1
00:00:05,676 --> 00:00:06,543
{\an8}警告

2
00:00:06,610 --> 00:00:10,510
{\an8}本集節目內容包含扭動骨盆動作

3
00:00:10,576 --> 00:00:13,910
{\an8}想復仇的傀儡
以及其他針對喜劇的惡行

4
00:00:13,977 --> 00:00:15,710
{\an8}請觀眾斟酌收看

5
00:00:19,543 --> 00:00:23,343
{\an8}笑匠生死鬥:決戰加拿大

6
00:00:24,276 --> 00:00:25,476
靠

7
00:00:25,543 --> 00:00:26,910
開始了

8
00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,243
怎麼回事?

9
00:00:35,877 --> 00:00:37,176
是什麼東西?

10
00:00:40,076 --> 00:00:40,977
天啊

11
00:00:41,777 --> 00:00:42,877
什麼?

12
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,010
幹你娘,格雷安葛林?

13
00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:50,109
我是格雷安葛林,我是首席製作人

14
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,943
嘿,你好嗎?

15
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,276
我的天啊

16
00:00:53,343 --> 00:00:54,643
{\an8}強勒加

17
00:00:54,710 --> 00:00:57,309
{\an8}他真的是格雷安葛林嗎?

18
00:00:57,376 --> 00:01:00,443
聽好了,你們這些愛挑毛球

19
00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:02,410
又愛抓屁股的小廢物

20
00:01:04,243 --> 00:01:05,443
我很強硬

21
00:01:05,510 --> 00:01:07,910
因為我很強硬,所以你們不會喜歡我

22
00:01:08,343 --> 00:01:09,510
他很硬

23
00:01:11,276 --> 00:01:13,010
我要恭喜你們

24
00:01:13,076 --> 00:01:15,977
你們是頂尖諧星,你們沒被那些廢物

25
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,543
和他們的狗屁笑話逗笑

26
00:01:19,243 --> 00:01:22,510
真不敢相信
他的嘴裡竟然會說出這種話

27
00:01:22,576 --> 00:01:25,276
你到底有什麼毛病,笨蛋?

28
00:01:25,343 --> 00:01:28,076
你覺得我很可愛嗎?
喜歡盯著我的屁股看嗎?

29
00:01:28,143 --> 00:01:31,043
–我會好好盯著你的
–好,沒問題

30
00:01:31,109 --> 00:01:33,209
我快失守了

31
00:01:33,276 --> 00:01:34,777
天啊

32
00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:39,109
因為是格雷安葛林說出來的
所以很好笑

33
00:01:39,176 --> 00:01:42,309
我懂了,你們想半途而廢
你們知道半途而廢是什麼意思嗎?

34
00:01:42,376 --> 00:01:45,910
就是什麼事情都沒辦法完成

35
00:01:46,610 --> 00:01:49,343
裝了一半狗屎的塑膠袋

36
00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:54,610
格雷安葛林開始罵我們

37
00:01:54,676 --> 00:01:55,643
{\an8}K崔佛威爾森

38
00:01:55,710 --> 00:01:56,777
{\an8}是裝了狗屎的塑膠袋

39
00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:00,877
崔佛,你完蛋了,兄弟

40
00:02:02,143 --> 00:02:03,209
我很懂幽默

41
00:02:03,276 --> 00:02:07,109
你們覺得坐在科斯納對面
看他試著演戲

42
00:02:07,176 --> 00:02:09,810
又不能笑場很容易嗎?

43
00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:11,309
該死

44
00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:13,343
狗屁

45
00:02:14,443 --> 00:02:16,243
感覺太不真實了

46
00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:20,076
這是一檔衍生節目
《加拿大頂尖演員尷尬秀》

47
00:02:20,143 --> 00:02:22,843
接下來要登場的是
《柯姆佛爾和肛門外漏》

48
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:26,977
“我的肛門外漏了
這裡漏一點,那裡漏一點”

49
00:02:27,576 --> 00:02:30,410
{\an8}我很喜歡格雷安葛林
那個橋段很可怕

50
00:02:30,476 --> 00:02:31,676
{\an8}又很神祕

51
00:02:31,743 --> 00:02:35,510
{\an8}你們不是來這裡
跟一群喝醉的鬣狗一樣大笑的

52
00:02:35,743 --> 00:02:36,676
{\an8}湯姆格林

53
00:02:36,743 --> 00:02:40,676
{\an8}格雷安葛林生了我們的氣
這其實蠻酷的

54
00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:43,643
我會被這個逗笑

55
00:02:45,010 --> 00:02:47,410
我們來增加一下強度,好不好?

56
00:02:49,209 --> 00:02:52,410
你這個人到底想幹嘛?

57
00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:53,977
怎麼回事?

58
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,376
–大家好,你們好嗎?
–我們很好

59
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,109
非常感謝格雷安葛林,各位

60
00:02:59,176 --> 00:03:01,410
–謝謝
–格雷安葛林,傳奇人物

61
00:03:01,476 --> 00:03:03,543
–傳奇人物
–太精彩了

62
00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:08,176
如果沒找格雷安葛林來貶低你們
這個節目就不完整了

63
00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:10,010
比賽進行到了一半

64
00:03:10,076 --> 00:03:14,010
現場只有兩個人連黃牌都沒拿到

65
00:03:14,076 --> 00:03:15,076
布蘭登

66
00:03:16,476 --> 00:03:17,777
還有湯姆

67
00:03:19,576 --> 00:03:22,243
他們兩位連黃牌都沒拿到

68
00:03:23,143 --> 00:03:26,576
我建議其他拿了黃牌的人

69
00:03:26,643 --> 00:03:28,676
應該要試著鬧他們

70
00:03:31,309 --> 00:03:32,243
很好

71
00:03:32,309 --> 00:03:33,743
我就是要來說這個

72
00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:36,777
你竟然想陷害我,傑巴魯契

73
00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,777
各位,繼續加油

74
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,777
–待會見了
–好

75
00:03:40,843 --> 00:03:42,810
感謝聆聽,各位

76
00:03:44,376 --> 00:03:45,510
再見

77
00:03:48,176 --> 00:03:49,076
不好意思

78
00:03:49,143 --> 00:03:50,676
是這樣的

79
00:03:50,743 --> 00:03:54,476
柯林、強、安德魯和K崔佛
都拿過了黃牌

80
00:03:54,543 --> 00:03:57,743
湯姆和布蘭登仍然毫無失誤

81
00:03:57,810 --> 00:04:01,543
我被迫要跟其他出局的人
一起待在小屋裡

82
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:03,877
天啊

83
00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,243
天啊,湯姆

84
00:04:05,309 --> 00:04:07,143
我覺得布蘭登會贏

85
00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:10,243
–他好像完全沒被逗樂過
–完全沒有

86
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:11,910
{\an8}一定會很難熬

87
00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:13,176
{\an8}布蘭登阿什穆罕默德

88
00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:14,810
{\an8}我得跟他們戰鬥

89
00:04:14,877 --> 00:04:16,576
禿鷲要來了

90
00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:21,410
要怎麼鬧湯姆格林?
你已經沒有靈魂了,對吧?

91
00:04:22,877 --> 00:04:23,910
我不知道

92
00:04:24,476 --> 00:04:26,977
–我不知道
–有什麼東西是你覺得好笑的?

93
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:29,643
我剛剛一直都在笑場邊緣

94
00:04:29,710 --> 00:04:31,543
–是
–從頭到尾都是

95
00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:33,443
但你的撲克臉很厲害

96
00:04:34,643 --> 00:04:35,910
{\an8}我要板著臉

97
00:04:35,977 --> 00:04:36,910
{\an8}湯姆格林

98
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:40,176
{\an8}我不要開心,我就是這種人

99
00:04:40,243 --> 00:04:41,543
{\an8}沒有幽默感

100
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,743
面無表情

101
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,543
又不有趣的人

102
00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,977
–是
–我要去喝水

103
00:04:51,043 --> 00:04:52,643
有人想喝水嗎?

104
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:55,410
這策略很棒,很有意思

105
00:04:55,476 --> 00:04:57,309
是

106
00:04:58,209 --> 00:05:01,743
因為有很多音樂,我想要把握機會

107
00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:04,476
跳一段舞給你們這些新朋友看

108
00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,843
–謝謝
–我很期待

109
00:05:07,910 --> 00:05:10,777
柯林要請樂團表演,他要接受挑戰

110
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,676
試著攻下湯姆和布蘭登

111
00:05:14,176 --> 00:05:15,010
好,各位

112
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:20,810
《消滅》!

113
00:05:36,276 --> 00:05:38,443
崔佛!那是什麼表情?

114
00:05:39,176 --> 00:05:40,476
崔佛和強!

115
00:05:49,410 --> 00:05:51,343
他會受傷的

116
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:53,743
–強!
–強快笑出來了

117
00:05:58,109 --> 00:05:59,109
他很厲害

118
00:05:59,176 --> 00:06:00,810
他非常厲害

119
00:06:00,877 --> 00:06:02,343
菁英中的菁英

120
00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:25,109
消滅!

121
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,376
這樣怎麼有辦法不笑?

122
00:06:27,443 --> 00:06:29,343
你難道不是人嗎?

123
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:30,710
你是死了嗎?

124
00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:32,476
再一次!

125
00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:34,977
天啊

126
00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:36,777
–他剛剛是說“再一次”嗎?
–對

127
00:06:36,843 --> 00:06:37,676
笑死我

128
00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:48,777
我看到湯姆因為我騎桌子而眼睛一亮

129
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,977
他騎桌子的時候讓我很難受

130
00:06:53,576 --> 00:06:57,243
柯林做過很多即興表演
所以他有能力

131
00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:59,109
做出很蠢的事

132
00:06:59,176 --> 00:07:01,410
我的處境非常危險

133
00:07:02,109 --> 00:07:04,476
柯林為什麼等到現在才開始搞笑?

134
00:07:05,443 --> 00:07:07,343
我原本能在一小時前就出局了

135
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:12,610
我事業的發展基礎之一就是持久度

136
00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:16,643
硬撐到其他人放棄或死掉

137
00:07:19,943 --> 00:07:23,810
{\an8}我心想:“想跟我對決嗎?
放馬過來吧,柯林”

138
00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:34,143
看看強

139
00:07:36,777 --> 00:07:37,610
強

140
00:07:38,643 --> 00:07:39,510
湯姆!

141
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,777
我的天啊

142
00:07:44,743 --> 00:07:48,176
–天啊,看看強
–他往他的嘴裡丟花生!

143
00:07:48,243 --> 00:07:49,510
我的天啊

144
00:07:58,543 --> 00:08:01,843
天啊,我用盡了全力才忍住不笑

145
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:06,576
64歲

146
00:08:08,143 --> 00:08:09,676
柯林,這給你

147
00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:13,510
他接到了

148
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,710
我要在這裡休息一下

149
00:08:15,777 --> 00:08:18,010
你真的很持久,兄弟

150
00:08:19,543 --> 00:08:24,977
我剛剛差點就要笑出來了

151
00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:27,610
天啊

152
00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:30,977
–你們都是冠軍
–我以為強要吐了

153
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:31,877
我也是

154
00:08:33,109 --> 00:08:35,309
我的屌從來沒有這麼硬過

155
00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:36,576
我也是

156
00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:38,376
布蘭登是個謎

157
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:43,276
{\an8}我不知道要怎樣才能讓他笑場

158
00:08:43,343 --> 00:08:46,376
我希望他們一起圍攻布蘭登

159
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,043
你到底有什麼毛病?

160
00:08:48,109 --> 00:08:52,476
我為了逗你笑,都跳舞跳到心臟病發

161
00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:54,043
還有輕微中風了

162
00:08:54,109 --> 00:08:58,710
我平常搞笑都很有風度
但我這次決定要特別針對他

163
00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:01,676
我剛剛已經他媽全力以赴了,布蘭登

164
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,276
靠

165
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,443
布蘭登可能有麻煩了

166
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,977
我都下定決心要逗布蘭登笑了

167
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:10,243
他是加拿大傳奇人物

168
00:09:10,309 --> 00:09:11,443
加拿大傳奇人物!

169
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:12,943
我好難受

170
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,443
沒事的

171
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,209
你太調皮了!

172
00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:19,777
不會笑場的阿什穆罕默德
就是我本人

173
00:09:20,176 --> 00:09:23,243
你到底怎樣才會笑?
要我們拿臉書開玩笑嗎?

174
00:09:23,309 --> 00:09:25,043
Instagram嗎?

175
00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:26,977
拿推特開玩笑嗎?

176
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:31,109
- 網路嗎?
- MySpace嗎?

177
00:09:31,176 --> 00:09:32,676
數據機嗎?

178
00:09:32,743 --> 00:09:34,810
撥接,王八蛋!

179
00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:36,543
我好像用過撥接

180
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:40,243
我開始拍網路影片的時候
還得用攝影機拍!

181
00:09:42,176 --> 00:09:43,543
攝影機!

182
00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:46,543
布蘭登有點微笑了,你們看

183
00:09:47,676 --> 00:09:50,243
我開始搞笑的時候
還有肉品配給規定

184
00:09:50,309 --> 00:09:51,810
我們不能吃肉

185
00:09:51,877 --> 00:09:54,476
所以只能吃奶油搞笑

186
00:09:57,910 --> 00:10:00,109
羔羊形狀的奶油

187
00:10:00,676 --> 00:10:02,276
羔羊形狀的奶油?

188
00:10:02,343 --> 00:10:03,977
你自己上網搜尋

189
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:07,276
–我...
–你就讓老頭子開心一下吧

190
00:10:07,343 --> 00:10:09,276
稍微笑一下,稍微微笑一下

191
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,276
真是的,這樣還不笑?

192
00:10:13,343 --> 00:10:15,676
這樣我或許有辦法獲勝了

193
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:23,343
感覺好像要發生什麼事了

194
00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,176
真令人擔憂

195
00:10:28,143 --> 00:10:30,510
好,我們在等待的同時

196
00:10:30,576 --> 00:10:33,810
我要模仿派崔克史都華高潮

197
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:35,309
“我要射了”

198
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,576
我只是個小不點

199
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:45,309
來了

200
00:10:45,376 --> 00:10:49,176
你今年國慶日要去哪裡玩?

201
00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:50,676
的的喀喀湖嗎?

202
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,710
–他很搞笑
–他們的反應很奇怪

203
00:10:55,777 --> 00:10:56,877
真是的

204
00:10:56,943 --> 00:10:58,810
狀況變得有點奇怪

205
00:10:58,877 --> 00:11:03,243
變得有點像是《等待果陀》

206
00:11:03,309 --> 00:11:05,977
我只是個小寶寶,看看我

207
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:08,643
再加上幾匙《鬥陣俱樂部》

208
00:11:14,977 --> 00:11:18,010
我很懂人體構造
所以我知道這個要放在哪裡

209
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:25,877
金卡戴珊就是這樣誕生的

210
00:11:27,576 --> 00:11:30,176
我非常確定

211
00:11:30,243 --> 00:11:34,209
加拿大電視史上從來沒播過這個畫面

212
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,743
有《韋恩和舒斯特深夜秀》

213
00:11:38,943 --> 00:11:41,943
韋恩和舒斯特的屁奶橋段很有名

214
00:11:45,276 --> 00:11:48,676
你看,裡面的人都年輕到笑不出來

215
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:57,843
的的喀喀湖的玻璃梭鱸好釣嗎?

216
00:11:59,376 --> 00:12:01,977
我就知道我的事業會發展成這樣

217
00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:05,209
被關在一間攝影棚裡
跟黏了奶眼的湯姆格林講話

218
00:12:05,276 --> 00:12:07,476
喜劇,喜劇

219
00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:09,443
這就是喜劇

220
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:12,410
好,該揭幕了

221
00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:21,643
–天啊
–小座位

222
00:12:21,710 --> 00:12:23,676
好小的椅子

223
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,910
會發生什麼事?

224
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,309
感覺是個大陷阱

225
00:12:28,943 --> 00:12:30,343
要出大事了

226
00:12:35,209 --> 00:12:37,209
–好像就只有這樣
–好像就只有這樣

227
00:12:37,276 --> 00:12:40,176
說真的,我還以為不只這樣

228
00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:42,443
我們的布景變小了

229
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:45,443
我覺得蠻好笑的,原因是什麼?

230
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:48,010
有人正在跟其中一位編劇說

231
00:12:48,076 --> 00:12:50,410
蓋這個迷你布景花了多少錢

232
00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:54,276
–這個效果值得五千加幣
–很值得,對吧?

233
00:12:54,343 --> 00:12:56,243
–這橋段後勁很強,對吧?
–對

234
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,309
舉手自招,誰支持迷你布景?

235
00:12:59,376 --> 00:13:03,376
我們變成老鼠了嗎?我們應該要來這裡

236
00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:04,376
一探究竟嗎?

237
00:13:04,443 --> 00:13:08,576
會不會什麼都沒變
只是我們都發瘋了?

238
00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:12,343
我覺得有六成機率是你說的那樣

239
00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:16,276
{\an8}–火車來了
–三小時

240
00:13:16,343 --> 00:13:17,877
{\an8}我們在這裡待了三小時

241
00:13:20,943 --> 00:13:24,043
我應該會是今天第一個

242
00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:26,243
在這裡拉屎的人

243
00:13:26,309 --> 00:13:27,943
–在廁所嗎?
–對

244
00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:31,576
–我絕對辦不到
–我也不想

245
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,610
你如果很想在這拉屎就怪了

246
00:13:34,410 --> 00:13:37,910
不行,又來了
我得他媽出面阻止這一切

247
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:43,176
你好,我是CHUM電臺的聽眾

248
00:13:43,243 --> 00:13:47,143
你好,崔佛,請你主持一個
叫《請看影片》的脫口秀

249
00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:50,643
你要採訪來賓,在採訪的過程中

250
00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:54,043
你要打斷來賓,然後說“請看影片”

251
00:13:54,109 --> 00:13:55,610
製作單位會播影片

252
00:13:55,676 --> 00:13:57,176
–沒問題
–待會見

253
00:13:57,243 --> 00:13:58,276
謝謝

254
00:13:58,343 --> 00:14:01,010
好,各位,我現在要主持脫口秀了

255
00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:02,109
–好
–好

256
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,643
要玩叫《請看影片》的脫口秀遊戲

257
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:08,343
我的第一位來賓是傳奇人物湯姆格林

258
00:14:09,143 --> 00:14:11,510
湯姆格林!

259
00:14:11,576 --> 00:14:13,476
–好耶,湯姆格林!
–湯姆格林!

260
00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:16,343
這他媽會是很好看的脫口秀

261
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:19,209
湯姆,我聽說你有時候
會出演電影和電視節目

262
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,777
–我盡量
–好玩嗎?

263
00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:22,777
很好玩,對

264
00:14:22,843 --> 00:14:26,209
我可以做這種事,例如上你的節目...

265
00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:28,176
–請看影片
–一起來看看

266
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,076
請看影片!

267
00:14:29,676 --> 00:14:31,276
這是電影還是電視節目?

268
00:14:31,343 --> 00:14:33,176
這其實是我的私密影片

269
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:37,510
對,這是在我開始除毛之前拍的

270
00:14:42,443 --> 00:14:43,777
對,天啊

271
00:14:43,843 --> 00:14:47,243
好吧,真不敢相信
你竟然弄到了我跟我妹的影片

272
00:14:51,543 --> 00:14:53,010
好吧,我受夠了

273
00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:56,943
靠!我的天啊!

274
00:14:58,209 --> 00:14:59,209
我不玩了

275
00:15:01,676 --> 00:15:02,610
只差一點

276
00:15:02,676 --> 00:15:06,176
好消息是,我不需要在這裡拉屎了

277
00:15:06,243 --> 00:15:07,943
這確實是好消息

278
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,810
這是非常好的消息

279
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,910
好人不長命

280
00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:19,176
真不知道你是為了誰而來的

281
00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:20,410
是啊

282
00:15:20,476 --> 00:15:22,576
請看影片

283
00:15:22,643 --> 00:15:23,476
笑聲警報!

284
00:15:23,543 --> 00:15:25,710
這是在我開始除毛之前拍的

285
00:15:25,777 --> 00:15:27,510
{\an8}對,天啊

286
00:15:27,576 --> 00:15:30,676
{\an8}好吧,真不敢相信
你竟然弄到了我跟我妹的影片

287
00:15:31,910 --> 00:15:33,309
{\an8}好吧,我受夠了

288
00:15:41,043 --> 00:15:42,443
各位參賽者

289
00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:45,109
K崔佛威爾森,紅牌,出局

290
00:15:45,877 --> 00:15:47,076
你們都很棒

291
00:15:47,143 --> 00:15:49,777
很榮幸能見到你們並跟你們共事

292
00:15:49,843 --> 00:15:51,109
再見了,崔佛

293
00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:53,843
我好像是害最多人出局的人

294
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:54,943
{\an8}但這不重要

295
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:58,143
{\an8}但我就...三個人,謝謝大家

296
00:15:58,209 --> 00:15:59,843
謝謝大家

297
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,376
謝謝大家

298
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,176
我們來聊聊吧,你心情如何?

299
00:16:06,243 --> 00:16:09,276
我已經比自己預期撐得還久了

300
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:13,309
而且我不是在開玩笑
我是真的要拉屎

301
00:16:13,376 --> 00:16:16,276
{\an8}我覺得我這時候出局對大家都好

302
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,543
我拉屎很狂暴

303
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,309
我很瞭解自己

304
00:16:20,743 --> 00:16:23,309
我們要被關在這個沒廁所的地方嗎?

305
00:16:24,476 --> 00:16:26,043
{\an8}不只是黃牌

306
00:16:26,109 --> 00:16:28,810
{\an8}K崔佛被湯姆格林淘汰了

307
00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:31,143
{\an8}湯姆已經淘汰了三個人

308
00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:32,810
{\an8}現在只剩五位參賽者

309
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,843
繼續吧

310
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,810
我們要中途更換主持人

311
00:16:44,877 --> 00:16:48,376
K崔佛威爾森跟我們道別了

312
00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:52,276
請一同歡迎柯林馬克里的...

313
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:53,410
傀儡

314
00:16:54,176 --> 00:16:55,877
帶他上臺吧

315
00:16:55,943 --> 00:16:56,810
好

316
00:16:57,209 --> 00:16:58,443
他來了

317
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:02,943
我的傀儡,這是我的粉絲做的

318
00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:05,743
{\an8}雖然我覺得比較像柯姆佛爾

319
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:07,109
但無所謂

320
00:17:07,176 --> 00:17:10,043
我很高興能來這裡,安德魯
很高興能來到這裡

321
00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:12,309
很高興能邀請到你

322
00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:15,010
–你的事業延續了很多年
–謝謝

323
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,109
–你今天要來介紹新的作品
–沒錯

324
00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:19,543
–事不宜遲,請看影片
–好

325
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,309
有個男人拿著保險套

326
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:27,510
他要回到過去

327
00:17:27,576 --> 00:17:30,010
阻止湯姆格林的妹妹出生

328
00:17:32,643 --> 00:17:34,276
湯姆不想笑

329
00:17:34,343 --> 00:17:37,143
你是怎麼得到這個靈感的?

330
00:17:37,443 --> 00:17:38,276
湯姆格林

331
00:17:41,076 --> 00:17:45,276
他投資了時間旅行研究

332
00:17:45,343 --> 00:17:46,209
天啊

333
00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:49,777
因為他想回到過去阻止妹妹出生

334
00:17:49,843 --> 00:17:52,209
他想要獨吞遺產!

335
00:17:52,977 --> 00:17:57,743
做他那好吃的起司三明治!

336
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:01,943
好吃的起司三明治!

337
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:05,243
好吃的起司三明治!

338
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:08,743
好吃的起司三明治!

339
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:13,877
好吃的起司三明治

340
00:18:13,943 --> 00:18:16,510
好吃的起司三明治

341
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:17,977
這是史上最奇怪的邪教

342
00:18:21,877 --> 00:18:24,176
我不認為自己是鋼琴演奏家

343
00:18:24,243 --> 00:18:26,543
但我還蠻喜歡彈琴吹簫的

344
00:18:28,543 --> 00:18:30,243
你要怎麼想都可以

345
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,777
我的屁股在狗上,我的屁股在貓上

346
00:18:32,843 --> 00:18:35,276
我的屁股在電話上
我的屁股孤單一人

347
00:18:36,143 --> 00:18:38,810
–這曲子也是我寫的
–很棒

348
00:18:39,176 --> 00:18:40,243
很棒

349
00:18:45,309 --> 00:18:47,176
–喂?
–喂?

350
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,143
怎樣?有什麼事嗎?

351
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,043
好

352
00:18:51,176 --> 00:18:52,510
好,沒問題

353
00:18:52,576 --> 00:18:55,109
–不,別再這樣整我了
–好

354
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,843
–沒問題
–別再這樣整我了

355
00:18:57,910 --> 00:19:00,576
好,可能會有點過頭

356
00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,476
但我們需要新的笑話

357
00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:05,343
–你這個人渣
–你也是,兄弟

358
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:07,543
–你這個人渣
–好

359
00:19:09,376 --> 00:19:11,076
待會見,再見

360
00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:13,777
湯姆,我先打斷你一下

361
00:19:13,843 --> 00:19:17,276
傑覺得我們的進展有點慢

362
00:19:17,343 --> 00:19:18,743
所以他想講一個笑話

363
00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:20,176
他媽的

364
00:19:20,777 --> 00:19:22,376
該死

365
00:19:22,443 --> 00:19:24,710
傑說...

366
00:19:24,777 --> 00:19:25,977
這不是我的笑話

367
00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:30,977
他說:“排擠文化已經失控了

368
00:19:33,576 --> 00:19:35,710
“聽著,我能理解

369
00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:38,309
“有些人應該被排擠

370
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:40,977
“但哈維溫斯坦難道也是嗎?”

371
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:51,209
–他們沒有笑
–我們不該笑

372
00:19:51,276 --> 00:19:54,309
好,是,我等一下再試另一個

373
00:19:54,376 --> 00:19:56,576
你想到其他笑話再打給我

374
00:19:56,643 --> 00:19:58,710
–好,再見
–該死

375
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,010
是誰?

376
00:20:06,176 --> 00:20:07,376
–是...
–是披薩嗎?

377
00:20:07,443 --> 00:20:08,576
我的天啊

378
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:10,143
你們看

379
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,576
看看是誰來了

380
00:20:14,243 --> 00:20:15,209
王八蛋

381
00:20:15,276 --> 00:20:16,309
{\an8}安德魯馮

382
00:20:16,376 --> 00:20:17,710
{\an8}王八蛋

383
00:20:18,043 --> 00:20:21,109
剛出現的人是我非常要好的朋友

384
00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:25,476
保羅善衡李
我們一起演了《金家便利商店》

385
00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:27,010
他是來對付我的

386
00:20:27,076 --> 00:20:28,743
這個走廊很奇怪

387
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:29,643
–對
–沒錯

388
00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:31,176
根本就是《惡靈古堡》裡的走廊

389
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:35,243
很抱歉,我來晚了

390
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,243
–我送了披薩來
–我來拿

391
00:20:37,309 --> 00:20:38,176
來...

392
00:20:39,076 --> 00:20:41,010
–天啊
–別擔心

393
00:20:41,076 --> 00:20:43,076
還能吃

394
00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:45,109
–對
–這只是...

395
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:47,777
沒事了,很好

396
00:20:47,843 --> 00:20:51,010
–來,我可以助你一臂之力
–好,謝謝

397
00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:56,510
沒問題

398
00:20:57,576 --> 00:20:58,643
沒事的

399
00:20:59,376 --> 00:21:00,843
不過你呢

400
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:02,276
我知道你是誰

401
00:21:05,476 --> 00:21:06,443
就這樣嗎?

402
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,777
我很喜歡你在
《金家小商店》裡面的表現

403
00:21:10,843 --> 00:21:13,010
謝謝,我演的是劇中的爸爸

404
00:21:13,076 --> 00:21:14,977
–他很爛
–我演的是爸爸

405
00:21:15,043 --> 00:21:16,109
–爸爸嗎?
–對

406
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:18,376
–那個人太他媽假了
–我演的是爸爸

407
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,376
他是超級大人渣,竟然還用那種口音

408
00:21:21,443 --> 00:21:23,877
靠,我簡直不敢相信

409
00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:25,610
強走到旁邊去了

410
00:21:25,676 --> 00:21:27,877
強漸漸要失控了

411
00:21:27,943 --> 00:21:29,610
強已經快笑場了

412
00:21:29,676 --> 00:21:31,010
這位先生

413
00:21:31,076 --> 00:21:32,777
你應該吃片披薩

414
00:21:32,843 --> 00:21:34,510
強,吃片披薩吧

415
00:21:34,576 --> 00:21:36,843
–去吧,兄弟
–給你

416
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:39,143
–好吧,好
–我用手餵你

417
00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:41,810
你人真好

418
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,910
–來

419
00:21:44,977 --> 00:21:48,343
–很好
–給你一點Delta變種病毒

420
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:54,543
–我得走了,謝謝你們
–很好吃

421
00:21:54,610 --> 00:21:57,109
–很高興見到你
–披薩的事很抱歉

422
00:21:57,710 --> 00:22:00,510
但是你們需要給我小費

423
00:22:00,977 --> 00:22:01,810
小費

424
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:04,176
我可以送你這個奶子

425
00:22:06,943 --> 00:22:09,243
這片披薩還剩下一點,對

426
00:22:09,309 --> 00:22:11,343
–但我不建議你吃
–謝謝你

427
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:14,543
–我們還不知道你的名字
–你叫什麼名字?

428
00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:15,710
安德魯馮

429
00:22:15,777 --> 00:22:17,010
對

430
00:22:17,076 --> 00:22:18,143
安德魯

431
00:22:18,943 --> 00:22:20,043
很高興認識你

432
00:22:20,109 --> 00:22:22,010
–太棒了
–再見,安德魯

433
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:26,376
我差點就把持不住了

434
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:35,209
布蘭登到現在都還沒有笑過

435
00:22:35,276 --> 00:22:37,209
我不知道該怎麼辦

436
00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:40,076
{\an8}我已經用了我的所有經典橋段

437
00:22:40,143 --> 00:22:43,543
也試過在布蘭登面前對他大吼

438
00:22:43,610 --> 00:22:45,543
還是完全沒用

439
00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:47,176
布蘭登,過來一下

440
00:22:47,243 --> 00:22:48,143
好

441
00:22:48,209 --> 00:22:51,209
我要表演
電影《即刻救援》裡的那段臺詞

442
00:22:52,376 --> 00:22:55,209
–連恩尼遜主演的
–我先坐下

443
00:22:55,276 --> 00:22:57,443
但是我要模仿艾默小獵人

444
00:23:00,710 --> 00:23:04,410
我想找到各種能引起反應的方法

445
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:06,877
想像他在講電話

446
00:23:06,943 --> 00:23:08,877
“我不知道你是誰

447
00:23:10,043 --> 00:23:11,977
“我不知道你想要什麼

448
00:23:12,043 --> 00:23:14,043
“你如果想要贖金

449
00:23:14,109 --> 00:23:16,510
“我沒有錢

450
00:23:16,576 --> 00:23:18,510
“我就只有

451
00:23:18,576 --> 00:23:24,043
“一套特殊的技能

452
00:23:24,676 --> 00:23:28,209
“是對你這種人非常不利的

453
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:29,943
“一套技能”

454
00:23:33,510 --> 00:23:35,043
對了,你在這裡

455
00:23:36,743 --> 00:23:40,443
“你如果馬上放了我女兒

456
00:23:40,510 --> 00:23:42,777
“我就不追究”

457
00:23:42,877 --> 00:23:44,010
我的天啊

458
00:23:44,076 --> 00:23:46,343
“否則的話

459
00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:49,943
“我會去找你

460
00:23:51,443 --> 00:23:54,476
“我會找到你

461
00:23:54,543 --> 00:23:57,010
“我還會殺了你”

462
00:23:59,510 --> 00:24:00,643
天啊

463
00:24:07,343 --> 00:24:11,276
湯姆很像《鬼店》裡面
最後三分之一部分的傑克尼克遜

464
00:24:11,343 --> 00:24:12,743
–對
–他快崩潰了

465
00:24:16,209 --> 00:24:17,276
你還好嗎?

466
00:24:17,343 --> 00:24:21,343
–我剛剛有點太投入了
–沒關係,你要不要來個...

467
00:24:21,810 --> 00:24:25,510
–好吃的起司三明治?
–三明治

468
00:24:25,576 --> 00:24:29,977
–不要,不可以,不
–好吃的卡夫起司?

469
00:24:30,043 --> 00:24:31,877
–還是切達起司?
–柯林馬克里

470
00:24:31,943 --> 00:24:34,810
–還是好吃的起司?
–不准用起司!

471
00:24:34,877 --> 00:24:38,343
–夾在兩片麵包之間!
–不准用起司三明治!

472
00:24:40,977 --> 00:24:44,877
不准!不准用起司三明治!

473
00:24:46,043 --> 00:24:47,510
好吃的起司!

474
00:24:47,576 --> 00:24:52,376
柯林馬克里,你怎麼敢利用
我的起司三明治死穴?

475
00:24:52,443 --> 00:24:54,143
–看看...
–天啊

476
00:24:54,943 --> 00:24:58,109
你知道我的弱點!我的要害!

477
00:24:58,676 --> 00:25:01,843
–好吃的起司!
–好吃的起司三明治!

478
00:25:01,910 --> 00:25:03,943
–三明治!
–好吃的起司三明治!

479
00:25:04,010 --> 00:25:06,076
強正在硬撐

480
00:25:06,143 --> 00:25:08,943
–他已經拿了黃牌,對吧?
–沒錯

481
00:25:09,010 --> 00:25:10,576
這太荒謬了

482
00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,610
我竟然不能笑?

483
00:25:12,676 --> 00:25:14,543
根本就不可能,所以我完蛋了

484
00:25:14,610 --> 00:25:17,276
是好吃的起司三明治!

485
00:25:18,143 --> 00:25:22,209
{\an8}給我一枝筆,讓我有辦法
開始寫新詞,開創新潮流

486
00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:26,777
{\an8}快拉響警報,我要轟炸了
讓你們彷彿回到了越南

487
00:25:26,843 --> 00:25:28,443
{\an8}想要像我這樣的詞嗎?

488
00:25:28,510 --> 00:25:31,343
{\an8}–我一直拉屎拉個不停
–我30秒前就拉在褲子上了

489
00:25:38,376 --> 00:25:39,843
{\an8}–可惡!
–我的天啊

490
00:25:39,910 --> 00:25:41,376
{\an8}真的很痛

491
00:25:43,143 --> 00:25:44,810
{\an8}–天啊
–誰犯規了?是誰?

492
00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:46,309
{\an8}–我不知道
–是我嗎?

493
00:25:46,376 --> 00:25:47,643
{\an8}發紅牌,出局

494
00:26:14,376 --> 00:26:16,376
字幕翻譯:高健銘

495
00:26:16,443 --> 00:26:18,443
創意監督
謝慧霓