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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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It is considered useful
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and enlightening and therapeutic
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to think about death
for a few minutes a day.
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What actually happens
to my physical remains
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is of zero interest to me.
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I don't want anybody seeing
my body, I don't want anybody...
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I don't want a party.
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"Reported dead."
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Unless it could provide
entertainment value to...
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I mean, in a perverse
or subversive way, you know.
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I mean, if you could throw me
into a wood chipper and punt...
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you know, spray me into Harrods,
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you know, at, uh,
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you know,
middle of the rush hour,
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that would be pretty epic.
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I wouldn't mind being
remembered in that way.
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♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six ♪
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♪ Roadrunner, roadrunner ♪
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♪ Going faster miles an hour ♪
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♪ Gonna drive past
the Stop & Shop ♪
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♪ With the radio on ♪
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♪ I'm in love
with Massachusetts ♪
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♪ And the neon
when it's cold outside ♪
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♪ And the highway
when it's late at night ♪
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♪ Got the radio on ♪
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♪ I'm like the roadrunner... ♪
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What the fuck
am I doing here?
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I shall explain.
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One minute I was standing
next to a deep fryer,
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and the next, I was watching
the sun set over the Sahara.
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♪ I'm in love with
modern moonlight... ♪
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I realized that one thing
led directly to the other.
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Had I not taken
a dead-end dishwashing job,
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I would not have become a cook.
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Had I not become a cook, I
would never have become a chef.
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Had I not become a chef,
I never would've been able
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to fuck up so spectacularly.
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Had I not known what
it was like to really fuck up,
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that obnoxious but wildly
successful memoir I wrote
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wouldn't have been
half as interesting.
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♪ And I say roadrunner once,
roadrunner twice ♪
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♪ I'm in love with
rock and roll ♪
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♪ And I'll be out all night ♪
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♪ Roadrunner, that's right... ♪
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And I'm not gonna tell you here
how to live your life.
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I'm just saying, I guess,
that I got very lucky.
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♪ Radio on ♪
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- ♪ I got the AM ♪
- ♪ Radio on ♪
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♪ Got the car, got the AM ♪
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♪ Radio on ♪
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♪ Got the AM sound ♪
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- ♪ Got the ♪
- ♪ Radio on ♪
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♪ Got the rockin'
modern neon sound ♪
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♪ Radio on ♪
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♪ I got the car
from Massachusetts ♪
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- ♪ Got the ♪
- ♪ Radio on ♪
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♪ I got the power
of Massachusetts ♪
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♪ When it's late at night ♪
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♪ Right ♪
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♪ Bye-bye. ♪
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You're probably gonna
find out about it anyway,
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so here's a little
preemptive truth telling.
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There's no happy ending.
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He committed
suicide, the fucking asshole.
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How are you gonna make this?
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Is it... is this gonna... I mean...
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Of course what you want
to talk about,
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that's kind of where the gossip
goes, that's kind of...
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But it's not really
what you want to make.
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No, I want to make a film about
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why he was... who he was.
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You know.
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I don't know.
That's why I'm here.
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Do you know what I mean?
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That's why I'm here.
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Hi. This is Tony at Les Halles,
411 Park Avenue South,
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for delivery Monday please.
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I need one Spanish onion,
one loose carrot,
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two shallot unpeeled,
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one case frozen fava bean
and one case miel de provence.
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That'll do it. Thank you.
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Where is my fucking fish?
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I would never be late.
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My cooks would never be late.
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How can the fish guy be late?
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It's why all chefs are drunks.
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It's because we don't understand
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why the world doesn't work
like our kitchens.
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- Oh, hold on.
- If you guys are hun...
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It's just baba ghanoush. It's...
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I mean, it's not
a very nice display,
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- I know Tony.
- Cool.
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Thanks, baby.
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- What would you like?
- Um...
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- Apple juice.
- Apple juice? Apple juice?
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Or cranberry. I don't care.
Whatever we have more of.
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Happiness is a fresh pack.
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First thing in the morning.
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I mean, before I brush my teeth.
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I mean, I roll out of bed,
light a cigarette,
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stumble into this room,
and, uh, I start,
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uh, I start writing immediately.
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I always use language
to get out of trouble.
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You know,
I found at an early age,
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if I made everybody
in the class laugh,
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that was power.
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I came from a household
with a lot of books.
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In fact, the first book
I remember reading was
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a book called
Why Johnny Can't Read,
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which I stole from my mother.
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She was anticipating
that I would have
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a difficulty reading
because I was already exhibiting
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antisocial tendencies.
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Uh, I pinched the book and,
uh, basically taught myself
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to read, uh, by kindergarten.
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And then, you know,
my early heroes
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were, uh, musicians
and-and writers.
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The idea that you could
have adventures,
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no matter how antisocial,
and then make them
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somehow legitimate by writing
something beautiful about them,
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that concept took
an early hold on me.
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I wasn't serious enough
about anything
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to actually do any writing
until '93.
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But, you know, when I was given
the opportunity, I did it,
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and, you know, kept doing it.
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The whole business
fills me with terror, frankly.
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Hey.
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How are you doing, man?
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- You guys know each other by now.
- Yes.
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Let me see if Rocco's over.
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What was it about Tony
with big knives?
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They were never sharp enough.
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You know, he's...
he'd just always...
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When he came over
for Thanksgiving, uh,
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I was gonna carve the turkey,
and then he took over.
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He was very short with me about
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how I wasn't taking care
of my knives.
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- Hey.
- Tony saw you when you were just born.
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Remember that?
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My relationship with Tony
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has always been as a writer.
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He was such a powerful writer
right from the start.
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He was on business in Tokyo
for the first time.
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And he was writing me
a series of emails.
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He was back in his room,
and he-he did
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one of those bursts.
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"The jet lag
wouldn't let me sleep,
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"so I crashed late
and rose early,
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"plunging blindly down
dark streets at all hours.
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"The streets were unbelievably
dense with pedestrians,
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"people hanging around,
flashing neon,
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"flapping banners,
more screaming signs,
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"pimpy-looking young men in
suits and patent leather shoes
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"surrounded by
dye-blonde Asian women
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"in thigh-high boots
and micro-mini skirts.
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"No one, and I mean no one,
would meet my eye
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"with a direct gaze.
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"I was the quiet American,
the ugly American,
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"the hungry ghost,
searching and searching
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for whatever came next."
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I loved it. I loved it,
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and my wife Karen,
who was a book publisher,
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was in the living room
breastfeeding the baby.
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I printed out the email
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and I went,
"Karen, you have to read this."
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Am I allowed to curse?
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Does anybody curse
when they talk about this?
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I read it and I just went,
"That is fucking awesome."
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I was like, "Okay,
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I'm gonna make him an offer
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basically he can't
fucking refuse."
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He came back
and then we sat down.
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I said, "So Joel tells me,
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you know,
you have a lot of stories."
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And he goes,
"I have so many stories.
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I'm so excited to tell them."
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He said, "I already have
a title for it."
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I said, "What's the title?"
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And he said,
"Kitchen Confidential."
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And I said,
"I love it. Let's do it."
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What do you think
about Tony Bourdain anyway?
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Yeah, what do you
think about that guy?
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He's cool. Huh?
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It was like,
"Will you write this book?"
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"Yes."
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"Can you write it
in eight months?"
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"You're damn right I will."
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You know, you should talk
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to Tony's agent,
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Kim Witherspoon.
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I don't think
Tony was afraid of failure,
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and that was hard-wired.
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He was the kind of person
who thought,
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"Well, you know, what the fuck?
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Let's just try it
and see how it turns out."
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Anthony Bourdain,
who has worked as a chef
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for 28 years, reveals
some surprising and disturbing
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trade secrets in a new book
called Kitchen Confidential.
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Chef Anthony says the truth
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about bread in a restaurant,
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00:09:48,247 --> 00:09:49,882
how you should prepare
your meat when you order it,
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and also the truth about fish
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could make you sick.
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I was in a cranky mood
after my last restaurant closed
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and, uh, felt no reason
not to tell the truth about
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a business I both love and,
uh, have mixed emotions about.
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00:10:03,529 --> 00:10:06,366
Kitchen Confidential is a memoir
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00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:09,769
of Tony's life in the kitchen
and the salty adventures
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00:10:09,802 --> 00:10:11,738
that he had with his cooks.
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00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:13,706
It was kind of lawless.
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00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:16,643
You know, a lot was broken,
as Tony used to say.
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00:10:16,676 --> 00:10:20,513
Mr. Bourdain is the
executive chef at Les Halles.
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00:10:20,546 --> 00:10:21,514
He found success
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00:10:21,547 --> 00:10:24,817
and a full-blown heroin habit
at an early age.
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00:10:24,851 --> 00:10:28,388
I had a dope problem,
a cocaine problem,
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00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:31,591
but by '88, I pretty much
cleaned up my act.
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00:10:34,327 --> 00:10:36,929
The dietary supplement
that every chef needs.
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00:10:36,963 --> 00:10:38,898
I take around ten
of these a day.
220
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:41,334
It's an aspirin/Tylenol mix.
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00:10:45,705 --> 00:10:47,340
Call 'em crunchies.
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00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,409
Let me take you
on a notional joyride
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00:10:49,442 --> 00:10:50,677
through our menu tonight.
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00:10:50,710 --> 00:10:53,813
We have grilled salmon
with sorrel sauce.
225
00:10:53,846 --> 00:10:55,381
Veal kidneys.
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00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:57,450
These kidneys are
really good, by the way.
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00:10:57,483 --> 00:11:00,553
Those of you into water sports
will find much to love.
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00:11:00,586 --> 00:11:02,822
From the first time
I met him, I remember thinking,
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00:11:02,855 --> 00:11:05,825
"Oh, wow, you're, like, tall
and handsome and funny.
230
00:11:05,858 --> 00:11:07,827
"But you're kind of a big nerd.
231
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,395
"You're nerding out
on everything,
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00:11:09,429 --> 00:11:10,697
and you're a little awkward,"
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00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:13,399
and I love that about him.
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00:11:14,534 --> 00:11:17,003
"At Les Halles,
life goes on as always,
235
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,939
"the same crew showing up
on time every day.
236
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:21,441
"Eddy,
237
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:23,710
"Carlos and Omar,
Isidoro and Angel.
238
00:11:23,743 --> 00:11:26,279
"They're still with me,
and I hope they stay with me.
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00:11:26,312 --> 00:11:28,614
"My bosses, however,
when they read this,
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00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:30,616
"will really prove themselves
patrons of the arts
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00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:32,685
if they don't can me
right away."
242
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,354
So you
didn't fire him?
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00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:36,522
I didn't fire him.
244
00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:38,624
I didn't know it
was being written.
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00:11:38,658 --> 00:11:40,493
I didn't know
it was going to be published.
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00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:42,428
Uh, one day, I arrived
at the restaurant,
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00:11:42,462 --> 00:11:44,630
and I just said,
"What happened?"
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00:11:45,498 --> 00:11:47,633
You're fucking kidding me.
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00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:52,472
I was told today that on, I
guess, the 12th of this month,
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00:11:52,505 --> 00:11:54,874
it'll be number seven
on the Times Best Seller list.
251
00:11:54,907 --> 00:11:57,744
'Cause it was on 20,
wasn't it? And then, uh...
252
00:11:57,777 --> 00:11:59,479
I mean, I'm getting
congratulatory calls,
253
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:02,315
and they're telling me
I have a best seller.
254
00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:03,916
Uh, really, it's scary.
255
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:05,885
No, it's exciting.
It's wonderful.
256
00:12:05,918 --> 00:12:08,055
Yeah, I just...
257
00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:10,289
Anything that happens
beyond that door
258
00:12:10,323 --> 00:12:12,692
I'm suspicious of.
259
00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:15,762
He was always
behind in the rent,
260
00:12:15,795 --> 00:12:18,065
always behind his,
you know, payments
261
00:12:18,098 --> 00:12:21,334
and-and-and living
from paycheck to paycheck,
262
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,835
like in a pressure cooker.
263
00:12:22,869 --> 00:12:25,905
So when there was this
opportunity, he-he was ready.
264
00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:35,448
"By the time I was 43,
265
00:12:35,481 --> 00:12:37,784
"I really thought that I had
had all my great adventures,
266
00:12:37,817 --> 00:12:40,520
"that the entertainment
and excitement segment
267
00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,755
of the program was long over."
268
00:12:45,558 --> 00:12:47,660
- What's up?
- Thank you.
269
00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:51,031
That was cool.
270
00:12:51,064 --> 00:12:52,698
"I was comfortably ensconced
271
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:54,634
"in secure digs with a wife
who still remarkably
272
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,836
found me to be amusing
on occasion."
273
00:12:56,869 --> 00:12:59,039
What? What are you doing?
You're giving interviews?
274
00:12:59,072 --> 00:13:00,473
What are you... you media hoe.
275
00:13:00,506 --> 00:13:02,042
"I had a job I loved in
276
00:13:02,075 --> 00:13:04,343
"a successful restaurant, and
I was alive, for Christ's sakes.
277
00:13:04,377 --> 00:13:06,512
I was still around."
278
00:13:09,082 --> 00:13:11,084
I don't cook at home.
279
00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:13,820
I-I just... I'm too, uh...
I would love to tell you,
280
00:13:13,853 --> 00:13:15,454
you know, I go home and-and cook
281
00:13:15,488 --> 00:13:17,824
fabulous, uh, little snackies
for-for my wife.
282
00:13:17,857 --> 00:13:19,892
I would be lying if I told you that.
283
00:13:19,926 --> 00:13:22,562
It's more like,
"Honey, call out for Chinese."
284
00:13:26,732 --> 00:13:28,868
"There are, it turns out,
a million ways
285
00:13:28,901 --> 00:13:30,070
"to say 'Suck my dick.'
286
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:31,737
"And like
all great performances,
287
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:34,440
"it's about timing,
tone and delivery,
288
00:13:34,473 --> 00:13:35,875
kind of like cooking."
289
00:13:35,908 --> 00:13:38,544
Thanks.
290
00:13:39,745 --> 00:13:42,615
You know, all the TV chefs are
291
00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:44,450
so cuddly and adorable,
you know.
292
00:13:44,483 --> 00:13:45,985
Maybe I'm the... sort of like
the antidote or something.
293
00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:47,887
You know? I don't know.
294
00:13:52,959 --> 00:13:54,660
For me, it happened overnight.
295
00:13:54,694 --> 00:13:56,462
I mean, one minute,
I was a cook at a restaurant,
296
00:13:56,495 --> 00:13:58,598
and not a particularly
great one, and the next,
297
00:13:58,631 --> 00:14:01,168
I was an author,
and it was literally overnight.
298
00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:02,935
It fell in my lap.
299
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,220
I'm selling books now and it's going well.
300
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,556
Now I hired a Chef de Cuisine.
301
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:09,683
I'm a defector.
302
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,686
I got a free bottle of wine
and a basket of food
303
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,313
in my room when I came home last night
304
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,523
saying 'Welcome, Chef Bourdain'.
305
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,153
Joining me now
is Anthony Bourdain,
306
00:14:20,187 --> 00:14:22,155
author of Kitchen Confidential.
307
00:14:22,189 --> 00:14:23,489
Anthony Bourdain...
308
00:14:23,522 --> 00:14:24,624
Chef Anthony Bourdain...
309
00:14:24,657 --> 00:14:26,025
Here's Anthony Bourdain.
310
00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:29,629
What-what do you think
about these guys
311
00:14:29,662 --> 00:14:32,565
- like Emeril Lagasse and those guys on the Food Network?
- Wow.
312
00:14:32,598 --> 00:14:33,900
Y-You're asking me to, you know,
313
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:35,902
kick Santa Claus in the crotch
on television.
314
00:14:35,935 --> 00:14:37,470
I mean...
315
00:14:38,171 --> 00:14:39,772
My life gets
more and more ridiculous.
316
00:14:39,805 --> 00:14:41,641
Apparently, Brad Pitt will be
playing me in a movie.
317
00:14:41,674 --> 00:14:43,442
Yeah, guess what's,
uh, tomorrow.
318
00:14:43,476 --> 00:14:45,912
- What's tomorrow?
- Oprah.
319
00:14:45,945 --> 00:14:47,847
No! You're kidding me!
320
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,615
This is Anthony Bourdain.
321
00:14:49,649 --> 00:14:51,450
His book Kitchen Confidential
322
00:14:51,484 --> 00:14:52,985
is a New York Times Best Seller.
323
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,888
I was born to cook.
324
00:14:55,922 --> 00:14:58,491
I loved satisfying
people's appetites.
325
00:14:58,524 --> 00:15:00,559
Next, I'll be, uh, doing
the lambada with Emeril.
326
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:01,594
Bam! Just a little...
327
00:15:04,097 --> 00:15:05,531
I'd hate myself.
328
00:15:32,259 --> 00:15:33,693
Thanks.
329
00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:41,101
Oh! Whoa!
330
00:15:41,134 --> 00:15:43,703
- Ah.
- Tony Bourdain rocks!
331
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:46,106
What's up, man? Everything good?
332
00:15:46,139 --> 00:15:47,540
- Life is good.
- Yes, yes.
333
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:48,841
We're celebrating Tony's book.
334
00:15:48,874 --> 00:15:50,609
- Come here, girl. Get in here.
- Hi.
335
00:15:50,643 --> 00:15:51,911
- How you doing?
- Good.
336
00:15:51,944 --> 00:15:53,746
- This is Tony.
- Hi.
337
00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:55,082
- Howdy.
- Oh, congratulations.
338
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:56,216
We're having a good time.
339
00:15:56,249 --> 00:15:57,683
Oh, oh, the next one?
340
00:15:57,717 --> 00:15:59,585
No, the next one,
I'm doing something called
341
00:15:59,618 --> 00:16:00,853
A Cook's Tour.
342
00:16:00,886 --> 00:16:02,755
Basically, I'm gonna
travel around the world,
343
00:16:02,788 --> 00:16:04,157
eating exotic food and having
adventures in the Far East
344
00:16:04,191 --> 00:16:07,127
and Africa and South America...
345
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,661
with a crew chasing me.
346
00:16:08,694 --> 00:16:10,596
Hey, John, come here.
347
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,001
You know, my 15 minutes of
348
00:16:15,035 --> 00:16:18,038
quote, unquote "fame,"
uh, you know, when that's over,
349
00:16:18,071 --> 00:16:20,806
uh, I will be perfectly
comfortable with that,
350
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,209
if not relieved.
351
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:23,976
I think even relieved
at this point.
352
00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:27,913
When I met him
for the first time,
353
00:16:27,947 --> 00:16:31,284
he had made a splash with
Kitchen Confidential.
354
00:16:31,318 --> 00:16:33,986
I had read
that he had a contract
355
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,989
to write a second book
called A Cook's Tour,
356
00:16:37,023 --> 00:16:38,891
and I called him.
357
00:16:40,093 --> 00:16:41,328
- Yes?
- And I said,
358
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:43,096
- "Hey, I'm a producer."
- Doing good.
359
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:44,630
"Would you ever even consider
360
00:16:44,663 --> 00:16:47,666
making Cook's Tour
into a series?"
361
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,302
And he, you know,
he was like, you know,
362
00:16:49,336 --> 00:16:51,038
"Yeah, uh, whatever."
363
00:16:51,071 --> 00:16:52,738
- You know? "Sure."
- Sure.
364
00:16:52,772 --> 00:16:55,775
He was very nonplussed
about the whole idea
365
00:16:55,808 --> 00:16:57,777
of doing anything in television.
366
00:16:57,810 --> 00:17:00,047
It was not what was on his mind.
367
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,547
Bye-bye.
368
00:17:03,682 --> 00:17:05,185
A week and a half later,
369
00:17:05,218 --> 00:17:06,619
Chris Collins and I
370
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:09,189
went up to Les Halles.
371
00:17:09,222 --> 00:17:10,990
We found Tony,
372
00:17:11,023 --> 00:17:13,293
shot a demo with him
373
00:17:13,326 --> 00:17:15,095
and had a conversation with him.
374
00:17:15,128 --> 00:17:19,632
And it became immediately clear
he had never traveled.
375
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:23,203
Lydia and I were
far greater world travelers
376
00:17:23,236 --> 00:17:24,337
than Tony Bourdain.
377
00:17:24,371 --> 00:17:26,806
His travels were in his head.
378
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,076
You know, I want
to go to faraway exotic places
379
00:17:29,109 --> 00:17:31,811
with palm trees and
where teenagers in army uniforms
380
00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,679
carry machine guns.
381
00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:37,950
Growing up as a kid, you know,
I watched The Crimson Pirate.
382
00:17:37,983 --> 00:17:40,353
You know,
all pirates and bad guys
383
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:42,755
having great adventures.
384
00:17:48,661 --> 00:17:50,996
Tony's view of the world
385
00:17:51,031 --> 00:17:54,900
emanated from books
and from films.
386
00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:57,370
Almost in an encyclopedic way,
387
00:17:57,404 --> 00:18:00,173
he could grab
all these references.
388
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,842
And I think he was excited
389
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:05,010
to go on this journey
390
00:18:05,045 --> 00:18:07,847
to see if the reality
391
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,016
actually matched
the imagination.
392
00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:22,395
That moment when we set out
393
00:18:22,429 --> 00:18:26,899
in December of 2000,
it's indelible.
394
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,970
Our first journey
was, um, for six weeks.
395
00:18:31,003 --> 00:18:34,374
And remember,
we'd only spent one...
396
00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:37,277
one day with Tony
leading up to that moment.
397
00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:45,418
The image of Tony,
I mean, it was, I think,
398
00:18:45,452 --> 00:18:47,920
a guy who, at that moment,
was very unsure
399
00:18:47,953 --> 00:18:50,123
of what was about to happen.
400
00:18:51,124 --> 00:18:51,891
This way.
401
00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:53,792
You know, I'm looking at
402
00:18:53,826 --> 00:18:56,196
a strange and, uh,
unpredictable future
403
00:18:56,229 --> 00:18:58,731
in a tough business with rules
404
00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,699
that I'm not
com-completely familiar with,
405
00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:03,869
and when I become familiar
with them, I...
406
00:19:03,903 --> 00:19:07,073
you know, I don't know
whether I like them that much.
407
00:19:08,341 --> 00:19:10,743
We hit the road together,
408
00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:13,012
just the three of us.
409
00:19:13,046 --> 00:19:16,316
Lydia and I
had just gotten married.
410
00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:21,321
And then we had Tony,
a guy who we barely knew.
411
00:19:21,354 --> 00:19:23,923
So it was like three idiots
412
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:26,059
trying to figure each other out.
413
00:19:27,093 --> 00:19:29,062
The first shoot was Japan.
414
00:19:29,095 --> 00:19:30,896
Like, we didn't know
what we were doing.
415
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:32,831
He definitely didn't know
what he was doing.
416
00:19:32,865 --> 00:19:38,938
And Tony immediately became
uncomfortable and awkward.
417
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:42,209
What we would find out
very quickly is
418
00:19:42,242 --> 00:19:45,911
Tony was actually
a very shy human being.
419
00:19:45,945 --> 00:19:50,217
And to get him to make
eye contact or to interact,
420
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:53,719
it wasn't his natural state.
421
00:19:59,858 --> 00:20:01,894
You know, life
on the road with Tony Bourdain
422
00:20:01,927 --> 00:20:03,463
just isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
423
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:05,131
You know what I mean?
424
00:20:05,165 --> 00:20:09,802
The man can be a royal pain
in the ass sometimes.
425
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:13,806
In fact, I got this cold sore
on my lip now,
426
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:16,809
and it's due to stress,
427
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:22,048
stress over Tony's
lack of communication.
428
00:20:22,915 --> 00:20:24,417
That, compounded by the fact
429
00:20:24,451 --> 00:20:27,387
that we were in Japan
being sort of led into scenes
430
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:32,392
where there was a lot of,
kind of, formality involved,
431
00:20:32,425 --> 00:20:35,095
you know, all of those
factored into him being
432
00:20:35,128 --> 00:20:36,129
quiet,
433
00:20:36,162 --> 00:20:39,065
which was like
the worst possible thing.
434
00:20:41,301 --> 00:20:43,303
Mmm. Oh, wow.
435
00:20:44,903 --> 00:20:46,805
Spectacular.
436
00:20:46,839 --> 00:20:48,074
I mean, Chris and I went
437
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:50,143
back to the hotel and basically
438
00:20:50,176 --> 00:20:51,444
looked at each other
and said like...
439
00:20:51,478 --> 00:20:53,413
We're fucked.
440
00:20:58,318 --> 00:21:01,020
Chris, can...
Chris, take a picture of
441
00:21:01,054 --> 00:21:03,856
me and Lydia as we come back
with the sun behind her,
442
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,126
pointing up the mountain
towards the farmhouse
443
00:21:06,159 --> 00:21:09,496
as we walk up past
the yellow triangular sign.
444
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:11,830
Thank you.
445
00:21:11,864 --> 00:21:13,566
Okay. Here we go.
446
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,135
Okay.
447
00:21:15,168 --> 00:21:17,203
I mean, to be honest,
I'm not totally alone,
448
00:21:17,237 --> 00:21:18,871
'cause clearly somebody is
shooting this.
449
00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:20,440
I always love those,
like, desert scenes,
450
00:21:20,473 --> 00:21:22,208
"I'm alone in the desert."
451
00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:23,976
Yeah, but who else's footprints
are those?
452
00:21:24,009 --> 00:21:27,180
You know, one of those things.
But-but look.
453
00:21:27,213 --> 00:21:30,317
This is pretty cool.
454
00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:32,352
And it does feel pretty cool
to be walking...
455
00:21:32,385 --> 00:21:34,321
Well, I'll tell you this:
I'm having a lot more fun
456
00:21:34,354 --> 00:21:36,589
walking forward than
the cameraperson is
457
00:21:36,623 --> 00:21:38,891
walking backwards, I'm sure.
458
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:42,162
Was that a groan?
459
00:21:42,195 --> 00:21:44,030
Yes, it was.
460
00:21:44,064 --> 00:21:47,033
We went from Japan to Vietnam.
461
00:21:50,303 --> 00:21:54,973
That's when things started
to kick in to a different gear.
462
00:21:59,646 --> 00:22:01,481
My good friend
Phillipe Lajaunie,
463
00:22:01,514 --> 00:22:04,917
uh, pulled in, uh,
semi-unexpectedly last night.
464
00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:07,253
We're ready for, uh,
ready for our adventure?
465
00:22:10,156 --> 00:22:12,125
I joined them
466
00:22:12,158 --> 00:22:15,462
on that first trip in Vietnam,
and he was enjoying himself
467
00:22:15,495 --> 00:22:16,496
and being less cynical.
468
00:22:16,529 --> 00:22:17,630
Hey.
469
00:22:17,664 --> 00:22:19,399
Floating Starbucks over here.
470
00:22:19,432 --> 00:22:23,136
I'll have a double latte,
uh, mochaccino please.
471
00:22:24,371 --> 00:22:26,039
Oh, that's great.
472
00:22:26,072 --> 00:22:27,906
Kicks the shit out of Starbucks.
473
00:22:31,378 --> 00:22:33,246
"I love Vietnam.
474
00:22:33,279 --> 00:22:35,981
"Maybe it's a pheromonic thing,
like when you meet
475
00:22:36,014 --> 00:22:37,684
"the love of your life
for the first time.
476
00:22:37,717 --> 00:22:40,053
"She just, somehow,
477
00:22:40,086 --> 00:22:43,056
"inexplicably smells
and feels right.
478
00:22:43,089 --> 00:22:46,126
"You sense that, given the
opportunity, this is the woman
479
00:22:46,159 --> 00:22:48,495
you want to spend
the rest of your life with."
480
00:22:49,562 --> 00:22:52,065
We had common desire
481
00:22:52,098 --> 00:22:54,567
to spend time in Vietnam,
maybe forever.
482
00:22:54,601 --> 00:22:57,970
That was our secret bond.
483
00:22:59,105 --> 00:23:01,608
And of course, the movie
Apocalypse Now
484
00:23:01,641 --> 00:23:03,410
was one of his top
485
00:23:03,443 --> 00:23:04,677
three movies in his life,
486
00:23:04,711 --> 00:23:07,447
uh, because it combined
so many things:
487
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,383
Vietnam and the war and-and the
book, the Heart of Darkness.
488
00:23:12,051 --> 00:23:13,686
We just started doing
489
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,988
all of this
self-indulgent film references,
490
00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:17,724
and I suddenly realized,
"Wait a minute.
491
00:23:17,757 --> 00:23:20,293
This-this filmmaking thing
can be fun."
492
00:23:20,326 --> 00:23:23,696
♪ Ah! ♪
493
00:23:23,730 --> 00:23:26,433
You know, it's a big crayon box.
494
00:23:26,466 --> 00:23:28,067
We can actually enjoy this.
495
00:23:28,101 --> 00:23:30,336
Why am I here? Am I insane?
496
00:23:32,739 --> 00:23:34,641
You know, he used to say,
497
00:23:34,674 --> 00:23:36,342
"Don't ever let me do TV.
498
00:23:36,376 --> 00:23:39,112
Thing is like, if I ever do TV,
shoot me."
499
00:23:39,145 --> 00:23:42,115
And, you know,
at first, it was awful.
500
00:23:42,148 --> 00:23:43,583
Where do cooks come from?
501
00:23:43,616 --> 00:23:47,019
The answer to this
and other questions to follow.
502
00:23:47,053 --> 00:23:48,455
And then very quickly...
503
00:23:48,488 --> 00:23:50,723
he's such a good student,
he's so freaking smart...
504
00:23:50,757 --> 00:23:52,192
he, like, figured it out.
505
00:23:52,225 --> 00:23:54,461
Chris, Lydia, I love you.
506
00:23:54,494 --> 00:23:55,994
You know that, right?
507
00:23:56,029 --> 00:23:58,031
But I got one night
in Bangkok here, okay?
508
00:23:58,064 --> 00:24:00,200
So not even 24 hours
we're laying over here.
509
00:24:00,233 --> 00:24:03,102
You want to do a whole
goddamn show in 24 hours?
510
00:24:03,136 --> 00:24:04,237
Fine. Okay?
511
00:24:04,270 --> 00:24:07,073
But... forget about
blocking out.
512
00:24:07,106 --> 00:24:09,342
No plan and you better be fast.
513
00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:12,245
I'm gonna have a good time.
We're gonna roll.
514
00:24:13,346 --> 00:24:15,215
And if you don't get it,
you don't get it.
515
00:24:15,248 --> 00:24:18,151
Catch it in editing,
as we like to say.
516
00:24:20,253 --> 00:24:21,754
What started to grow
517
00:24:21,788 --> 00:24:24,123
at that moment
was this understanding,
518
00:24:24,157 --> 00:24:27,025
"Tony, you don't need
to tell us everything.
519
00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:28,561
"You need to experience this
and ask questions.
520
00:24:28,595 --> 00:24:30,697
"That's how we're all
gonna learn from this place.
521
00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:33,266
"It's not
you being a travel guide.
522
00:24:33,299 --> 00:24:36,135
It's you being open
to this experience."
523
00:24:37,136 --> 00:24:38,371
Oh, Jesus.
524
00:24:38,404 --> 00:24:39,506
Look at this.
525
00:24:39,539 --> 00:24:41,040
Look at this thing.
526
00:24:41,074 --> 00:24:42,642
Look at the roe
just popping out everywhere.
527
00:24:42,675 --> 00:24:44,244
Just in... Whoa! Whoa.
528
00:24:44,277 --> 00:24:45,812
Come back. Come to papa.
529
00:24:45,845 --> 00:24:47,280
If there is any dish
530
00:24:47,313 --> 00:24:49,115
that comes closest
to perfection,
531
00:24:49,148 --> 00:24:50,617
this is it, you know.
532
00:24:50,650 --> 00:24:53,486
This is bumping up right up
against the walls of heaven.
533
00:24:55,855 --> 00:24:57,257
Ah, man.
534
00:24:57,290 --> 00:24:59,526
We've reached the mountaintop.
535
00:25:29,822 --> 00:25:31,558
And trying to think, you know,
536
00:25:31,591 --> 00:25:33,192
"What do I want?"
537
00:25:33,226 --> 00:25:34,561
It would be nice
to buy something
538
00:25:34,594 --> 00:25:37,163
that will fulfill
some hollow part of my soul,
539
00:25:37,196 --> 00:25:39,232
but I can't think of,
you know, anything.
540
00:25:39,265 --> 00:25:42,068
Maybe a car will do it.
I-I don't know.
541
00:25:44,203 --> 00:25:46,172
I mean, shit, my rent is paid.
542
00:25:46,205 --> 00:25:48,675
That alone is spectacular.
543
00:25:50,443 --> 00:25:52,345
I mean, I-I...
544
00:25:52,378 --> 00:25:53,880
I'd like to live
like a normal person.
545
00:25:53,913 --> 00:25:55,615
That was always my thought,
that-that if I get
546
00:25:55,648 --> 00:25:59,118
enough money, I'll be able
to live like a normal person.
547
00:25:59,152 --> 00:26:01,754
But I don't even know
what that is anymore.
548
00:26:04,891 --> 00:26:06,859
I read Kitchen Confidential
at that time,
549
00:26:06,893 --> 00:26:08,595
and I call him.
550
00:26:08,628 --> 00:26:11,364
And I invite him
to have lunch with me
551
00:26:11,397 --> 00:26:14,133
because I want to meet the man.
552
00:26:14,167 --> 00:26:17,403
And he shows up
with a-a TV crew.
553
00:26:20,206 --> 00:26:22,141
I thought this was a jackpot.
554
00:26:22,175 --> 00:26:23,543
This was one of my idols.
555
00:26:23,576 --> 00:26:26,646
I was just absolutely
freaked out.
556
00:26:28,314 --> 00:26:30,617
Incredibly sophisticated,
refined,
557
00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:33,219
clean, beautiful,
558
00:26:33,252 --> 00:26:35,555
impeccably presented.
559
00:26:35,588 --> 00:26:37,890
Eric's food is like
560
00:26:37,924 --> 00:26:40,727
the craft
performed at its highest level.
561
00:26:43,262 --> 00:26:44,764
When I meet him,
562
00:26:44,797 --> 00:26:47,300
I don't expect him...
563
00:26:47,333 --> 00:26:49,736
to be so articulate.
564
00:26:49,769 --> 00:26:51,237
And he has amazing
565
00:26:51,270 --> 00:26:53,206
good manners at the table.
566
00:26:53,906 --> 00:26:56,409
And I think
at the end of the meal,
567
00:26:56,442 --> 00:26:58,645
we said we should meet again.
568
00:26:58,678 --> 00:27:01,147
And, um, and we did.
569
00:27:04,041 --> 00:27:05,667
This is a special custard for Tony.
570
00:27:06,168 --> 00:27:08,504
Marlboro cigarettes
crunched up into a cream.
571
00:27:08,587 --> 00:27:10,422
Tell him that's his cigarette fix.
572
00:27:10,490 --> 00:27:12,625
Served with foie gras
mousse and notes of...
573
00:27:16,963 --> 00:27:19,399
I think
what was not a struggle...
574
00:27:19,432 --> 00:27:21,267
I don't know if "struggle"
is the right word,
575
00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:23,803
but the challenge
was to be real,
576
00:27:23,836 --> 00:27:25,938
stay real, and at the same time,
577
00:27:25,972 --> 00:27:27,940
be the host of a TV show.
578
00:27:27,974 --> 00:27:29,809
You have to
579
00:27:29,842 --> 00:27:31,611
exaggerate a little bit.
580
00:27:31,644 --> 00:27:33,680
This is like
driving a Rolls-Royce naked
581
00:27:33,713 --> 00:27:35,581
in mink underpants.
582
00:27:38,317 --> 00:27:42,822
Just so over-the-top luxurious.
583
00:27:42,855 --> 00:27:44,390
I think the person
584
00:27:44,424 --> 00:27:46,426
that people experienced
on camera was
585
00:27:46,459 --> 00:27:48,528
someone who seemingly had
this incredible ability
586
00:27:48,561 --> 00:27:51,597
to engage with
anybody he came across.
587
00:27:51,631 --> 00:27:53,833
It's like
the un-muscled James Bond
588
00:27:53,866 --> 00:27:55,835
who could kind of swan
into scenes.
589
00:27:55,868 --> 00:27:59,872
There was that persona
that was created over time.
590
00:27:59,906 --> 00:28:01,908
I am looking for
591
00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:04,444
extremes of emotion
and experience.
592
00:28:04,477 --> 00:28:06,846
I'll try anything.
I'll risk everything.
593
00:28:06,879 --> 00:28:09,315
I have nothing to lose.
594
00:28:10,050 --> 00:28:11,384
The story was A Cook's Tour
595
00:28:11,417 --> 00:28:12,852
was about a guy
who smoke and drank
596
00:28:12,885 --> 00:28:14,320
and ate his way
around the world.
597
00:28:14,353 --> 00:28:15,755
That was true.
598
00:28:15,788 --> 00:28:17,323
Part of the pitch was,
599
00:28:17,356 --> 00:28:19,759
"And he's gonna eat
really weird shit, too."
600
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,329
Let's-let's do the nasty.
601
00:28:23,362 --> 00:28:25,465
They don't seem to have
their mise en place together.
602
00:28:25,498 --> 00:28:26,733
I have my mise en place together
603
00:28:26,766 --> 00:28:28,367
when I'm making steak frites.
604
00:28:28,401 --> 00:28:29,836
It seems to me, you know,
when you're making live cobra,
605
00:28:29,869 --> 00:28:32,338
you know, you should have
your operating stuff laid out.
606
00:28:32,371 --> 00:28:34,474
You know, where's the
cutting board, the knife?
607
00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:36,743
Scissors?
608
00:28:36,776 --> 00:28:38,444
You know, eating
609
00:28:38,478 --> 00:28:41,314
those kind of things was
for camera, was for network,
610
00:28:41,347 --> 00:28:43,282
was for all the reasons
people do that.
611
00:28:43,316 --> 00:28:44,383
It's like, you know,
612
00:28:44,417 --> 00:28:45,685
it's a little salacious,
613
00:28:45,718 --> 00:28:47,787
like he's eating
a live, beating cobra heart.
614
00:28:49,388 --> 00:28:50,623
Cheers, folks.
615
00:28:54,694 --> 00:28:55,528
Feels strong.
616
00:28:55,561 --> 00:28:57,563
It kind of pumps
on its way down, too.
617
00:28:57,597 --> 00:28:59,398
And I think that persona
618
00:28:59,432 --> 00:29:02,568
followed him for a number
of years, but over time,
619
00:29:02,602 --> 00:29:05,738
that burned off
and it became Tony.
620
00:29:16,449 --> 00:29:17,917
Going back
to the ancestral homeland,
621
00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:20,686
and maybe we'll discover
some things along the way.
622
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,590
So this is my father
and a little friend in France
623
00:29:24,624 --> 00:29:26,526
in a little oyster village
in the Gironde.
624
00:29:26,559 --> 00:29:28,394
This is one of
my favorite pictures, also.
625
00:29:28,427 --> 00:29:32,331
Uh, my brother and I
in the same spot.
626
00:29:33,533 --> 00:29:36,402
We didn't do a lot of travel
627
00:29:36,435 --> 00:29:38,504
when we were kids 'cause
my parents were not rich.
628
00:29:38,538 --> 00:29:39,939
We did go to France
a couple of times
629
00:29:39,972 --> 00:29:41,440
because my dad
had relatives there.
630
00:29:44,111 --> 00:29:46,546
I'm nervous.
631
00:29:46,579 --> 00:29:48,648
Whoever thought
we'd do something this goofy?
632
00:29:48,681 --> 00:29:49,682
This isn't goofy.
633
00:29:50,750 --> 00:29:52,952
Our childhood as American kids,
634
00:29:52,985 --> 00:29:54,520
we really got into Tintin books,
635
00:29:54,554 --> 00:29:56,989
which Americans say "Tin-Tin."
636
00:29:57,023 --> 00:30:00,493
This was a graphic novel
about this young reporter
637
00:30:00,526 --> 00:30:02,762
who travels all around the world
638
00:30:02,795 --> 00:30:05,865
and ends up with all of these
amazing adventures.
639
00:30:07,134 --> 00:30:08,434
I think it was actually,
in some ways,
640
00:30:08,467 --> 00:30:09,569
an inspiration for Tony's life.
641
00:30:09,602 --> 00:30:11,437
This is an oyster boat
642
00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:14,841
similar to the one
on which I had my first oyster.
643
00:30:14,874 --> 00:30:16,742
"I blame my first oyster
644
00:30:16,776 --> 00:30:18,744
"for everything I did after:
my thrill-seeking,
645
00:30:18,778 --> 00:30:21,447
all my hideous screwups
in pursuit of pleasure."
646
00:30:23,116 --> 00:30:26,452
"I was miserable and angry."
647
00:30:26,485 --> 00:30:28,155
Damn! We didn't get those when we were kids.
648
00:30:28,188 --> 00:30:29,555
- No, no.
- He-he!
649
00:30:29,589 --> 00:30:31,557
"I bridled bitterly at
650
00:30:31,591 --> 00:30:34,393
"the smothering chokehold of
love and normalcy in my house.
651
00:30:34,427 --> 00:30:36,729
"Call it a character flaw,
of which drugs
652
00:30:36,762 --> 00:30:38,431
were simply a manifestation."
653
00:30:38,464 --> 00:30:40,700
- Outstanding, Corporal!
- Most excellent.
654
00:30:40,733 --> 00:30:42,435
"A petulant 'fuck you'
655
00:30:42,468 --> 00:30:44,737
"to my bourgeois parents,
who'd committed
656
00:30:44,770 --> 00:30:47,840
the unpardonable sin
of loving me."
657
00:30:49,008 --> 00:30:51,510
- I'm really glad we got a chance to do this.
- Me, too.
658
00:30:52,645 --> 00:30:55,882
We're older
and more mature now.
659
00:31:02,055 --> 00:31:03,656
- Yeah.
- Okay.
660
00:31:03,689 --> 00:31:05,524
Yeah, let's do another one.
661
00:31:05,558 --> 00:31:06,525
- Yeah.
- Okay.
662
00:31:06,559 --> 00:31:08,661
All right, um, take two.
663
00:31:10,529 --> 00:31:12,999
"Two years ago, frequent flyer
miles meant nothing to me.
664
00:31:13,033 --> 00:31:16,569
Today, miles earned are the
pathetic milestones of my..."
665
00:31:16,602 --> 00:31:17,770
- Top?
- Yeah, start at the top.
666
00:31:17,803 --> 00:31:19,172
All right, take three.
667
00:31:19,206 --> 00:31:20,773
We would write the voice-over
668
00:31:20,806 --> 00:31:21,774
in the beginning.
669
00:31:21,807 --> 00:31:24,044
Like, we need context
for what we're seeing.
670
00:31:24,077 --> 00:31:25,112
We need
671
00:31:25,145 --> 00:31:27,647
some summary of the scene.
672
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,949
"Later, I'm on another swing
through Southeast Asia
673
00:31:29,982 --> 00:31:31,218
"with layovers here and there.
674
00:31:31,251 --> 00:31:32,818
"First stop, Singapore.
675
00:31:32,852 --> 00:31:35,821
A quick business dinner with
my editor, Ilangoh T..."
676
00:31:35,855 --> 00:31:38,791
"Tanalaban"? "Tanadab..."
"Tana..." Is it... No.
677
00:31:38,824 --> 00:31:40,793
- Thanabalan.
- Thanabalan. Okay.
678
00:31:40,826 --> 00:31:42,195
"Later, I'm on a..."
679
00:31:42,229 --> 00:31:43,629
Tony would
come to the narration,
680
00:31:43,663 --> 00:31:45,564
and he'd be like,
"What is the shit?"
681
00:31:45,598 --> 00:31:47,067
You know what I mean?
And so...
682
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:48,801
he would start
scratching things out.
683
00:31:48,834 --> 00:31:51,671
And, you know, first it started
with a word or two here
684
00:31:51,704 --> 00:31:53,806
or a sentence or two here.
685
00:31:53,839 --> 00:31:55,142
You know,
and then he became, like,
686
00:31:55,175 --> 00:31:56,876
maniacal about it.
687
00:31:56,909 --> 00:32:00,680
"...book tours, the TV show,
I travel for a living.
688
00:32:00,713 --> 00:32:03,683
"I've committed to memory
the SkyMall magazine.
689
00:32:03,716 --> 00:32:06,186
"The electronic
watering timer, $49.99.
690
00:32:06,219 --> 00:32:07,687
"Duty-free restrictions:
691
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,722
one liter alcohol,
two cartons of smokes."
692
00:32:09,755 --> 00:32:12,825
"Cobbler for dessert?
I don't think so.
693
00:32:12,858 --> 00:32:16,096
"Airport to airport,
city to city,
694
00:32:16,129 --> 00:32:19,865
"I'm starting to feel like
a modern-day Willy Loman.
695
00:32:19,899 --> 00:32:23,502
"Time zone to time zone,
country to country,
696
00:32:23,536 --> 00:32:26,539
this, it appears, is my life."
697
00:32:26,572 --> 00:32:28,241
He really understood, like,
698
00:32:28,275 --> 00:32:29,976
"This is an extension of me.
699
00:32:30,009 --> 00:32:33,612
"This is an extension
of my writing.
700
00:32:33,646 --> 00:32:36,916
"I better write in my voice.
701
00:32:36,949 --> 00:32:38,851
"You know, otherwise this is
gonna sound... I'm gonna sound
702
00:32:38,884 --> 00:32:44,023
like a tr-travel television host
rather than a writer."
703
00:32:46,293 --> 00:32:48,095
"Making TV was becoming
704
00:32:48,128 --> 00:32:50,629
"creatively satisfying.
705
00:32:50,663 --> 00:32:54,034
"I wrote the book
and yet continued filming.
706
00:32:54,067 --> 00:32:56,702
"The tail now wagged the dog.
707
00:32:56,736 --> 00:32:59,672
"I was hooked on travel,
on seeing the world,
708
00:32:59,705 --> 00:33:02,075
"and on the terms
I was seeing it.
709
00:33:04,877 --> 00:33:07,013
"I was on the road for
the better part of two years,
710
00:33:07,047 --> 00:33:10,750
"during which time
everything in my life changed.
711
00:33:10,783 --> 00:33:14,287
"I stopped working as a chef,
a job whose daily routines
712
00:33:14,321 --> 00:33:16,156
"have always been the only thing
713
00:33:16,189 --> 00:33:19,625
"that stood between me
and chaos.
714
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,064
My first marriage
began to fall apart."
715
00:33:25,664 --> 00:33:28,634
They were together
almost 30 years.
716
00:33:28,667 --> 00:33:30,237
You know, he was
717
00:33:30,270 --> 00:33:33,073
a traditional romantic.
718
00:33:33,106 --> 00:33:35,175
He believed that you could
719
00:33:35,208 --> 00:33:36,909
meet your high school sweetheart
720
00:33:36,942 --> 00:33:40,047
and spend the rest
of your life with them.
721
00:33:42,282 --> 00:33:44,016
They were like, you know,
722
00:33:44,051 --> 00:33:45,818
Sid and Nancy.
723
00:33:45,851 --> 00:33:49,056
They were like two people
conspiring against the world.
724
00:33:49,089 --> 00:33:53,759
It was a love born out
of youth and rebellion.
725
00:33:55,028 --> 00:33:56,296
Great.
726
00:33:56,329 --> 00:33:57,763
Nancy, I hope
your divorce lawyer
727
00:33:57,797 --> 00:34:00,200
is paying close attention
to this footage.
728
00:34:00,233 --> 00:34:04,071
Feel free to depose anyone
on this crew at any time.
729
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,144
This, too, of course, is part
of life's glorious mosaic.
730
00:34:12,212 --> 00:34:14,081
Nancy had no interest in fame
731
00:34:14,114 --> 00:34:17,184
or being tied to fame,
but it just
732
00:34:17,217 --> 00:34:18,751
was like a rebirth for Tony.
733
00:34:18,784 --> 00:34:20,653
It was like he died
and-and was reborn.
734
00:34:20,686 --> 00:34:23,090
I mean, this was a new person
with a new life.
735
00:34:24,723 --> 00:34:26,226
"I wrote a crime novel
736
00:34:26,259 --> 00:34:28,361
"around that time in which
the characters' yearnings
737
00:34:28,395 --> 00:34:32,032
"for a white-picket-fence
kind of a life reflect my own
738
00:34:32,065 --> 00:34:36,136
"far more truthfully than any
nonfiction I've ever written.
739
00:34:36,169 --> 00:34:39,772
"Shortly after that,
I cruelly burned down
740
00:34:39,805 --> 00:34:42,808
my previous life
in its entirety."
741
00:35:06,466 --> 00:35:08,968
That dying glow
in the background is, uh,
742
00:35:09,001 --> 00:35:11,003
I think the fuel depot
from the airport...
743
00:35:11,037 --> 00:35:13,440
There we are
on the balcony in my room,
744
00:35:13,473 --> 00:35:16,008
nervously emptying out
the minibar, uh,
745
00:35:16,042 --> 00:35:19,712
watching jet fuel
cook off at the airport.
746
00:35:20,813 --> 00:35:23,749
We had gone there
to shoot a show
747
00:35:23,782 --> 00:35:26,819
for the Travel Channel
about how Beirut was
748
00:35:26,852 --> 00:35:30,823
this renaissance of thought,
feeling and energy,
749
00:35:30,856 --> 00:35:32,425
and we shot two scenes,
750
00:35:32,459 --> 00:35:35,961
and then shit went south
really fast.
751
00:35:36,929 --> 00:35:39,199
There was
a border incident with Israel.
752
00:35:39,232 --> 00:35:42,768
Hezbollah had kidnapped
some Israeli soldiers,
753
00:35:42,801 --> 00:35:45,938
and basically, uh,
we got caught up in a war.
754
00:35:48,774 --> 00:35:51,044
Hold on. Let me, uh...
755
00:35:51,077 --> 00:35:53,779
Todd, exactly how disgusted
and anxious are you?
756
00:35:53,812 --> 00:35:56,082
We're damn lucky to be here.
757
00:35:56,116 --> 00:35:58,017
We're spending all
this time at the pool,
758
00:35:58,051 --> 00:36:00,753
watching helicopters
come in and out.
759
00:36:00,786 --> 00:36:03,956
It was just
a waiting game for us.
760
00:36:03,989 --> 00:36:05,192
We had to go in the basement
761
00:36:05,225 --> 00:36:07,294
because there was
a lot of bombs by us.
762
00:36:07,327 --> 00:36:09,129
They knocked down our house.
763
00:36:10,430 --> 00:36:12,032
You know, look at us
in those scenes.
764
00:36:12,065 --> 00:36:13,466
You know,
we're sitting around the pool,
765
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:15,335
getting tan,
766
00:36:15,368 --> 00:36:17,870
you know, watching a war.
767
00:36:19,306 --> 00:36:23,143
If there's a single metaphor
in this entire experience,
768
00:36:23,176 --> 00:36:24,877
that...
769
00:36:24,910 --> 00:36:27,113
you know, that's probably it.
770
00:36:28,381 --> 00:36:30,150
Not a flattering one.
771
00:36:41,961 --> 00:36:43,230
When they arrived back,
772
00:36:43,263 --> 00:36:45,764
the first thing he said was,
773
00:36:45,798 --> 00:36:47,367
"We cannot make a show
out of this.
774
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:51,137
I refuse to exploit
this experience in that way."
775
00:36:51,171 --> 00:36:53,739
Needless to say,
the network saw it differently.
776
00:36:54,974 --> 00:36:57,510
There's just no neat sum-up
to the story.
777
00:36:57,544 --> 00:37:00,980
He stopped doing the...
778
00:37:01,013 --> 00:37:04,783
rosy sum-up of what we just saw.
779
00:37:04,817 --> 00:37:06,018
He just stopped.
780
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:08,221
In the few years
since I've started
781
00:37:08,255 --> 00:37:11,857
to travel this world,
I'd found myself changing.
782
00:37:11,890 --> 00:37:14,394
I'd begun to believe
that the dinner table was
783
00:37:14,427 --> 00:37:16,396
the great leveler.
784
00:37:16,429 --> 00:37:18,931
Now I'm not so sure.
785
00:37:18,964 --> 00:37:21,268
Maybe the world's
not like that at all.
786
00:37:21,301 --> 00:37:24,504
Maybe in the real world,
the one without cameras
787
00:37:24,537 --> 00:37:26,106
and happy food and travel shows,
788
00:37:26,139 --> 00:37:29,875
everybody, the good
and the bad together,
789
00:37:29,908 --> 00:37:33,146
are all crushed
under the same terrible wheel.
790
00:37:33,179 --> 00:37:34,481
I hope...
791
00:37:34,514 --> 00:37:37,250
I really hope
I'm wrong about that.
792
00:37:41,521 --> 00:37:43,022
That ambiguity,
793
00:37:43,056 --> 00:37:45,191
that's what he embraced.
794
00:37:45,225 --> 00:37:48,961
Fucking open-endedness
is where the answers are.
795
00:37:50,597 --> 00:37:53,033
It was
an embittering experience.
796
00:37:53,066 --> 00:37:55,602
It got all of us
thinking about, you know,
797
00:37:55,635 --> 00:37:57,803
what's important in life.
798
00:38:00,106 --> 00:38:02,175
Oh, it's recording.
799
00:38:02,208 --> 00:38:03,443
Oh, my God.
800
00:38:03,476 --> 00:38:05,911
You look like an idiot.
801
00:38:07,347 --> 00:38:10,317
Come on, say something,
Mr. Anthony Bourdain.
802
00:38:10,350 --> 00:38:12,152
This is, uh, our vacation video,
803
00:38:12,185 --> 00:38:13,520
and we're gonna show this
to our children.
804
00:38:13,553 --> 00:38:14,920
Welcome to my video.
805
00:38:14,953 --> 00:38:17,624
Welcome to my first
independent film.
806
00:38:17,657 --> 00:38:20,193
My spring vacation.
807
00:38:22,228 --> 00:38:23,463
Ow, ow, ow!
808
00:38:23,496 --> 00:38:25,198
Come on, I'm driving.
809
00:38:25,231 --> 00:38:27,233
How do you say that in English?
810
00:38:27,267 --> 00:38:28,468
Is this a bad thing?
811
00:38:30,103 --> 00:38:31,604
Tony was single,
812
00:38:31,638 --> 00:38:33,373
and Ottavia worked for me.
813
00:38:33,406 --> 00:38:36,076
Tony called me and he-he said,
"Who is this girl, Ottavia?"
814
00:38:36,109 --> 00:38:38,078
And I said, "Well, have fun.
815
00:38:38,111 --> 00:38:41,013
You know,
don't take it seriously."
816
00:38:41,047 --> 00:38:43,149
Eric thought, you know,
817
00:38:43,183 --> 00:38:46,486
we were the perfect match
for those
818
00:38:46,519 --> 00:38:50,357
occasional,
you know, rendezvous.
819
00:38:50,390 --> 00:38:52,958
You drive like Grandma.
820
00:38:52,991 --> 00:38:54,627
What do you mean?
Does Grandma drive like this?
821
00:38:54,661 --> 00:38:56,096
Oh, here, look, no hands.
822
00:38:56,129 --> 00:38:58,198
Oh, yeah.
823
00:38:58,231 --> 00:39:00,100
I thought he was gonna be this
824
00:39:00,133 --> 00:39:03,236
bad boy, a little bit arrogant,
825
00:39:03,269 --> 00:39:07,340
and not what I was expecting
but endearing nonetheless.
826
00:39:09,142 --> 00:39:10,377
Perfetto.
827
00:39:10,410 --> 00:39:12,112
But you know
what the show's about?
828
00:39:12,145 --> 00:39:14,180
- No.
- It's about a,
829
00:39:14,214 --> 00:39:16,649
about a existential crossroads
in my life.
830
00:39:16,683 --> 00:39:18,218
You look bored already.
831
00:39:18,251 --> 00:39:19,952
I am.
832
00:39:19,985 --> 00:39:21,388
You saw
they were pretty smitten.
833
00:39:21,421 --> 00:39:22,655
I mean, he always has
834
00:39:22,689 --> 00:39:26,059
really appreciated
very strong women.
835
00:39:26,092 --> 00:39:27,993
She would cut him no slack.
836
00:39:28,026 --> 00:39:29,662
This is a load of.
837
00:39:29,696 --> 00:39:31,564
What are the chances
this scene is gonna end up
838
00:39:31,598 --> 00:39:33,566
- on the cutting room floor?
- Zero.
839
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,135
Even if we fight.
840
00:39:35,168 --> 00:39:37,103
Now, that would be
good television, see?
841
00:39:37,137 --> 00:39:39,172
We should fight.
842
00:39:39,205 --> 00:39:41,141
A couple of months later,
843
00:39:41,174 --> 00:39:43,042
we are in a restaurant,
and she's toasting him
844
00:39:43,076 --> 00:39:47,012
at the table,
and I see tears in his eyes.
845
00:39:47,046 --> 00:39:48,481
Real tears.
846
00:39:48,515 --> 00:39:51,217
And we're like,
"Oh, my God, he's in love."
847
00:39:52,452 --> 00:39:54,387
Okay, let's do
some romantic thing.
848
00:39:54,421 --> 00:39:55,522
What, like... No.
849
00:39:55,555 --> 00:39:57,424
Get that...
850
00:39:57,457 --> 00:40:00,126
Tony was like the teenagers,
851
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,095
like, falling in love
for the first time.
852
00:40:02,128 --> 00:40:04,164
They changed their clothes
and the music
853
00:40:04,197 --> 00:40:06,965
that they're listening to, and
pieces of him that you thought
854
00:40:06,999 --> 00:40:10,303
you knew were... shifting.
855
00:40:13,106 --> 00:40:15,575
Were you shocked
when Tony had a kid?
856
00:40:15,608 --> 00:40:17,043
I was shocked.
857
00:40:17,076 --> 00:40:18,511
I had asked him
858
00:40:18,545 --> 00:40:21,047
how come he didn't have kids,
and he's like...
859
00:40:22,215 --> 00:40:25,951
"It's just not something
I ever see myself doing, ever."
860
00:40:27,019 --> 00:40:28,755
For most of my life,
861
00:40:28,788 --> 00:40:30,723
I wouldn't have been
a good father.
862
00:40:30,757 --> 00:40:33,726
Too self-involved,
too messed-up on drugs.
863
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,429
And also afraid.
864
00:40:36,463 --> 00:40:39,065
The thought of being
frightened for a child,
865
00:40:39,098 --> 00:40:43,036
you know, I was not
up to that kind of fear.
866
00:40:44,404 --> 00:40:48,208
Any doubts I might have had
kind of dissipated
867
00:40:48,241 --> 00:40:53,213
when I realized how happy,
how happy, excited he was
868
00:40:53,246 --> 00:40:56,115
that he was gonna
become a father.
869
00:40:57,116 --> 00:41:00,353
- No phone.
- No phone?
870
00:41:02,522 --> 00:41:05,124
Okay. Okay. That's okay.
871
00:41:05,158 --> 00:41:07,794
- That's okay?
- That's okay.
872
00:41:07,827 --> 00:41:10,763
- Yeah? It's okay, Dada?
- Come on. Come on.
873
00:41:10,797 --> 00:41:13,166
- Okay, a little hug?
- Come on.
874
00:41:13,199 --> 00:41:16,102
Come on, now. Okay, okay.
875
00:41:16,135 --> 00:41:18,638
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
876
00:41:18,671 --> 00:41:21,407
Come on. Come on, Appa.
877
00:41:21,441 --> 00:41:23,710
- Appa.
- Appa? What about your appa?
878
00:41:28,648 --> 00:41:30,250
One, two, three.
879
00:41:30,283 --> 00:41:32,118
♪ You know we're talking ♪
880
00:41:32,151 --> 00:41:33,386
- Come on, come on.
- ♪ 'Bout the doctor. ♪
881
00:41:33,419 --> 00:41:35,788
But what does
the doctor look like?
882
00:41:38,124 --> 00:41:40,226
Well, hello. I'm Dr. Tony.
883
00:41:40,260 --> 00:41:41,594
What seems to be
the problem here?
884
00:41:42,829 --> 00:41:44,831
I'm here to help you
get all better.
885
00:41:44,864 --> 00:41:46,466
- Hooray!
- Yeah!
886
00:41:46,499 --> 00:41:48,568
We should help all people
when they need help.
887
00:41:48,601 --> 00:41:51,271
Hey, that reminds me,
I have to get back.
888
00:41:51,304 --> 00:41:54,541
Bye.
889
00:41:54,574 --> 00:41:55,808
This is my life.
890
00:41:55,842 --> 00:41:57,644
I wake up.
891
00:41:57,677 --> 00:41:58,745
I walk my daughter
892
00:41:58,778 --> 00:42:01,147
to her summer camp.
893
00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:03,483
You know, I have a few minutes
of normal family life,
894
00:42:03,516 --> 00:42:05,285
then I, like, take
the elevator downstairs,
895
00:42:05,318 --> 00:42:06,719
and there's yet another...
896
00:42:06,753 --> 00:42:08,655
Yo, Anthony!
How you doing, boss?
897
00:42:08,688 --> 00:42:10,423
Hey, what's up, man?
898
00:42:10,948 --> 00:42:13,075
Let's go get a cocktail, c'mon man
899
00:42:13,493 --> 00:42:15,562
Are you on the job?
900
00:42:15,595 --> 00:42:18,698
Yo, this guy's got
the best show on TV.
901
00:42:20,333 --> 00:42:22,802
Tony got really famous.
902
00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:24,871
Like, every two minutes,
it seemed,
903
00:42:24,904 --> 00:42:26,806
someone's going up to him.
904
00:42:26,839 --> 00:42:28,308
"Hey."
905
00:42:28,341 --> 00:42:29,876
You know, "Tony, I'm a huge fan.
906
00:42:29,909 --> 00:42:31,844
"Can I take a photo?
907
00:42:31,878 --> 00:42:33,546
"Can you talk to me?
908
00:42:33,580 --> 00:42:35,315
What are, what-what are
some travel tips? Would I..."
909
00:42:35,348 --> 00:42:38,785
It-it was just incessant,
nonstop barrage.
910
00:42:44,824 --> 00:42:48,861
He got a kid and he wanted
to be a good husband to Ottavia,
911
00:42:48,895 --> 00:42:51,731
and... everything changed, man.
912
00:42:51,764 --> 00:42:53,366
For him.
913
00:42:53,399 --> 00:42:55,201
I'm food bad boy Tony Bourdain.
914
00:42:55,234 --> 00:42:57,704
There's nowhere I won't go
and nothing I won't eat,
915
00:42:57,737 --> 00:43:00,373
as long as I'm paid in emeralds
and my hotel room has
916
00:43:00,406 --> 00:43:02,342
a bidet that shoots
warm champagne.
917
00:43:02,375 --> 00:43:05,778
Ladies and
gentlemen, Anthony Bourdain.
918
00:43:20,526 --> 00:43:22,662
And that's when I was like,
919
00:43:22,695 --> 00:43:25,365
"Tony, like, what the fuck, man?
920
00:43:25,398 --> 00:43:27,634
"Like, how do you
maintain your cool
921
00:43:27,667 --> 00:43:30,603
and your composure
and you're nice?"
922
00:43:30,637 --> 00:43:32,572
I'll never forget this.
He's like, "Listen.
923
00:43:32,605 --> 00:43:35,508
"Me being nice to someone
and being gracious to them,
924
00:43:35,541 --> 00:43:39,646
"if that's my job,
it certainly beats
925
00:43:39,679 --> 00:43:44,250
being middling line cook
at a struggling restaurant."
926
00:43:46,552 --> 00:43:49,489
Do you have anything
resembling a normal life?
927
00:43:49,522 --> 00:43:50,490
No.
928
00:43:50,523 --> 00:43:53,526
I'm asking this 'cause
the answer for me is no.
929
00:43:53,559 --> 00:43:57,263
I want to say no, 'cause
I just visited my friends.
930
00:43:57,296 --> 00:43:59,899
I haven't seen them
in many years.
931
00:43:59,932 --> 00:44:01,668
- Right.
- And I felt I just...
932
00:44:01,701 --> 00:44:03,236
I couldn't relate.
933
00:44:03,269 --> 00:44:04,671
- I mean, it's like...
- I know, I know.
934
00:44:04,704 --> 00:44:07,573
And I-I understand those,
but-but, but... yeah.
935
00:44:07,607 --> 00:44:09,442
I'm a freak.
936
00:44:09,475 --> 00:44:11,244
- They only...
- Fucking hell. Jesus.
937
00:44:11,277 --> 00:44:12,812
Oh, is this so interesting?
938
00:44:12,845 --> 00:44:14,547
What are we waiting for?
939
00:44:14,580 --> 00:44:15,948
Is there...
940
00:44:15,982 --> 00:44:17,684
We're always at the ready.
941
00:44:17,717 --> 00:44:20,586
I'm about to give birth
to a big fucking alien baby
942
00:44:20,620 --> 00:44:21,587
at any moment.
943
00:44:21,621 --> 00:44:23,289
It's-it's gonna be huge.
944
00:44:23,322 --> 00:44:24,824
All right,
why don't we take five, then.
945
00:44:24,857 --> 00:44:27,860
- Take five.
- Holy crap. Jesus.
946
00:44:27,894 --> 00:44:29,462
And you're...
947
00:44:29,495 --> 00:44:31,898
How many days of
straight shooting you have?
948
00:44:33,733 --> 00:44:35,401
Don't ask me that.
949
00:45:22,749 --> 00:45:24,650
The international
narco trafficker
950
00:45:24,684 --> 00:45:27,353
Tom Vitale was arrested
in Amsterdam just recently.
951
00:45:27,386 --> 00:45:29,422
On examination
at the local precinct,
952
00:45:29,455 --> 00:45:30,757
they found he'd swallowed
953
00:45:30,790 --> 00:45:33,659
a record-breaking
90 bolitas of cocaine.
954
00:45:35,062 --> 00:45:38,364
What made it
into the shows was,
955
00:45:38,397 --> 00:45:40,900
as far as I was concerned,
the least interesting...
956
00:45:40,933 --> 00:45:42,902
parts of the trip.
957
00:45:42,935 --> 00:45:46,873
Welcome to another episode
of 24-Hour Fuck-over.
958
00:45:51,511 --> 00:45:53,980
He was a control freak
in a lot of ways.
959
00:45:54,013 --> 00:45:56,516
You couldn't win
an argument with him.
960
00:45:56,549 --> 00:45:59,585
Just because there was an idea,
he would challenge it.
961
00:45:59,619 --> 00:46:01,020
Do you have any lines for me?
962
00:46:01,054 --> 00:46:02,399
Maybe you can feed me something.
963
00:46:02,471 --> 00:46:03,722
Rome at dusk...
964
00:46:03,766 --> 00:46:05,958
Rome at dusk. There's really
no place like it, is there?
965
00:46:05,992 --> 00:46:08,361
Uh, romance is in the air.
966
00:46:08,394 --> 00:46:09,529
- Who says that?
- We're here for two days.
967
00:46:09,562 --> 00:46:11,098
When?
When at any point in my life
968
00:46:11,131 --> 00:46:12,732
have I ever said that?
969
00:46:12,765 --> 00:46:15,035
Occasionally you feel inspired
and you say something
970
00:46:15,068 --> 00:46:18,071
really nice
that makes me tear up.
971
00:46:18,105 --> 00:46:20,506
Not today, I guess.
972
00:46:23,409 --> 00:46:24,811
Well, I would say his barometer
973
00:46:24,844 --> 00:46:26,546
for bullshit in general
was extremely sensitive.
974
00:46:26,579 --> 00:46:28,514
But if he felt
we were bullshitting,
975
00:46:28,548 --> 00:46:30,817
I mean, that's like kind of
the ultimate sin, right?
976
00:46:30,850 --> 00:46:32,819
You're gonna walk down
along the canal...
977
00:46:32,852 --> 00:46:34,353
You'd have to sort of
978
00:46:34,387 --> 00:46:36,389
lead from behind with him.
979
00:46:36,422 --> 00:46:39,358
What kind of
fascist regime is this?
980
00:46:39,392 --> 00:46:41,427
Because when Tony
wanted to leave,
981
00:46:41,460 --> 00:46:42,829
Tony would leave.
982
00:46:42,862 --> 00:46:45,565
I mean, stopping him
had to be physical.
983
00:46:45,598 --> 00:46:49,569
Like putting my body in between
him and the escape route.
984
00:46:49,602 --> 00:46:51,971
Keep him away from me.
985
00:46:52,004 --> 00:46:53,940
No, no, no.
986
00:47:02,415 --> 00:47:03,983
Yeah, I've had enough, man.
987
00:47:04,016 --> 00:47:06,452
Too, too fucked-up.
988
00:47:07,553 --> 00:47:09,822
Well, my day's ruined.
989
00:47:13,126 --> 00:47:14,794
- Really?
- No.
990
00:47:14,827 --> 00:47:16,462
- All right. Goodbye.
- I'm gonna burst into tears.
991
00:47:16,495 --> 00:47:17,797
Yeah, that's pretty good, huh?
992
00:47:17,830 --> 00:47:19,599
In the beginning, it was just
993
00:47:19,632 --> 00:47:21,601
Chris and Lydia
shooting with him.
994
00:47:21,634 --> 00:47:24,470
They did that for several years
995
00:47:24,503 --> 00:47:26,739
and then brought in
a whole team of people,
996
00:47:26,772 --> 00:47:29,976
many of them
who stuck around to the end.
997
00:47:30,009 --> 00:47:31,444
This is for you.
998
00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:32,778
Oh!
999
00:47:32,812 --> 00:47:35,082
- You might need this later.
- Oh, I will.
1000
00:47:35,115 --> 00:47:37,450
It was pretty much
1001
00:47:37,483 --> 00:47:39,919
the most formative years
of my life.
1002
00:47:39,952 --> 00:47:42,555
There will be blood.
1003
00:47:42,588 --> 00:47:44,057
There were these battling
1004
00:47:44,091 --> 00:47:45,424
sort of teams on the show.
1005
00:47:45,458 --> 00:47:46,893
- Hi, Diane.
- Diane.
1006
00:47:46,926 --> 00:47:49,129
Hey! Hey!
1007
00:47:49,162 --> 00:47:50,897
Zach introduced
a little something
1008
00:47:50,930 --> 00:47:53,166
called the-the lens change.
1009
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:54,500
I think Tony liked me
1010
00:47:54,533 --> 00:47:55,935
for a couple reasons.
1011
00:47:55,968 --> 00:47:58,004
One was that, you know,
I enjoyed fucking with Tony.
1012
00:47:58,038 --> 00:47:59,505
You know? I mean, it was...
1013
00:47:59,538 --> 00:48:01,507
Uh, we all sort of fucked
with him in our own ways.
1014
00:48:01,540 --> 00:48:03,910
You know,
it was very competitive,
1015
00:48:03,943 --> 00:48:05,045
and so the bar got pushed
1016
00:48:05,078 --> 00:48:06,479
every single episode.
1017
00:48:06,512 --> 00:48:07,914
Tony was in on everything.
1018
00:48:07,947 --> 00:48:10,616
Every show was something
that was important.
1019
00:48:10,650 --> 00:48:13,186
Every show had his care in it.
1020
00:48:13,220 --> 00:48:16,455
Every show potentially
had his wrath.
1021
00:48:18,824 --> 00:48:20,960
I mean, how many emails I got,
1022
00:48:20,993 --> 00:48:23,696
"Tell editor to un-fuck itself."
1023
00:48:24,597 --> 00:48:26,732
And I had to translate that
to the editor.
1024
00:48:26,766 --> 00:48:31,470
He would say that
the greatest sin is mediocrity.
1025
00:48:33,140 --> 00:48:35,242
"Aspiring to mediocrity.
1026
00:48:35,275 --> 00:48:36,742
"There is a grim, inevitable
1027
00:48:36,776 --> 00:48:39,578
"and all too predictable
trajectory
1028
00:48:39,612 --> 00:48:42,082
"to the passage of
a good episode of television.
1029
00:48:42,115 --> 00:48:44,750
"People aren't as stupid
as your minions clearly believe.
1030
00:48:44,784 --> 00:48:46,552
"They don't need the truth
1031
00:48:46,585 --> 00:48:48,088
"pounded home
with meaningless platitudes
1032
00:48:48,121 --> 00:48:50,123
"or bland, generic sum-ups.
1033
00:48:50,157 --> 00:48:51,824
They'll get it."
1034
00:48:51,857 --> 00:48:54,660
And it goes on
for several pages.
1035
00:48:54,694 --> 00:48:57,630
"Don't empower
these squirrel-balled nerds
1036
00:48:57,663 --> 00:49:00,633
"by letting them get their way.
1037
00:49:00,666 --> 00:49:02,969
"They will then nibble
this show to death
1038
00:49:03,002 --> 00:49:05,004
"like hungry ducks.
1039
00:49:06,005 --> 00:49:09,608
As always, best wishes
and respect, Tony."
1040
00:49:09,642 --> 00:49:11,577
And this was written to somebody
1041
00:49:11,610 --> 00:49:14,513
he truly liked and respected.
1042
00:49:18,017 --> 00:49:20,920
It bothered him
if everyone liked the show.
1043
00:49:20,953 --> 00:49:24,191
He was like, "It should
create conversation."
1044
00:49:24,224 --> 00:49:25,624
How old is he?
1045
00:49:25,658 --> 00:49:27,860
D-Does he even
remember the planes?
1046
00:49:27,893 --> 00:49:29,662
He was a child.
1047
00:49:30,896 --> 00:49:32,598
He doesn't remember.
1048
00:49:32,631 --> 00:49:34,134
Doesn't remember.
All these years...
1049
00:49:34,167 --> 00:49:36,203
He was a shockingly
countercultural voice.
1050
00:49:36,236 --> 00:49:39,705
I mean, so many of the countries
I worked in with him
1051
00:49:39,739 --> 00:49:41,707
were still dealing with
the fallout
1052
00:49:41,741 --> 00:49:44,710
from whatever America had done.
1053
00:49:44,744 --> 00:49:46,946
For him, it's losing everything,
1054
00:49:46,979 --> 00:49:48,281
uh, because he's the...
1055
00:49:48,315 --> 00:49:51,218
the head of the family,
feeding the family.
1056
00:49:51,251 --> 00:49:53,552
Um, so after losing
1057
00:49:53,586 --> 00:49:55,755
his arms and his legs,
1058
00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:59,259
uh, it's-it's a great disaster
for his life.
1059
00:50:02,129 --> 00:50:03,963
Uh, he wants to know if you are afraid
1060
00:50:03,996 --> 00:50:06,799
of seeing the-the reality.
1061
00:50:06,832 --> 00:50:09,136
Ah. Afraid?
1062
00:50:09,169 --> 00:50:11,304
Um, uh, no.
1063
00:50:11,338 --> 00:50:14,974
It-it hurts, but I think
that's appropriate.
1064
00:50:15,007 --> 00:50:17,009
You know, it should.
I think Americans...
1065
00:50:17,044 --> 00:50:21,647
every American should see
the results of war.
1066
00:50:22,382 --> 00:50:24,950
I think it's, uh...
1067
00:50:26,053 --> 00:50:31,258
...the least I can do is to-to
see the world with open eyes.
1068
00:50:43,803 --> 00:50:45,905
You'll notice that, in general,
1069
00:50:45,938 --> 00:50:47,573
I'm not myself.
1070
00:50:48,241 --> 00:50:49,942
Where's the snark, the attitude?
1071
00:50:49,975 --> 00:50:53,612
Well, what do you say to this?
1072
00:50:56,249 --> 00:50:58,751
I honestly don't know.
1073
00:51:02,322 --> 00:51:04,957
People are not statistics.
1074
00:51:04,990 --> 00:51:08,794
Surely there's value in-in
showing the little things.
1075
00:51:11,064 --> 00:51:14,101
How's business for her?
Uh, can you ask her?
1076
00:51:15,268 --> 00:51:17,070
Not re...
not really good this time.
1077
00:51:17,104 --> 00:51:18,238
- Not good?
- No.
1078
00:51:18,271 --> 00:51:19,772
I mean, the country's situation,
1079
00:51:19,805 --> 00:51:21,807
people don't have
any income, any money,
1080
00:51:21,841 --> 00:51:24,044
so they can't
buy food in the street.
1081
00:51:24,077 --> 00:51:25,245
So you can imagine that.
1082
00:51:25,278 --> 00:51:27,414
That, see...
that why you see a lot of
1083
00:51:27,447 --> 00:51:29,082
guys here begging, you know.
1084
00:51:29,116 --> 00:51:30,850
"Can you buy me some food?
Can you give me something?"
1085
00:51:30,883 --> 00:51:32,718
The biggest issue
1086
00:51:32,751 --> 00:51:36,323
that we dealt with
was trying to be,
1087
00:51:36,356 --> 00:51:39,758
you know, the fly on the wall
and-and going into a place
1088
00:51:39,792 --> 00:51:41,994
and not having an effect.
1089
00:51:42,027 --> 00:51:46,799
Like, this episode is a prime
example of just trying to help,
1090
00:51:46,832 --> 00:51:49,136
and it rearing its ugly head.
1091
00:51:50,836 --> 00:51:52,272
We have all this leftover food.
1092
00:51:52,305 --> 00:51:55,808
Tony's like, "Let's just
give it to the people here."
1093
00:51:58,044 --> 00:52:03,150
You know, they're hungry,
and of course mayhem ensued.
1094
00:52:05,818 --> 00:52:08,088
Larger kids were just, like,
throwing younger kids
1095
00:52:08,121 --> 00:52:13,460
out of the line,
and it was a very ugly scenario.
1096
00:52:25,004 --> 00:52:27,806
I think
Tony ultimately saw that
1097
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,309
it wasn't just food.
1098
00:52:29,342 --> 00:52:30,743
There's suffering in this world,
1099
00:52:30,776 --> 00:52:34,080
and that seems to be
omnipresent.
1100
00:52:34,114 --> 00:52:36,449
How do you spend time
with people
1101
00:52:36,483 --> 00:52:39,452
and-and-and you empathize
with their plight...
1102
00:52:39,486 --> 00:52:42,088
How does that not
change you fundamentally?
1103
00:52:42,122 --> 00:52:45,758
Whee. Whee.
1104
00:52:45,791 --> 00:52:47,260
You going to outer space?
1105
00:52:47,294 --> 00:52:48,961
Yes.
1106
00:52:50,763 --> 00:52:51,997
Going higher.
1107
00:52:52,032 --> 00:52:55,801
He was traveling
250 days a year,
1108
00:52:55,834 --> 00:52:57,170
and, you know,
when you come back home,
1109
00:52:57,204 --> 00:52:59,272
you have to be a husband,
you have to be a father.
1110
00:53:01,874 --> 00:53:03,876
With the little time he had,
1111
00:53:03,909 --> 00:53:06,979
he was very attentive.
1112
00:53:08,148 --> 00:53:11,084
Sandcastles on the beach,
all day long.
1113
00:53:18,857 --> 00:53:21,026
I think it was a surprise
1114
00:53:21,061 --> 00:53:23,963
and shock for him,
that late in life,
1115
00:53:23,996 --> 00:53:26,499
to experience that kind of love.
1116
00:53:26,533 --> 00:53:28,501
Can I use this hand?
1117
00:53:28,535 --> 00:53:30,136
That's okay. Use that hand.
1118
00:53:30,170 --> 00:53:32,004
We'll pull that out and use
that hand for the crumbs.
1119
00:53:32,038 --> 00:53:33,106
It's okay.
1120
00:53:33,139 --> 00:53:36,109
It moved him to his core.
1121
00:53:36,142 --> 00:53:38,844
And I think
he was constantly aware
1122
00:53:38,877 --> 00:53:41,880
of, like, not wanting
to screw it up.
1123
00:53:43,015 --> 00:53:44,984
Are you really in this country
right now, or is this a mirage?
1124
00:53:45,017 --> 00:53:48,054
I-I am my stunt double.
1125
00:53:48,088 --> 00:53:49,822
Couldn't you get
someone better-looking?
1126
00:53:49,855 --> 00:53:52,125
Yeah. Oh!
1127
00:53:52,158 --> 00:53:54,261
Fans of the show think he had
1128
00:53:54,294 --> 00:53:57,030
the greatest job in the world,
but it was one that
1129
00:53:57,063 --> 00:53:59,199
there was no way
to ever escape from.
1130
00:53:59,232 --> 00:54:01,434
Couldn't really go home
for a day and not be
1131
00:54:01,468 --> 00:54:03,036
Anthony Bourdain.
1132
00:54:03,069 --> 00:54:04,870
What kind are you making?
1133
00:54:04,903 --> 00:54:06,273
Cookie. What's the best kind?
1134
00:54:06,306 --> 00:54:09,276
I don't know. Uh, are you
observing child labor laws?
1135
00:54:10,876 --> 00:54:12,911
His daughter
used to do this joke
1136
00:54:12,945 --> 00:54:14,414
where she would get up and say,
"I'm Anthony Bourdain."
1137
00:54:14,447 --> 00:54:16,116
Hi. My name's Anthony Bourdain.
1138
00:54:16,149 --> 00:54:18,551
"You may know me
from such TV shows as..."
1139
00:54:18,585 --> 00:54:21,920
Maybe you know me
from such shows as, uh...
1140
00:54:21,954 --> 00:54:24,424
She knew that her father
1141
00:54:24,457 --> 00:54:28,794
and Anthony Bourdain
were very separate entities.
1142
00:54:31,231 --> 00:54:32,998
You're picking that nose
1143
00:54:33,033 --> 00:54:34,401
pretty hard there, young lady.
1144
00:54:36,303 --> 00:54:38,871
Oh! God!
1145
00:54:38,904 --> 00:54:40,307
"I'm through being cool.
1146
00:54:40,340 --> 00:54:42,108
"Or, more accurately,
I'm through
1147
00:54:42,142 --> 00:54:44,044
"entertaining the notion
that anybody could even
1148
00:54:44,077 --> 00:54:47,180
"consider the possibility
of coolness emanating from
1149
00:54:47,213 --> 00:54:49,482
or residing anywhere near me."
1150
00:54:49,516 --> 00:54:52,218
Everybody kick to the camera.
1151
00:54:52,252 --> 00:54:54,587
Hi-yah!
1152
00:54:54,621 --> 00:54:57,257
"The essence of cool,
after all,
1153
00:54:57,290 --> 00:54:59,059
"is not giving a fuck.
1154
00:54:59,092 --> 00:55:02,928
And let's face it, I most
definitely give a fuck now."
1155
00:55:04,664 --> 00:55:06,366
You know, my whole life,
1156
00:55:06,399 --> 00:55:08,601
I was like a kid with my nose
pressed against the glass,
1157
00:55:08,635 --> 00:55:10,936
like, wondering, you know,
"What must it be like to, like,
1158
00:55:10,969 --> 00:55:14,274
"have a kid and, you know,
a normal family
1159
00:55:14,307 --> 00:55:16,909
"and-and stand in the backyard
with this silly apron,
1160
00:55:16,942 --> 00:55:19,011
you know, barbecuing burgers?"
1161
00:55:19,045 --> 00:55:20,480
- And so when I find...
- Can I get a picture of that?
1162
00:55:20,513 --> 00:55:22,148
...when I find myself
1163
00:55:22,182 --> 00:55:26,353
doing that, I am, like,
ridiculously, stupid happy.
1164
00:55:26,386 --> 00:55:28,521
Like, I do a lot of
pretty cool shit now.
1165
00:55:28,555 --> 00:55:30,490
I travel all over the world,
I see all these amazing things,
1166
00:55:30,523 --> 00:55:34,394
but I'm never happier than when
I'm standing in-in the backyard
1167
00:55:34,427 --> 00:55:38,465
being, like, TV dad, because...
1168
00:55:38,498 --> 00:55:40,033
I-I feel normal.
1169
00:55:40,066 --> 00:55:41,368
You know?
Whatever the hell that means.
1170
00:55:41,401 --> 00:55:42,502
Yeah, what does that mean?
1171
00:55:44,671 --> 00:55:47,107
I live a very strange life.
1172
00:55:47,140 --> 00:55:49,409
I try to make up for it
when I go home
1173
00:55:49,442 --> 00:55:51,111
by cooking aggressively.
1174
00:55:51,144 --> 00:55:53,146
Like, I try to kill people
around me with food.
1175
00:55:53,179 --> 00:55:55,181
You know, like,
"Eat, eat, you know.
1176
00:55:55,215 --> 00:55:57,117
Why aren't you eating?
Don't you love me?"
1177
00:55:58,351 --> 00:56:00,520
He straddled the world of
1178
00:56:00,553 --> 00:56:02,255
being the domestic guy,
1179
00:56:02,288 --> 00:56:06,192
but that pull for
the experience outside...
1180
00:56:06,226 --> 00:56:08,661
you know, like as if
it was gonna slip away
1181
00:56:08,695 --> 00:56:12,432
if he wasn't there...
was equally as great.
1182
00:56:15,535 --> 00:56:18,037
He was always rushing.
1183
00:56:18,071 --> 00:56:20,005
He was rushing everywhere.
1184
00:56:20,039 --> 00:56:21,940
He was rushing
to get into the scene.
1185
00:56:21,974 --> 00:56:24,077
He was rushing to get
out of the scene.
1186
00:56:24,110 --> 00:56:26,146
Rushing to get
out of the country.
1187
00:56:26,179 --> 00:56:31,084
Rushing to go somewhere next,
even if he had nowhere to go.
1188
00:56:43,329 --> 00:56:45,732
♪ Making time... ♪
1189
00:56:45,765 --> 00:56:47,434
Traveling the Earth alone
1190
00:56:47,467 --> 00:56:49,502
is what I'm accustomed to
being on a tour.
1191
00:56:49,536 --> 00:56:53,339
And as fathers,
we bonded over that feeling
1192
00:56:53,373 --> 00:56:55,175
and feeling like,
1193
00:56:55,208 --> 00:56:57,177
"I'm here to give
a piece of myself away."
1194
00:56:57,210 --> 00:56:59,679
And, um, as the years go on,
that can be difficult.
1195
00:56:59,712 --> 00:57:01,980
♪ Everybody leaving... ♪
1196
00:57:02,014 --> 00:57:03,583
- Close.
- The wind. That was the wind.
1197
00:57:03,616 --> 00:57:07,187
Right. We got to, we got to,
you know, factor that in.
1198
00:57:07,787 --> 00:57:09,189
There we go.
1199
00:57:09,222 --> 00:57:10,590
And we just hit it off.
1200
00:57:10,623 --> 00:57:12,659
What do you call
an eternal optimist?
1201
00:57:12,692 --> 00:57:14,461
An accordion player
with a beeper.
1202
00:57:16,196 --> 00:57:18,731
It's hard to make friends.
1203
00:57:18,765 --> 00:57:20,200
To be at the tip of the spear,
1204
00:57:20,233 --> 00:57:22,435
it's like asking for loneliness.
1205
00:57:22,469 --> 00:57:23,736
Oh!
1206
00:57:24,804 --> 00:57:26,139
Oh, yeah.
1207
00:57:26,172 --> 00:57:27,674
That motherfucker
bled out already.
1208
00:57:29,042 --> 00:57:30,477
Straight to the jugular.
1209
00:57:30,510 --> 00:57:32,111
♪ Closing your eyes ♪
1210
00:57:32,145 --> 00:57:36,182
♪ Making more excuses ♪
1211
00:57:36,216 --> 00:57:37,484
♪ Pulling the wool... ♪
1212
00:57:37,517 --> 00:57:39,385
- Yeah.
- Can you make it three?
1213
00:57:41,554 --> 00:57:43,590
- Well, cheers to that.
- Cheers.
1214
00:57:43,623 --> 00:57:47,494
I always think of, "Yo, ho, ho,
a pirate's life for me."
1215
00:57:47,527 --> 00:57:48,661
That's-that's what I think.
1216
00:57:48,695 --> 00:57:50,163
I mean, that's...
1217
00:57:50,196 --> 00:57:52,098
But you've been,
you've been touring for...?
1218
00:57:52,131 --> 00:57:54,234
Since I was 18, yeah.
1219
00:57:54,267 --> 00:57:55,068
You know?
1220
00:57:55,101 --> 00:57:56,469
You know, but it's weird.
1221
00:57:56,503 --> 00:57:59,205
I-I'm home for... I'm
ridiculously happy for a week,
1222
00:57:59,239 --> 00:58:00,573
and then I start getting,
like, crazy,
1223
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,141
like I should be
doing something.
1224
00:58:02,175 --> 00:58:03,776
I call it the bittersweet curse.
1225
00:58:03,810 --> 00:58:06,513
Nothing feels better
than going home.
1226
00:58:06,546 --> 00:58:08,681
And nothing feels better
than leaving home.
1227
00:58:10,316 --> 00:58:12,585
- Yeah, you got a point.
- You know?
1228
00:58:21,361 --> 00:58:23,329
I loved watching him
pick up influence
1229
00:58:23,363 --> 00:58:25,565
as he went along through life.
1230
00:58:27,567 --> 00:58:29,802
He's a great
American storyteller,
1231
00:58:29,836 --> 00:58:32,272
and he started off as a voyeur.
1232
00:58:35,408 --> 00:58:39,178
He's watching these
and detailing these great tales
1233
00:58:39,212 --> 00:58:40,713
of what you're seeing.
1234
00:58:40,747 --> 00:58:43,082
And then, all of a sudden,
he's starting to live
1235
00:58:43,116 --> 00:58:45,351
those stories that he's telling.
1236
00:58:45,385 --> 00:58:48,087
He's starting to look inside.
1237
00:58:59,465 --> 00:59:01,200
"I think I said earlier
1238
00:59:01,234 --> 00:59:03,803
"that I was gonna
tell you the truth.
1239
00:59:03,836 --> 00:59:05,505
"This is part of it.
1240
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:11,311
"I was unqualified for the job.
1241
00:59:11,344 --> 00:59:15,081
"I was in deep waters
and fast-flowing ones at that.
1242
00:59:16,482 --> 00:59:19,619
The currents could change
at any time without warning."
1243
00:59:21,688 --> 00:59:24,223
"Like a lot of travelers,
I started to turn inward
1244
00:59:24,257 --> 00:59:25,592
"from the view out the window,
1245
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,827
"started to see
what was going on out there
1246
00:59:27,860 --> 00:59:30,229
through an ever-narrowing lens."
1247
00:59:32,332 --> 00:59:34,334
It is written
that I should be loyal
1248
00:59:34,367 --> 00:59:36,603
to the nightmare of my choice.
1249
00:59:36,636 --> 00:59:39,472
I think I now understand
what that means.
1250
00:59:44,510 --> 00:59:46,579
You want to be my pilot?
1251
00:59:46,613 --> 00:59:48,147
Yeah.
1252
00:59:48,181 --> 00:59:49,749
I don't see what the problem is.
1253
00:59:49,782 --> 00:59:51,651
Weather looks fine to me.
1254
00:59:53,586 --> 00:59:55,755
I'm sure we'll be fine.
1255
00:59:57,924 --> 01:00:00,326
Wow. Nice.
1256
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:03,663
Security situation good,
weather not so good.
1257
01:00:03,696 --> 01:00:05,531
Are you frightened, by the way?
1258
01:00:05,565 --> 01:00:07,834
Yeah, look at him. Look at him.
He's scared shitless.
1259
01:00:07,867 --> 01:00:09,335
I don't like flying.
1260
01:00:16,476 --> 01:00:18,778
I think that the Congo was,
1261
01:00:18,811 --> 01:00:20,546
without question,
1262
01:00:20,580 --> 01:00:24,250
the most dangerous place
we ever made the show.
1263
01:00:24,283 --> 01:00:26,419
It was something
that couldn't be done.
1264
01:00:26,452 --> 01:00:28,688
That was a big part of it, and
we're always gonna figure out
1265
01:00:28,721 --> 01:00:31,524
a way to do something
that couldn't be done.
1266
01:00:32,592 --> 01:00:35,928
Everyone gets
everything he wants.
1267
01:00:35,962 --> 01:00:38,398
I wanted to see the Congo.
1268
01:00:38,431 --> 01:00:41,334
And for my sins, they let me.
1269
01:00:42,468 --> 01:00:45,204
This is a place
I read about as a boy.
1270
01:00:45,238 --> 01:00:48,608
In Heart of Darkness,
Conrad described it as
1271
01:00:48,641 --> 01:00:50,743
a twisting snake with its head
in the Atlantic Ocean
1272
01:00:50,777 --> 01:00:54,480
and its tail buried deep
in Africa's heart.
1273
01:00:55,348 --> 01:00:56,783
Congo was a fulfillment
1274
01:00:56,816 --> 01:00:58,551
of an enormous dream.
1275
01:00:58,584 --> 01:01:00,820
In our little fantasy,
we were having
1276
01:01:00,853 --> 01:01:03,189
our Apocalypse Now moment.
1277
01:01:03,923 --> 01:01:06,426
We've rented a trusty vessel,
1278
01:01:06,459 --> 01:01:09,529
and I shall dub thee
the Captain Willard.
1279
01:01:12,565 --> 01:01:14,567
Tony was finding ways
1280
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:18,771
to push himself towards his not
just understanding of the world
1281
01:01:18,805 --> 01:01:20,773
but understanding of himself.
1282
01:01:20,807 --> 01:01:22,909
Are you an assassin?
1283
01:01:22,942 --> 01:01:25,278
I'm a soldier.
1284
01:01:25,311 --> 01:01:27,680
It's like,
which character is he
1285
01:01:27,714 --> 01:01:29,282
in that film?
1286
01:01:29,315 --> 01:01:31,918
They say my methods are unsound.
1287
01:01:31,951 --> 01:01:34,520
Are my methods unsound?
1288
01:01:35,421 --> 01:01:36,756
Do you think
my methods are unsound?
1289
01:01:36,789 --> 01:01:39,726
I haven't seen
any method at all, Colonel.
1290
01:01:39,759 --> 01:01:41,728
In Congo, he got to be someone
1291
01:01:41,761 --> 01:01:45,798
who has pushed himself into
the lunacy of a world
1292
01:01:45,832 --> 01:01:47,333
without law,
1293
01:01:47,366 --> 01:01:48,735
without order,
without structure.
1294
01:01:49,902 --> 01:01:51,871
He got to stand there
1295
01:01:51,904 --> 01:01:53,606
with a three-foot machete
1296
01:01:53,639 --> 01:01:55,842
and direct the assassination
of chickens.
1297
01:02:01,581 --> 01:02:04,784
When you get
really deep into travel,
1298
01:02:04,817 --> 01:02:06,519
I think there's an itch
that you want to scratch
1299
01:02:06,552 --> 01:02:09,056
that is out on the edge
of that envelope,
1300
01:02:09,089 --> 01:02:11,524
where chaos rules.
1301
01:02:12,658 --> 01:02:17,497
Because it strips away all of
the functional artifice of
1302
01:02:17,530 --> 01:02:19,565
how we go through our life,
1303
01:02:19,599 --> 01:02:24,003
and it leaves you with
just the sensory experience.
1304
01:02:47,094 --> 01:02:48,661
Anthony Bourdain,
1305
01:02:48,694 --> 01:02:50,496
the renowned chef
and best-selling author,
1306
01:02:50,530 --> 01:02:53,066
has a new program,
Parts Unknown,
1307
01:02:53,100 --> 01:02:54,967
and it showcases Bourdain's gift
1308
01:02:55,001 --> 01:02:58,471
for finding the essence
of a country or a culture.
1309
01:02:58,504 --> 01:03:01,007
Is it about the journalism,
1310
01:03:01,041 --> 01:03:02,842
or is it about the tourism?
1311
01:03:02,875 --> 01:03:05,411
Is it about the people?
Is it about the food?
1312
01:03:05,444 --> 01:03:07,114
It's a strange combination of
1313
01:03:07,147 --> 01:03:08,681
food, politics
1314
01:03:08,714 --> 01:03:10,950
and a decisively personal
point of view.
1315
01:03:10,983 --> 01:03:13,853
His reports from Israel,
the Palestinian territories,
1316
01:03:13,886 --> 01:03:16,722
Mexico and Lyon, France,
were simply superb.
1317
01:03:16,756 --> 01:03:18,658
He's traveled roughly
1318
01:03:18,691 --> 01:03:22,062
662,000 miles...
1319
01:03:22,095 --> 01:03:24,097
around the globe
1320
01:03:24,131 --> 01:03:26,632
26 times.
1321
01:03:26,666 --> 01:03:27,834
Uh, you know, I actually
went to Tangier
1322
01:03:27,867 --> 01:03:29,069
because you had gone there.
1323
01:03:29,102 --> 01:03:30,837
And you've had
a big impact on me.
1324
01:03:32,471 --> 01:03:34,674
Tony was very aware
1325
01:03:34,707 --> 01:03:39,579
of his own ability to promote
other people's voices.
1326
01:03:39,612 --> 01:03:41,148
But I do think that,
1327
01:03:41,181 --> 01:03:42,615
even though we moved to CNN,
1328
01:03:42,648 --> 01:03:45,852
he won a Peabody
and several Emmys,
1329
01:03:45,885 --> 01:03:50,623
he began to question who was
benefiting from these shows.
1330
01:04:03,502 --> 01:04:06,472
Okay, so we're just gonna
set up a shot with the TV.
1331
01:04:06,505 --> 01:04:08,075
Me laying on the bed,
watching CNN.
1332
01:04:08,108 --> 01:04:10,910
- Okay.
- Libya news.
1333
01:04:13,779 --> 01:04:15,481
This is CNN.
1334
01:04:15,514 --> 01:04:17,016
It is Friday, January the 25th.
1335
01:04:17,050 --> 01:04:18,618
I'm Kristie Lu Stout. This is...
1336
01:04:18,651 --> 01:04:19,986
I'm not a news fan.
1337
01:04:20,019 --> 01:04:21,754
I'm not a journalist.
1338
01:04:21,787 --> 01:04:24,490
I'm not an advocate.
I'm not an educator.
1339
01:04:24,523 --> 01:04:27,526
I'm not looking
to inspire or, uh...
1340
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:28,928
I don't have a political agenda.
1341
01:04:28,961 --> 01:04:30,796
If anything, I like very much
going to a place
1342
01:04:30,830 --> 01:04:33,033
thinking one thing
and being completely wrong
1343
01:04:33,066 --> 01:04:34,867
about all of it.
1344
01:04:45,145 --> 01:04:48,948
He was a journalist
and he was political,
1345
01:04:48,981 --> 01:04:50,917
but he was a storyteller.
1346
01:04:51,817 --> 01:04:54,453
And he didn't realize, I think,
1347
01:04:54,487 --> 01:04:56,689
how political he was.
1348
01:04:59,092 --> 01:05:00,927
We tend to see places
1349
01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:04,697
in the Middle East and Africa
in particular...
1350
01:05:04,730 --> 01:05:07,566
we only see them
when bad things happen.
1351
01:05:11,637 --> 01:05:13,973
If you just follow the news,
you'll be reminded about
1352
01:05:14,006 --> 01:05:17,110
kidnappings in Algeria,
unrest in Tunisia,
1353
01:05:17,144 --> 01:05:21,013
terrorist cells to the south,
deadly riots in Egypt,
1354
01:05:21,048 --> 01:05:24,517
and of course Islamic extremist
attacks in Benghazi
1355
01:05:24,550 --> 01:05:26,752
that killed the U.S. ambassador.
1356
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:31,757
All those things
are very real concerns.
1357
01:05:31,791 --> 01:05:33,960
But if you only look
at what's on the news,
1358
01:05:33,993 --> 01:05:37,097
you can miss maybe
what's a bigger picture.
1359
01:05:53,779 --> 01:05:55,715
You can literally see it
1360
01:05:55,748 --> 01:05:58,985
as he goes and travels
more and more and more.
1361
01:05:59,018 --> 01:06:01,654
It was almost never
about food, you know?
1362
01:06:01,687 --> 01:06:03,090
I think it was about Tony
1363
01:06:03,123 --> 01:06:05,558
learning how to be
a better person.
1364
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:09,762
You know, I try
to emulate Christ
1365
01:06:09,795 --> 01:06:11,031
in small ways
every day.
1366
01:06:11,064 --> 01:06:12,732
You do?
1367
01:06:12,765 --> 01:06:14,567
Yeah.
1368
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:16,203
Can't you tell?
1369
01:06:16,236 --> 01:06:17,703
And I mean that in a,
1370
01:06:17,737 --> 01:06:19,139
in a completely
non-disrespectful way.
1371
01:06:19,172 --> 01:06:21,141
No, no, I can imagine.
1372
01:06:21,174 --> 01:06:23,310
I mean, you're trying.
1373
01:06:23,343 --> 01:06:25,544
You are inspiring
so many people with the show.
1374
01:06:25,578 --> 01:06:27,147
You have a good karma.
1375
01:06:27,180 --> 01:06:28,647
Can't believe you say that.
1376
01:06:28,681 --> 01:06:30,150
- Yeah.
- Good karma?
1377
01:06:30,183 --> 01:06:31,851
I think so.
1378
01:06:32,885 --> 01:06:33,886
Well...
1379
01:06:35,855 --> 01:06:38,024
- Doesn't this concern you...
- This is a good karma.
1380
01:06:38,058 --> 01:06:39,292
...as a Buddhist?
1381
01:06:39,326 --> 01:06:41,161
- Look we're sitting here in Provence.
- Yeah.
1382
01:06:41,194 --> 01:06:42,695
- So?
- Wait a minute.
1383
01:06:42,728 --> 01:06:44,097
- We just had this fantastic meal.
- Yeah.
1384
01:06:44,131 --> 01:06:47,933
We're moving on
to the 2011 after the 2010.
1385
01:06:47,967 --> 01:06:50,736
Life, admittedly for you,
has been pretty sweet.
1386
01:06:50,770 --> 01:06:51,537
Yeah.
1387
01:06:51,570 --> 01:06:54,074
- Isn't that worrying to you?
- No.
1388
01:06:54,107 --> 01:06:55,975
We're sitting in Provence.
It's like a wine label.
1389
01:06:56,008 --> 01:06:58,711
The next life cannot possibly
be better than this.
1390
01:06:58,744 --> 01:07:00,713
It's probably gonna suck.
1391
01:07:00,746 --> 01:07:02,882
Enjoy every minute
of this now, Eric.
1392
01:07:02,915 --> 01:07:03,783
And pray.
1393
01:07:03,816 --> 01:07:05,818
Pray, pray that this is it,
1394
01:07:05,851 --> 01:07:07,787
because if you're right
and there is a next life,
1395
01:07:07,820 --> 01:07:09,789
we are fucked, my friend.
1396
01:07:09,822 --> 01:07:11,891
I may come back
as a sea cucumber,
1397
01:07:11,924 --> 01:07:14,660
but you're coming back
as, like, a Yorkie.
1398
01:07:14,693 --> 01:07:16,063
Or, you know, if you're lucky.
1399
01:07:17,397 --> 01:07:19,132
I'll take the Yorkie.
1400
01:07:19,166 --> 01:07:22,369
At the end of the day,
Tony's dark as fuck, man.
1401
01:07:22,402 --> 01:07:24,071
Give you an example.
1402
01:07:24,104 --> 01:07:26,672
Like, everyone asked
Tony's fucking favorite music,
1403
01:07:26,705 --> 01:07:28,908
and he would always give
the same bullshit answers,
1404
01:07:28,941 --> 01:07:32,745
like, uh, uh, "96 Mysterios"
or that fucking song.
1405
01:07:32,778 --> 01:07:34,181
- He loved that song.
- "96 Tears."
1406
01:07:34,214 --> 01:07:35,614
"96 Tears."
1407
01:07:35,648 --> 01:07:37,783
And he loved, um, "Super Fly"
1408
01:07:37,817 --> 01:07:40,853
and, um, and Curtis Mayfield's
soundtrack.
1409
01:07:40,886 --> 01:07:43,722
There's no downers
in the fucking bunch.
1410
01:07:45,024 --> 01:07:49,929
This was what Tony told me
was his favorite song.
1411
01:07:59,239 --> 01:08:01,141
He loved this fucking song.
1412
01:08:19,426 --> 01:08:21,228
It's a great song.
1413
01:08:21,261 --> 01:08:23,263
But it's heroin music.
1414
01:08:30,403 --> 01:08:32,139
In the early '70s,
1415
01:08:32,172 --> 01:08:33,706
this is where I lived.
1416
01:08:33,739 --> 01:08:36,143
You know, back then,
if you brought us heroin,
1417
01:08:36,176 --> 01:08:37,843
we would've said,
"Ah, cool.
1418
01:08:37,877 --> 01:08:40,180
I'll totally... I would like
to try some of that."
1419
01:08:40,213 --> 01:08:43,416
It wasn't like I fell into it
or accidentally got addicted
1420
01:08:43,450 --> 01:08:45,017
or, you know,
"Oh, really, it's addicting?
1421
01:08:45,051 --> 01:08:47,254
Gee, how'd that happen?"
No, I knew.
1422
01:08:48,121 --> 01:08:49,922
He never really dealt with
1423
01:08:49,955 --> 01:08:51,857
the insecurity
and all the issues
1424
01:08:51,891 --> 01:08:54,827
that put him
down that road to begin with.
1425
01:08:56,396 --> 01:08:57,763
You know, it's a lot easier
1426
01:08:57,796 --> 01:08:59,199
when you talk to Choe
about this,
1427
01:08:59,232 --> 01:09:01,434
'cause, like,
that motherfucker is so dark.
1428
01:09:01,468 --> 01:09:03,203
♪ Flying over my head... ♪
1429
01:09:03,236 --> 01:09:05,971
People forget
Anthony Bourdain was a junkie.
1430
01:09:06,005 --> 01:09:07,407
Like, he's a drug addict,
1431
01:09:07,440 --> 01:09:08,841
and I'm also a junkie.
1432
01:09:08,874 --> 01:09:10,843
I don't do drugs, but
I do everything else.
1433
01:09:11,777 --> 01:09:13,213
Overeaters Anonymous,
Debtors Anonymous,
1434
01:09:13,246 --> 01:09:15,415
Gamblers Anonymous,
Sex Addicts Anonymous,
1435
01:09:15,448 --> 01:09:17,217
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
1436
01:09:17,250 --> 01:09:18,984
Uh, I-I go to all the meetings.
1437
01:09:19,018 --> 01:09:20,986
I'll tell you something
1438
01:09:21,020 --> 01:09:23,190
really shameful about myself.
1439
01:09:23,223 --> 01:09:24,790
The first time I shot up,
1440
01:09:24,823 --> 01:09:27,060
I looked at myself
in the mirror with a big grin.
1441
01:09:27,093 --> 01:09:29,995
You know,
something was missing in me.
1442
01:09:30,030 --> 01:09:32,065
Some part of me
wanted to be a dope fiend.
1443
01:09:32,098 --> 01:09:34,800
My whole life was
leading up to that point.
1444
01:09:34,833 --> 01:09:36,203
In my mind,
1445
01:09:36,236 --> 01:09:40,839
it was my first step
towards being an artist.
1446
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:43,876
Do you think a-a certain level
of dissatisfaction
1447
01:09:43,909 --> 01:09:45,378
or unhappiness
is an integral part
1448
01:09:45,412 --> 01:09:47,047
of the creative process?
1449
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:48,948
I think
even great art can be created
1450
01:09:48,981 --> 01:09:52,352
when you're happy, but I think
the best art in the universe
1451
01:09:52,385 --> 01:09:56,489
is created through
intense suffering.
1452
01:09:56,523 --> 01:09:59,459
So then, do you put yourself
in a situation
1453
01:09:59,492 --> 01:10:02,128
where you're constantly in pain?
1454
01:10:03,396 --> 01:10:05,798
And the answer
to that question is yes.
1455
01:10:05,831 --> 01:10:07,800
That's just about
everybody I know.
1456
01:10:07,833 --> 01:10:09,969
I don't know
what this says about me.
1457
01:10:13,139 --> 01:10:14,873
I think it was one of
1458
01:10:14,907 --> 01:10:16,309
the first conversations
I ever had with him.
1459
01:10:16,343 --> 01:10:18,044
I was like, "Hey, I know
I'm just meeting you,
1460
01:10:18,078 --> 01:10:20,113
"but I-I don't know
one heroin addict
1461
01:10:20,146 --> 01:10:22,915
"that has quit
cold turkey besides you.
1462
01:10:22,948 --> 01:10:25,151
Tell me how you did it."
1463
01:10:26,386 --> 01:10:29,422
I got through, but,
you know, my case, it was like
1464
01:10:29,456 --> 01:10:32,492
I looked in a mirror and I...
1465
01:10:32,525 --> 01:10:34,994
I saw somebody worth saving, um,
1466
01:10:35,027 --> 01:10:38,298
or that I wanted to at least
try real hard and save.
1467
01:10:38,331 --> 01:10:40,833
Um...
1468
01:10:40,866 --> 01:10:43,403
you know, nobody...
1469
01:10:43,436 --> 01:10:45,372
nobody saved me.
1470
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:48,974
And he goes, "You just work."
1471
01:10:50,310 --> 01:10:52,412
When he told me that,
I bought into it
1472
01:10:52,445 --> 01:10:54,080
when I first met him.
1473
01:10:54,114 --> 01:10:57,584
And then
as I got to know him more,
1474
01:10:57,617 --> 01:10:59,419
I realized it jumped.
1475
01:10:59,452 --> 01:11:00,453
The addiction jumped.
1476
01:11:08,228 --> 01:11:11,298
When he threw himself
into something,
1477
01:11:11,331 --> 01:11:14,234
he threw himself completely.
1478
01:11:15,368 --> 01:11:16,935
Jujitsu was a good one
1479
01:11:16,969 --> 01:11:18,904
because he got super healthy.
1480
01:11:18,937 --> 01:11:20,607
He looked great.
He stopped smoking.
1481
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:22,309
He felt energized.
1482
01:11:22,342 --> 01:11:23,942
He felt powerful.
1483
01:11:24,910 --> 01:11:26,579
Oh.
1484
01:11:26,613 --> 01:11:28,448
Abort.
1485
01:11:28,481 --> 01:11:30,183
I started at 58.
1486
01:11:30,216 --> 01:11:32,452
My wife is
a fairly high-level competitor
1487
01:11:32,485 --> 01:11:33,886
and, uh, trains every...
1488
01:11:33,919 --> 01:11:35,388
Higher level than you are?
1489
01:11:35,422 --> 01:11:36,922
W-Way, way beyond
1490
01:11:36,955 --> 01:11:38,458
- where I'll ever be.
- Yeah.
1491
01:11:38,491 --> 01:11:40,327
Ottavia wanted to be able
1492
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:43,430
to kill anyone
who came at their daughter.
1493
01:11:45,998 --> 01:11:48,101
So that's where
the initial jujitsu interest
1494
01:11:48,134 --> 01:11:51,471
in that family came from,
and it was a good thing for Tony
1495
01:11:51,504 --> 01:11:53,039
to be obsessed with for a while.
1496
01:11:54,441 --> 01:11:57,477
There is this aspect
of problem-solving
1497
01:11:57,510 --> 01:12:01,448
under pressure that it was
really appealing to him.
1498
01:12:01,481 --> 01:12:03,149
Step over!
1499
01:12:03,183 --> 01:12:04,883
But anyone who gets into jujitsu
1500
01:12:04,917 --> 01:12:06,219
becomes, like, impossible
to be around.
1501
01:12:06,252 --> 01:12:10,090
I know because...
from experience.
1502
01:12:10,123 --> 01:12:12,192
At a certain point,
you're like,
1503
01:12:12,225 --> 01:12:14,960
"Dude, come on, stop talking
about fucking jujitsu."
1504
01:12:14,993 --> 01:12:16,929
I don't know anything
about jujitsu.
1505
01:12:16,962 --> 01:12:19,165
Like, I can't have
this conversation,
1506
01:12:19,199 --> 01:12:23,969
and yet I'm on like hour 150
talking to you about jujitsu.
1507
01:12:25,271 --> 01:12:27,173
I mean, his attention and focus
1508
01:12:27,207 --> 01:12:31,544
was so strong,
but there was always a timeline.
1509
01:12:32,512 --> 01:12:34,514
I don't think there was
anything that would have
1510
01:12:34,547 --> 01:12:37,117
lasted forever in his world.
1511
01:12:37,150 --> 01:12:40,587
No person, place,
thing, interest.
1512
01:12:42,122 --> 01:12:43,956
I have to show you first.
1513
01:12:43,989 --> 01:12:45,991
Can-can I show you once? Okay.
1514
01:12:47,127 --> 01:12:48,661
Then you skip one
and you go down.
1515
01:12:50,028 --> 01:12:51,364
Then you skip one
and you go down.
1516
01:12:52,532 --> 01:12:53,966
Then you come back up and...
1517
01:12:56,035 --> 01:12:59,406
It always seemed like
what he wanted was,
1518
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:03,942
you know, this, uh, idyllic
picture of, like, you know,
1519
01:13:03,976 --> 01:13:07,213
a family and ordinary life.
1520
01:13:07,247 --> 01:13:09,149
- No.
- Come on, you were doing it...
1521
01:13:09,182 --> 01:13:12,419
But then when he got it,
1522
01:13:12,452 --> 01:13:15,588
I don't know if it was...
1523
01:13:15,622 --> 01:13:17,056
I don't know.
1524
01:13:17,090 --> 01:13:18,458
Yeah.
1525
01:13:18,491 --> 01:13:21,361
After a while, maybe
that wasn't enough anymore.
1526
01:13:25,165 --> 01:13:27,333
You devoted
your book to family.
1527
01:13:27,367 --> 01:13:28,568
Yep.
1528
01:13:28,601 --> 01:13:30,002
The joys of being normal.
1529
01:13:30,036 --> 01:13:31,538
And now you've-you've split.
1530
01:13:31,571 --> 01:13:32,705
- Yep.
- So I just, like...
1531
01:13:32,739 --> 01:13:34,574
are you rethinking about
being normal
1532
01:13:34,607 --> 01:13:36,476
- or where's your...
- Well, I mean, what is normal?
1533
01:13:36,509 --> 01:13:39,011
I think, you know, what does
the American family look like?
1534
01:13:39,045 --> 01:13:41,448
I mean, I travel
250 days a year.
1535
01:13:41,481 --> 01:13:44,484
You know, how normal
could I ever hope to be?
1536
01:13:54,761 --> 01:13:57,996
Tony and I had been pretty much
1537
01:13:58,031 --> 01:14:01,668
living separate
under the same roof for...
1538
01:14:01,701 --> 01:14:03,336
for quite some time.
1539
01:14:06,706 --> 01:14:09,007
You know,
even if we didn't work out
1540
01:14:09,042 --> 01:14:10,743
as a married couple, you know,
1541
01:14:10,777 --> 01:14:15,114
we're still really good friends
and our focus was Ariane.
1542
01:14:17,817 --> 01:14:21,754
That romantic love
kind of dissipated
1543
01:14:21,788 --> 01:14:25,492
after he started
traveling so intensely,
1544
01:14:25,525 --> 01:14:27,393
and then we couldn't follow him.
1545
01:14:34,834 --> 01:14:37,504
It flowers once
every five years.
1546
01:14:37,537 --> 01:14:38,605
That's all.
1547
01:14:40,173 --> 01:14:44,177
I'll be back
before it flowers again.
1548
01:14:45,111 --> 01:14:46,513
Cross my heart.
1549
01:14:52,352 --> 01:14:54,654
He was devastated.
1550
01:14:54,687 --> 01:14:56,523
He was losing his home base.
1551
01:14:56,556 --> 01:15:00,627
And it left him
incredibly vulnerable.
1552
01:15:08,635 --> 01:15:11,437
I think Tony did blame himself.
1553
01:15:11,471 --> 01:15:14,073
And I think
it also left him wondering
1554
01:15:14,107 --> 01:15:16,409
whether or not he was lovable.
1555
01:15:25,718 --> 01:15:27,620
Is it worse
to be someplace awful
1556
01:15:27,654 --> 01:15:32,225
when you're by yourself
or someplace really nice
1557
01:15:32,258 --> 01:15:34,294
that you can't share
with anyone?
1558
01:15:40,199 --> 01:15:42,135
I mean,
I have an email that he sent me
1559
01:15:42,168 --> 01:15:43,670
that-that haunts me
1560
01:15:43,703 --> 01:15:46,573
that was just straight-up...
1561
01:15:46,606 --> 01:15:48,374
you know, out of the blue.
1562
01:15:49,609 --> 01:15:52,779
"David, this is
a crazy thing to ask..."
1563
01:15:52,812 --> 01:15:54,347
"...but I'm curious
1564
01:15:54,380 --> 01:15:57,350
and my life
is sort of shit now."
1565
01:15:58,518 --> 01:16:02,488
"You are successful
and I am successful.
1566
01:16:02,522 --> 01:16:04,791
"And I'm wondering:
1567
01:16:04,824 --> 01:16:06,793
are you happy?"
1568
01:16:14,267 --> 01:16:16,836
I know how hard
that must've been for him
1569
01:16:16,869 --> 01:16:18,338
to even write that email.
1570
01:16:18,371 --> 01:16:19,872
To-to reach out to someone
and be like,
1571
01:16:19,906 --> 01:16:21,474
"Hey, man, I'm not doing well."
1572
01:16:32,518 --> 01:16:34,921
The era of his life with
1573
01:16:34,954 --> 01:16:37,290
his child and Ottavia...
1574
01:16:38,424 --> 01:16:42,195
...I think it was sort of an
interruption of his trajectory.
1575
01:16:48,434 --> 01:16:51,270
Did he change course
in the last two years?
1576
01:16:51,304 --> 01:16:52,772
No, he got back on track,
1577
01:16:52,805 --> 01:16:55,241
which was not
the greatest track.
1578
01:16:57,944 --> 01:16:59,912
Hi, Tony. How are you?
1579
01:16:59,946 --> 01:17:01,648
I'm all right. Here?
1580
01:17:01,681 --> 01:17:02,682
Outstanding. Good.
1581
01:17:02,715 --> 01:17:04,350
That's awesome.
1582
01:17:04,384 --> 01:17:06,219
I even brought a note...
1583
01:17:06,252 --> 01:17:07,787
I took notes.
1584
01:17:07,820 --> 01:17:09,789
I was thinking of all my...
1585
01:17:09,822 --> 01:17:12,425
all of my ailments and problems.
1586
01:17:13,726 --> 01:17:15,461
I haven't done this since
1587
01:17:15,495 --> 01:17:17,664
I was, um...
1588
01:17:17,697 --> 01:17:19,899
uh, I was a teenager.
1589
01:17:19,932 --> 01:17:21,467
My parents caught me with drugs,
1590
01:17:21,501 --> 01:17:26,372
and as part of the deal,
I saw a therapist briefly.
1591
01:17:27,473 --> 01:17:29,809
And what did you feel about it?
1592
01:17:29,842 --> 01:17:30,810
It's-it's exhausting.
1593
01:17:30,843 --> 01:17:32,945
I mean, I do tend to have
1594
01:17:32,979 --> 01:17:35,281
a sort of a manic personality.
1595
01:17:35,314 --> 01:17:37,316
Everything is going
really, really great
1596
01:17:37,350 --> 01:17:39,485
or it's not going great.
1597
01:17:39,519 --> 01:17:41,454
It can happen at any time.
It's a random thing.
1598
01:17:41,487 --> 01:17:44,557
One minute, I'm okay,
everything's going all right,
1599
01:17:44,590 --> 01:17:46,592
and then suddenly it's...
one little thing
1600
01:17:46,626 --> 01:17:49,328
just sort of sets me off,
and then I find myself,
1601
01:17:49,362 --> 01:17:52,265
uh, you know,
increasingly, uh, thinking...
1602
01:17:52,298 --> 01:17:54,667
I do, I do, I do,
I think about, like,
1603
01:17:54,701 --> 01:17:58,738
momentary fantasies of harming
other people or myself.
1604
01:17:58,771 --> 01:18:00,973
Like I want to kill somebody
or choke them
1605
01:18:01,007 --> 01:18:02,842
or break their arms.
1606
01:18:02,875 --> 01:18:05,712
Uh, I think about that a lot.
1607
01:18:05,745 --> 01:18:07,547
I'd like to be happier.
1608
01:18:07,580 --> 01:18:09,449
I'd like to be able
to be calmer.
1609
01:18:09,482 --> 01:18:11,384
I'd like to be able to relax.
1610
01:18:11,417 --> 01:18:13,853
I'd like to be able to,
you know, look out the window
1611
01:18:13,886 --> 01:18:16,255
and say, "Yay, life is good."
1612
01:18:16,289 --> 01:18:18,458
- And you don't?
- No.
1613
01:18:20,626 --> 01:18:22,829
Never?
1614
01:18:24,330 --> 01:18:26,899
Uh, maybe a few seconds
here and there.
1615
01:18:26,933 --> 01:18:29,335
There is a line
1616
01:18:29,368 --> 01:18:33,005
during your life of loneliness
1617
01:18:33,040 --> 01:18:35,775
or-or feeling like
"I want to kill somebody."
1618
01:18:35,808 --> 01:18:40,012
I think that maybe
you should start thinking,
1619
01:18:40,047 --> 01:18:43,649
"Do you really want
to change anything?"
1620
01:18:50,456 --> 01:18:52,625
Do you really want to-to change
1621
01:18:52,658 --> 01:18:54,660
the way you feel?
1622
01:18:58,798 --> 01:19:00,800
I suspect it's too late.
1623
01:19:06,005 --> 01:19:10,077
♪ I can settle down ♪
1624
01:19:10,110 --> 01:19:14,514
♪ And be doing just fine ♪
1625
01:19:14,547 --> 01:19:17,517
♪ Till I hear an old train... ♪
1626
01:19:17,550 --> 01:19:19,519
I love this car.
1627
01:19:19,552 --> 01:19:22,055
I'm having car envy.
1628
01:19:22,089 --> 01:19:23,790
We were both, like,
1629
01:19:23,823 --> 01:19:26,726
constantly talking about
that movie Vanishing Point.
1630
01:19:27,860 --> 01:19:29,062
He liked fast
cars, as well.
1631
01:19:29,096 --> 01:19:30,530
I love fast cars.
1632
01:19:30,563 --> 01:19:33,066
And then we became pen
pals really for years
1633
01:19:33,100 --> 01:19:35,601
and, um, talked
about everything.
1634
01:19:38,404 --> 01:19:40,373
His whole entire personality
1635
01:19:40,406 --> 01:19:42,608
was that of a searcher.
1636
01:19:42,642 --> 01:19:44,744
I just know that he was
definitely searching
1637
01:19:44,777 --> 01:19:46,846
for something, and-and...
1638
01:19:46,879 --> 01:19:49,049
♪ But you gotta understand ♪
1639
01:19:49,082 --> 01:19:50,950
...it was kind of agony for him.
1640
01:19:50,983 --> 01:19:55,688
♪ When the Lord made me ♪
1641
01:19:55,721 --> 01:19:59,692
♪ He made a ramblin' man... ♪
1642
01:19:59,725 --> 01:20:01,828
It's this relentless instinct
1643
01:20:01,861 --> 01:20:03,396
to fuck up a good thing.
1644
01:20:03,429 --> 01:20:05,698
I think it's something
that people on TV,
1645
01:20:05,731 --> 01:20:08,968
people who write,
people who cook, share.
1646
01:20:09,001 --> 01:20:12,538
This difficulty in giving love
and receiving love...
1647
01:20:12,572 --> 01:20:15,708
they just don't quite know
how to do it.
1648
01:20:16,709 --> 01:20:19,478
A lot of people
loved him a lot.
1649
01:20:19,512 --> 01:20:21,914
I don't know if he believed it.
1650
01:20:24,051 --> 01:20:25,618
So, what do you think?
1651
01:20:25,651 --> 01:20:27,954
I mean, in a metaphysical way,
1652
01:20:27,987 --> 01:20:30,556
- when you look back on your life...
- Yeah.
1653
01:20:30,590 --> 01:20:31,991
...for me, I always feel
1654
01:20:32,024 --> 01:20:33,860
this little unease,
like, you know...
1655
01:20:33,893 --> 01:20:35,795
You feel you haven't
suffered enough yet
1656
01:20:35,828 --> 01:20:37,130
- or you haven't done enough...
- How the fuck did this happen?
1657
01:20:37,164 --> 01:20:38,631
- Or yeah.
- You know?
1658
01:20:38,664 --> 01:20:39,866
- How-How'd this happen, you know?
- No.
1659
01:20:39,899 --> 01:20:41,034
No, I know.
1660
01:20:41,068 --> 01:20:42,435
I'm still curious.
1661
01:20:42,468 --> 01:20:43,903
You seem like a curious person.
1662
01:20:43,936 --> 01:20:45,872
- It's my only virtue.
- You're... There you go.
1663
01:20:45,905 --> 01:20:46,939
All right.
1664
01:20:46,973 --> 01:20:48,407
Curious is a good thing to be.
1665
01:20:50,043 --> 01:20:52,478
Given your life...
1666
01:20:52,511 --> 01:20:53,779
what thrills you?
1667
01:20:54,680 --> 01:20:57,516
What just thrills the shit
out of you now?
1668
01:20:57,550 --> 01:21:01,754
Uh, this is very embarrassing,
but... It's really embar...
1669
01:21:01,787 --> 01:21:05,791
Being loved
and actually appreciating
1670
01:21:05,825 --> 01:21:08,461
the people that are
giving that to me.
1671
01:21:18,238 --> 01:21:19,772
Whenever you guys are ready,
1672
01:21:19,805 --> 01:21:21,041
- the cameras are rolling.
- All right.
1673
01:21:21,074 --> 01:21:22,708
We're ready to go.
1674
01:21:25,078 --> 01:21:27,114
All right, you're up?
1675
01:21:27,147 --> 01:21:28,681
So, uh, where are we?
1676
01:21:28,714 --> 01:21:30,217
But don't mention
the name of the place.
1677
01:21:30,250 --> 01:21:31,918
- I mean, turning the napkin over...
- No. Why?
1678
01:21:31,951 --> 01:21:33,452
Well, we don't... you don't want
to blow this place up.
1679
01:21:33,486 --> 01:21:34,787
I don't give a shit.
1680
01:21:34,820 --> 01:21:36,156
I mean, you've been
eating here for how long?
1681
01:21:36,189 --> 01:21:38,091
Since I was a,
since I was a kid.
1682
01:21:38,125 --> 01:21:41,194
So you would come in here
and see nothing but Americans?
1683
01:21:41,228 --> 01:21:42,662
Nothing but?
1684
01:21:42,695 --> 01:21:43,930
- Nothing but?
- Well, yeah.
1685
01:21:43,963 --> 01:21:45,564
- I mean, just an army of...
- Well, yes,
1686
01:21:45,598 --> 01:21:47,134
so nobody busts my balls.
1687
01:21:47,167 --> 01:21:49,069
Okay, then. We are at the...
1688
01:21:49,102 --> 01:21:50,603
So, giving up on that.
1689
01:21:50,636 --> 01:21:52,605
Okay. There we go.
1690
01:21:52,638 --> 01:21:55,142
H-How many generations
of filmmakers in your family?
1691
01:21:55,175 --> 01:21:57,077
Mm, a lot.
1692
01:21:57,110 --> 01:21:58,611
Cheers.
1693
01:21:58,644 --> 01:22:00,713
When Tony met Asia, he's like,
1694
01:22:00,746 --> 01:22:02,815
"She's the best.
Oh, my God, she's so great."
1695
01:22:02,848 --> 01:22:05,618
You know, and, like,
when you were in high school
1696
01:22:05,651 --> 01:22:07,553
and you got laid for
the first time or something.
1697
01:22:07,586 --> 01:22:09,555
You know,
I'm happiest when life is
1698
01:22:09,588 --> 01:22:11,224
kind of like a film.
1699
01:22:11,258 --> 01:22:14,127
So, y-you're happy
in the illusion.
1700
01:22:14,161 --> 01:22:16,028
- 'Cause film is an illusion.
- Yes.
1701
01:22:16,063 --> 01:22:17,596
Yeah, I am.
1702
01:22:17,630 --> 01:22:19,999
No, me, too. I-I understand you.
1703
01:22:21,268 --> 01:22:24,003
He seemed
really happy with her.
1704
01:22:26,005 --> 01:22:27,640
You know, I was like, well,
1705
01:22:27,673 --> 01:22:30,077
he found someone
he wants to be with.
1706
01:22:30,110 --> 01:22:31,811
You know, I'm happy for him.
1707
01:22:33,713 --> 01:22:35,982
He told me
that she was very insecure
1708
01:22:36,015 --> 01:22:39,286
about their relationship,
so he just asked me
1709
01:22:39,319 --> 01:22:43,689
to stop posting pictures of us
on social media.
1710
01:22:43,723 --> 01:22:45,725
And-and I think
he really thought
1711
01:22:45,758 --> 01:22:47,860
he was doing the right thing
1712
01:22:47,893 --> 01:22:51,597
to make sure that the person
he loved felt secure.
1713
01:22:52,631 --> 01:22:53,933
Is that a normal urge?
1714
01:22:53,966 --> 01:22:55,801
- For humans?
- I want to be normal?
1715
01:22:55,835 --> 01:22:57,603
I want to be
like everybody else?
1716
01:22:57,636 --> 01:22:59,172
I kind of wanted to be
like everybody else
1717
01:22:59,206 --> 01:23:00,740
when I was a kid,
at least for a while.
1718
01:23:00,773 --> 01:23:02,209
I-I didn't understand
why I couldn't be.
1719
01:23:02,242 --> 01:23:04,277
I think people are happier
1720
01:23:04,311 --> 01:23:05,978
when they feel like
they belong somewhere.
1721
01:23:06,012 --> 01:23:08,148
- I just, I-I...
- That's why I'm never happy
1722
01:23:08,181 --> 01:23:10,716
because I feel I never belong.
1723
01:23:15,821 --> 01:23:17,590
I knew who she was,
1724
01:23:17,623 --> 01:23:19,159
but he never would use her name.
1725
01:23:19,192 --> 01:23:23,296
He would say "crazy Italian
actress" in all the emails.
1726
01:23:23,330 --> 01:23:25,731
All I know is that
he wrote to me a few times
1727
01:23:25,765 --> 01:23:28,135
and said that it was
gonna end very, very badly,
1728
01:23:28,168 --> 01:23:30,536
and that was way back.
1729
01:23:31,138 --> 01:23:32,705
Um, he knew it.
1730
01:23:32,738 --> 01:23:34,341
Oh!
1731
01:23:38,744 --> 01:23:40,646
I bring you to the best places.
1732
01:23:41,981 --> 01:23:44,217
Fuck Michelin.
1733
01:23:44,251 --> 01:23:46,619
Michelin?
1734
01:23:46,652 --> 01:23:48,221
His last relationship,
1735
01:23:48,255 --> 01:23:52,359
I guess when you look at it,
it's not that surprising.
1736
01:23:55,295 --> 01:23:57,696
In many ways,
it feels elliptical
1737
01:23:57,730 --> 01:24:00,100
from the-the very beginning.
1738
01:24:02,369 --> 01:24:04,371
Now, some of you might ask,
1739
01:24:04,404 --> 01:24:06,906
"How is this food-related?"
Fuck if I know.
1740
01:24:06,939 --> 01:24:08,908
I guess if I crushed
my skull on a rock,
1741
01:24:08,941 --> 01:24:11,811
parts of me will become
part of the food chain.
1742
01:24:13,979 --> 01:24:15,815
It was one that had,
1743
01:24:15,848 --> 01:24:19,585
at its center, um, extremes.
1744
01:24:20,920 --> 01:24:25,092
It's as if he can't feel
in the mid-zone.
1745
01:24:28,861 --> 01:24:30,397
You know, life is about
1746
01:24:30,430 --> 01:24:32,598
finding a cliff
worth jumping off.
1747
01:24:34,067 --> 01:24:35,701
I felt he was like,
1748
01:24:35,734 --> 01:24:38,171
"I'm gonna look for something
feral and wild."
1749
01:24:40,739 --> 01:24:42,641
Perhaps that is
something to do with age
1750
01:24:42,675 --> 01:24:44,844
and all of a sudden
finding yourself alone.
1751
01:24:51,318 --> 01:24:52,918
This is called, um...
1752
01:24:52,952 --> 01:24:55,721
- Are you guys up?
- Why are you filming me?
1753
01:24:55,754 --> 01:24:56,856
This is called
1754
01:24:56,889 --> 01:24:58,724
"Our Wolf Lady of
the Wolf Flowers."
1755
01:24:58,757 --> 01:25:00,127
Ah, that's great.
1756
01:25:00,160 --> 01:25:03,028
You know, I have
a-a John Lurie over my bed.
1757
01:25:03,063 --> 01:25:04,730
I saw. No, you posted it.
1758
01:25:04,763 --> 01:25:06,266
That was nice
that you posted that.
1759
01:25:06,299 --> 01:25:09,336
No, I love it.
It makes me very, very happy.
1760
01:25:09,369 --> 01:25:11,971
- Does it?
- Yes, it does.
1761
01:25:13,473 --> 01:25:16,008
So he had
a dark sense of humor.
1762
01:25:16,042 --> 01:25:18,445
He wasn't Edgar Allan Poe.
You know what I mean? He...
1763
01:25:18,478 --> 01:25:20,080
There was
a lot of light around him.
1764
01:25:20,113 --> 01:25:21,114
There really was.
1765
01:25:21,148 --> 01:25:22,748
Bring another one.
1766
01:25:22,781 --> 01:25:24,884
No. I mean, especially, like,
I'm away and I come back
1767
01:25:24,917 --> 01:25:26,852
- and I walk into my room...
- There it is, yeah, yeah.
1768
01:25:26,886 --> 01:25:29,822
I-It feels...
the room vibrates at a frequency
1769
01:25:29,855 --> 01:25:32,159
that makes me comfortable
and-and happy.
1770
01:25:32,192 --> 01:25:33,792
That's cool.
1771
01:25:39,765 --> 01:25:41,767
Thank you.
Eggs, the perfect food.
1772
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:43,769
- Thank you, sir.
- Eat that.
1773
01:25:43,802 --> 01:25:45,905
We were supposed to have lunch.
1774
01:25:45,938 --> 01:25:47,907
And I said,
"I want to go somewhere quiet
1775
01:25:47,940 --> 01:25:49,342
where nobody knows us."
1776
01:25:49,376 --> 01:25:51,444
And he just sort of stopped
in his tracks and said,
1777
01:25:51,478 --> 01:25:53,480
"I'm becoming agoraphobic."
1778
01:25:56,049 --> 01:25:59,052
And then I saw
the pain in his face.
1779
01:26:02,522 --> 01:26:05,824
Maybe he needed some time away
from it all to reflect a minute
1780
01:26:05,858 --> 01:26:07,993
and then start again
kind of thing, you know?
1781
01:26:08,027 --> 01:26:09,196
I don't...
1782
01:26:09,229 --> 01:26:12,098
It seemed like he was about
to go on to something else.
1783
01:26:17,237 --> 01:26:19,905
His life started
to feel smaller and smaller.
1784
01:26:19,939 --> 01:26:21,974
He couldn't go as many places.
1785
01:26:22,007 --> 01:26:24,910
He couldn't be
out in public as much.
1786
01:26:24,944 --> 01:26:27,247
I could see him whittle away.
1787
01:26:30,015 --> 01:26:32,352
So, places like
the empty quarter
1788
01:26:32,385 --> 01:26:36,889
of the Arabian Desert started
to really resonate for him.
1789
01:26:36,922 --> 01:26:40,759
To just sit on the edge of
1790
01:26:40,793 --> 01:26:46,233
the largest sand desert in the
world and stare out into it...
1791
01:26:47,500 --> 01:26:49,236
...feeling like it's something
1792
01:26:49,269 --> 01:26:53,273
that's bigger than him
and not about him.
1793
01:26:55,874 --> 01:26:57,843
He often talked about how,
1794
01:26:57,876 --> 01:27:00,012
in an ideal world,
he wouldn't be in the show.
1795
01:27:00,046 --> 01:27:02,014
Uh, it would be
his point of view,
1796
01:27:02,048 --> 01:27:04,517
like a camera
moving through space,
1797
01:27:04,551 --> 01:27:07,420
without having
to see him at all.
1798
01:27:24,903 --> 01:27:27,407
"Travel isn't always pretty.
1799
01:27:27,440 --> 01:27:30,277
"You go away. You learn.
1800
01:27:30,310 --> 01:27:33,979
"You get scarred, marked,
changed in the process.
1801
01:27:36,449 --> 01:27:38,017
It even breaks your heart."
1802
01:28:03,043 --> 01:28:05,111
He was very stressed
1803
01:28:05,145 --> 01:28:07,880
and very weary
and very exhausted.
1804
01:28:09,549 --> 01:28:12,052
He did talk about quitting.
1805
01:28:12,085 --> 01:28:14,220
It happened like
a couple of years ago.
1806
01:28:15,954 --> 01:28:20,025
He asked to see
Chris and I at a bar.
1807
01:28:20,060 --> 01:28:21,994
It was very dramatic.
1808
01:28:22,027 --> 01:28:25,065
He was like, "I can't live
my life like this anymore."
1809
01:28:25,098 --> 01:28:28,468
"I'm done. I'm done with this.
I'm done with you people.
1810
01:28:28,501 --> 01:28:30,203
"Every band comes to an end.
1811
01:28:30,236 --> 01:28:32,072
It's time for us to break up
and go our separate ways."
1812
01:28:32,105 --> 01:28:35,175
"You know,
I've broken one family.
1813
01:28:35,208 --> 01:28:38,478
"I'm in this other relationship
that I care very deeply about
1814
01:28:38,511 --> 01:28:40,913
and I want to make it work."
1815
01:28:40,946 --> 01:28:42,549
And Lydia looked
at Tony and said,
1816
01:28:42,582 --> 01:28:44,617
"Then go do it.
1817
01:28:44,651 --> 01:28:46,653
"Go do it.
1818
01:28:46,686 --> 01:28:50,022
"Don't sit here
and talk about it and whine.
1819
01:28:50,989 --> 01:28:53,626
"Get up and go. Leave.
1820
01:28:53,660 --> 01:28:55,328
"Move to Italy, set up.
1821
01:28:55,362 --> 01:28:58,298
We will support you.
We will be your friend. Go."
1822
01:28:58,331 --> 01:29:00,233
"Like, if you're done with this,
1823
01:29:00,266 --> 01:29:02,068
it's okay."
1824
01:29:02,102 --> 01:29:04,537
I don't know. Maybe he was
expecting us to, like,
1825
01:29:04,571 --> 01:29:07,507
grab him and say like,
"No, don't go.
1826
01:29:07,540 --> 01:29:09,942
It's not over. What can we do?"
1827
01:29:10,577 --> 01:29:12,978
He couldn't move.
1828
01:29:14,414 --> 01:29:16,416
It's really kind of sad.
1829
01:29:17,384 --> 01:29:19,152
It's like,
1830
01:29:19,185 --> 01:29:22,288
"Then sit the fuck down and
let's talk this thing through."
1831
01:29:23,289 --> 01:29:25,924
And we said, "We'll figure out
a way to make this thing work,
1832
01:29:25,958 --> 01:29:28,161
you know, so it's good for you."
1833
01:29:33,566 --> 01:29:36,469
Okay. Here we go.
1834
01:29:36,503 --> 01:29:38,204
"Hong Kong.
1835
01:29:38,238 --> 01:29:39,972
To fall in love with Asia..."
1836
01:29:40,005 --> 01:29:42,041
Oof, Asia.
1837
01:29:42,075 --> 01:29:45,078
"To fall in love with Asia
is one thing.
1838
01:29:45,111 --> 01:29:47,614
"To fall in love in Asia
is another.
1839
01:29:47,647 --> 01:29:49,282
"Both have happened to me.
1840
01:29:49,315 --> 01:29:52,985
"It's a gift, a dream, a curse,
1841
01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:55,255
"the best thing,
the happiest thing,
1842
01:29:55,288 --> 01:29:58,358
"yet also the loneliest thing
in the world.
1843
01:29:58,391 --> 01:30:00,959
"I've been to Hong Kong
many times before,
1844
01:30:00,993 --> 01:30:03,163
but not like this."
1845
01:30:04,063 --> 01:30:07,033
If I die before
I'm 40 years old,
1846
01:30:07,066 --> 01:30:08,735
that shoot probably had
something to do with it.
1847
01:30:08,768 --> 01:30:11,037
At the last second,
1848
01:30:11,070 --> 01:30:12,705
the director gets sick.
1849
01:30:12,739 --> 01:30:14,207
I had my gallbladder removed.
1850
01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:15,575
Michael's gallbladder,
I swear to God.
1851
01:30:15,608 --> 01:30:18,578
So, obviously I can't go,
and then Tony immediately,
1852
01:30:18,611 --> 01:30:20,713
like, sees an in.
1853
01:30:20,747 --> 01:30:25,051
He gets them to all agree
that Asia should direct this.
1854
01:30:25,618 --> 01:30:27,654
W-Well, like, okay.
1855
01:30:27,687 --> 01:30:30,290
In-in man... in some ways,
on this side,
1856
01:30:30,323 --> 01:30:35,061
this is giving him some kind
of, like, intense resurgence
1857
01:30:35,094 --> 01:30:37,564
of, like, creative energy.
1858
01:30:37,597 --> 01:30:40,200
And so we-we ran with that.
1859
01:30:40,233 --> 01:30:41,568
- Asia?
- I think...
1860
01:30:41,601 --> 01:30:43,136
Back in one sec.
1861
01:30:43,169 --> 01:30:44,704
We're getting too much
good stuff...
1862
01:30:44,737 --> 01:30:46,072
I know, but...
1863
01:30:46,105 --> 01:30:47,373
...in too short
a period of time.
1864
01:30:47,407 --> 01:30:49,108
Let's mo... let's move
and-and move. Yeah.
1865
01:30:49,142 --> 01:30:50,210
And w-we're getting too much.
1866
01:30:50,243 --> 01:30:51,611
It's like, I mean,
1867
01:30:51,644 --> 01:30:53,246
at this point, it's like,
to everybody, I'm thinking,
1868
01:30:53,279 --> 01:30:54,547
"Stop saying
so much great stuff."
1869
01:30:54,581 --> 01:30:55,748
- Oh, my God.
- So happy.
1870
01:30:55,782 --> 01:30:57,484
Food's ready.
1871
01:30:57,517 --> 01:30:59,085
Asia, the food's ready.
1872
01:31:00,753 --> 01:31:03,289
It seemed like
so many years of us
1873
01:31:03,323 --> 01:31:07,527
shaping and creating this thing,
all of a sudden,
1874
01:31:07,560 --> 01:31:09,162
was thrown out the window,
1875
01:31:09,195 --> 01:31:12,565
and it was just, you know,
anything goes.
1876
01:31:12,599 --> 01:31:14,534
So what is your...
1877
01:31:15,735 --> 01:31:17,370
...what is your hope?
1878
01:31:17,403 --> 01:31:20,240
What do you hope will happen
to change your situation?
1879
01:31:20,273 --> 01:31:23,409
To-to be honest, um,
I'm not big fan of hope.
1880
01:31:23,443 --> 01:31:25,512
Um, hope is...
1881
01:31:25,545 --> 01:31:26,746
Hold on one second.
1882
01:31:26,779 --> 01:31:28,548
Let me reset.
1883
01:31:28,581 --> 01:31:30,517
In the middle
of this heartfelt scene
1884
01:31:30,550 --> 01:31:33,119
with these two asylum seekers,
we're stopping...
1885
01:31:33,152 --> 01:31:35,121
I hold my hand
or h-hold the thought?
1886
01:31:35,154 --> 01:31:36,689
...and telling them to hold
1887
01:31:36,723 --> 01:31:38,324
their thought
and to, like, redo it,
1888
01:31:38,358 --> 01:31:39,659
as if we're filming
a movie or something.
1889
01:31:39,692 --> 01:31:41,828
- Uh, add one.
- Three.
1890
01:31:41,861 --> 01:31:44,631
35 milli... uh, centimeters.
1891
01:31:49,469 --> 01:31:52,138
You know, breaking the natural,
1892
01:31:52,171 --> 01:31:53,540
heartfelt conversations
1893
01:31:53,573 --> 01:31:56,209
that are not
easy conversations to have,
1894
01:31:56,242 --> 01:31:59,445
he would have
never, ever done that.
1895
01:32:01,247 --> 01:32:03,182
Let's go. Ready to go.
1896
01:32:03,216 --> 01:32:04,551
I'm sorry, do it again.
1897
01:32:04,566 --> 01:32:06,401
You do it again.
1898
01:32:07,620 --> 01:32:09,289
Asia?
1899
01:32:12,492 --> 01:32:15,094
What happened in Hong Kong
1900
01:32:15,128 --> 01:32:16,829
was... listen.
1901
01:32:19,899 --> 01:32:23,803
We-we were trying
to help our friend.
1902
01:32:23,836 --> 01:32:26,706
And if that meant...
1903
01:32:26,739 --> 01:32:28,841
um...
1904
01:32:28,875 --> 01:32:31,277
doing... Yeah.
1905
01:32:37,784 --> 01:32:39,586
Of everything I've done
1906
01:32:39,619 --> 01:32:42,889
in my life, this was probably
the professional highlight.
1907
01:32:42,922 --> 01:32:45,525
Between, uh, Asia Argento
as the director
1908
01:32:45,558 --> 01:32:48,194
and Christopher Doyle as
the director of photography...
1909
01:32:48,227 --> 01:32:50,597
- You're gonna give me a camera?
- Hell yeah.
1910
01:32:50,630 --> 01:32:53,232
...we really
did something special.
1911
01:32:54,500 --> 01:32:57,503
All right,
proceed to smoke weed.
1912
01:33:02,709 --> 01:33:04,644
I think I'm happy.
1913
01:33:08,214 --> 01:33:10,883
Why? It's so peaceful?
1914
01:33:10,917 --> 01:33:12,752
Yeah.
1915
01:33:13,653 --> 01:33:16,189
This is the best shot
in the movie, by the way.
1916
01:33:16,222 --> 01:33:18,625
Wow, this is fucking beautiful.
1917
01:33:18,658 --> 01:33:20,393
Wait.
1918
01:33:20,426 --> 01:33:22,362
I don't smile a lot
on this show, by the way,
1919
01:33:22,395 --> 01:33:25,131
but I'm smiling now.
1920
01:33:26,232 --> 01:33:28,234
I want to shoot you guys.
1921
01:33:28,267 --> 01:33:32,138
So, tell us about your team.
1922
01:33:32,805 --> 01:33:35,608
Zach, 12-year veteran.
1923
01:33:38,344 --> 01:33:40,446
Zach had made Parts Unknown
1924
01:33:40,480 --> 01:33:42,682
one of the most beautiful shows
on television.
1925
01:33:45,785 --> 01:33:47,887
Tony's admiration for Zach
1926
01:33:47,920 --> 01:33:50,623
was just kind of mind-blowing.
1927
01:33:50,657 --> 01:33:52,325
In Hong Kong,
1928
01:33:52,358 --> 01:33:55,695
Zach had
a differing opinion from Asia
1929
01:33:55,728 --> 01:33:57,296
on what they were shooting.
1930
01:33:57,330 --> 01:33:59,799
And despite having
a huge history
1931
01:33:59,832 --> 01:34:02,568
and love and friendship,
he was gone.
1932
01:34:03,436 --> 01:34:05,672
When Tony fired Zach,
1933
01:34:05,705 --> 01:34:08,941
it was a huge red flag,
because it was like,
1934
01:34:08,975 --> 01:34:11,511
if he's gonna do that
to someone like him,
1935
01:34:11,544 --> 01:34:15,815
I mean, anyone
on the inner circle is
1936
01:34:15,848 --> 01:34:19,252
essentially,
you know, disposable.
1937
01:34:21,245 --> 01:34:23,413
She's gonna take over your life, you know.
1938
01:34:24,706 --> 01:34:26,124
She thinks.
1939
01:34:27,926 --> 01:34:31,004
She's a woman who is like me
who needs to work.
1940
01:34:31,964 --> 01:34:35,509
You're both as fucked up as each other.
Come on, it's all good. We know.
1941
01:34:36,602 --> 01:34:38,805
Cheers.
1942
01:34:41,708 --> 01:34:44,510
There was
a very sort of manic nature
1943
01:34:44,544 --> 01:34:47,013
to what was going on
in that last year,
1944
01:34:47,047 --> 01:34:50,316
where the highs
were very, very high.
1945
01:34:50,349 --> 01:34:55,189
And the lows were very ugly.
1946
01:35:00,893 --> 01:35:03,996
He was not the same person.
1947
01:35:04,030 --> 01:35:08,534
Something changed
and became really heavy.
1948
01:35:08,568 --> 01:35:13,005
But he started going to therapy
at a certain point,
1949
01:35:13,040 --> 01:35:15,274
and I thought,
1950
01:35:15,308 --> 01:35:16,509
"I can take a step back.
1951
01:35:16,542 --> 01:35:18,444
"I don't have to be,
like, you know,
1952
01:35:18,478 --> 01:35:20,747
always so, uh, worried
about him."
1953
01:35:20,780 --> 01:35:22,515
And, uh...
1954
01:35:26,586 --> 01:35:29,322
And I feel like that's
something that I will always,
1955
01:35:29,355 --> 01:35:31,824
you know, felt like...
1956
01:35:32,925 --> 01:35:36,896
...I should have kept an eye
on him more, you know?
1957
01:35:56,924 --> 01:35:58,717
He's sittin' there like crying.
1958
01:36:01,687 --> 01:36:05,424
He came by less and less.
1959
01:36:05,458 --> 01:36:08,895
And we would see him
once a month, if we were lucky.
1960
01:36:11,430 --> 01:36:13,599
You know,
he said some shit to me
1961
01:36:13,633 --> 01:36:15,802
that was really...
fucking pissed me off.
1962
01:36:15,835 --> 01:36:17,703
Um...
1963
01:36:18,704 --> 01:36:19,739
You know, fuck it.
1964
01:36:19,772 --> 01:36:23,576
You know, Tony said
I would never be a good dad.
1965
01:36:30,817 --> 01:36:32,718
That fucking hurt.
1966
01:36:37,057 --> 01:36:41,694
And I know he wasn't
trying to be mean, but...
1967
01:36:44,131 --> 01:36:46,066
- Was he projecting?
- Yeah.
1968
01:36:46,099 --> 01:36:48,835
Of course he was projecting.
1969
01:36:48,868 --> 01:36:53,506
He did everything
he could to be the... a dad.
1970
01:36:55,741 --> 01:36:58,111
I think it broke his heart
that he couldn't be
1971
01:36:58,145 --> 01:36:59,679
the fucking dad
he thought he could be,
1972
01:36:59,712 --> 01:37:02,548
the romantic version of a dad.
1973
01:37:04,617 --> 01:37:06,719
He was such a romantic
about life,
1974
01:37:06,752 --> 01:37:11,390
about anything, about families,
about life as a whole.
1975
01:37:12,625 --> 01:37:16,429
Life was a romantic idea,
and reality was never gonna
1976
01:37:16,462 --> 01:37:18,965
live up to exactly
how he pictured it.
1977
01:37:21,434 --> 01:37:22,602
He was always gonna sort of
1978
01:37:22,635 --> 01:37:23,803
set himself up
for disappointment.
1979
01:37:33,779 --> 01:37:35,548
Wow.
1980
01:37:35,581 --> 01:37:37,150
There's a sense of, um,
1981
01:37:37,184 --> 01:37:41,454
vastness that I'm not used to.
1982
01:37:41,487 --> 01:37:43,890
Does this remind you
of your cowboy movies?
1983
01:37:43,923 --> 01:37:46,459
- Uh, a little bit.
- Yeah.
1984
01:37:46,492 --> 01:37:47,760
Yes, the lone gunman
out for vengeance
1985
01:37:47,793 --> 01:37:50,063
would be riding
in a long shot over there.
1986
01:37:51,697 --> 01:37:53,166
At that point, I think
1987
01:37:53,200 --> 01:37:56,669
he thought his relationship
with Asia
1988
01:37:56,702 --> 01:37:58,871
could provide him
with an answer.
1989
01:37:58,905 --> 01:38:01,507
- But anyway...
- You're right, you're right.
1990
01:38:01,540 --> 01:38:03,043
You know? His love for her
1991
01:38:03,076 --> 01:38:06,179
was completely pure and safe
1992
01:38:06,213 --> 01:38:08,848
and helpful and supportive.
1993
01:38:08,881 --> 01:38:12,418
Which is essentially what
he was looking for from her.
1994
01:38:13,552 --> 01:38:16,956
And I think
that Tony concluded that
1995
01:38:16,989 --> 01:38:19,792
the way to earn her trust
1996
01:38:19,825 --> 01:38:23,930
was just to go in
with his whole heart.
1997
01:38:23,963 --> 01:38:25,932
Please welcome Anthony Bourdain!
1998
01:38:30,970 --> 01:38:34,074
One of the more painful and-and
1999
01:38:34,107 --> 01:38:36,076
I-I would think
interesting journeys
2000
01:38:36,109 --> 01:38:38,511
you've taken on your life
happened just very recently
2001
01:38:38,544 --> 01:38:39,979
with regards to
the Me Too movement.
2002
01:38:40,012 --> 01:38:42,815
I started speaking about it
out of a sense of real rage.
2003
01:38:42,848 --> 01:38:46,752
I mean, I'd like to say
that I'm... I-I arrived at...
2004
01:38:46,786 --> 01:38:49,156
I was always enlightened
in some way
2005
01:38:49,189 --> 01:38:52,125
or that I am an activist
or virtuous.
2006
01:38:52,159 --> 01:38:55,095
But, in fact, uh, you know,
I have to be honest with myself.
2007
01:38:55,128 --> 01:38:57,730
I met one extraordinary woman
2008
01:38:57,763 --> 01:39:00,967
with an extraordinary
and painful story.
2009
01:39:01,000 --> 01:39:02,269
Uh, suddenly it was personal.
2010
01:39:02,302 --> 01:39:03,936
I think it surprised
a lot of people.
2011
01:39:03,970 --> 01:39:06,273
He had never really
wanted to stick himself
2012
01:39:06,306 --> 01:39:09,608
out there for a cause.
2013
01:39:09,642 --> 01:39:12,578
But Tony was like,
"I'm going to make a stand."
2014
01:39:15,014 --> 01:39:17,117
A nuclear bomb is gonna fall
2015
01:39:17,150 --> 01:39:18,918
on one of my worst enemies.
2016
01:39:18,951 --> 01:39:21,754
Everybody's been
defending him,
2017
01:39:21,787 --> 01:39:23,856
but now he's going
fucking down.
2018
01:39:23,889 --> 01:39:26,726
He's going down
big-fucking-time.
2019
01:39:27,827 --> 01:39:32,865
In 1997, I was raped
by Harvey Weinstein
2020
01:39:32,898 --> 01:39:34,667
here at Cannes.
2021
01:39:34,700 --> 01:39:38,004
And even tonight,
sitting among you,
2022
01:39:38,038 --> 01:39:41,774
there are those who still
have to be held accountable
2023
01:39:41,807 --> 01:39:44,677
for their conduct against women.
2024
01:39:45,878 --> 01:39:48,281
Argento later
posting this photo
2025
01:39:48,315 --> 01:39:49,782
on Instagram
with her fist in the air,
2026
01:39:49,815 --> 01:39:51,650
the caption in French
translated,
2027
01:39:51,684 --> 01:39:53,753
"The battle of women continues."
2028
01:39:57,890 --> 01:40:00,026
Asia had just come from Cannes.
2029
01:40:00,060 --> 01:40:02,895
And then we're in
the Uffizi Gallery
2030
01:40:02,928 --> 01:40:04,897
looking at
the beheading of Holofernes,
2031
01:40:04,930 --> 01:40:06,665
which is literally
2032
01:40:06,699 --> 01:40:08,301
the beheading of her rapist,
2033
01:40:08,335 --> 01:40:12,205
and it's happening the day
that Weinstein gets arrested.
2034
01:40:12,239 --> 01:40:13,973
Weinstein has repeatedly
2035
01:40:14,006 --> 01:40:15,975
denied all allegations.
2036
01:40:18,311 --> 01:40:19,879
It was extraordinary.
2037
01:40:41,901 --> 01:40:47,107
Everybody takes Medusa
as the symbol of the evil woman
2038
01:40:47,140 --> 01:40:50,077
with snakes in her head,
but, uh,
2039
01:40:50,110 --> 01:40:52,645
she was, uh, a rape victim.
2040
01:40:52,678 --> 01:40:55,048
And she had to protect herself.
2041
01:40:55,082 --> 01:40:58,085
You know, powerful,
inconvenient women who
2042
01:40:58,118 --> 01:41:02,322
piss people off are inevitably
caricatured as Medusa.
2043
01:41:02,355 --> 01:41:04,091
Yeah.
2044
01:41:04,124 --> 01:41:05,691
I'm-I'm next.
2045
01:41:05,724 --> 01:41:06,959
I wasn't gonna say it.
2046
01:41:06,992 --> 01:41:09,962
- It's only a matter of time.
- Hmm.
2047
01:41:10,930 --> 01:41:12,731
It's incredible.
2048
01:41:12,765 --> 01:41:14,334
Me Too!
2049
01:41:14,367 --> 01:41:16,069
Our stories are true!
2050
01:41:16,103 --> 01:41:17,304
We say Me Too!
2051
01:41:17,337 --> 01:41:19,106
I mean, at first it was, like,
2052
01:41:19,139 --> 01:41:20,706
very noble of him, you know?
2053
01:41:20,739 --> 01:41:22,842
And it was a good cause.
2054
01:41:22,875 --> 01:41:24,810
But then he became...
2055
01:41:24,844 --> 01:41:26,779
yeah, he became
obsessed with it.
2056
01:41:26,812 --> 01:41:29,748
You're talking about it in
a way that many people wouldn't.
2057
01:41:29,782 --> 01:41:31,784
To the point where
2058
01:41:31,817 --> 01:41:33,719
if a friend said something
2059
01:41:33,752 --> 01:41:37,390
five years ago
that would maybe...
2060
01:41:37,424 --> 01:41:39,725
might be offensive
to the Me Too cause,
2061
01:41:39,758 --> 01:41:43,263
he would just, like,
cut them out of his life.
2062
01:41:43,296 --> 01:41:45,898
I'm pretty much
Ming the Merciless
2063
01:41:45,931 --> 01:41:47,700
- on this issue right now.
- Right.
2064
01:41:47,733 --> 01:41:49,735
Friends and creative partners...
2065
01:41:49,768 --> 01:41:51,737
he threw them
under the bus without
2066
01:41:51,770 --> 01:41:54,840
any sort of consultation
or anything.
2067
01:41:54,874 --> 01:41:56,409
I mean, there was
not much nuance
2068
01:41:56,443 --> 01:41:58,811
when it got to that point
of his life.
2069
01:42:00,779 --> 01:42:03,083
What I saw was him turn
2070
01:42:03,116 --> 01:42:06,286
what was a lifelong
addictive personality
2071
01:42:06,319 --> 01:42:07,786
to another person.
2072
01:42:07,820 --> 01:42:11,158
And that was
extremely dangerous.
2073
01:42:16,028 --> 01:42:18,831
He was acting like a kid
who didn't understand
2074
01:42:18,864 --> 01:42:20,900
that you're gonna
drive someone away
2075
01:42:20,933 --> 01:42:23,036
if you just pile on
and pile on and pile on.
2076
01:42:23,069 --> 01:42:24,803
- Yes. But-but what I...
- Really, the top ten
2077
01:42:24,837 --> 01:42:28,041
hottest things you've ever done
is park in Rome.
2078
01:42:28,074 --> 01:42:32,445
What, like... she was like,
"You could park here now,
2079
01:42:32,479 --> 01:42:34,214
- but in an hour you can't park here."
- Yeah.
2080
01:42:34,247 --> 01:42:35,814
"We can get away with this now."
2081
01:42:35,848 --> 01:42:37,484
I thought, "This is
the fucking coolest thing."
2082
01:42:37,517 --> 01:42:39,718
He won't stop
fucking talking about
2083
01:42:39,752 --> 01:42:41,887
her ability to park.
2084
01:42:41,921 --> 01:42:43,323
It's like,
"You're such a good parker.
2085
01:42:43,356 --> 01:42:44,424
"Y-You park so well.
You park so well.
2086
01:42:44,457 --> 01:42:46,025
You parallel park so well."
2087
01:42:46,059 --> 01:42:47,494
And she's like,
"Dude, I don't want to be known
2088
01:42:47,527 --> 01:42:49,028
for my parking skills."
2089
01:42:49,062 --> 01:42:51,431
Like, you can see her
pulling back,
2090
01:42:51,464 --> 01:42:53,400
and he just won't stop.
2091
01:42:58,238 --> 01:42:59,939
We're having so much fun.
2092
01:43:00,973 --> 01:43:01,941
Done.
2093
01:43:01,974 --> 01:43:03,476
And it was genius, bro.
2094
01:43:03,510 --> 01:43:05,945
I'm telling you,
see you at the Oscars, yo.
2095
01:43:05,978 --> 01:43:08,081
Saying goodbye to him
2096
01:43:08,114 --> 01:43:11,951
is the happiest I felt like
I had ever seen him.
2097
01:43:11,984 --> 01:43:13,353
Huge hugs.
2098
01:43:13,386 --> 01:43:14,853
He was like, "I love you.
2099
01:43:14,887 --> 01:43:16,922
"I love working with you.
We got years ahead of us.
2100
01:43:16,956 --> 01:43:19,326
I'm looking forward to it."
2101
01:43:31,837 --> 01:43:33,540
You don't want his legacy
2102
01:43:33,573 --> 01:43:36,775
to come off as, like,
somebody who...
2103
01:43:36,809 --> 01:43:40,313
succumbed to, like, this...
2104
01:43:43,516 --> 01:43:45,784
...darkness.
2105
01:43:47,287 --> 01:43:48,988
That wasn't him.
2106
01:43:49,021 --> 01:43:52,158
Like, he created something
that was so important.
2107
01:43:52,192 --> 01:43:56,062
And I want... that really
needs to be, like...
2108
01:43:57,063 --> 01:44:00,100
That is the legacy of his life.
2109
01:44:00,133 --> 01:44:05,238
Not this stupid bullshit act
that he did at the end.
2110
01:44:09,576 --> 01:44:12,911
How do we come to terms with...
2111
01:44:14,214 --> 01:44:15,148
...what happened?
2112
01:44:15,181 --> 01:44:18,351
Hmm. That's something
I don't speak about.
2113
01:44:25,091 --> 01:44:27,294
What happened in France.
2114
01:44:27,327 --> 01:44:29,362
Um, where to start?
2115
01:44:29,396 --> 01:44:33,500
The kind of scenes that we had
and what kind of shoot it was...
2116
01:44:33,533 --> 01:44:35,934
you know, it was, like,
Tony and Eric.
2117
01:44:35,968 --> 01:44:37,404
Lighthearted, funny.
2118
01:44:37,437 --> 01:44:39,072
Um...
2119
01:44:39,105 --> 01:44:41,374
Wow. Wow.
2120
01:44:41,408 --> 01:44:44,144
- Listen, man. Listen.
- And you mocked me.
2121
01:44:44,177 --> 01:44:46,446
We're probably
like four days in.
2122
01:44:46,479 --> 01:44:50,183
Tony arrives, and he is just...
2123
01:44:50,216 --> 01:44:52,951
palpably sort of like
just angry.
2124
01:44:53,586 --> 01:44:55,221
And...
2125
01:44:55,255 --> 01:44:58,191
the scene sort of...
it takes a dark turn.
2126
01:44:58,224 --> 01:45:00,393
Uh, they're talking about dying,
2127
01:45:00,427 --> 01:45:03,096
choking on a hot dog
or something like that.
2128
01:45:03,129 --> 01:45:06,366
He kind of looks back at me,
2129
01:45:06,399 --> 01:45:08,168
and we kind of make eye contact.
2130
01:45:08,201 --> 01:45:12,339
In-in my memory now,
it's very desperate.
2131
01:45:17,410 --> 01:45:18,977
I called Helen,
2132
01:45:19,011 --> 01:45:20,480
and this tabloid shit's come out
2133
01:45:20,513 --> 01:45:23,849
about Asia
and this other person.
2134
01:45:26,586 --> 01:45:28,954
Tony goes over
to this balcony again,
2135
01:45:28,987 --> 01:45:30,956
looking over this valley,
and he's, like, smoking,
2136
01:45:30,989 --> 01:45:33,526
and he's kind of alone.
2137
01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:36,396
I go out there, and I'm like,
2138
01:45:36,429 --> 01:45:38,565
"Hey, man, how are you doing?
2139
01:45:38,598 --> 01:45:40,633
"You know, is this just, like...
are these just tabloid people,
2140
01:45:40,667 --> 01:45:42,102
"like, fucking with you guys?
2141
01:45:42,135 --> 01:45:43,169
Like how, you know...
what's happening?"
2142
01:45:43,203 --> 01:45:44,237
And then, like, he pauses...
2143
01:45:46,106 --> 01:45:50,310
...and he just says,
"A little fucking discretion."
2144
01:45:50,343 --> 01:45:53,513
Right? And I was like,
"Hey, man, I'm just..."
2145
01:45:53,546 --> 01:45:55,981
He's like, "No, man, not you."
2146
01:45:56,014 --> 01:45:58,016
It's like, "I don't want
to have to fucking deal
2147
01:45:58,051 --> 01:45:59,552
with this... these fucking..."
2148
01:45:59,586 --> 01:46:02,455
You know,
he's talking about Asia.
2149
01:46:05,225 --> 01:46:07,193
He didn't even look at me.
2150
01:46:07,227 --> 01:46:09,562
You know, he's just kind of,
like, just, you know, smoking
2151
01:46:09,596 --> 01:46:13,133
and just sort of looking out
and just like, "Fuck."
2152
01:46:14,033 --> 01:46:18,438
I wish I had said more
to him in that moment.
2153
01:46:20,039 --> 01:46:22,275
You know,
Tony hasn't been all right
2154
01:46:22,308 --> 01:46:24,009
for a long time.
2155
01:46:24,043 --> 01:46:28,114
The amount that he joked about
the end of his life and...
2156
01:46:28,148 --> 01:46:30,116
he's been chasing
that shit forever.
2157
01:46:30,150 --> 01:46:32,285
Potato chips are stale.
2158
01:46:32,318 --> 01:46:36,289
So depressed right now,
I feel like killing myself.
2159
01:46:36,322 --> 01:46:37,956
He's a fucking runner.
2160
01:46:37,990 --> 01:46:39,426
I mean, he ran for a long time,
2161
01:46:39,459 --> 01:46:43,630
but you're not gonna
outsmart pain.
2162
01:46:43,663 --> 01:46:45,064
I'm pretty sure that pole
2163
01:46:45,098 --> 01:46:46,599
will support my body weight.
2164
01:46:46,633 --> 01:46:50,303
- What?
- If I fucking hang myself.
2165
01:46:52,705 --> 01:46:54,407
I think it pops into
2166
01:46:54,441 --> 01:46:56,975
a lot of people's heads,
and it's just like,
2167
01:46:57,009 --> 01:46:59,978
since he knew how to do it...
2168
01:47:00,012 --> 01:47:01,714
I mean, I don't know.
2169
01:47:01,748 --> 01:47:04,050
He's a storyteller
for one thing.
2170
01:47:04,083 --> 01:47:07,387
How does a storyteller check out
without leaving a note?
2171
01:47:09,021 --> 01:47:11,057
But I think, in some regard,
2172
01:47:11,090 --> 01:47:15,161
he was gonna write his end,
which is what he did.
2173
01:47:15,195 --> 01:47:17,330
If you look at
his last Instagram Story,
2174
01:47:17,363 --> 01:47:21,734
he played the title sequence
music from this '70s film
2175
01:47:21,768 --> 01:47:23,736
Violent City.
2176
01:47:23,770 --> 01:47:25,071
And if you've seen the film,
2177
01:47:25,104 --> 01:47:26,473
you know that the beginning is
2178
01:47:26,506 --> 01:47:31,044
a series of paparazzi photos
of this couple.
2179
01:47:31,077 --> 01:47:32,745
I mean, it's a revenge film.
2180
01:47:32,779 --> 01:47:36,749
It's about this woman
who betrays him
2181
01:47:36,783 --> 01:47:38,585
and him seeking revenge.
2182
01:47:54,067 --> 01:47:57,103
I mean, it's-it's all there.
2183
01:47:59,539 --> 01:48:01,241
I'm very cautious
2184
01:48:01,274 --> 01:48:03,309
to be like, uh, blame the woman
for, like, you know...
2185
01:48:03,343 --> 01:48:05,778
or blame the lover
or blame the husband.
2186
01:48:05,812 --> 01:48:09,282
You know, Tony killed himself.
2187
01:48:09,315 --> 01:48:11,284
Tony did it.
2188
01:48:17,390 --> 01:48:19,359
My brother committed suicide.
2189
01:48:19,392 --> 01:48:21,394
I think if somebody else
had been in his room,
2190
01:48:21,427 --> 01:48:23,229
it might've been a murder
and not a suicide.
2191
01:48:23,263 --> 01:48:25,098
I think he was just
in an explosive anger
2192
01:48:25,131 --> 01:48:27,467
and-and this was
the only way out.
2193
01:48:29,202 --> 01:48:32,505
When you choose
to hang yourself,
2194
01:48:32,539 --> 01:48:33,773
it's a torture.
2195
01:48:33,806 --> 01:48:37,243
Self-imposed torture.
2196
01:48:38,811 --> 01:48:40,446
If he was fucking drunk,
2197
01:48:40,480 --> 01:48:42,348
it'd be a lot easier
to understand.
2198
01:48:42,382 --> 01:48:47,287
The toxicology report was
he's clean and sober.
2199
01:48:47,320 --> 01:48:50,156
I think it was a clear decision.
2200
01:48:52,191 --> 01:48:53,693
It was a momentary lapse,
2201
01:48:53,726 --> 01:48:56,496
and I don't think
he weighed the pros and cons.
2202
01:48:58,197 --> 01:49:01,167
If he had just made it through
that night, you know?
2203
01:49:03,303 --> 01:49:05,305
We're trying
so hard to understand,
2204
01:49:05,338 --> 01:49:07,307
because we think
if we can understand it,
2205
01:49:07,340 --> 01:49:08,841
then we'll be okay with it.
2206
01:49:08,875 --> 01:49:11,811
And the fact
of the matter is, no,
2207
01:49:11,844 --> 01:49:13,813
I don't think we get to know.
2208
01:49:13,846 --> 01:49:15,715
We don't get to know.
2209
01:49:15,748 --> 01:49:17,684
That's tough.
2210
01:49:24,524 --> 01:49:26,726
Well, I don't know where he is
2211
01:49:26,759 --> 01:49:28,695
right now, but...
2212
01:49:28,728 --> 01:49:30,563
he let me down.
2213
01:49:30,597 --> 01:49:32,565
He...
2214
01:49:36,269 --> 01:49:38,504
I don't think
he was cruel, you know?
2215
01:49:38,538 --> 01:49:41,441
And there's, like,
a cruelty to that.
2216
01:49:44,210 --> 01:49:46,913
What the hell is everyone
supposed to do?
2217
01:50:15,575 --> 01:50:18,211
It's been over two years
2218
01:50:18,244 --> 01:50:20,647
since he took his own life,
2219
01:50:20,680 --> 01:50:23,783
and I still experience
a range of emotions.
2220
01:50:23,816 --> 01:50:25,652
Um...
2221
01:50:28,855 --> 01:50:30,657
God.
2222
01:50:37,597 --> 01:50:39,198
It's like...
2223
01:50:39,232 --> 01:50:40,900
I haven't fucking cut my hair
since he died.
2224
01:50:40,933 --> 01:50:44,537
Like, I-I...
2225
01:50:44,570 --> 01:50:46,372
I just miss him.
2226
01:50:47,306 --> 01:50:50,810
I miss a friend, a dear friend.
2227
01:50:50,843 --> 01:50:57,183
I think about a lot of
happy moments we had together.
2228
01:51:00,720 --> 01:51:02,955
Mostly, yeah.
2229
01:51:06,426 --> 01:51:10,530
I was in Vietnam
on a beautiful day.
2230
01:51:10,563 --> 01:51:14,834
I looked at my phone,
and there was the news.
2231
01:51:14,867 --> 01:51:18,571
And, uh, that's when I decided
to move to Vietnam for good.
2232
01:51:19,539 --> 01:51:22,408
That was the...
it was not even a thought.
2233
01:51:22,442 --> 01:51:26,446
It was the door opened
and I had to go through it
2234
01:51:26,479 --> 01:51:30,750
and start doing something new.
2235
01:51:32,351 --> 01:51:34,620
I was listening to this record
2236
01:51:34,654 --> 01:51:36,823
that brought me to tears
thinking of him.
2237
01:51:36,856 --> 01:51:39,625
And, um, both my kids
2238
01:51:39,659 --> 01:51:41,994
sort of embraced me.
2239
01:51:42,028 --> 01:51:45,231
My son, he's like,
"How did Tony die?"
2240
01:51:47,366 --> 01:51:49,736
And I was like,
"Uh, I... we don't know."
2241
01:51:49,769 --> 01:51:51,771
Right?
2242
01:51:51,804 --> 01:51:55,508
About 20 seconds pass, and
he looked at me and he's like,
2243
01:51:55,541 --> 01:51:57,577
"I really would like to know
how Tony died."
2244
01:51:57,610 --> 01:52:01,748
I have this like hour-long
conversation about
2245
01:52:01,781 --> 01:52:04,317
Tony to my fucking
seven-year-old kid.
2246
01:52:04,350 --> 01:52:08,387
And I said,
"I think Tony, at the end,
2247
01:52:08,421 --> 01:52:13,292
"felt alone and felt
he couldn't talk to anybody
2248
01:52:13,326 --> 01:52:16,496
about the pain that was
going on inside of him."
2249
01:52:16,529 --> 01:52:20,800
And I said, "You know
you always have someone
2250
01:52:20,833 --> 01:52:23,903
to turn to and talk to."
2251
01:52:23,936 --> 01:52:26,506
That's the lesson in it for me.
2252
01:52:30,576 --> 01:52:33,379
It's plenty
to just say I'm hurt.
2253
01:52:34,081 --> 01:52:36,682
I haven't worked
for two years now.
2254
01:52:36,716 --> 01:52:41,621
Really close to the end,
we talked, and I said,
2255
01:52:41,654 --> 01:52:44,390
"Got to take our girls
and lighten the load
2256
01:52:44,423 --> 01:52:46,659
"and show them the world,
show them who we are,
2257
01:52:46,692 --> 01:52:48,494
not just when
you come home, but..."
2258
01:52:48,528 --> 01:52:51,697
And-and we were both excited
about this prospect.
2259
01:52:58,038 --> 01:52:59,806
Fuck.
2260
01:52:59,839 --> 01:53:01,874
One, two, three.
2261
01:53:04,577 --> 01:53:06,546
When I get angry
is when I think about
2262
01:53:06,579 --> 01:53:10,750
leaving behind a brilliant...
2263
01:53:10,783 --> 01:53:12,919
daughter.
2264
01:53:14,587 --> 01:53:15,922
You know.
2265
01:53:17,456 --> 01:53:21,061
He would have loved to be
around now, to see her now.
2266
01:53:21,094 --> 01:53:22,829
He'd be so proud of her.
2267
01:53:30,070 --> 01:53:31,971
I'm so lucky
2268
01:53:32,004 --> 01:53:36,709
'cause she's the best daughter
I-I could hope for.
2269
01:53:36,742 --> 01:53:40,080
And I will always be grateful
that, you know,
2270
01:53:40,113 --> 01:53:42,882
Tony gave her to me, you know?
2271
01:53:47,620 --> 01:53:49,655
I mean, I think this is
2272
01:53:49,689 --> 01:53:52,592
the last time I'll ever
talk publicly about it,
2273
01:53:52,625 --> 01:53:56,096
because I... that's not the way
I want to remember him.
2274
01:53:56,129 --> 01:53:57,930
I want to remember him
2275
01:53:57,964 --> 01:54:01,601
when we were together, all the
amazing things that we'd done
2276
01:54:01,634 --> 01:54:04,370
and the amazing person
that he was.
2277
01:54:09,008 --> 01:54:11,611
After Tony died,
2278
01:54:11,644 --> 01:54:15,514
the restaurant, Les Halles,
it just became this shrine.
2279
01:54:16,782 --> 01:54:21,088
We didn't realize he meant
so much to so many people.
2280
01:54:22,055 --> 01:54:24,924
"You inspired me
to get out of my comfort zone
2281
01:54:24,957 --> 01:54:28,461
and fearlessly immerse myself
in the richness of life."
2282
01:54:29,629 --> 01:54:30,897
"Advocate for
the working classes,
2283
01:54:30,930 --> 01:54:32,132
"the immigrants, the poor.
2284
01:54:32,165 --> 01:54:34,400
This world didn't deserve you."
2285
01:54:38,138 --> 01:54:39,805
And then a few people
left poems.
2286
01:54:39,839 --> 01:54:42,942
One said, "Everyone forgets
that Icarus also flew.
2287
01:54:42,975 --> 01:54:46,679
"I believe Icarus
was not failing as he fell
2288
01:54:46,712 --> 01:54:49,782
but just coming to the end
of his triumph."
2289
01:55:10,736 --> 01:55:12,805
You know, I was
an angry young man.
2290
01:55:12,838 --> 01:55:14,507
I-I, uh...
2291
01:55:15,708 --> 01:55:19,079
I forget what I was angry about,
especially looking at this.
2292
01:55:19,112 --> 01:55:20,947
What the hell
was I so angry about?
2293
01:55:20,980 --> 01:55:23,482
This was, you know...
2294
01:55:25,085 --> 01:55:26,852
...paradise.
2295
01:55:42,702 --> 01:55:44,470
Sorry.
2296
01:55:45,671 --> 01:55:47,840
Can I say something?
2297
01:55:47,873 --> 01:55:49,709
To have him
walking down a beach,
2298
01:55:49,742 --> 01:55:51,244
it resonates, it's sweet.
2299
01:55:51,278 --> 01:55:53,813
And I go, you know,
as-as I was upstairs
2300
01:55:53,846 --> 01:55:56,549
using the restroom,
I was like...
2301
01:55:56,582 --> 01:55:57,984
"He would fucking hate that."
2302
01:56:03,923 --> 01:56:08,027
Going out in a blaze of glory
was so fucking lame.
2303
01:56:09,096 --> 01:56:12,765
But we live in this society
where every great artist
2304
01:56:12,798 --> 01:56:15,268
who kills themselves
is on murals
2305
01:56:15,302 --> 01:56:17,270
and they're talked about
like gods.
2306
01:56:17,304 --> 01:56:18,871
- Tony's on murals.
- Yeah. That's...
2307
01:56:18,904 --> 01:56:20,906
Around town,
there are a couple of them.
2308
01:56:20,940 --> 01:56:22,742
I should go deface them.
2309
01:56:22,775 --> 01:56:24,643
He would love it if I did that.
2310
01:56:24,677 --> 01:56:28,647
♪ I got
your written invitation ♪
2311
01:56:28,681 --> 01:56:31,218
♪ A beautiful stick in the eye ♪
2312
01:56:31,251 --> 01:56:33,120
♪ I get the message ♪
2313
01:56:33,153 --> 01:56:34,620
♪ You been sending ♪
2314
01:56:34,653 --> 01:56:37,757
♪ Ain't no good in goodbye ♪
2315
01:56:37,790 --> 01:56:40,559
♪ Throw everything away ♪
2316
01:56:41,694 --> 01:56:43,696
♪ Anything can be replaced ♪
2317
01:56:43,729 --> 01:56:48,000
♪ Black and blue
is the best I can do... ♪
2318
01:56:50,836 --> 01:56:52,305
Ooh.
2319
01:56:52,339 --> 01:56:54,041
Yeah.
2320
01:56:56,243 --> 01:56:57,910
♪ Want to? ♪
2321
01:56:58,811 --> 01:57:01,580
♪ Oh, what a pain in the asp ♪
2322
01:57:01,614 --> 01:57:05,718
♪ Endless love and devotion ♪
2323
01:57:05,751 --> 01:57:07,920
♪ Indian gifts of the past ♪
2324
01:57:07,953 --> 01:57:10,756
♪ Just another drop
on the ocean ♪
2325
01:57:10,790 --> 01:57:14,094
♪ Empty space, empty heart ♪
2326
01:57:14,127 --> 01:57:17,264
♪ Where the love ♪
2327
01:57:17,297 --> 01:57:20,267
♪ Is not anymore ♪
2328
01:57:20,300 --> 01:57:23,236
♪ So ♪
2329
01:58:06,729 --> 01:58:11,729
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
2330
01:58:16,156 --> 01:58:17,357
♪ Living in limbo ♪
2331
01:58:17,390 --> 01:58:19,024
♪ Kisses akimbo ♪
2332
01:58:19,059 --> 01:58:23,130
♪ Every single bridge
is on fire ♪
2333
01:58:23,163 --> 01:58:24,264
♪ Hold me together? ♪
2334
01:58:24,297 --> 01:58:25,798
♪ No way, never ♪
2335
01:58:25,831 --> 01:58:28,667
♪ Due date done expired ♪
2336
01:58:28,701 --> 01:58:32,372
♪ Second chances are a waste ♪
2337
01:58:32,405 --> 01:58:35,408
♪ I'm gonna bend until I break ♪
2338
01:58:35,442 --> 01:58:39,011
♪ Black and blue
is the best I can do ♪
2339
01:58:41,448 --> 01:58:45,318
♪ Yeah, black and blue
and broken in two ♪
2340
01:58:45,352 --> 01:58:46,886
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
2341
01:58:46,919 --> 01:58:48,888
♪ Want to? ♪