- It was a joke, Giorgio. - Okay.
"Orgio's"? How is that funny?
No, it was "Orgio's." As in orgy.
Okay. Well, if I didn't get that, no one's gonna get that.
It's not even accessible humor.
Can you just cut her some slack?
I mean, the funeral was yesterday.
I know that, Dust. Okay? I know that she's hurting.
But she's hurting me and the entire town by making a joke out of a beautiful sign.
Hey, what's the verdict?
Look, I think I'm just gonna cut her some slack.
Her boyfriend just died. And I think we all need to keep that in mind, Big D.
- Thank you so much, Giorgio. - Stop.
You don't need to thank me, Cass.
Thank you, Giorgio.
How about you? You got anything to say?
Listen, Trina, I know it's been a few months, but it's Kolton's birthday.
Do you feel like you have the support you need?
Have you talked to your mom or your dad?
No, I basically told them to fuck off
after they were being all smothery this summer.
What about friends?
Well, they just talk at me. Or about me.
Like I'm this brave, perfect widow. Like I'm the fucking Virgin Mary.
No offense.
- You get a pass. - I don't deserve a pass.
You're being too hard on yourself, Trina.
How would you know?
When a loved one dies, it's natural to experience guilt.
And there's always gonna be things that you wished you had said or done.
You'll always struggle to forgive yourself for wasting what little time you had.
But a car accident? It's a tragedy.
For Kolton and for you, Trina.
There's no way you could've seen that coming.
I think if you knew the situation,
you'd be okay with me feeling a little bit of guilt.
You wanna tell me the situation?
Well, maybe you need to tell someone.
You might find that people are more forgiving than you think.
It's not what it looks like. I'm cheating on my wife.
I believe you, but you're the coach of the basketball team.
So, unless you're gonna go on record and say that you're having an affair,
- I gotta let you go. - I couldn't do that to Vicky.
Your wife deserves to know.
Vicky's not my wife.
Okay, men are hell.
I'm gonna need your resignation by the end of today.
Afternoon, Coach.
I go away for a few days, and what, y'all shit your pants?
- What did I do? - You got a tattoo on school property?
Well, I got a half a tattoo from Nurse Munro
because her card said "Tattoo Artist."
- And I thought she'd be good with needles. - Jesus Christ, Dusty.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I got it for Cass.
We've been having some ups and downs lately.
I get it. Marriage is tough.
- You've been married for eight minutes. - I got a suggestion.
All right.
Take Cass away for the weekend. Okay? Martha and Rose's Inn.
- I just went there for my honeymoon. - I--
They just renovated the whole place.
It's incredible. It feels like you really got away. Okay?
Here. Here's a 10% coupon.
You use that 'cause I get 10% off too. All right?
- Oh, yeah. Okay. - Okay. Go get your woman. All right.
Yeah, you got this!
Hey. Any fun birthday plans?
Movie night with my dad. So, no.
Want me to come over? I could be a Beau buffer.
A "Beau-ffer."
Yeah, no. I appreciate the offer
but wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Hey, Jacob.
Hey.
I gotta go.
Okay, cool!
It is so hot how he always, like, has to go.
It's so mysterious.
I wonder if he's going to Megan's.
Is Megan having a thing tonight?
No. I mean, not, like, a thing.
She might be having some people--
You know, I don't even think she is, actually.
"Trina knows about Megan's party. What should I do?"
Oh, no. That's--
I was just being funny.
Look, it's not personal. It's just, like, awkward if you're, like, mourning,
and we're all laughing and having fun.
I just don't know how to be around you.
Yeah, I'm getting that.
So, Trina, does this mean you miss me? Because that's very cute.
No. I'm just surprised.
I really thought you guys would be here tonight.
Why? What's tonight?
Friday.
Well, in shocking news,
your mum and dad have plans on a Friday night.
Did you not see the note? I left it on the dining room table.
Yeah, why send a text when you could bury a note under Mom's art crap?
Hey, it's not art crap.
Wait, Mom's with you?
Well, your dad is surprising me.
But, sweetie, we can come back if, you know, if you wanna hang?
You know, it's fine.
I'm actually really glad to have the house to myself.
I'll just throw a rager of a party and destroy all your stuff.
Don't call the cops, okay?
- Okay, that tracks. Have fun. - Okay, teapot! I love you so much!
You think she's fine? It's not like her to want to hang with us.
Yeah, she said she was fine. I, for one, trust our daughter.
Okay. So are you gonna tell me where we're going?
No, that's for me to know and for you to find out.
- "Martha and Rose's Inn"? - What? No.
I just saw the coupon.
Dusty, if I knew that's where we were going,
- I would not have come. - Okay.
Look, I know that you think that Martha hates you.
But I saw the way that she was looking at you at the wedding.
If you hated someone, would you look at them?
Probably!
She left my mom because of me.
- No, she did not. No-- - Yes!
Cass, she left your mom because she didn't want to have kids.
You just happened to be that kid in the scenario.
And it was years ago. We're all adults now.
Which is why I wanted to take you for a little adult getaway.
- You know? - Yeah.
Show you that I can still spice things up a bit.
I mean, what could be more spicy
than finding out that you were part of an all-boys dance troupe. I mean...
Oh, my gosh.
What have they done with the place?
Well, it's just like it says on the coupon, Cass.
"All the fun of a cruise ship with none of the travel."
Hello! Welcome to the Cruisin' Cruise Inn!
We're so glad to have you on board with us,
and we do hope you'll recommend us to your friends.
- Thanks. - The renovations aren't quite complete,
but we have already been recognized
as the number one nautical-based hotel in Deerfield!
And if we recommend you, we get an additional 10% off.
That's right, isn't it?
Dinner tonight is going to be at 1700 hours in the main dining room.
- And before you head to your cabin... - Dining room.
...everyone is required to read the safety manual.
When did my dad do this?
"O Captain! My Captain!" That's you when you're older.
He looks like a stripper on a houseboat.
Captain Rose, I think we can skip the safety manual,
at least until we get that moat.
Right. Thank you.
Hi, Martha.
Hi, Cass.
Look at you two looking at each other. It's good.
Why don't I show you to your room?
I don't understand. Is this all, like, a MORPHO thing?
Actually, no. We've been working on the renovations for months.
Rose loves cruise ships,
but she's deathly afraid of the ocean.
And I've always been a bit of a homebody anyway,
and so this is our compromise.
Great.
Evening, Coach.
A lot of people have been coming here to get away.
Business has tripled since the renovations,
so I apologize. This is the last room we have left.
Oh, yay. We got the last room.
It is one of our more... authentic rooms.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- The "Crew's Quarters." - Okay.
Rose insisted that we plug the windows
so that you really feel like you're below deck.
- That's very effective. - And what else?
The light switch is by the door.
It should just switch on and off for when you need light.
- Ooh la la. - A light. That's great.
I really wish we had something a little fancier for you.
This is perfect.
Thank you.
- Thank you, Martha. - Okay.
Yeah.
- Do you believe that she hates me? - What?
Come on. Seriously? This has got to be the worst room.
I don't know. The worst room?
- Really? - Yeah.
How about a little bit of role-play?
Yeah.
- We could be deck workers. Yes! - Okay.
And we're stressed and overworked,
and I gotta wear this 'cause we're all about to drown.
It's your last night.
I think I'm only gonna drown 'cause you took the last vest.
So I don't know. Maybe you should stop turning me on so much.
- Oh, yeah. You like that? - I do.
I hope so 'cause I don't think I can get it off.
Oh, shit. Okay.
Yeah, I think it's digging in. The more I--
Hey. I thought you were gonna be at Megan's tonight?
Well, yeah.
Apparently, I'm either too brave or too morbid to be at parties.
Not sure which.
Well, if it's the latter, then you'll fit right in here.
Happy birthday.
- It's an ashtray. - Of course it is.
- I love it. - Thanks.
- Oh, shit. Jesus. - What the fuck did you do?
- I don't know. I was just pick-- - I don't--
- I'm just kidding. It was already broken. - So mean.
- Here. - 100% fell for it.
Jesus.
- A little dark given the circumstances. - I think it's sick.
I, like, made it with my mom's craft shit.
What'd you get me?
What did I get you for my birthday?
I got you a card too.
Where'd you get this?
It was from the machine. I don't know. I think it's like a sample or something.
It kind of just spat out a few blanks when it was first starting up.
You know, you could, like, write whatever you want on here
and tell people that's what you got.
Yeah. Kind of wish I thought of that earlier.
What do you think Kolton would have got?
Well, "Angel," obviously. Right?
Obviously.
I don't know.
He could be a real dick sometimes. Like, he used to take my shit.
Like, my mom got me a Switch, and then it just disappeared.
And she blamed me, of course, but I knew he took it.
I logged back into my account. My username was changed to like...
Penis69.
Which is a great name, in his defense.
I mean, that's just a small thing, but as an example.
I know.
And you and I only started hanging out
because he was always bailing on you to go drink with his boys or...
I don't think that was, like, the only reason why we started hanging out.
I know. And I know there were obviously good parts too,
but with everyone calling him an angel,
it's really hard to remember those.
Seafaring passengers, I hold before you an ordinary napkin,
like any of the napkins you will find at your tables.
However, like the tides of the ocean,
this ordinary napkin can quickly...
change.
Thank you.
I'll be right back! After a quick, magic 15.
Well, you gotta admire the guy's commitment to his MORPHO card.
But it could be argued that it's just as admirable to do something
regardless of what it says on a card.
Like Martha and Rose and their beautiful ship.
Some might argue that the cards help unlock the magic within us.
Is that right? What do you do, Glen?
I work at the electric company.
But then I got a card that said "Photographer."
So, what do you photograph?
Trees mostly. I love tree bark.
It's nature's scabs.
- Magical. - Yeah. Well, it is for me.
For a long while now,
I've really wanted to just disappear into the woods
and really delve into my art.
But I was afraid it would-- might affect our relationship.
The MORPHO machine gave me the confidence to really go for it.
Wow. That's actually really amazing.
So, what did you get--
- I did not get your-- - Hawaii.
- You got "Hawaii"? - Oh, no.
My name is Hawaii.
- Wow. - I got "Explorer."
Which obviously means sexual explorer.
Obviously. Yeah.
And once Glen shared his secret passion for tree bark with me,
I was able to tell him that I wanted to have sex
with a lot of different people.
So I started going through a bucket list of sexual activities,
and Glen has been incredibly supportive through it all.
Oh, stop.
- How many activities? - Supportive, how?
I started with the easy ones, like DP.
Sorry, double pen.
Double pen?
Sorry. Double penetration.
- Ouch. - Glen.
You know how it is. You guys are married.
You must've done it all.
- Oh, gosh. How many times? - Wow. We've done it. A lot.
It's usually just a single pen.
Yeah. Too many cooks and all that.
- So what card did you get? - I got "Royalty."
Oh, my God.
- That is the best one yet. - Wow.
Is it?
I mean, I do not know what to do with it.
I just wish I had something like "Biker," so I could buy a bike.
Or like "Photographer," so I could just buy a camera, you know?
Something like that.
Well, I got "Explorer," but I didn't go buy a giant sailing ship.
- Yeah. - Well, that would have been weird.
I just figured out what it meant for me.
Wow.
Hey.
What did I get? Well, funny you should ask--
Sorry, Dusty.
Didn't mean to interrupt, but is the floor moving?
Attention, passengers.
We're encountering some choppy waters.
I'll do my best to steer us out.
In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
It's like dinner theater.
- Hey, Dad. - Hey, sport.
Trina's here.
Trina! You came!
That's so great. Here. Get in there. Have a seat.
We were just about to start movie night.
Can I get you something to eat?
I got some Burly Boy dinners, popcorn--
We can do one beer.
Popcorn would be great. Thank you.
Coming right up.
- So what are we watching? - Just The Magnificent Seven.
Kolton's fave.
What? What's wrong?
Nothing. I mean, it's--
We can watch it. I just-- I don't think it's his favorite.
I mean, obviously, he liked it.
Yeah, he was kinda weirdly obsessed with My Best Friend's Wedding.
The Julia Roberts movie?
Yeah.
Well, I like her.
- She's kinda funny, and her face is nice. - Yeah.
And if that was Kolton's favorite movie, then that's what we'll watch.
- Okay. - I'll get the popcorn.
Coming right up!
And to think I was worried about watching a classic Western alone with my dad.
Now I get to watch an old rom-com with my dad and my secret girlfriend,
in honor of my dead brother who you also dated.
Happy birthday.
It is a happy birthday.
So, you see how the clean lines of the birch
contrast with the soft lines of the moss.
Yeah, breathtaking, Glen.
Listen, can we just circle back for a second to that convo
- about the sexual bucket list? - Yeah.
So how does that work?
Like, what does the day-to-day look like for you on that, Glen?
I'm pretty hands-off.
Hawaii just does whatever with whoever and I take photos.
So you're there.
No. I take photos of tree bark.
Just the trees. Come on, keep up.
- I will go on a trip for a few days... - What?
...on a shoot sometimes,
and Hawaii doesn't even get jealous.
I mean, sometimes it's really hard, but I want to give Glen his independence.
Wow.
That sounds really healthy.
Sorry, what are you-- You mean, like, it's hard on you?
Because it feels like a more insecure person in Glen's shoes,
they might be worried that one of your explorations
would take you away from him forever.
All I can say is this.
Ever since Glen and I opened up to each other,
it's like we've fallen in love all over again,
but as our true selves, and we've never been stronger.
And...
We fucked in a tree.
Well, we better make a move, huh?
This has been a delight,
but we're going to retire to the Crew's Quarters.
Yes.
Crew's Quarters. That sounds like fun.
Wow.
I love it. It's so authentic.
Yeah, we are up in the Captain's Suite, and it's got this amazing view
that just reminds you you're not on the ocean.
Want to trade?
Right?
It's getting pretty late, isn't it?
Yeah, I'm actually feeling a little queasy.
Oh, no.
Glen. You shouldn't have been looking at your phone on the moving floor.
Oh, Glen.
Yeah, I think I'm going to call it a night.
- It was nice to meet you. - Such a shame.
- We'll see you tomorrow. - The door is right there.
Yeah.
Hope you feel better.
So...
How do you normally do this?
How do we normally do what?
That.
Well, we would normally--
Under normal circumstances, we would have a private chat first.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Look in there.
Ho! We'll just swing into the en suite.
We'll be right back.
You know what's happening, right?
This is a threesome. This is how a threesome starts.
I know what's happening. How do you feel about it?
- How do I feel about it? - Yeah.
In the past, it was something that you said wouldn't appeal to you.
I'm appealed. I'm appealed to find out how you feel about it.
You know, is this something that you've--
Is this something that you've wanted?
'Cause I want you to be able to share your desires with me, darling.
Sweetie, I want you to share your desires with me.
How about this?
How about I count to three
and then we both share our secret desires?
- Okay. - One, two, three.
You know what? It was too wide open, wasn't it?
- It's Pandora's box. Okay, so... - Sorry, I was late.
I'm just going to say "threesome" on three,
and you say whatever pops into your head.
One, two, threesome!
- Dusty, listen. - Yeah.
You know what?
- I wasn't expecting that to happen, right? - No.
- Okay? - No.
But you know what?
We have been talking about broadening our horizons, right?
Yeah.
And this is something we'd be doing together.
- Yeah. - Look. I'm good either way.
No! Cass is in for the threesome.
Yes! Yay!
I can finally cross having a threesome with an older couple off my list.
Start doing what you normally do, and I'll watch.
Like at home?
Yeah.
- Well, we wou-- - Well, normally what we would do is--
- You would turn off the lights downstairs... - Bingo!
- Turn off the lights. Get that done. - ...secure the alarm.
- That's right. - That's hot.
- And then you would brush your teeth. - Yes. My teeth.
I love to brush my teeth and gargle.
- Minty fresh. - Dental hygiene.
Then I do a little--
I don't think that-- Do I do that?
Usually not with the back of your hand, but it's the hand.
- Hand-to-face... - Yeah.
- ...and hand-to-body. - A little of the hand.
- Some of that. - He likes a good massage.
- Yeah. - He wears a cross-shoulder bag for work.
I get a lot of issues in my T7, so she'll kinda do a bit of that.
Like that.
Yeah. Let's do it.
- Then I can't have sex... - No.
...without taking off my pants.
- Here we go. - Let's get these little guys off.
Here comes the surprise!
We're warming up.
Oh, shit!
- Fuck! - Are you okay?
Fuck. My ankle.
Why did you try to take off your pants before your shoes?
I don't know. I don't wear shoes at home.
That's definitely a sprain.
Sweetie, please do not move. Okay?
I'm going to go get some ice. Oh, my goodness.
What's that on your ass?
We're supposed to side with Julia Roberts in this?
She spends the whole movie trying to ruin her friend's wedding.
It's actually her best friend's wedding.
Well, she is not a best friend. I'll tell you that.
I gotta say, I don't see a ton of Kolton in this.
- Well... - I think Mom put him onto it.
Yeah, he used to help Mom with the laundry.
They'd always have a movie on.
I also feel like he just kinda liked late '90s rom-coms.
He knew most of the monologues in Jerry Maguire,
and there were a lot of monologues.
Yeah, but he would do them in, like, a funny way.
Kolton with the jokes.
He got that from his old man.
Yeah. And, like, the "Orgio's" thing?
That's what Kolton used to call it.
So, when I, like, smashed in the sign, that was kind of like an homage.
Oh, man. You two made such a great pair.
I never saw him happier than when he was with you.
I'm gonna make more popcorn.
- Want me to help? - Jacob's got it.
Don't jump.
Sorry, do you need something?
Towels? Dramamine?
No, I was just getting some ice.
Okay.
How are you?
I'm fine.
I mean, I'm stressed, but that comes with the territory.
One of our guests just threw up in the Captain's Suite.
Oh, yeah, poor Glen.
To be honest, Cass, having you here is--
I almost tried to talk to you at the wedding.
Couldn't seem to find the right moment.
Yeah, I get it.
I mean, there were a lot of surprise dance numbers
to compete with, so...
I think about you a lot.
You know, what you're up to. How you're doing.
I'm doing fine.
I'm selling sweatshirts.
Well, I'm not surprised.
You were always so creative.
I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on right now.
- Don't you hate me? - Hate you?
Yeah. I mean, we haven't talked in, like, a lot of years.
And, like, I know that I'm the reason you and my mom broke up,
because you didn't wanna have kids, and--
That's what she told you?
Of course that's what she told you.
I'm sorry. I don't want to talk ill of your mother.
Oh, no. Please talk shit.
Izzy and I had our issues long before we moved to Deerfield,
but they had nothing to do with you.
I thought after we moved here, and she put her dance career behind her,
things would be different,
but Mayor Izzy.
I know.
In the end, I was the one who left.
But I begged Izzy to still have a relationship with you.
She told me you didn't want that.
So I respected your wishes.
Those were not my--
Those were not my wishes.
- Fun Friday night, right? - Yeah.
Watching old movies in the basement with me.
Well, at least it wasn't The Magnificent Seven,
which apparently is only my favorite movie.
Like Jacob said, I'm sure Kolton liked it too.
People never talk to me about him.
When they do, it's the same shit.
But you really knew him. You know?
And I...
I couldn't even tell you his favorite color.
I think he liked yellow.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Well, that's a good choice.
You probably learned more about Kolton in a year than I did in my whole life.
That's not true.
I should...
I should have made the effort while I could.
I feel like I failed him.
I failed him too, Mr. Kovac.
No, you didn't.
I'm a liar.
It's what I got on my card. "Liar."
What?
You think you're a shitty dad?
Well, I was an even shittier girlfriend.
I cheated on Kolton.
- I'm so sorry. - I think you should go.
I'm really sorry.
I wouldn't worry about it. There's only seven little dots.
Seven? Last time I checked, there was five.
Cass, hey. This isn't what it looks like.
I just wanna go home, if it's okay.
Yeah, of course.
I'm sorry, Hawaii.
It's totally fine.
Let's just quickly exchange numbers and find another time?
It's okay.
I want to get to know you, Jacob.
I don't want us to have secrets anymore.
You know Trina cheated on Kolton?
No.
I sent her home.
It's just you and me now, partner.