1 00:00:06,376 --> 00:00:07,584 [neon buzzing] 2 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,376 [crowd chattering] 3 00:00:11,459 --> 00:00:14,626 [Diane] Nothin' brings Chicago together like these two words, 4 00:00:14,709 --> 00:00:16,584 "tail" and "gate." 5 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,709 We come from all over to drink beer, eat pork, 6 00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:22,168 and sometimes literally pork, 7 00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:25,543 all to celebrate our love of the Chicago Bears. 8 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,168 And my family's been doin' it for decades. 9 00:00:28,751 --> 00:00:33,834 Aw, there's my parents, Louis and Margaret, aka Big Lou and Peg. 10 00:00:33,918 --> 00:00:35,876 Oh, there's me and Bonnie! 11 00:00:35,959 --> 00:00:37,334 Damn, we were hot. 12 00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:40,043 -I had the ass. Bonnie had the rack. -Yeah! 13 00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:43,251 My folks ran a legendary tailgate. 14 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,876 Everyone knew if they came to Lou and Peg's spot, 15 00:00:45,959 --> 00:00:47,459 they were gonna have fun. 16 00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:51,459 But like most Chicagoans of a certain age, lifestyle, and diet, 17 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:54,418 Big Lou and Peg moved to Arizona a few years ago. 18 00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:56,084 You know, for the dry heat. 19 00:00:56,168 --> 00:00:58,501 But now they're back to watch our beloved Bears 20 00:00:58,584 --> 00:01:00,834 play our most bitterest rival, 21 00:01:00,918 --> 00:01:03,043 the Green Bay Packers. 22 00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:07,126 And we're gonna show Ma and Dad the family tailgate is in good hands. 23 00:01:07,209 --> 00:01:08,043 So… 24 00:01:08,126 --> 00:01:12,459 [Diane imitating football fanfare] 25 00:01:12,543 --> 00:01:15,959 [Diane wheezing] It's the football song. You get it. 26 00:01:20,418 --> 00:01:23,876 Okay, Dad said they'd be in their Bears home jerseys. 27 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,834 Standard issue or Salute the Troops? 28 00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:27,084 I don't know. 29 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,334 Oh, there they are. 30 00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:30,959 -[man 1] Whoa! Slow down! -[man 2] Hey! 31 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,876 -Mom! Dad! -Bonnie! Diane! 32 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:37,959 So good to see ya, Mom. 33 00:01:38,459 --> 00:01:40,459 Dad, why are you in a wheelchair? 34 00:01:40,543 --> 00:01:44,168 -Ah, we've been doing this lately. -One of the perks of gettin' older. 35 00:01:44,251 --> 00:01:46,126 Why'd you guys bring so many bags? 36 00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:50,168 We were cleanin' and wanted you to have your old photos and knickknacks and-- 37 00:01:50,251 --> 00:01:53,793 Yeah, our old stuff. Let's go! We got a tailgate to get to! 38 00:01:55,751 --> 00:01:58,793 Mom, Dad, welcome back to the motherland. 39 00:01:58,876 --> 00:02:01,251 -Now, let's fuckin' rock! -Down! 40 00:02:01,334 --> 00:02:02,751 -[Peg] Too loud! -[Lou] Way down! 41 00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:04,751 [indistinct chatter] 42 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:08,209 [grunting] 43 00:02:08,293 --> 00:02:11,001 -Di, let me help you with that. -I got it, I got it. 44 00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:15,376 Why don't you make yourself useful and explain football to Mark? 45 00:02:16,084 --> 00:02:17,459 Mark, you want a beer? 46 00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:18,501 Oh yeah. 47 00:02:18,584 --> 00:02:21,084 Do you have an Allagash Autumn Apricot? 48 00:02:21,168 --> 00:02:24,001 -It's a Natural Light. -Sure. It's natural, right? 49 00:02:24,084 --> 00:02:25,293 Ew! Not this one. 50 00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:27,751 Can you believe it, little cousin? 51 00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:31,376 Someday, this is all gonna be ours. 52 00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:32,543 Oh, you can have it. 53 00:02:32,626 --> 00:02:34,793 I'm not really into eating in parking lots. 54 00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:37,459 Really? I've had all my best meals in parking lots. 55 00:02:37,543 --> 00:02:40,668 Daniel, get your Paw-Paw a 7 and 7. 56 00:02:40,751 --> 00:02:42,876 Yeah, I'll get your drink, Paw-Paw. 57 00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:44,501 I'm freezing. 58 00:02:44,584 --> 00:02:46,834 I told you to layer. 59 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:49,376 So, when are we gonna tell the girls? 60 00:02:49,459 --> 00:02:51,793 Later. Just relax. Try to have fun. 61 00:02:51,876 --> 00:02:54,376 This is our last one of these all together. 62 00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:57,126 [foreboding music plays] 63 00:03:01,168 --> 00:03:02,251 What the hell? 64 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:07,834 Hey, encroachment! Keep your bags out of our tailgate! 65 00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:10,001 Oh, is that what that is? 66 00:03:10,084 --> 00:03:12,668 I thought it was a mobile soup kitchen. 67 00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:14,584 Oh, are we gonna start already? 68 00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:18,459 I heard your older son got caught watching porn at the public library. 69 00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:20,376 It was soft porn. 70 00:03:20,459 --> 00:03:23,668 And do you really wanna talk about sons? 71 00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:26,959 The way he's built, the kid shouldn't even be able to walk. 72 00:03:27,043 --> 00:03:30,459 My Mikey has the strongest calves in Cook County. 73 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,668 It was in the Trib. 74 00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:34,334 -Come on, Dunbrowski. -Mary Pat. She's not worth it. 75 00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:36,001 -Come on back. -That's right. Walk away! 76 00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:37,043 Stop yelling. 77 00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:38,334 This isn't Russia. 78 00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,918 Those Wycheks think their shit don't stink 79 00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:44,251 just because they're the horseradish kings of Chicago. 80 00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:45,418 Who cares? 81 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,501 Listen! Dad is dying. 82 00:03:48,584 --> 00:03:49,459 Right now? 83 00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:52,376 No. I mean-- I don't know. He is sick. 84 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,501 How do you know? 85 00:03:53,584 --> 00:03:54,751 Think about it. 86 00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:57,793 The wheelchair, giving us our old stuff back… 87 00:03:57,876 --> 00:03:59,459 And now he's freezing cold, 88 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:03,001 and I heard Ma say that this is their last tailgate. 89 00:04:03,626 --> 00:04:06,793 Whoa. This sucks. 90 00:04:06,876 --> 00:04:07,793 I know. 91 00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:10,209 -We should go talk to them. -No. 92 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,251 If this is Dad's last tailgate, 93 00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:14,709 the last thing they'd want is for us to ruin it. 94 00:04:14,793 --> 00:04:17,334 I can't act like nothing's happening. 95 00:04:17,418 --> 00:04:18,459 Sure, you can. 96 00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:21,751 Remember when we were kids and Dad was unemployed for six months? 97 00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:24,209 -What? No. -Exactly. 98 00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:28,251 So let's return the favor and shove our feelings down and start drinking. 99 00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,084 For Dad. 100 00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:32,001 For Dad. 101 00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:36,668 I've always been in charge of grillin' the burgers. 102 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:38,834 -Cool. -Oh, it is. 103 00:04:38,918 --> 00:04:41,084 You gotta make sure they stay evenly spaced 104 00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:43,251 and none of them slip off the grill. 105 00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:44,584 Sounds great. 106 00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:46,293 Hey, you wanna take a turn? 107 00:04:46,376 --> 00:04:48,626 No, seems like you're in the zone. 108 00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:52,001 I'm gonna go see what they're burning in that garbage can. 109 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,959 Wrong pipe. [coughs] 110 00:04:55,918 --> 00:04:58,959 Dad, I made you your favorite, a BLT. 111 00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:00,668 Bacon, lamb, and turkey. 112 00:05:00,751 --> 00:05:02,543 Oh, thank you, honey. 113 00:05:02,626 --> 00:05:03,501 My sammich! 114 00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:05,043 What do you think you're doing? 115 00:05:05,126 --> 00:05:08,293 I'm trying to get him to enjoy what could be his last meal. 116 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,959 It will be if he eats this shit. 117 00:05:12,418 --> 00:05:14,126 [dog sniffs, whimpers] 118 00:05:14,209 --> 00:05:18,084 That sammich was on a $5 roll! Way to go, dumbass! 119 00:05:18,168 --> 00:05:19,793 What the hell is goin' on over here? 120 00:05:19,876 --> 00:05:21,251 -Nothing. -We know you're dying. 121 00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:23,793 -What? -What in God's name are you talkin' about? 122 00:05:23,876 --> 00:05:25,834 You don't have to hide it anymore. We know. 123 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,501 -Know what? -Oh, come on. 124 00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:30,459 The wheelchair, the heirlooms… And now you're coughing. 125 00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:33,418 And I heard Mom say this was gonna be your last tailgate. 126 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,959 Okay, first of all, I am not dying. 127 00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:42,876 But this is our last tailgate. 128 00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:46,043 We're just selling our passes to the Wycheks over there. 129 00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:48,293 Are you fucking kidding me? 130 00:05:48,376 --> 00:05:51,501 -Would you relax? No one's dying. -This is worse. 131 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,209 Why the hell are you selling it? 132 00:05:53,293 --> 00:05:54,959 Your mother and I are separating, 133 00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:57,918 and we need the money so she can get her own place. Alright? 134 00:05:58,001 --> 00:06:00,376 Why the hell are you two getting divorced? 135 00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:03,543 We are not getting divorced. We are separating. 136 00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:05,543 Everyone, back the fuck up! 137 00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,293 You're selling our tailgate to the Wycheks? 138 00:06:08,376 --> 00:06:12,501 Look, we don't have a lot of cash, but we deserve to live the way we want to. 139 00:06:12,584 --> 00:06:16,501 Nobody lives the way they want to. You two are so selfish. 140 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,293 -Bonnie's right. -Diane's right. I am right. 141 00:06:19,376 --> 00:06:20,209 That's right. 142 00:06:20,293 --> 00:06:23,209 Bonnie, wanna hit the Jäger luge a few tailgates over? 143 00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:25,834 Yes, I do. I want to do that. 144 00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:31,043 Yikes. Even for this family, that was awkward. 145 00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:32,584 Yeah, that was tense. 146 00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:34,376 Oh, now I really have to pee. 147 00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,126 [Mark] Look at the line. And once you get in, 148 00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:40,293 there's just a thin plastic door between you and all those people 149 00:06:40,376 --> 00:06:41,876 waiting for you to… 150 00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,001 number one. 151 00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:45,251 Yeah, I gotta take a squirt too. 152 00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:48,209 Come on, I'll take you to the special first responders' bathroom 153 00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:49,293 inside the stadium. 154 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:52,251 Uh, is TSA a first responder? 155 00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:55,959 If there's a fight at Hudson News, who do you think gets there first? 156 00:06:56,043 --> 00:06:58,293 [crowd cheering, chattering loudly] 157 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,626 How could they do this? 158 00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,126 When you're old, that's when you need to be married, 159 00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:05,251 so you can take care of and quietly resent each other. 160 00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:08,584 And to sell it to the Wycheks of all people. 161 00:07:08,668 --> 00:07:11,543 Fuck them and the horseradish they rode in on. 162 00:07:11,626 --> 00:07:13,793 I mean, what are Mom and Dad thinking? 163 00:07:13,876 --> 00:07:16,459 Had they even thought about how this affects us? 164 00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:18,543 Clearly not. Here. 165 00:07:19,459 --> 00:07:20,293 [both] Ugh. 166 00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:21,959 When I go visit them now, what? 167 00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:24,584 What, do I stay with her and then him? 168 00:07:24,668 --> 00:07:26,834 And where am I gonna tailgate now? 169 00:07:26,918 --> 00:07:29,543 Lot G like a goddamn animal? 170 00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:32,584 We should march right up to that Old Man Wychek 171 00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:34,418 and tell him that the deal is off. 172 00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:38,084 Yeah, right, Bon. That's enemy territory. 173 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:41,626 I seen Mary Pat open a beer once with her eye. 174 00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:44,043 -We don't wanna fight them. -No fighting. 175 00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:46,876 We walk in, we reason with the old man 176 00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:49,834 that Mom and Dad aren't thinking straight, and the deal's dead. 177 00:07:49,918 --> 00:07:53,251 And then they can't sell the tailgate pass, 178 00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:54,751 Mom can't move out, 179 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:58,334 and they can have some time to fucking rethink 180 00:07:58,418 --> 00:08:01,168 this stupid fucking separation. 181 00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:04,834 Oh man. The word "fuck" is so good. 182 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,334 Fuck! Fucker! 183 00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:09,876 Shout it from the rooftops, Bonnie! I'm in! 184 00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:13,668 I'm starving. The beer is stale. I'm hungry. 185 00:08:13,751 --> 00:08:15,418 Let's just leave at halftime. 186 00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:16,751 [Mikey] Man, this sucks. 187 00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,043 Our moms usually take care of the hosting. 188 00:08:19,126 --> 00:08:21,418 And now, Paw-Paw and Mu-Mu's last tailgate together 189 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,043 is gonna be their worst one. 190 00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:26,043 You're right. I don't care about this whole tailgate thing, 191 00:08:26,126 --> 00:08:28,834 but I can't see Mu-Mu and Paw-Paw like this. 192 00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:31,084 -[flame whooshes] -Is something burning? 193 00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:35,501 -Ah, damn it! I took my eyes off it! -It's okay. I'll find something to grill. 194 00:08:35,584 --> 00:08:37,918 Aunt Diane has taught me how to cook most animals. 195 00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:41,251 -You handle drinks and entertainment. -You got it, cuz. 196 00:08:41,334 --> 00:08:43,834 I got a secret weapon in my mom's trunk. 197 00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:44,793 Great. 198 00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:47,293 It's not an actual weapon, right? 199 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,876 In my hands, it is. 200 00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:51,501 [crowd cheering] 201 00:08:52,209 --> 00:08:53,918 This bathroom is a lifesaver. 202 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,001 I've taken some grade A leaks in here. 203 00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:58,251 Great, because I am ready to burst. 204 00:08:58,334 --> 00:09:00,376 The best part is there's never a line. 205 00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:02,834 Goddamn it! 206 00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:07,876 Bon, I don't see how we even make it to Old Man Wychek. 207 00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:10,584 How do we get past his junkyard daughters? 208 00:09:10,668 --> 00:09:12,543 It's gonna work. Here's how. 209 00:09:12,626 --> 00:09:14,626 First, we gotta get through Mary Pat. 210 00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:16,668 She's been smokin' since she was nine. 211 00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:17,918 Can't turn 'em down. 212 00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:21,209 [Mary Pat] Were those smokes? 213 00:09:22,168 --> 00:09:24,043 Then we gotta get past Connie. 214 00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:26,793 [Diane] Her and her fuckin' chili. 215 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,043 [Bonnie] Exactly. 216 00:09:29,209 --> 00:09:30,793 What are you two doin' here? 217 00:09:30,876 --> 00:09:34,251 We thought you should know that the Baginski family down the way 218 00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:37,584 said their chili was voted best at the tailgate. 219 00:09:37,668 --> 00:09:42,001 That's horseshit. They use tomato soup instead of tomato sauce. 220 00:09:42,084 --> 00:09:44,334 Watery, weak-ass chili. 221 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:47,251 The last sister we gotta get past is Eileen. 222 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,168 She loves her booze. 223 00:09:50,751 --> 00:09:51,584 [burps] 224 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,001 Yeah, she's got a real ploblem. 225 00:09:55,084 --> 00:09:57,626 Especially when it comes to Rumple Minze. 226 00:09:57,709 --> 00:10:00,918 That's right! Aerosmith, Tinley Park, '88! 227 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,126 You and her had that shot contest. 228 00:10:03,209 --> 00:10:05,876 -You smoked her ass. -Hell yeah, I did. 229 00:10:05,959 --> 00:10:08,751 Then you flashed the security guard to get us backstage. 230 00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:12,751 Hell yeah, I did! Too bad we don't have any Rumple Minze right now. 231 00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,043 Stand by. 232 00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:16,293 That was fast. 233 00:10:16,376 --> 00:10:18,501 I marinate my ribs in it. 234 00:10:19,168 --> 00:10:21,793 Well, if it isn't "Come On Eileen." 235 00:10:21,876 --> 00:10:23,584 [laughs mockingly] So funny. 236 00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:25,793 You know, that song is, like, 40 years old. 237 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:26,793 It's a song? 238 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,876 [laughs] Up top. 239 00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:30,834 What do you two scumbags want? 240 00:10:30,918 --> 00:10:31,793 Oh, nothin'. 241 00:10:31,876 --> 00:10:33,959 We just found this bottle of Rumple Minze 242 00:10:34,043 --> 00:10:38,543 and were reminiscing about how I whipped your ass back in '88. 243 00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:39,626 Total domination. 244 00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:43,376 You wanna have a little rematch, or are you too chickenshit? 245 00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:47,043 Bonnie, I told you, there is no way she's doin' it. 246 00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:50,209 The Wycheks can't handle what we're puttin' down. 247 00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:52,418 -Never could. -Let's go. 248 00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:53,959 Hey. 249 00:10:54,543 --> 00:10:57,626 -["Back in the Saddle" plays] -Open the Rumple Minze. 250 00:10:57,709 --> 00:11:01,793 ♪ Ridin' into town alone By the light of the moon ♪ 251 00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:04,001 [crowd clamoring] 252 00:11:04,084 --> 00:11:05,584 [man] They're goin' for it! 253 00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,043 Yeah! 254 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,043 Bottoms up! 255 00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:18,293 ♪ Barkeep gimme a drink That's when she caught my eye ♪ 256 00:11:19,584 --> 00:11:20,584 Uh-uh! 257 00:11:22,251 --> 00:11:23,418 [crowd cheering] 258 00:11:25,626 --> 00:11:26,459 [groans] 259 00:11:26,543 --> 00:11:28,043 -[man] Yeah! -[crowd cheers, laughs] 260 00:11:29,251 --> 00:11:32,001 Now it's time for Old Man Wychek. 261 00:11:32,584 --> 00:11:35,334 [Diane] The horseradish king of Chicago. 262 00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:38,251 [plucking strings quietly] 263 00:11:40,418 --> 00:11:43,251 That was "Rotting in Vain" by Korn. 264 00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:46,459 Can you play somethin', I don't know, older? 265 00:11:46,543 --> 00:11:47,668 Absolutely. 266 00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:50,043 This one is from Korn's first album. 267 00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:54,918 Be nice, Lou. He's come a long way. 268 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,709 Mu-Mu, Paw-Paw, who's hungry? 269 00:11:58,293 --> 00:11:59,334 What happened? 270 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,126 Oh, the sausages burst on the grill, 271 00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:05,793 and I couldn't find the hotdog buns, so I just put it in a whole wheat pita. 272 00:12:05,876 --> 00:12:08,418 -Whosa whosa whatsit? -Oh, settle down, Lou. 273 00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,668 It looks delicious, sweetheart. 274 00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:16,293 [weakly] Mmm. Yum. 275 00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:18,543 I knew you guys would like it. 276 00:12:18,626 --> 00:12:22,918 So, uh, Mark, does, uh, Diane ever ask about me? 277 00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,334 Not that I know of. 278 00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:29,418 -'Cause in past breakups, she's-- -Yeah, Kurt, I'm sorry. What is that? 279 00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:31,751 What, you never seen a piss trough before? 280 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:36,209 So we all go number one next to each other with no barrier? 281 00:12:36,293 --> 00:12:38,293 Uh, yeah. Is that a problem? 282 00:12:40,918 --> 00:12:41,751 Nope. 283 00:12:42,334 --> 00:12:44,918 [dramatic music plays] 284 00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,959 [muffled barking] 285 00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:54,209 [barking] 286 00:13:03,709 --> 00:13:05,459 [man] That's absolutely right, Jim. 287 00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:07,918 In fact, I'd say this year, 288 00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:11,001 has been downright anemic these last four weeks, you know? 289 00:13:11,084 --> 00:13:12,959 The list of failures just keeps pi-- 290 00:13:16,418 --> 00:13:19,626 Well, if it isn't the Dunbrowski sisters. 291 00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,126 Uh-- Uh-oh. Stop. 292 00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:24,959 How can I help yous twos? 293 00:13:25,043 --> 00:13:28,251 Look, we know our folks sold you our tailgate pass, 294 00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:30,584 but they didn't consult with the whole family. 295 00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:35,043 And you of all people know how important family is, Mr. Wychek. 296 00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:38,459 Nothing is more important than family. 297 00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:43,501 Mr. Wychek, we're begging you, please don't take this from us. 298 00:13:43,584 --> 00:13:45,584 [chews, swallows] Mmm. 299 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,043 You got yourselves a deal. 300 00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:51,084 Whoa. That was easier than his oldest daughter. 301 00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:53,043 Under one condition. 302 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,293 You must best me in a game 303 00:13:56,376 --> 00:14:00,334 of the most classic tailgate activity there is. 304 00:14:00,918 --> 00:14:02,126 Bags. 305 00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:05,168 [Bonnie] Wow, it's beautiful. 306 00:14:05,251 --> 00:14:07,251 Holy balls. 307 00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:11,043 The bags are made from the velvet of my daughters' christening dresses. 308 00:14:11,126 --> 00:14:14,376 Bon, we can take him. He's, like, 90. 309 00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:16,709 This will be easier than his oldest daughter. 310 00:14:16,793 --> 00:14:18,334 You already used that one. 311 00:14:18,418 --> 00:14:20,793 Mr. Wychek, you're on. 312 00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:27,918 I would say ladies first, but I don't see any ladies present. 313 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,709 -[Bonnie] Frickin' jagbag. -[Diane] What a prick. 314 00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:32,876 ["The Spirit of Radio" playing] 315 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:33,876 Yes! 316 00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:36,543 Beat that, Dunbrowskis. 317 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:44,376 [grunting] 318 00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:46,126 Nailed it! 319 00:14:46,209 --> 00:14:47,626 In the hole! 320 00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:53,126 All right! 321 00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,793 Okay, you got this. [grunts] 322 00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:01,293 -Yes! I made it. -That's the way! 323 00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:12,001 You should take the last throw, Di. 324 00:15:12,084 --> 00:15:14,709 No. We'll do it together. 325 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,709 -[music stops] -[gasping] 326 00:15:20,793 --> 00:15:23,084 Okay, maybe that was a bad idea. 327 00:15:23,168 --> 00:15:25,834 Let's just say the deal stands. 328 00:15:25,918 --> 00:15:27,834 And once we take over your space, 329 00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:31,793 the Wychek family will have the greatest tailgate in Chicago. 330 00:15:31,876 --> 00:15:36,876 Yeah. So why don't you two head back to your little lemonade stand over there? 331 00:15:36,959 --> 00:15:38,084 Ha, yeah! 332 00:15:38,168 --> 00:15:40,043 Head back to the 'burbs, Bonnie. 333 00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:43,584 Go do a yogurt cleanse or some shit. 334 00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:47,834 Sorry your last tailgate was a bust, Diane, just like your life. 335 00:15:47,918 --> 00:15:49,584 Okay, it's poundin' time. 336 00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:51,918 No, it's not worth it. Come on. 337 00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:53,626 And tell your broke-ass parents 338 00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:56,418 that the Wycheks said thanks for the tailgatin' spot-- 339 00:15:57,709 --> 00:16:00,293 Quit talking shit about our goddamn family. 340 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,376 Oh hell yeah! 341 00:16:02,459 --> 00:16:04,209 -What do we do now? -Run! 342 00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:05,668 Get 'em! 343 00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:09,293 [Diane and Bonnie panting] 344 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,793 There they are! 345 00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:14,918 I can't believe you hit her! 346 00:16:15,001 --> 00:16:20,459 No one calls my sister a washed-up, pathetic, drunk loser except me. 347 00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:22,126 I don't think she said all that. 348 00:16:22,209 --> 00:16:24,209 Wait, we can hide in here. 349 00:16:24,293 --> 00:16:25,709 But we don't got tickets. 350 00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:28,001 I got two. Ha! 351 00:16:28,084 --> 00:16:31,959 -Aerosmith, '88, Tinley Park! -["Back in the Saddle" playing] 352 00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:33,793 ♪ Back in the saddle again ♪ 353 00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:34,834 They went this way! 354 00:16:34,918 --> 00:16:36,459 -After them! -Out of my way! 355 00:16:36,543 --> 00:16:37,459 [grunting] 356 00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:39,418 I got a code 34C on my hands! 357 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,251 All hands on deck! 358 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,334 Bon, that was epic! 359 00:16:43,418 --> 00:16:47,168 I haven't seen you this fired up since Martha Stewart got out of jail. 360 00:16:47,251 --> 00:16:51,418 By the way, after all these years, your yabbos are still perfect. 361 00:16:51,501 --> 00:16:53,376 Oh, shit! Security! 362 00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:56,084 -Come on! -[man] They're heading to the Skybox. 363 00:16:56,168 --> 00:16:58,959 ♪ …shots tonight I'm like a loaded gun ♪ 364 00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,084 I lost 'em. 365 00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:01,459 Bon, we're trapped, 366 00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:04,168 and we don't have access to the Skybox. 367 00:17:04,251 --> 00:17:05,209 What are we gonna do? 368 00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:08,459 Sorry to intrude there, but I heard you're in a bit of a pickle. 369 00:17:08,543 --> 00:17:11,168 -You gals wanna join us in our box? -Yes. Thank you. 370 00:17:11,251 --> 00:17:12,709 [laughs] Box. 371 00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:14,293 [people] Go, Pack, go! 372 00:17:14,876 --> 00:17:15,709 Oh hi, ladies. 373 00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:18,543 -Welcome. -Oh, some more ladies. Thank the Lord. 374 00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:21,209 -Disgusting Packer fans. -Fuckin' Packer fans. 375 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,876 I can't do this! I'm pee-shy to begin with. 376 00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:27,668 I need a stall or at least some kind of divider. 377 00:17:27,751 --> 00:17:29,001 You'll be fine. 378 00:17:29,084 --> 00:17:32,209 They put ice in there. I like to see how much I can melt. 379 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:36,001 Bobby! How ya doin', ya son of a bitch? 380 00:17:36,084 --> 00:17:38,501 Teddy, you bastard. Go Bears! 381 00:17:38,584 --> 00:17:39,709 Uh… 382 00:17:42,584 --> 00:17:46,126 Hey there. Let's get a photo to remember another Packer victory. 383 00:17:46,209 --> 00:17:49,751 Okay, there, now we're ready. Say "Brett Favre" on three. 384 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,959 -One, two… -Brett Favre! 385 00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:53,626 Fuck this! 386 00:17:55,418 --> 00:17:56,959 I'd rather be on death row 387 00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,834 than spend another second in here with you people! 388 00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:03,626 She's not usually like this. I mean, she is. Thank you. 389 00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:04,626 Fuck Green Bay! 390 00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:12,251 -Shit! Yellow jackets everywhere! -[usher] Get 'em! 391 00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:16,209 -[intense music playing] -Bon, I can't keep this up much longer. 392 00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:18,209 My lungs are real hot. 393 00:18:18,293 --> 00:18:20,418 -There they are! -We're gonna get ya! 394 00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:21,751 Hey. 395 00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:23,876 There. Follow me. 396 00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:28,293 [Wychek Sisters grunt] 397 00:18:28,376 --> 00:18:30,459 [grunts] Hell yeah! 398 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,209 Turn right. I know this place inside out. 399 00:18:33,293 --> 00:18:34,834 [Diane] Ah, shit. My bad. 400 00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:37,751 [announcer] There's a cart on the field that looks like it is being driven 401 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,251 by two drunk women. 402 00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,376 This one here looks real familiar. 403 00:18:43,751 --> 00:18:46,584 -Holy shit! -I know. I'm almost there. It's happening. 404 00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,126 -We gotta go! -No, no, no! 405 00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:52,959 I'm so hammered! 406 00:18:53,043 --> 00:18:55,251 We're gonna live forever! 407 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,626 [Diane laughing] 408 00:18:57,126 --> 00:18:58,876 [crowd groans] 409 00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:01,751 [cheering] 410 00:19:02,334 --> 00:19:05,459 Bonnie, we're fuckin' legends-- 411 00:19:05,543 --> 00:19:07,459 -[Taser crackling] -[Diane and Bonnie groaning] 412 00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:08,543 [moan] 413 00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:13,168 Mikey, you think we're gonna get the game on or what? 414 00:19:13,251 --> 00:19:14,501 Sorry, Mu-Mu. 415 00:19:14,584 --> 00:19:17,501 Daniel went to go find somethin' to fix the TV. 416 00:19:17,584 --> 00:19:19,959 Fix it with what? Whole wheat pita? 417 00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:21,334 Oh, quiet, Lou. 418 00:19:21,418 --> 00:19:23,793 I got it! I got an extension cord! 419 00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:26,334 It was free if I signed up for a Bears Visa. 420 00:19:26,418 --> 00:19:29,209 38% APR, but it's worth it. 421 00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:34,668 -All right! Let's go, Bears! -Great job, kids! 422 00:19:35,376 --> 00:19:36,501 -Mom? -Ma? 423 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:41,001 -Oh, the girls! -Goddamn it! Let's go! 424 00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:44,001 …included the exciting addition of a stolen injury cart. 425 00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:45,501 They had it comin'. 426 00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:47,584 Oh! 427 00:19:47,668 --> 00:19:50,834 Help! I put too much prime rib in the smoker! 428 00:19:50,918 --> 00:19:53,043 -It's crushing me! -Oh my God! 429 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,126 Come on, Daniel! 430 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:56,293 [dramatic music playing] 431 00:19:56,376 --> 00:19:57,209 [Daniel] Lift! 432 00:19:57,293 --> 00:19:58,501 [straining] 433 00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:01,459 Use those award-winning calves! 434 00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,168 [crying in pain] 435 00:20:06,459 --> 00:20:07,959 Are you okay? 436 00:20:08,043 --> 00:20:11,168 Horseradish. I need horseradish. 437 00:20:12,959 --> 00:20:13,793 [Bonnie] Ugh. 438 00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:16,668 I'm still drunk but already hungover. 439 00:20:16,751 --> 00:20:18,459 Bon, I gotta tell ya, 440 00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:21,709 it's been a long time since I seen this side of you, 441 00:20:21,793 --> 00:20:23,084 and I love it. 442 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:26,376 I guess the Mom and Dad thing really threw me for a loop. 443 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,209 Yeah, me too. 444 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:32,334 You know, this whole time I was sayin' I was mad about us losin' the tailgate. 445 00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:36,168 I actually think I was really upset about Mom and Dad splittin' up. 446 00:20:36,251 --> 00:20:38,001 Uh, yeah, no shit. 447 00:20:38,584 --> 00:20:39,709 [both chuckle] 448 00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:41,418 But it's gonna be fine. 449 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:44,626 They'll still be our parents, and they'll still always love us. 450 00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:46,501 -[door opens] -You degenerates! 451 00:20:46,584 --> 00:20:48,084 What is wrong with you two? 452 00:20:48,168 --> 00:20:49,459 For crying out loud! 453 00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:52,168 You're a hundred years old between the both of ya! 454 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,126 And to do this to your poor father at his last tailgate? 455 00:20:55,251 --> 00:20:56,834 And did you ever stop and think 456 00:20:56,918 --> 00:20:59,876 how getting drunk and arrested would make your dear mother feel? 457 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,251 -Sorry. -Sorry. 458 00:21:04,293 --> 00:21:07,043 -Are those new pants? -I don't wanna talk about it. 459 00:21:07,126 --> 00:21:12,168 Well, if this was our family's last tailgate, it's one for the books. 460 00:21:12,251 --> 00:21:13,918 [Old Man Wychek] Daniel, good one. 461 00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:16,293 [Diane] Why are Mikey and Daniel hangin' with the Wycheks? 462 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:19,126 I think I'm hallucinating from that Taser. 463 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,209 [Wycheks laughing] 464 00:21:23,376 --> 00:21:25,084 What the hell happened here? 465 00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:28,376 I guess you could say I was "trapped" under a smoker 466 00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:32,959 and a "large man-boy," and his "small cousin" saved my life. 467 00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:34,501 That's exactly what happened. 468 00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,959 Does this mean you're not gonna buy our tailgate? 469 00:21:37,043 --> 00:21:38,543 Nah, I still am. 470 00:21:38,626 --> 00:21:42,001 But the Dunbrowski family will always have a lawn chair 471 00:21:42,084 --> 00:21:44,001 at the Wychek tailgate. 472 00:21:44,084 --> 00:21:47,668 Free beer and I don't gotta haul our shit here at 6:00 a.m.? 473 00:21:47,751 --> 00:21:51,126 Other people's tailgates frickin' rock! 474 00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:54,668 [announcer] And the Bears lose another to the Packers, 64-3. 475 00:21:54,751 --> 00:21:56,584 -[tailgaters grumble] -[Diane] Son of a bitch. 476 00:21:56,668 --> 00:21:58,668 [closing theme music plays]