[alarm blaring]
♪ He's action-packed and sister-charged And Dukey-dogged for living large ♪
♪ In triple-cloning T-Rexing Royal throning Johnny X-ing ♪
♪ You never know what's coming next Cos it's J-J-J-J-Johnny Test! ♪
[dinosaurs roar]
-[dinosaurs roar] -Ya gotta love Raptor Rapids,
where you can ride a cool wet log on a hot summer day.
But where are the scary dinosaurs?
-[machinery clangs] -[dinosaur roars mechanically]
Pathetic.
-[mechanical roaring continues] -[spring pops]
OK, that's just sad.
Hippity-hippity hop!
Don't forget to hit up the gift shop.
Our dino deals are lit, yo.
And not scary…
[others] Yay!
Yo! That ride is lame.
Uh…
"We here at Triassic Town
understand your dissatisfaction with the ride
and are working hard on ways to enhance--"
Just tell us what's fun here.
The Dinosaur Dig is cool.
You can find real bone fragments from real dinosaur bones.
-[choir sings] -[Dukey] Did you say "bones?"
And "dig?"
Let's find some bones, boy!
I got one! Kinda tiny, though.
I got one, too, but mine's bigger.
But mine is better.
It probably belongs to a massive dinosaur
that would kick your tiny dino-bone's butt.
That was rude.
And there's only one way to settle this.
To the lab!
And they said we couldn't artificially create DNA
and evolve it millions of years in seconds.
Genius high-five!
[Johnny] Stop every smart thing you're doing,
and answer the most important science question of all time.
Whose bone would kick the other bone's bone-butt
if it were a real dinosaur and not a tiny bone?
Also, what's with the blob?
-Oh, that's Blobby. -[baby voice] Blobby!
Cool…?
Hmm… These bone fragments seem to be from different species.
And species we've never seen before.
Uh-huh, great, which one's better?
The only way to determine that
is to simulate billions of years of natural-selection cycles.
Then I guess it's back to…
-Tiny bone fight! -Stop!
Because we just invented an evolution beam that can do it.
And testing it on actual dino DNA is way too good to pass up.
[laughs]
-[dinosaurs] Huh? -Cool!
Ooh!
OK, so which one's better?
To accurately determine superiority, Johnny,
they need years of cognitive development in their natural habitats.
Right now, they lack the basic instinct of what to eat.
What about an extreme Backyard Dino Obstacle Battle Challenge?
That could work!
-[feet thud] -[bugle plays reveille]
The Johnnysaurus Rex is ready!
The Duke-A-Don is readier!
And friendly. [chuckles]
[Susan] OK, the rules are simple. -[upbeat music playing]
[Susan] You just run through the tunnel, over the hurdles,
climb the wall, and…
[music grinds to a halt]
First up is the speed test.
-Whoever gets to the finish line first… -Ah-wins-ah.
[horn blares]
Uh, how do you start a dino?
[dinosaur snorts]
[upbeat music playing]
Come on! You gotta go!
[upbeat music continues]
[grunting] We can't lose to the J-Rex!
-[upbeat music playing] -[laughs] Come on, J-Rex!
Just get over the wall, and we win.
Come on, boy, just grab the rope. You can do it. Grab it!
Wait. What's that thing that horses hate again?
Oh, yeah. Giddy-up!
-[Duke-A-Don roars] -[Dukey screams]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[grunts]
[sighs]
OK, forget the rope, just jump. Jump it now! [screams]
-[fanfare plays] -We win!
[crash]
Now, how do you stop a dino?
Next up, the Intelligence Test.
Movies tell us the mark of a superior dino
is learning human behavior, like opening a door.
Blobby…
Or using tools.
Very good, Blobby.
OK, Duke-A-Don, just do this.
[growls]
Yes!
OK, now prepare to have your mind blown by the J-Rex!
[groans doubtfully]
[fanfare plays]
[groans]
It's his tiny arms again, isn't it?
-Yup. -Just bring on the next test.
Time now for the High-Five Test.
Wait, what?
Physical interaction can also determine a species' superiority.
On it! Slap me five, dino of mine! [chuckles]
Yes!
Now it's your turn.
[chuckles]
[grumbles]
Darn it!
And the Duke-A-Don wins again!
[hums victoriously]
[Duke-A-Don roars]
It's not necessarily J-Rex's fault, Johnny.
He's from the Triassic Period, while D-Don is from the Cretaceous.
Come again?
That's over 90 million years of evolution separating the two.
J-Rex's tiny brain and tinier arms just aren't as evolved.
Really? Well, in that case…
90 million years of evolving coming up!
Johnny, no!
[power surges]
[beeping]
[screams] We can't interrupt the sequence once it's started!
Well, if Johnny's dino gets to evolve more, so does mine!
[power surges]
[sisters] Stop!
You can't mess with evolution.
It might lead to strange results.
Blobby?
Oh, you mean like J-Rex having longer arms
and a bigger brain than the dork-a-don?
I'll see you at the starting line.
[both roar]
[feet pound]
Maybe creating an evolution beam was a bad idea.
It's possible.
[horn blares]
You heard the horn. Let's go!
-Yeah, giddy-up! -[smacks]
[both snarl]
Whoa!
[yells] Oof!
[dinosaurs growl]
Uh, Johnny?
I think they want us to race and not them.
[both roar]
Huh. Didn't see that coming.
[loud roaring]
[screaming]
[roaring]
Check that.
The evolution beam was absolutely a bad idea.
-[engine whirs] -Blobby…
Wait, why is he flying away?
[screaming]
-[feet pound] -[roars]
[both scream]
You know what? Your dino wins. It's awesome.
Let's quit.
[Dukey] Let's call it a tie,
Cos the J-Rex is looking so much stronger.
[Johnnysaurus snarls]
And now he looks hungry.
Let's go back the other way.
Uh, what's going on?
When you evolved your dinosaurs, you also evolved their instincts!
-Which is? -To eat meaty moving things like us!
But mine's a plant-eater.
[crash]
[sisters] Not anymore!
-[dinosaurs snarling] -Get to the lab and save yourselves!
And come and get us, dinos!
-[snarls] -Uh-oh.
[both scream]
[both roar]
Yeah, this is not how I saw myself going out.
[both scream]
Oh, thanks, Blobby.
Blobby!
[victorious fanfare playing]
What if we turn them back into bones?
Evolution only goes one way, Johnny: forward.
So we're gonna evolve them more.
And make them unstoppably smart and powerful
so they eat us then take over the world?
Or they develop human-like empathy and compassion
and calm down.
[crashing]
[both roar]
Now we just have to think of a way to lure them onto the test pattern and--
Yo, dinos! You hungry for some of this?
Or this?
If I was a dino, I would totally eat that.
[both roar]
Now!
-[monitor beeps] -[power surges]
[dinosaurs roar]
They're getting louder!
[beeping]
[roaring]
Did it work?
[posh English accent] Oh, you're right. Those roars were a tad loud.
[posh English accent] So sorry.
We're clearly evolved 70 million years and need to develop proper manners.
Ooh… sophisticated.
And we apologize for messing with evolution.
It's a little too complex for us to handle.
And that's why we must let Blobby go.
Are you gonna be all right, little guy?
Blobby-y-y-y!
Well, that's a big yes.
And what shall we do now?
It feels like we're a little too evolved to eat humans.
But I must say, I still have the urge to let out a good roar.
A-ha, yes, that is jolly good fun.
Ooh, I've got an idea.
[raptors screeching]
So nice to be back on Raptor Rapids!
You mean the new and improved Raptor Rapids?
Wait for it…
-[loud roaring] -[riders scream]
-[riders cheer] -[Johnny] Now, this is a dino ride!
[dinosaurs] Thanks, Johnny!
-Any time! -♪ J-J-J-Johnny… ♪
-[splashes] -[children cheer]
Ooh, here comes the next log.
Places!
And…
[loud roaring]
[theme song playing]
♪ J-J-J-J-Johnny ♪
♪ Test! ♪