1
00:00:06,764 --> 00:00:08,644
♪ Don't look over here ♪
2
00:00:10,688 --> 00:00:12,108
Maybe we should help him.
3
00:00:12,191 --> 00:00:15,031
Wait, wait. He'll get it.
Thumbs are tricky.
4
00:00:15,113 --> 00:00:16,623
♪ I don't need anymore ♪
5
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,990
♪ More ♪
6
00:00:19,455 --> 00:00:21,285
♪ I don't wanna see anything ♪
7
00:00:21,376 --> 00:00:22,956
♪ Ha ha ha, anymore ♪
8
00:00:23,046 --> 00:00:24,716
♪ I don't need anyone ♪
9
00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,057
He doesn't know how to use a can opener?
10
00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:33,021
You're never gonna integrate back
into society if you can't do basic shit.
11
00:00:38,076 --> 00:00:40,206
It's simple, okay? You clamp it on,
12
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,955
and you…
13
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Shit!
14
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It's broken.
15
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♪ Shut up ♪
16
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♪ Shut up ♪
17
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♪ Shut up ♪
18
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- Excuse me?
- Oh, God, no!
19
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Do you work here? I have a complaint.
20
00:01:09,305 --> 00:01:10,465
What seems to be the problem?
21
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:13,478
I rented this costume
for my husband's birthday,
22
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and now I can't get the bloody mask off.
23
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Uh, sorry,
did you say your husband's birthday?
24
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Yes.
25
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Okay.
26
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,251
So, your husband likes strong women?
27
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,455
I think it's some sort of vacuum effect.
28
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Have you tried greasing it up?
29
00:01:28,301 --> 00:01:29,721
You could use butter. Or lube.
30
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:35,147
Excuse me,
but why would I have lube in my house?
31
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Oh, come on.
32
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You've got lube.
33
00:01:37,612 --> 00:01:40,332
I want this mask off now.
34
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And it goes without saying,
I expect a full refund.
35
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Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds
36
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if the costume's been used
for its intended purpose.
37
00:01:50,387 --> 00:01:52,057
What are you implying?
38
00:01:53,309 --> 00:01:56,229
You can't imply a customer is pegging
their husband as Margaret Thatcher.
39
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She is!
40
00:01:57,401 --> 00:01:59,871
Of course she is, but you can't say that.
41
00:02:01,367 --> 00:02:03,827
Sometimes I wonder
if you're cut out for customer service.
42
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You're absolutely right.
43
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,980
No, I think the best thing to do is
to let me go
44
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with a generous redundancy package.
45
00:02:08,465 --> 00:02:12,055
You are a manager. Great liar.
46
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You hate people just the right amount.
I've never seen you miss a fag break.
47
00:02:15,563 --> 00:02:17,153
You could flourish here.
48
00:02:17,232 --> 00:02:18,742
Take my place when I die.
49
00:02:18,819 --> 00:02:21,579
That's a lovely thing to say, Ange.
But this is just temporary.
50
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:23,198
Tim said that too when he started.
51
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He's been here seven years.
He still loves it.
52
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:35,308
♪ Are you ready, Check? ♪
53
00:02:38,149 --> 00:02:39,439
♪ Name, escape ♪
54
00:02:41,364 --> 00:02:43,544
Absolutely not.
55
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Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it.
56
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Listen, this is a very good deal for you.
57
00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:55,270
Your music in the lift
of every cruise ship in the fleet.
58
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They might even want your early stuff
for the hold lines on the phone.
59
00:02:58,106 --> 00:03:01,906
I sold out the
Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row.
60
00:03:01,989 --> 00:03:04,789
I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones.
61
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:06,920
A cruise ship? I think not.
62
00:03:06,999 --> 00:03:09,589
It's time for a comeback.
63
00:03:09,671 --> 00:03:11,881
Valerie…
…you know we love you at the label.
64
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:15,427
But only one person with your condition
has made a comeback, and that's Jesus.
65
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I can still sing. I'm still relevant.
66
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Fuck it. I'll even do a duet.
67
00:03:21,193 --> 00:03:23,113
What's Whitney Houston up to these days?
68
00:03:41,317 --> 00:03:43,987
Get out. I'm literally about
to start auditioning people.
69
00:03:44,073 --> 00:03:45,793
- Can I watch?
- Why?
70
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:48,577
I just wanna learn how to human again.
71
00:03:50,168 --> 00:03:53,968
Fine. But don't do anything weird.
Or say anything. Or touch anyone.
72
00:03:54,051 --> 00:03:55,141
It's very important to me.
73
00:03:56,305 --> 00:03:57,465
And not just to me, okay?
74
00:03:58,393 --> 00:04:00,613
I'm doing this for the city.
For the vulnerable.
75
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,990
Jen says you're doing it
because you're a feckless loser
76
00:04:03,069 --> 00:04:04,949
who sponges off his girlfriends.
77
00:04:05,031 --> 00:04:08,001
And, uh,
this nostalgic imitation of virility
78
00:04:08,079 --> 00:04:11,879
gives you the illusion of control over
your emasculated, directionless existence.
79
00:04:18,307 --> 00:04:21,647
Although, I don't know
what most of that means.
80
00:04:21,732 --> 00:04:22,732
Is that right?
81
00:04:24,403 --> 00:04:27,123
♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪
82
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,120
♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪
83
00:04:30,206 --> 00:04:33,126
♪ All my friends go ♪
84
00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:35,762
♪ I went to school and I got a big ♪
85
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All right?
86
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,968
She took the news very well.
87
00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:41,518
Yeah, that was very impressive in there.
Crystal clear.
88
00:04:41,605 --> 00:04:43,685
How do you feel about some moonlighting?
89
00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:47,196
We have another life-challenged artist
on our books
90
00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:49,042
that I think you'd work well with.
91
00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:52,499
Is it an estates dispute?
Because I'm quite junior.
92
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:55,835
I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle.
You're very impressive, Carrie.
93
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,887
Yes. Yes.
94
00:04:59,974 --> 00:05:02,354
I can handle it. I'll do it.
95
00:05:02,437 --> 00:05:05,737
- Great. Saturday at 2.00.
- I'll send you the addy.
96
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:06,820
Yeah, great.
97
00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:09,906
♪ I got the big D ♪
98
00:05:11,038 --> 00:05:12,628
♪ I got the big D ♪
99
00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:15,168
♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪
100
00:05:25,108 --> 00:05:26,108
Uh, name?
101
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,033
Sebastian. Seb... Seb.
102
00:05:28,657 --> 00:05:31,617
Seb. And your power?
103
00:05:57,297 --> 00:05:59,007
I can summon sea creatures.
104
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,432
Can you command them?
105
00:06:02,015 --> 00:06:03,885
Um, no.
106
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,315
I have a rich father.
107
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,770
- Your name?
- Uh, Ade.
108
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:24,890
Megan.
109
00:06:26,063 --> 00:06:27,613
Uh, what-what can you do?
110
00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:30,412
Uh, I can, uh,
phase through solid objects.
111
00:06:30,488 --> 00:06:32,278
I can turn anything into a PDF.
112
00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:34,537
- So, what? Like a fridge?
- Anything.
113
00:06:34,622 --> 00:06:37,632
- A person?
- Anything.
114
00:06:37,712 --> 00:06:38,802
I'm basically a magnet.
115
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,890
It's not active all the time,
but when it happens, you'll know.
116
00:06:45,853 --> 00:06:47,363
It happened.
117
00:06:59,379 --> 00:07:00,969
Nice.
118
00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:02,260
We'll be in touch.
119
00:07:05,308 --> 00:07:07,728
Oh. I'm stuck.
120
00:07:08,899 --> 00:07:10,989
Don't mind me, though.
I'll be... I'll get there.
121
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,212
Mmm. Still stuck.
122
00:07:20,714 --> 00:07:22,184
Uh…
123
00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:24,388
- Do you have more people coming?
- We do, yeah.
124
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:31,903
Excuse me. What are you doing?
125
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,986
I have a 3D printing arse.
126
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,544
I can do whatever you want
as long as it's aerodynamic.
127
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,457
Can you do a spoon?
128
00:07:41,714 --> 00:07:43,384
So sorry. Sorry to interrupt.
129
00:07:43,927 --> 00:07:46,557
♪ Sun spots, changing glare ♪
130
00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:49,191
♪ Walking around
With my very best friend ♪
131
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:50,981
- Sorry.
- Come on. You can do it.
132
00:07:51,066 --> 00:07:52,986
- Come on. Oh, my God, yes!
- You can do it.
133
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,280
- Dig deep.
- Oh, my God.
134
00:07:54,364 --> 00:07:55,624
- Come on, dig deep.
- Wow.
135
00:07:56,661 --> 00:07:57,751
Keep going with it.
136
00:07:57,830 --> 00:07:59,210
- Squeeze!
- Yeah!
137
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,791
Come on!
138
00:08:02,463 --> 00:08:04,593
- Come on!
- Wow.
139
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,270
No.
140
00:08:10,772 --> 00:08:11,822
Can I join?
141
00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:13,900
How did you get into the flat?
142
00:08:19,039 --> 00:08:21,959
Super speed. Like you have to ask.
143
00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:24,842
All right, how fast are we ta...
144
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,475
Been to the Tate Modern and back.
145
00:08:31,355 --> 00:08:34,275
Their Dada retrospective is…
underwhelming.
146
00:08:35,656 --> 00:08:37,156
Cheers.
147
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:46,717
Peace.
148
00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:48,523
♪ We are born ♪
149
00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:50,729
♪ And I don't care ♪
150
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:53,020
♪ As we grow old ♪
151
00:08:53,107 --> 00:08:55,147
♪ As I'm aware ♪
152
00:08:55,236 --> 00:08:59,486
♪ As we grow ♪
153
00:08:59,579 --> 00:09:01,119
Thanks so much for coming in.
154
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,749
Oh, no problem.
155
00:09:03,837 --> 00:09:06,967
Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier
they wheeled out.
156
00:09:07,051 --> 00:09:09,221
So it's nice to get asked
to do actual legal stuff.
157
00:09:09,306 --> 00:09:11,976
'Cause I can do that,
but they never really ask me to.
158
00:09:13,063 --> 00:09:15,573
- Oh, is this a recording studio?
- Smart as a button.
159
00:09:15,652 --> 00:09:18,742
We have an artist who died
before he could finish his last album.
160
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,035
Tragic, really.
His fans are still super passionate.
161
00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:25,053
And we already paid him the advance.
Uh-oh!
162
00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:27,339
So, if he could sing through you,
163
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:28,885
then we could finish the tracks
164
00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:32,600
and bada-bing-bada platinum sales
in 30, 40 territories worldwide.
165
00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:33,686
Is that cool?
166
00:09:34,982 --> 00:09:36,032
Uh.
167
00:09:40,117 --> 00:09:42,247
Three, two, one.
168
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:45,090
- They want you to channel who now?
- Colt Callaghan.
169
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:48,379
He was some big country music singer
in the '80s, apparently.
170
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:50,322
I thought you were there
for some legal bullshit?
171
00:09:50,346 --> 00:09:52,346
Me too,
but they just want me for my power.
172
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,613
Why doesn't anybody care
what Carrie has to offer?
173
00:09:54,689 --> 00:09:56,369
Probably because
Carrie talks about herself
174
00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:57,841
in the third person a bit too much.
175
00:09:58,613 --> 00:10:01,373
Can you come down? For moral support?
176
00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:03,251
I'm at work. I can't just bail.
177
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:05,060
I'm saving up for the clinic.
I need the money.
178
00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:06,754
You can have a cut. They're paying me.
179
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:07,982
How much are they paying you?
180
00:10:08,006 --> 00:10:10,466
I don't know.
It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it?
181
00:10:10,554 --> 00:10:12,734
Please come.
I really need a friend right now.
182
00:10:12,808 --> 00:10:14,098
No, you don't need a friend.
183
00:10:14,185 --> 00:10:17,015
You need someone who can get you
a decent deal. A real hard-ass.
184
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:20,362
You need...
185
00:10:20,448 --> 00:10:22,618
Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management.
186
00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:25,118
This is handwritten.
187
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,337
We're a-a boutique agency
with a personal touch.
188
00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:33,602
Now, this national treasure is not opening
her money hole until we talk shop.
189
00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:34,853
Here is her rider.
190
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,780
"Sushi platter.
Room temperature ice water."
191
00:10:41,991 --> 00:10:43,161
We can deal with this later.
192
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,503
What I need to do right now, yeah,
is talk to Colt.
193
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:47,132
He's gonna be pretty confused.
194
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:48,340
Uh, money first.
195
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:50,340
- We can offer you 250.
- Oh, please.
196
00:10:50,424 --> 00:10:54,224
Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra
on a Saturday for 250.
197
00:10:54,307 --> 00:10:56,437
- Five hundred. Final offer.
- 300.
198
00:10:57,856 --> 00:10:59,776
I think my client would
be content with £300.
199
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,700
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
200
00:11:00,779 --> 00:11:02,409
£300,000.
201
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:08,707
May I just have a moment alone
with my client?
202
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:20,649
Did he say £300,000?
203
00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:23,412
I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday.
204
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:25,080
I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli.
205
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,380
Tenderstem, Jen.
It is so much more tender.
206
00:11:28,458 --> 00:11:30,418
You could pay for the clinic.
207
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,198
♪ Didn't do it for the love
Didn't do it for the police ♪
208
00:11:35,222 --> 00:11:36,222
♪ Get on these knees ♪
209
00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:39,056
♪ Didn't do it for the sex
Didn't do it for the love ♪
210
00:11:39,147 --> 00:11:41,477
That amount would be acceptable, yes.
211
00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:46,909
♪ I did it for the money ♪
212
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,052
When are our friends coming?
213
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:55,513
They're not our friends.
They're my vigilante group.
214
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:57,939
What are you hiding?
215
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,648
You said that you needed snacks, so…
216
00:12:03,362 --> 00:12:05,452
So, where should I sit?
217
00:12:05,533 --> 00:12:10,383
Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to
do something very important for me.
218
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:11,459
Okay.
219
00:12:11,879 --> 00:12:14,639
Okay, um, I need you to
220
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,137
get these for me.
221
00:12:17,975 --> 00:12:21,395
Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that.
222
00:12:21,481 --> 00:12:23,441
I can do that. I'll get you your…
223
00:12:23,528 --> 00:12:25,238
… "tampons."
224
00:12:25,322 --> 00:12:26,952
Great.
225
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:29,624
- Where... Where would I get a tampon?
- Chemist.
226
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,207
Chemist. Yeah.
227
00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:36,046
Um, Jen says it's too soon for me
to be out in the world.
228
00:12:36,136 --> 00:12:37,346
Well, Jen's not here. Okay?
229
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,390
- Okay, I won't let you down.
- Yeah.
230
00:12:58,472 --> 00:12:59,784
The miniature horse is unavailable.
231
00:12:59,808 --> 00:13:01,438
Unacceptable.
232
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,020
Either you get us a big horse
233
00:13:03,106 --> 00:13:06,446
that we can look at through
the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk.
234
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:10,750
Yeah, totally.
I'll sort all that after she gets Colt.
235
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,630
Heads up, by the way,
Colt could be a little difficult.
236
00:13:17,301 --> 00:13:18,551
What kind of difficult?
237
00:13:19,055 --> 00:13:21,305
Where am I? Did I black out?
238
00:13:23,396 --> 00:13:26,946
How old are you?
Ah, wait. I don't wanna know.
239
00:13:27,029 --> 00:13:30,489
You told me you were 18,
and that's the line we're gonna go with.
240
00:13:30,578 --> 00:13:33,328
Colt, mate, don't panic,
but you're dead.
241
00:13:35,087 --> 00:13:36,797
My fucking wife.
242
00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:39,511
She finally did it.
She always said she would.
243
00:13:39,596 --> 00:13:40,596
Gotta respect that.
244
00:13:40,682 --> 00:13:44,062
No one killed you, mate.
We brought you back to finish your album.
245
00:13:44,146 --> 00:13:47,356
Sugar tits, you look
a bit like Margaret Thatcher.
246
00:13:47,444 --> 00:13:49,204
I like that.
247
00:13:49,282 --> 00:13:51,372
Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too.
248
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,876
Wha...
249
00:13:55,712 --> 00:13:56,592
Holy shit!
250
00:13:56,672 --> 00:13:59,602
Maybe being in a woman's body
will give you a bit more respect.
251
00:13:59,678 --> 00:14:02,728
Nice! I can work with these.
252
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,809
Now, what are these, a C cup?
253
00:14:04,897 --> 00:14:07,697
You've been gone a while. Is there
anything you wanna get caught up on?
254
00:14:07,777 --> 00:14:09,777
There's only three things
I need to know.
255
00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:14,995
Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool?
And is Jesus still white?
256
00:14:15,919 --> 00:14:19,509
- Oh, yeah. Come on, now.
- 'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them.
257
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:22,313
Get off them. Get off.
258
00:14:22,389 --> 00:14:23,849
- All right!
- Dirty bastard.
259
00:14:29,028 --> 00:14:30,358
Congratulations, men.
260
00:14:30,447 --> 00:14:32,947
You've all been selected because you
demonstrated to me
261
00:14:33,036 --> 00:14:35,286
that you are hero material.
262
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,035
You've passed the first test.
263
00:14:38,756 --> 00:14:41,466
Will there be more tests?
I'm dyslexic, and I need more time.
264
00:14:41,553 --> 00:14:43,893
It's more a series of trials than tests.
265
00:14:43,975 --> 00:14:46,265
It's, like, informal trials
of the spirit and body.
266
00:14:46,354 --> 00:14:47,364
It's more of a metaphor.
267
00:14:47,439 --> 00:14:49,599
Really, I probably shouldn't have used
the word "test."
268
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,450
Uh, any... Words aside... Um.
269
00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:56,166
We're all here for one noble purpose:
fighting crime.
270
00:14:56,249 --> 00:14:57,959
What does that mean, specifically?
271
00:14:58,044 --> 00:15:01,384
Uh, like, going after crime.
Stopping it and stuff.
272
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:04,507
- There's lots of different types of crime.
- I know. I don't think we need...
273
00:15:04,558 --> 00:15:08,398
I suggest targeting child sex offenders.
274
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,359
Go after the real bad guys.
Anyone else got a suggestion?
275
00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:14,868
- Fly-tippers? No! Murderers!
- Yes.
276
00:15:14,953 --> 00:15:16,293
What about the elderly?
277
00:15:16,372 --> 00:15:17,672
- Yeah, fuck 'em.
- No. No.
278
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,171
I mean, like, people who scam the elderly.
Like telemarketers.
279
00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:22,677
Or the drug dealers,
280
00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:25,981
uh, people who put their bag next to them
on the empty seat in the train,
281
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,389
rapists?
282
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:33,450
I swear I had another
marker here somewhere. Sorry.
283
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,620
I can get you one. Give me two minutes.
284
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,840
What colour?
285
00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:47,889
♪ Well, I'm cracking one open
With the boys ♪
286
00:15:47,977 --> 00:15:49,767
♪ By myself ♪
287
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:57,370
♪ Everybody thinks that
I need professional help ♪
288
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:02,591
♪ But I don't wanna
Think about that anymore ♪
289
00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:04,338
Tampons?
290
00:16:04,426 --> 00:16:06,806
♪ And just because I woke up
On someone's floor ♪
291
00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:09,900
♪ And asked who the fuck am I ♪
292
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,780
♪ I didn't know it felt good to cry ♪
293
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:18,037
♪ Yeah, I started from the bottom ♪
294
00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:19,881
♪ And I'm still at the bottom ♪
295
00:16:19,958 --> 00:16:21,548
♪ Yeah, I spent the night in jail ♪
296
00:16:21,628 --> 00:16:24,008
♪ Turns out it wasn't the bottom ♪
297
00:16:25,177 --> 00:16:28,517
Okay, so we're down to nonces
versus children.
298
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:30,691
Uh, surely that's a tautology?
299
00:16:30,771 --> 00:16:33,571
Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children
from the nonces?
300
00:16:33,652 --> 00:16:34,992
They cancel each other out.
301
00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:37,411
It should be children versus women.
302
00:16:38,286 --> 00:16:42,706
If we help women, like, protecting them
walking home at night or something,
303
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:44,715
I think they'd be really grateful.
304
00:16:44,799 --> 00:16:47,049
Not that we'd ask them
for anything in return.
305
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:50,647
But if they did want to thank us,
just a perk of the job.
306
00:16:50,728 --> 00:16:52,818
Yeah, we're talking
about them fucking us, right?
307
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,146
- No.
- What? No!
308
00:16:55,237 --> 00:16:57,197
No one sleeps with anyone they save.
309
00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:59,082
I'm drawing this ethical line
in the sand now.
310
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,789
What if someone wants to give us money?
311
00:17:00,873 --> 00:17:02,503
Well, that's just tipping. That's fine.
312
00:17:02,585 --> 00:17:05,545
I'd like to put myself forward
as task force leader for this one.
313
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:10,233
I know women. I respect women.
I love women.
314
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:13,820
- Well, I love women more than you do.
- I have four sisters.
315
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:14,899
I have a mum.
316
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:18,280
- I've got two mums.
- I've got a girlfriend. Do you?
317
00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:21,331
- I don't currently have...
- Ha! Three-two.
318
00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:24,037
But that also means
319
00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:27,508
that I don't view women
solely as sexual objects.
320
00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:29,313
Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend.
321
00:17:29,388 --> 00:17:32,518
I read Jane Austen novels for fun.
322
00:17:36,903 --> 00:17:38,163
I know where the clitoris is.
323
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:45,878
Prove it.
324
00:17:49,846 --> 00:17:51,346
Have some water, pet.
325
00:17:58,321 --> 00:18:00,661
It's just… a lot.
326
00:18:00,743 --> 00:18:02,503
You buying the tampons
for your girlfriend?
327
00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:03,830
No, he's a boyfriend.
328
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,876
Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it.
329
00:18:07,674 --> 00:18:09,804
I've been away for a while.
330
00:18:09,886 --> 00:18:12,556
There's too much everything.
331
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:15,186
I'm sorry. I'm useless.
332
00:18:15,271 --> 00:18:18,861
Oh, chicken, no.
We all learn at our own pace.
333
00:18:18,946 --> 00:18:20,946
I can help you get what you need.
334
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:25,333
What's their period like?
Heavy? A lot of clotting?
335
00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:27,207
Do they like an applicator or non?
336
00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:28,505
What's a period?
337
00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:32,261
Oh, Lord. Okay.
338
00:18:32,347 --> 00:18:35,477
I can see we're gonna have to start
from the beginning.
339
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,995
Come on, chica.
Is this strictly necessary?
340
00:18:45,081 --> 00:18:48,671
When you stop trying to unhook your bra,
then the shame mitts can come off.
341
00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:50,886
- Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry.
- Stop that!
342
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,269
Darlin', can you turn these for me?
343
00:18:56,353 --> 00:18:59,033
I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years.
344
00:18:59,109 --> 00:19:01,199
Need a refresher on the old lyrics.
345
00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:09,298
Jen, have you read these lyrics?
346
00:19:09,881 --> 00:19:13,181
I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly
very respectful to women or Canadians.
347
00:19:13,262 --> 00:19:16,982
I'm sure they're not that ba...
Okay. Oh, no.
348
00:19:17,062 --> 00:19:18,522
I don't think I can do this.
349
00:19:18,607 --> 00:19:21,607
What? Of course you can.
No, you can do this.
350
00:19:21,696 --> 00:19:23,196
Do this, please.
351
00:19:24,159 --> 00:19:26,459
I don't think I feel comfortable
saying this stuff.
352
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,093
But it's not really you saying it, though.
Is it?
353
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:32,337
It's coming out of my mouth.
My mouth is making the shape of the words.
354
00:19:32,425 --> 00:19:33,885
I don't wanna have a sexist mouth.
355
00:19:33,971 --> 00:19:35,742
What if I ever meet Malala?
I'll be mortified.
356
00:19:35,766 --> 00:19:36,766
Look, Carrie, babe.
357
00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:41,322
Look, you know I would never ask you to
do something you're uncomfortable with.
358
00:19:41,402 --> 00:19:44,202
Unless someone's going to pay us
£300,000 to do it, okay?
359
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,333
So, maybe just do it?
360
00:19:51,171 --> 00:19:54,641
Oh, if I could just make some adjustments
to the source material.
361
00:19:54,721 --> 00:19:56,081
He barely remembers what he wrote.
362
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:57,890
He'll sing
whatever you put in front of him.
363
00:19:57,977 --> 00:20:00,647
Yes. Okay, compromise.
It's the beauty of negotiation.
364
00:20:03,487 --> 00:20:04,617
Oh, where are you going?
365
00:20:05,576 --> 00:20:07,746
I made them get me
a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie.
366
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:09,290
I'm not passing that up.
367
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,424
You've got this, okay?
Don't worry about it.
368
00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:13,835
♪ I don't know who's getting ready ♪
369
00:20:13,926 --> 00:20:15,546
♪ I don't know who's getting ♪
370
00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:16,968
♪ But what a pity ♪
371
00:20:17,057 --> 00:20:19,227
♪ Such a pity city
If there's no children ♪
372
00:20:19,311 --> 00:20:21,941
♪ I don't see them on the runway ♪
373
00:20:22,025 --> 00:20:23,815
♪ They bus them in on Sundays ♪
374
00:20:23,904 --> 00:20:28,294
♪ The visitors are needing to decide
If you can come stay ♪
375
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,900
Honestly, this is too easy.
376
00:20:41,982 --> 00:20:44,282
Well, do it then. Or do you not know?
377
00:20:44,361 --> 00:20:47,791
How can you lead a group saving women
when you don't know where the "clid" is?
378
00:20:48,537 --> 00:20:49,577
The what?
379
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:51,293
The "clid."
380
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,415
- Do you mean the clit?
- That's what I said.
381
00:20:53,505 --> 00:20:54,733
No, you said "clid" with a "D."
382
00:20:54,757 --> 00:20:56,757
- He's stalling. I think we should...
- I can do it.
383
00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:23,361
Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your...
384
00:21:23,439 --> 00:21:25,899
- What's going on?
- We're locating the clitoris.
385
00:21:25,986 --> 00:21:28,133
Oh, it's right there at the top
underneath the clitoral hood
386
00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:29,385
at the crest of the labia minora.
387
00:21:29,409 --> 00:21:32,369
…Ora. Exactly.
388
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,747
Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge.
389
00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:37,844
- That doesn't mean you win.
- Kash, I have your tampons.
390
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:41,727
See? I buy my girlfriend tampons.
391
00:21:41,810 --> 00:21:44,060
Maybe you would too, if you had one.
392
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,360
Thank you.
393
00:22:02,433 --> 00:22:05,653
You know, I like my women
the way I like my guns.
394
00:22:05,732 --> 00:22:06,822
With a silencer.
395
00:22:08,655 --> 00:22:10,695
This here is a tribute
to the perfect woman.
396
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,919
♪ I met her at a downtown bar ♪
397
00:22:17,005 --> 00:22:19,085
♪ She was waiting on drunks ♪
398
00:22:20,136 --> 00:22:24,556
♪ Lord, she had a mouth that was
Only good for… measured debate ♪
399
00:22:26,524 --> 00:22:29,744
♪ And an ass that screamed
"Respect me as an intellectual equal" ♪
400
00:22:29,822 --> 00:22:31,032
This doesn't sound right.
401
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:33,180
- We may have made some minor changes.
- ♪ Perfect woman ♪
402
00:22:33,204 --> 00:22:35,964
- Creative differences.
- You can't just do that.
403
00:22:36,043 --> 00:22:39,053
♪ Now we're in
The back of my big red truck ♪
404
00:22:39,132 --> 00:22:42,392
♪ Country music's playing
And we're about to ♪
405
00:22:43,432 --> 00:22:45,522
♪ Have consensual sex ♪
406
00:22:46,689 --> 00:22:47,689
You can barely notice it.
407
00:22:47,775 --> 00:22:50,395
♪ We rocked all night
And she said she loved me ♪
408
00:22:50,989 --> 00:22:52,989
♪ But when the morning came ♪
409
00:22:53,828 --> 00:22:58,338
♪ I did what real men do
And I licked her out ♪
410
00:22:58,379 --> 00:23:01,219
Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right.
411
00:23:01,301 --> 00:23:03,431
What the hell, man? What the hell?
412
00:23:03,515 --> 00:23:05,935
"I licked her out"?
413
00:23:06,019 --> 00:23:07,309
I think there's a market for it.
414
00:23:07,397 --> 00:23:09,937
Maggie, you know
I got a soft spot for you,
415
00:23:10,027 --> 00:23:12,657
but I sure as hell
would never, ever lick you out, Maggie.
416
00:23:12,741 --> 00:23:15,291
Do you hear me? That shit is nasty.
417
00:23:15,789 --> 00:23:19,879
Who changed things? This is my song.
Who changed these lyrics?
418
00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:22,514
♪ Okay, that's just who I
That's just who I ♪
419
00:23:35,036 --> 00:23:37,456
£300,000.
420
00:23:44,847 --> 00:23:46,017
Okay.
421
00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:48,810
You don't have to eat them all.
422
00:23:49,314 --> 00:23:51,364
I'll never get to live
the high life again, Carrie.
423
00:23:51,443 --> 00:23:53,743
I'm not even good
at pretending to be successful.
424
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:56,413
You were. For, like, an hour.
425
00:23:57,581 --> 00:24:00,461
Maybe I should've just
sung the song as it was.
426
00:24:00,545 --> 00:24:04,135
I should say I'm proud of you
for standing up for what you believe in.
427
00:24:07,392 --> 00:24:09,862
- Oh, you're really not going to, are you?
- No.
428
00:24:14,990 --> 00:24:18,210
It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God.
429
00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:23,842
Maybe channelling other people
is all I'm good for.
430
00:24:24,510 --> 00:24:27,720
Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot.
431
00:24:27,808 --> 00:24:30,558
Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics.
432
00:24:31,064 --> 00:24:32,324
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
433
00:24:34,655 --> 00:24:37,025
And it's just money at the end of the day.
434
00:24:37,118 --> 00:24:38,118
It's only £300,000...
435
00:24:38,203 --> 00:24:41,843
Please don't say the amount.
It causes me physical pain when I hear it.
436
00:24:46,303 --> 00:24:47,933
Come on!
437
00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:11,305
It was his idea.
438
00:25:12,146 --> 00:25:14,396
- I love it.
- It was my idea.
439
00:25:20,872 --> 00:25:23,552
- What did you do today?
- I know where the clitoris is.
440
00:25:24,379 --> 00:25:26,629
Okay, I am not unpacking that.
441
00:25:28,178 --> 00:25:29,388
How do you play this thing?
442
00:25:29,472 --> 00:25:32,602
- Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps.
- Mm-hmm.
443
00:25:32,688 --> 00:25:35,898
And you have to get
from the Sanitary Valley
444
00:25:35,986 --> 00:25:37,986
to the Wings of Heaven.
445
00:25:38,073 --> 00:25:40,913
Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck
in Absorbency Marshes though.
446
00:25:40,996 --> 00:25:42,866
- That loses you ten points.
- Okay.
447
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,918
And you'll start over here…
448
00:25:48,010 --> 00:25:50,260
♪ Getting strong today ♪
449
00:25:51,182 --> 00:25:54,982
♪ A giant step each day ♪
450
00:25:55,650 --> 00:26:01,790
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
451
00:26:01,871 --> 00:26:04,751
- ♪ Getting strong today ♪
- ♪ Only fools rush in ♪
452
00:26:05,629 --> 00:26:09,339
- ♪ A giant step each day ♪
- ♪ Only fools rush in ♪
453
00:26:10,054 --> 00:26:15,984
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
454
00:26:22,829 --> 00:26:25,129
- I think I left my umbrella here.
- Magnet girl.
455
00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:26,209
I have a name.
456
00:26:29,175 --> 00:26:31,175
- Have you got any piercings?
- No.
457
00:26:32,056 --> 00:26:34,266
Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you?
458
00:26:35,270 --> 00:26:41,660
♪ I will love you till I die ♪
459
00:26:41,742 --> 00:26:48,592
♪ And I will love you all the time ♪
460
00:26:49,090 --> 00:26:55,900
♪ So please put your sweet hand in mine ♪
461
00:26:56,522 --> 00:26:59,862
♪ And float in space ♪
462
00:26:59,945 --> 00:27:03,285
♪ And drift in time ♪
463
00:27:04,078 --> 00:27:10,218
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
464
00:27:10,299 --> 00:27:17,149
♪ We'll float in space just you and I ♪