[cheery singing]
[narrator] Long ago, two friends took part in an incredible race.
[car engine revving]
They tied and together won first prize,
a red dune buggy with a yellow soft top.
[bell dings]
Since they didn't want to share it,
they had a beer and sausage eating contest for it.
[man belches]
But then, a bad guy who was terrorizing the neighborhood
destroyed the bar where they were eating and set the dune buggy on fire.
[man]Huh!
[narrator] So the two friends got mad,
and after smacks and slaps, punches and blows,
eventually, the bad guy bought them two brand-new dune buggies.
One for each of them. Both red with a yellow soft top.
But then, one of the dune buggies caught fire, leaving only one left.
And since sharing it was completely out of the question,
our two heroes kept fighting
over the last remaining dune buggy.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[man 1] You're always so stubborn.
[man 2] It's all your fault.
[man 1] You know as well as I do that's not true.
[man 2] You crashed into me.
[man 1] I crashed into you… I was only distracted for one second.
-[man 2] Staring at that girl. -[man 1 scoffs] What girl?
[man 2] Nobody's leaving here until this is settled.
[man 1] Fine. Let's settle it with a game of cards.
[man 2 scoffs] You'll cheat. Let's arm-wrestle instead.
[man 1] Now you're offending me.
[man 2 scoffs] What, am I too strong for you?
[man 1 chuckles] Yeah, right! You wish.
How about we do the usual? Beer and sausages?
[man 2 laughs] No, not this time.
Let's have a race.
[man 1] A race? You must really want to lose.
[man 2 scoffs] If a car hadn't crashed into me, I would've won.
[man 2 grumbling]
[boy 1] Dad, how much longer?
[men] Not right now!
[man 2] And don't you dare touch the car!
-You're always coming up with excuses. -[man 1] You are.
-[man 2] No, you are. -[man 1] No.
[exciting music playing]
[boy 1] Hey! Hey, come here!
[boy 2 sighs]
[music continues]
This is a dune buggy.
74 cubic inch engine, 41 horsepower.
It goes over 85 miles per hour.
Does it?
What are you doing? Scram!
-Or what, bro? -Or else Dad will get mad.
[objects crashing]
[man 2 grunting]
He's already mad.
And besides, this buggy doesn't even belong to us.
"This buggy doesn't even belong to us."
Don't mock me like that!
-"Don't mock me like that." -Stop! I mean it.
"Stop! I mean it."
-[grunts] -Whoa!
[sighs]
You can drive the buggy first.
[tires screeching]
[man 2] Hey, where are you going? Come back!
I told you not to touch it!
I'm gonna kill them.
["Oh La La" by The Sweet Life Society Feat. Too Many T's playing]
[vehicle approaching]
I wouldn't stop.
-What if it were me? -Do I have to answer?
[song continues indistinctly on radio]
Thanks, guys.
We ran out of gas.
[spits]
[whistles]
Hey, nice car.
Aren't you a little too young to be driving?
And aren't you ashamed that you're driving around in that clunker?
Hey, my bike's name is Bolt.
And no one can bad-mouth Bolt. Can I take it for a ride?
-No. -Yeah.
[chuckles] How does this sound?
If you win, uh, Bolt's yours.
What are we supposed to do with a two-speed?
-Shh. Let him finish. -[boy 2] Get off me.
And if I win, you let me go for a spin. Deal?
-No. -It's a deal!
Here's the rules. The Virgin Mary wins, St. Anthony, St. Januarius lose.
Example.
-Are you even watching? -Shh!
[man] This loses.
This wins.
Saint Anthony loses.
This wins.
This loses or wins? Forgot.
This wins.
Now pick out Mary.
[chuckles]
I'm afraid that you lose.
-[boy 2 chuckles] Yeah! Nice-- -[man chuckles]
Dealer always wins.
[grunts]
You weren't even watching!
[music playing softly on radio]
[engine starts]
[revving]
-He'll be back. -[motorbike revving]
Any second.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
[wind whistling]
[boy 2 sighs]
MANY YEARS LATER
[cheery music playing]
[grunts gently]
[bellows softly]
[cheery music continues]
[elephant grumbling]
[trumpeting]
[growling]
[clattering]
[man grunting]
STROKE
[dog barking]
[woman] Aw, good doggy.
Hi. Ooh, doggy.
Hey, karasho.
[tiger snarling]
Be happy you have a friend, huh? Cutie.
-Come, Geremia. -[Geremia whimpering]
[Miriam] My goodness, so grumpy. What a bear!
-How much? -It'll be fifty.
[hesitating] Fifty?
Mm-hmm.
You thief.
I'm the thief?
Here, just take it.
[Stroke tuts] Fifty.
[car pulling away]
-[adventurous music playing] -[Geremia whimpering]
[Miriam] The Cobras.
[man 1] Yo, it's the Cobras! Hey!
Hey, they're back!
-[man 2] The Cobras! -[man 1] Run!
[vehicles approaching]
[Geremia whimpering]
[adventurous music continues]
[engines revving]
[dramatic music plays]
[motorbikes revving]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[people screaming]
[accordion music playing]
[whimsical music playing]
[grunts]
-[man] No, no, no. -[Cobra grunts]
[grunts]
[spits]
Whoa!
[yelps]
WOLAND CIRCUS
-[man] Watch out! -[groans]
CRAZY 4 RALLY
FIRST PRIZE: DUNE BUGGY
[Cobra] Where are you going?
[Cobra groans]
Let go!
Mm-hmm.
-I appreciate a woman with fire. -[Miriam] That so?
[Scajone] Mm-hmm.
-Did you tell your boyfriend? -[snorts]
[Scajone grunts]
I'll give you two days to sign and get out of here.
Torsillo has run out of patience!
Two days!
Two!
Hey.
You hear what I said?
Yo, fatso. Am I getting through, huh?
-Bust him up, Scaglione! -[gasps]
[sighs, groans]
Let me go.
[Scajone grunts]
[Miriam] Huh?
[exhales]
[Stroke coughs]
[grunts]
[whimsical music playing]
Now he'll clobber him.
[Scajone grunts]
[groaning]
-Crush him! -[groans]
-[bones cracking] -[groaning]
-[Stroke grunts] -[groaning]
[whimpering]
[continues groaning]
[whimpering and panting]
Where are you going?
[Stroke] I'll get my money next time.
-[Scajone grunts] -[Miriam] Ahh! Get off me!
[grunts]
Hey! Where are you going, coward?
[Miriam] Get your hands off me!
-[dog barking] -[vehicle approaching]
-[tires screeching] -[man 1] Hey, thanks.
You can, uh, drop me off right here!
-Ow! [groans] -[man 2] Thought you could cheat us?
[man 1] Ow!
[man 2] You're dead next time!
[thudding]
[tires screeching]
[man 1 grunts, exhales]
[groaning]
[dramatic music plays]
SMILEY
Hmm.
[unzipping]
[comical music playing]
[chuckles] Ta-da!
[comical music continues]
Huh?
I'm doing swell. Yourself?
Not even a hug?
[door slams]
Get over here! [grunts]
Okay, fine. I get it. You don't want to talk to me.
You've seen this. Huh?
Together, we can get it back. Me and you!
Yeah?
[comical music continues]
-[Stroke sighs] -What do you say? Hmm?
[groans] Ow!
[groans]
What the hell? [groans]
[engine revving]
[groans]
That's how it's gonna be?
Fine, I'll win it on my own!
When I win, you're getting nothing. It's gonna be all mine!
You'll see, I'm gonna keep it!
[grunts]
[epic music playing]
Good morning, Vietnam!
And welcome to the Crazy 4 Rally!
A cutthroat race.
A blaze of insanity, gas, and testosterone.
How pumped up are you folks?
And let's not forget what brings us here.
Ladies and gentlemen, a man who needs no introduction.
A man who has been blessed with the divine gift of charisma.
A man so handsome
that when he looks in the mirror, he kisses his own mouth!
What the hell is this?
So let's hear the heartiest applause for Flavio Torsillo!
-[clapping] -That's enough of that.
-[dramatic music plays] -[bell dings]
[slow applause]
[playful music playing]
-[man 1] Hey. Looking strong. -[man 2] Hey.
[camera clicking]
-Good luck to you. Best man wins. -[man 3] Hey.
My Lord!
Hey. Break a leg!
-[whistles] -Huh?
-Yo! Yo! All right? -[man 4] Hey. [grunts]
-[tires screeching] -[car accelerating]
[announcer] And if you thought this race couldn't get any better, it just did,
thanks to this amazing prize, a sensational 1974 dune buggy!
Who will win?
Who will be the most reckless driver?
[car revving]
So are we ready to get this thing started?
[engine starts]
In five…
[engines revving]
…and four…
[engines revving]
…and three,
two,
one!
Go!
[engine revving]
[laughs]
["Get What You Need" by Jet playing]
Come on, come on, come on!
Come on.
♪ You're always leavin' me alone She don't care ♪
♪ I'm through with messin' around She's not there ♪
♪ If you've got a lady friend… ♪
Eat my dust!
Whoo! [laughs]
♪ So come on ♪
♪ Yeah! Come on ♪
♪ Come on ♪
[tires screeching]
[thudding]
[music plays in slow motion]
♪ You're gonna get what you need ♪
♪ Gonna get what you need ♪
♪ You're gonna get what you need ♪
♪ Gonna get what you… ♪
Who's going crazy?
♪ …get what you need Gonna get what you need… ♪
-[yawning] -Perfect! That's what I'm talking about!
[thudding]
♪ Now I'm in a rockin' band She's not there ♪
♪ No one has to hold my hand ♪
♪ You're gonna get what you need ♪
♪ Gonna get what you need ♪
♪ You're gonna get what you need ♪
♪ Gonna get what you need… ♪
[grunts]
♪ Gonna get what you need… ♪
[gear clunking]
It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck!
[Torsillo] He's done for.
Scaglione, let's go.
-Hey, what about your son? -[Torsillo] Forget him.
Put your hat on. Open the door.
[grunts]
["Get What You Need" continues playing]
Hey! Come on! Quit it!
[announcer] Holy cow!
I don't believe it! What a twist, folks!
Looks like the car's rolled over, and I can't see the drivers.
[Stroke] Damn it. [grunts]
-[tense music playing] -[Smiley grunting]
There they are! They're gonna finish the race by running!
It's the first race without cars!
And without any people watching! I'm the only one left.
[music building up]
-[Smiley grunts] -Unfair shouldering!
Only a few meters to go!
There they are, folks, on the homestretch!
And they've done it, folks!
[both yelling] Mine!
[announcer screaming in excitement]
Champions! Champions!
[kisses]
Champions! Oh my!
So tell me, just how does it feel to win a 1974 dune buggy?
That's it! Yes, it is! That's the true spirit!
So I don't want to be the one to ruin your excitement.
But I'm gonna go get the champagne.
-Champions! Champions! -[unenthusiastic applause]
-[Stroke sighs] -[Smiley grunts]
Whoa!
[camera clicks]
Well-done. Keep it going.
[Raniero] Everything was set.
The cars were all identical. Mine was souped-up.
I have no idea how I lost.
What's that?
-That the cars were all the same. -No, after that.
I just said, uh, mine was souped.
After.
After, um… [smacking lips]
Uh, what was it, Dad?
[sighs]
Now, listen. It might have looked like you lost the race.
But it's just an impression.
No. Look, Dad, I really lost out there. You were there too.
[sighs] In a race, it's not about fairness.
Only winning matters.
A Torsillo never accepts defeat.
But that's why we always win.
Come. Follow me. Come.
Who cares if they have the car? Just go there and take it.
[Raniero] Right. But they're not just gonna give it to me.
You can't just go there and be like,
"Excuse me, please give me the car." Huh?
Mention the name Torsillo, and they'll shit their pants. [chuckles]
After all, it's more fun to get something when you don't deserve it! [chuckles]
"Torsillo."
See, Raniero, your father here was in a similar position.
He wants that land. They won't let it go.
And believe me, I know.
It is theirs, after all.
And so what should dad say?
My feet, I can't feel them.
No, really, Alfredo. Of course, you've been there for freaking two hours.
You should accept already, before your brain freezes too, eh?
It's not for sale.
That's my home.
[shivering, sneezing]
I said I want a clean job, and so I want a clean job.
-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.
I'll have to throw away the meat if he contaminates it with his bacteria.
-You know? -Yes, sir.
-[sneezes] -Hey.
Sorry. [sniffles]
-The cold air. -Why do I get this always?
Tell me. Close it.
No. No, no, no, no. No!
[snoring]
[Geremia whimpering]
[shushing]
[snorts]
[tuts]
[groaning] Ow!
Why would you do that? I just wanna drive, you know?
-[Stroke] Why? -[groans]
Because until we settle the matter, yeah, the buggy is staying right here.
-Oh yeah? -Oh yeah.
Hey, you know if I want, I can take it without the keys, right?
-I see. -Mm-hmm.
[sighs] All right, then.
[pats]
[splutters]
Hold up. Hold up.
You find the joker, the buggy's yours.
I'm not falling for that.
-Piss off there, buddy. -[exhales] I could be offended by that.
Or what if we settled it like we did in the past?
-[scoffs] Like in the past? -[Smiley] Mm-hmm.
I'm on a diet.
Uh-- One second.
Okay, I… I get it.
-But what kind of diet? -Dissociated.
-Ah, now I see. -Mmm.
[exhales]
[groans]
When did you last clean here?
This place could use the touch of a woman.
[bowl clanks]
You got a girl now?
-[Stroke] Geremia, it's ready! -No, I mean, besides Geremia.
-Okay. I'm in. -Hmm.
-Like in the past, yeah? -Mm-hmm.
As long as you keep quiet and be still.
Okay. But I'll drive us.
[whimsical music playing]
[laughing]
[man] Ugh, they came back again.
-Those damn Cobras. -[glass clinking]
[door opens]
Ah.
You really changed up the place.
[footsteps crunching glass]
What'll it be?
[Smiley sighing] Ah, let's see now…
20 pints and 20 sausages, yeah?
-[Stroke clears throat] -Uh, 40 sausages.
-[Stroke] Mmm. -And a vanilla ice cream. Thank you.
Cleanses the palate.
[comical music playing]
[munching]
[comical music continues]
[man] Miriam.
Karasho!
[bangs table]
Of course, they trashed everything.
They trashed the circus, and you're here munching on hot dogs?
Would you look at me? Yo!
You're worse than the Cobras.
I don't wanna see you.
What are you looking at?
You must be a robber.
-How dare you! -Mm-hmm.
'Cause my heart has been stolen.
I don't believe it. Okay?
-Talking romance? -Mm-hmm.
-I'd sooner die. -Okay.
[spits]
-That's the mother of my children. -Mm-hmm.
I need a break. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Plus, you've got something on your… Hey!
[chuckles]
Well, if you quit, then I win. Okay?
I'll be a minute. Gotta get my heart back.
[pants]
I don't believe it.
[sighs]
[exhales]
[Geremia barking]
I had nothing to do with this.
[amusing music playing]
[groaning]
Hey, can't you hit another spot?
-Where is it? -No clue.
I can imagine they stole her.
[keys jingle]
[Smiley sighs]
MIRIAM - SORAYA THE TIGER WOLAND CIRCUS
[camel grunting]
[tiger growling softly]
[Miriam] Good girl.
-In position. -[Smiley sighs]
Soraya.
Here.
Good. Good.
Now roll.
[clicking tongue]
She's amazing.
-[Miriam] And now up. -[whip cracking]
-[tiger growling softly] -[Miriam] Good girl!
-I don't know. I smell a rat. -Hmm?
-[Miriam] The other side. -[Smiley sniffing]
-[Miriam] good. -I think it's the camel.
Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure we can barter with these folks.
I have a plan. Here. I'll sort it out for you.
-[Miriam] Good girl. -[whip cracking]
Uh, Stroke.
Soraya doesn't bite her meat unless I cut it beforehand, huh?
That must be a nice cat. That's great.
-Can I feed you? -No, no.
Cut it already.
Don't. But I still need it. No, no, no, no.
-Cats love the flesh. -That buggy you stole back there is mine.
-No. Ours. -Repeat that.
-Yeah. -We're not stealing from you.
No, no, no. No one's trying to say you're thieves. No. No.
-[Miriam] Then get out of here. -All right.
[Miriam] We have enough problems already.
-[groans] -Who can we talk to about it?
Armandino might know about it.
But I must warn you that… [sucks teeth]
…you'll need a translator.
Okay.
[Armandino grunts]
-This is Armandino, my cousin. Hmm? -[Stroke] Mmm.
Not so little, huh?
For 50 bucks, I'll translate for you.
-[Stroke] Fifty? -Sure, fifty.
Okay.
[Stroke] Mmm.
[in fake foreign language] Armandi, come talk to these guys.
[in English] So, hey, Mr. Armandino. Um…
In no way do we have something against your business as a thief.
[Miriam] Thanks.
But since you seem to be a distinguished and reasonable person,
you'll understand why we want it back.
[chuckles] Mmm.
[in fake foreign language] He's saying I'm really nice.
He's asking to bang me.
[in fake foreign language] Tell him if he wants to die, I'll sort that out.
-Tell him! Tell him! -[in Romani] I'll tell him.
[in English] Look, my cousin is mortified by what's happened.
He very much more than more apologizes for it.
I know he's stolen your buggy, but he's not giving it back.
-No give it back. -No back.
-Won't give it to us. -No?
-No. -But please smile!
You don't want him thinking you're disrespectful. Yeah?
-[chuckles] That's great. -Mm-hmm. Come here.
[Armandino in fake foreign language] Why's he smiling?
He says I'm cheap but worth it.
[in English] I think we're getting played today.
[Smiley] Mm-hmm.
[in fake foreign language] You're disrespecting me.
You're disrespecting my cousin!
Nobody talks about my cousin like that!
Nobody talks about my family like that!
[in English] He's saying, "It belongs to me."
-"Me and only me." -Me. Only me.
-Won't give it back! -Mine!
-I just need to talk for a second. -[Miriam] Sure.
[in fake language] He says, "Give me the girl, or I'll tear you apart."
[Stroke] This is going nowhere.
[in fake foreign language] Joseph, Mary, pizza, rabbit!
[in fake foreign language] Fatty fatty, phone home.
Kara-karasho! Kara-karasho!
Fatty fatty?
Sorry, that's you. [sighs]
-[drum beating] -[crowd clamoring]
[cheering]
[man] There is no pain.
[yells]
[all cheering]
And now it's the tradition.
This is how we settle things.
Man enough? Come. Come, come.
Place your bets!
The first to fall, 25 bucks!
-25 bucks, first to fall! -[laughs]
Place your bets. 25 bucks, first to fall.
[crowd cheering]
[Smiley grunts]
[gasps] No, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay.
It's… It's a warm-up.
Come on, get pumped. Go.
[drum beating]
[exhaling]
[laughs hysterically]
[in fake foreign language] Like in the American movie Over the Top!
[all laughing]
-[yells] -[crowd cheering]
[bell dings]
[in English] Let's go!
[upbeat music playing]
-[grunts] -[crowd groaning]
[grunts]
[crowd cheering]
No.
[upbeat music continues]
-[Smiley groans] -[Armandino grunts]
[groaning]
-[grunts] -[all cheering]
[grunts]
[all cheering]
[crowd groaning]
[cheering]
[crowd groaning]
[cheering]
[grunting]
-[cheering] -[Stroke grunts]
[crowd cheering]
[cheering]
-[grunts] -[crowd groans]
[Armandino grunting and gasping]
Such a cool space station. [grunts]
-[body thuds on ground] -[crowd groaning, murmuring]
[in English] Armandino? Up, my love. Get up.
-[crowd murmuring] -[Armandino grunts]
[grunting]
[chuckles]
[grunting]
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
-[Stroke] Great, huh? -I can't believe it.
-[grunts in frustration] -[man chuckling]
-You're telling me you bet on… -No.
-No? -No.
[grunts]
-No? -[screaming]
[continues screaming]
[crowd cheering]
-[grunting] -[man 1 laughing]
[bottles shattering]
[man 1 laughs]
Ah!
[upbeat music playing]
-[man 2 screaming] -[grunting]
[yelping]
[grunting]
[crowd groaning]
[man 3 yelling]
-[man 4 yelling] -[grunting]
-[man 5 yelling] -[grunting]
[screaming, yelping]
[rope stretching]
[man 5 grunting]
[grunts]
[engine revving]
[spits]
[yelling]
-[men grunting] -[Miriam whistling]
Freeze, yeah?
[panting]
I need to talk business with you.
[crowd murmuring]
[both chuckle]
[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music plays]
[in fake foreign language] If you don't let go,
I swear on your old skank of a mother I'll smash your face in.
[straining]
[grunts]
[in English] My mother's not old.
-[Smiley] It sure is nice here. -[Miriam] Mmm.
[Smiley] You know, I could get used to circus life.
[Miriam giggles] No.
Why don't we make a pact?
You let me help you find your buggy, you return the favor.
-Mmm. -Hmm?
[spits]
-Is the spitting thing really necessary? -Necessary.
If it's necessary… [spits]
It was Raniero.
Torsillo's son.
I saw him with it at the bar.
His father's a very powerful man.
He has everything but still wants more, yeah?
He wants to take your buggy.
And he wants to take our land now.
He paid the Cobras to threaten us.
Why don't you just leave then, you know? Circus folk travel, don't they?
-No! -Oh. No. Oh…
This is like home to us!
Five generations, we've lived here!
Man, you're sitting here crying over a buggy
while this land belongs to me. Huh?
Hold on. Look at me.
It's not any old hunk of junk.
It belonged to my father.
Ah.
Looks like we're after the same thing.
I see. We want the same thing?
[chuckles softly]
Thanks for the information.
Hey!
Never forget the pact. Okay?
Mm-hmm.
It's a pact.
[chuckles]
[dog barking in distance]
-[Smiley] Torsillo sure is a megalomaniac. -[Stroke scoffs] Look who's talking.
[dog barking in distance]
What's up?
Uh, maybe I should head home.
No, no, no. Don't leave me. Hold on. I can't go in there alone.
-You're crucial to the plan. -What plan?
-Mine. -Exactly. It's yours.
You don't know Torsillo. I don't trust circus folks.
-You're scared, huh? -Yeah, so scared! Brr.
You know what? If you hadn't stopped to help those guys when we were kids,
the buggy would still be ours!
[tense music playing]
Come again?
I said, if you hadn't stopped to help those guys when we were little,
the buggy would still be ours.
-Yeah? -[Smiley] Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So who's the one who gambled it away, you dirty little cheater!
"You dirty little cheater."
-I don't talk like that. -"I don't talk like that."
-Stop it. -Uh, "Stop it."
-[grunts] -Uh, knew it was coming.
-[grunting] -Again.
-You know what? -Mm?
-I don't wanna fight, okay? -Ha.
-[screams, grunts] -[both thud on ground]
-[classical music playing] -[both grunting outside]
[Smiley] Okay. Okay.
I'll go alone. I'll go alone.
-But if I find the buggy, it's mine. -[Stroke grunting]
[classical music continues]
[whistles in admiration]
What a shack! Hello.
Ah.
[tuts]
Go with this one. Trust me.
Folks,
I'm looking for Torsillo.
I wanted to bring my brother here, but he's way too short-tempered.
I even told him,
"I think those are good people in a place like that."
So, if anyone here is the front man of this group,
step forward.
-[punch lands] -[exhales loudly]
Could you let me go?
Okay, I'll stay here.
What do you need with Mr. Torsillo?
-Oh. -You have a deal waiting for him too?
[gasps] Very close.
-Huh? -Very close.
[Torsillo] The Torsillo Tower.
Boutiques, spas, heavenly beaches, dancing,
all on land that costs virtually nothing.
With guaranteed building permits, police who cooperate,
and willing to turn a blind eye to money laundering.
[speaking Japanese]
[in English] Mr. Tanaka wants more info on the property conveyance.
Minor details.
A couple residents have yet to sign the documents,
but I assure you that the local administration is on my side.
[munching]
Mr. Tanaka.
If you don't like it, then get lost.
The door is right here. Don't let it hit you on the way out. Okay?
[munching]
Uh… [laughs]
Oh my God, please… [laughs]
[breathes deeply]
Please excuse Raniero.
I know he seems like…
I know it's hard to believe, but he's my only child.
Are you kidding?
Sorry, Pop. I thought you wanted me to be meaner.
Of course. But with this group?
[speaking Japanese]
[chuckles] You know kids these… He's young, and he's…
[chuckling] He's a real asshole.
[panting]
[Scajone] And so,
will you tell me one last thing?
[chuckles softly] Sure.
-I know he hates motorcyclists. -Who?
[tense music builds up]
[gulps]
These are bad.
Hmm?
[Scajone groans]
What is this, Scaglione?
[grunts] Ah, I wouldn't wake him up.
Excuse me.
[Smiley] Sorry if we interrupted your meeting,
but we have a little problem to figure out.
Your boy has stolen my buggy.
Ah, pardon. Our buggy. [chuckles]
[clears throat]
A red dune buggy that has a nice yellow soft top.
[Smiley] Yes, exactly.
Please excuse me one moment. [grunts]
[Stroke] We're fine here, thanks.
See, if you give back, uh, our special buggy… [clears throat]
…we'll just leave and pretend that this was just a big error.
-Forget it, Dad, let's give them-- -[Torsillo] Hey!
[scoffs] Or what else will you do then?
[scoffs]
[laughs]
-Or what would we do? -Hmm…
Uh… I'm not so sure yet.
-[chuckles] -[Stroke clears throat]
We're not sure yet. Hmm.
Normally, I'd have the pleasure of slicing your throats.
But you're in luck, because right now I'm in a meeting.
And now… now go before I change my mind.
And I'll make sure that your car is back tomorrow at noon.
Ah.
Well…
I'll see you at the garage.
[footsteps receding]
Oh, I forgot.
A very important thing.
[chuckles, grunts]
-Mm! -The circus people are never leaving.
Hmm? Mm. See you later. Appreciate it.
Shall I leave it open?
Who would really… [chuckles]
[sighs] Hell of a time to find good workers these days now.
Translate it.
Yikes.
-[guitar playing] -[Stroke vocalizing song]
[continues vocalizing]
Hey! Ah!
[continues vocalizing]
-[scatting] Ha! -[groovy music playing on stereo]
[turns off stereo]
[sighs]
[clicks tongue]
[clears throat, continues vocalizing]
[Smiley] Hmm.
[turns on stereo]
[music spluttering]
-[stereo shattering] -[music stops playing]
[whimpering]
[Smiley] I'm telling you, you'll die young at this rate.
And you'll die tomorrow.
[Smiley] What's up with you?
If it's Torsillo or the circus or that I stole the model,
fine! I'm sorry if I didn't tell you.
We were only there for the car, okay?
Ah, okay. See, but it's only because of Miriam that we knew where it went.
-Oh yeah? -Mm-hmm.
Tell you what. You think you're the smartest guy on Earth,
but you're always first one to get screwed, man.
I told you I was only 13 and young!
If you'd grown up, you'd know you shouldn't make deals
with circus people. They first take your finger--
[clears throat]
There you go.
-You brought my heart with you? -[chuckles]
Mind if we talk?
You should've seen me.
I kicked the door open, knocked some of them out.
[Miriam chuckles]
And then I took the model, put it under my arm,
and said to them, "The circus people aren't leaving."
-Sounds pretty good, you know? -Yes.
See, but the war isn't over.
Torsillo must understand that this land is ours.
So I get it, but war sounds a bit extreme.
I mean, I only want my car back. And then we'd…
not complicate things with us.
[Miriam chuckles]
-I'll see ya. -Hold on, dear.
See? I don't want to complicate things either.
[sighs]
Hmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
[grunts]
What's up?
I'm waiting.
Huh? But it's midnight.
Yeah. You better sleep up.
Tomorrow, I think you'll have a long day.
-Me? -Mm-hmm.
Why is that?
[sighs] Because you're leaving.
[breathes deeply]
Mmm.
[sighs]
[crickets chirping]
[pleasant music playing]
[motorbikes revving]
Breakfast for ya?
[vehicles approaching]
[moaning]
[engines revving]
[engines turn off]
[whirring]
[Scajone cackling]
[cackling]
A dune buggy that's red with a yellow-colored soft top.
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
[Stroke] Uh-huh.
[Smiley] Yep.
[indistinct chatter]
-Oh yeah. -That's her.
-It's her. -It's her.
[laughs]
See? Told you.
Yeah. Look, look, look.
-Beauty, huh? -Yeah.
-Look at the stripe. -I'll say. Perfect beauty.
Eh, do you…
I remember it being, uh, a bit… bigger.
-No. -No, huh?
-No. -No, no.
Mr. Torsillo. [clears throat]
Thanks so much. It's perfect.
Thank you.
It's just that… [clears throat] …there's a gritty little scratch here on the top.
A bit of scratch remover will do the trick, you know?
Scaglione, this time I want them hurt for real. Come on.
[knuckles cracking]
Scratch remover?
-It's her though. -[engine starts]
-Oops. -Yeah, come on, Raniero.
[engine stalling, stops]
Thank you.
-Start. Come on. -[engine starts]
[tires screeching]
We made fucking fools of ourselves. You asshole!
[upbeat music playing]
[sighs]
[grunting]
-[Cobras clamoring] -[Cobra 1] Come on, he's running!
-[Cobra 2] He's running! -[Cobra 3] Come on! After him!
[Cobra 4] He's getting away!
[grunting]
[revving]
[upbeat rap music playing]
Isn't this an adorable little pooch, you know?
[barking]
[grunting]
-[Geremia barking] -Very cute doggy.
-[muffled grunting] -[Stroke grunting]
[muffled yelling]
-[Geremia snarling] -[grunting]
Don't touch my Geremia!
[engine revving]
[grunting]
[Geremia growling]
How do you sleep at night?
[grunts]
[Scajone groaning]
What did that ugly man do to you?
[engine revving]
-[revving] -[Scajone] That's my bike!
[grunting]
[upbeat rap music continues]
[dramatic whoosh]
[accelerating]
[Western movie music playing]
[engines revving]
[engine revving]
[grunting]
[groans]
[music continues]
[revving]
[yelps]
[revving]
[engines revving]
[Cobra groans]
[grunts]
[engine revving]
[music continues]
[engines revving]
[narrator] And so, Smiley and Stroke became two unlikely heroes.
[horse neighing]
"The Cobras won't be a problem anymore," the smiley one said.
[crowd cheering]
The Woland Circus and all the inhabitants of Tortuga were safe.
Torsillo was defeated and forced to flee.
The Cobras were all destroyed,
and they all lived happily ever after.
[Geremia whimpering]
The end.
[Torsillo] What are you talking about, Scaglione?
I'll decide when it ends.
That clear?
Please let me apologize.
Apologize?
I messed up, Dad, and I'm sorry.
You say you're sorry?
Never say that you're sorry!
A deadbeat says that. A little dog with his tail between his legs,
peeing on the carpet says sorry. Yeah?
Are you listening to me? Where's your head?
-On dogs. -Ah!
We should get a little doggy.
Did you, uh… get hit in the face, huh?
What? No.
So do you suffer from early-onset Alzheimer's?
But I was just thinking, it seems like, if we give them their buggy to them,
well, they should stay away and leave us alone--
-No! -[groans]
-Why not, Dad? -'Cause that car is yours!
Use it, sell it, destroy it, my son, for all I care!
But first, you have to show those two hicks who's in charge.
Do you get it?
I see what you're saying, but why would I sell it?
[sighs] You know how many times I've asked you if you get it?
-Tons. Many. -Tons, son. Tons, son.
But go play with the buggy now, yeah?
Nobody should have it but us.
[Scajone sighs]
Such an asshole.
[pensive music playing]
[grunts]
Don't worry. That's how he is.
I'm treated like shit all the time too, but it's just his way he shows his love.
I can be mean too, just so you know.
Yeah, but remember that just because he's your father,
you don't have to follow in this footsteps and be like him.
If you don't have it in you,
you don't.
Let me handle those two you-know-whats.
-Bring the Cobras and follow me. -What are you doing?
I'll be mean.
I'll be so mean that I'll even scare myself.
-[engine revving] -Raniero!
Raniero. Raniero!
Make sure you don't say stupid shit.
[circus music playing]
Gentlemen and ladies, now welcome to Circus Woland!
[crowd cheering]
[whooping]
[laughs]
And we're starting our show with the one and only elephants!
[crowd applauding]
[cheery music playing]
[trumpeting]
[grumbling]
[trumpeting]
[crowd cheering]
[straining]
[performers grunting]
-Bravo! -[woman] Bravo!
Miriam!
[cheery music continues]
[crowd cheering]
[laughing]
[crowd applauding]
Not bad, huh?
[crowd cheering]
[whooping]
[crowd whistling]
-[crowd cheering] -[laughing]
Whoo!
All right now.
-Oh, stop it! I love you. -[Smiley] Whoo!
Bravo!
-She hasn't done anything yet. -Oh yeah, yeah.
And so,
a new, most perilous act at this circus,
the act of knife throwing.
[crowd cheering]
But… I'll need one volunteer.
A fearless,
courageous man, willing to risk his own life.
Me! Here, here, here. [chuckles]
-An applause now. -[crowd applauding]
[whistling]
You know what you're doing?
-My first time. -You're kidding.
No.
You're not kidding?
-Scared of me? -Uh…
[sighs] So if you don't kill me, let's marry.
[strap tightens]
-Hey! -Mmm.
[crowd applauding]
[sinister music playing]
[crowd applauding]
[tense music playing]
[Smiley whooping]
[tense music continues]
[crowd oohing]
[crowd exclaiming]
[sighs]
[crowd oohing, exclaiming]
[crowd applauding]
[sighs]
[tense music continues]
There's no way.
[crowd oohing]
[crowd exclaiming]
[applauding]
[crowd cheering]
Bravo!
[crowd whistling]
-You didn't kill me. -You're not my star.
I'm not?
-[fire whooshes] -[crowd cheering]
[vehicle approaching]
The buggy! Ha!
[chuckles]
Oh yeah.
[both chuckling]
-Would you like your buggy back now? -Uh-huh.
[chuckles] It's her.
-Oh! -Let's see if it ignites, huh?
-[Smiley] Hey! -[crowd murmuring]
No.
Do something!
The buggy!
Let's see…
-Now what? -Let's go! Let's go!
[buggy starts]
[crowd clamoring]
-[fire blazing] -[crowd screaming]
[adventurous music playing]
[all screaming]
-[Smiley] Drive to the ocean. -[Stroke] To the garage.
-[Smiley] No! -[Stroke] Salt water will rust it.
-[Smiley] No! Ow! -[punch lands]
[crowd screaming]
[horse neighs]
[man yelping]
[camel grunting]
Here! Take!
Take!
Go! Go!
[clamoring]
[adventurous music continues]
[Raniero] I told you, Scaglione.
Gonna make myself scared.
[horse neighing]
You even scared me.
[fire blazing]
[fire extinguisher whooshing]
[Smiley] Well, could've been worse. [scoffs]
Geremia.
[Geremia whimpering]
Geremia!
-[Geremia whimpering, yelping] -Geremia!
Geremia! [chuckles]
Come here.
I'm sorry I left you alone.
-[whimpering] -You're burning, huh? [kisses]
Perhaps there's still time to help out Miriam.
Let's go.
[Stroke scoffs]
I'm not going anywhere.
Excuse me?
"Excuse me?"
Who's helping me? Hmm?
No one.
So guess what?
I'm not helping either, especially you.
You've been screwing everything up since you were five years old!
And now you're still doing it!
What do you think, that with a smile and a few jokes,
you would fix everything? Hmm?
Well, listen.
You, I'm not pissed at. I'm pissed at me.
Because I always said yes instead of saying no!
And now this time, it's gonna be no!
Okay. I took a gamble, and I lost.
So excuse me. Sorry. Once and for all, I'm sorry.
But you were with me.
I didn't point a gun at your head.
So hold yourself accountable.
You keep your precious kart. I've always hated it.
And I hate you!
[Geremia whimpering]
[sobbing] My dear cousin.
Soraya the tiger disappeared.
[sobbing]
Now what do we do?
[continues sobbing]
So now what?
We'll find her.
[solemn music playing]
[pensive music playing]
[breathes deeply]
[music continues]
[birds chirping]
[music continues]
[blowing]
[music continues]
[camel grunting]
[gurgling]
[water splashing]
[Smiley] Circus friends, the game is simple.
Now pay very close attention. The joker wins.
-[Armandino] Win. -Aces lose.
-Okay. -Okay, Armandino?
-The joker? -Wins it!
-[Smiley] Aces? -Lose.
Very good.
Let's begin.
[in fake foreign language] This one.
[Smiley in English] This one?
-Oh… Okay! -[all groan]
Hey, I beat ya!
[in fake foreign language] Now do it again but slower.
Slow! Like a snail.
[in Italian] It got?
-[in English] I got it. [exhales] -[elephant trumpeting]
[whimsical music playing]
All right, folks. Remember that…
-The joker… -Wins it!
-[Smiley] Aces. -Lose!
[chuckles] Oh.
[whimsical music continues]
Okay.
[in fake foreign language] This one!
[in English] Yeah?
Ready…
-Hey! -[all groan]
[Smiley] Yeah! I win again!
-Hey! -[Smiley] What's wrong?
Ah. Oh.
[grunts]
I can explain. I can ex-- [clears throat]
[in fake foreign language] Son of a bunny!
[yelling in fake language]
I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna punch you.
[in English] I can explain.
-[buggy engine stops] -[Smiley grunts]
Hey.
[Smiley grunts]
Pardon, ma'am.
[clears throat]
-[grunting] -[horse neighing]
[engine parts clinking]
[whispering] Yes.
[grunts]
[clears throat]
-[keys clink] -[engine starts]
[engine stops, backfires]
[Miriam scoffs]
I'm not giving you 50, though.
-[grunts] -Shh.
It's not about the 50.
I think you're going the wrong way.
Torsillo's mansion's over there.
[grunting]
Also, I'd let him go. Probably gonna need him.
-[puffs] -[choking]
[gasping, coughing]
Did you eat a four-leaf clover today?
[laughs]
[Smiley] Thank you.
Check it out. I was thinking and… [clears throat]
Something's not quite right.
-It's not, eh? -Nah.
Gotta get it soft top.
-All right. We always liked it yellow. -Yeah.
-Hey, we liked it yellow. -Yellow, yes. [chuckles]
'Cause now it's more… smoky?
-Smoky. -Smoky.
You think we tell him?
-We can tell him, yeah? -We better get moving now.
Best get it moving now.
-Karakasho! -[crowd cheering]
-Karakasho! -Yeah!
Karakasho! [howling]
-Karakasho! -[cheering continues]
[Armandino] Grab the money. Come on, let's go car.
[cars starting]
[both] Karakasho.
[dramatic whoosh]
[Torsillo] Thank you. Thank you all for being here.
Oh, thanks. [chuckles]
Let's go.
[lively music playing]
[mic feedback squeals]
[tapping mic]
Dear friends and business partners,
I'm elated to see you here today on such an important day.
As you know, the flames have burned strong all night.
But from this tragedy has arisen a great opportunity.
On the one hand, we weep for the terrible fire
that destroyed Circus Woland.
Alas though, how amazing will it be
when the concrete starts to flow from our trucks
-on this incredible-- -[choir vocalizing]
[vocalizing continues]
Yo!
[vocalizing stops]
Uh… Where was I? A glitch in the program.
What was I saying?
Before the interruption, you were saying, "On this…"
-But I don't know what-- -[speaks gibberish]
So on the one hand,
we weep for the terrible fire that destroyed the Woland Circus,
but on the other, how amazing will it be when the concrete--
-You've already said-- -Concrete! Concrete!
[choir vocalizing]
Scaglione, go and fix it.
[vocalizing continues]
[grunts]
-[vocalizing continues] -Mmm.
Mmm!
[grunts]
-[body thuds on ground] -[vocalizing]
[continues vocalizing]
Ha!
[vocalizing]
[inhales deeply]
-[musical horn honking] -[people clamoring]
[suspenseful music playing]
[murmuring]
["Ride of the Valkyries" playing]
No, no, no, no, no, no! [yelps]
[all clamoring]
[vehicles approaching]
[Stroke grunts]
How could you do this?
[Smiley] Uh, yeah. The buggy you gave us won't do.
Yep. Plus, the soft top's gone. It looks strange.
-[Smiley] True. -[Stroke] Right. It's not yellow.
-[Smiley] It's not yellow. -Now we want a new one.
[scoffs] Or what else will you do?
[Stroke] Uh…
Uh…
-Or else we… -Or we…
[both] Or else we'll get mad, you know?
Oh yeah? Well, I'd love to see it.
[tense music playing]
[music intensifies]
[yelling in slow motion]
["Dune Buggy" by Oliver Onions playing]
[men yelling and grunting]
[Miriam grunts]
[grunts]
[screaming]
-[chuckles, groans] -[grunts]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[glass shattering]
-[grunts] -[man 1 groans]
[man 2 yelling]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[yelling and grunting]
[screaming]
[Miriam grunting]
-[screaming] -[grunting]
[objects clattering]
[grunts]
-[shouts, grunts] -Hold!
Belly rabbit, all of it's yellow!
[grunts]
[yelling]
-[yelling] -[screaming]
[yells, grunts]
[shouts]
[bells tinkling]
[groans]
-[grunts] -[man yelling]
[glass shattering]
Whoo! [laughs]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
[grunting]
[birds tweeting]
[grunts]
-[chuckles, spits] -[man yelling]
[whimpers]
-[screaming] -[man groans]
Huh?
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[grunts]
[whistles]
-[cackles] -[Stroke laughs]
["Dune Buggy" continues]
-[grunts] -[clanks]
[objects clattering]
[all yelling]
[yelling continues]
[Stroke sighs]
-[grunts] -[groans]
Bastards! Come on!
[man speaking Arabic]
[in English] Back off with your fucking… Piss off!
It's not fucking Halloween.
[chuckles]
[grunting]
-[groaning] -[man yelling]
[grunts]
-[both yelling] -[Stroke grunting]
[grunting]
[yelps]
[grunting]
[growling]
[grunting]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Miriam] Ha!
-Boo! -[grunts]
-[Stroke coughs] -[grunting]
[choking]
I'll show them.
[Miriam] Torsillo!
[tense music playing]
You're finished, yeah?
[scoffs] Oh really?
[gun cocking]
-[Stroke gasping] -[man grunting]
[choking]
[low growl]
-[Miriam clicking tongue] -[tiger growling]
[snarling]
Oh no!
[low growl]
-[clicks tongue] -[growling]
Oh no!
-[tiger growling] -[Torsillo groaning]
[grunting viciously]
[choking]
[grunts]
[body thuds on ground]
[panting]
It really works, Father.
[laughs, kisses]
[all cheering]
[laughs]
[cheering continues]
[all cheering]
[Scajone] So yeah. This is the real end of our story.
The circus was rebuilt,
the circus people had their home back,
and for the citizens of Tortuga, everything went back to normal.
Even the red dune buggy with the yellow soft top
was returned to our heroes.
However, there was one tiny unresolved issue to settle.
How do you do it?
I guess it's a family thing.
-[knocks on table] -Mm-hmm.
-Keys on the table. -[men laughing]
[Smiley] Hmm?
Yo, don't be cheap. I need your money now, all right?
I guess that's fair. Pay up.
Well…
-Good. -[Smiley] Mmm.
-[Stroke] Hmm. -After you.
[Armandino] Ready? What the hell are you waiting for, huh?
Everyone start to countdown.
-Heya, three, two, one! -[men cheering]
[laughs]
[men cheering]
[Miriam] Freeze!
Oh no.
Hey, my beloved circus burned for that buggy.
We made a pact.
-[chuckles] -I'm playing too.
Oh no. This is between us, okay?
If he wins, and he won't…
-Hmm. -…then you guys sort it out.
Oh.
-[Smiley chuckles] -Best of luck, hot stuff.
Best of luck.
[groans]
Bye, karasho.
So, ladies and gentlemen, we are back for more of this!
Let's see who wants to sit in big boy driver seat!
Ready to fight? Ready to fight?
Three, a-two, a-one!
[indistinct chatter]
[gulping]
[buggy engine starts]
[cheering stops]
[comical music playing]
[men laughing]
No, no, no, no!
[music continues]
[sighs]
That woman.
Huh? Huh.
[Stroke grunts]
Hmm?
♪ Come with me for fun in my buggy ♪
♪ Come along Let's go for the hell of it… ♪
[Scajone] Yes, indeed.
Like all great stories, this one doesn't end either.
Most likely the dune buggy will never really belong to anyone.
♪ I'll bet you anything ♪
♪ Now she's with me ♪
♪ There'll be no trouble ♪
♪ Troubles around ♪
♪ Bet you'll never ever get away ♪
♪ Never ever get away ♪
♪ Dune buggy ♪
♪ I feel like a king I feel like a king in my buggy ♪
♪ Just the crown is missin' But that's all right ♪
♪ Come on, people, come on my buggy ♪
♪ Come and feel the power Of a starry night ♪
♪ I feel like a king in my buggy ♪
♪ Just the crown is missin' But that's all right ♪
♪ Come on, people, come on my buggy ♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪ Come and feel the power Of a starry night ♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪ I feel like a king in my buggy ♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪ Just the crown is missin' But that's all right ♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪ I feel like a king in my buggy ♪
♪ Just the crown is missin' But that's all right ♪
♪ Come on, people, come on my buggy ♪
♪ Come and feel the power Of a starry night ♪
♪ I feel like a king in my buggy ♪
[Raniero breathing heavily]
[balls clacking]
[pensive music playing]
There, look what they did.
Everything is smashed and ruined.
Look at the state you're in.
The cat was on me.
I punched it on its head and butchered it.
But it doesn't end here.
Or else what will we do?
Or else we'll get mad, you know? We will.
We will!
Absolutely sure, though?
[inhales deeply]
[sighs loudly]
It's so defeating.
[adventurous music playing]
[whimsical music playing]
[director] Action!
[assistant director] Go!
-[man] I can't break it. -[director] Action!
[assistant director] Go!
[man speaking indistinctly]
[grunts]
Stop, I got burned.
-[grunts] -Think I don't know you.
-[grunts] -Again!
-You know what? -Mmm?
-I'm not in the mood, okay? -Fine.
-Agh! -[yelps]
[director] Me? Let me try DP.
-[assistant director] Start rolling. -[Torsillo] You again?
Uh, yeah. The buggy you gave us is no good.
It has a few scratches on the side.
Yes, and plus, it doesn't have its top. [grunts]
We would like a new one.
Wait.
[Torsillo] Or else what will you do?
-Or else we'll… -Or else we'll… [clears throat]
…get mad.
If I ever…
-[men grunting] -[man yelling]
[yelling]
[grunting]
[laughing]
[grunting]
It really hurt me.
-Me too. -[director] And cut!
[all applauding]
[country music playing]
♪ You're back on the road… ♪
-[assistant director] Now! -Bravo!
Why did you talk before I said…
-[all applauding] -[laughing]
Bravo!
So I thought--
[man] And now, Circus Woland's most dangerous performance…
-Oh, oh, my line. [laughs] -[man] …knife throwing.
-I can't. I can't… [laughs] -[grunts]
[all applauding]
-[Torsillo] Or else what will you do? -[Smiley inhales deeply]
[both] Or else we'll… [clearing throat]
[singing]
Are you sure, though?
[sighs]
That's so defeating.
[sighs]
Look at this.
-[laughs] -[director] Come on, let's do another one.
Good. Tell me it's a good one.
[assistant director] Good.
[director] Three, two, one!
In what sense?
-[whimpers] -[laughing]
[humming]
♪ You are my only friend ♪
♪ I'll never let you down… ♪
[director] Action.
[both] Or else we'll…
Or else we'll get mad, you know?
We were one voice, one person.
♪ You are my only friend ♪
♪ I'll never let you down ♪
♪ You are my lonely friend ♪
♪ We won't hit the ground ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ I know what's it all about ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ I know they are all around ♪