♪ Tonight you're mine completely ♪
♪ You give your love so sweetly ♪
♪ Tonight, the light of love is in your eyes ♪
♪ But will you love me tomorrow? ♪
♪ Is this a lasting treasure ♪
♪ Or just a moment's pleasure? ♪
♪ Can I believe the magic of your sighs? ♪
♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? ♪
I have to say, that was magnificent!
Thirsty?
No, good. I'm... I'm... I've got something.
Ah, I wasn't talking about the drink.
What? No. What?
You've been staring at the guy
like you've been waiting to meet him your whole life.
Go, say, "Hello." Buy him a drink.
No, not me. Uh-uh.
No. No, thank you.
Actually, okay.
Okay.
Thirsty?
Hmm?
Uh, for a drink.
Not... not sexually.
Gross. I don't... I didn't mean it like that.
I'm gonna order an alcoholic beverage.
Would you like to have one, too, with me?
Uh, sure. Why not?
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Okay. Great.
Phil?
What can I get you?
-Old-fashioned. -Old-fashioned.
How adorable.
That's a real cute vibe going on here.
Yeah, two old-fashioneds,
and you can cut that out, Phil.
Hi, I'm Sheila.
-Hi. -Hi.
I'm, uh, I'm Gary.
Oh, Gary.
Wow, so we both have, like, old-timey names.
Yeah. Uh I guess, very, uh, sadistic parents.
Oh, don't even get me started.
I mean, there's no couch in here.
But yeah, Gary, that's a good name.
-It's like a strong name. -Yeah.
I guess, if you're like a... a used car salesman or...
-...or something. -Oh, wait. You're not a...
A... a used car salesman?
Or a mechanic?
No, no. No. Sorry.
Really needed to get my car fixed, so...
I should probably go.
Oh.
I'm totally kidding.
Okay.
- Oh, yay! - Here you go.
Thanks, Phil.
-Cheers, mate! -Cheers, mate!
That was kinda weird.
Well, not really.
I mean, what are the odds?
Odds are pretty good actually.
Gary, I gotta come clean with you.
I'm a time traveler from the future.
So, I knew everything you were gonna say.
Right, okay.
-Okay. -Yeah.
So, what is the future like?
Kind of what you'd expect.
You know, robots hunting down inferior robots
while the humans just watch and do nothing.
-So, kind of like Blade Runner. -No.
That's a work of fiction, Gary.
This is reality I'm talking about.
Yeah, sorry. Yeah, you're right.
Well... excuse me, but it... it sounds
like things are pretty rough for robots in the future.
Yes, it's a real injustice.
But you know, I wouldn't worry about it.
They actually started their own civil rights movement.
-Wow. -It's making headway.
So, I can't talk about it.
Plus, I don't wanna fuck up your timeline.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Thank you. Because I like my timeline.
-Yeah. No, totally. -You know, so, um...
Mmhmm.
You know, all this... this time travel really makes
a girl super hungry.
Wow! That's, uh... that's super interesting.
So, I'm gonna get some food.
Would you like to come with me and get food?
-Food, yeah! -Hmm?
Let's... let's... let's go get you some food.
-Yeah? -Yeah. Yeah.
-Okay. -Okay.
Okay.
Bye, Phil!
I noticed you weren't really
watching the game in there.
So, what do you have against televised sports?
Did like a football kill your grandpa or something?
Yeah. Actually, it did.
Love you, Grandpa.
No, I didn't really grow up in a sports-friendly household.
Mm.
You know, my dad was never home.
He was, like, a traveling professor.
And yeah, we never played catch or anything like that.
So, I just, like, stayed inside and watched movies.
And you know, before I knew it, he was dead.
-I'm sorry. -Don't be.
What are you gonna do, you know?
My dad's dead, too.
Oh.
I don't know why I...
Uh, he was, uh, also a traveling alcoholic.
More so, he'd travel from bar to bar.
You know, and then eventually, it... it just... it killed him.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Well, clearly, it didn't fuck either one of us up.
No. Very normal people.
-Yeah. We're so normal. -Mmhmm.
-Nothing wrong with us at all. -No.
I mean, other than the fact that I'm about to ruin
-your life. -Yeah. I had a feeling.
Okay, we’re here.
What should we choose?
Well, it's a real
Sophie's Choice kind of decision, now, isn't it?
I love it when you make that joke.
-What? -What?
Best vindaloo in town!
Eight stars on the Yelp.
Eight stars on Yelp. We have to go to that one.
Please.
Mr. Jeff Caravello from The Bachelorette ate here.
-Oh? -Yes.
Are you playing peekaboo or something?
-No, just looking at the menu. -Okay.
Well, I would like to see your face as soon as possible.
-Really? -If that's possible.
-Yeah. -Really?
Mmhmm.
- I wanna see your face. - Okay.
Let's just order, so we can get the business out of the way,
you know, and get to pleasure.
From one OCD person to another. You understand that, right?
Yeah, for sure.
-Hold on. -Oh, okay.
-Just... just look at the menu. -Where did Sheila go?
I can't see her.
- Chicken korma. - There she is.
Boom! What were you asking?
The, uh, time travel thing.
Oh, yes!
-Like, what... -I keep forgetting.
Where are you... what year... what year are you from?
Oh. Here's the thing, Gary.
I have got to come clean with you.
You're not from the future, are you?
I mean, I kind of figured,
-but... -No, I am.
I am, actually, very much. I wouldn't lie about that.
But I'm just not from very far in the future.
I'm from 24 hours in the future.
-24 hours in the future? -Mmhmm.
-You can do that? -Yeah.
-That's incredible! -So cool.
They have the technology to do that?
- They do. - It exists now?
-Mmhmm. -Wow.
-I know. -Well, where is it located?
-At a nail salon. -Mm.
Excuse me. Can I get the chicken korma?
- Chicken korma. - Mm. Thank you. It's so good.
And um, and maybe two glasses of the cab.
-Is that okay with you? -Mmhmm.
Are you gonna order?
I'll have the chicken vin... vindaloo.
Oh, you won't regret it.
-Nine stars on the Yelp. -Nine stars on Yelp.
-Huh. -I read a lot of reviews.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Thanks, man.
Gary, what do you do for work?
I'm a freelance graphic designer...
for, like, non-profits mostly.
-I work from home. -Oh.
So, the lonely boy becomes the lonely man.
Well, when you say it like that, I kind of sound sad.
No! You're not sad.
You're perfect.
Uh, what... who am I to talk about loneliness anyway?
I mean, I'm a... I'm a...
I'm an executive producer's assistant.
Don't ask me what that is, because I don't even know.
- Hmm. - I feel lonelier
in an open-floor plan from 9:00 to 5:00
than I would at the bottom of a fucking well.
Huh. Bottom of a well can be pretty fucking lonely.
- Thank you. - So, about that... Thank you.
About that, uh, time machine at the nail salon...
- Totally. Cheers. - Yes.
Mm. You like this.
Mmhmm. I do... What?
You will like this.
So, what were you asking me?
I do like this.
-You are a time traveler. -Sorry.
-What is that like? -Yes. Here is the thing.
I don't get my nails done.
I mean, it's a total maintenance nightmare.
And they chip all the time. You know what I'm saying?
- Mm. - But I was having the best day.
I was walking on 23rd, and I saw this nail salon.
It was called, "Nail Me Good."
And I just felt it deserved my money.
I was greeted with the international welcome
of nail salons worldwide.
What color?
Hmm. Maybe something that says, "I've had a really nice day."
Ooh, Elegant Day! Perfect.
So, I get my nails done.
And then I have to use the bathroom.
Do you have a restroom here? I just need to freshen up.
And there in the back was a large horizontal glowing
neon bed that looked like a tanning machine.
And I was like, "Fuck it. I'm having a great day.
I should get a fucking tan".
Live life to its fullest, you know?
Like the Housewives of Orange County.
So, I call my girl June over.
June.
So, how much to use the tanning machine?
Oh, no. It's not a tan machine.
-It's a time machine. -Aw.
Yeah. The owner bought it.
But he doesn't like it. It only goes back 24 hours.
Mm. Damn false advertising.
It's such a problem these days, June.
Tell me about it.
The owner went back 24 hours before he bought
the time machine to not buy the time machine.
So, if he... he did that,
then why is the time machine still here?
-Anyway, you wanna try it? -Me?
No, no. I don't think so.
Plus, you know, I have a sensitive stomach.
Try it. It's fun.
Okay. Fuck it. I will.
Gosh, I'm having such a good day.
That's the spirit.
-Wow! -Yeah.
That is...
-That's just, wow! -Mmhmm.
-Honestly. -I know.
Wait. What'd you do with the other you from the past?
Oh my God. I didn't even think about that.
Well, you better think about that!
Ah!
She's just out there, roaming around?
She's gonna be really pissed when she finds out
you're out here living your best life.
You know, out to dinner with some handsome guy.
- Oh, is that what I'm doing? - Yeah.
What?
Do you think I'm crazy?
Yes.
-But it's really cute. -Okay.
Hey.
Almost lost a star on Yelp right there.
Better be careful.
Looking good, Amit. See you tomorrow.
Look. Uh, I gotta come clean about something.
I actually just got out of a long relationship.
-Hmm. -Year-long.
-Um, with a girl named Amber. -Ugh!
Nothing good ever came from a girl named Amber.
-That's not fair. -Mm.
All right, maybe a little fair.
-Um, yeah, she was really sweet. -Hmm.
You know just, like, kinda passive.
You know, she like always expected me to know
exactly what was on her mind all the time.
-Like passive-aggressive. -Yeah, yeah.
I guess you could say that. It just... it got exhausting.
-Hmm. -You know, so, I gave up.
And I... I broke it off.
I don't know. I just...
I haven't done this in a long time.
I guess I'm awkwardly trying to say I'm having a good time.
-So, uh, yeah. -No, no. I get it.
Besides, there's not guesswork here.
Lucky for you, my mouth speaks before my brain tells it to.
Oh, I know. I like that.
Yeah. Well, that...
You like it now, but you will not like it later.
Mm. I doubt that very much.
We're almost there.
-Where? -Dessert!
Dessert?
Oh, that looks good.
-Whoa! -Whoops! Sorry.
Hi.
Beautiful night.
Yes. It is.
Um, what do you recommend?
We got a flavor called "Childhood".
It's, uh, ice cream made out of milk left to soak
for two weeks in Fruity Pebbles cereal
served on a cone made out of deconstructed
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Um, do you have vanilla?
No.
You know, it...
it really does taste like my childhood.
I know. Mine, too. It's amazing.
What?
You're just like a little baby.
-What? -It's all over your face.
Shut up!
I grew up in that apartment building
-right there. -What?
-Literally right there. -Right there?
-Uh-huh. -No way!
Yep! 600, apartment 1K.
That's crazy. What was that like?
Um, the city was kinda different.
It was... it was fine.
But... well, it was a little bit lonely, you know?
I'm having a very strange feeling,
like a memory right now.
This cable guy showed up at our house.
I was really little, but I don't totally remember,
but...
I do remember he was so nice to me.
-Is that so weird? -Yes.
-Yeah? -That’s very weird.
I was normal. I had friends.
I didn't, like, murder animals or anything.
Okay. Well, that fact that you just had to clarify that
means you're fucked up.
So, should we keep this adventure up?
-Should we go somewhere else? -I'd love to.
-Do you like polka music? -No!
-What? -Do you?
-Yes! -Ew!
You know, I can't tell which one I like more.
The hoppy one or the wheaty.
Well, you're just gonna have to keep
drinking them, so you can find out.
Right. For science.
Obviously, for science, yes.
That's what we're doing, an experiment.
Oh, absolutely.
You know, Gary, I just...
I...
I gotta come clean with you about something.
I know, I know.
You're from the future. I... I get it.
-Yes. Yes, I am. -Mm.
But um, something else.
Remember earlier at the restaurant
when you asked me what I did with my other self
when I traveled back to her timeline?
And I was like...
"I didn't even think about that."
Mm.
-Do you remember? -Mmhmm.
-That was a lie. -Okay.
I killed her.
I wasn't expecting that. You killed her?
-I did, yeah. -Okay.
My car just, like...
...right over her face.
-That... that will do it. -Yeah.
And then I stuffed her in my trunk.
-Oh. Um, congrats on that. -Thank you.
Yeah. You're a murderer.
So, here's to, uh, dead Sheila.
-Yes! Yes. -I hope she's in a better place.
-Yes, absolutely. -Absolutely.
I mean, I'm jealous of her to be honest with you.
Absolutely. I mean, the world is a...
Oh! What the fuck?
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry.
- It's fine. - I'm sorry. I'm...
What are you doing?
-Fuck. -Are you kidding me? Look.
It's okay for things to be messy sometimes, okay?
-It is? -Yeah.
Uh...
you still wanna stay on the date?
It was like so...
It's true!
I really like that sentence you said before.
The, uh, the one about things being messy.
Yeah! Me, too.
Someone said that to me a long time ago,
and it really stuck.
Like it released me from some sort of mental prison, you know?
Yeah. Exactly. That's exactly how it feels.
Yeah.
-What a night. -Yeah.
Was it, uh, worth all the time travel?
Oh, absolutely.
Nine stars on Yelp.
You know, I could probably do this forever.
But it is getting a little late, so...
I'd really love to do this again sometime.
Me, too.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What?
You know, when I travel back 24 hours again.
What... what do you mean again?
Oh. Ah.
I gotta come clean with you, Gary.
This not our first rodeo.
-What are you talking about? -Yeah.
I've spent the entire week with you.
This night, seven times in a row.
Okay, wait. So... so, you weren't kidding?
No, not kidding. Very serious.
Okay.
Let's just pretend for a second that I believe your whole
future time-travel bullshit.
Because I... I don't, because it's bonkers.
But let's just pretend that I do.
-Okay. -Why would you travel back
to the same time over and over again? Why?
So, you could get it right, or just to try and like,
- win me over, or like... - No!
-What... what are you doing? -No!
That would be super weird, and creepy, and obsessive.
No. That's the whole point. I don't have to be perfect.
All this magic you're feeling, I felt it, too, from night one,
and every night after that.
And no matter which way I came at you, awkward, funny,
silly, sad, you... you played it off perfectly.
And by the end of the night, we were always on cloud nine.
That's the thing. I don't have to try.
We just work.
Have you ever had a night like this
ever in your entire life?
You haven't.
See, because you feel the magic, too.
You feel it here, and you feel it here,
-and you feel it here. -Hey! All right, yes.
-Yes, I... I feel it there. -Okay.
That's why I have to keep revisiting this night.
The perfect night.
But why would you wanna revisit
the same thing over and over again?
You know, wouldn’t you wanna try something new?
And maybe, I don't know, we go out for like
a second date or see if we have a future
-like the old-fashioned way. -No.
Gary, I've already done that, okay?
It just... it doesn't end well.
Look. Tomorrow, Amber's gonna call you,
and tell you she's pregnant or you're gonna get killed
in a freaky subway track accident.
It was terrible. Your body was, like, all...
It was everywhere and very unsettling.
Or the entire East Coast is gonna get nuked, you know?
And we think it's North Koreans,
but realize it's an inside job, so...
What? What do you...
Nothing. Gary, it's okay.
Listen, it doesn't matter. This is just about us.
You have to trust me. This is the cleaner way.
Um...
I'm, uh...
I'm really tired. Uh, my head hurts.
I think I should probably get going.
I know.
It was nice to meet you, uh, Sheila.
Bye, Gary.
I'll see you tomorrow.
'Cause I don't wanna listen to real news.
...surging forward with real menace.
Delivering the mini fist.
It's a perfect touch on a breakaway.
Keeper comes out.
Goal!
-Thirsty? -Yeah. Yeah, Phil.
I wanna tap that? Happy?
Damn! You go, girl!
Why don't you go talk to him?
I am gonna go buy him a drink.
Nice evening for it, huh?
-Oh. Uh, for, uh... for what? -Exactly.
I'm gonna order an alcoholic beverage.
Would you like one?
Uh...
-Yeah, sure. -Great.
So, I had to develop these like coping mechanisms.
Nothing like murdering people,
-but... -Oh!
I had coping mechanisms, too. I mean, not the murdering part.
Actually, yeah, I did. More murdering myself.
I more have, like, these impulses
that I can't control where things just...
It's very hard to live that way.
Yeah. I imagine that could be quite debilitating.
-Can't control it. Yeah. -Mmhmm.
Which one do we choose?
I don't know. It's a real Sophie's Choice over here.
Best chicken korma on the East Coast.
Let's go to this one.
It's a symphony for the senses...
Okay!
...in 1995 before we moved locations.
You know in how in the Titanic Jack teaches Rose how to spit?
Yeah.
I kind of wanted to do that with you, but with burping.
I don't know. You know, a lot of people actually say
I remind them of Leonardo DiCaprio.
Like in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
-They say it's uncanny. -Yes!
- Uncanny. - Some say.
Hmm.
Okay, since you're from the future,
you can... you can tell
-what I'm gonna say? -What I'm gonna say.
Yeah.
-Hey, let's order. -Yeah.
-You know, because... -Yeah.
So you can get business out of the way,
so you can focus on the pleasure.
Um...
-What? Yeah. -What can I get you?
All the things.
We want all the things. Let's get everything.
Let's just, like, max out the credit card, you know?
Yeah. Like curry, and chicken kebabs,
and shah mushroom, butter chicken,
and chicken makhani, tikki,
fish masala, shrimp biryani, with lamb or beef masala,
broccoli and chana, bhindi bhaji, chicken pakora,
coconut puri, and like, um, two very large wines.
Thank you, sir.
Very hungry.
So, um, do you know John Connor?
Term... the Terminator, 'cause, um,
'cause you're from the future.
Oh, I'm actually just from
24 hours in the future.
-Okay. -Gary, here's the thing.
Now that we've been seeing each other for three months,
I just really feel like I can open up to you,
you know?
Okay. Um...
Normally, I tell you
that I walk into a nail salon, and I just stumbled
upon this time machine on a very happy, sunshiney,
perfect day, but that's just really not the case.
See, on that fateful day, three months ago
when I took my first trip, I was actually
about to kill myself.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I plan on killing myself,
and I'd really like to go out with some nice nails, you know?
For the fans.
What?
What color?
Mm, something more that says she lived a classy life.
Hmm. Elegant Death. I like it.
-Glossy. -Great.
Do you have a bathroom here?
I'd really like to die on an empty bladder.
Yeah. I have a bathroom.
Maybe before you straight up murder yourself, go in there.
What? Time travel? Why? Why would I do that?
Why would I wanna go back to yesterday?
Yesterday was shit, too, let me tell you. Okay?
I do not wanna fuckin' do that.
I do not wanna go back there.
That would be a really, really, really big mistake, you know?
I'm just such a fucking loser. I'm such a fucking sad sack.
Why are you so nice to me? Why are you so nice to me?
You tip decent.
I do tip well.
I'm just gonna...
'Cause I don't wanna ruin my nails.
Okay.
-Just get it right. -Okay.
Look... look up.
Time travel, tomorrow, yesterday, it doesn't matter.
That's the problem. That is the problem.
No matter what, my life is shit. Okay?
This is a second chance.
And those are rare. So, maybe you should take it.
You might see things differently on the other side.
And if you don't,
you can always kill yourself later.
Yeah, I'll do it. Fuck it.
Maybe I'll get shit out
on the other side of the rainbow.
That's the spirit.
And here I am.
24 hours in the past.
Well, how... how do you feel now?
Much better.
You just kinda got shat out
the other side of the rainbow?
Mmhmm. Yeah.
I've been shat out of the other side a couple times.
It's okay.
- Nothin' to be ashamed of. - Hmm.
In fact, this is the first time I've been this happy
in a very, very, very long time.
Well, it makes me really happy.
Uh...
Very, very glad to hear that.
- I'll be right back. - Okay.
Goodnight, Amit.
You think I'm a passenger on the crazy train?
No. No, I don't.
Do you think I'm the conductor of the crazy train?
I should not have said any of that.
That was TMI. I don't know
-what I was thinking. -Hey!
I shouldn't have said that to you.
Hey, hey. Relax.
I don't think that. I really don't, at all.
And even if I do, who cares? My life's been so boring.
I could... I can get on this ride.
Oh.
-Well, then all aboard, baby. -All right.
Well, just don't drive us off a cliff, all right?
Oh, I would never.
Let's shop.
For dirty clothes?
They're not dirty. Look how cute.
-This one has gum on it. -Oh my God!
- Gary! - What?
An old-timey shirt with your old-timey name.
-You have to get this. -No.
Yes. I'm getting it for you.
-Absolutely not. -You have to.
-No. -You have to.
Fine. But only if I can get you this.
- Okay. I'll get that. - Okay.
Thank you.
It looks very cute on you.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Can't wait to wear some random guy's shirt.
Isn't it pretty tonight?
Yes.
You look very good in your new shirt, by the way.
Oh, thank you. Mm!
Oh, by the way, right there is exactly...
Is that where you grew up? Or something?
- What? - Oh. I'm sorry.
I thought, uh...
For some reason, I thought maybe you might
have mentioned.
Yeah. No, may... yes. Um...
600, apartment 1K.
Okay.
My entire childhood. Yeah.
That's crazy. What was that like?
Uh, you know, the city was...
was very different then, but it was kinda lonely.
My mom kinda gave up pretty early.
What?
Um,
there was this, like, cable guy who stopped by one afternoon.
I was very little, so I don't really remember.
But he was very nice to me.
I don't know why I just told you that.
-It's weird. -It is a little weird.
-Yeah. -It's okay.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Mmhmm. - Yeah.
Come here. Wanna take a picture?
-Obviously. -Let's take a selfie.
Yeah, let me take it. I have really long arms.
No, no, no. Oh!
-Oh, fuck, fuck! -No, it's fine.
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Well, I think...
It's not a big deal. It's just my phone.
-I think I can fix it. I... -Gary.
-Fuck, I'm sorry. Hold on. -Gary! Gary!
Yeah.
It's okay for things to be messy sometimes.
- Oh, what a night! - Yeah?
Was it worth all the time travel?
Oh, yeah.
Henry Zagat says it's a symphony for all the senses.
-Za-gat? -Yeah.
-Za-gat? -I think so.
I thought it was Zag-at.
I've been saying Zag-at.
I don't think so. Maybe I'm wrong.
So, actually, this was the spot I was gonna kill myself.
Can you believe it?
Wait.
-Really? -I know. Think about it.
The... the drop, the dive, the chill of the water.
I mean,
it's a pretty... pretty good way to go.
Plus, no blood.
And no, like, weird forensics like,
"What happened to her?" It'd be very obvious.
Pretty selfless way to kill yourself,
don't you think?
I feel like people would call me "the Mother Teresa of suicides".
Maybe not. But I don't mind if they do.
I mean...
at the end of the day, it's... deep down, it's...
it's all jokes, right?
Uh, no. Not all of them.
But I'm okay now.
I'm sorry. I wish I could...
I've been waiting for you my whole life, Gary.
Oh. Huh. Um, all right.
Well, don't you think it's a little early for that?
It's been five months, Gary.
Uh, we met today.
We met literally today.
You're the first person to make me truly happy, ever.
You're the man I've been looking over men's shoulders for.
It's you. This whole time.
I've been waiting my whole life for you.
You're finally here.
Uh...
I think we should take a breath.
And I'm gonna go.
Is that... is that okay? Is it okay if I go?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
You're not gonna do anything dumb, right?
Mm-mm.
You're sure you're okay?
Mmhmm.
I'll see you tomorrow, Gary.
Ugh! What a night.
This was the spot I was gonna kill myself.
Can you believe it?
I'm sorry, I...
Gary, I've been waiting for you my whole life.
-Oh. -Hmm.
Well, um, I'm gonna go.
Bye, Gary.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You're the person I've been looking
over men's shoulders for.
You're the one I've been waiting for.
And you're finally here. Think about it.
The fall, the plunge, the dive, the chill, the water.
Very good spot for it. And no blood.
You are the person that I have been waiting for
my entire life.
Is it okay if I go?
Maybe talk about this some other time?
Don't you think it's a little too soon to talk like that?
I'm gonna remember this,
and it makes me so, so sad, Gary, you know?
Come on, it can't be that bad.
Of course, it can.
I have to keep revisiting it.
The perfect night.
You do it every time. Just fucking walk away.
-It's fine. -How is that, but we just...
-Every time. -I don't know
what you're talking about, because we just met.
But okay.
Surging forward with real menace.
Delivering the mini fist.
It's a perfect touch.
What a goal!
Hey, I'm Sheila. Do you want a drink?
-Me? -Mmhmm.
Uh, hi. S... sure. Yeah. Okay. I'm... I'm Gary.
-Hi, Gary. -Hello.
Phil.
-What can I get you? -Uh...
He'll have an old-fashioned.
I'll have a whiskey neat. Thank you.
I, uh...
I... I really like your dress.
It reminds me of like a picnic.
Guilty, I am not a sportsman.
Yeah, no, I figured.
We don't have to talk about that again.
Hmm? Again?
Oh, no. I didn't...
-What were you saying? -Oh.
-Uh, I grew up pretty neurotic. -Mmhmm.
And not really in a warm environment.
-My dad was never home. -Oh, yeah.
Why are we talking about our dead dads?
Why do we always do this?
We don't have to do this, you know?
- We can like make new choices. - Wow.
It's a real Sophie's Choice out here.
Best chicken korma on the East Coast.
Henry P. Zagat himself raves, "It's a symphony for..."
So, do you know, um, John Connor?
'Cause, um... 'cause you're from the future.
"Give me your clothes,
your boots, and your motorcycle."
-"Uh, I'm the governor!" -Mm.
Well, that's actually not from the movie.
He just later became the governor, which was crazy.
Did you know that Predator has two governors in it?
Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I mean, it has to be like a Snapple fact
or something at least.
Gary, I gotta come clean with you.
We have been doing this for almost a year now.
And things are starting to feel a little one-sided.
- You know what I mean? - Um...
-a year? We've, uh... -I get it.
This night, this is just one night to you.
But for me, my entire life revolves around this night only.
Nothing else. And is it a great night? Yeah.
Is it my fault? Yes!
My choice? Have I... have I created this?
Yes. But goddammit, Gary, even a perfectly-cooked steak
starts to taste like shit when you eat it all day
every day, you know?
Okay, I'm... I'm sorry.
- I'm a little confused. - I just...
I really thought were just so perfect for each other.
But now, I just don't know. I don't know.
I'm starting to feel stunted. Yeah. You know?
And it's kind of my fault.
Because I've kept us in this whirlwind of hell
over, and over, and over, and over of this crazy loop.
And I'm letting you know, I gotta be honest with you,
it's kinda your fault, too.
Yeah, a little bit.
You are so passive. Everything has to be perfect.
You don't wanna make a mess.
You don't wanna ruffle any feathers.
It's just like...
You know, there's nowhere, but down with you.
I think I'm gonna go.
- Oh. Shocker. - Yeah.
Okay. Bye, Gary.
-Yeah. Well, thank you for this. -Mmhmm.
Um, and please don't take this the wrong way,
but I think you need some help. Okay?
Oh, no. Actually, you know what, Gary? We need help.
-No! -Yeah.
-You need help. -Yeah. We.
There's no we in this situation.
We, we. We need help.
-No, it's you. -Ugh!
-She needs help. -Oh. Oh, my God. We.
-Everyone at this restaurant. -Was the meal okay?
Thank you. What's 25 plus 96?
Oh my God. Really?
You're gonna storm out, but you're gonna stop to pay
-like a good guy? -Yeah, I'm gonna stop to pay.
You are so lame.
I'm sorry, I don't wanna get arrested on our date.
Oh, my. Arrested? Oh my God!
-You are so dumb. -Make sure you add 25 percent.
- Bye, Gary! - Bye!
- Can you... - Bye!
Bye! Ugh!
Rough night, Amit.
Can I bum a cigarette?
Oh. That beautiful case. You're so classy.
Mmhmm. Mmhmm.
Thank you.
Love, huh?
What a muddy, sinking, swamp, shit, fire dumpster, am I right?
I'm happily married.
Oh, good for you!
Your life is perfect.
Maybe luck will change for you, too, one day.
No. See, no.
For me, nothing changes, like, ever.
My life is just consistent, consistent shit.
Nothing ever fucking changes.
Wait.
Change.
Yeah, Amit.
You brilliant, beautiful, married man.
Oh my God. Ch... change. I can fix him. I can change him.
This is something I can actually do.
Oh, no. Well, no.
-Yeah. -No.
-Yeah. -You can't.
People don't really change.
And you certainly can't change people.
In my culture, we have a saying.
You can't fit a square peg into a round hole.
I don't think that's in your culture.
It's a universal saying.
You can't change people.
The world doesn't work that way.
But what is that, though, really?
I mean, those are just words, Amit.
And what are words?
Words are just, you know, thoughts that we have
that exit our mouths.
We... we talk too much.
As a civilization. Not me and you, which I regret,
that we don't... we don't do this more often.
You're a really good man. Helped me a lot. Thank you.
♪ Whack ♪
♪ Whack, whack ♪
Are you fucking kidding me?
♪ Whack ♪
Mm.
♪ Whack, whack ♪
♪ Whack ♪
♪ Whack, whack ♪
Oh, fuck, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Come on.
That's a sloppy tackle.
Fuck.
The referee's given him the penalty!
Oh, that's a bullshit call!
Phil, do you see the new Gary over there?
Look at him.
Lining up for the penalty now.
What do you think?
Does he look different to you or...
Oh, yeah. Something is different.
Really liking what I'm seeing, Phil.
Really liking it.
All on the same page. Let's see.
- Hello. - Hi.
Are the good guys winning or...
The good guys?
-Mmhmm. -No.
No, the... the good guys are not winning.
They're actually getting their asses kicked.
I'm sorry. It's so upsetting.
Yeah, I'm Gary.
Do you want a drink? Can I buy you a drink?
-Yeah. -Okay.
-I'm Sheila. -Okay, Sheila.
Hey, yo guy.
-What can I get you? -Uh, IPA.
Uh, old-fashioned, please.
What are you doing here all alone?
You're way too beautiful to be alone in a bar.
Oh.
You know, I'm just pickin' up guys.
-Yeah? -Uh-huh.
-Oh, yeah? Who? -You.
-Really? -You're the only one.
-Okay. -Mmhmm.
Okay.
Well, Sheila, it doesn't look
like the good guys are gonna come back
anytime soon, so...
what do you say we get out of here and maybe
get you some food?
Yeah. Right now?
-Yeah, let's go. -Okay.
Yeah. Hey! Give me my 20 back.
- No, no, no, no. - Here you go.
We only want...
-Give me... give me my 20 back. -What are you talk...
I just... I just made these drinks.
Well, I don't...
So, you know, my dad was a traveling alcoholic actually.
And um, just traveled from bar to bar,
-and eventually died. -Whoa.
Where do you wanna go?
There's a bunch of Indian restaurants...
There's actually a new place over here I wanted to try.
Come on.
Come on, keep up!
Isn't that cool?
-Mmhmm. -Yeah.
So, what do you do, Ms. Sheila?
Oh. Um...
I'm an executive producing assistant.
Sounds really, uh, intense.
Yeah. Like cancer.
Um, what do you do?
I run a small start-up company.
About 25 people for now.
Wow. That's... that's amazing.
Yeah.
Gary, are you happy?
Like, in life, are you truly happy?
Yeah. You know? I mean, life's weird sometimes.
But you know, I'm here for the happy moments.
Oh. I like that.
Yeah. Uh...
Thank you. Mm.
Um, is that a tiny fish?
You're supposed to eat this stuff?
Yeah. That is the idea of dinner.
Oh. I just thought that was glass.
-Yeah. -It was confusing.
No. It's... I think it's honeycomb.
This is one of the best restaurants in the city, so...
- Oh. - Yeah.
So, what do you do for fun? Um, me, I like to rock climb.
You know, I don't think there's anything
like getting up on those rocks.
Yeah, I like to throw on a pair
of the old spikey boots, and head down to the mountain.
-I don't mean to brag... -Gary, I'm from the future.
- Okay. - No, I'm serious.
I'm completely serious.
No, no, no, I'll play along.
What... what brings you to the past?
-You. -Okay.
Yeah.
It started as an accident.
Then I fell in love with you.
And I started spending a lot of time with you,
365 days to be exact.
I loved everything about you.
Everything.
Until I didn't. I mean, I do. I did.
But I just wanted, you know... I just needed to, like, change
a couple things, just a couple little things
to make you... make you more perfect.
You know, make you more perfect for me, right?
Because that's relationships.
You can't love someone 100 percent of the time, right?
Yeah. Sure, I guess.
Is that, like, from The Bachelor or something?
-Gary. -Hmm.
You know how I always tell you
about that time machine, and the nail salon's a dud,
and it only goes back 24 hours?
No. I don't know what the fuck you're talking...
Well, I was lying.
See, there's something that you should know.
It can go anywhere
in the past, but for only 24 hours.
Then zap, you're back here.
Okay, June. That is a fascinating story.
But I'd really like to go kill myself now, all right?
You sure? It's a second chance.
You can always kill yourself later.
Okay. Let's do it. Let's fuck up some history, huh?
-That's the spirit. -Mm.
And here I am, 24 hours in the past.
Wow.
Wow!
-Mmhmm. -You can go back
to any point in the past and you chose yesterday.
-Mmhmm. -You didn't wanna go
somewhere more meaningful, like I don't know,
like, to kill Hitler?
Well, I did take out Smithson.
-Who? -Exactly.
And Gary, I mean, why yesterday?
I don't know. I mean, technically speaking,
it was actually June's fault, she chose it.
And let me tell you, when I ended up
24 hours in the past, I was like,
"What the fuck, June?" I mean, life is already shit.
I don't need a reminder of yesterday's shit, right?
I kind of preferred, like, nostalgic childhood shit,
that could really, like... But what are you gonna do?
So, then I thought alcohol, and I stumbled into that bar,
and then I met you.
And everything changed.
Right. And that was a year ago.
Technically, yesterday. But, yes.
We've been doing this for an entire year,
365 days to be exact. In fact, it's, um...
it's our anniversary, Gary.
Hey.
Can I have the check, please?
Happy anniversary.
Gary, thank you so much for dinner.
It was delicious.
So, should we head out and find some dessert?
Mm. I don't think so.
You for uh, for Gary?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah.
Look, I actually have to be up kinda early,
and uh, I need my rest. But this was great.
This never happened with old Gary.
Yeah.
I must have really done a number on you.
Wow. Changes I have made.
-Mm. Yeah? Is that so? -Hmm.
-Hey, hey! -Oh, I thought you were...
No, listen. Look.
Not that I'm buying any of your bullshit,
future girl, but just out of curiosity,
just 'cause I wanna know, what exactly did you change
about me that was so fucking awful?
Oh, okay. So, we've spent a lot of time together.
And you've shared a lot with me. Okay?
Like, I know all about your childhood,
your disappointments, the ups and downs,
all the traumas, and I've kinda like narrowed them down
to the moments that aided in your mental decline.
I call them the "Where things went wrong for Gary" moments.
Oh. Is that what you call them?
Hey! Dial down the sarcasm.
It's our fucking anniversary.
So, anyway, I traveled back there, and I fixed them.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Give me an example of one.
-One. -Fine!
-Yes. -You're Gary, right?
Mom!
My name is Charlie,
and I just moved in across the street.
Okay.
May I interest you in a friendly game of catch?
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
Can I tell you a little secret?
I lost my son many years ago in a boating accident, actually.
And it makes me very, very, very sad.
And I... I miss him so much.
It would truly mean the world to me if you would humor
an old man
and play a friendly game of catch out in the yard.
What do you say, sport?
Okay.
You should watch more wrestling.
The fake kind.
-It's not fake. -It’s pretty fake, kid.
A lot of people are gonna say you're wrong, Gary.
-Fuck 'em. -Okay.
Oh, God. Gary, no.
My miming's good, right?
Gary, no. Don't do that.
People don't like mimes.
Please don't do that again.
Hey, wait. Just wait a second.
What?
You were Uncle Charlie?
It was I.
You're so fucking crazy.
-That's fucking crazy. -Why?
We just played a little catch. Big deal!
Sheila, I played catch
with Uncle Charlie every Sunday afternoon
-for like three years! -I know.
Gary, what can I say? I'm very methodical.
I went back a bunch to make a difference in your life.
You're welcome.
How do you not see how fucked up this is?
-What? -What? I loved that guy.
I fucking loved Uncle Charlie. He was like my dad.
I know! That is the whole point.
No, it's not the point.
You can't just choose for people.
You can't just do that.
You can't just put a positive influence,
and pawn 'em on someone, and hope it all works out.
You can't fucking do that! That's not how life works!
What else did you change?
Well, just I... a couple things.
I just deleted a few people.
You know, like your middle school bully,
Patrick, and your math teacher, Mrs. Kaiser, and Amber, duh!
Oh my God!
But that's all. That's all. That's all.
What, that's all? That's all?
Actually, no. There is one more thing.
Hey, kiddo. How's it going?
I heard you ordered a pizza.
Oh, I didn't order a...
Oh my God. Tatiana?
I lost my virginity to her.
-Oh, you're welcome! -You're unbelievable.
You're un-fucking-believable. You're fucking psychotic.
Hey! That is not fair!
I've heard you talk about your pain
over, and over, and over, night, after night, after night.
And it has broken my heart.
I have this unique ability to take your pain away.
Well, guess what?
It's not yours to take away, Sheila!
It came from a good place, Gary!
Yeah. So did gender reveal parties.
You know what? I don't need your fucking attitude right now.
I'm just gonna go back, and I'm gonna tweak a few things
and fix this, so this didn't happen.
Oh, well, go ahead. Go.
Do whatever you want. 'Cause guess what?
I'll still never wanna be with you.
No, not true. I will reset you.
You'll remember nothing.
- Easy. - Yeah, yeah.
-I will remember it actually. -No, you won't remember it.
Yeah, I will.
-Really? -Yeah.
A Sharpie, Gary.
You are so dumb!
Yeah. Sheila sucks balls.
You can't even spell.
That's not going to be there tomorrow, do you understand?
Fine, yeah. Maybe it won't.
Maybe I won't remember this conversation.
Maybe I won't remember this night.
Maybe I won't remember those two ladies.
But I will remember this feeling.
Gary, I've done this hundreds of times.
-And you never remember. -Oh, yeah?
Were all of our dates this shitty?
Actually, no. You used to fucking love them!
Oh, I used to fucking love them.
I wonder what happened. I don't know.
D... do you realize you can't erase everything?
No. It's because relationships need work, Gary.
We just have to work on it. That's all.
Well, maybe, just maybe you try to make things better,
but you actually make them worse.
And maybe some shit sticks.
No. That's not how this works.
No, Gary. I will prove you wrong.
I will fucking prove you wrong!
Oh, yeah? Good luck!
Personally, I think that he should feel touched
that somebody cares so deeply
to take away all the pain of his life.
Oh.
That is a really romantic gesture.
Oh, it's okay.
No, no, no. It's fine.
Slowly okay, fine.
Gary. Here's your sexy pizza, Gary.
Yeah, okay.
Dammit! Wait.
And then the karate instructor,
he did not put up a fight at all.
It was very surprising.
But then I came over to get you, little, cute Tatiana.
She doesn't deserve that. I couldn't do it.
So, you know, that's why we're here.
Hmm.
Hello?
Oh, maybe next year, Gary.
Shut the door.
Come on.
Cute kid.
He will be.
June.
I did it.
Yeah. I did it right. I... I undid it, rather. Oh.
Now, me and Gary can go back to the way things used to be.
Okay.
Mmhmm. Okay, what?
In all the times that you've done this,
have things ever gone back to the way they used to be?
Oh, God. You know, you sound like evil Gary, R.I.P.
Probably is covered in black marker by now,
whining, "Oh, I have residual feelings.
And when will they ever go away?"
Shit sticks, my ass.
Well, some shit does stick.
Come on, no!
No! That is not fair.
That is not what we talked about.
Where is the fucking manual for this thing?
Sheila, in the 300 plus times that you've come into this shop,
have you ever once thought to ask about me, about my life?
No.
I've been very self-involved. I am not proud of it.
Okay. Well, my parents wanted a boy.
They wanted a boy so badly that when I was born,
they called me a mistake.
And then they treated me like a mistake.
Oh my God.
June, that's terrible. I'm so sorry.
Yeah. So, when I was old enough to fend for myself,
I murdered both of them.
What?
-Really? -No, not really, Sheila.
But I did move to Bed-Stuy with a woman who is now my wife.
So, in many ways, I did murder them.
Oh, wow.
You know, I gotta tell you, it sounds like you handled
that shit like a champ.
But hello, spoiler alert.
I have a time machine. I could go back.
Talk to your parents.
Remind them what a treasure you are.
They'll love you from the start. And bam, trauma eliminated.
Don't fuck with my trauma, Sheila.
If I didn't have these occasional moments
of complete and total worthlessness,
I wouldn't have this sparkling sense of humor.
Okay. Wow. Cool.
It's good for you. But you know, for me,
I have realized that I can undo anything.
-No, you can't. -Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Sometimes, people cut you, and they leave an imprint
on you, that's like a gash on your soul.
You just live with it.
And you can't actually undo that.
If you erase the pain, you erase the person.
Do you get it, Sheila?
No.
I mean, yes.
I mean, I'm just not gonna apply it to my situation.
Why?
Because I don't know, June.
People apply other people's lessons
to their lives all the time very willy-nilly.
And before you know, it, bam, Smithson's president, okay?
Doesn't matter. Listen.
I have a date with my favorite guy
in the whole world. Old Gary.
All right? And this time, I'm gonna make it work.
Bye.
♪ I can't stand the rain against my window ♪
♪ Bringing back sweet memories ♪
♪ Hey, window pane do you remember ♪
♪ How sweet it used to be ♪
♪ When we was together ♪
♪ Everything was so grand ♪
Keeper comes out. Goal!
Oh, what a goal!
Hi.
Oh, hello.
I'm Sheila.
I'm, uh, Gary.
Oh.
It's a fun coaster set up you got going on there.
Oh, it's embarrassing.
Yeah.
I'm, uh... I'm a little fucked in the head.
- So... - Oh, me, too.
It's nice not to be alone.
Um...
I don't exactly know how to say this,
but I'm... I'm having like this, uh...
really weird déjà vu feeling, and it's... it's really...
sad.
Um...
Well, I should probably... then I should just tell you
that I'm a... I'm a time traveler.
From the future.
So, I knew everything you were gonna say
before you said it.
Oh.
Okay. And you'll know that I'm gonna ask...
To dinner?
Would you like to have dinner with the time traveler?
Absolutely.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Let's get the fuck outta here. -Let's go have dinner.
Okay. All right.
Anyway, my dad was a traveling alcoholic.
He traveled from bar, to bar, to bar
until he eventually died.
Can you imagine... can you imagine,
like a different bar every single night
over and over again until you're dead?
That is so sad.
-There are so many options! -Yeah.
It's a real Sophie's Choice, huh?
Chad F. on Tripadvisor rates five stars.
"If you haven't eaten here, your life is garbage."
You like it?
Yeah, I love it.
Uh...
Yeah.
You know, it's, uh, it's getting a little late.
It's maybe my top three least favorite Gary sayings
of all time.
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
Sheila, look.
I really like you a lot, but...
I think you can drop the whole time travel thing now.
It was funny at first, but now it's kinda like,
enough.
Gary, everything I've told you is true.
Okay.
Um, look. You know, I really
don't wanna believe what you're saying,
but every time I do,
I... I get like a weird feeling in my stomach.
Yeah, that's the... it's the magic between us.
No. It's...
I just... I feel like I'm stuck. Like...
Like, something's, like,...
-off. -Off.
-Doesn't feel real. -Doesn't feel real.
-You can stop, Sheila. -You can stop, Sheila.
-Stop. -Stop.
-Seriously, stop! -Seriously, stop!
Tomorrow can't be that bad.
Yes, it... yes, it can. Of course, it can.
I mean, what if the time machine,
you know, what if it stopped working or it, like, disappears.
Or... and you change your mind, you never see me again.
And I don't see...
-The time machine? -Yes! The time machine!
The time machine. You can't fucking freeze time.
Yes, I can, and I have!
Look.
Tonight has been the fucking weirdest night
of my life. Okay?
Sometimes, I think you're the greatest person
I've ever met.
And then there's sometimes
I wanna push you in front of the fucking train.
-Hmm. -You know?
And I didn't really know why I felt that way until now.
It's because this is sick. Okay? And you need to let me go.
-No. -Yes.
-No. -Please.
I can't. I'm so sorry, I can't.
I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't.
Okay. Okay, then you know what?
Maybe I go back in time.
-And I stop you... -What?
From ever becoming obsessed with this night
-in the first place. -No. No, no, no, no.
-You can't do that. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You can't do that. -Yeah. Maybe I will.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Maybe... maybe I might.
Maybe I might. Maybe I'll go back to it.
I know where it is now. It's at the nail salon, right?
Maybe I pay our old friend a... Is it June?
-Pay her a visit? -No. You wouldn't do that.
No. No, no. You can't do that.
Well, I don't know what the fuck is going on,
but I do know that I... I can't.
I can't do this.
This is not... this is not right.
I'm really sorry, Sheila.
I am really sorry.
You don't understand.
You saved me.
This... this whole night saved me.
I'm so scared.
Gary, it could be the only thing that ever makes me happy.
Do you understand that?
Okay, fine.
What?
Fine, we'll...
we'll try it your way.
What do you mean? What do you mean?
Let's just, uh, let's try again tomorrow.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Who knows, maybe... maybe tomorrow, we get it right.
So, I'll...
I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow.
Good evening. You must be Gary.
Jesus Christ.
Does everybody know my name?
Oh.
What can I do for you, Gary? You want a midnight pedicure?
No. Um...
I'm not exactly sure how to say this.
-Are you June, by chance? -Yeah.
'Cause, uh, I'm here about Sheila.
Who?
Sheila, the time-traveling lady.
Sheila.
She told me that she comes here, goes back in time.
Mm.
Ah, fuck!
Was she fucking with me?
She was fucking with me, wasn't she?
Yeah, why would I believe that? Every time a hot girl's victim.
- Relax, Gary. - What?
I know who Sheila is.
You probably wanna see the time machine.
Yes. I want to fucking go see the time machine. Yes.
Okay.
I wanna prevent this night from ever happening.
This?
This is the source of all my problems?
Yeah. But sounds like
you had a pretty sweet night last night.
Yeah.
Over, and over, and over again like I'm in some sort
of fucked-up, permanent purgatory hell.
So, like love.
No, not at all.
She keeps making me do the same thing.
And what's weird about it is I like her.
-Oh. So, like a relationship. -No.
Not like a relationship at all.
I get emotionally involved.
And then somehow get hurt.
And I don't even know how many times she's done it.
-So, like love. -No!
'Cause love is... love is real.
This is not. This is very fake.
This is orchestrated. This is...
inorganic.
You ever had an organic banana?
Tastes just like a regular banana.
Okay. What?
I don't know what that means. But can we do this, please?
Do you know where you're going?
Yeah. I am going back in time to where it all started.
Wait, wait. Which is... which is when?
When would... when would that be?
Um, 1989?
All right, cool.
Hey, that doesn't sound right. Wait, June.
Wait, I'm a little claustrophobic.
June. Oh, no. June, I gotta piss. Hey...
600, apartment 1K.
Here we fuckin' go.
Yeah?
-Hey. -Come on in.
-You're late. -What?
-Gary. -Yeah.
Oh. Oh. She's too young. I... I came back too far.
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I gotta go.
All right, you weirdo. TV's right there.
Oh, the... right, the...
The TV.
Awesome.
Sheila, don't you bother this man while he's working.
Mommy's gotta get pretty.
Oh.
I was supposed to come back to when you were like 16 or 17
so I could, you know, catch you when you were developing
your crazy, and maybe help you out.
But you're way too young.
And now, I have to yell at a little kid
and traumatize you. Fuck.
And watch out for my daughter.
She can be quite dramatic.
She got that from her father.
That, uh... that doesn't...
That's not gonna work.
No matter how hard you...
Hey, guys!
What's going on out there?
Hey. I don't... I don't think you should...
Please.
- Hi there, little girl. - Sheila!
Where did you put mommy's eyeliner?
- Hey! - Hey.
Please. Please don't cry.
Fuck.
Sheila!
Stop making all that noise.
Sheila!
H... hey! Hey.
Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Hey. Hey. It's okay.
It's okay.
Hey, can you repeat after me?
Okay?
-It's okay. -It's okay.
For things to be messy sometimes.
Okay?
It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay. It's always gonna be okay.
I don't know how you did it, but you got it in there.
Goddammit, I'm runnin' late.
Is it fixed?
Yeah! Working on it.
What is up with your mother?
She never stops.
Okay. Did that make you feel a little better? Yeah?
June.
Hi.
Uh, hey. I just wanna come thank you
for the last few months, or years, I don't know.
Oh, I don't know how long it's been.
But um, I've been thinkin' a lot about... about, uh,
giving up control, you know?
And I realized that that's just not me.
I can't do that.
So, this is me saying thank you and goodbye.
That's... that's a good color.
That's... that's my favorite color.
That's a good one.
Sorry, just one more thing.
June.
You would have made a great man.
But...
you make an even better woman.
And I just want you to know that it has been an honor
to know you and all your perfect,
perfect weirdness.
You are perfect. And you are not a mistake.
Goodbye.
Hey, June!
I think I fixed everything. I think I fixed her.
It turns out, she just had, like a, you know,
crappy '80s mom.
Um, yeah.
I don't think you fixed her. You did just miss her, though.
And she didn't sound so good.
So, you should probably go after her.
Your time machine sucks.
It's so confusing.
Hi.
Here.
Here's my gym card.
SuperLotto. I hope you win.
Just take that, too.
Good luck to you.
Hey! Wait! Sheila!
Hey!
Fuck.
Hey, wait!
-Wait! -Oh.
Sheila, wait!
-Gary. -Please.
-What are you doing here? -Just wait.
Go home. What are you doing? Stop.
-Hey. -Gary.
Hey! Look at me!
Hey.
It's okay for things to be messy sometimes, okay?
Remember?
Yes. That's very nice.
That doesn't work on me anymore.
Like everything in my life, it has lost all meaning.
And I would just really like for today to be over.
Hey!
Relax.
Relax. Relax. We'll just wait for tomorrow.
-Okay. -We will wait.
It's almost tomorrow.
Gary, fuck tomorrow.
Don't fuckin' say that.
-Oh my God. -Sheila, come on.
There is not a future that I want to be part of.
Please understand that, okay?
This world is such a fucked-up place.
And I had like a thousand chances
to make today okay.
And I fucked every single one of them up.
And I don't want that to happen tomorrow.
So, why am I gonna stay for tomorrow?
Please, please go home.
Please go home, and just live your life.
And let me end mine the way I would like to.
Not a chance.
-Not a chance. No. -Go home!
-I'm not going anywhere! -Go home!
I'm not going anywhere!
I'll stay here all night.
I don't give a fuck.
You can't.
You cannot stand here for the rest of your life.
Okay?
Eventually, you have to go take a piss or order a sandwich,
and I'm still gonna jump off this bridge.
So, please get the fuck out of my face.
What if I told you that I saw the future?
This isn't a game anymore.
Gary, this isn't funny anymore.
-I'm not joking. -Stop.
-I saw the future. -No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
June figured out how to send it to the future.
She just switched the knob to the F button.
Look, the point is is that I saw it.
And it's fucking great.
Okay. Now, I know you're lying.
Okay. All right.
Maybe it's not great, okay? Maybe it's...
maybe it's a little messy, but who the fuck cares?
It's a mess worth being around for.
Gary, if you saw the future, you would know
that I'm not in it.
That's the thing.
You are in it.
-No, I'm not. -And guess what?
You're not jumping off of this bridge.
Okay, Gary.
I promise you I am jumping off this bridge.
No, you aren't!
Yes, I am!
You're actually gonna go to the other side.
Haven't you ever wondered what's on the other side?
It's fucking right there.
What's on the other side?
You haven't seen the future.
Want me to prove it to you?
You can't.
I can give you proof.
Bye, Gary.
Nope!
I'll see you on the other side, Sheila.
♪ If I showed up ♪
♪ In the shape of a stone ♪
♪ Would you recognize me? ♪
♪ Strange as it seems I have known you before ♪
♪ But it was not our time yet ♪
♪ If I go sailing into the unknown ♪
♪ What are my chances of ever reaching your shore ♪
So, where did you live?
I lived right there.
Right. I knew that, because I've seen the future.
Future.
Yeah.
Hey, uh...
-I gotta ask you something. -What?
Since you've been...
...traveling over, and over,
and over again, have we ever, uh,
on one of these times ever, you know?
Gary, come on.
It's only been one night.
But did we though?
Gary, you're kinda smothering me.
Oh, come on!
♪ Outside my guy ♪
♪ Is tryna find a little spare time ♪
♪ Unwind with me a minute I've got red wine, no lie ♪
♪ And since there's two of us ♪
♪ Let's put the tunes on up loud ♪
♪ I wanna see what you make me do and how ♪
♪ I know you think it may be too soon ♪
♪ Come 'round and show me what you've got ♪
♪ I heard you wanna be in the driver's seat ♪
♪ So, keep up ♪
♪ And do you promise me that you'll honor me? ♪
♪ Don't give up 'cause it feels right ♪
♪ And if I follow you I know that I should hesitate ♪
♪ But it feels right ♪
♪ And just the thought of you ♪
♪ Gives me the taste I know I'll crave ♪
♪ But it feels right ♪
♪ And if I follow you I know that I should hesitate ♪
♪ But it feels right ♪
-Cheers, mate! -Cheers, mate!
Wow. It's a real Sophie's Choice out here.
Can I get the chicken korma, please?
-It's really, really good. -Mm.
And uh, two glasses of the cab.
Do you wanna order, too, Gary?
What?
Are you gonna order?
Caramel, cinnamon, and regret
drizzled on top of breast milk- flavored ice cream
-and fresh-cut grass. -Mm!
The cones are inedible.
Don't eat them.
-Oh! -I'm sorry.
-Oh, it's okay. -Oh!
Bye, Gary. I'll see you tomorrow.
-Thirsty? -Yeah.
I wanna hit that, Phil. I wanna hit that real hard.
-Happy? -What can I get you?
-Old-fashioned. -Old-fashioned.
How adorable!
I'm Sheila.
Hi, Sheila. I'm Gary.
We have old-timey names.
-We do. -Mmhmm.
Locally sourced Sour Patch Kids
roughly shaved onto a bed of whimsical
Romaine lettuce-flavored gelato.
All right.
Two.
Wow.
Looks kind of peaceful.
Yeah.
Great job, sir.
-Cheers to you. -To you.
And put money in your hat.
Mmhmm.
Jesus Christ.
What made you wanna go back, like in time?
-Vacation. -Oh.
You went on vacation, so you could hang with me?
Well, I... I just kinda popped into this bar,
and you were the only one not watching sports on TV.
-Oh. Yeah. -Yeah.
-Not really a sports fan? -No.
-Rare breed. -Rare breed.
Emulsified donuts
and forgotten birthday cake pieces
drizzled on top of a black void with vanilla swirls.
Did you know I was married once?
Get out of here. Just once?
-Uh-huh. -Okay.
Yes, just once.
But it was five very long years.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What, uh, made you wanna get out?
Oh.
You're very sweet. He wanted to get out.
He left me.
Why? Who would ever leave you?
Well, I'm in a similar situation.
I just got out of a pretty long year relationship
with a girl named Amber.
Fuck's sake, Gary.
Nothing good comes from a girl named Amber.
-Old-fashioned. -Old-fashioned.
How adorable!
Okay, two old-fashioneds, and you can fuck off, Phil.
-Wait, what? -Oh, nothing.
Organic red velvet pieces
crushed into a bed of lost feelings, hopes,
and dreams, drizzled with tears.
Mm.
Yeah, Phil. I'm real thirsty,
but not for your side commentary.
I'm pretty quenched on that account. Okay?
So, I gotta ask.
Do you know John Connor?
The Terminator. 'Cause you're from the future.
You know, Michael Beihn was in that movie.
And... and then... and nothing.
It's all just like a big joke to you, isn't it?
You just don't take any of it seriously.
It's fine.
Neurotic. I, like, developed these coping mechanisms,
you know, to keep myself sane.
I wasn't like murdering people!
-Oh, good! -Like you.
There's a lot of choices over here.
-There are. Ooh! -Let's go to this one.
Hi, Amit!
So, you wanna tell me about the future?
What's the point? You never believe me anyways.
The point is, it's interesting.
-Mm. -Mm!
So, I have a cat. Uh...
-Old-fashioned. -Old-fashioned.
I'm allergic to them.
So, I had to get one of those shaved ones.
-Cheers, mate! -Cheers, mate!
They're called a "sphinx".
Um, but it's weird. If you put them up
next to my grandfather, you kinda can't tell
the difference.
You're not even gonna remember this.
And it just makes me so, so, so sad, Gary, you know?
The future is fucked! Let's liven it up in here.
This place sucks! Hey, Susan!
-Are you mad at me? -Mm-mm.
-I'm so sorry. -Mmhmm?
-I am so sorry? -Mm-mm.
I see years toge...
Amit, I'm trying to talk here! What do you see, Gary?
-Um... -You don't see it.
You don't see it, Gary.
I see... no, I see it.
No, that's fine. A few kids. And a dog.
-And... and... -You're just saying that.
It's okay.
Gary!
I guess what I'm tryna say
is I haven't done this in a long time.
And I'm... I'm having a lot of fun, so...
It's okay. I get you. Lucky... lucky for you,
my mouth speaks before my brain tells it to.
-So, no guesswork. -I know.
I, uh... I really like that.
Well, you like it now, but give it a while,
you might get tired of it.
No. No, I won't.
Oh.