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{\an8}
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{\an8}Hank Anchorman here,
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{\an8}reporting on the monstrous
and mysterious destruction
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{\an8}that happened downtown
in the early morning hours.
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{\an8}Monstrous, because
look at the size of that hole!
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{\an8}And mysterious, because all that was taken
was 4,000 candy bars,
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{\an8}and one of those oversized
bean bag chairs.
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{\an8}Hey, what's going on?
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{\an8}Did you do something
in the lab last night,
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{\an8}then trash the town for candy
and a giant bean bag chair?
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{\an8}I wish!
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{\an8}Huh. I can't believe
the town got destroyed,
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{\an8}and it wasn't our fault.
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{\an8}And the best part is,
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{\an8}I don't have to be the one
to clean up that huge mess.
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{\an8}
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{\an8}Hey, we need Johnny
to clean up a huge mess.
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And by Johnny, we mean Johnny X.
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It all started yesterday, when The General
presented his plans for…
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The Soldier of the Future!
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Which will be unstoppable,
like you see in the movies,
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only it won't be a movie,
it will be real life!
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But then our scientists
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presented us
with an algorithmic simulation…
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Once the Super-Soldier DNA
is released into your body,
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the muscle mass in your lower regions
will grow almost immediately,
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eventually working its way up to…
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Oh, dear.
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We urged The General
to scrap the project
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after even more simulations failed.
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One where you get a huge butt…
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One that turns you
into a beast-thing
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that wants to take over the world…
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And, again…
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Oh, come on. That's just a flesh wound!
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That's when we told The General
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nobody on the base would volunteer
for the Super Soldier program.
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Then what happened?
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The worst part.
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Ha! I'll show them
there's nothing to be afraid of.
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So, it was The General
that destroyed the town.
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And candy is the only thing
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that can provide a massive calorie intake
to power his massive state.
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And if we don't stop him soon,
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he could become an evil villain beast
that tries to take over the world.
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However, he can, technically,
be defeated by doing nothing.
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Great! How does that happen?
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Well, according to the simulation,
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if we don't stop him in four hours, he…
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Yeah, we gotta save him.
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We've picked up
a large radioactive reading
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in the Porkbelly Forest.
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We think it might be The General.
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So, you need us to crush the biggest
and strongest soldier in history,
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but not crush him too much,
'cause it's The General?
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Correct.
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Come on, we love The General.
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{\an8}And, with our mutant powers,
we can totally crush him just enough.
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And he doesn't get super evil
for another three hours.
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And he doesn't blow up
until an hour after that.
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{\an8}Right!
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{\an8}There's no way a Super Soldier
can beat a super--
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{\an8}
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Wait, you can fly.
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Oh, right. Hop on, Johnny!
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OK, let's just find The General,
and then--
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-Found him.
-Nice setup.
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{\an8}Endless chocolate and
a squishy throne in the middle of nature?
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Hm. It's perfection.
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But now we have to save him
before that bear gets him first.
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{\an8}
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-OK, that's clearly not a problem.
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{\an8}Sorry, General,
but your life is in danger…
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and we have to bring you to Area 51.1
and change you back.
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{\an8}And, don't forget,
nothing can beat our mutant powers!
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{\an8}And if you resist, we will battle you.
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Oh, man, I feel bad.
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It sounds like The General is getting
his Super Soldier butt kicked.
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Uh-oh.
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OK… we're clearly going to need
something stronger
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to defeat the Beast-General.
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What about a wooden stake?
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Johnny, he's not a vampire.
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Ooh! Something silver.
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That's for werewolves.
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{\an8}Well, what about
a mutant power upgrade
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{\an8}like super lightning hands?
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That could work.
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Uh, General,
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we want to stress again
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that we mean you no harm.
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But come with us now, or else.
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Or else what?
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Or else… this!
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That does not sound fun.
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Uh, I hope The General won't be mad at us
when he's the normal General again.
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I'll start the plane.
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-OK. We're running out of time.
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There's got to be some mutant power
that can stop the Beast-General.
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What about giant massive arms
that we can summon with a cool phrase?
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Ooh, and a pair for me, too!
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It's worth a shot.
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Thunder Arms… amass!
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Huh.
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Arms were too big, huh?
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Just get us back to the lab.
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We've got one more shot.
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If you don't stop him this time,
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his mutation will reach
"evil villain take over the world" levels!
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Then I guess Johnny X has to reach
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"super hero save the world" levels.
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Look, we get it.
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Who would want to leave
this sweet setup?
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Frankly, we are super jealous, and--
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Uh-oh, his eyes have turned red.
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But we can now turn… invisible!
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Yes! Sounds like Inviso-Johnny X
and Super Dukey are winning!
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Nope.
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Wait, where's he going?
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{\an8}Hank Anchorman here
with a newsflash update.
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{\an8}Area 51.1 has just been taken over
by a chocolate-eating Beast-Man Thing!
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Yup, he's reached the "evil beast
taking over the world" stage.
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{\an8}
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{\an8}Now that I have
Army's arsenal,
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{\an8}all are to swear their allegiance to me.
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{\an8}You have one hour!
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Oh, no, he's in the launch room!
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But he's not gonna launch anything
in an hour,
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'cause again, he blows up in half an hour.
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Well, that's reassuring, I guess.
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Wait, don't tell me
you're actually considering
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just waiting for him to blow up?
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Johnny, we've tried everything,
and by we, I mean you.
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And he is trying
to take over the world, so…
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{\an8}Actually, we haven't tried everything.
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Hurry, before he hears us.
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Johnny, even if turning
into a Super Soldier
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gives you the power to stop him…
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It's you who now becomes evil
in four hours
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that we now have to stop.
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No, because my sisters
are at the controls this time.
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And only his body will become
super like The General,
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but not his mind.
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We're such geniuses.
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Surrender!
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Ooh, my voice sounds funny.
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But cool! Very cool.
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Remember, Johnny, don't hurt him too bad!
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Oh, right.
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But you now only have 30 seconds
to stop him, or he blows up!
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Got it.
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You… have to stop,
or you… are going to blow up!
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Nothing can stop Super Soldier!
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But Johnny, you're a Super Soldier
and Johnny X.
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Oh, yeah!
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Hurry, Johnny!
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Thunder Arms, amass!
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I was invisible. Now!
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Uh, apologies, everyone,
for me being a Beast-thing,
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and, uh, thank you, Johnny,
for saving me by kicking my butt.
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OK, little massive brother,
your turn in the dome.
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What? But I've still got three hours
before I turn evil.
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Yeah, so?
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Mm-mm! Oh, this really is a great setup.
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Perfection!
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How much time I got left?
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You have another hour.
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Cool.
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Uh-uh! Stop roaring,
and I'll give you some.