1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,089 [upbeat saxophone music] 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,340 - Gonna meet the new neighbors. 3 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:08,800 I made them guacamole using avocados 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,094 from their tree that hangs over our fence. 5 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,763 I'd love to go. 6 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,640 - Oh, you wanna welcome them to the neighborhood too? 7 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,685 - Yeah, I'd like to welcome them to leave. 8 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,354 These gentrifiers can take their artisan sandwiches 9 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,356 and their crusty white dogs in strollers 10 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,858 and those shoes that make them look like 11 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,693 they're always walking uphill 12 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,695 and get out. 13 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,447 - How do you even know they're gentrifiers? 14 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:32,365 Because they didn't hire me. 15 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,200 They hired some fancy moving company 16 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,910 with a bunch of unnecessary frills 17 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,620 like bubble wrap and insurance 18 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,581 and employees that speak English. 19 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,084 - Yeah, well, let's not judge the book 20 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,502 before we've even met the cover. 21 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,796 - The cover is all you need to see, Mayan. 22 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,715 I guarantee you someone living in that house 23 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,259 has a name like-- [mockingly] Dakota or Savannah 24 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,053 or Piper or-- 25 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,347 Juniper. 26 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,681 Just call me June. 27 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,016 And thanks for the guac. 28 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,101 It'll go great with the authentic tortilla chips 29 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,811 I brought back from TJ. 30 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,229 Ah, you hear that, Dad? 31 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,606 They went to TJ. 32 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,734 - Yeah, Trader Joe's is the best. 33 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:08,943 You hear that, Mayan, 34 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,363 or was it drowned out by the white noise? 35 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,158 - Oh, Paloma, say hi to our new neighbors. 36 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,743 Hi. 37 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:17,702 Whoa. 38 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,246 Paloma? Wow. 39 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,706 You gave your daughter a Latina's name. 40 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,749 It means "dove." 41 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,793 I know what it means. 42 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:28,588 - In the words of the great Michelangelo, 43 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,465 cowabunga! 44 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,344 You watch "Ninja Turtles"? 45 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,304 I just got the new Shredder LEGO set. 46 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,472 Wanna see it? 47 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,519 - Close your mouth, Gordo, and get in there, man. 48 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,648 Oh, you also had a baby way too young. 49 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,608 That is so cool. 50 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,860 - Yep, my water broke during senior prom. 51 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,279 It really added to the whole "Under the Sea" theme. 52 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,156 - [chuckles] Mine broke in calculus. 53 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,825 I had to explain to a bunch of math nerds 54 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,284 where all the water was coming from 55 00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,953 and then what a vagina was. 56 00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,162 Yeah. 57 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,664 - [gags] Mayan, come on. 58 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:06,167 Nobody wants to be thinking about math class. 59 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,961 - Thinking and math class-- 60 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,338 two things you were never good at, Georgie. 61 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,300 - Stevie, what the hell are you doing here? 62 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,802 - What the hell are you doing here? 63 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,470 - Oh, are you and my dad old friends? 64 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,514 Oh, I don't think so, June. 65 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,808 Friends is another thing my dad was never good at. 66 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,146 {\an8}[upbeat saxophone music] 67 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:33,319 {\an8}* * 68 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,576 - I thought your parents sold the house 69 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:40,994 when you went to the state pen. 70 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,997 I went to Penn State. 71 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,749 {\an8}Tomato, potato. 72 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,085 {\an8}- Gran and Nan never sold the house. 73 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,253 {\an8}They just rented it out. 74 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,880 {\an8}I own it now, and Dad moved in with us. 75 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,173 {\an8}[laughs] 76 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,841 {\an8}You can't even afford your own place, Stevie. 77 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,885 {\an8}That's lame, 'ey. 78 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,845 {\an8}- But Dad, you-- - Let you live with me. 79 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,513 {\an8}That's one of the many charitable acts 80 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,601 {\an8}of the George Lopez Foundation, L.L.Bean. 81 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,187 {\an8}- You think I forgot about that prank war you started? 82 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,730 {\an8}He toilet-papered our house, 83 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:11,483 {\an8}with one ply, you cheapskate. 84 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,526 {\an8}- Only because you ratted on an illegal candy stand 85 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,236 {\an8}I was running around the corner. 86 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,237 {\an8}I don't understand. 87 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,530 {\an8}Was the stand illegal, 88 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,157 {\an8}or were you selling illegal candy? 89 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,618 {\an8}- Both, Mayan. Try to keep up. 90 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,119 {\an8}And then, that fool opened 91 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,621 {\an8}a lemonade stand on the same spot. 92 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,040 {\an8}Even as a kid, you were a dirty gentrifier. 93 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,333 {\an8}Gentrifier? 94 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,542 {\an8}We lived in this neighborhood 95 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,878 {\an8}before you guys even moved in, 96 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,380 {\an8}dummy. 97 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,965 {\an8}- And before that, LA was Mexico! 98 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,426 {\an8}This land is our land, tonto! 99 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,056 {\an8}Welcome to our land. 100 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,850 {\an8}* * 101 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,229 {\an8}- Okay, I know it's mostly dogs at the vet clinic, 102 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,940 {\an8}but do you think that you can smuggle home a cobra? 103 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,193 {\an8}Why? 104 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,195 {\an8}Are you planning on killing Stevie? 105 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,571 {\an8}Oh, of course not. 106 00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,656 {\an8}I'm just gonna put it in his toilet 107 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,033 {\an8}so it can bite his huevos. 108 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,576 {\an8}Oh, God, whose huevos 109 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,745 {\an8}is your father after this time? 110 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,664 {\an8}He hates the new neighbors. 111 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,499 {\an8}- And so should you, Mayan. You're my daughter. 112 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:10,917 {\an8}You should have my back on this. 113 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,378 {\an8}- Can you please just let all this stuff go? 114 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,754 {\an8}June seems really nice, 115 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,590 {\an8}and it'd be great to finally have a mom friend. 116 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592 {\an8}Hello? 117 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,302 {\an8}I mean someone my age. 118 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,472 {\an8}Uh, not just someone who looks my age. 119 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,891 {\an8}Good save. 120 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,601 {\an8}- You want a mom friend in the neighborhood? 121 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,062 {\an8}I see plenty of pop-up ads online saying 122 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,481 {\an8}there are a lot of lonely moms in our area who wanna connect. 123 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,899 {\an8}Call one of them. 124 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,653 {\an8}- You shouldn't let your dad say 125 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,196 {\an8}who you can be friends with. 126 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,489 {\an8}I haven't talked to my maid of honor 127 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,533 {\an8}since the wedding, because according to George, 128 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,410 her husband danced too French. 129 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,662 What does that mean? 130 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,372 I still don't know. 131 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,167 * * 132 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,377 {\an8}Okay, light it up. 133 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,796 {\an8}[doorbell rings] 134 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,261 The old dog poop in a burning bag. 135 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,221 Pathetic, Georgie! 136 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,806 I'm not stamping on that! 137 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,309 - He's onto us. - No, he's not. 138 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,810 I did a Latino version of it. 139 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,312 I put a firecracker in there. 140 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,439 I call it "The Firecrapper." 141 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,899 - [bag explodes] - [groans] 142 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,986 You're gonna pay for this, Georgie! 143 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,280 - How'd you get that much poop? Your dog's so tiny. 144 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,282 - I tried to get her to eat a box of frozen cheeseburgers, 145 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,784 and she wouldn't. 146 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,161 So I chewed 'em up, and I spit 'em back in the bag. 147 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,829 * * 148 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,709 [upbeat saxophone music] 149 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,169 Thanks for getting my back. 150 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,838 Oscar, you're better than my own flesh and blood. 151 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,382 I don't know about that. 152 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,716 Those things keep you alive 153 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,886 and your bones inside your body. 154 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,221 - You know what? Just drink your beer. 155 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,348 I think you'd make more sense when you're drunk. 156 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,058 - Hey, we got Stevie good. - Mm. 157 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,227 - He will never top that prank. - Never. 158 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,645 [phone rings] 159 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,189 Hello? 160 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,441 - Hey. Is your refrigerator running? 161 00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,859 Well, you better go catch it. 162 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,612 [laughs] 163 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,905 Stevie, really? 164 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,241 This is the lamest prank call ever. 165 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,118 - [towing device whirs] - What's happening? 166 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,078 - That fool's having my truck towed! 167 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,580 Oh! 168 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,171 At least this is bringing us closer together. 169 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,133 You're making me wet. 170 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:30,056 * * 171 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,984 - Daddy, can you teach me how to manscape? 172 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,486 Don't worry, buddy. 173 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,821 Your body hair will come in 174 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,239 the same age mine did-- 175 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,199 24. 176 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,202 - I'm tryna look good for the girl next door. 177 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,830 [sighs] Paloma. 178 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,417 I want our playdates to be less play, more date, 179 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,169 if you know what I mean. 180 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,630 - This is so romantic-- 181 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,759 forbidden love between two warring houses. 182 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,927 It's just like my D&D campaign. 183 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,513 A blood feud prevents Bongadir Rockcrusher 184 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,724 and Rotgut Oozemuscle from marrying 185 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,478 and giving birth to a half-dwarf, half-orc-- 186 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,064 a dorc. 187 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,982 Can you imagine it? 188 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,025 Now I can. 189 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,570 So what do I do? 190 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,822 - Whoa. You want my advice? 191 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,992 - Yeah, you're with Mom, so you have experience 192 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,037 getting someone way out of your league. 193 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,330 [laughs] 194 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,582 Yeah. 195 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:41,002 * * 196 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,004 - You sure you have to cancel our playdate? 197 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,006 - I'm sorry. I've just got a lot going on. 198 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,591 But maybe next week, we can take the kids 199 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,801 to that new bounce house place. 200 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,552 I hear they have a wine bar. 201 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,638 Oh, that sounds amazing. 202 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,599 Drunk kids always nap for, like, four hours. 203 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,894 I'll call you later. 204 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,688 - Well, Mayan, our wonderful new neighbors 205 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,606 had my trucked towed... 206 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,982 while I was in it! 207 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,069 And you found your way home. 208 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,862 Good boy! 209 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,864 - That's not funny. I didn't even do nothing. 210 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,075 [chuckles] Please. 211 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,577 You never-- [as George] don't do nothing. 212 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,872 You always take their side. 213 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,208 You're not just a bad daughter, 214 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,335 you're La Malinche. 215 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,254 Rude. 216 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,214 What is that? 217 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,592 - During colonization, La Malinche was an Aztec woman 218 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,553 who collaborated with the Spaniards 219 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,513 to help them conquer her own people. 220 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,473 Since when do you read? 221 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,891 It was on the Chipotle bag 222 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:40,395 during the Hispanic Heritage Month. 223 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,147 But the moral still stands-- 224 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,232 stick with your own side and get their back. 225 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,692 - You know, everything shouldn't have 226 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,943 to be about sides. 227 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,403 - Well then, you clearly don't understand 228 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,405 the Chipotle menu. 229 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,323 - Why is it so hard for you to let this go? 230 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,743 It's not a beer. 231 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,747 - Because Stevie stabbed me in the back. 232 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,206 We were very close, Mayan. 233 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,125 Then he turned on me. 234 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,836 And I haven't had a best friend since. 235 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,671 What about Oscar? 236 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,673 - I don't care if he has a best friend. 237 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,926 So you shouldn't trust Stevie's daughter 238 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,678 because she's gonna do the same thing to you, Mayan. 239 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,305 The apple doesn't fart from the tree. 240 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,266 - You talkin' about the neighbor's tree? 241 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,642 It's crazy what they did. 242 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,061 What are you talking about? 243 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,312 The neighbors put up a net 244 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:25,065 and cut off our access to their avocados. 245 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:28,068 Now we gotta steal 'em from another neighbor. 246 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,111 - I'm sure June wasn't involved. 247 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,156 I mean, I made her guacamole with those stolen avocados. 248 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,701 You mean this guacamole? 249 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,169 - Oh, yeah. That's your guacamole. 250 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,091 - I was so sure she wanted to be my friend. 251 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,259 I bet this is why she canceled our playdate. 252 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,220 - And now there's an avocado-shaped knife 253 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,304 in your back. 254 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,014 - Ha! That's not a very sharp knife. 255 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:03,019 But it cuts just as deep. I gotta go. 256 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,815 - I told you, Mayan. Those gentrifiers suck. 257 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,566 - I tried so hard to be welcoming, 258 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,402 but I guess you were right. 259 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,861 Finally! 260 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,613 Now let's go to their house and fill their crawl space 261 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,365 with tilapia. 262 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,825 We're not doing that. 263 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,911 - Yeah, you're right. It's too mild a fish. 264 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,039 How about day-old mackerel? 265 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,668 - Someone has to be the bigger person 266 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,129 and put an end to this feud. 267 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,006 [guitar playing] What's that? 268 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,091 - I don't know. You better go check it out. 269 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,302 - Don't eat the fence guacamole! 270 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,639 * * 271 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,268 * Cómo sufría por ella * 272 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:48,231 * Que hasta en su muerte la fue llamando * 273 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,860 * * 274 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:57,866 * Cucurrucucú * 275 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:02,454 * * 276 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,832 * Paloma * 277 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:11,338 * Cucurrucucú * 278 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:15,258 * No llores * 279 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,469 [panting] 280 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,931 I want you to be my girlfriend, Paloma. 281 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,808 What do you say? 282 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,435 - I say, get off my property. 283 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,105 You will never date a Lopez, 284 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,566 unless he's related to that Mario Lopez. 285 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,276 I just love that guy. [laughs] 286 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,240 - Hey, Gordo. Hey, are you okay? 287 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,659 - No. I may never love again. 288 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,411 That's probably true. 289 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,871 One love is all you get. 290 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,501 - You can steal my stolen avocados, 291 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,462 but no one messes with my boy. 292 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,464 I am not Malinche. 293 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,341 I am... 294 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,884 Machete. 295 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,053 * * 296 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,599 [upbeat saxophone music] 297 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,394 - Okay, here's how we get them back. 298 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,646 We set up a ramp 299 00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,065 to send an army of chickens over the fence 300 00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:15,235 to crap all over their yard. 301 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:19,364 Alexa, put 200 live chickens on my shopping list. 302 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,283 - I put live chickens on your shopping list. 303 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,454 - Mayan, why did the chicken cross the road? 304 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,791 Because it didn't wanna go up the damn ramp! 305 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,502 - Well, if you can beat Operation Cluck in Awe, 306 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,920 then go for it. 307 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,130 Okay. 308 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,676 What if you build a tunnel underneath 309 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,261 like El Chapo? 310 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,390 - What would that do? - I don't know. 311 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,935 But we would have a cool tunnel underneath like El Chapo. 312 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,691 - Alexa, what should we do to the neighbors? 313 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,652 - Neighbors are to be treated with kindness and respect, 314 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,987 and it is considered sinful 315 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,656 to annoy those living around you. 316 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,033 This one must be Canadian. 317 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,368 Okay. 318 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,871 What if we reclaim the tree 319 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,498 by carving our initials into it... 320 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:16,087 Hmm? And show them whose tree it really is. 321 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,174 - Dad, that's trespassing and destroying property. 322 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,176 - I love it. - [laughs] 323 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,219 See, that's how a real family has each other's back. 324 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,471 Okay, Mayan, after this, 325 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,057 they're gonna put us on a Chipotle bag. 326 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,434 - Yeah, eso. - Eso. 327 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,728 * * 328 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:32,896 [whispering] Hey, Mayan! 329 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,273 Fire up the chainsaw! 330 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,150 - [whispering] What is the point of the ski mask? 331 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:40,695 We're literally carving our initials into the tree. 332 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,864 - Yes, but we're also not trying to get arrested. 333 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:46,409 M.L. could be Monica Lewinsky. 334 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,453 G.L. could be... 335 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,331 George Lucas. 336 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,708 So burn the edges around the letters 337 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:57,087 so it look like it was done with a lightsaber! 338 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,506 Okay, here goes. 339 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,132 [chainsaw revs] 340 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,593 Oh, oh, yeah. This is good. 341 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,303 Okay, I got it. 342 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,764 Oh, ho, ho, I got it. 343 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,890 Uh-oh. 344 00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,266 No! 345 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,020 You think they'll notice? 346 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,610 Come on, let's get out of here before they see us. 347 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,529 What the hell? 348 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,030 Mayan? 349 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,407 No, it's... 350 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,951 Monica Lewinsky. 351 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,244 And George Lucas. 352 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,415 Live long and prosper, you two. 353 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:36,584 Mayan, this is really insane. 354 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,796 - This was payback for not letting us steal your fruit. 355 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,214 What are you talking about? 356 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:44,634 I would never stop someone from getting healthy fats. 357 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,302 Dad? 358 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:47,637 Don't look at me. 359 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,139 I enjoyed the guacamole. 360 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,975 It had gala-penos. 361 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,560 Well, someone did it. 362 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,357 - I had to trick you to win the war. 363 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,694 It's like the Greeks did with the Trojan horse condoms. 364 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,613 - What? - I don't know. 365 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,450 The Greek restaurant doesn't have a heritage month. 366 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,326 The point is, you should've had my back 367 00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:12,162 when they had my truck towed, all right? 368 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,997 This is all your fault. You know how I am. 369 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,707 You towed his truck? 370 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,043 Two words: Poop bomb. 371 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:20,378 It's a firecrapper, 372 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,548 trademark, copy machine, passion pending. 373 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:27,260 - You said you-- [as George] didn't do nothing. 374 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,095 - I didn't do nothing. I did something. 375 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,347 Because it's his fault-- he's the one 376 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,015 that said that Chance can't hang with Paloma. 377 00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,184 - What? Of course they can hang out. 378 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,019 Dad, that's not cool! 379 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,604 I need a break from Paloma. 380 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,275 The Lopezes are freaks. 381 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,485 And let me be clear. 382 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,153 I'm not talking about my man Mario. 383 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,572 He's the right kind of freak. 384 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,367 - Just clean up your tree and fix your fence, Stevie. 385 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,869 - Hey, it looks like the tree is in your yard, 386 00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,746 so it's your tree now, Georgie. 387 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:02,837 - I am so sorry about the tree and my dad. 388 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,423 Ugh, I am sorry too. 389 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,009 I just hope we can move past this. 390 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,219 Really? 391 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,470 I thought you didn't wanna be friends 392 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,055 after you canceled our playdate. 393 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,265 - No, that was just because I was busy cleaning up dog poop 394 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,059 and cheeseburgers off my porch... 395 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,894 and my dad. 396 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,730 Trust me, I have always wanted a young mom friend. 397 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,190 Me too. 398 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,150 I mean, all my girlfriends are single... 399 00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,985 or a dog. 400 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,404 Same. 401 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,489 If only my dog could relate to my mom problems, 402 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:32,909 but Donut doesn't pee when he sneezes. 403 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,285 Donut? 404 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,121 My dog's name is Churro. 405 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,290 - [gasps] That means donut in Spanish. 406 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,876 Okay, this friendship was obviously meant to be, 407 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,504 so we need to find a way to get our dads to get along. 408 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:46,172 Well, that's gonna be hard. 409 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,424 I mean, the only thing they have in common 410 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,926 is that they both like gala-penos. 411 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,428 So my dad was right? 412 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,597 Oh, I've been mispronouncing it my whole life. 413 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,850 I am learning so much living in this neighborhood. 414 00:16:56,891 --> 00:17:00,645 * * 415 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,651 [upbeat saxophone music] 416 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:10,321 - Chance, look who I secreted across enemy lines. 417 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,744 - My mom said I could come over. 418 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,705 Why are you making me wear your hoodie? 419 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:22,834 - Okay, you have zero sense of whimsy. 420 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,127 I brought Paloma here 421 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713 'cause I know how badly you want to be together. 422 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,048 Hi, Chance. 423 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,593 And the answer is yes, I will be your girlfriend. 424 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,847 We can double date with our dogs. 425 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,935 I'll go make us a pillow fort for our honeymoon. 426 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,524 What was that, man? 427 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,692 What do you mean? 428 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,819 I thought you were heartbroken over Paloma. 429 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,863 I was yesterday. 430 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,741 Since then, I discovered older women. 431 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,327 You have? 432 00:17:57,369 --> 00:18:00,330 Yeah, Eliza. 433 00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,040 She's in second grade. 434 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:05,377 She's got the whole package-- 435 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,338 a PS5 with a extra controller. 436 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:12,384 But now you got me stuck with the girl next door. 437 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,886 Chance... 438 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,596 It begins. 439 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,893 - Well, at least Churro and Donut are happy. 440 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,895 [dogs growling] No, Churro's not fixed. 441 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:24,938 Donut, get off of her! 442 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,898 * * 443 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,566 [doorbell rings] 444 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,529 Okay. 445 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,906 I'm ready for my apology. 446 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,742 And I didn't have my morning White Claw, 447 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,745 so I'm gonna remember every word. 448 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,164 - I was told you were gonna apologize to me. 449 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,749 And I did have my morning Modelo 450 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,460 'cause what am I supposed to do, not brush my teeth? 451 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,046 - Okay, actually, we called you both here 452 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,381 for a different reason. 453 00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:52,882 Yes, we wanted to show you 454 00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,719 that out of destruction and hatred, 455 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,679 something beautiful can emerge. 456 00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,806 Which is why we made this. 457 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,601 What's that, 458 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,270 a little house for Stevie? 459 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,814 Stevie, jump in there, man, so I can move you out of town. 460 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,192 It's a tiny free library. 461 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,486 We built it out of the wood from the fallen tree 462 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:16,656 as a symbol of unity and community. 463 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:19,784 - To show that it's never too late to turn a page 464 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,746 and start a new chapter in your relationship. 465 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:25,665 - Ooh, that was good. - Right? 466 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,501 - You should write a book that goes into the library. 467 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,712 - Maybe I will. [both laugh] 468 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,922 Okay! 469 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,217 - Wow, Mayan, this tiny library... 470 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:39,554 is a bunch of hipster nonsense! 471 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,222 You might as well put up a sign outside that says 472 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,933 "Douchebags live here." 473 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,143 Georgie's right. 474 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,353 You know who moves in 475 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,897 if you start putting books on every corner? 476 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,732 Nerds! 477 00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,942 - And we'll be damned if we're gonna let this neighborhood 478 00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,070 be ruined by a bunch of book-loving hippies 479 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,364 who think that they're too good to watch TV! 480 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,658 - There's a new episode of "The Voice" on tonight. 481 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,577 I love that John Legend. 482 00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:08,667 * * 483 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,628 - Well, looks like our dads are finally getting along. 484 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,338 - Guess all they needed was a common enemy. 485 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,006 Die, library! 486 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,345 - Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Man. 487 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,848 This reminds me of the time we did this to the real library. 488 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,350 - Yeah, we taught that librarian 489 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,102 not to tell us to shut up. 490 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,145 If you're gonna carry "MAD" magazine, 491 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,648 expect people to laugh. 492 00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:34,109 - Oh, man. Good times, huh, Stevie? 493 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,486 Can't sledgehammer a book. Hey, get the lighter fluid. 494 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,533 - Well, Georgie, I guess I'm glad 495 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,993 you and Stevie are friends again. 496 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,704 - Well, this feud wouldn't have restarted 497 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,288 if you had gotten my back in the first place 498 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,707 and stayed away from them. 499 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,041 - Please, I get your back all the time, 500 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,960 but not when you're acting like an idiot. 501 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:54,796 It's my way of trying to make you better. 502 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,548 - Just so you know, I got your back even when you're wrong 503 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,882 because that's how I roll. 504 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,926 {\an8}- You literally just destroyed something I made 505 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,886 {\an8}because you thought I was wrong. 506 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,430 {\an8}- Why do you keep bringing up old stuff? 507 00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,228 {\an8}- Whoa. - Burn, stupid books. 508 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,230 {\an8}A bonfire. 509 00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,441 {\an8}Isn't this romantic? 510 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,945 {\an8}Yeah, really romantic. 511 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,406 {\an8}I wish I could help you, 512 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,450 {\an8}but I've never had to dump anyone. 513 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:29,039 {\an8}* *