1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,089
[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,340
- Gonna meet
the new neighbors.
3
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:08,800
I made them guacamole
using avocados
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,094
from their tree
that hangs over our fence.
5
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,763
I'd love to go.
6
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,640
- Oh, you wanna welcome them
to the neighborhood too?
7
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,685
- Yeah, I'd like
to welcome them to leave.
8
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,354
These gentrifiers can take
their artisan sandwiches
9
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,356
and their crusty white dogs
in strollers
10
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,858
and those shoes
that make them look like
11
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,693
they're always walking uphill
12
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,695
and get out.
13
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,447
- How do you even know
they're gentrifiers?
14
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:32,365
Because they didn't hire me.
15
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,200
They hired
some fancy moving company
16
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,910
with a bunch
of unnecessary frills
17
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,620
like bubble wrap and insurance
18
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,581
and employees
that speak English.
19
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,084
- Yeah, well,
let's not judge the book
20
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,502
before
we've even met the cover.
21
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,796
- The cover is
all you need to see, Mayan.
22
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,715
I guarantee you
someone living in that house
23
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,259
has a name like--
[mockingly] Dakota or Savannah
24
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,053
or Piper or--
25
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,347
Juniper.
26
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,681
Just call me June.
27
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,016
And thanks for the guac.
28
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,101
It'll go great with
the authentic tortilla chips
29
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,811
I brought back from TJ.
30
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,229
Ah, you hear that, Dad?
31
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,606
They went to TJ.
32
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,734
- Yeah,
Trader Joe's is the best.
33
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:08,943
You hear that, Mayan,
34
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,363
or was it drowned out
by the white noise?
35
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,158
- Oh, Paloma,
say hi to our new neighbors.
36
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,743
Hi.
37
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:17,702
Whoa.
38
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,246
Paloma? Wow.
39
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,706
You gave your daughter
a Latina's name.
40
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,749
It means "dove."
41
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,793
I know what it means.
42
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:28,588
- In the words
of the great Michelangelo,
43
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,465
cowabunga!
44
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,344
You watch "Ninja Turtles"?
45
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,304
I just got
the new Shredder LEGO set.
46
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,472
Wanna see it?
47
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,519
- Close your mouth, Gordo,
and get in there, man.
48
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,648
Oh, you also had a baby
way too young.
49
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,608
That is so cool.
50
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,860
- Yep, my water broke
during senior prom.
51
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,279
It really added to the whole
"Under the Sea" theme.
52
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,156
- [chuckles]
Mine broke in calculus.
53
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,825
I had to explain
to a bunch of math nerds
54
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,284
where all the water
was coming from
55
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,953
and then what a vagina was.
56
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,162
Yeah.
57
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,664
- [gags]
Mayan, come on.
58
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:06,167
Nobody wants to be thinking
about math class.
59
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,961
- Thinking and math class--
60
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,338
two things you were
never good at, Georgie.
61
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,300
- Stevie, what the hell
are you doing here?
62
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,802
- What the hell
are you doing here?
63
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,470
- Oh, are you and my dad
old friends?
64
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,514
Oh, I don't think so, June.
65
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,808
Friends is another thing
my dad was never good at.
66
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,146
{\an8}[upbeat saxophone music]
67
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:33,319
{\an8}* *
68
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,576
- I thought
your parents sold the house
69
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:40,994
when you went to the state pen.
70
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,997
I went to Penn State.
71
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,749
{\an8}Tomato, potato.
72
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,085
{\an8}- Gran and Nan
never sold the house.
73
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,253
{\an8}They just rented it out.
74
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,880
{\an8}I own it now,
and Dad moved in with us.
75
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,173
{\an8}[laughs]
76
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,841
{\an8}You can't even afford
your own place, Stevie.
77
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,885
{\an8}That's lame, 'ey.
78
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,845
{\an8}- But Dad, you--
- Let you live with me.
79
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,513
{\an8}That's one
of the many charitable acts
80
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,601
{\an8}of the George Lopez
Foundation, L.L.Bean.
81
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,187
{\an8}- You think I forgot about
that prank war you started?
82
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,730
{\an8}He toilet-papered our house,
83
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:11,483
{\an8}with one ply,
you cheapskate.
84
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,526
{\an8}- Only because you ratted
on an illegal candy stand
85
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,236
{\an8}I was running
around the corner.
86
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,237
{\an8}I don't understand.
87
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,530
{\an8}Was the stand illegal,
88
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,157
{\an8}or were you
selling illegal candy?
89
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,618
{\an8}- Both, Mayan.
Try to keep up.
90
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,119
{\an8}And then,
that fool opened
91
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,621
{\an8}a lemonade stand
on the same spot.
92
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,040
{\an8}Even as a kid,
you were a dirty gentrifier.
93
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,333
{\an8}Gentrifier?
94
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,542
{\an8}We lived in this neighborhood
95
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,878
{\an8}before you guys even moved in,
96
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,380
{\an8}dummy.
97
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,965
{\an8}- And before that,
LA was Mexico!
98
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,426
{\an8}This land is our land, tonto!
99
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,056
{\an8}Welcome to our land.
100
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,850
{\an8}* *
101
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,229
{\an8}- Okay, I know it's mostly dogs
at the vet clinic,
102
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,940
{\an8}but do you think that
you can smuggle home a cobra?
103
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,193
{\an8}Why?
104
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,195
{\an8}Are you planning
on killing Stevie?
105
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,571
{\an8}Oh, of course not.
106
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,656
{\an8}I'm just gonna
put it in his toilet
107
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,033
{\an8}so it can bite his huevos.
108
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,576
{\an8}Oh, God, whose huevos
109
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,745
{\an8}is your father after this time?
110
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,664
{\an8}He hates the new neighbors.
111
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,499
{\an8}- And so should you, Mayan.
You're my daughter.
112
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:10,917
{\an8}You should
have my back on this.
113
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,378
{\an8}- Can you please
just let all this stuff go?
114
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,754
{\an8}June seems really nice,
115
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,590
{\an8}and it'd be great
to finally have a mom friend.
116
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592
{\an8}Hello?
117
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,302
{\an8}I mean someone my age.
118
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,472
{\an8}Uh, not just someone
who looks my age.
119
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,891
{\an8}Good save.
120
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,601
{\an8}- You want a mom friend
in the neighborhood?
121
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,062
{\an8}I see plenty
of pop-up ads online saying
122
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,481
{\an8}there are a lot of lonely moms
in our area who wanna connect.
123
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,899
{\an8}Call one of them.
124
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,653
{\an8}- You shouldn't
let your dad say
125
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,196
{\an8}who you can be friends with.
126
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,489
{\an8}I haven't talked
to my maid of honor
127
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,533
{\an8}since the wedding,
because according to George,
128
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,410
her husband danced too French.
129
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,662
What does that mean?
130
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,372
I still don't know.
131
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,167
* *
132
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,377
{\an8}Okay, light it up.
133
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,796
{\an8}[doorbell rings]
134
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,261
The old dog poop
in a burning bag.
135
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,221
Pathetic, Georgie!
136
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,806
I'm not stamping on that!
137
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,309
- He's onto us.
- No, he's not.
138
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,810
I did a Latino version of it.
139
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,312
I put a firecracker in there.
140
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,439
I call it "The Firecrapper."
141
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,899
- [bag explodes]
- [groans]
142
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,986
You're gonna pay
for this, Georgie!
143
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,280
- How'd you get that much poop?
Your dog's so tiny.
144
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,282
- I tried to get her to eat
a box of frozen cheeseburgers,
145
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,784
and she wouldn't.
146
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,161
So I chewed 'em up,
and I spit 'em back in the bag.
147
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,829
* *
148
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,709
[upbeat saxophone music]
149
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,169
Thanks for getting my back.
150
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,838
Oscar, you're better
than my own flesh and blood.
151
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,382
I don't know about that.
152
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,716
Those things keep you alive
153
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,886
and your bones
inside your body.
154
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,221
- You know what?
Just drink your beer.
155
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,348
I think you'd make more sense
when you're drunk.
156
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,058
- Hey, we got Stevie good.
- Mm.
157
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,227
- He will never top that prank.
- Never.
158
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,645
[phone rings]
159
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,189
Hello?
160
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,441
- Hey.
Is your refrigerator running?
161
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,859
Well, you better go catch it.
162
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,612
[laughs]
163
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,905
Stevie, really?
164
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,241
This is
the lamest prank call ever.
165
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,118
- [towing device whirs]
- What's happening?
166
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,078
- That fool's
having my truck towed!
167
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,580
Oh!
168
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,171
At least this is
bringing us closer together.
169
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,133
You're making me wet.
170
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:30,056
* *
171
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,984
- Daddy, can you teach me
how to manscape?
172
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,486
Don't worry, buddy.
173
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,821
Your body hair will come in
174
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,239
the same age mine did--
175
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,199
24.
176
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,202
- I'm tryna look good
for the girl next door.
177
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,830
[sighs]
Paloma.
178
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,417
I want our playdates
to be less play, more date,
179
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,169
if you know what I mean.
180
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,630
- This is so romantic--
181
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,759
forbidden love
between two warring houses.
182
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,927
It's just like
my D&D campaign.
183
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,513
A blood feud prevents
Bongadir Rockcrusher
184
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,724
and Rotgut Oozemuscle
from marrying
185
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,478
and giving birth
to a half-dwarf, half-orc--
186
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,064
a dorc.
187
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,982
Can you imagine it?
188
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,025
Now I can.
189
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,570
So what do I do?
190
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,822
- Whoa.
You want my advice?
191
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,992
- Yeah, you're with Mom,
so you have experience
192
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,037
getting someone
way out of your league.
193
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,330
[laughs]
194
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,582
Yeah.
195
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:41,002
* *
196
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,004
- You sure you have
to cancel our playdate?
197
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,006
- I'm sorry.
I've just got a lot going on.
198
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,591
But maybe next week,
we can take the kids
199
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,801
to that
new bounce house place.
200
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,552
I hear they have a wine bar.
201
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,638
Oh, that sounds amazing.
202
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,599
Drunk kids always nap
for, like, four hours.
203
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,894
I'll call you later.
204
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,688
- Well, Mayan,
our wonderful new neighbors
205
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,606
had my trucked towed...
206
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,982
while I was in it!
207
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,069
And you found your way home.
208
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,862
Good boy!
209
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,864
- That's not funny.
I didn't even do nothing.
210
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,075
[chuckles] Please.
211
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,577
You never--
[as George] don't do nothing.
212
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,872
You always take their side.
213
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,208
You're not just a bad daughter,
214
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,335
you're La Malinche.
215
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,254
Rude.
216
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,214
What is that?
217
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,592
- During colonization,
La Malinche was an Aztec woman
218
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,553
who collaborated
with the Spaniards
219
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,513
to help them
conquer her own people.
220
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,473
Since when do you read?
221
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,891
It was on the Chipotle bag
222
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:40,395
during
the Hispanic Heritage Month.
223
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,147
But the moral still stands--
224
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,232
stick with your own side
and get their back.
225
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,692
- You know,
everything shouldn't have
226
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,943
to be about sides.
227
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,403
- Well then,
you clearly don't understand
228
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,405
the Chipotle menu.
229
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,323
- Why is it so hard
for you to let this go?
230
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,743
It's not a beer.
231
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,747
- Because Stevie stabbed me
in the back.
232
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,206
We were very close, Mayan.
233
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,125
Then he turned on me.
234
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,836
And I haven't had
a best friend since.
235
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,671
What about Oscar?
236
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,673
- I don't care
if he has a best friend.
237
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,926
So you shouldn't
trust Stevie's daughter
238
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,678
because she's gonna do
the same thing to you, Mayan.
239
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,305
The apple doesn't fart
from the tree.
240
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,266
- You talkin'
about the neighbor's tree?
241
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,642
It's crazy what they did.
242
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,061
What are you talking about?
243
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,312
The neighbors put up a net
244
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:25,065
and cut off our access
to their avocados.
245
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:28,068
Now we gotta steal 'em
from another neighbor.
246
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,111
- I'm sure
June wasn't involved.
247
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,156
I mean, I made her guacamole
with those stolen avocados.
248
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,701
You mean this guacamole?
249
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,169
- Oh, yeah.
That's your guacamole.
250
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,091
- I was so sure
she wanted to be my friend.
251
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,259
I bet this is why
she canceled our playdate.
252
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,220
- And now there's
an avocado-shaped knife
253
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,304
in your back.
254
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,014
- Ha!
That's not a very sharp knife.
255
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:03,019
But it cuts just as deep.
I gotta go.
256
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,815
- I told you, Mayan.
Those gentrifiers suck.
257
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,566
- I tried so hard
to be welcoming,
258
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,402
but I guess you were right.
259
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,861
Finally!
260
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,613
Now let's go to their house
and fill their crawl space
261
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,365
with tilapia.
262
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,825
We're not doing that.
263
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,911
- Yeah, you're right.
It's too mild a fish.
264
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,039
How about day-old mackerel?
265
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,668
- Someone has to be
the bigger person
266
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,129
and put an end to this feud.
267
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,006
[guitar playing]
What's that?
268
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,091
- I don't know.
You better go check it out.
269
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,302
- Don't eat
the fence guacamole!
270
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,639
* *
271
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,268
* Cómo sufría por ella *
272
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:48,231
* Que hasta en su muerte
la fue llamando *
273
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,860
* *
274
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:57,866
* Cucurrucucú *
275
00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:02,454
* *
276
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,832
* Paloma *
277
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:11,338
* Cucurrucucú *
278
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:15,258
* No llores *
279
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,469
[panting]
280
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,931
I want you
to be my girlfriend, Paloma.
281
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,808
What do you say?
282
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,435
- I say,
get off my property.
283
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,105
You will never date a Lopez,
284
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,566
unless he's related
to that Mario Lopez.
285
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,276
I just love that guy.
[laughs]
286
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,240
- Hey, Gordo.
Hey, are you okay?
287
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,659
- No.
I may never love again.
288
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,411
That's probably true.
289
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,871
One love is all you get.
290
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,501
- You can steal
my stolen avocados,
291
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,462
but no one messes with my boy.
292
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,464
I am not Malinche.
293
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,341
I am...
294
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,884
Machete.
295
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,053
* *
296
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,599
[upbeat saxophone music]
297
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,394
- Okay,
here's how we get them back.
298
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,646
We set up a ramp
299
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,065
to send an army of chickens
over the fence
300
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:15,235
to crap all over their yard.
301
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:19,364
Alexa, put 200 live chickens
on my shopping list.
302
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,283
- I put live chickens
on your shopping list.
303
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,454
- Mayan, why did the chicken
cross the road?
304
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,791
Because it didn't wanna
go up the damn ramp!
305
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,502
- Well, if you can beat
Operation Cluck in Awe,
306
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,920
then go for it.
307
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,130
Okay.
308
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,676
What if you build
a tunnel underneath
309
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,261
like El Chapo?
310
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,390
- What would that do?
- I don't know.
311
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,935
But we would have a cool tunnel
underneath like El Chapo.
312
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,691
- Alexa, what should we do
to the neighbors?
313
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,652
- Neighbors are to be treated
with kindness and respect,
314
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,987
and it is considered sinful
315
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,656
to annoy those
living around you.
316
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,033
This one must be Canadian.
317
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,368
Okay.
318
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,871
What if we reclaim the tree
319
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,498
by carving our initials
into it...
320
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:16,087
Hmm? And show them
whose tree it really is.
321
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,174
- Dad, that's trespassing
and destroying property.
322
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,176
- I love it.
- [laughs]
323
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,219
See, that's how a real
family has each other's back.
324
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,471
Okay, Mayan, after this,
325
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,057
they're gonna put us
on a Chipotle bag.
326
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,434
- Yeah, eso.
- Eso.
327
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,728
* *
328
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:32,896
[whispering]
Hey, Mayan!
329
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,273
Fire up the chainsaw!
330
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,150
- [whispering] What is
the point of the ski mask?
331
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:40,695
We're literally carving
our initials into the tree.
332
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,864
- Yes, but we're also
not trying to get arrested.
333
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:46,409
M.L. could be Monica Lewinsky.
334
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,453
G.L. could be...
335
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,331
George Lucas.
336
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,708
So burn the edges
around the letters
337
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:57,087
so it look like
it was done with a lightsaber!
338
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,506
Okay, here goes.
339
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,132
[chainsaw revs]
340
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,593
Oh, oh, yeah.
This is good.
341
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,303
Okay, I got it.
342
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,764
Oh, ho, ho, I got it.
343
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,890
Uh-oh.
344
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,266
No!
345
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,020
You think they'll notice?
346
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,610
Come on, let's get out of here
before they see us.
347
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,529
What the hell?
348
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,030
Mayan?
349
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,407
No, it's...
350
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,951
Monica Lewinsky.
351
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,244
And George Lucas.
352
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,415
Live long and prosper, you two.
353
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:36,584
Mayan, this is really insane.
354
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,796
- This was payback for not
letting us steal your fruit.
355
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,214
What are you talking about?
356
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:44,634
I would never stop someone
from getting healthy fats.
357
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,302
Dad?
358
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:47,637
Don't look at me.
359
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,139
I enjoyed the guacamole.
360
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,975
It had gala-penos.
361
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,560
Well, someone did it.
362
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,357
- I had to trick you
to win the war.
363
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,694
It's like the Greeks did
with the Trojan horse condoms.
364
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,613
- What?
- I don't know.
365
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,450
The Greek restaurant
doesn't have a heritage month.
366
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,326
The point is,
you should've had my back
367
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:12,162
when they had my truck towed,
all right?
368
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,997
This is all your fault.
You know how I am.
369
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,707
You towed his truck?
370
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,043
Two words: Poop bomb.
371
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:20,378
It's a firecrapper,
372
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,548
trademark, copy machine,
passion pending.
373
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:27,260
- You said you--
[as George] didn't do nothing.
374
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,095
- I didn't do nothing.
I did something.
375
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,347
Because it's his fault--
he's the one
376
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,015
that said that
Chance can't hang with Paloma.
377
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,184
- What?
Of course they can hang out.
378
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,019
Dad, that's not cool!
379
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,604
I need a break from Paloma.
380
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,275
The Lopezes are freaks.
381
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,485
And let me be clear.
382
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,153
I'm not talking
about my man Mario.
383
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,572
He's the right kind of freak.
384
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,367
- Just clean up your tree
and fix your fence, Stevie.
385
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,869
- Hey, it looks like
the tree is in your yard,
386
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,746
so it's your tree now, Georgie.
387
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:02,837
- I am so sorry
about the tree and my dad.
388
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,423
Ugh, I am sorry too.
389
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,009
I just hope
we can move past this.
390
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,219
Really?
391
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,470
I thought
you didn't wanna be friends
392
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,055
after you canceled
our playdate.
393
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,265
- No, that was just because
I was busy cleaning up dog poop
394
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,059
and cheeseburgers
off my porch...
395
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,894
and my dad.
396
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,730
Trust me, I have always
wanted a young mom friend.
397
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,190
Me too.
398
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,150
I mean, all my girlfriends
are single...
399
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,985
or a dog.
400
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,404
Same.
401
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,489
If only my dog could
relate to my mom problems,
402
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:32,909
but Donut doesn't pee
when he sneezes.
403
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,285
Donut?
404
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,121
My dog's name is Churro.
405
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,290
- [gasps]
That means donut in Spanish.
406
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,876
Okay, this friendship
was obviously meant to be,
407
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,504
so we need to find a way
to get our dads to get along.
408
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:46,172
Well, that's gonna be hard.
409
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,424
I mean, the only thing
they have in common
410
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,926
is that they both
like gala-penos.
411
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,428
So my dad was right?
412
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,597
Oh, I've been mispronouncing it
my whole life.
413
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,850
I am learning so much
living in this neighborhood.
414
00:16:56,891 --> 00:17:00,645
* *
415
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,651
[upbeat saxophone music]
416
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:10,321
- Chance, look who I secreted
across enemy lines.
417
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,744
- My mom said
I could come over.
418
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,705
Why are you making me
wear your hoodie?
419
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:22,834
- Okay, you have
zero sense of whimsy.
420
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,127
I brought Paloma here
421
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713
'cause I know how badly
you want to be together.
422
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,048
Hi, Chance.
423
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,593
And the answer is yes,
I will be your girlfriend.
424
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,847
We can double date
with our dogs.
425
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,935
I'll go make us a pillow fort
for our honeymoon.
426
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,524
What was that, man?
427
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,692
What do you mean?
428
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,819
I thought you were
heartbroken over Paloma.
429
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,863
I was yesterday.
430
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,741
Since then,
I discovered older women.
431
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,327
You have?
432
00:17:57,369 --> 00:18:00,330
Yeah, Eliza.
433
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,040
She's in second grade.
434
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:05,377
She's got the whole package--
435
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,338
a PS5 with a extra controller.
436
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:12,384
But now you got me stuck
with the girl next door.
437
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,886
Chance...
438
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,596
It begins.
439
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,893
- Well, at least
Churro and Donut are happy.
440
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,895
[dogs growling]
No, Churro's not fixed.
441
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:24,938
Donut, get off of her!
442
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,898
* *
443
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,566
[doorbell rings]
444
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,529
Okay.
445
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,906
I'm ready for my apology.
446
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,742
And I didn't have
my morning White Claw,
447
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,745
so I'm gonna
remember every word.
448
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,164
- I was told
you were gonna apologize to me.
449
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,749
And I did have
my morning Modelo
450
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,460
'cause what am I supposed
to do, not brush my teeth?
451
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,046
- Okay, actually,
we called you both here
452
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,381
for a different reason.
453
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:52,882
Yes, we wanted to show you
454
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,719
that out of destruction
and hatred,
455
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,679
something beautiful can emerge.
456
00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,806
Which is why we made this.
457
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,601
What's that,
458
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,270
a little house for Stevie?
459
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,814
Stevie, jump in there, man,
so I can move you out of town.
460
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,192
It's a tiny free library.
461
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,486
We built it out of the wood
from the fallen tree
462
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:16,656
as a symbol
of unity and community.
463
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:19,784
- To show that it's never
too late to turn a page
464
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,746
and start a new chapter
in your relationship.
465
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:25,665
- Ooh, that was good.
- Right?
466
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,501
- You should write a book
that goes into the library.
467
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,712
- Maybe I will.
[both laugh]
468
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,922
Okay!
469
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,217
- Wow, Mayan,
this tiny library...
470
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:39,554
is a bunch of hipster nonsense!
471
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,222
You might as well put up
a sign outside that says
472
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,933
"Douchebags live here."
473
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,143
Georgie's right.
474
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,353
You know who moves in
475
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,897
if you start putting books
on every corner?
476
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,732
Nerds!
477
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,942
- And we'll be damned if we're
gonna let this neighborhood
478
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,070
be ruined by a bunch
of book-loving hippies
479
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,364
who think that
they're too good to watch TV!
480
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,658
- There's a new episode
of "The Voice" on tonight.
481
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,577
I love that John Legend.
482
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:08,667
* *
483
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,628
- Well, looks like our dads
are finally getting along.
484
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,338
- Guess all they needed
was a common enemy.
485
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,006
Die, library!
486
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,345
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Man.
487
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,848
This reminds me of the time we
did this to the real library.
488
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,350
- Yeah,
we taught that librarian
489
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,102
not to tell us to shut up.
490
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,145
If you're gonna carry
"MAD" magazine,
491
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,648
expect people to laugh.
492
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:34,109
- Oh, man.
Good times, huh, Stevie?
493
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,486
Can't sledgehammer a book.
Hey, get the lighter fluid.
494
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,533
- Well, Georgie,
I guess I'm glad
495
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,993
you and Stevie
are friends again.
496
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,704
- Well, this feud
wouldn't have restarted
497
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,288
if you had gotten my back
in the first place
498
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,707
and stayed away from them.
499
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,041
- Please,
I get your back all the time,
500
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,960
but not when
you're acting like an idiot.
501
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:54,796
It's my way of trying
to make you better.
502
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,548
- Just so you know, I got your
back even when you're wrong
503
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,882
because that's how I roll.
504
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,926
{\an8}- You literally just
destroyed something I made
505
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,886
{\an8}because
you thought I was wrong.
506
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,430
{\an8}- Why do you keep
bringing up old stuff?
507
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,228
{\an8}- Whoa.
- Burn, stupid books.
508
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,230
{\an8}A bonfire.
509
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,441
{\an8}Isn't this romantic?
510
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,945
{\an8}Yeah, really romantic.
511
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,406
{\an8}I wish I could help you,
512
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,450
{\an8}but I've never had
to dump anyone.
513
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:29,039
{\an8}* *