1 00:00:19,958 --> 00:00:24,337 For me, being depressed, it's like 2 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:29,175 being in the darkest, coldest part of the ocean 3 00:00:29,259 --> 00:00:32,887 with hundred pound weights on my ankle. 4 00:00:32,971 --> 00:00:36,599 And I'm constantly trying to swim up, 5 00:00:36,683 --> 00:00:40,562 you know, and I'm just continuing 6 00:00:40,645 --> 00:00:44,315 to go down, go down, deeper and deeper 7 00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:47,443 in a panic, you know. 8 00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:50,238 And with the panic comes frustration, anger... 9 00:00:54,492 --> 00:00:56,119 Aggression. 10 00:00:56,202 --> 00:00:59,831 All of the emotions that I kinda shelter 11 00:00:59,914 --> 00:01:04,251 kinda all comes up when I'm getting pulled down, 12 00:01:04,334 --> 00:01:08,423 you know, and it just feel 13 00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:10,383 cold, dark, and alone, you know, 14 00:01:10,466 --> 00:01:14,345 and it just eats away at you in the moment 15 00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:17,682 until you figure out how to get yourself out of them chains 16 00:01:17,765 --> 00:01:19,475 and slowly swim up 17 00:01:19,559 --> 00:01:23,104 and feel the pressure release 18 00:01:23,187 --> 00:01:25,565 and you can gasp for air. 19 00:01:29,944 --> 00:01:31,362 It will always come and go. 20 00:01:31,446 --> 00:01:33,448 You know, I had it when I was in college, 21 00:01:33,531 --> 00:01:37,535 but I always told myself, you know, I'm tripping. 22 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:40,246 You know, I always found an excuse 23 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:42,749 or something else to sweep it under the rug. 24 00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:53,384 I grew up in Compton, California. 25 00:01:53,468 --> 00:01:55,303 We didn't have much, 26 00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:59,974 but my parents was my biggest protectors 27 00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:02,143 and supporters. 28 00:02:02,227 --> 00:02:05,355 I seen my mom lose all her brothers 29 00:02:05,438 --> 00:02:07,273 to gang violence. 30 00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:09,901 Seeing friends, family members 31 00:02:09,984 --> 00:02:13,446 lose their life at a young age. 32 00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:15,657 I remember one time, a car pulled up slow, 33 00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:18,201 and now you gotta duck and hide behind the car 34 00:02:18,284 --> 00:02:20,119 because now they shooting. 35 00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:24,874 Even to this day, you know, when a car rides up slow, 36 00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:29,128 I'm hesitating, like, "Who is this?" 37 00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:31,047 You know, it took a toll, you know, 38 00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:35,468 so it pushed me to run towards something 39 00:02:35,552 --> 00:02:38,763 that gave me an escape. 40 00:02:38,846 --> 00:02:40,139 And it was always basketball. 41 00:02:40,223 --> 00:02:41,933 Oh, DeRozan! 42 00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:43,726 That was one thing where I could feel like, 43 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,436 you know, I was away from everything 44 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,021 and I could just feel like myself. 45 00:02:47,105 --> 00:02:48,439 DeRozan with a huge finish! 46 00:02:48,523 --> 00:02:51,109 I always tried to use that as my peace, 47 00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:54,362 but never addressing the reality of things 48 00:02:54,445 --> 00:02:55,780 that was going on in the moment. 49 00:02:55,864 --> 00:02:59,200 With the ninth pick in the 2009 NBA draft, 50 00:02:59,284 --> 00:03:03,037 the Toronto Raptors select DeMar DeRozan 51 00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:05,164 from the University of Southern California. 52 00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:12,714 DeRozan fires and hits! 53 00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,175 Picks it up. 54 00:03:16,259 --> 00:03:18,011 Oh, he dropped one hard! 55 00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,762 DeRozan with the slam. 56 00:03:19,846 --> 00:03:21,598 This here's slamming! 57 00:03:21,681 --> 00:03:24,559 That's what an all-star looks like, folks. 58 00:03:24,642 --> 00:03:26,144 Now you looking up. 59 00:03:26,227 --> 00:03:30,148 You a all-star, you winning, you on TV, 60 00:03:30,231 --> 00:03:32,066 and you got so much attention 61 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:34,986 until where it just all hits you. 62 00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:37,113 We done suppressed so much pain 63 00:03:37,197 --> 00:03:38,698 throughout the years. 64 00:03:38,781 --> 00:03:41,075 The dark spaces that I was in, 65 00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:42,869 they would come more frequently. 66 00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:45,038 You know, instead of every now and then, 67 00:03:45,121 --> 00:03:47,248 it's every couple days, 68 00:03:47,332 --> 00:03:50,752 then every couple days, now it's for a week. 69 00:03:50,835 --> 00:03:54,672 It was so frequent to where I had to just break down 70 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,549 and address it. 71 00:03:57,967 --> 00:03:59,135 I put out that tweet. 72 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:01,888 In that little moment, I felt like 73 00:04:01,971 --> 00:04:04,849 I was getting something off. 74 00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:07,393 Then I went to sleep, but you wake up to... 75 00:04:10,188 --> 00:04:12,148 After that, I was forced to address it. 76 00:04:12,232 --> 00:04:14,025 You know, I know a lot of people ashamed 77 00:04:14,108 --> 00:04:15,568 to talk about it. 78 00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:19,489 Athletes never talk about it, and you did. 79 00:04:19,572 --> 00:04:21,157 Several NBA players have shared 80 00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:22,659 their own struggles with mental health. 81 00:04:22,742 --> 00:04:23,785 ...depression more common 82 00:04:23,868 --> 00:04:25,036 in the NBA than we think? 83 00:04:25,119 --> 00:04:26,329 ...mental health in the NBA. 84 00:04:26,412 --> 00:04:28,414 What should the league do? 85 00:04:28,498 --> 00:04:30,291 I wanna talk about the piece Kevin Love put 86 00:04:30,375 --> 00:04:31,709 on The Players' Tribune, 87 00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:32,961 where he gets very honest 88 00:04:33,044 --> 00:04:35,588 about his battle with anxiety and panic attacks. 89 00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,465 He said it best when he said 90 00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:41,094 DeMar DeRozan kinda opened up the doors for him. 91 00:04:41,177 --> 00:04:42,762 I think what DeMar DeRozan has done 92 00:04:42,845 --> 00:04:44,138 in deciding to become public 93 00:04:44,222 --> 00:04:45,848 about his depression and anxiety 94 00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:47,684 is caused a sea change, 95 00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:48,851 certainly in the NBA 96 00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:50,395 and I think in all professional sports 97 00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:53,231 because it's allowed players to be comfortable 98 00:04:53,314 --> 00:04:55,525 speaking out about critically important issues. 99 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,987 The NBA is reportedly looking 100 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:01,322 into revamping its mental health policies 101 00:05:01,406 --> 00:05:03,741 for the 2019/2020 season. 102 00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,410 According to The Athletic, 103 00:05:05,493 --> 00:05:07,829 the league will soon implement new mental health initiatives 104 00:05:07,912 --> 00:05:10,331 that all 30 teams must comply with. 105 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,710 We don't even realize 106 00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:16,045 when we get lost in playing sports, 107 00:05:16,129 --> 00:05:17,714 that's our suppression 108 00:05:17,797 --> 00:05:20,633 of what's going on in our society, you know, 109 00:05:20,717 --> 00:05:24,053 and it took me 110 00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:26,681 damn near till I was 30 till I realized that. 111 00:05:29,309 --> 00:05:31,060 These professional athletes 112 00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:33,855 are experiencing all the struggles 113 00:05:33,938 --> 00:05:36,399 that everyone else in that time frame does 114 00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:40,778 with the addition of fame and financial success 115 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,530 amid all these other pieces 116 00:05:42,614 --> 00:05:45,950 that go along with being a major athlete. 117 00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,161 But the world doesn't see it that way. 118 00:05:48,244 --> 00:05:50,830 The world sees it as, "Hey, you have all this fame. 119 00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:51,998 You have all this money. 120 00:05:52,081 --> 00:05:54,167 Your problems must be null and void." 121 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:55,501 But that is not true. 122 00:05:55,585 --> 00:05:58,546 The human existence still applies. 123 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:02,634 Going to a therapist or engaging mental wellness 124 00:06:02,717 --> 00:06:05,261 speaks to my vulnerability. 125 00:06:05,345 --> 00:06:07,347 Professional athletes feel, 126 00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:10,225 "My opponent will tune in to that vulnerability, 127 00:06:10,308 --> 00:06:14,771 and maybe the folks that decide about my next contract 128 00:06:14,854 --> 00:06:16,731 will tune in to that vulnerability." 129 00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:20,193 And now, specific 130 00:06:20,276 --> 00:06:22,278 to the African American community, 131 00:06:22,362 --> 00:06:24,447 we don't want outsiders. 132 00:06:24,531 --> 00:06:27,367 That speaks to a long held issue 133 00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:30,745 within our community of, outsiders may not help us. 134 00:06:30,828 --> 00:06:31,829 So hold it. 135 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,831 Don't tell anybody that stuff. 136 00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,833 And actually, we don't even wanna talk about it much 137 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,460 in our family circles. 138 00:06:37,544 --> 00:06:39,128 We say, "That boy's been struggling. 139 00:06:39,212 --> 00:06:40,755 He been struggling for years." 140 00:06:40,838 --> 00:06:42,674 Well, those are mental health issues, 141 00:06:42,757 --> 00:06:45,843 mental wellness issues that go unchecked. 142 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:48,846 I was head coach in Toronto for seven years, 143 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,683 and knowing DeMar from, you know, I think it was 144 00:06:51,766 --> 00:06:54,227 his second year in the NBA, maybe it had been his third, 145 00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,645 watching him grow, 146 00:06:55,728 --> 00:06:58,147 but Brenda and I and our kids were in LA, 147 00:06:58,231 --> 00:07:00,066 I was coaching the All-Star game, 148 00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:03,069 I woke up, you know, to a tweet that he had put out 149 00:07:03,152 --> 00:07:05,947 saying that he was struggling with some situations, 150 00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:11,077 depressions, and it shocked me because you would never know. 151 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,287 And on a personal level, 152 00:07:12,370 --> 00:07:14,581 when we heard that he was struggling, 153 00:07:14,664 --> 00:07:17,041 you just--you feel like you've let him down. 154 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:18,251 You know, you feel like 155 00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,086 your relationship wasn't enough 156 00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:22,463 for them to feel comfortable enough to say that, 157 00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:24,591 and so, you know, I felt like, 158 00:07:24,674 --> 00:07:27,677 "Man, we really dropped the ball." 159 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,347 But I would say too, Brenda, that the coping mechanism 160 00:07:31,431 --> 00:07:34,017 to cover that up is so strong. 161 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,143 Right. 162 00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:36,352 And I think a piece of it 163 00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:38,271 for the individual, the individual says, 164 00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,481 "I'm not supposed to have this struggle. 165 00:07:40,565 --> 00:07:42,442 I shouldn't tell people that." 166 00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:46,029 But I'm so proud of him that he normalized 167 00:07:46,112 --> 00:07:48,740 that it's okay to talk about it. 168 00:07:48,823 --> 00:07:52,785 And it made me know that I know what I don't know, 169 00:07:52,869 --> 00:07:55,079 and I'm not qualified and equipped 170 00:07:55,163 --> 00:07:57,832 to get in that territory of a young man's life. 171 00:07:57,916 --> 00:08:00,084 Let's go, DJ. 172 00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:03,046 That's why, when I first got the job here in Detroit, 173 00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:06,090 having someone like Dr. Yeager on our staff 174 00:08:06,174 --> 00:08:08,259 was one of my first things I asked for, 175 00:08:08,343 --> 00:08:11,512 was someone who could deal with that professionally. 176 00:08:11,596 --> 00:08:14,724 So tell me a little bit how you're mentally doing. 177 00:08:14,807 --> 00:08:16,434 How did you come back 178 00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:18,603 from an injury that had you out? 179 00:08:18,686 --> 00:08:21,064 The language of those first few words 180 00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:23,483 that you say to a person is critical. 181 00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:26,069 A lot of people are a pop therapist 182 00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:27,946 or pop psychologist. 183 00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,073 "I think this kid's dealing with some anxiety 184 00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:32,742 and maybe some depression." 185 00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:34,243 So hold on. 186 00:08:34,327 --> 00:08:36,954 So tell me the difference between depression and sadness. 187 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,705 Well, people don't really know. 188 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:40,541 So what's the difference between anxiety 189 00:08:40,625 --> 00:08:41,918 and being nervous? 190 00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,545 Well, people don't really know. 191 00:08:43,628 --> 00:08:47,048 So we don't have to move it into a clinical description. 192 00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:49,801 And I think that's important for players. 193 00:08:49,884 --> 00:08:54,055 The best description I give about my version of therapy 194 00:08:54,138 --> 00:08:56,015 is that it's just conversation. 195 00:08:56,099 --> 00:08:58,643 No one is opposed to conversation. 196 00:08:58,726 --> 00:09:00,603 So how was this morning? 197 00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:02,397 It was great. It was great. We had a good time. 198 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,274 -Yeah? -Yeah. 199 00:09:04,357 --> 00:09:06,150 Corey's been amazing. 200 00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:08,820 When he came in last year, 201 00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:10,864 it kinda was a huge relief 202 00:09:10,947 --> 00:09:12,323 'cause you could kinda see guys 203 00:09:12,407 --> 00:09:15,076 kinda let their guards down around him. 204 00:09:15,159 --> 00:09:16,494 Somebody that looks like you, 205 00:09:16,578 --> 00:09:19,455 somebody that just is able to be personable, 206 00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:21,249 able to talk about whatever. 207 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,543 When I got issues and I come talk to you, 208 00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:24,752 I know you can't fix 'em. 209 00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:25,837 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 210 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,130 But it relieves pressure, right? 211 00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:28,548 It relieves a lot of stress off you. 212 00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:30,174 A lot of stress. 213 00:09:30,258 --> 00:09:31,801 And that's what really makes him special 214 00:09:31,885 --> 00:09:34,721 because he don't want nothing from you, 215 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:37,056 but he wants everything for you. 216 00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:40,143 He wants you to be the best you you can be. 217 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:46,399 These last three years have been 218 00:09:46,482 --> 00:09:48,860 I'd probably say the toughest three years 219 00:09:48,943 --> 00:09:51,196 I've ever faced in my life. 220 00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:55,325 The stressors are huge. 221 00:09:55,408 --> 00:09:58,286 You know, when everything on the court's going great, 222 00:09:58,369 --> 00:09:59,954 life is great. 223 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:01,956 But when basketball takes a turn 224 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,500 or when things that you can't control 225 00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:07,795 kinda affect you, it shakes you. 226 00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:08,963 It's like the NBA, 227 00:10:09,047 --> 00:10:11,507 so everyone's watching all of the time. 228 00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:13,551 There's social media, so there's always, 229 00:10:13,635 --> 00:10:16,262 you know, a tweet, an Instagram picture, 230 00:10:16,346 --> 00:10:18,431 you know, there's a trade rumor, 231 00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:19,974 you know, someone getting traded, 232 00:10:20,058 --> 00:10:21,726 someone getting cut. 233 00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:24,687 His parents are getting older. You know, he's a father now. 234 00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:27,190 There's always pressure. 235 00:10:27,273 --> 00:10:29,192 When DeMar said he had depression, 236 00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:31,778 it kinda shook the NBA world up 237 00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:35,073 because most guys didn't know what to think of it. 238 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,157 Does that mean he's soft? 239 00:10:36,241 --> 00:10:37,325 Does that mean he's tough 240 00:10:37,408 --> 00:10:39,577 for coming out and saying this? 241 00:10:39,661 --> 00:10:42,163 How can I understand what this means 242 00:10:42,247 --> 00:10:44,582 to, like, us going forward? 243 00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:46,167 Ready? 244 00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:47,794 Cheese. 245 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:49,420 -Cheese. -Aww. 246 00:10:49,504 --> 00:10:50,797 Let's roll. 247 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,590 When we talk about mental health, 248 00:10:52,674 --> 00:10:56,344 we talk about it at the stage in which we reach crisis. 249 00:10:56,427 --> 00:10:59,305 And I think it's really more powerful 250 00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:02,559 when you realize that, you know, work it out now, 251 00:11:02,642 --> 00:11:06,354 so then when you do approach a crises, 252 00:11:06,437 --> 00:11:07,856 you've trained and prepared for it 253 00:11:07,939 --> 00:11:09,190 and you're ready. 254 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:12,777 Breaking news in this Sunday afternoon. 255 00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:14,237 Five-time NBA champion, 256 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,949 former league MVP Kobe Bryant died 257 00:11:18,032 --> 00:11:19,868 earlier this afternoon in Los Angeles 258 00:11:19,951 --> 00:11:21,327 in a helicopter crash. 259 00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:23,162 News reports are just coming in. 260 00:11:23,246 --> 00:11:24,330 Among multiple victims, 261 00:11:24,414 --> 00:11:26,374 Kobe Bryant on that helicopter. 262 00:11:26,457 --> 00:11:28,376 They've decided that whoever wins the tip, 263 00:11:28,459 --> 00:11:29,919 and in this case, Toronto, 264 00:11:30,003 --> 00:11:32,922 they are going to let the shot clock run out 265 00:11:33,006 --> 00:11:35,675 because of the number 24 266 00:11:35,758 --> 00:11:38,052 to honor Kobe Bryant. 267 00:11:43,349 --> 00:11:44,976 I had to play a game that day, 268 00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:48,688 and it was the hardest game I ever had to play in my life. 269 00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:51,191 Man, um... 270 00:11:51,274 --> 00:11:52,901 you know, words... 271 00:11:52,984 --> 00:11:54,986 words can't explain the pain. 272 00:12:01,284 --> 00:12:04,454 Kobe's death impacted everyone, 273 00:12:04,537 --> 00:12:08,208 but specifically these players that are in the NBA. 274 00:12:13,338 --> 00:12:15,715 Too often, with grief and loss, 275 00:12:15,798 --> 00:12:17,717 what we tend to do is lean away from it 276 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,844 'cause we don't know what to do. 277 00:12:19,928 --> 00:12:22,222 So it's my task to lean into it 278 00:12:22,305 --> 00:12:26,392 and support in whatever way each individual is needing. 279 00:12:27,477 --> 00:12:30,063 As we honor the life of Kobe Bryant... 280 00:12:30,146 --> 00:12:33,191 So I just wanna have a brief conversation 281 00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:37,278 about how y'all doing, how y'all feeling about things. 282 00:12:37,362 --> 00:12:39,614 Grief is unique 283 00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:42,575 to each and every individual. 284 00:12:42,659 --> 00:12:44,827 How I do it gonna be different 285 00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:48,331 and look different than how you do it. 286 00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:51,000 And I ask people all the time, "So if we grieve differently, 287 00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:52,669 which one's right?" 288 00:12:52,752 --> 00:12:53,795 -They all right. -All right. 289 00:12:53,878 --> 00:12:55,004 -It's mine. -Yeah. 290 00:12:55,088 --> 00:12:56,506 It's my version. 291 00:12:56,589 --> 00:12:58,174 I think that that means a lot, 292 00:12:58,258 --> 00:13:01,261 just being able to talk about it. 293 00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:05,056 When, I think, probably, like, a couple hours went by... 294 00:13:07,141 --> 00:13:08,351 ...I just caught myself 295 00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,770 and I was just still sitting in the same spot. 296 00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:11,896 I hadn't moved. 297 00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:13,690 Like, a person that you played against, 298 00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:17,402 a guy that you knew growing up, a idol, like, 299 00:13:17,485 --> 00:13:18,903 you know, it hits you deep. 300 00:13:18,987 --> 00:13:22,991 It's like a open wound that you just--you can't fix. 301 00:13:23,074 --> 00:13:26,119 When I heard about it, the first thing I said is-- 302 00:13:26,202 --> 00:13:29,205 my reaction was almost like, "Kobe can't die. 303 00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:30,248 What you mean?" 304 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,624 Yeah. 305 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:33,126 -That's heavy. -Yeah. 306 00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:35,086 There's that piece of being invincible. 307 00:13:35,169 --> 00:13:37,422 Like, he larger than life. 308 00:13:37,505 --> 00:13:40,592 -Yeah. -"Kobe ain't gone." 309 00:13:40,675 --> 00:13:43,094 Getting a chance to play against Kobe, 310 00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:44,637 I'm like, "All right. 311 00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:47,432 This is real. Like, all right. Like, that's my idol. 312 00:13:47,515 --> 00:13:49,767 Like, this, like, a legend right here." 313 00:13:49,851 --> 00:13:51,394 I think, like, a couple possession went by, 314 00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:52,520 and then all of a sudden, I'm checking him, 315 00:13:52,604 --> 00:13:53,855 and I'm like, "Oh, shoot." 316 00:13:53,938 --> 00:13:55,565 Like, I was checking Kobe. 317 00:13:55,648 --> 00:13:57,317 I know all my boys back home watching. 318 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,776 -Like, everybody's watching. -Come on, G. 319 00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:00,069 The league watching. 320 00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:01,529 Yeah, they watching. 321 00:14:01,613 --> 00:14:03,907 They like, if you don't get this stop, like, it's over. 322 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,408 Like, we gon' clown you at home. 323 00:14:07,035 --> 00:14:09,412 I got him to sign a pair of my shoes after the game, 324 00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:11,164 and he's like, "Man, keep going, man. 325 00:14:11,247 --> 00:14:12,540 Keep doing it." 326 00:14:12,624 --> 00:14:13,750 So that means you get to hold on to that 327 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:14,667 forever, though. 328 00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:15,752 -Those memories? -Yeah. 329 00:14:15,835 --> 00:14:17,712 No one ever gets to take them. 330 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:20,965 Then Deuces be sitting beside you when he's 12 or 14 331 00:14:21,049 --> 00:14:23,259 saying, "Dad, so you played against Kobe?" 332 00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:25,261 -Right. Yeah. -You get to tell those stories. 333 00:14:25,345 --> 00:14:26,387 It's gonna be cool. 334 00:14:26,471 --> 00:14:27,805 Yeah, that's pretty cool. 335 00:14:27,889 --> 00:14:29,974 Taking a step back as a parent now, 336 00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:32,977 as a father, it makes me cherish my little man 337 00:14:33,061 --> 00:14:34,103 even more now 338 00:14:34,187 --> 00:14:36,814 because tomorrow's just not promised. 339 00:14:36,898 --> 00:14:38,066 Mm. 340 00:14:38,149 --> 00:14:40,443 It gave me a perspective of, 341 00:14:40,527 --> 00:14:43,071 it's way bigger than just the ball. 342 00:14:43,154 --> 00:14:45,907 Like, that this ball's gonna stop bouncing. 343 00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:52,038 Too often, we don't take the time 344 00:14:52,121 --> 00:14:55,208 to create that space, to understand one another, 345 00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:59,754 and I think this work is allowing me to take my time. 346 00:14:59,837 --> 00:15:02,799 Travelling with the team, being around 347 00:15:02,882 --> 00:15:05,969 gives me an opportunity to be intimate 348 00:15:06,052 --> 00:15:07,679 with those conversations 349 00:15:07,762 --> 00:15:10,390 and build trust. 350 00:15:10,473 --> 00:15:14,102 So I think success is continuing in this vein 351 00:15:14,185 --> 00:15:16,145 relentlessly 352 00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:20,108 to engage in these extremely important conversations 353 00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:23,361 around building mental health. 354 00:15:24,654 --> 00:15:26,990 But we have to have first an understanding. 355 00:15:33,997 --> 00:15:38,126 I was 17 when I left for Syracuse. 356 00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:40,753 I was very anxious 357 00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:42,672 but also very excited. 358 00:15:42,755 --> 00:15:45,508 I knew it was a good choice at the time. 359 00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:50,972 I had such a good first year at Syracuse. 360 00:15:51,055 --> 00:15:55,018 Friends, hobbies, good grades, interesting classes. 361 00:15:55,101 --> 00:15:56,853 I joined everything 362 00:15:56,936 --> 00:15:59,939 that you could possibly think of. 363 00:16:00,023 --> 00:16:03,735 But in summer of 2016, 364 00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:07,989 I had just come back from studying abroad, 365 00:16:08,072 --> 00:16:10,867 and my dad died of a heart attack. 366 00:16:14,996 --> 00:16:17,707 When they told me, I didn't believe it. 367 00:16:20,793 --> 00:16:23,963 And I just... catatonic, sort of. 368 00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:25,423 Didn't talk to anybody. 369 00:16:27,342 --> 00:16:30,595 But in my own world, in my own paranoia, 370 00:16:30,678 --> 00:16:32,430 I didn't believe it. 371 00:16:33,973 --> 00:16:35,516 I thought it was a joke. 372 00:16:38,269 --> 00:16:39,562 The funeral comes, 373 00:16:39,646 --> 00:16:43,316 and I don't believe what's going on 374 00:16:43,399 --> 00:16:47,111 because I feel like everybody's making fun of me. 375 00:16:48,947 --> 00:16:50,740 Everybody's just in on it. 376 00:16:50,823 --> 00:16:52,951 Whatever it is, everybody's in on it, 377 00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,827 and I'm just outside of it 378 00:16:54,911 --> 00:16:57,372 because this is happening to me. 379 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,084 I felt like there was something else happening 380 00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,877 before the death of my dad, 381 00:17:02,961 --> 00:17:05,797 and I think the death of my dad 382 00:17:05,879 --> 00:17:09,008 sort of catapulted everything forward. 383 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,136 I started isolating. 384 00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,763 I started not talking to anybody. 385 00:17:16,432 --> 00:17:18,309 And this was right at the time 386 00:17:18,393 --> 00:17:22,146 where I had started to hear this voice. 387 00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:25,108 And... 388 00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:26,234 I think it's real. 389 00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:32,991 The voice is telling me my thoughts. 390 00:17:34,659 --> 00:17:36,411 All the insecurities. 391 00:17:39,706 --> 00:17:42,876 Commenting on anything I do, anything I think. 392 00:17:44,419 --> 00:17:49,257 And I think people are working with the voice 393 00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,467 to humiliate me. 394 00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:53,845 There's a break in sort of reality 395 00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:55,680 and your thoughts. 396 00:17:57,098 --> 00:17:59,517 It makes it hard to distinguish real life 397 00:17:59,601 --> 00:18:01,144 and my paranoia. 398 00:18:02,854 --> 00:18:04,856 Before everything... 399 00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:09,777 Ambar was so intelligent, so alert. 400 00:18:10,528 --> 00:18:12,947 When we came here, to this country, 401 00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:14,407 to get into school, 402 00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:18,161 the professor came to me and said to me, 403 00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:20,914 "This girl is incredible." 404 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:26,836 When her father died very suddenly, 405 00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:30,381 everything changed. 406 00:18:30,882 --> 00:18:33,635 She came back for vacation and she stayed here, 407 00:18:33,718 --> 00:18:37,680 in my house, and she was unrecognizable. 408 00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:40,266 I needed help. 409 00:18:40,350 --> 00:18:43,061 I didn't believe anybody wanted to help me at the time. 410 00:18:43,144 --> 00:18:45,480 I felt like everybody was just out to get me. 411 00:18:48,274 --> 00:18:50,193 I remember that day, I was in my house 412 00:18:50,276 --> 00:18:51,819 and I was like, "I have to go. 413 00:18:51,903 --> 00:18:54,239 I have to go. I have to leave this place. 414 00:18:54,322 --> 00:18:56,783 I can't stand the subliminal messages 415 00:18:56,866 --> 00:18:57,992 I'm getting all the time. 416 00:18:58,076 --> 00:19:01,162 I can't stand the thinking, 417 00:19:01,246 --> 00:19:02,914 the constant voice in my head 418 00:19:02,997 --> 00:19:06,000 or the constant commentary on everything I'm doing. 419 00:19:06,084 --> 00:19:07,627 Like, I cannot stand it. 420 00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:10,171 I wanna... I wanna die." 421 00:19:15,718 --> 00:19:18,137 My mom called the ambulance 422 00:19:18,221 --> 00:19:20,640 and I was hospitalized. 423 00:19:22,684 --> 00:19:25,061 She didn't want me to touch her. 424 00:19:25,395 --> 00:19:29,983 I wanted to hug her and say, "Ambar, I'm here with you." 425 00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:34,696 That's when I got diagnosed 426 00:19:34,779 --> 00:19:36,072 with schizophrenia. 427 00:19:38,992 --> 00:19:42,620 They painted me the worst picture, 428 00:19:42,704 --> 00:19:44,330 that she was not going to be able to graduate, 429 00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:47,792 that statistics say that children 430 00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:52,755 at that age do not graduate, uh, they can't get a job 431 00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:56,384 because they can't concentrate, they go from job to job. 432 00:19:56,843 --> 00:19:59,596 They can't have a normal life. 433 00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:01,472 And... 434 00:20:01,973 --> 00:20:03,766 they usually commit suicide 435 00:20:04,809 --> 00:20:06,144 early. 436 00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:09,063 That's what the doctor told me. 437 00:20:11,191 --> 00:20:12,942 Being given a diagnosis 438 00:20:13,026 --> 00:20:16,821 of schizophrenia as a prognosis of doom 439 00:20:16,905 --> 00:20:18,406 must stop. 440 00:20:18,489 --> 00:20:20,200 It is not true. 441 00:20:20,283 --> 00:20:22,660 That's clinical mythology. 442 00:20:24,996 --> 00:20:26,956 There are so many negative messages 443 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,083 that come from the mental health system 444 00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:30,627 and from our culture 445 00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:32,503 about what it means to be 446 00:20:32,587 --> 00:20:35,340 someone diagnosed with schizophrenia. 447 00:20:35,423 --> 00:20:37,967 There's still so much that we don't know. 448 00:20:38,051 --> 00:20:41,721 Some would argue that it's a neurochemical brain disease. 449 00:20:41,804 --> 00:20:45,183 Some would argue that it's genetically transmitted. 450 00:20:45,266 --> 00:20:48,895 The wild card in all of it is the issue of trauma. 451 00:20:50,104 --> 00:20:52,357 But what's clearly in front of us 452 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,484 is a human being who's suffering. 453 00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:58,821 And treating people with dignity 454 00:20:58,905 --> 00:21:02,534 and with deep, caring regard 455 00:21:02,617 --> 00:21:04,327 is the first act. 456 00:21:05,537 --> 00:21:07,038 While I was hospitalized, 457 00:21:07,121 --> 00:21:11,584 I met a team of psychiatrists, therapists, nurses. 458 00:21:11,668 --> 00:21:13,086 With schizophrenia, 459 00:21:13,169 --> 00:21:15,296 symptoms usually start presenting in young adults 460 00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:17,757 that are ages 16 to 30. 461 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,051 We work on a shared decision-making model, 462 00:21:20,134 --> 00:21:23,638 which is a psychiatrist that does medication, 463 00:21:23,721 --> 00:21:25,098 myself, the primary clinician, 464 00:21:25,181 --> 00:21:26,933 we also have a nurse and then a supportive 465 00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:29,018 education/employment specialist saying, 466 00:21:29,102 --> 00:21:30,270 "Hey, you know, be part of our team. 467 00:21:30,353 --> 00:21:31,312 Let's figure it out. 468 00:21:31,396 --> 00:21:32,397 If school's important, 469 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,940 let's figure out how you can go to school 470 00:21:34,023 --> 00:21:35,775 and live at home while you kind of adjust 471 00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:39,612 to your experience and what's going on." 472 00:21:39,696 --> 00:21:41,739 During that first six months, 473 00:21:41,823 --> 00:21:44,659 she was experiencing a lot of symptoms. 474 00:21:44,742 --> 00:21:47,161 She had come in, had a session with me. 475 00:21:47,245 --> 00:21:48,580 You know, we followed up with Mom 476 00:21:48,663 --> 00:21:51,332 and said, "Hey, we're feeling really worried. 477 00:21:51,416 --> 00:21:53,293 You know, she says she doesn't have a plan. 478 00:21:53,376 --> 00:21:55,295 She says she's not gonna hurt herself, 479 00:21:55,378 --> 00:21:56,588 but we are worried." 480 00:21:56,671 --> 00:22:00,174 I wanna be just peaceful. 481 00:22:00,258 --> 00:22:05,263 And the very essence of my illness 482 00:22:05,346 --> 00:22:07,765 prevents me from that. 483 00:22:07,849 --> 00:22:10,476 I can't be--I can't be peaceful 484 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,646 when I have a voice following me around. 485 00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:15,940 This voice kept getting stronger. 486 00:22:16,024 --> 00:22:17,650 Noises just everywhere. 487 00:22:17,734 --> 00:22:22,906 And how the fuck am I supposed to ever feel okay? 488 00:22:22,989 --> 00:22:24,699 I don't understand. 489 00:22:27,327 --> 00:22:29,913 I was having a horrible time at my mom's. 490 00:22:29,996 --> 00:22:32,290 She didn't know how to deal with a schizophrenic patient, 491 00:22:32,373 --> 00:22:36,169 so I don't blame her, but I am depressed as hell. 492 00:22:36,252 --> 00:22:39,047 I don't know what day it is sometimes. 493 00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:42,258 I'm sleeping through most of the day. 494 00:22:43,635 --> 00:22:44,802 I sort of got manic, 495 00:22:44,886 --> 00:22:48,348 and I attempted suicide that day. 496 00:22:52,435 --> 00:22:54,687 I was upset that it hadn't worked. 497 00:22:54,771 --> 00:22:56,648 That nothing... 498 00:22:56,731 --> 00:22:58,942 that I still had to wake up to this, you know? 499 00:22:59,025 --> 00:23:01,069 That I had to wake up to this voice. 500 00:23:05,823 --> 00:23:08,451 Personally, it felt like... 501 00:23:08,535 --> 00:23:10,245 sorry. 502 00:23:10,328 --> 00:23:14,123 I wasn't doing my job right. I didn't know what to do. 503 00:23:14,207 --> 00:23:16,668 It took me a while to get Angela-- 504 00:23:16,751 --> 00:23:18,628 to feel like Angela was on my side 505 00:23:18,711 --> 00:23:20,672 because I felt like everybody was 506 00:23:20,755 --> 00:23:22,215 on the voice's side, you know? 507 00:23:22,298 --> 00:23:24,926 The voice wants me to be humiliated 508 00:23:25,009 --> 00:23:28,846 and wants me to be down and wants me to feel... 509 00:23:28,930 --> 00:23:31,432 attacked. 510 00:23:31,516 --> 00:23:34,519 After that second hospitalization, 511 00:23:34,602 --> 00:23:36,479 that's when I decide, "Okay. 512 00:23:36,563 --> 00:23:39,274 I am actually schizophrenic. 513 00:23:39,357 --> 00:23:42,068 I'm gonna actually let these people try to help me." 514 00:23:44,529 --> 00:23:46,656 But it took me such a long time 515 00:23:46,739 --> 00:23:48,950 to accept my diagnosis. 516 00:23:51,452 --> 00:23:52,996 Something I still struggle with, 517 00:23:53,079 --> 00:23:55,415 that there's no there, you know? 518 00:23:55,498 --> 00:23:57,834 There's no other place that I need to be 519 00:23:57,917 --> 00:24:01,254 or need to do or will be at. 520 00:24:01,337 --> 00:24:02,547 This is my life. 521 00:24:04,382 --> 00:24:07,510 And I call my mom one day in tears. 522 00:24:12,056 --> 00:24:14,642 And I'm like, "Mom, this is the last time. 523 00:24:14,726 --> 00:24:18,563 Mom, this is the last time. I am gonna get better. 524 00:24:18,646 --> 00:24:22,317 I am... I'm done." 525 00:24:23,234 --> 00:24:25,695 We are celebrating your life. 526 00:24:26,946 --> 00:24:28,239 That... 527 00:24:29,407 --> 00:24:30,533 you were alive. 528 00:24:33,786 --> 00:24:38,124 This year, this picture, I felt like 529 00:24:38,208 --> 00:24:41,252 it was a lot of work to get to this smile. 530 00:24:44,505 --> 00:24:46,299 After she had made that promise, 531 00:24:46,382 --> 00:24:48,134 the way that we were able to get Ambar 532 00:24:48,218 --> 00:24:50,595 to stick with the program is, we focused a lot 533 00:24:50,678 --> 00:24:52,597 on what's important to a young adult. 534 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,682 It's feeling "normal," 535 00:24:54,766 --> 00:24:56,517 whatever that is to that person. 536 00:24:56,601 --> 00:24:59,270 It's going to school, it's relationships, 537 00:24:59,354 --> 00:25:01,606 it's having a job, feeling productive, 538 00:25:01,689 --> 00:25:04,150 setting a goal and working towards it. 539 00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:05,777 The matter of how I'm going to deal 540 00:25:05,860 --> 00:25:07,278 with my symptoms in the coming years 541 00:25:07,362 --> 00:25:09,239 is critical in determining whether or not 542 00:25:09,322 --> 00:25:11,074 I'm going to spend the rest of my life 543 00:25:11,157 --> 00:25:13,451 in and out of psychiatric care, 544 00:25:13,535 --> 00:25:15,870 or if I'll be able to live a normal and successful life 545 00:25:15,954 --> 00:25:17,205 like many other people 546 00:25:17,288 --> 00:25:19,457 who are diagnosed with schizophrenia do. 547 00:25:19,541 --> 00:25:22,460 I've always wanted independence. 548 00:25:27,006 --> 00:25:29,842 This is literally day one of moving. 549 00:25:29,926 --> 00:25:31,094 -Is it? -It is. 550 00:25:31,177 --> 00:25:32,220 You brought all this here today? 551 00:25:32,303 --> 00:25:33,137 Yeah. 552 00:25:33,221 --> 00:25:34,722 That shit was mad work. 553 00:25:34,806 --> 00:25:36,266 It's surreal. 554 00:25:36,349 --> 00:25:38,393 Like, my own room, my own space. 555 00:25:38,476 --> 00:25:40,311 And it's a big step. It's a big girl move. 556 00:25:40,395 --> 00:25:42,772 This corner over here looks a little crazy, 557 00:25:42,856 --> 00:25:44,440 and I have a bunch of clothes on my bed, 558 00:25:44,524 --> 00:25:47,193 so I apologize, but here it is. 559 00:25:49,112 --> 00:25:50,780 At first I was... 560 00:25:51,781 --> 00:25:54,158 I was so mad. 561 00:25:54,742 --> 00:25:56,578 I was furious. 562 00:25:56,661 --> 00:25:57,620 Yeah. 563 00:25:57,704 --> 00:25:59,622 In my culture... 564 00:26:01,875 --> 00:26:04,252 ...mom and daughter live together-- 565 00:26:04,335 --> 00:26:05,336 -Forever. -Forever. 566 00:26:08,965 --> 00:26:10,049 Have confidence in me. 567 00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:13,803 Like, just, like, understand 568 00:26:13,887 --> 00:26:17,682 how much I need that independence. 569 00:26:18,016 --> 00:26:21,144 It makes me feel very proud. 570 00:26:21,644 --> 00:26:23,938 And you know it does. 571 00:26:24,564 --> 00:26:25,982 Thank you. 572 00:26:28,610 --> 00:26:30,111 Ambar continues to experience 573 00:26:30,195 --> 00:26:32,280 suicidal ideations regularly. 574 00:26:32,363 --> 00:26:34,324 Not actions, not plans, not anything like that, 575 00:26:34,407 --> 00:26:36,326 but the thought is there that, "Oh, gol, 576 00:26:36,409 --> 00:26:37,952 maybe it would be easier 577 00:26:38,036 --> 00:26:40,788 to have just not woken up this morning." 578 00:26:40,872 --> 00:26:43,917 There are triggers, and I'm gonna have bad days 579 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,085 where I'm like, "Today sucked. 580 00:26:46,169 --> 00:26:47,503 I wanna cry today." 581 00:26:47,587 --> 00:26:50,423 That doesn't mean I have to go into the emergency room. 582 00:26:50,506 --> 00:26:52,800 Schizophrenia sounds incredibly scary, 583 00:26:52,884 --> 00:26:54,344 but look at Ambar. 584 00:26:54,427 --> 00:26:55,929 Holding down a full-time job, 585 00:26:56,012 --> 00:26:57,180 working on her master's program, 586 00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:59,307 she's gonna be in school forever, 587 00:26:59,390 --> 00:27:03,603 like, that is what schizophrenia is. 588 00:27:03,686 --> 00:27:05,021 Most of the time, 589 00:27:05,104 --> 00:27:07,815 what's going on in my head doesn't make sense. 590 00:27:07,899 --> 00:27:10,443 But when I sit down and I write it down, 591 00:27:10,527 --> 00:27:13,071 I'm like, "Okay, this made more sense." 592 00:27:13,154 --> 00:27:16,616 "Recovery, as I'm learning, is not a one-stop event. 593 00:27:16,699 --> 00:27:19,953 It is an ongoing, long and tiring road." 594 00:27:23,790 --> 00:27:25,875 Peace is coming to terms with that. 595 00:27:25,959 --> 00:27:27,669 I'm gonna have this every day. 596 00:27:29,254 --> 00:27:30,380 Not in a battle with it, 597 00:27:30,463 --> 00:27:34,342 but just walking alongside it. 598 00:27:34,425 --> 00:27:35,593 It is possible 599 00:27:35,677 --> 00:27:37,804 to have a full and meaningful life 600 00:27:37,887 --> 00:27:41,099 following a diagnosis of a severe mental illness. 601 00:27:42,392 --> 00:27:44,978 I'm a person who was diagnosed with schizophrenia 602 00:27:45,061 --> 00:27:46,813 while I was still a teenager, 603 00:27:46,896 --> 00:27:50,316 and I went on to make my recovery, 604 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,862 earned a doctorate in clinical psychology. 605 00:27:53,945 --> 00:27:55,697 But being able to get up in the morning 606 00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:58,157 and go to work is powerful medicine. 607 00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:00,577 Being able to meet up with a friend for lunch 608 00:28:00,660 --> 00:28:03,204 is powerful personal medicine. 609 00:28:03,288 --> 00:28:06,249 Personal medicines are the things that we do 610 00:28:06,332 --> 00:28:07,375 to be well. 611 00:28:12,463 --> 00:28:14,424 Wherever I could, I wanted to understand 612 00:28:14,507 --> 00:28:15,967 more about what was going on 613 00:28:16,050 --> 00:28:19,178 and why my nervous system was reacting the way that it was. 614 00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:22,181 So four years ago, 615 00:28:22,265 --> 00:28:23,725 only after meeting Meg... 616 00:28:23,808 --> 00:28:24,642 Yeah. 617 00:28:24,726 --> 00:28:27,896 ...did you start the process 618 00:28:27,979 --> 00:28:29,647 of trying to figure it out? 619 00:28:29,731 --> 00:28:32,108 -You hadn't tried before? -No. 620 00:28:32,192 --> 00:28:33,651 And I quickly established 621 00:28:33,735 --> 00:28:36,529 that if this relationship was gonna work, 622 00:28:36,613 --> 00:28:40,325 that I was gonna have to deal with my past 623 00:28:40,408 --> 00:28:41,993 because there was anger there. 624 00:28:42,076 --> 00:28:45,330 And it wasn't anger at her, it was just anger, 625 00:28:45,413 --> 00:28:46,372 and she recognized it. 626 00:28:46,456 --> 00:28:47,415 She saw it. 627 00:28:49,792 --> 00:28:52,253 So how do I fix this? 628 00:28:52,337 --> 00:28:53,588 And it was a case of, "You need to go 629 00:28:53,671 --> 00:28:54,756 back to the past, 630 00:28:54,839 --> 00:28:56,549 go back to the point of trauma, 631 00:28:56,633 --> 00:28:59,552 deal with it, process it, and then move forward." 632 00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:04,557 Having now done therapy for four and a bit years, 633 00:29:04,641 --> 00:29:07,352 five years now, 634 00:29:07,435 --> 00:29:09,270 for me, it's all about prevention. 635 00:29:09,354 --> 00:29:10,897 That doesn't mean we have to speak to them 636 00:29:10,980 --> 00:29:12,106 every single day, 637 00:29:12,190 --> 00:29:13,942 but to have someone that can help guide us 638 00:29:14,025 --> 00:29:15,985 and create that awareness in our own life 639 00:29:16,069 --> 00:29:17,570 to when we might be feeling pain 640 00:29:17,654 --> 00:29:18,988 and how to get out of that, 641 00:29:19,072 --> 00:29:22,325 and what the tools are available to us 642 00:29:22,408 --> 00:29:23,993 on any given day to make sure 643 00:29:24,077 --> 00:29:26,329 that it doesn't snowball into something bigger. 644 00:29:27,956 --> 00:29:30,542 EMDR is always something that I wanted to try, 645 00:29:30,625 --> 00:29:32,335 and that was one of the varieties 646 00:29:32,418 --> 00:29:35,296 of different forms of healing or curing 647 00:29:35,380 --> 00:29:38,508 that I was willing to experiment with. 648 00:29:38,591 --> 00:29:40,635 And I never would've been open to that 649 00:29:40,718 --> 00:29:43,012 had I not put in the work and the therapy 650 00:29:43,096 --> 00:29:44,305 that I've done over the years. 651 00:29:45,807 --> 00:29:48,643 EMDR is a relatively new form 652 00:29:48,726 --> 00:29:51,771 of trauma-informed therapy. 653 00:29:51,855 --> 00:29:55,358 Trauma-informed means we are aware of what's happened 654 00:29:55,441 --> 00:29:56,985 to the person when they come to us. 655 00:29:57,068 --> 00:29:58,528 We're not just looking at the symptoms. 656 00:29:58,611 --> 00:30:01,406 We are thinking, "What were the life events 657 00:30:01,489 --> 00:30:04,117 that may have caused those symptoms?" 658 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,495 It's one of those big letter therapies, 659 00:30:07,579 --> 00:30:10,707 EMDR standing for Eye Movement 660 00:30:10,790 --> 00:30:13,626 Desensitization Reprocessing. 661 00:30:14,961 --> 00:30:18,798 And what's specific about EMDR is that we are providing 662 00:30:18,882 --> 00:30:20,758 bilateral stimulation 663 00:30:20,842 --> 00:30:25,013 by either getting the person to move their eyes 664 00:30:25,096 --> 00:30:26,598 or tapping on them 665 00:30:26,681 --> 00:30:28,558 or they're tapping on themselves. 666 00:30:30,268 --> 00:30:33,646 So what EMDR does is that it pairs 667 00:30:33,730 --> 00:30:36,316 the cognitive recollection of the trauma 668 00:30:36,399 --> 00:30:40,612 with a powerful memory of being safe. 669 00:30:40,695 --> 00:30:43,323 You wanna be able to think about the traumatic event 670 00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:46,367 without having the emotional distress 671 00:30:46,451 --> 00:30:48,161 associated with that. 672 00:30:48,244 --> 00:30:50,413 You literally have the person think about the bad thing 673 00:30:50,496 --> 00:30:51,831 at the same time that they're doing 674 00:30:51,915 --> 00:30:54,542 pattern repetitive rhythmic activity, 675 00:30:54,626 --> 00:30:57,754 and it ultimately creates a new default 676 00:30:57,837 --> 00:30:59,756 for that memory. 677 00:30:59,839 --> 00:31:00,673 Hi, Sanja. 678 00:31:00,757 --> 00:31:02,008 Oh, hello. 679 00:31:02,091 --> 00:31:03,426 How are you doing? 680 00:31:03,509 --> 00:31:05,053 I'm good. I'm great. 681 00:31:05,136 --> 00:31:08,431 So how do you feel about us targeting 682 00:31:08,514 --> 00:31:10,808 another memory today? 683 00:31:10,892 --> 00:31:13,353 Let's do it. Where do you wanna start? 684 00:31:13,436 --> 00:31:16,773 So you said there were maybe four or five memories 685 00:31:16,856 --> 00:31:20,485 that are still somewhat disturbing, 686 00:31:20,568 --> 00:31:22,445 and I was wondering, the first one was 687 00:31:22,529 --> 00:31:25,907 coming to the UK on a plane. 688 00:31:25,990 --> 00:31:28,743 For most of my life, I've always felt worried, 689 00:31:28,826 --> 00:31:32,121 concerned, a little bit tense and uptight 690 00:31:32,205 --> 00:31:33,831 whenever I fly back into the UK, 691 00:31:33,915 --> 00:31:36,084 whenever I fly back into London. 692 00:31:36,167 --> 00:31:39,754 And I could never understand why. 693 00:31:39,837 --> 00:31:41,172 I was aware of it. 694 00:31:41,256 --> 00:31:42,590 I wasn't aware of it at the time when I was younger, 695 00:31:42,674 --> 00:31:44,008 but after I started doing therapy and stuff like that, 696 00:31:44,092 --> 00:31:45,260 I became aware of it. 697 00:31:45,343 --> 00:31:46,803 I was like, "Why do I feel so uncomfortable?" 698 00:31:46,886 --> 00:31:49,597 And of course, for me, London is a trigger, 699 00:31:49,681 --> 00:31:51,766 unfortunately, because of what happened to my mum 700 00:31:51,849 --> 00:31:53,768 and because of what I experienced and what I saw. 701 00:31:53,851 --> 00:31:57,021 Was there a particular trip, or does it happen every time? 702 00:31:57,105 --> 00:31:59,023 Is it always the same? 703 00:31:59,107 --> 00:32:00,358 Happens every time. 704 00:32:00,441 --> 00:32:03,528 So can you remember the first time it happened? 705 00:32:03,611 --> 00:32:05,363 No, I can't remember the first time it happened. 706 00:32:05,446 --> 00:32:09,158 I just remember the feeling. 707 00:32:09,242 --> 00:32:10,660 Almost anxiety. 708 00:32:10,743 --> 00:32:12,871 Like a hollow, empty feeling 709 00:32:12,954 --> 00:32:15,915 of almost nervousness, of... 710 00:32:19,085 --> 00:32:21,045 ...is it fear? 711 00:32:21,129 --> 00:32:23,715 Everything feels tense. 712 00:32:23,798 --> 00:32:25,174 And in that moment, 713 00:32:25,258 --> 00:32:27,635 as you're starting to get those bodily feelings, 714 00:32:27,719 --> 00:32:30,722 what is the negative thought you have about yourself? 715 00:32:30,805 --> 00:32:33,641 It's being the hunted 716 00:32:33,725 --> 00:32:36,019 and being helpless and not-- 717 00:32:36,102 --> 00:32:38,146 knowing that you can't do anything about it. 718 00:32:38,229 --> 00:32:40,523 There is no escape. 719 00:32:40,607 --> 00:32:44,110 There is no way out of this. 720 00:32:44,194 --> 00:32:46,571 So let's say, "I'm helpless." 721 00:32:46,654 --> 00:32:48,698 -Yeah. -I'm helpless. I'm helpless. 722 00:32:48,781 --> 00:32:52,285 So when you think back on that moment 723 00:32:52,368 --> 00:32:54,329 and you think, "I'm helpless," what would you prefer 724 00:32:54,412 --> 00:32:56,331 to believe about yourself now? 725 00:32:59,375 --> 00:33:00,960 I'm not helpless. 726 00:33:01,044 --> 00:33:05,590 It's only for a brief moment of time. 727 00:33:05,673 --> 00:33:08,009 And you're living your life by truth, 728 00:33:08,092 --> 00:33:09,844 so there's nothing to be afraid of. 729 00:33:09,928 --> 00:33:11,471 There's nothing to be worried about. 730 00:33:11,554 --> 00:33:13,765 Just notice what emotions are coming up now. 731 00:33:14,891 --> 00:33:17,810 The decision I was feeling was sadness. 732 00:33:17,894 --> 00:33:20,897 Okay, and where do you notice this in your body? 733 00:33:24,442 --> 00:33:25,985 -Here. -Okay. 734 00:33:26,069 --> 00:33:28,571 So we'll just process this like we did last time. 735 00:33:28,655 --> 00:33:31,115 We'll cross our arms. 736 00:33:31,199 --> 00:33:32,951 Go back to that. 737 00:33:33,034 --> 00:33:35,662 Picture the negative thought, "I'm helpless," 738 00:33:35,745 --> 00:33:37,580 and notice where you feel it in your body 739 00:33:37,664 --> 00:33:40,667 and just notice what comes up. 740 00:33:46,381 --> 00:33:48,132 It started in my teenage years. 741 00:33:50,843 --> 00:33:53,513 One of the first times that I left the UK 742 00:33:53,596 --> 00:33:55,932 to get away from all of the fallout 743 00:33:56,015 --> 00:33:59,936 from my mum's death was to go to Africa. 744 00:34:01,145 --> 00:34:03,356 I think I was out there for at least two weeks, 745 00:34:03,439 --> 00:34:05,859 and it was such a cure. 746 00:34:05,942 --> 00:34:07,735 It was--I just felt so free. 747 00:34:07,819 --> 00:34:10,863 It was a sense of escapism that I'd never felt before. 748 00:34:10,947 --> 00:34:15,577 And to then come back to the UK 749 00:34:15,660 --> 00:34:18,872 knowing what I was gonna be confronted with 750 00:34:18,955 --> 00:34:22,499 and knowing what I couldn't get away from was scary. 751 00:34:35,805 --> 00:34:37,724 What did you notice there? 752 00:34:39,642 --> 00:34:43,938 Just how, and I guess this is the trauma of it, 753 00:34:44,022 --> 00:34:47,525 is that though--that feeling and those moments 754 00:34:47,609 --> 00:34:50,653 of the past are so deeply connected to the present. 755 00:34:52,405 --> 00:34:53,865 Okay. Go with that. 756 00:34:56,159 --> 00:34:58,620 Just letting any thoughts, feelings, sensations, 757 00:34:58,703 --> 00:34:59,996 whatever comes up. 758 00:35:00,079 --> 00:35:02,874 Other memories. Whatever comes up is good. 759 00:35:09,756 --> 00:35:12,967 Well, it all just comes back to the old... 760 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:22,602 The trauma is 761 00:35:22,685 --> 00:35:25,855 very much geographical. 762 00:35:27,065 --> 00:35:29,025 Okay. Just go with that. 763 00:35:29,108 --> 00:35:30,235 Just notice. 764 00:35:41,412 --> 00:35:42,789 What's really nice is, it-- 765 00:35:42,872 --> 00:35:45,458 I don't know whether this is the intention, 766 00:35:45,542 --> 00:35:48,753 but it, like-- it cleans my hard drive. 767 00:35:48,836 --> 00:35:51,589 It's literally like every time something comes up-- 768 00:35:52,423 --> 00:35:53,591 We're done with that. 769 00:35:54,175 --> 00:35:55,009 Great. 770 00:35:55,093 --> 00:35:57,220 Yeah, that's also the goal. Great. 771 00:35:57,303 --> 00:36:01,182 So let's now go back to where we began, 772 00:36:01,266 --> 00:36:04,018 where you are in an airplane. 773 00:36:04,102 --> 00:36:05,353 You know, that beginning picture. 774 00:36:05,436 --> 00:36:07,063 Seat belts on. 775 00:36:07,146 --> 00:36:09,816 Just tune back in and see what comes up now. 776 00:36:13,194 --> 00:36:15,530 Calmness and strength. 777 00:36:15,613 --> 00:36:17,282 Strength because of the calmness. 778 00:36:19,117 --> 00:36:22,912 Even though EMDR is recommended 779 00:36:22,996 --> 00:36:25,290 for big T traumas, 780 00:36:25,373 --> 00:36:29,085 big events like tsunamis or war trauma, 781 00:36:29,168 --> 00:36:31,754 we are really treating, most of the time, 782 00:36:31,838 --> 00:36:34,716 adults who are having memories 783 00:36:34,799 --> 00:36:38,469 of adverse childhood experience 784 00:36:38,553 --> 00:36:40,889 or even life experiences 785 00:36:40,972 --> 00:36:43,308 that didn't get stored correctly. 786 00:36:43,391 --> 00:36:44,893 So you are treating a child 787 00:36:44,976 --> 00:36:48,021 even when you've got a 50-year-old in the room. 788 00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:58,406 One of the biggest lessons 789 00:36:58,489 --> 00:37:00,074 that I've ever learnt in life is, 790 00:37:00,158 --> 00:37:02,327 you've sometimes got to go back 791 00:37:02,410 --> 00:37:05,121 and to deal with really uncomfortable situations 792 00:37:05,205 --> 00:37:08,041 and to be able to process it in order to be able to heal. 793 00:37:09,751 --> 00:37:12,462 For me, therapy has equipped me 794 00:37:12,545 --> 00:37:14,714 to be able to take on anything. 795 00:37:16,216 --> 00:37:17,675 That's why I'm here now. 796 00:37:17,759 --> 00:37:19,510 That's why my wife is here now. 797 00:37:21,721 --> 00:37:25,892 That feeling of being trapped within the family is... 798 00:37:25,975 --> 00:37:27,894 there was no option to leave. 799 00:37:27,977 --> 00:37:31,731 Eventually, when I made that decision for my family, 800 00:37:31,814 --> 00:37:34,025 I was still told, "You can't do this." 801 00:37:34,108 --> 00:37:35,902 And it's like, "Well, how bad does it have to get 802 00:37:35,985 --> 00:37:37,529 until I am allowed to do this?" 803 00:37:39,155 --> 00:37:41,616 Where she was going to end her life. 804 00:37:44,869 --> 00:37:46,412 It shouldn't have to get to that. 805 00:37:50,375 --> 00:37:52,669 Do I have any regrets? Yeah. 806 00:37:52,752 --> 00:37:57,173 My biggest regret is not making more of a stance 807 00:37:57,257 --> 00:37:59,175 earlier on in my relationship with my wife 808 00:37:59,259 --> 00:38:01,052 and calling out the racism when I did. 809 00:38:03,972 --> 00:38:06,349 History was repeating itself. 810 00:38:09,143 --> 00:38:11,646 My mother was chased to her death 811 00:38:11,729 --> 00:38:13,273 while she was in a relationship 812 00:38:13,356 --> 00:38:15,984 with someone that wasn't white. 813 00:38:16,067 --> 00:38:18,194 And now look what's happened. 814 00:38:18,278 --> 00:38:19,946 You wanna talk about history repeating itself? 815 00:38:20,029 --> 00:38:22,198 They're not gonna stop until she dies. 816 00:38:25,118 --> 00:38:29,873 It's incredibly triggering to... 817 00:38:29,956 --> 00:38:31,875 potentially lose another woman in my life. 818 00:38:33,251 --> 00:38:36,921 Like, the list is growing. 819 00:38:38,756 --> 00:38:40,550 And it all comes back to the same people, 820 00:38:40,633 --> 00:38:43,177 the same business model, the same industry. 821 00:38:44,762 --> 00:38:47,098 'Cause my father used to say to me when I was younger, 822 00:38:47,181 --> 00:38:48,933 he used to say to both William and I, 823 00:38:49,017 --> 00:38:50,351 "Well, it was like that for me, 824 00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,061 so it's gonna be like that for you." 825 00:38:54,022 --> 00:38:55,982 That doesn't make sense. 826 00:38:56,065 --> 00:38:58,109 Just because you suffered, 827 00:38:58,193 --> 00:39:00,195 that doesn't mean that your kids have to suffer. 828 00:39:00,278 --> 00:39:01,446 In fact, quite the opposite. 829 00:39:01,529 --> 00:39:03,406 If you suffered, do everything you can 830 00:39:03,489 --> 00:39:05,658 to make sure that whatever experiences you-- 831 00:39:05,742 --> 00:39:07,577 negative experiences that you had, 832 00:39:07,660 --> 00:39:09,746 that you can make it right for your kids. 833 00:39:12,707 --> 00:39:15,710 We chose to put our mental health first. 834 00:39:17,253 --> 00:39:18,379 That's what we're doing 835 00:39:18,463 --> 00:39:20,089 and that's what we will continue to do. 836 00:39:23,218 --> 00:39:25,428 Isn't this all about breaking the cycle? 837 00:39:28,014 --> 00:39:29,390 Isn't this all about making sure 838 00:39:29,474 --> 00:39:31,392 that history doesn't repeat itself? 839 00:39:33,519 --> 00:39:34,687 That whatever pain 840 00:39:34,771 --> 00:39:35,980 and suffering has happened to you, 841 00:39:36,064 --> 00:39:37,732 that you don't pass on? 842 00:39:46,950 --> 00:39:49,369 Traumatic events for children 843 00:39:49,452 --> 00:39:51,996 is different than adults. 844 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,333 It's like, you have a storm. 845 00:39:55,416 --> 00:39:57,377 The adults are a strong tree. 846 00:39:57,460 --> 00:39:59,087 They have a good roots, 847 00:39:59,170 --> 00:40:01,756 and the trauma just, you know, hit the branches. 848 00:40:01,839 --> 00:40:03,383 I'm not saying that it's not a problem. 849 00:40:03,466 --> 00:40:05,885 It's a big problem, but they can overcome it. 850 00:40:05,969 --> 00:40:07,512 They will have issues and et cetera. 851 00:40:10,014 --> 00:40:12,684 But for child, a child is a small bush. 852 00:40:12,767 --> 00:40:14,185 It's not strong. 853 00:40:14,269 --> 00:40:16,479 And if we do not intervene, 854 00:40:16,563 --> 00:40:18,398 then the roots, when they grow up, 855 00:40:18,481 --> 00:40:21,109 can't handle any kind of storm, 856 00:40:21,192 --> 00:40:23,278 even, like, a nice wind. 857 00:40:23,361 --> 00:40:27,240 It will hurt them in the future. 858 00:40:27,323 --> 00:40:29,534 So it's more important 859 00:40:29,617 --> 00:40:32,704 to focus on the children trauma first 860 00:40:32,787 --> 00:40:36,291 because the potential for healing 861 00:40:36,374 --> 00:40:38,126 and recovery is huge. 862 00:40:50,847 --> 00:40:54,267 Fawzi. Hey Fawzi. 863 00:41:02,567 --> 00:41:04,152 What? Did you just wake up? 864 00:41:04,569 --> 00:41:05,403 Yes. 865 00:41:13,411 --> 00:41:16,831 When we first came, we landed over there. 866 00:41:16,915 --> 00:41:18,666 And you, where did you land? 867 00:41:18,750 --> 00:41:20,376 I did not land over here. 868 00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:24,297 I came from behind that mountain and we landed by that beach. 869 00:41:24,380 --> 00:41:26,299 Three hours after we landed, 870 00:41:26,382 --> 00:41:28,092 the Greeks started calling complaining about us, 871 00:41:28,176 --> 00:41:30,386 then the police came and took us. 872 00:41:31,179 --> 00:41:34,098 Once we ran out of gas in the middle of the sea, 873 00:41:34,182 --> 00:41:36,976 then we managed to go back. 874 00:41:37,060 --> 00:41:39,437 You guys tried to come by sea once or twice? 875 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,648 No three times. 876 00:41:41,731 --> 00:41:46,194 Do you understand? If there was a kid who is weak in something, 877 00:41:46,277 --> 00:41:49,572 a Greek boy who is scared of something, 878 00:41:49,656 --> 00:41:51,574 you can help him. You tell him, 879 00:41:51,658 --> 00:41:53,993 "My name is Fawzi and I am from Syria. 880 00:41:54,077 --> 00:41:58,164 I survived a war and was able to cross a sea after three tries 881 00:41:58,248 --> 00:42:02,335 in a perilous journey on a small boat." 882 00:42:02,877 --> 00:42:06,214 You should never forget this one thing. 883 00:42:06,297 --> 00:42:09,133 You are the heroes who crossed the sea. 884 00:42:09,217 --> 00:42:11,052 This is something that is very important. 885 00:42:11,427 --> 00:42:14,639 So today we will find it. 886 00:42:30,446 --> 00:42:32,365 In 2015, I was witness 887 00:42:32,448 --> 00:42:36,202 to one of the most horrible refugee crisis history known. 888 00:42:42,542 --> 00:42:46,004 Two or three boats become 30, 30 become 100, 889 00:42:46,087 --> 00:42:49,883 and almost 1/4 million of people arrive. 890 00:42:53,428 --> 00:42:55,138 You know, I'm almost the only doctor 891 00:42:55,221 --> 00:42:56,598 in the beach, 892 00:42:56,681 --> 00:42:58,558 doing CPR as people lie, 893 00:42:58,641 --> 00:43:00,894 like, everyone looking at me, the doctor who came, 894 00:43:00,977 --> 00:43:02,270 like, "Hey, where are you? 895 00:43:02,353 --> 00:43:03,229 Confirm death." 896 00:43:03,313 --> 00:43:04,147 That's it. 897 00:43:10,778 --> 00:43:13,615 I did, I think, 21 CPRs successful. 898 00:43:13,698 --> 00:43:15,200 I lost six. 899 00:43:15,283 --> 00:43:16,534 ...seven, eight, nine, ten, 900 00:43:16,618 --> 00:43:20,205 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19... 901 00:43:22,749 --> 00:43:25,793 ...21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26. 902 00:43:32,133 --> 00:43:34,010 It's not only the body suffering from trauma. 903 00:43:34,093 --> 00:43:36,971 It's not the body that needs only a surgeon. 904 00:43:37,055 --> 00:43:39,432 It's also there is a mind doing a journey 905 00:43:39,515 --> 00:43:41,142 and needs someone to treat it. 906 00:43:45,355 --> 00:43:48,650 So it took us 21 days, 907 00:43:48,733 --> 00:43:53,530 me and my beautiful and brilliant wife, Maria, 908 00:43:53,613 --> 00:43:55,114 to create Humanity Crew, 909 00:43:55,198 --> 00:43:57,450 and since then, this is what we do. 910 00:43:57,534 --> 00:44:00,370 We focus on the psychological journey 911 00:44:00,453 --> 00:44:03,373 to reconnect these lives back to their soul and minds 912 00:44:03,456 --> 00:44:05,291 that they left behind. 913 00:44:07,544 --> 00:44:10,838 So I am going to place cards of things. 914 00:44:10,922 --> 00:44:15,468 You choose what you feel from the card, 915 00:44:15,552 --> 00:44:17,887 select that right away. 916 00:44:20,181 --> 00:44:21,474 The card that made you remember 917 00:44:21,558 --> 00:44:23,434 a good memory that happened to you. 918 00:44:23,518 --> 00:44:26,062 Remember things that were at that moment, 919 00:44:26,145 --> 00:44:29,065 like sounds and smells. 920 00:44:29,148 --> 00:44:31,734 memories, names. 921 00:44:31,818 --> 00:44:32,777 Anything. 922 00:44:32,861 --> 00:44:35,572 Ok, let us put the cards in front of us. 923 00:44:35,822 --> 00:44:39,325 Take one sheet of paper each. 924 00:44:40,076 --> 00:44:41,244 Stick the card anywhere you want on the paper. 925 00:44:41,828 --> 00:44:44,289 Then you start drawing around it 926 00:44:44,372 --> 00:44:49,419 things you feel complete these memories. 927 00:44:56,134 --> 00:44:58,011 What did you choose? What is it you drew? 928 00:44:58,094 --> 00:45:00,138 Tell us about it. Who wants to start? 929 00:45:00,513 --> 00:45:02,640 When I was registered in the kindergarten, 930 00:45:02,724 --> 00:45:06,144 they used to walk us to the amusement park. 931 00:45:06,561 --> 00:45:09,439 They would give us juice and biscuits. 932 00:45:09,522 --> 00:45:11,232 -Whoa. -Whoa. 933 00:45:11,649 --> 00:45:12,609 Fawzi? 934 00:45:12,692 --> 00:45:16,404 I remember when I was in Syria playing chess with my cousins, 935 00:45:16,487 --> 00:45:20,825 aunts, and mother, laughing and happy. 936 00:45:20,909 --> 00:45:23,244 What makes us different is that we have 937 00:45:23,328 --> 00:45:25,455 the good and the bad right? 938 00:45:25,747 --> 00:45:28,541 There is joy inside of us and there is sadness as well. 939 00:45:28,625 --> 00:45:31,461 And we have to control them. 940 00:45:31,544 --> 00:45:36,341 We have to kick sadness away and keep happiness. 941 00:45:36,424 --> 00:45:37,508 Correct. 942 00:45:37,592 --> 00:45:40,261 To kick it out, we have to talk about it. 943 00:45:40,345 --> 00:45:42,639 Like embers sitting inside of us 944 00:45:42,722 --> 00:45:44,557 and we do not know how to extinguish them. 945 00:45:44,641 --> 00:45:48,311 We have to bring it all out, all of it 946 00:45:48,394 --> 00:45:49,938 until it is out completely. 947 00:45:50,021 --> 00:45:53,608 So we could pour some cold water on it. 948 00:45:54,067 --> 00:45:56,152 As you see, we are going to put cards 949 00:45:56,236 --> 00:45:57,445 that will remind you 950 00:45:57,529 --> 00:46:00,156 of difficult things that happened in your lives. 951 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:03,660 Things that hurt, things that are sad, horrible things. 952 00:46:04,077 --> 00:46:07,038 Things that we want to extinguish. 953 00:46:07,121 --> 00:46:09,374 So when one of you sees a card that reminds him 954 00:46:09,457 --> 00:46:13,002 of the difficult things he went through. 955 00:46:19,133 --> 00:46:25,723 Fawzi, look at the drawing, 956 00:46:25,807 --> 00:46:30,436 then imagine your body and tell us how you feel? 957 00:46:30,895 --> 00:46:33,398 I was feeling sad when I was in Syria 958 00:46:33,481 --> 00:46:36,693 seeing the airplanes bombing Idlib. 959 00:46:36,776 --> 00:46:41,990 Once an airplane bombed... it caused our window to fall. 960 00:46:42,782 --> 00:46:46,119 Stop and take a deep breath. 961 00:46:54,711 --> 00:46:58,131 Is this the most difficult memory you can remember? 962 00:46:58,214 --> 00:47:03,177 The most difficult time was the last explosion. 963 00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:06,556 Most people died from the shelling 964 00:47:06,639 --> 00:47:09,684 starting every half an hour. 965 00:47:09,767 --> 00:47:12,228 Who died that you know? 966 00:47:12,562 --> 00:47:16,274 My brother died when they hit the playground with explosives. 967 00:47:16,608 --> 00:47:18,026 And my aunt died as well. 968 00:47:18,318 --> 00:47:20,570 May Allah have mercy on her. 969 00:47:22,780 --> 00:47:24,157 What is the thing that Fawzi 970 00:47:24,240 --> 00:47:25,575 is scared the most to talk about? 971 00:47:25,867 --> 00:47:27,285 The thing that I am scared to talk about 972 00:47:27,368 --> 00:47:29,287 is when my brother died. 973 00:47:29,871 --> 00:47:32,457 Do you want us to talk alone later? 974 00:47:33,625 --> 00:47:36,294 I am not going to be able to talk because, if I do, 975 00:47:36,377 --> 00:47:38,338 I will begin to cry. 976 00:47:38,421 --> 00:47:40,048 That is not bad at all. 977 00:47:41,090 --> 00:47:45,887 When you were telling us your story, I was crying. 978 00:47:45,970 --> 00:47:47,805 I feel that you are about to cry. 979 00:47:48,097 --> 00:47:50,642 Nothing will happen to us if we cry. 980 00:47:50,725 --> 00:47:52,936 Come tomorrow, we will talk. 981 00:47:53,019 --> 00:47:53,895 Perfect. 982 00:47:55,980 --> 00:47:58,107 Dear Fawzi, do not be afraid. 983 00:47:58,483 --> 00:48:01,319 Yalla, Aboud, you hero. 984 00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:07,659 Do not forget that, like they had a safe space, we have one. 985 00:48:08,326 --> 00:48:12,121 A long day is ahead of us, as well as many other errands, 986 00:48:12,705 --> 00:48:15,667 so it is very important that we digest it. 987 00:48:15,750 --> 00:48:20,004 What is the thing that you feel now? 988 00:48:26,761 --> 00:48:31,182 What is the thing that you feel that is sitting inside of you? 989 00:48:35,812 --> 00:48:38,982 Maybe we should stop working. 990 00:48:40,024 --> 00:48:42,527 You know we can't stop it. 991 00:48:42,610 --> 00:48:45,572 Essam, we know we can't stop it, this work. 992 00:48:45,655 --> 00:48:48,825 If we do not do this work, who else is going to do it? 993 00:48:54,747 --> 00:48:58,710 Do you imagine that these boys have safe spots in their lives? 994 00:48:59,252 --> 00:49:00,837 We also have them. 995 00:49:01,296 --> 00:49:04,382 I'm trying to find my own. 996 00:49:19,981 --> 00:49:22,233 If we look at children, 997 00:49:22,317 --> 00:49:24,068 we have a huge opportunity 998 00:49:24,152 --> 00:49:28,323 not only to ease it or to reframe it. 999 00:49:28,406 --> 00:49:30,450 We have an opportunity to transform it. 1000 00:49:34,579 --> 00:49:35,538 Where do we sit? 1001 00:49:35,872 --> 00:49:37,248 Same as yesterday. 1002 00:49:37,332 --> 00:49:38,833 Would you like to sit here? 1003 00:49:39,417 --> 00:49:40,919 Here. 1004 00:49:44,756 --> 00:49:46,466 Ok, are you with me? 1005 00:49:46,549 --> 00:49:47,967 Yes. 1006 00:49:48,468 --> 00:49:50,094 Or you are with me a little bit? 1007 00:49:50,595 --> 00:49:51,471 No. 1008 00:49:51,554 --> 00:49:52,513 Are you afraid? 1009 00:49:52,597 --> 00:49:54,474 Not that much. 1010 00:49:54,557 --> 00:49:56,059 Are you afraid that we are going to talk 1011 00:49:56,142 --> 00:49:57,894 about something you're scared to talk about? 1012 00:49:57,977 --> 00:50:00,688 The only thing I do not like to talk about is the bombing. 1013 00:50:00,772 --> 00:50:03,233 That is why we have to defeat it. 1014 00:50:03,316 --> 00:50:06,903 You have lots and lots of happiness. 1015 00:50:06,986 --> 00:50:10,990 You are always smiling, so we could defeat everything. 1016 00:50:12,242 --> 00:50:14,244 Here it is. 1017 00:50:14,911 --> 00:50:17,622 You did not want to talk about your brother 1018 00:50:17,705 --> 00:50:21,251 when we talked about when you got bombed, right? 1019 00:50:23,419 --> 00:50:25,338 Because I am afraid of that story. 1020 00:50:25,421 --> 00:50:28,174 What is the story, what do you remember from it? 1021 00:50:29,008 --> 00:50:30,552 I am terrified of that story 1022 00:50:30,635 --> 00:50:31,928 because when my brother was killed, 1023 00:50:32,011 --> 00:50:34,639 I did not see his head. 1024 00:50:39,060 --> 00:50:41,020 He was blown into pieces. 1025 00:50:41,104 --> 00:50:42,605 Did you go to where he was? 1026 00:50:43,523 --> 00:50:44,983 Were you with him at the playground? 1027 00:50:45,066 --> 00:50:46,192 No. 1028 00:50:46,276 --> 00:50:47,527 When he was blown away, 1029 00:50:47,610 --> 00:50:50,905 his friends who were playing ball with him told us. 1030 00:50:50,989 --> 00:50:52,448 So I ran to him, but I did not see his body. 1031 00:50:52,532 --> 00:50:55,326 I saw nothing left of him. 1032 00:51:00,248 --> 00:51:03,501 How sad are you if zero is less sad 1033 00:51:03,585 --> 00:51:06,880 and ten is the most sadness? 1034 00:51:07,338 --> 00:51:11,301 Seven out of ten, seven. 1035 00:51:15,346 --> 00:51:17,140 If you wanna help someone 1036 00:51:17,223 --> 00:51:18,892 to recover from trauma, 1037 00:51:18,975 --> 00:51:22,937 you need to do all you can to do the intervention 1038 00:51:23,021 --> 00:51:26,816 as close as to the location of the trauma 1039 00:51:26,900 --> 00:51:29,277 and the times it happened. 1040 00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:30,945 But if not, it's not the end. 1041 00:51:31,029 --> 00:51:32,947 For Fawzi, the things he talk about 1042 00:51:33,031 --> 00:51:35,325 is more things that happen in Syria. 1043 00:51:35,408 --> 00:51:38,328 So using cards and imagination, 1044 00:51:38,411 --> 00:51:41,497 we make them go back to these moments 1045 00:51:41,581 --> 00:51:44,167 and then also bring it to a safe place 1046 00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:45,293 where he can feel calm. 1047 00:51:47,003 --> 00:51:50,215 One more time, breathe and then look at it. 1048 00:51:52,342 --> 00:51:54,761 Take a very good deep breath. 1049 00:51:57,263 --> 00:52:01,059 Is there a scene or a picture that you may say to yourself 1050 00:52:01,142 --> 00:52:03,811 that you never saw? 1051 00:52:04,687 --> 00:52:07,440 I am trying to forget my brother but I cannot. 1052 00:52:09,609 --> 00:52:11,027 What do you mean when you say, 1053 00:52:11,110 --> 00:52:12,570 "I am trying not to remember my brother?" 1054 00:52:12,946 --> 00:52:15,990 When I say, "I am not trying to remember my brother," 1055 00:52:16,074 --> 00:52:19,494 it's because, when I do, I cry and become sad. 1056 00:52:21,454 --> 00:52:24,290 Can we take this picture away? Because I am about to cry. 1057 00:52:24,374 --> 00:52:25,333 What? 1058 00:52:25,416 --> 00:52:26,876 Now I am about to cry. 1059 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,503 Why not? 1060 00:52:29,712 --> 00:52:33,174 What did you see when you went to the playground 1061 00:52:33,258 --> 00:52:36,469 after the bombing with your mother? 1062 00:52:37,679 --> 00:52:42,267 Me? Inside of me, it felt like my heart stopped. 1063 00:52:45,895 --> 00:52:48,565 My mother cried till she became crippled, 1064 00:52:48,648 --> 00:52:51,526 unable to move her leg. 1065 00:52:58,157 --> 00:53:00,743 Do not be afraid to talk or cry. 1066 00:53:01,369 --> 00:53:03,830 Inside of you there is a war. 1067 00:53:04,330 --> 00:53:08,167 There is a war between the good memories versus the bad ones. 1068 00:53:08,251 --> 00:53:10,879 What is going to determine who Fawzi is going to be next year, 1069 00:53:10,962 --> 00:53:13,631 ten or twenty years from now, 1070 00:53:13,715 --> 00:53:15,800 is the winner of this battle. 1071 00:53:15,884 --> 00:53:23,141 Therefore, in order for you to win, you have to fight them. 1072 00:53:23,224 --> 00:53:24,809 Correct. 1073 00:53:25,685 --> 00:53:27,562 Do you want to try and do something exciting? 1074 00:53:27,645 --> 00:53:28,897 Yes. 1075 00:53:30,023 --> 00:53:32,192 This is you. 1076 00:53:32,275 --> 00:53:34,319 No, for real, this is how I see you. 1077 00:53:34,402 --> 00:53:44,204 I want you to draw or color the hero that is Fawzi. 1078 00:53:44,287 --> 00:53:46,164 Because Fawzi is a hero. 1079 00:53:46,247 --> 00:53:50,168 You are stronger than Superman and Spiderman. 1080 00:53:50,251 --> 00:53:54,005 You are Super Fawzi. 1081 00:53:54,088 --> 00:53:57,342 Super Fawzi does not dress like the rest. 1082 00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:02,847 Which do you think are your qualities that make you a hero? 1083 00:54:03,264 --> 00:54:05,350 For me, courage is the only thing 1084 00:54:05,433 --> 00:54:07,477 that provides me with power. 1085 00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:12,649 My brain and my thoughts. 1086 00:54:12,732 --> 00:54:16,569 It's a very simple act of prevention. 1087 00:54:16,653 --> 00:54:19,280 It's much easier to prevent than to treat later. 1088 00:54:19,364 --> 00:54:22,242 I am going to call him Super Fawzi. 1089 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,371 All you need is to be in the right place 1090 00:54:26,454 --> 00:54:29,207 and to take advantage of this traumatic experience 1091 00:54:29,290 --> 00:54:32,126 and transform it to something good. 1092 00:54:32,210 --> 00:54:33,795 We call it the golden hour. 1093 00:54:34,587 --> 00:54:36,047 I want to bring out any feeling 1094 00:54:36,130 --> 00:54:36,965 that is deep inside us. 1095 00:54:37,048 --> 00:54:38,967 What else do I want to get out? 1096 00:54:39,050 --> 00:54:43,846 I want to get anger from inside of me. 1097 00:54:45,723 --> 00:54:47,308 Fawzi and his siblings 1098 00:54:47,392 --> 00:54:49,894 and his friends are heroes. 1099 00:54:49,978 --> 00:54:53,356 I really, truly believe that they are heroes. 1100 00:54:53,439 --> 00:54:57,151 So our duty is to help them 1101 00:54:57,235 --> 00:54:58,987 process the trauma, 1102 00:54:59,070 --> 00:55:01,197 try to find the good memories, 1103 00:55:01,281 --> 00:55:03,908 and bring it back.