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Not a medical product.
Kiff, where's my leftover pizza slice?
I don't know. Ask Dad.
I didn't eat no slice, I don't think.
Kiff, get the wig.
Ah, jeez. Okay.
Did you say, "wig"? What's happening?
Barry, when two members of our family have a disagreement
that can't be easily resolved,
the matter is taken to...
Family Court.
It's a system we created when Kiff was a toddler
and cut all of Martin's jeans into jorts.
The third Chatterley acts as the judge and wears...
This.
How did I not know about Chatterley Family Court?
I want in. Beryl, I would be honored to serve as your lawyer.
- Done. - Yes.
It's one slice of pizza.
Do we even need to have Family Court?
- Yes! - Aren't we making too big a deal
- out of this? - No!
But Dad doesn't deserve to be on trial for this.
Hey-o, think we just found Martin's lawyer.
Now we just need a judge.
Oh, here's one?
♪ My name is Judegy And I'm a judge ♪
♪ And that's a fact On which I will not budge ♪
♪ I'll come to your house Or your place of work ♪
♪ And I'll decide On who's being the jerk ♪
- ♪ My name is Judegy ♪ - ♪ Need someone to judge you ♪
- ♪ My name is Judegy ♪ - ♪ Need a legal breakthrough ♪
♪ There's a dance I'd like to show you ♪
♪ And it's easy to do ♪
♪ Anyone can do it, even you ♪
♪ You take your hand Or your paw ♪
- ♪ Or even your hoof ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Bring it down hard ♪
♪ It's the gavel groove ♪
♪ Do it ♪
♪ You should do it ♪
♪ Do the gavel groove, yeah ♪
♪ Do it with me ♪
♪ Gavel groove ♪
♪ Bring it down ♪
♪ Yeah, gavel it ♪
♪ Do you swear To tell the truth? ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Objection overruled ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Call me ♪
Call me on 555-01-JUDEGY.
That's 555-01-JUDEGEY.
Call me.
555-01-JUDEGY.
♪ Gavel groove ♪
Call me.
What? How did you--
Court is now in session.
I will now hear the lawyers' opening statements.
Oh, uh, okay.
I mean, like, this case is no big deal.
He says he didn't do it, so, you know...
That it? Ha! Prosecution?
Is he wearing suspenders?
Pizza receipt signed by Martin.
An "I wanna eatza all the pizza" T-shirt
owned by Martin.
The empty trash cans
placed out front at 6:00 a.m. this morning by Martin,
proving he was the first Chatterley awake this morning.
My friends,
this is not a slice of evidence.
This is the whole ding-dang pie.
We are asking that Martin receive a one-month pizza ban.
Judge, may I request a recess?
It was you, Kiff.
You ate the slice.
You ate it all, of course.
Now just take the crust downstairs, and confess,
and it'll all be over.
Huh. Okay.
Guess I'm doubling down.
I can do this.
All I have to do is win Dad's case,
and everybody will forget about it.
What's the harm?
Hush.
Now the real work begins.
Can anyone in the court identify this object?
What are you doing with my helmet?
Beryl's helmet, hmm.
I wonder if Beryl wouldn't mind
telling the court what this helmet is for.
I sleepwalk.
Usually I just walk around. Other times, I...
...sleep-compete
in back-alley Rollerblading competitions.
I wear a helmet to bed, just in case.
Correct! Beryl sleepwalks.
And if she's capable of sleepwalking
and sleep-blading,
who's to say she's not capable of sleep pizza-eating?
What if Beryl herself ate the slice last night
while dreaming about, say, eating a triangle?
- Oh, come on! - Objection, Your Honor.
My client is not on trial.
Are there any funny videos of the Rollerblading?
I call Grandma Rose to the stand.
My little gumdrop Marty is the perfect son.
I don't exactly know what a pizza crime is,
but he's never done anything wrong, ever.
Just look at that little face.
Well, can't argue with that.
Your witness, Barry.
So Grandpa Tom ordered you
a 50-inch brambleberry pie for your last birthday.
You had a bite, then got pulled away to judge the limbo contest.
Do you remember what happened to the rest of the pie?
Huh!
Now that you mention it...
Marty polished off the whole thing.
He does eat people's leftovers.
I raised a grubby slice thief!
Throw the book at him, Judge!
Want a TumTum GumGum, champ?
Next witness.
I was working the phone last night at Daryl H. Pizza
when Mr. C called in.
Now, after I take orders,
I usually like to banter a little bit,
so I asked if it was pizza night for the whole family.
Then he...
Go on, darling. He can't hurt you here.
He said, "They'll get a slice if they're lucky."
And he cackled.
Oh, I see.
Now, this is a lot to ask,
but could you do an impression of that cackle?
I was joking! Joking!
You all know me. I'm named after a hairstyle.
I've got an airtight alibi
that will totally clear my guy Martin's name.
I move that this witness be removed from the courtroom
and his testimony stricken from the record!
Done.
Dad, no! Without him, we've got nothing!
I don't like that guy.
Isn't it true, Martin,
that you once ate fudge out of the trash?
Sometimes cold pizza
tastes even better.
Am I wrong?
I never touched that cannoli!
I've actually been thinking about getting highlights.
The world is watching, Judge Judegy.
If we let them come for our pizza slices, what's next?
They gonna come for our freedom! Case closed!
Okay, I think we've heard plenty.
I'm ready to wrap this thing up.
Wait! I--
I need a five-minute recess
to speak with the prosecution.
All right, but make it quick.
Barry, look, off the record.
I know my dad is innocent.
He can't go down for this. It's not right.
Oh, Kiff, lawyer to lawyer,
you should know we're no longer going
for a month-long pizza ban.
Beryl and I think we can get a lifetime sentence.
You want to give my dad a lifetime ban on pizza?
Barry, that's so cruel and unusual.
Your best option at this point
is to get your client to plead guilty.
Maybe Judegy will go a little easier on him.
Unless there's something else?
Some key information you've been holding on to
that could clear his name, hmm?
No.
Dad, there's a way out of this whole mess.
What is it?
- You should plead guilty. - What? Why?
It'll make the judge go easy on you.
We need to avoid a harsh sentence at this point.
Then this will all be over, and it'll be like no one
ever ate Mom's slice to begin with.
But Kiff, I-I didn't do it.
I'm thinking of what's best for you, Dad.
It'll all be over soon.
Okay. I trust you, Kiff.
My client Martin has decided to plead guilty.
Dang.
Where did I go wrong?
I bet you thought I'd go easy on you
if you confessed, huh?
Well, I won't.
You're gonna get it, boy-o.
Don't go easy on him!
Put the ban that's cheesy on him!
I sentence Martin Chatterley to a lifetime of no pizza.
And what the heck, no more popcorn either.
I'm feeling spicy.
No!
Stop!
The person who deserves a lifetime pizza ban...
is me.
I ate Beryl's leftover slice.
And it was good, too.
But then when Mom asked me about it,
I realized what I'd done, and I panicked.
So I lied.
I'm so, so sorry.
I never meant for it to go this far.
So go ahead.
Do angry court murmuring about me now.
Finally.
But...
We know you ate the slice, Kiff.
When I came over earlier,
you answered the door with the slice in your hand.
And look, there's bits of pepperoni
still stuck in your fur.
We orchestrated this whole trial to get you to confess.
We just really thought you'd break way before this.
But Judge Judegy. Why would a real judge take a whole day
to go along with this charade?
I'm not just a judge.
I'm also a person.
A weird person.
So this whole time,
everybody knew?
Kiff ate the slice?
I'm so lost.
No one's getting a lifetime pizza ban, hon.
We just wanted to get you to tell the truth.
Really? So no punishment?
Because I learned my lesson so well?
Well, not no punishment.
You know, I built this pizza oven
using reclaimed brick that I rescued
from an abandoned brick farm upstate.
Those bricks gave so much to the world...
Word to the wise, Kiff.
It's always easier to just tell the truth
from the beginning.
Yup, and your parents know all.
Don't I know it.
Case closed.
You know, I built this pizza oven out of reclaimed--