1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:05,047 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:08,300 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:12,137 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,560 - We all have a blind spot for our parents. 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,354 We want to believe they're perfect, 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939 but the truth is-- SOPHIE'S SON [on video]: Oh wow, 7 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,191 are you finally admitting you have flaws? 8 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:27,402 - [laughs] No, I'm talking about other people's parents. 9 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,405 I am perfect. Now, stop interrupting. 10 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,743 - Great! Okay, I'll see you tonight. 11 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,081 - Ooh! Was that Drew? 12 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,749 - [laughs] Yes. 13 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,751 He invited me to game night with his friends. 14 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,462 - Mm! Look at you. 15 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,922 - Okay, can you just do normal vowels? 16 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,758 - This is a big step in the relationship. 17 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,803 Meeting his friends, pretending to like game nights. 18 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,763 - No, this is not a big step. 19 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,849 Ha! - Knock, knock! 20 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,309 [laughs] - Mom! Hey! 21 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,604 What are you doing here? - [scoffs] What do you think? 22 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,274 Honey, I wouldn't miss your birthday. 23 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,859 - Ah. 24 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,569 My birthday was a week ago. 25 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,904 - Well, it was supposed to be today. 26 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,698 It's not my fault you came early. 27 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,491 Actually, it's a little my fault. 28 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,285 They say sex in the third trimester 29 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,245 can really move things along. 30 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,288 - On the plus side, 31 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,999 I got to see Woody Harrelson's penis from the inside. 32 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,960 - He came early, too. 33 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,545 - Oh, Mom! 34 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:29,131 - This is the worst episode of Gilmore Girls ever. 35 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,342 - Come on! We're going to brunch. You can meet my friends. 36 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,095 But, you cannot hit on Val's hot British boyfriend. 37 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,680 - I would never. 38 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,850 - You remind me of a young Sting. 39 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,059 [sniffing] 40 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,811 And you smell like him, too. 41 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,021 - Mom. 42 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,565 - Uh, how do you know what Sting smells like? 43 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,483 - Oh, honey, I know what all the greats smell like. 44 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,153 I made the most of my modeling days, 45 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,446 back when I modeled. 46 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,281 I used to be a model. 47 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,033 - Wait, were you a model? 48 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,703 - So, this is a new Bloody recipe. 49 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,163 Just let me know what you, uh... 50 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,792 [awkwardly]: Hello. SOPHIE: Oh, Sid. 51 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:06,710 This is my mom. 52 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,297 - Uh... I... just realized 53 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,341 I only put one olive in these. [forced laugh] 54 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,301 What is this? The Oliveless Garden? 55 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,722 - That was weird, right? 56 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,933 Someone should go ask him if he's okay. - Totally. 57 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,352 VALENTINA/JESSE/CHARLIE: Not it! 58 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,395 - Uh, Mom, tonight I have game night, but tomorrow, 59 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,272 do you wanna do that thing where we go to Times Square 60 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,149 and we tell tourists wrong directions? 61 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,069 - But I'm only here till tomorrow, 62 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,112 and I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Ash. 63 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,406 - Oh. Hm. 64 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,908 There's a new boyfriend? 65 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,160 - Yeah, he and his band have a show tonight in Brooklyn, 66 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,829 and then we're off to Austria for his European tour. 67 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,206 So, you got to come meet him tonight. 68 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,374 - Sophie can't go. 69 00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:47,417 Like she said, she's got plans. 70 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,545 - It's fine. I'll be there. 71 00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,630 - Great! You'll love him. 72 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,716 Oh, I got to go. I have cryotherapy. 73 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,468 Hey, you should all try it. 74 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,512 Keep it cold, it won't get old. 75 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,347 I will see you tonight. You're all invited. 76 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,810 - There we go, all better. 77 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,104 And look at that. Darn. Oh. 78 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,064 I missed Sophie's mother. CHARLIE: Your loss. 79 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:12,067 She's a delight. If you name a rock star, she's probably smelled them. 80 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,113 - She is the best. Which is... 81 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:19,157 why it's such a bummer she chooses the worst guys. 82 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:22,494 And then they blow up her life, and I have to pick up the pieces. 83 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,496 I guess I'm going to be convincing her 84 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,583 to dump this musician before she winds up stranded in Vienna, 85 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,877 sobbing in her schnitzel. 86 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,545 Anybody want to keep me company? 87 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,965 - Of course. Babe? - Hm? 88 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,009 Well, I had set aside tonight 89 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,303 to try and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. 90 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,888 It's gonna get pathetic, spending my days 91 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,098 swapping recipes with the old yentas in our building. 92 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,100 ELLEN: Well, I'm in. 93 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,770 Right after I watch The Good Fight starring my queen, Christine Baranski. 94 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,064 - I wouldn't miss it. [ringtone] 95 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,942 - Oh. Great. Show's at the Happy Idiot. 96 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,277 - I'm missing it. 97 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:58,030 I-I-I-- The Happy Idiot is where I proposed to Meredith. 98 00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,282 I can't ever go back. I'd be way too traumatized. 99 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,701 - Yep. I can't go either, out of solidarity with Jesse. 100 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,203 - No, that's fine-- - No, no! 101 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,456 Solidarity. 102 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,627 - Okay, someone really needs to go talk to him now. 103 00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:13,545 ALL: Not it! JESSE: Not it! Oh... 104 00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,797 ♪ 105 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,342 - Jesse, I have wonderful news for you. 106 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,261 I have finally figured out my calling. 107 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,765 I have decided to help those suffering from trauma. 108 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,725 And you are going to be my first patient! 109 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,268 - Okay, slow down. 110 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,145 How did you figure out this was your calling? 111 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,855 - A wonderful question, patient. 112 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,649 You see, my rarefied upbringing 113 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:36,610 has left me with virtually no practical life skills, 114 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,404 but no one has had more therapy than I. 115 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,822 - Oh, I didn't know you were in therapy. 116 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,866 - [sighs] Was I ever! 117 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,869 See, when I was a boy, 118 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,996 my mother caught me talking to one of her wigs. 119 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,957 She put me in therapy shortly after, 120 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,375 and Dr. Wallace helped me realize the wigs 121 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502 were just a substitute for my mother's affection. 122 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,754 And I haven't had a conversation with a wig in months. 123 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,172 - Wait, months? - And now, 124 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,674 I'm going to pour everything I've learned 125 00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:01,426 into healing others. Jesse, 126 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,928 you are a traumatized mess. 127 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,473 You can't go to the Happy Idiot. You call yourself a musician, 128 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,934 but you haven't played that keyboard since I met you. 129 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:09,977 I mean, look at it! 130 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,020 Begging to be touched. 131 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:16,149 Like one of my mother's long, silky Saturday night wigs. 132 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,402 - Okay. Hey, listen. Uh... 133 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,821 Why the hell not? Alright, take your best shot. 134 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,864 - Great! 135 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,907 We will start with exposure therapy. 136 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,827 Jesse, when was the last time you watched this viral video of yours? 137 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,288 - Oh, I've never seen it. I'd be way too traumatized. 138 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,789 - Well, that's where we'll start. - All cued up. 139 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,542 - Wait, you have it bookmarked? - Yeah, of course. 140 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,169 You're my best friend. 141 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,588 ♪ 142 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,173 - Alexa, play The Good Fight. 143 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,968 ALEXA: Here's The Good Fight. 144 00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,094 - Thanks, boo. 145 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,223 Got my Baranski, got my BLT. 146 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,602 Everything's coming up Ellen. 147 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,938 Aw! 148 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,064 [sighs] 149 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,025 This rotten tomato is 0% fresh! 150 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,401 [sighs] 151 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,116 ♪ scheming music ♪ 152 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,330 [quiet chatter] 153 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,348 - Save some for the rest of us. 154 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,516 - Oh, I'm sorry. 155 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:34,102 - No, I'm kidding. Go nuts. My grandma would be happy. 156 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,771 She hated wasted food. 157 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,023 She also hated smartphones, slow waiters, 158 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,399 and Zooey Deschanel's whole vibe. 159 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,110 I'm Rachel. I make jokes when I'm sad. 160 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,322 - I'm Ellen. I whistle Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes when I'm anxious. 161 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,075 - These are from my favorite brunch spot. 162 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,453 They get all of their produce from this biodynamic farm upstate. 163 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,749 Sorry, I'm kind of a produce nerd. You don't care about this. 164 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,251 - Yes, I do. 165 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:58,877 I own a lettuce farm. 166 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,170 - No way. 167 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,467 So, how did you know my grandmother? 168 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,802 ELLEN: Great question. 169 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,596 We were... 170 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,018 best friends. 171 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,397 SOPHIE: [sighs] I'm sorry again. 172 00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:20,440 It's just the only night my mom's in town. 173 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,567 - I totally get it. 174 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,527 I mean, I'm gonna have to be my own charades partner though, 175 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,028 which is slightly awkward. 176 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,030 I'm going to be all like, one word. Movie. 177 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,450 [running in place] 178 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,743 I know! I know! 179 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,245 Jumanji! Woo! 180 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,621 [laughs] [knocking] 181 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,124 That's my friends. I gotta go. I'll call you later. 182 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,710 - Yeah, of course. Thanks again for understanding. 183 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,713 ♪ bar music ♪ 184 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,841 Okay, prepare yourself, alright? 185 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,759 Knowing my mom's track record, 186 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,053 Ash is probably some Jeff Bridges-looking dude, 187 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,140 guzzling Jim Beam and doing lines off a filthy coffee table. 188 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,141 [sighs] 189 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,143 - Stop making me miss college! 190 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,398 SOPHIE: Mom! - [gasps] Hey, girls! 191 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,025 You made it. 192 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,776 [soft laughter] 193 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,361 - And you must be Ash. 194 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,823 - Oh [laughs]. No, no, no. I'm Ash's tour manager Brad. 195 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,658 - Oh - Oh, uh, this is Ash. 196 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,161 - Hey. 197 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,791 Sophie. I've heard so much about you. 198 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,878 - Are you legally allowed to be in this bar? 199 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:24,379 [laughs] 200 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,382 - I can assure you, I am a very mature 27. 201 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,551 I've already had a colonoscopy. 202 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:32,262 - Ash! Our sex life is our business. 203 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,723 - Oh yeah? [laughs] God, is she always this funny? 204 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,183 [giggling] 205 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,559 - Well, he's not Jeff Bridges. 206 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,686 Probably doesn't know who Jeff Bridges is, 207 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,271 and to be honest, I don't either. 208 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,900 Your mom is fine, Soph. You can still make it to Drew's. 209 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,986 - No, they always seem okay at first. 210 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,738 Okay, trust me, this guy is bad news. 211 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:53,617 You know what? I know what's going on here. 212 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,037 I bet he's a gold digger who thinks my mom has money. 213 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,414 [laughs] Wait till he finds out 214 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,458 she got nada en el banco. 215 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,211 - We've talked about you doing the Spanglish thing. 216 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,254 - Sorry. 217 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,173 Okay, you go get a drink with my mom. 218 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,634 I'm gonna grill my teenage stepdad. 219 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,971 - [gasps] Teenage Stepdad would be a great Nickelodeon show. 220 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:16,723 - You're right. Let's add it to the Google Doc. 221 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,559 ♪ 222 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:22,980 ♪ 223 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,649 - There's some kinks to work out with my grandma trust, 224 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,359 but it looks like I'm going to get this apartment. 225 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,320 - Wow. Cool. 226 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,408 I can Airdrop you photos and stuff. 227 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,409 [laughs] 228 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,913 - These were Gamgam's favorite pair. 229 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,624 Think I could pull them off? - Yes. 230 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,169 They accentuate your perfect neck. 231 00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,795 [both laugh] 232 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:51,508 - So, tell me. How did you become best friends 233 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,343 with an 85-year-old woman? 234 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,762 - Um, well... 235 00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:59,266 One day, I was, um, 236 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,727 making a ruckus in my kitchen, and... 237 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,980 she came over to complain. 238 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,773 I said I loved her brooch, 239 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,859 and the rest is herstory! 240 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,903 [nervous laugh] 241 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,283 - Hey, you want to get out of here? 242 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,868 I kind of have this thing 243 00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,370 where post-death rituals really bum me out. 244 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,331 - You're so weird. 245 00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,627 - I was raised in Fresno, along with my twin sisters, 246 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,212 AKA my everything, 247 00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,838 and I've always loved music. 248 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,176 I'm no Jason Mraz, AKA my other everything, 249 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,178 but I get to do what I love. 250 00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,222 You know, and that is the ultimate gift. 251 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:40,140 - Aw, that's sweet. 252 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,684 Hm. You know what else is sweet? 253 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,727 Sugar. 254 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,855 And if you're a little sugar baby looking for a treat, 255 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,357 you're barking up the wrong mama. 256 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,108 - What? 257 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,194 - Are you with my mom for her money? 258 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,863 Because she doesn't have any! ASH: Sophie, 259 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,865 I know your mom is broke. 260 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,159 She's also beautiful 261 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,328 and alive and free. 262 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:03,872 To be honest... 263 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,750 I'm kind of falling in love with her. 264 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:13,507 - ♪ Marry me, Meredith ♪ 265 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,342 ♪ Please ♪ 266 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,555 MEREDITH: Jesse, I'm sorry. I-I... [crowd murmuring] 267 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:22,558 [shocked whispering] 268 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,602 [thud] [Jesse yelling] 269 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,854 [clattering] 270 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,608 MAN: [laughs] He's so sad he pissed himself. 271 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,693 [laughter] 272 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,528 - No, didn't-- That's not even a thing! 273 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,239 I just spilled my Cosmo on my pants. 274 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:40,284 MAN: He drinks Cosmos! He's my aunt in the '90s! 275 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,329 - I have just one question. 276 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,291 - Because they're sweet and tart, and they make me happy! 277 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,168 - No. My question was 278 00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:52,129 how did watching it make you feel? 279 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:55,382 - Oh. Uh... 280 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,426 Okay? I guess? I don't know. 281 00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:00,137 I-I've been building up so much in my head, seeing it wasn't... 282 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,347 that bad. 283 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,184 - Brilliant. Then, we can move on to the next step 284 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,269 and return to the scene of the crime. 285 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,480 - You know what? Screw it. I'm ready. Let's go. 286 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,525 - Yes. Gentlemen, to the Happy Idiot. 287 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,236 - I can't go! 288 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,574 Sophie's mom took my masturbation virginity. 289 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,161 - So, Ash seems great. 290 00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:27,164 - Oh, yeah. Ash is the best. 291 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,832 He'll only do it to Jason Mraz, 292 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,668 but I put in earplugs, so it works. [text chimes] 293 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:35,005 Oh! If you'll excuse me, I gotta wish my man good luck 294 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,256 before he goes on. 295 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,259 ♪ bar music ♪ 296 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,220 - Hello, New York! 297 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,055 Did somebody light a fire? Because here comes Ash. 298 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,724 - What are you up to, Lori? 299 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,851 ♪ 300 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,481 [smack] 301 00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,274 [both laugh] 302 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,235 Unbelievable! 303 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,279 Oh, now I remember who Jeff Bridges is. 304 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,322 ♪ 305 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,495 - It was the summer after seventh grade. 306 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,624 I'd just come back from my favorite place in the whole damn world. 307 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834 Spencer's Gifts. 308 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,337 I'd gone there to buy one of those sick-ass lava lamps. 309 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,340 But then, I found something even better. 310 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,551 ♪ foreboding ♪ 311 00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:24,304 That night, I set everything up just so. 312 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,849 - I don't want you to see this, Slim Shady. 313 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,350 [hamster squeaking] 314 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,569 SID: But just when I got down to business, 315 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,863 something horrible happened. 316 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,990 SID'S MOM: Sid, I'm doing laundry. 317 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,325 - Big deal. So, she caught you pulling your Paddington. 318 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,411 - Oh, no, no, no. I'm not done. 319 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,372 SID'S MOM: Siddhartha? Are you awake? [knocking] 320 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:53,375 ♪ dramatic ♪ 321 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,420 [thud, splatter] 322 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,963 [hamster screeching] 323 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,382 - Slim Shady? 324 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,302 Please stand up. 325 00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:09,016 - I finished later that night, after I buried him. 326 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,936 I finished after I buried him! 327 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,898 I really thought I was over it, 328 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,901 but seeing Lori just made it all come flooding back. 329 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,112 - Sid... 330 00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,072 Let me heal you, too. 331 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,456 ♪ indistinct singing ♪ 332 00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,917 - Sophia, I need to tell you something. - Me first. 333 00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,877 You were right about Ash. 334 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:40,005 He's just a sweet guy who loves my mom. 335 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,841 What if she's finally going to be happy after all this time? 336 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,718 - Mm... LORI: There you are! 337 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,429 [laughs] Oh! 338 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:52,142 ♪ singing continues ♪ 339 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,271 - Hiya! Charlie, a word. 340 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,734 You're chummy with all the old neighbors. 341 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,195 Tell me everything you know about Esther from down the hall. 342 00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:05,989 - Esther Lebowitz? Oh, she's a delight. She's teaching me how to make borscht. 343 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,282 - No, she's not. She's dead. 344 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,825 - She was so full of life. 345 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,702 - Not anymore. She's full of dead. 346 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,205 And, I told her granddaughter Rachel over there 347 00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:14,957 that I was her best friend 348 00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:17,125 because I think Rachel might be the love of my life. 349 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,585 - How can that be Esther's granddaughter? 350 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,213 Esther didn't have any children. Her birds were her children. 351 00:15:21,213 --> 00:15:22,589 Oh my god, are you in love with a bird? 352 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,590 - Not this time! 353 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,636 Why would Rachel pretend to be someone's granddaughter? 354 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,347 She was talking about moving into Esther's apartment, 355 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,391 and she was grabbing jewelry by the handful, 356 00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:35,853 and she wanted to leave the shiva after, like, 10 minutes! 357 00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:37,354 What if she was doing... 358 00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,399 BOTH: [gasping] Elder fraud! 359 00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,281 - Wow! Maybe it's kind of cute how smitten she is. 360 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:48,448 What if they get married? 361 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,909 We should start buying penis-shaped things for the bachelorette. 362 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,828 - Ash and your mom aren't getting married. 363 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,955 - What? Well, how do you know that? 364 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,250 - Have you ever considered... 365 00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:01,628 that your mom might not pick bad guys, but that she might... 366 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,131 be the bad guy? Soph, 367 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,925 I've met a few of her boyfriends over the years, 368 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,094 and they've all seemed totally fine. 369 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,972 She's the one who blows things up, and each time, 370 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,932 you drop everything to take care of her. 371 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:18,604 - You're... way off. It's definitely the guys. 372 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:22,232 - Like I said, total blind spot. 373 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,568 - I saw her kissing Ash's manager. 374 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,071 - Oh. 375 00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,075 I just need a-a minute. 376 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,458 - I can't believe I've been beating myself up all day 377 00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,627 about pretending to know your grandma. 378 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,295 - Wait, you didn't know my grandma? 379 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:44,254 - Cut the crap! 380 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:48,467 You're not a granddaughter. You're an elder frauder! 381 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,761 - Ooh, quick question. Um, 382 00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,888 did you say Etsy Lebowitz 383 00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:54,848 or Esther Horowitz? 384 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,808 Because, um, funny story. 385 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,478 Um, Lebowitz didn't have kids, but Horowitz did. 386 00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,147 - Which Witz are you? 387 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,566 - Horowitz, you lunatic. 388 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:07,861 - Hm... 389 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,614 Sorry for the mix-up. 390 00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,617 And sorry for your loss, God. [angry muttering] 391 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,038 - Look, I-I know it's gonna be hard for me to come back from this, 392 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,414 but I'd like to try. 393 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,583 - Goodbye forever, Ellen. 394 00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:27,172 I guess I'll probably have to see you around the apartment building. 395 00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,383 Please don't acknowledge me. 396 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:33,512 - I'm not giving up on us! 397 00:17:33,512 --> 00:17:35,764 I know where you live! 398 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,768 I didn't mean that as a threat! 399 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,148 - I did say sorry. 400 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,149 ♪ 401 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,655 - Right now, when you see Lori, 402 00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,241 you revert to an ashamed little boy 403 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,034 who killed his best friend. 404 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,328 And then masturbated shortly afterwards. 405 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,080 - That's right. - But you're a man now. 406 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,708 So, I want you to march over to Lori, buy her a drink, 407 00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,751 and prove to yourself 408 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,671 that you are not that little boy anymore. 409 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,590 That's what Slim Shady would have wanted. 410 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,635 - For Slim Shady. 411 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,890 ♪ 412 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,102 Hi, Lori. 413 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,479 - Oh. 414 00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,232 - Can I buy you a drink? - Sure. 415 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,026 - Uh, can we get two whiskeys, please? 416 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,195 One for me, and one for the beautiful lady. 417 00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:32,487 - Oh. 418 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,034 - Cheers. - Cheers. 419 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:44,082 You have yourself a beautiful evening, Lori. 420 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,669 [kiss] - Good night, Sid. 421 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,421 [clears throat] 422 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,090 JESSE: Hm. Beer. [excited muttering] 423 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,218 - Okay. You did it. 424 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,220 You healed me. You healed me! 425 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,639 - I did! Oh my god, I did. 426 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:02,351 Alright. One down, one to go. Jesse? - Mm-hmm. 427 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:03,936 - And you're going to love this. 428 00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:06,271 I've convinced the house managers to let you take to the stage 429 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,898 at the end of the night and perform a song. 430 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:09,316 - Wait, what?! 431 00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:13,237 - Mom? Can we talk? 432 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:16,823 Mom. 433 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,159 Are you cheating on Ash with his manager? 434 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:20,994 - What? [scoffs] 435 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,748 Of course not. 436 00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:28,210 - Valentina saw you kissing him. 437 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,297 - [sighs] Okay, fine. 438 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,051 Ash is adorable. 439 00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,845 It's just... 440 00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:41,682 I have chronic wanderlust. 441 00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:43,350 I mean, 442 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,727 classic Sagittarius, am I right? 443 00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,023 [sighs] - Mom. 444 00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:52,776 All those times we had to pick up our lives 445 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,945 and start over, 446 00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:56,989 was it the guys or was it you? 447 00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,992 - It was me not settling. 448 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:04,413 I won't be made to feel bad for wanting fireworks. 449 00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:05,873 - Fireworks. 450 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,878 We had to move 13 times. 451 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,131 I never had any real friends. 452 00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:15,841 I didn't have a place to call home. 453 00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:18,010 I don't have any childhood photos 454 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:20,679 because every time we moved, 455 00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,014 we packed lighter and lighter. 456 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,767 But somehow, 457 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,020 that bikini poster always made the cut. 458 00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,439 - That poster is special to me. 459 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,732 - I know. 460 00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,901 "Mommy had the best side boob in the business" 461 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:35,319 was my first full sentence. 462 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:38,197 - Oh no, that's not what I mean. 463 00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:40,741 [sighs] You're in the poster. 464 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:44,036 It was taken the day I found out I was pregnant with you. 465 00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:46,455 That's why it's special to me. 466 00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,126 I haven't done a lot of things right with my life, Sophie. 467 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,878 ♪ 468 00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:55,047 But I look at that photo, 469 00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:58,050 and I see the best thing I ever did. 470 00:20:59,176 --> 00:21:00,802 I see you. 471 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:05,933 Do you think maybe we could go someplace quiet? 472 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,519 Have a glass of wine and talk about this Ash stuff? 473 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,398 - No. We can't. 474 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,442 - Oh. 475 00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,278 - I love you, Mom. 476 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,573 But, I have plans of my own tonight. 477 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,450 [both sigh] 478 00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:26,912 [door opens] 479 00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:29,414 Hey. 480 00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:32,960 You were right about my mom. 481 00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,546 - I know. I'm sorry. 482 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:38,590 [clink] 483 00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:43,846 - You think I can still make it to Drew's? 484 00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:45,722 - Oh, definitely. Game nights last forever. 485 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:48,141 It's one of the many reasons they're so terrible. 486 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,852 Now, go get your man. 487 00:21:57,943 --> 00:21:59,945 [cheering] 488 00:21:59,945 --> 00:22:02,406 - Uh, hey, everyone. Um, 489 00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:03,657 some of you might recognize me 490 00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:05,534 from a certain viral video 491 00:22:05,534 --> 00:22:07,411 but now that I'm back here at the scene of the crime, 492 00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:10,122 I just want to say I'm ready to move on, New York. 493 00:22:10,122 --> 00:22:13,041 Uh, I'm not going to let that one night define me. Okay. 494 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,044 What is this? I didn't order this. - A Cosmopolitan. 495 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,672 - Hey, Carrie Bradshaw. That's from me. 496 00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,299 [laughter] 497 00:22:20,299 --> 00:22:23,468 - Okay, just so we're clear. A Cosmo is a classic cocktail, alright? 498 00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,095 - Your mom's a classic cocktail. 499 00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,430 - Don't you talk about my mom! 500 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:32,644 You know what, I'm gonna quit before this goes viral, too. Thanks, everyone! 501 00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:34,897 [cheering] 502 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:38,317 That was... not great, but it's a good first step. 503 00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:41,111 So, thank you, Charlie. - I should be the one thanking you. 504 00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,739 You guys have helped me to confirm my dream career. 505 00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:46,283 To be a psychiatrist. 506 00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:49,286 Eight years of school? 507 00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:53,999 Alright, uh, to be a psychologist. 508 00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:55,542 [Jesse groans] 509 00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,211 Seriously?! 510 00:22:57,211 --> 00:22:59,838 Well, there must be something I can do where I can listen to people's problems, 511 00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:01,840 offer up sage advice, and get paid for it 512 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,134 without having to go to any school. 513 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:06,720 - I'm probably gonna regret this but, um... 514 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,013 - I'll take it! 515 00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:11,850 ♪ Nobody Else by LANY ♪ 516 00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:14,728 SOPHIE'S SON: I don't get it, Mom. Why'd you tell me this story? 517 00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,396 It was mostly about you and Grandma. 518 00:23:17,022 --> 00:23:18,482 - True, 519 00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:21,068 but I couldn't eventually wind up with your dad, 520 00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:23,779 until I faced my stuff with my mom. 521 00:23:23,779 --> 00:23:26,156 Faced who she was, how she hurt me. 522 00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:29,785 And that night, when I walked out of that bar, 523 00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:31,537 I started to. 524 00:23:31,537 --> 00:23:33,956 - Hey! I hope I didn't miss the whole thing. 525 00:23:33,956 --> 00:23:35,249 Oh. You're going. Okay. 526 00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:37,251 Uh, four words. First word. 527 00:23:37,251 --> 00:23:38,585 Happy? 528 00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,880 Two? See... 529 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,590 [laughs] 530 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:44,883 I'm happy to see you, too. 531 00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:47,469 ♪ 532 00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:51,014 ♪ And if Heaven doesn't want us ♪ 533 00:23:51,014 --> 00:23:53,725 ♪ Would you go with me to Hell? ♪ 534 00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:58,063 ♪ Hope you know I don't want nobody else ♪ 535 00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,192 ♪ Would you call me back ♪ 536 00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,403 ♪ In the middle of the night? ♪ 537 00:24:06,405 --> 00:24:08,740 ♪ Would you kiss and make up♪ 538 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,951 ♪ After a stupid fight? ♪ 539 00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:16,248 ♪ If I share my dark secrets ♪ 540 00:24:16,248 --> 00:24:18,750 ♪ Would you promise not to tell? ♪ 541 00:24:20,169 --> 00:24:23,255 ♪ Hope you know I'd do these things as well ♪