FRIENDSHIP FEELS LIKE HOME
Get out of my pool.
Ticket?
LIDO
Mrs. Bogner.
It's not permitted to swim the crawl in lane six.
Listen, Mrs. Bogner.
You are very close to getting barred.
Hey, could you just jump now?
I can. I want to. I will.
Get a move on
You're a right pain in the neck, you pillock.
Be quiet. I have to concentrate.
Just jump already. It's not a big deal.
That prat won't jump!
He's doing my head in!
I'll bite him, if he doesn't jump!
Mr. Rieger! It's a diving platform! Not a standing platform!
It's Dr. Rieger, Mr. Pool Attendant. Dr. Rieger!
It's Pool Supervisor, Mr. Rieger!
Dr. Rieger, Mr. Pool Attendant!
Pool Supervisor!
- You'd better jump now, or else...! - Or else what?
Or else I'll teach you a lesson!
Guys like you couldn't teach anyone anything!
All right, then.
Let me go. I was just about to jump.
I was just about to bar you for life.
You've been blocking the platform for months.
I have a valid season ticket.
So I am entitled to use of all the equipment.
And that includes the five metre diving platform...
Silence.
Oh shit.
Focus. Men
Fo-cus.
Southern German cup.
We won't be training these days.
We'll destroy.
We'll destroy the distractions, the excuses and our weaker selves.
Is that understood?
Yes.
What will we do?
We'll destroy the distractions, the excuses...
And our weaker selves! Yeah!
Now get out there. Parcours.
- The last one out has to do 15 push-ups. - 15?
You don't have to be the last one.
- I want to see a real parade. - Shit.
Hey! No crowd jogging allowed!
- We're in the final! - We need to train, mate.
- Yes, but not on my lawn! - Oh, come on.
You're... disturbing the other customers.
There's nobody there.
That's because they feel disturbed.
- Maybe you're the real disturbance? - I don't jog.
- Mr. Pool Supervisor. - Mrs. Wilhelm.
What's going on here?
I'm sorry, but rules are rules. My hands are tied.
The final is this weekend.
We need to win. This calls for special measures.
- Yes, of course, but... - So no jogging?
Not as a crowd.
Good job. Keep kissing your Madam Mayor's feet.
What are you doing here?
I think somebody forgot about us.
What are you doing? Do you think that sign is a joke?
Mr. Kruse, we just need to take a quick look.
A quick look?
Does that sigh mention "quick"?
Do you believe the germs think:
"Oh, it's only quick. Well, alright then".
No, Folks. Shoes off. And socks as well.
- Mr. Kruse. - He's not quite right in the head.
As the pool attendant, you have the best overview.
Er, Pool Supervisor.
The lido is in a catastrophic state.
I couldn't agree more.
The filtration system is ancient.
I need new sunbeds. And the diving platform...
- What do you think? - Hm?
Could you make a list for me and the council,
of everything that needs to be done?
Yes, of course.
But it will be a long list.
All the better! That will save us a lot of work.
Ok. You can put your shoes back on, everyone.
What? Why should we put our shoes on now?
It's four minutes past seven, Mr. Dengler.
As I said before. He's not quite right in the head.
You idiot.
- Hey. Are you on a half day or something? - Sorry.
Hey. We have an appointment. The refugee smuggler called.
Hello, everyone. Sorry, that I'm a bit late.
Let's go inside, shall we?
Don't worry. When the house is finished, there will be doors, of course.
Hey! Are you crazy? Put your hard hat on. This is a hard hat area.
- OK, Boss. - Not you. The other guy.
OK, Boss.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your new home.
Come on, man.
After all, home is not just a place.
Home is a feeling.
And how does it feel?
We love it, Mr. Dengler.
I'm happy to hear it.
Just a moment, please.
What's going on here?
What the hell is going on?
It's all under control!
Bah! Are you guys crazy?
Oh dear, Sali...
You're both fired!
But I don't even work here.
Get out of here.
This is programme number four.
Platin wash with active foam and high gloss..
That means, you have two minutes.
So. Show me the cash.
Hey, come on. Money, money, money.
Getting out of Europe costs twice as much.
Thank you.
That's the best thing to do with your money in times like these.
Spending it.
After all, you can't take it with you, when you die, right?
When are we going?
You don't talk, unless I ask you a question. Got it?
Sorry.
Just so that there will be no complaints.
The border region is closed off by the armed forces.
So you'll have to leg it.
You'll have to pull off a real Usain Bolt. Is that understood?
That was a question.
Yes. We understood everything. - Yes, yes.
You can leave those slippers at home. Wear some sturdy boots, ok?
You can't take any documents. And pack your money, so it's watertight.
Watertight? Are we taking a boat?
Do you have shit for brains or something?
The whole region is closed off.
Do you think, there will be a boat cruising upriver?
Numbskull.
Out you go. Go, on. You won't melt.
You can start training!
Mr. Dengler, won't you reconsider?
I am most certainly not a racist,
but he really acted up.
That's not true.
I understand, but without a job, Sali is facing immediate deportation.
Well, I did give him a job.
He should have shown more gratitude. That's the end of it
I see. Goodbye.
He's such an asshole.
Sorry? What did you just say?
Fuck.
I said asshole!
Sali. You really should have shown more gratitude.
That was your fourth job.
That wasn't a job. That was exploitation.
I won't do that anymore!
That's exactly what they want to hear.
The revocation procedure is ongoing and church asylum is hopeless.
Church asylum. Revocation procedure.
Always the same questions. For four years.
And it's never sure, if I can stay.
We can't give up now..
You have a qualification and speak better German than most.
But other refugees have other problems.
Not most refugees, most Bavarians.
There. Fill it in. Send it off.
This form decides, whether you can stay.
The police will come for you in the night if something is missing.
Remember to fill in both sides, this time.
There are always 2 sides with you Germans.
Where can I find something for you quickly
In an office. Like this one. Hm?
Care for the elderly. Refuse collection. Or a builder's yard.
Sewer cleaning.
Sewage treatment plant.
HELPER WANTED FOR LIDO
Does that involve swimming?
Yep.
You don't want to work for my brother.
- Why not? - Nobody wants that job.
- I do! - No, trust me, you don't.
- Yes I do.
- I really do, Bettina! - No. Hang on a sec...
Can you swim?
Well he won't do, dumpling.
Don't call me that.
He needs a job and you need help.
Look at him. He can't even swim.
Then teach him. He can help you with a million things.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Paint the facade? Trim the hedges?
Frankenbrunner promised to do that.
- Karl. - Don't want a guy like that.
I can hear you.
He'll make trouble. I can see that.
- You'll take Sali, or else... - Or what?
Or you can iron your own damn T-shirts.
Dumpling!
My iron is broken, dumpling.
Don't call me that.
But... Bettina!
I can trim the hedge. I'll do anything. Ironing too.
Only if you complete your stage 7 within a week.
No problem.
What's a stage 7?
100 metres in less than two minutes. Perform a "shout and signal" rescue.
With clothes on.
And the other duties naked?
Of course not.
And how will I learn to swim?
Here. It's all explained perfectly.
And now?\ What do I do now?
Get changed. Time for the short round.
Come along.
Surround them!
So that's where he's hiding.
Tear that down as soon as possible.
But the poor ducks live there.
The poor ducks?
Those fugly ducklings keep shitting into my pool.
Come along.
What's that, Boss?
That's for the ferric salt and the aluminium salt.
Although I like to use organic polyamines.
They generate bigger microflocs from the colloids.
- You'd better memorise that. - Yes, Boss.
- Do you know, what that is? - Er, no.
Go on. Touch it.
Ow! Boss!
What was that about?
That's what happens, if you touch anything.
Listen. If you make any trouble...
Yeah, sure. All refugees are troublemakers.
No. Not every refugee. You.
You're a troublemaker.
I can always tell the guys, who'll make trouble.
Me too.
Sometimes.
I can. I want to. I will.
Right. Time to learn a thing or two.
Mr. Rieger, goddammit!
Bloody hellfire. It's Dr. Rieger, dammit!
OK. Write this down. Rule number one:
“ "The pool supervisor asserts himself". Get down!
Jump. Or ladder! I'll count to three!
I'm not a child.
Rule number two: "Zero tolerance". All rebellion leads to chaos.
One!
Two!
I won't let you terrorise me!
I can use the equipment as I see fit.
Rule number three: "Grit your teeth and get it done."
Three!
- Time to take off! - I categorically refuse!
I have it here. In writing.
There it is: "fully entitled to use ..."
Rule number 4: "Keep calm and call an ambulance."
The phone is in my office.
Er... - 999.
He broke his tibia and the fibula.
And four ribs.
Broken ribs only hurt, when you laugh.
And Rieger never laughs.
The broken leg is not my fault.
That's his own fault, because he fell off the stretcher.
- You have to apologise. - Why should I?
I know Dr. Rieger, he's a conservationist.
He always interferes and is as annoying as dog shit on new shoes.
If he takes us to court, all hell will break loose.
Yes, but... what should I do?
Buy him some chocolates or flowers or some honey.
Honey?
Oh, for God's sake. Don't be such a wuss.
I already heard...
Pull yourself together.
Just be nice for once and apologise. You can do that, can't you?
Of course I can be nice. Just ask everyone at the lido.
Sali, they'll come for you in the middle of the night.
Never mind both sides.
Oh, shit!
Cold.
Fuck!
So, this takes us to the last item on the agenda.
19.1. The future of the Grubberg lido.
As you know, the financial situation is very problematic.
- Our Pool Attendant, Mr. Kruse... - Pool Supervisor.
Pool Supervisor Kruse kindly gave us a complete list of renovations,
and all I can say is,
that the financial situation is much more dir than previously assumed.
Therefore we have no choice,
but to close the lido.
It's a shame, but there's no way around it.
You are such a moron.
- But Madam Mayor... - Sit down, Mr. Kruse!
It's our social responsibility.
- Sit down! - No!
- The lido... - Mr. Kruse.
- I will not sit down. - Enough!
Dear Mr. Kruse, we simply cannot afford it.
We also have a responsibility to our community.
- Madam Mayor! - Silence!
In the next meeting, we'll decide,
on the future use of the land.
Dear Madam Mayor, dear council,
I took the liberty of preparing a proposal.
How about, I tear down the lido,
and build some exclusive townhouses in the country style.
Boss? Boss!
Ah, Boss. There you are.
What can I do?
Boss?
I have to think.
OK.
Er, are you done? - No! Christ allmighty...
Can't you just find some job to do?
- I just wanted to ask... I want. I want.
It's all about wanting with you lot!
How about wanting to fulfil your obligations.
Who's we? I don't have to listen to this.
Not you refugees. Why are you so hung about that?
- I didn't say refugee! - Neither did I!
- Then it's all good! - No! Nothing is good!
That's why I need to think.
Come on. Off you go.
Go and er... tear down that elephant.
Why does he talk to me like that? I didn't do anything.
Oh, come on...
Come on, now.
Mr. Pool Supervisor.
Ah, Mrs. Wilhelm. What can I do for... Mrs. Wilhelm.
- I missed you. - Did you?
Don't you empty the bins at 6 pm? Ah, I see...
- If it weren't for you! - We are, whatever we do repeatedly.
- That's what my father used to say. - Clever man.
- He's dead. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- They want to close the lido? - Hm? Er...
- That's unacceptable. - Yes, of course.
- We have to fight. - Yes, of course.
Signatures.
The swords of democracy. Do you catch my drift?
- I do indeed. - A citizens' initiative.
Mrs Wilhelm. That's it.
Bettina!
We need to fight.. We need...
The swords of democracy.
- I need a citizens' defence. - Have you totally lost the plot?
- Come on, we're closing. - Now?
But I need signatures.
I see. You're after a citizens' initiative. - Of course.
- That's a really stupid idea. - Why?
The mayor hates citizens' initiatives.
Dumpling, you have to help me!
Call me dumpling one more time.
Please.
The coffers are empty. You'll have to think of something else.
They're looking for a maintenance attendant.
Pool or maintenance, it's all the same.
- I'm a Pool Supervisor, just like dad. - You turned out just like him too.
- Congratulations. - Oh...
Dumpling. Er, Betty! Betty!
The lido is my home. What am I supposed to do?
- You'll think of something. - How many signatures will I need?
About 6007? - 600?
Are you crazy? How am I supposed to get 600 signatures.
Collect them.
Hello. I'm sure you know me from the lido. I'm the Pool Supervisor.
Did you bring my pizza?
No, I brought something to sign. Children can also...
Hey, Franz!
I've got this great thing going.
Hi, Mr. Frankenbrunner! I have this paper to sign.
Franz. It's about saving the lido.
Hello?
It was your own fault. You weren't ready for the sea horse badge.
Hello?
Good grief.
PURPOSE OF LIFE LIDO
Turn. Turn around. OK.
I'll give you another whack, ok?
Are you alright now? - Yes. Thanks.
Oh. Thank you.
Mrs. Bogner, it's about our lido. I need your signature.
I have... I have here...
Boss, I'm going to get us some lunch.
What are you doing?
Who? Me? I'm reading. Am I not allowed to read the paper, now?
I know her.
Lisa? How do you know Lisa?
Er, from the papers?
- She's that famous swimmer, right? - Yes. And I discovered her.
"German swimming record revoked."
They're accusing Lisa of doping. Bloody nonsense.
She doesn't need that.
She swam 100 metres Butterfly in 59 seconds.
Can you imagine? Less than one minute.
She's a natural talent.
Come here, Sali. I'll show you something.
She wasn't useless, like you are. Here, she was only three years old.
And she got her first swimming badge.
Now they want to close my lido down.
Then how can I discover the young talents?
I'll go and get us some lunch, ok? - Yeah.
I can do butterfly, too.
Mrs. Bogner. No swimming the crawl in lane six. How often do I have to tell you
Aah! It's you?
- What are you doing here? - I live here.
- Doesn"t that swimmer live here? - No. There's no swimmer here.
- Are you sure? Karl told me... - There's no swimmer here.
- You have something... is that still from that day? -Yes.
OK. Bye.
Oh my God.
Are you crazy or something?
You didn't hear me.
So you smash the window?
We do have a front door.
I tried, but your father slammed the door in my face,
- How did you know, where I live? - Karl.
- Karl? - I wanted to say thank you.
I brought you some flowers. There you go.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Could you leave now, please? - There's one more thing...
Could you teach me to swim? For my Pool Attendant exam.
Pool Attendant? You?
You can swim. I can't.
No way.
Please leave now.
But you have to help me.
- Are you daft, or what? - Sali is like Lisa, just reversed
- I don't give a shit. Just get out of here.
That's a shame, because I'll have to say something,
I'd rather not say.
- What do you have to say? - Lido at night and so on...
Climbing over the fence.
- Are you trying to blackmail me? - Not at all.
I'm motivating you.
- Do we have ID? - Yes, we do.
I see.
- Are we colour blind? - No, we're not.
What colour is the light?
- Green? - Not now. Just then.
- Red. - What does the red light mean in Germany?
- Everything comes to a standstill? - Exactly.
We have rules. You have to adapt.
Thank you.
Isn't there anything else to do, Boss? Something more important?
They're tearing down the lido.
Rubbish. I already have more than 400 signatures.
Should I add some more meat loaf?
It's called Bavarian loaf.
- Where are you from? - Berlin.
- I see - What?
- You need to integrate. - I am integrated.
- Oh, yeah? Why is nobody here, then? - Because of the weather.
- Eyes front. - The ducks aren't coming.
They could come any moment now.
My father used to say: "You have to look, in order to see."
You must be sure, not to miss anything.
Nothing at all.
- Er, Boss. - What?
- Look... - What is it?
Boss. Don't. Ow.
- Defence. - Paul.
Paul, don't dodge the ball!
Don't dodge the ball. You're the goalie.
- Paul! - I'm doing my best.
You have to want the ball!
Paul, you have to claim it!
Official swimming hours have started.
What? As usual, there's nobody here.
- Hey, we need to train! - But not now.
You're such an asshole.
You guys want to get barred?
Yeah. That's your only trump card, right?
Like that time, I jumped in from the side, once.
Twice, my friend.
And you didn't let me back in all summer.
And then my Evi hooked up with Tony Wimmer.
Your Evi hooked up with everyone that summer.
Except you. And now, everyone out.
Kiss my ass!
Huh?
Wow!
Give it here!
Paul, give him the cap!
What? him?
What? No. No, thanks.
We need you.
My boss needs me too.
What? No. I don't need you.
Mrs. Wilhelm needs you.
Go, play.
Listen boss... I have ...we have...
Sali, go do it.
Get into the pool
Boss, I have a small problem...
Rubbish...
Oh...
Ja...
I've got it...
Just take a look at him.
Do you really want to play with a guy like that?
- Hey, Coach. It really won't do. - Exactly.
- A goalie with floaties. - We'll be the laughing stock.
Mrs. Wilhelm. I have an idea.
I'll teach Sali to swim.
What? By the final?
And pigs might fly.
If you help me get signatures for the citizens' initiative,
I'll make sure Sali is fit for the final.
This is really ridiculous.
I refuse to help that Pool Attendant prick.
Pool Supervisor prick.
If it makes you happy.
Listen up.
We have two options.
Either him...
or him.
Do we have a deal?
Let's bake a big pizza and push it into the oven...
It's not working. I can't do this.
Alright. Let's start at the top.
Explosive whip kick and then a break in the glide phase.
Insweep at a 45 degree angle.
Let's bake a big pizza and push it into the oven...
Where's your problem, Sali?
Sali. Stay here and practice until you can do it.
It's up to you, whether I can save the lido.
- Up to me? - I've got to go.
We need more signatures, after all.
What do you want? This is still my home.
Is Lisa with you? Has she started swimming again?
Yuck. What's that? A rash? Stay away from my pool.
- I think somebody's drowning. - Yeah?
Sali. Hold onto the edge of the pool.
It's shallow enough to stand.
What's he doing there?
I work here.
Keep your hands off my daughter.
She has enough problems. Thanks to you.
Lisa is an exceptional talent.
Then why did she need doping?
Come with me. I'll show you something.
Come along.
There you go.
What's that all about?
Can you see, where Lisa is looking?
To the left. - Yes. And who was standing to her left?
I haven't the foggiest.
You were standing there, Mr. Dengler.
And there. Where is Lisa looking there?
To the right. At you.
Do you see, how she's beaming at you?
Where is she looking there?
No idea.
Essentially she stopped looking.
Because you stopped coming.
Why don't you mind your own business?
- So? Here's the list of signatures. - Hi, Karl.
And? What do we want?
A wheat beer ...Er, a white beer.
- A white beer? - Yes.
I'd like one too. You can put his on my tab.
- Both on your tab. - That's right.
- Thanks, Erwin. - It's okay.
Frankenbrunner? You were lucky to catch him alive.
His funeral's tomorrow.
Now he registered an official complaint.
Who? Oh, pshaw. Rieger.
Dr. Rieger. What's that?
The team is helping with my citizens' initiative.
Citizens' initiative?
To save the lido. Democracy and all that.
There are no funds for democracy.
I just gave a big donation.
Yes. You did, Mr. Matusek. That was very commendable.
Everyone else, just takes and wouldn't dream of giving.
And you? Are you signing too?
Yes, of course.
Yes. Go ahead. Go right ahead.
By the way, I'll be signing something too, tomorrow.
Something very democratic.
What? Hang on. What are you signing?
Oh, just a rejection. - What rejection?
For a renovations grant. Nothing important.
So, that last one was for all you disco freaks out there.
But now I need to wrap my hands around a pint.
I'll see you next Friday.
I'll just get my bag.
- Oh, Mr Sutter. - What?
There might be some issues
with the building site for your daughter.
But my daughter meets all the requirements.
Of, course. But so do others.
Maybe it will work out after all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
So, gentlemen. Have a nice evening.
Let's drink to democracy.
Hey. That's my beer.
Come on. We won't let that old witch get us down.
Right?
What's going on?
She has the upper hand.
Queen trumps Jack. What can we do?
What do you mean, what can we do? We can fight.
Come on Erwin. It's not just my home.
It's your home too. Bavaria.
Do you just want to look on as everything goes down the toilet around here?
Is that what you want? Is that who you want to be?
To explain to your grandchildren, what Bavaria used to be?
Because nobody remembers it?
Take your hands off my list of signatures.
You assholes.
Leave the poor water alone.
You're spashing about like a lunatic.
Yes, maybe. Because I'm drowning.
You're fighting too hard.
Well, then what should I do?
Look the water in the eyes.
The water?
- OK? - Yes.
Stretch your arms. - Stretch? OK.
The water is not your enemy. It's your friend.
My friend?
Come on, try again. You can do it.
OK.
- My friend. - Yes.
My friend.
Stretch your arms.
Huh. I'm swimming.
- You're swimming. - I can swim.
Hi, Eddie.
What are you doing here?
They obviously didn't teach tidying up at your fancy sports boarding school.
So, you're swimming again?
Yes, I'm swimming again.
- That's not good for you. - Pshaw.
How would you, of all people, know?
I'm your father. I worry about you.
T hat's bullshit.
You only worry about your shitty flats.
My shitty flats have financed your shitty career, young lady.
That's not true.
- I always made my own money - With lies.
And you don't lie, right?
You just sell beautiful flats, with a lot of love and caring.
Makes me want to throw up.
Whatever you say.
You make me sick.
Just like you made mum sick.
Yes, I know.
You're right.
- Huh! - We have the solution!
Do you have sunstroke or something?!
- No. We have the solution. - Yes.
We had an idea.
We'll buy the lido.
- My lido? - Not yours. Ours.
- That's your plan? - Yes, exactly.
You can remain Pool Attendant.
Pool Supervisor! I'll get an ashtray.
Pool Supervisor, if you insist.
Whatever. That's not the point, Karl.
What do you have planned?
We'll found a private cooperative. That's easy.
Provided we have a seed capital of 50.000 Euro.
That's crazy.
And now?
Listen, are you guys... out of your tiny minds?
Fifty...
Well, I don't have 50.000.
No, we'll sell shares.
That's the great thing about a cooperative.
- Alright. - Yes but...
Everyone can buy a piece of the lido.
We have 1.000 shares.
- Spit it out, Gumberger? - Er... huh?
- Come on? - What? -If we have 50.000...
Er... yes... Everybody has to pay... er..
Er, everybody has to pay 50 Euro.
Call yourself a teacher?
Exactly. So it's 50 Euros per share. Do you get it?
- Yes. - Of course.
Great.
Well, gentlemen.
Now we only have to sell another 995 shares.
Dear mourners,
we are gathered here today, to pay our respects...
Our respects to...
So?
Who can answer?
Can somebody tell me, who we're paying our respects to.
To Walter Frankenbrunner of course.
Yes. That was his name.
But who was Walter Frankenbrunner?
He was our hairdresser.
For three months he thought hard.
Purpose of life. With three letters.
Lido.
Joy.
Do you know,
why I wanted to become a clergyman?
When I was a child, I loved to watch...
those Jesus films at Easter.
Do you know them?
But it took too long for Easter to come around again
and so I nicked a tape at the video store.
"The Messiah".
I stole. I committed a sin.
But this way I could watch repeatedly,
as they nailed our Lord to the cross.
And every time, I swore to myself:
Lord, I will stand by you.
I will stand by you.
I will become a priest.
Has he completely lost the plot?
- What's he going on about? - Psst.
It was at least 20 years ago.
But three years ago, I was overcome by qualms of conscience.
Remorse.
And I knew, I had to take the tape back.
But the video store was no longer there.
Shit!
What do I do now? Yes. What do I do now?
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
That's it, Gumberger. Play. Give it all you've got.
And we? We will stand for prayer. Come on.
Lord... No, thank you, Konstantin.
Protect and keep us from the fate of the video store.
- Good grief! - And our lido too.
Because life is like a lido.
There are sunny days and dark days.
Some days you get an ice-cream. On other days you do the bellyflop.
Some days the trunks feel tight at the crotch
and other days, everything smells of suntan lotion.
Lord, please send us a sign.
Send us... Chips.
Delicious chips with ketchup and mayonnaise.
So that we don't forget our childhood days and are not forgotten,
unlike poor Walter Frankenbrunner.
- Amen. - Amen.
And so that our lido doesn't suffer the fate of the video store,
you can all buy shares and save it.
One share costs 50 Euros.
Is it possible to buy more than one share?
To everyone who has, more shall be given.
Ah, Mrs. Bogner. So?
You lot are up to no good, aren't you?
Forget it.
That was a very moving speech.
Where's our money?
Unbelievable. In the church of all places.
For God's sake!
Don't swear inside the church.
What shall we do now?
The father of one of my fifth grade students works in television.
- He'll help. - Why should he?
Because his son will fail, if he doesn't get help.
I'll see to that.
You can also buy a share of the lido.
I don't even have a bathroom of my own.
You can shower here for free.
SAVE THE LIDO. BUY SHARES.
Mrs. Wilhelm. What are you doing here?
I'm off to the recycling bin.
Ah, nice. Very nice. Why?
I use three litres of water daily. Everything has to be in flow,
I couldn't agree more.
My pump handles 2.5 million litres of water every day.
Water activates the metabolism. It cleans everything.
In six hours, my pump cleans all the water.
Let me tell you this.
Osmosis water has the ideal capacity to transport nutrients.
And let me tell you this.
If you want, I'll show you my pump.
Why don't you two do that, and I'll dispose of the bottles?
My bottles? Is he taking my bottles?
Sali! Those are Mrs. Wilhelm's bottles.
I'll just dispose of them, ok?
Sali. Those are Mrs. Wilhelm's bottles.
He just went and took my bottles...
Sorry, Mrs. Wilhelm.
You can't just take Mrs. Wilhelm's bottles... Sali.
Boss, she was after a date with you.
- What? With me. - Yes.
Follow her.
Come on, Boss. Boss, get a move on. Run.
- Oh, it's too late. - No. Come along, Boss.
When Mrs. Wilhelm comes out of the changing room at 6.30 pm,
what does she do?
What does she do... Er, she shouts at her team.
But before that?
- Ah! She puts up the water polo goals! - Exactly.
That's the perfect time, to straighten the sunbeds.
That's not possible. It's scheduled for 7 pm.
Let's try it, shall we? I'm Mrs. Wilhelm...
and you start a conversation. Quite spontaneously.
- Spontaneously, huh? - Planned, yet spontaneous.
Perfect pH value today.
With my field-effect-transistor, I've created a charge,
which uses the ion-sensitive layer of the yellow membrane.
- Can't you try something a bit more romantic? - Romantic?
- Yes. You want a date with her, don't you? - Of course.
So, you straighten the sunbeds and say:
"Look, how the sun makes the water sparkle,"
like 1,000 diamonds in infinity. But...
Do you know, what would be even more wonderful?
If I could take you out for dinner tonight.
- We'll practice that now. - Yes. That's good.
OK, OK, OK.
Ah! Mrs. Wilhelm! How beautifully the water...
may I call you Silke? makes the sun sparkle. Rubbish.
My water... bubbles... directly into your heart.
- I can't do it. - Try again.
I love your sparkly tracksuit.
It goes well with my bedsheets.
No! No! No! Why? Why bedsheets?
- Well I thought... - Let's simplify it, hm?
Repeat after me.
Mrs. Wilhelm, it was such a lovely day today.
Mrs. Wilhelm, it was a lovely day. - But it will be perfect,
if we have dinner together.
But it will be perfect, if you have dinner with me.
- Hm. Now all at once. - Yes.
Mrs. Wilhelm, it was a lovely day.
But it will be perfect, if you have dinner with me.
Then I can show you my collection of puzzles.
No, no, no. That's was great. But no collection of puzzles.
Don't you do this at 7 pm?
Oh. Mrs. Wilhelm.
You know, it was such a lovely day, today.
- Perfect pH value? - Yes. Er.
But it would be even more lovely...
Er.
You know, with my new field-effect-transistor I've created a charge,
which uses the ion-sensitive layer of the yellow membrane.
- You're using bias voltage? - No, the Nernst equation.
In the dairy lab, we work with the decadic logarithm.
I combine the physical constants R and F.
- Will you have dinner with me? - Yes.
- Who, me? Yes. Good.
- 8 pm. You'll bring the drinks. - Sure?
- Yes.
That's how we do romantic in Germany!
I didn't know, if you prefer with or without.
Nice. Er. Nice place.
And dinner smells delicious.
- Not yet. - Not yet?
I always eat at 8 pm sharp.
Wow.
You're a jigsaw puzzler too?
I hold the Bavarian record for 1,000 pieces.
One hour, 16 minutes and 38 seconds.
One hour, 16 minutes and 38 seconds?
- Difficulty level nine. - Level nine? Impressive.
They named an opening move after me:
Wilhelm-Manoeuvre.
Wilhelm-Manoeuvre?
Mrs. Wilhelm. I would really love to...
I am aware that we don't know each other well.
But would you consider doing a puzzle with me?
It's been... a long time...
since I did a puzzle...
with someone.
Mrs. Wilhelm. 41 minutes and 23 seconds.
For 500 pieces. You're marvelous.
I love charts.
Columns.
- Numbers. - Templates.
- Line spacing. - Page layout.
Shall we go again?
Are you able to go again so soon?
Boss?
Boss!
Boss, there's a camera crew.
I know.
Mr. Kruse. Looking good. Great.
Janine, Mr. Kruse is ready for make-up.
So? How was your date?
- We did a jigsaw puzzle. - A puzzle? OK.
You wouldn't believe, how quickly she makes her moves.
- You're ready to go - Er. OK. Respect.
OK, we're ready.
Slate and action.
The lido. Hot summer days and cold refreshments.
Will all this be relegated to the past?
Hello and welcome to another episode of
"What's Up, Bavaria" with your favourite presenter, Kai Haffner, that's me.
We're at the Grubberg lido today. Next to me is Karl Kruse, the Pool Attendant.
- Hello. - It's Pool Supervisor.
Pool Supervisor. Mr. Kruse, after almost 50 years, the lido is to be shut down.
But you are campaigning against the closure. - That's right.
Please explain, what you have planned.
Basically it's the same principle as in church or the brothel.
- If you pay, you're in- - You must be kidding me.
On Saturday, at the big water polo final you will be able to buy shares
and help to save the lido.
It's really all your fault.
If more of you had come to the lido, we wouldn't be in this mess now.
So, please come along on Saturday.
With your ticket, you will help to save the lido. So, please come.
In Nigeria we say: "A wounded camel cannot walk on its own".
So, please come.
- But we're not in Nigeria, we're in Bavaria. - Exactly.
We used to host big competitions here.
With many talented athletes, like Lisa Dengler.
You mean the doping offender?
Yes. What? No. It was just a painkiller for her shoulder injury.
- The Association said it was definitely dopi - Look at that.
And I say: Don't talk such rubbish, if you haven't got a clue.
He's very passionate.
And here comes the water polo team
That's fantastic.
And in the lead, Silke Wilhelm, our coach.
Silke Wilhelm, fantastic. What an entrance, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you see that...
What's wrong with you?
Are you crazy, or what?
Really...
THE GOOD OLD TIMES ARE OVER
Men! Back to training!
Are you OK?
Off you go!
Turn it off. Stop. What do you think you're doing?
- What's he doing here? - That's Mr. Ed.
And he'd like you to rescue him.
He's really not my type
Sali, do you want to pass your exam or not?
Lisa?
I've had it now.
Alright.
Don't we have a helmet?
We don't.
What about this thing?
That's Mister Ed. He belongs with me.
And you? Where do you belong?
Sali? He belongs with me, too.
Right. Didn't we confiscate your license two weeks ago?
- Yes, we did. - So, then everybody off the bike, please.
Come on, guys. Get off now.
I told you to keep your hands off her. What's going on, here?
Who are you?
Who I am? My name's Dengler. I'm the father.
Just so you know: it's all his fault.
- Are you mad? - Did you check his papers?
All in good time.
Sadly, he keeps causing problems.
Your daughter's the one causing problems. She's driving without a license.
You lost your license? What's wrong with you?
- Stop making a drama! - Are you taking drugs?
Have you been drinking? Let me smell your breath.
- Why me, all of a sudden? I haven't been drinking.
Now pat down the refugee!
- Mr. Spengler... - Dengler!
Please take your daughter,
ensure that the motorbike is removed.
And take your car off the zebra crossing.
This is not a parking area. Are we understood.
Are we understood?
We are.
Come on, then.
Good evening. I don't want to interrupt.
- Good Night. - Night.
So, you can hardly walk, but in my pool, you swim the crawl.
Goodbye, Mrs. Bogner.
SIGN HERE
Huh? Christ Almighty! Hello.
There's still a lot missing.
- Oh, just a bit. - And how much is a bit?
- 46,350 Euros. - That's all?
Well, if you were to take those six, it would be an even...
What if I take them all? How does that sound?
What? 46,350 Euros?
It's just one phone call to my bank.
- And where's the catch? - There's no catch.
Just a small favour.
A small favour? For 46,350 Euros?
It's about your refugee. I don't want to see him around here.
Sack him.
Sali?
I have my reasons.
I don't understand.
Then I'll explain it again:
I'm prepared to forego my flats and to save your lido.
Just like that.
You have your social responsibility, don't you?
- Yes, that's true. - Then it's a no-brainer.
You sack the refugee and we have a deal.
Do we have a deal?
I want you to leave.
Only a fool doesn't know, when it's over.
- I don't want your money. - You're joking, right?
You'd sacrifice your lido for a refugee?
That's not a refugee. That's my friend Sali.
The next time, I'll bring my excavators.
Took you long enough.
I was looking for the ducks, but they're not there.
Maybe they finally left.
Yes.
Would be nice.
Yes.
Right. I just need to...
It's the police!
Sali, hey. What happened?
I'm going to Canada It's better for everyone, if I'm gone.
For you. For Karl.
What are you going to do in Canada?
Make a life for myself.
A home. A safe home, without fear.
And the swimming? What about... your exam?
There's a river between Greece and Turkey.
And I have to get to the other side.
I thought, you're going to Canada?
The refugee smugglers will take us out of the EU.
- You need a refugee smuggler to get out of Germany? - Yes.
It's absurd, but there's no other possibility.
You weren't even planning to take the exam? Hm?
No.
You're running away.
- You're running away like a coward. - Yes.
I'm running away, because it's better for me there.
Do you think you're strong, because you're hiding here?
Hiding? Let me tell you how it is.
I've been here since first grade, training seven times a week.
At 12, I went to the sports boarding school, training nine times a week.
While everyone was at the cinema, I was in the pool.
They'd get a dog for their birthday and I was at the pool.
They'd go on holiday and I'd go to training camp.
I spent my whole life in the pool.
Just because I made one bloody mistake, doesn't mean, I'm giving up.
I'm not hiding here. I'm giving it my all.
For what?
Why?
Just piss off.
Just piss off, Sali. Nobody wants you here.
Just go! Go away! Nobody wants you here.
Thank you.
Hey! Stop it or we'll run you over,
and scrape you into the bin.
What a crazy fool.
I'm here! I'm here!
Right, you two. Buckle up.
Boss, you told me,
a real Pool Supervisor has to look very closely
in order to see everything.
He must make sure not to miss anything.
I have looked closely. And you are better off without me.
Sali!
I'm looking... for Sali.
Sali!
Without me, you can save your lido.
Take the money.
Save your home
ORGANIC POLYAMIDES GENERATE BIGGER MICROFLOCS FROM THE COLLOIDES
Your friend for evermore, Sali.
Domek...
There's nobody here.
It will be so embarrassing.
We'll never get the 50,000 for the lido.
Where's Sali?
Sali's not coming. He's gone.
Gone?
Gone where?
Gone far away. Gone for good.
He can't just leave us in the lurch.
Does that mean, I have to be goalie again?
- Who cares. It's about the money, but nobody came. - Gumberger.
I haven't even opened up.
It's not 10 o'clock yet.
Guys. There they are. The Rohrdach team.
My knees are shaking.
- What shall we do now? - We'll blast them out of the water.
Great. Oh. I'll go and open up.
Men?
- Form a circle. - Yes. Come on.
The time has come. Take a deep breath
And look at each other.
What do you see?
I see one thing.
Losers.
Yes.
Losers.
But do you know those films?
Those really great films.
About victory or defeat.
Where finally the team of losers...
who had no chance...
Not a snowball's chance in hell.
But then, out of the blue...
Bam! A pep talk.
The crucial pep talk.
A pep talk, that changes everything. Men!
This is that pep talk.
And you are the losers.
GUMBERGER. PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Sali! Show them what you've got!
Get away from the edge!
Mrs. Wilhelm.
Notable.
Defense!
HOME GUEST
You are the losers!
Come back!
Sali, you son of a gun! Yeah!
Mrs. Wilhelm!
Sali!
Run for it!
They're coming for our goalie!
Man-to-man marking! Come on!
They're after Sali!!
There he is!
Well done, dumpling!
He's got to be in there somewhere!
Disperse!
Get closer! He's in there!
- Shoes off at the edge of the pool! - I don't give a shit!
Don't touch me Disperse!
Take your shoes off!
You're obstructing a police officer in the course of his duty!
- Let me pass. - No
This way. Come on.
Yeah! Go to the church for sanctuary!
There he is! He's out there!
We made it.
Thanks. Again.
Well, Lisa is just like Sali, right. Only reversed.
Hey. Are you crazy?
Where do you think you are? This is a church.
You made it.
Sali, here's your cap.
Hey, Karl! What's the score? How much did we make?
All the takings are gone. - What?
- Gone how? - Gone where?
Just gone.
Our Madam Mayor took them.
- What? - Huh?
- Municipal revenue. - What?
Lord? Are you watching?
We asked for a small gift. Chips with Mayonnaise!
But you're not even granting a tiny sachet.
What's your problem, huh?
What's your problem?
Karl?
- Karl? Are you ok? - Boss?
- There we are. - Am I supposed to unpack myself?
Hm. Have a nice stay.
You?
- Oh, it's you. - You?
- You. - You.
I'll just say: Omnia causa fiunt!
And I'll just say: stop getting on my nerves, or else
Or what? Are you threatening to hit me?
I'll just say: diving platform.
I will jump, believe you me.
- Never. - Yes I will.
I'll take off as gracefully as a white-headed eagle.
The Haliaeetus leucocephalus!
You won't take off. They're closing the lido.
Curtains! Final Bow!
Dengler is building his horrible flats there.
- You're kidding? - Do I look like I'm joking?
- That can't be true! - Yes it is! It's final!
What about the Koronticus moschata? - The what?
The muscovy duck.
Oh, the fugly duckling.
It's not ugly! Let me tell you something:
Your fugly duckling is on the brink of extinction.
So what?
We're off to save the home of the Koronticus.
- I'm not going to save a duck! - The duck will save your lido!
Careful. Careful. Watch where you're going.
The exit is to the right Unbelievable! I don't want an endoscopy!
- We need to get out! - Watch it!
- Stop wittering on. - Careful.
Stop, stop, stop!
- What's the matter? - Look.
- Do we have a driving license? - We do.
- Then let's step on it. - Bye.
Give me a hand, will you.
There you go. Come in.
And now?
I'll take the wheel and you operate the pedals.
There's still someone inside!
- Are you trying to get us killed? - Turn on the blue light!
Where is it?
- Press the button! - Which one?
Dear God, there was still someone inside!
Bloody hell!
Ouch!
Unbelievable. Come on. Follow them.
Any time today.
There's no point in demonstrating here.
Stop!
It was a city council resolution.
Stop! We have a new situation!
Stop!
What's going on? This is an exceptional situation!
Finally someone, to enforce some order Look, what's going on here.
Yes. Look at what's going on here.
What is going on? That's what I'd like to know.
We are preventing a serious crime.
- Is that so? - Yes, exactly.
Silence!
The proud Koronticus moschata resides here.
Huh?
The blue-feathered muscovy duck.
Man! The ugly bird that poops everywhere.
Ah! Yes, I know that one.
It's almost extinct and therefore an ornithological sensation.
This means any intrusion into its habitat is an offense,
according to article 1 of the Bavarian Nature Conservation act
from January 23, 2011.
And who are you?
Doctor Raimund Rieger PhD, Ornithologist,
and environmental auditor appointed by the Bavarian state chancellery.
Exactly.
Anybody could come and claim that some extinct duck lives here.
Keep your trap shut and watch this.
This is really ridiculous.
- My, aren't they sweet. - Madame Mayor, please.
They look like totally ordinary ducks.
Stunning.
Unbelievable...
- Stop the excavators - I beg your pardon?
Nobody can save you from the conservationists. And the grants.
How much is missing for your cooperative?
- Just a little bit. - How much is a little bit?
- A little bit. - Well? How much?
- Approximately 46,350 Euros. - How much?
Exactly. So, let's all take a deep breath.
And let the excavators fulfil their god-given duty.
Stop. Do you take cheques?
- Er, I think so, right? - Sure. We take anything.
- Thanks. - Yeah!
From now on, lane six belongs to me,
and I have a lifelong right to swim the crawl.
Lane six? Absolutely not.
Come on, man.
What? It's not permitted to swim the crawl in lane six.
- It's a legacy from my father. - It's your move, Mr. Pool Attendant.
- Mrs. Bogner, it's... - Karl.
To hell with it.
Fine, Mrs. Bogner. You will get exceptional permission for life.
OK. Thank you. There you go.
Yeah!
I should have run those blasted creatures over.
- Doctor Rieger. - Mr. Pool Supervisor.
This is so ridiculous.
Brandishing their home-made placards , thinking they can change the world.
And then those ducks: my aren't they sweet..
Those do-gooders make me want to puke.
This has nothing to do with reality.
- Oh, yes. Reality. - What are you doing here?
Only a fool, doesn't know when it's over.
Yes. I couldn't agree more.
It's a bummer that the fool doesn't realize, he's the fool.
Oh, come on.
How much more do you want to destroy?
If you carry on like this, you'll be left with nobody.
So? Does that make any difference?
You're the one, who could make a difference.
Sali needs a good lawyer.
And Lisa finally needs a father, who will give her a hug.
Dream on. I think that's the last thing Lisa wants.
Well then, take a look, smart arse.
SIX WEEKS LATER
- You can't catch me. - Of course I can.
I'd like an ice-cream, please.
- You studied medicine? Wow. - Yes.
There weren't too many men in Paris, right?
Madam Mayor, we heard that the lido will be named after you.
Good God. No.
Naturally, I did my utmost to ensure
that our lovely lido doesn't have to close, but...
Mrs. Bogner, it's not permitted to swim the crawl...
Oops.
Mrs. Bogner, keep it up.
You're doing great.
From three to two...
- Hey! Don't... - jump in from the edge!
Well done Sali.
Sali. You'd better take care of that guy.
That prat won't jump!
- Oh. - Not again.
I can. I want to. I will.
Mr. Rieger, diving platform. Not standing platform.
It's Doctor Rieger. And my season ticket is still valid.
- Mr. Rieger, I'll count to three. - And then what?
- One. - Then what, you poolside sheriff!
- Two.
See? You did it, Doctor Rieger.
I needed that.
Subtitles: digital images GmbH, 2021