1 00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:12,275 [hip-hop music] 2 00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,620 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:17,482 - Men have always confused the hell out of women. 4 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,517 Ow! 5 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,586 Why'd you do that? 6 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,517 'Cause I like you, duh. 7 00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,379 Ow! 8 00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,758 And Tasha was no exception. 9 00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:28,586 - Ooh, I just can't understand why Darius broke up with me. 10 00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,827 I know, it's terrible. 11 00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:32,482 It doesn't make any sense. 12 00:00:32,586 --> 00:00:34,862 We were gonna go see Keith Sweat in concert on Friday. 13 00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:37,931 - In 1987, there was only one man 14 00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:40,068 that women always understood-- 15 00:00:40,137 --> 00:00:41,068 Keith Sweat. 16 00:00:41,137 --> 00:00:47,310 ♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪ 17 00:00:47,379 --> 00:00:49,758 Ow! 18 00:00:49,793 --> 00:00:51,758 - You know, I'm going to that show. 19 00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:52,965 I wasn't. 20 00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,551 And I have an extra ticket. 21 00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:55,758 I didn't. 22 00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:57,068 - Wanna come with? - Really? 23 00:00:57,137 --> 00:00:58,620 Of course I do. Thank you, Chris. 24 00:00:58,689 --> 00:00:59,655 Risky. 25 00:00:59,724 --> 00:01:01,137 - Two tickets will be 50 bucks each. 26 00:01:01,206 --> 00:01:03,655 - But the official poster said $25. 27 00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:05,517 - It also said sold-out. 28 00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:08,655 - I don't have the money, but I could get it to you later. 29 00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:09,793 Can you hold them for me? 30 00:01:09,827 --> 00:01:10,827 For you? 31 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:11,827 No problem. 32 00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:13,241 $150 by Friday. 33 00:01:13,310 --> 00:01:14,931 [groans] 34 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,000 You should see how he rips me off now that I have money. 35 00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:20,000 [upbeat hip-hop music] 36 00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:21,413 [dramatic music] 37 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,172 - Damn it, Buttless, you're a pain in the ass! 38 00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,172 Oh, right. 39 00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:26,896 Sorry. 40 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,620 - Uh, Daddy, do we have to keep watching "Dick Buttless, P.I."? 41 00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:32,103 - You know changing the channel adds 42 00:01:32,172 --> 00:01:33,551 5 cent to the electric bill. 43 00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:35,068 [sighs] 44 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,275 No! 45 00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:37,620 - I didn't even say anything yet. 46 00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,068 - My joints get achy when someone's 47 00:01:39,137 --> 00:01:40,137 about to ask for money. 48 00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,482 I wasn't gonna ask for money. 49 00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:42,965 Yeah, he was, Daddy. 50 00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:44,310 He wants to go to a concert with Tasha. 51 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:45,758 Dang, Tonya! 52 00:01:45,827 --> 00:01:47,379 Is there anyone you wouldn't snitch on? 53 00:01:47,448 --> 00:01:48,620 Jesus did it! 54 00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:50,379 He claimed to be the messiah. 55 00:01:50,448 --> 00:01:53,310 Dang, Tonya. 56 00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:54,379 What happened? 57 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,379 Who snitched? 58 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,379 Judas did it. 59 00:01:56,448 --> 00:01:57,586 Dang, Tonya! 60 00:01:57,655 --> 00:01:58,931 - Chris, if you want that money, 61 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,448 you got to use your imagination. 62 00:02:00,517 --> 00:02:02,068 I'm not just gonna hand it to you. 63 00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:05,344 - Um, Daddy, can I have some money for a Koosh ball? 64 00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:06,448 Of course, baby. 65 00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:12,793 - One of these days, snitching is gonna get you in trouble. 66 00:02:12,862 --> 00:02:16,413 - Daddy, Chris is dramatically warning me of something. 67 00:02:16,517 --> 00:02:17,827 - Chris, go to your room-- 68 00:02:17,896 --> 00:02:19,827 and make your warnings more upbeat! 69 00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,068 [groans] 70 00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:22,137 Hey, baby. 71 00:02:22,206 --> 00:02:23,448 Yo, my elbow! 72 00:02:23,517 --> 00:02:24,586 Something happened to our money. 73 00:02:24,655 --> 00:02:26,068 Where's your purse? 74 00:02:26,172 --> 00:02:28,275 - Well, I was walking home, I stopped at the store, 75 00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:30,517 I got mugged, I picked up some chicken. 76 00:02:30,586 --> 00:02:32,448 Ooh, should I bake or grill the chicken for dinner? 77 00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:34,068 - What? - Ah, you're right. 78 00:02:34,103 --> 00:02:35,172 I should fry it. 79 00:02:35,241 --> 00:02:36,344 Rochelle, are you all right? 80 00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:38,103 I can't believe this happened. 81 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:40,344 Muggers are usually no match for you. 82 00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:43,275 [funky music] 83 00:02:43,344 --> 00:02:44,758 ♪ ♪ 84 00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:46,517 Give me your purse, lady. 85 00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:49,275 - Leon, I'd recognize those dusty cornrows anywhere. 86 00:02:49,379 --> 00:02:51,103 Does your mother know you're out here mugging 87 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,827 people looking all raggedy? 88 00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,551 So what happened this time? 89 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:55,620 The mugger was white. 90 00:02:55,689 --> 00:02:56,931 [gasps] 91 00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,724 - The first sign of gentrification. 92 00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:00,655 - Well, I'm glad you're OK, baby. 93 00:03:00,724 --> 00:03:02,965 - Mom, you should take a class at my dojo 94 00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,275 to learn self-defense. 95 00:03:04,344 --> 00:03:06,275 - Yeah, I'd feel better if you did. 96 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,482 Too bad our money can't defend itself. 97 00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:09,965 Poor, defenseless money. 98 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,344 I'm fine. 99 00:03:11,448 --> 00:03:12,862 From now on, if a white mugger comes at me, 100 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,551 I won't try to talk him out of it. 101 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,137 I'll just clock him straight off. 102 00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:17,448 OK, Julius? 103 00:03:17,517 --> 00:03:20,413 - Poor paper-thin money, out in the cold. 104 00:03:20,482 --> 00:03:22,137 Can't stand up for itself. 105 00:03:22,241 --> 00:03:23,862 It can't even stand up. 106 00:03:23,931 --> 00:03:24,965 Ooh! 107 00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:26,724 [bell rings] 108 00:03:26,793 --> 00:03:28,172 - Have you seen Sally's new weave? 109 00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,586 Ugh. 110 00:03:29,655 --> 00:03:31,413 I don't think Sally's seen Sally's new weave, 111 00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:32,413 or she'd change it. 112 00:03:32,448 --> 00:03:33,793 [laughs] 113 00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:36,275 - Koosh balls aren't allowed in school. 114 00:03:36,344 --> 00:03:38,931 Whose is it? 115 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,827 I need answers, ladies. 116 00:03:40,896 --> 00:03:43,275 - What you need is a breath mint. 117 00:03:43,344 --> 00:03:45,000 - Fine, you don't have to tell me. 118 00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:46,862 You can tell Vice Principal Harris. 119 00:03:46,931 --> 00:03:47,862 What? 120 00:03:47,931 --> 00:03:49,448 You can't make us do that. 121 00:03:49,517 --> 00:03:50,517 I'm head hall monitor. 122 00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:51,724 I can do whatever I want. 123 00:03:51,793 --> 00:03:53,000 Ugh. 124 00:03:53,103 --> 00:03:54,827 Can he chew some gum once in a while? 125 00:03:54,931 --> 00:03:56,275 Just go. 126 00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:59,275 [humming] 127 00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:00,310 Loaf attack! 128 00:04:00,379 --> 00:04:01,965 You got mugged again. 129 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,068 Drew, what are you doing? 130 00:04:03,137 --> 00:04:04,034 That hurt. 131 00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,517 Exactly. 132 00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:09,000 This is why you need to take a self-defense class. 133 00:04:09,068 --> 00:04:12,931 [funky music] 134 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,862 [gasps] 135 00:04:15,931 --> 00:04:17,517 Oh, thank you. 136 00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:20,344 These streets can be dangerous-- 137 00:04:20,448 --> 00:04:21,448 for you. 138 00:04:21,517 --> 00:04:22,482 Drew! 139 00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:24,103 Give me my damn scarf back. 140 00:04:24,172 --> 00:04:25,137 [slurps] 141 00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:27,344 [cat snarling] 142 00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:29,275 [dramatic music] 143 00:04:29,344 --> 00:04:31,965 [gasps] 144 00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:33,413 - What would you do in this situation? 145 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,689 - Fine. I'll go to the dojo. Damn. 146 00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:36,896 [cat meows.] 147 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,379 [funky music] 148 00:04:38,448 --> 00:04:40,896 - They don't know who brought the Koosh. 149 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,620 If we don't say nothing, we'll both be fine. 150 00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:46,862 Don't say nothing. 151 00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:49,586 Tonya, get in here. 152 00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,413 Shh. 153 00:04:52,655 --> 00:04:53,551 LaDonna did it. 154 00:04:53,655 --> 00:04:55,000 Well, thanks, Tonya. 155 00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,206 I did not expect you to throw your friend 156 00:04:57,275 --> 00:04:58,931 under the bus like that. 157 00:04:59,000 --> 00:04:59,896 Hmph. 158 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,000 So can I go? 159 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,586 Sit down, Tonya. 160 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,827 You're a natural-born snitch. 161 00:05:05,896 --> 00:05:07,689 Have you ever considered becoming a hall monitor? 162 00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,068 Ha! 163 00:05:09,103 --> 00:05:10,931 You want me to be one of those dweebs 164 00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:13,965 with a badge who does whatever they want with unlimited power? 165 00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:14,931 I'm in. 166 00:05:15,034 --> 00:05:16,758 Welcome to the force. 167 00:05:16,827 --> 00:05:19,206 Now you can snitch on anyone. 168 00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,931 - Every morning, Ms. Johnson smokes cigarettes 169 00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:22,103 in the nurse's office. 170 00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,034 Just students. 171 00:05:24,103 --> 00:05:25,689 Dang, Tonya. 172 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,379 I can't believe that fool. 173 00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:29,655 You don't take a side chick to Sizzler's. 174 00:05:29,758 --> 00:05:31,620 All-you-can-eat is for wives only. 175 00:05:31,724 --> 00:05:33,000 [laughter] 176 00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:36,206 - Manny, can I get today's pay now? 177 00:05:36,275 --> 00:05:37,482 Here. 178 00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:42,034 [moans] 179 00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:44,551 - Uh, is there any way I can get overtime? 180 00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:45,586 This ain't gonna cut it. 181 00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:46,689 Overtime? 182 00:05:46,758 --> 00:05:48,241 You think this is a union job? 183 00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:50,586 I'm gonna give you undertime. 184 00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:53,241 [pensive music] 185 00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:54,620 Oh! 186 00:05:54,689 --> 00:05:56,793 When life gives you hair, make lemonade. 187 00:05:56,862 --> 00:05:58,034 What? 188 00:05:58,103 --> 00:05:59,172 - It'll make sense in the next scene. 189 00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:01,172 Dang. 190 00:06:02,586 --> 00:06:03,758 [funky music] 191 00:06:03,827 --> 00:06:05,310 [bell chimes] 192 00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:08,655 - Ah, Nessa, Nessa, Nessa, I got prime, 193 00:06:08,689 --> 00:06:10,310 fresh-cut hair for sale, 194 00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:13,275 perfect for your very talented wig-making skills. 195 00:06:13,344 --> 00:06:14,827 10 cents a whisker. 196 00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:17,379 - Boy, I can't make a Salt-N-Pepa asymmetrical 197 00:06:17,448 --> 00:06:19,310 bob out of dirty neck hair. 198 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:20,482 No sale. 199 00:06:23,965 --> 00:06:24,931 [sighs] 200 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,689 Girl, I'm so confused. 201 00:06:26,793 --> 00:06:28,275 I've been seeing Pastor Percy on the low, 202 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,172 but also I've been telling everybody. 203 00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:33,724 And he never takes me to fancy restaurants like Olive Garden. 204 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,068 - Why men gotta be so damn stingy? 205 00:06:36,137 --> 00:06:37,827 Ugh! 206 00:06:37,896 --> 00:06:41,551 What I'd give for a date with an all-you-can-eat salad bar. 207 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:45,275 - Well, all-you-can-eat is for wives only. 208 00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,827 Heh, who told you that? 209 00:06:47,862 --> 00:06:50,448 Uh, I just know, OK? 210 00:06:50,517 --> 00:06:53,241 It's a man thing, and I'm a man. 211 00:06:53,310 --> 00:06:55,655 [laughter] 212 00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:57,827 I'm at the barbershop all the time. 213 00:06:57,896 --> 00:07:00,689 I hear things-- things men, like me, say. 214 00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:04,793 - OK, little man, tell me why a man would buy me a necklace 215 00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:09,172 but then introduce me as his friend. 216 00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,413 Cash first. 217 00:07:10,448 --> 00:07:11,793 Negro, please. 218 00:07:11,862 --> 00:07:14,758 - Not only am I a man, I'm a businessman. 219 00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:18,482 Cash first. 220 00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:22,275 [moans, kisses] 221 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:25,344 - And don't let a woman hold your hand in public. 222 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:26,724 That's basically-- 223 00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:28,482 - --pissing on him like a fire hydrant. 224 00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:29,827 Too possessive. 225 00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:30,862 Ooh! 226 00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:32,172 What? 227 00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:34,310 - See, women pick men romantically. 228 00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:37,000 But men pick women geographically. 229 00:07:37,068 --> 00:07:38,448 The less we spend on gas-- 230 00:07:38,551 --> 00:07:40,000 - --the more they want that ass. 231 00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:41,172 - Mm-hmm. 232 00:07:41,241 --> 00:07:43,896 - You just can't have one woman. 233 00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,310 It's cheaper to keep her-- 234 00:07:45,413 --> 00:07:47,172 - --but it's sweeter to cheat her. 235 00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:48,344 [gasps] 236 00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:52,275 [funky music] 237 00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,620 [moaning] 238 00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:56,793 [reggae music] 239 00:07:56,896 --> 00:07:58,206 [indistinct chatter] 240 00:07:58,275 --> 00:08:02,448 ♪ ♪ 241 00:08:02,517 --> 00:08:04,172 - [indistinct chatter] - Whoop, whoop! 242 00:08:04,206 --> 00:08:05,724 [imitates siren wailing] 243 00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:08,172 - Five-O! 244 00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:14,379 ♪ ♪ 245 00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:15,827 Hey! 246 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:19,241 I thought Al Sharpton put an end to this. 247 00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:25,034 ♪ ♪ 248 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,000 ♪ Oh ♪ 249 00:08:26,103 --> 00:08:28,206 [mystical sitar music] 250 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,172 Good job, class. 251 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,310 Sensei Jason is proud. 252 00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:37,206 Remember, those who do not try, try bad. 253 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:41,241 - Mom, didn't you hear Sensei Jason? 254 00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:43,000 You have to take this seriously. 255 00:08:43,103 --> 00:08:44,241 How? 256 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,000 That man has a clip-on ponytail. 257 00:08:46,103 --> 00:08:47,482 Hmm. 258 00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:49,206 I'm sorry, Sensei Jason. 259 00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:52,551 I tried to tell her the 94 tenets of karate. 260 00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:54,241 That's too many damn tenets! 261 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,103 - Yeah, you won't be saying that 262 00:08:56,172 --> 00:09:01,137 after you purchase my book, "Hi-Ya Learning," for $4.99. 263 00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:03,068 [grunts] 264 00:09:03,103 --> 00:09:04,413 [groans] 265 00:09:04,448 --> 00:09:06,827 He's still an idiot. 266 00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:11,000 - I was just $20 away from getting Keith Sweaty 267 00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:12,931 with the girl of my dreams. 268 00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:15,413 - Chris, in all that man chatter, 269 00:09:15,517 --> 00:09:17,551 has Doc mentioned if he's seeing someone? 270 00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:19,862 - Wait, are you and Doc-- 271 00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:22,965 [mumbling] 272 00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:25,931 - Boy, this is why you a virgin. 273 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,965 But yes, Doc and I are... [mumbling] 274 00:09:30,034 --> 00:09:33,172 But he only takes me out during the day. 275 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:36,206 Chris, why won't he go dancing with me at night? 276 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,172 - Uh, Doc hasn't said anything about any of that. 277 00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:43,344 - Well, what are you standing here looking stupid for? 278 00:09:43,413 --> 00:09:46,689 Go ask Doc what he's doing instead of taking me dancing. 279 00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:49,931 And who he's doing and where she lives. 280 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,448 - Uh, I don't feel comfortable-- 281 00:09:51,517 --> 00:09:53,241 OK, I'll do it. 282 00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,137 [funky music] 283 00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:59,172 - Ugh, that was the longest hour of my life, 284 00:09:59,241 --> 00:10:00,965 and I've seen "Roots" twice. 285 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,206 - OK, before we go, anyone who would like to challenge me 286 00:10:04,275 --> 00:10:05,793 may do so now. 287 00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:09,068 If you pin me down, you will earn the coveted title 288 00:10:09,172 --> 00:10:10,827 of Little Sensei. 289 00:10:10,896 --> 00:10:12,551 - What the hell's a "Little Sensei?" 290 00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:15,896 - It means you're the best fighter in the whole dojo. 291 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,206 No one's ever gotten it. 292 00:10:18,275 --> 00:10:22,034 Little Sensei is the biggest honor there ever was. 293 00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:25,275 - [laughs] I don't want to be a little anything-- 294 00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:27,896 except maybe a little tipsy on a little yacht 295 00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:29,206 off Little Cayman Island. 296 00:10:29,241 --> 00:10:32,413 - I challenge you, Sensei Jason. 297 00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:34,551 Aw, he tries this every week. 298 00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:36,275 Make it quick, baby. 299 00:10:36,379 --> 00:10:37,655 I want to get home to ice my legs, my thighs, and my ass. 300 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,344 - Mm-hmm. 301 00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:45,827 A boy who steps up is taller than the boy who sits down. 302 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,793 Nyow! 303 00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:47,931 Whoo-ooh! 304 00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:50,172 Ahh! Ugh! [groans] 305 00:10:50,241 --> 00:10:52,206 Better luck next time, Drew. 306 00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:55,724 Wind knocked out is wind knocked down. 307 00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:59,172 - Mm-mm, nobody kicks my baby in a corner. 308 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,655 What are you doing? 309 00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:03,620 - Your sensei is about to get beaten senseless. 310 00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:04,896 That's what I'm doing. 311 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,827 - She didn't know karate, but she 312 00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:08,758 had a black belt in Black mom. 313 00:11:08,827 --> 00:11:10,241 - Ah! Ah! 314 00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:11,206 Uh! Ah! 315 00:11:11,275 --> 00:11:13,241 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 316 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:14,275 Ah! [whip cracks] 317 00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,620 Ahh! 318 00:11:15,655 --> 00:11:21,172 - Nobody gets to beat my kids but me! 319 00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:22,379 [together] Ooh! 320 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:23,344 Stop! 321 00:11:23,413 --> 00:11:24,448 You win! 322 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,068 You're the Little Sensei. 323 00:11:26,137 --> 00:11:28,758 Just give me back my ponytail. 324 00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:31,827 [all cheering] 325 00:11:31,896 --> 00:11:33,275 Whoa. 326 00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:37,034 [indistinct chatter] 327 00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:38,862 [gasps] 328 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:39,931 Hey! 329 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,379 You know that's illegal. 330 00:11:41,448 --> 00:11:44,068 [funky music] 331 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,137 [eerie music] 332 00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:46,758 [indistinct whispering] 333 00:11:46,827 --> 00:11:49,586 - [gasps] Students in the back alley? 334 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,068 Not today, Satan. 335 00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:52,448 - Kooshes, gum, there's even a yo-yo. 336 00:11:52,551 --> 00:11:53,586 Yes! 337 00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:55,689 Give me ten Pixy Stix for it. 338 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:58,655 [sneaky music] 339 00:11:58,758 --> 00:11:59,724 ♪ ♪ 340 00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:02,862 [sniffs] 341 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:07,068 - Something stinks, and this time it ain't your breath. 342 00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:09,137 - You better not tell Vice Principal Harris. 343 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,482 I run this school. 344 00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:11,931 I'll tell you what, Shawn. 345 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,827 I won't say nothing if you give me a taste. 346 00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:18,758 [funky music] 347 00:12:18,827 --> 00:12:20,758 ♪ ♪ 348 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:21,758 Ooh! 349 00:12:21,827 --> 00:12:24,655 Pure and uncut. 350 00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:30,344 I want a 50/50 split of whatever you make. 351 00:12:30,413 --> 00:12:31,620 I'm head hall monitor. 352 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,172 I don't have to listen to you. 353 00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:34,655 Don't you, though? 354 00:12:34,724 --> 00:12:36,068 Dang, Tonya! 355 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,344 - [slurps] Ooh! 356 00:12:39,689 --> 00:12:41,241 [funky music] 357 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,379 Hey, Doc. 358 00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:44,827 What's going on, Chris? 359 00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:47,206 You hit your target yet to get those tickets? 360 00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,206 Working on it. 361 00:12:48,275 --> 00:12:50,655 Uh, but enough about me. 362 00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,413 What's up with you? 363 00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:54,137 What are you doing tonight? 364 00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:56,413 What do you do every night, and who are you doing it with? 365 00:12:56,517 --> 00:12:58,965 - What the hell you talking about? 366 00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:00,172 What's her name? 367 00:13:00,241 --> 00:13:01,655 Is she pretty? 368 00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:03,000 Please! 369 00:13:03,068 --> 00:13:04,344 [groans] 370 00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:07,034 - ♪ Risky gonna give those tickets away ♪ 371 00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:11,931 ♪ And Tasha gonna give body, her body away ♪ 372 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:18,482 ♪ To someone else at the concert, Chris ♪ 373 00:13:18,551 --> 00:13:20,275 [mystical sitar music] 374 00:13:20,379 --> 00:13:21,344 [blows] 375 00:13:21,413 --> 00:13:24,551 [belt squeaks] 376 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,517 - Rochelle, I deem you Little Sensei. 377 00:13:27,586 --> 00:13:30,862 With great power comes great responsibility, and also 378 00:13:30,931 --> 00:13:32,827 a small service charge that'll be on your next bill. 379 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,241 Congratulations. [applause] 380 00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:36,413 - I think she might be hotter than Drew. 381 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,724 - Wow, Mom, I can't believe you're Little Sensei. 382 00:13:39,793 --> 00:13:41,482 I've challenged him hundreds of times, 383 00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:43,103 and I've never been Little Sensei. 384 00:13:43,172 --> 00:13:45,551 - Oh, I'm sure you will be one day, baby. 385 00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:49,034 - I'm just so proud of my mom who didn't practice every day 386 00:13:49,103 --> 00:13:51,655 and didn't punch her fists in all those oak trees 387 00:13:51,758 --> 00:13:55,448 to build strength and just came in for one class 388 00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:56,586 and became Little Sensei. 389 00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:57,586 Ha! 390 00:13:57,689 --> 00:13:59,103 Ah-ha! 391 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,827 It's great! 392 00:14:00,931 --> 00:14:02,689 [pensive music] 393 00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,551 - Hey, girl. How's it going? 394 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:06,586 Good. 395 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:08,965 But it's about to be great. 396 00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:11,896 - Tonya, there have been serious allegations 397 00:14:11,965 --> 00:14:13,241 made against you. 398 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,310 Open your locker. 399 00:14:14,413 --> 00:14:15,482 OK. 400 00:14:17,448 --> 00:14:20,379 [dramatic music] 401 00:14:20,448 --> 00:14:22,137 ♪ ♪ 402 00:14:22,206 --> 00:14:23,896 Well, well, well, Tonya. 403 00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:25,068 What? 404 00:14:25,137 --> 00:14:27,137 I-- [sputtering] those aren't mine! 405 00:14:27,206 --> 00:14:28,517 They weren't. 406 00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:31,137 For once, she was actually telling the truth. 407 00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:32,655 That's for snitching on me. 408 00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,275 [stammering[ 409 00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:35,586 This is all a setup. 410 00:14:35,655 --> 00:14:37,206 I was framed. 411 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,965 Give me your badge, Tonya. 412 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,586 - Ha, you kicking me off the force? 413 00:14:42,655 --> 00:14:43,551 Ha! 414 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:45,482 I am the force. 415 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,034 I'm the one who cleaned up these hallways. 416 00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:50,000 Without me, all you mother-- 417 00:14:50,103 --> 00:14:51,034 That's it! 418 00:14:51,137 --> 00:14:52,379 Two months' detention. 419 00:14:52,448 --> 00:14:55,344 [funky music] 420 00:14:55,448 --> 00:15:00,068 ♪ ♪ 421 00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:03,586 - Drew, why did I find your Bruce Lee poster in the trash? 422 00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:05,000 - That's where it belongs-- 423 00:15:05,068 --> 00:15:07,655 with my dreams and karate skills. 424 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:09,413 How did you do it? 425 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,000 You have to tell me! 426 00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:14,413 - You're that upset about me being Little Sensei? 427 00:15:14,517 --> 00:15:17,793 - No, I support Black women in positions of power. 428 00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:21,068 He went on to date Kandi from "Real Housewives of Atlanta." 429 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:22,724 You want to know my secret? 430 00:15:22,793 --> 00:15:24,551 I fought for what I love. 431 00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:27,275 And I can teach you how to do that, too. 432 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,344 Nice. 433 00:15:28,413 --> 00:15:29,724 Can we get ice cream after? 434 00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:30,724 [groans] 435 00:15:30,827 --> 00:15:32,275 No ice cream! 436 00:15:32,379 --> 00:15:36,551 We got free old milk in the freezer. 437 00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:38,413 [groans] 438 00:15:38,517 --> 00:15:42,482 - I didn't have any intel on Doc, but I still needed $20. 439 00:15:42,551 --> 00:15:45,620 So I did what any desperate virgin would do-- 440 00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:46,862 I lied. 441 00:15:46,896 --> 00:15:47,931 You were right. 442 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:51,172 There might be another woman. 443 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,172 - I knew it! - [gasps] 444 00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:55,724 Worth every penny. 445 00:15:55,827 --> 00:15:58,413 - ♪ Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ahh ♪ 446 00:15:58,482 --> 00:15:59,827 Yeah, screw men. 447 00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:00,965 They're terrible. 448 00:16:01,068 --> 00:16:01,965 OK, bye. 449 00:16:02,034 --> 00:16:03,103 [touch-tones beeping] 450 00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,758 Doc, you old bastard. 451 00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:05,896 It's over. 452 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,517 The only dancing we ever gonna do 453 00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:10,068 is when I dance on your grave, because you're dead. 454 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:14,103 But I didn't kill you-- you died of a broken heart. 455 00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:16,517 Well, bye. 456 00:16:16,586 --> 00:16:17,551 [funky music] 457 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:18,620 Here! 458 00:16:18,655 --> 00:16:20,206 I got the money. 459 00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:21,344 Whew! 460 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,413 Cutting it close, youngblood. 461 00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:26,517 [chimes ringing] 462 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,724 [funky music] 463 00:16:29,793 --> 00:16:31,655 - Chris, I'm so glad you brought me. 464 00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:35,241 I can't wait to have sex with you for days and days and days. 465 00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:38,413 I bet you're real good at it, too, having sex. 466 00:16:38,482 --> 00:16:41,034 - ♪ He's so good at having-- ♪ 467 00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:43,275 Baby, please! 468 00:16:43,344 --> 00:16:46,000 - Huh? - Nessa, please. 469 00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:49,103 I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it. 470 00:16:49,172 --> 00:16:50,793 Take me back. 471 00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:52,206 - You can take this hair dryer to the back of your head, 472 00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,275 for all I care. 473 00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:56,103 What did I do? 474 00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:59,896 - I heard all about the woman you spend your nights with. 475 00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:01,137 You mean my aunt? 476 00:17:01,206 --> 00:17:02,793 - You're too old to have an aunt. 477 00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:05,034 You basically already dead. 478 00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:06,620 Look it here, for real. 479 00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:09,586 My aunt has an extra pinky toe on each foot. 480 00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,103 I have to tape her toes together every night 481 00:17:12,172 --> 00:17:13,241 to balance her. 482 00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,517 That's not what Chris said. 483 00:17:14,551 --> 00:17:16,172 - Yeah, Chris told us everything. 484 00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:17,620 - We know how many hos you keep, 485 00:17:17,689 --> 00:17:19,965 how you only take wives to Sizzler, 486 00:17:20,034 --> 00:17:21,379 how it's neater to cheat her. 487 00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,689 Oh, it's been real informative. 488 00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:26,206 - Uh, why is everyone mad at me? 489 00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,344 I was just the messenger. 490 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,379 Shoot him. 491 00:17:28,413 --> 00:17:29,517 Chris, you a snitch! 492 00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:31,000 - That was just barbershop talk. 493 00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:33,413 Part of being a man is lying to other men 494 00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:35,137 about how manly you are. 495 00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:38,206 So, Doc, did you cheat on me? 496 00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:40,620 Of course not, baby. 497 00:17:40,689 --> 00:17:41,655 Aw. 498 00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:42,862 I'm sorry. 499 00:17:42,965 --> 00:17:44,931 [both moaning] 500 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,793 - Well, all's well that ends well. 501 00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,172 [groaning] 502 00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:50,172 Oh. 503 00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:51,586 I want my money back. 504 00:17:51,689 --> 00:17:53,517 - I wish I could help, but I already 505 00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:54,896 bought tickets to the concert. 506 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,482 - Which you're not going to-- we are. 507 00:17:57,551 --> 00:18:00,137 Tonight, you're gonna tape my aunt's toes. 508 00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:02,620 And watch out, she's a biter. 509 00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:05,620 [funky music] 510 00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:07,965 ♪ ♪ 511 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,931 [groans] 512 00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,206 [gong resounds] 513 00:18:12,275 --> 00:18:16,482 - Bow to master, bow to sensei, bow to the money 514 00:18:16,551 --> 00:18:18,827 plate that won't fill itself. 515 00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:22,241 And lastly, is there anyone who wants to take on Sensei Jason 516 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,482 and become the new Little Sensei? 517 00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,344 I do. 518 00:18:26,413 --> 00:18:28,827 - If he was ugly, this would be sad. 519 00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,413 [dramatic music] 520 00:18:30,448 --> 00:18:31,758 Drew, remember. 521 00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,310 Fight for what I love. 522 00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,344 I got it. 523 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,793 That's my baby. 524 00:18:35,862 --> 00:18:38,413 - Before we spar, let me put on my new CD, 525 00:18:38,482 --> 00:18:43,034 "Dojo Do-Jams," which you can go home with today for $2.99, 526 00:18:43,103 --> 00:18:44,448 cash only. 527 00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:49,724 ♪ ♪ 528 00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,758 - Fight for what you love-- 529 00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:55,724 my mom, French toast sticks, 530 00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,448 "Dick Buttless, P.I.," 531 00:18:57,517 --> 00:19:01,103 and of course, that dog I met once. 532 00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:04,000 [grunts] 533 00:19:04,103 --> 00:19:05,965 [grunting] 534 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,827 - Ahh! - Whoa! 535 00:19:07,931 --> 00:19:08,827 Ow. 536 00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:10,241 Congrats, Drew. 537 00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,275 You are now Little Sensei. 538 00:19:12,344 --> 00:19:13,551 I did it. 539 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,586 I'm Little Sensei. 540 00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,034 Oh! 541 00:19:16,103 --> 00:19:17,827 And it's all because you fought for the one thing 542 00:19:17,931 --> 00:19:19,137 you love most. 543 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,724 Me! 544 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,448 Yeah. 545 00:19:22,517 --> 00:19:26,000 Wow, I can't wait for us to get our green belts together. 546 00:19:26,103 --> 00:19:27,000 Oh, hell no. 547 00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:28,551 I ain't coming back. 548 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,172 All the fighting is sweating my hair out. 549 00:19:30,275 --> 00:19:32,275 Let's go get you some rocky road, Little Sensei. 550 00:19:32,344 --> 00:19:34,344 - Uh, can someone call my doctor, 551 00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:37,482 who is actually a veterinarian? 552 00:19:39,275 --> 00:19:41,689 - Tasha wasn't gonna be screaming for Keith Sweat, 553 00:19:41,793 --> 00:19:44,413 but she was gonna be screaming at me. 554 00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:46,103 - What are you doing home so late? 555 00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:47,379 I got detention. 556 00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:51,068 It turns out, you were right, OK? 557 00:19:51,137 --> 00:19:52,517 Snitching got me in trouble. 558 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:53,724 [gasps] 559 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:56,551 Look what you've done to me, you sick bastard! 560 00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,310 Are you happy now? 561 00:19:58,344 --> 00:20:00,965 To be honest, no. 562 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,275 I should have taken my own advice. 563 00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:04,931 Snitching got me in trouble, too. 564 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,379 Yeah. 565 00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:07,896 It sucks. 566 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,137 And now I know how it feels to get snitched on. 567 00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:13,551 All those times I did it to you. 568 00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:14,655 Tasha! 569 00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:15,931 Chris lied about the tickets. 570 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000 Long story short, you ain't going. 571 00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:19,517 Tonya! 572 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,172 You just said you knew how bad it felt to get snitched on. 573 00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,896 - Yeah, so now I'm gonna do it to you twice as much. 574 00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:25,931 Whew! 575 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,103 That felt so good. 576 00:20:28,172 --> 00:20:30,620 - [sighs] - I can explain. 577 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,931 You know, it's actually kind of funny when you think about it. 578 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,724 You gonna laugh. 579 00:20:35,827 --> 00:20:39,379 - You wouldn't know funny if it slapped you in the face. 580 00:20:39,482 --> 00:20:42,413 Because of your lies, I wasted my mom's weed 581 00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:44,000 money on a whole new outfit. 582 00:20:44,103 --> 00:20:45,620 Damn, Tasha. 583 00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:47,172 You look good. 584 00:20:47,275 --> 00:20:48,862 Good enough to un-dump. 585 00:20:48,965 --> 00:20:50,206 Want to come to Keith Sweat with me? 586 00:20:50,275 --> 00:20:51,896 Of course, Darius. 587 00:20:51,965 --> 00:20:55,793 [funky music] 588 00:20:55,862 --> 00:20:58,172 - Yoo-hoo, young man! 589 00:20:58,206 --> 00:20:59,758 It's time. 590 00:20:59,827 --> 00:21:01,827 [singers] ♪ Everybody still hates Chris ♪ 591 00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:04,275 [gulps] 592 00:21:04,379 --> 00:21:07,344 [vocalizing] 593 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,586 ♪ MTV ♪