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♪ Leave it at the tone, send a text You don't know what's next ♪
♪ I don't need to look for no one Pull up in a bullet, no gun ♪
♪ Gold on my teeth Spend a hundred more, then repeat ♪
♪ When it's done You're searching for reasons to meet ♪
♪ In sun You said I'm what you need to believe ♪
- Oh.
- Sorry, it's my medication reminder. Mm.
Oh. It's not working.
- Okay.
♪ Goin' to the west ♪
Another year, another cursed school camp.
Are we ready?
- No. Everyone hates me. Again.
Am, no one even remembers what happened.
Excited for camp, Pit Cunt?
Excited to die alone, Piss Fingers?
- Tell me you brought it. - Oh. Mm-hmm.
Everything we have is right here.
Fan-bloody-tastic.
School camp is the perfect chance
to figure out which one of these moose knuckles is Bird Psycho.
And the perfect chance to get fuck-eyed in the bush.
Strawberry liqueur?
Have some self-respect, son.
Harper's got the oozebay, right?
Mm-hmm. That your new boyfriend?
Bye, Jett.
Does he know you get sad when you're away from Mum's boob milk for too long?
I said bye, Jett.
Hey. - Hey.
- Huh?
- So they're, like, an actual thing now.
Oh, my God.
You know what? Good for them.
What? I don't care. Good for them.
Sure.
I don't need a man anyway. I finally replaced my vibrator.
- Oh! - Accio-orgasm!
Ew! Why was that in your pocket?
Also, J. K. Rowling is not it.
So I wish Malakai all the very best in this new phase.
Also not it.
Anyway, I've got bigger fish to fry.
Or should I say bigger beds to fry.
That's the spirit.
So it's Malakai's loss. Not that I care.
- You look like you care. - No, no. Not me.
Not me, not me.
Nope, nope, nope, no!
Not me. Not me.
She's still carrying the vibrator.
Freak!
Last bags on the bus. Let's move. - I'll take this.
Hey, Rowan. Um...
I just wanted to say I'm really happy for you guys.
- Uh, okay. Thanks. - Yeah.
As someone who knows Malakai really, really well,
I, um, I know when he's happy and he seems really happy with you.
I know you're probably intimidated by our long and very sexy history,
but, um, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Okay?
Enjoy camp.
♪ If you wanna know You should know that I've been ♪
♪ Thinkin' of you lately Thinkin' of you lately... ♪
- Okay, time for an election poll update.
Amerie Wadia and her skank party
have now slumped in the polls due to her recent mishap.
- She really has it out for me.
It's just Puriteen propaganda.
Also, Sasha has now fallen behind Spider who is now in the lead.
CUMLORDS!
Suck it.
Buying votes I see.
Sex sells.
Okay, people, let's all remember
- to practice safe sex this school camp.
We don't want another monkeypox outbreak, yeah?
Another?
So tell me, since when do lesbians need condoms?
Since I started fucking your dad.
Huh. Better check who you've been fucking 'cause I don't have a dad.
That explains so much.
Really, are you gonna make balloon animals with them?
No, dickhead.
I'm bisexual. Not that it's any of your business.
Bisexual.
God, isn't anyone just straight anymore?
Piss off, Spider.
No, no! No shame, fellas. No shame.
Yeah, are you boys like a thing now?
Yeah, yeah, we are.
Hot.
- Oi. Amerie must be devo.
Mmm.
That's really fucking rude.
Daddy!
What? She lost her BF to a dude.
- It's spicy. - Ignore them, babe.
It's fine. It's fine.
Can you not? That actually hurts.
No, don't do that. That is actually a safety hazard.
Let's go, school camp!
Okay, so to avoid the usual frenzy, we've decided to assign your cabins.
- There aren't many. - Boys get the best cabins!
See, they've already learned the most valuable lesson in the bush.
Apex predators must secure the most advantageous territory.
- Put me down! Put me down!
Get me out!
Whereabout you bunking?
Um, wherever you are. Obviously.
Hey, come on, let's go.
- This... This is what camp's all about.
Students getting their hands dirty,
fighting a goanna.
It's survival of the fittest.
Woodsy asked us to use this camp to bring the students together.
- We need to lead by example. - Yeah.
Exactly.
Son of a bitch!
Why did we use packing tape?
- Oh.
Hide the booze.
Girls, are you decent?
No!
- ...998, 999, 1,000, 1,001...
Oh, hey, Miss.
Hmm, don't want to know.
There's a dead possum on the roof of cabin 6,
so I'll have to split 'em up.
- Zoe's gonna join you in here. - What? But Zoe suc...
...ceeded in becoming our new cabin mate. Congrats and welcome.
Hmm. If I were you, I'd try really hard to make Zoe feel welcome,
'cause that's what I'd expect from a school captain.
Don't worry. I don't wanna be here either.
I can't imagine what depraved things you're planning to do in here.
Oh, just the usual camp orgy. Right, Am?
I wouldn't put it past you.
We get it. You think you're better than us.
I don't think I'm better than you. I pity you.
- Running around degrading yourself,
wasting your mental energy chasing dick,
whilst I'm self-ing up and taking control over my mind and body.
Sixty-nine days, bitch!
Since you grew your first pube?
Since any kind of sex act clouded my judgment.
Sixty-nine, eh? Nice.
You see, you're actually unwell.
You can't help but spread this sickness around.
Do you know how much damage you've done?
Making that map, turning our school into a sex-obsessed horror show
that celebrates how many people you can hook up with
and disguising it as sex education. I--
Fully noted. I'm a disgusting sex demon.
Shame on me, et cetera, et cetera.
Anyway, great chat. Can't wait to bunk with you.
But can you pop outside for 15 while we discuss something in here?
Uh, no, I have to unpack.
Oh, I actually feel a sudden sex attack coming on,
- so better get out for your own safety. - No, no, no, no!
Okay, okay.
Fuck, okay. Where are we at?
Bird Psycho, she's gotta be top of the list.
She's one of my key suspects, but there's a lot of other players.
Okay, didn't you rule out Sasha and all of the CUMLORDS?
In theory. But there's always a possibility I made an error.
Recording.
So it could still be anyone?
Basically, yes.
Right, let's take it from the top then.
Remind me why we don't think it's Spider again?
Because he's pathologically afraid of birds.
Oi, I've got you. Eh.
Ugh, give me a break.
Oh, my God.
What in the Pornhub?
♪ Push me, and then just touch me ♪
♪ Till I can get my satisfaction ♪
- ♪ Push me, and then just touch me ♪ -
Come on.
♪ Till I can get my satisfaction ♪
Me?
- The vending machine had Fanta. - Oh.
- She'll be all right.
Um...
I'm actually boiling. I'm gonna go for a dip in the lake.
Um, Quinni, you coming?
Quinni?
Oh, no, thanks.
Oh.
I'm okay!
You want a Fanta, Bianca?
Drink! Drink!
Shut the fuck up!
Wake up! - That is so fire!
Fire!
No, that's disgusting! Wait, I...
Never have I ever... Shh! Um...
Never have I ever seen my parents have sex.
Ooh!
Ew!
Hot! Her mum is hot.
I'm pretty sure they were doing reverse cowgirl.
MILF. MILF.
Sorry. My turn. Shush it. My turn.
Never have I ever... given a blow job.
Mm-hmm. Ooh!
Gluck Gluck 9000.
Rowan!
- Yee-haw!
Oh. Never have I ever done anal.
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Shit!
No, no, no, no. All right. My turn. My turn.
All right.
Never have I ever had sex
with someone... [gasps] I'm in love with.
Goodness. What the fuck, Missy?
That's unfortunate.
- Oh. Bit of a mood killer. So true.
You and me both.
Never have I ever punched a student,
but maybe tonight I will.
- Party's over!
What's all that?
Moisturizer. Heard of it?
Of course, you haven't. Parmesan face.
Here.
- Not like that. - Okay, well, how then?
God.
It smells like flower jizz.
This is fucked.
Oi, are you okay?
Let's just... go to sleep.
Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
Giving you what you want.
What do you want?
Let's just...
Let's just go to sleep.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Just looking in my bag.
Your bag's over there.
Oh, my God. I just got confused, okay?
You're not my mum.
What? Fuck ya.
All right, everyone, take a seat.
- Space yourselves out.
Make sure you leave enough room for your chakras.
Where is it? Where is it?
I can't find my phone anywhere.
- Did you leave it in your cabin? - I looked everywhere.
So, today's guided meditation is about connecting with your higher self.
I want stillness.
- I want calm. I want--
Device connected. - Huh?
- Who hurt you, Miss?
- Sorry about that. [chuckles] Okay.
All right, everyone, let's close our eyes.
- Closing your eyes. Come on.
Darren, close your eyes. All right.
- Good. Yeah. Great.
So, let's think of this as a palate cleanser.
A way to hit refresh on the term.
Let's take a deep breath in.
Hold for three seconds and release.
I want you to imagine a beach,
the waves gently lapping the shore.
Now focus on the soles of your feet
sinking into the sand.
The water touching your toes.
Now, look across the blue water,
and feel the breeze brush against your cheek.
Device disconnected.
Huh? Um... - New device connected.
Remind me why we don't think it's Spider again?
He's pathologically afraid of birds.
- It's called ornithophobia. - Turn it off.
Hmm. So who else?
What about Ant? Spencer!
Ant's way too stupid to pull something like this off.
Spencer, can I have the speaker? - Fuck.
Rowan? Farmer wants a husband?
Makes no sense. It was his first day when we found the dead bird.
That's what happens. - Spider!
Sasha's coming for captaincy and is desperate AF.
It's about your friends. - Turn it off!
And Missy does whatever Sasha tells her to do.
- The fuck? Spencer, that's enough.
Could it be Malakai?
- Spencer, stop it! You mean the guy
who gaslit me into thinking I wanted an open relationship
while he was trying to decide if he liked boys?
Who knows what he's capable of.
- Classic Amerie. - Yeah, but that's not--
Spencer!
Enough!
...1400 hours and you were in the stairwell for an hour...
- Oh! That's my speaker...
- Now... enough with this
wussy gossiping malaise.
We are gonna do
what we came here to do.
We are going bush.
We actually have candle-making time--
- No go, Jojo. You had your chance. Oh.
Follow me.
Last one in is a rotten egg.
Let's go, CUMLORDS.
You really think I'd do that shit?
- Malakai...
Thanks a lot. Thanks, Amerie.
What just happened?
I think we just witnessed another attack from--
Bird Psycho?
And I think I know who it is.
Oi, Miss, are we there yet?
Just follow the sound of my voice.
Ew, ew, ew. There are so many bugs.
Thanks a lot, Amerie.
Yeah. Thanks a lot, Amerie.
Thanks a lot, Amerie.
But why Zoe?
She was up to something last night.
She could've planted that dead possum just so she could bunk with us.
You know, I was just messing around before.
I don't really think you're stupid.
- Ant? - Yeah, whatever. It's cool.
Just kind of thought we were friends.
We are.
Righto! Stopping.
No peeking.
Now, who can tell me what this activity is about, huh?
Anyone?
It's about teamwork.
Now, in order to get back to camp,
make it out of here alive...
...you have to work as a team.
Are you sure about this?
Absolutely. We've been doing it since I attended Hartley High.
Now, it is a rite of passage.
We'll be fine, Miss.
Come on, let's go. Let's leave them to it.
I have a really bad feeling about this.
No peeking.
No peeking!
- Marco. - Polo.
- Polo? Oh, my...
- Marco. Polo!
He's getting further away.
Wait, did he say Marco and Polo?
- That's not the game.
What are we doing?
He left us in the bush.
All righty.
So, we have got six water bottles, nine tampons, a ChapStick,
a fidget... spinner,
a lighter that if you rub it, chick's bikini comes off.
- Oh! Sick. - Um, some muesli bars and...
Well, at least someone had a good time last night.
Was it you?
Let's mess her up. Shut up!
We need proof or it means nothing.
I'll get proof with my fists.
Sounded cooler in my head.
We need to play it smart.
When she falls asleep tonight, we check her pockets.
- Okay, we need to organize ourselves. Chill.
I would like to nominate myself as the leader.
Dream on. - You have a better idea?
Yeah, I do actually. Thanks, dildo juice.
Who votes that we tie Amerie to a tree and we follow me back to camp?
Well, who wants to follow Sasha and me?
I have a deadly sense of direction.
And Sasha secretly packed a bag of Maltesers.
- I told you not to tell. - Sorry.
Or hands up if you wanna follow me.
Ha-ha. Nice one.
Great. There, it's settled. Amerie sucks, and we're going this way.
Told you you couldn't trust her. - Men at the front.
What? Yeah, um, no.
That's the wrong way, guys.
- What are you doing? - Guys!
- Can I please have my lighter back?
All right, guys, let's, uh, let's just rest here.
Refuel a bit.
Ant, chuck some muesli bars.
Oh. About that.
Seriously, dude? What is wrong with you?
What? I faint if I don't eat every 30 minutes.
Well, it's not his fault we're lost.
I hate that I don't have my phone here.
What time is it? Is it gonna get dark soon?
Uh, judging by the shadows,
- I reckon it's about 3:00 p.m.
My mum made me and my brother do Cub Scouts.
When?
"My mum made me and my brother do Cub Scouts."
We need a break.
No, we need to keep going.
Zoe, my feet are killing me.
I'm tired and I don't have my Invisalign here,
so my teeth are gonna get all janky and fucked up.
Shit, sorry, dude.
I need a break.
Well...
...which one of us we gonna eat first?
The safest thing for us to do is just to stay put.
Wait till we get found.
That's not exactly true.
The safest thing we can do is walk downhill,
find a stream of water which'll lead us to agriculture--
CUMLORDS...
- Let's set up over here. - Okay, cool.
Uh, SLTs, we're gonna set up over here.
- SLTs? - SLTs, we're setting up over here.
Puriteens, take the higher ground.
Set... Set up what?
- Hey.
Hey, can we, like, debrief?
About what?
About, you know, uh, the bunk bed last night.
Nothing happened in the bunk bed.
- We were drunk. It wasn't right. - Why...
Why do I feel like you're about to explode?
I don't wanna talk about this.
My days. I don't get it.
You spend all this time trying to take things further
and the second I try, you reject me.
Reject you?
How do you think I feel knowing you're doing it to pity me?
Darren.
Darren, I don't pity you. I love you.
Can we just talk about this for two sec--
Whoa. What if they're poisonous?
Don't think they are. They look like a good time.
Yeah.
Do we think they're magic?
Oh, they're magic. Trust me.
All right, so, we're not eating them, right?
Wait, what?
Oh, don't!
Stupid!
Can't believe you ate those. - That's so dangerous.
I'm going back to get them. They've been gone for hours.
Do you hear that?
That is the sound of peace and quiet.
Yeah. Okay. Can I please just have the car keys?
You know, that is the problem with today's generation.
At the first sign of trouble,
when something gets too tough for them,
we feel we have to swoop in and save the day.
Hmm, couldn't agree less.
When I was an adolescent, and struggled with my emotions,
my dad would drive me to Belanglo State Forest,
drop me off,
force me to find my way back home.
Right. The same forest where Ivan Milat buried his victims?
- Very same. - Yeah, solid parenting.
It worked wonders.
One more hour and we're going back to find them.
Sausage?
Ant, whatever you do, don't throw up.
- He would've died if they were poisonous. - I feel fine.
Really?
- See? - Maybe they're just normal mushrooms.
Okay, we should use the fire to cook them.
- It's the only food we have. Uh, no.
CUMLORDS started the fire, and we're not sharing it.
Start your own fire with your farts? Hmm?
Okay. Well, SLTs found the mushrooms,
so go find your own food, pig?
Maybe I will.
Like I said, I don't feel anything, Mr. Snugglepot.
Hey, hey.
Mr. Snuggle?
I don't have enough money to pay rent.
It's working. - Do you accept a little kiss maybe?
Stop, stop, stop!
- No, no, no, no, no!
No! No!
Suck it, Spider! - Shit!
Oh, my God. You guys, Ant is high as fuck.
Ant is definitely high as fuck.
What else have we got to do?
True. - What did I tell ya?
Get out of my way.
Oh, my God!
No, no, no!
This is perfect.
We stay sober, confront Zoe and make her confess.
Mm, that's a great plan.
Uh...
Don't throw them up.
- I'll be fine. Yup.
How are you feeling?
You know, like someone who hasn't taken shrooms.
Maybe they don't work.
Can you hear that?
Can you hear that cicada?
♪ Let me sail, let me sail ♪
Do you hear the music?
♪ Orinoco flow ♪
♪ Let me sail, let me sail Let me crash upon your shore ♪
♪ Let me reach, let me beach... ♪
I... I can hear music.
I told you! Mr. Snugglepot is a freaking DJ.
I can hear it.
- That's it!
Hey, look.
That's amazing.
♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪
- ♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪
Whoa! Amerie just disappeared.
♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪
♪ From the North to the South Ebudæ unto Khartoum ♪
♪ From the deep Sea of Clouds To the Island of the Moon ♪
♪ Carry me on the waves To the lands I've never been ♪
Let's go.
♪ Carry me on the waves To the lands I've never seen ♪
It's amazing!
Welcome to paradise, my little bush turkeys.
♪ Damn, damn, damn James ♪
Anything?
Relax. They'll be fine.
Spider and the boys know what they're doing.
It's almost nighttime.
My entire class is missing and you're telling me to relax?
Just chill.
- No, no. I'm calling search and rescue.
Should have never let you do that exercise.
The exercise was meant to test them.
No, the exercise was bullshit.
They're probably out there lost and afraid.
Your call could not be connected.
I have traveled many years in many galaxies...
♪ Your soul don't burn You dark the sun... ♪
Chase me, Mr. Snugglepot.
- Come get me.
- ♪ Scabs, police, government thieves ♪
♪ Venal psychic amputees ♪
- ♪ Parasitic your syphilitic ♪
Do you take milk in your tea?
Do you?
I don't like this camp anymore.
Drink the tea, little girl.
Drink it!
Nothing's real, nothing matters. We're all dust!
Hey.
- Hi. - Come with me.
There you go.
Mmm!
It's a gorgeous brew.
Glad you think so.
- Try some of the mud cake. Ooh.
No. We can't possibly have dessert first.
Spit.
Thank you.
You know, that's really smart, Quinni.
You're really smart.
Sometimes I don't think I'm very smart.
I think you're smart, Zoe.
- Really? - Yup.
- Actually? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I even wondered what a smart person like you
might think about all that crazy shit that's been happening at school.
Yeah, I don't follow.
You know, with whoever's been putting up all those feelings around school.
Feelings?
I know what you're doing.
You think I'm Bird Psycho!
- I am not Bird Psycho! Yes, you are!
You're ruining my life because you think I'm a sex goblin
and you stole Quinni's phone and played the recording.
That wasn't me!
Then why are you sneaking around at night like a sneaky, freaky Bird Psycho?
'Cause I was paddling the pink canoe!
- What?
- Huh? - You know, I was poppin' the hood.
I was visiting the bat cave.
You know, I was auditioning the finger puppets.
I was DJing the VJ.
I was flicking through cliterature. I was buttering my crumpet.
- I love crumpets. - Ah, me too.
I don't understand.
I was masturbating, okay?
It was all that "Never have I ever" stuff.
It just really got in my head.
I don't believe you.
No? Then why do I have this?
What the hell? Is that my vibrator?
I stole it, like the dirty little rat thief that I am.
So unhygienic.
Oh, God.
So I think we got that one wrong.
Yeah, it's possible I went a little too hard on her.
I feel kind of bad.
Back to square one.
- Snugglepot?
Ugh. Why are you following me, creep?
I just... I didn't want you to be alone.
Well, maybe I wanted to be alone.
Is that true?
Maybe.
Then tell me to go and I'll go.
Come on.
Tell me.
Wait, wait.
Let me.
I want to.
Do it.
- Wait, what did you say?
I didn't say anything.
- Do that again.
What?
Do what?
Chippies are my ride or die.
Wow.
That's crazy.
What, cunt?
Would you like to help me take my clothes off?
Wow.
Is... Is that you, Amerie?
Whoa.
Are you being serious right now?
Uh, don't--
What? Amerie, wait.
Oh.
Oh! You came back!
- What? - Come here.
Come here.
Um, where's Rowan?
Come on. Come sit down.
I think maybe that's a bad idea.
I think it's a great idea.
- Sleep it off, Malakai.
You sleep it off.
I know it's tough, but if we're gonna be in a relationship,
we've gotta learn how to talk to each other.
Especially about the hard stuff.
It's just that game we played last night,
kind of threw me.
I didn't know you'd done all that stuff.
Sex stuff.
Guess I felt jealous.
Like, why them and not me?
I want to find a way that works for both of us.
- I don't want you to be uncomfortable. - No, Darren, that's...
That's impossible.
You've only ever made me feel comfortable.
You let me be myself.
You're my soulmate, Darren.
You're mine.
I want you to lead.
Tell me what you want.
I want you to touch yourself.
♪ And you don't even Have to think about it ♪
♪ And if you do It doesn't show everywhere you go ♪
♪ You're at home I'm in love and in envy of you ♪
♪ Ooh, I'll adore you ♪
♪ Ooh, I adore you ♪
- I want you to cum.
- I want you to cum for me.
♪ Never lose your star ♪
♪ I'm so proud Proud of all that you are ♪
♪ I wish it was me ♪
I love you.
I love you so much.
That's my alarm.
My phone.
No.
Fuck.
Thanks.
Hey.
I'm sorry if that whole situation was 'cause of me.
I've been an arsehole. I-- You don't deserve that.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just keep doing these shitty things
and the fucked thing is
I've actually been really, really trying to be a better person.
Anyway,
for what it's worth,
I'm gonna get out of the way, Malakai wants to be with you
and you seem to have a real connection.
Not so sure about that.
Maybe I was just in the right place at the right time.
I reckon we can all be better
if we really wanna be.
I really, really wanna be.
Best sleep of my life.
Same.
Are we rescued yet?
Was last night okay for you?
Yeah.
- You? - Mm-hmm.
You guys look fucked up.
Huh?
Wait, where's Quinni?
I haven't seen her.
Where is Quinni?
Quinni! Quinni!
Maybe she went towards the back?
Quinni! Quinni!
Guys! Guys! We found her!
Oh, my God! - Quinni.
- Oh, my God. - What's happened?
I've been bitten by a snake.
It's probably an eastern brown.
What? - I could have 30 minutes to live.
Oh, my God.
Help!
Let her finish! Let her finish!
If you panic, I'm going to panic.
Which means the venom will travel to my lymph nodes faster.
You all have to stay calm.
You're my only chance of survival.
I have to focus on breathing.
Very slowly.
Shit! Shit, guys, guys.
- This is not good. - Spider, not now.
- Do you still have your blindfold? - Yes.
Bind her ankle. You too.
Um, Missy, any idea how to get us out of here?
The creek. It runs downhill to the campsite.
Okay, great. Everyone, let's get her up.
Okay, on three.
Look at me.
One, two, three. Be gentle.
Hold her steady.
Watch her leg.
My phone.
Miss!