1 00:00:06,543 --> 00:00:07,959 [neon buzzing] 2 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,751 Gettin' a fake ID is a rite of passage, Daniel. 3 00:00:13,834 --> 00:00:15,168 I remember my first fake. 4 00:00:15,251 --> 00:00:16,709 It was my 12th birthday. 5 00:00:16,793 --> 00:00:17,876 My dad got it for me 6 00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:20,584 so I could buy my own booze and stop hoggin' his. 7 00:00:22,084 --> 00:00:23,001 [Daniel gasps] 8 00:00:23,084 --> 00:00:27,126 Gimme two Chicago hot dogs… with ketchup. 9 00:00:27,209 --> 00:00:28,751 Is this where we get the ID? 10 00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,959 [laughs] No, honey. Don't be ridiculous. 11 00:00:33,959 --> 00:00:34,959 [chef yelps] 12 00:00:36,751 --> 00:00:37,668 You cheated. 13 00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:39,918 It smells like gunpowder. 14 00:00:40,584 --> 00:00:43,168 Just keep walkin'. He's downstairs. 15 00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:45,876 We need a fake ID. 16 00:00:45,959 --> 00:00:48,876 Okay, I can do it, for the regular fee. 17 00:00:49,459 --> 00:00:50,501 Jesus. 18 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,584 I guess it's worth it. 19 00:00:52,668 --> 00:00:54,251 What's the regular fee? 20 00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:55,459 A kidney. 21 00:00:55,543 --> 00:00:56,418 What? 22 00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:59,293 Relax, Daniel, it doesn't have to be your kidney. 23 00:01:00,334 --> 00:01:01,501 [both laughing] 24 00:01:01,584 --> 00:01:04,626 We're just messin' with ya. It's 200 bucks. 25 00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:08,126 -Your face. Good one. -Very funny. 26 00:01:08,209 --> 00:01:10,376 How you been doin', Ray? Everything good? 27 00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:11,709 Yeah, great. 28 00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:14,293 I actually do need a kidney though. 29 00:01:14,376 --> 00:01:15,959 Oh, I can get ya a kidney. 30 00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:18,418 It's his dad's. 31 00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,501 [opening theme music playing] 32 00:01:33,543 --> 00:01:35,709 Ugh! The Kahlúa went bad. 33 00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:37,834 Um, that's oat milk. 34 00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,501 Never trust milk that doesn't come from tits. 35 00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:42,334 I'm always sayin' this. 36 00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:44,918 Be that as it may, it's better for the environment. 37 00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:46,876 Also, the last time Feather caught me with dairy, 38 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,126 he told me I was committing bovicide. 39 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:50,043 Ick. 40 00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:54,876 Anyhoo, I am not gonna let this terrible White Rush ruin my Halloween. 41 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:58,001 This is a top-five party day of the year for your Aunt Diane, 42 00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:01,168 after Christmas, Cubs opening day, Black Friday, 43 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,293 and all of July. 44 00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:04,668 We're gonna costume up, hit Roscoe's, 45 00:02:04,751 --> 00:02:08,126 which is the best gay bar and throws the best party anywhere, 46 00:02:08,209 --> 00:02:11,668 and we are gonna shut that shit down. 47 00:02:11,751 --> 00:02:14,584 I gotta say, I am really excited. 48 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:18,084 This is my first queer Halloween, and I wanna do it right. 49 00:02:18,168 --> 00:02:22,251 I've actually been thinking. I really want to make out with a stranger. 50 00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,334 Hell fuckin' yeah, Daniel! 51 00:02:24,418 --> 00:02:27,543 Suckin' face with a rando is what Halloween is all about. 52 00:02:27,626 --> 00:02:28,584 I've never done it. 53 00:02:28,668 --> 00:02:31,043 But I think I need to throw caution to the wind, 54 00:02:31,126 --> 00:02:33,293 walk up to a hot guy, smile and say, 55 00:02:33,376 --> 00:02:34,209 "Care to kiss?" 56 00:02:34,293 --> 00:02:36,293 Ugh. "Care to kiss"? 57 00:02:36,376 --> 00:02:38,334 You gotta work on your game, my friend. 58 00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:39,918 You sound like Mitt Romney. 59 00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:43,876 Okay, instead of calling me hurtful names, can you give me some tips? 60 00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:44,959 Hell yeah! 61 00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:48,084 Consider me your fairy godmother. 62 00:02:49,126 --> 00:02:51,001 [chuckles] Come on, that was pretty good. 63 00:02:51,084 --> 00:02:52,584 Okay, here's what you do. 64 00:02:52,668 --> 00:02:55,084 Open with a joke, then a compliment, 65 00:02:55,168 --> 00:02:57,043 toss in a smoldering look… 66 00:02:57,126 --> 00:02:58,334 [sensual music plays] 67 00:02:58,418 --> 00:03:01,001 …and bam, hit him with that wet tongue. 68 00:03:01,084 --> 00:03:02,126 Really? That'll work? 69 00:03:02,209 --> 00:03:05,251 Worked on a certain guy named George when he was in ER. 70 00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:07,418 You made out with George Clooney? 71 00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:09,501 Nope, George Spiradakis. 72 00:03:09,584 --> 00:03:12,959 He sideswiped me in '94, and we hooked up in the hospital. 73 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:14,043 He didn't make it. 74 00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:15,584 Well, I'm sorry to hear that. 75 00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:19,459 But tonight, I'm going to let my freak flag fly! 76 00:03:19,543 --> 00:03:20,543 [phone rings] 77 00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:22,459 Ah, damn it. 78 00:03:22,543 --> 00:03:25,251 I forgot I have a dentist appointment at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. 79 00:03:25,334 --> 00:03:26,418 9:00 a.m.? 80 00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:28,834 You're gonna miss the best part of Halloween. 81 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,584 In the morning, we wake up, drink bloody scaries, 82 00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:34,626 and watch all the people do the walk of shame in their costumes. 83 00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:36,043 Yeah, I'm gonna cancel. 84 00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:38,584 I don't need to have Dr. Gluck make a bunch of bad jokes 85 00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:40,043 while he has his hand in my mouth. 86 00:03:40,126 --> 00:03:41,543 Play your cards right, 87 00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:44,334 and you're gonna get more than a hand in your mouth. 88 00:03:44,418 --> 00:03:46,793 -And I'm talkin'-- -Please, don't say it. 89 00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:48,418 Penis, baby! 90 00:03:49,251 --> 00:03:50,251 Whoa! 91 00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:52,043 [screams] 92 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,626 [vuvuzela blasting] 93 00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:57,668 Who's ready to pregame? 94 00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:01,459 Jesus, Diane. I hate your vuvuzela. 95 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:03,459 [grunts] It's for outdoor. 96 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,376 Well, it's the only thing I got 97 00:04:05,459 --> 00:04:07,709 from that friggin' World Cup in South Africa 98 00:04:07,793 --> 00:04:10,918 before they banned me for bothering Charlize Theron, 99 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,334 who was flirting with me, by the way. 100 00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:16,001 Are you girls comin' to Roscoe's tonight? 101 00:04:16,084 --> 00:04:18,459 They have these pumpkin spice kamikazes. 102 00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:20,918 I wait all year for those little motherfuckers. 103 00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,793 Nah, I got a gig tonight. 104 00:04:22,876 --> 00:04:24,793 Some tech guy is paying me 105 00:04:24,876 --> 00:04:27,626 to make him and his friends look like the White Walkers. 106 00:04:27,709 --> 00:04:29,043 Thank God for nerds. 107 00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:32,876 I cannot. I have touch of flu. 108 00:04:33,918 --> 00:04:36,459 Okay, you two are officially lame-os. 109 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,751 Who am I gonna party with when Daniel's off on his cock hunt? 110 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:40,918 Why don't you invite Gideon? 111 00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:44,209 Tina, that's the worst idea you've ever had, 112 00:04:44,293 --> 00:04:46,251 and you voluntarily quit drinking. 113 00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:50,668 You want me to invite Gideon out on one of the most fun nights of the year? 114 00:04:50,751 --> 00:04:52,251 Here's what that would look like. 115 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:56,334 "Wow, Gideon, I didn't know you were from New York City." 116 00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:58,918 "You've never said that a million times." 117 00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:02,501 "Hey, will you excuse me? I'm gonna drown myself in the toilet." 118 00:05:02,584 --> 00:05:05,626 [gurgling] 119 00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,918 Mmm. How long has he been behind me? 120 00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:10,001 Since beginning. 121 00:05:10,084 --> 00:05:12,834 Hey, Gideon. Love the costume. 122 00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:14,959 Let me guess, wet blanket? 123 00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:16,584 First of all, 124 00:05:16,668 --> 00:05:21,751 the idea that I would want to go with your flat ass is laughable. 125 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,668 And two, if we did, 126 00:05:23,751 --> 00:05:27,126 I think it would look a little bit more like this. 127 00:05:27,209 --> 00:05:30,793 "No, Diane, you can't drive home. You've had 30 rum and Cokes." 128 00:05:30,876 --> 00:05:35,668 "Screw you. Let's crank some Led Zeppelin hillbilly bullshit." 129 00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:37,418 "Oh no, a tree." 130 00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:39,459 "And my reflexes are too dulled 131 00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:43,751 by years of substance abuse and neglect to slow down." 132 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:46,334 [imitates tires skidding, car crashing] 133 00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:50,709 "Beep, beep, beep…" 134 00:05:50,793 --> 00:05:52,418 "Yes, Mr. Coroner, that's her." 135 00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:55,334 "I can tell by her tired, basic-ass tramp stamp." 136 00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:58,751 "Oh, dear. No one came to her funeral?" 137 00:05:59,251 --> 00:06:01,376 -"How sad." -Jesus. 138 00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:02,918 -His was better. -It was funnier. 139 00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,501 They were both good. 140 00:06:04,584 --> 00:06:06,459 [mellow mid-tempo music playing] 141 00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:08,293 Here you go. 142 00:06:08,376 --> 00:06:09,709 Thanks. See you around. 143 00:06:10,293 --> 00:06:13,043 Come on, Daniel. Joke, compliment, sexy look. 144 00:06:13,126 --> 00:06:16,043 Wait, uh, I really liked what you ordered. 145 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,751 Beets are cool. 146 00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,251 Oh, thanks. 147 00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:21,959 Don't freak out if you have red BMs. 148 00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:23,209 What did you just say? 149 00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:25,834 Aren't we naughty? 150 00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:27,168 Ew. 151 00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:29,709 [sighs dejectedly] 152 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,459 Okay, I will be gone for exactly 57 minutes. 153 00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:38,793 Tina, you're in charge, then Zuzana, 154 00:06:39,293 --> 00:06:40,626 then call 911. 155 00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:42,709 You normally eat your little rabbit pellets 156 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,126 in the back there, Gideon. 157 00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:45,251 Where are you off to? 158 00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:49,626 Much like cirrhosis of the liver and lung cancer, it doesn't concern you. 159 00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:52,251 He go on lunch date with man he met on app. 160 00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:54,876 Zuzana, I told you that in confidence. 161 00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:58,168 A lunch date? Who bangs after lunch? 162 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,251 -You do. -You do. 163 00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:00,209 [laughs] 164 00:07:00,293 --> 00:07:02,709 Okay, I walked into that one. 165 00:07:05,376 --> 00:07:07,084 Oh, you gotta go to Vanish. 166 00:07:07,168 --> 00:07:09,084 Each course gets smaller and smaller, 167 00:07:09,168 --> 00:07:10,834 and by the end, you're starving. 168 00:07:10,918 --> 00:07:12,376 What are some spots you're into? 169 00:07:12,459 --> 00:07:17,001 Well, lately, I've been enjoying those premade meals from Trader Joe's. 170 00:07:17,084 --> 00:07:20,209 The Beets and Corn for Two is so good. 171 00:07:20,293 --> 00:07:21,918 I eat the whole thing. 172 00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:23,668 Huh. 173 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:27,668 So, any fun plans tonight? It is Halloween. 174 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:31,501 Well, on Thursdays, I FaceTime with my mama back in Georgia. 175 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,209 We watch The Masked Singer. 176 00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:35,626 She love her some Dr. Ken. 177 00:07:35,709 --> 00:07:37,459 Oh, that's kinda sweet. 178 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:40,751 Yeah, and on Mondays, we watch America's Got Talent, 179 00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:41,959 Tuesdays is The Voice, 180 00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:44,459 and Wednesdays we watch The Voice results show. 181 00:07:44,543 --> 00:07:45,751 [sighs] 182 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,918 Look, Gideon, you seem like a nice guy, 183 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,834 but I'm just looking for a little more fun. 184 00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:52,501 Excuse me? 185 00:07:53,376 --> 00:07:55,584 I'll Venmo request you for the latte. 186 00:07:58,626 --> 00:07:59,584 Hey, Feather, 187 00:07:59,668 --> 00:08:02,626 does the blue algae go in the chlorophyll section or slime? 188 00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,126 [phone buzzing] 189 00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:05,043 Hello? 190 00:08:05,126 --> 00:08:07,876 Hi, Daniel. It's Cindy at Dr. Gluck's office. 191 00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:10,834 I noticed you didn't confirm the appointment for tomorrow, 192 00:08:10,918 --> 00:08:13,293 and I wanted to get you in some other time. 193 00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:17,376 Yeah, um, I think maybe I'm too old to see Dr. Gluck. 194 00:08:17,459 --> 00:08:18,793 Is it his jokes? 195 00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:20,126 Actually, yeah. 196 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,418 I'm gonna pull the tooth, 197 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,584 the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. 198 00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:24,501 Isn't that fun? 199 00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:26,501 Daniel, we've had complaints 200 00:08:26,584 --> 00:08:28,543 that you've been trying to flirt with customers. 201 00:08:28,626 --> 00:08:30,126 Someone called it flirting? 202 00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,626 I can tell your aura's off, 203 00:08:32,709 --> 00:08:35,293 and to be honest, it's assaulting my aura. 204 00:08:35,876 --> 00:08:38,001 So, what's retrograding your Mercury? 205 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,126 Okay. 206 00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:41,959 It's just-- Tonight is Halloween. 207 00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:43,418 Ugh, don't remind me. 208 00:08:43,501 --> 00:08:45,834 I can't believe we still culturally appropriate 209 00:08:45,918 --> 00:08:48,626 a Wiccan celebration without reparations. 210 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:51,001 Yeah, that's bad. 211 00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:54,459 But also, I was hoping to spread my wings a little tonight. 212 00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:57,334 Maybe kiss someone? My aunt gave me some pointers and-- 213 00:08:57,418 --> 00:08:59,376 Let me stop you there, Daniel. 214 00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:02,376 While I respect your sexuality, obvs, 215 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,834 I've also witnessed your aunt here in the store. 216 00:09:04,918 --> 00:09:06,668 She steals the free samples, 217 00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:08,751 she calls me Vanilla Lice, 218 00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:11,293 and I'm pretty sure she crop dusted the nut cheese aisle. 219 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,834 She for sure did those things. 220 00:09:12,918 --> 00:09:15,959 My point is if you want to make a physical connection with someone, 221 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,543 the only thing that matters is pheromones. 222 00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,459 Oh, you mean body odor? 223 00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:22,709 Oh, well, that's actually an offensive label 224 00:09:22,793 --> 00:09:24,209 created by Big Deodorant. 225 00:09:24,293 --> 00:09:26,459 So I just smell someone's pits? 226 00:09:26,543 --> 00:09:27,459 Pretty much. 227 00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:32,376 [phone rings] 228 00:09:33,418 --> 00:09:35,876 -Hey, Mama. -Hey, baby. How's it goin'? 229 00:09:35,959 --> 00:09:38,251 Okay. Just, you know, busy. 230 00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:40,876 Sugar, you work too much. I always tell you that. 231 00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:42,043 -[doorbell rings] -Oh! 232 00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:43,834 First trick-or-treaters are here early. 233 00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:46,709 All right, I'll FaceTime you during Masked Singer, all right? 234 00:09:46,793 --> 00:09:49,584 Actually, Mama, I… I may not stay home tonight. 235 00:09:49,668 --> 00:09:53,168 Why? Is somethin' wrong? Is Ken Jeong not on the show tonight? 236 00:09:53,251 --> 00:09:55,918 No, it's just-- It is Halloween. I thought-- 237 00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:59,376 Why don't we talk about it tonight during Masked Singer, baby, okay? 238 00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:01,001 All right, bye now. 239 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:03,543 [sighs] 240 00:10:06,626 --> 00:10:09,001 [humming brassy tune] 241 00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:14,084 Sexy Blues Brother, again? 242 00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:16,001 Yeah, might be the last year though. 243 00:10:16,084 --> 00:10:18,584 My ass keeps eatin' up more and more of the shorts. 244 00:10:21,418 --> 00:10:23,168 What the hell are you wearin'? 245 00:10:23,251 --> 00:10:25,501 I'm Salvador Dali Parton. 246 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,876 Too much of a thinker? 247 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,751 No, I get half of it. 248 00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:31,793 Yeah, I get it, Daniel. All right, guys, I'm out. 249 00:10:31,876 --> 00:10:33,751 Have fun with the Johnnie Walkers. 250 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:34,668 [laughs] 251 00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:36,334 It's White Walkers. 252 00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:41,418 Danny Bananny, are you ready to cut loose and get some strange? 253 00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:44,418 I don't love it when you put it that way, but yes, I actually am. 254 00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:46,834 Let's Roscoe's it up, bitches! 255 00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:48,584 [Gideon] Hold on a minute. 256 00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,459 [dramatic fanfare] 257 00:10:50,543 --> 00:10:53,126 Holy shit! Where'd you get those big worms? 258 00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:57,543 They are a prop from the original Clash of the Titans, 259 00:10:57,626 --> 00:10:59,376 starring Mr. Harry Hamlin. 260 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,876 Who are you supposed to be? 261 00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:02,584 Salvador Dali Parton. 262 00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:05,459 No. 263 00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:08,334 But don't worry. I will fix this. 264 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,418 What do you care? 265 00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,251 I care because I've decided 266 00:11:11,334 --> 00:11:13,709 I will be gracing you with my presence 267 00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:16,251 at your minor league Halloween party. 268 00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:20,459 Fine. But you're gonna have to hold my wallet 269 00:11:20,543 --> 00:11:22,751 because my ass ate my pockets. 270 00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:25,251 -[muffled club music] -[club-goers clamoring] 271 00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:28,251 Goddamn it. We coulda been inside already 272 00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:31,626 if this worm freak hadn't slowed us down with all his wardrobe changes. 273 00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:35,418 Oh please. We're about to get in because of me. 274 00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:36,584 Follow. 275 00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:38,251 Uh-uh. 276 00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:39,668 Back of the line. 277 00:11:40,168 --> 00:11:42,043 This is Xander. 278 00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:44,918 He is the number one DJ in Belgium. 279 00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,459 So let us in, now. 280 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:50,251 Uh, okay. Right this way. 281 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,084 Back of the line. 282 00:11:52,168 --> 00:11:54,001 Oh, she's with us. His grandmother. 283 00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:57,501 [in Irish accent] I had his father when I was a wee lass. 284 00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,418 Whatever. 285 00:12:00,251 --> 00:12:02,251 ["Funky Town" playing] 286 00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:06,626 Six pumpkin spice kamikazes. 287 00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:10,959 Oh my God. I've been waiting 364 days for these. 288 00:12:12,751 --> 00:12:15,918 Ugh, that was gross, but it gave me courage. Okay, bye! 289 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,293 I'm not drinkin' that foul syrup. 290 00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:22,251 I'll have a gimlet, Bombay Sapphire, fresh lime juice, neat. 291 00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:25,543 And six more pumpkin kazes, for the table. 292 00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:31,043 So, I bet you never seen a Halloween party this crazy, huh? 293 00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,751 [scoffs] Please. 294 00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:36,584 I was at the last Halloween party at Studio 54, darling, 295 00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:41,418 and had sex in public with a man whose name I will not divulge. 296 00:12:42,918 --> 00:12:43,918 Jim Varney. 297 00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:48,293 What? I've seen every Ernest movie in the theater, opening night. 298 00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:50,959 Then… [as Jim Varney] you know what I mean, Di-ern? 299 00:12:51,043 --> 00:12:53,043 [laughing] 300 00:12:55,793 --> 00:12:57,209 Pheromone time. 301 00:12:59,376 --> 00:13:00,418 [sniffs] 302 00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:01,793 [coughing, chocking] 303 00:13:01,876 --> 00:13:05,001 Are you okay? My paint fumes are still pretty strong. 304 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:05,959 I'm fine. 305 00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:07,709 [coughing] 306 00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:13,001 All right, Aunt Diane, let's see if this works. 307 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,043 Hey, your costume looks good. 308 00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:20,584 It would look even better carefully hung up on one of my hangers. 309 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:21,626 Care to kiss? 310 00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:22,959 You have a cyst? 311 00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:23,959 What? No. 312 00:13:24,043 --> 00:13:26,626 This kid is braggin' about having a cyst. 313 00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:28,001 [sighs dejectedly] 314 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:34,418 Gideon, we should always drink this much before we hang out at work. 315 00:13:34,501 --> 00:13:36,501 I think you do. 316 00:13:36,584 --> 00:13:38,876 Hey, how was your lunch date today? 317 00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:40,293 It was awful. 318 00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:42,418 He said I "wasn't fun." 319 00:13:42,501 --> 00:13:44,584 Sorry I dine on a budget. 320 00:13:44,668 --> 00:13:46,709 Oh, I'm all about cheap eats. 321 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,251 You know, some restaurants will serve you bread before even you order? 322 00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:51,334 So I go in-- 323 00:13:51,418 --> 00:13:55,418 Yes, yes, you eat the free bread and leave. I understand. 324 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,876 I mean, to call me not fun is simply erroneous. 325 00:13:58,959 --> 00:14:01,959 I mean, I told Basquiat to have more fun with his hair. 326 00:14:02,043 --> 00:14:05,376 I was the point man at Halston's biggest orgy. 327 00:14:05,459 --> 00:14:08,751 I don't know who those people are, but screw that guy. 328 00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:10,709 You're… fun. 329 00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:13,126 You're a bad liar. 330 00:14:13,209 --> 00:14:15,126 Even my mother thinks I'm a… 331 00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:18,168 [clicks tongue] I don't know, lonely, boring, loser. 332 00:14:18,251 --> 00:14:19,418 She said that? 333 00:14:19,501 --> 00:14:22,043 No, but I can tell she thinks that. 334 00:14:22,126 --> 00:14:23,668 Well, look at you now! 335 00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:25,584 You're out on Halloween! 336 00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:28,959 -Boring losers don't go out on Halloween. -This is true. 337 00:14:29,043 --> 00:14:30,668 And you're drinkin'. 338 00:14:30,751 --> 00:14:32,334 I am drinking. 339 00:14:32,418 --> 00:14:34,918 -And you're-- [gasps] -["Don't Leave Me This Way" plays] 340 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,001 -Thelma Houston. -Tina Turner! 341 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,459 Whoo! This my song. 342 00:14:39,543 --> 00:14:42,709 -Should we show these boys how we do it? -Let's go. 343 00:14:42,793 --> 00:14:44,293 ["Don't Leave Me This Way" plays] ♪ Ah ♪ 344 00:14:44,376 --> 00:14:49,168 ♪ Baby, my heart is full of love And desire for you ♪ 345 00:14:49,251 --> 00:14:50,834 Whoo! 346 00:14:50,918 --> 00:14:53,209 -You got moves! -You too, girl. 347 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,918 -Hey. -Hello. 348 00:14:59,418 --> 00:15:03,584 I don't mean to be forward, but… [chuckles] would you care to kiss? 349 00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:05,251 Yes, please. 350 00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:10,293 Hey, do you want to check out the foam room? 351 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,709 I would love to. 352 00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:14,918 It's actually a foam room and not a euphemism, right? 353 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,459 [laughs] Great joke. Come on. 354 00:15:21,459 --> 00:15:23,168 [club-goers cheering] 355 00:15:23,251 --> 00:15:26,209 Okay, I have to break the royal seal. 356 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,084 See, that's why when I go out, 357 00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:31,043 I use a super thick maxi pad. 358 00:15:31,126 --> 00:15:33,376 What? They're not just for periods. 359 00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,043 Yes, they are. 360 00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:37,001 Child, you are nasty. 361 00:15:37,084 --> 00:15:38,459 [both laughing] 362 00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:39,834 [phone buzzing] 363 00:15:42,126 --> 00:15:44,834 Hey, Gideon's Ma, it's Diane. 364 00:15:44,918 --> 00:15:48,793 I know we haven't met yet, but I feel like I know you so well. 365 00:15:49,584 --> 00:15:51,709 Well, he's told me all about you. 366 00:15:51,793 --> 00:15:55,293 And I want you to know, he is still fun as fuck. 367 00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:57,918 Sorry, I mean, shit-- Not shit. Hell-- Heck-- 368 00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,918 Anyhoo, Gideon's Mom, 369 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:04,001 we're out right now at a huge party, and he's with all his people. 370 00:16:05,043 --> 00:16:08,876 Yeah, there may be someone from Georgia here, but I mean the gays. 371 00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,793 Because he's gay. 372 00:16:10,876 --> 00:16:13,543 And he is most certainly not a loser. 373 00:16:13,626 --> 00:16:15,043 Oh, I gotta order a drink. 374 00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:17,293 It was great talking to ya. I'll tell him you called. 375 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,126 Six more pumpkin kazes, mummy! 376 00:16:21,459 --> 00:16:22,376 [man] Mmm. 377 00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,751 Hey, let's lose the masks. 378 00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:25,709 Yeah. 379 00:16:28,293 --> 00:16:29,626 Daniel? 380 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,334 Dr. Gluck? 381 00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:35,334 Looks like this situation has decayed. 382 00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,459 -[chuckles weakly] -[groans] 383 00:16:38,043 --> 00:16:39,043 [Gideon chuckles] 384 00:16:39,126 --> 00:16:41,293 Well, Diane, I have to hand it 385 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,251 to your provincial little Halloween gatherin'. 386 00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:46,626 There is more cocaine on that bathroom floor 387 00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:49,293 than at Stevie Nicks' 30th birthday party. 388 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,293 Oh, I could use a toot. 389 00:16:51,376 --> 00:16:53,084 By the way, your ma called. 390 00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,709 She's a hoot and a half. 391 00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:55,709 Wait, what? 392 00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:59,501 You need to tell me exactly what you said to her on the phone. 393 00:16:59,584 --> 00:17:02,793 Relax. I told her we were having the greatest night ever 394 00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:04,543 at the best gay bar in town, 395 00:17:04,626 --> 00:17:06,668 and that her son is a fuckin' blast. 396 00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:11,501 Diane, my mother doesn't know I'm gay! 397 00:17:11,584 --> 00:17:12,459 Oh! 398 00:17:13,334 --> 00:17:14,168 Wow. 399 00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:16,459 Well, she does now. 400 00:17:18,251 --> 00:17:21,126 Don't be mad, Gideon. Let's go back inside. 401 00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:23,084 Maybe they'll play Tina Turner again. 402 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:26,793 It was Thelma Houston, you dumb, white asshole. 403 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,543 -Gideon, I didn't-- -Uh-uh. 404 00:17:28,626 --> 00:17:30,376 Goodbye, bitch. 405 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,168 [Daniel] Oh gosh. Ugh. Oh no. 406 00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:37,084 Daniel, would you come down so we can talk for a second? 407 00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:38,959 No. No, thank you. 408 00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:41,959 Daniel, please don't make me crawl up the slide. 409 00:17:42,043 --> 00:17:44,834 I hurt my knee power-walking yesterday. 410 00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:47,918 Power-walking? Ugh. This is getting worse. 411 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:49,543 Okay, I'm coming up. 412 00:17:49,626 --> 00:17:52,418 -Hey, out of the way! -Ooh, a bridge! 413 00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:56,209 Look, I get that this is a bit strange for you. 414 00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:58,959 Please believe, it is for me as well. 415 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:00,251 You're still in the way! 416 00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:01,168 What? 417 00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:04,376 Can we go somewhere a little more private, Daniel? 418 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,501 -How 'bout the ball pit? -Fine. 419 00:18:08,668 --> 00:18:10,084 That's not the point. 420 00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:12,418 This is so embarrassing. 421 00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:15,126 I mean, you've been my dentist for, like, 15 years. 422 00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:17,001 You could've at least told me you were gay. 423 00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:19,584 Sorry I don't run around my office saying, 424 00:18:19,668 --> 00:18:21,293 "Hey, you have gingivitis." 425 00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:23,251 "Also, I like men." 426 00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:24,918 Look, Daniel. 427 00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,584 I'm sorry this was not how you wanted your night to go, 428 00:18:27,668 --> 00:18:29,501 but you are an adult now. 429 00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,626 And you're gonna run into people from your past 430 00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:34,251 that you didn't know were gay, and you can't let it throw you. 431 00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,001 And just so you know, 432 00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:38,751 nine out of ten dentists are gay. 433 00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:39,876 Really? 434 00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:42,043 No, I was joking. 435 00:18:42,918 --> 00:18:45,584 Okay, see, now that's a good joke. 436 00:18:45,668 --> 00:18:47,293 Look, just so we're clear, 437 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,209 I have zero interest in you, 438 00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:51,001 for a myriad of reasons. 439 00:18:51,084 --> 00:18:55,043 -Okay, you don't have to say it like that. -So… friends? 440 00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:56,584 Friends. 441 00:18:59,918 --> 00:19:02,418 You've been starin' at the menu all day, dum-dum! 442 00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,876 Hey, lady, gimme two burgers and fries. 443 00:19:05,959 --> 00:19:09,834 How 'bout I give you the bottom of my shoes on your ass, bitch! 444 00:19:09,918 --> 00:19:12,418 [laughs] Yes! I frickin' love this place. 445 00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:14,043 And we fucking hate you. 446 00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:16,334 -[man] I love it when they yell at you. -Gideon? 447 00:19:17,209 --> 00:19:20,418 I cannot believe you followed me here. 448 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,459 Yeah, I followed you. 449 00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:24,501 That's why I'm here. 450 00:19:24,584 --> 00:19:26,709 Hey, girls. Two char, through the garden, heavy squeeze, 451 00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:28,834 one cheese fry, and large RC Cola. 452 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,751 You were saying? 453 00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:31,834 I shouldn't even be talking to you. 454 00:19:31,918 --> 00:19:35,126 But I think you should know how inappropriate it was 455 00:19:35,209 --> 00:19:39,876 for you to insert yourself into my relationship with my mother. 456 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:41,209 [cheers] 457 00:19:41,293 --> 00:19:42,459 You tell her, girl. 458 00:19:42,543 --> 00:19:45,793 Sorry I didn't know you weren't okay with being yourself. 459 00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,626 Because I am fine with who I am. 460 00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:50,918 Oh! Well, isn't it nice for you, Diane, 461 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:55,084 to trip through life and land on your feet every single time. 462 00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:57,168 You don't know what it's like to be me. 463 00:19:57,251 --> 00:20:00,501 Look, my mother and I have a very good relationship 464 00:20:00,584 --> 00:20:02,834 on very certain terms. 465 00:20:02,918 --> 00:20:05,834 And it's not up to you to change those terms. 466 00:20:05,918 --> 00:20:09,418 Back me up here, ladies. You know I'm a good person, right? 467 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:13,334 -Uh-uh. You're wrong this time, Diane. -You fuck my shit up too, honky. 468 00:20:13,418 --> 00:20:15,584 Gideon, I am so sorry. 469 00:20:15,668 --> 00:20:17,626 I didn't know the deal with your mom. 470 00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:20,168 You gotta know I would never do that on purpose. 471 00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,751 I just want everyone to be free to be themselves. 472 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:26,209 Well, as of now, I am free of yo ass. 473 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,251 Don't do this on Halloween, G-string. 474 00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:31,209 It will forever taint the holiday. [laughs] Taint. 475 00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:34,584 No! And I do not like it when you call me G-string. 476 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,709 Goodbye. 477 00:20:36,584 --> 00:20:39,209 What the hell? You were all in my second wedding. 478 00:20:39,293 --> 00:20:42,959 Well, you shouldn't have inserted your ass up in his shit, Diane. 479 00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,126 You're always doin' that. 480 00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:46,793 Now, take your motherfucking char dogs, 481 00:20:46,876 --> 00:20:48,876 ya fat queef bitch. 482 00:20:54,168 --> 00:20:55,293 [Diane] You may enter. 483 00:20:55,876 --> 00:20:57,626 Good morning. 484 00:20:57,709 --> 00:20:59,876 I got home late. How was your Halloween? 485 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,001 Honestly, it sucked. 486 00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:06,001 I totally ruined Gideon's night, and that ruined my night. 487 00:21:06,084 --> 00:21:09,084 Man, nothin' worse than a busted Halloween. 488 00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,876 It's not over yet. We still have to watch the walk of shame. 489 00:21:11,959 --> 00:21:14,751 Come on, I made bloody scaries. 490 00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:15,959 How was your night? 491 00:21:16,043 --> 00:21:18,001 Did you end up making out with a rando? 492 00:21:18,084 --> 00:21:20,293 -No. -Oh, sorry, honey. 493 00:21:20,376 --> 00:21:22,001 I made out with two randos. 494 00:21:22,084 --> 00:21:24,251 Wait, the Uber driver. Three! 495 00:21:24,334 --> 00:21:26,584 [Diane] The student becomes the teacher. 496 00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:30,543 Ah, is there ketchup in this? 497 00:21:30,626 --> 00:21:32,501 Yeah, I don't know how to make 'em. 498 00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:34,418 Oh, hi, Gideon. 499 00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,418 Daniel, can I get the costume I lent you? 500 00:21:36,501 --> 00:21:38,251 Oh right. It's inside. 501 00:21:39,251 --> 00:21:40,751 [door opens, closes] 502 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:43,418 So, I know you don't wanna talk to me no more-- 503 00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:47,251 Diane, outside of work, we don't know each other. 504 00:21:47,334 --> 00:21:48,918 Be that as it may, 505 00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,751 I feel just awful about what happened last night. 506 00:21:51,834 --> 00:21:54,251 I couldn't sleep a wink and ended up cruisin' the web. 507 00:21:54,334 --> 00:21:58,459 And after I spanked it a few times, I did a little research and got you these. 508 00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:00,918 Two tickets to Thelma Houston. 509 00:22:01,001 --> 00:22:03,293 She's performing at the House of Blues next month. 510 00:22:03,876 --> 00:22:06,418 Thought maybe you could take someone and have some fun. 511 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:08,501 Thank you. 512 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:12,126 And I must admit, I thought a lot about last night too. 513 00:22:12,626 --> 00:22:14,043 And I know that your actions 514 00:22:14,126 --> 00:22:17,459 were only borne out of your ignorance and lack of awareness-- 515 00:22:17,543 --> 00:22:19,001 And my free spirit? 516 00:22:19,584 --> 00:22:21,584 And as a gay Black man from Georgia, 517 00:22:21,668 --> 00:22:24,543 I am very good at pushing things down. 518 00:22:24,626 --> 00:22:26,584 So, while I will not forgive you, 519 00:22:26,668 --> 00:22:27,709 I will forget about it, 520 00:22:27,793 --> 00:22:31,418 and we can continue to work together and be cordial to one another. 521 00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:33,459 I'll take it. 522 00:22:34,543 --> 00:22:35,709 Thanks again, Gideon. 523 00:22:35,793 --> 00:22:38,334 You may wanna wash it. Sorry, I sweat a lot. 524 00:22:38,418 --> 00:22:42,209 -Ugh, this is not just sweat. -Ooh, look at this costume. 525 00:22:42,293 --> 00:22:43,584 Slutty Zorro. 526 00:22:43,668 --> 00:22:45,751 -Daniel. -Morning, Dr. Gluck. 527 00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:48,459 [laughs] 528 00:22:48,543 --> 00:22:50,293 How 'bout another round, kiddo? 529 00:22:50,876 --> 00:22:52,376 [Diane slurping] 530 00:22:53,834 --> 00:22:56,501 Somehow the ketchup's startin' to work for me. 531 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,501 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 532 00:22:58,584 --> 00:22:59,709 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 533 00:23:00,751 --> 00:23:02,084 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 534 00:23:02,668 --> 00:23:04,251 ♪ Get down ♪ 535 00:23:05,043 --> 00:23:06,168 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 536 00:23:07,168 --> 00:23:08,459 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 537 00:23:09,293 --> 00:23:10,418 ♪ Get down goblin ♪ 538 00:23:11,209 --> 00:23:12,543 ♪ Get down ♪ 539 00:23:13,418 --> 00:23:16,168 ♪ Another Halloween ♪ 540 00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:20,251 ♪ The children will be dressed up ♪ 541 00:23:22,043 --> 00:23:26,001 ♪ Candy, pumpkins, witches around ♪ 542 00:23:26,084 --> 00:23:29,043 ♪ The moon shines so bright ♪ 543 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:34,459 ♪ The air will smell like pudding leaves ♪ 544 00:23:34,543 --> 00:23:37,459 ♪ There's zero excitement tonight ♪ 545 00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:40,376 ♪ Get down goblin ♪