1 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,187 Ah! 2 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,105 No time for sandwiches! Look at this! 3 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,733 "Goliath Market seeks in-house photographer 4 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,195 to create food content for our social platforms"! 5 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,322 - Uh, hey, I work at Goliath Market. - I know! 6 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:32,824 And I'm a photographer! Who loves food. 7 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,409 - We could be work besties! - Oh, my God! 8 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,953 I've never had a work bestie before! 9 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,705 But, wait. Since when do you want a 9-to-5 job? 10 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,208 You've always been like, "Cubicles? 11 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,335 More like pubicles!" 12 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,214 God, I'm funny. 13 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,091 Ellen was right, though. 14 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,300 For a long time, 15 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,554 I loved the hustle of freelance photography, 16 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,099 but I was tired of not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from. 17 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,935 I needed to get that job. 18 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,771 When they say 9-to-5, do they mean wake up at 9:00 19 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,106 or be there at 9:00? 20 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,691 Um, be there. 21 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,317 Woof! 22 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,904 Anyway, could you maybe put in a good word for me 23 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,657 with the higher-ups? I could really use the job. 24 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,534 Okay, I got you. 25 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,911 I will nudge the higher-ups so hard, they'll be like, 26 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,329 "Ow, Ellen! Too hard!" 27 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,708 - Yes! This is so exciting! - We're gonna work together! 28 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,544 Uh, Sophie, these jobs are really competitive, 29 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,379 so there's no guarantee you'll get it. 30 00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,673 I got it! 31 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,008 I start on Monday! 32 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:31,925 Yes! 33 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,305 Congrats! My girl's finally gonna have health insurance! 34 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,099 Nice! You can stop getting physicals at Costco. 35 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,644 Ellen, thank you so much for vouching for me. I owe you. 36 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,189 If you wanna get into my comedy self-defense class, 37 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,066 just say the word. You'd be great at Improv-Maga. 38 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,736 - Okay, people! I need a location! - Neck. 39 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,280 - Neck! Thank you very much. - And I need an attack. 40 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,032 - Hook punch. - Hook punch! You heard it. 41 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,201 Kill him, Sophie! Come on! Kill him! 42 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,828 I hear that's how Conan O'Brien keeps it tight. 43 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,121 Wait. 44 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,165 - Should we walk to work together on Monday? - Oh. 45 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,584 Sister, we're gonna do way more than just walk. 46 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,568 Why is Val hanging out with someone who isn't us? 47 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,320 - We don't do that. - Oh. 48 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,949 That's her psychic, Madame Deborah. Doing house calls this week 49 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:39,034 'cause her tent's being fumigated for termites. 50 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,744 So, they tented her tent? 51 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,372 Unclear. She just gave me a reading, 52 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,790 and get this. 53 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,835 Prosperity is right around the corner! 54 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,836 Come on, Charles. 55 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,421 Really? You buy into this psychic nonsense? 56 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,840 I do now! 57 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,050 You know, I always wanted to see a psychic. 58 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,386 Mother said it was sorcery. Although, oddly enough, 59 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,304 I was allowed to see an actual sorcerer. 60 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,350 Oh, Rincewind. You know, I would spend hours on his couch, 61 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,727 talking about my fears and anxieties. 62 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,896 And you're sure that wasn't just a real psychiatrist 63 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,483 that your parents told you was a sorcerer to make it seem more fun? 64 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,151 Well, if he wasn't a real sorcerer, 65 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,780 how could he have given me those magic beans that cured my ADHD, huh? 66 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,074 Oh, yeah. 67 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,618 God, I love that woman! 68 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,080 She said I was, quote, "Finding my path." 69 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,374 Ugh. Of course, they're gonna tell you good stuff. 70 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,792 That's how they keep you coming back! 71 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,379 - Open your eyes, sheeple! - She does not only tell me good stuff. 72 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,006 She told me choppy waters were approaching 73 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,008 before I started dating Andrew Giuliani. 74 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,802 Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! 75 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,638 I literally rounded the corner, and found money. 76 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,975 Prosperity around the corner, just like she said. 77 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,227 I'll bet she planted it there just to make herself seem more legit. 78 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,979 Oh, and did she plant the orgy I walked in on 79 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,398 - at Andrew Giuliani's townhouse, too? - Hm? 80 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,650 I think the real reason you're such a naysayer 81 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,736 is because you're afraid to learn what the future holds for you. 82 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,738 Ugh, that's absurd. 83 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,156 You know what? I will go talk to her, okay? 84 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,782 But just to see how full of it she is. 85 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,952 And then, I really need to hear more about this Giuliani thing. 86 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,501 Okay, let's see what we have here today, Mister... 87 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211 Love Machine? 88 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,379 Yep, that's me. 89 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,508 And I need 50 CCs of snuggles, stat! 90 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,343 God... 91 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,011 What are you doing here, babe? 92 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,554 I told you I wanted to make a real effort 93 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,723 of giving LA a chance, so here I am. 94 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,099 Aw... 95 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,936 Wow. So, this is how Cali doctors roll, huh? 96 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,062 Not how I pictured it. 97 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,147 Really? Well, how'd you picture it? 98 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,566 Scalpel. 99 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,737 Forceps. 100 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,448 Sushi. 101 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,578 Um, just... different, I guess. 102 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,289 Anyway, um, how about when you get off, 103 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,708 we go on one of those Runyon Canyon hikes you love so much. 104 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,128 I read that's where they walk the dog from the Old Yeller reboot. 105 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296 Young Yeller? 106 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,592 Oh, sure. I was gonna stay for a party we're having 107 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,303 for our friend Eli who just passed his boards, but I'll skip it. 108 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055 What? No, you're not missing that. 109 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,683 I came here to experience your LA life, okay? 110 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,184 Work parties included. 111 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,145 Oh! 112 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,313 Hoo, sorry. 113 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,650 Sorry, I didn't see anything. I promise I'm not gonna tell your husband. 114 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,820 - Oh, very funny, Eli. - This is my husband. 115 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,407 - I know. I'm kidding. - Sid, the man, the myth, the legend. 116 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,534 You guys coming to my little shindig? 117 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:28,871 Fingers crossed it's not a repeat of when Daverman passed the board. 118 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,707 Oh, don't worry. 119 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,042 I won't let this event go full Daverman. 120 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,336 Problem is, you never see a Daverman coming. 121 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,592 Someone tell me who Daverman is, so I can enjoy this, too. 122 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,973 In all my years, 123 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:51,018 I've never met such a doomed young man. 124 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,061 Goodbye. 125 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,479 Forever. 126 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,274 Uh... 127 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,443 What just happened? What did she predict for you? 128 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,779 It's honestly so embarrassing, I can barely bring myself to say it. 129 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,199 Okay, fine. 130 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,243 She said I was gonna die tonight. 131 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,748 Oh, I haven't been fed a pile of crap like that 132 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,209 since Truth or Dare night at farm camp. 133 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,251 Oh. 134 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:19,463 Wow, that is... That is pretty out there. 135 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,882 Look, I think we can all agree that Madame Deb is full of it, 136 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,800 so... peace, suckers. 137 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,096 She's never been wrong before, 138 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,766 but maybe she's having an off day. 139 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,437 - He's a dead man. - His time has come. 140 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,610 - Oh, my God. - Ooh. 141 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,611 I love it here! 142 00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,530 There's a big phone on my desk, 143 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:47,407 and sometimes, it rings, and I'm like, "Go for Sophie." 144 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,495 Oh! Sophie, Ellen. 145 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:55,082 I see you two have become fast friends. Love it. 146 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,501 - Oh, no! No, no. - We know each other from before. 147 00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,254 - Remember she sent that recommendation? - That's right! I did. 148 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,798 Remember, I-I sent you that long email 149 00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:06,176 about my best friend Sophie, and h-how she'd be perfect for the job? 150 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,304 No, never got it, and you know I'm a stickler for inbox organization. 151 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,974 Well, I'm a stickler 152 00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,768 for remembering when I send vouching emails to my boss, 153 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,020 so it appears that you and I 154 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,022 are in a stickler standoff. 155 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,693 I'll have IT open a ticket. 156 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,113 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 157 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,948 You never sent that email, did you? 158 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,950 Not exactly, no. 159 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,870 But, enough with this internet stuff. 160 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,122 You know, whatever happened to real life? 161 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,250 Uh, did you recommend me in real life? 162 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,209 No... 163 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,383 You sure you wanna do this, babe? 164 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,343 It's just a bunch of nerdy surgeons. 165 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,138 - Your boy can hang with surgeons. - I went to med school for a hot minute. 166 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,724 I can talk about anything. I mean, call me Professor Klump 167 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,642 because I am well-rounded. 168 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,854 - Oh, you guys talking Nutty Professor? - Great movie. 169 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,690 Classic case of hypothyroidism, 170 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,733 am I right? 171 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,319 Well, wasn't it just that Klump drank that potion 172 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,071 that reconstructed his DNA to make him thinner and cooler? 173 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240 No, babe, it's this game we play 174 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,409 where we take characters from movies, 175 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,412 and we diagnose them with actual medical conditions. 176 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,207 Oh... Okay, that is hilarious. 177 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,750 Okay, I'm gonna try one. 178 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,376 Got it. Tom Hanks. 179 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,337 Philadelphia. AIDS. 180 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759 Um, technically true, 181 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,428 but it's not really how the game is played. 182 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,971 Fine, I'ma try another one. 183 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015 Uh... Uh... 184 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,684 Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club... 185 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,686 Let's talk about something else. 186 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,940 I just don't understand. 187 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,150 Why did you not send that recommendation? 188 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,611 Sophie, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. 189 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,656 I have a lot on my plate, and it just... It just slipped my mind. 190 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949 Okay! 191 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,827 I literally just came up with the best idea in history! 192 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,247 Since you two are self-described best friends, 193 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,165 I'm teaming you up to pitch 194 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417 on the next big veggie re-brand! 195 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,420 Wait. You don't mean the cabbage account? 196 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,922 Indeed I do. 197 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,424 Our research shows that the average cabbage consumer 198 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,926 is 97 years old. 199 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,096 We need to figure out how to make cabbage seem hip and young, 200 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,014 like we did with broccolini. 201 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,933 What!? That was you guys? 202 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,936 I literally had a broccolini smoothie this morning. 203 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,689 Thousands of cabbage farmers are depending on your friendship. 204 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,652 Hey. We've got our work cut out for us. 205 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404 The only thing I know about cabbage 206 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,698 are the patch kids and this dance. 207 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,201 - Oh! Go, Sophie... - No! 208 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,829 Still pissed at you. You do not get to enjoy me. 209 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,792 Hey, buddy. 210 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,127 We just thought we'd stop by 211 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,837 since we were in the neighborhood... 212 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,463 Of your favorite restaurant. 213 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:52,426 - Wow! Lasagna Alfredo Al Forno? - That's so nice! 214 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,179 Wait. You're not nice. What's going on? 215 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:58,182 I can't do this. Jesse, we think you're a dead man walking. 216 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,434 What, you think Madame Deborah's right? 217 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,979 - Oh, my God. This is a last meal. - You're last meal-ing me. 218 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,732 Jesse, a light fixture fell from the ceiling, 219 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,568 Final Destination-style, as soon as you left the bar. 220 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,237 - Yeah, that place is a mess! - Two weeks ago, the jukebox exploded. 221 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,697 It doesn't mean I'm dying tonight. 222 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,116 Well, Madame Deborah has never been wrong before. 223 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367 She even predicted there was gonna be 224 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,952 a High School Musical The Musical The Series! 225 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,663 - Anyone would have predicted that. - It's a slam-dunk franchise. 226 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,916 Jesse, on the off chance that this woman is correct, 227 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,293 we would like to give you a fabulous last evening. 228 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,087 So, please, tell us your dying wishes... 229 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,172 before you're dragged to hell. 230 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,507 - What? - Or heaven. 231 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,884 Maybe he's done a lot of nice shit we've never seen. 232 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,220 Can you two please discuss the fate of my soul somewhere else? 233 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,890 I have a Warby Parker virtual try-on appointment to attend to, so... 234 00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,814 I guess I could whip up a quick bucket list for us to chip away at. 235 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:53,529 So I told him, "Don't you dare stop fighting, Mr. Ramirez. 236 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,531 "Because if you die, 237 00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,660 the Zamboni wins." 238 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,663 - Okay, you saved one man. - How many are there? Like, a million? 239 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,750 Something like that. So, Sid, 240 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,461 Hannah tells me that y-you own a bar? 241 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,089 - Sid is amazing! - He can make, like, any drink. 242 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,716 She's right. You guys ever had a Whiskey Richard? 243 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,717 No... 244 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,929 - Where's the bourbon? - Damn, I don't think we have any. 245 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,223 Although, there's a liquor store across the street, 246 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,393 but it's raining pretty hard right now, so... 247 00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,062 - Heh, heh. - You think I'm scared of a little rain? 248 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,106 Oh no, is there a light breeze, too? 249 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,986 I'm a New Yorker, Eli. I can handle a little drizz. 250 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448 Man, I thought LA people were soft, but this is, hoo, 251 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,826 next level... 252 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,003 And then I'll say, "The true essence of cabbage is..." 253 00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,297 - And then you'll say, "Friendship." - Mm-hmm. 254 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,548 Yeah, I remember. 255 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,675 Because one of us has a working memory. 256 00:11:56,675 --> 00:12:00,637 Great dig. You know, you're coming at me with a lot of big-dig energy right now. 257 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,599 Can we just please move forward with our lives? 258 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,559 Oh, forward. 259 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978 What you were supposed to do with my resume, 260 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,271 but didn't. 261 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,523 Sophie, you're being a tad annoying. 262 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,816 Ying. 263 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,319 What I was supposed to be to your yang. 264 00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,695 Okay, you know what? 265 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,281 I didn't forget to recommend you. I didn't wanna vouch for you 266 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,700 because I wasn't sure you could hold down a real job. 267 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,454 - Why not? - You thought 9-to-5 268 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,164 meant that you wake up at 9:00. 269 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,916 - A lot of people think that! - No, they don't! 270 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,836 It doesn't make any sense! Everyone would just show up at different times! 271 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,464 Let's get ready to cabbage! 272 00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:38,258 - Woo! - Let's just get through the presentation, 273 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,378 - and then we'll talk about it later. - Not a problem. 274 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,972 Ladies and gentlemen! 275 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,517 Welcome to the future, 276 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,478 where cabbage isn't just an ingredient anymore. 277 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,230 It's an experience. 278 00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,232 An experience to be shared. 279 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,568 Rip it and share it! 280 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,195 The next generation of cabbage 281 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,405 is about bringing people together 282 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,908 because the true essence of cabbage is... 283 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,413 Sophie? D-D-Don't you wanna say friendship? 284 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,542 - Uh, I don't know, Ellen. - I was just thinking about 285 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,877 all the different kinds of cabbage there are. 286 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,713 There's Napa cabbage, and purple, 287 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,757 - and then there's selfish. - Oh, really? 288 00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,418 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Those are the three cabbages? Mm-hmm. 289 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097 The selfish cabbages are always just looking out for themselves. 290 00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,599 You know, not really supportive of their cabbage friends. 291 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,893 Or maybe, they're the ones 292 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,021 who worked really, really hard to get where they are, 293 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,023 and they just can't risk throwing it all away 294 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,443 for some flaky blonde cabbage who lucked their way into the job. 295 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,488 Wait, the cabbage has a job? I'm lost. 296 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,575 The selfish cabbage said they were sorry. What else do you want? 297 00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,034 I want you... 298 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,661 to think that I'm good enough to be here, 299 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,663 to get off of your high horse 300 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,748 and just be a supportive friend. 301 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,127 Cabbage. 302 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,713 Ellen, my office. 303 00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:05,846 Oh, you banged yourself up pretty good, sweetie. Does this hurt? 304 00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:10,934 Hey, 'sup, player? 305 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,854 Uh, the good news is nothing's broken. 306 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,191 But, you do have a pretty gnarly coccyx contusion, 307 00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,526 so, I'm sorry to say... 308 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,988 ...no lower-body intensive activities for a while. 309 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,116 Sorry, Sid. Or should I say, sorry, Hannah. 310 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,828 Funny, but not right now. 311 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,997 Okay, you know what, funny guy? 312 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832 I think I'd like to get an opinion from someone 313 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,585 who didn't just pass his boards, like, three hours ago. 314 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,378 - You know, I don't get it. - I've been so nice to you... 315 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,130 Eli, could you just give us a sec? 316 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:41,924 Alright. 317 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,930 - Sid, what is going on with you? - Why are you being so rude? 318 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,850 You have this whole world over here without me. 319 00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,979 And I-I'm not a doctor. I don't know Daverman. 320 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,065 And Eli's so handsome. 321 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,192 And I suck at the AIDS game. 322 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,527 What about Eli? 323 00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:03,862 It's just you guys get to spend all this time together. 324 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,532 You guys have a million inside jokes. It's a lot. 325 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,286 I'm sorry, babe. 326 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,580 I'm really tanking this LA thing. 327 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,083 If you had more time, you would crush LA. 328 00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,089 But I'm afraid you're not gonna get that chance. 329 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464 Oh, my God, am I dying? 330 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,757 No, Sid. 331 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,553 I've decided to move to New York. 332 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,598 But... But you love LA. 333 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,934 You have this whole amazing life over here. 334 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,436 Yeah, but I love you more. 335 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,565 And you're a New Yorker. 336 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,358 Really? 337 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,610 Really. 338 00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,113 Thank you. 339 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,618 Okay. 340 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,621 Mm... 341 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,456 So, what's the Daverman story, anyway? 342 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,958 Oh, it's nothing. 343 00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,420 He shit his pants. 344 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,965 Aloha! 345 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,551 Okay, I know it's not quite the real deal, 346 00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,595 but we can check 347 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,972 "go to Hawaii" off your bucket list. 348 00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,141 It was Helsinki. 349 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,310 I always wanted to go to Helsinki. 350 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,210 Really? 351 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,355 Oh, bro, you should work on your penmanship. 352 00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,567 Oh, there's probably not enough time... 353 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,944 Okay! Thank you very much! Right! 354 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,822 Per your list, I have reached out to Terry Gross 355 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:32,409 about interviewing you. She said, and I quote, 356 00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:36,038 "It's called Fresh Air, not Who The Hell Is That Guy Air." 357 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,456 Terry Gross said that? 358 00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:41,168 No. The "she" in this story is her very rude intern, Bailey. 359 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,712 Is there anything on this list that we can actually achieve? 360 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,798 Uh, "be the musical guest on SNL." No. 361 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,343 "Be the musical guest and host on SNL." Jesse... 362 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,594 Uh, "become a dad." 363 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,971 We might be able to pull that last one off without you. 364 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,474 - How cold does your freezer get? - Ooh, I'll get a cup! 365 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,902 - I've never seen anything... - It's all my fault, okay? 366 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,737 - Sophie, what are you... - She's right. 367 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,822 I am a work in progress. 368 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,492 But, Ellen is the best, and if you fire her, 369 00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:16,203 you are out of your goddamn mind, Mark Flarkson. 370 00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:20,499 My last name is Cruz, and I'm not firing Ellen. 371 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,251 I'm conducting a wellness check. 372 00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,795 I am, however, considering firing you 373 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,380 because you took one of my best employees 374 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,090 and made her act really weird. 375 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,801 - I understand. - No! 376 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,469 You can't fire her. 377 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,681 Let me tell you why Sophie Tompkins is the best. 378 00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,224 - Oh boy. - Sure, 379 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,892 she's rough around the edges 380 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,353 and can barely conduct herself in general, 381 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,647 let alone in an office. I mean, sometimes, 382 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,276 if you stand close to her, you can hear her quietly chanting her own name. Like, 383 00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,236 Sophie, Sophie... 384 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,737 - You can hear that? - Mm-hmm. 385 00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,074 - I thought that was just in my head. - But, 386 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,120 here are 50 reasons why Sophie's perfect for Goliath. One... 387 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,204 No! She can stay. 388 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,790 Just please stop advocating for each other, 389 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,458 and go finish the cabbage campaign! 390 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,420 Thank you so much, Mr. Flarkson-Cruz. 391 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,921 It's just Cruz. 392 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,007 - And I promise, no more drama. - Mm-hmm. 393 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,759 Sophie! Ellen! I love you! 394 00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,846 I'm sorry. It's just, I may be dying tonight. 395 00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,851 No more drama starting... now. 396 00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,940 How do I look? 397 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,650 Like a man who's ready to go. 398 00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,780 Agreed. Open casket chic. 399 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,366 I still don't know what's going on. 400 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,077 - Me neither. Just act like you care. - Ooh! 401 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,747 Fifteen seconds to midnight. Places, people. 402 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,418 Okay. 403 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,379 Ten. 404 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,798 Nine. Eight... 405 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,343 Goodbye, old friend. Six. 406 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,803 Five. Four... 407 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,848 May the angels sing thee to thy rest. 408 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,850 Two. One! 409 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,354 I'm alive. 410 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,898 I'm alive. 411 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,567 Ha! I knew it all along! 412 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,654 Really? Then, why'd you show up at my work to say goodbye to us? 413 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,198 What? For these dumb-dumbs! 414 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,951 Y'all must be feeling pretty stupid right now. 415 00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:22,162 Me? I still don't even know why we're here. 416 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,498 Alright, well, I've got work tomorrow morning, 417 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:27,459 which I will be attending because I am very much alive. 418 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,294 Sorry, Jesse. Our bad. 419 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,338 But she's never wrong. 420 00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,841 Please do not show up at my work again. 421 00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:36,093 Alright. I guess I'm never gonna die. 422 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:52,025 Guys! What if they meant Pacific Time? 423 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,530 The next morning, our cabbage campaign went live. 424 00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:01,285 Ellen! Look over there. 425 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,288 Look over there! 426 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,624 And over there! 427 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,026 Oh, and over there! 428 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,713 Oh, my God, Sophie, look around. 429 00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,381 - It's everywhere. - We did it! 430 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,800 We did it! 431 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,760 There's no way that's how it happened. 432 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,889 Every single person was eating a cabbage almost immediately? 433 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,183 That's the way I remember it, 434 00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,185 so that's how it happened.