1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,171
♪ Kiff! ♪

2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,215
♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪

3
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,092
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,468
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

5
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,512
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

6
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,931
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,975
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

8
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,060
♪ Yeah! ♪

9
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,603
♪ Kiff! ♪

10
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,815
(chuckles)

11
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,984
(both laughing)

12
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,778
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you
by Thelma's Thumbtacks.

13
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,280
Get to the point!

14
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:34,534
-Well, yeah.
-(overlapping chatter)

15
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,952
All right, hello, yes.

16
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,329
Uh, thank you. Qu-- Quiet!

17
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,456
-(chatter stops)
-(short fart)

18
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,167
I am thrilled to announce
that this morning,

19
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,753
after suffering a flat tire,
I was blackmailed...

20
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:47,047
uh... convinced by a Good Samaritan

21
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,300
that we have room in the
budget for an original musical

22
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:53,011
directed by our own drama teacher.

23
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,055
Just had to cut the pencil budget.

24
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,057
Wait, we don't have
to use pencils anymore?

25
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,850
We get to put on a real musical?

26
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,185
I love musicals!

27
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,478
(sighs, grunts)

28
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,354
This is gonna be the best thing

29
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,024
you've ever seen in your life!

30
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,776
-(cheering, applause)
-(whistles)

31
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Barry, If this goes well,

32
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,237
we'll get to do a musical every year!

33
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,406
(light feedback)

34
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,075
(sighs)

35
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,828
When is she going to post the cast list?

36
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,757
Aah!

37
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,342
Oh, no. Oh, gosh.

38
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,510
Hm.

39
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,391
(all exclaiming, grunting)

40
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,601
(gasps, grunts)

41
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I got a part! I'm... Helen!

42
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:44,813
-(grunts)
-Me, too!

43
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,065
I'm Helen, age four?

44
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,942
I'm High School Helen?

45
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,111
RENEE: Wait a minute, are we all Helen?

46
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,238
What is this show, anyway?

47
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,075
(both groan)

48
00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,202
BARRY: "The Sound of Helen"?

49
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:01,412
"The epic musical tale of a lifetime

50
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,623
of continuous perfection"?

51
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:05,375
HELEN: I hope you're all ready!

52
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,377
Don't be late for rehearsal!

53
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,711
♪ La, la, la! ♪

54
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,133
If this show is great,

55
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,051
then we can do a better musical next year.

56
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,178
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

57
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:20,265
Plant the seed now,
enjoy the crop next year, get it.

58
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,225
Scene one, the birth of Helen.

59
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,897
Wow me. And... action!

60
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:33,278
♪ We've come to bear witness
to the child ♪

61
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,072
♪ So beautiful ♪

62
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,700
♪ So meek and mild ♪

63
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-Waaah!
-HELEN: Cut!

64
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,495
That was terrible!

65
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,830
(grunting)

66
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,749
Candle, your wail is too shrill!

67
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,877
Trevor, enunciate.

68
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,379
Barry, you think that's
how a doctor stands?

69
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,339
Oh, I'm sorry, more like this?

70
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,632
-No. No.
-Uh, like this?

71
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,050
-No? This foot?
-No. No.

72
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,302
-Sorry. I, uh--
-Nuh-uh. Wrong.

73
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,511
-Hips? Is it hips?
-No. Wrong!

74
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,180
-Oh, it's hips.
-No. Wrong!

75
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,431
(whimpers)

76
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,057
(growls)

77
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,517
Let's take a loose ten,

78
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,019
I need to take a walk

79
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:09,522
and hope this stench goes away.

80
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,816
Jeez, can you spell "diva"?

81
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,903
-D, E--
-Okay, we've got a bigger problem, people.

82
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:15,945
Look at the next scene.

83
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,947
"Helen, age six, becomes

84
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,909
the youngest Nobel laureate
in history"? Uh...

85
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,745
That's the whole show.
Baby Helen, magnetic charm.

86
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,455
Child Helen, a prodigy.

87
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,749
College Helen, continues to be lovely.

88
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:31,002
"Helen enters. All swoon in awe

89
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:34,130
of her incandescent charisma."

90
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,882
There's no plot. Nada, nothing!

91
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,717
Should we all resign?

92
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,345
-Well, that's one option.
-I mean, yeah, maybe.

93
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:41,512
(scoffs) I'm over it.

94
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,640
Hold your horses, people!

95
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,559
Kiff you have the floor.

96
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,646
This is our one shot.
We can't give up now.

97
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,731
We just need a second opinion from someone

98
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,525
with a passing knowledge
of musical theater.

99
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,986
SWEEPY STEVE: ♪ Meet me in St. Louis ♪

100
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,280
(vocalizing)

101
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,367
♪ Mm, public domain ♪

102
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,079
(sighs)

103
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,956
All right team, let's give it our all.

104
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,415
We've got a professional in the back

105
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,708
who's gonna give us the straight dope.

106
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,543
Stop conspiring up there!

107
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:16,798
Scene five, teen Helen,
queen of high school. Action!

108
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,468
♪ Too many friends to count! ♪

109
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,638
♪ Charm? Just the right amount! ♪

110
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,685
Okay, Sweepy, give it to us straight.

111
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:32,522
This is going to be the worst
musical ever produced.

112
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,316
And I was at the premiere of Legs Diamond.

113
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,652
What?! (sighs) We can't let that happen.

114
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,529
If the play goes belly-up, we'll never get

115
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,322
to do another musical again.

116
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,657
What do we do?

117
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,742
Convince Helen to make
changes to the play.

118
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,494
We can fix it. I think.

119
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:50,123
Mm. That's what they said
about Legs Diamond.

120
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,208
(piano playing)

121
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,212
(grunts)

122
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,964
(sighs)

123
00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:58,965
(groans)

124
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,508
Hey, uh, Director Helen.

125
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:01,676
What do you want, Kiff?

126
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,304
I-- Listen, you know we all love

127
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,930
that we get to be in a musical, right?

128
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,642
But, uh, this script,
it-- it has some issues.

129
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,228
How about we give it a little punch up?

130
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,522
How dare you.

131
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:17,734
I just think this story
could be more interesting.

132
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,903
Name one thing in the script
that's not interesting.

133
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,363
Well, there's no conflict.

134
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,741
There is, too! The conflict is,

135
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,451
which Helen is your favorite?

136
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,745
There's nothing to overcome.

137
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:33,583
You overcome your awe
at the genius of this show!

138
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:36,252
The third act resolution
doesn't feel earned.

139
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:40,548
I earned it by being the best!

140
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,467
(both scream)

141
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:46,971
Are you trying to tell me that
The Sound of Helen is bad?

142
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,432
(hesitant murmuring)

143
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,476
-Not exactly...
-You know...

144
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,394
-Yeah...
-Yes?

145
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,897
Okay. I appreciate you
telling me the truth.

146
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,899
-Really?
-The truth that none of you

147
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:01,986
are good enough for my art!
I quit! (huffing)

148
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,113
Now, what do we--
Oh, wait, she's coming back.

149
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,531
Do you know how hard it's been

150
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,241
getting this production off the ground?

151
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,243
This script is my life's work.
I have spent years

152
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,579
trying to squeeze money
out of that principal bird,

153
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,456
only to have it all ruined by you!

154
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:16,334
Do you know how much
I spent on thumbtacks?

155
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:19,253
I took a four-day course
on how to change a tire!

156
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,506
This show's too good
for you plebs, anyway.

157
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,633
(crying)

158
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,054
Are we thinking Helen
put tacks in the street

159
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:29,555
to give PS a flat?

160
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,724
(slow clapping)

161
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,852
Now that's a Helen I can root for!

162
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,688
She's passionate, she's willing
to do whatever it takes.

163
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,400
That's what the show should be about!

164
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,984
Helen yelling at us?

165
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,237
Helen trying to get
this musical off the ground.

166
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,115
We'll do a rewrite.
We can still save this show!

167
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,492
-Right?!
-ALL: Yeah!

168
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,786
(upbeat music playing)

169
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,717
Mm.

170
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,136
Do you think Helen will come?

171
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,179
I don't know. We sent her a ticket...

172
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,224
Chop, chop people!
Five minutes to showtime!

173
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,017
Oh, this is so exciting!

174
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,728
I heard the director quit
over creative differences

175
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,481
and that this show
is going to be terrible.

176
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,733
Oh. Why are you here, then?

177
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,653
I love watching terrible things.

178
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,907
(clears throat) Hello,
may I have your attention?

179
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,492
(whispering indistinctly)

180
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,703
I was told to read this card.

181
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:36,330
"Tonight's performance,
The Sound of Helen,

182
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:39,459
-will not go on."
-(all gasp)

183
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,711
"Instead, Table Town School Drama Society

184
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,672
proudly presents, My Fair Helen."

185
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:47,967
Hm. Okay.

186
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,178
What did he say? My fair what?

187
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:56,058
(knuckles cracking)

188
00:07:56,142 --> 00:08:01,689
♪ I think a thought I have a need ♪

189
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:08,070
♪ Something growing like a weed ♪

190
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:14,035
♪ There's something I wish I could be ♪

191
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:18,831
♪ And that something's somebody ♪

192
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,460
-(all gasp)
-Give up o your dreams!

193
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:26,547
You live in the real world,
not dream land!

194
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,341
-(all gasp)
-Oh...

195
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:32,386
♪ Why can't you see my pain? ♪

196
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,347
TREVOR: ♪ You're asking for nuts ♪

197
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,474
♪ That we just don't have ♪

198
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,727
♪ Every night I weep in vain! ♪

199
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:45,107
♪ These kinds of spreadsheets
must be planned! ♪

200
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,610
♪ Budgets! ♪

201
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,988
♪ Please, please ♪

202
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,617
-♪ Please, please ♪
-♪ Please... ♪

203
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,162
♪ Please ♪

204
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:02,375
-(heavy metal playing)
-TREVOR: ♪ Noooooo ♪

205
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,459
Well, that's a bit much.

206
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,507
Exactly.

207
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:14,136
-(rock music playing)
-(all laughing theatrically)

208
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,682
♪ People called me a fool-sical ♪

209
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,684
♪ To put on a musical ♪

210
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,978
I don't know if I can do it.

211
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,022
-(all gasp)
-But I won't stop trying!

212
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:31,320
♪ Hid in a bush And threw down the tacks ♪

213
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,572
BOTH: ♪ What?! ♪

214
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,115
♪ He got a flat ♪

215
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,367
-(loud pop)
-♪ And stopped in his tracks ♪

216
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,827
BOTH: ♪ No way! ♪

217
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,495
♪ But I don't have a spare ♪

218
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,915
♪ And I gotta get to school urgently ♪

219
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,625
♪ All right, I'll help you ♪

220
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,752
♪ You just gotta do something for me ♪

221
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,087
Wink!

222
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,171
Wait, what?

223
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,632
All right, Helen. You win.

224
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,884
You get to put on a musical.

225
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,387
We'll just have to cut the pencil budget.

226
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,389
That's exactly what happened!

227
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,766
-♪ She really did it ♪
-♪ She got her way ♪

228
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,476
♪ He approved the budget ♪

229
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,395
-♪ She really did it ♪
-♪ She got her way ♪

230
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,521
♪ He approved the budget ♪

231
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,024
♪ She really did it ♪

232
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:13,154
-♪ She really did it ♪
-♪ She got her way ♪

233
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:18,326
♪ She got her way ♪

234
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,748
♪ And then she quit ♪

235
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,208
(all cheering)

236
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,502
I stand corrected!

237
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,588
(cheering continues)

238
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,592
All this applause is for me?

239
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:38,721
My story? They love me!
They really love me!

240
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,266
(panting, grunting)

241
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,935
(grunting continues)

242
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,687
Kiff, that was wonderful.

243
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:50,232
I've never felt so close
to an employee before.

244
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,942
Not your employee, ha-ha.

245
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,236
(all cheering)

246
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,782
Ooh, I can't wait for next year's musical!

247
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,450
(cheering continues)

248
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,749
And we're all just fine
that she put tacks in the road

249
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,668
and took out my car? Hm?

250
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,587
That's-- That's cool with all you people?

251
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,090
Very hurtful.

252
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,800
WOMAN: Brought to you by

253
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,635
Foldman's Funky Beet juice!

254
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,887
It's supposed to taste like that!

255
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,556
Ahh, Sunday.

256
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,101
Table Town's busiest grocery shopping day.

257
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,061
It's gonna be a good day at Slim Pickins,

258
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,522
I can feel it in the air!
(breathes deeply)

259
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,774
Gordon, my guy! First day working

260
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,151
the sample station,
think ya can handle it?

261
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,406
Well, I take my duties very seriously.

262
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,117
It's time. Open the doors!

263
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,910
KIFF: ♪ Do the weekly shop, shop, shop ♪

264
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,704
♪ Buy some soda pop, pop, pop! ♪

265
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,580
♪ Do the grocery twist, twist, twist! ♪

266
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,499
♪ And don't forget your list, list, list ♪

267
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,042
(laughing)

268
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,628
Did you remember the list, Martin?

269
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,338
-Uhh...
-Oh, no.

270
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,340
You didn't forget it again, did you, hon?

271
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,135
Are we gonna have to drive
all the way back home?

272
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,303
-No.
-So you have it?

273
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,638
-Yes.
-Good.

274
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,223
'Cause I need you to do the weekly shop

275
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,058
on your own today.
They're doing this incredible

276
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,936
coupon-based promotion.
If you collect all 20 coupons

277
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,730
around the store, you can win a token

278
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,523
to their antique crane game!

279
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,734
I heard there's
a 50-year-old kazoo in there.

280
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,903
Heh, you crazy, Mom. You go have your fun.

281
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,991
I've got my weekly date with
ye olde free sample station.

282
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,243
What is it with the sample station?

283
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,454
It's the number one hot spot in the store!

284
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:30,040
Unlimited free samples of--
of cheese, fruit, pasta.

285
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,792
You dream it, they've got it-- free!

286
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,085
Whee!

287
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,420
KIFF: Don't like spanakopita?

288
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,588
Th-There's new stuff coming out

289
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:36,714
every 10 minutes!

290
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,132
And best is, the woman

291
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,760
who makes it all possible: Diane.

292
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,096
She always slips extra treats
to us hungry kids.

293
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,807
(kids cheering)

294
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,935
Uh-huh, yeah. Well, um,
you two go have fun.

295
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,605
I'll... handle the list.

296
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,941
Which I totally have.

297
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,445
-(muzak playing)
-Slimmy P! My man!

298
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,033
(angelic music)

299
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,911
Oh... Ooh! Oh, sorry about that.

300
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:10,623
Oh, hi! You're a teacher at
my daughter's school, right?

301
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:13,250
She's in your drama class,
Kiff Chatterley?

302
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,255
I think you get into hijinks
together sometimes?

303
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,466
Around town?

304
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:23,135
I have a lot of students.

305
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,345
I don't know...

306
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:31,101
Okay, well, nice to see you!

307
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,728
Okay...

308
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,481
Yee-ikes-eeola. Glad that's over with.

309
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,359
(gasps) The first coupon!

310
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:41,529
Samples. Samples. Samples.

311
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,823
Uh, hello! Where's Diane?

312
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:47,326
She went to Ottoman Flats
for Sample Con. I'm new.

313
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,828
Aw, good for Diane.

314
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,704
She's been talking about going for years!

315
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,248
Well hey, it's always nice to meet

316
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,083
a fellow sample enthusiast!

317
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,252
What do we got today, Gordo? Mini quiche?

318
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,506
My samples are for paying customers only.

319
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,132
No kids.

320
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:06,428
(laughs) Gee, I-- I--
I thought Diane was funny!

321
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,223
I, guh-- guh--

322
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,478
(clears throat)
Well, I-- I'm not just a kid.

323
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:18,983
I came here with my parents.
My "paying customer" parents!

324
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:22,653
A-And you know, my opinion
counts a lot to them

325
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:26,323
in terms of, uh, product,
you know, consideration.

326
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,993
Of-- Of things.

327
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,871
Oh, hello, sir! Mini quiche?

328
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:36,542
(scoffing)

329
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,669
Okay, bread, yes!

330
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,130
We always buy bread. I know that.

331
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,674
Don't need a list
to tell me we need bread!

332
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,803
(gasps) Oh, my.

333
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,139
What brand do we usually get?

334
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,432
Is it the one with the baby wheat

335
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,391
popping out of the sun?

336
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:53,851
The hot bun catching on fire?

337
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,936
I like the one with the country lady

338
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,605
bench-pressing the butter dumbbells.

339
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,356
I got the last one.

340
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:03,444
(both scoffing)

341
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,946
Barry? What are you doing
huffing over here?

342
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,908
Sample guy wouldn't give me sample.

343
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,577
-Same!
-(Reggie scoffing)

344
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,164
Oh, hi, guys.

345
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,916
Sample guy?

346
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,751
You guys talking about
the new free sample guy?

347
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,002
ALL: Yes!

348
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,670
I never thought someone named Gordon

349
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,380
could have power over me.

350
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,591
Hey, let's team up!
Between the four of us,

351
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,509
we gotta be able to outsmart him, right?

352
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,095
ALL: One, two, three, four, samples!

353
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,975
Ahem. Hello! Me again.

354
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,645
What's that supposed to mean?

355
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:41,440
I... Remember? Kiff Chatterley's mom.

356
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:45,444
We bumped into each other
five minutes ago and chatted?

357
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,904
Okay...?

358
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,868
Uh... guh...

359
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,038
So... yeah. Anyway...

360
00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,124
(gasps)

361
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,251
Sorry. Excuse me.

362
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,754
Heh-heh. Doesn't seem
to wanna go that way,

363
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,631
-heh-heh, with the wheel.
-(grumbles)

364
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:08,092
-There we go, heh.
-(groans)

365
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,307
Oopsie! Dropped my list.

366
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,685
Can't do my weekly shop without the list!

367
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,024
-(gasps)
-Sorry!

368
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,275
I was trying to read your list.

369
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,444
I-- I'm having a little trouble

370
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:28,946
figuring out what to buy.

371
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,156
Oh, poor thing. Would you like

372
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,367
to follow along and shop with me?

373
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,245
Really? That would be amazing!

374
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:40,207
First thing's first, a gallon
of Foldman's Funky Beet Juice!

375
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,584
You're the boss!

376
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,337
Look at him over there.
Thinks he's a big man.

377
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,381
(scoffs) I could get a hot plate.

378
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,383
Psst! Kiff! We found one!

379
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,344
All right, Secretary Prince!

380
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,347
Kinda weird to see you here
in your weekend, uh, jorts.

381
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,516
You need me to get free samples?

382
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,226
Four free samples.

383
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,813
Uh, but say they're for
your other grown-up friends.

384
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,314
Then bring them back here!

385
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:10,029
Okay, this is good,
they're smiling, smiling.

386
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,489
He's asking for extra samples. Yes!

387
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,534
Now, just come back to us.
Wait, what's he doing?

388
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,036
He's getting a whiff of the samples.

389
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,038
Now he's closing his eyes and drooling

390
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,457
like he likes what he smells. Oh, no.

391
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,250
Ugh, now he's trying
one of the mini quiches.

392
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,960
Oh, no! He loves it!

393
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,754
He's... Yep. He's eating them all.

394
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,465
Those samples are unbelievable!

395
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,925
You gotta taste 'em!

396
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:37,473
We're. Trying. To.

397
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,852
(gasps) This is it, the twentieth coupon!

398
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,980
No. I'm not doing this again!

399
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,566
I can't stand any more small talk!

400
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:50,652
Small talk? We've barely
exchanged ten words.

401
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,905
(shushing) So help me,

402
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,116
if I see you one more time,
and I have to do small talk,

403
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,619
I'm turning you into a mushroom!

404
00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,370
But I hate mushrooms!

405
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,790
Really? Even chanterelles?

406
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,417
I mean, mushrooms generally
are very versatile

407
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:08,504
in any recipe-- Wait, no! No! Wait!

408
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:13,675
This is small talk. Don't try me, lady!

409
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,303
Fine, I don't want to talk to you, either.

410
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,888
Jeez, what a drip!

411
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,765
Eighteen, 19...

412
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,975
W-What-- What happened to the last one?

413
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,731
Oh, no. How am I gonna get that coupon

414
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,650
without talking to Helen?

415
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,073
Okay, so we know what doesn't work.

416
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,991
Asking an adult to get samples for us,

417
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,160
tunneling under the store,
calling Gordon from a pay phone

418
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,411
and pretending to be his granny...

419
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,789
That's it! We've tried everything!

420
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,333
Ugh, let's give up. I'll just get Daddy

421
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:47,751
to buy all the actual products.

422
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,503
Then we can go to my house and try them.

423
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,005
No, Candle! That's not what this is about!

424
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,757
It's about free samples!

425
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,759
It's about the one glimmer of hope

426
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,845
in the mindless, unending void

427
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:01,098
of accompanying your parents
to the grocery store!

428
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,600
If only someone could get Gordon

429
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,562
to step away from the samples
for a few minutes.

430
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,063
But who?

431
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:12,484
That's it! I have an idea.

432
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,320
(Kiff, deep voice) Time to go
on your lunch break, Gordon.

433
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,948
I will watch the samples.

434
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:19,992
All right...

435
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:23,453
And 13 over-ripe, mushy avocados!

436
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,997
(chuckles) That's it, you're all done.

437
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,832
I'm so proud of you, Martin.

438
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,001
Ah, thank you! I would have never

439
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,712
come up with these items. I was way off!

440
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,964
Oh, I'm on the Freaky Deaky diet.

441
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:35,632
I probably should've mentioned that

442
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,427
before I let you shop
all the same stuff as me, ha!

443
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,888
Well, gotta dash! Keep it freaky!

444
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:47,769
Wait, what? Hu-- Wha-- C-Come back!

445
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,106
You! You work here!
You gotta tell me what to buy!

446
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,400
I-- I left my list at home!

447
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,236
My family can never know!

448
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,031
Hello?

449
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:03,911
(screams)

450
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,245
KIFF: Dad?

451
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,583
Well, I can explain! This was the only way

452
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,126
we could get free samples!

453
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:16,006
Is that so? I'll be taking these!

454
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:19,259
Kiff, listen, I don't think
your mother needs to know--

455
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,802
Too late, I heard everything!

456
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,554
Honey? What're you doing?

457
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:27,476
You! That's it, mushroom time!

458
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,229
Run!

459
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:40,906
Pitted date, take the form
of the thing you hate!

460
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:42,241
Hey!

461
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:57,339
Whoa. I'm a kid!
Why was I being such a jerk?

462
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,799
Kids are people, too!

463
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,510
Free samples for everyone! Bababooey!

464
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,387
-Hooray!
-(all cheer)

465
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,890
Look at that! Turned into
the thing he hated most.

466
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:07,975
Bravo, Helen.

467
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:19,611
Oh, you're Kiff's mother!

468
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,074
(clears throat)

469
00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:25,909
Let's get outta here!

470
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,536
(playing kazoo)

471
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,248
(sighs)

472
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:32,499
Horrible.

473
00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:34,418
(playing kazoo)

474
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:38,005
(sighs) Never a dull day in retail, huh?

475
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,090
MANNEQUIN: You could say that again.

476
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,926
(both scream)

477
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,637
♪ Slimmy P, you're on your own ♪

478
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,348
♪ Hittin' the road
for the very first time ♪

479
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:51,018
♪ Slimmy P, you're finally free ♪

480
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:53,770
♪ The world to see,
it's gonna blow your mind ♪

481
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:56,565
(vocalizing)

482
00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:02,070
♪ Yeah ♪