[upbeat tune]
Thank you very much.
Thank you!
[indistinct chatter]
[shouting]
[giggling]
[indistinct chatter]
[rainfall]
[applause]
[orchestra playing]
[tempo builds up]
[applause]
[orchestra music continues]
[applause]
If I wanted to sing that song so much,
it's because in the words
Serge made me sing:
Une chose entre autres que tu ne sais pas.
Tu as eu plus qu'un autre, L'meilleur de moi.
So thank you, Serge Gainsbourg.
[applause]
['Pleasant' by SebastiAn playing]
Did you make one for everyone?
I have 50 to do.
[giggling]
[indistinct chatter]
I love it, it's so...
precious.
[indistinct chatter]
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
The idea is to look at you as I never have before,
or have dared to look at you.
Filming you with a camera
is basically an excuse just to look at you.
That's a brief explanation of...
I see.
...the process, OK?
The background music is nice...
[both laughing]
I don't know the song enough to know when it ends.
Can I Just a
Oh, I should wait?
[chuckles]
I know what I'd like to ask you first,
because I feel it strongly, though perhaps you don't:
we both have a shyness
when we're together.
I don't know where it comes from.
I know that we're...
It's partly due to our personalities,
but I don't think you have that with Lou
nor that you had it with Kate.
Perhaps not.
But I think this is because...
you were intimidating
as a child...
- Not as a young child? - Yes.
Very early on.
I felt privileged to be in your presence.
It wasn't the same as...
It wasn't trivial.
And so...
This is off to a good start.
So it's true that...
I never wanted to do wrong in regards to you.
I never scolded you the same way
I dared scold Kate,
as people do,
ordinarily,
when they're angry.
You were much more mysterious to me, like...
uncharted territory.
Your answers always surprised me.
You were very...
You were so private, and so...
so secretive.
I didn't have any clues.
[tranquil music playing]
When you were about 14 years old,
I was dying to see you naked.
I did the same with Alice, who thought it was awful.
I asked to touch your breasts.
I know.
I really wanted to,
but I also knew you might take it the wrong way,
and say no,
or worse, you'd feel obligated to say yes,
making you feel extremely embarrassed.
But I just found you so beautiful and I wanted to know how it felt
and how you'd developed.
Because you hid your body at an early age.
You became secretive very early on.
I didn't know whom you were with,
you didn't tell me if you had boyfriends,
I had no idea.
You replied: "Yes, go ahead."
So I touched you, and I felt...
almost perverse
for asking to touch you,
and that you had to say yes.
I knew it would be the last time
I could ever do that.
And...
I wanted to be tactile with you.
I tried with Alice, but she refused.
Are you very tactile with them?
When they were young, yes.
And in an extremely natural and strong manner,
it came back with Ben,
but with Alice, there is a lot of awkwardness.
I don't feel awkward,
but it's awkward because I sense she's embarrassed.
And with Jo, I make the most of it.
Of course.
It's fascinating.
They allow you to observe
because it isn't sexual yet
nor is it awkward yet.
Perhaps I wouldn't have liked
my mother asking to look at my body.
I didn't want her to see,
for I felt so anxious
about not developing.
[tranquil music playing]
I used to be taller than you,
and now you're taller.
I was wondering if...
being middle children,
you,
me,
and Alice,
we have things in common.
Do we have a bond, as middle children?
I've wondered that, too.
It seems to me
we have a sort of... sisterhood.
We always mess up with the first,
for me, personally.
Your first reactions have such an influence on them.
Not as young children,
but as teenagers.
And the second's personality is so different from the first's.
Yes.
But...
I was quite happy not to be in first or last position.
You go unnoticed in certain aspects.
You feel more agile, in a way.
[chuckles]
Perhaps more agile,
but also...
I think all three of us were very...
privileged by our fathers.
Yes, it's true.
But I sense a lot of jealousy.
I...
It's one of my personality traits
and I see it in Alice, too.
- Jealousy? - Yes.
You're always making sure things are fair.
Always counting, in a way.
Yes, I noticed that.
- I saw it... - You weren't that way?
No, on the contrary,
my father would unfairly display pictures of me everywhere.
And I sensed that for my sister,
it must have felt...
strange
to have a sister who was
always shining in her father's eyes.
I feel as though I took everything.
And...
And without deserving it.
That's why I have complications
in terms of the guilt I feel,
for I didn't truly
deserve his devotion.
Yes.
- I think you had the same... - I know.
...place in Serge's heart.
[upbeat music playing]
Photographs were a nightmare for me,
at first, being photographed.
Did you enjoy it?
I loved it.
- Really? - Yes.
Being photographed was so stimulating.
It was so exciting:
the music, the atmosphere, all of it.
I loved it, because I was so young
and therefore always looked pretty.
I didn't care about looking bad.
Yes.
And then, came the...
You start to see yourself.
I really aged these last few years.
In the last two years.
Quite a bit.
You try to tell yourself: "I don't mind,
"for there are so many women I love
"whose faces look like an elephant's knees."
I thought I'd get used to having wrinkles all over,
around my mouth,
A doctor told me yesterday: "Lips completely disappear
"unless you do something about it."
He removed his mask
and I saw he'd done something about it.
If I don't do that,
I'll have flat lips, like dad's,
now that I think about it.
At what point do you stop caring?
I think I'm reaching that point of not caring.
[camera clicks]
When Kate died and I fell down the stairs,
I changed a lot physically.
Right before that, I was doing Arabesque.
I was already older, but 20 years after it began,
I was still wearing the same dresses.
After that, I changed a lot physically.
I became a bit more stout and portly.
A lot.
We can no longer wear the same things
forcing us to become a bit blurry.
[chuckles]
[camera clicks]
At one point, you no longer recognize yourself
in the mirror.
Only when you touch your skin, but not your reflection.
So... you remove the mirrors,
stop thinking about it, write,
do other things,
try to make people laugh.
Your voice doesn't change,
which is nice, you can keep singing.
But as far as visual aspects go,
it's best to take off your glasses
so everything is blurry and won't matter.
What music can we use?
We don't hear it anyways.
- And we won't have the rights. - That's true.
What about your music?
Oh, how awful! That would be terrible.
How about some Bach? Bach? Yes?
He won't sue us?
Bach? No, I don't think so.
[Johann Sebastian Bach playing]
[camera clicks]
Why did you cut your hair short?
Why do you like short hair so much, on you and others?
It was perfect for the Bataclan,
because I wanted to remove
all my attributes that were feminine
and doll-like.
It was important to me.
As though you had cast off
all those previous pictures of you we all know.
To move on.
It wasn't quite that dramatic, but...
I wanted people to listen to the lyrics
and how I sang them,
instead of focusing on my appearance.
I see.
[camera clicks]
I remember, my mother said:
"It's fine, because you look boyish but watch out,
"or you may soon look like a man."
And I thought: "Oh no! Perhaps she's right."
[camera clicks]
Can you say something?
OK, um...
How is your... how are you?
Hold on, let me make an adjustment.
My mum is the best mummy in the world.
I'm hearing all the sounds of the station.
Hold on, I'm going use the original settings.
Can you hear all the conversations?
Well, it's a microphone, and if I point it at you,
I hear your voice the loudest.
Where are we going?
To Brittany to visit grandma.
[water rustling]
[feedback]
What a funny tripod!
It's really great, it can bend to any shape.
I see that! It looks like Andrew's DNA things.
It's true!
Molecules.
[birds chirping]
Grandma,
I brought some plants.
- To plant? - Yes, I brought them.
Can I see?
Oh, they're seeds!
So?
"Morning Glory, my mother's favorite."
Oh, Morning Glory, that would be lovely.
Uh, very vigorous plant.
Should I keep some for Paris?
No, no. Here is great.
Where and when should we plant them?
So "In open ground and small shallow holes".
That's good for us.
Weren't you afraid to have Kate so young?
Not at all.
That's all I wanted.
Every time I couldn't start having her,
I was full of despair.
Found it, grandma.
Did you find it?
- We found some trivial things. - We found a shovel.
Where are the seeds?
- The what? - The seeds?
In my hand.
After your marriage failed,
did you feel it was a problem for your parents?
Or did you accept the separation?
I think my parents understood and gave me a lot of support.
They knew John Barry had already had two wives
two children,
that he was a known womanizer,
and that he had a very seductive personality,
but also very selfish.
My father was the one who told me he'd left for Rome,
and not alone.
- He's the one who told you? - Yes.
So I packed my bags,
picked up poor little Kate,
called my parents from a phone booth,
and they told me to come back right away.
They adored Kate
and I think they were secretly relieved.
Go on, Jo.
- Try to dig a hole over here. - Here?
No, no. Keep going!
- Here? - Yeah.
Is it very hard?
[shovel scraping]
It's horribly dry, isn't it?
That's a lot of water.
The ground was very, very dry.
Do you want some, grandma?
Yes, please. Would you add an extra egg for me?
Sure.
I think we might need more eggs.
[TV background noises]
F-R-U-I-T.
- What? You can't say "fruit"? - No!
- And "banana"or "peach"? - No problem.
- Apricot? - Perhaps.
- And in English? - It's even worse.
- Are you thinking of the truck driver? - I'm tired of hitchhiking.
I saw a ton of rabbits, Jo.
- Here? - I saw three rabbits.
You have to come here around 8 at night.
Maybe before we leave for the restaurant.
- Why don't you remove these? - I should.
Was this for the swing?
It was the swing you and Kate played on in Normandy.
I remember.
You know I'm neurotic about throwing things away.
But keeping this is completely pointless.
There isn't even a swing and it's ugly.
But this isn't a nice part of the garden anyhow.
I should finish painting the shed.
- But it isn't in a nice spot. - No.
- You agree? It's too... - It's too shaded.
It's too cold a spot for the swings.
You don't care about order?
I think order is very peaceful.
I admire it in others.
Yes.
But because I'm incapable of throwing anything away...
Were you this way in Normandy? I don't recall.
As early as Paris, and even London.
- Really? - Yes.
You're going to have a ball throwing all this stuff away.
But watch out, because in certain boxes,
you'll find letters from certain people...
I'll have to sort through them for you.
And why can't you throw things away?
It's really hard for me. I think it's a mild illness.
It's crap from a whole lifetime. I don't know how people do it.
It isn't just memorabilia.
If you open a drawer, you'll find a distressing accumulation
of dead batteries,
old markers,
children's illustrations, you don't know whose...
But you remember the story behind each object.
Yes, even the crap.
At the entrance, there's a little barbecue grill,
which was a chimney that Serge had bought for me
that had a small funnel.
I remember, a chimney with a roof on top.
Well, the chimney fell over, so did the roof,
and you'll find the remains over there,
with three wheels instead of four because it was made of cheap plastic.
It stays at the entrance because I can't throw it away.
When we left for New York with nothing,
it was so nice.
So nice not to have accumulated more things.
I like when others sort my things and throw out the old wires,
used coal packaging...
But I wouldn't be able to do it myself.
[footsteps]
Remember when Dolly used to swim here and there?
It was so sweet.
When the day comes, you can do whatever you want with this house.
- It is a kind house. - Yes.
Even living here alone, without Dolly...
Well, in fact, nothing is fun alone, without Dolly.
- That's true. - Even in the south of France.
Even in nicer places.
I have a hard time.
It's really hard and so boring.
Going on vacation alone is so boring.
Have you ever tried making a documentary?
I've had some about me.
- But have you ever made one? - No.
Because it's...
I have a very specific approach,
however...
I'm starting to understand what people are always saying,
that you build as you go along.
You don't write a screenplay beforehand.
If it's alright with you,
I'd like to film as many short sequences as I can
before September.
Isn't it a bit gloomy here?
No, it's very pretty.
No, it's lovely.
It isn't at all gloomy.
The light here is beautiful.
It's hard to know. I look fine in this mirror.
That's the flattering mirror.
I once cut my hair in front of it because it made me look pretty.
Really?
The kitchen scissors were right here,
so I just kept cutting: "Just a bit more!
"Goodness, what a pretty face!"
The mirror in the veranda is also flattering.
I know the one.
Then I saw myself in my room: "I'm a monster! Too late, too late."
[tranquil music playing]
[overhead announcement]
[sirens blaring]
Do you remember the first time you came to New York?
I think it was with Serge... No, with John Barry!
I don't remember what he was working on.
And then Los Angeles.
But I don't have particularly happy memories of it,
nor lasting ones.
Just memories of being with someone who was...
a bit glorious.
And I trailed behind him.
I've only seen New York with you.
When will Yvan shoot his movie?
Now.
And you're going to be in it?
Yes.
Do you have a nice part?
Yes.
Good.
Will Jo be in it as well?
She'll be in one scene.
Good. He has to capture her as she is now.
Yes.
Because it'll never be the same.
Varda was right.
- Yes. - You must capture the present.
[camera clicks]
[both playing and singing]
[tranquil music playing]
That was great.
The last line should be...
More spoken, yes.
Should it be spoken?
- It should be what? - Spoken.
No, it's should be more interpreted, more heartfelt, you see?
I understand.
It's perfect.
- OK. - Very beautiful.
We can do it again if you'd like, but for me, it's perfect.
[upbeat music playing]
I don't like it.
Wasn't there a Bull Terrier?
- No. - Yes.
I like them better.
I think they're funny!
- Really? - Of course!
Especially the brindle dogs.
- Like this. - They're so funny.
You've helped me choose.
I especially like the one you showed me.
The short-legged white and brindle one.
He looked so funny, so charming.
I don't know how to do this.
- In regards to Yvan? - Yes, I don't know how to...
do my own thing
without taking him into consideration at all.
Maybe he'll love it when he sees it.
I think so. I think it'll be like with Milo.
He couldn't stand Milo, the fur, etc., but in the end, he loved him.
So give him the options,
so he'll feel like it's his decision.
Yes, that's what I'll do.
Merci. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do you recall your first time on stage?
I remember the Bataclan as though it were yesterday.
Is it an old memory to you?
Yes.
It all seems so far in the past.
[horns blaring]
[indistinct chatter]
[man] And we have something for you Ms. Gainsbourg.
You want to come over here where it's not raining?
I got you.
And then I have a nice photo, if you could sign it?
- Yes. - Who's this to?
You want to put it to my son, Sean? S-E-A-N.
- S? - ...E-A-N.
Thank you so much!
I'm really looking forward...
I'm a bartender, I took the night off.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
You think you could just...
Very grateful.
Thank you.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
We're really looking forward to this. Thank you.
I saw you at the Town Hall two years ago.
- Oh yeah! - It was great.
- Thank you! - Thank you. Goodbye.
Why had you never sung on stage before that?
Why did you start so late?
It was bewildering.
Until then, I had always pretended.
Everything was lip-synched on TV shows,
and more-or-less well done.
My lips weren't really moving.
I didn't learn very much. I didn't take anything seriously.
[indistinct chatter]
OK. One more time. Good.
But at the Bataclan, when Philippe Lerichomme said
I would have to turn around
with a band behind me to sing in front of people...
What nudity! What panic!
And my voice sounded nothing like
the voice I'd heard in the studio.
But Philippe said: "It'll sound different with an audience."
I said: "Oh...!"
I practically said: "How could you have let me do this?"
That's very nice.
Red for you and bold for you both.
Thank you for the compliment.
Is it plugged in?
Please. Is it ok?
For the microphone for Jane and Charlotte?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Charlotte?
Is this mine?
Would you come over here?
Yes, we're coming.
- Where is the prompter? - We'll play it as she enters.
Why isn't there a teleprompter?
It isn't working.
Hold on...
Where is Jane's microphone?
[piano playing]
Sorry, the microphone isn't working.
Alright, now it's working.
[piano plays]
Jane, step to the side.
Charlotte, stay there.
I don't know how athletes do it.
How do people do premieres
and scary things like this?
Don't move, Jane.
[singing]
When I played Elektra, my eyes were completely dry.
I couldn't even cry, because I was so...
preoccupied with what the critics thought of me.
- Right! - So it was horrible.
It wasn't touching or moving.
I was just stricken with fear.
It catches up to you during certain shows.
And it won't go away.
But you don't seem to have stage fright anymore.
Since the teleprompter was invented.
It's true, what a revelation!
They're wonderful.
Yes, they're really amazing.
[singing in French]
[both rehearsing lyrics]
Close call, but it was perfect.
OK, we're done!
Did it go well?
Yes.
Look, I only have one song.
- Grandma has 21. - I sang at all the wrong moments!
And...
I can't remember any of this.
What can I do?
[indistinct chatter]
[crowd chatter]
New York wasn't terrifying this time.
But last time...
At one point,
I ate everything in the minibar. All the peanuts, etc.
I was sick all night and didn't sleep a wink.
So I was in a very sorry state.
It was really...
It was...
The result was awful.
Maybe people couldn't tell from far away.
I begged to have a smaller theater for two nights
to avoid the stress of Carnegie Hall.
Anyone can get Carnegie Hall, you just need to fill it.
You rent it.
[applause]
But it was really beautiful anyways.
All that stress for nothing.
[orchestra playing]
[cheering]
[indistinct shouting]
[train rattling]
This train is travelling to Brest
and will be stopping in Saint-Brieuc and Brest, its last stop.
Have a pleasant trip.
Do you ask them if they're dominant?
I think we can ask them.
They must know, they see it.
They roll them onto their backs
and if they stay on their backs, it means they aren't alpha dogs.
If they refuse to stay on their backs, like Dora,
they're alpha dogs.
What about Dolly?
I think I could roll Dolly onto her back.
I see.
It comes down to how you train them.
Yes.
People forget that. That sweetie you just saw,
will look something like this, if we're lucky.
Can you bring them anywhere, to the restaurant?
Not all restaurants.
And Dolly knew it. She'd see me make a fuss.
Remember in front of the restaurant, with Yvette and everyone?
I was yelling at the taxi driver, and she crouched down.
Jo was petting her,
because she understood it was because of her.
I'm certain she knew.
They don't like it when you yell.
- No, just like children. - Exactly.
It's another child, in a way.
They're with you all the time, more than children.
It's the first thing you do in the morning
and the last thing at night.
And they live for you.
They're a gift from Heaven, truly.
Look at him! And you said Dolly was fat.
[laughs]
Yes, this male has many traits: many wrinkles, many...
- I love him. - Yes, everyone does.
And his babies are beautiful.
They're so tiny!
When was she born?
So they'll be four weeks old on Tuesday.
Yes, because I had one...
But it's strange, the resemblance is so...
Where did I put my...?
- We knew you would like her. - She has a pretty face.
She'll definitely be bigger than her mother.
You can tell just by her head. We can see it.
Anyways...
Hello, baby.
Hi, baby.
- Would you like to hold her? - Yes.
- Is she pretty from where you are? - Very.
The parents have undergone cardio tests.
We don't want to breed dogs that have...
tiny defects, or tiny flaws.
Dolly had an introverted-eyelash problem.
Yes, "ectopic cilia".
They also had to do an operation for her breathing.
She had trouble breathing.
I think she was too fat. We went through Covid together,
and we both gained a lot of weight.
Do yours fart a lot?
- Of course! - Mine fart all the time.
Especially when we're watching TV at night!
We'll feed them bread if we have guests we don't like.
I overfed Dolly, so I try to be careful now.
Because they love to eat.
Between their regular meals and leftovers from dinner...
- Oh, yes. - That isn't good.
I know.
I'm very optimistic.
I generally tend to think everything will turn out OK.
I don't take things seriously enough,
nor the danger of things.
I love that about you: your faith in life, in people...
I can't imagine how things might turn out differently.
No, you simply aren't distrustful. I think it's great.
Yes, and to get excited about things.
We didn't watch the news.
We can. What time is it?
- It's... - Shoot! We didn't watch the news.
...6:20 p.m.
Oh! C dans l'air!
Oh, good!
I often didn't feel very responsible.
I behaved more like a childish mother or a friend.
Perhaps I wasn't responsible enough.
Did the others see this?
No. They didn't ask.
Did Lulu ask?
Lulu asked. He even did a music video...
not that long ago.
I'd never have come here if you hadn't asked.
I never thought...
I'd never have dared ask to come.
- Really? - Yes! Never, in 30 years.
I just assumed it was something you wouldn't want to do.
No, I didn't feel I was allowed to do it without you.
That it belonged to you.
Which was only natural, so... no.
I never even took a peek, even out of curiosity.
But then you no longer feel you have the right.
No right at all.
Does it smell the same?
It smells the same.
No, nothing's changed.
But you made it sound...
a lot dustier.
It isn't dusty at all.
It's almost like being in a dream.
It's very strange.
His upright piano was here. Is it important that it's gone?
Well, it only matters to your memories.
But when I was here, there wasn't this one nor that one.
Only the Steinway.
I don't know if I was still living here,
- because when I came back... - I think it was after.
And the first album was Baby Alone in Babylone,
he would play the piano
and set his cigarette on the ashtray to the left of the piano.
The smoke came directly into my eye.
I coughed or waved my hand and he said: "So now it bothers you?"
Dear Homme à la tête de choux! I was convinced he was underneath.
That if a thumb fell, we'd find a bone.
It wasn't inconceivable to find him in there.
I love this.
I love it so much.
She isn't as smooth. She's rougher now.
- Because there's a layer of... - Dust?
No!
It's a bit grainy.
I knew it when it was made of...
not plaster, but a material that was starting to be...
He called me at rue de La Tour saying: "You've developed blisters!"
I said: "Sorry?"
It was my statue that had developed blisters.
He had it smoothed-down.
So now it's...
purer than anything.
The kitchen!
It's so small.
Here is his medicine cabinet.
That's new to me.
All the cans exploded, one after the other.
They... exploded. I didn't know that could happen.
You mean, cans of sardines?
Canned food explodes.
In the fridge, I kept...
all that was left, the chocolate bars...
They must be totally rotten.
They're like prehistoric objects.
Just like Pompei.
Crystallized.
- Will you put up a rope here? - Yes.
A rope or glass?
- I'm thinking plexi-glass. - Yes.
Kate used to scratch underneath.
I wonder if we can still see her scratch marks.
She'd scratch at it?
- Out of rage! - Why?
Rub your hand over it, you can feel them.
- When she was furious with Serge. - Oh?
When she was very young and he scolded her.
If he said "close your mouth when you eat"...
[growls]
- That's crazy! - Yes.
My little room.
I remember you had papers all over,
and sweets...
Yes.
This hasn't changed.
This was really beautiful.
The chandelier was so low.
When I was nine, I reached up to here.
I could barely touch it.
It hasn't changed?
No.
Yes. And without the grates...
- Where are the small chairs? - I don't know.
Everything has disappeared.
Why has it disappeared?
I don't know.
[groans]
There weren't any spikes or security measures,
so we were really...
When the bell rang, Serge would open the door.
Looking back, it's hard to imagine being so famous
and to have so little security.
It's true.
All my old perfumes.
I wonder if they still smell.
- I had this one specially made. - It still smells.
Liu.
I don't know where this came from.
- The tapestry? - Yes.
I remember it well, because of the torture scenes.
And the people being tortured are all smiling.
I hadn't noticed.
Oh yes, I see the slashed stomachs.
It's strange to have spent 12 years here.
Yes, it's a long time.
Very, very happy years.
Very happy.
It's like a dollhouse.
It's so tiny.
I wanted to keep everything, and yet,
I've forgotten everything,
having total amnesia of...
- Of where everything went? - Yes.
And little by little...
just a vague impression.
It's worth opening.
Definitely!
It's a treasure.
But it's strange for me, it seems like a whole other life.
Yes.
A whole other life.
But it hasn't lost any of its charm, beauty, or originality.
It's like Sleeping Beauty.
Truly.
Yes, I've always felt he might come back.
It has a voyeur side to it.
I like the voyeur aspect, on the contrary.
He would have liked it.
Another part of me wants
to let go of it all.
And to think it'll keep going without me.
Perhaps it'll be less painful.
Yes.
It will be...
the end of something.
There...
Well done, sweetheart.
[groans]
[upbeat music playing]
I won't offer you any because it's a special kind of tea.
No, I don't want any of your tea.
Special, special.
- Are you OK? - Wait.
- This one? - Yes.
Oh, shit!
It's very small.
That's not it, it's full of chicken!
- Oh, shit! - I totally forgot.
I can't wait for Alice to come back.
She will.
Sure, sure. You'll have to wait a bit.
I think I'll have to wait a long time.
Maybe not so long...
It's hard to know, because we have an annoying habit
of thinking that others are like us.
I'm always thinking of what I'd have said.
But actually, we aren't at all...
We aren't the same.
I'm sure that what is going through Alice's mind
is probably: "Yes! I'm free!"
Yeah.
I have no idea what she's going through right now.
She's living her freedom.
- On the bottom or top rack? - Top, I think.
Careful...
It's such a blessing to have girls, because they come back.
Along with their romances, with their children.
And no matter their age, they come back.
And that is...
such a joy.
Where is Alice?
- Where indeed. - Where is Alice?
She's waking up.
No. Six in the morning. No. No. No.
- In her jammies. - [giggles]
Which is our favorite, Jo?
Daisy?
Ruby?
Honey?
Rita?
Poppy?
Rosie?
Bonny?
Sugar?
I really like Daisy.
Daisy and Sugar are your favorites?
And Poppy.
OK. I'll list them by favorite.
Which are your favorites, mum?
Mine are exactly the same.
- What about Ruby? - I really like Poppy.
So we'll name it Poppy.
But I don't think Dad likes "Poppy".
Shall we let him decide?
If you want.
[laughing]
[wind blowing]
What will we do with our dogs?
- I'll teach it to pee on the balcony. - You have to carry them for a month.
- You can't set them down. - You can't take them anywhere.
I thought he would be glued to me.
[chuckles]
He will be, because you'll be carrying him.
Me too.
[laughing]
You have to...
The storm.
- Poor Charlotte. Are you really cold? - I lack resistance.
Because I'm chubbier.
No!
It's so pretty!
With the sun right behind you.
[camera whirring]
If yours was born on August 9
and mine was born on August 17,
that's a difference of... 10 days.
- You thought it was more? - I did.
Is it OK to drink wine at... What time is it?
- Oh, it's already 6:45 p.m. - Well, then!
It's fine!
I'm not crazy about wine.
In general?
Not anymore.
- I used to be quite a big... - Drinker?
I was going to say worse.
After I was sick, it changed things.
Yes. The taste.
It isn't worth getting sick.
With all the pills and everything, it isn't worth it.
Are you allowed to drink?
- Not really. - Did they tell you?
I don't know. They never said.
But there are strange recommendations, like...
no eating things like Seville oranges.
And I'm not allowed to eat grapefruits.
And so you suddenly crave grapefruit.
But oh well, goodbye grapefruits!
Because it cancels out the effects?
I think your doctor friend says it doubles the effects.
Yes.
And the dosages are very specific.
- And it doesn't tire you? - No.
- You don't feel it? - No.
I see it as a real lesson,
a life lesson.
- Yes. Well... - One I hope to have.
We don't have much of a choice, you know.
But we do!
I haven't had any painful illnesses.
I'm very lucky.
Some people have very painful cancers, but mine isn't.
I fainted and had to get to the hospital fast
to be given some...
transfusions, but it wasn't painful.
You had horrible back pain.
I had that mysterious illness after Kate.
Yes.
The pain was unbearable.
Like razors.
They never figured out what it was. I don't know.
But I'm also certain we're capable of anything.
So...
Yes, of creating things.
Probably.
I'm so cold.
Yes, let's go.
- Yes. - Let's go, if you're freezing.
Can I film you a bit?
No.
I can't?
Oh no!
- There we go! - Is it working?
Yes. I'm at 1 hour 21 minutes.
You want to put them out?
Can I try?
Shoot.
- I love the noise it makes! - Burned!
[tapping]
You look like you're at an altar.
Yes. But be careful of the feathers.
You might catch on fire. Be careful!
[tapping]
[humming]
We're so careful now. We didn't used to be so cautious.
Now we're overly cautious about everything: jumping...
We're much more prudent.
[stairs creaking]
You'll do as you like, but I think I'm at the end of...
I don't have the energy.
To move?
No, I don't think so.
I was very worried when you...
Really?
Yes, when you wanted to leave here.
I was very happy it didn't work out.
But I think you like things to stay put.
Yes, it's reassuring.
Of course.
I need to put everything in your names...
seven years before dying.
So it's time. It's true.
It's like what happened to my father.
His great-aunt died
six and a half years before she was supposed to.
After that, her children would've had very little debts to pay.
She died in the summer.
But she was supposed to die at Christmas.
But they said:
"It's fine, we have a deep freezer."
I remember this story.
So they put Maud in the freezer
and the family doctor was in on it.
So when they took her back out at Christmas,
it would've been fine, but the doctor died.
So they were asked to do an autopsy.
And they said:
"We found strawberries in her stomach!
"You've all been caught!"
And they said: "But we have a freezer!"
Isn't that a fine story?
As Mr. Touffet would say...
Yes.
"That's so British."
He said that?
Yes, whenever I'd say I loved my father so much,
I wanted to stuff him and sit him on a chair in the kitchen.
He'd say: "That's so British."
[laughing]
Do you have to cook this in white wine?
Or without anything?
No need to add anything.
Will you have some?
- Yes. - OK.
- How much would you like? - Let's see, we'll be...
- How many of us, Charlotte? - About eight. Eight or ten.
For eight people?
- One kilo. - OK.
- How is that? - That's perfect.
[water running]
The light's fading.
All of a sudden...
We need to hurry, it's starting to...
Because it's behind a sheet.
I don't understand how it'll work.
Maybe I'll go out like this, I don't think there are any...
[tranquil music playing]
When did you take your first sleeping pills?
When I was married to John Barry.
And I think dad was already giving me some when I was 16.
And I was 17 when I met John Barry.
At 18, he was giving me two so I'd stop yammering all night.
But at 16, he'd give you...?
Those were from my father.
Because you couldn't sleep?
Yes.
I've had insomnia since I was very little.
I know I was very young
and that the family doctor said to give me whisky.
Yes, and sleeping pills.
- Very young. - And at boarding school?
There was nothing, unfortunately. Nothing at all.
So every night in the dormitory:
"Is anyone awake?"
And when no one responded, when all I heard were snores,
I'd stop asking if anyone was awake.
So you have vivid memories of not being able to sleep.
Yes, terrible.
And I kept a stock of junior aspirin
that I'd buy at Woolworth's
just in case...
Did it have an effect?
If I took three, or four, or five, or six... yes.
And...
And then I think pa gave me one of his pills
and it was great.
And after that...
- You never stopped. - No.
Did you ever try?
I quit when I was pregnant with...
Not with you.
I think I was taking sleeping pills, but I'm not 100% sure.
I'm not 100% sure for you.
I know I quit for Lou.
And you were able to sleep?
Well... I didn't mind not being able to sleep.
I understand.
Can you sleep? No, not before a premiere in Paris.
I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.
But can you sleep?
Yes, I end up falling asleep.
But last night I woke up at four from anxiety.
- About this? - Yes.
[both giggling]
I can't let go of that fear.
Do you remember...
going to sleep with the different men you lived with?
Because now you're used to living alone.
Yes.
And you have your routine.
But did you have a routine with each different man?
I suppose so, but I think I drove John Barry crazy,
because I couldn't sleep,
because I wanted him to say nice things,
because I wanted him to reassure me.
Which is where I got the idea for Oh! pardon.
I read it in my diary, from that time with John.
And then, with Serge, we were so drunk that...
- Every night? - We took so many sleeping pills!
We drank like fish.
It was really crazy.
I like this one!
It's very befitting.
Just a little click.
A little click, yes.
It's very soft.
And with Jacques, you quit drinking alcohol?
I quit drinking alcohol and...
But I didn't quit the sleeping pills.
I recall Jacques being very upset,
because he was terrified of the dark.
So he'd leave the door open a crack to get a sliver of light.
And it would make me totally crazy.
Plus, I get in a bad mood at night.
My bed had curtains all around.
Oh, that's right!
I understood later on,
after he told me:
"I hated sleeping in the dark,
"and I hated sleeping with such a heavy blanket."
Because I'd sleep with suitcases on top of me...
Why?
- I felt safer. - Because of the weight?
Yes.
I was never able to sleep naked.
I needed to be covered up to my neck,
otherwise I'm afraid of getting stabbed at night.
I did that too, when I was little, for the vampires.
Serge thought it was funny,
I was naked all day, but at night...
All bundled up.
Only when Jacques and I separated
did he declare how much he had hated it.
To him, it was like being in
a "box of death". What are they called?
- Yes, a... coffin. - Yes, that's right.
I understand.
Oh, how I understand!
[ominous music playing]
Do you like staying in bed in the morning?
Worse than that. If I have nothing to do,
I'll get up, pee, and think:
"I need to wake up, the alarm went off.
"Who's coming today? No one." So I'll go back to bed.
I have to tear myself away from my bed.
Sometimes I'll stay in bed,
if there's nothing to do and no one to see,
until 3 p.m.
Really?
Yes, it's so tempting.
- So tempting. - Without doing anything?
Without doing anything.
- It started since Kate. - After Kate.
Before Kate, I don't think it ever happened to me.
But after Kate, yes.
I'd stare at the ceiling and that fabric in my bedroom.
I stared up at that fabric
for two years.
Without...
Without doing anything at all.
But it isn't... demoralizing.
I think it happens to many people as they get older.
[upbeat music playing]
Why didn't you and dad have another child?
We didn't have another child together,
though I'd hoped for it, despite everything,
because I didn't want to be unfair to Kate.
I'd had Kate with John Barry, and then you.
And I didn't want the balance to be... unfair to her.
Because we'd have formed a new family.
- You're right. - And she would have been...
off to the side.
These are stupid thoughts,
No, it's true!
And it's interesting to have one child per father.
- It's... - Yes.
There's logic to it.
In the end, yes.
[upbeat music playing]
Do you still think of that period?
I've thought back on it so often.
The guilt lasted for years and years.
The doubts, the questions...
When you asked about sleep yesterday,
If I have a hard time sleeping, it's because I'm rewinding in my mind:
"What if I'd done this differently? Should I have done it this way?"
About everything! It happened just yesterday.
All the time. All the time.
I envy those who are "deep sleepers", as they say.
I think I'm always tormented by...
- Decisions? - By guilt.
I often wonder if it was all my fault,
if I should have done differently,
in regards to everything.
But don't you feel less guilt now?
No, these questions run through my mind.
Just last night, I thought:
"I didn't take sleeping pills while pregnant with Charlotte.
"Why did I say I took some all the time
"while pregnant with you?"
Looking at images of you on the swing and all that,
I wasn't taking anything.
Right.
We make up so many stories in our heads,
sometimes I wonder if I'm telling the truth, you know?
I've repeated these stories so many times, they've become...
- the real story. - Reality, yes.
We start to fear the real stories.
And even human history,
because we convince ourselves it was one way
but perhaps it happened differently.
Of course, after tragedies,
like Kate,
you rewrite history: "If I'd called her,
"if I'd taken her along on my tour,
"if..."
You know?
You invent different versions,
even if there's no point, that's how it is.
And you can go back in time for years doing this,
wondering if things would've happened differently
if you had done something better.
Yes.
Of course.
I know I made mistakes, with both of you, you and Lou.
I didn't think of you enough.
In what sense?
Of your distress.
I was so wrapped up in mine.
That's normal.
I judged myself harshly for a long time because of it.
But it's only normal.
When I think back to...
to the aftermath...
you disappeared, and it was normal that you did.
I don't think everyone makes that same mistake.
And it's true that the place...
of a dead child
You speak a lot more of the dead than of the living.
You purposefully try to include them in conversations,
rather than pretend you had two daughters.
No, you had three.
And perhaps we talk about them even more.
And certainly with a sense of glorification
in regards to the dead.
You raise them up a notch.
As optimistic as I am,
you suddenly realize that anything could happen.
Even before it happened, I often had sleepless nights,
worrying and wondering...
I mean, realizing I'd put three beings into the world
who would die one day.
But how would it happen?
Would Kate die of cancer?
Would you die in a car accident?
Would Lou...?
All these different possibilities
and the fact that I won't be there to comfort you.
I won't be there.
I put you in orbit...
And what? Just to bugger off? So...
not being able to be there for you. And yet...
the real nightmare is being here.
I haven't seen this or any other video since Kate died.
I have so many Super 8 films.
I don't have the courage, for all my memories of vacations
are obviously with her.
Of course.
All those winters, Christmases...
So I don't dare watch them.
Maybe it'd do me good.
I'm not sure.
- It's like a whole other life. - Exactly.
In fact.
- Yes. - Because it's...
- I'd rather not watch this. - No, don't look.
We can stop.
[tranquil music playing]
This documentary will have made me so sentimental.
I have Jo in mind and her "I love you's".
The more I look at you,
the more I love you.
I have always loved you.
But it is so much clearer to me now.
Why do we learn to live without our mothers?
It seems to be a purpose in life:
to free ourselves at any cost.
I don't want to free myself.
I want to cling on.
I don't trust myself.
Why?
I wish I were like you.
Having faith in life seems to be your philosophy.
To live without mistrust.
To believe in humanity, in people.
To be curious about everything, close to everything,
to everyone,
without any filters.
In my current state,
I need you to teach me to live,
to teach me again, as if I hadn't understood before,
as if it were just a rehearsal.
I'm scared of your illness, scared of your age,
scared of time that never stops and passes by too fast.
My words are tactless,
but should I pretend nothing will happen?
That you will be by my side forever?
That a life without you cannot exist?
We'd like to think that there is no fear,
that there is peace, serenity.
We'd like to talk about it, yet not at all.
It's only to feel reassured.
Today, I seek out any reassuring detail I can find
that will bring me tranquillity and warmth.
I find them in you, through your touch.
I want to make the most of this luck,
and make it last.
[wind blaring]
Didn't expect this...
In my face...
Thank you.
[upbeat music playing]