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Previously,
on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...
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00:00:07,988 --> 00:00:09,740
Thanks for getting me that investor.
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00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,158
He invited us bow hunting.
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- Scary berries!
- Jimbo, don't shoot him!
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00:00:13,243 --> 00:00:14,244
Ooh!
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00:00:16,246 --> 00:00:19,875
This wouldn't have happened if
your weird boy wasn't afraid of berries.
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You know what?
You are not a good neighbor.
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Did your moron son
give this to my daughter?
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The girl needs guidance.
She isn't getting it at home.
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- Excuse me?!
- Oh, shit.
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Let me live my life, okay?
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You make bad decisions.
You always have.
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Maybe it is time to change.
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Dunk me.
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Halloween... birthday... incest.
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Wow!
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Wow! If what Janice said
is even close to the truth,
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the Pradeeps are capable of
unspeakable depravity.
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{\an8}Uh-huh.
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Burning down the Mills' house
almost pales in comparison.
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Mm-hmm.
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Oh! There you two are.
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Ma'am, this is our private office,
not the interrogation room.
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Sorry. I just forgot to mention
that Mahesh and Sudha
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also tried to kill everyone
at my Halloween party. Monsters.
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- What?
- Okay, bye!
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Kill everyone?
Should we have asked more about that?
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Free lesson, rook. When you
hear something sensational,
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you have to get
the other side of the story.
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Let's talk to the Pradeeps.
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How do we even begin to talk about...
this?
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Ease into it. You talk to the kids
about "Halloween."
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I'll talk to the parents about "Birthday."
Maybe one of us will get to the big "I."
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This got NC-17 real quick.
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Let's make this interesting.
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First one to get there... wins.
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All right.
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So, Sudha, a little bird told me
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your first birthday in America
was hard for you.
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That's because in India,
October 31st is my birthday.
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Here, it's Halloween.
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Obesity's birthday.
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So, your birthday has always
been a big deal to you.
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I would say medium deal
because I'm a grown adult.
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Mm.
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But America had already
taken so much from me.
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My career, my connection with my daughter,
then, it came for my birthday.
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My neighborhood was decorated
like a horror film.
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I wanted to throw myself
into one of those fake graves.
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Really, Minerva?
You're going to Janice's too?
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Well, tell me when your birthday is
so I can cancel two hours before,
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but after you bought
a 64-ounce tub of guacamole.
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Nobody's coming.
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They're all going
to the Mills' Halloween party,
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which I swear Janice is throwing
just to ruin my birthday.
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- Cheer up, I made you chai.
- Oh, so nice.
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If only America was full of Maheshes.
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Instead, I'm forced to share my day
with this grotesque celebration
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that demeans honorable vocations.
Sexy nurse?
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I can assure you, there's nothing sexy
about wiping a paraplegic's bottom.
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Kamal, put away your therapy clay.
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Your mother is very upset.
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That's new.
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So, we're going to celebrate her birthday
all day long.
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What about trick-or-treating?
This is our first Halloween.
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The closest thing in India we had
was that weird old guy
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giving out free lollies
at the train station.
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You were supposed to give a donation,
you doba, he was blind.
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- Oh.
- Mommy needs us.
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We're all she has.
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But Mo and Willa need me.
We're going as rock, paper, scissors.
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I'm paper.
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Ah.
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- I bought a costume. I was hoping...
- Do not say the Mills' party.
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It would kill your mother.
After she's killed you.
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Bhanu, let's cut to the chase.
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I know you and Stu had
some weird stuff planned for Halloween.
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There was nothing weird.
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Oh, that.
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What can I say? We were young, dumb,
and full of completely kinky ideas.
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Wait.
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This is our first time,
and my very first time.
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I want it to be special.
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Taking you to the place where they
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found a severed foot in a sneaker
isn't that special, huh?
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I've been thinking about this
for awhile.
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I did a Survey Monkey at school asking
other girls about their first times,
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and their responses ranged
from "unremarkable"
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to "he never stopped eating Doritos."
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I want this to be special, too.
Do you want to do it in a bed?
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I'm thinking bigger.
Phantom of the Opera.
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- Thought you were gonna say waterbed.
- It's so good!
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I wasn't allowed to see it,
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so I had to watch this bootlegged
copy I stole from my Auntie's house.
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It is like the most passionate love story
of all time.
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Damn! We should watch it then.
On a waterbed!
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Better-- we are going to live it.
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The masks, the forbidden love,
the danger.
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The music of the night.
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Hot! That sounds like us.
I can't wait to be your Phantom.
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- No.
- Hmm?
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I'm gonna be the Phantom.
I want to feel the power of rescuing you.
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- Then, who am I?
- Christine.
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Baranski? She is The Good Fight.
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- Christine from Phantom.
- You want me to play a chick?
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- Is that too weird?
- No.
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No, you got baptized for me,
I'll be your Christine.
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- Okay.
- So, when are we hitting the opera?
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Halloween night.
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Perfect. My parents throw a rager.
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I was gonna offload a bunch of Ohio merch.
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My mom's book club alone
will clean us out.
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Those bitches love to get high.
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Okay. First, we score,
and then, we score.
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We all have secrets.
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Your sister had secret plans with Stu.
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- Boring, baby.
- All right, baby, how 'bout this?
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What secret are you guys keeping
from Halloween?
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Maybe a naughty secret from your parents?
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- What's your secret?
- I don't have secrets.
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You said we all have secrets.
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- I'm in charge here.
- Are you?
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Okay, look, our parents weren't even home
for most of Halloween.
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If they were, they could've saved us
from the horrors that happened.
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Horrors?
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Horrors.
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Our first trick-or-treaters!
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Candy's the heart of Halloween.
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I like that.
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Happy Halloween! Ah!
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Ah! Oh!
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Trick-or-treat, dot-heads!
Eat me!
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Out of my way, you stupid kids!
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That your bully?
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You should get revenge.
This is a hate crime.
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Involving biological weapons.
Raw eggs are salmonella grenades!
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I've tried to get through to him
with pacifism,
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but even Gandhi would agree
that boy's a caca-faced punk!
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While your kids were being terrorized,
what were you off doing
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that was so important?
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Wandering aimlessly
in a spiral of despair.
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She got in a lot of steps that day.
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Until I came across a killer
of my soul!
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Oh, look, it's the birthday girl!
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You know, Minerva just told me
what her costume is for my party.
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Wanna know? She's dressing up as someone
not going to your party.
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Oh, you. Okay, bye!
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I decided to give myself a birthday gift.
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Oopsie.
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But that wasn't the only gift I got.
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Surprise!
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Should we jump to the cake?
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Wait, wait, wait. Let me savor this.
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My beautiful family.
Out there's a hellscape,
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but in here, you've reminded me
of everything I still have.
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Well put. Let's cut this baby.
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Aside from Vinod, who for some reason
is dressed like a dirty napkin,
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I'm touched by how much you all love me.
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Especially Kamal,
who clearly made this cake.
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I'm your good boy.
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It's okay. I knew you couldn't fit
the rest of our names.
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I could, but I didn't.
Happy birthday, Mummy.
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Jai Shri Krishna, my heart is full.
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Our house was a blessed place
brimming with love.
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Meanwhile, the Mills' house
was a cursed place,
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brimming with tacky decorations
and tackier people.
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Ladies and gentlemen, guys and ghouls,
please, welcome your hosts,
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straight outta Congress,
The Social Justice Warriors!
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Woo!
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Thank you all for coming
to our annual ghoula.
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There's nothing scarier than socialism, right?
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AOC can suck it!
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I call these truth bombs.
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Take that, Medicare For All.
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Woo-hoo!
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Wait. Why are we against healthcare again?
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Oh, don't overthink it.
Just get me a drink.
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Oh, my sweet Jesus who sits upon
a velvet throne in Heaven.
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Are you wearing my wedding dress?!
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Before you say anything,
this is just a costume, not every day.
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Stu, just let me say one thing.
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I always wanted a daughter to wear this.
I never had her.
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00:09:16,828 --> 00:09:19,914
But, luckily, I have a son
who wears it even better.
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00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:22,709
It does make my pecs pop, huh?
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00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:26,796
I'll be damned. You look
just like your mom on our wedding day.
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If you said, "Stop looking
at my sister's boobs!"
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I swear, I'd be right back at that altar.
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00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:34,178
Aunt Betsy is stacked, huh.
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00:09:34,178 --> 00:09:35,346
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:38,308
Hey, DJ, what's going on?
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00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:42,812
Go fix the music.
I'm gonna go dance with sexy nurse.
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Just sold a bunch to DJ.
Where's my Phantom?
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Nice. I'll be there ASAP.
I mean, ASS-AP.
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00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:56,534
Oh, sweet. Here's a little candy
for your eyes.
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Ready, everyone?
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00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:06,961
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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00:10:06,961 --> 00:10:09,464
♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪
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00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,508
Mummy...
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00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:16,512
Okay, one more time.
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00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:22,852
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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00:10:22,852 --> 00:10:26,606
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,067
♪ Hap... ♪
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00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:31,652
It sounds like they're having
technical difficulties over there.
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00:10:31,652 --> 00:10:34,947
Technical shmechnical.
They're trying to sabotage my birthday.
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00:10:34,947 --> 00:10:37,784
I'll go talk to them.
It's my gift to you.
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00:10:37,784 --> 00:10:40,203
- I might be awhile.
- You're not seeing Stu.
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00:10:40,203 --> 00:10:44,499
I'll take care of it.
The Mills have ruined our lives enough.
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That's my hero.
You go get them, Mahesh.
209
00:10:48,127 --> 00:10:51,214
So, this was the first time
you talked to Jimbo
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00:10:51,214 --> 00:10:53,132
since your ill-fated hunting trip.
211
00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:57,678
Yes. I tried to avoid him
but I had to save my wife's birthday.
212
00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,181
I love my wife more than anything.
213
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:03,309
Love makes you do crazy things,
doesn't it, Mahesh?
214
00:11:03,309 --> 00:11:07,814
It was just supposed to be a conversation.
I didn't think it'd turn out like that!
215
00:11:07,814 --> 00:11:10,858
Mahesh, what happened that night
had to happen.
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00:11:10,858 --> 00:11:13,111
It all happened so fast.
217
00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,204
This ends now.
218
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,130
Here. Some miscreant
kicked over your scarecrow.
219
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:34,173
I've been trying to reach you, bud.
220
00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:37,093
I hate how we left things
after that hunting trip.
221
00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:39,554
Did you get that dancing hamster GIF
I sent?
222
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:42,557
I wouldn't know. I put your contact
on Do Not Disturb.
223
00:11:42,557 --> 00:11:45,560
Didn't block me, though, huh?
There's still hope.
224
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,646
No hope. I'm here to ask you
to turn down the music.
225
00:11:48,646 --> 00:11:50,148
Well, that's the thing.
226
00:11:50,148 --> 00:11:54,986
Here's your problem.
The entire system is overloaded.
227
00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:57,905
The DJ blew it out.
I think he's on drugs.
228
00:11:57,905 --> 00:11:59,657
I can't feel my fingers!
229
00:11:59,657 --> 00:12:00,992
Can you fix it?
230
00:12:00,992 --> 00:12:04,412
Of course, I'm an engineer.
But I'm not doing this for you.
231
00:12:04,412 --> 00:12:06,664
I'm doing this to save Sudha's birthday.
232
00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:09,417
Tell her happy birthday from me.
What'd you get her?
233
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,294
A plaque that says "co-president."
234
00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,796
Sounds like your rocket business
is coming along.
235
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:16,549
Mm, no, I'm about to lose
my Space-X contract
236
00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:18,301
because I can't make the delivery.
237
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,928
Bummer. Anything I can do?
238
00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:25,349
Yes. Get me pliers, a ladder
and a root beer, no ice.
239
00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:29,979
WTF, your dad is here.
Where are you?
240
00:12:29,979 --> 00:12:34,150
I know, sucks.
I'm still coming. XO Phantom.
241
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,861
Hot. XO Christine.
242
00:12:36,861 --> 00:12:38,154
Ah!
243
00:12:38,154 --> 00:12:41,491
Help me get revenge on my nemesis.
244
00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:44,160
Sorry, I'm too busy
not wanting to do that.
245
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,828
You swore a blood oath.
246
00:12:45,828 --> 00:12:46,787
Says who?
247
00:12:47,788 --> 00:12:50,333
A red string, red string!
248
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:53,461
A string? What am I missing?
249
00:12:53,461 --> 00:12:57,298
It's called a rakhi, and sister's
tie it onto their brother's wrists
250
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,342
- as a promise of protection.
- Oh.
251
00:12:59,342 --> 00:13:00,927
What a lovely tradition.
252
00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:03,679
Not really. It started out
as a patriarchal thing,
253
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,890
where sisters pretended
to bless their brothers,
254
00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:08,809
but really, they begged
to be allowed back in the village
255
00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:10,061
when they became widows.
256
00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,063
So, you're mourning your dead husband
257
00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:14,899
and your brother won't let you
back in the village?
258
00:13:14,899 --> 00:13:16,609
Why protect that jerk?
259
00:13:16,609 --> 00:13:20,154
Because he was 11 and he needed help
against a caca-faced punk.
260
00:13:20,154 --> 00:13:21,489
Okay!
261
00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:25,576
Meanwhile, I was dealing
with my own caca-faced punk.
262
00:13:25,576 --> 00:13:28,079
Shh! What's your father still doing
over there?
263
00:13:28,079 --> 00:13:29,372
The Monster Mahesh?
264
00:13:29,372 --> 00:13:30,581
Good one, Mummy.
265
00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:33,209
I'm going over to yank out
all the circuit breakers.
266
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:35,294
Didn't Mrs. Mills banish you
from their property?
267
00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:38,214
Oh, you're right.
If she sees me, she'll call the police.
268
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:41,384
It hurts my heart knowing
my two favorite ladies don't get along.
269
00:13:41,384 --> 00:13:42,843
It's not my fault, beta.
270
00:13:44,011 --> 00:13:49,475
♪ My two favorite ladies
They don't get along ♪
271
00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:50,476
It's good.
272
00:13:50,476 --> 00:13:53,563
It was not good.
But my idea was brilliant.
273
00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:56,732
I snuck into the Mills' party
dressed as the Phantom.
274
00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:59,527
Oh, hi! Great costume.
275
00:13:59,527 --> 00:14:03,197
I almost got caught by Janice,
but I didn't because she's an idiot.
276
00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:07,243
Hold on. You're telling me
Sudha broke into the Mills' house
277
00:14:07,243 --> 00:14:09,537
in disguise, just to save her birthday?
278
00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:14,750
Maybe it wasn't about her birthday.
Maybe it was about this.
279
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:18,170
Dear Lord, the big "I."
I feel like I'm gonna lose this bet.
280
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:22,925
Oh. Oh, you're definitely gonna lose.
Tick-tock, rookie.
281
00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:24,802
I gotta think more like her.
282
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:27,513
Boom! Uh-huh.
283
00:14:27,513 --> 00:14:29,056
Where are Kamal and Bhanu?
284
00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:32,685
I didn't want them seeing their
little brother dragged off in handcuffs.
285
00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:34,145
Why would they see that?
286
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:36,230
Because you're not telling me everything,
Vinod.
287
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,858
Give me something good. Or else.
288
00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:41,402
My sister stole a car
to help fight my bully.
289
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,528
Ooh, felony!
290
00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:44,280
It was just my parents' car.
291
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,116
Family car, family affair.
Sounds risqué.
292
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,285
The drive was very risqué.
293
00:14:49,285 --> 00:14:52,580
Hurry up, let's go.
We need more eggs for the bully.
294
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:53,789
Let's rock!
295
00:14:54,915 --> 00:14:56,042
Punch it, Bhanu.
296
00:14:58,252 --> 00:15:01,339
Boom! I know you stole a car.
Tell me everything!
297
00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:02,340
Or else.
298
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,429
You got any games on your phone?
299
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:12,308
Boom! I know your sister stole a car.
Tell me everything! Or else.
300
00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:16,395
That was all Bhanu and Vinod. But
it wasn't the only naughty thing they did.
301
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:20,191
What did they do? You can tell me.
This is their shame, not yours.
302
00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:22,068
Vinod even got his friends involved.
303
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:24,737
Wow. So many children.
304
00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:29,033
Now, I don't know if I want to win
that five dollars.
305
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:30,785
Incest, or no incest.
306
00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:33,162
Bhanu led us down a dark path.
307
00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,164
Grand theft eggs.
308
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,668
We are going to destroy that bully!
309
00:15:39,669 --> 00:15:40,753
What are you doing?
310
00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:43,005
Forgot my wallet, we have to steal it.
311
00:15:43,005 --> 00:15:44,131
Vinod?
312
00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:47,468
Ah, Mo and Willa. What a pleasure.
313
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,681
Hey, paper! College-ruled
looks good on you.
314
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:52,807
Yeah.
315
00:15:52,807 --> 00:15:54,600
What happened to you?
316
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,310
I got egged.
317
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,854
Poor, sweet boy. By who?
318
00:15:58,854 --> 00:16:02,149
A bully. Want to come get revenge?
319
00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:03,150
Hell, yeah.
320
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,695
Hey, you kids! Not so fast, paper!
321
00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:07,822
What've you got stuffed
under that costume?
322
00:16:07,822 --> 00:16:09,990
- Just a very charming boy.
- Mm.
323
00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:13,035
Shoplifting is a crime.
324
00:16:13,035 --> 00:16:16,455
Right. We know that's a costume.
You're too hot to be a cop.
325
00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:18,666
Thank you! But I am a cop.
326
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:21,252
And even if I weren't,
you'd still be stealing.
327
00:16:21,252 --> 00:16:25,756
Excuse me. Has anyone ever told you
you look like a young Rani Mukherjee
328
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:29,427
with eyes you can get lost in for days?
329
00:16:29,427 --> 00:16:32,096
No, not until right this second, handsome.
330
00:16:33,556 --> 00:16:37,351
Here, you're free to go.
And you know what, here's my badge number.
331
00:16:37,351 --> 00:16:40,730
Call me.
332
00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,398
Oh!
333
00:16:42,398 --> 00:16:45,401
Kamal! Kamal! Kamal!
334
00:16:45,401 --> 00:16:47,695
Kamal told you that? He's not that smooth.
335
00:16:47,695 --> 00:16:50,322
He puked on her shoes
and she let us go.
336
00:16:50,322 --> 00:16:53,576
But the real horror story
was happening at the Mills' house.
337
00:16:53,576 --> 00:16:56,746
I feel bad that your business
is struggling.
338
00:16:56,746 --> 00:17:00,666
I know I'm the last person
you want advice from, but hear me out.
339
00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:04,211
What if you could build your rockets
for a whole lot cheaper?
340
00:17:04,211 --> 00:17:08,424
When I rebuilt the Hemi on my truck,
I ordered bootleg parts online.
341
00:17:08,424 --> 00:17:10,009
Pennies on the dollar.
342
00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:13,262
Are you suggesting I buy
bootleg rocket parts on the Internet?
343
00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:15,514
Pennies. On. The dollar.
344
00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:18,058
Let me tell you how that email would go.
345
00:17:18,058 --> 00:17:21,103
"Dear Unnamed Vendor
I Found On the Dark Web,
346
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:24,607
I have an urgent need to purchase
components for innocent space travel
347
00:17:24,607 --> 00:17:26,650
that could easily be mistaken
as components
348
00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:30,196
for weapons of mass destruction.
Please, accept my payment in Bitcoin,
349
00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:32,740
and mail all parts
directly to my home address
350
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:35,659
where I will be awaiting my arrest
and execution.
351
00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:40,247
Yours most sincerely,
Mahesh Pradeep, Brown Man in America."
352
00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:44,460
When you put it like that,
it makes me feel like you don't like it.
353
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:48,589
While Mahesh was fixing the party,
I was looking to destroy it.
354
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,509
Circuit breaker, circuit breaker...
355
00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:55,638
Bingo.
356
00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:01,435
A/C, dishwasher, heater...
357
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:06,273
Where is the switch
to turn off the party?
358
00:18:06,273 --> 00:18:07,399
Damn it!
359
00:18:10,736 --> 00:18:11,946
Hello, Phantom.
360
00:18:11,946 --> 00:18:12,947
Ooh!
361
00:18:12,947 --> 00:18:14,698
Here comes Christine.
362
00:18:17,785 --> 00:18:20,871
It was my birthday and
I was stuck in a basement
363
00:18:20,871 --> 00:18:24,250
with a redneck in a wedding dress.
It couldn't get any worse.
364
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:27,419
S'up, sexy mama?
Come and give me some love.
365
00:18:27,419 --> 00:18:29,505
I was wrong, it got worse.
366
00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:30,714
Come here.
367
00:18:30,714 --> 00:18:32,049
So much worse.
368
00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:35,010
Oh, I get it. You're
making Christine work for it.
369
00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:37,596
What gives, Bhanu?
370
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:41,809
My nightmare
was about to become his nightmare.
371
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:44,895
Oh, I get it. You're the Phantom,
the Phantom's in charge.
372
00:18:44,895 --> 00:18:46,021
Mm-hmm.
373
00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:50,234
I'm Christine. I'm an innocent virgin
who's down to pound.
374
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,361
Take me, Phantom, take me now.
375
00:18:52,361 --> 00:18:53,988
Mm-mm.
376
00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:57,074
You kidding me?
I shaved my pits for this.
377
00:18:57,074 --> 00:19:00,202
I thought you finally wanted
to make sweet, sweet love.
378
00:19:02,079 --> 00:19:03,706
Why'd you even get baptized?
379
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,085
To discover Stu made your daughter
get baptized,
380
00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:11,380
just to have sex
on your birthday, of all days,
381
00:19:11,380 --> 00:19:14,842
must've made you want to kill Stu
right then and there.
382
00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:17,344
Why kill the fish
when you can poison the lake?
383
00:19:17,344 --> 00:19:19,179
Is that an Indian proverb?
384
00:19:19,179 --> 00:19:20,264
No.
385
00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:22,349
I call that a Sudha-ism.
386
00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:24,476
- Can I use it?
- No.
387
00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:28,647
But with Stu, I didn't need Sudha-isms.
He did all the work, himself.
388
00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:30,441
Do you even like me anymore?
389
00:19:30,441 --> 00:19:32,610
This was getting better and better.
390
00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:35,738
- You breaking up with me?
- It was too good to be true.
391
00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:38,866
- There's someone else, isn't there?
- He was such a moron.
392
00:19:38,866 --> 00:19:40,367
Could I be a Ninja?
393
00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:42,703
He couldn't stay on topic
to save his life.
394
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,413
Can I get my flannels back?
395
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:47,166
You know what, I don't care.
Keep my flannels.
396
00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,085
I got hotties lined up
around the block for me.
397
00:19:50,085 --> 00:19:53,756
Today, at the Waffle House,
the waitress gave me extra syrup. So.
398
00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:00,471
Phantom!
399
00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:05,726
The Pradeep kids
were out in force that night.
400
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,687
with vengeance in our eyes
and eggs in our hands.
401
00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,689
We were gonna get that bully good.
402
00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:12,107
Let's do this!
403
00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:16,779
♪ Dead I am the one
Exterminating son ♪
404
00:20:16,779 --> 00:20:20,950
♪ Slipping through the trees
Strangling the breeze ♪
405
00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,451
That was really mean!
406
00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:27,915
You've taught me a lesson.
I'm gonna rethink my life.
407
00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:36,840
Bhanu, my loyal sister, thank you
for honoring the sacred oath of the rakhi.
408
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,762
And Kamal, my peculiar brother, thank you
for risking salmonella to help me.
409
00:20:42,846 --> 00:20:43,931
Group hug?
410
00:20:45,474 --> 00:20:47,685
Kamal, you need to
take more showers.
411
00:20:48,811 --> 00:20:51,063
Boom! I won the big "I."
412
00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:52,815
You think a hug is incest?
413
00:20:52,815 --> 00:20:55,651
I know it's desperate,
I just really need the win.
414
00:20:55,651 --> 00:20:58,570
I'll give you something better. Incest.
415
00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:01,949
Mahesh had no idea
Sudha had gone to the party.
416
00:21:01,949 --> 00:21:06,453
Sudha, high off her victory over Stu
wanted to celebrate with a little S&M,
417
00:21:06,453 --> 00:21:07,997
Sudha and Mahesh.
418
00:21:07,997 --> 00:21:09,999
Ooh!
419
00:21:09,999 --> 00:21:11,667
I'm sorry, madam, I'm taken.
420
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:12,876
So am I.
421
00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:17,464
Sudha! Is that you?
What are you doing here?
422
00:21:17,464 --> 00:21:19,341
Just shut up and kiss me.
423
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,556
Holy hell!
424
00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:28,892
Bhanu, are you banging your dad?!
425
00:21:32,271 --> 00:21:34,732
Bhanu? What's he talking about?
426
00:21:34,732 --> 00:21:38,485
And he was worried about going to jail
for online rocket parts.
427
00:21:38,485 --> 00:21:40,571
Honestly, I wish I was more shocked.
428
00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:43,407
This is what happens
when your Jesus is a cow.
429
00:21:44,867 --> 00:21:47,036
Oh, God. It's surging.
430
00:21:47,036 --> 00:21:50,164
Don't touch any wires.
It's very dangerous.
431
00:21:50,164 --> 00:21:52,708
Jimbo, they're ruining my party.
432
00:21:55,461 --> 00:21:57,046
It's the Phantom's fault!
433
00:21:59,298 --> 00:22:00,924
They vanished!
434
00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:04,303
- What a rush!
- Why did you drag me out of there?
435
00:22:04,303 --> 00:22:06,513
Now everyone thinks
I'm an incestuous pervert
436
00:22:06,513 --> 00:22:08,390
who also does shoddy electrical work.
437
00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:10,434
Which one are you more upset by?
438
00:22:10,434 --> 00:22:14,563
I don't know. I've been an engineer
longer than I've been a father.
439
00:22:14,563 --> 00:22:17,858
Bhanu and Stu are through,
thanks to me!
440
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,152
Sudha, you've gone way too far.
441
00:22:20,152 --> 00:22:21,904
This is the best birthday gift.
442
00:22:21,904 --> 00:22:24,615
I was so wrong. I love Halloween.
443
00:22:24,615 --> 00:22:25,866
This is madness.
444
00:22:25,866 --> 00:22:28,577
Bhanu's gonna clear it up
the second she sees Stu.
445
00:22:28,577 --> 00:22:32,039
It doesn't matter. Every time
he even thinks of touching her,
446
00:22:32,039 --> 00:22:35,918
he's gonna picture her kissing you!
How disgusting is that?
447
00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:40,798
I've haunted him, Mahesh.
I've haunted him forever.
448
00:22:40,798 --> 00:22:43,592
That's crazy, even for you.
449
00:22:45,761 --> 00:22:49,765
I was desperate.
I tried everything to protect Bhanu.
450
00:22:49,765 --> 00:22:51,725
Even [indistinct].
451
00:22:51,725 --> 00:22:56,063
Maybe it is crazy, but I don't want her
to get hurt by Stu.
452
00:22:56,063 --> 00:22:57,815
What if he doesn't hurt her?
453
00:22:57,815 --> 00:23:00,818
What if he does?
I could never forgive myself.
454
00:23:00,818 --> 00:23:05,030
I love how much you want to protect her,
and I do, too.
455
00:23:05,030 --> 00:23:07,950
But we have to let Bhanu
make her own mistakes.
456
00:23:09,159 --> 00:23:12,246
Let her touch the stove
to learn that it's hot.
457
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,336
And that's the tale of incest.
458
00:23:19,336 --> 00:23:24,049
Well, I guess the Pradeep parents weren't
the monsters Janice painted 'em out to be.
459
00:23:24,049 --> 00:23:27,261
The kids, however,
are much bigger monsters than we thought.
460
00:23:27,261 --> 00:23:29,012
You said the hug was nothing.
461
00:23:29,012 --> 00:23:31,807
The hug never happened. They lied to you.
462
00:23:31,807 --> 00:23:34,726
But I found some interesting Ring footage
from that night.
463
00:23:34,726 --> 00:23:36,562
Ring footage? From where?
464
00:23:36,562 --> 00:23:38,355
From that bully's house.
465
00:23:38,355 --> 00:23:41,024
Whoa! Creepy.
466
00:23:41,024 --> 00:23:43,861
Is that... Greg the garbage man?
467
00:23:43,861 --> 00:23:46,238
Yep! And Greg's dropping a load.
468
00:23:50,993 --> 00:23:53,245
Hey, Greg. Thanks for helping me.
469
00:23:53,245 --> 00:23:58,083
Glad to. You know, these people suck.
470
00:23:58,083 --> 00:23:59,543
They don't separate their recycling
471
00:23:59,543 --> 00:24:02,212
and they throw out
an alarming number of dead pets.
472
00:24:02,212 --> 00:24:05,841
Oh, no. I thought you'd be dressed
as someone from Star Trek.
473
00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:09,261
Oh, I am. A little Trek trivia for you...
474
00:24:09,261 --> 00:24:10,470
Mm-hmm.
475
00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:13,724
The Michael Myers mask
is William Shatner.
476
00:24:13,724 --> 00:24:14,933
- Oh.
- Yep.
477
00:24:14,933 --> 00:24:16,560
Mr. Shat, himself.
478
00:24:17,811 --> 00:24:19,313
Happy Halloween, little V.
479
00:24:19,313 --> 00:24:21,815
Aye-aye, thanks, Greg.
Get ready, everyone!
480
00:24:21,815 --> 00:24:23,317
We're in position.
481
00:24:24,735 --> 00:24:26,695
Move those sweet chocolatey treats, Vinod!
482
00:24:26,695 --> 00:24:28,989
Here he comes! Here he comes!
483
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,617
What... What's with all this garbage?
484
00:24:31,617 --> 00:24:33,744
- Rock, paper, scissors...
- Shoot!
485
00:24:33,744 --> 00:24:37,956
You missed!
486
00:24:37,956 --> 00:24:40,959
Now, I'm gonna end you.
487
00:24:40,959 --> 00:24:42,836
- Guess again!
- Oh, crap!
488
00:24:42,836 --> 00:24:47,424
Mommy! Stop! Stop!
Okay, I'm allergic to egg whites!
489
00:24:47,424 --> 00:24:49,259
It's why I've never been vaccinated!
490
00:24:49,259 --> 00:24:51,011
That's for calling us names!
491
00:24:51,011 --> 00:24:53,639
- Like cane boy!
- And three-peat!
492
00:24:53,639 --> 00:24:54,723
And dot-heads!
493
00:24:54,723 --> 00:24:57,351
Here's a lesson. It's called karma.
494
00:24:57,351 --> 00:24:59,102
That's dot-head for "fuck you!"
495
00:24:59,102 --> 00:25:00,103
Ohh!
496
00:25:00,103 --> 00:25:02,940
Look at them.
They're like Children of the Corn.
497
00:25:02,940 --> 00:25:07,236
That was hard to watch.
Fish-eye lenses make me woozy.
498
00:25:07,236 --> 00:25:09,613
Those Pradeep kids
really have each other's backs.
499
00:25:09,613 --> 00:25:12,699
You have no idea.
They're bound together by a magic string.
500
00:25:12,699 --> 00:25:14,368
- Magic string?
- Yeah.
501
00:25:14,368 --> 00:25:17,412
You need something to eat.
Get yourself a Snickers.
502
00:25:17,412 --> 00:25:20,791
I'm just saying there's nothing
they wouldn't do to protect each other.
503
00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:25,003
Wait a minute. Maybe egging the bully
was just a dry run for something bigger.
504
00:25:25,003 --> 00:25:27,256
Like burning down the Mills' house.
505
00:25:27,256 --> 00:25:31,718
Gosh, after getting to know the Pradeeps,
I really hope they're not guilty.
506
00:25:31,718 --> 00:25:34,388
It'd be a shame to deport 'em.
Especially Vinod.
507
00:25:34,388 --> 00:25:36,390
I found this drawing under his chair.
508
00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:38,725
Look how much
that guy loves it here.
509
00:25:38,725 --> 00:25:41,770
Cute. But don't let that
cloud your judgment.
510
00:25:41,770 --> 00:25:44,147
A lot of psychopaths doodle.
511
00:25:44,147 --> 00:25:46,942
Hitler. John Wayne Gacy. My ex.
512
00:25:46,942 --> 00:25:52,030
Plus, I think Vinod is Linda Hunt
posing as an Indian boy.
513
00:25:52,030 --> 00:25:53,448
Nothing else makes sense.
514
00:25:56,868 --> 00:26:00,747
This is the best birthday
I could wish for.
515
00:26:00,747 --> 00:26:02,541
And it's about to get better.
516
00:26:04,334 --> 00:26:07,462
Sudha Pradeep,
co-president?
517
00:26:07,462 --> 00:26:09,214
It's perfect!
518
00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:13,427
Uh, hello? Why is my Phantom mask
on the floor?
519
00:26:13,427 --> 00:26:18,265
Uh, because I... because it, um...
Help out your co-president.
520
00:26:18,265 --> 00:26:21,351
Because I know you want to go out,
and you can.
521
00:26:21,351 --> 00:26:24,062
- After cake.
- Really?
522
00:26:24,062 --> 00:26:26,315
But, uh, Mahesh, no.
523
00:26:26,315 --> 00:26:29,276
Let her touch the stove.
It's how she'll learn.
524
00:26:31,695 --> 00:26:32,904
Happy Halloween!
525
00:26:32,904 --> 00:26:34,072
Yes!
526
00:26:35,282 --> 00:26:39,119
Finally free. It's on! Heart, peach.
527
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,205
Sloppy daddy seconds? [gags] Pass.
528
00:26:42,205 --> 00:26:43,373
What??
529
00:26:43,373 --> 00:26:46,001
Don't text me again. You're blocked.
530
00:26:47,044 --> 00:26:50,172
- Try some cake, my love.
- Oh, Mahesh.
531
00:26:53,216 --> 00:26:55,302
What have they done?
532
00:26:57,429 --> 00:26:59,139
What have they done?
533
00:27:01,725 --> 00:27:04,561
♪ My two favorite ladies ♪
534
00:27:04,561 --> 00:27:06,772
♪ I love them very much ♪
535
00:27:06,772 --> 00:27:10,359
♪ But my mother is my mother ♪
536
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:15,405
♪ And she feeds me
'Cause she's my mother ♪
537
00:27:15,405 --> 00:27:17,032
Kamal, go to bed!
538
00:27:17,032 --> 00:27:18,909
But take a shower first!
539
00:27:20,911 --> 00:27:21,912
END CREDITS
540
00:28:21,972 --> 00:28:23,932
Next, on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...
541
00:28:23,932 --> 00:28:27,060
I hear Janice Mills
tried to flunk you out of school.
542
00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:29,271
Looks like he's getting a... C.
543
00:28:29,271 --> 00:28:30,522
The Indian F.
544
00:28:30,522 --> 00:28:32,983
I had Mrs. Mills,
she never graded this hard.
545
00:28:32,983 --> 00:28:35,277
It's almost like she has
a personal vendetta.
546
00:28:35,277 --> 00:28:37,904
I didn't know he was
an Internet celebrity.
547
00:28:37,904 --> 00:28:39,948
Press that "like" button. Stu's out!
548
00:28:39,948 --> 00:28:41,199
What a [indistinct].
549
00:28:41,199 --> 00:28:42,409
Stu! Stu! Stu!
550
00:28:42,409 --> 00:28:45,162
If you want to date Stu Mills,
date Stu Mills.
551
00:28:45,162 --> 00:28:46,955
Aah!
552
00:28:46,955 --> 00:28:48,373
Ew, his nuts!