1 00:00:08,792 --> 00:00:10,709 ♪ Don't look over here ♪ 2 00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:14,125 Maybe we should help him. 3 00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:17,041 Wait, wait. He'll get it. Thumbs are tricky. 4 00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,041 ♪ I don't need anymore ♪ 5 00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:20,125 ♪ More ♪ 6 00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:23,291 ♪ I don't wanna see anything ♪ 7 00:00:23,375 --> 00:00:24,959 ♪ Hahaha, anymore ♪ 8 00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:26,709 ♪ I don't need anyone ♪ 9 00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:31,041 He doesn't know how to use a can opener? 10 00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:35,000 You're never gonna integrate back into society if you can't do basic shit. 11 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,166 It's simple, okay? You clamp it on, 12 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,000 and you… 13 00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:47,667 Shit! 14 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,417 It's broken. 15 00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:57,083 ♪ Shut up ♪ 16 00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:00,834 ♪ Shut up ♪ 17 00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:04,875 ♪ Shut up ♪ 18 00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:08,208 - Excuse me? - Oh, God, no! 19 00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:10,667 Do you work here? I have a complaint. 20 00:01:11,291 --> 00:01:12,458 What seems to be the problem? 21 00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:15,458 I rented this costume for my husband's birthday, 22 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,250 and now I can't get the bloody mask off. 23 00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:20,917 Uh, sorry, did you say your husband's birthday? 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Yes. 25 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,083 Okay. 26 00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:26,250 So, your husband likes strong women? 27 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,500 I think it's some sort of vacuum effect. 28 00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,250 Have you tried greasing it up? 29 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:31,750 You could use butter. Or lube. 30 00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:37,166 Excuse me, but why would I have lube in my house? 31 00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:38,375 Oh, come on. 32 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:39,542 You've got lube. 33 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:42,333 I want this mask off now. 34 00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:45,500 And it goes without saying, I expect a full refund. 35 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,208 Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds 36 00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:52,291 if the costume's been used for its intended purpose. 37 00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,041 What are you implying? 38 00:01:55,291 --> 00:01:58,208 You can't imply a customer is pegging their husband as Margaret Thatcher. 39 00:01:58,291 --> 00:01:59,291 She is! 40 00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,834 Of course she is, but you can't say that. 41 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,792 Sometimes I wonder if you're cut out for customer service. 42 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,000 You're absolutely right. 43 00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,963 No, I think the best thing to do is to let me go 44 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,441 with a generous redundancy package. 45 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:14,083 You are a manager. Great liar. 46 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:17,500 You hate people just the right amount. I've never seen you miss a fag break. 47 00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,166 You could flourish here. 48 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,750 Take my place when I die. 49 00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,583 That's a lovely thing to say, Ange. But this is just temporary. 50 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:25,208 Tim said that too when he started. 51 00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:27,333 He's been here seven years. He still loves it. 52 00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:37,291 ♪ Are you ready, Check? ♪ 53 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,417 ♪ Name, escape ♪ 54 00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,500 Absolutely not. 55 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,083 Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it. 56 00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:52,291 Listen, this is a very good deal for you. 57 00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:57,291 Your music in the lift of every cruise ship in the fleet. 58 00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:00,101 They might even want your early stuff for the hold lines on the phone. 59 00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:03,917 I sold out the Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row. 60 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,792 I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones. 61 00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:08,917 A cruise ship? I think not. 62 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,583 It's time for a comeback. 63 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,875 Valerie, you know we love you at the label. 64 00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:17,417 But only one person with your condition has made a comeback, and that's Jesus. 65 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,917 I can still sing. I'm still relevant. 66 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,625 Fuck it. I'll even do a duet. 67 00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:25,083 What's Whitney Houston up to these days? 68 00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:46,000 Get out. I'm literally about to start auditioning people. 69 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:47,792 - Can I watch? - Why? 70 00:03:48,792 --> 00:03:50,583 I just wanna learn how to human again. 71 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:55,959 Fine. But don't do anything weird. Or say anything. Or touch anyone. 72 00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,125 It's very important to me. 73 00:03:58,291 --> 00:03:59,458 And not just to me, okay? 74 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,583 I'm doing this for the city. For the vulnerable. 75 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,959 Jen says you're doing it because you're a feckless loser 76 00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:06,917 who sponges off his girlfriends. 77 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,959 And, uh, this nostalgic imitation of virility 78 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,917 gives you the illusion of control over your emasculated, directionless existence. 79 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:23,667 Although. I don't know what most of that means, 80 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,750 is that right? 81 00:04:26,417 --> 00:04:29,125 ♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪ 82 00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:32,125 ♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪ 83 00:04:32,208 --> 00:04:35,125 ♪ All my friends go ♪ 84 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,750 ♪ I went to school and I got a big ♪ 85 00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:38,834 All right? 86 00:04:38,917 --> 00:04:40,959 She took the news very well. 87 00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:43,500 Yeah, that was very impressive in there. Crystal clear. 88 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,667 How do you feel about some moonlighting? 89 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:49,166 We have another life-challenged artist on our books 90 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,000 that I think you'd work well with. 91 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,500 Is it an estates dispute? Because I'm quite junior. 92 00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:57,875 I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle. You're very impressive, Carrie. 93 00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,917 Yes. Yes. 94 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,375 I can handle it. I'll do it. 95 00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:07,750 - Great. Saturday at 2.00. - I'll send you the addy. 96 00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:08,834 Yeah, great. 97 00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:11,917 ♪ I got a big D ♪ 98 00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:14,625 ♪ I got the big D ♪ 99 00:05:14,709 --> 00:05:17,166 ♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪ 100 00:05:27,083 --> 00:05:28,083 Uh, name? 101 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:30,000 Sebastian. Seb... Seb. 102 00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:33,583 Seb. And your power? 103 00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,000 I can summon sea creatures. 104 00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:02,417 Can you command them? 105 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,875 Um, no. 106 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:10,291 I have a rich father. 107 00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:25,792 - Your name? - Uh, Ade. 108 00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:26,917 Megan. 109 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,625 Uh, what-what can you do? 110 00:06:29,709 --> 00:06:32,417 Uh, I can, uh, phase through solid objects. 111 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,291 I can turn anything into a PDF. 112 00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:36,542 - So, what? Like a fridge? - Anything. 113 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:39,625 - A person? - Anything. 114 00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:40,792 I'm basically a magnet. 115 00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:43,875 It's not active all the time, but when it happens, you'll know. 116 00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:49,333 It happened. 117 00:07:01,417 --> 00:07:03,000 Nice. 118 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,291 We'll be in touch. 119 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,750 Oh. I'm stuck. 120 00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:13,000 Don't mind me, though. I'll be... I'll get there. 121 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,208 Mmm. Still stuck. 122 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,166 Uh… 123 00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,375 - Do you have more people coming? - We do, yeah. 124 00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:32,875 Excuse me. What are you doing? 125 00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,959 I have a 3D printing arse. 126 00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,500 I can do whatever you want as long as it's aerodynamic. 127 00:07:40,417 --> 00:07:41,458 Can you do a spoon? 128 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,417 So sorry. Sorry to interrupt. 129 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,583 ♪ Sun spots, changing glare ♪ 130 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,208 ♪ Walking around With my very best friend ♪ 131 00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,000 - Sorry. - Come on. You can do it. 132 00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:54,000 - Come on. Oh, my God, yes! - You can do it. 133 00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:55,291 - Dig deep. - Oh, my God. 134 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,625 - Come on, dig deep. - Wow. 135 00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:58,750 Keep going with it. 136 00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,208 - Squeeze! - Yeah! 137 00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,792 Come on! 138 00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:05,583 - Come on! - Wow. 139 00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,250 No. 140 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:12,792 Can I join? 141 00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:14,875 How did you get into the flat? 142 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,000 Super speed. Like you have to ask. 143 00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:25,875 All right, how fast are we ta... 144 00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,500 Been to the Tate Modern and back. 145 00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,291 Their Dada retrospective is… underwhelming. 146 00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:38,166 Cheers. 147 00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:47,709 Peace. 148 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:49,500 ♪ We are born ♪ 149 00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:51,709 ♪ And I don't care ♪ 150 00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,000 ♪ As we grow old ♪ 151 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:56,125 ♪ As I'm aware ♪ 152 00:08:56,208 --> 00:09:00,458 ♪ As we grow ♪ 153 00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,083 Thanks so much for coming in. 154 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:03,709 Oh, no problem. 155 00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:08,000 Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier they wheeled out. 156 00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:10,250 So it's nice to get asked to do actual legal stuff. 157 00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:13,000 'Cause I can do that, but they never really ask me to. 158 00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,583 - Oh, is this a recording studio? - Smart as a button. 159 00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:19,750 We have an artist who died before he could finish his last album. 160 00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:23,041 Tragic, really. His fans are still super passionate. 161 00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:26,041 And we already paid him the advance. Uh-oh! 162 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,333 So, if he could sing through you, 163 00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:29,875 then we could finish the tracks 164 00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:33,583 and bada-bing-bada platinum sales in 30, 40 territories worldwide. 165 00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:34,667 Is that cool? 166 00:09:35,959 --> 00:09:37,000 Uh. 167 00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:43,208 Three, two, one. 168 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,083 - They want you to channel who now? - Colt Callaghan. 169 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,417 He was some big country music singer in the '80s, apparently. 170 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,351 I thought you were there for some legal bullshit? 171 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:53,375 Me too, but they just want me for my power. 172 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,625 Why doesn't anybody care what Carrie has to offer? 173 00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:57,389 Probably because Carrie talks about herself 174 00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,858 in the third person a bit too much. 175 00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:02,375 Can you come down? For moral support? 176 00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:04,250 I'm at work. I can't just bail. 177 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,059 I'm saving up for the clinic. I need the money. 178 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,750 You can have a cut. They're paying me. 179 00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:08,976 How much are they paying you? 180 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,458 I don't know. It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it? 181 00:10:11,542 --> 00:10:13,709 Please come. I really need a friend right now. 182 00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:15,083 No, you don't need a friend. 183 00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:18,000 You need someone who can get you a decent deal. A real hard-ass. 184 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:21,333 You need... 185 00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:23,583 Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management. 186 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,083 This is handwritten. 187 00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:29,375 We're a-a boutique agency with a personal touch. 188 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:34,625 Now, this national treasure is not opening her money hole until we talk shop. 189 00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:35,875 Here is her rider. 190 00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:41,792 "Sushi platter. Room temperature ice water." 191 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,166 We can deal with this later. 192 00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,500 What I need to do right now, yeah, is talk to Colt. 193 00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,125 He's gonna be pretty confused. 194 00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:49,333 Uh, money first. 195 00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:51,333 - We can offer you 250. - Oh, please. 196 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:55,208 Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra on a Saturday for 250. 197 00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:57,417 - Five hundred. Final offer. - 300. 198 00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:00,750 I think my client would be content with £300. 199 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:01,667 - Yeah. - Yeah. 200 00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:03,375 £300,000. 201 00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:09,709 May I just have a moment alone with my client? 202 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:21,667 Did he say £300,000? 203 00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:24,417 I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday. 204 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,083 I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli. 205 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:29,375 Tenderstem, Jen. It is so much more tender. 206 00:11:29,458 --> 00:11:31,417 You could pay for the clinic. 207 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,184 ♪ Didn't do it for the love Didn't do it for the police ♪ 208 00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:37,208 ♪ Get on these knees ♪ 209 00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:40,041 ♪ Didn't do it for the sex Didn't do it for the love ♪ 210 00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:42,458 That amount would be acceptable, yes. 211 00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:47,875 ♪ I did it for the money ♪ 212 00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,083 When are our friends coming? 213 00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:56,542 They're not our friends. They're my vigilante group. 214 00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:58,959 What are you hiding? 215 00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:01,667 You said that you needed snacks, so… 216 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,458 So, where should I sit? 217 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:11,375 Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to do something very important for me. 218 00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:12,458 Okay. 219 00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:15,625 Okay, um, I need you to 220 00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:18,125 get these for me. 221 00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:22,375 Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that. 222 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,417 I can do that. I'll get you your… 223 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,208 … "tampons." 224 00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:27,917 Great. 225 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,583 - Where... Where would I get a tampon? - Chemist. 226 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,166 Chemist. Yeah. 227 00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:37,083 Um, Jen says it's too soon for me to be out in the world. 228 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,375 Well, Jen's not here. Okay? 229 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,417 - Okay, I won't let you down. - Yeah. 230 00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:00,768 The miniature horse is unavailable. 231 00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:02,417 Unacceptable. 232 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,000 Either you get us a big horse 233 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,417 that we can look at through the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk. 234 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,709 Yeah, totally. I'll sort all that after she gets Colt. 235 00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,667 Heads up, by the way, Colt could be a little difficult. 236 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:19,583 What kind of difficult? 237 00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:22,333 Where am I? Did I black out? 238 00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:27,959 How old are you? Ah, wait. I don't wanna know. 239 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:31,500 You told me you were 18, and that's the line we're gonna go with. 240 00:13:31,583 --> 00:13:34,333 Colt, mate, don't panic, but you're dead. 241 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,792 My fucking wife. 242 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,500 She finally did it. She always said she would. 243 00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:41,583 Gotta respect that. 244 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:45,041 No one killed you, mate. We brought you back to finish your album. 245 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,333 Sugar tits, you look a bit like Margaret Thatcher. 246 00:13:48,417 --> 00:13:50,166 I like that. 247 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,333 Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too. 248 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,834 Wha... 249 00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:57,667 Holy shit! 250 00:13:57,709 --> 00:14:00,625 Maybe being in a woman's body will give you a bit more respect. 251 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,750 Nice! I can work with these. 252 00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,834 Now, what are these, a C cup? 253 00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:08,717 You've been gone a while. Is there anything you wanna get caught up on? 254 00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:10,792 There's only three things I need to know. 255 00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:16,000 Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool? And is Jesus still white? 256 00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:20,500 - Oh, yeah. Come on, now. - 'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them. 257 00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:23,291 Get off them. Get off. 258 00:14:23,375 --> 00:14:24,834 - All right! - Dirty bastard. 259 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,333 Congratulations, men. 260 00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:33,917 You've all been selected because you demonstrated to me 261 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,250 that you are hero material. 262 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,083 You've passed the first test. 263 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,500 Will there be more tests? I'm dyslexic, and I need more time. 264 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,917 It's more a series of trials than tests. 265 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,291 It's, like, informal trials of the spirit and body. 266 00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:48,375 It's more of a metaphor. 267 00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:50,618 Really, I probably shouldn't have used the word "test." 268 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,458 Uh, any... Words aside... Um. 269 00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:57,166 We're all here for one noble purpose: fighting crime. 270 00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,959 What does that mean, specifically? 271 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:02,375 Uh, like, going after crime. Stopping it and stuff. 272 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:05,518 - There's lots of different types of crime. - I know. I don't think we need... 273 00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:09,375 I suggest targeting child sex offenders. 274 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:13,333 Go after the real bad guys. Anyone else got a suggestion? 275 00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:15,834 - Fly-tippers? No! Murderers! - Yes. 276 00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,250 What about the elderly? 277 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,625 - Yeah, fuck 'em. - No. No. 278 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,208 I mean, like, people who scam the elderly. Like telemarketers. 279 00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:23,709 Or the drug dealers, 280 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:27,000 uh, people who put their bag next to them on the empty seat in the train, 281 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,417 rapists? 282 00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:34,458 I swear I had another marker here somewhere. Sorry. 283 00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,625 I can get you one. Give me two minutes. 284 00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:43,834 What colour? 285 00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:48,875 ♪ Well, I'm cracking one open With the boys ♪ 286 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,750 ♪ By myself ♪ 287 00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:58,333 ♪ Everybody thinks that I need professional help ♪ 288 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,625 ♪ But I don't wanna Think about that anymore ♪ 289 00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:05,375 Tampons? 290 00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,834 ♪ And just because I woke up On someone's floor ♪ 291 00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:10,917 ♪ And asked who the fuck am I ♪ 292 00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:14,792 ♪ I didn't know it felt good to cry ♪ 293 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,041 ♪ Yeah, I started from the bottom ♪ 294 00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:19,875 ♪ And I'm still at the bottom ♪ 295 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,542 ♪ Yeah, I spent the night in jail ♪ 296 00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:24,000 ♪ Turns out it wasn't the bottom ♪ 297 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:28,500 Okay, so we're down to nonces versus children. 298 00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,667 Uh, surely that's a tautology? 299 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,542 Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children from the nonces? 300 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:34,959 They cancel each other out. 301 00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:37,375 It should be children versus women. 302 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:42,667 If we help women, like, protecting them walking home at night or something, 303 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,750 I think they'd be really grateful. 304 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:47,083 Not that we'd ask them for anything in return. 305 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:50,667 But if they did want to thank us, just a perk of the job. 306 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,834 Yeah, we're talking about them fucking us, right? 307 00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,166 - No. - What? No! 308 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,208 No one sleeps with anyone they save. 309 00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:59,091 I'm drawing this ethical line in the sand now. 310 00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:00,792 What if someone wants to give us money? 311 00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:02,500 Well, that's just tipping. That's fine. 312 00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,542 I'd like to put myself forward as task force leader for this one. 313 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:10,208 I know women. I respect women. I love women. 314 00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:13,792 - Well, I love women more than you do. - I have four sisters. 315 00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:14,875 I have a mum. 316 00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:18,250 - I've got two mums. - I've got a girlfriend. Do you? 317 00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:21,291 - I don't currently have... - Ha! Three-two. 318 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,041 But that also means 319 00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:27,542 that I don't view women solely as sexual objects. 320 00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:29,333 Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend. 321 00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:32,542 I read Jane Austen novels for fun. 322 00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,166 I know where the clitoris is. 323 00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:45,875 Prove it. 324 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,333 Have some water, pet. 325 00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:00,625 It's just… a lot. 326 00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:02,458 You buying the tampons for your girlfriend? 327 00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:03,792 No, he's a boyfriend. 328 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,875 Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it. 329 00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:09,834 I've been away for a while. 330 00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:12,583 There's too much everything. 331 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,208 I'm sorry. I'm useless. 332 00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:18,875 Oh, chicken, no. We all learn at our own pace. 333 00:18:18,959 --> 00:18:20,959 I can help you get what you need. 334 00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:25,333 What's their period like? Heavy? A lot of clotting? 335 00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:27,208 Do they like an applicator or non? 336 00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:28,500 What's a period? 337 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,250 Oh, Lord. Okay. 338 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:35,458 I can see we're gonna have to start from the beginning. 339 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,959 Come on, chica. Is this strictly necessary? 340 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,709 When you stop trying to unhook your bra, then the shame mitts can come off. 341 00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:50,917 - Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry. - Stop that! 342 00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:56,291 Darlin', can you turn these for me? 343 00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:59,041 I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years. 344 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:01,208 Need a refresher on the old lyrics. 345 00:19:06,709 --> 00:19:09,291 Jen, have you read these lyrics? 346 00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:13,166 I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly very respectful to women or Canadians. 347 00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:16,959 I'm sure they're not that ba... Okay. Oh, no. 348 00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:18,500 I don't think I can do this. 349 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,583 What? Of course you can. No, you can do this. 350 00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,166 Do this, please. 351 00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:26,417 I don't think I feel comfortable saying this stuff. 352 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,041 But it's not really you saying it, though. Is it? 353 00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:32,375 It's coming out of my mouth. My mouth is making the shape of the words. 354 00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:33,917 I don't wanna have a sexist mouth. 355 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,768 What if I ever meet Malala? I'll be mortified. 356 00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:36,792 Look, Carrie, babe. 357 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:41,333 Look, you know I would never ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with. 358 00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:44,208 Unless someone's going to pay us £300,000 to do it, okay? 359 00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:45,333 So, maybe just do it? 360 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:54,625 Oh, if I could just make some adjustments to the source material. 361 00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:56,069 He barely remembers what he wrote. 362 00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:57,875 He'll sing whatever you put in front of him. 363 00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:00,625 Yes. Okay, compromise. It's the beauty of negotiation. 364 00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,583 Oh, where are you going? 365 00:20:05,542 --> 00:20:07,709 I made them get me a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie. 366 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,250 I'm not passing that up. 367 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,417 You've got this, okay? Don't worry about it. 368 00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:13,875 ♪ I don't know who's getting ready ♪ 369 00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,583 ♪ I don't know who's getting ♪ 370 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,000 ♪ But what a pity ♪ 371 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,250 ♪ Such a pity city If there's no children ♪ 372 00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,959 ♪ I don't see them on the runway ♪ 373 00:20:22,041 --> 00:20:23,834 ♪ They bus them in on Sundays ♪ 374 00:20:23,917 --> 00:20:28,291 ♪ The visitors are needing to decide If you can come stay ♪ 375 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,875 Honestly, this is too easy. 376 00:20:41,959 --> 00:20:44,250 Well, do it then. Or do you not know? 377 00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:47,750 How can you lead a group saving women when you don't know where the "clid" is? 378 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:49,542 The what? 379 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,250 The "clid." 380 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,458 - Do you mean the clit? - That's what I said. 381 00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:54,768 No, you said "clid" with a "D." 382 00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:56,832 - He's stalling. I think we should... - I can do it. 383 00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:22,333 Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your... 384 00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:24,875 - What's going on? - We're locating the clitoris. 385 00:21:24,959 --> 00:21:27,101 Oh, it's right there at the top underneath the clitoral hood 386 00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:28,351 at the crest of the labia minora. 387 00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:31,333 …Ora. Exactly. 388 00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:33,750 Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge. 389 00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,875 - That doesn't mean you win. - Kash, I have your tampons. 390 00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:40,750 See? I buy my girlfriend tampons. 391 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:43,083 Maybe you would too, if you had one. 392 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:46,375 Thank you. 393 00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:04,625 You know, I like my women the way I like my guns. 394 00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:05,792 With a silencer. 395 00:22:07,625 --> 00:22:09,667 This here is a tribute to the perfect woman. 396 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:15,917 ♪ I met her at a downtown bar ♪ 397 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,125 ♪ She was waiting on drunks ♪ 398 00:22:19,166 --> 00:22:23,583 ♪ Lord, she had a mouth that was Only good for… measured debate ♪ 399 00:22:25,542 --> 00:22:28,750 ♪ And an ass that screamed "Respect me as an intellectual equal" ♪ 400 00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:30,041 This doesn't sound right. 401 00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,184 - We may have made some minor changes. - ♪ Perfect woman ♪ 402 00:22:32,208 --> 00:22:34,959 - Creative differences. - You can't just do that. 403 00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:38,041 ♪ Now we're in The back of my big red truck ♪ 404 00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:41,375 ♪ Country music's playing And we're about to ♪ 405 00:22:42,417 --> 00:22:44,500 ♪ Have consensual sex ♪ 406 00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:46,667 You can barely notice it. 407 00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:49,375 ♪ We rocked all night And she said she loved me ♪ 408 00:22:49,959 --> 00:22:51,959 ♪ But when the morning came ♪ 409 00:22:52,792 --> 00:22:57,291 ♪ I did what real men do And I licked her out ♪ 410 00:22:57,375 --> 00:23:00,250 Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right. 411 00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:02,458 What the hell, man? What the hell? 412 00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:04,959 "I licked her out"? 413 00:23:05,041 --> 00:23:06,333 I think there's a market for it. 414 00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:08,959 Maggie, you know I got a soft spot for you, 415 00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:11,667 but I sure as hell would never, ever lick you out, Maggie. 416 00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:14,291 Do you hear me? That shit is nasty. 417 00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:18,875 Who changed things? This is my song. Who changed these lyrics? 418 00:23:18,959 --> 00:23:21,500 ♪ Okay, that's just who I That's just who I ♪ 419 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,417 £300,000. 420 00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:45,041 Okay. 421 00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:47,834 You don't have to eat them all. 422 00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,375 I'll never get to live the high life again, Carrie. 423 00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:52,750 I'm not even good at pretending to be successful. 424 00:23:52,834 --> 00:23:55,417 You were. For, like, an hour. 425 00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:59,458 Maybe I should've just sung the song as it was. 426 00:23:59,542 --> 00:24:03,125 I should say I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. 427 00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:08,834 - Oh, you're really not going to, are you? - No. 428 00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:17,166 It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God. 429 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:22,875 Maybe channelling other people is all I'm good for. 430 00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,750 Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot. 431 00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:29,583 Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics. 432 00:24:30,083 --> 00:24:31,333 - Yeah? - Yeah. 433 00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:36,041 And it's just money at the end of the day. 434 00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:37,125 It's only £300,000... 435 00:24:37,208 --> 00:24:40,834 Please don't say the amount. It causes me physical pain when I hear it. 436 00:24:45,291 --> 00:24:46,917 Come on! 437 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,333 It was his idea. 438 00:25:11,166 --> 00:25:13,417 - I love it. - It was my idea. 439 00:25:19,875 --> 00:25:22,542 - What did you do today? - I know where the clitoris is. 440 00:25:23,375 --> 00:25:25,625 Okay, I am not unpacking that. 441 00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:28,375 How do you play this thing? 442 00:25:28,458 --> 00:25:31,583 - Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps. - Mm-hmm. 443 00:25:31,667 --> 00:25:34,875 And you have to get from the Sanitary Valley 444 00:25:34,959 --> 00:25:36,959 to the Wings of Heaven. 445 00:25:37,041 --> 00:25:39,875 Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck in Absorbency Marshes though. 446 00:25:39,959 --> 00:25:41,834 - That loses you ten points. - Okay. 447 00:25:41,917 --> 00:25:43,875 And you'll start over here… 448 00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:49,291 ♪ Getting strong today ♪ 449 00:25:50,208 --> 00:25:54,000 ♪ A giant step each day ♪ 450 00:25:54,667 --> 00:26:00,792 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 451 00:26:00,875 --> 00:26:03,750 - ♪ Getting strong today ♪ - ♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 452 00:26:04,625 --> 00:26:08,333 - ♪ A giant step each day ♪ - ♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 453 00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:14,959 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 454 00:26:21,792 --> 00:26:24,083 - I think I left my umbrella here. - Magnet girl. 455 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,166 I have a name. 456 00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,208 - Have you got any piercings? - No. 457 00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:33,291 Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you? 458 00:26:34,291 --> 00:26:40,667 ♪ I will love you till I die ♪ 459 00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:47,583 ♪ And I will love you all the time ♪ 460 00:26:48,083 --> 00:26:54,875 ♪ So please put your sweet hand in mine ♪ 461 00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,834 ♪ And float in space ♪ 462 00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:02,250 ♪ And drift in time ♪ 463 00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:09,250 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 464 00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:16,166 ♪ We'll float in space just you and I ♪