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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎查爾斯狄更斯應該曾經說過

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‎“早睡早起，健康如意”

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‎但我是像查理辛那種瘋狂轟趴的女人

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‎自從我外甥丹尼爾搬進來後

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‎我們就夜夜笙歌

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‎那不是丹尼爾，只是一隻浣熊

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‎言歸正傳，我們玩得蠻開心的

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‎雖然我姊邦妮偶爾會過來掃興

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‎偶爾的意思是天殺的每一天

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‎露底了

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‎天啊，真是的！

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‎-媽，出去！
‎-天啊，我…

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‎-媽，妳在幹嘛？
‎-我不知道

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‎-好像卡住了
‎-妳要壓下去再拉

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‎我已經叫他在門把上掛襪子了

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‎我不想兒子活在一個汙穢的環境

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‎地板上面的碎屑會引來老鼠的

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‎-才不會，老鼠會怕了我們家的浣…
‎-甚麼？

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‎來自塞爾維亞的德瑞
‎他是我們的滅蟲專員

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‎他的標語是“有德瑞沒在怕”

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‎丹尼爾，我們得談談

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‎最好是談進房先敲門的禮儀

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‎我不知道你在講甚麼

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‎我只想問問你找工作的進度如何

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‎又來囉

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‎其實我看了一段超棒的TED演講

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‎講者說找工作的最佳方法
‎就是不去找工作

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‎所以TED演講都蠢死了

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‎記得斯圖爾的媽媽瑞秋茲諾金嗎？

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‎她之前胖成豬，丈夫離棄她之後
‎現在瘦如柴那個？

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‎斯圖特創立了一間公司
‎專門帶高檔的狗狗散步

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‎我幫你安排了面試

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‎帶狗散步？那不是真正的工作吧

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‎他們要付狗屎當薪水嗎？

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‎黛安，那甚麼才算工作？

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‎每天睡到中午
‎每個禮拜去剪兩天半頭髮？

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‎對啊，妳除了做菜不加調味料外
‎還會做些甚麼？

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‎許多事情

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‎我和馬克正在把
‎丹尼爾的舊房間改建成健身房

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‎你爸在健身星球被霸凌，只好退出

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‎那不是已經第三間
‎他被趕出的健身房嗎？

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‎面試時間是今天下午2點
‎結束後打給我

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‎不要傳訊息，我要聽你的語調

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‎如果我說今天有事要忙呢？

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‎打飛機不是甚麼忙事

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‎媽的！

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‎聯絡德瑞，馬上把那隻浣熊除掉

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‎誰啊？噢，對了

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‎他是真實存在，我待會聯絡他

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‎（創意飲料，營業中）

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‎我知道總會有這一天

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‎但來到之後我就非常緊張了

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‎對，我還記得麥奇的第一份工作

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‎他在藍調之屋當保鏢

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‎那對於12歲小孩來說，責任可重了

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‎這裡如何？

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‎我喜歡這裡的氛圍，牆身又鋪滿植物

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‎這個地方？

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‎我們目前正在尋找狂熱的靈魂
‎加入成為健康專員

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‎羽哥，你人真好
‎但他不會想在這裡工作的

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‎丹尼爾，你必須去做實事

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‎我認識兩個傢伙

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‎大彼德和他兒子小彼德
‎他們是我高中的同學

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‎不要過問

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‎他們人脈超廣，會幫你找到工作的

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‎我跟瑞秋茲諾金談過

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‎她現在又變胖了

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‎好消息，她跟斯圖爾談過

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‎你不需要面試

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‎工作拿到手了

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‎你的第一個客戶就在一個鐘頭後

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‎不用謝囉

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‎天啊

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‎我媽連問都沒問
‎就安排了帶狗散步的工作

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‎有一個專屬名詞
‎來形容那些不斷操控兒子的媽媽

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‎我知道，“直昇機母親”

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‎我本來想說“多管閒事的臭三八”

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‎這裡不能抽煙！

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‎（博羅）

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‎重大的週末，有一股激流湧至

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‎這次的回頭浪肯定會破紀錄

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‎破紀錄的駱駝蹄？

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‎我1994年在代托納比奇贏過一次

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‎不，我是指湖泊的回頭浪

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‎回頭浪能把妳拉到水底好幾個小時

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‎我的駱駝蹄也行啊

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‎蒂娜就懂我意思了

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‎我就說妳會患上念珠菌症的

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‎黛安，妳跟那位客人聊了整整45分鐘

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‎而他本來就是個禿頭佬

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‎吉迪恩，我不想讓你尷尬

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‎但那位客人可是傳奇的
‎芝加哥天氣先生，湯姆斯基林

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‎我可是不介意貴賓佔用我多少時間

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‎黛安，沒關係

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‎理髮後超好看的

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‎拿小費機率，百分百！

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‎掰掰，湯姆

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‎你是我翅膀下的風寒

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‎女士們，還有黛安，今天到此為止

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‎你要提早關門？

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‎吉迪恩，我還以為
‎你是只會照規矩做事的遜咖

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‎但原來你是個轟趴小子，是不是？

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‎看看時間，喝酒時間到了！

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‎噢，看起來不錯！

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‎-讓我看看
‎-對嘛，一起來狂歡吧，吉哥！

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‎我的啤酒！

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‎黛安，我已經說過很多次

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‎次數已經比得上妳緊身褲上的水鑽

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‎今天，我們要開始企業培訓

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‎可惡，是今天嗎？

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‎我完全忘了

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‎我今天不行
‎我要去剪…頭髮？媽的！

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‎接下來三天，誰也別想離開

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‎三天？

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‎這是甚麼鬼？光明節嗎？
‎蘇珊娜，不要介意喔

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‎我是信天主教的

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‎今天我們先講解博羅的規條

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‎明天我們會透過角色扮演實踐規條

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‎不是色情角色扮演，黛安

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‎最後一天將會有測驗

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‎大家要通過後才能獲得認證

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‎明白，若我們不參與培訓呢？

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‎那妳就不能在這裡工作了，美女

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‎黛安！

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‎幹嘛？五分鐘內還是乾淨嘛

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‎不得不說，我真的很興奮

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‎我以為妳永遠不會清空丹尼爾的房間

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‎我當然會，他已經18歲，長大成人

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‎我們幹嘛要留著他的房間？
‎那也太瘋狂了

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‎馬克，帕尼兔不是睡在那裡的

132
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‎好，我們先分成兩類吧

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‎要留的東西和要丟的東西

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‎這些國二時候的繪圖本

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‎肯定要丟掉吧？分類很輕鬆

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‎我們還是先問問丹尼爾吧

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‎我拍下來發過去問問他
‎看他要不要留

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‎他的牙齒矯正頭帽呢？

139
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‎馬克，收拾東西對你來說好像太難了

140
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‎不如你去把健身單車組裝好

141
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‎我來負責分類

142
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‎沒問題

143
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‎老婆，這樣對我們都好

144
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‎噢，他的小睡袍

145
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‎-怎麼了？
‎-沒事，讓我好好分類

146
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‎你遲到了

147
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‎他們跟我說3點鐘

148
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‎助手永遠都要提前15分鐘到達

149
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‎學著點，好了，你動作要快

150
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‎我在下城有一個預約，不能遲到

151
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‎絕對不是去打肉毒桿菌

152
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‎牠是菲奇

153
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‎嗨，菲奇

154
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‎你可以叫牠菲奇傑羅

155
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‎噢，抱歉

156
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,626
‎牠真可愛，牠幾歲了？

157
00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:03,834
‎牠是第三代的複製狗

158
00:07:03,918 --> 00:07:06,376
‎所以嚴格來說我們已經養了牠30年

159
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,459
‎但這傢伙是八歲

160
00:07:08,543 --> 00:07:12,501
‎散步的時候不要靠太近
‎牠感覺到你存在就拉不出來

161
00:07:12,584 --> 00:07:14,376
‎乖狗狗

162
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‎來吧，對了

163
00:07:19,626 --> 00:07:20,918
‎好，多虧黛安

164
00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:23,168
‎休息期間，我要去買這個蜂鳴器

165
00:07:23,251 --> 00:07:25,334
‎由現在開始誰說出任何

166
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‎不恰當的說話，我就會用到它

167
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‎我們的企業格言
‎與“胸部”押韻又不是我錯

168
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‎儘管笑吧

169
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:34,834
‎若妳不好好學習，妳就過不了

170
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‎專心聽

171
00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:38,668
‎好吧，希特勒，連希特勒都不能說？

172
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,293
‎若果說希特勒是個壞人呢？

173
00:07:41,376 --> 00:07:44,001
‎天啊，吉迪恩認為希特勒是個好人

174
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‎也太扯了！

175
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‎接下來…

176
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‎我們會觀看培訓短片

177
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‎讓大家清楚了解博羅的規條

178
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‎大家好

179
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‎我是你兄弟，傑瑞費拉拉

180
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‎這邊是人資部

181
00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:09,376
‎他是誰啊？

182
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‎他是《大明星小跟班》的烏龜

183
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:16,834
‎費拉拉先生
‎剛好是我們總公司的大股東

184
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‎要收看斯巴羅披薩的企業培訓
‎請跳到第八章

185
00:08:19,751 --> 00:08:22,584
‎博羅的企業培訓，請跳到第二章

186
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‎要收看孟山都的企業培訓…

187
00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:26,543
‎博羅的員工們，有聽說過嗎？

188
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‎我是來講“C.R.E.S.T.”
‎這是我們企業的格言

189
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,501
‎他幹嘛要饒舌？

190
00:08:30,584 --> 00:08:32,209
‎那不是饒舌

191
00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:34,751
‎首先第一個概念對我很重要

192
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‎你就知道我在講的是一致性

193
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‎吉迪恩

194
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:42,251
‎公司對於我想自殺的規條是甚麼？

195
00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:50,584
‎拉得好，菲奇羅傑，非常好

196
00:08:50,668 --> 00:08:53,043
‎慘了，我忘了帶小袋子裝屎

197
00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:55,584
‎-這隻意大利灰狗真美
‎-謝謝

198
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:58,459
‎你能幫我照顧牠一陣子嗎？

199
00:08:58,543 --> 00:09:00,668
‎我要去拿塑料袋

200
00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:03,418
‎-榮幸之至，帥哥
‎-好

201
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,876
‎不好意思，請問妳有小袋子嗎？

202
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,293
‎我們有用泰國絲綢製成的禮物袋

203
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:11,043
‎索價53元

204
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,959
‎不，普通塑膠袋就可以了

205
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:15,834
‎我的狗狗在門口拉屎了

206
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:17,626
‎甚麼狗？

207
00:09:18,168 --> 00:09:19,251
‎菲奇！

208
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:21,834
‎我是說…菲奇傑羅！

209
00:09:24,668 --> 00:09:25,793
‎拜託！

210
00:09:28,793 --> 00:09:32,334
‎好了…看誰死回來了

211
00:09:32,418 --> 00:09:33,751
‎科特庫辛斯基

212
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,834
‎放心吧，黛安，我不是來找妳的

213
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:39,334
‎丹尼爾打給我說有狗隻失蹤

214
00:09:39,418 --> 00:09:41,626
‎我試過報警，但他們一直在笑我

215
00:09:41,709 --> 00:09:45,501
‎好，白人偷狗，資料齊全了

216
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,209
‎能找到牠的機會有多高？

217
00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:48,209
‎很有機會

218
00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:52,043
‎前題是牠在我值班的時候
‎在全市第二大的機場被送走

219
00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:54,043
‎還有牠最好不是治療犬

220
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:57,168
‎因為法律上來說
‎我不能訊問持有人，再見了，小黛

221
00:09:57,251 --> 00:10:00,918
‎天啊，看來我們今天都過得很糟糕

222
00:10:03,543 --> 00:10:05,459
‎天啊，你的舊木笛

223
00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:06,668
‎要留著，是吧？

224
00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:09,709
‎我媽一直發訊息給我

225
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,168
‎可憐的菲奇失蹤了

226
00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:14,418
‎公司說我欠他們3500元的損失

227
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,001
‎而我付不起，因為根本我就沒有工作

228
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,168
‎我好像出現心悸了

229
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:24,001
‎滿袋都是油！

230
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:26,793
‎孩子

231
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:30,501
‎是時候放棄聽你媽講
‎開始聽我講了

232
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,709
‎你想在這個城市找工作？

233
00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:34,209
‎我讓你去彼德那裡

234
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,418
‎好，任何工作都可以

235
00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:38,459
‎好，我告訴你要怎麼做

236
00:10:38,543 --> 00:10:40,501
‎你要搭火車的藍色線

237
00:10:40,584 --> 00:10:42,876
‎若你看到有人對著乘客大吼大叫

238
00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:44,126
‎安啦，那是艾爾

239
00:10:44,209 --> 00:10:45,709
‎他最近不太好過

240
00:10:45,793 --> 00:10:47,168
‎你坐對火車了

241
00:10:47,251 --> 00:10:50,793
‎到愛許蘭大街站，轉乘24號公車

242
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:54,209
‎告訴司機蘭迪你是我外甥
‎他不會收你車費

243
00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:56,709
‎免收車費？黛安還欠我錢呢！

244
00:10:58,376 --> 00:11:00,126
‎你在布林莫爾下車後

245
00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:02,918
‎眼前就有一間吉斯牛肉店，知道嗎？

246
00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:05,918
‎買兩份牛肉三明治
‎要沾汁、一邊要甜、一邊要醃漬蔬菜

247
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:07,209
‎我吃不下兩份三明治

248
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,876
‎仔細聽，走若一米

249
00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:12,668
‎然後會看到被鎖著的圍欄，爬過去

250
00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:14,084
‎若那些看門狗醒著

251
00:11:14,168 --> 00:11:16,251
‎肯定是醒著的
‎因為牠們被餵過聰明藥

252
00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:17,959
‎就開始跑到前門

253
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,334
‎把兩份三明治拋到身後

254
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:23,834
‎那應該就有足夠時間爬過第二道圍欄

255
00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:25,418
‎幹嘛會有第二道圍欄？

256
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,418
‎然後就會到達

257
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:31,001
‎彼德父子檔的畸形足底

258
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:32,501
‎黛安派我來的

259
00:11:32,584 --> 00:11:34,501
‎幹嘛不直接走前門？

260
00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:39,751
‎你想怎麼剪？

261
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,709
‎妳是專家，交給妳囉

262
00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:43,959
‎我也想你把整個人交給我

263
00:11:44,043 --> 00:11:46,751
‎看看你的手，你是木匠嗎？

264
00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:50,793
‎不，木工只是我的興趣
‎我正職是消防員

265
00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:56,001
‎天啊，馬上跟我到裡面去

266
00:11:57,293 --> 00:12:00,376
‎黛安，妳12秒內就把所有規條都犯了

267
00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:02,959
‎吉迪恩，現在別鬧
‎我要上這個消防員

268
00:12:03,043 --> 00:12:05,376
‎這傢伙是請來的演員

269
00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:09,376
‎妳知道的，黛安！
‎他整個早上都在角色扮演

270
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,043
‎你是演員？

271
00:12:11,126 --> 00:12:13,626
‎我還在《芝加哥醫情》
‎演過昏迷的受害者

272
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,126
‎老娘忍不住了！

273
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:19,293
‎好，我把你誘捕了，還有證人

274
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,459
‎害我電池都用完了

275
00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,168
‎但妳知道嗎？我不想再理妳了

276
00:12:23,251 --> 00:12:25,876
‎因為只要妳明天考不過

277
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:29,793
‎我以後也不需要再應付妳，再見

278
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,584
‎妳知道這邊還要多久嗎？

279
00:12:34,668 --> 00:12:36,668
‎我要去上即興演劇班

280
00:12:37,918 --> 00:12:39,709
‎真可惜

281
00:12:42,084 --> 00:12:44,793
‎沒有大學學位，完美

282
00:12:44,876 --> 00:12:47,293
‎-你有甚麼前科？
‎-指工作經驗嗎？

283
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:50,918
‎前科，你犯過的罪行

284
00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,668
‎我沒有犯過任何罪行

285
00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:55,459
‎-我也是
‎-答得好

286
00:12:55,543 --> 00:12:56,834
‎-身家清白
‎-我也是

287
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:58,168
‎-這傢伙不錯
‎-我也是

288
00:12:58,251 --> 00:13:00,459
‎好消息，這份工作是你的了

289
00:13:00,543 --> 00:13:02,418
‎真的嗎？太好了

290
00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:04,209
‎問一個問題

291
00:13:04,293 --> 00:13:06,209
‎這兩隻狗會每天都追著我跑嗎？

292
00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:08,709
‎噢，你不會在這裡工作

293
00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:11,334
‎城市抽水站

294
00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:14,251
‎那台機器負責過濾湖水

295
00:13:14,334 --> 00:13:15,668
‎讓湖水變得可飲用

296
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:16,876
‎全自動

297
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:19,584
‎只有被選中的人才可以來負責維修

298
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,876
‎雖然辛苦，但很值得

299
00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:24,959
‎只要不用我撿狗屎，沒問題

300
00:13:25,668 --> 00:13:27,126
‎這裡沒有狗屎

301
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:30,834
‎但有鳥屎，對，你只需要清理鳥屎

302
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:33,876
‎要用到的物資都在這裡，硝酸鈣

303
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:37,209
‎小心點，這東西很易燃的

304
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:38,876
‎刷子

305
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:41,584
‎怕臭味可以戴口罩

306
00:13:41,668 --> 00:13:43,793
‎我個人是蠻喜歡聞到屎味的

307
00:13:43,876 --> 00:13:46,001
‎晚餐後是最多屎的時間

308
00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:49,084
‎還有這個禮拜湖邊有麵包展

309
00:13:49,168 --> 00:13:51,043
‎應該會傾盆大屎

310
00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:52,876
‎還有甚麼呢？

311
00:13:52,959 --> 00:13:54,876
‎你不講話我就留著囉

312
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:59,876
‎噢，對了，不要穿著
‎或拿著任何發亮的東西

313
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:01,501
‎鳥兒會朝著它攻擊的

314
00:14:01,584 --> 00:14:04,251
‎現在是交配季節
‎雄性的鳥特別帶攻擊性

315
00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:06,751
‎但還是遠不及雌性可怕

316
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:08,043
‎鏟屎快樂！

317
00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:10,834
‎我盡量在晚上9時來接你

318
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,543
‎我要做到9點？

319
00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:13,543
‎至少9點！

320
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:18,626
‎該死的吉迪恩以為我會過不了測驗

321
00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:20,751
‎老娘最會應付測驗了

322
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:23,543
‎我嗨著過毒檢、醉著考駕照

323
00:14:23,626 --> 00:14:26,459
‎還又嗨又醉地驗孕

324
00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:31,334
‎天啊，你真臭

325
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:35,001
‎對，因為妳安排給我的工作爛屎了

326
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,334
‎真真正正的爛屎

327
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,084
‎不像我這代人那樣，經常錯用詞彙

328
00:14:39,584 --> 00:14:41,251
‎噢，座機電話

329
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:43,584
‎約炮和收債才會打那個電話

330
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:48,001
‎喂，我可能是黛安喔

331
00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:49,209
‎丹尼爾？

332
00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:50,959
‎噁心，是你媽啦

333
00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:54,418
‎我有一天半沒收到你消息了

334
00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:56,668
‎你得告訴我有甚麼要留
‎我才可以清你的房間

335
00:14:56,751 --> 00:14:59,459
‎還有你都沒有告訴我
‎帶狗散步的工作怎麼樣？

336
00:14:59,543 --> 00:15:02,418
‎我現在不想理妳，通通丟掉吧

337
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,418
‎-那你的…
‎-全都是垃圾，我不要了

338
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:09,543
‎清理好了嗎？
‎要把健身單車推進來了嗎？

339
00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:10,626
‎你也來煩我？

340
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:13,543
‎全家的男人
‎今天都在欺負我這個女人！

341
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:15,126
‎丹尼爾的舊運動短褲

342
00:15:15,209 --> 00:15:16,751
‎我應該可以擠得進去

343
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,376
‎-老友
‎-老兄？

344
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,001
‎-老兄？
‎-老友？

345
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,584
‎-有錢有商量！
‎-有錢有商量！

346
00:15:21,668 --> 00:15:23,418
‎可惡，我睡過頭了

347
00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:24,668
‎我完全沒有睡

348
00:15:24,751 --> 00:15:27,376
‎我把八季的《大明星小跟班》追完了

349
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,459
‎這個節目真好看！

350
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,376
‎妳不是該唸書嗎？

351
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:35,126
‎噢，沒事啦
‎我自有計劃與後備計劃

352
00:15:35,209 --> 00:15:38,084
‎說到後備，拿我的舊電話去用吧

353
00:15:40,168 --> 00:15:43,209
‎你要一個電話
‎我不想你媽又打過來座機煩我

354
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:47,126
‎那台電話充滿的話，可以談一分鐘喔

355
00:15:47,209 --> 00:15:48,793
‎謝謝妳？

356
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:51,876
‎噢，要是傑里斯普林格打過來

357
00:15:51,959 --> 00:15:54,084
‎告訴他，我不會再回去那個節目！

358
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,668
‎喂，有病毒在傳播

359
00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:03,751
‎所有鳥兒都拉肚子了

360
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:05,793
‎不是所有鳥屎都是拉肚子嗎？

361
00:16:06,751 --> 00:16:08,168
‎你這孩子真幽默

362
00:16:13,543 --> 00:16:14,709
‎（C.R.E.S.T.測驗）

363
00:16:14,793 --> 00:16:17,334
‎女士們，最後五分鐘

364
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,168
‎哎呀，我的鉛筆

365
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:32,293
‎黛安，妳顯然是在作弊

366
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:33,751
‎幹，我的計劃！

367
00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:41,418
‎是我啊，接電話

368
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,584
‎好了，我要把妳的手機收走

369
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:45,209
‎幹，我的後備計劃！

370
00:16:45,293 --> 00:16:47,043
‎我可不是同謀喔

371
00:16:52,584 --> 00:16:54,793
‎那根據不是發亮的東西

372
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,043
‎慘了

373
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,251
‎（新聞）

374
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:03,501
‎菲奇安全回到主人身邊

375
00:17:03,584 --> 00:17:07,251
‎她向本台表明
‎她並沒有注射肉毒桿菌

376
00:17:07,334 --> 00:17:08,918
‎接著會有天氣報告

377
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:12,918
‎以及，松鼠會否增加物業價值…

378
00:17:15,876 --> 00:17:17,334
‎-馬克，那是甚麼？
‎-沒甚麼

379
00:17:17,418 --> 00:17:19,959
‎進來，那些是丹尼爾的東西，是吧？

380
00:17:20,043 --> 00:17:22,293
‎我想幫妳先清一點東西

381
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:24,876
‎我自有計劃，自有分類！

382
00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:27,418
‎為何大家都急著要改變？

383
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:28,918
‎我是不是瘋了？

384
00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:34,126
‎老婆，這不是我該回答的問題

385
00:17:35,209 --> 00:17:36,709
‎馬克，我很想他

386
00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:38,626
‎我也很難受

387
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,543
‎但我們總要放手

388
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,168
‎丹尼爾不會有事的，好嗎？

389
00:17:43,251 --> 00:17:45,043
‎來自湖邊的突發新聞

390
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:49,001
‎一場大火把城市的污水處理站吞噬

391
00:17:49,084 --> 00:17:51,334
‎救援船因為史無前例的激流

392
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,834
‎而無法接近處理站

393
00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:55,543
‎（突發新聞 水上濃煙）

394
00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:57,834
‎收到，好，我們剛才收到

395
00:17:57,918 --> 00:17:59,959
‎一名被困在該站的員工名字

396
00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:02,876
‎最近從史丹佛輟學的丹尼爾惠靈頓

397
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,793
‎我就說我不是瘋了！

398
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,334
‎馬克，趕快起來，孩子需要我們！

399
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:28,959
‎黛安，妳收到八則
‎來自“蠢女表”的未接來電

400
00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:31,459
‎噢，那是我姊，手機給我

401
00:18:32,626 --> 00:18:33,918
‎-邦妮？
‎-媽的！

402
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:36,584
‎丹尼爾！火災！沒有救援船！

403
00:18:36,668 --> 00:18:38,959
‎-該死的激流！
‎-我馬上去！

404
00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:41,293
‎黛安，這份測驗只做了一半

405
00:18:41,376 --> 00:18:43,668
‎要是妳現在離開，那就別再回來

406
00:18:43,751 --> 00:18:44,918
‎天啊，吉迪恩

407
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:47,834
‎我沒有記下博羅的蠢規條

408
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:48,751
‎被你逮到了

409
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:51,209
‎但我有自己的規條

410
00:18:51,293 --> 00:18:53,251
‎一直以來都好好的

411
00:18:53,334 --> 00:18:55,626
‎我的客人永遠可以倚賴我

412
00:18:55,709 --> 00:18:57,959
‎嚴格來說，那就是一致性

413
00:18:58,043 --> 00:19:00,126
‎我永遠不會把他們當猴子耍

414
00:19:00,209 --> 00:19:02,043
‎即使他們像智障一樣

415
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:02,959
‎那就是尊重

416
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:05,709
‎我午餐都在廁所吃
‎休息時間只要一半

417
00:19:05,793 --> 00:19:06,709
‎那就是效率

418
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:10,126
‎我工作的時候只會喝淡啤酒
‎永遠不會馬虎了事

419
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:12,043
‎算是安全？

420
00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:14,043
‎同事們會罩我

421
00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:16,334
‎我也會罩她們，因為我們就像一家人

422
00:19:16,418 --> 00:19:17,293
‎-團結
‎-家庭…

423
00:19:17,376 --> 00:19:18,584
‎我是說團結

424
00:19:18,668 --> 00:19:20,251
‎知道還有誰像我的家人嗎？

425
00:19:20,334 --> 00:19:21,543
‎我的家人！

426
00:19:21,626 --> 00:19:24,793
‎現在他們需要我，所以我必須趕過去

427
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:28,043
‎若這樣對於你
‎和《大明星小跟班》的烏龜還不好

428
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:32,209
‎那你就“博羅”我屁股，好好親一口吧

429
00:19:34,418 --> 00:19:36,001
‎好吧，她及格了

430
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:40,543
‎標準美國白人女性來說

431
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,918
‎天啊，馬克，做些甚麼吧！

432
00:19:54,376 --> 00:19:55,959
‎天啊，湖水好冷！

433
00:19:56,668 --> 00:19:58,959
‎神啊，不要讓我死

434
00:20:00,459 --> 00:20:02,751
‎天啊，殺了我吧

435
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,584
‎丹尼爾，我來救你了！

436
00:20:06,668 --> 00:20:10,084
‎末日來臨…

437
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:13,626
‎末日來臨…

438
00:20:13,709 --> 00:20:15,334
‎妳喊到我耳鳴了！

439
00:20:15,418 --> 00:20:17,043
‎斯基林，我們下去！

440
00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:18,584
‎沒問題，黛安！

441
00:20:19,626 --> 00:20:22,126
‎丹尼爾，抓住我的手

442
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:31,126
‎媽的，是我不好

443
00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:32,793
‎-湯姆，幫個忙吧
‎-馬上來！

444
00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:36,459
‎被我說對了吧？

445
00:20:36,543 --> 00:20:38,751
‎看看那些激流，美呆了！

446
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:41,001
‎-斯基林！
‎-抱歉，來了

447
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:46,751
‎天啊，黛安阿姨，謝謝妳！

448
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,168
‎外甥，有我罩你

449
00:20:48,251 --> 00:20:52,376
‎這不是黛安第一次讓密歇根湖
‎有一個“濕透”的快樂結局

450
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:55,543
‎湯姆，你這個傢伙

451
00:20:57,834 --> 00:20:58,918
‎媽，爸

452
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:02,043
‎兒子，我很擔心你

453
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:04,876
‎“我救了他一命，不用客氣喔”

454
00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:05,918
‎妳！

455
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:08,251
‎要不是妳安排他做這麼危險的工作

456
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:11,209
‎丹尼爾就不會遇到危險了

457
00:21:11,293 --> 00:21:15,084
‎怪我？他會做這份工作
‎是因為妳介紹的那份工作爛透了

458
00:21:15,168 --> 00:21:16,501
‎這都是妳的錯

459
00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:18,126
‎馬克，幫我拿著耳環

460
00:21:18,209 --> 00:21:20,334
‎馬克，幫我拿著肚臍環

461
00:21:20,418 --> 00:21:22,043
‎天啊，好臭

462
00:21:22,126 --> 00:21:23,543
‎妳們吵夠了！

463
00:21:23,626 --> 00:21:25,043
‎這是我的人生！

464
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:28,459
‎我是會犯錯，但這些都是我的錯！

465
00:21:28,543 --> 00:21:29,959
‎對不起我在大吼小叫

466
00:21:30,043 --> 00:21:32,668
‎但我現在腎上腺素過盛

467
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,793
‎妳是我媽媽，我永遠都需要妳

468
00:21:36,876 --> 00:21:39,001
‎但我需要一些空間
‎所以不要一直煩我吧

469
00:21:39,084 --> 00:21:40,043
‎對啊！

470
00:21:40,126 --> 00:21:42,584
‎妳，妳不但是我阿姨

471
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:45,626
‎可悲的是，妳還是我最好的朋友

472
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:49,293
‎所以我有時候需要妳挺我的決定

473
00:21:49,793 --> 00:21:52,168
‎明天，我會去應徵創意飲料的空缺

474
00:21:52,251 --> 00:21:53,918
‎因為我一開始就想去那裡工作

475
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:56,834
‎我會好好工作，我可以照顧好自己

476
00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:00,001
‎爸，我能看到你的蛋蛋

477
00:22:00,793 --> 00:22:03,418
‎妳聽到嗎？我是他最好的朋友！

478
00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:05,293
‎他還有說“可悲的是”

479
00:22:05,376 --> 00:22:07,709
‎妳就幫我好好照看他吧，好嗎？

480
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:09,793
‎他沒事的，大家都平安…

481
00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:14,209
‎屌爆了！

482
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:18,168
‎好，我會更加用心照看他的

483
00:22:20,043 --> 00:22:23,376
‎“大奶麥基”的飲料？

484
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,168
‎嗨，黛安阿姨

485
00:22:26,251 --> 00:22:28,293
‎我是妳的健康專員

486
00:22:28,376 --> 00:22:31,084
‎要我幫妳加一份咖啡到活力飲料嗎？

487
00:22:31,168 --> 00:22:33,376
‎不用了，外甥，我有自備酒

488
00:22:34,793 --> 00:22:37,793
‎噢，妳媽帶了新手機過來給你

489
00:22:38,668 --> 00:22:41,209
‎還認得你的舊房間嗎？

490
00:22:42,334 --> 00:22:44,501
‎帕尼兔不是睡在那裡的

491
00:22:44,584 --> 00:22:46,751
‎這個地方其實還行

492
00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:48,918
‎在這裡閒晃也不錯

493
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:52,209
‎舒適的沙發，能拉出來變床嗎？

494
00:22:52,293 --> 00:22:53,584
‎妳不用工作嗎？

495
00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:58,168
‎妳露底了，天啊！

496
00:23:34,251 --> 00:23:37,168
‎字幕翻譯：李瑋樂