Strap in, people.
You know the chink in my armour. My Achilles’ heel.
Delicious cheese. Delicious cheese.
The delicious cheese sandwich!
Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Delicious.
Delicious cheese sandwich!
Jon is holding on for dear life.
He’s got a yellow card, doesn’t he?
Yeah, he does have a yellow.
It’s the delicious cheese sandwich!
Done.
And, scene.
Atta boy Jon, wow!
Uh... cheque please?
What would be the best meal to go with that?
Don’t think about it too hard. You’re barely hanging on.
Oh my god.
I could hear laughter from the other room
so I felt good that
the people who had already been eliminated
for being easy laughs were laughing.
But the people I was aiming for, it didn’t seem to work.
Well done. That almost got me.
Almost is not good enough.
Uh oh.
Oh.
What the hell is that?
I am the Phantom of the Studio.
The situation was already pretty absurd at this point
and then, the, uh, Phantom of the Studio comes out.
Which I was like, okay, okay.
I’ve been watching each and every one of you.
Watching you work. Watching you play.
This shot...
What the fuck is this?
You know what this reminds me of?
The interactive theatre.
I, I love this.
Tom. Unbreakable. So far.
They try over and over again.
Unable to crack the man in here, you see.
- And over here, Jon! - Keep going. Keep going.
Oh, I’ll be back. I’ll be back for much more.
See ya at the wrap party.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Jon?
Mmm hmm.
Constantly unsure what will happen next.
Will it be a caw-caw!
That sets him off?
You’ve got to admire the commitment,
but I don’t understand what’s happening.
Well, I have something for you.
- Mmm. - Uh oh.
I have something I want to challenge you with.
Should someone tell him he’s got something on his face?
I present to you the "Wheel of Trauma".
Ooh.
Take a spin of the wheel.
I want to see what your trauma is.
Take that trauma and perform
that pain for this audience.
Brandon... enter the arena.
Okay.
"Shit pants on first date."
Jon, you’ve been there!
Oh my God, yes.
Who hasn’t?
I shit my pants thirty seconds ago.
The stage is yours, use it.
This is such a fun date.
Uh oh. Oh, oh.
Act harder!
Ah. I, I’m shitting. I’m, I’m shitting.
No one ever announces that they’re shitting like that.
I can’t stop shitting.
Why are you shitting? Tell us!
’Cause my dad didn’t love me.
Ah. Ah. Ah.
And, scene.
That was like a really edgy Hallmark.
Woo!
I gave quite the performance.
Okay. Oh, maybe I didn’t but, you know what? I tried, okay?
Let’s see if a new game will break these guys.
Hello?
Ask everybody to get into a circle
and you’re gonna take turns speaking one at a time
but only in questions.
I think it’s good news.
If anyone speaks in anything
other than a question they gotta sit out in shame.
Okay.
Alright everyone get into a circle.
- Okay. - Get into a circle?
- Okay. - Into a circle.
We’re gonna do a game, you may have seen on an improv show,
that you know, made me famous.
Oh yeah, of course! I’m explaining the rules to him?
It’s like "So this is what you’re gonna do."
Yeah. Colin, look Colin, just listen. Just listen.
So you can only talk in questions.
I’ll start. Did you see the size of the waves?
Did you see the sun?
I would... imagine...
uh... that I would...know how to... ask a question?
Yeah. I feel you kinda lost the whole question thing there.
Yeah, you did not get the question.
Never at any point was there a question.
Alright, how ’bout a new location?
A, uh, rocket launch?
So you answer the question with another question
and pass that question to...
Yeah. And you try to keep that...
...to the next person.
Like it’s all happening in the same place...
- Okay. - ...at the same time.
Hey, is this the rocket launch?
I wonder if anyone’s gonna die.
Um, that’s not really a question.
Oh my God.
Apparently, I don’t know what a question is.
Was that a question?
No, this is a question.
"This is a question" is not a question.
But "was that a question?" is a question?
I don’t know what a question is.
Jon fucked up. That’s him out.
- Okay. I’ve got a question. - Alright.
Are we still at a rocket launch?
- Still a rocket launch. - Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Slight revision.
Okay.
Is this the rocket launch or are you just happy to see me?
I’ve been here forever.
Is that really a question?
That’s a statement.
Let’s see if we can actually get more than two sentences out.
Yeah. Okay.
Alright so, how about this?
Does the question have to...
The next question has to relate to the first question?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, it would help. Yeah.
This is a Second City Masterclass.
Yeah, exactly!
You know he’s gonna bill production.
Doctor, do you think we can save the patient?
Nurse, do you have the adrenaline cc’s?
Do you have the adrenaline cc’s?
Why did you hire this nurse?
Oh, he smiled! He smiled!
Oh, he smiled!
- Oh! - Oh!
Oh boy.
Uh oh. Who’s gone?
Well, let’s find out.
Hi, everybody!
Alright.
Who is it? Who is it?
So, uh, let’s take a look at the freakin’ TV.
Is it me?
Nurse, do you have the adrenaline cc’s?
Oh.
Do you have the adrenaline cc’s?
Oh! Oh!
I think it was kind of a relief to laugh.
I was just in the moment and, uh...
I guess I let my guard down a little bit there.
Yellow card! You don’t keep it.
Oh, I don’t keep it.
- Nobody keeps these but me. - Oh, okay.
Aww.
I don’t want to go over this every time I go in here!
We’re down to the wire here.
Oh my God.
Phew, shit.
Never thought this would happen but
Tom Green gets a yellow card.
Now everyone except Brandon
is one laugh away from utter failure and disgrace.
No fucking pressure!
Yeah.
Wow. That was Gordon Lightfoot, right?
Thank you, yeah absolutely.
That’s funny.
Yeah, that was "Edmund Fitzgerald", yeah.
So if we were to start the movie Titanic right now,
it would still take like an hour and a half
for the iceberg to hit.
And we are nowhere near the people starting to die
and like jumping out of the, plop, plop, plop, like that.
What’s the porn version of Titanic?
It’s called Titanic Cock.
Mmm.
That’s like a little...
It’s a little lazy but sometimes they get lazy.
It’s called Giant Cock.
Oh, okay. I mean.
I’ll just go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.
Whew. Oh boy.
Hour four.
Your brain, you just, it shorts a little bit.
You’re like, oh well, we haven’t laughed so far
so we’re, we’re, we’re good
but no, no, no, no, no, you’re not good!
Ah.
Jon, you alright buddy?
- You alright? - Mmm hmm.
As I looked around...
I thought, okay, I think I can get Jon.
And then I thought hey, this might be funny.
The sound of a penguin being penetrated.
I’m not proud of this.
Oh, hey Jon, did I show you my penguin having sex?
Yeah. Yeah.
No.
Imagine they’re really close to the ground.
Yeah.
Jon is going to break so big!
Oh, Jon’s on the fucking brink.
That a boy, Colin, get him.
And then the fish.
Fuck you!
That’s a laugh. That’s a laugh!
Oh!
Oh! Of all the things.
People think I’m a nice guy,
but I have levels of horrific depravity in me.
I probably need some therapy.
Hi, everybody! Alright.
That didn’t fucking take very long.
You guys really missed me, eh?
Oh, what did I miss?
So, uh, everybody just watch the TV.
Hey Jon, did I show you my penguin having sex?
And then the fish.
Oh...
Fuck you!
Colin Mochrie. One of my heroes.
Playing a penguin swallowing a fish.
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
That’s officially Jon Lajoie done.
Red carded and out.
You’re fucking out.
Bye, Jon.
- It has been an honor. - Oh, it’s been great.
It legitimately makes me feel emotional.
So, thank you Colin.
That... was fucking funny.
- Ahhh. - Alright, so?
Ooh.
How does it feel? Are you happy to be done?
Oh my god. It’s exhausting it’s in there.
Colin Mochrie.
He was like doing the equivalent of
just beating the shit out of me.
We don’t know how you made it as long as you did.
There were so many fantastic shots of you like this...
We literally fucking threw up in here.
Colin knocks Jon out of the game
and I for one am relieved.
It’s down to the final four to scrap it out
for a hundred thousand dollars for their charity.
Let’s rumble, babies!
Sorry about all those things that I was doing.
I, Jay Baruchel, believe R. Kelly is the man.
Colin, may I?
Oh yeah, I forgot he was there.
Hours of fun.
He only looks one way now.
I don’t know what that means.
Oh, that was close!
Hello, all my gang.
Oh.
Where are my friends?
Oh, I think Tom is doing his mime thing to no one.
I thought mimes didn’t say anything?
Then he’s a clown.
Okay. Sorry.
Hello, mister.
Hello, Colin.
Hello.
Are you doing well?
Yes, of course and you.
Um, where did you study?
Oh, uh, Quebec.
Tom, in a beard with a white face.
It’s especially, I’m gonna be frank, frightening.
Eh, are you part of a troupe? Or are you a solo artist?
A little of this, a little of that.
Oh yeah.
Oi, oi, oi.
What’s the translation of that?
Uh-huh.
You know there are French Canadians
killing themselves watching this right now.
His fucking French is pretty good.
Um, and you...
Hello, Andrew.
Are you good sir?
Look at my bag.
- Alright. - My bag.
A little joke for you in my bag, Andrew!
Yes.
Okay?
Tom’s so funny.
Look.
Okay.
- Oi, oi, oi. - Oh! Oh!
I was like oh! Oh no, that’s good. That’s good.
I am a...
Squirrel!
No, no, no. A squirrel.
Squirrel, Colin?
Grey.
Hello, Colin.
I am a grey squirrel.
I am a...
beige man.
And I eat nuts for the winter.
Because it’s very cold in the winter, Andrew.
It’s very cold!
But the nuts feed me!
Feed me for the winter, Andrew!
Tom looked like a mime...
But he kept shouting which mimes don’t do.
Feed me!
Feed me for the winter!
There’s no real idea there.
It’s just Tom going all the way on it.
And it can be hard to resist it.
Uh, is your mime usually this loud?
I’m not a mime, I’m not a mime.
Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, you’re a clown?
I’m not a mime...
You are dressed like a mime.
- Mmm. - Yeah.
I mean...
If that doesn’t get you.
So good. The commitment.
Hello, fish.
Hello, grey squirrel.
Yeah. That’s Tom Green. Here he is!
Toot toot toot.
Oh, so this is what’s happening?
Hello, Brandon.
I am a butterfly.
What the hell is going on?
I see Tom in...
...like, white face. Mmm, cancelling him!
And I was trying very hard,
I was like okay, this is very funny.
It was very funny.
Do you speak a little French?
What’s that mean?
He’s asking if you speak French?
No.
Do you speak French?
No, no Francais.
You don’t speak French?
No Francais.
Okay.
That’s it.
Oi yoi yoi.
I don’t think any of them are gonna laugh.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
Just an attempt at a joke.
Oi, oi, oi.
I feel like we broke a clown.
That didn’t work.
What the fuck? What’s Tom doing?
I kinda figured they dig the French comedy.
What are you gonna do?
I wonder how long it’ll take to get rid of his makeup?
Yeah.
Got the gorilla suit.
- Oh God, finally! - Yeah.
Tom’s not giving up.
God bless Tom.
Every shift, he’s Gordie Howe, man.
It actually does look a little more Bigfooty.
Yeah. It is a Bigfoot actually, yeah.
Oh.
I am turning fifty.
If you asked me when I was...
sixteen years old, what I would be doing
on my fiftieth birthday, I probably
would have not guessed... this.
Is this really what I’m doing with my life?
I was really hoping the French stuff was gonna get ya,
but what are ya gonna do?
I don’t know.
I tell ya Brandon, that really knocks ’em dead in Val-d’Or.
In Val-d’Or?
Mmm.
That’s great!
Val-d’Or.
So... time for shots or what?
Oh, I’ll drink with you.
You’ll have a drink with me, Colin?
Yeah, I’ll make you guys a drink, what do you want?
Oh, there we go.
Oh, it’s gonna get dark.
I’ll have, uh, a red wine.
A red wine.
Red wine, that sounds nice.
What goes good with red wine? Whisky?
That was a joke. That was, that was a gag.
Hello?
Hello. It’s Colin.
Hi, Colin.
I think I wanna do, uh, Hamlet now.
Oh, alright. I will get that set up for you.
Okay.
See ya.
I feel like when my dad tunes into this show
he’s gonna be proud of me.
Ooh!
Oh! I gotta do some, some acting.
One second, let me fix my hair.
Okay. That’s much better.
Tom looks like he’s on a Rob Zombie movie.
I’m gonna sit here.
Oh, you doing Shakespeare, you weren’t lying.
I would like to do Hamlet.
And one of my favourite shows is, uh, baking shows.
And then I realised, Hamlet is Danish.
- Mmm. I love danishes. - Oh, damn.
- He’s a Danish. - Yeah.
So in this version.
Hamlet’s father of course is killed by his uncle.
Yeah.
His father owned the biggest pastry shops
in the entire world.
I’m like on the edge of my seat with this.
Colin’s doing the Lord’s work in there.
Hamlet has come up with this plan
to expose his uncle and perhaps even kill him.
Oh.
Expose himself to his uncle?
- Yeah. - Ooooh.
So one night he’s baking.
He’s rolling up his little balls.
And he says one of the most famous speeches
ever in the history of Shakespeare.
- To be... - Or not to be.
That’s the one about the moon landing, right?
No. Not even close.
Huh.
Uh, but it is about the frailty of humanity.
Can see why it never caught on.
Yeah, no it’s like a really popular show.
Ah okay. Okay. Seems a little too complicated.
Human frailty.
So Hamlet is so tired.
Thinking about how he’s going to avenge the death of his father.
He starts to speak.
To be or not...
Owww fuck!
Holy crap.
Oh man.
I love when people hurt themselves.
Owww, fuck!
Colin Mochrie.
He’s the Beyonce.
Owww.
And we are...
...a sea of Michelles.
I love Michelle Williams by the way.
Oh man. I’m so sorry.
He gonna have to go to the hospital after this.
Shakespeare, man, it will kill you!
Colin is all world, man. All world.
I am definitely loosening up, as you can see.
Are you enjoying the wine?
- Oh yeah, I am. Absolutely. - Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Yeah. Probably was a mistake,
strategically, to start drinking.
Absolutely. We may have picked the wrong time.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Hi.
Uh, so I read your minds and uh...
Uh oh.
Dance party.
Okay.
Wooo.
I don’t know what to say.
This is comedy gold, you guys.
I’m worried.
This is so awkward.
It’s, like, torturously uncomfortable now.
Oh, I love being in the mean kids room.
We are now officially the comics at the back of the club.
We are, yeah.
Shall we start rapping?
Yeah, rap!
Tom’s a very good rapper.
- Oh, good, let’s do this. - Yes!
Yeah.
♪ Gimme a pen, so I can begin to write a new rhyme ♪
♪ Start a new trend Sound the alarm ♪
♪ I’m dropping a bomb, giving ya flashbacks ♪
♪ Like Vietnam ♪
♪ You want a rhyme like mine? ♪
♪ You gotta sign the contract on the dotted line ♪
♪ I got ya strung out, you never hung out ♪
♪ T. G. number one out ♪
Wooo.
Ow!
♪ Coming back with a blast, a blast in the back draft ♪
♪ Original jackass, rapping on a phat track ♪
♪ I make a movie like Jack Black and jump ♪
♪ On a jet plane with nothing but socks in the backpack ♪
Hey. Alright.
Yes!
♪ Colin Mochrie ♪
♪ I want you to be with me ♪
♪ Used to watch you on Who’s Line Is It Anyway ♪
♪ And I wished to God that you were gay ♪
♪ Oh Grilled Cheese ♪
♪ Uh! Colin ♪
♪ Yo. Yo, yo. Yo, yo. ♪
♪ Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yooooooo, yo, yo, yo ♪
♪ I love my grilled cheese on my bread ♪
♪ One more dance I might be dead ♪
♪ ’Cause you know I’m 64 ♪
♪ Even though I dance I don’t know the score ♪
♪ I dance up and down ♪
♪ I think I’m just everyone’s clown ♪
I’ll be honest, I didn’t think he could do this.
Yeah. Right?
♪ Love the cheese Give me, please ♪
I’m sorry, is Colin Mochrie just killing a rap right now?
- Seriously. - He is!
Not a tonne of Scotch Canadian guys
in their 60s would be able to do that.
Yeah.
I didn’t think I was going
to be at home with the freestyle rapping.
And yet, there I am. Fully committed.
You know what?
This could actually be the end of the career.
That we’re filming.
Well, you know. Still no one laughing though.
But everyone was grooving.
- Yeah. - Yeah, everyone was grooving.
Like everyone was feeling it.
I’m gonna lie down on my face for about three minutes.
Nah, that’s not gonna work.
It’s time to check out our Kill List.
Andrew has come close but hasn’t eliminated anyone.
Same with Brandon... yet.
Colin has been a stone cold assassin
bumping off Deb and Jon.
Tom has been even deadlier,
eliminating Mae, K. Trev and Dave.
Oh, and of course Caroline...
Well, she kinda fucking self destructed.
We are all really giving it our best shot.
Okay.
Uh huh.
Pulling out all the stops.
The good news is, the last person to laugh
can go down in history
as being the most humourless bastard in Canada.
That is true.
I wonder if you get a plaque or something that says that?
Just nice to be nominated.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Tom! - Great Tom, doing it.
What is, uh, an award that you’re most proud of?
In 2012, I was voted Best Local Comedian and Best Local Actor.
That’s, that’s the year I quit my job to pursue comedy.
That is, that’s amazing.
- Oh, okay. - What was your job?
I ran, I ran a non-profit.
My entire comedy career has been a non-profit.
- You got a house. - Yeah. That’s true.
- You got a dog. - You have a legacy.
I’ve got a dog. I’ve got a Sasquatch costume.
Everything’s going great.
Is that a rental or yours?
Eh, I don’t fucking know.
I don’t how any of them are gonna crack?
Well, at this rate we’re gonna fucking be here all night.
It’s time to go to defcon one.
- Ooh. - Oh.
Drastic times call for drastic measures.
Yeah. Good, good, good.
- I don’t know. - Uh oh.
I wonder... I don’t know.
Alright, um.
It certainly didn’t feel like anyone laughed.
- No one did. - Oh.
Home stretch, we’re getting close to the end here.
You’ve all been great.
Uh, but two of you have failed to cause an elimination.
At the one hour mark, if neither of you
makes someone laugh, you’re out of the game
and you’ll join me and the others in the lodge.
Ooh.
The spirit is in me now.
I have to like focus. I’m ready for battle.
This is the playoffs. Win or go home.
But the odds are stacked against me because
with those three in the final four...
I’m screwed.
Good luck.
Oooh.
- - From Schitt’s Creek!
I wanna congratulate you...
- Oh. - Oh.
...on being our final comedians!
By this point... I am so desperate.
I’m just a little baby.
I’m going bananas.
If you told me that I’d be doing this when I was 50...
I probably would have drowned myself.
Oh!
I am supposed to be here, I’ve earned this spot.
Woo.
These heads gotta roll.
Oh!
A showdown!
A comedy corral.
- Grab his ass! - Grab his ass!
Off with his head.
Finish him!
You are the Last One Laughing.