1 00:00:08,113 --> 00:00:09,531 [ominous music playing] 2 00:00:15,829 --> 00:00:18,707 Do you understand the gravity of your situation? 3 00:00:18,707 --> 00:00:21,752 We didn't do anything. Why are we even here? 4 00:00:22,252 --> 00:00:25,464 Let's change the subject. Fiji. 5 00:00:25,464 --> 00:00:26,590 Smart choice. 6 00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:30,594 Square bottle. Can't roll away from you. 7 00:00:32,304 --> 00:00:33,555 It rolls... 8 00:00:34,181 --> 00:00:37,434 Sorry you're so cramped. We're not used to interrogating entire families. 9 00:00:37,434 --> 00:00:39,853 Maybe we could get a leaf for the center. 10 00:00:41,354 --> 00:00:44,524 Just start from the beginning. From when you arrived. 11 00:00:44,524 --> 00:00:46,735 Well, we came to the front door. 12 00:00:46,735 --> 00:00:49,654 Then we took the elevator to this floor, and then-- 13 00:00:49,654 --> 00:00:52,574 She means when we arrived in America, you idiot. 14 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:55,160 She said arrived. How was I supposed to know? 15 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,037 - Yeah, but obviously she said-- - [claps] 16 00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:59,247 I'll tell the story. 17 00:00:59,998 --> 00:01:03,919 {\an8}[Sudha] We arrived two years ago. The flight was very long. 18 00:01:05,045 --> 00:01:08,590 Being in America was already affecting my daughter's posture. 19 00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:12,928 My eldest son was in shock, 20 00:01:12,928 --> 00:01:16,181 and my youngest, well, he's an optimistic doofus. 21 00:01:16,181 --> 00:01:19,059 This is going to be great. A brand-new life. 22 00:01:19,059 --> 00:01:21,686 Kamal, do you have my gum? 23 00:01:21,686 --> 00:01:23,814 My ears still haven't popped. 24 00:01:25,065 --> 00:01:26,316 Kamal? 25 00:01:26,316 --> 00:01:27,359 [gulps] 26 00:01:27,359 --> 00:01:30,445 He's doing that sweaty thing he does before he panic-vomits. 27 00:01:30,445 --> 00:01:32,823 Such a weirdo. We should have left him in India. 28 00:01:32,823 --> 00:01:34,366 - Kamal. - [gagging] 29 00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:38,036 [Sudha] I had to leap into action to save my baby. 30 00:01:38,036 --> 00:01:41,164 Only I knew what he needed, and exactly how many milligrams. 31 00:01:41,164 --> 00:01:43,250 [Sudha] I don't have water, beta. 32 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:44,209 Chew. 33 00:01:44,209 --> 00:01:47,754 Fortunately for my children, they have the greatest mother in the world. 34 00:01:47,754 --> 00:01:48,713 Me. 35 00:01:48,713 --> 00:01:50,799 [immigration officer] Who do we have here? 36 00:01:50,799 --> 00:01:56,263 "Soda, Mohawk, Bonnaroo, Camel and Window." 37 00:01:57,639 --> 00:02:01,268 Sudha, Mahesh, Bhanu, 38 00:02:01,268 --> 00:02:03,895 Kamal and Vinod. 39 00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:06,106 But pretty close. 40 00:02:06,106 --> 00:02:07,190 Chuck. 41 00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:09,526 Great name. Hard to mispronounce. 42 00:02:09,526 --> 00:02:11,653 The purpose of your visit? 43 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:12,946 We're moving here. 44 00:02:12,946 --> 00:02:16,700 Why? Because America is full of opportunity. 45 00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:22,289 {\an8}And as Vedic scribes of ages past so prophetically wrote in the Upanishads-- 46 00:02:23,248 --> 00:02:25,000 Welcome to America, Pardips. 47 00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:27,544 It's Pradeeps. 48 00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:29,546 We're the Pradeeps. 49 00:02:30,422 --> 00:02:32,674 [intro theme music] 50 00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:53,612 Sudha, grab my harmonium. 51 00:02:53,612 --> 00:02:57,240 - Ask the children, it's why we had them. - Why won't my phone work? 52 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,743 I'm trying to text Mallika a picture of Kamal about to puke. 53 00:02:59,743 --> 00:03:01,870 I have to order American SIM cards. 54 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:03,163 F**K! 55 00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:05,332 Don't swear. 56 00:03:06,124 --> 00:03:07,667 F**K! 57 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,670 Look for the rental car shuttle. 58 00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:13,798 I can't see anything in this awful blizzard. 59 00:03:14,382 --> 00:03:17,636 It wasn't blizzarding. It was a delicate flurry at most. 60 00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:21,139 I'm telling the story. That's how I remember it. 61 00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:24,142 Please keep your recollections as accurate as possible. 62 00:03:24,142 --> 00:03:27,604 In India, when you tell a story, you always add masala. 63 00:03:27,604 --> 00:03:30,565 Well, this is America. Here, we like our stories plain. 64 00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:31,942 Give me Wonder Bread. 65 00:03:32,525 --> 00:03:33,443 Fine. 66 00:03:33,443 --> 00:03:37,572 As we left the airport, Mahesh was driving like a scared old granny. 67 00:03:37,572 --> 00:03:39,574 [man] Drive faster, buddy! 68 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:43,244 I think we're actually passing the hospital you applied to. 69 00:03:43,244 --> 00:03:44,996 I can't wait to start working. 70 00:03:44,996 --> 00:03:49,042 No matter what country I'm in, cutting people open is my happy place. 71 00:03:49,042 --> 00:03:53,004 No one does it better than my Dr. Sudha Pradeep. 72 00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:55,465 I hate to break up the kinky foreplay, 73 00:03:55,465 --> 00:03:58,218 Some radio stations here don't bleep swear words. 74 00:03:58,218 --> 00:04:01,012 ♪ Gonna smack that ho, hooray ♪ 75 00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,974 ♪ Gonna smack that ho, hooray ♪ 76 00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:06,267 ♪ Smack that ho, hooray ♪ 77 00:04:06,851 --> 00:04:08,520 ♪ Smack that ho, hooray ♪ 78 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,022 ♪ Get ready, smack that ho, hooray ♪ 79 00:04:11,022 --> 00:04:13,233 ♪ Smack that ho, hooray ♪ 80 00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:14,192 [music ends] 81 00:04:14,192 --> 00:04:15,235 Good boy. 82 00:04:16,111 --> 00:04:18,863 Don't be a prude, Kamal. We are in America now. 83 00:04:18,863 --> 00:04:20,991 Everyone has sex here all the time. 84 00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:22,242 Even the priests. 85 00:04:24,285 --> 00:04:25,495 Hello? 86 00:04:25,495 --> 00:04:27,205 I think he's gone mute. 87 00:04:27,205 --> 00:04:30,000 Finally, a useful neurosis. 88 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,627 [Sudha] But Kamal really had gone mute. 89 00:04:32,627 --> 00:04:34,170 [car horn honking] 90 00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,297 Learn how to drive, dot head. 91 00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:38,216 [tires screeching, car horn honking] 92 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,176 - [all screaming] - The only time we heard him 93 00:04:40,176 --> 00:04:43,513 was when he screamed as our life turned into a Michael Bay movie. 94 00:04:46,182 --> 00:04:48,727 - [truck horn blaring] - [all screaming] 95 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,486 [Sudha] Michael-frigging-Bay. 96 00:05:00,947 --> 00:05:03,033 Okay, so we didn't die. 97 00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,451 Uh-huh. 98 00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:08,038 [Mahesh] From what I remember, the drive was very pleasant. 99 00:05:08,038 --> 00:05:12,333 What could be more welcoming to immigrants than American flags. 100 00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:16,129 Vinod was having a great time, and Bhanu was also thrilled. 101 00:05:16,129 --> 00:05:17,839 That's her resting thrill face. 102 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:22,886 We finally pulled up to our new house in all its glory. 103 00:05:22,886 --> 00:05:26,139 Aka, the Pradeep's Pittsburg Palace. 104 00:05:26,139 --> 00:05:27,682 Home sweet home. 105 00:05:28,558 --> 00:05:30,643 I like the wood accent. It's cozy. 106 00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,146 [ice cracking] 107 00:05:33,146 --> 00:05:35,106 - Kamal! - [Vinod screams] 108 00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:38,193 Beta, are you okay? Oh! 109 00:05:38,193 --> 00:05:41,946 Great. He's already afraid of water. Now ice. 110 00:05:41,946 --> 00:05:43,823 What next? Steel? 111 00:05:46,242 --> 00:05:48,119 - Mm. - Mm. 112 00:05:48,119 --> 00:05:51,039 I thought the place would be more furnished-- you know, 113 00:05:51,039 --> 00:05:52,499 like, with anything. 114 00:05:52,499 --> 00:05:55,335 Don't get me wrong. Eating off luggage is the dream. 115 00:05:55,335 --> 00:05:57,837 Be grateful I had Wi-Fi set up. 116 00:05:57,837 --> 00:06:00,882 The password is, "howpradeepisyourlove." 117 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:01,966 All lower case. 118 00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:04,677 [Vinod] There's no toilet paper. 119 00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:06,763 Need something. 120 00:06:06,763 --> 00:06:07,972 Anything. 121 00:06:07,972 --> 00:06:10,809 Slice of pizza. Not for my butt. 122 00:06:10,809 --> 00:06:12,143 I'm just hungry. 123 00:06:12,143 --> 00:06:16,064 I'm going to stock up tomorrow. Also get us some winter coats. 124 00:06:16,064 --> 00:06:18,942 This is lame. I'm going to go for a walk. 125 00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:21,778 No, no. You take one of your brothers, for protection. 126 00:06:21,778 --> 00:06:25,073 Ha! Which one? Squirt? 127 00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:26,825 Or the mute? 128 00:06:29,202 --> 00:06:31,538 [Bhanu] My plan was to keep walking until I was abducted 129 00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:34,040 by people with toilet paper and furniture. 130 00:06:36,376 --> 00:06:39,420 But something more enticing caught my eye. 131 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,217 ["Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins playing] 132 00:06:44,217 --> 00:06:48,012 ♪ Damn, I wish I was your lover ♪ 133 00:06:48,596 --> 00:06:51,182 ♪ I'll rock you 'til the daylight comes ♪ 134 00:06:51,182 --> 00:06:54,227 ♪ Make sure you are smilin' and warm ♪ 135 00:06:54,227 --> 00:06:57,480 ♪ I am everything Tonight I'll be your-- ♪ 136 00:06:58,523 --> 00:07:01,109 Four feet. Perfect for a desk for your homework. 137 00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:05,029 - Excited to start school next week? - Big time. 138 00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:06,531 I looked at the website. 139 00:07:06,531 --> 00:07:10,118 I'll be having lunch on Wednesday with someone named Sloppy Joe. 140 00:07:10,118 --> 00:07:13,413 I hate to break it to you, Sloppy Joe's not a boy. 141 00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:14,497 He's a sandwich. 142 00:07:14,497 --> 00:07:16,291 [clanking and whirring outside] 143 00:07:21,754 --> 00:07:25,717 ♪ Damn, I wish I was your lover ♪ 144 00:07:25,717 --> 00:07:28,303 ♪ I'll rock you 'til the daylight comes ♪ 145 00:07:33,266 --> 00:07:35,435 [humming] Whoa! 146 00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:41,274 - Shit, kid. I could've killed you. - I knew you wouldn't. 147 00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:43,818 I can tell you and this truck are one. 148 00:07:43,818 --> 00:07:47,030 Yeah, we've seen our share of spectacular sunrises together. 149 00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:49,324 How did you get this amazing job? 150 00:07:49,324 --> 00:07:53,828 Riding around all day, crushing down trash to take away more trash. 151 00:07:54,329 --> 00:07:57,749 - You're a hero. - I'll put that on my Tinder profile. 152 00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:02,295 - You're not local, are you? - Vinod Pradeep from Ahmedabad, India. 153 00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:08,968 Greg. From Altoona. You's don't got garbage men in India? 154 00:08:08,968 --> 00:08:13,514 We do. But they're mostly men going through garbage looking for food. 155 00:08:13,514 --> 00:08:15,225 Nothing this glorious. 156 00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:19,354 You got a very low bar, kid. Scoot, I got a schedule to keep. 157 00:08:19,354 --> 00:08:21,147 I start school next week. 158 00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:25,735 Maybe I can get a ride with you, learn more about your fascinating career. 159 00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:27,487 Yeah, all right. 160 00:08:28,238 --> 00:08:31,449 Start sniffing rotten food and dirty diapers. Get your tolerance up. 161 00:08:31,449 --> 00:08:32,992 Aye-aye. 162 00:08:36,829 --> 00:08:40,959 I love it here. I figured out what I want to do with my life. 163 00:08:40,959 --> 00:08:44,128 See, Sudha. Five minutes in the land of opportunity, 164 00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:47,090 and our son already has his own American dream. 165 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:49,676 I'm going to be a garbageman. 166 00:08:50,843 --> 00:08:53,429 It's okay, we have two others. 167 00:08:53,429 --> 00:08:54,389 Do we? 168 00:08:55,223 --> 00:08:59,227 Bhanu's probably already frozen to death. I'm going to find her. 169 00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:03,481 Bhanu! 170 00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:07,443 I expected to find my daughter's stiff blue body in a snowbank. 171 00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:09,654 Bhanu. Bha-- 172 00:09:09,654 --> 00:09:13,199 But what I saw was much, much worse. 173 00:09:13,783 --> 00:09:15,743 - Cradle the shaft. - Oh, yeah? 174 00:09:15,743 --> 00:09:16,953 - Finger the trigger. - Mm-hmm. 175 00:09:16,953 --> 00:09:19,622 - Yeah, finger it real good. - Yeah. 176 00:09:19,622 --> 00:09:21,499 ♪ Love don't make the world turn ♪ 177 00:09:21,499 --> 00:09:32,218 ♪ Smack that ho, hooray ♪ 178 00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:33,761 [Bhanu] None of that happened. 179 00:09:33,761 --> 00:09:36,848 It was a BB gun. Stu didn't say, "Cradle the shaft," 180 00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:38,349 and there was no grinding. 181 00:09:38,349 --> 00:09:41,519 What is "Smack that ho, hooray"? That's not even a song. 182 00:09:41,519 --> 00:09:43,479 Checks out. It's not on Spotify. 183 00:09:44,939 --> 00:09:49,360 The other family is thinking about pressing charges for what you did. 184 00:09:50,028 --> 00:09:52,655 Let them. We didn't do anything. 185 00:09:52,655 --> 00:09:54,699 - It was Stu. - Sudha. 186 00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:58,369 Yes, I'll tell them about the store and the rabbits, and the shed, 187 00:09:58,369 --> 00:10:00,121 and the call from the hospital. 188 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,333 Hold on, you got all that from just "Sudha"? 189 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:05,376 He can convey anything with just her name. 190 00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:07,962 Yeah. Papa's like Groot. 191 00:10:07,962 --> 00:10:09,088 Let's test it. 192 00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:10,506 [scribbling] 193 00:10:10,506 --> 00:10:12,342 Tell her this using only her name. 194 00:10:13,426 --> 00:10:14,427 Sudha. 195 00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:16,804 He said pizza is good. That's too easy. 196 00:10:16,804 --> 00:10:18,306 One more, one more. 197 00:10:18,806 --> 00:10:20,183 [scribbling] 198 00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:25,730 Sudha. 199 00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:29,442 The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is both complicated and tragic. 200 00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:30,902 That's incredible. 201 00:10:30,902 --> 00:10:33,738 You're like Penn and Teller, but, you know, you're married. 202 00:10:33,738 --> 00:10:35,740 It is how he proposed. 203 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,117 - Sudha. - Yes. 204 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,707 Cute. Let's get back to the investigation. 205 00:10:44,707 --> 00:10:48,836 Would you say this family feud began when Bhanu met Stu? 206 00:10:48,836 --> 00:10:50,296 [together] Mm-hmm. 207 00:10:51,506 --> 00:10:53,674 Who was most upset about the relationship? 208 00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,176 Sudha. 209 00:10:55,676 --> 00:10:57,637 - What did he say? - Sudha. 210 00:10:57,637 --> 00:10:59,931 Yeah, but what did he mean by "Sudha"? 211 00:10:59,931 --> 00:11:03,518 Sudha. I was the most upset. Try and keep up. 212 00:11:03,518 --> 00:11:08,856 Bhanu meeting Stu was the most cataclysmic moment in the history of our family. 213 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,109 Maybe any family. 214 00:11:11,109 --> 00:11:12,568 You're writing it down too? 215 00:11:12,568 --> 00:11:13,528 Yeah. 216 00:11:16,447 --> 00:11:18,449 Anyone hungry? 217 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:23,579 What else can you tell us about your first encounter with Stu? 218 00:11:23,579 --> 00:11:25,373 After you saw him grinding, 219 00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:28,084 or possibly not grinding your daughter. 220 00:11:28,084 --> 00:11:31,879 You said something earlier about rabbits. Tell me more about those rabbits. 221 00:11:31,879 --> 00:11:33,464 Slow your roll. 222 00:11:33,464 --> 00:11:36,175 We got a lot of stuff here-- Space X contract, 223 00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:38,469 business with Stu's dad, trouble with Stu's mom. 224 00:11:38,469 --> 00:11:42,306 - I mean, we got a lot of info here. - Hallway. Now! 225 00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:47,437 [door opens, then closes] 226 00:11:48,855 --> 00:11:50,690 You are blowing this interrogation. 227 00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:53,901 What? I thought I was asking pertinent questions about Stu's family. 228 00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:56,946 They don't know what we know that they don't think we know we know. 229 00:11:56,946 --> 00:11:59,115 - I didn't know. - You're tipping our hand. 230 00:11:59,115 --> 00:12:01,492 This is why friends never invite me to game night. 231 00:12:01,492 --> 00:12:02,910 It definitely is. 232 00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:04,996 Just let the Pradeeps do the talking. 233 00:12:04,996 --> 00:12:07,498 If they're not talking, I'll do the talking. 234 00:12:07,498 --> 00:12:11,043 And for God's sakes, pop an Altoid, you have hot dog breath. 235 00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:14,672 Trouble in paradise? 236 00:12:14,672 --> 00:12:17,758 Nope, not at all. His breath just stinks. 237 00:12:18,593 --> 00:12:21,345 You said earlier that things got much worse. 238 00:12:21,345 --> 00:12:23,639 Tell us about your second day in America. 239 00:12:23,639 --> 00:12:26,100 I was touring a warehouse for my new business. 240 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:30,021 It was a blank canvas for all my entrepreneurial hopes and dreams. 241 00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:33,357 I was like a wide-eyed child in a toy store, 242 00:12:33,357 --> 00:12:38,279 but the toys I found weren't suitable for children, for even most adults. 243 00:12:38,779 --> 00:12:42,533 The old tenant made sex toys. Help yourself to any dildos left behind. 244 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,452 I will. You're too kind. 245 00:12:46,662 --> 00:12:48,748 Why are you looking at this place? 246 00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:51,751 I'm starting a firm to build components for rockets. 247 00:12:51,751 --> 00:12:53,085 Rockets for? 248 00:12:53,085 --> 00:12:56,172 I won a Space X contract. It's so exciting. 249 00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:58,466 Just wanna make sure you're not building missiles for ISIS. 250 00:12:58,466 --> 00:13:01,469 - Why do you think I'd be in ISIS? - Don't make me say it. 251 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:06,390 - Okay. You're brown. - Not all brown people are terrorists. 252 00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:09,101 - Well, all terrorists are brown. - Not really. 253 00:13:09,101 --> 00:13:11,854 I'm going to draw you a Venn diagram. 254 00:13:11,854 --> 00:13:14,482 Are you gonna lecture me or fill out the paperwork? 255 00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:17,652 I have this bathroom supply company. They're interested, and they're not ISIS. 256 00:13:17,652 --> 00:13:20,571 Everybody knows that people on that side of the world, 257 00:13:20,571 --> 00:13:22,073 well, they don't use toilets. 258 00:13:22,073 --> 00:13:24,242 Let's just get started on the lease. 259 00:13:24,242 --> 00:13:27,328 Full name: Mahesh Ranchhodlal Pradeep. 260 00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:31,332 Just write "Chuck." 261 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,583 Chuck. 262 00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:36,879 Hi. 263 00:13:36,879 --> 00:13:38,881 My son Kamal needs a pick-me-up. 264 00:13:39,465 --> 00:13:41,884 He'll have a M&M milkshake, but instead of M&Ms, 265 00:13:41,884 --> 00:13:43,594 could you please use chickpeas? 266 00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:47,390 You stay here with her. I'll just be back. 267 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,185 [cell phone ringing] 268 00:13:52,562 --> 00:13:54,355 Dr. Sudha Pradeep speaking. 269 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:58,818 Hi, Dr. Pradeep, this is Myra Collins from West Ridge Memorial Hospital. 270 00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:02,947 Hello, Myra. So when can I start slicing and dicing? 271 00:14:02,947 --> 00:14:06,325 Unfortunately, your license approval process is still a bit delayed. 272 00:14:06,325 --> 00:14:10,037 Oh, come on. I started a month ago, Myra. How much longer? 273 00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,372 Maybe another month? 274 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:14,750 I'm looking at a zoo of people devouring sugar and lard. 275 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,587 You're going to need all the doctors you can get. 276 00:14:17,587 --> 00:14:22,883 I don't know how things are done in India, but at this hospital we have rules. 277 00:14:22,883 --> 00:14:25,428 You can't do surgery without a license 278 00:14:25,428 --> 00:14:28,264 and apparently, you can't sleep with the night janitor. 279 00:14:28,264 --> 00:14:30,308 - We'll call with any updates. - [line disconnects] 280 00:14:30,308 --> 00:14:34,145 - Hello? - Chickpea milkshake for Camel. 281 00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,313 Camel? 282 00:14:36,731 --> 00:14:38,190 Do I have a Camel? 283 00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,317 [sighs] 284 00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:44,864 [Sudha] Just when I thought I couldn't win, I saw a produce aisle all to myself. 285 00:14:44,864 --> 00:14:47,366 Peace and quiet and vegetables. 286 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:51,787 ♪ Damn, I wish I was your lover ♪ 287 00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:54,373 ♪ I'll rock you 'til the daylight comes ♪ 288 00:14:54,373 --> 00:14:56,375 ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪ 289 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:58,294 [Sudha] Mama was on fire. 290 00:14:58,294 --> 00:15:01,505 Sinking healthy greens from downtown. 291 00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:03,507 Nothing but cart. 292 00:15:03,507 --> 00:15:05,843 I was in veggie heaven. 293 00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:08,679 My own private Idaho potato. 294 00:15:10,473 --> 00:15:12,642 [female interviewer] We get it. You love vegetables. 295 00:15:12,642 --> 00:15:17,772 Let's redirect back to Stu. Bhanu, tell me about your next encounter with him. 296 00:15:17,772 --> 00:15:20,941 That was... magical. 297 00:15:22,234 --> 00:15:24,779 [Bhanu] I felt trapped at home, so... 298 00:15:24,779 --> 00:15:28,616 I went into our backyard and discovered a winter wonderland. 299 00:15:30,910 --> 00:15:33,454 Cold as hell, but still amazing. 300 00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:41,545 Then I found a beautiful chariot to whisk me away. 301 00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:44,674 [sitar music playing] 302 00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:56,811 But when my chariot broke down, I was stranded with greasy hands. 303 00:15:58,354 --> 00:16:00,022 - Ah! - [tires screech] 304 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:04,402 Until I was rescued by an unlikely prince. 305 00:16:04,402 --> 00:16:06,821 Oh, hi. It's you. 306 00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:11,450 - Thought I recognized your butt. - Thank you. I recognized your butt too. 307 00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:16,330 I mean, I can't actually see it, but I still recognized it. In spirit. 308 00:16:16,956 --> 00:16:19,125 - Your butt spirit. - Sure. 309 00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:21,669 What's with your janky ride? 310 00:16:21,669 --> 00:16:25,715 The chain broke. Can I get a lift home? 311 00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:29,802 I was gonna go get my mom some lottery scratchers. 312 00:16:30,386 --> 00:16:33,013 'Cause I'm 18 now, I can. Sure, I can do that. 313 00:16:34,890 --> 00:16:37,435 When he got out, I did see his butt. 314 00:16:38,102 --> 00:16:40,104 It was exactly how I remembered. 315 00:16:40,855 --> 00:16:43,107 And now his hands were greasy too. 316 00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:46,819 We were just two greasy kids with memorable butts. 317 00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:48,154 Like a Springsteen song. 318 00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:51,449 I like the way you hoist. 319 00:16:51,449 --> 00:16:52,908 Tight. 320 00:16:53,492 --> 00:16:54,910 I hate this weather. 321 00:16:55,953 --> 00:16:58,122 I wished we'd moved to Florida, you know. 322 00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,874 Beaches, yachts. 323 00:16:59,874 --> 00:17:01,959 Nightclubbing in Miami with Pitbull. 324 00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,627 Mr. Worldwide. 325 00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:08,257 My cousin, who I used to hunt rabbits with... 326 00:17:08,257 --> 00:17:10,134 - Mm-hmm. - ...he lives in Florida now. 327 00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:12,219 - Oh. - That's where he's in jail. 328 00:17:12,219 --> 00:17:15,723 - Dickhead never calls me. - My, God. Why did he get arrested? 329 00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:16,766 Dealing Oxy. 330 00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:19,769 It was only a matter of time before he got caught. He's a moron. 331 00:17:19,769 --> 00:17:21,687 Sounds like my brother, Vinod. 332 00:17:21,687 --> 00:17:23,355 Your kid brother deals Oxy? 333 00:17:23,355 --> 00:17:25,274 No, I meant the moron part. 334 00:17:25,274 --> 00:17:29,570 Oh. Aren't all Indians supposed to be brainiacs or some shit? 335 00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:33,908 Yeah, and we all wear turbans and ride elephants to school. 336 00:17:34,658 --> 00:17:35,868 Elephant's a dope ride. 337 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:46,378 - Can I have one? - No, they're bad for you. 338 00:17:49,048 --> 00:17:50,466 So, what's India like? 339 00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:53,636 Oh, beautiful. 340 00:17:54,428 --> 00:17:57,723 And horrible. Like a supermodel with diarrhea. 341 00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:00,309 How is it beautiful? 342 00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:02,102 [sitar music playing] 343 00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:03,395 So many things. 344 00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:07,191 Peacocks, sarees, 345 00:18:07,191 --> 00:18:09,652 the blue walls of Jodhpur. 346 00:18:09,652 --> 00:18:11,987 The power of the three rivers. 347 00:18:12,696 --> 00:18:15,491 The way the Sri Ranganath temple looks in the moonlight. 348 00:18:15,491 --> 00:18:18,452 Cool. We have three rivers too. 349 00:18:18,452 --> 00:18:19,829 Sick for tubing. 350 00:18:19,829 --> 00:18:22,164 Oh. [chuckles] 351 00:18:22,164 --> 00:18:24,416 [slurping] 352 00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:28,587 Kamal, beta. If you're feeling something, it's best to talk. 353 00:18:30,089 --> 00:18:33,425 I know this move is hard for you. You thrive on consistency. 354 00:18:33,425 --> 00:18:37,096 You didn't even want to stop breastfeeding until well after you could read. 355 00:18:38,138 --> 00:18:42,601 I'll make a deal with you. If you try to make the best of it, so will I. 356 00:18:43,936 --> 00:18:45,938 I promise it will get better. 357 00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:49,859 [rock music playing] 358 00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:52,945 Hey-- 359 00:18:52,945 --> 00:18:56,657 [Bhanu] I'll admit, this time there was some light grinding. 360 00:18:56,657 --> 00:19:00,536 [Sudha] It wasn't as much the grinding that bothered me as the grinder. 361 00:19:00,536 --> 00:19:02,830 Hey, hey, hey, get your hands off her. 362 00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:05,624 - What the fuck! You're trespassing. - You're trespassing on my daughter. 363 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:09,211 I'm 17, I can do what I want. It's my body. 364 00:19:09,211 --> 00:19:12,673 It's my body, and I'm not going to let this gun-happy imbecile 365 00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:14,174 fill you with herpes. 366 00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:17,052 Uh, you can't just come in here and threaten people. 367 00:19:17,052 --> 00:19:20,264 - When it's my daughter, I can. - Mom, you're embarrassing me. 368 00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:25,519 Stay away from her, or I'll skin you like this Bambi here. 369 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:31,233 - I am an artist with a blade. - [whimpers] 370 00:19:32,318 --> 00:19:34,778 I did not try to skin him with his hunting knife. 371 00:19:34,778 --> 00:19:38,490 I would have used my scalpel. Much easier for subcutaneous tissue. 372 00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:43,579 What happened to the good Indian girl I raised? 373 00:19:43,579 --> 00:19:45,080 I left her in India. 374 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,709 All that virgin-till-you're-married stuff isn't how things are in America, okay? 375 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,588 It's about female empowerment here. I mean, they have Megan Thee Stallion. 376 00:19:52,588 --> 00:19:55,674 Well, I'm Sudha Thee Mummy. Empowered to do what? 377 00:19:55,674 --> 00:19:57,551 - Screw up your life? - Yeah. 378 00:19:57,551 --> 00:20:01,430 The beauty of this country is that I'm allowed to make my own mistakes. 379 00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:05,684 Mistakes I'll have to clean up. Are you just trying to punish me? 380 00:20:05,684 --> 00:20:08,145 Oh, my God. Why is everything about you? 381 00:20:08,145 --> 00:20:11,398 Okay, I like Stu. He's different. 382 00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:14,485 Yes. Bad people are different than good people. 383 00:20:14,485 --> 00:20:18,322 - Oh. What were you thinking, Bhanu? - I wasn't thinking about anything. 384 00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:22,034 You didn't think about how we would feel when you moved us out here. 385 00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:24,912 I barely got to say goodbye to my friends. 386 00:20:24,912 --> 00:20:27,331 Hey, none of this is my idea. 387 00:20:29,416 --> 00:20:32,044 This is all your dad's stupid idea. 388 00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:36,715 [breathing heavily] 389 00:20:36,715 --> 00:20:40,886 By the way, Kamal, I already called this side of the room. 390 00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:46,308 You can pick which side of the closet you want, except the side I picked. 391 00:20:48,727 --> 00:20:51,355 Come on, Kamal, I know you're upset, 392 00:20:51,355 --> 00:20:55,651 but remember how Rohit Chakrabarti always wanted to move to America. 393 00:20:55,651 --> 00:21:00,030 He was the coolest kid in school. He's still in India, and we're here. 394 00:21:00,948 --> 00:21:05,077 Don't you get it? We're cooler than Rohit Chakrabarti. 395 00:21:06,704 --> 00:21:09,707 Fine. Don't ever talk again. 396 00:21:10,290 --> 00:21:12,126 I'll take the whole closet. 397 00:21:12,126 --> 00:21:15,004 More room for my garbageman jumpsuits. 398 00:21:15,504 --> 00:21:17,840 [harmonium playing] 399 00:21:20,968 --> 00:21:23,637 Mahesh! We need to go back to India. 400 00:21:23,637 --> 00:21:25,347 We've only been here two days. 401 00:21:25,347 --> 00:21:27,641 In that short span, Kamal's gone mute, 402 00:21:27,641 --> 00:21:31,562 Vinod wants to be a garbageman, and Bhanu, grinding on the neighbor. 403 00:21:31,562 --> 00:21:34,773 Kamal hasn't said anything? He asked for pizza to wipe his butt. 404 00:21:34,773 --> 00:21:37,484 Oh. [chuckles] That was Vinod. 405 00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:39,445 My funny boy. 406 00:21:39,445 --> 00:21:44,324 - Are you even listening to me? - Kids in all countries do stupid things. 407 00:21:44,324 --> 00:21:46,035 - It's not America specifically. - Really? 408 00:21:46,035 --> 00:21:48,954 I specifically can't be a doctor in America. 409 00:21:48,954 --> 00:21:51,665 I can't even find a Bollywood station here. 410 00:21:51,665 --> 00:21:55,627 Just that endless, "Smack that ho, hey, ho, hey..." 411 00:21:55,627 --> 00:21:58,172 India wasn't some paradise, Sudha. 412 00:21:58,172 --> 00:22:00,841 - I wasn't circumcised as a kid. - Huh? 413 00:22:00,841 --> 00:22:03,927 My parents had to take measures to let everyone know I was a Hindu 414 00:22:03,927 --> 00:22:06,513 so I wasn't beaten up by other racist Hindus. 415 00:22:06,513 --> 00:22:09,683 How does everything always come back to your foreskin? 416 00:22:09,683 --> 00:22:11,810 I don't know, but it does. 417 00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:13,103 [Vinod screaming] 418 00:22:17,733 --> 00:22:19,693 I just found these rabbits here. 419 00:22:20,277 --> 00:22:22,863 At least they died together as a family. 420 00:22:29,453 --> 00:22:31,163 [Mahesh] Yeah. They're dead. 421 00:22:31,663 --> 00:22:33,248 Maybe they froze to death. 422 00:22:34,208 --> 00:22:35,375 In a perfect line? 423 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,837 Their necks have been fractured. 424 00:22:39,546 --> 00:22:43,092 - Cause of death? Racism against us. - Sudha. 425 00:22:43,092 --> 00:22:45,844 Don't call me hysterical. You know I hate that word. 426 00:22:45,844 --> 00:22:47,137 Sudha. 427 00:22:47,721 --> 00:22:50,641 Okay, apology accepted, I'm not angry at you. 428 00:22:50,641 --> 00:22:52,726 I'm angry at that grinder. 429 00:22:52,726 --> 00:22:55,229 - Stu? - Yes, Stu. 430 00:22:55,229 --> 00:22:57,439 You're just saying that because he's White. 431 00:22:57,439 --> 00:22:59,191 His garage is a slaughterhouse. 432 00:22:59,191 --> 00:23:01,401 Five dead rabbits, five of us. 433 00:23:01,401 --> 00:23:05,364 It doesn't take a brain surgeon, which I am. In every other country. 434 00:23:05,364 --> 00:23:09,201 Okay, now you're just blaming Stu for everything wrong in your own life. 435 00:23:09,993 --> 00:23:11,870 You're such a sour lemon. 436 00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:15,332 Yes, my father confirmed the rabbits are dead. Please hurry. 437 00:23:15,332 --> 00:23:18,085 Don't call the police. We don't need to make this a big thing. 438 00:23:18,085 --> 00:23:20,003 It's the sanitation department. 439 00:23:20,003 --> 00:23:22,214 Send Greg from Altoona. 440 00:23:22,214 --> 00:23:24,508 Tell him it's Vinod from Ahmedabad. 441 00:23:24,508 --> 00:23:26,176 - [line disconnects] - Hello? 442 00:23:27,052 --> 00:23:30,055 - Someone cut our phone line. - It's a cellphone, duffer. 443 00:23:30,639 --> 00:23:31,932 Where's Kamal? 444 00:23:31,932 --> 00:23:36,228 Last time I saw him, I told him we're cooler than Rohit Chakrabarti. 445 00:23:36,228 --> 00:23:38,438 That kid was really cool. The dad too. 446 00:23:39,648 --> 00:23:41,775 Kamal? Kamal? 447 00:23:42,609 --> 00:23:43,986 He's not in his room. 448 00:23:43,986 --> 00:23:47,114 - Didn't you tuck him in? - I was too busy being angry at you. 449 00:23:47,114 --> 00:23:48,532 He was at dinner, right? 450 00:23:48,532 --> 00:23:51,910 I think. Then again, he's not been talking, so it's hard to remember. 451 00:23:51,910 --> 00:23:56,290 Okay, guys, before we panic, consider if it's better that Kamal's gone. 452 00:23:56,290 --> 00:23:59,251 Oh, God. Did I leave him at the store? 453 00:23:59,251 --> 00:24:01,461 Nope. I definitely remember him running away 454 00:24:01,461 --> 00:24:03,380 from Stu's house like a ding-dong. 455 00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,424 - What's a ding-dong? - You are. 456 00:24:05,424 --> 00:24:08,927 And then I have no memory of him after that. 457 00:24:08,927 --> 00:24:12,514 Uh-oh, lost your favorite kid. Who's gonna be your pet now? 458 00:24:12,514 --> 00:24:15,767 Don't look at me. I'm closer to dad. 459 00:24:16,226 --> 00:24:19,730 Thank you, Vinod. Maybe we should at least try to find Kamal, yeah? 460 00:24:19,730 --> 00:24:20,772 Okay. 461 00:24:20,772 --> 00:24:22,941 Okay, everyone. Coat up! 462 00:24:25,944 --> 00:24:27,029 [Sudha] Kamal. 463 00:24:27,863 --> 00:24:29,072 Kamal. 464 00:24:30,157 --> 00:24:31,074 [speaking Hindi] 465 00:24:31,909 --> 00:24:33,160 Kamal. 466 00:24:33,869 --> 00:24:35,746 [in English] We need to get shoes with better traction. 467 00:24:35,746 --> 00:24:37,706 [Sudha] Where the hell is Kamal? 468 00:24:37,706 --> 00:24:39,416 We have to find him. 469 00:24:40,125 --> 00:24:43,545 He's not emotionally equipped to be on his own. 470 00:24:44,046 --> 00:24:47,424 Maybe he would be if he wasn't so medicated. 471 00:24:49,968 --> 00:24:53,388 Are you judging me as a doctor or as a mother. 472 00:24:53,388 --> 00:24:55,015 Don't answer that! 473 00:24:55,849 --> 00:24:58,936 - Just do not. - No, please. Answer. 474 00:24:58,936 --> 00:25:00,437 I insist. 475 00:25:03,357 --> 00:25:05,400 - [Bhanu] Found him. - [Mahesh] Oh, thank God. 476 00:25:06,443 --> 00:25:07,819 That she found Kamal. 477 00:25:07,819 --> 00:25:11,281 Our dear son who's medicated just right. 478 00:25:11,281 --> 00:25:12,449 [Sudha] Oof. 479 00:25:13,659 --> 00:25:14,868 He's in the shed. 480 00:25:16,995 --> 00:25:18,497 Beta, come out of there. 481 00:25:18,497 --> 00:25:20,874 That shed must be full of black widows. 482 00:25:21,416 --> 00:25:23,669 - Let them bite me. - [Bhanu] He speaks. 483 00:25:24,586 --> 00:25:27,172 This place-- This place terrifies me. 484 00:25:27,839 --> 00:25:30,425 Well, duh! it's full of spiders. 485 00:25:30,425 --> 00:25:32,552 Not the shed, America. 486 00:25:33,637 --> 00:25:35,806 This isn't where I belong, where we belong. 487 00:25:37,266 --> 00:25:39,393 Bhanu's in love with a gun nazi. 488 00:25:39,393 --> 00:25:42,729 Mummy's fighting him, there's dead rabbits on our doorstep 489 00:25:42,729 --> 00:25:45,899 and people keep calling me... [in American accent] Camel. 490 00:25:46,441 --> 00:25:49,569 [sobbing] It's Kamal. I'm Kamal! 491 00:25:52,197 --> 00:25:55,158 [Kamal] It's moments like this that really bring a family together. 492 00:25:55,158 --> 00:25:56,910 But we are not that family. 493 00:25:57,327 --> 00:26:02,249 [overlapping arguing voices] 494 00:26:02,249 --> 00:26:04,751 I was missing all night before they even noticed, 495 00:26:04,751 --> 00:26:06,295 but I noticed everything. 496 00:26:06,295 --> 00:26:08,547 Mom was so mad about moving here, 497 00:26:08,547 --> 00:26:12,759 but dad didn't see how bad it was until it was too late. Classic Mahesh. 498 00:26:14,511 --> 00:26:16,179 - [clears throat] - Too late? 499 00:26:16,179 --> 00:26:19,391 As in after your parents did something very bad. 500 00:26:19,391 --> 00:26:20,809 Kamal, beta. 501 00:26:22,019 --> 00:26:23,312 Let him talk. 502 00:26:24,479 --> 00:26:28,108 Despite what Bhanu says, I think she was acting out on purpose. 503 00:26:28,108 --> 00:26:29,526 Oh, my God. 504 00:26:29,526 --> 00:26:31,862 She was getting in way over her head with Stu. 505 00:26:31,862 --> 00:26:34,489 Don't listen to him. Mama's boy doesn't know shit. 506 00:26:34,489 --> 00:26:36,908 I also know why Vinod fell in love with that garbage truck. 507 00:26:36,908 --> 00:26:39,786 He couldn't cope with the trauma of losing our life in India. 508 00:26:40,287 --> 00:26:42,956 I know that because mom made me read the pamphlet about the grief cycle. 509 00:26:42,956 --> 00:26:47,836 Wrong. Big V just loves garbage. Booyah! [chuckles] 510 00:26:47,836 --> 00:26:51,381 Let me spell this out. Your neighbor's house was burned to the ground. 511 00:26:51,381 --> 00:26:55,177 Completely destroyed. Someone dumped a mountain of garbage on the lawn. 512 00:26:55,177 --> 00:26:59,681 - What do think about that, Big V? - Big V's not remembering too well. 513 00:26:59,681 --> 00:27:03,769 Maybe there's something in your wallet that might jog my memory. 514 00:27:05,437 --> 00:27:09,232 We think the rabbits were just the beginning of a much bigger feud. 515 00:27:09,232 --> 00:27:12,527 We're not in a feud with our White-trash neighbors we hate. 516 00:27:12,527 --> 00:27:16,031 - It sounds like you are. - We didn't start the fire. 517 00:27:16,031 --> 00:27:18,075 - Okay, Billy Joel. - Who's Billy Joel? 518 00:27:18,075 --> 00:27:21,495 Well, someone here burned down your neighbor's house, 519 00:27:21,495 --> 00:27:23,747 and if you can't convince us you're not guilty... 520 00:27:23,747 --> 00:27:25,040 Tell them what's waiting. 521 00:27:26,708 --> 00:27:28,085 - Really, me? - Yeah. 522 00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:32,964 Well, per felony code 457.1 B, 523 00:27:32,964 --> 00:27:35,675 with respect to the detainees' immigration status... 524 00:27:37,427 --> 00:27:38,804 you'll all be deported. 525 00:27:38,804 --> 00:27:41,515 [suspenseful music playing] 526 00:27:45,519 --> 00:27:47,312 Well, that's a buzzkill. 527 00:27:51,233 --> 00:27:53,527 [hip-hop outro music] 528 00:28:51,626 --> 00:28:53,879 [Mahesh] Next on The Pradeeps of Pittsburg... 529 00:28:53,879 --> 00:28:55,505 - [screaming] - Oh-oh-oh-oh. 530 00:28:57,090 --> 00:29:00,177 [Sudha] And then Stu forced his dirty meat into my daughter's mouth. 531 00:29:00,177 --> 00:29:03,138 You need to confront Stu's parents about those dead rabbits. 532 00:29:03,138 --> 00:29:07,058 We haven't even met them yet. You want to greet them with accusations of racism. 533 00:29:07,058 --> 00:29:08,977 You the new Indians on the block? 534 00:29:08,977 --> 00:29:10,061 [Mahesh] Where's Vinod? 535 00:29:10,061 --> 00:29:11,646 [Sudha] Waiting for a ride to school on that garbage truck. 536 00:29:11,646 --> 00:29:13,773 [boy] What's up, Dumpster boy? 537 00:29:13,773 --> 00:29:15,400 [Mahesh] How does your mother calm you down? 538 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,069 She puts my head in her lap and French-kisses me. 539 00:29:18,069 --> 00:29:22,032 - That's disturbing. - It'll be easier if I just show you.