1 00:00:06,194 --> 00:00:07,988 Previously, on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh... 2 00:00:07,988 --> 00:00:09,740 Thanks for getting me that investor. 3 00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,158 He invited us bow hunting. 4 00:00:11,158 --> 00:00:13,243 - Scary berries! - Jimbo, don't shoot him! 5 00:00:13,243 --> 00:00:14,244 Ooh! 6 00:00:16,246 --> 00:00:19,875 This wouldn't have happened if your weird boy wasn't afraid of berries. 7 00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:22,419 You know what? You are not a good neighbor. 8 00:00:23,420 --> 00:00:25,881 Did your moron son give this to my daughter? 9 00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:28,592 The girl needs guidance. She isn't getting it at home. 10 00:00:28,592 --> 00:00:30,510 - Excuse me?! - Oh, shit. 11 00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:32,387 Let me live my life, okay? 12 00:00:32,387 --> 00:00:35,599 You make bad decisions. You always have. 13 00:00:35,599 --> 00:00:37,476 Maybe it is time to change. 14 00:00:37,476 --> 00:00:38,685 Dunk me. 15 00:00:45,442 --> 00:00:49,279 Halloween... birthday... incest. 16 00:00:49,279 --> 00:00:50,280 Wow! 17 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,617 Wow! If what Janice said is even close to the truth, 18 00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:56,369 the Pradeeps are capable of unspeakable depravity. 19 00:00:56,369 --> 00:00:58,580 {\an8}Uh-huh. 20 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,708 Burning down the Mills' house almost pales in comparison. 21 00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:02,834 Mm-hmm. 22 00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,920 Oh! There you two are. 23 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,256 Ma'am, this is our private office, not the interrogation room. 24 00:01:08,256 --> 00:01:11,218 Sorry. I just forgot to mention that Mahesh and Sudha 25 00:01:11,218 --> 00:01:14,513 also tried to kill everyone at my Halloween party. Monsters. 26 00:01:14,513 --> 00:01:16,473 - What? - Okay, bye! 27 00:01:20,435 --> 00:01:23,063 Kill everyone? Should we have asked more about that? 28 00:01:23,063 --> 00:01:25,273 Free lesson, rook. When you hear something sensational, 29 00:01:25,273 --> 00:01:27,859 you have to get the other side of the story. 30 00:01:27,859 --> 00:01:29,277 Let's talk to the Pradeeps. 31 00:01:29,277 --> 00:01:32,280 How do we even begin to talk about... this? 32 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,991 Ease into it. You talk to the kids about "Halloween." 33 00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:39,246 I'll talk to the parents about "Birthday." Maybe one of us will get to the big "I." 34 00:01:39,246 --> 00:01:41,414 This got NC-17 real quick. 35 00:01:41,414 --> 00:01:43,500 Let's make this interesting. 36 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,628 First one to get there... wins. 37 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,129 All right. 38 00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:10,694 So, Sudha, a little bird told me 39 00:02:10,694 --> 00:02:13,697 your first birthday in America was hard for you. 40 00:02:13,697 --> 00:02:17,534 That's because in India, October 31st is my birthday. 41 00:02:17,534 --> 00:02:18,994 Here, it's Halloween. 42 00:02:18,994 --> 00:02:20,579 Obesity's birthday. 43 00:02:20,579 --> 00:02:23,915 So, your birthday has always been a big deal to you. 44 00:02:23,915 --> 00:02:26,918 I would say medium deal because I'm a grown adult. 45 00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,128 Mm. 46 00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:31,256 But America had already taken so much from me. 47 00:02:31,256 --> 00:02:36,177 My career, my connection with my daughter, then, it came for my birthday. 48 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:38,722 My neighborhood was decorated like a horror film. 49 00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:42,309 I wanted to throw myself into one of those fake graves. 50 00:02:43,393 --> 00:02:46,146 Really, Minerva? You're going to Janice's too? 51 00:02:46,146 --> 00:02:49,983 Well, tell me when your birthday is so I can cancel two hours before, 52 00:02:49,983 --> 00:02:53,194 but after you bought a 64-ounce tub of guacamole. 53 00:02:54,529 --> 00:02:55,530 Nobody's coming. 54 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:57,741 They're all going to the Mills' Halloween party, 55 00:02:57,741 --> 00:03:00,827 which I swear Janice is throwing just to ruin my birthday. 56 00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:04,164 - Cheer up, I made you chai. - Oh, so nice. 57 00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:06,166 If only America was full of Maheshes. 58 00:03:06,166 --> 00:03:09,711 Instead, I'm forced to share my day with this grotesque celebration 59 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:13,798 that demeans honorable vocations. Sexy nurse? 60 00:03:13,798 --> 00:03:17,594 I can assure you, there's nothing sexy about wiping a paraplegic's bottom. 61 00:03:21,097 --> 00:03:22,849 Kamal, put away your therapy clay. 62 00:03:22,849 --> 00:03:24,684 Your mother is very upset. 63 00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:25,852 That's new. 64 00:03:25,852 --> 00:03:28,521 So, we're going to celebrate her birthday all day long. 65 00:03:28,521 --> 00:03:32,025 What about trick-or-treating? This is our first Halloween. 66 00:03:32,025 --> 00:03:35,070 The closest thing in India we had was that weird old guy 67 00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:37,405 giving out free lollies at the train station. 68 00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:40,784 You were supposed to give a donation, you doba, he was blind. 69 00:03:40,784 --> 00:03:42,702 - Oh. - Mommy needs us. 70 00:03:42,702 --> 00:03:44,037 We're all she has. 71 00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:47,624 But Mo and Willa need me. We're going as rock, paper, scissors. 72 00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:48,875 I'm paper. 73 00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:49,918 Ah. 74 00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:53,630 - I bought a costume. I was hoping... - Do not say the Mills' party. 75 00:03:53,630 --> 00:03:56,383 It would kill your mother. After she's killed you. 76 00:03:57,425 --> 00:03:59,260 Bhanu, let's cut to the chase. 77 00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,847 I know you and Stu had some weird stuff planned for Halloween. 78 00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:04,057 There was nothing weird. 79 00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:08,269 Oh, that. 80 00:04:08,269 --> 00:04:12,482 What can I say? We were young, dumb, and full of completely kinky ideas. 81 00:04:20,865 --> 00:04:22,075 Wait. 82 00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:26,830 This is our first time, and my very first time. 83 00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:29,916 I want it to be special. 84 00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:31,835 Taking you to the place where they 85 00:04:31,835 --> 00:04:34,921 found a severed foot in a sneaker isn't that special, huh? 86 00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:36,923 I've been thinking about this for awhile. 87 00:04:36,923 --> 00:04:40,802 I did a Survey Monkey at school asking other girls about their first times, 88 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,179 and their responses ranged from "unremarkable" 89 00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:45,098 to "he never stopped eating Doritos." 90 00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:49,519 I want this to be special, too. Do you want to do it in a bed? 91 00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:52,439 I'm thinking bigger. Phantom of the Opera. 92 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:55,525 - Thought you were gonna say waterbed. - It's so good! 93 00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:57,360 I wasn't allowed to see it, 94 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,114 so I had to watch this bootlegged copy I stole from my Auntie's house. 95 00:05:01,114 --> 00:05:04,325 It is like the most passionate love story of all time. 96 00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:08,705 Damn! We should watch it then. On a waterbed! 97 00:05:08,705 --> 00:05:12,459 Better-- we are going to live it. 98 00:05:12,459 --> 00:05:15,754 The masks, the forbidden love, the danger. 99 00:05:15,754 --> 00:05:17,630 The music of the night. 100 00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:21,968 Hot! That sounds like us. I can't wait to be your Phantom. 101 00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:23,511 - No. - Hmm? 102 00:05:23,511 --> 00:05:27,432 I'm gonna be the Phantom. I want to feel the power of rescuing you. 103 00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:30,477 - Then, who am I? - Christine. 104 00:05:30,477 --> 00:05:33,855 Baranski? She is The Good Fight. 105 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:36,649 - Christine from Phantom. - You want me to play a chick? 106 00:05:36,649 --> 00:05:38,318 - Is that too weird? - No. 107 00:05:38,318 --> 00:05:42,405 No, you got baptized for me, I'll be your Christine. 108 00:05:42,405 --> 00:05:45,700 - Okay. - So, when are we hitting the opera? 109 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,410 Halloween night. 110 00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:49,579 Perfect. My parents throw a rager. 111 00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:52,123 I was gonna offload a bunch of Ohio merch. 112 00:05:52,123 --> 00:05:54,417 My mom's book club alone will clean us out. 113 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:56,169 Those bitches love to get high. 114 00:05:56,169 --> 00:06:00,298 Okay. First, we score, and then, we score. 115 00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:02,467 We all have secrets. 116 00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:04,803 Your sister had secret plans with Stu. 117 00:06:04,803 --> 00:06:07,597 - Boring, baby. - All right, baby, how 'bout this? 118 00:06:07,597 --> 00:06:10,600 What secret are you guys keeping from Halloween? 119 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,353 Maybe a naughty secret from your parents? 120 00:06:13,353 --> 00:06:15,396 - What's your secret? - I don't have secrets. 121 00:06:15,396 --> 00:06:17,065 You said we all have secrets. 122 00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:18,650 - I'm in charge here. - Are you? 123 00:06:20,318 --> 00:06:23,738 Okay, look, our parents weren't even home for most of Halloween. 124 00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:27,200 If they were, they could've saved us from the horrors that happened. 125 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,243 Horrors? 126 00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:29,369 Horrors. 127 00:06:29,369 --> 00:06:31,621 Our first trick-or-treaters! 128 00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:33,164 Candy's the heart of Halloween. 129 00:06:33,164 --> 00:06:35,166 I like that. 130 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:38,545 Happy Halloween! Ah! 131 00:06:40,046 --> 00:06:41,464 Ah! Oh! 132 00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:47,220 Trick-or-treat, dot-heads! Eat me! 133 00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:51,391 Out of my way, you stupid kids! 134 00:06:51,391 --> 00:06:52,392 That your bully? 135 00:06:52,392 --> 00:06:54,853 You should get revenge. This is a hate crime. 136 00:06:54,853 --> 00:06:58,273 Involving biological weapons. Raw eggs are salmonella grenades! 137 00:06:58,273 --> 00:07:00,817 I've tried to get through to him with pacifism, 138 00:07:00,817 --> 00:07:04,070 but even Gandhi would agree that boy's a caca-faced punk! 139 00:07:05,530 --> 00:07:08,366 While your kids were being terrorized, what were you off doing 140 00:07:08,366 --> 00:07:09,576 that was so important? 141 00:07:09,576 --> 00:07:11,995 Wandering aimlessly in a spiral of despair. 142 00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:14,080 She got in a lot of steps that day. 143 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,417 Until I came across a killer of my soul! 144 00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:20,753 Oh, look, it's the birthday girl! 145 00:07:20,753 --> 00:07:24,841 You know, Minerva just told me what her costume is for my party. 146 00:07:24,841 --> 00:07:30,847 Wanna know? She's dressing up as someone not going to your party. 147 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:33,224 Oh, you. Okay, bye! 148 00:07:33,224 --> 00:07:36,477 I decided to give myself a birthday gift. 149 00:07:37,812 --> 00:07:38,771 Oopsie. 150 00:07:38,771 --> 00:07:40,940 But that wasn't the only gift I got. 151 00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:43,234 Surprise! 152 00:07:43,234 --> 00:07:45,111 Should we jump to the cake? 153 00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:48,239 Wait, wait, wait. Let me savor this. 154 00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:51,326 My beautiful family. Out there's a hellscape, 155 00:07:51,326 --> 00:07:55,330 but in here, you've reminded me of everything I still have. 156 00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:57,207 Well put. Let's cut this baby. 157 00:07:57,207 --> 00:08:01,294 Aside from Vinod, who for some reason is dressed like a dirty napkin, 158 00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:04,172 I'm touched by how much you all love me. 159 00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:06,966 Especially Kamal, who clearly made this cake. 160 00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:08,384 I'm your good boy. 161 00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:11,554 It's okay. I knew you couldn't fit the rest of our names. 162 00:08:11,554 --> 00:08:14,891 I could, but I didn't. Happy birthday, Mummy. 163 00:08:14,891 --> 00:08:17,727 Jai Shri Krishna, my heart is full. 164 00:08:17,727 --> 00:08:20,772 Our house was a blessed place brimming with love. 165 00:08:20,772 --> 00:08:23,399 Meanwhile, the Mills' house was a cursed place, 166 00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:26,653 brimming with tacky decorations and tackier people. 167 00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:30,823 Ladies and gentlemen, guys and ghouls, please, welcome your hosts, 168 00:08:30,823 --> 00:08:36,120 straight outta Congress, The Social Justice Warriors! 169 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,623 Woo! 170 00:08:38,623 --> 00:08:41,167 Thank you all for coming to our annual ghoula. 171 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:44,003 There's nothing scarier than socialism, right? 172 00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:45,588 AOC can suck it! 173 00:08:45,588 --> 00:08:48,883 I call these truth bombs. 174 00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:50,510 Take that, Medicare For All. 175 00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:52,011 Woo-hoo! 176 00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:54,722 Wait. Why are we against healthcare again? 177 00:08:54,722 --> 00:08:57,308 Oh, don't overthink it. Just get me a drink. 178 00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:05,525 Oh, my sweet Jesus who sits upon a velvet throne in Heaven. 179 00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:07,193 Are you wearing my wedding dress?! 180 00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:10,571 Before you say anything, this is just a costume, not every day. 181 00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:13,324 Stu, just let me say one thing. 182 00:09:13,324 --> 00:09:16,828 I always wanted a daughter to wear this. I never had her. 183 00:09:16,828 --> 00:09:19,914 But, luckily, I have a son who wears it even better. 184 00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:22,709 It does make my pecs pop, huh? 185 00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:26,796 I'll be damned. You look just like your mom on our wedding day. 186 00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:29,424 If you said, "Stop looking at my sister's boobs!" 187 00:09:29,424 --> 00:09:31,968 I swear, I'd be right back at that altar. 188 00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:34,178 Aunt Betsy is stacked, huh. 189 00:09:34,178 --> 00:09:35,346 - Mm. - Mm-hmm. 190 00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:38,308 Hey, DJ, what's going on? 191 00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:42,812 Go fix the music. I'm gonna go dance with sexy nurse. 192 00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:49,235 Just sold a bunch to DJ. Where's my Phantom? 193 00:09:49,235 --> 00:09:52,530 Nice. I'll be there ASAP. I mean, ASS-AP. 194 00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:56,534 Oh, sweet. Here's a little candy for your eyes. 195 00:09:58,369 --> 00:10:00,121 Ready, everyone? 196 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:06,961 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 197 00:10:06,961 --> 00:10:09,464 ♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪ 198 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,508 Mummy... 199 00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:16,512 Okay, one more time. 200 00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:22,852 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 201 00:10:22,852 --> 00:10:26,606 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 202 00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,067 ♪ Hap... ♪ 203 00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:31,652 It sounds like they're having technical difficulties over there. 204 00:10:31,652 --> 00:10:34,947 Technical shmechnical. They're trying to sabotage my birthday. 205 00:10:34,947 --> 00:10:37,784 I'll go talk to them. It's my gift to you. 206 00:10:37,784 --> 00:10:40,203 - I might be awhile. - You're not seeing Stu. 207 00:10:40,203 --> 00:10:44,499 I'll take care of it. The Mills have ruined our lives enough. 208 00:10:44,499 --> 00:10:48,127 That's my hero. You go get them, Mahesh. 209 00:10:48,127 --> 00:10:51,214 So, this was the first time you talked to Jimbo 210 00:10:51,214 --> 00:10:53,132 since your ill-fated hunting trip. 211 00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:57,678 Yes. I tried to avoid him but I had to save my wife's birthday. 212 00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,181 I love my wife more than anything. 213 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:03,309 Love makes you do crazy things, doesn't it, Mahesh? 214 00:11:03,309 --> 00:11:07,814 It was just supposed to be a conversation. I didn't think it'd turn out like that! 215 00:11:07,814 --> 00:11:10,858 Mahesh, what happened that night had to happen. 216 00:11:10,858 --> 00:11:13,111 It all happened so fast. 217 00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,204 This ends now. 218 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,130 Here. Some miscreant kicked over your scarecrow. 219 00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:34,173 I've been trying to reach you, bud. 220 00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:37,093 I hate how we left things after that hunting trip. 221 00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:39,554 Did you get that dancing hamster GIF I sent? 222 00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:42,557 I wouldn't know. I put your contact on Do Not Disturb. 223 00:11:42,557 --> 00:11:45,560 Didn't block me, though, huh? There's still hope. 224 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,646 No hope. I'm here to ask you to turn down the music. 225 00:11:48,646 --> 00:11:50,148 Well, that's the thing. 226 00:11:50,148 --> 00:11:54,986 Here's your problem. The entire system is overloaded. 227 00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:57,905 The DJ blew it out. I think he's on drugs. 228 00:11:57,905 --> 00:11:59,657 I can't feel my fingers! 229 00:11:59,657 --> 00:12:00,992 Can you fix it? 230 00:12:00,992 --> 00:12:04,412 Of course, I'm an engineer. But I'm not doing this for you. 231 00:12:04,412 --> 00:12:06,664 I'm doing this to save Sudha's birthday. 232 00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:09,417 Tell her happy birthday from me. What'd you get her? 233 00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,294 A plaque that says "co-president." 234 00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,796 Sounds like your rocket business is coming along. 235 00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:16,549 Mm, no, I'm about to lose my Space-X contract 236 00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:18,301 because I can't make the delivery. 237 00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,928 Bummer. Anything I can do? 238 00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:25,349 Yes. Get me pliers, a ladder and a root beer, no ice. 239 00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:29,979 WTF, your dad is here. Where are you? 240 00:12:29,979 --> 00:12:34,150 I know, sucks. I'm still coming. XO Phantom. 241 00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,861 Hot. XO Christine. 242 00:12:36,861 --> 00:12:38,154 Ah! 243 00:12:38,154 --> 00:12:41,491 Help me get revenge on my nemesis. 244 00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:44,160 Sorry, I'm too busy not wanting to do that. 245 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,828 You swore a blood oath. 246 00:12:45,828 --> 00:12:46,787 Says who? 247 00:12:47,788 --> 00:12:50,333 A red string, red string! 248 00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:53,461 A string? What am I missing? 249 00:12:53,461 --> 00:12:57,298 It's called a rakhi, and sister's tie it onto their brother's wrists 250 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,342 - as a promise of protection. - Oh. 251 00:12:59,342 --> 00:13:00,927 What a lovely tradition. 252 00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:03,679 Not really. It started out as a patriarchal thing, 253 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,890 where sisters pretended to bless their brothers, 254 00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:08,809 but really, they begged to be allowed back in the village 255 00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:10,061 when they became widows. 256 00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,063 So, you're mourning your dead husband 257 00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:14,899 and your brother won't let you back in the village? 258 00:13:14,899 --> 00:13:16,609 Why protect that jerk? 259 00:13:16,609 --> 00:13:20,154 Because he was 11 and he needed help against a caca-faced punk. 260 00:13:20,154 --> 00:13:21,489 Okay! 261 00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:25,576 Meanwhile, I was dealing with my own caca-faced punk. 262 00:13:25,576 --> 00:13:28,079 Shh! What's your father still doing over there? 263 00:13:28,079 --> 00:13:29,372 The Monster Mahesh? 264 00:13:29,372 --> 00:13:30,581 Good one, Mummy. 265 00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:33,209 I'm going over to yank out all the circuit breakers. 266 00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:35,294 Didn't Mrs. Mills banish you from their property? 267 00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:38,214 Oh, you're right. If she sees me, she'll call the police. 268 00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:41,384 It hurts my heart knowing my two favorite ladies don't get along. 269 00:13:41,384 --> 00:13:42,843 It's not my fault, beta. 270 00:13:44,011 --> 00:13:49,475 ♪ My two favorite ladies They don't get along ♪ 271 00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:50,476 It's good. 272 00:13:50,476 --> 00:13:53,563 It was not good. But my idea was brilliant. 273 00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:56,732 I snuck into the Mills' party dressed as the Phantom. 274 00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:59,527 Oh, hi! Great costume. 275 00:13:59,527 --> 00:14:03,197 I almost got caught by Janice, but I didn't because she's an idiot. 276 00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:07,243 Hold on. You're telling me Sudha broke into the Mills' house 277 00:14:07,243 --> 00:14:09,537 in disguise, just to save her birthday? 278 00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:14,750 Maybe it wasn't about her birthday. Maybe it was about this. 279 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:18,170 Dear Lord, the big "I." I feel like I'm gonna lose this bet. 280 00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:22,925 Oh. Oh, you're definitely gonna lose. Tick-tock, rookie. 281 00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:24,802 I gotta think more like her. 282 00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:27,513 Boom! Uh-huh. 283 00:14:27,513 --> 00:14:29,056 Where are Kamal and Bhanu? 284 00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:32,685 I didn't want them seeing their little brother dragged off in handcuffs. 285 00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:34,145 Why would they see that? 286 00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:36,230 Because you're not telling me everything, Vinod. 287 00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,858 Give me something good. Or else. 288 00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:41,402 My sister stole a car to help fight my bully. 289 00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,528 Ooh, felony! 290 00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:44,280 It was just my parents' car. 291 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,116 Family car, family affair. Sounds risqué. 292 00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,285 The drive was very risqué. 293 00:14:49,285 --> 00:14:52,580 Hurry up, let's go. We need more eggs for the bully. 294 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:53,789 Let's rock! 295 00:14:54,915 --> 00:14:56,042 Punch it, Bhanu. 296 00:14:58,252 --> 00:15:01,339 Boom! I know you stole a car. Tell me everything! 297 00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:02,340 Or else. 298 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,429 You got any games on your phone? 299 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:12,308 Boom! I know your sister stole a car. Tell me everything! Or else. 300 00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:16,395 That was all Bhanu and Vinod. But it wasn't the only naughty thing they did. 301 00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:20,191 What did they do? You can tell me. This is their shame, not yours. 302 00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:22,068 Vinod even got his friends involved. 303 00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:24,737 Wow. So many children. 304 00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:29,033 Now, I don't know if I want to win that five dollars. 305 00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:30,785 Incest, or no incest. 306 00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:33,162 Bhanu led us down a dark path. 307 00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,164 Grand theft eggs. 308 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,668 We are going to destroy that bully! 309 00:15:39,669 --> 00:15:40,753 What are you doing? 310 00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:43,005 Forgot my wallet, we have to steal it. 311 00:15:43,005 --> 00:15:44,131 Vinod? 312 00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:47,468 Ah, Mo and Willa. What a pleasure. 313 00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,681 Hey, paper! College-ruled looks good on you. 314 00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:52,807 Yeah. 315 00:15:52,807 --> 00:15:54,600 What happened to you? 316 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,310 I got egged. 317 00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,854 Poor, sweet boy. By who? 318 00:15:58,854 --> 00:16:02,149 A bully. Want to come get revenge? 319 00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:03,150 Hell, yeah. 320 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,695 Hey, you kids! Not so fast, paper! 321 00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:07,822 What've you got stuffed under that costume? 322 00:16:07,822 --> 00:16:09,990 - Just a very charming boy. - Mm. 323 00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:13,035 Shoplifting is a crime. 324 00:16:13,035 --> 00:16:16,455 Right. We know that's a costume. You're too hot to be a cop. 325 00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:18,666 Thank you! But I am a cop. 326 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:21,252 And even if I weren't, you'd still be stealing. 327 00:16:21,252 --> 00:16:25,756 Excuse me. Has anyone ever told you you look like a young Rani Mukherjee 328 00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:29,427 with eyes you can get lost in for days? 329 00:16:29,427 --> 00:16:32,096 No, not until right this second, handsome. 330 00:16:33,556 --> 00:16:37,351 Here, you're free to go. And you know what, here's my badge number. 331 00:16:37,351 --> 00:16:40,730 Call me. 332 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,398 Oh! 333 00:16:42,398 --> 00:16:45,401 Kamal! Kamal! Kamal! 334 00:16:45,401 --> 00:16:47,695 Kamal told you that? He's not that smooth. 335 00:16:47,695 --> 00:16:50,322 He puked on her shoes and she let us go. 336 00:16:50,322 --> 00:16:53,576 But the real horror story was happening at the Mills' house. 337 00:16:53,576 --> 00:16:56,746 I feel bad that your business is struggling. 338 00:16:56,746 --> 00:17:00,666 I know I'm the last person you want advice from, but hear me out. 339 00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:04,211 What if you could build your rockets for a whole lot cheaper? 340 00:17:04,211 --> 00:17:08,424 When I rebuilt the Hemi on my truck, I ordered bootleg parts online. 341 00:17:08,424 --> 00:17:10,009 Pennies on the dollar. 342 00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:13,262 Are you suggesting I buy bootleg rocket parts on the Internet? 343 00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:15,514 Pennies. On. The dollar. 344 00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:18,058 Let me tell you how that email would go. 345 00:17:18,058 --> 00:17:21,103 "Dear Unnamed Vendor I Found On the Dark Web, 346 00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:24,607 I have an urgent need to purchase components for innocent space travel 347 00:17:24,607 --> 00:17:26,650 that could easily be mistaken as components 348 00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:30,196 for weapons of mass destruction. Please, accept my payment in Bitcoin, 349 00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:32,740 and mail all parts directly to my home address 350 00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:35,659 where I will be awaiting my arrest and execution. 351 00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:40,247 Yours most sincerely, Mahesh Pradeep, Brown Man in America." 352 00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:44,460 When you put it like that, it makes me feel like you don't like it. 353 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:48,589 While Mahesh was fixing the party, I was looking to destroy it. 354 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,509 Circuit breaker, circuit breaker... 355 00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:55,638 Bingo. 356 00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:01,435 A/C, dishwasher, heater... 357 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:06,273 Where is the switch to turn off the party? 358 00:18:06,273 --> 00:18:07,399 Damn it! 359 00:18:10,736 --> 00:18:11,946 Hello, Phantom. 360 00:18:11,946 --> 00:18:12,947 Ooh! 361 00:18:12,947 --> 00:18:14,698 Here comes Christine. 362 00:18:17,785 --> 00:18:20,871 It was my birthday and I was stuck in a basement 363 00:18:20,871 --> 00:18:24,250 with a redneck in a wedding dress. It couldn't get any worse. 364 00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:27,419 S'up, sexy mama? Come and give me some love. 365 00:18:27,419 --> 00:18:29,505 I was wrong, it got worse. 366 00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:30,714 Come here. 367 00:18:30,714 --> 00:18:32,049 So much worse. 368 00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:35,010 Oh, I get it. You're making Christine work for it. 369 00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:37,596 What gives, Bhanu? 370 00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:41,809 My nightmare was about to become his nightmare. 371 00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:44,895 Oh, I get it. You're the Phantom, the Phantom's in charge. 372 00:18:44,895 --> 00:18:46,021 Mm-hmm. 373 00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:50,234 I'm Christine. I'm an innocent virgin who's down to pound. 374 00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,361 Take me, Phantom, take me now. 375 00:18:52,361 --> 00:18:53,988 Mm-mm. 376 00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:57,074 You kidding me? I shaved my pits for this. 377 00:18:57,074 --> 00:19:00,202 I thought you finally wanted to make sweet, sweet love. 378 00:19:02,079 --> 00:19:03,706 Why'd you even get baptized? 379 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,085 To discover Stu made your daughter get baptized, 380 00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:11,380 just to have sex on your birthday, of all days, 381 00:19:11,380 --> 00:19:14,842 must've made you want to kill Stu right then and there. 382 00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:17,344 Why kill the fish when you can poison the lake? 383 00:19:17,344 --> 00:19:19,179 Is that an Indian proverb? 384 00:19:19,179 --> 00:19:20,264 No. 385 00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:22,349 I call that a Sudha-ism. 386 00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:24,476 - Can I use it? - No. 387 00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:28,647 But with Stu, I didn't need Sudha-isms. He did all the work, himself. 388 00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:30,441 Do you even like me anymore? 389 00:19:30,441 --> 00:19:32,610 This was getting better and better. 390 00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:35,738 - You breaking up with me? - It was too good to be true. 391 00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:38,866 - There's someone else, isn't there? - He was such a moron. 392 00:19:38,866 --> 00:19:40,367 Could I be a Ninja? 393 00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:42,703 He couldn't stay on topic to save his life. 394 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,413 Can I get my flannels back? 395 00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:47,166 You know what, I don't care. Keep my flannels. 396 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,085 I got hotties lined up around the block for me. 397 00:19:50,085 --> 00:19:53,756 Today, at the Waffle House, the waitress gave me extra syrup. So. 398 00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:00,471 Phantom! 399 00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:05,726 The Pradeep kids were out in force that night. 400 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,687 with vengeance in our eyes and eggs in our hands. 401 00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,689 We were gonna get that bully good. 402 00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:12,107 Let's do this! 403 00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:16,779 ♪ Dead I am the one Exterminating son ♪ 404 00:20:16,779 --> 00:20:20,950 ♪ Slipping through the trees Strangling the breeze ♪ 405 00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,451 That was really mean! 406 00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:27,915 You've taught me a lesson. I'm gonna rethink my life. 407 00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:36,840 Bhanu, my loyal sister, thank you for honoring the sacred oath of the rakhi. 408 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,762 And Kamal, my peculiar brother, thank you for risking salmonella to help me. 409 00:20:42,846 --> 00:20:43,931 Group hug? 410 00:20:45,474 --> 00:20:47,685 Kamal, you need to take more showers. 411 00:20:48,811 --> 00:20:51,063 Boom! I won the big "I." 412 00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:52,815 You think a hug is incest? 413 00:20:52,815 --> 00:20:55,651 I know it's desperate, I just really need the win. 414 00:20:55,651 --> 00:20:58,570 I'll give you something better. Incest. 415 00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:01,949 Mahesh had no idea Sudha had gone to the party. 416 00:21:01,949 --> 00:21:06,453 Sudha, high off her victory over Stu wanted to celebrate with a little S&M, 417 00:21:06,453 --> 00:21:07,997 Sudha and Mahesh. 418 00:21:07,997 --> 00:21:09,999 Ooh! 419 00:21:09,999 --> 00:21:11,667 I'm sorry, madam, I'm taken. 420 00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:12,876 So am I. 421 00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:17,464 Sudha! Is that you? What are you doing here? 422 00:21:17,464 --> 00:21:19,341 Just shut up and kiss me. 423 00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,556 Holy hell! 424 00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:28,892 Bhanu, are you banging your dad?! 425 00:21:32,271 --> 00:21:34,732 Bhanu? What's he talking about? 426 00:21:34,732 --> 00:21:38,485 And he was worried about going to jail for online rocket parts. 427 00:21:38,485 --> 00:21:40,571 Honestly, I wish I was more shocked. 428 00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:43,407 This is what happens when your Jesus is a cow. 429 00:21:44,867 --> 00:21:47,036 Oh, God. It's surging. 430 00:21:47,036 --> 00:21:50,164 Don't touch any wires. It's very dangerous. 431 00:21:50,164 --> 00:21:52,708 Jimbo, they're ruining my party. 432 00:21:55,461 --> 00:21:57,046 It's the Phantom's fault! 433 00:21:59,298 --> 00:22:00,924 They vanished! 434 00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:04,303 - What a rush! - Why did you drag me out of there? 435 00:22:04,303 --> 00:22:06,513 Now everyone thinks I'm an incestuous pervert 436 00:22:06,513 --> 00:22:08,390 who also does shoddy electrical work. 437 00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:10,434 Which one are you more upset by? 438 00:22:10,434 --> 00:22:14,563 I don't know. I've been an engineer longer than I've been a father. 439 00:22:14,563 --> 00:22:17,858 Bhanu and Stu are through, thanks to me! 440 00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,152 Sudha, you've gone way too far. 441 00:22:20,152 --> 00:22:21,904 This is the best birthday gift. 442 00:22:21,904 --> 00:22:24,615 I was so wrong. I love Halloween. 443 00:22:24,615 --> 00:22:25,866 This is madness. 444 00:22:25,866 --> 00:22:28,577 Bhanu's gonna clear it up the second she sees Stu. 445 00:22:28,577 --> 00:22:32,039 It doesn't matter. Every time he even thinks of touching her, 446 00:22:32,039 --> 00:22:35,918 he's gonna picture her kissing you! How disgusting is that? 447 00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:40,798 I've haunted him, Mahesh. I've haunted him forever. 448 00:22:40,798 --> 00:22:43,592 That's crazy, even for you. 449 00:22:45,761 --> 00:22:49,765 I was desperate. I tried everything to protect Bhanu. 450 00:22:49,765 --> 00:22:51,725 Even [indistinct]. 451 00:22:51,725 --> 00:22:56,063 Maybe it is crazy, but I don't want her to get hurt by Stu. 452 00:22:56,063 --> 00:22:57,815 What if he doesn't hurt her? 453 00:22:57,815 --> 00:23:00,818 What if he does? I could never forgive myself. 454 00:23:00,818 --> 00:23:05,030 I love how much you want to protect her, and I do, too. 455 00:23:05,030 --> 00:23:07,950 But we have to let Bhanu make her own mistakes. 456 00:23:09,159 --> 00:23:12,246 Let her touch the stove to learn that it's hot. 457 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,336 And that's the tale of incest. 458 00:23:19,336 --> 00:23:24,049 Well, I guess the Pradeep parents weren't the monsters Janice painted 'em out to be. 459 00:23:24,049 --> 00:23:27,261 The kids, however, are much bigger monsters than we thought. 460 00:23:27,261 --> 00:23:29,012 You said the hug was nothing. 461 00:23:29,012 --> 00:23:31,807 The hug never happened. They lied to you. 462 00:23:31,807 --> 00:23:34,726 But I found some interesting Ring footage from that night. 463 00:23:34,726 --> 00:23:36,562 Ring footage? From where? 464 00:23:36,562 --> 00:23:38,355 From that bully's house. 465 00:23:38,355 --> 00:23:41,024 Whoa! Creepy. 466 00:23:41,024 --> 00:23:43,861 Is that... Greg the garbage man? 467 00:23:43,861 --> 00:23:46,238 Yep! And Greg's dropping a load. 468 00:23:50,993 --> 00:23:53,245 Hey, Greg. Thanks for helping me. 469 00:23:53,245 --> 00:23:58,083 Glad to. You know, these people suck. 470 00:23:58,083 --> 00:23:59,543 They don't separate their recycling 471 00:23:59,543 --> 00:24:02,212 and they throw out an alarming number of dead pets. 472 00:24:02,212 --> 00:24:05,841 Oh, no. I thought you'd be dressed as someone from Star Trek. 473 00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:09,261 Oh, I am. A little Trek trivia for you... 474 00:24:09,261 --> 00:24:10,470 Mm-hmm. 475 00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:13,724 The Michael Myers mask is William Shatner. 476 00:24:13,724 --> 00:24:14,933 - Oh. - Yep. 477 00:24:14,933 --> 00:24:16,560 Mr. Shat, himself. 478 00:24:17,811 --> 00:24:19,313 Happy Halloween, little V. 479 00:24:19,313 --> 00:24:21,815 Aye-aye, thanks, Greg. Get ready, everyone! 480 00:24:21,815 --> 00:24:23,317 We're in position. 481 00:24:24,735 --> 00:24:26,695 Move those sweet chocolatey treats, Vinod! 482 00:24:26,695 --> 00:24:28,989 Here he comes! Here he comes! 483 00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,617 What... What's with all this garbage? 484 00:24:31,617 --> 00:24:33,744 - Rock, paper, scissors... - Shoot! 485 00:24:33,744 --> 00:24:37,956 You missed! 486 00:24:37,956 --> 00:24:40,959 Now, I'm gonna end you. 487 00:24:40,959 --> 00:24:42,836 - Guess again! - Oh, crap! 488 00:24:42,836 --> 00:24:47,424 Mommy! Stop! Stop! Okay, I'm allergic to egg whites! 489 00:24:47,424 --> 00:24:49,259 It's why I've never been vaccinated! 490 00:24:49,259 --> 00:24:51,011 That's for calling us names! 491 00:24:51,011 --> 00:24:53,639 - Like cane boy! - And three-peat! 492 00:24:53,639 --> 00:24:54,723 And dot-heads! 493 00:24:54,723 --> 00:24:57,351 Here's a lesson. It's called karma. 494 00:24:57,351 --> 00:24:59,102 That's dot-head for "fuck you!" 495 00:24:59,102 --> 00:25:00,103 Ohh! 496 00:25:00,103 --> 00:25:02,940 Look at them. They're like Children of the Corn. 497 00:25:02,940 --> 00:25:07,236 That was hard to watch. Fish-eye lenses make me woozy. 498 00:25:07,236 --> 00:25:09,613 Those Pradeep kids really have each other's backs. 499 00:25:09,613 --> 00:25:12,699 You have no idea. They're bound together by a magic string. 500 00:25:12,699 --> 00:25:14,368 - Magic string? - Yeah. 501 00:25:14,368 --> 00:25:17,412 You need something to eat. Get yourself a Snickers. 502 00:25:17,412 --> 00:25:20,791 I'm just saying there's nothing they wouldn't do to protect each other. 503 00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:25,003 Wait a minute. Maybe egging the bully was just a dry run for something bigger. 504 00:25:25,003 --> 00:25:27,256 Like burning down the Mills' house. 505 00:25:27,256 --> 00:25:31,718 Gosh, after getting to know the Pradeeps, I really hope they're not guilty. 506 00:25:31,718 --> 00:25:34,388 It'd be a shame to deport 'em. Especially Vinod. 507 00:25:34,388 --> 00:25:36,390 I found this drawing under his chair. 508 00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:38,725 Look how much that guy loves it here. 509 00:25:38,725 --> 00:25:41,770 Cute. But don't let that cloud your judgment. 510 00:25:41,770 --> 00:25:44,147 A lot of psychopaths doodle. 511 00:25:44,147 --> 00:25:46,942 Hitler. John Wayne Gacy. My ex. 512 00:25:46,942 --> 00:25:52,030 Plus, I think Vinod is Linda Hunt posing as an Indian boy. 513 00:25:52,030 --> 00:25:53,448 Nothing else makes sense. 514 00:25:56,868 --> 00:26:00,747 This is the best birthday I could wish for. 515 00:26:00,747 --> 00:26:02,541 And it's about to get better. 516 00:26:04,334 --> 00:26:07,462 Sudha Pradeep, co-president? 517 00:26:07,462 --> 00:26:09,214 It's perfect! 518 00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:13,427 Uh, hello? Why is my Phantom mask on the floor? 519 00:26:13,427 --> 00:26:18,265 Uh, because I... because it, um... Help out your co-president. 520 00:26:18,265 --> 00:26:21,351 Because I know you want to go out, and you can. 521 00:26:21,351 --> 00:26:24,062 - After cake. - Really? 522 00:26:24,062 --> 00:26:26,315 But, uh, Mahesh, no. 523 00:26:26,315 --> 00:26:29,276 Let her touch the stove. It's how she'll learn. 524 00:26:31,695 --> 00:26:32,904 Happy Halloween! 525 00:26:32,904 --> 00:26:34,072 Yes! 526 00:26:35,282 --> 00:26:39,119 Finally free. It's on! Heart, peach. 527 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,205 Sloppy daddy seconds? [gags] Pass. 528 00:26:42,205 --> 00:26:43,373 What?? 529 00:26:43,373 --> 00:26:46,001 Don't text me again. You're blocked. 530 00:26:47,044 --> 00:26:50,172 - Try some cake, my love. - Oh, Mahesh. 531 00:26:53,216 --> 00:26:55,302 What have they done? 532 00:26:57,429 --> 00:26:59,139 What have they done? 533 00:27:01,725 --> 00:27:04,561 ♪ My two favorite ladies ♪ 534 00:27:04,561 --> 00:27:06,772 ♪ I love them very much ♪ 535 00:27:06,772 --> 00:27:10,359 ♪ But my mother is my mother ♪ 536 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:15,405 ♪ And she feeds me 'Cause she's my mother ♪ 537 00:27:15,405 --> 00:27:17,032 Kamal, go to bed! 538 00:27:17,032 --> 00:27:18,909 But take a shower first! 539 00:27:20,911 --> 00:27:21,912 END CREDITS 540 00:28:21,972 --> 00:28:23,932 Next, on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh... 541 00:28:23,932 --> 00:28:27,060 I hear Janice Mills tried to flunk you out of school. 542 00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:29,271 Looks like he's getting a... C. 543 00:28:29,271 --> 00:28:30,522 The Indian F. 544 00:28:30,522 --> 00:28:32,983 I had Mrs. Mills, she never graded this hard. 545 00:28:32,983 --> 00:28:35,277 It's almost like she has a personal vendetta. 546 00:28:35,277 --> 00:28:37,904 I didn't know he was an Internet celebrity. 547 00:28:37,904 --> 00:28:39,948 Press that "like" button. Stu's out! 548 00:28:39,948 --> 00:28:41,199 What a [indistinct]. 549 00:28:41,199 --> 00:28:42,409 Stu! Stu! Stu! 550 00:28:42,409 --> 00:28:45,162 If you want to date Stu Mills, date Stu Mills. 551 00:28:45,162 --> 00:28:46,955 Aah! 552 00:28:46,955 --> 00:28:48,373 Ew, his nuts!