1
00:00:06,251 --> 00:00:09,834
‎NETFLIX 原創影集

2
00:00:11,001 --> 00:00:13,209
‎我好喜歡芝加哥的聖誕節

3
00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:16,209
‎家庭聚會、節日精神

4
00:00:16,293 --> 00:00:18,876
‎鬍子上熱呼呼的蘭姆酒口氣

5
00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:21,626
‎但最棒的還是聖誕節的前一天

6
00:00:21,709 --> 00:00:24,043
‎老娘會把它稱為平安夜

7
00:00:24,126 --> 00:00:26,126
‎所有最棒的派對集中在這一天

8
00:00:26,209 --> 00:00:28,626
‎而我就是這些派對的救世主

9
00:00:29,501 --> 00:00:31,584
‎那該死的節日火車在哪裡？

10
00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:34,251
‎我們就不能坐普通的火車嗎？
‎我要冷死了

11
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,834
‎節日火車就如你的黛安阿姨

12
00:00:36,918 --> 00:00:39,293
‎嗨到爆炸
‎願意等待的人就能享受“高潮”

13
00:00:39,376 --> 00:00:42,334
‎好，下年開始別再這麼多性暗示了

14
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,209
‎來了！

15
00:00:46,418 --> 00:00:48,168
‎哇，好美啊！

16
00:00:48,251 --> 00:00:50,376
‎對，他就是這樣騙到人的

17
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:51,834
‎誰騙到妳？

18
00:00:53,168 --> 00:00:54,709
‎噢，不

19
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:55,918
‎聖誕老人，記得我嗎？

20
00:00:56,001 --> 00:00:59,001
‎你爬到我的“煙囪”，害我得陰蝨了

21
00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:00,251
‎我的老天啊

22
00:01:00,334 --> 00:01:02,668
‎你要怎麼補償我啊？

23
00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:07,876
‎丹尼爾，是不是很棒啊？

24
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,126
‎其實啊，我早就有陰蝨了

25
00:01:12,584 --> 00:01:16,084
‎該死的節日快樂！

26
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:25,168
‎今晚的平安夜，我安排了超多活動

27
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,918
‎首先，我們先去你父母家
‎先恥笑他們一輪

28
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:30,001
‎然後去麥奇家喝熱威士忌

29
00:01:30,084 --> 00:01:31,959
‎再去博羅開工作派對

30
00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:35,668
‎我們現在先來開酒桶和拆禮物吧

31
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:40,251
‎是一瓶…暖的美乃滋

32
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,418
‎不，這是我有名的自家製護膚油

33
00:01:43,501 --> 00:01:44,918
‎今年是梅洛酒味的

34
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:47,626
‎到比基尼季節也不拍蚊叮蟲咬

35
00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:50,251
‎哇，還真的不錯用

36
00:01:51,209 --> 00:01:53,918
‎我手臂會有醉的感覺是正常的嗎？

37
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:55,334
‎這才叫有效啊

38
00:01:55,418 --> 00:01:57,626
‎對了，罐子要還我喔

39
00:01:57,709 --> 00:01:58,751
‎-現在？
‎-對

40
00:01:58,834 --> 00:02:01,168
‎就把護膚油倒到鋁箔紙上

41
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,626
‎到我拆禮物了！

42
00:02:03,668 --> 00:02:05,584
‎我的雞啊！

43
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:08,751
‎全新的智能手機？你怎麼買得起的？

44
00:02:08,834 --> 00:02:10,376
‎其實是我的舊手機

45
00:02:10,459 --> 00:02:13,709
‎我把妳的聯絡人都轉移過去了
‎妳還可以繼續用之前的號碼

46
00:02:13,793 --> 00:02:15,751
‎312黛安屌爆了

47
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:18,168
‎看看我，我超高級的

48
00:02:18,251 --> 00:02:20,418
‎現在我可以在手機上看小黃片了

49
00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:21,834
‎（蠢女表來電）

50
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:23,126
‎天啊，不，別接電話！

51
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,793
‎小黛，也祝妳聖誕快樂啦

52
00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:28,543
‎我看到丹尼爾把禮物送給妳了

53
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:29,668
‎我也有準備禮物給妳

54
00:02:29,751 --> 00:02:32,709
‎等丹尼爾把罐子還我
‎就可以送給妳了

55
00:02:32,793 --> 00:02:34,793
‎妳今晚甚麼時候過來？

56
00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:37,251
‎噢，今年我們要去馬克的父母家

57
00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:38,793
‎-老婆，覺得怎樣？
‎-不行

58
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,834
‎-我在感恩節有跟妳說過的
‎-噢，好吧

59
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,918
‎妳在每年排名第16的醉酒日中

60
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:46,251
‎告訴我如此重要的資訊？

61
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,376
‎我也想請妳一起來
‎但他們都是基督科學教會的人

62
00:02:49,459 --> 00:02:51,543
‎他們相信禱告效用大於藥物

63
00:02:51,626 --> 00:02:53,834
‎妳對他們的免疫系統來說是重大威脅

64
00:02:53,918 --> 00:02:54,876
‎胡說…

65
00:02:56,584 --> 00:02:59,501
‎丹尼爾，一個鐘頭後見囉
‎記得穿聖誕背心

66
00:02:59,584 --> 00:03:00,584
‎你也要去？

67
00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:01,751
‎抱歉了，黛安阿姨

68
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:04,918
‎但…妳出去轟趴
‎比較像是慶祝跨年夜

69
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:07,209
‎況且他要回家等聖誕老人來啊

70
00:03:07,293 --> 00:03:09,501
‎聖誕老人，處處風流，必定會“來”

71
00:03:09,584 --> 00:03:12,168
‎黛安，妳不該這樣說聖誕…

72
00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:13,793
‎掛斷！

73
00:03:15,418 --> 00:03:18,459
‎-我不陪妳，沒關係吧？
‎-當然沒關係

74
00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:20,418
‎我要和麥奇吃一頓晚餐

75
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,876
‎然後去工作派對
‎但要故意遲到，再隆重登場

76
00:03:22,959 --> 00:03:26,626
‎我幹嘛要去馬克父母遜爆又懦弱…

77
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:28,668
‎我們還沒掛斷

78
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:31,084
‎正面又愉悅的歡聚

79
00:03:31,168 --> 00:03:33,376
‎好，再見囉！

80
00:03:33,459 --> 00:03:35,376
‎丹尼爾，幫我掛斷

81
00:03:35,459 --> 00:03:36,959
‎六隻下蛋的鵝

82
00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:38,876
‎五隻金…

83
00:03:39,626 --> 00:03:40,501
‎可惡！

84
00:03:40,584 --> 00:03:42,543
‎媽，妳怎麼來了？

85
00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:45,126
‎我知道我早到了
‎但我們可以先喝幾杯吧

86
00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:48,126
‎蓋布瑞娜，妳真美，親愛的

87
00:03:48,209 --> 00:03:51,168
‎-謝謝，鄧布羅斯基女士
‎-你們要去哪裡？

88
00:03:51,793 --> 00:03:55,001
‎我們要去動物園看聖誕燈
‎我有發訊息給妳的

89
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:57,959
‎聖誕燈，我可以一起去

90
00:03:58,043 --> 00:04:01,334
‎這是海迪的主意，她喜歡那裡的鳥展

91
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:03,834
‎妳們有正式見過面嗎？

92
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:05,751
‎嗨，我叫海迪

93
00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:06,834
‎親愛的，幸會

94
00:04:06,918 --> 00:04:10,126
‎這個鳥展有甚麼看點？
‎牠們飛來飛去嗎？

95
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,501
‎牠們還會載歌載舞

96
00:04:12,584 --> 00:04:14,834
‎那些小天使簡直才華洋溢

97
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:17,834
‎好，聽起來蠻有趣的，我加入

98
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:21,001
‎媽，抱歉了，我們也得提前買票

99
00:04:21,084 --> 00:04:24,418
‎我本來想買一張給妳的
‎但妳被動物園永久禁止進入了

100
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:27,084
‎對，看來猴子向你丟屎就可以

101
00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:29,793
‎但丟回去就不行喔

102
00:04:29,876 --> 00:04:32,793
‎想了一下，其實我也去不了

103
00:04:32,876 --> 00:04:35,876
‎我要去工作派對，我太忙了

104
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:39,626
‎麥奇，蓋布瑞娜
‎這是你們的禮物，我自家製的護膚油

105
00:04:39,709 --> 00:04:41,001
‎我愛你們

106
00:04:41,084 --> 00:04:43,084
‎-謝謝媽媽
‎-謝謝，鄧布羅斯基女士

107
00:04:43,168 --> 00:04:44,793
‎黛安，聖誕快樂

108
00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:47,251
‎謝謝，科特，大家玩得開心了

109
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:51,126
‎小心那隻雌性猴子，牠來者不善啊

110
00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:52,168
‎（博羅）

111
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:54,543
‎（壞壞清單）

112
00:04:57,168 --> 00:05:00,501
‎聖誕兼新年買醉快樂！

113
00:05:00,584 --> 00:05:03,793
‎我沒想過自己會這麼說
‎但我很慶幸自己有來上班

114
00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:05,584
‎噢，幸好妳來了

115
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:09,334
‎老妹，我們很需要人來打破沉默

116
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,584
‎妳們看看，這是我在計程車上想到的

117
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:16,876
‎我是過去聖誕酒靈

118
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:19,459
‎來嘛，大家，我們來狂歡囉！

119
00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:21,043
‎黛安，停啊！

120
00:05:21,126 --> 00:05:22,834
‎公司的人在看

121
00:05:22,918 --> 00:05:25,043
‎博羅的所有分店都在直播

122
00:05:25,126 --> 00:05:28,126
‎絕對不能喝酒

123
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:30,334
‎節日派對不能喝酒？

124
00:05:30,418 --> 00:05:33,084
‎這是侵犯我的宗教自由

125
00:05:33,168 --> 00:05:35,834
‎妳沒有受壓迫！

126
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,793
‎拜託，我們擺幾個紙版人

127
00:05:38,876 --> 00:05:40,626
‎像《小鬼當家》那樣用繩綁起

128
00:05:40,709 --> 00:05:42,626
‎再去休息間喝到茫吧

129
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,751
‎我想想看，跟妳去衣帽間喝到茫

130
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:47,834
‎還是保住自己的飯碗

131
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:52,126
‎我真得要認真考慮一下

132
00:05:52,709 --> 00:05:53,584
‎博羅的家庭成員

133
00:05:53,668 --> 00:05:56,168
‎好，女士們，專心了

134
00:05:56,918 --> 00:05:59,084
‎大家好，又是我啊

135
00:05:59,168 --> 00:06:01,876
‎演員兼企業帶領者，傑瑞費拉拉

136
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,876
‎要慶祝博羅節日派對，請按一

137
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:06,959
‎威素椒鹽卷餅快餐店，請按二

138
00:06:07,043 --> 00:06:08,834
‎孟山都，請按三

139
00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:13,293
‎不能喝酒的節日派對，請殺了我吧

140
00:06:13,376 --> 00:06:14,209
‎安靜

141
00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:17,543
‎正夕平安夜， 大家聚首一堂

142
00:06:17,626 --> 00:06:19,501
‎這裡卻沒有人為此感到興奮

143
00:06:19,584 --> 00:06:21,168
‎連該死的老鼠都沒有

144
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:24,834
‎沒有人香檳，只是我在咳嗽

145
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,668
‎黛安，第二次警告

146
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:28,668
‎-請妳離開
‎-三次警告才要離開的

147
00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:31,293
‎美國企業只給兩次機會

148
00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:32,918
‎而黑人只有一次機會

149
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,959
‎蒂娜，小蘇，怎麼樣？

150
00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:37,626
‎我們一起去停車場喝蒸餾酒

151
00:06:37,709 --> 00:06:39,584
‎吸吸煙，或許吸口大麻…

152
00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:40,959
‎黛安，夠了，停啦

153
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:44,959
‎我們也要保住飯碗，我想40歲退休

154
00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:46,251
‎妳早就40歲了吧

155
00:06:46,334 --> 00:06:50,126
‎算了，我去真正的派對
‎和那些真正會享樂的人一起狂歡

156
00:06:52,376 --> 00:06:54,543
‎我的避難所！

157
00:06:54,626 --> 00:06:59,209
‎…靜享天賜安眠

158
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:02,126
‎這就是我女兒最愛聽的歌

159
00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:04,209
‎我已經20年沒有見過她了

160
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,334
‎這才是我的同類嘛

161
00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:08,209
‎賴瑞，你好嗎？

162
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:12,251
‎你兒子考進西北大學了？恭喜啦！

163
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:14,334
‎黛安，妳幹嘛來了？

164
00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:17,168
‎妳不是唯獨平安夜才不會來嗎？

165
00:07:17,251 --> 00:07:19,709
‎我能怎麼說？我想念大家嘛

166
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:23,043
‎妳，賴瑞，那個邊唱邊哭的傢伙

167
00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:26,418
‎露安，不如我們一起上台唱歌吧？

168
00:07:26,501 --> 00:07:29,751
‎唱《小子屬於我》吧
‎我要唱布蘭迪那部分

169
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:32,084
‎不行，我要去清潔那傢伙的嘔吐物

170
00:07:32,168 --> 00:07:34,334
‎還有那傢伙，妳要喝甚麼嗎？

171
00:07:34,918 --> 00:07:37,084
‎給我一杯啤酒加蛋吧

172
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:39,293
‎賴瑞，送給你

173
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,751
‎不用把袋子還我了

174
00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:47,001
‎天啊，連賴瑞也有家庭聚餐

175
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,459
‎露安，我是想要啤酒加蛋

176
00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:52,626
‎我還想娶娜拉提洛娃為妻

177
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:55,459
‎但我卻不能走近她900米範圍之內

178
00:07:56,668 --> 00:08:00,418
‎露安，我必須說
‎今晚真是不如我預期

179
00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:02,918
‎聖誕節明明應該和親戚朋友一起慶祝

180
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:06,001
‎但我卻在這裡，孤苦伶仃

181
00:08:06,084 --> 00:08:07,001
‎沒有妳

182
00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:10,709
‎這將會是我有生以來最可悲的聖誕節

183
00:08:10,793 --> 00:08:13,501
‎我知道，我也想去啊

184
00:08:13,584 --> 00:08:16,043
‎我在等這些廢物離開

185
00:08:16,126 --> 00:08:17,543
‎他媽的

186
00:08:18,668 --> 00:08:19,876
‎我是小黛

187
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:22,959
‎嗨，我這邊是西區醫院

188
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:25,418
‎我最愛吃波蘭餃子的店
‎就在你們醫院附近

189
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:29,459
‎妳是尚文森的妻子
‎黛安鄧布羅斯基嗎？

190
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,209
‎對，他是我的第二任渣男丈夫

191
00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:34,418
‎但我已經20年沒見過他了

192
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:36,459
‎我有一個很遺憾的消息

193
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:39,668
‎文森先生發生機車意外了

194
00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:42,001
‎噢，真慘

195
00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:43,834
‎希望沒有刮到地上的瀝青吧

196
00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:46,584
‎妳是文森先生的緊急聯絡人

197
00:08:46,668 --> 00:08:49,584
‎所以我們必須依法通知妳

198
00:08:49,668 --> 00:08:51,709
‎妳要來看他嗎？

199
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,126
‎好，我也愛你們

200
00:08:56,209 --> 00:08:57,876
‎喂，留些甜點給我

201
00:08:57,959 --> 00:09:00,293
‎好吧，我馬上過來

202
00:09:00,376 --> 00:09:02,376
‎各位抱歉，我要先走了

203
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,876
‎我可以一起去嗎？

204
00:09:04,751 --> 00:09:07,001
‎其實啊…

205
00:09:07,084 --> 00:09:08,126
‎好，再見

206
00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:10,001
‎（西區醫院）

207
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:15,501
‎我來見尚文森的

208
00:09:16,209 --> 00:09:20,418
‎對，他在曼海姆路被蒸氣壓路機撞了

209
00:09:20,501 --> 00:09:22,459
‎他在1069號房

210
00:09:22,543 --> 00:09:23,626
‎好極了

211
00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:25,834
‎我是說…聽起來很嚴重

212
00:09:25,918 --> 00:09:27,876
‎老實說，我沒想過妳會接電話

213
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:32,251
‎他20年來都沒有更新過緊急聯絡人

214
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,709
‎靠，我的緊急聯絡人搞不好還是科特

215
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:36,959
‎海迪肯定不會樂見的

216
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,584
‎我該改成丹尼爾嗎？

217
00:09:38,668 --> 00:09:41,543
‎我不知道，我又不認識他們

218
00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:43,626
‎但妳進去之前要先簽妥這份表格

219
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,043
‎他手術完成後

220
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,834
‎我們要確保有人帶他去門診病人護理

221
00:09:47,918 --> 00:09:51,084
‎不必了，我只是過來看看他

222
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:53,084
‎他已經不是老娘的問題了

223
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,834
‎親愛的，聖誕快樂，送妳一些護膚油

224
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,876
‎好，爸，到你了

225
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,793
‎看你能不能勝過我
‎用“卡其布”拿的三重分數

226
00:10:06,209 --> 00:10:09,501
‎-哎呀，寶貝的飲料灑出來囉
‎-媽，我自己來就好

227
00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:13,793
‎-薑餅耶穌？
‎-噢，用玉米糖做的王冠

228
00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:17,543
‎你們做空巢老人還習慣嗎？

229
00:10:17,626 --> 00:10:20,251
‎寶貝兒子不在身邊好難受

230
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:23,084
‎-讓我很空虛
‎-是嗎？

231
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:25,168
‎我們明白的，馬克上大學的時候

232
00:10:25,251 --> 00:10:28,001
‎我們都坐在他的房間裡
‎磨光他收集的硬幣

233
00:10:28,084 --> 00:10:29,876
‎但原來這樣會讓硬幣失去價值

234
00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:30,959
‎對不起了，馬克

235
00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:33,543
‎沒事，說真的

236
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:36,043
‎讓我靜靜

237
00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,418
‎黛安阿姨？我聽不到妳講話

238
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:40,084
‎我在西區醫院

239
00:10:40,168 --> 00:10:41,501
‎我前夫出意外了

240
00:10:41,584 --> 00:10:44,668
‎我想告訴你
‎你現在是我的緊急聯絡人了

241
00:10:44,751 --> 00:10:46,209
‎快點，不然來不及了

242
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:47,376
‎…醫院…

243
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:48,293
‎…意外…

244
00:10:48,793 --> 00:10:49,626
‎…緊急…

245
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:50,959
‎快點…

246
00:10:51,043 --> 00:10:52,126
‎…來不及了

247
00:10:53,584 --> 00:10:54,584
‎白光

248
00:10:54,668 --> 00:10:56,084
‎不要往白光走！

249
00:10:57,543 --> 00:11:00,918
‎靠，我本來想拔掉震動自慰器
‎來為這玩意充電的

250
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:04,584
‎黛安阿姨在醫院，好像是出了意外！

251
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,293
‎-甚麼？
‎-天啊！

252
00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:09,959
‎要是她死了，把聖誕節搞砸
‎我一定不會放過她

253
00:11:10,043 --> 00:11:11,876
‎-她在哪裡？
‎-她沒有說

254
00:11:11,959 --> 00:11:13,876
‎我打給麥奇看他有沒有阿姨的消息

255
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:17,126
‎要是她生病了，那應該要去教堂

256
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:26,251
‎黛安鄧布羅斯基，妳不該來的

257
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:27,418
‎這裡不安全

258
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:28,418
‎為甚麼？

259
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:32,876
‎醫生說要是我勃起了，我就死定了！

260
00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:37,543
‎好了，尚，我不是來聽你開玩笑的
‎你到底發生甚麼事了？

261
00:11:37,626 --> 00:11:41,793
‎我剛才想向一台電動車比中指
‎然後我的機車就滑倒了

262
00:11:41,876 --> 00:11:45,126
‎之後在曼海姆路被蒸氣壓路機撞了

263
00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:48,584
‎這比那次你在怪人喬那裡
‎被一堆老虎抓住還慘

264
00:11:48,668 --> 00:11:51,751
‎我想念他，還很想念那些老虎

265
00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:53,668
‎我想妳了，黛安

266
00:11:54,751 --> 00:11:57,793
‎幫幫忙，放一個枕頭到我腿下

267
00:11:57,876 --> 00:11:59,751
‎這些事情不是由護士來做嗎？

268
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:03,001
‎她們不太喜歡我
‎我進來的時候對她們毛手毛腳

269
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:04,959
‎哪一隻腿？

270
00:12:05,043 --> 00:12:06,209
‎我第三條腿

271
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:09,334
‎順帶一提，我還是老當益壯喔

272
00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:12,501
‎言歸正傳，我該走了

273
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:15,084
‎-妳要去哪裡？
‎-我大把事情要做

274
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,709
‎家庭、工作派對…

275
00:12:16,793 --> 00:12:20,168
‎妳永遠都騙不過我，黛安鄧布羅斯基

276
00:12:20,251 --> 00:12:24,084
‎除了那次妳說在樂隊的旅遊車上
‎沒有任何事情發生吧

277
00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:25,959
‎我知道妳在車上幹過甚麼

278
00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:28,834
‎好啦，老娘就陪你一陣子吧

279
00:12:28,918 --> 00:12:30,918
‎對了，屁股坐下來嘛

280
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,084
‎夠了

281
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,376
‎你真該把那件皮製外套脫掉

282
00:12:34,459 --> 00:12:36,501
‎脫不了，外套溶在我身上了

283
00:12:37,126 --> 00:12:39,834
‎我們連黛安住哪間醫院都不知道

284
00:12:39,918 --> 00:12:42,084
‎難道要通通去一遍嗎？

285
00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:43,834
‎兩位，我在打電話！

286
00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:47,126
‎好，我打去博羅
‎看她有沒有出席工作派對

287
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:50,793
‎丹尼爾，你找到她的話
‎你有我的手機號碼嗎？

288
00:12:50,876 --> 00:12:53,293
‎有，是我打給你的

289
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,626
‎海迪，我要走了，事態緊急

290
00:12:57,709 --> 00:13:00,709
‎但他們快要表演《聖誕鈴雀》了
‎那是很棒的歌舞表演

291
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:02,418
‎不是才剛表演過嗎？

292
00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:04,626
‎剛才是表演《搖起聖誕鈴雀》

293
00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:06,334
‎你到底有沒有在看？

294
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,209
‎抱歉，但黛安有麻煩

295
00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:11,793
‎你居然在聖誕節為了前度把我丟下

296
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:14,209
‎妳想我怎樣？那是我兒子的母親！

297
00:13:15,334 --> 00:13:18,126
‎海迪，我陪妳吧，麥奇，去找你媽吧

298
00:13:18,209 --> 00:13:20,626
‎我每次以為自己無法更愛妳的時候

299
00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:22,501
‎我卻更加愛妳了

300
00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:28,459
‎誰會把炸華夫餅丟掉？

301
00:13:30,834 --> 00:13:34,334
‎還記得有一次
‎我們上了《欺騙者》的節目嗎？

302
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:36,418
‎對，我捅你一刀了

303
00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:39,209
‎喂，那是因為我先捅妳的

304
00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:42,376
‎妳最後還跟那個主持上床
‎他叫甚麼名字來著？

305
00:13:42,459 --> 00:13:44,043
‎-喬伊葛雷柯
‎-喬伊葛雷柯，對

306
00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:46,418
‎我肯定你當時也在場

307
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:49,543
‎對啊，總得有人提著攝影機吧

308
00:13:52,084 --> 00:13:54,126
‎我們曾經有過愛火，是不是？

309
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,001
‎尚，別想撩我了

310
00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:59,043
‎我今晚來這裡只有兩個理由

311
00:13:59,126 --> 00:14:00,459
‎一，來罵臭你

312
00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:02,709
‎二，我沒事可以做

313
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:05,334
‎像妳這樣受官方認證的

314
00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:08,626
‎百分百純正黑安格斯牛，秀色可餐

315
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:10,418
‎今晚怎麼會閒著沒事做？

316
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,834
‎恐怕是沒有人
‎想跟我這個老女人一起慶祝吧

317
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,751
‎我這個老頭子很高興見到妳

318
00:14:16,834 --> 00:14:20,668
‎事實上，這應該是我長久以來

319
00:14:20,751 --> 00:14:23,043
‎最美好的平安夜

320
00:14:24,626 --> 00:14:25,668
‎（企業快樂！）

321
00:14:25,751 --> 00:14:27,543
‎好，布殊維克支線

322
00:14:27,626 --> 00:14:29,751
‎你們在這個時節有甚麼感恩的事情？

323
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,876
‎我知道已經有很多人說過了

324
00:14:31,959 --> 00:14:34,834
‎但我也同樣對理髮行業非常感恩

325
00:14:34,918 --> 00:14:38,043
‎噢，同路人真多

326
00:14:38,626 --> 00:14:41,834
‎噢，既天然又溫和

327
00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,126
‎我收到黛安外甥的訊息

328
00:14:45,209 --> 00:14:46,501
‎黛安遇到意外了

329
00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:49,293
‎但他們不知道黛安被送往哪間醫院了

330
00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:50,793
‎我去拿外套！

331
00:14:50,876 --> 00:14:52,501
‎好，馬上出發

332
00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:54,501
‎吉迪恩，快點，我們要出去找她！

333
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:57,293
‎我不能離開，公司在看著的

334
00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,793
‎別這樣，別鑽牛角尖了
‎黛安需要我們

335
00:14:59,876 --> 00:15:01,209
‎可惡

336
00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:04,543
‎那個女人身在遠方也能連累我們

337
00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:07,376
‎好，女士們，聽我指揮

338
00:15:07,459 --> 00:15:09,376
‎（西北紀念醫院，急診室）

339
00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:10,918
‎（急診室）

340
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,751
‎丹尼爾，你就在這間醫院出生

341
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,668
‎那天是我第一次進醫院

342
00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:16,001
‎那是我人生中最棒的一天

343
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:17,043
‎媽，專心點！

344
00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:19,209
‎對，馬克，你留在這裡

345
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,418
‎收到

346
00:15:21,584 --> 00:15:23,543
‎抱歉，我馬上開走

347
00:15:26,251 --> 00:15:30,043
‎然後妳全裸走出那個帳篷，並說…

348
00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:33,168
‎-“你們這些騎車的人都一樣！”
‎-“你們這些騎車的人都一樣！”

349
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:34,959
‎妳居然記得

350
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:38,543
‎噢，黛安，我們無法終成眷屬

351
00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:40,834
‎我們一直以來都發展得很急速

352
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:45,209
‎對，不過是與對方背道而馳
‎像陰和陽般互不相干

353
00:15:45,293 --> 00:15:48,084
‎錯了，妳的“陰道”很貼我的“陽具”

354
00:15:48,584 --> 00:15:50,959
‎我必須說，我今晚坐上機車

355
00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:53,418
‎去多重信仰的飼料槽示威時

356
00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:55,876
‎絕對沒想過今晚會這樣回味往事

357
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:59,251
‎我也沒想過自己
‎會在平安夜的這個時間點還清醒著

358
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,084
‎對了

359
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,334
‎噢，不，妳居然有帶酒

360
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:05,959
‎-倒一點進我的餵食管吧
‎-好

361
00:16:06,043 --> 00:16:08,001
‎但倒完我就走人了

362
00:16:08,084 --> 00:16:09,293
‎噢，好啊，來吧

363
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:11,001
‎噢，爽…

364
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:15,251
‎美味，妳還是愛喝傑克丹尼威士忌

365
00:16:15,334 --> 00:16:16,543
‎當然了

366
00:16:17,334 --> 00:16:19,459
‎還燙到爆！

367
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:22,793
‎黛安鄧布羅斯基有被送進來嗎？

368
00:16:22,876 --> 00:16:26,584
‎長直的紅髮，胖死的梨形身材
‎吸煙吸不停

369
00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:29,376
‎這裡有一半的人都是這樣

370
00:16:29,876 --> 00:16:32,334
‎抱歉，我們醫院沒有這個病人

371
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:33,584
‎（查無結果）

372
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,334
‎還是很好吃

373
00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,668
‎拜託，麥奇，開快一點吧

374
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:41,084
‎靠，別現在來搞事

375
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,834
‎不，慘了

376
00:16:43,918 --> 00:16:46,584
‎慘了，爸，我要怎麼做？

377
00:16:46,668 --> 00:16:49,001
‎坐好就行了，讓我來講

378
00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:51,959
‎-你們開得蠻快的
‎-年輕人，謝謝你的提醒

379
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:54,168
‎我明白的，我們時速不會超過100

380
00:16:54,251 --> 00:16:55,668
‎我也是執法人員

381
00:16:55,751 --> 00:16:59,084
‎運輸安全官？真可愛
‎他們還給你徽章了？

382
00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:01,626
‎你們車裡的酒味很大

383
00:17:01,709 --> 00:17:03,376
‎噢，那是我媽自製的護膚油

384
00:17:03,459 --> 00:17:04,334
‎真有新意

385
00:17:04,418 --> 00:17:06,668
‎好，你要走一條直線給我看看

386
00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:08,751
‎他走不了直線

387
00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:11,043
‎這孩子天生就沒有耳水

388
00:17:11,126 --> 00:17:14,543
‎不，爸，我又在東歪西倒了

389
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,459
‎媽的！

390
00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:20,751
‎我們上次一起過平安夜是甚麼時候？

391
00:17:20,834 --> 00:17:21,918
‎我不知道

392
00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:25,001
‎你開著機車離開我當天嗎？

393
00:17:25,084 --> 00:17:27,709
‎對，我這樣做是蠻渣的

394
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:28,834
‎我錯囉

395
00:17:28,918 --> 00:17:30,293
‎不要太自責

396
00:17:30,376 --> 00:17:31,918
‎你現在已經夠難看了

397
00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:35,334
‎我們要準備為你做手術

398
00:17:35,418 --> 00:17:37,876
‎我該走了

399
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,709
‎黛安，明天可以再來看我嗎？

400
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:41,418
‎噢，他明天就不在了

401
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,793
‎沒有人幫他簽門診病人護理表

402
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:47,834
‎他手術後將會被送到郡的殘疾病房

403
00:17:47,918 --> 00:17:50,168
‎這樣子過聖誕真難受

404
00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:55,543
‎好啦，把表格給我，我照顧他就是了

405
00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:57,209
‎真的嗎？

406
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,793
‎謝啦！

407
00:17:58,876 --> 00:18:00,126
‎我要一個人過聖誕節的話

408
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,418
‎倒不如陪著需要我的人過

409
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:04,501
‎尚文森，聖誕快樂

410
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,626
‎沒錯，就是聖誕快樂！

411
00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:10,001
‎我們不能容許垃圾主流媒體
‎自由派蠢貨一直說“節日快樂”！

412
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:11,876
‎好了，冷靜點

413
00:18:14,834 --> 00:18:17,501
‎這些人會知道黛安在哪裡？

414
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:18,876
‎她有來過這裡

415
00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:21,001
‎美女，妳有見過黛安嗎？

416
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:22,626
‎有，她走了

417
00:18:22,709 --> 00:18:25,251
‎她有提到她最愛吃波蘭餃子的地方

418
00:18:25,334 --> 00:18:27,793
‎我知道
‎叫“波蘭餃子很重要，所以要說三次”

419
00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:29,334
‎那裡專門騙遊客的

420
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:31,709
‎那裡就在西區醫院附近

421
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:32,668
‎出發！

422
00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:35,209
‎吉迪恩，快點！

423
00:18:35,293 --> 00:18:38,626
‎我的鞋子被這塊髒死的地板黏住了

424
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:41,584
‎天啊，我有很多遺憾

425
00:18:41,668 --> 00:18:45,209
‎我一直沒有機會食甜甜圈漢堡

426
00:18:45,293 --> 00:18:48,251
‎一直沒有機會親眼去看
‎我在俄羅斯的全自動農場

427
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:51,668
‎而我最大的遺憾
‎就是沒有跟黛安妳長相廝守

428
00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:53,209
‎尚，別搞得像說遺言一樣

429
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:54,584
‎聽我說

430
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:58,043
‎若我不幸離世
‎我想妳幫我做幾件事情

431
00:18:58,126 --> 00:19:02,418
‎妳拿著這個隨身碟
‎把裡面的名人裸照流出

432
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:06,376
‎還有照顧好我的狗
‎牠這個禮拜有一場狗鬥

433
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:11,209
‎還有我的貯藏箱裡有一些…
‎我該怎麼說呢？

434
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,793
‎二戰的收藏品

435
00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:17,626
‎我要妳幫我到下星期
‎在印度舉辦的槍展中賣掉它們

436
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:19,584
‎我不太想…

437
00:19:23,418 --> 00:19:26,959
‎人們說死前最後失去知覺的會是老二

438
00:19:27,043 --> 00:19:30,251
‎好了，我要去喝罐汽水

439
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:31,876
‎來，我請客

440
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:34,584
‎幹嘛都是濕的？

441
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,918
‎把罰單寄給我就好！
‎我老婆有危險啊！

442
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,084
‎爸，你剛才把老媽叫成老婆了

443
00:19:43,168 --> 00:19:46,959
‎她在法律上還是我老婆
‎我們一定要去陪伴她

444
00:19:47,043 --> 00:19:49,209
‎我開完罰單之前，你哪裡都別想去

445
00:19:49,293 --> 00:19:50,293
‎媽的！

446
00:19:50,376 --> 00:19:52,543
‎爸，交給我

447
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,876
‎警察先生，這位是我的媽媽

448
00:19:54,959 --> 00:19:57,001
‎她是個好人，她現在身陷…

449
00:19:57,084 --> 00:20:00,084
‎等等，你媽是黛安鄧布羅斯基？

450
00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:01,709
‎她是我第一個拘捕的人

451
00:20:01,793 --> 00:20:05,251
‎我當時超緊張
‎但她帶我走過整個程序

452
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:08,209
‎要是黛安有事，你們一定要去幫忙

453
00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:10,501
‎-注意安全就好
‎-謝謝

454
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,209
‎我會把罰單…寄給你的

455
00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:16,043
‎-媽的！
‎-太好了！

456
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:18,626
‎搞甚麼？

457
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,834
‎我開始值班的時候，裡面還是滿的

458
00:20:21,918 --> 00:20:24,876
‎誰會偷給病童的捐款啊？

459
00:20:27,168 --> 00:20:29,543
‎你真是個人渣！

460
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:32,043
‎說到渣，我的便盆又滿了

461
00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:34,168
‎幫幫忙嘛，“瀉”謝了

462
00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:36,418
‎偷病童的捐款！

463
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:37,584
‎拜託

464
00:20:37,668 --> 00:20:40,793
‎這些錢最終只會
‎進到那些懶護士的口袋

465
00:20:40,876 --> 00:20:43,251
‎我居然會有一刻替你感到難過

466
00:20:43,334 --> 00:20:46,584
‎美女，無論如何，大家都放妳鴿子了

467
00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:49,793
‎妳還能去哪裡？
‎我是現在唯一能陪妳的人

468
00:20:49,876 --> 00:20:52,626
‎我寧願在聖誕節孤苦伶仃

469
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:55,376
‎也不想陪一個自我中心的人

470
00:20:55,459 --> 00:20:57,334
‎再見了，尚文森

471
00:20:57,418 --> 00:20:58,834
‎黛安，等等

472
00:20:58,918 --> 00:21:00,834
‎我在新婚之夜給綠帽妳戴了！

473
00:21:00,918 --> 00:21:03,376
‎我早在彩排的時候給綠帽你戴了！

474
00:21:04,918 --> 00:21:06,001
‎美女，還妳的

475
00:21:06,084 --> 00:21:08,334
‎剛才填的那些表格可以還我嗎？

476
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,418
‎等政府來治他吧

477
00:21:14,918 --> 00:21:16,084
‎找到妳了！

478
00:21:16,168 --> 00:21:18,418
‎-黛安
‎-媽，我差點就成功走直線了！

479
00:21:18,501 --> 00:21:20,918
‎你們過來幹嘛？

480
00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:22,418
‎我們很擔心妳

481
00:21:22,501 --> 00:21:25,043
‎我在電話裡只聽到“緊急”和“醫院”

482
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:26,668
‎你們放棄原有的計劃趕過來

483
00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:29,376
‎就因為你們都認為
‎我是最好、最重要的？

484
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:30,293
‎對！

485
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:33,126
‎-不，我就不會這樣說了
‎-妳欠我一雙新鞋子

486
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,043
‎妳到底發生甚麼事了？

487
00:21:36,043 --> 00:21:37,001
‎不重要了

488
00:21:37,084 --> 00:21:39,376
‎最重要是我們在一起了

489
00:21:39,459 --> 00:21:42,876
‎既然來到醫院
‎我們該來一場醫院派對！

490
00:21:42,959 --> 00:21:44,876
‎小姐，妳不能在這裡辦派對的

491
00:21:44,959 --> 00:21:47,209
‎但醫院有最純的藥物

492
00:21:47,709 --> 00:21:49,668
‎沒關係，拿完藥就走吧

493
00:21:49,751 --> 00:21:51,334
‎去我家開派對！

494
00:21:52,626 --> 00:21:53,751
‎去吧！

495
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,668
‎可惡，我要去拿包包

496
00:21:57,584 --> 00:21:59,001
‎醫院，去死吧！

497
00:22:00,459 --> 00:22:02,001
‎那個混蛋

498
00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:05,584
‎我的包包，人渣！

499
00:22:05,668 --> 00:22:06,959
‎他跑不遠的

500
00:22:07,043 --> 00:22:09,459
‎他沒有穿鞋…也沒有肝臟

501
00:22:10,709 --> 00:22:12,459
‎阿吉，謝謝你來找我

502
00:22:12,543 --> 00:22:14,793
‎你離開博羅的聖誕派對
‎會不會惹上麻煩？

503
00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:17,168
‎不，我早就處理好了

504
00:22:27,584 --> 00:22:30,251
‎你小心點喔，你搞不好會被我同化

505
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:33,418
‎說到同化
‎你身上好像有我那些護膚油的氣味？

506
00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:35,043
‎其實還不錯用的

507
00:22:35,126 --> 00:22:37,334
‎我們可以考慮擺在理髮店賣

508
00:22:37,418 --> 00:22:38,584
‎這是聖誕惡作劇嗎？

509
00:22:38,668 --> 00:22:41,334
‎不是，根本沒有聖誕惡作劇這回事

510
00:22:42,043 --> 00:22:43,251
‎我又吐了

511
00:22:43,334 --> 00:22:46,168
‎到底怎麼回事
‎這個禮拜已經吐第三次了

512
00:22:46,251 --> 00:22:48,001
‎也許是懷孕了吧

513
00:22:50,126 --> 00:22:52,793
‎謝謝你今天特意來找我

514
00:22:52,876 --> 00:22:55,376
‎對不起我把我們的婚姻搞砸了

515
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,084
‎前後兩段婚姻

516
00:22:57,168 --> 00:22:59,876
‎不，我沒有這樣想，我覺得妳很棒

517
00:22:59,959 --> 00:23:01,668
‎我是說…沒關係啦

518
00:23:01,751 --> 00:23:03,459
‎科特，有槲寄生要親親

519
00:23:03,543 --> 00:23:05,668
‎-我要去…
‎-嗯，去吧

520
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:06,918
‎小心惹上禽流感

521
00:23:08,001 --> 00:23:09,793
‎大家來拍全家福吧

522
00:23:09,876 --> 00:23:12,126
‎太好了，大家過來聖誕樹這邊

523
00:23:12,209 --> 00:23:14,959
‎但要小心喔，我明天還要拿去退錢的

524
00:23:15,043 --> 00:23:18,418
‎說：“該死的節日快樂！”

525
00:23:18,501 --> 00:23:21,376
‎該死的節日快樂！

526
00:23:25,251 --> 00:23:27,876
‎其實啊…我認識唱這首歌的狗狗

527
00:23:27,959 --> 00:23:29,126
‎真的假的？

528
00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:31,584
‎聖誕惡作劇啦！

529
00:24:07,668 --> 00:24:10,584
‎字幕翻譯：李瑋樂