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♪ upbeat theme playing ♪

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♪ Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba,
ba‐ba‐ba‐ba ♪

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♪ Ba‐ba, da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da
da‐da‐da ♪

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‐ Son, this is the story of the time

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I tried to help someone else
fix all their dating problems

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through the magic of photography.

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SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
I feel like we've derailed.

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‐ I gave you life.
You give me one night.

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Now, back in 2022,

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having the perfect profile photo
was a very big deal.

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‐ Ugh. All my photos are terrible.

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Forget it! I'm not joining Tinder.

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I'll just die alone or with Sid.

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‐ What? No, dude. Hannah and I plan on
dying at the exact same time at 98...

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mid‐penetrayshe.
[grossed‐out groans]

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And you were not invited to that party.
‐ That's fine!

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Alone it is. Anything's better

18
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than joining these ridiculous apps.
SOPHIE: Why?

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You'd do great on the apps.

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You're a cool, handsome musician.

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‐ Well, thank you, but no.

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Actually, what I am is a part‐time
music teacher who drives Uber

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and is internet famous for
his rejected marriage proposal.

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‐ Look, if I join Tinder,
I'm just going to get a bunch

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of mean messages from people that
recognize me as the Proposal Fail Guy.

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I mean, l‐l‐let's just take a glimpse
at my Instagram DMs, shall we?

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Uh... "You don't deserve to have balls."

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[sympathetic groans]

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Uh, "LOL, you suck."

30
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But "suck" is spelled with five k's.

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Uh, "You have kind eyes."

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Okay, well, that one doesn't count
'cause it's from our Aunt Karen.

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‐ You know, who cares about
random internet trolls?

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Jesse, I've been out with
87 app guys this year.

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‐ 88.

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Oh, it was 87 before
you struck out with Ian,

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so now, technically, it's 88.

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‐ Oh, got it. Thanks.

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88 guys, okay,

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and I haven't given up on finding someone.

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I refuse to let you quit before
you've even gotten started.

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‐ I don't know...
‐ I say

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if you don't want to join Tinder,
don't join.

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‐ Thank you!

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‐ You can always spend
your Saturday nights with...

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Postmates and Pornhub.

47
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‐ Ugh, stop.

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‐ Your Kung Pao shrimp in one hand,

49
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your man shrimp in the other...

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[groans]

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‐ Soy sauce dripping on
your downtown dumpling‐‐

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‐ Okay! Fine! I'll join!
[cheering]

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‐ You know what? I'm going
to help you crush on Tinder.

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If there's one thing I know from my 87‐‐
‐ 88.

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‐ We get it! You can count!

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88 app guys,

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it's how to create a profile
that makes a girl swipe right.

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Let me do this for you, Jesse.

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Repeat after me.

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"Today is the first chapter
of my next great love story."

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‐ Okay. I'm never going to say that,

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but I will accept your weird offer.

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‐ Great! Okay, first,

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I have to take the greatest photo
of you ever for your profile.

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‐ Mm‐hmm.

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‐ You're gonna be drowning
in internet honeys.

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You're going to be like, "I can't breathe!
There's too many honeys!"

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‐ [laughs] Okay.

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Uh, well, I teach music classes tomorrow,

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but maybe we could do it
during my lunch break?

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‐ Perfect. I'll meet you there.

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Jesse, life's gonna be alright.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

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‐ Life's a nightmare.

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‐ Aw, babe. No luck apartment hunting?

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‐ No. Turns out, searching
for apartments in this city

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without access to your
trust fund's impossible.

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I have no idea how you poors did it.

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‐ Charlie! We've talked about
using "poor" as a noun.

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ELLEN:
Charlie's right.

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I'm looking for a place, too.

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I just got my harvest check from
the farm I share with my ex.

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Our love may have wilted,
but our butter lettuce is poppin'.

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‐ Wait, you still get farm money?

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Why aren't you paying us rent?

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‐ Because I'm on my way out.

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I gotta be.

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[mashing buttons]
‐ Mikey!

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You tell your mom
your bedtime is bullshit, okay?

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‐ Stop crying, Mikey!

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‐ Why don't you and Charlie shack up?

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Because you can afford a way
better place with a roommate.

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‐ Oh my god, let's do it! Alright.

93
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Should we get a grand piano
or a normal piano? Hm? Who am I kidding?

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If you're going to get a piano,
you might as well go big.

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Alright, grand it is.
ELLEN: Sorry.

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‐ I'm not really a... roommate person.

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‐ All good, you know.

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Because I very much see myself
as a lone wolf anyway.

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Solitary and... and serious.

100
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Often nude...

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‐ I'm sure you can find someone
else to be your roommate‐‐

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‐ I did say, "all good."

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♪

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‐ Let's do this!

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Okay, repeat after me.
"Today is the first chapter"‐‐

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‐ Never gonna say it.

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‐ Well, relax your body.

108
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Shake it out a little.

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Angle towards me.
‐ Alright, ready? How's this?

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‐ Um, why are you looking up?

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‐ It's my go‐to look.

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I have a really prominent Adam's apple,

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which I have heard on good authority women

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find irresistible.

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‐ What women?

116
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‐ Not my mom,
if that's what you're thinking.

117
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‐ Okay. Maybe posing is not our friend.

118
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Let's‐let's do something,
like, a little more natural.

119
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We could, um...

120
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And you're unpacking hummus.

121
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‐ Yeah. Let's get some
of me snacking, right?

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And make sure you get the backpack,

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so it's clear that I packed
this hummus myself

124
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because backpack hummus
says that I'm prepared,

125
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frugal, and health conscious.

126
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‐ Your mom tell you that, too?

127
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‐ Fine. No hummus.

128
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But just make sure to get my teeth, okay?

129
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I didn't do two rounds
of Invisalign for nothing.

130
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♪

131
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‐ What's that?
‐ Package from Hannah.

132
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Probably our HelloFresh meal for tonight.

133
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We do weekly FaceTime
cooking dates to stay connected.

134
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I think tonight we're making baked cod.

135
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‐ That's your secret to
a happy long‐distance relationship?

136
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Watching each other eat fish?

137
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‐ "Thought we could
spice things up tonight."

138
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Hm, spice things up? What is this?

139
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A last‐minute switch to Thai?

140
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She is so bad.

141
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The Vyper Ace Interactive Male... Stroker?

142
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What is this?

143
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‐ She sent you a sex toy.
And not just any sex toy.

144
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That is the Birkin bag
of sex toys. It has...

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three motors.

146
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‐ So fire.
‐ What?

147
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,237
‐ Hey, I gotta record my podcast.

148
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I'll be back in, like, three hours.
SID: Okay...

149
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‐ This thing? Game changer.

150
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So, there's a separate toy for her,

151
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and you can control each
other's devices with an app.

152
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‐ I don't know.
I'm not really a sex toy guy.

153
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I'm not even a toy guy.

154
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I had a bad experience with
a Lego astronaut as a kid.

155
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He got lost... inside me.

156
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‐ Look... I don't care

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if you stuffed a Lego astronaut
up your butt when you were little.

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‐ What? I didn't do that.
[nervous laugh] I swallowed it.

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‐ With your butt?

160
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‐ I'm just gonna text Hannah
and tell her I can't do this.

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‐ Uh‐uh‐uh! Sid,

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Hannah is trying to keep things
fresh and fun and hot

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from 3,000 miles away!

164
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She is putting herself out there,
so you need to put yourself in there.

165
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‐ Yeah, you're right, you're right. Okay.

166
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Okay. Okay!

167
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So, what? Li'l Sid just...

168
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,707
goes into the black tube?

169
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‐ Your nickname for your penis
has the word "li'l" in it?

170
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‐ Yeah. It's ironic
'cause he's comically large.

171
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♪

172
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‐ Ellen?

173
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‐ Oh... Hey.

174
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‐ I guess we have the same taste
in apartments, huh?

175
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,725
[nervous laugh]

176
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‐ Hey. Maybe we should
be roommates, after all.

177
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,773
Just kidding. I know that
roommates aren't your thing.

178
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‐ Hi. I'm Ralph, Ellen's new roommate.

179
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‐ See, I thought that I... I get it.

180
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Well, Ralph must be, like, your best
childhood pal or something.

181
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‐ I met him on Craigslist an hour ago.

182
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,954
‐ Wow. Okay, well, that is hurtful.

183
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,956
And also dangerous.
That man could be a...

184
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,625
[whispers]:
pervert.

185
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,627
‐ Hey, I'm a good guy.

186
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,880
I'm going to go test out the bathtub.

187
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‐ Look, Charlie, the truth is

188
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I just don't think we'd be
a good fit to live together.

189
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I'm brand new to New York.

190
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I need to live with
someone who isn't so...

191
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,684
‐ clueless.
‐ Clueless?

192
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,812
I know my way around this city.

193
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,231
I even learned to keep my mouth
closed on the subway.

194
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,609
‐ Open your mouth for a treat.

195
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:06,904
‐ Ah!

196
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:09,281
That was not a treat!
[creepy laughter]

197
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:12,784
Yes, I got very drunk trying to
disinfect my tongue, but I learned!

198
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,622
[playground chatter]
[shutter snaps]

199
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,332
‐ I'm sorry, what is this now?

200
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,501
‐ It's the Karate Kid.

201
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,461
Alright, break's over.
You think we got it?

202
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,254
‐ Do you think we got it?

203
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,381
‐ Jesse!
‐ Yeah?

204
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:29,635
‐ I've practicing my Twinkle Twinkle,
and it's getting really good!

205
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:32,554
‐ Great! I know you've been working
really hard, and it's a complicated song.

206
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,473
Some might say poetic.
[shutter snapping]

207
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,393
‐ Hey, kid. Do me a favor.

208
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,812
Hold this light reflector up for me?

209
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,315
Come on, I'll give you an Altoid.

210
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,733
Here we go. Quick.
I don't wanna miss this shot.

211
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,570
‐ Uh, uh, Sophie, please stop
photographing me and this child.

212
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,614
‐ Okay, but this could actually work.

213
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,367
Okay, you, this cute kid? This is money!

214
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,826
MAN:
Jesse!

215
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,662
‐ Drew.

216
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,413
Hi. Sophie,

217
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,165
this is Drew.

218
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,875
The vice principal.

219
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,378
‐ What's going on here?
‐ Oh...

220
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,172
Jesse needs a date, real bad,

221
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,675
and this little boy's
the only hope we've got.

222
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179
‐ Where's my Altoid?

223
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,265
♪

224
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,979
‐ Drew, listen‐‐
‐ Let me explain.

225
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897
We're taking these photos for Tinder.

226
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,692
No, no, no, no, no.

227
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,735
For Jesse's Tinder!

228
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,655
To get him dates!
We are not trying to get children dates.

229
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,282
I am very much against children dating.

230
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,785
‐ So, this was all just to get
Jesse a new Tinder profile pic?

231
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,621
‐ Yes.
‐ [laughs] Good luck with that.

232
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:43,083
Jesse's signature looking‐up face
ruined the faculty photo this year.

233
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,086
It‐it was like he was seeing an airplane
for the very first time.

234
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,629
‐ [laughs] I know, right?

235
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,882
"My god, a flying machine.

236
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,925
Whatever will they think of next?"
[laughing]

237
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,428
[Jesse mouthing]
[Drew laughs]

238
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,930
‐ Hey, have we met before?
You‐you look familiar.

239
00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,601
‐ I don't think so.
I have one of those faces.

240
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,478
‐ Oh, I‐I don't think you have
one of those faces. I...

241
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,147
I think you have
a singularly great face.

242
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,900
[school bell ringing]

243
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,818
Uh, I should go.

244
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,570
Sophie, it's very nice to meet you.

245
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,030
[laughs]

246
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,824
I do need to ask you to leave
the premises immediately.

247
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326
But it was very nice meeting you.

248
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:20,996
‐ You, too. I understand.
[nervous laugh]

249
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,748
[sighs]

250
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,876
‐ Wow. He was super into you,

251
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,712
even though you were giving off
strong Amber Alert vibes.

252
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,506
‐ Really? You think so?

253
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,468
‐ Doesn't matter.
Today is "help Jesse find love" day.

254
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,470
‐ Yeah, Jesse's done, okay?

255
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,598
‐ Stop. Okay, okay,
maybe the apps aren't your vibe.

256
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,726
Legend has it, occasionally,

257
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,353
people still meet in real life.

258
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,064
Come on. Let's go to a bar.
I'll be your wingman.

259
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:47,981
‐ I can't.

260
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,150
‐ Stop making excuses,
and let me help you.

261
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,151
‐ I'm not making excuses.

262
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,071
It's 1:30 PM on a Tuesday.
I'm at work.

263
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,572
‐ Right.

264
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,991
Okay. We'll go later.

265
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,080
Normal work hours are so random.

266
00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:08,126
Remember, the camera adds 10 pounds,

267
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,838
so your best angle naked
is from high up.

268
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,341
But, not too high!
You don't want Li'l Sid to get too li'l.

269
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,885
‐ Okay. Wow.

270
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,263
I mean, you could give a TED Talk
on cross‐country coitus.

271
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:20,973
‐ Aw, you're sweet.

272
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,933
I've been in a ton of LDRs.

273
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,893
I was in a pretty serious one
with the ambassador to Peru.

274
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:28,272
And then, I had a very hot thing
with a Polish pilot.

275
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,941
It is true what they say
about the Polish.

276
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:34,444
‐ No idea what they say, but wow.
You have lived a life.

277
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,613
‐ Alright!

278
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,449
I think my work here is done.

279
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,243
[sighs]

280
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,120
[beeping, vibrating]

281
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,288
‐ Ah!
‐ Get it!

282
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,664
SID: I'm trying!
VALENTINA: Well, try harder!

283
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,125
‐ Well, I didn't think
it'd play hard to get!

284
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:51,879
‐ Good day.

285
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:56,008
‐ I know that you have many
interested parties, such as her,

286
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,177
but I want this apartment so much,

287
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,679
I'm prepared to pay a year's cash upfront

288
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,890
and five percent over the asking.

289
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,726
‐ Let me think about that‐‐
Okay, yes, deal.

290
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,398
‐ I thought you said
you didn't have any money.

291
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,610
‐ Well, I realized that
I can pawn my gold spoon.

292
00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:16,653
‐ This is exactly
what I was talking about.

293
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,947
I don't want to live
with some clueless rich guy

294
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,868
who was born with a literal
gold spoon in his mouth! Come on, Ralph!

295
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,912
‐ Not cool.

296
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,581
‐ I wasn't born with it in my mouth.

297
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,876
It was gently placed in my hand
while I napped in my diamond crib.

298
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,923
You can't put a gold spoon
in a baby's mouth.

299
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,717
Choking hazard.

300
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,844
♪

301
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,054
[party chatter]

302
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:43,305
[text notification]

303
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,307
♪ quiet music ♪

304
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,434
‐ It's Drew. He's asking
for your phone number.

305
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,270
‐ Really?
‐ Yeah, should I give it to him?

306
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,691
‐ Nah, no. He's not really my type.
‐ Really?

307
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,652
You guys were all giggling and smiling

308
00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:58,570
and talking about
how singular your face is.

309
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:02,199
‐ I said I'm good. Now, stop trying
to change the subject, okay?

310
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,201
Go talk to her.

311
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,995
‐ And say what?

312
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,915
‐ How about, uh... "Hey!

313
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,960
I think you're gonna like me."
‐ So, lie to her?

314
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,546
Fine. [clears throat]

315
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,760
‐ Hey!
‐ Hey.

316
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,305
‐ I think you're gonna like me.

317
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,557
‐ Oh, am I?

318
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,476
‐ Honestly, it could go either way.

319
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,144
I mean, some people think
that I'm charming,

320
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,647
but other people
kind of find me, like, to be a lot.

321
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,023
Uh...

322
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,733
I could buy you a drink
if you're interested

323
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,819
in figuring out
which category you fit into.

324
00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:41,822
‐ Sure. I'll have a margarita.

325
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:42,948
‐ Okay.

326
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,496
‐ She will have a margarita.

327
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:55,460
[phone chimes]

328
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,923
‐ Hey, babe.
HANNAH: Hey. Whoa,

329
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,634
you look amazing! Great angle.

330
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,888
‐ Really? 'Cause I didn't
even think about my setup.

331
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:08,807
‐ Okay, I'm turning mine...

332
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,225
on.
[vibrating]

333
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,227
‐ Okay, well, watch out 'cause soon
I'll be turning you on.

334
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,145
[buzzing]

335
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:14,229
[grinding, shorting]

336
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,107
Uh... Wait, something's wrong with mine.

337
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,108
[buzzing]

338
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,611
[beeping]
God, the WiFi in here is so bad.

339
00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,364
Come with me.

340
00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,244
Anyone home?

341
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,623
Alright.

342
00:14:33,332 --> 00:14:35,417
Yeah, the signal's way better in here

343
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,586
[beeping, buzzing]
Okay.

344
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,967
Let me just open the app
that controls your toy...

345
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,303
MICHAEL BARBARO [on toy]:
Today on The Daily...

346
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,096
SID: This thing has a speaker!
BARBARO: ...the survivor

347
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,681
of a rare bacterial infection...
[beeping]

348
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,142
‐ Is that... The Daily?
BARBARO: ...talks to us about losing

349
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,478
all his limbs...
‐ Yeah, I'm trying to turn it off.

350
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,271
BARBARO:
...and most of his lower face.

351
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,814
I'm Michael Barbaro.

352
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,858
[buzzing]

353
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:00,859
‐ Okay.

354
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,152
‐ Okay.

355
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,404
[buzzing]
‐ Where were we?

356
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,406
[buzzing continues]

357
00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:10,369
Yeah. Hannah, I can't do this.
[beep, buzzing stops]

358
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,122
Alright, Li'l Sid's stuck
in a Chinese finger trap.

359
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,416
Big Sid can't stop thinking about
flesh‐eating bacteria. I mean,

360
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,336
this sucks even more than
cooking FaceTime fish!

361
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,421
Which I have to pretend
to be psyched about once a week.

362
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:24,049
‐ I know it sucks.

363
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,802
Long‐distance relationships suck,

364
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,221
but at least I'm trying!

365
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,472
[ends call]

366
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,769
BARBARO:
Here's what else you need to know today.

367
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,814
‐ No! There's nothing else I need

368
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,190
[imitating]:
to know today!

369
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,400
Michael!

370
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,611
[laughing]
‐ Uh, another drink?

371
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,405
‐ I'd love that!
‐ Okay, great.

372
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:54,705
‐ Siri. Text Fort Greene Girls.

373
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:58,500
"OMG. You will not believe
was hitting on me right now!"

374
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,878
All caps. "Proposal Fail Guy.

375
00:16:00,878 --> 00:16:03,505
"I literally cannot!
[squealing] I'm dying!

376
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:06,717
I'm gonna try to get him
to sing me his sad proposal song."

377
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,843
L‐O‐L, exclamation,

378
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,679
skull face, exclamation,
L‐O‐L, exclamation, skull face,

379
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,389
exclamation, L‐O‐‐
‐ Excuse me.

380
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,560
‐ We're getting drinks from the bar, but
I'll have a water and fries. Thank you!

381
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,895
‐ I'm not your waitress.

382
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,649
Okay, I get the confusion.

383
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,652
But, this is about my friend Jesse, okay?

384
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,030
And he is not some
punchline for you to tell

385
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,032
your dumb friends about at boozy brunch.

386
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,784
He's an incredible guy,
and I am killing myself

387
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,786
to make him believe
that he will find love.

388
00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:38,248
Do you know how hard
it is to believe that?

389
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:42,044
Do you know what it's like
to go on 87 first dates?

390
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,462
No, 88.

391
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:45,839
88 first dates and have none of them lead

392
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,342
to anything even close
to a real relationship?

393
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,220
Have you ever met a totally cute,

394
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,930
nice vice principal
who wants to take you out,

395
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:54,640
and all you can think about is why?

396
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,933
What's the point?

397
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,268
If I say yes, he's inevitably
just going to turn into

398
00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,770
failed date number 89!

399
00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:03,524
‐ Yes. Actually, I know
exactly what you mean.

400
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:05,609
Dating in this city is killing me
and seriously‐‐

401
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:08,695
‐ No! No, no, you do not get
to be relatable right now.

402
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:12,241
‐ Okay, look.
Yes, I was texting my friends

403
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,535
about meeting Proposal Fail Guy,

404
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:16,453
but I still wanted to sleep with him.

405
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,914
‐ [clears throat]
Uh, is the "sleeping with me" thing

406
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,624
still on the table or...

407
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:23,418
‐ No. Your mean waitress friend ruined it!

408
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,462
‐ Waitress?

409
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,344
‐ I think you're gonna like me.

410
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,387
♪

411
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,938
‐ Hey. Thanks for
letting me borrow all this.

412
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:45,691
‐ How'd it go?
‐ Very, very poorly.

413
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:48,485
‐ I can tell. If you'd used
the Vyper Ace correctly,

414
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487
you wouldn't be walking right now.

415
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,906
Talk to me.

416
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,157
‐ Um...

417
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,076
When Hannah took the residency in LA,

418
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,829
we promised each other we wouldn't be
like other long‐distance couples.

419
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,456
Like, we'd make time for
our relationship, but...

420
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,085
between her surgery rotations and me
trying to keep this bar afloat,

421
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,545
it's just harder than
I thought it would be.

422
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:08,547
To feel close to her.

423
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,425
And I hate it. I just miss her.

424
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,803
I just want to cook dinner in
the same room as Hannah.

425
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,431
Or, like, read the newspaper
with her on a Sunday.

426
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,893
Have sex with her human vagina.

427
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,895
‐ That is so romantic.

428
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,898
I have an idea.
‐ Yeah?

429
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,025
‐ God, you are lucky you met me!

430
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,943
♪

431
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,486
[rumbling]

432
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,282
‐ I'm sorry about tonight.
‐ That's okay.

433
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,493
Camilla didn't look like
she was very good at sex anyway.

434
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830
‐ Yeah, she did.
‐ Yeah, she did.

435
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,375
[sighs]

436
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,753
All that stuff you said to her,
that was, uh...

437
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,713
kind of intense, huh?

438
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,175
‐ You remember that night
when we met at the bar,

439
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,512
and you guessed that my parents
had a really happy marriage?

440
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:59,515
‐ I'm so sorry about that.
Valentina told me I was way off.

441
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,558
‐ Yeah.

442
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:03,477
You were.

443
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,312
Hm.

444
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:10,567
[sighs]
My childhood was kind of a mess.

445
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:15,239
It was just my mom and I bouncing around
from one boyfriend's house to the next.

446
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:19,826
We were more like, you know,
sisters than mother‐daughter.

447
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,247
And I was the big sister.
‐ Oof.

448
00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,498
‐ Always...

449
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,417
picking up the pieces after every breakup.

450
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,294
♪

451
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,380
And I got really good at fixing her.

452
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,844
So, fixer became my go‐to mode.

453
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:41,014
Especially when I can't figure out
how to fix things for myself.

454
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,436
‐ Uh, fix things for yourself, you mean...

455
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,940
‐ You know, like, find my person.

456
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,735
I want to so bad,

457
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:57,030
and it just... keeps not happening.

458
00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,033
‐ Okay. Sophie...

459
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:04,246
Repeat after me.
"Today is the first chapter

460
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:07,416
of my next great love story." Come on.

461
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:12,838
‐ Today is the first chapter of my...

462
00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:15,841
next great love story.
‐ Next... Love story. Hell yeah.

463
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,259
[laughs]

464
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,760
[door chiming]

465
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,762
‐ Alright, this is me.

466
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,973
Good night, Sophie.
‐ Good night, Jesse.

467
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,400
‐ Open your mouth for a treat.

468
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,902
‐ Not tonight, Frank.

469
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,739
[bar chatter]

470
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:40,824
♪ quiet music ♪

471
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,326
‐ Hi.

472
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,079
‐ Hi.

473
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,916
‐ How how's your amazing new apartment?

474
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:52,002
‐ Didn't exactly work out.

475
00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:54,922
Smile and say, "new apartment"!

476
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:55,964
[shutter snaps]

477
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,717
‐ Alright, that was fun.

478
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,385
How about that year of rent
you promised?

479
00:21:00,886 --> 00:21:02,137
‐ On it.

480
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,264
♪

481
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,807
Ah!

482
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:06,934
‐ Ugh.

483
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:09,895
Well, if makes you feel any better,
my day wasn't great, either.

484
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,814
‐ Hi. I'd like to open a line of credit.

485
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:16,360
My name's Ellen,
and my social security number is...

486
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,613
‐ He bought a camcorder, a bra,
and three jars of honey

487
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,323
before I could cancel the credit card.

488
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:23,534
He was definitely a pervert.

489
00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,496
‐ Look, Ellen, I'm really sorry
I tried to steal the apartment.

490
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:31,250
‐ I'm sorry for lying to you
about wanting a roommate.

491
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:34,294
Maybe I don't need a grizzled
New Yorker to show me the ropes.

492
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,713
Maybe I just need a good person

493
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,465
who won't steal my identity,

494
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,260
and we can figure out
how to crush the city together.

495
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,638
I mean, if you'd still have me?

496
00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:47,891
‐ Absolutely. Together,
we will take this city by storm.

497
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,352
We are not afraid of you, New York.

498
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,271
‐ We're the bravest people in the city!

499
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:57,025
[knock, knock]

500
00:22:01,238 --> 00:22:02,948
‐ Hey.
‐ Hi!

501
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,325
What are you doing here?

502
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:07,828
‐ This is me, uh, trying.

503
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,712
‐ [laughs] That is so sweet.

504
00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:19,756
But, that last‐minute flight
must have cost you a fortune.

505
00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:23,093
‐ Not really. I mean, it's a long story,
but I got hooked up.

506
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,304
I have this friend who was
in a long‐distance relationship

507
00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:27,306
with a Polish pilot. Yeah.
‐ Huh...

508
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:30,934
‐ Like I said, back in 2022,

509
00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:34,354
having a great profile photo
was essential,

510
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:37,399
but it wasn't everything.
You also had to be willing

511
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,026
to put yourself out there,

512
00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:41,320
time and time again,

513
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,615
even when you just wanted
to curl up under a blanket

514
00:22:44,615 --> 00:22:46,575
with a box of Froot Loops,

515
00:22:46,575 --> 00:22:48,452
a box of wine,

516
00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:51,288
and some unboxing videos.

517
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:53,290
SOPHIE'S SON:
What the hell is an unboxing video?

518
00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:56,752
‐ For a brief time, when I was younger,

519
00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,795
everyone was very into watching

520
00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,006
other people open stuff on camera.

521
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,051
SOPHIE'S SON: Sounds dark.
‐ Mm, it was.

522
00:23:04,051 --> 00:23:05,928
♪ You by benny blanco,
Marshmello, and Vance Joy ♪

523
00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:07,471
But, anyway...

524
00:23:07,846 --> 00:23:10,516
♪ In the moments when I hear my voice ♪

525
00:23:10,516 --> 00:23:13,810
♪ But don't feel like myself,
wish I could hold you ♪

526
00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:16,188
♪ Yes, only you ♪

527
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:20,234
♪ In the moments when I walked
these city streets ♪

528
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:23,445
♪ With someone else,
I wish I told you ♪

529
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,489
♪ It's only you ♪

530
00:23:26,490 --> 00:23:28,992
♪ Oh, you ♪

531
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,078
♪ Only you ♪

532
00:23:31,078 --> 00:23:32,913
♪ When the night is over ♪

533
00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:35,415
♪ Out of all the places
I could choose ♪

534
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,084
♪ I go to you ♪

535
00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,795
♪ Only you ♪

536
00:23:40,379 --> 00:23:43,465
♪ Feel you just below
the surface, darling ♪

537
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,303
[street noise]

538
00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:49,304
‐ Hello?

539
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:52,474
‐ Hi, Drew. It's Sophie,

540
00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:54,101
Jesse's photographer friend.

541
00:23:54,101 --> 00:23:55,853
‐ Oh. Hi.

542
00:23:56,937 --> 00:24:00,315
‐ Jesse said that you
asked for my number, so...

543
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,568
well, I thought I'd beat you to the punch.

544
00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:05,279
‐ Oh, amazing.
You know, I was going crazy

545
00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:06,864
trying to figure out
where I know you from,

546
00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:08,740
and then I realized that we met

547
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,701
at Sid and Hannah's engagement party.

548
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,202
‐ We did?

549
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,580
♪ All I wanna do is go to you ♪

550
00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:16,164
Excuse me!
You wouldn't happen to have

551
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:17,916
a cell phone charger handy, would you?

552
00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:21,044
‐ Oh, uh, yeah.
Never leave home without it.

553
00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:22,838
‐ Thanks!

554
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:25,007
‐ Yeah. Yeah, Hannah's a college friend.

555
00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:27,009
♪ Feel you just below the surface ♪

556
00:24:27,009 --> 00:24:29,219
So, uh, what are you doing Friday night?

557
00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:31,513
‐ Having dinner with you.

558
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:34,057
♪ Holding on until forever ♪

559
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,935
♪ Doesn't seem to feel so far away ♪

560
00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:40,689
♪ Oh, you ♪

561
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:42,482
♪ I go to you ♪

562
00:24:45,319 --> 00:24:47,029
♪ I go to you ♪

563
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,239
♪ I go to you ♪

564
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:52,367
♪

565
00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:54,077
♪ I go to you ♪

566
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,288
♪ I go to you ♪

567
00:24:58,749 --> 00:25:00,751
♪ Ooh, I go to you ♪

568
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:05,380
♪ Ooh, I go to you ♪