"In conclusion, Shelia's Fudge And Cheese is downgraded
to three-- two stars."
Good morning. Ciao, bella.
Oh, my gosh, is that for me?
I don't see any other bing-bang brainiac who loves lattes and Froot Loops.
[chuckles]
Wait, where did you get these? The colors are so dull.
I imported them from Canada
because I know that the artificial food coloring in American Froot Loops hurts--
- Hurts my eyes. Giorgio, they're perfect! - Yep.
Okay, but before you take a bite, take a look inside the bowl.
Giorgio. [gasps]
Holy bananas, is this--
- A Stanley Cup Championship ring? - [gasps]
- No. - Oh.
But it's inspired by a Stanley Cup ring,
I had it made special for you because you deserve the finest ring,
and I can't wait for you to show it off tonight at the restaurant.
I thought Giorgio's was closed tonight.
Isn't Dusty doing the astronomy thing with the students?
Yeah, technically, "Night Under the Stars" is for the students.
But you have an all-access pass to my restaurant, home and heart.
We're setting up tents inside the dining room
and we're projecting stars onto the duomo ceiling.
I reserved the best tent for you, me and Savannah.
It's gonna be our first family camping trip.
[exhales sharply]
Oh, man, what's wrong? Something's wrong I can feel it.
What? No, no, no, no. Nothing's-- Nothing's wrong.
Everything's been so, so, so great.
So then what's going on?
I noticed that you slept on your own side of the bed last night.
I just-- I wonder if, um... [clicks tongue]
...if maybe we should slow things down a little bit for Savannah.
Ah.
The first family camping trip just might be a little fast for her.
No, totally. That's what I thought too.
I also promised Cass that I would take her out for a girls' night
to support her self-ploration. So... [inhales sharply]
But it doesn't mean I'm any less excited about us. Okay?
I got you, girl. No worries.
[sighs]
[Giorgio] Okay, what do you think?
Does the sign look better next to the hostess stand, or by the bar?
Oh, shit, maybe there's a way that we could suspend it from the ceiling.
- Yeah, I really don't think it matters, G. - What? Of course it matters, D!
My future stepdaughter is coming. This is a big deal for me, okay?
This is not just about you having a sleepover with a bunch of random teens.
They're not a bunch of random teens.
This is an educational event for my students that I set up and organized.
I even got the star projector.
- I know that, D, it's a co-pro. - Then why is it your name on the poster?
And why does it say, "Giorgio's Nuts?"
It does not say "Giorgio's Nuts."
[Beau] Yeah, "Giorgio's Nuts."
I guess it should say, "Dusty and Giorgio's Nuts."
Or we just scrap the poster.
So, where do I fit in, as Sheriff?
So far, I've located all the exits,
but it seems to me the threat level is pretty low.
I'm sorry, Beau, I brought you here for extra security
so that you could guard Natalie's engagement ring.
But she's not coming. She's comforting Dusty's estranged wife.
We are not estranged. We are on good terms.
But, hey, Beau, if you wanna hang out, we could probably use an extra chaperone.
Great! Just pop my head into kids' tents at random times.
Keep 'em on their toes.
- Yeah, don't do that, please. - Your call.
If you wanna host a teen sex orgy, that's on you.
I-- [stammers]
- Hi, I'm here for the sex orgy. - [laughs]
Yes, I see that you've brought your case of orgy...
- Yeah. Mmm. - ...thangs. [laughs]
You do realize that I haven't played this in front of anyone in, like,
- a lot of years? - Oh, you're gonna-- you're gonna do great.
[inhales sharply] Oh, the things I do for you.
I think we do each other-- Do things for each other, Ms. Wickstead.
Look at my boy, D, over there acting like a schoolboy again.
Ooh, I love it.
Stop it. Stop, will you? Please don't make comments like that tonight.
Trina's gonna be here, so I would appreciate your discretion.
Wait, Trina doesn't know about you and Alice?
There's nothing to know. Alice and I haven't even, you know...
I don't know. I've got, like, hundreds of scenarios
- running through my head right now. - Kissed. We haven't even kissed.
What? Why so slow though, D?
- Like, do you not like her or something? - I do. I do like her.
Didn't Cassie say that you could see other people?
Actually, Cass said that we should see other people.
- But she's not. - That you know of.
[stammers] No-- What? Okay, stop it.
We are not turning the whole night into that.
I totally hear you, D.
But if you did wanna make the plunge tonight, under the stars,
I can't think of a more romantic atmosphere.
[fire alarm blaring]
Fire alarm works!
That's why we brought you here, Beau!
[alarm stops]
Okay, I know it's a bit of a trip, but trust me, this place is worth it.
We're talking top-shelf glitz and glamour.
Plus, I know for a fact we'll get free drinks.
Uh, yeah, we will. Dressed like this, I mean. [chuckles]
You both look amazing.
Uh, we all look bitchin'. Do people still say "bitchin'"?
You say "bitchin'," and I say that's bitchin'!
- [sighs] - I'm not gonna say it, but I support it.
- [Cass laughs] Whoo! - [Nat laughs] Yeah! Come on!
[Cass cheering]
[laughs]
[pop music playing]
- [squeals] Oh, excuse us. Oh. - [chuckles] Oh, sorry.
[snoring]
Um, are we getting free drinks 'cause this is a casino?
I used to come here with Mikey, but I remember it being a lot more bitchin'.
Seems like the clientele tonight-- Hi-- Is a real mixed bag.
Ooh. [chuckles]
I don't know, um,
they got strong drinks and they've got, like, a tropical theme going on.
[Hana] Yeah, and apparently, there's a "Magic Mark" show every 30 minutes.
Okay, well, um, we're here now so,
ladies, this is my first girls' night out in forever.
- So we should have fun! - Gamble! [chuckles]
- [stammers] Have fun, yes. - Yeah.
- Gamble. We can gamble. - Gam-- Gamble. Fun. Gamble.
If we wanna have fun, we can gamble. [chuckles]
Magic Mark is really gambling with that G-string.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I have a perfect idea.
Nobody knows who we are here so we can just pretend to be different people.
I used to do this in Italy, all you gotta do is just make up a new persona.
I love it. Yes, yes! Okay, okay.
Ooh, I will be Susan O'Keefe,
a chain-smoking gambling addict with a dark past
who's lucky at roulette but unlucky in love.
- [Cass gasps, squeals] - That is surprisingly fully formed.
I love it. I love it. Okay, um... [clicks tongue] ...ooh!
I will be Britt...
[as Britt] ...an international party girl
who has a different man in every city.
[Nat, Cass chuckle]
Oh, okay and I'll be Hana, a bartender who lives alone and has no friends.
- [normal] Okay, perfect. - All right.
[as Susan] Come on, girls, Susan's ready to hit the tables.
I think that bachelorette party is leaving--
- Great. Let's go, let's go. - [as Britt] Bachelorette party?
How charming!
I wish the bride-to-be well on her marital journey. [chuckles]
But I am Britt, and I never let one man tie me down.
Okay, hey. This is Susan's goddamn night
and she's ready to scratch that goddamn itch!
Give me five-hundo in chips, lollipop!
[Cass] Ooh.
[classical music playing]
[Beau] Hey, everybody. Come on in. Hi.
Welcome. Welcome to a "Night Under the Stars."
That's right, baby. Astronomy Night, by Giorgio and Dusty.
Let's get hyped, y'all.
When I say "stars," y'all say "galaxies." Stars!
- Galaxies. [chuckles] - [laughs]
Okay, can we calm it down a bit?
Sup, Dad. This is pretty sick.
Yeah? Not so bad, right?
I gotta say, I'm surprised that so many students are coming.
Giorgio did offer free pizza, so...
You see, D? It's a co-pro, let's go.
Hi, Savannah! Hi, honey.
Hey, so I reserved the best blanket for you.
It's right under the center of the universe
- because you're the center of my universe. - Okay.
I am excited to, like, learn about stuff though.
I never knew you were so into stars.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And it's amazing what these little projectors can do now.
- Okay, nerd. - [chuckles]
Bully me all you like.
No, I think it's beautiful.
And this music is such a vibe.
Ms. Wickstead's really wailing on that cello.
You know, it's really nice to see you so passionate about something, Dad.
What? No, no, no. No, no.
No, I'm not passionate about Alice, I'm just--
I just asked her here to play the music.
I meant astronomy.
- Right. Right. - Right.
Yeah. Love me them stars.
Oh, my God, Jacob, call the police.
- What? Why? - Someone stole your socks.
[chuckles]
That's a good joke. Worth terrifying me.
What is happening here, sir?
I don't know I just feel like comfort's pretty crucial these days.
Uh, well, I am pretty uncomfortable seeing this much of your ankles.
- Come on, you know you love it. - [groans]
Also, speaking of uncomfortable,
my dad just said something that was potentially quite disturbing--
Jacob! How's Papillon ?
That's fine. We weren't talking.
Trev, what's up?
Yeah, no, I'm not totally getting all the French,
but the small percentage that I do understand is, like...
[chuckles] ...it's revelatory.
Sorry, why is Trevor here?
Wait, I'm just trying to place this piece of music.
- It's Holst. - It's Holst.
- [Jacob] Mmm. - It's "Jupiter," from The Planets .
We play this in band.
Yeah, it's kind of pop-classical.
Okay, uh, are we still sharing a blanket?
Or do you wanna gaze at the stars with your twin here?
Well, it would make more sense to look at the actual stars,
especially since it's a blood moon tonight.
The blankets are pretty big. Maybe we could all sit together?
Hello, everybody.
Fellow stargazers and the sky-curious.
I am Mr. Hubbard, your history teacher.
But tonight, I will be your tour guide through the night sky.
Hit the lights, Rita.
- [gasps] Wow. - [students murmuring] Ooh.
Actually, most of the light that we get from the stars
was created hundreds of years ago.
So when we gaze up, we are looking into history.
This looks incredibly fake.
Now, I need to operate this projector, so I have enlisted
- the wonderful Father Reuben... - Oh.
...to do our narration this evening. Father Reuben.
- [students lightly applauding] - Whoo!
Smart. Because Father Reuben's voice is so deep, it sounds like God.
It's really good casting.
Thousands of years ago, when Homo sapiens first began to look up,
they observed connections between the world above and the world below.
But let's start close to home. Our home...
- Deerfield. - ...the Milky Way.
Here we go.
[student grumbling]
- No. Oh, shit. - [music stops]
Mr. Hubbard, what did you do? It was just getting good.
I think it's-- it's-- Pretty sure it's just a-- just an input issue.
Technology has failed us. Quelle surprise.
- Dad, do you need help? - No, we're good. We're goo--
You know what? We're gonna take a pause just while we sort it out.
- All right. - Rita, can you get the houselights?
- Thank you. - [speaks indistinctly]
Hey, I think we might go look at the actual stars.
Jacob, I feel like I've barely seen you recently.
To be fair, isn't that kind of what you asked for?
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, I didn't tell him that.
I-- I don't need to go. I don't have to see a blood moon.
You don't have to see a blood moon?
[Savannah] I wanna see a blood moon.
No, no. You don't-- Blood moons suck. No.
You know... [stammers] ...I have an announcement to make.
- Who wants fresh hot pizza? - Oh, I do.
[Giorgio] All right. Excuse me.
I'm just gonna go. I'll be right back. [kisses]
- You want a slice? Okay. - I'll take one slice.
[sighs]
[as Susan] Come on, red, give it to me, red, red mama, no drama.
Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red.
Seventeen, black.
- Fucking balls nuts! Shit. - [normal] Oh, my God, I won!
[chuckles, clears throat]
[as Britt] I won.
[normal] Wait, you won? That's so lucky.
[normal] Seventeen, baby! My baby girl Trina's birthday. Whoo!
- Trina's your daughter? - [stammers] Yes.
[as Britt] Do you have a problem with that, huh?
Just because Britt parties hearty, honey,
doesn't mean that she can't have her own baby girls. [laughs]
I mean, I have so many baby girls, in fact, I can't even keep track.
I've got a baby girl in every port!
I feel like you're losing your character.
- [Nat grunts] - Mmm. probably.
[normal] Hey, Susan, don't you wanna bet on something other than red?
[as Susan] Nah, Susan's got a system, okay?
[normal] I put all my money on red,
and then if I lose, I double my bet, also on red.
And then, if I lose again, I double my bet again.
And I just keep going and doubling my bet
and I literally can't lose.
But you are losing, like, a lot.
- Yeah, you definitely can lose. - [as Susan] No, I can't!
[grunts] It's a tested system, okay?
[normal] I read a book.
Hey, did you know that we were going to be gambling tonight?
[as Susan] No!
Susan's whole life is a goddamn gamble. You know what I mean?
Now come on, sweet nips, give her a spin, huh? Show me some red.
[as Britt] This reminds me of a time in Monte Carlo, which is one of--
- What about you? What's your story? - Okay.
I'm Hana.
Cool.
- Twenty-six, black. - [normal] Fucking what?
This game is frigging rigged.
Sorry, ladies, I actually need to shut down the table.
[as Susan] Why? Why? Why? 'Cause I'm out of chips?
- I can get more chips. - Uh, no,
I just have something I need to, um... [clears throat] ...do.
You're Magic Mark, aren't you?
[chuckles] Um, a magician never reveals his secrets.
But, um, yes.
Okay, you listen up, Magic Mark.
You get up there, you shake your candy ass.
You give 'em the old razzle-dazzle, and then you get right back here, you hear?
Now where is the ATM?
No, I don't-- [normal] I-I don't think that's a good idea.
No, a good idea would be to get your paws off my mitts.
Susan needs a cigarette and a bourbon, hot.
I don't work here.
I think your friend has a problem.
[Alice] Okay, so here's a little button that's blinking green.
- So maybe if you just... - [clicks]
- Whoa. - Oh!
- Look at that. - Wow.
- We fixed it. [chuckles] - Yeah, "we"? Okay. [chuckles]
And nobody here to appreciate it.
I'm here.
You know, I don't want to be hyperbolic,
but I think that maybe you're my favorite cello player now.
- [Alice] Wow. - Yeah, top five anyway.
Why, thank you. [chuckles]
You know, it's funny.
Even now when I play,
I can still hear my parents' voices in my head just telling me not to fuck up.
You didn't fuck up.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did. [chuckles]
Well, I didn't notice. But then I was too busy ruining everybody else's night.
No way. No. Look at how much fun they're having.
Kids are dumb. They always look like they're having fun.
Well, I'm having fun.
Oh. Yes! [chuckles] Oh, that was amazing.
Hey, hey. Look at mine, look at mine. Mine's still sticking.
- Oh, you're a legend, Mr. Kovac. - Yeah.
Well, I've been slinging panna cottas since before you were born.
Trina, this game's so fun. Where's Jacob? He's gotta try it.
Um, hmm.
He's hanging out with his new friend and not responding to my texts.
[shouts] No! What the hell are you doing with my panna cotta?
This is really fun.
Really? Okay. Yes.
I love it. Good throw.
Everybody have fun on Big Papa G. Go ahead, get some more.
- [imitates whooshing noise] - There's a bunch in the fridge.
Go ahead, bro.
Hey, Sav, can I talk to you for a sec?
Sure. What's up?
Your mother mentioned
that our relationship might be moving too fast for you.
And I just wanted to say that I am here to slowly but surely prove to you,
beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am worthy of being your stepdad.
- I don't have a problem with you. - You don't?
No. Your house is dope and you gave me a Kia Sportage.
"Spor-tage." In custom aquamarine.
But wait, wait. Then w--
Why did your mom say we needed to slow down for you?
Maybe she wants to slow down herself?
I used to love field trips when I was in high school.
Mmm?
Yeah. I just remember it being so exciting,
you know, to be with all my friends at night.
- You know, like anything could happen. - Mmm.
[both chuckling]
- [chuckling continues] - Oh.
- Hello, Giorgio's playlist. - [laughing] This song.
My goodness. This is such a make out song.
- Mm-hmm. - I've heard.
Yeah. You know, I almost had my first kiss to this song.
- Almost? - Mm-hmm.
It was this kid, Sammy B., and I had such a big crush on him.
And we were playing spin the bottle, and it landed on me.
And... [smacks lips] ...yeah. He just couldn't do it.
Yeah. It was humiliating. [giggles]
Men are cowards.
[chuckles]
- D! Yo, D! I have to talk to you. - Oh-- Oh, my--
- Uh... - G-- G-Giorgio,
I'm just in the middle of something, almost. How can I help you, pal?
Oh, shit. My dog sitter's called, like, seven times.
Uh... [exhales] ...yeah.
Um, part of this whole go-with-the-flow thing is, um, I took in a stray.
She has bad separation anxiety and she's not good on her own.
- So I should probably go. - That poor dog.
Yeah, um, okay. Bye. [chuckles]
Give her a big kiss from me.
Yo, sorry, D. I actually waited a minute
because it looked like you were maybe gonna kiss Alice.
- Mmm. - And then you didn't.
How can I help you, Giorgio?
I need your advice about Natalie.
Come on. Gather the troops.
We're gonna talk about our emotions around the fire just like the cavemen did.
Let's go.
[ATM beeping]
What? How can I be over my limit?
- I'm the only one who knows my limit. - Hey. Hey, hey.
- Hey. [chuckles] - Nat, hey. Hey, sweetie.
- Uh, let's maybe get you away from that... - [breathing heavily]
- Mm-hmm. - ...okay?
I think we've had enough of Susan for tonight.
Right. That's-- That's enough. That's enough, guys. [chuckles]
Okay. You haven't even put money in that. Stop it. Stop.
[bachelorette party cheering]
[Cass] Okay, just-- Let's get you seated.
Let's get you, uh, some space on the couch.
Get rid of some of these dildos out of the way. Oof.
Snagged us a bottle of wine. I think it's from the Magic Mark show.
It's a "Penis Grigio."
Okay. That is perfect.
Uh, Nat. All right. Penis down. Come on, Nat. What's going on?
[breathes deeply, sighs]
Giorgio gave me this ring today. I've been shy about wearing it. But--
- Is that... - Wow.
Loosely inspired by a real Stanley Cup Championship ring? Yes.
He said nothing's too good for me.
But the truth is, I'm not good enough for him.
I'm in debt, guys. Like, a lot of debt.
Oh, Nat.
When Mikey and I broke up,
the only thing that made me feel better was online shopping.
And I-I got really carried away.
And I've been too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.
And then yesterday, I finally got my vision from the MORPHO.
[Nat] There were all these packages falling down on me.
And I was trying to outrun them, but they just kept falling,
faster and faster...
- [gasps, breathing heavily] - ...which is exactly what debt feels like.
And then finally I was crushed.
[groans]
Which is how I'll feel if Giorgio leaves me.
He might leave me when he finds out the truth.
And that's why I was trying to gamble my way out.
This is me saying this, by the way. I'm not Susan anymore. I'm Nat.
- That was super clear. Yeah. - Oh, yeah, we got that.
I got my vision today.
And it was me, little Giorgio, loading plates of spaghetti onto gondolas.
[chuckles] Nice.
[Giorgio] But then the gondolas started moving faster and faster.
And then more and more plates kept coming
until finally I was missing the gondolas and dropping plates left and right.
So what do you think it means?
It definitely scraps my plans to have a gondola pasta delivery system.
Smart.
On a deeper level, I think that it means that if I take on too much,
I'm gonna mess things up.
Like, I'm already a restauranteur, a pillar of the community,
a best friend to Big D,
and now I'm a stepdad and a lover/fiancée to Natalie,
and she thinks I'm moving too fast.
But moving fast is how I keep the plates in the air.
- It's the only way I know how to be. - It's all relative though.
I mean, you say that you're moving too fast.
Maybe somebody else thinks that they're moving too slowly.
Everyone has to move at their own pace. That's the point, right?
Right. I mean, my wife died three years ago.
And I'm still not ready to get back on the horse.
Three years? That's so long, bro.
It's not that long.
I guess not. Look at D.
He needs three years just to kiss a woman. His wife didn't even die.
- Come on, man. - [Dusty groans]
I would have kissed a woman tonight if it wasn't for you.
D, we could've waited till these teens were full-blown adults
and you wouldn't have kissed her.
That's true. Why is that?
I don't know. You had a beautiful and talented young woman
- in hot pursuit, bro. - Yeah, but why?
Why is there a beautiful young woman in hot pursuit of a middle-aged potato?
[stammers] Stop it.
No, I can't even with you right now. We're being serious.
You're married to Cassie, one of the top two most beautiful women in town.
And you are a solid eight, D. Like, am I wrong? Tell me if I'm wrong.
- You're very handsome. - Yeah. Women like tall men.
Good skin, good physique.
Good sense of humor.
Interesting face.
[Giorgio] Big D,
if you could see yourself the way that the men around this campfire see you,
you would be so turned on right now.
The only thing holding you back is you.
Can you just come back, please?
Or, like, let me know where you are so that I can come to you.
The grown-ups are having a share circle around a fake campfire
and people are just going home, so...
[Dusty] Hey, Alice. Hold on.
Oh, God. Did I forget something? [chuckles]
No. I just-- I wanted to give you this.
[kisses]
Thanks for taking the lead.
I'm so sorry you felt you couldn't share this with me.
- [sniffles] - Hey.
Nothing you say would ever change how I feel about you.
Thank you. [exhales sharply]
But what if Giorgio's feelings change?
They won't. If he loves you, they won't.
Well, they might.
[Cass stammers, sighs] Yeah, they might.
- [sighs] Oh, God. - They might, but hey, hey.
That's the gamble.
That's relationships.
It's a deal you make with someone based on who you are at the time.
And if you ever surprise someone with new information about yourself,
that's the new deal.
And they, they can either accept who you are now--
[Hana] Or not.
And that's okay too. You know?
Like, let's just say I'm someone who, you know,
because of my fucked-up childhood
has only dated men who are emotionally or literally unavailable.
And then I start flirting with /dancing with/making out with a priest,
the most unavailable person humanly possible.
And then he's like, "Hey, maybe I don't want to be a priest anymore."
And I'm like, okay, that's a new deal. Well, what the fuck is that about?
- Is that you? - That's a very specific example.
Okay. The point is... [sighs] ...if you really want to be with someone,
you both have to be willing to roll with the changes
and trust that you'll make it out on the other side.
Nat.
Now what would you do if Giorgio told you that he was in debt?
I would sell my goddamn soul for him.
Good. So just tell him the truth.
And tell me how that goes. I'm gonna go have a drink with Magic Mark.
[both] Oh!
- Okay. Have fun. - That's nice. [chuckles]
- I'm really glad she's our friend. - [chuckles]
I'm just gonna go hit the roulette table one more time--
No. Susan's cut off.
Hey. Just saw that you called. Is everything okay?
Yeah. Everything is fucking great.
I just watched my dad make out with my teacher.
At my place of work. At a school event. And meanwhile,
my boyfriend is out gazing at the fucking stars with his boyfriend Trevor.
I'm so sorry, Trina. I immediately regretted leaving.
I don't even like Trevor, and there isn't even a blood moon,
which Trevor says is probably
because the sky is a projection made by the government.
- Fuck that guy. He sucks. - I know. He sucks.
- He fucking sucks, for sure. - I hate him.
But I think he was giving me attention that I was sadly really craving.
And I know I've been clingy with you. But...
[chuckles] I don't really like hanging out with anyone who isn't you.
Well, I don't really like hanging out with anyone who isn't you.
I think that we both need each other right now,
and that's okay.
Okay.
- [giggles, grunts] - Oh. Oh, my God.
[Giorgio] "Looking at the stars can be an overwhelming experience.
When you truly take in the vast and endless universe,
it's hard not to feel insignificant and alone.
But I always take comfort, my fellow stargazers,
when I zero in on star clusters.
If galaxies are like communities of stars, then clusters are like families."
Oh, man. D is such a good writer.
I'll just be a minute, okay?
[Giorgio] "The stars in a cluster are bound to each other by gravity.
Like it or not, they travel through the universe together."
[Natalie] Giorgio.
- Natalie. - [sighs]
I don't want to slow down. I'll go as fast as you want.
But you need to know, I'm not perfect.
I have a lot of debt,
and if that's a deal-breaker, we can part as friends.
Natalie Pearl, I wouldn't part with you for anything.
- Oh. - Me and you are like stars, baby.
We're bound to each other. We're a family.
And we're really fucking hot.
[both chuckling]
[no audible dialogue]