1 00:00:06,236 --> 00:00:08,530 Previously on the Pradeeps of Pittsburgh. 2 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,198 We arrived two years ago. 3 00:00:10,198 --> 00:00:12,117 Welcome to America, "Pardips." 4 00:00:12,117 --> 00:00:14,453 Vinod Pardeep from Ahmedabad, India. 5 00:00:14,453 --> 00:00:17,706 I'm starting a firm to build components for rockets. 6 00:00:17,706 --> 00:00:20,125 I'm going to be a garbage man. 7 00:00:20,125 --> 00:00:23,003 Bhanu meeting Stu was the most cataclysmic moment 8 00:00:23,003 --> 00:00:24,963 in the history of our family. 9 00:00:24,963 --> 00:00:27,257 Five dead rabbits, five of us. 10 00:00:27,257 --> 00:00:29,050 At least they died together as a family. 11 00:00:29,050 --> 00:00:30,927 Someone here burned down your neighbor's house, 12 00:00:30,927 --> 00:00:33,054 and if you can't convince us you're not guilty... 13 00:00:33,054 --> 00:00:34,347 You'll all be deported. 14 00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:36,600 Well, that's a buzzkill. 15 00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:43,690 {\an8}Put it in your mouth, baby. 16 00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:46,151 - What does it taste like? - Salty. 17 00:00:46,777 --> 00:00:47,986 I've never done this before. 18 00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:49,988 It's not a crime. Just eat it, Bhanu. 19 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,282 But I'm Hindu. I can't eat beef. 20 00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:54,785 - It's God. - Fuck your God. 21 00:00:54,785 --> 00:00:58,497 And then Stu forced his dirty meat into my daughter's mouth. 22 00:00:58,497 --> 00:01:00,999 - Case closed. - No. Okay, hold up. 23 00:01:00,999 --> 00:01:02,209 My mom wasn't even there. 24 00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:03,877 I willingly ate Stu's meat stick. 25 00:01:03,877 --> 00:01:05,337 Your father is right here. 26 00:01:05,337 --> 00:01:08,799 So, you burned down Stu's house as revenge for the jerky incident? 27 00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:13,720 Remember, everything you say will be used in determining your possible deportation. 28 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,973 We are the victims. Stu made Bhanu eat God. 29 00:01:16,973 --> 00:01:19,935 She claims to be mad at Stu, but she's actually mad at my dad 30 00:01:19,935 --> 00:01:21,311 for bringing us to America. 31 00:01:21,311 --> 00:01:22,854 She blames it all on that. 32 00:01:22,854 --> 00:01:24,356 O.G. sin. 33 00:01:24,356 --> 00:01:27,400 Okay. Where does all of this fall on the timeline? 34 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,361 I've got to get a good color for this. 35 00:01:30,195 --> 00:01:31,822 Blue. 36 00:01:31,822 --> 00:01:34,950 This was all about a week after we arrived. 37 00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:37,619 I remember because it was our first day of school. 38 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,371 Also the day we met Stu's parents. 39 00:01:39,371 --> 00:01:40,789 Big day. 40 00:01:40,789 --> 00:01:41,873 Let's focus on that. 41 00:01:42,874 --> 00:01:45,335 I was getting ready for school when an opportunity arose 42 00:01:45,335 --> 00:01:48,380 to get better acquainted with my American community. 43 00:01:49,256 --> 00:01:52,968 As a recent immigrant, it was my duty to foster cross-cultural relations 44 00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:55,470 with that hottie-patottie. 45 00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:58,098 I couldn't wait for Stu to drive me to school. 46 00:01:58,098 --> 00:01:59,766 Stu's not driving you to school. 47 00:02:00,809 --> 00:02:02,853 You're spying on my iMessages? 48 00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:04,312 Damn family cloud. 49 00:02:05,188 --> 00:02:06,231 I want my own account. 50 00:02:06,231 --> 00:02:07,315 When you get your own money. 51 00:02:07,315 --> 00:02:10,318 But let me be clear. Even if you become the world's richest woman, 52 00:02:10,318 --> 00:02:11,987 you're not going to see Stu ever again. 53 00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:14,030 Bhanu, is that one of my undershirts? 54 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:15,574 Yeah, I want to blend in, 55 00:02:15,574 --> 00:02:18,660 unlike Kamal who looks like he's in line at Ellis Island. 56 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,913 - Okay. Can you drive me to school? - No. Take the bus with Kamal. 57 00:02:22,956 --> 00:02:25,166 - My dayo deekro. - French kiss, Mommy? 58 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,543 Yes. 59 00:02:26,543 --> 00:02:28,879 My family even ruined French kissing. 60 00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:30,714 - Where's Vinod? - Waiting for a ride to school 61 00:02:30,714 --> 00:02:32,591 on that garbage truck he met last week. 62 00:02:59,326 --> 00:03:00,744 As we waited for the school bus, 63 00:03:00,744 --> 00:03:04,331 I had no idea I was in store for the biggest shock of my life. 64 00:03:05,749 --> 00:03:06,625 HOLY #$%& GOD! 65 00:03:08,209 --> 00:03:10,837 Sorry. I was just blinded by all the Caucasian-ness. 66 00:03:10,837 --> 00:03:14,174 I mean, there were a lot of white people on that bus. 67 00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:16,384 We sat in the back out of choice. 68 00:03:16,384 --> 00:03:18,428 Sorry, Rosa Parks. 69 00:03:18,428 --> 00:03:21,348 "Emergency door. To open, pull up." 70 00:03:21,348 --> 00:03:22,807 What if I accidentally pull down? 71 00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,100 Do we all die? 72 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:27,020 My dorky brother didn't make anything easier. 73 00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:30,148 But then I saw another kid counting a wad of cash. 74 00:03:30,148 --> 00:03:31,900 He was definitely up to no good. 75 00:03:33,485 --> 00:03:35,362 That girl has a strange, nervous tic. 76 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,450 That's not a tic. I don't know what they call it here. 77 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,577 Penis rubbing. 78 00:03:42,577 --> 00:03:44,204 Disgusting! 79 00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:45,330 I'm reporting them. 80 00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:46,790 Stop it, Kamal. 81 00:03:47,999 --> 00:03:49,000 Sit down! 82 00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:51,795 What are you doing? 83 00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:02,180 Damn it! That's for emergencies! 84 00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:03,890 This is an emergency! 85 00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,976 That girl is rubbing that boy's penis! 86 00:04:11,106 --> 00:04:14,526 We weren't even at school yet, and we were already pariahs. 87 00:04:14,526 --> 00:04:17,529 My youngest brother, on the other hand, dude knew how to live. 88 00:04:18,405 --> 00:04:19,906 Booyah! 89 00:04:21,157 --> 00:04:22,659 How did this lead to Stu's parents? 90 00:04:22,659 --> 00:04:24,953 At the time, we were debating on how to respond 91 00:04:24,953 --> 00:04:27,247 to the dead rabbits left on our porch. 92 00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,124 There was barely any debate. 93 00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:31,418 Mahesh just buried his head in the sand. 94 00:04:31,418 --> 00:04:34,796 Actually, she said, buried his head up his rectal cavity. 95 00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,297 That's true. 96 00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:38,800 I was trying to figure out what to do about our neighbors, 97 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,052 but Mahesh had already moved on. 98 00:04:41,052 --> 00:04:43,555 I was going to go and look at my new factory space 99 00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:45,598 then drive around, get a feel for Pittsburgh. 100 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:47,684 Want to come? 101 00:04:48,685 --> 00:04:51,062 They say it's the Calcutta of Pennsylvania. 102 00:04:51,062 --> 00:04:53,189 I'm sure it is. But, first, we need to confront 103 00:04:53,189 --> 00:04:54,983 Stu's parents about those dead rabbits. 104 00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:56,901 We haven't even met them yet 105 00:04:56,901 --> 00:04:59,362 and you want to greet them with accusations of racism? 106 00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:01,823 There's no accusation. He did it. 107 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:05,410 Do you take the blame for every dumb thing our kids do? 108 00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:08,121 Vinod set his zipper on fire trying to burn off a string. 109 00:05:08,121 --> 00:05:10,999 Yes, but that was funny. 110 00:05:10,999 --> 00:05:12,208 This is terrorism. 111 00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:13,501 So now what? 112 00:05:13,501 --> 00:05:18,465 You want to take flowers to Stu's parents and give them a pot of curry? 113 00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:20,467 Love thy neighbor. 114 00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,135 You catch more flies with honey. 115 00:05:22,135 --> 00:05:24,721 Mahesh, you want flies? 116 00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:26,431 Go and look at those rotting dead rabbits 117 00:05:26,431 --> 00:05:28,808 that neighbor's mushtanda has left on our porch. 118 00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:35,065 The rabbits weren't still there. We got rid of them the previous week. 119 00:05:35,065 --> 00:05:37,609 We? I got rid of the rabbits. 120 00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:40,945 Mahesh couldn't. He's a dry-gagger. 121 00:05:40,945 --> 00:05:42,197 It's medical. 122 00:05:42,197 --> 00:05:44,240 As a doctor, I can confirm it's not medical. 123 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,744 Let's get back to the timeline leading up to meeting Stu's parents. 124 00:05:49,037 --> 00:05:50,789 Kamal? Something to add? 125 00:05:51,623 --> 00:05:52,540 No, thank you. 126 00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:56,669 Let's take a break. 127 00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:00,632 They're hiding secrets. 128 00:06:00,632 --> 00:06:01,591 Definitely. 129 00:06:01,591 --> 00:06:02,592 What do you think? 130 00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:04,135 Let's go to the eye in the sky. 131 00:06:04,135 --> 00:06:05,470 Smart call. 132 00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,847 If they don't know we're watching, they'll spill their guts. 133 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:08,848 Yeah, they will. 134 00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,851 They're not spilling their guts. 135 00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:16,981 The kids are holding back. We need to split them from their parents. 136 00:06:16,981 --> 00:06:18,399 Child separation? 137 00:06:18,399 --> 00:06:21,486 No, I don't need Rachel Maddow calling me a monster. 138 00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:22,779 I don't mean cages. 139 00:06:22,779 --> 00:06:25,990 Just a few minutes alone so the kids can talk freely 140 00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:28,535 without their parents breathing down their necks. 141 00:06:28,535 --> 00:06:30,036 We can't trust anyone. 142 00:06:30,036 --> 00:06:32,038 You talk like they're El Chapo. 143 00:06:32,038 --> 00:06:36,334 I had a case where this sweet old lady was dragged into a situation 144 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:38,753 with six illegals living in her basement. 145 00:06:38,753 --> 00:06:41,297 They bled her dry in a welfare scam. 146 00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:47,345 But when I got the kids alone, they ratted out the adults to save their kid-asses. 147 00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:51,558 Eventually, I found out that sweet old granny was in on it too. 148 00:06:51,558 --> 00:06:53,268 Not Granny. 149 00:06:53,268 --> 00:06:55,854 We need the Pradeeps to rat on each other. 150 00:06:57,564 --> 00:06:58,481 They've been gone a while. 151 00:06:59,357 --> 00:07:01,067 Maybe they went number two. 152 00:07:04,404 --> 00:07:05,321 What? 153 00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:11,161 So, kids, tell us more about your first day of school. 154 00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:13,079 Where are our parents? 155 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,874 We just wanna chat with you like this. 156 00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:17,041 Don't worry. 157 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:18,459 You won't be in a cage. 158 00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:19,627 Cage? 159 00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:20,670 Kamal. 160 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:23,381 No one should have to see what you saw on that bus. 161 00:07:23,381 --> 00:07:26,092 I mean, the filthy depravity of America. 162 00:07:26,092 --> 00:07:28,386 It affected me in dark ways. 163 00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:30,555 And it led to bigger things, didn't it? 164 00:07:30,555 --> 00:07:31,598 Mrs. Mills. 165 00:07:32,515 --> 00:07:34,184 Tell me about Mrs. Mills. 166 00:07:34,184 --> 00:07:35,643 She spoke like an angel. 167 00:07:36,936 --> 00:07:38,771 Thou shalt not be slutty. 168 00:07:38,771 --> 00:07:41,441 Thou shalt not say... or... or... 169 00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:43,484 Now, before you say I just said them, 170 00:07:43,484 --> 00:07:48,239 I suffered the sin of saying them so you won't have to, like Jesus. 171 00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:49,574 My mommy would love you. 172 00:07:49,574 --> 00:07:51,451 She calls rules "the bricks of morality." 173 00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:53,745 I wish we could put the real Ten Commandments up. 174 00:07:53,745 --> 00:07:55,496 But the libtards hate Jesus. 175 00:07:58,541 --> 00:08:02,295 Then it happened. A feeling I've never felt. 176 00:08:02,295 --> 00:08:05,048 I so badly wanted to trade places with that cross. 177 00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:10,136 How it danced upon her bosom. It stirred me. 178 00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:12,680 Mrs. Mills, this is an emergency. 179 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,015 That boy has a bony-bone. 180 00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:19,062 Payback's a bitch. Lick me. 181 00:08:19,062 --> 00:08:20,521 Okay. Thank you, Lexie. 182 00:08:20,521 --> 00:08:22,482 Everybody settle down. 183 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:25,443 But in that moment, all I could think about was my mother. 184 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,112 It makes total sense. 185 00:08:28,112 --> 00:08:30,949 He met a woman in authority who loved rules and also swore. 186 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:34,410 Mrs. Mills was like a trashier, gettable version of Mom. 187 00:08:35,245 --> 00:08:36,621 Oedipal weirdo. 188 00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:39,624 There's a piece missing that connects it all to a bigger puzzle. 189 00:08:39,624 --> 00:08:41,042 What is it, Kamal? 190 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,710 Can we talk about something else? 191 00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,712 Vinod went to school and did stuff. 192 00:08:44,712 --> 00:08:47,090 Yeah, I got my first nickname. 193 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:50,093 It came from my first friends in America. 194 00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:53,805 - What's up, Dumpster Boy? - Dumpster Boy? 195 00:08:53,805 --> 00:08:54,931 I like that. 196 00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:58,851 Was that a garbage truck you rolled in on this morning or your mom's underwear? 197 00:08:58,851 --> 00:09:00,311 Booyah! 198 00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,481 That made no sense. 199 00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:06,109 But you delivered it with such passion. 200 00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:10,029 Those weren't the only friends I made that day. 201 00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:13,866 Hate to burst your bubble, Dumpster Boy, but they were crapping on you. 202 00:09:13,866 --> 00:09:14,867 Are you sure? 203 00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:17,495 They call me "Cane and disAble." 204 00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:20,748 I can only imagine what they call me behind my back. 205 00:09:20,748 --> 00:09:23,084 I assume it's not Moshe Lipschitz. 206 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:25,253 That sounds very disrespectful too. 207 00:09:25,253 --> 00:09:26,796 That's my real name. 208 00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:28,506 Oh, sorry. 209 00:09:28,506 --> 00:09:31,467 They call me "Threepeat" because I st-stutter. 210 00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:32,719 I'm Willa. 211 00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,804 Hi, Willa. Hi, Moshe Lipshitz. 212 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:37,390 Call me Mo. As in Mo and Willa. 213 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,766 We're a power couple. 214 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:40,351 Oh! 215 00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:41,936 I'm Vinod Pradeep. 216 00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:43,896 And I'm not going to let any name-calling 217 00:09:43,896 --> 00:09:47,191 ruin my first day of American junior high. 218 00:09:47,191 --> 00:09:48,901 Nerd! 219 00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:51,487 That bully also spat on me. 220 00:09:51,487 --> 00:09:53,740 Vinod, I think maybe you're telling us 221 00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:56,159 about being bullied on the first day of school 222 00:09:56,159 --> 00:09:58,453 because your family was going through the same thing at home? 223 00:09:58,453 --> 00:10:00,371 Must have built resentment. 224 00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:02,165 Made you want to burn something down. 225 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,250 Like Firestarter. 226 00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:05,251 That was a kid. 227 00:10:05,251 --> 00:10:06,544 That was also a movie. 228 00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:10,131 Anything good happen first day of school? 229 00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,758 I mean, you guys have any fun? 230 00:10:11,758 --> 00:10:13,676 May I see you by the whiteboard? 231 00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:14,635 Why? 232 00:10:14,635 --> 00:10:16,971 I need you to show me the tilt thing. 233 00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:20,266 We're trying to find out if this day led to Stu's parents 234 00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:22,185 and you're asking them if they had fun? 235 00:10:22,185 --> 00:10:25,063 Oh, loosen this knob? Oh, I see. 236 00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:28,441 I'm going off my gut here. I think there's more happening than just arson. 237 00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:30,026 It's my pleasure. 238 00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:33,112 Your passive-aggressive whiteboard theater was like watching our parents. 239 00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,199 But to answer your question, my first day of school 240 00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:37,617 was pretty Gucci. 241 00:10:37,617 --> 00:10:38,993 I caught a drug dealer. 242 00:10:38,993 --> 00:10:42,914 Drug dealer? This calls for a purple marker. 243 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,376 As I roamed the halls, I found out our principal 244 00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:48,669 had a hard-on for sting operations. 245 00:10:48,669 --> 00:10:50,296 Do another surprise locker check. 246 00:10:50,296 --> 00:10:53,633 Hopefully, this time we'll find real coke and not stevia. 247 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:57,136 This inside scoop connected me to the criminal element 248 00:10:57,136 --> 00:10:58,930 of Allegheny Hills High School. 249 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,932 It's darkest underbelly 250 00:11:00,932 --> 00:11:02,100 named Trevor. 251 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,060 Namaste. Drug business going well? 252 00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:05,812 Sorry, I'm nosy. It's how I connect. 253 00:11:05,812 --> 00:11:07,480 What are you talking about? 254 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,564 And who even are you? 255 00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:10,274 I bet you can afford your own iCloud account. 256 00:11:10,274 --> 00:11:11,484 Lucky bastard. 257 00:11:11,484 --> 00:11:13,611 Try living under the tyranny of a shared family plan. 258 00:11:13,611 --> 00:11:16,823 Why don't you share that with your family? Because I don't give a shit. 259 00:11:16,823 --> 00:11:20,159 I heard the principal talking about surprise locker checks, 260 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,786 you should probably clear yours out. 261 00:11:21,786 --> 00:11:23,329 You know, because of all the drugs. 262 00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:26,124 They just did locker checks and all they got me for is stevia. 263 00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:27,041 Let's cut the crap. 264 00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:29,001 I heard the subtle rattle of pills in your pocket 265 00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:30,461 and you have toilet paper on your shoe. 266 00:11:30,461 --> 00:11:33,297 Which, one, gross and, two, means 267 00:11:33,297 --> 00:11:34,924 you were just in the boys bathroom dealing. 268 00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:37,176 Loving the sleuth vibe, but get off my dick. 269 00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:38,177 Just trying to help. 270 00:11:39,178 --> 00:11:40,513 Jai Shree Krishna. 271 00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:42,515 After I dropped the hammer on Trevor, 272 00:11:42,515 --> 00:11:44,517 I had another guy all over my dick. 273 00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:50,815 Normally, I don't like to break rules. 274 00:11:51,649 --> 00:11:53,734 Who am I kidding? I love to break rules. 275 00:11:55,278 --> 00:11:58,948 You hated Stu, but your daughter couldn't get enough. 276 00:11:58,948 --> 00:12:00,408 Must have built resentment. 277 00:12:00,408 --> 00:12:02,952 It must have made you want to burn something down. 278 00:12:02,952 --> 00:12:04,871 Okay, you got me. 279 00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:05,913 Here's my confession. 280 00:12:07,373 --> 00:12:12,253 I, Sudha Pradeep, am 100% guilty of making you look like a clown. 281 00:12:15,214 --> 00:12:19,469 The only thing burning was my son's loins. It haunts me to this very day. 282 00:12:19,469 --> 00:12:22,430 Trauma dies in sunlight. Let it out, Mahesh. 283 00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:24,056 I was innocently soaking my feet 284 00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:26,726 because of all the hang nails I get from winter boots. 285 00:12:26,726 --> 00:12:28,269 Sudha. 286 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,021 How should I know where the nail clippers are? 287 00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:31,355 Kamal had them last. 288 00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:32,899 Sudha. 289 00:12:32,899 --> 00:12:35,318 Hey, don't say that about your son. It's mean. 290 00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:39,030 I was only cranky because I had been too lax with my regular foot care. 291 00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:41,616 But I wasn't ready for what came next. 292 00:12:41,616 --> 00:12:43,117 Kamal, I need my nail clippers. 293 00:12:47,830 --> 00:12:50,249 Put it away! Put it away! 294 00:12:50,249 --> 00:12:52,418 All of it! 295 00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:54,712 What is this noise? 296 00:12:54,712 --> 00:12:56,506 I just saw a spider. 297 00:12:56,506 --> 00:12:58,049 A big one. It was very chunky. 298 00:12:59,759 --> 00:13:01,177 Wait a minute. 299 00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:04,889 Flushed cheeks, the smell of pheromones. 300 00:13:04,889 --> 00:13:06,724 Tissue? Hmm. Laptop. 301 00:13:10,645 --> 00:13:12,313 Who is Janice Mills? 302 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,272 My English teacher. 303 00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:14,398 I know it's immoral. 304 00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:18,236 Kamal, what you were doing was almost completely normal. 305 00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:20,404 Those feelings happened to you too? 306 00:13:21,239 --> 00:13:23,991 His first time was after he touched a cow udder. 307 00:13:23,991 --> 00:13:26,285 I told you that in confidence, Sudha. 308 00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:28,579 What happens on the farm stays on the farm. 309 00:13:29,830 --> 00:13:32,250 I'm confiscating your laptop for two weeks. 310 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:33,459 What? 311 00:13:35,503 --> 00:13:37,338 He needs his laptop for homework. 312 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,090 I think we should discuss this. 313 00:13:39,090 --> 00:13:40,800 Oh? Now you want to discuss things? 314 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,301 I should have equal say. 315 00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:45,471 Equal say? Are you kidding me? 316 00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:48,683 Mahesh Ranchhodlal Pradeep, you are so bloody-- 317 00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,726 I feel this is about something else. 318 00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,687 It's about everything else. 319 00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:55,648 Us moving here with no equal say from me. 320 00:13:55,648 --> 00:13:58,985 Having to wait for my medical career with no equal say from me. 321 00:13:58,985 --> 00:14:01,988 Ignoring those dead rabbits with no equal say from me. 322 00:14:02,947 --> 00:14:04,407 You're right. 323 00:14:04,407 --> 00:14:05,741 You should have equal say. 324 00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:08,327 How do you want to deal with Kamal? 325 00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:11,455 I'd rather deal with the dead rabbits. 326 00:14:11,455 --> 00:14:14,625 Good. I was hoping you'd say that. 327 00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:15,710 Challa. 328 00:14:19,964 --> 00:14:22,091 I really do appreciate you coming with me. 329 00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:24,927 I want to support you. Always. 330 00:14:24,927 --> 00:14:27,096 Why did I have to come? 331 00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:30,266 Because you can't be left alone with tissues and no supervision. 332 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:31,267 She's right. 333 00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:40,860 Hey, there. 334 00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,153 You the new Indians on the block? 335 00:14:42,153 --> 00:14:43,446 Guilty. 336 00:14:43,446 --> 00:14:44,780 Sudha and Mahesh Pradeep. 337 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,574 - Jimbo. - Who is it, hon? 338 00:14:46,574 --> 00:14:49,869 AGT is on and there's a guy juggling birds. 339 00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:51,037 Oh, Kamal! 340 00:14:51,037 --> 00:14:53,205 This is the new kid I was telling you about. 341 00:14:53,205 --> 00:14:55,833 - Mrs. Mills? - Your teacher is Stu's mother? 342 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:57,084 Oh... me. 343 00:15:02,214 --> 00:15:03,257 Well, praise be. 344 00:15:03,257 --> 00:15:06,302 I had no idea you lived here. 345 00:15:06,302 --> 00:15:07,303 He looks pale. 346 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,554 Which is saying something. 347 00:15:08,554 --> 00:15:10,264 Oh! Are you chilly? Do you need a sweater? 348 00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:11,432 Here, take mine. 349 00:15:13,351 --> 00:15:14,810 Honey, put the twins away. 350 00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:16,062 The little guy can't handle it. 351 00:15:16,062 --> 00:15:17,772 Oh, it is chilly out. 352 00:15:19,774 --> 00:15:21,525 Go calm down over there, beta. 353 00:15:21,525 --> 00:15:22,568 It's nothing like that. 354 00:15:22,568 --> 00:15:24,403 Things are just a little scrambled up there. 355 00:15:24,403 --> 00:15:26,113 I'll go check if he's okay. 356 00:15:27,031 --> 00:15:28,199 I'm sorry. 357 00:15:28,199 --> 00:15:29,325 What was your name again? 358 00:15:29,325 --> 00:15:30,493 Doctor Pradeep. 359 00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:31,410 Oh. 360 00:15:31,410 --> 00:15:34,205 "Doctor" is what I call the fella who fingers my prostate. 361 00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:36,332 Doesn't feel very neighborly. 362 00:15:36,332 --> 00:15:38,834 Neighborliness is actually what I've come to talk about. 363 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,711 Your son threatened our lives. 364 00:15:40,711 --> 00:15:41,837 Well, that's crazy. 365 00:15:41,837 --> 00:15:44,507 Stu is as sweet as can be. 366 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:46,258 He left dead rabbits on our porch 367 00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:49,136 after I caught him trying to have sex with my daughter. 368 00:15:49,136 --> 00:15:53,015 I think I'd notice if our son was messing around with some disgusting... 369 00:15:53,015 --> 00:15:54,058 Indian girl? 370 00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:56,352 Dead rabbits, silly. 371 00:15:57,812 --> 00:15:58,813 I have proof. 372 00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:00,564 Stay here. 373 00:16:00,564 --> 00:16:02,274 That boy does not look right. 374 00:16:02,274 --> 00:16:03,859 How does your mother calm you down? 375 00:16:05,111 --> 00:16:08,823 She puts my head in her lap, strokes my hair, and French kisses me. 376 00:16:08,823 --> 00:16:10,491 That's disturbing. 377 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,369 It's not what you think. He means the way the French kiss. 378 00:16:13,369 --> 00:16:15,371 Right, with passion and tongues. 379 00:16:15,371 --> 00:16:17,415 No, it's not like that. It's... 380 00:16:17,415 --> 00:16:19,500 It'll be easier if I just show you. 381 00:16:22,962 --> 00:16:24,547 You classy son of a bitch! 382 00:16:25,464 --> 00:16:27,299 Want me to get your boy a Bud? Take the edge off. 383 00:16:27,299 --> 00:16:28,426 Kamal's 15. 384 00:16:28,426 --> 00:16:30,886 - My bad. Bud Light? - No, thank you. 385 00:16:30,886 --> 00:16:32,471 But thank you. 386 00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:35,808 Wait till they get a load of these furry little treats. 387 00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,393 Kamal, go home. 388 00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:39,478 Pants on, laptop closed. 389 00:16:41,355 --> 00:16:42,565 Five dead rabbits. 390 00:16:43,399 --> 00:16:45,025 You kept them? 391 00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:46,986 Yes, I put the evidence in our freezer. 392 00:16:46,986 --> 00:16:49,697 I keep my mango ice cream in there. 393 00:16:49,697 --> 00:16:50,698 You okay there? 394 00:16:50,698 --> 00:16:52,324 I'm a dry-gagger. It's medical. 395 00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:53,784 No, it's not. 396 00:16:53,784 --> 00:16:56,412 Stu would never do this. 397 00:16:56,412 --> 00:16:57,788 How can you be so sure? 398 00:16:57,788 --> 00:16:58,914 We're Christians. 399 00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:01,375 Yeah. We taught Stu to love thy neighbor and shit. 400 00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:02,710 That's what I told Sudha. 401 00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:04,754 You're siding with them? 402 00:17:04,754 --> 00:17:06,172 We held hands. 403 00:17:06,172 --> 00:17:10,426 I'm simply saying it's a good idea to have good relationships with our neighbors. 404 00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:11,969 Bible says the same. 405 00:17:11,969 --> 00:17:14,221 It also says, "Love thy wife." 406 00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:16,766 You're thinking, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." 407 00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:18,017 You hear that, bud? 408 00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:20,352 Keep your eyes off my gal's sexy badonk. 409 00:17:20,352 --> 00:17:22,563 So, this badonk is equally off limits. 410 00:17:24,064 --> 00:17:25,524 I'm just lightening the mood. 411 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,861 Neither of us are going to be leering at your respective badonks. 412 00:17:30,488 --> 00:17:31,697 Here's a Bible for you. 413 00:17:32,531 --> 00:17:34,366 This is an unusually soft book. 414 00:17:34,366 --> 00:17:35,701 Probably rabbit fur. 415 00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:38,579 Jan-Jan makes her own Bible covers out of velour. 416 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:39,747 I call it VeLord. 417 00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:42,249 This close to getting them on QVC. 418 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,628 Can we get back to what your son did? 419 00:17:45,628 --> 00:17:47,213 Who knows what who did? 420 00:17:47,213 --> 00:17:49,548 Me? I know your son did this. 421 00:17:49,548 --> 00:17:52,676 I'm not sure what you folks do in your dealio, 422 00:17:52,676 --> 00:17:55,554 but we Christians are all about forgiveness. 423 00:17:56,388 --> 00:17:59,141 And maybe one day you can be Christians too. 424 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,019 It might help you with some of that rage. 425 00:18:02,019 --> 00:18:06,690 My wife has zero rage unless you accuse her of having rage. 426 00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:09,151 Would you say you're all here because of your mother's rage? 427 00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:11,570 Yeah, mom's a rage monster. 428 00:18:12,488 --> 00:18:14,949 Which she passed down to Bhanu. 429 00:18:14,949 --> 00:18:18,035 But, you know, I live my life as a pacifist. 430 00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:22,164 Which I currently regret. 431 00:18:22,164 --> 00:18:25,543 You're not just saying that just to get out of trouble, are you? 432 00:18:25,543 --> 00:18:27,753 No. Ask my friends. 433 00:18:27,753 --> 00:18:28,754 All two of them. 434 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,757 Why are we the only ones sitting here? 435 00:18:31,757 --> 00:18:33,092 We're outcasts. 436 00:18:33,092 --> 00:18:36,053 Mo limps, I stutter, and you're Indian. 437 00:18:39,098 --> 00:18:40,599 Move your dumb canes. 438 00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:44,311 Someone's gonna break their legs and end up gimping around like you. 439 00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:48,357 What are you l-l-l-looking at, Three-peat? 440 00:18:48,357 --> 00:18:50,609 Good one. 441 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:54,655 I'd love to crack that guy over the head, but I don't want to bend my canes. 442 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,991 Our HMO co-pay is very high. 443 00:18:56,991 --> 00:18:59,368 Violence is not the answer. 444 00:18:59,368 --> 00:19:00,953 It is with that j-jerk. 445 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:03,998 I follow the way of this guy. 446 00:19:05,332 --> 00:19:06,917 Anorexic Charlie Brown? 447 00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:07,835 Gandhi. 448 00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:10,170 Why carry money you can't use? 449 00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:11,714 For inspiration. 450 00:19:11,714 --> 00:19:13,382 So, you're weird in other ways too? 451 00:19:13,382 --> 00:19:15,342 You really do belong with us. 452 00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:18,429 Those who are at the bottom can always climb to the top. 453 00:19:18,429 --> 00:19:20,097 Dude, read the room. 454 00:19:20,097 --> 00:19:22,516 I'm not big on climbing metaphors. 455 00:19:22,516 --> 00:19:25,477 I mean through peaceful resistance to bullying. 456 00:19:25,477 --> 00:19:27,229 Oh! Pudding, anyone? 457 00:19:31,108 --> 00:19:32,902 That's... up. 458 00:19:32,902 --> 00:19:37,156 They can take away my pudding cup, but they cannot take away my dignity. 459 00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:39,617 Here's your inspiration back, gorgeous. 460 00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,995 Keep it. I want you to have it. 461 00:19:44,079 --> 00:19:48,250 Little did I know, that moment created a love triangle for the ages. 462 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,294 I'm sensing a common thread here. 463 00:19:50,294 --> 00:19:53,297 On the first day of school, all three of you sought connection. 464 00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:56,216 You're trying to establish routes away from your parents. 465 00:19:56,216 --> 00:19:57,801 I have a B.A. in Psychology. 466 00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:00,554 I have a M.F.A. in Creative Writing. 467 00:20:00,554 --> 00:20:01,722 Just as useless. 468 00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:05,517 Let's get back to your mom, the rage monster. 469 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,770 I need an extra pudding cup for tomorrow. 470 00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,606 I have a bully problem. 471 00:20:10,606 --> 00:20:11,732 Me too, beta. 472 00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,902 "Man shall not live by bread alone." 473 00:20:14,902 --> 00:20:17,237 I think Jesus was talking about God's love. 474 00:20:18,238 --> 00:20:21,033 But that's because poor Jesus never tasted Sudha's curry. 475 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:25,704 I didn't hear any of that because I was too busy leering at your badonk. 476 00:20:25,704 --> 00:20:26,914 I'm sorry for earlier. 477 00:20:26,914 --> 00:20:28,666 I didn't mean to side with the Mills. 478 00:20:28,666 --> 00:20:30,834 I just believe in killing them with kindness. 479 00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,127 Me too. 480 00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:33,963 I'm making them a curry. 481 00:20:33,963 --> 00:20:35,798 You're amazing. Can I have some? 482 00:20:35,798 --> 00:20:36,924 No, it's for the Mills. 483 00:20:42,638 --> 00:20:43,889 First class. 484 00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:50,646 Did you make that with the dead rabbits? 485 00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:52,064 Shh, shh. Chup. 486 00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:54,525 You're not killing them with kindness. 487 00:20:54,525 --> 00:20:56,110 You're just killing them. 488 00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:57,695 No one's dying. 489 00:20:57,695 --> 00:21:00,239 Maybe a little E. coli, but I know what I'm doing. 490 00:21:00,239 --> 00:21:01,573 I'm a doctor. 491 00:21:01,573 --> 00:21:03,492 But Papa ate some. 492 00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:05,661 That's disgusting. 493 00:21:05,661 --> 00:21:08,831 He chose not to listen to me, and now he's eaten a bunny. 494 00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:11,041 Let that be a lesson. 495 00:21:12,543 --> 00:21:16,171 The only lesson was that my mom was an aspiring murderer. 496 00:21:16,171 --> 00:21:19,091 You were right. Splitting up the kids was the way to go. 497 00:21:19,091 --> 00:21:22,553 And props to you for getting Vinod blabbing about his twisted mother. 498 00:21:22,553 --> 00:21:24,430 He's quite the bean-spiller. 499 00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,056 You know, something else struck me. 500 00:21:26,056 --> 00:21:27,891 - Hmm? - Vinod's friend Mo. 501 00:21:27,891 --> 00:21:30,310 - Cane boy. - There was a note in the report about 502 00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:32,604 divot marks made on the Mills' lawn. 503 00:21:32,604 --> 00:21:33,939 Maybe they were made by canes. 504 00:21:33,939 --> 00:21:36,025 You think Vinod recruited his pals? 505 00:21:36,025 --> 00:21:37,484 No, I-I-I'm just-- 506 00:21:37,484 --> 00:21:40,029 Assuming the worst about people? Attaboy. 507 00:21:40,946 --> 00:21:43,198 So, you want to keep on with the kids? 508 00:21:43,198 --> 00:21:45,367 Let's go talk to someone we haven't talked to yet. 509 00:21:47,786 --> 00:21:49,329 Tell us about the jerky incident. 510 00:21:49,329 --> 00:21:50,706 We want to hear your version. 511 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:55,210 I'm starving! Got any stupid snacks? 512 00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:57,588 This stupid truck is disgusting. 513 00:21:57,588 --> 00:21:59,757 It was my grandfather's. 514 00:21:59,757 --> 00:22:02,217 I loved him dearly and cared for him through his dementia 515 00:22:02,217 --> 00:22:03,594 because family is important to me. 516 00:22:03,594 --> 00:22:04,928 What's this stupid thing? 517 00:22:04,928 --> 00:22:06,013 A dried-up dick? 518 00:22:06,013 --> 00:22:07,389 It's beef jerky. 519 00:22:07,389 --> 00:22:08,974 My grandfather taught me how to make it. 520 00:22:08,974 --> 00:22:09,975 The one who died. 521 00:22:09,975 --> 00:22:11,477 Screw your dead grandfather. 522 00:22:12,311 --> 00:22:13,312 I'm gonna eat it. 523 00:22:13,312 --> 00:22:16,482 It'll really piss off my mom to know that I ate beef. 524 00:22:16,482 --> 00:22:17,941 You know, it's God to Hindus. 525 00:22:19,735 --> 00:22:21,445 No, Bhanu, don't compromise your values. 526 00:22:22,780 --> 00:22:24,740 My mom is so controlling. 527 00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:26,366 My mom's perfect. 528 00:22:26,366 --> 00:22:27,534 She raised me so well. 529 00:22:29,244 --> 00:22:32,915 Wow, that's a really glowing review of your son. 530 00:22:32,915 --> 00:22:33,874 And yourself. 531 00:22:33,874 --> 00:22:36,376 Well, as a Christian, I always speak the truth. 532 00:22:36,376 --> 00:22:39,713 For example, I hate your blouse. 533 00:22:39,713 --> 00:22:43,592 Let's keep that honesty flowing and less targeted at my wardrobe. 534 00:22:43,592 --> 00:22:44,885 Sure. Now that's out of the way. 535 00:22:45,844 --> 00:22:47,846 You should see how she drugs my brother. 536 00:22:47,846 --> 00:22:49,973 Bhanu, doing drugs isn't cool. 537 00:22:50,974 --> 00:22:52,017 You know what is cool? 538 00:22:52,017 --> 00:22:54,645 Selling drugs and getting rich, bitch. 539 00:22:54,645 --> 00:22:55,979 Then I can get my own phone plan 540 00:22:55,979 --> 00:22:59,608 so my non-Christian, pagan mom can't spy on me. 541 00:23:01,151 --> 00:23:05,239 Hold the phone. You're saying Bhanu was a bad influence on Stu? 542 00:23:05,239 --> 00:23:07,950 Oh, that girl's the devil, just like her mom. 543 00:23:07,950 --> 00:23:09,326 "Devil." Red marker. 544 00:23:10,202 --> 00:23:11,286 All right. 545 00:23:11,286 --> 00:23:12,955 How'd that rabbit curry go down? 546 00:23:12,955 --> 00:23:17,835 Oh, it went down fine, but it came out mad and fast. 547 00:23:17,835 --> 00:23:19,837 I had to buy a new mattress. 548 00:23:19,837 --> 00:23:21,922 The trials of Job for his anus. 549 00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,507 That was the least of it. 550 00:23:23,507 --> 00:23:26,552 Bhanu Pradeep got my son banned from Ohio. 551 00:23:27,845 --> 00:23:28,971 What happened in Ohio? 552 00:23:28,971 --> 00:23:31,431 Something very, very illegal. 553 00:23:31,431 --> 00:23:33,559 You have no idea the trouble 554 00:23:33,559 --> 00:23:35,894 their daughter got our poor Stu into. 555 00:24:39,082 --> 00:24:40,959 So you saw the light at the end of the tunnel? 556 00:24:40,959 --> 00:24:42,711 The light was the headlight of an oncoming train 557 00:24:42,711 --> 00:24:45,255 about to splatter our brains all over the tracks. 558 00:24:45,255 --> 00:24:46,882 Next on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh. 559 00:24:46,882 --> 00:24:48,383 I'm in this great book club. 560 00:24:48,383 --> 00:24:51,053 - Sudha? - What is she doing here? 561 00:24:51,053 --> 00:24:53,305 - You know Janice? - She's my mortal enemy. 562 00:24:53,305 --> 00:24:55,641 Boys, I've signed you up for American sports. 563 00:24:55,641 --> 00:24:58,101 I'm your boy's B-ball coach. Raw-dog it, boy! 564 00:24:59,019 --> 00:25:00,812 Your bro's meds are selling like hotcakes. 565 00:25:00,812 --> 00:25:02,814 I've got a business proposition for you. 566 00:25:02,814 --> 00:25:05,442 Did you know your daughter was doing drug deals with Stu Mills? 567 00:25:05,442 --> 00:25:07,319 It was like "Bhanu and Clyde." 568 00:25:08,278 --> 00:25:09,655 Shut up and drive! 569 00:25:09,655 --> 00:25:10,781 Yes, ma'am.