1 00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:04,880 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,300 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:12,012 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,767 SOPHIE: Previously on How I Met Your Father... 5 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,936 - Send your absolute best photo, 6 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:22,564 and I'll consider squeezing you into our New Voices show. 7 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,067 - I got to take the perfect shot. 8 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,737 - When you're a struggling artist, 9 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,240 you only get so many chances to prove yourself. 10 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,534 So, when a big one presents itself, 11 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,327 you can't help but wonder, 12 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,037 "Am I good enough?" 13 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,413 - I'm not good enough! 14 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,666 All of these photos are terrible! 15 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:41,917 - Alright, calm down. 16 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:45,087 - Hey! Don't tell a woman to calm down! We hate that! 17 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,631 - It's almost as bad as telling us that we look tired. 18 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,508 You think that we don't know that we're tired?! 19 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,926 We're the ones inside of our bodies! 20 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,888 - [sighs] Do you guys think any of these are good? 21 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,140 - I love this one of a blurry tampon. 22 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,684 You know, what a powerful statement 23 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,936 about how we need to focus on women's issues. 24 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,897 - That's a photo I accidentally took inside my purse. 25 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,692 - Or... is it art? 26 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,444 - Woo! 'Sup, fam? 27 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,446 Guess who's finally recording new music 28 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,865 as a solo artist? 29 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,075 - Did Jungkook leave BTS and go solo? 30 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,369 Mm, we all saw it coming! 31 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,121 - No! It's me! 32 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,999 I finally laid down some new tracks without Meredith. 33 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,542 [cheering] Thank you! 34 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,043 - [half-hearted] Yeah, that's also exciting. 35 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,129 - Hell yeah, it is! 36 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,839 Jesse, I am so proud of you, man. 37 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,924 Can I kiss your forehead? Mwah! - You better. 38 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,843 Ugh! I'm glad you're so psyched for me 39 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,387 because I did max out all my credit cards on studio time, 40 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,806 and I'm going to be late on rent this month, but... 41 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,766 do you need any more back rub coupons? 42 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,686 - No, Jesse, I got plenty of back rub coupons, man! 43 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,397 - I feel you, Jesse. 44 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,108 I have drained my entire bank account on rolls of film. 45 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,067 But, you know what? 46 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,403 That's just the life of a struggling artist, right? 47 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,489 Like, pour everything into our work, live on the cheap... 48 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,283 Here! 49 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,994 Have some free fruit salad. - Ooh! Don't mind if I do. 50 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,954 - That is not fruit salad! 51 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,498 - These are my cocktail garnishes! - And they're delicious. 52 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,335 - Oh hey, can I interest you in little, uh, BYOB? 53 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,378 It's one of my struggling artist life hacks. 54 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,047 - Hell yes. - Oh, can I get one of those? 55 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,131 - Yeah, of course. 56 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,258 - And I wonder why this bar isn't profitable! 57 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,259 [laughter] 58 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,094 - I got to go home and change 59 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,638 and shoot as many rolls as possible 60 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,682 before Drew's big school fund-raiser tonight. 61 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,810 Wasn't that so nice of him to invite you guys to that? 62 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,104 He said it's like the Oscars of public education. 63 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,815 [overlapping excited chatter] 64 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,150 Bye! 65 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,069 - We're not actually excited about this, right? 66 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,196 [overlapping agreement] 67 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,240 SID: Well, well, well. 68 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,575 Look at you. 69 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,036 If it isn't the most manly man 70 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,455 at the Jefferson Elementary charity auction. 71 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,581 [knocking] [yelps] 72 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,048 - Hi, Sid. 73 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,717 - What are you doing here, Meredith? 74 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,012 Shouldn't you be out rejecting the proposal of a young lover, 75 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,598 and then fleeing to Europe with his cat? - Okay. 76 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,102 Of course, I could have handled things better with Jesse, but... 77 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,771 you know, there's no instruction manual 78 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,315 for being blindsided with a public proposal. 79 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,692 Wait... 80 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:13,735 [beep] 81 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,864 ♪ There's no instruction manual for a broken heart-- ♪ 82 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,574 - What are you doing right now? 83 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,158 - I'm working on a new album, 84 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,369 so I try to record stuff whenever inspiration strikes. 85 00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:24,329 Wow. 86 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,707 What are you doing different to your skin? 87 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,001 - Well, actually, yeah, 88 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,836 I've been using this new alpha hydroxy mask. 89 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:31,962 It's like-- 90 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,007 No! No. This is what you do. 91 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,758 You charm people, you suck 'em in, 92 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,553 and then you stomp their hearts to a pulp. 93 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,848 - Okay, look, I need to talk to Jesse, alright? And I don't have his new number. 94 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,850 - Is he here? - Nope. He's on a date. 95 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,352 With Dua Lipa. 96 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,938 - Jesse is dating pop superstar Dua Lipa. 97 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,064 - Correct. 98 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,483 They met at a Shake Shack, ended up splitting a burger... 99 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,568 - Dua Lipa is a vegan! 100 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,737 Forget it. I'll just come back-- - No! 101 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,155 No, no, no. Do not come back later. 102 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,490 Jesse's gonna be home soon. I got to go to work, 103 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,659 so why don't you just... wait here? 104 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:04,369 - Okay... 105 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,580 What's your Wi-Fi password? 106 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:09,875 - It's "Meredith sucks." All one word, "sucks" is in caps. 107 00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,672 Ellen? Meet me at Pemberton's. We have a code M. 108 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:17,341 ♪ 109 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:20,469 - Valentina, let's go over tomorrow's looks. 110 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,304 Michelle Williams' dress? - Steamed and ready to go. 111 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,306 - Harry Styles' dress? - Steamed and ready to go. 112 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,349 - Tilda Swinton's armor? 113 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,100 - Polished and ready to go. - And where are 114 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,393 J.Lo's nipple concealers? 115 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:29,645 - Right here, Fred. 116 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,772 [sighs] 117 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,983 - These are black. Her dress is sheer! 118 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,361 Do you want J.Lo's nips 119 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,530 to be staring out at the world like a coked-out ow? 120 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:40,864 - Sorry. Nobody told me. 121 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,866 I think we have some nude ones. 122 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,910 - You are an incredibly dumb person, Valentina. 123 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,204 - Fred, you cannot talk to me like that. 124 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,581 - Oh, honey, I'm not talking to you. Mm-mmm. 125 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,583 I'm talking to my doll Valentina. 126 00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:57,172 - We both know that doll is just a weird workaround 127 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,341 so you can verbally abuse me without a lawsuit. 128 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:03,053 - No, it's not. [laughs] You stupid, stupid, worthless idiot. 129 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:05,264 Oh, sometimes, 130 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,224 I have fantasies about taking you to a Knicks game 131 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,227 and waiting for the kiss cam to come around and land on us, and then... 132 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,145 firing you in front of the whole world! 133 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,565 - Fred, that was clearly directed to me. 134 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,108 - Was not. I was talking to the doll, 135 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,318 and you can't prove otherwise. Bye! 136 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:23,907 - At least you got an actual doll. 137 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,453 - Hey, bunny. Think we'll have time to grab a proper dinner 138 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,289 before this Drew nightmare. 139 00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,374 Apparently, they're serving pasta made by schoolchildren, 140 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,127 and I am not trying to get head lice from a plate of ravioli. 141 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,587 - One sec. I just need to... 142 00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:39,298 swipe something from our accessories closet. 143 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,966 - What do you mean, swipe? 144 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,427 - I promised Drew I would donate something to the auction tonight. 145 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,345 I was just going to grab a random blouse or something, 146 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,347 but, lucky for Drew's school... 147 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,809 my boss really pissed me off today. 148 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:54,980 - Valentina, that is a beige lambskin quilted medium Chanel 19 flap. 149 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,398 It's worth thousands! 150 00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:01,153 Men can be bag hags, too. You're gonna steal that? 151 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,446 - Not steal it. 152 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:03,780 Swipe it. 153 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,365 - That's just an adorable way of saying steal! 154 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,366 - Chill! 155 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,744 Nobody will ever find out. Fred never checks that closet. 156 00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,454 Hey, stop looking at me like that, 157 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,080 you judgmental little bitch! 158 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,000 - Fine. Do whatever you want. Just don't talk to me that way. 159 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,878 - Oh, sorry! Oh, I was talking to the doll. 160 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,301 - Now, I know what tonight's nightmare will be about. 161 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,303 ♪ 162 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,764 - Hey, you. DREW [on phone]: Hi. 163 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:31,350 I'm really excited for you to meet all my work peeps tonight. 164 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,684 I told them all about you. 165 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:33,894 - Oh! DREW: Anyhoo, 166 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,646 uh, any luck getting your perfect picture? 167 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,855 - Not yet. 168 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:40,234 I almost got one of a cat and raccoon being interspecies friends. 169 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,569 But, then it turned out the cat was dead, 170 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,613 and the raccoon was eating it. 171 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,740 - Oh, ew. 172 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,077 Anyway, I-I really admire your hustle. 173 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,454 - Thanks. Oh my god. 174 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,248 I think this adorable old couple 175 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,124 is about to kiss over a steam vent. I-I got to go. 176 00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,712 ♪ 177 00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:05,425 Whoa! Ah! [thud] 178 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,426 Ow... 179 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,681 [groaning, panting] 180 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:13,183 Oh thank God, nothing's broken. 181 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,060 [sighs] 182 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:18,689 [screams] 183 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,111 Oh... 184 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,032 Jesse! Hey. 185 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,243 You don't happen to have a cheap dentist, do you? 186 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,620 [sighs] Thank God. 187 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,709 Yes. If he gives me a free toothbrush, you can have it. 188 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,170 ♪ 189 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,714 - What took you so long?! Does code M mean nothing to you? 190 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,008 - Literally nothing! But it better be bad 191 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,301 because I was in the middle of doing 192 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,303 that alpha hydroxy mask you gave me, 193 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,346 and now, I'm only half hydroxy! 194 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,473 I got to go even out. - Okay, no. 195 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,642 Meredith is at my apartment right now, 196 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,852 and she needs to talk to Jesse. 197 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,020 [gasps] 198 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,230 - Do you think she's pregnant? Did she look pregnant? 199 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,900 - Actually, yes. She was glowing brighter than the left side of your face. 200 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:03,901 [both gasp] 201 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,404 - Is Jesse going home before the gala? - No. 202 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,489 - So, Meredith's in your apartment waiting for no one. 203 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,992 - Correct. - Very good, very good. 204 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,702 Then, that buys us some time. 205 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,078 But what's our endgame? 206 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,456 - Well, we don't have one. There is no end to our game. 207 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,084 That is a really tight rap lyric! 208 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,837 ♪ There's no end to our game, no borders on the frame ♪ 209 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,423 - ♪ Hydroxy on our faces, so our pores are down the drain ♪ 210 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,426 - My god, Ellen, our rhymes are lit! - Woo-hoo! 211 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,221 - Meredith's not the only one who can impromptu songwrite. 212 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,598 MEREDITH: Yeah, not bad. [both yell] 213 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,434 Jesse's still not back, and I really need to... 214 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,560 Wait... 215 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,688 [laughs] You must be Jesse's sister. 216 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,567 He used to tell me so many stories about how close you guys were. 217 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,445 What is that character you used to do whenever you drank water? 218 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,572 - He told you about Barbara Waters? - Yes! 219 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,575 - [as Barbara Walters]: Today on The View, 220 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,993 I will be interviewing 221 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,621 a delicious glass of ice water! 222 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,374 - Oh, that is such a good impression! 223 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,042 You should audition for SNL. 224 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,461 - Oh, stop. I mean, it has crossed my mind-- 225 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,964 - Ellen, you're getting sucked in. 226 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,215 [buzz] Oh. 227 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,053 Jesse just texted me. He's back at the apartment. 228 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,179 Come on, we'll walk you back. 229 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,431 - Fine. 230 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,935 - [whispers]: What are we doing? - I don't know! 231 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,772 - Thanks again for driving me here. - Yeah, no problem. 232 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,357 I'm just looking forward to that new toothbrush. 233 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,694 - I just want to get in, get out, and get to Drew. 234 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,783 Yikes. This place is worse than my waxer the day before Valentine's. 235 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,452 I told Drew I was gonna be right on time. 236 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,454 - Uh yeah, that might be tough. 237 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:42,165 Dr. Hoffman's super popular because he's so affordable. 238 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,501 The only way to get cheaper dental care is to date a dentist. 239 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,794 But then you gotta date a dentist. 240 00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:47,880 [clears throat] 241 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,716 Okay... 242 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,887 - Whether the weather be fine, or whether the weather be not, 243 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,513 we'll weather the weather, whatever the weather, 244 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,848 whether we like it or not. 245 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,101 - Move over, she's spitting all over me. 246 00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:02,728 [clears throat] 247 00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:05,272 - Sorry! Just warming up my cords. 248 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,608 There's an open call for Wicked later, 249 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,694 and I have a really good feeling about this one. 250 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,323 But my gums randomly bleed, so here I am. 251 00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,659 - We're not like these people, right? 252 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,578 - What? No, of course not. 253 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,748 - Oh, I see. 254 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,125 Well, thanks for reading it. 255 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,712 Any particular reason it wasn't for you or-- 256 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,256 Hello? Hello? 257 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,469 There goes another six years of my life. 258 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,263 - Hey. [clears throat] Sir? 259 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,933 You okay? - I'll be fine. [weak laugh] 260 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,436 I just really thought this novel was finally going to be my big break. 261 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:48,106 Hey, do you know if Dr. H still gives out free toothbrushes? 262 00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,400 - Mm-hmm. 263 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,486 - So, uh, like, 264 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,071 are you new to the whole writer thing? 265 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,948 Like, it's a calling you found later in life? 266 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,991 - No. Started right out of college. 267 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,410 I finished my first manuscript 268 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,120 the day Reagan was elected, 269 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,248 and I remember promising myself, 270 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,916 "I'm going to be a published author 271 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,960 before that man leaves the White House!" 272 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,545 - Ha, ha. - And then I made 273 00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,881 the same promise to myself when Bush was elected. 274 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,717 Then Clinton. Then Clinton again. - Yeah... Yeah... 275 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:16,927 - Then other Bush twice. 276 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,595 - Oh, please stop saying presidents! 277 00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:22,641 - Now, I know you think I'm exaggerating, 278 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:26,228 but Dr. Hoffman was the oldest dentist I'd ever seen. 279 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,314 - Which one of you is Sofa? 280 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,193 - It's Sophie. 281 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,862 Sofa is furniture. 282 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,822 - A bit louder, sweetheart. 283 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,782 - Sophie! - Sophie! 284 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,995 - Sophie! [laughs] That's my great-granddaughter's name. 285 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,372 Come in the back. I'll give you a haircut. 286 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,499 Oh, I'm sorry. [laughs] 287 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,042 Come on, I'll look at your teeth. 288 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,798 ♪ 289 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,927 - Here. The bartender said, "Say when," 290 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,555 and I just stayed silent. - I'm gonna need a lot more 291 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,057 than a Big Gulp of shit chardonnay to get me through the night. 292 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,935 I'm an accessory to grand theft Chanel. 293 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,897 - Dude, I swear no one will notice the purse is gone. 294 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,481 [text chimes] 295 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,197 My boss has noticed the purse is missing. 296 00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,908 - Oh my god, this night can't get any worse. 297 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,701 [spits] 298 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:24,995 Did the kids make the wine as well? 299 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:29,333 - Honestly, my tooth looks better than ever. 300 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,584 - Totally. 301 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,711 You look like you could be in a Colgate commercial, 302 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,881 whereas an hour ago, you looked like you could be in an anti-meth commercial. 303 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:40,511 - Honestly, I was starting to question all my life choices back there. 304 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,804 We are nothing like those losers in the waiting room. 305 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,265 [engine rattling, tires screech] Ow! Oh! 306 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,518 What happened? - I don't know. The car just stopped. 307 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:50,103 - Ow... Is my nose bleeding? 308 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,649 - No, but you did break your tooth again. 309 00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:56,026 - Huh? Ah! 310 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,027 ♪ 311 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,158 - I can't stop thinking about what will happen if we go down for this. 312 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,953 I'll wind up in prison, carving soap figurines 313 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:09,706 and training crows to deliver cigarettes to someone named Big Papa. 314 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,668 - We're not going to prison. I'm just gonna take back the purse before the-- 315 00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,336 - [on microphone]: Who's ready for an auction? 316 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,629 -...auction starts. 317 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:20,217 - Alright. Let's get started with this gorgeous Chanel purse. 318 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,804 The bidding will start at $500. [clears throat] 319 00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:26,306 [auctioneer voice]: 500, 500, do I hear 500... 320 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,017 - I gotta bid on it to win it back, so here goes. 321 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,602 - $15,000! 322 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521 - And I'm out. 323 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:35,816 [coughing] 324 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,777 - My mechanic said I needed to replace my master cylinder, 325 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,488 .but I thought I had a few months. 326 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,031 - I found my tooth! 327 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,078 Why would you eat my tooth?! 328 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,329 - That was a Tic Tac. 329 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,831 No, that's a pill. [spits] 330 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,332 - Damn it! 331 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,460 What if we are not struggling artists 332 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,546 on the verge of our big breaks? 333 00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,716 What if we are going to wind up like those sad people in the waiting room, 334 00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,302 using old presidents to track how long we've been failures 335 00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,888 because I've been taking photos since Obama... 336 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,764 Wah, I'm already doing it! - Okay, okay, Sophie, stop it. 337 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,392 Alright, I've seen your photos. They're fantastic. 338 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,144 You've got a half dozen shots 339 00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:15,355 you could send in right now to impress that hoity-toity gallery woman. 340 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,274 And even if for some reason she doesn't like them, 341 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,901 somebody else will. 342 00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:20,444 - How do you know? 343 00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,238 - Because the way you see the world is-is incredible! 344 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:27,075 You're like this insane little ball of joy and hope and optimism. 345 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,995 I mean, even today. Y-you were eating cocktail garnishes 346 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,622 and acting like it was a lobster dinner. 347 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,041 That's why I love being around you, 348 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,252 and it's how I know the world is going to love your photos. 349 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,421 'Cause you're amazing. 350 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,216 ♪ 351 00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,383 - Oh... 352 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,385 Um... 353 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,304 Thank you. 354 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,474 - No problem. [clears throat] 355 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441 FUTURE SOPHIE: And that's when it happened. 356 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,235 My perfect shot. 357 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,695 - Jesse, don't move. 358 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,572 - Why? Is there a bee on me? 359 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,533 I lost my EpiPen. I couldn't afford a new one. 360 00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,159 Oh my god, this is it. This is how I die. 361 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:12,120 - [laughs] No bee. You're my shot. 362 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,747 - Oh. Okay. - Just keep working on the car. 363 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,874 - Do you want me to do that cool pose where I look up at the sky? 364 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,084 - Nobody wants that. 365 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,086 - Okay. [clears throat] 366 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,964 - Jesse? 367 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,465 Jesse! 368 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,469 [forced]: That is so weird. He must have just left. 369 00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,180 - Jesus. I haven't seen acting this bad since my nana's nursing home 370 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,057 put on a production of Dear Evan Hansen. 371 00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:33,851 Okay, look. 372 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,770 If you guys really don't think I should see Jesse, 373 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,231 then I guess I can tell you what's up and you can pass it on. 374 00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:40,899 - Oh my god. Can we-- Can we handle this? 375 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,734 - Have you met us? Of course not! 376 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,570 We couldn't even handle the Impossible Burger 377 00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:46,029 because it was too real. 378 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,448 - Okay, in our defense, what kind of vegetarian meat bleeds? 379 00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:53,287 - I wrote a new album, and I got signed to a pretty major label. 380 00:15:54,246 --> 00:15:56,957 And the first single's coming out this week. 381 00:15:56,957 --> 00:16:00,502 This morning, I taped a segment on The Drew Barrymore Show, and... 382 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:03,589 she called it "a certified Barrymore banger," 383 00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:06,550 and then a bunch of donuts fell from the ceiling. 384 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,468 I really do not understand that show. 385 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,097 - Drew is daytime's new darling. Get on board. 386 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,057 - The single drops tomorrow, 387 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,894 and it's very obviously about me and Jesse, 388 00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:19,021 and I think the combo of me having a big song 389 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,231 and it being about our relationship could be, 390 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,399 you know, a lot for him. 391 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,028 But yeah, m-maybe it's best coming from you guys. 392 00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,741 Anyway, I'm staying at the Bowery, if he wants to talk. 393 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,828 ♪ Staying at the Bowery, wanna say I'm sorry ♪ 394 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:40,459 [quiet chatter] - I can't believe I was your perfect shot. 395 00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,878 I guess my middle school art teacher Miss Duncan was right. 396 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,589 I do have the body of a model. 397 00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:48,467 - That is a very disturbing story from your past. 398 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,468 [scoffs] 399 00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:51,261 Um... 400 00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:53,722 All that stuff you said earlier... 401 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,391 Thank you. 402 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,352 ♪ soft music ♪ 403 00:16:58,352 --> 00:16:59,311 - There you are. 404 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,021 - Hey! 405 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,648 [laugh, kiss] 406 00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:05,609 I'm sorry I'm late, and that I look like this. 407 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:09,363 I'm hoping that the-the chipped tooth adds more character? 408 00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,241 Like maybe I've got a real juicy origin story. 409 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,744 - Mm. You know, the chipped tooth's kind of charming. 410 00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,497 The, um, the bird shit on your shoulder leaves something to be desired. 411 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:21,208 - Oh! Oh god. I... 412 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,918 It was a long walk here. 413 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:24,378 - It's all good. JESSE: Hm. 414 00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:27,214 - You missed the superintendent but, um, glad you're here now. 415 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,384 You know, Jesse, that full-time music teacher job 416 00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,135 we talked about comes with full dental... 417 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:34,513 - Uh, I-I'm good, Drew. Thanks, though. 418 00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,225 Well, okay. I'm going to let you two hang. 419 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,726 [clears throat] 420 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,314 - You offered him a full-time job? - Yep. 421 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:48,235 You know, I get that Jesse wants time to work on his own music. 422 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,529 I just... I don't know, 423 00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:52,531 wish he'd stop chasing a pipe dream, you know? 424 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:55,909 - Wait... 425 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,913 Do you think that me making it as a photographer 426 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,707 is also a pipe dream? 427 00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:06,670 - Maybe... maybe we can talk about this later? 428 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:11,258 - Actually, I-I'd kinda like to hear your answer right now. 429 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,306 - Look, I-I think photography is your passion, 430 00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:18,557 and that's awesome. 431 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,686 But I also think there comes a time in life 432 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,813 when you should get a stable job, 433 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,107 so you can plan for your future. 434 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,692 Or afford a dentist. 435 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,613 - Got it. 436 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,743 - I gotta go say hi to those teachers. Um... 437 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,412 We'll keep talking later, okay? 438 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,839 [quiet chatter] 439 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,300 - Well, it's official. Fred's going to fire me. 440 00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:55,719 I've worked for that horrible man 441 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,222 for five excruciating years, 442 00:18:58,222 --> 00:19:00,265 and I put up with him because I told myself 443 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,519 that it was a stepping stone to something great, but now... 444 00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:06,021 it's all for nothing. 445 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,106 He knows everyone in this industry, 446 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,025 and he will make sure that I'm known as the girl 447 00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:13,695 who stole the beige lambskin quilted medium Chanel 19 flap. 448 00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:16,406 [sighs] - No, he won't. 449 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,743 Because I am swiping it back. 450 00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:25,290 - But you hate stealing. - I know. 451 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,750 But I love you more. 452 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,837 So just promise you'll wait for me if I get thrown in the pokey for this. 453 00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:32,172 - Mm... [kiss] 454 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,341 This is so romantic! 455 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,927 But I cannot, in good conscience, commit to waiting for you. 456 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:38,720 [sighs] 457 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,682 ♪ soft music ♪ 458 00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:44,685 [quiet chatter] 459 00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:52,776 [clicks tongue] 460 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,361 [mouthing] 461 00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,447 [clattering] 462 00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,451 [shocked chatter] - Well... 463 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,496 a lovely evening. Thank you very much. Valentina, run! 464 00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:07,791 ♪ 465 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,336 - Maybe we give him worse news before Meredith's news, 466 00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:13,297 so it doesn't seem so bad. 467 00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:14,715 - Like what? - I don't know. 468 00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,758 We can tell him he has testicular cancer. 469 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,927 - How on earth would we know that before him? 470 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,639 - Oh, I love you, Bonnie. - I love you more, Clyde! 471 00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:26,602 - Don't mind them. They're in the middle of some very intense 472 00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,145 outlaw-themed role-play. 473 00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:29,396 Where were you guys tonight? 474 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,566 - Something came up. - Oh. 475 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,443 Everything okay? 476 00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:37,446 [phone beeping] 477 00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,242 - [sighs] Sorry, it's the tow truck company. 478 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,870 My car broke down on the side of the road. It's gonna cost me a fortune. 479 00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:48,332 Something tells me they're not gonna take back rub coupons. Be right back. 480 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,962 - Maybe we can just tell him tomorrow. - Yes. 481 00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:58,091 Tomorrow is a perfect day for you to tell him. 482 00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:03,514 FUTURE SOPHIE: Am I good enough to make it as an artist? 483 00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:06,517 That's the question I asked myself a thousand times a day back then. 484 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,522 Except when I was around a certain someone. 485 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,192 - Hey. - Hey. 486 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,194 Why aren't you with Drew? 487 00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:19,863 - We had a fight. 488 00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:22,282 - Oh. I'm sorry. - Yeah. 489 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,661 Drew doesn't believe in what I'm doing with my life, 490 00:21:25,661 --> 00:21:28,664 thinks it's time for me to grow up and get a real job... 491 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:30,791 [sighs] 492 00:21:30,791 --> 00:21:33,293 I guess the way he sees me is... 493 00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,672 pretty different than the way you see me. 494 00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:41,009 ♪ BRIGHTSIDE by The Lumineers ♪ 495 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:45,013 - Well, maybe he's not the guy for you. 496 00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,391 ♪ Waves on a ceiling ♪ 497 00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:53,063 ♪ I'll be your brightside ♪ 498 00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,232 ♪ Baby, tonight ♪ 499 00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:00,112 ♪ I'll be your bright side ♪ 500 00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:02,322 ♪ Baby, tonight ♪ 501 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:04,658 ♪ Tonight ♪ 502 00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,287 ♪ You were tired of Tacoma ♪ 503 00:22:09,621 --> 00:22:13,166 ♪ I was tired of believing we were right ♪ 504 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,377 ♪ Losing every other friend ♪ 505 00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,506 ♪ Finding nothing in the afterlife ♪ 506 00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:22,593 ♪ But the light in your eyes ♪ 507 00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,595 ♪