:33,749 To distant observers of the Gotham skyline, 344 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,668 the headquarters of the Gotham City Police Department 345 00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:40,589 rises high like a lighthouse set upon the concrete shore 346 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:43,258 of an angry glass ocean. 347 00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:46,094 But any ships depending upon its light tonight 348 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,472 would be doomed to wrack and ruin 349 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,141 for pitch-dark is its only offering. 350 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,727 Commissioner of police James Gordon is prepared 351 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:57,814 to light a candle and to curse the darkness if need be. 352 00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,274 ♪ ♪ 353 00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,193 - I mean, we just finished installing the signal, 354 00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,653 what, this morning. 355 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,613 When did that giggling lunatic have time to-- 356 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,239 - [indistinct speech] - Well, obviously, 357 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:08,033 I've got the bomb squad coming up, 358 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,786 and no, I'm not evacuating myself any further. 359 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,454 We promised the first official lighting 360 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:13,955 of the Bat-Signal tonight. 361 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,541 And I'm gonna be here to explain to the Batman 362 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,752 why we didn't deliver. - [indistinct speech] 363 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,171 - Because I'm police commissioner, sergeant. 364 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,007 That makes me the Batmanager. - [indistinct speech] 365 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,634 - Well, was it funny? 366 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,469 Well then, I wasn't trying to be funny. 367 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,429 - The newly installed Bat-Signal is 368 00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,932 a repurposed naval destroyer searchlight 369 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:35,977 capable of producing a beam of up to 68,000 lumens. 370 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,480 That is, when it is not lovingly wrapped 371 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,607 in purple polka dotted wrapping paper 372 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,984 and tied with a bright green bow. 373 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,487 - Sure, it looks like it could be rigged to explode. 374 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,322 This is the Joker we're talking about. 375 00:15:47,406 --> 00:15:49,157 Anyway, he said he'd be here any minute. 376 00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:51,702 - [indistinct speech] - No, not the Joker--Batman. 377 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,787 On the phone just now. 378 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,831 Of course he has a phone. 379 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:57,541 - What's the situation, commissioner? 380 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,543 - Oh, sweet bride of Joseph! 381 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,003 How did you--and the kid, too? 382 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,547 - Good evening, Commissioner Gordon. 383 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,258 - You two snuck up on me on top of a skyscraper. 384 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,593 Well, that is borderline not credible. 385 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,929 - I see the Joker got to our signal 386 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,514 before you could use it. 387 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,599 - Yeah, I don't have any excuses to offer you, Batman. 388 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,018 We came up tonight to turn it on like we planned, 389 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,478 and well, there it is, 390 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,897 gift wrapped and strewn with flower petals. 391 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,442 It's almost romantic? 392 00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:26,069 - I don't have time for his perverted theater tonight. 393 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,947 He thinks the world is his private "Punch and Judy" show. 394 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,949 - Well, the bomb squad is on their way up. 395 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:34,202 They're my best--no, no, no, no, no, Batman, what you-- 396 00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:37,289 - Without hesitation, Batman relieves the Bat-Signal 397 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,499 of its gaudy exterior. 398 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,085 Underneath, all seems undisturbed, 399 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:46,047 except resting atop the massive bat beacon is... 400 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,925 - What is it? - It's a music box. 401 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,427 - Are you sure it's a-- 402 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,596 [delicate music] 403 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,556 Okay, yeah, that's a music box. 404 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:58,226 - As the metallic melody shreds the nighttime stillness, 405 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,270 the Batman grits his teeth. 406 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,440 - I thought so. It was just a matter of time. 407 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,526 - Okay, that's bad. - That's bad? 408 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,403 What's bad? What is it? 409 00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:09,988 - It's the waltz. It's-- 410 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,866 - It's Strauss, the waltz from his opera, 411 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,493 "Die Fledermaus." 412 00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:19,081 - Die Fleder--what now? - It's German, means "The Bat." 413 00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:20,749 - There's a bat waltz? 414 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:24,085 - It means the Joker is ready to resume the dance. 415 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,962 - Okay, so should I know about the dance? 416 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,340 - Oh, you're gonna hear about the dance. 417 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,383 - It was the second time I'd faced him. 418 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,886 You remember, he'd gone away to Arkham once, 419 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,348 but they had no idea what they were dealing with. 420 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:40,185 The Joker broke out of maximum security in nine hours. 421 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,978 Evidence indicates he only stayed 422 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,605 on the premises that long to pick off 423 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:47,400 extra staff as they showed up for the late shift. 424 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,277 He hunted down and strangled everyone 425 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:50,821 on the faculty softball team. 426 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,698 For some reason, he found that devastatingly funny. 427 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,534 [Joker laughing] 428 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:56,993 - Two days later, I cornered him 429 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,120 at the Archer Park sky tram terminal. 430 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,539 He was filling the cable cars 431 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,707 with department store mannequins arranged 432 00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,709 in obscene poses. 433 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,295 - [gasps] - [laughs] 434 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,965 - Joker was convulsing with laughter. 435 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,925 - [laughing] 436 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,886 - I admit it, I was careless, emotional. 437 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:17,139 I didn't care what his sick setup meant. 438 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:20,809 I wasn't gonna give him time to ramble to a punchline. 439 00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:24,813 [blows landing, grunting] 440 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,648 I took him down without a struggle. 441 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,900 So it was only a moment later that I realized 442 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,360 he'd stuck me with something. 443 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,529 I don't know how a needle got through my suit, 444 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,197 but it did. 445 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,783 [breathing heavily] 446 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,201 [Joker laughing] 447 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,578 [laughter slows] 448 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:41,705 I suddenly felt an electrical fire 449 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,415 in my central nervous system. 450 00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:46,751 [grunting] 451 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,045 I knew instantly it was a curare derivative 452 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,465 edged with some psilocybinoid compound. 453 00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,509 [Joker chuckles] 454 00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:57,512 But this was just useless knowledge swirling 455 00:18:57,596 --> 00:19:00,098 with the rest of my mind down the drainpipe. 456 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,558 I was paralyzed. 457 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,727 He could've finished me, but it was clear 458 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,854 that was the last thing on his mind. 459 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,273 [Joker laughs] He crawled over to me. 460 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,066 He whispered in my ear. 461 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,652 He said he had a dream. 462 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,154 - He had a dream... - [distorted] I had a dream 463 00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,947 the night we met. 464 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,450 - He said he... both: Dreamed we were dancing 465 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:22,746 the waltz at a feast at a funeral, 466 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,206 and all of Gotham City was there. 467 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:28,835 - Mayhem and violence locked in embrace. 468 00:19:28,919 --> 00:19:33,173 And we'll keep dancing until Gotham is in ruins, 469 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:38,053 and we are redeemed by the madness we share. 470 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,346 [laughs] 471 00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,556 - I came to. He was gone. 472 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,308 But as I shook off his drugs, 473 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,811 I felt like I'd just woken from his dream, too. 474 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,438 [radio chatter] 475 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,650 - Okay, well, this complicates things. 476 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,818 You picked a heck of a time to go on the clock 477 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,695 with the GCPD, Batman. 478 00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,072 Two-Face is losing his grip, 479 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,240 Catwoman is treating every two-bit racket 480 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,951 in town like her own personal candy shop, 481 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,369 and now the Joker. 482 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,162 About the only good news I have to report is 483 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,915 we may finally get somewhere with prosecuting the Penguin. 484 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,625 We have a witness willing to testify. 485 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,753 - Ask Harvey Dent about a suddenly cooperative witness 486 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,046 against the Penguin. 487 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,090 - No, no, no, this time he's clean. 488 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,968 It's no less than Senator Morgan Montgomery. 489 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,387 Since we lost Thomas Wayne, rest his soul, 490 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,430 he's the closest thing to a moral compass 491 00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,432 Gotham's seen in a long time. 492 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:27,268 Penguin can't get to him, I'm sure of that. 493 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:28,770 - Hm, we'll see. 494 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,648 Report any new Joker activity to me immediately. 495 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,316 Time is of the essence. 496 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,986 I just wish we knew how much time we've got. 497 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,405 - We do, until Valentine's Day. 498 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:42,283 The Joker is going to attack the city on Valentine's Day. 499 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,369 - What? How do you know? 500 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,871 [winds music box, music plays] 501 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:50,375 - The waltz, Robin, you notice something off about it? 502 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,211 - You're right, Batman. It's in the wrong key. 503 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:57,048 - Yes, it's in B minor. - B minor? 504 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,718 Holy stalker alert. I get it now. 505 00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,637 This whole stunt, the flowers and the gift wrapping, 506 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,973 this is a Valentine to you, Batman. 507 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:07,517 - A Valentine and a threat. 508 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,060 - What threat? 509 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:10,395 - B minor, commissioner. 510 00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:13,815 The Joker is saying, "Be mine or..." 511 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,275 - Or what? 512 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:18,111 - We have 11 days to figure that out. 513 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,739 [smooth music] 514 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:24,492 - Rages are red. Violence are, too. 515 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,786 On the feast day of St. Valentine, 516 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,663 the Joker comes a-courting. 517 00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,874 Will he have Batman's heart? 518 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,001 The answer in a future tale 519 00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:36,296 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 520 00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:40,175 - The following is a dramatization, 521 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,260 but the subject is all too real. 522 00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,055 We apologize for the coarseness of the language. 523 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,682 Nevertheless, it is authentic, we believe, 524 00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:51,478 to the teenagers of Gotham City's public schools. 525 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:54,522 - Say, look alive there, you sorry lot of nincompoops! 526 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:57,609 - Why, it's our straight arrow schoolmate Clean Pete 527 00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,487 giving us the business. - Yeah, hi, Pete. 528 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,155 - What's the news, Clean Pete? 529 00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:05,033 - Why, I've just had a windfall of a small but tidy sum. 530 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,410 What do you say we go see a scary creature feature 531 00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:08,787 at the Monarch Theatre? 532 00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,663 - A creature feature? [scoffs] 533 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,083 - Boo! - Snoresville! 534 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,126 - Go find a windowsill and dangle. 535 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:18,046 - You got too many points, you cube. 536 00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,965 - We're going to a creature feature in real life 537 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,843 with these swell Scarecrow drugs. 538 00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:25,428 - Scarecrow drugs? 539 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,347 - They take you on a spook house ride 540 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:28,848 through your mind, daddy-o! 541 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:30,683 - Want to try some? 542 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,060 - Like all addicts, 543 00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,395 we're eager to give away our drugs for free! 544 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:36,106 - I don't know if I should. 545 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,316 - Your teenagers know them by many names: 546 00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:40,693 October surprise, Jack Pumpkinhead, 547 00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:43,655 skeleton dust, trick, treat, candy corn, 548 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,490 ghosties, and witchers. 549 00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:48,409 They're Scarecrow drugs, designer narcotics 550 00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:51,329 which give users intense adrenaline-charged episodes 551 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,997 of panic and euphoria. 552 00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:56,042 And they're in Gotham's schools and on her playgrounds. 553 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:58,503 Talk to your children about Scarecrow drugs. 554 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:01,673 Tell them it's not neat-o to take a fright trip, 555 00:23:01,756 --> 00:23:04,509 and it's not cool to kick a daymare. 556 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:06,928 Tell your teenagers if they feel pressure 557 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,388 to take Scarecrow drugs, 558 00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:11,474 they should just say "GLARBIMACTAFIN." 559 00:23:11,558 --> 00:23:14,519 It's the with it way to say "no way." 560 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,271 GLARBIMACTAFIN stands for: 561 00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:17,939 "Get lost, all right, buster? 562 00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:21,192 I made a choice to abstain from illegal narcotics." 563 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:23,278 - GLARBIMACTAFIN! 564 00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:24,779 [upbeat piano music] 565 00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:27,448 - ♪ If you missed it, we'll say it again ♪ 566 00:23:27,532 --> 00:23:30,827 ♪ That word is GLARBIMACTAFIN ♪ 567 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:32,287 - Hello, Gotham City. 568 00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:34,789 I'm Mayor Hamilton Hill reminding you 569 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:37,417 if you want to keep Scarecrow drugs off the street, 570 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:42,005 that word is GLARBIMACTAFIN. 571 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:43,506 Seriously? 572 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,801 What, did a cat walk across a typewriter? 573 00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:48,720 What am I reading here? 574 00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,430 How is anyone gonna remember this? 575 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:53,308 Mother Mavis, how much did we pay for this campaign? 576 00:23:53,391 --> 00:23:54,601 How much? You know what? 577 00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:56,019 Hey, forget it. 578 00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:58,354 We're going with GLARBIMACTAFIN apparently. 579 00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:01,316 Hay, Paul, great work. You too, Phil. 580 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,818 The amazing Peabody brothers, everyone. 581 00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:06,863 No, I'm not being sarcastic. No, no, no, I'm not. 582 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,657 No, GLARBIMACTAFIN-- GLARBIMAC--am I say-- 583 00:24:09,741 --> 00:24:11,492 GLARBIMACTA-- no, it's great, Paul. 584 00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:12,535 It is. 585 00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:14,579 You know what it sounds like? 586 00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:16,998 Diarrhea medicine. [snorts] 587 00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:19,417 Scarecrow drugs. [drink sloshes] 588 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:21,211 [gulps, sighs] 589 00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:23,630 Can't kids just get drunk like we did in school? 590 00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:26,633 You know, something wrong with good old booze, huh? 591 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:29,093 Why do they have to fry their brains with the chemicals 592 00:24:29,177 --> 00:24:31,930 that masked psychopath keeps pumping out? 593 00:24:32,013 --> 00:24:35,016 No, I'm not doing another take. Use this one, go ahead. 594 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,518 - This has been a message from the mayor's council 595 00:24:37,602 --> 00:24:39,395 for drug abuse. 596 00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:43,358 [smooth music] 597 00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:46,736 - Gotham, a city where birds of a feather 598 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,072 all cook in the same pot. 599 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,199 Join us now for another tale 600 00:24:51,282 --> 00:24:54,035 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 601 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,746 [music fades] 602 00:24:56,829 --> 00:25:00,375 An elegant brownstone in one of the few remaining neighborhoods 603 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:03,002 unblighted by Gotham's criminal malaise. 604 00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:06,047 Senator Morgan Montgomery is concluding a meeting 605 00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,799 with the assistant district attorney 606 00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:10,134 before his court appearance tomorrow. 607 00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,345 - Is that all you'll be needing from me? 608 00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:13,930 - That's all for tonight, Senator. 609 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:15,390 You need your rest. 610 00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:17,183 It's gonna be a long day of testimony for you. 611 00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,394 With your help, we can finally make some charges 612 00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:21,396 against this mafioso stick. 613 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,106 - I'd be happy to do it. 614 00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:27,068 Oswald Cobblepot is the rot at the heart of this great city. 615 00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:29,654 And the first step of its rehabilitation 616 00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,364 is his swift excision. 617 00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,449 - It's not everyone who would stand up to the Penguin 618 00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:34,909 in open court. 619 00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,369 - The Penguin. 620 00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,455 Oswald Cobblepot is a bully and a thief hiding 621 00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:42,792 behind a tissue-thin veneer of respectability, 622 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,878 and it's time more people in Gotham City knew it. 623 00:25:45,962 --> 00:25:47,380 - There are bound to be reprisals 624 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:48,798 from the Gotham underworld. 625 00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:51,134 Oswald Cobblepot will try to get to you. 626 00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:52,385 - This isn't some back room 627 00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:54,220 in his ridiculous frozen casino. 628 00:25:54,304 --> 00:25:55,471 He doesn't scare me. 629 00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,849 Here, let me get the door for you. 630 00:25:57,932 --> 00:26:00,101 Oh, council, you forgot your umbrella. 631 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:03,271 - Thanks, but you're mistaken. I didn't bring an umbrella. 632 00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:04,564 Good night, senator. 633 00:26:04,647 --> 00:26:06,566 - The bewildered legislator stares 634 00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:08,735 at the strange umbrella in his hand. 635 00:26:08,818 --> 00:26:10,945 How did it get in his umbrella stand? 636 00:26:11,029 --> 00:26:12,363 Was it there before? 637 00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:14,782 Such is his confusion that he almost fails 638 00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:17,118 to notice the note attached. 639 00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:18,411 - What's this? 640 00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:20,246 "From the desk of Oswald Cobblepot." 641 00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:21,497 What is this? 642 00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:23,750 - Elegant script inked in a steady hand 643 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,126 onto the finest vellum. 644 00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:26,294 It reads... 645 00:26:26,377 --> 00:26:28,963 - Bonsior, Senator Montgomery. 646 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:33,301 Please accept this umbrella as a token of my limitless esteem. 647 00:26:33,384 --> 00:26:36,095 It is my ardent hope that an umbrella is sufficient 648 00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:42,560 to deflect the consequences should the dark clouds roll in. 649 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:45,355 I myself always carry an umbrella. 650 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:48,816 Sometimes, I carry two because it is a sad truth 651 00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:51,569 that the cruelest devastation can thunder down 652 00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:54,155 out of the clear blue sky. 653 00:26:54,238 --> 00:26:55,448 Here's an interesting fact. 654 00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:57,241 Certain bush tribes of New Guinea 655 00:26:57,325 --> 00:26:59,369 must blindfold their infant children 656 00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:00,912 when they're outdoors. 657 00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:02,538 Do you know why? 658 00:27:02,622 --> 00:27:04,290 It's because in that part of the world, 659 00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:07,960 the nankeen kestrel bird is known to swoop down suddenly 660 00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:09,712 and pluck out their babies' eyeballs, 661 00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:11,422 which they devour on the spot. 662 00:27:11,506 --> 00:27:13,383 [bird shrieking] 663 00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:15,843 You and your wife Mary have a baby, 664 00:27:15,927 --> 00:27:17,970 don't you, Senator Montgomery? 665 00:27:18,054 --> 00:27:22,975 What a coincidence, I have a nankeen kestrel bird. 666 00:27:23,059 --> 00:27:26,104 [bird screeches] [quacking laughter] 667 00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:28,898 Kindest regards to you and yours, Oswald Cob-- 668 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:30,775 - There you are. What are you reading? 669 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:34,278 - Oh, Mary. You startled me. 670 00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:36,739 - Not so loud, dear. [baby cries] 671 00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:40,034 Oh, you woke the baby. What is it, darling? 672 00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:42,829 What are you reading there? You look positively ashen-- 673 00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:47,750 - Nothing, dear, nothing. Go back--go back upstairs. 674 00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:49,585 And for God's sake, close the skylight 675 00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:51,921 in the nursery tightly. 676 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:53,631 I need to make a phone call. 677 00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,383 [rotary dial whirs] 678 00:27:55,466 --> 00:27:58,219 [line trilling] 679 00:27:58,302 --> 00:28:00,096 Yes, this is Senator Montgomery. 680 00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:03,141 I'd like to leave a message for the assistant DA. 681 00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:05,977 No, it can't wait until court tomorrow. 682 00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,938 Because I won't be in court tomorrow. 683 00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:11,524 ♪ ♪ 684 00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:15,903 - In Gotham, the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. 685 00:28:15,987 --> 00:28:19,031 But only the Penguin holds an umbrella. 686 00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:23,369 Such is "Life and Death in Gotham City." 687 00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:25,705 ♪ ♪ 688 00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:29,750 [dramatic music] 689 00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:36,924 ♪ ♪ 690 00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:59,947 "Life and Death in Gotham City" epilogue. 691 00:29:00,031 --> 00:29:02,909 On the rooftop of GCPD headquarters, 692 00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:06,245 the brand-new Bat-Signal has been completely disassembled 693 00:29:06,329 --> 00:29:08,873 and inspected by the indefatigable members 694 00:29:08,956 --> 00:29:10,541 of the bomb disposal unit 695 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:14,795 to ensure the Joker left no unpleasant surprises behind. 696 00:29:14,879 --> 00:29:16,631 - Well, yeah, I'd say that's it, Neaves. 697 00:29:16,714 --> 00:29:18,674 Just check "no" on all the forms. 698 00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:21,385 There's no trip wires, no charges of any kind, 699 00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:25,806 no chemical residue, no killer jack-in-the-boxes. 700 00:29:25,890 --> 00:29:27,308 - Jacks-in-the-box? 701 00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:29,143 - Let's say jacks-in-boxes. 702 00:29:29,227 --> 00:29:31,938 Just put down no jacks-in-boxes. 703 00:29:32,021 --> 00:29:34,148 - Can you believe this is how we spend our nights now? 704 00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:37,527 The first line of defense against lethally bad jokes. 705 00:29:37,610 --> 00:29:39,111 - That does make you think. 706 00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:41,322 I got to admit it, I never thought about it 707 00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:43,199 before the whole Joker nightmare started. 708 00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:44,659 - Thought about what? 709 00:29:44,742 --> 00:29:47,161 - I mean, about how laughter is like a kind 710 00:29:47,245 --> 00:29:49,247 of temporary insanity. 711 00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:50,873 - Aw, brother, here we go. 712 00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:53,000 - No, the Joker might be onto something. 713 00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:58,172 Think about it, have you ever just-just lost it laughing? 714 00:29:58,256 --> 00:30:01,300 Like, worried you're gonna pass out or wet your pants. 715 00:30:01,384 --> 00:30:05,429 I mean, if that's not losing your marbles, then what is? 716 00:30:05,513 --> 00:30:07,348 - Wait, have you been reading those weird flyers 717 00:30:07,431 --> 00:30:09,100 he leaves around town, Terrigan? 718 00:30:09,183 --> 00:30:11,519 Yes, you have. - No, heck no. 719 00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:12,853 Those things'll drive you crazy, 720 00:30:12,937 --> 00:30:14,855 but you know, sometimes I do catch 'em 721 00:30:14,939 --> 00:30:17,650 on the TV or the radio when he hacks into the broadcast. 722 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,278 - Can we not do something about that, by the way? 723 00:30:20,361 --> 00:30:21,612 - Don't get me started. 724 00:30:21,696 --> 00:30:23,864 - I mean, psychopaths are always hacking 725 00:30:23,948 --> 00:30:25,575 into the public airwaves in this town 726 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:27,910 and spouting their kooky poems and riddles and codes 727 00:30:27,994 --> 00:30:31,038 and whatever the heck, and I work a ten-hour shift, 728 00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:32,707 and I gotta deal with this bologna 729 00:30:32,790 --> 00:30:33,874 when I'm trying to relax? 730 00:30:33,958 --> 00:30:36,002 - My thoughts exactly, right? 731 00:30:36,085 --> 00:30:37,878 I'm trying to watch Jack Ryder one night, 732 00:30:37,962 --> 00:30:39,880 and the signal breaks up, and then suddenly, 733 00:30:39,964 --> 00:30:43,843 it's just Joker just sitting at a desk, right? 734 00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:45,636 Just silent. 735 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,263 Maybe a clock was ticking. I don't remember. 736 00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:48,889 But the Joker doesn't say a word. 737 00:30:48,973 --> 00:30:51,517 He just starts pulling all these cheap novelty gags 738 00:30:51,601 --> 00:30:53,227 out of a paper sack, right? 739 00:30:53,311 --> 00:30:55,980 And arrange 'em, just, pah, pah, arranged 'em on his desk. 740 00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:59,233 You know, the chattering teeth, and an arrow through the head, 741 00:30:59,317 --> 00:31:01,611 and a rubber chicken, can of spring-loaded snakes. 742 00:31:01,694 --> 00:31:03,154 You know the stuff. It's all that stuff. 743 00:31:03,237 --> 00:31:05,948 He laid it out, all the junk, and that was it, 744 00:31:06,032 --> 00:31:08,743 just stared at the camera for, like, another two minutes. 745 00:31:08,826 --> 00:31:11,412 Then it was over. - Weirdo. 746 00:31:11,495 --> 00:31:13,581 - I don't know, Neaves. You didn't see it. 747 00:31:13,664 --> 00:31:15,249 All those corny jokes there 748 00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:17,251 sitting there lifeless on the desk, 749 00:31:17,335 --> 00:31:18,419 it wasn't funny. 750 00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:20,921 It was a wide awake nightmare. 751 00:31:21,005 --> 00:31:22,590 The human teeth and a bird carcass 752 00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:25,426 and the snakes, and I think there was fake vomit. 753 00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:28,888 This heap of sick trash looked like it came out of a trunk 754 00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,264 of a serial killer's car, 755 00:31:30,348 --> 00:31:33,351 and they were supposed to be jokes. 756 00:31:33,434 --> 00:31:35,603 And then all of a sudden I've got it. 757 00:31:35,686 --> 00:31:38,606 The joke is, it's all a horror, 758 00:31:38,689 --> 00:31:41,984 and if you're laughing, you've lost your mind. 759 00:31:42,068 --> 00:31:44,111 - That's real fricking cheerful, Terrigan. 760 00:31:44,195 --> 00:31:46,656 - Let's just say, I stick to the cowboy movies now. 761 00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:48,699 I don't take in a lot of comedies. 762 00:31:48,783 --> 00:31:52,203 Who knows if one day I'll start laughing and never come back? 763 00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:55,081 - Detective Neaves reaches for an easy response 764 00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:57,291 to this seemingly absurd concern, 765 00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:59,126 but she comes up empty-handed. 766 00:31:59,210 --> 00:32:03,255 Fortunately, Gotham City decides to change the subject. 767 00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:04,382 [crash] 768 00:32:04,465 --> 00:32:05,883 - Holy crow, what was that? 769 00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:07,510 - Sounds like a structural collapse, 770 00:32:07,593 --> 00:32:09,303 transformer explosion. [people screaming] 771 00:32:09,387 --> 00:32:11,305 There's smoke rising near Arkham Asylum. 772 00:32:11,389 --> 00:32:13,182 Sure looks like a breakout. 773 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:14,350 - Always Arkham Asylum, 774 00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:16,143 always a breakout with that place. 775 00:32:16,227 --> 00:32:18,104 - Neaves, I think we better get this signal thing 776 00:32:18,187 --> 00:32:19,814 put back together pronto. 777 00:32:19,897 --> 00:32:21,774 This one's gonna be for the Batman. 778 00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:23,734 [sirens wailing] 779 00:32:23,818 --> 00:32:25,319 - As sirens wail to life, 780 00:32:25,403 --> 00:32:28,531 a distant sound is heard somewhere in the city below. 781 00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:31,492 Muffled laughter, or is that sobbing? 782 00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:34,453 And how is it possible to confuse the two? 783 00:32:34,537 --> 00:32:36,831 That mystery forms the central axis 784 00:32:36,914 --> 00:32:40,042 of "Life and Death in Gotham City." 785 00:32:40,126 --> 00:32:42,336 To be continued. 786 00:32:42,420 --> 00:32:49,468 ♪ ♪ 787 00:32:57,810 --> 00:32:59,228 [upbeat music] 788 00:32:59,311 --> 00:33:01,605 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 789 00:33:01,689 --> 00:33:04,275 Written and directed by Dennis McNicholas. 790 00:33:04,358 --> 00:33:07,069 Based on the DC comic "Batman." 791 00:33:07,153 --> 00:33:10,072 Created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger. 792 00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:12,783 Based on characters from DC Comics. 793 00:33:12,867 --> 00:33:15,536 With performances by Jeffrey Wright, 794 00:33:15,619 --> 00:33:19,081 Ike Barinholtz, Toby Huss, Dennis McNicholas, 795 00:33:19,165 --> 00:33:23,878 Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell, Paula Pell, 796 00:33:23,961 --> 00:33:28,299 Katie Rich, Ben Rodgers, Pete Schultz, Brent Spiner, 797 00:33:28,382 --> 00:33:32,178 Jason Sudeikis, Keenan Thompson, Alan Tudyk, 798 00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:37,433 Melissa Villaseñor, Ray Wise, Doug Bossi, Erica Phillips, 799 00:33:37,516 --> 00:33:40,102 Tony Phillips, Robbie Wyckoff. 800 00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:42,563 Executive produced by Jon Berg. 801 00:33:42,646 --> 00:33:45,441 Executive produced by Kiliaen Van Rensselaer, 802 00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:48,569 Deborah Henderson, and Jordana Freydberg. 803 00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:50,571 Produced by Dennis McNicholas. 804 00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,907 Produced by Angela Petrella. 805 00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:54,700 Music by Doug Bossi. 806 00:33:54,784 --> 00:33:58,996 Sound recording, design, and mixing by Big Yellow Duck. 807 00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:01,540 Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing, 808 00:34:01,624 --> 00:34:04,210 and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney. 809 00:34:04,293 --> 00:34:06,504 Production manager Kay Tinder. 810 00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:08,672 Post supervisor Deanna Saracino. 811 00:34:08,756 --> 00:34:10,633 Writers' assistants Trey Woodard 812 00:34:10,716 --> 00:34:12,092 and Scott Weinstein. 813 00:34:12,176 --> 00:34:15,262 Additional sound recording by Icemen Audio. 814 00:34:15,346 --> 00:34:17,014 Production legal Jordan Rock. 815 00:34:17,097 --> 00:34:20,309 Production accounting Reva Jones and Steven D. Smith. 816 00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:23,854 Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips. 817 00:34:23,938 --> 00:34:27,233 Special thanks Bill Weinstein and Bryan Besser. 818 00:34:27,316 --> 00:34:30,820 Production services provided by Insurrection Media. 819 00:34:30,903 --> 00:34:32,655 The characters and events depicted 820 00:34:32,738 --> 00:34:34,281 in this podcast are fictional. 821 00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:37,368 Any similarity to any actual person living or dead 822 00:34:37,451 --> 00:34:40,955 or to any actual events, firms, places, and institutions, 823 00:34:41,038 --> 00:34:44,291 or other entities is coincidental and unintentional. 824 00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:46,460 This podcast is protected under the laws 825 00:34:46,544 --> 00:34:48,379 of the United States and other countries, 826 00:34:48,462 --> 00:34:50,130 and its unauthorized duplication, 827 00:34:50,214 --> 00:34:53,509 distribution, or exhibition may result in civil liability 828 00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:55,094 and criminal prosecution. 829 00:34:55,177 --> 00:34:58,305 Country of first publication United States of America. 830 00:34:58,389 --> 00:35:00,307 "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 831 00:35:00,391 --> 00:35:03,853 Copyright 2019 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated. 832 00:35:03,936 --> 00:35:06,480 Batman and all related characters and elements are 833 00:35:06,564 --> 00:35:08,983 trademark and copyright DC Comics. 834 00:35:09,066 --> 00:35:11,110 All rights reserved. 835 00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:15,114 ♪ ♪