AN ORIGINAL NETFLIX SERIES
Watch your lover's butt
as they rise up
and go down sensually
during the breathing exercise.
Speaking of butts, mine was famous in jail.
I know how arousing it can be.
Cut it out.
Tantric yoga helps improve our sex drive
as we put our bodies in contact with our partners' bodies.
Cut it out, honey!
-Very good! What a lion! -Keep going.
-Inhale, exhale, very good. -You're doing it wrong. Pay attention.
Okay, I think we'll stop here to avoid any accidents.
And to all of you, namaste.
Mastes.
I'd like to acknowledge someone who exudes sexuality.
Let's just say he's a natural penis master.
She caught me!
Genaro, I'd like to ask you
to share your light on my blog with a video.
Bravo!
Leo, dear.
-Yes? -It's just him in the video.
Let's just say that some partners aren't such great partners yet.
Tantric yoga will be particularly helpful
for the Espinozas.
What?
You transmitted a total lack of sexual connection.
-Read it. -Thanks.
Everybody knows if the Lopezes are good in bed
it's because it's cheaper than Netflix.
Forgive me, but I do have Netflix, and instead of solving your issue,
you two spy on us, which causes frigidity.
Girls, remember we can all improve.
Or be honest and tell me which of us has a perfect sex life?
You want a class?
Don't miss a roll in the hay with the country's best lover,
yours truly.
I'm sore all over from standing on my toes so long.
But honey…
On second thought,
open up those chakras wide for me, because here I come!
Yes! Come!
Giddyap, penis master! It's the ride of your life!
-Oh, yes! -That's my penis master!
Keep going!
Yes!
Yes, penis master!
Yes! More!
I got a new business idea.
The tantra teacher's success reminded me how much sex sells.
Interested?
No, in jail I learned not to mix business with pleasure.
Dad's not investing a penny. It's all from my savings.
From the allowance Daddy gives you?
-She's right. -Uncle, get dressed!
But I am dressed.
Any self-respecting CEO
risks their own money like Mark Zuckerberg.
It'll be like Rappi, but using WhatsApp to sell sex toys.
Just imagine.
Facebook's Zuckerberg?
-Uncle! -What?
I can't do what I want in my own home?
"No condoms for a quickie?
We deliver them.
No Viagra for a quickie? We buy it for you.
Are you looking for a gay fling and need some poppers?
We're there for you."
Diego even composed a jingle. Qui-ckie!
Look, you can sell this second-hand in your business.
Check it out. Ta-da!
Hold on.
Have you lost your mind? Nobody buys those used.
So, you're saying you can't be with a divorcee because she's used?
That's why you never had a girlfriend.
Only convicts know what love is.
No one should have one of those. You're going to hell.
Doesn't she look like Crista?
-What? Never mind her. -Of course not.
You are awesome, baby.
Wow! She speaks English!
She's yours for free, nephew. Just bleach her down first.
-What for? -Better safe than make your buddy sorry.
Right?
Is that a saying?
What a dump.
-So, potatoes remove dark circles? -Yes. We use them at home.
But brown skin doesn't get dark circles.
What's wrong with you?
I couldn't sleep with all the moaning from the ghetto masters next door,
while you slept like a log, we didn't practice the position I wanted.
I can't carry you like that.
-Are you calling me fat? -I said no such thing.
I won't let those ghetto masters beat us. You need to be the penis master.
Got it?
Don't fret, girls. The first time is never easy.
There's no need for any stress, pleasure is like a blast wave
that spreads
throughout
your body.
And we begin.
Women
are like a beautiful flower.
Give them your fertilizer
and they bloom.
Should I be hearing this, Dad?
Cover your ears, honey.
Pablito won't help me.
I don't know how to post online.
You're the brains in the family, honey.
You'll be successful when you grow up.
Come on, post it!
-What's that sound? -You got some comments.
Read them to me.
From @titillo.
"What foods turn women on?"
From @anonymous. "Am I gay if I dream about penises?"
From @billy-goat.
"My wife complains because my joystick is broken."
His joystick?
Well…
I'll explain later, honey. These poor earthlings need my help.
Film me again, honey.
Dear Titillo, potato tlacoyos work for me.
And you, billy-goat, don't let her pressure you.
If you really can't get it up, save your honor by running away.
Follow me on @penismaster for more advice.
What's this filth?
You crossed a line, Leo.
What?
All night I heard you howling.
Is that any example to set for the girls?
Lovemaking must be silent. That's what pillows are for.
That's what the nuns said.
Lots of women think some pleasure is a sin.
All pleasure is sinful,
except my potato tlacoyos.
Of course not, Mom, please.
Haven't you had an orgasm?
That tingling in your tlacoyo?
Blessed Virgin!
Alright then, show me a nice toy.
This is the Uh, Ah, Maxi Sensations.
Comes with ten speeds and three kinds of vibrations.
You can use it
underwater.
Great.
And to ensure your business gets off on the right foot,
I'll take the she-devil costume too.
How about some body gloss?
-What for? -It makes you glow.
Come on, Tere. I don't need to glow in the dark like a UFO.
You won't regret your purchase.
No returns or exchanges, of course. Enjoy your new toy.
Georgie, did you order that?
No!
What is it?
-It's your order, Yolis. -I didn't buy that!
So please leave my house.
You!
Get inside!
There are always ups and downs.
Maybe, your spandex put the off.
It's for biking the deliveries.
Maybe it's the wrong packaging?
I can see why someone might be obsessed.
I mean offended
by that package.
Give it to me, baby.
Sure, Crystal. The every people love you.
You are so big and handsome.
Funny, so to end the interview.
Tell me, why Mexico?
What you tell me us?
Yeah, baby.
Give it to me hard.
What are you doing? Why are you interviewing a sex doll?
Here's why.
I got 100 followers in 12 hours.
In a month, man! I'll be the king of North Korea.
The Chinese get turned on by the weirdest things.
They even have cartoon porn.
Wentai?
Pablo, not all Asians are Chinese.
The comments I read are South Korean.
And the Japanese invented hentai.
PLEASE REMOVE THOSE VIDEOS!
It's from the neighbor.
Let me finish editing this first.
Do you notice nothing?
I've been waiting all day. Everything hurts, including my pride.
I even got the tantric chair to practice the Shiva position for you.
I hurt my right knee with my backhand.
Yeah?
I don't care.
Boy, do I have a treat for you, a massage with a happy-ending.
Wasn't it the right knee?
How dare you?
Calm down, I hate doing it in the daytime.
I'm sick of the tantric stuff.
Remember that night on our honeymoon?
In the pool?
How could I forget? You outdid yourself.
That was legendary!
Let's do it again.
Tonight.
We've got a date.
These people!
I knew we should charge for cancellations.
The transparent plastic bags reveal
the hypocrisy of rich peoples.
The guilt makes them bad lovers.
How would you know?
How many rich guys have you been with?
I can't tell you,
because you'll want to know all the details.
Is that a problem?
It would violate my employee contract.
But trust me, I know from experience.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Very good.
I always recommend asking permission before entering.
May I enter?
So, we say, "May I come in?"
May I come in?
It feels like we do have permission.
Don't forget to inhale and experience a universe of possibilities.
Damn!
-How did you get in? -Dude! Locking the door is so tacky.
Why are you doing this?
The whole school thinks we're dating because of your videos.
They call me "Chaca Cris."
Like Chaca.
Get it? They think I look like that sex doll.
But isn't Mariana your BFF? She nicknamed you that.
I don't know what's up with your friends, but I'll keep posting for my thousands
of followers in one of the Koreas.
I need followers, including you and your friends.
-Ready? -Yes.
Damn, you temptress! That's smoking!
Let's do it, baby!
Come, my love.
That's it.
-Wait. -What?
-Let me go on top. -Okay. Whatever you want.
-Ready? -Yes.
-Like that? -Grab my butt, honey.
Yes.
Grab me hard.
-What wrong? -I've never been with a she-devil.
No problem.
I have something we can play with.
What are you up to? I'm not into that.
It's not for you, dummy.
Sure, I gave you so much pleasure, now you need not one, but two.
Stop it, honey.
I just wanted to try it.
But it seems too much
for the penis mother,
or whatever you're called.
Penis master.
-We should've done this ages ago. -Right.
-The tantra thing is so lame. -And we won't mess up the house.
Mess me up all you want, babe!
Serious?
Are you ready?
Come here.
I love you, Ernesto!
I love it!
Yes!
That bitch!
Take me, Ernesto!
I haven't done anything, my love.
What's up?
Swimming in your underwear?
Shall we go, honey?
Yes, off you go.
And take your racket back to your house.
Wait!
Look who's talking.
The nympho who howls like a cat in heat.
But I don't mess up other people's pools to have fun.
Have fun with that ape you call a husband?
At least my ape gets it up. Yours lost his banana.
No offense, neighbor.
I'm coming!
Where are the intruders?
-Right here, committing lewd acts. -No we're not.
-We'll get them out. -Mom?
-No. We're fine. -This is a private pool. Please!
I left Crystal here. What happened?
What?
DELETE THE TIK TOKS OR CRYSTAL DIES!
That bitch!
That damn rich kid! Rich girl?
That damn rich chick will not ruin my doll.
No, Uncle. We'll rescue Crystal, trust me.
Quickie. I want a quickie.
We are here with your Quickie order.
What? I didn't buy anything.
It's the new seven-speed blender
for anything that needs a good stir.
Yes, of course!
Yes, I did order this.
Thank you.
We don't need to be so corny over our first sale.
HOW DO I SEDUCE MY NEIGHBOR? SHE'S A CRESCENT AND I'M A FULL MOON.
-You order a pizza? -No.
With big hot luscious sausage?
Sure you did.
No. Listen to me. What address did they give you?
Yours.
You're quite self-assured.
Blessed Virgin!
No! Wait a minute! Mom!
Mom!
Mom! Stop it. I mean it.
I'm serious.
What's the matter?
What have you done, blondie?
I wouldn't be like that if I were you.
I'll post it on the neighborhood chat. This makes us equal for the pool thing.
You brought that on yourself with your fake porn show.
You had a fling with that kid because you can't get any at home.
Mention Rober again and this goes to your husband.
You don't have his number.
I'm on the security board. I have all of them.
You wouldn't dare.
You have a video that could ruin my marriage.
I'll trade the stripper for Rober. What do you say?
Ridiculous! I can deal with Genaro.
But to show you I don't care,
I'll give back your yard.
Don't you miss it?
All right!
I'll delete it myself.
There. Oh, no!
What have I done?
Delete it!
You sent it to Gerardo and the neighbors!
My husband's name is Genaro!
Whatever! G is for ghetto!
Fuck you!
Get out!
Scram!
I can't do this.
Silvia's pressuring me with the tantra
even though I took your advice about running away.
-You're @billygoat? -Yes, if only I were @penismaster.
-It's not that easy, Neto. -No?
I turned Leonor into a sex addict. Now, I'm not good enough for her.
If you're not good enough, who is?
Don't you feel like you can't fail even once?
Yes, do you feel like you need to be a sex machine?
Yes, that's it exactly, Neto!
It's not fair. We need to be free.
Like my granddad used to say,
"Let your work mind sleep,
to awaken the mind of pleasure."
That's what I'll do with Silvia!
You're the best thing that's happened to the local guys, come here.
Move on my signal, over.
Copy that, kid.
You by air and me by land with all we've got, over.
Operation Bird Returns to Nest starts now, over.
Wait.
If anything happens…
we had a good run.
-Cheers, baby. -Cheers.
Aren't you gonna congratulate me properly.
But, of course, I will.
-Yes? -You deserve
a super…
massage.
Okay.
I missed you, baby.
Want me to strip like that stripper?
That slut sent him. It was a trap.
Sure.
What are you mad about? You smell like a strip club.
I know you go and ignore the strippers when you feel down.
I never complain because I always put you first.
That's the problem, Genaro.
I need to tell you
what I like or not in bed, but it doesn't undermine you.
Like that wrestler mask you love.
The Rey Mysterio mask?
That one.
It's a total turn-off.
-I'll get rid of it. -Really?
Forgive me for not asking, my little devil.
-But I'm ready now. -You are?
What do you want me to do?
Anything?
Well, for starters, penis master, why don't we try…
wait a sec.
How about trying this out? Come on.
Rich people need so much to get turned on.
-Don't you? -Me?
This is all I need.
"Dear Rich Kid, tell your girl you love her style,
and she will open up her flower to you."
Are you okay?
I love your flower!
I mean, your personality, the flower in all of us.
I'm not some player who fools around. All I care about is in here.
And here.
Can I smell your hair?
Okay.
Yes?
It smells nice.
Thanks.
Can I see your boobs? Just one.
Just be quiet.
I'm chafed. I haven't ridden my bike since I was eight.
But I can do it.
Baby.
Baby, you turn me on.
You deserve everything.
You're on fire, baby.
We'll never leave this room.
Baby.
You're on fire, baby.
Yes!
Beatriz!
Silvia!
Unbelievable!
If I were Beatriz, I'd be dead, and you'd be a necrophile.
Just ignore me, my love.
That was just a very dumb mistake.
Seeing the tree crossed my wires.
Living with the ghost of a woman
who choked on the host at her son's baptism is too much.
You make me the happiest man alive.
Please, let me go.
Bye.
Something's burning, right?
I'm burning up for you.
No! Dude!
I mean it.
No way!
This huge house
can't take a little smoke?
Lord!
-What's going on, Mom? -I just tried out the charcoal stove.
Okay, be more careful next time.
You better watch it too.
-What now? -Are you Satan himself now, Leo?
Your beloved Genaro loves it and I love it even more.
Mom, you taught me some weird ideas about sex.
I only taught you what I was taught.
We must be respectable.
Yes, Mom.
I know you had the best intentions.
And now that I respect myself,
I learned to ask and not just give.
Being a mischievous she-devil isn't all bad.
You should try it sometime.
I love you.
Target located.
Careful, Uncle! It's Crista!
DELETE THE TIK TOKS
No!
GHETTO QUEEN CRISTA
No way!
You hideous doll!
You're always right.
Why are you cutting down that beautiful tree?
No!
Wow.
It's a reminder that all my husband can think of is his dead wife!
He called me Beatriz in bed.
After months of not touching me.
I feel like such an asshole.
Hey, don't call yourself that.
-We all mess up once in a while. -Except you and your penis master.
Before those yoga classes, the truth is I never…
I never felt like I do today.
Don't live in anybody's shadow.
You come first.
That's what I learned since I moved here.
That damn Pablo was right!
I have the worst friends ever!
Pablo is my only true friend.
You're awesome!
You're great!
You're perfect!
No wonder these dolls sell so well.
Uncle! Stop! Get out of there!
Pablo, what's wrong with you?
Do we enter the rich girl's room?
Pablo? Answer me.
Damn family of perverts!
Hey!
Unbelievable!
What are you doing there?
Hi, Mom.
A penis master doesn't like to brag
Anyone can do it, right?
The thing that's hard for everyone…
is talking to your partner.
There's always something we don't want to hear.
So, be prepared, guys.
Because change is hard, but possible.
We can't go around only pleasing others.
First you need to know what makes you happy,
to know what makes them happy.
If nobody has ever told you, you have a natural talent,
don't worry about it.
Not everyone is great in bed like me.
Subtitle translation by: Ricardo Espinoza