[opening theme music playing]
♪ Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff, Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff! ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[announcer] Brought to you by We Won Trophy Cases.
For winners!
[Kiff] Look at all these cool clubs, Barry.
Wow.
[gasps] "Discuss"!
Huh? "On the sports field"?
Oh, yeah. Fresh air is great for discussing.
[quirky music playing]
- This is the Discuss Club? - It sure is.
Never heard it pronounced that way, though.
Uh, do I discuss while holding this, or...
- It's a discus. - Discuss.
- Discus. - Dis... cuss.
"Dis-kiss."
It's a sport from the ancient world.
- Oh. - Oh.
Okay, sorry for the misunderstanding, P.S.
Kiff! The discus!
Oh, yeah.
[triumphant theme playing]
Never seen such perfect form.
Look at this trophy case.
- [snoring] - It is all case.
This is why we need you, Kiff.
What about Barry?
We'll find something for Barry.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
[both grunt] Ow.
Now, a lot of athletes get
something called performance anxiety.
It's when they get all in their heads about--
[sonic boom]
Bring me "The Heavy One."
[sporty theme playing]
She's a natural.
[Barry grunts]
[laughs]
- [marching band playing] - [Kiff] Wow.
Our first track meet.
Who would have thought, Bar?
Us! Sports!
- Whoo! Yeah! - [laughs]
[blows whistle]
[yells, groans]
I'm more of a pole vaulter, anyway.
[whistle blows]
Never mind.
[pole vaulter lands]
[grumbles]
[marching band ends]
[triumphant music playing]
[cheering]
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
- Whoo! - Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
- Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! - All right, this is me.
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
[whispering] Kiff. Kiff.
Kiff. Kiff. Kiff. Kiff.
Our very first trophy.
It's perfect. Almost.
[hopeful theme playing]
[whistles] Look at that. Mmm.
[peppy music playing]
[camera shutter clicking]
[camera shutters click]
[cheering]
I know you're all excited for the big track meet this Friday.
- [cheering] - [Kiff grumbles]
But remember, your book reports are due that day, too.
- [all groan] - [Kiff] Whoo!
- [school bell rings] - Pep rally!
[cheering]
All right, listen up, everybody.
On Friday, our worthy opponents will...
eat our dust!
[cheering]
You remember our rivals, Tuft Pierre.
- Boo! - Boo!
- Yes, boo them! - Boo.
They always take home the big trophy,
but not anymore.
Because we have a secret weapon.
And her name is Kiff!
[cheering]
- Yeah! - Hooray!
For once, that huge trophy is coming home with us
to live in our brand-new...
trophy case!
- Ooh! - Ooh!
I spent half the school budget
on this state-of-the-art trophy case,
hand-crafted from luxurious mahogany.
- Wow! - Whoo-hoo!
- Half the school budget? - [cheers]
- Yeah! - Mahogany!
That's right, mahogany.
And I spent the other half on this.
- [cheering] - Yeah!
- Go, Kiff! - [cheering]
Yeah way!
[kid] That's her!
[school bell rings]
Okay, everyone.
Time to hand in those book reports.
[trembling]
What?
[tense theme playing]
[slow-motion] Book report.
I was so busy with sports, I never even cracked the book.
Oh, that's fine, Kiff.
You can have an "A" anyway.
What? Why?
Well, you're a jock now.
Principal Secretary said just keep throwing those Frisbees,
and you'll never have to write a book report again.
- [sighs] - [yells]
Oh, you can leave whenever you feel like, too!
You cannot.
- [glass squeaks] - Stop!
I can't do it, P.S.
I just can't! I'm never throwing that discus again!
What? Why?
Why didn't you make a statue of me
for that insane plant diagram I did last month, huh?
What? No one cares about that.
How can you do this to me?
How can you do this to the trophy case?
- The big track meet is today! - I quit.
Mm, counteroffer.
You don't quit, and you get more "A's."
I don't want "A's" I don't earn.
"B's," then!
-"B"-pluses? - [door slams]
- [marching band playing] - [cheering]
Let's go, Tables.
♪ Ha ch-ch-ch-cha ♪
[cheering]
- [helicopter thrumming] - [screams]
[ominous music playing]
Okay, party people. First up, we have the javelin.
Yeah!
Uh...
Need a little more practice?
[chuckles]
Ouch! Tuft Pierre in the lead, ahead by one.
[military music playing]
- [snorts] - [whistle trills]
- [neighs] - Ooh! Look at those legs. Not good, eh?
- [cheering] - Yeah!
Ahh...
- [laughing] - [Mr. Ripeppa] Pfft.
[commentator] Pretty much how I thought that would go. Yee-yee-yee.
[military music playing]
Uhh. Agh!
- Oh, yay! - Yeah!
Yes! The warthog girl... what's-her-name.
Yes. Renée.
[peppy music playing]
[whistle trills]
[horn blows]
It's come down to discus,
as usual, and we have...
Barry.
[patting a beat]
[quirky music playing]
- Maybe there is a chance. - A star is falling from the sky!
- [rumbling] - That's not a star!
It's a person!
[intimidating music playing]
Our appropriately aged discus champion.
[laughter]
Ta-ta, Table Townies.
This guy hasn't been a kid in years.
[joints pop]
- Oh, yeah! - Huzzah!
Whoa. This person involved in a children's track meet
has quite the throwing arm.
[cheering]
Boo! Boo! Boo!
- Helen, I don't usually call on-- - Say no more.
[drums playing]
[clap]
♪ Who's got the goods To win it all? ♪
- ♪ You know who ♪ - ♪ We know who ♪
♪ Who's got the chops To take the call? ♪
- ♪ You know who ♪ - ♪ We know who ♪
♪ Who's got the fire Burning hot? ♪
- ♪ You know who ♪ - ♪ We know who ♪
♪ Who's got the fight? Who can't be stopped? ♪
- ♪ You know who ♪ - ♪ Yes, we know who! ♪
♪ They say it takes A lot of team spirit ♪
♪ Dig deep If you wanna win it ♪
♪ Come together And work as a team ♪
♪ They say Don't take your eyes ♪
♪ Off that sweet prize ♪
♪ Stick together To reach your dream ♪
♪ They say you need A lot of attitude ♪
♪ They say you need To stand strong ♪
♪ They say you need A lot of heart ♪
♪ Well, they're all wrong! ♪
You just need a lot of Helen.
♪ Helen! Helen! Helen! Helen! ♪
♪ What? What? What? What? ♪
♪ Helen! Helen! Helen! Helen! ♪
♪ What? What? What? ♪
Whoa there, Helens. That's quite enough. Shoo. Shoo now.
- [jabbering] - Begone with you all.
Put me in, Coach. Put me in.
- Hah! Hah! Hah! - [sighs]
Ooh, I've seen this in the movies.
It's the moment when that one kid who stinks at everything
surprises everyone and saves the day, eh?
[grunts] Heh. I can't pick it up.
What's happening? Are we conceding?
Please, Kiff.
Kiff?
I want an "F" on that book report.
Yes. Yes.
[triumphant theme playing]
One last time.
[theme music playing]
♪ Kiff ♪
[cheering]
...big barrel...
♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
[cheering]
Oh! Table Town School takes the victory!
An unprecedented win over Tuft Pierre!
Whoa!
[marching band playing]
[squawks]
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
- Kiff-- - No. I walk on the ground now.
[triumphant music playing]
All trophy.