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00:00:16,443 --> 00:00:17,843
♪

2
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[horn sounds]

3
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Aw, shit.

4
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There we go.

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[buzzer sounds]

6
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What is this?

7
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What’s that?

8
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[Jon]
Oh boy!

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Whoa!

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- [Jay] Whoa!
- [Mae] What?!

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Holy fuck, Graham Greene?

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I’m Graham Greene.
I’m the head producer.

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Hey. How are ya?

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[Jon]
Holy shit!

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{\an8}Is, is, this Graham Greene?

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{\an8}For real?

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Alright, listen up,
you lint pickin’,

18
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butt scratchin’ sons of bitches.

19
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I am hard and because
I am hard you will not like me.

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He’s hard!

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Mmm.

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I’m going to congratulate
you for being the top comedians

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who did not laugh over those
flat dicks and their shit jokes.

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I can’t believe these words
are coming out of his mouth.

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What’s your major
malfunction, numbnuts?

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Do you think I’m cute?
Do you like staring at my butt?

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I’ll be watching you.

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Okay. Yes, sir.

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[Jon]
I was teetering. Oh man.

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It’s so funny because
it’s Graham Greene saying it.

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Oh, I see.
You wanna be halfway.

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You know what halfway is?

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Halfway’s a bum that
doesn’t finish anything.

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A plastic bag half
full of dog shit.

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[laughing]

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[K. Trevor]
Graham Greene, he just starts

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{\an8}calling us all bags of shit.

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{\an8}[laughing]

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Trevor, you’re fucked buddy.

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I know funny.

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You think sitting across
from Costner

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watching him tryin’ to act,
not breaking up is easy?

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- Damn.
- Whoa!

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Bull butter!

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[laughing]

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This is so surreal.

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This is a spin off called

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"Discomfort with Canada’s
Top Actors."

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"Coming up next Colm Feore
and Anal Leakage."

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Well, you see my ass is leaking,

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just a little bit over here
and a little bit over there.

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[laughing]

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{\an8}I love Graham Greene.
That was disturbing.

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{\an8}And mystifying.

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You’re not here to sit
around like

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a bunch of drunk hyenas
and laugh.

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{\an8}Graham Greene was angry with us.

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{\an8}I mean... that’s kinda neat.

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This would get me.
This would get me.

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Let’s crank things
up a notch shall we?

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Oh.

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What in the name of Aunt Tilly’s
nightgown do you want?

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What the heck’s going on?

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Hi everybody,
how’s it going?

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- Uh oh.
- Good.

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Thank you very much, Graham.
Graham Greene, everybody.

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- [cheering]
- Thank you.

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Yes. Graham Greene.
Legend. Legend.

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That was rad.

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The show would not have
been complete

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without Graham Greene
berating you.

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That marks the halfway point
and there’s only two people left

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who are absolutely cardless.

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Brandon.

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And Tom.

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Uh-huh.

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Not a single card has been
given to either of them.

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It would behoove those
of you who have been carded

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to try and fuck with them.

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[Tom]
Ohh.

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[Brandon]
Great.

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Yeah, that’s what,
that’s why I’m here.

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Uh huh. Uh oh.

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Throw me under the bus,
Jay Baruchel.

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So guys. Game on.
I’ll see you guys in a bit.

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Thanks for having me, everybody.

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Bye!

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[burping]

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Excuse me.

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[Jay]
So here’s the deal:

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Colin, Jon, Andrew and K. Trevor
all have yellow cards

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while Tom and Brandon still
have spotless resumes.

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And I’m stuck in the lodge with
everyone else who shit the bed.

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Oh, Lord.
Oh Lord, Tom.

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I think Brandon’s gonna win.

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I don’t think
he’s found any of this funny.

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[Caroline]
Nothing.

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{\an8}It’s going to be a tough time.

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{\an8}It’s gonna be a tough time.

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{\an8}I gotta, like,
battle these people.

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The vultures are coming.

102
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Like how do you
fuck with Tom Green?

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You’re dead on
the inside, right?

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I don’t know. Hmm.

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I don’t know.

106
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I don’t know.
What do you find funny?

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I have been on a sort of
razor blade’s edge. Uh...

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- Yeah. Yeah.
- This entire time.

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[Jon]
It’s a good poker face though.

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{\an8}I’m gonna keep
a straight face.

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{\an8}I’m gonna have no fun ’cause
that’s the kinda guy I am.

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{\an8}A humourless, straight-faced,

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unfun individual.

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[Jon]
Yeah.

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I’m gonna go get some water.

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I’m gonna
go get some water.

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Anyone want a glass of water?

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Eh, that’s a good strategy.
Interesting strategy.

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Yeah.
Yeah.

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Since there’s been
a lot of music.

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I feel that this is my chance
to do a little dance

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for you, my new friends.

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- Mmmm.
- Oh, thank you.

124
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Very excited to see it.

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Colin wants the band!

126
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Because I think he’s
stepping up to the challenge

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of taking down
Tom and Brandon.

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[coughs]

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All right, guys.

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Wooo.

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♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh...
Wipeout ♪

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[drumming]

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["Wipeout" plays]

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[laughing]

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Trevor!
What is that face?

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[laughing]

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Trevor and Jon!

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[Debra]
He’s gonna hurt himself.

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Oh! Jon!

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Jon is so close.

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He’s good.

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He’s, errr, very good.
One of the best.

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[laughing]

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Wipeout!

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[Jon]
How do you not laugh at that?

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Are you not a human being?

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Are you not alive?

148
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One more time.

149
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Oh God! Did he just say
"One more time?"

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Yes!

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I’m dying.

152
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["Wipeout" plays]

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[Colin]
I saw Tom’s eyes light up

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a little bit at the
humping of the table.

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[Tom]
The humping the table.

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That was tough for me.

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Colin, of course, having
done so much improvisation

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and having the ability
to get very silly like that,

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I’m in danger territory.

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Why did Colin wait
’til now to be funny?

161
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[laughing]

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I could have been out
an hour ago!

163
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One of the things I’ve based
my career on has been stamina.

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Just hanging in there ’til
everyone else quits or dies.

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{\an8}I was like wanna battle?

166
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{\an8}Wanna, wanna roll?
Let’s roll, Colin!

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- [laughing]
- [Debra] Look at Jon.

168
00:07:36,476 --> 00:07:37,376
[Caroline]
Jon.

169
00:07:38,443 --> 00:07:39,743
Jon!

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[Debra]
Oh my goodness.

171
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He’s throwing peanuts
into his mouth

172
00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:49,476
Oh my God...

173
00:07:53,443 --> 00:07:54,676
[band stops]

174
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:56,276
Mmmm hmmm.

175
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- [applause]
- Woooo!

176
00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:00,476
[Brendan] Oh Lord, it
took everything in me

177
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:01,843
not to laugh at that.

178
00:08:01,877 --> 00:08:04,643
[laughing]

179
00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,710
Sixty four!

180
00:08:06,743 --> 00:08:08,176
[growls]

181
00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:09,243
Colin, this one's for you!

182
00:08:09,276 --> 00:08:11,843
Wooo. Whoa!

183
00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:14,376
[laughing]
He caught that!

184
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,777
I’m gonna be over
here for a while.

185
00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:18,343
That was endurance
my friend.

186
00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:19,977
Woo!

187
00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:25,076
I was on a razor
blade edge there.

188
00:08:26,209 --> 00:08:29,610
Oh my God.
You’re all champions.

189
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,376
I thought Jon was going
to actually vomit.

190
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Me, too.

191
00:08:32,143 --> 00:08:33,109
[grunts]
Oooh.

192
00:08:33,143 --> 00:08:35,176
Oh my penis has
never been so hard.

193
00:08:35,209 --> 00:08:36,676
Mine, too.

194
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:38,209
Brandon’s an enigma.

195
00:08:40,343 --> 00:08:43,309
{\an8}I dunno what is gonna
break that guy.

196
00:08:43,343 --> 00:08:46,343
I want them all
to team up on Brandon.

197
00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:47,610
What the hell is wrong with you?

198
00:08:47,643 --> 00:08:51,176
I suffered a heart attack
and a partial stroke,

199
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:54,076
dancing just to
make you laugh.

200
00:08:54,109 --> 00:08:56,209
I tend to be, you know,
fairly clean

201
00:08:56,243 --> 00:08:58,743
but I thought okay
I’m gonna have to go for it.

202
00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:01,710
I was giving
my fucking all, Brandon.

203
00:09:01,743 --> 00:09:03,309
Oh shit!

204
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,376
This could be
trouble for Brandon.

205
00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:08,010
I thought I gotta get Brandon,
I gotta get Brandon.

206
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:09,476
Canadian legend right here.

207
00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:10,576
I can see. I know.

208
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:11,943
Canadian legend!

209
00:09:11,977 --> 00:09:12,943
[Jay]
I’m so uncomfortable.

210
00:09:12,977 --> 00:09:14,777
It’s all ok.

211
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:17,243
You’ve been a bad boy!

212
00:09:17,276 --> 00:09:18,910
Unbreakable Ash-Mohammed,
that is me.

213
00:09:18,943 --> 00:09:20,209
That is I.

214
00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:23,276
What does it take? Does it take
jokes about Facebook?

215
00:09:23,309 --> 00:09:28,877
Instagram?
About tweeting of the stuff?

216
00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:33,143
Internet? MySpace?
Modem?

217
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:35,343
Dial up, motherfucker!

218
00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:36,710
I don’t think I had dial up.

219
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,376
When I started making
internet videos

220
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:41,810
you had to shoot ’em
on a camera!

221
00:09:41,843 --> 00:09:43,576
A camera!

222
00:09:43,610 --> 00:09:44,843
[laughing]

223
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:46,410
Brandon is almost
smiling, look!

224
00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:50,276
When I started doing comedy,
we had meat rations.

225
00:09:50,309 --> 00:09:54,543
We could not eat meat.
So we had to be funny on butter.

226
00:09:54,576 --> 00:09:57,843
[laughing]

227
00:09:57,877 --> 00:10:00,943
Butter shaped like lamb.

228
00:10:00,977 --> 00:10:02,309
Butter shaped
like lamb?

229
00:10:02,343 --> 00:10:04,176
Look it up in your Google.

230
00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:05,543
Well...

231
00:10:05,576 --> 00:10:06,910
Make an old man happy.

232
00:10:06,943 --> 00:10:09,143
One little laugh.
One little smile.

233
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,410
Oh c’mon, nothing for that?

234
00:10:13,443 --> 00:10:15,576
I might be able to win this.
I might be able to win this now.

235
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:19,410
[clock beeping]

236
00:10:19,443 --> 00:10:21,209
Uh oh.

237
00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:22,843
I feel something’s
happening.

238
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:24,977
- Uh-oh.
- This is worrisome.

239
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:30,243
Um, alright, well,
while we’re waiting, uh,

240
00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:31,576
pfft, I don’t know this is,

241
00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:33,777
eh, Patrick Stewart
having an orgasm.

242
00:10:33,810 --> 00:10:35,543
"I’m about to cum!"

243
00:10:35,576 --> 00:10:36,777
Oh.

244
00:10:39,010 --> 00:10:40,309
[mumbling]

245
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,243
I’m just a little guy.
There we go.

246
00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:49,176
Where are you going for,
uh, Canada Day this year?

247
00:10:49,209 --> 00:10:50,510
Lake Titicaca?

248
00:10:52,343 --> 00:10:53,943
[laughing]
He’s funny!

249
00:10:53,977 --> 00:10:55,877
They’re just reacting
very strangely.

250
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:56,910
Seriously.

251
00:10:56,943 --> 00:10:58,710
It got a little weird.

252
00:10:58,743 --> 00:11:03,643
It’s starting to feel
like "Waiting for Godot"...

253
00:11:03,676 --> 00:11:06,376
I’m just a little baby.
Look at me.

254
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:09,010
And a couple tablespoons
of "Fight Club".

255
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,843
[squawking]

256
00:11:10,877 --> 00:11:12,076
Oh.

257
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:18,043
I’m very familiar with anatomy
so I know where to put these.

258
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:25,977
That’s how Kim Kardashian
was born.

259
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:27,710
[laughing]

260
00:11:27,743 --> 00:11:29,977
[Tom]
I can say with certainty,

261
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:34,010
that has never aired on
Canadian television before.

262
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:36,243
There was a Wayne and Shuster
After Dark.

263
00:11:38,943 --> 00:11:42,510
Wayne and Shuster’s ass-tits
bit was very famous.

264
00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:45,476
[laughing]

265
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,443
See, there’s no one old enough
to laugh at that in there!

266
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:55,010
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

267
00:11:55,043 --> 00:11:57,543
How are the walleye biting
down at Lake Titicaca?

268
00:11:59,676 --> 00:12:01,376
This is really where
I thought my career

269
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,243
was going to end up,
locked in a studio

270
00:12:03,276 --> 00:12:05,643
talking to Tom Green
with tit eyes.

271
00:12:05,676 --> 00:12:09,843
♪ Comedy, comedy
This is comedy ♪

272
00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:12,076
Alright, time
to raise the curtain.

273
00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:15,810
Ooh.

274
00:12:15,843 --> 00:12:18,343
Whoa oh.
Uh oh. Uh oh.

275
00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:20,877
- [Andrew] Oh!
- [Jon] Oh boy.

276
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:21,877
[Colin]
Oh, little seats.

277
00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:23,710
[Jon]
Those are small chairs.

278
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,943
♪ What’s gonna happen? ♪

279
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:27,977
It seems like a major set up.

280
00:12:29,043 --> 00:12:30,810
This is gonna be big.

281
00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:37,243
[Colin]
I guess that’s it.

282
00:12:37,276 --> 00:12:38,576
I’m not going to lie,

283
00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:40,109
I thought something more
was going to happen.

284
00:12:40,143 --> 00:12:42,410
[Colin]
We have a smaller set now

285
00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:45,643
which amused me, because why?

286
00:12:45,676 --> 00:12:47,943
Right now one of the writers
is being told

287
00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:50,443
how much it cost
to build the mini set.

288
00:12:50,476 --> 00:12:51,910
[laughing]

289
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:53,410
Yes, that was,
so that was worth five grand.

290
00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:54,510
That was worth it right?

291
00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:55,376
That was five grand
for the mini set?

292
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:56,143
This bit’s got legs right?

293
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,877
Yeah.

294
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,343
Show of hands,
who voted for the mini set?

295
00:12:59,376 --> 00:13:01,109
Are we like rats right now?

296
00:13:01,143 --> 00:13:03,276
We’re supposed to go,
come over and...

297
00:13:03,309 --> 00:13:04,443
Check it out?

298
00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:06,309
Is it possible
that nothing’s changed

299
00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:08,743
and we’re just all
losing our minds?

300
00:13:08,777 --> 00:13:11,376
I think there’s a
60 percent chance

301
00:13:11,410 --> 00:13:12,309
that that’s what’s happening.

302
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:13,243
[train whistle]

303
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,076
Uh oh. The train’s running.

304
00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:16,476
- [clock beeping]
- Three hours!

305
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:18,343
Three hours, we’re here.

306
00:13:18,376 --> 00:13:19,610
[train whistle]

307
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:26,209
I think I’m going to be the
first one to shit here today.

308
00:13:26,243 --> 00:13:27,243
Mmm. In the bathroom?

309
00:13:27,276 --> 00:13:28,543
Yeah.

310
00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:29,943
There’s no chance that
I’d be able to do that.

311
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,743
- No.
- It’s not that I want to.

312
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:34,410
Yeah, it’d be weird
if you wanted to.

313
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:36,309
[Jay]
Oh no, not this again.

314
00:13:36,343 --> 00:13:39,276
I’ve gotta fucking
put an end to this.

315
00:13:39,309 --> 00:13:41,743
[phone rings]

316
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,209
Hi, I listen to CHUM.

317
00:13:43,243 --> 00:13:44,810
Hi, hi, Trevor.

318
00:13:44,843 --> 00:13:47,176
You’re gonna host a talk show
called "Let’s Roll That Clip".

319
00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:50,410
You will interview people,
at any point in the interview

320
00:13:50,443 --> 00:13:52,309
you will interrupt
your guest and say

321
00:13:52,343 --> 00:13:55,209
"Let’s roll that clip" and then
they will show some videos.

322
00:13:55,243 --> 00:13:56,209
Can do.

323
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:57,209
Alright buddy.
See ya in a bit.

324
00:13:57,243 --> 00:13:58,376
Thanks so much.

325
00:13:58,410 --> 00:14:01,109
All right, guys, I am
hosting a talk show now.

326
00:14:01,143 --> 00:14:02,309
- Okay.
- Okay.

327
00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,209
A talk show game called
"Let’s Roll That Clip".

328
00:14:05,243 --> 00:14:08,443
My first guest is
the legendary Tom Green.

329
00:14:08,476 --> 00:14:11,109
[Jon]
Tom Green.

330
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,576
- Yeah, Tom Green.
- Tom Green!

331
00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:15,977
That actually would be
a fucking good talk show.

332
00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:19,510
Tom, I hear you do, uh,
uh, movies and TV sometimes.

333
00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:21,176
- Uh... I try.
- What’s that like?

334
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:22,276
It’s a lot of fun.
A lot of fun.

335
00:14:22,309 --> 00:14:24,243
Yeah. I get to
do things like this.

336
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:26,309
Like come on your show
which is, uh...

337
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,743
Terrific!
Let’s roll that clip!

338
00:14:27,777 --> 00:14:28,443
Okay, let’s have a look.

339
00:14:29,676 --> 00:14:31,476
[K. Trevor] Is that a movie
or a TV show?

340
00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:33,209
No, that’s just some
home video actually.

341
00:14:33,243 --> 00:14:34,576
Ooh.

342
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:37,510
Yeah that’s uh, that was
before, uh, I started shaving.

343
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,910
[laughing]

344
00:14:42,777 --> 00:14:44,476
[Tom]
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay.

345
00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:47,443
I can’t believe you got this
video of me and my sister.

346
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:53,010
[laughing]
Okay. I’m done!

347
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:55,243
- Mmm.
- Uh oh!

348
00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:56,843
Shit! Oh my god!

349
00:14:56,877 --> 00:14:58,243
[laughing]

350
00:14:58,276 --> 00:14:59,309
I’m out.

351
00:14:59,343 --> 00:15:00,910
[alarm sounds]

352
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,810
Whoa. There it is.

353
00:15:02,843 --> 00:15:05,910
The good news is, I’m not
gonna have to shit in here.

354
00:15:05,943 --> 00:15:09,343
That is good news.
That is great news.

355
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:12,843
The good die young.

356
00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,643
I, I wonder who
you’re here for?

357
00:15:18,676 --> 00:15:20,309
- Yeah...
- [laughing]

358
00:15:20,343 --> 00:15:23,543
Yeah... let’s, let’s
roll that clip!

359
00:15:23,576 --> 00:15:25,643
[Tom] That was before, uh,
I started shaving.

360
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:27,810
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay.

361
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,043
I can’t believe you got
this video of me and my sister.

362
00:15:32,176 --> 00:15:33,510
[laughing]
Okay. I’m done!

363
00:15:37,576 --> 00:15:39,010
[laughing]

364
00:15:41,209 --> 00:15:42,777
Ladies and gentlemen...

365
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:45,143
K. Trevor Wilson...
...red card! Eliminated.

366
00:15:45,176 --> 00:15:46,343
Woo!

367
00:15:46,376 --> 00:15:47,676
You all are amazing.

368
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,843
It has been lovely to work
and meet with all of you.

369
00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:51,710
- Alright, see you Trevor.
- Woo.

370
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:52,643
[Tom] I think I might
have knocked out

371
00:15:52,676 --> 00:15:53,877
more people than anybody.

372
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:56,977
{\an8}Who’s counting?
But I just, you know...three.

373
00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:58,176
{\an8}Thank you very much.

374
00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:01,543
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.

375
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:05,810
So let’s unpack this.
How do you feel?

376
00:16:05,843 --> 00:16:07,743
Yeah, well you know
I lasted longer

377
00:16:07,777 --> 00:16:08,576
than I thought I would actually.

378
00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:09,676
Yeah?

379
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:11,343
And I wasn’t kidding,
I really was

380
00:16:11,376 --> 00:16:12,376
about to go take a shit, so...

381
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:14,676
{\an8}I think it was better
for everyone

382
00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:16,309
{\an8}that I went out when I did.

383
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,510
I don’t shit politely.

384
00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:20,410
I, I, know who I am.

385
00:16:20,443 --> 00:16:23,209
What? Now we’re locked
in here with no bathroom?!

386
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,977
[laughs]

387
00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:27,476
[Jay] No longer mellow yellow,
K. Trevor gets flushed

388
00:16:27,510 --> 00:16:28,810
by Tom Green.

389
00:16:28,843 --> 00:16:30,910
That’s three
people Tom’s eliminated.

390
00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:33,410
We’re now down to five.

391
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,877
Here we go again.

392
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:36,910
[horn sounds]

393
00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:40,843
[clock beeps]

394
00:16:42,276 --> 00:16:44,910
We got a little, uh,
mid episode replacement.

395
00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:48,109
K. Trevor Wilson’s bid adieu.

396
00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:52,309
Uh, please welcome to
the stage Colin Mochrie’s...

397
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:53,710
puppet.

398
00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,209
- C’mon everybody!
- Wooo.

399
00:16:55,243 --> 00:16:56,376
We’re bringing him
up to the stage.

400
00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:58,243
Alright!
There he is.

401
00:16:58,276 --> 00:17:00,143
[laughing]

402
00:17:00,176 --> 00:17:02,977
[Colin] My marionette.
A fan made it for me.

403
00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:04,443
{\an8}Although I think it kinda
looks more like

404
00:17:04,476 --> 00:17:07,143
{\an8}Colm Feore than me
but whatever.

405
00:17:07,176 --> 00:17:08,810
So nice to, uh, be here Andrew.

406
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:10,109
Very, very happy to be here.

407
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:12,309
It’s so great having you,
you know, you, uh,

408
00:17:12,343 --> 00:17:14,376
your career has spanned
many, many years

409
00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:16,643
and you are here with,
uh, with a new project.

410
00:17:16,676 --> 00:17:18,977
- Yes.
- Say no more. Roll that clip.

411
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:20,043
Alright.

412
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,810
[Colin]
It’s a man, uh, with a condom.

413
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,309
Mmm.

414
00:17:26,343 --> 00:17:30,176
...who goes back in time to stop
the birth of Tom Green’s sister.

415
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:32,843
[laughing]

416
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,243
[Jay]
Tom doesn’t wanna laugh.

417
00:17:34,276 --> 00:17:37,109
And I guess what gave you
the inspiration for that idea?

418
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,309
Uh, Tom Green.

419
00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:41,676
[laughing]

420
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:44,543
He actually had, um,
invested in a grant to study,

421
00:17:44,576 --> 00:17:46,010
- uh, time travel...
- Oh damn.

422
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:47,176
...so in fact he could
go back

423
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,810
and stop the birth
of his sister,

424
00:17:49,843 --> 00:17:53,476
so he could get the inheritance

425
00:17:53,510 --> 00:17:57,576
to make his
delicious cheese sandwiches.

426
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:01,943
- Delicious cheese sandwiches.
- Oh!

427
00:18:01,977 --> 00:18:08,276
- Delicious cheese sandwiches.
- Delicious cheese sandwiches.

428
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:09,810
[laughing]

429
00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:16,910
♪ Delicious cheese sandwiches
Delicious cheese sandwiches ♪

430
00:18:16,943 --> 00:18:18,076
The weirdest cult ever.

431
00:18:18,109 --> 00:18:19,209
[giggling]

432
00:18:21,676 --> 00:18:24,343
[Tom] I don’t consider myself
a piano player but...

433
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:26,010
I do like to
tinkle on the ivories.

434
00:18:28,643 --> 00:18:30,010
Take that however you want.

435
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,676
♪ My bum is on the dog
My bum is on the cat ♪

436
00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:35,977
♪ My bum is on the phone
My bum is all alone ♪

437
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:37,910
I wrote the piano part, too.

438
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,643
It’s great. It’s great.

439
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,410
[phone ringing]

440
00:18:45,376 --> 00:18:46,810
- Hello?
- Hello?

441
00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:48,643
What’s up?
You wanted something?

442
00:18:48,676 --> 00:18:52,510
Yeah, um, okay, yeah sure.

443
00:18:52,543 --> 00:18:53,977
- No. Don’t do this to me.
- [Jon] Yeah, yeah yeah.

444
00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:55,476
Don’t do this to me again.

445
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,943
- No, that’s not a problem.
- Don’t do this to me again.

446
00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:00,476
Yeah, it’s a little
hard for this show

447
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,610
but, uh, we need
new jokes in here.

448
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:03,843
You piece of shit.

449
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:04,843
Yeah, you too, buddy.

450
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,376
- You piece of shit.
- You too. Yeah.

451
00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:09,343
[laughing]

452
00:19:09,376 --> 00:19:11,143
I’ll see you, too.
Alright. Bye bye.

453
00:19:11,176 --> 00:19:13,610
Um, so eh,
Tom just for one second, uh,

454
00:19:13,643 --> 00:19:17,243
Jay, he’s like ok it’s getting
a little slow in here.

455
00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:18,610
He wants to tell one joke.

456
00:19:18,643 --> 00:19:20,410
- Fucking hell.
- [laughing]

457
00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:22,443
God Dammit man.

458
00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:25,343
So, uh, Jay... it’s not my joke,

459
00:19:25,376 --> 00:19:27,410
Uh, he says, eh,

460
00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:31,043
"Hey cancel culture’s
getting outta hand, huh?"

461
00:19:31,076 --> 00:19:33,176
[laughing]

462
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:35,343
Yeah, I mean,
look, I get it.

463
00:19:35,376 --> 00:19:38,243
Some people deserve
to be cancelled

464
00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:40,943
but I mean, Harvey Weinstein?

465
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:48,043
[laughing]

466
00:19:48,076 --> 00:19:49,276
Yeah, they’re not laughing?

467
00:19:49,309 --> 00:19:51,376
Yeah.
Well, we’re not supposed to.

468
00:19:51,410 --> 00:19:52,643
Yeah. Okay.

469
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,643
Yeah, I’ll try one later,
another one later.

470
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:56,143
Yeah, you just call me
if you have more jokes.

471
00:19:56,176 --> 00:19:58,109
Okay, bye bye.

472
00:19:58,143 --> 00:19:59,610
Dammit!

473
00:19:59,643 --> 00:20:01,476
[doorbell rings]

474
00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:04,010
Uh oh. Who is it?

475
00:20:04,043 --> 00:20:06,276
- Uh oh!
- Uh oh!

476
00:20:06,309 --> 00:20:08,076
- Who’s that?
- Pizza?

477
00:20:08,109 --> 00:20:08,977
- Uh oh.
- Oh my gosh.

478
00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:10,943
Oh.

479
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,076
[Brandon]
Oh well look who it is.

480
00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:15,243
[Andrew]
You asshole.

481
00:20:15,276 --> 00:20:18,376
{\an8}You asshole.

482
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:20,977
The man who just walked in
is one of my best friends,

483
00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:22,510
Paul Sun-Hyung Lee.

484
00:20:22,543 --> 00:20:25,510
My co-star in Kim’s Convenience.

485
00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:27,043
He’s coming after me!

486
00:20:27,076 --> 00:20:28,743
That’s like a
really weird hallway.

487
00:20:28,777 --> 00:20:29,810
Yeah. It is.

488
00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:31,343
It’s like right
outta Resident Evil.

489
00:20:31,376 --> 00:20:34,043
[laughing]

490
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:36,109
Uh, I’m sorry I’m late.
I have the pizzas.

491
00:20:36,143 --> 00:20:37,910
Oh, I’ll, I’ll take them.

492
00:20:37,943 --> 00:20:38,977
Ohhhhhh....

493
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,309
Oh boy.

494
00:20:40,343 --> 00:20:41,743
[Colin] Don’t worry.

495
00:20:41,777 --> 00:20:43,143
But, uh, it’s still good!
It’s, it’s, still good.

496
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:44,543
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah?

497
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:45,476
The whole, like this,
is just...

498
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,610
- Wow. Wow.
- Ooh.

499
00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:47,543
There you go. Perfect.

500
00:20:47,576 --> 00:20:49,010
Here. Let me give you a hand.

501
00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:51,243
Yes. Thank you.

502
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:54,376
[laughing]

503
00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:58,343
It’s all good,
it’s all good, it’s cool.

504
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,877
You though! I know you!

505
00:21:05,410 --> 00:21:08,343
Is this it?

506
00:21:08,376 --> 00:21:10,877
I loved you in
Kim’s Cornerstore.

507
00:21:10,910 --> 00:21:12,710
Thank you. I played the dad.
On the show.

508
00:21:12,743 --> 00:21:13,943
- The dad?
- The dad. I played the...

509
00:21:13,977 --> 00:21:15,010
- He’s a hack.
- I played the father.

510
00:21:15,043 --> 00:21:16,143
- The father?
- Yeah.

511
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:17,510
What a fucking faker
that guy was. Ho ho.

512
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:18,543
No, no, no I played the dad.

513
00:21:18,576 --> 00:21:19,810
He was the biggest
piece of shit.

514
00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:21,543
That accent that
he fucking used?

515
00:21:21,576 --> 00:21:23,910
Holy shit!
I couldn’t believe that.

516
00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:25,610
[Caroline]
Jon walked off camera.

517
00:21:25,643 --> 00:21:28,309
[K. Trevor] Oh, Jon, Jon’s
been slowly losing it.

518
00:21:28,343 --> 00:21:29,877
Jon’s teetering on the edge.

519
00:21:29,910 --> 00:21:30,810
- You, sir!
- [Jon] Mmmm hmmm.

520
00:21:30,843 --> 00:21:31,977
Could use a slice of pizza.

521
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:33,143
Mmmm hmmm.

522
00:21:33,176 --> 00:21:34,543
C’mon, Jon,
have a slice of pizza.

523
00:21:34,576 --> 00:21:36,209
Get in there.
Get in there, brother.

524
00:21:36,243 --> 00:21:37,877
- [Pete] There you go.
- Ooh ok.

525
00:21:37,910 --> 00:21:40,743
- From the hand...
- Yeah. Yeah.

526
00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:43,343
[Tom] That is so nice.
There you go.

527
00:21:43,376 --> 00:21:45,076
- Mmmm.
- Oh. Very good. Yeah!

528
00:21:45,109 --> 00:21:46,676
Mmmm.

529
00:21:46,710 --> 00:21:48,576
A little Delta variant
for ya there.

530
00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:52,510
[laughing]

531
00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:54,109
I gotta go,
thank you gentlemen so much.

532
00:21:54,143 --> 00:21:55,276
- Very good.
- Great seeing you.

533
00:21:55,309 --> 00:21:56,743
Again, I’m sorry for the pizzas.

534
00:21:56,777 --> 00:22:00,443
Um, there is the matter
of, uh, a tip?

535
00:22:00,476 --> 00:22:02,510
[Jon]
A tip. Hmmm.

536
00:22:02,543 --> 00:22:05,376
I’ll give you this titty?

537
00:22:05,410 --> 00:22:06,977
[laughing]

538
00:22:07,010 --> 00:22:08,309
There’s some of
this slice left?

539
00:22:08,343 --> 00:22:10,209
Yeah. Yeah.
I wouldn’t eat that though.

540
00:22:10,243 --> 00:22:11,476
Alright, thanks so much.

541
00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:12,877
We didn’t catch your
name by the way,

542
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:13,710
what’s, eh, what’s your name?

543
00:22:13,743 --> 00:22:14,877
What’s your name, yeah?

544
00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:16,043
Andrew Phung.

545
00:22:16,076 --> 00:22:17,276
[Andrew]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

546
00:22:17,309 --> 00:22:20,176
Andrew.
Nice meeting you.

547
00:22:20,209 --> 00:22:21,476
- [Tom] That was awesome.
- Bye Andrew.

548
00:22:21,510 --> 00:22:24,043
Ooh. Ooh.

549
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,343
Yeah. That almost rocked me.
That almost rocked me.

550
00:22:26,376 --> 00:22:27,643
Ooh.

551
00:22:32,543 --> 00:22:35,343
[Colin] At this point
Brandon has not laughed.

552
00:22:35,376 --> 00:22:37,243
I didn’t know where to go.

553
00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:40,176
{\an8}I’d gone from all my
classic bits

554
00:22:40,209 --> 00:22:42,610
to like just
shouting at Brandon,

555
00:22:42,643 --> 00:22:43,643
this far from his face!

556
00:22:43,676 --> 00:22:45,777
And still nothing.

557
00:22:45,810 --> 00:22:47,010
Hi Brandon. Brandon.
Come over here.

558
00:22:47,043 --> 00:22:48,309
Okay.

559
00:22:48,343 --> 00:22:51,209
I’m going to do the speech
from the movie "Taken".

560
00:22:51,243 --> 00:22:52,043
[Jon]
Oooh. Oooh.

561
00:22:52,076 --> 00:22:54,043
Starring, uh, Liam Neeson.

562
00:22:54,076 --> 00:22:55,076
- Oh yeah.
- Let me take a seat.

563
00:22:55,109 --> 00:22:56,777
But I’m gonna do
it as Elmer Fudd.

564
00:22:56,810 --> 00:22:58,543
- Okay.
- Mmmm.

565
00:22:58,576 --> 00:23:00,676
[laughing]

566
00:23:00,710 --> 00:23:02,510
I’m just trying
to find anything,

567
00:23:02,543 --> 00:23:04,543
that’s going to do anything,
any kind of a reaction.

568
00:23:04,576 --> 00:23:05,843
[sighs]

569
00:23:05,877 --> 00:23:07,309
Imagine he’s on the phone.

570
00:23:07,343 --> 00:23:10,243
[imitating Elmer Fudd]
I don’t know who you are.

571
00:23:10,276 --> 00:23:12,410
I don’t know what you want.

572
00:23:12,443 --> 00:23:16,443
If you want ransom,
I don’t have any money.

573
00:23:16,476 --> 00:23:19,376
What I do have is

574
00:23:19,410 --> 00:23:24,543
a very particular
set of skills.

575
00:23:24,576 --> 00:23:29,610
Skills that will be a
nightmare for someone like you.

576
00:23:29,643 --> 00:23:30,777
[Tom plays piano]

577
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,276
[laughing]

578
00:23:32,309 --> 00:23:33,376
[K. Trevor]
Oh, wow.

579
00:23:33,410 --> 00:23:34,943
Oh, that’s right,
you’re here!

580
00:23:34,977 --> 00:23:37,309
[laughing]

581
00:23:37,343 --> 00:23:42,777
If you let my daughter go now,
I will not follow you.

582
00:23:43,843 --> 00:23:44,610
Oh my God.

583
00:23:44,643 --> 00:23:48,209
But if you do not...

584
00:23:48,243 --> 00:23:51,476
I will look for you.

585
00:23:51,510 --> 00:23:55,376
I will find you

586
00:23:55,410 --> 00:23:59,010
and I will kill you.

587
00:23:59,043 --> 00:24:01,243
- [laughing]
- [Mae] Oh my God!

588
00:24:07,510 --> 00:24:09,410
Tom is very Jack Nicholson

589
00:24:09,443 --> 00:24:10,943
in the final third
of The Shining right now.

590
00:24:10,977 --> 00:24:11,943
Yes!

591
00:24:11,977 --> 00:24:12,943
He’s starting to, he’s turning.

592
00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:17,910
Are you alright?

593
00:24:17,943 --> 00:24:19,410
I got a little
too into it there.

594
00:24:19,443 --> 00:24:22,076
That’s alright
would you like a...

595
00:24:22,109 --> 00:24:26,276
Delicious cheese sandwich?

596
00:24:26,309 --> 00:24:27,676
- Sandwiches...
- Don’t you. Don’t. Don’t.

597
00:24:27,710 --> 00:24:30,476
- A delicious Kraft cheese?
- No. No!

598
00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:32,610
- Maybe cheddar?
- Colin Mochrie.

599
00:24:32,643 --> 00:24:34,943
- Maybe some nice old cheese?
- Don’t you with your cheese.

600
00:24:34,977 --> 00:24:36,010
Between two pieces of bread.

601
00:24:36,043 --> 00:24:37,576
Don’t you with your
cheese sandwich.

602
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:40,977
[laughing]

603
00:24:41,010 --> 00:24:42,510
Delicious... Cheese...

604
00:24:42,543 --> 00:24:45,643
Don’t you dare with
your cheese sandwich!

605
00:24:45,676 --> 00:24:47,610
Delicious cheese!

606
00:24:47,643 --> 00:24:49,643
How dare you, Colin Mochrie,

607
00:24:49,676 --> 00:24:53,076
with your cheese
sandwich kryptonite.

608
00:24:53,109 --> 00:24:54,943
- [Debra] Oh my God.
- [laughing]

609
00:24:54,977 --> 00:24:56,309
You know the chink in my armour.

610
00:24:56,343 --> 00:24:58,243
My Achilles’ heel.

611
00:24:58,276 --> 00:25:00,309
Delicious cheese.
Delicious cheese.

612
00:25:00,343 --> 00:25:01,543
The delicious cheese sandwich!

613
00:25:01,576 --> 00:25:02,610
...sandwiches.
Sandwiches. Delicious.

614
00:25:02,643 --> 00:25:03,977
Delicious cheese sandwich!

615
00:25:04,010 --> 00:25:05,977
Jon’s holding on for dear life.

616
00:25:06,010 --> 00:25:07,209
He’s got a yellow card,
doesn’t he?

617
00:25:07,243 --> 00:25:08,977
Yeah, he does have a yellow.

618
00:25:09,010 --> 00:25:10,610
[Jon]
This is insanity.

619
00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,676
And you have to not laugh?

620
00:25:12,710 --> 00:25:15,076
Impossible. So I’m screwed.

621
00:25:15,109 --> 00:25:16,910
{\an8}It’s the delicious
cheese sandwich!

622
00:25:18,143 --> 00:25:19,977
{\an8}♪ Gimme a pen, so I can begin ♪

623
00:25:20,010 --> 00:25:22,109
{\an8}♪ To write a new rhyme,
start a new trend ♪

624
00:25:22,143 --> 00:25:23,443
{\an8}♪ Sound the alarm,
I’m dropping a bomb ♪

625
00:25:23,476 --> 00:25:26,643
{\an8}♪ Giving ya flashbacks
...like Vietnam ♪

626
00:25:26,676 --> 00:25:27,877
{\an8}♪ You wanna rhyme like mine? ♪

627
00:25:27,910 --> 00:25:29,143
{\an8}I can’t stop shitting.

628
00:25:29,176 --> 00:25:31,143
{\an8}I shit my pants
thirty seconds ago.

629
00:25:31,176 --> 00:25:32,576
{\an8}[laughing]

630
00:25:32,610 --> 00:25:36,777
{\an8}[speaking French]

631
00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:38,443
{\an8}Owww. Oh man.

632
00:25:38,476 --> 00:25:39,543
{\an8}[Tom]
Holy crap.

633
00:25:39,576 --> 00:25:41,276
{\an8}That really hurt.

634
00:25:41,309 --> 00:25:42,743
{\an8}- Oh!
- Oh!

635
00:25:42,777 --> 00:25:43,943
{\an8}- [alarm sounds]
- Oh boy.

636
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,610
{\an8}- Who’s gone? Who is it?
- I don’t know.

637
00:25:45,643 --> 00:25:48,576
{\an8}- Is it me?
- Red carded and out.

638
00:25:48,610 --> 00:25:50,010
{\an8}Oh.

639
00:25:50,043 --> 00:25:53,209
♪