♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
♪
[kissing, heavy breathing]
- You know, Churchill once said,
"There are only three traditions in the Royal Navy."
We've already covered two of them.
[both laugh]
Now, all we need is some rum.
[sighs]
Or we could just revisit tradition number two again.
[both giggle, murmur]
- Captain!
[Captain grunts] WOMAN: Whoa!
- In our bed?!
- Permission to explain myself.
- Denied!
[whistling]
SOPHIE'S SON [on video]: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why are you telling me about this cheating couple
and their weird boat kinks?
We left off on a cliffhanger kiss!
- Look who wants to hear about his mom hooking up now?
This affair will be important later,
but fine. Back to me.
So, the morning after we kissed,
I went to get my tooth fixed.
♪
[sighs]
- The sun is out! Birds are singing! [drops keys on table]
My new tooth is ready to chomp!
Hit me with one of those Twizzlers.
I got to test drive this baby.
- Why are you so happy?
- I'm happy because I dropped off my photo with Naomi
at the gallery.
- Mm... That's not it.
[gasps] You kissed someone!
You kissed Jesse!
- Oh my god! How do you do that?
Okay. I kissed Jesse.
[shrieks]
And it was... amazing.
I feel terrible because I'm with Drew, and he's wonderful,
but Jesse is... Jesse.
- Enough feelings! Tell me about the kiss.
Is he a tongue swirler? Lip biter?
Oh, did you do that creepy thing where you keep your eyes open?
- I like to see if my partners are enjoying themselves.
Is that so bad?
- Yes! It's like kissing an American Girl Doll.
And I would know. Felicity and I got down. Now, dish.
- Okay. Drew and I got into a fight at his fundraiser,
and then I ran into Jesse outside of the bar.
[street noise]
- [soft whistle, laugh] Wow.
[Sophie giggling] Uh...
Look, I-I know you're probably, um,
emotional from what happened with Drew, so...
- No, no, no. That's not what that was. I just...
I wanted to kiss you.
- Yeah? [laughs]
Me, too. For a long time now, actually.
Although, in my head, uh, when this happened,
we both had all our teeth.
But, this is somehow better.
- Oh my god, that's romantic!
And your kids would be so cute.
I've always wanted to be someone's hot aunt,
AKA... "haunt."
- Bro, I have always wanted to be someone's huncle!
- Okay. Alright, dude. Slow your roll. It was just a kiss.
- Dude, I've been shipping you guys since day one, okay?
So, for this romance to blossom outside my bar?
[kiss]
[laughs]
What about Drew?
- Uh, after the kiss, I had the exact same question.
What about Drew?
- He's the sweetest guy.
But, Jesse and I see the world the same way,
and there's been something between us since the day we met.
So... - Sophie decided to break up with Drew
today. - Oh, thank God.
- Before you go through with this, I have to ask.
You sure Jesse feels the same way?
Because if he hurts you, I will kill him,
and I have a feeling Jesse's ghost would be super annoying.
- He feels the same way. JESSE: Hey,
would you wanna get dinner with me tomorrow night?
That, uh, the pita place on Delancey is now,
like, a punny Thai restaurant?
- Thai Tanic! - Yes.
- I've been wanting to try that place.
VALENTINA: Okay, Jesse.
I see you.
Following things up with a concrete plan.
This has my blessing.
God, I love when two hot dorks get together.
[groans]
Today's the day we promised Charlie we'd finally watch soccer with him.
Remember?
He's been harassing us about it for weeks...
- Two weeks till Friends Soccer Day!
[unenthusiastic murmuring] Eh? And yes,
I will be referring to it as,
[forced]: "soccer,"
so that your American brains can understand it.
- I can't keep that plan in my head because it sounds so boring.
[sighs]
I think I got to skip it and go talk to Drew.
Tell Charlie that I'm sorry.
Oh, and promise me...
- You won't tell the gang what happened until after our date.
Sophie and I don't need everyone gossiping.
- Thumb promise.
'Cause thumbs are stronger than pinkies.
- Dude, I feel so good about this!
Like, literally nothing could bring me down.
- Okay, I love hearing that 'cause I do have something to tell you.
Uh... [clears throat], super no big deal.
Boring even. - Yeah?
- But, just so you know,
Meredith dropped by yesterday.
- Oh... Chill...
- She's dropping a new single today. It's about your relationship.
Like I said, no big thang.
Let's not even listen to it 'cause who cares?
So, let's just go to the bar, okay?
Hannah's coming straight from the airport, and...
You're opening Spotify.
HANNAH [singing]: I shoulda gotten off the train at Jay Street...
♪ 'Cause I wanna be where the tracks and the pavement meet ♪
♪ Sometimes, I still think ♪
♪ I can hear your heartbeat ♪
♪ Then, I realize ♪
♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪
- What?! Is this song about
how she regrets dumping me? Am I Jay Street?
- Not necessarily. She coulda just missed her stop.
Okay, fine. Yes, of course, you're Jay Street, dude.
This is not a subtle metaphor.
Just don't spin out about this.
[knocking] [sighs]
- Jesse... - Meredith, hi. Uh,
congrats on the new single.
Uh, quick question about it. What the--
[knocking]
- Sophie. Hi.
- Drew. Hey.
I'm sorry to just stop by like this, but we really need to talk.
- Agreed. Look, I'm so sorry about last night.
I was pissed you were late, and I let it get the best of me.
[sighs] Man, apologizing feels good.
Fighting gives me stress hives.
Under this sweater, I'm a mess.
OLDER WOMAN: Drew! Is that the voice
of the fabulous Sophie we're hearing?
- Who is that? - [gasps] It is.
Lou, look. Look at her.
- I'm looking, Sue.
She's even prettier than her Instagram photos.
We're having brunch. Come! Join us.
- That is such a kind offer. I was just stopping by--
- Nonsense! You're staying for bagels.
Drew and his father were just about to go pick them up.
- Uh, I'll be fast! I promise! Okay--
[slam]
- I hope my son does not say that in the bedroom. [giggles]
♪
- It is time for my beloved Blues
to take us on a roller coaster of emotions.
So, get ready for some thrills, chills...
and a likely final score of nil-nil.
Sorry, w-what's all this?
- Charlie, we got 48 hours together
to knock out as much wedding planning as possible, okay? So...
- Well, I think you mean weddings, plural,
since we also decided to do an Indian wedding.
Which means choosing two venues, two cakes,
and two places to cry when I get overwhelmed.
- Hannah. We'll get it done, okay?
I promise. - Okay.
- You see, soccer isn't really a sort of "plan your weddings
and give each other supportive smooches" kind of sport.
You know, it really does require undivided attention.
- Hope everybody's ready for a fashion show!
- What?
- I got an interview later to be an associate produce buyer
for Goliath Market corporate office,
so I need to put together an interview look...
Jasper, what do you think?
- Looks like Beetlejuice costume.
- Okay...
Uh...
Where's Jesse?
- I told him about Meredith's song.
- Twist! - Yeah, so he's spinning out.
- Predictable! - What's predictable?
- [sighs] Meredith wrote a song about missing Jesse,
and now he's totally spiraling.
- Oh no...
- Why "oh no?" What do you know?
- Nothing.
What do you know?
- Do you both know something I don't?
[soccer playing on TV]
SID/VALENTINA: Sophie and Jesse kissed last night!
[all cheering]
- See? I knew you guys would get into it!
No one was watching, were they?
[squealing]
- Okay. [clears throat]
Meredith, what do the lyrics of Jay Street mean?
Do you regret breaking up with me?
- Okay, look, I know I owe you a lot of answers,
but can we just sit and talk over food?
- No, no, no. You can't derail my confrontation
by tempting me with French fries. Okay, I'm not the Hamburglar.
- Come on. We can play the game where you close your eyes and...
guess which hot sauce is which.
- Oh, damn it. [puts down cloche]
You know I can't resist Hot Sauce Surprise.
- Feels like you've been part of our family forever. Oh!
Let's post a selfie with the caption, "two peas in a pod."
- Oh, maybe later.
Do you know Drew and I have only been dating for two months?
- That's when Lou proposed to me.
We met at a Mets game back in '89,
when I spilled an entire Coors Light down his shirt.
[laughs]
Lou slapped me on the ass. I looked at him, and he said, "Sue me."
[laughing] - Ha...
- My name is Sue! - Yeah.
[laughing]
- I laughed so hard that my dress basically flew off.
- What a... beautiful story.
- Yeah. We got married, and we had Drew,
and we've had a timeshare in Aruba ever since.
[gasps] Sophie, you got to come down and see it.
Our place has this beautiful wall-to-wall carpet--
- Oh, thanks.
I-I don't think I can make it.
- I'm booking you a ticket. Are you a window or an aisle person?
- No, do not book me a ticket to Aruba! Okay?
I... I'm breaking up with Drew.
- Oh, that's not going to be possible, sweetheart.
- What?
- Lou and I have a little bit of bad news of our own to tell Drew,
so you are not breaking up with him today.
- I have to.
I am trying to do the right thing here.
- Rock, paper, scissors for it?
- [scoffs] I don't think so.
- Fist up, kiddo. Let's do this.
- Who do you guys think went in for the kiss first?
- Sophie! Right? My girl is a modern woman.
She sees what she wants, and she goes for it.
- Uh-uh. There is no way my guy didn't go in for that kiss first, okay?
His lean game is strong.
- Oh my god! I just realized something.
If Sophie and Jesse get married,
then Sophie will get my Goliath Market family discount!
- Not in that outfit she won't.
- Guys, two hot dorks hooked up.
Okay, it is very exciting, but I do think we are losing sight
of what's really important here.
- Yeah. You guys are kind of burying the lede here.
Sophie cheated on Drew.
- Oh. I mean...
yeah, but she's gonna end things today.
And besides, this is the good kind of cheating.
[nervous groaning] [slams laptop]
And I'm guessing that was not the right thing to say.
- Drew's our friend, Sid.
And I didn't know there was a "good" kind of cheating.
- I mean, of course there is.
It's cheating that leads to something good,
like finding your person or Beyoncé's Lemonade.
- Yeah. Great. Amazing to know
that I'm planning a wedding with a man
who is so supportive of cheating.
Oh, two weddings! - Hannah, don't worry.
Sophie's doing the right thing and breaking up with Drew as we speak.
- Rock-Paper-Scissors, shoot! - Ha!
- Ah, that one doesn't count, either.
Your paper looked a lot like scissors.
- I am doing the best I can.
I told you I have early onset arthritis.
- Look at the two of you.
We're gone 30 minutes, and you're practically sister-wives.
- A joke that implies Sophie's married to you
or I'm married to Mom, both of which are disgusting and illegal.
- Hey, Drew, why don't I help you toast the bagels in the kitchen?
- Uh, speaking of toast,
remember that guy Bernie Madoff?
Your father committed similar crimes,
and he lost a tremendous amount of his clients' money,
and he very possibly is going to jail.
- What does that have to do with toast? - Sweetheart,
you're toast.
- What? B-b-but,
you won the Long Island Gazette's
"Favorite Financial Advisor" the last five years!
Your portrait's up at the dry cleaner.
I need a bagel.
- Look on the bright side, sweetheart.
You still have your wonderful girlfriend by your side,
so you don't have to go through this alone.
- You're right. I... I do have Sophie.
SUE: Boop.
- What if we put your aunt at table four?
- [sighs] No, we can't.
My uncle's at table four, and he cheated on her.
- Oh. - But wait.
According to you, it was good cheating
because he and his paralegal are still together.
- Someone didn't sleep on the plane.
- I got plenty of sleep on the plane.
[phone buzzing]
- Is that Jesse? - Nah, it's--
- She has your phone. - What?!
- "Went to see Meredith. Needed answers."
- Drew...
I'm breaking up with you.
Sue, Lou, good luck with the trial. [laughs]
[phone buzzing]
- What's up? - Jesse's with Meredith right now.
She's got a new song out about regretting their breakup.
And he went to see her.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry, Soph, but I wanted you to have all the facts
before breaking up with Drew.
What are you going to do?
- I don't know.
I got to go.
[sighs]
MEREDITH [singing]: I shoulda gotten off the train at Jay Street...
♪ 'Cause I wanna be where the tracks and the pavement meet ♪
♪ Sometimes I still think ♪
[humming along] I can hear your heartbeat...
♪ Then, I realize ♪
♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪
How is this song about Jesse?
[singing continues]
"J" Street. "J" is for Jesse.
Clever, Meredith.
[soccer playing on TV] - Yes!
Oh, Val, tell me you caught a glimpse of that goal.
- I'm...
sorry, but I'll catch the next one.
Hashtag "next goal's the best goal," am I right?
- You can't because the game's over.
[clap]
Sorry.
- Thanks for watching.
- Charlie... - Look,
I realize that it's just a silly game, okay?
But, that game...
is the only connection that I have to home right now.
And yes, I was hoping that I could share it with everyone
and that, for just one day, I would forget
that I'm thousands of miles away from everything that I've ever known.
- Charlie, I had no idea you were homesick.
- I am.
I miss the...
the terrible weather and-and the bland food
and the bars that close at 11:00, and fine.
I realize I'm not doing a very good job of selling England right now,
but I miss it because it's my home.
[sighs] I'm gonna go take a walk.
- Charlie!
- So... What do we think of this look?
- That was 1986. They said, "Don't make the same mistakes I did."
- Oh, that was 1994. They said they want their joke back.
- Oh, that was Ellen. She said, "This isn't helping!"
Yeah, I called myself.
- There you are. Hey, are you okay?
I-I know this is a lot.
I'm sorry you walked into all this craziness.
- Seriously. Drew,
your dad could be going to jail, and you're worried about me?
- Of course.
I mean, you kind of mean a lot to me,
Sophie, in case you didn't know.
- [sighs] Drew...
We need to break up.
- What? - I know the timing sucks.
- It's definitely not ideal.
Today's also my half birthday. - Oh god...
You deserve to be with a woman
who is 100% sure
that you're the guy for her
because you are just incredible.
- And you're not that woman.
♪
- I'm not that woman.
- Iguana Gold Island Pepper Sauce. - Oh my god.
[laughing] Seven for seven! It's a new record!
- Yes! I don't have many skills,
but the ones I do have are all useless. [laughs]
- Yes, Jesse, I...
I did write Jay Street about you,
and I do regret breaking up with you.
[sighs]
- So, then why did you turn down my proposal?
- [scoffs] Uh...
Because before we met, I had had boyfriends,
since I was 14 years old.
And then I met you, and...
[sighs] Well, you're the kind of guy
I could spend hours with just playing Hot Sauce Surprise on a rainy day.
I loved being with you. I loved playing in our band.
But, I had no voice.
- What are you talking about?
Of course, you had a voice. You were the lead singer.
- N-- Sure. Yeah, I was singing your words to your melody.
- That's not true. We wrote all our songs together.
- Yeah, but you always had final say,
and you know it. Look, it's not... [sighs]
It's not your fault, okay?
I let you be in charge. But then,
when you proposed, I finally realized I can't say yes.
I needed to figure out who I was.
As an artist and as a woman, and now I have.
And...
I miss having you in my life.
[Jesse sighs]
♪
I need a piano player for my tour next month, and...
I really want it to be you.
We can figure things out on the road.
[sighs]
- Save your jokes. I know I look like Diane Keaton got drunk
and gave me a makeover.
[sighs] I'm canceling the interview.
- Lose the hat.
Unbutton the vast. [clicking]
Use this jacket, and turn that tie into a belt.
Oh, and give me your keys. - Oh. What are we doing with my keys?
- Nothing. I'm taking them to make things right with Charlie.
- Wait, did she say turn the tie into a belt,
or a belt into a tie?
Come back!
- Airplane cookie peace offering?
I've been overreacting about the whole "good cheating" thing.
I trust you more than anyone in this world, but...
this long distance thing is super hard.
Sometimes, I worry how much our relationship can stand.
- I get that.
Hannah, sometimes...
I miss you so much...
I sit on my own hand until it goes numb, and then--
- Ew! Sid, I don't need to know about that.
- No. [scoffs] Then,
I hold it and pretend it's yours, okay?
And look, good news is your residency is almost done.
You'll be back in New York in no time.
- [sighs] Something came up.
There's an opportunity for me to stay in LA
and do a cardiothoracic fellowship once my program ends.
In which case,
long distance might go a little longer.
Like a year longer.
- Oh.
My hand is gonna be so numb.
[sniffles]
♪ God Save The Queen playing ♪
- Yeah.
- Charlie, I am sorry for missing the game.
I get that you miss watching it with your family, and...
who knows? Maybe one day, we'll have a bunch of rug rats of our own
to watch soccer with.
- Oh... - I know, I know!
I never say anything that corny, but you were gone for a while,
so I spiked the tea. And I drank most of it.
[both laugh]
- I mean, I-I know that you're supposed to be a Spice Girl, but, um...
♪ music continues ♪
but which one are you exactly?
- All of them!
Shoes of Baby, pants of Sporty,
top of Scary, makeup of Posh,
[British accent]: and accent of Ginger!
[both laugh]
- Thank you.
[kiss]
♪ music continues ♪
♪ soft music ♪
[phone buzzing]
- Hello? - Sophie, it's Naomi.
You really ran down the clock on getting me your submission.
- I know.
I-I couldn't decide which photo was the right one...
- Well, you made the right choice. I love it.
So much that I'm putting it into our New Voices exhibition.
It opens tomorrow night.
- Holy shit!
[gasps] Uh, I mean...
I am honored. Thank you so much.
I'm going to remember this moment forever.
- The gallery takes 40% commission. See you tomorrow.
- Way to kill a mood.
Uh, sorry. Walker, party of two.
I-I'm a little bit late, so my date's probably already here.
- Nope, first to arrive.
- Oh. - Right this way.
Can I start you off with anything to drink?
- Uh...
I'll just wait for him to get here.
Thank you.
♪ I wish I could get over it ♪
♪ But I wouldn't know where to start ♪
♪ Try to find my footing on this ground ♪
♪ But I tripped in the dark ♪
♪
FUTURE SOPHIE: I need a snack. SOPHIE'S SON: Now?
Yes, now! I've been talking forever. I'm starving.
SOPHIE'S SON: But, we're right in the middle! D-does he show up or not?
- [sighs] Just sit tight. Go pee or something.
♪ To patch up all the holes ♪
♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪
♪
♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪
♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪
♪