1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,881 [upbeat saxophone music] 2 00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,175 Wow. This place is so clean. 3 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,343 - I just--I-I want everything to be perfect 4 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:11,511 before my dad gets here. 5 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,096 I did the living room, the kitchen. 6 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,514 I gave Churro a bath. 7 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,518 There's only one mess left to clean up. 8 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,561 Hey. 9 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,356 Do I got a KitKat wrapper stuck to my back? 10 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,234 I've been trying to get it for an hour. 11 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,402 - Get-- - Can one of you guys grab it? 12 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,446 - [grunts] - Ay, whoa, whoa. Hey. 13 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,448 I haven't licked the chocolate off yet. 14 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,866 - [grimaces] - Hey. 15 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,659 [clears throat] George, why-why don't we, uh-- 16 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,703 Why don't we get you a shower, a fresh shirt, 17 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,663 maybe a clean shave? 18 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:39,748 - Why you talkin' like a prostitute 19 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,249 from the Old West? [bottle hisses] 20 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,211 - Quinten's dad, Sam, is gonna be here any minute. 21 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,546 When you meet him, it'd be nice 22 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,715 if you didn't look like a movie theater floor. 23 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,843 - Oh, what is that? A casserole? 24 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,553 [sniffs] 25 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,513 That smells like a hot nothing. 26 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,598 [grunts] 27 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,641 Bland is my dad's favorite flavor. 28 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,602 - Yeah, then he must really love you. 29 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:08,485 {\an8}* * 30 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,078 {\an8}- [knocks at door] - Oh, oh. Hey, George? 31 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,579 {\an8}Okay, I got one favor to ask you. 32 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,081 {\an8}I really want my dad to see how well we're doing, 33 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,416 {\an8}so please do not make fun of me. 34 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,293 {\an8}- I'll show you all the respect you deserve, 35 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,795 {\an8}Chef White Boyardee. 36 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:28,880 {\an8}Okay. 37 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,134 {\an8}Hey, Daddy! 38 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,638 {\an8}I must be at the wrong house. 39 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}This kid is too big to be my son. 40 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,225 {\an8}Ah. 41 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,685 {\an8}- Aw. - Oh, so good to see you, dear. 42 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,687 {\an8}- Oh, I got your text yesterday. - Mm-hmm. 43 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:44,729 {\an8}It was so good to hear 44 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,606 {\an8}that the Dalmatian pulled through. 45 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,733 {\an8}- It did, but it was spotty for a second. 46 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,569 {\an8}- [both chuckle] - I set 'em up... 47 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,030 {\an8}- And I pun 'em down. Pew, pew! 48 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,615 {\an8}[chuckles] Dream team. 49 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,367 {\an8}Yeah. 50 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,827 {\an8}- You know, maybe being gone ten years 51 00:01:58,868 --> 00:01:59,828 {\an8}wasn't long enough. 52 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:02,330 {\an8}- Wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. 53 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,665 {\an8}I wouldn't be Bismarck's 54 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,001 {\an8}number one Chevrolet car salesman 55 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,293 {\an8}if I let people walk away. 56 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,254 {\an8}I got ya a little gift. 57 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,172 {\an8}Ah. Mm-hmm. 58 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,926 {\an8}"World's Best Grandpa." 59 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,847 {\an8}And I got a matching one because it takes a village... 60 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,307 {\an8}Of Grandpas. 61 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,642 {\an8}Oh. [chuckles] 62 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,394 {\an8}- Well, that-that shirt's a little bit awkward 63 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,562 {\an8}because we're not sure 64 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:27,605 {\an8}that you're Chance's grandfather. 65 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,317 {\an8}What are you saying? 66 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,944 {\an8}- George... - Yeah. 67 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,322 {\an8}There's a chance that Quinten might not be Chance's father. 68 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,283 {\an8}- Look... - Oh. 69 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,327 {\an8}- In that boy's eyes, you are still his father. 70 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,749 {\an8}- No, Chance is definitely Quinten's son. 71 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,043 {\an8}- Yeah. No, this is-- it's just a little inside joke 72 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,210 {\an8}that George likes to make. 73 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,754 {\an8}No, I tell it outside too. 74 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,132 {\an8}- I asked you not to make fun of me. 75 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,508 {\an8}- Yes, you did. And I ignored you. 76 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,177 {\an8}[chuckles] Dream team. 77 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,553 {\an8}[chuckles sarcastically] 78 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}* * 79 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,268 {\an8}- Son, that casserole was delicious. 80 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,479 {\an8}You could barely taste it at all. 81 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:11,441 {\an8}- Ay, thank God I keep a packet of Tapatío 82 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,901 {\an8}- in my bra. - Oh. 83 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,529 {\an8}- How are you finding the time to cook 84 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,490 {\an8}and do your job at the Apple Store? 85 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,700 {\an8}- Well, Mayan works late, so I switched to part-time. 86 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,535 {\an8}So now I have time to pick Chance up from school, 87 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,746 {\an8}tidy up the house, cook before she gets home. 88 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,956 {\an8}- You raised a nice wife for my daughter, Sam. 89 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,627 {\an8}Oh, I almost forgot. 90 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,296 {\an8}Uh, I got something really special for you, champ. 91 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,631 {\an8}Huh? Ready? 92 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,342 {\an8}[remote control car whirs] 93 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,885 {\an8}[both chuckle] 94 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,637 {\an8}- Wow. - Sweet! 95 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:43,431 {\an8}I love a grandpa who gives me gifts. 96 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,603 {\an8}- I got you a keychain from 7-Eleven. 97 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,023 {\an8}I don't own keys, fool! 98 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,944 {\an8}Let's take this baby for a spin. 99 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:56,986 {\an8}Yeah. 100 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,321 {\an8}[car whirs] 101 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,407 {\an8}- Wait. Did you finish your homework? 102 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,200 {\an8}Don't you have a poster to make? 103 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,410 {\an8}Done. 104 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,036 {\an8}This was five minutes of my life 105 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,454 {\an8}I will never get back. 106 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,376 Let me see that. 107 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,794 Ay. 108 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:16,256 This poster, it's so messy. 109 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,424 "My name is Chance." 110 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,467 He misspelled his own name? 111 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,221 - No, je just wrote the "N" backwards. 112 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,472 Why? 113 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,433 Is he trying to get a job at Toys "R" Us? 114 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,146 You're gonna make him redo this, right? 115 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,772 No. His grandpa's in town. 116 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,566 And I'm not the homework police like you. 117 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,901 I'm not the homework police. 118 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,653 I just think you need to lock him in his room 119 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,447 until he does a better job. 120 00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:43,950 * * 121 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:47,787 - Thank you so much for a lovely evening, fam. 122 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,583 And-and you can put your apron on a hook, son, 123 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:55,712 because tomorrow I'm taking everyone to the Sizzlers! 124 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,547 Yes. 125 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,424 Okay, moneybags. 126 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,967 Well, it's getting late, 127 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,636 so I'm just gonna call a taxi for the hotel. 128 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,597 - Oh, no, no, no. Daddy, you can't leave 129 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,515 without checkin' out my compost heap. 130 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,893 I got the fattest worms on the block. 131 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,478 I don't know 132 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,313 any of the other worms on the block, 133 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,565 so I have no way of confirming that. 134 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,818 - You are not gonna stay at a hotel. 135 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,738 You're family. You belong here. 136 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,698 Dad, you can sleep at Oscar's place. 137 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,786 - George, George, I would never do anything 138 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,579 to displace you, especially after 139 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,331 all the hardships you've been through. 140 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,916 What do you mean? 141 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,502 - Well, you know, the financial difficulties, 142 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,463 losing your home, and the infidelity. 143 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:43,551 And the recent hemorrhoid flare-up. 144 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,307 - Not that that's any of your business, 145 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,851 but, you know, all of those things have improved. 146 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,189 [strained] Well, most of those things. 147 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,899 * * 148 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,656 - That's the last time I let Sam sleep in that room. 149 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,116 You should see what he did to it. 150 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,493 - Did he throw out your secret hot dog stash? 151 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,911 No, he made the bed 152 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,498 and he put this jar of fancy mustard on my pillow. 153 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,291 - It's his way of saying thank you. 154 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,460 - I think it's his way of saying he's better than me. 155 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,129 Not surprising after you told him 156 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,922 all my personal stuff. 157 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,924 - Okay, maybe I confided in him 158 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,676 over the years, but with you gone, 159 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,594 he was the closest thing I had to a father. 160 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,596 - Well, Mayan, now I'm the closest thing 161 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,765 you have to a father, okay? 162 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,600 So he knows all this stuff about me. 163 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,811 I want to know about his dirty laundry. 164 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,187 Yeah, he doesn't have any. 165 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,897 He does laundry every day. 166 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,068 I am not his favorite thing that is white and delicate. 167 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,154 [chuckles] 168 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,949 Now, can we please move past this 169 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,242 so we can keep having a nice family weekend? 170 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,785 It would really mean a lot to me, George. 171 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,996 - [chuckles] I bet it would. 172 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,168 - Wh--does that mean he'll do it? 173 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,462 - [sighs] I don't want to lie to you... 174 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,005 so I'm gonna go to the kitchen. 175 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,053 What happened to your poster? 176 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,055 Ask your mother. 177 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,143 - I spilled my tea. It was an accident. 178 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,313 I was an accident. 179 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,231 Chance was an accident. 180 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,026 This was not an accident. 181 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,736 - I guess you'll have to do it over. 182 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,237 I could do that, 183 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:31,284 or I'll do a few dashes to a big "X." 184 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,204 Boom! Now it's a pirate map! 185 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:39,417 - Hey, look at that creative problem-solving. 186 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,960 Good job, matey. 187 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,629 Argh! 188 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,840 Aw, you're right. 189 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,718 It does look like a pirate map. 190 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,512 Now, to make it more authentic, 191 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,098 we should burn the edges. 192 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,850 Nope! 193 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,899 - Clever, Nana, but not clever enough. 194 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,402 [upbeat saxophone music] 195 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,362 * * 196 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,864 - And the whole family thinks this Sam guy is perfect. 197 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,616 Everybody has flaws, man. 198 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,034 That dude's gotta be hiding something. 199 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,537 So I'm gonna find out Sam's secrets. 200 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,038 That's why I'ma set up a honey trap. 201 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,873 - Oh, is that like Winnie-the-Pooh-ing 202 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,250 where you just walk around 203 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,585 with a shirt and nothing on the bottom? 204 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,255 No. 205 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,883 It's where you try to tempt somebody 206 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:32,053 by luring them to do bad things, hmm? 207 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:35,432 I'm gonna tempt him with stuff no white man can resist. 208 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,766 It ain't gonna be a honey trap. 209 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,685 It's gonna be something like a potat-er trap. 210 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:44,899 * * 211 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,986 - How's the movie? - It's a football game. 212 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,573 Be better if we had beers. 213 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,783 Comin' right up, Daddies. 214 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,953 [leaf blower humming] 215 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,332 Damn leaf blower's so loud. 216 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,917 It's that gardener. 217 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,252 Want to tell him to turn it down? 218 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,420 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 219 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,796 Okay. 220 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:16,681 Lo siento, Mr. George. 221 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,560 - Look at this guy. Can you believe him? 222 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,896 Probably not even legal, Sam. We should call ICE. 223 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,191 - No. I'm a sanctuary city man. 224 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,069 I admire the pride you take in your work 225 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,779 even while making minimum wage-- 226 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,573 a measly 15 bucks an hour. 227 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,158 15 bucks an hour? 228 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,369 That's how much you pay me per day! 229 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,287 - All right, well, George says get out of here. 230 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,538 Vamanos. 231 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,375 - [leaf blower humming] - Ay. 232 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,627 * * 233 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,379 - All right. This has got to work. 234 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,299 I'm gonna text Sam pretending to be a hot lady. 235 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,176 "Hey, big guy. 236 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:56,721 "Saw your pics, and I think you're hot AF. 237 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,933 Want to meet up?" 238 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:03,353 And then we send a picture of her hot pocket. 239 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,981 - You want me to find some pictures on the internet? 240 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,484 - No. That'll take too much time. 241 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,069 Let me see your elbow. 242 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,446 How does that look? 243 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,825 It looks hairy, but... 244 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,203 he probably hit puberty in the '70s, so he'd probably like it. 245 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,624 Squeeze it together closer. 246 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,292 Make love to the camera. Make love. 247 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,045 Make love. 248 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,756 It's a summer day. You're living your best life. 249 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,677 Have fun. Have fun! 250 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:37,887 [chuckles] You're happy. 251 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,558 You're walking through the park. 252 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,685 You're living on your own. You're in New York. 253 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,936 - It's-- - Hey, guys. 254 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,357 I'm not even gonna ask. 255 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,692 I j--I wanted to say 256 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,318 I appreciate you've been spending time with my dad. 257 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,778 And I have noticed 258 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,031 that you have been cracking fewer jokes at my expense. 259 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,115 - So thank you. - Yeah. 260 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,742 Well, I'm sorry I'm slacking. 261 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,952 I'll get right back on that, Flavorless Flav. 262 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,205 - Sam responded. - Oh. 263 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,168 "I'm sorry, but I'm married. 264 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:12,047 But I hope that you find a fulfilling relationship too." 265 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,759 This guy's disgusting. 266 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,475 [upbeat saxophone music] 267 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,226 - I think it's interesting that you let Chance 268 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,062 come to dinner and play silly games 269 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,689 instead of redoing his poster. 270 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,442 - Silly? If he gets the zucchini out of the maze, 271 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,027 we get $1 off dessert. 272 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,199 - Oscar, I am so glad you could take time off 273 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,950 from your busy gardening schedule 274 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:43,953 to join us for dinner. 275 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,622 - Gardening? - He's a gardener now. 276 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,167 - Well, we got a lot of good food. 277 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,877 We got a lot of good martinis. 278 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,171 There is something about the Sizzlers 279 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,507 that brings out the best in humanity. 280 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,095 - Can you believe how much Sam is drinking? 281 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,180 This isn't even the Sizzlers. 282 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:06,434 - I think we found his vice. He's an alcoholic. 283 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,561 - Damn it. It just makes me like him. 284 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,021 [glass clinking] 285 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,899 I would like to make a toast. 286 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,029 Nothing makes me a prouder papa 287 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,782 than when I see the amazing life 288 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:24,577 that you have built for you and your beautiful family. 289 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,204 I am so impressed 290 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,416 by all of your accomplishments and your hard work. 291 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,417 To Mayan. 292 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,294 Oh... 293 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:35,005 - To Mayan. - Oh, wow. 294 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,548 all: To Mayan! 295 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,216 I did that. [chuckles] 296 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,387 - When my family is successful, I'm successful. 297 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,140 - That's one way of measuring it. 298 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,976 - You can also measure it in compost. 299 00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,228 Yeah, I trained my worms to eat coffee filters, 300 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,605 and they got thick. 301 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,817 It's a big week for the Lopez-Van Bryans. 302 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,569 Yeah. 303 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,655 * * 304 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,699 Thanks for inviting me. 305 00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:03,783 You know, I always wanted 306 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,411 to turn my Chevy van into a mancave, 307 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,623 but my wife keeps just wanting to use it for sex. 308 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,755 - Your wife still wants to have sex with you? 309 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,131 Damn. You're cool. 310 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,259 Man, sex is the best. 311 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,303 Me and my elbows used this place last night. 312 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,600 I gotta admit, Sam, 313 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,268 when I first met you, I was jealous, man, 314 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,561 'cause I can't compete with you. 315 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,189 - No, no, no, no, there is one area 316 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,317 where you--you got me beat. 317 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:42,280 Look at your daughter compared with my son. 318 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,782 What do you mean? 319 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,576 I mean, Mayan is ambitious. 320 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,911 She's successful. 321 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,038 Quinten is weak. 322 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,414 He's soft. 323 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,208 He had a kid when he was too young. 324 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,793 He's in a dead-end job. 325 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,670 He is... 326 00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:00,048 a massive disappointment. 327 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,177 - Wow, man. And I just call him Sadly Cooper. 328 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,099 We found his dirty secret. 329 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,684 Yeah, he's a judgmental jerk 330 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,852 who talks trash about his son behind his back. 331 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,105 No. No panty lines. 332 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,773 He doesn't wear underwear. 333 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:19,693 That's why he doesn't have any dirty laundry. 334 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:25,448 * * 335 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:26,866 - Hey, Quinten, I think there's something 336 00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:27,826 you should know about your dad. 337 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,202 One second, George. 338 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,621 [mimics air wrench] 339 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,081 [grunting] 340 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,333 Yeah, it's not broken, Gordo. You just got a flat tire. 341 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,710 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 342 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,044 You just gotta put a little air in it. 343 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:41,381 Ready? [exhales wetly] 344 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:42,507 Oh! 345 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,342 Did you drive this in some dog poop? 346 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,510 Maybe. 347 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,555 - You want a kiss? - No. 348 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,931 - Come on. Give me--come on. 349 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,808 No? All right. [grunts] 350 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,062 Okay. 351 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,856 Ready? [car whirs] 352 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,525 Oh. Good as new. 353 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,236 - It works! Thanks for fixing my whip, Daddy. 354 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,822 - Aw. Yeah, all right. No problem, bud. 355 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,532 Let's get you ready for bed. 356 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,908 Oh, wait. 357 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,160 Sorry, George. You said you-- 358 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,119 there's something I should know about my dad? 359 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,163 Um... 360 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:17,334 that he and your mom still have a very healthy relationship. 361 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,669 Oh. That's nice. 362 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,340 * * 363 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,014 Where's Quinten? 364 00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,849 Oh, putting Chance to bed. 365 00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,101 They do a little nighttime meditation. 366 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,186 Oh, yeah. 367 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,188 Sittin' around doing nothing. 368 00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,647 He's good at that. 369 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,443 - Well, maybe he's got other priorities 370 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,570 like spending time with his kid. 371 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,988 Yeah. 372 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,115 Family time is great, but it doesn't pay the bills. 373 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,743 And it doesn't make you the number three car salesman 374 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:52,744 in the Dakotas. 375 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,662 That's two states. 376 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,085 It's mostly bison, you know. 377 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,671 And I'm no scientist, but, you know, they don't drive. 378 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:08,051 - I'm sorry if I want my son to be successful. 379 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:12,389 - Look, you and I are gonna know each other a long time, 380 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,391 so I'ma say this to you right now. 381 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,185 You're wrong, okay? 382 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,145 Quinten is successful, Sam, 383 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:23,358 maybe just not in the way that you and I measure it, okay? 384 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,527 I mean, these kids don't see a lifetime 385 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:28,655 of grinding away at work as the goal. 386 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:31,241 - Then what the hell is the goal? 387 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,451 Damned if I know. [chuckles] 388 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,288 But you know what? 389 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,499 They're happy, okay? 390 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,001 I mean, Quinten takes care of Mayan 391 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,669 so she can pursue her dreams. 392 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:45,046 He makes sure that Chance knows that he's loved 393 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,673 every single day. 394 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,925 And he puts up with me, and I can be a lot. 395 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,680 But he's a better father than you or I will ever be. 396 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:56,349 So maybe he's not successful at business, 397 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,893 but he's successful at life. 398 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,895 And that may be better. 399 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,239 Hey, Mama? 400 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,033 I've been thinking a lot about Sam's toast. 401 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,744 And the truth is, 402 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,830 if it wasn't for you teaching me about hard work, 403 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:21,207 I would have never have gotten to this point. 404 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,793 Oh, thank you. 405 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:28,048 Oh, and the truth is, I did sabotage Chance's poster. 406 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,424 Yes! 407 00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,426 I knew if I complimented you, you'd admit it. 408 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,428 Go ahead, Mayan. Ah! 409 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,557 - Okay, sit down. - Okay. 410 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,519 - You know what your problem is? 411 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,897 You're too comfortable. 412 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,148 I was hard on you 413 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,192 because I knew the world would be even harder. 414 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,235 You think things are better now for all Latinos 415 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,904 because your life is good? 416 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,365 I mean, a white kid writes sloppy, and it's, 417 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,909 "Oh, he has the handwriting of a doctor." 418 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,619 A Latino kid writes sloppy, and it's, 419 00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,038 "Oh, he's illiterate." 420 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,416 [sighs] We have to work three times as hard 421 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,460 just to be seen as equals. 422 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:09,422 - Okay, I'll make Chance redo the poster. 423 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,884 And then? 424 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,469 - I'll rip it up and make him do it a third time. 425 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,096 Oh, that's my girl. 426 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:20,684 * * 427 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,521 - How about a hug to go with that mug? 428 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,984 You're already too close. 429 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,407 - I heard you defending me to my dad last night. 430 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,993 - Mm-mm, you must have been having a drunken hallucination. 431 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,747 Well, I wasn't drunk. 432 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,416 - Well, then, I must have been 433 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,084 having a drunken hallucination. 434 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,170 But you know what, man? Your dad's a lot. 435 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,673 Yes he is. [chuckles] 436 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:56,761 Look, my dad's narrow-minded definition of success 437 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,973 is part of the reason I moved away from North Dakota. 438 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,351 Also, I'm scared of bison, and they are everywhere. 439 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:09,399 - Does Mayan know? - No. 440 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,192 I don't, uh... 441 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,819 I don't talk about it with her 442 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,739 'cause they got a great bond and I don't want to ruin that. 443 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:16,823 Mm. 444 00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:19,826 - As far as him and I go, it's just-- 445 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:23,705 it's hard trying to live up to a successful dad. 446 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,790 It's awesome Mayan never had to deal with that. 447 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:36,468 - So what I'm hearing is the fact that I was a screw-up 448 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,595 with no standards for myself or others 449 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,014 makes me the perfect dad! 450 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:44,601 You hear that, Mayan? 451 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,228 I'm the reason for all your success! 452 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,105 Nope! Mom was! 453 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,067 - I can never do nothing in this house. 454 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,613 - Nah, George, you can do some things. 455 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,371 Hey, uh... 456 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,456 you got a KitKat wrapper on the back. 457 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,458 It's right here. Here, I'll get it. 458 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,585 I'll get it. There. 459 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,463 It's off. 460 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,470 - No, there's another one back there. 461 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,763 Hey! 462 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,065 You know, Quinten, you're a good man. 463 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,401 But you don't smell like anything. 464 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:39,948 * * 465 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:40,990 [moans] 466 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,994 I'm so hungover. 467 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,956 Hot dog? 468 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:51,501 Sure. 469 00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:52,794 Oh! 470 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:54,212 - Y-you-- - Yeah. 471 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:57,799 - You just eat them out of the package cold? 472 00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,093 {\an8}- Didn't we talk about you judging people less? 473 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,430 {\an8}Sorry. Sorry. 474 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:06,766 {\an8}And I apologized to Quinten earlier. 475 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,519 {\an8}- Damn. I should be a therapist. 476 00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:11,062 {\an8}Therapy? 477 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,106 {\an8}Yeah, Quinten's been trying to get me to go for years. 478 00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,816 {\an8}No, thank you. 479 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,570 {\an8}- Mayan's been trying to get me to go too. 480 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,988 {\an8}Why do we need therapy? We're perfect. 481 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,741 {\an8}- And so is this room-temperature wiener. 482 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:26,786 {\an8}- I really hope you're talking about the hot dog.