1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,003 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,304 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:19,353 Son, what do you know about the American healthcare system? 5 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,979 SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]: That it's free for everyone, 6 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,689 and I don't ever have to think about it. 7 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,026 Well, before President Ariana Grande 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,695 passed the "Heal U, Next Act," 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,198 people without insurance had to hustle. 10 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:35,285 And this is the story of how your mom had to get a little creative 11 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,496 to get some free therapy. 12 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:40,040 ♪ 13 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,709 - [all scream] - You woke Daddy! Drink! Yes! 14 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,836 - [all sigh] - Wow. 15 00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,672 We're really running out of board games to drink to. 16 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,715 Woo! I really needed this. 17 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,177 [sighs] Tomorrow begins hell week. We're styling 15 clients 18 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,179 for Lil Nas X's quinceañera. 19 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:54,930 Wait, what? 20 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,473 He does what he wants. Now, step off. 21 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,766 [door opens] 22 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,017 Hey. 23 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,353 Uh-oh. What's wrong? 24 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,021 Did your date with Oscar not go well? 25 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,858 - Oh God, did he recommend a podcast? - Oh God, was it his? 26 00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,568 Oh, God, no. 27 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,152 [sighs] Actually, 28 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,029 it started off amazing. 29 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,407 Right away, we were in total sync. 30 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,659 Should we get regular fries or tots? 31 00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,244 Why not both? 32 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,999 Oh, my God! The Potato Queen has found her king! 33 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,333 I know! 34 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,002 Then, we get to the end of the date... 35 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,503 and had our first kiss. 36 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,172 There was only one thing. 37 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,464 - Bad breath? - Tiny mouth. 38 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,300 - Loose tooth! - Fake ears. 39 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,635 What does that even mean? No. 40 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,512 Ow! 41 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,763 - What's wrong? - I don't know. 42 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,557 Something just poked me in the chest. 43 00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:41,393 Oh. I know what it is. 44 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,771 ♪ epic music plays ♪ 45 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,106 [gasps] 46 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,858 There's no way it was that big. 47 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,234 It was. 48 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,321 Flavor Flav would have been like, "bro!" 49 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,489 I-I don't know if I can date someone 50 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,033 who would wear that around his neck. 51 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,827 Alright, let's all go around and give our hot takes. Okay, I'll go first. 52 00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,703 Um... 53 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,079 Necklace? Yeah! 54 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,665 More like wreck this... guy... 55 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,083 [nervous sigh] Wreck-- Hm... 56 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:07,669 I don't have it. Somebody else go. 57 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,713 Oh, you know what? Okay. My college girlfriend used to have 58 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,798 these hideous hoop earrings. I hated them, right? 59 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,799 But I didn't know how to tell her. 60 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,803 Luckily, I walked in on her cheating on me with her TA. 61 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,347 Was that helpful? 62 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,265 No. JESSE: Man! 63 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,476 This is why I started therapy. 64 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,354 Whenever I can't decide something, I just ask Dr. Dominguez. 65 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,356 Ooh! Maybe you could ask her 66 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,650 if I'm making too big a deal of the necklace. 67 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,859 - I don't know. - Oh, please! 68 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,862 Come on. My insurance only kicks in if my TV breaks. 69 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,614 JESSE: U-uh, Sophie? 70 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:36,740 That's a warranty. 71 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,369 Soph, I don't think so. 72 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,538 We're about to work on my crippling problem with people pleasing-- 73 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:43,455 Please? 74 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,541 Okay, I'll do it! 75 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,127 ♪ 76 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,796 What's up, fam? 77 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,215 I'm back from visiting the wifey in Cali, 78 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,050 but I've missed you, too. 79 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,135 [quiet chatter] 80 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,513 Okay. We need better regulars. 81 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,390 Uh, but it's good to be back. How are things? 82 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,100 - Yeah, great. - Yeah? 83 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,269 And, uh, a-and you'll be happy to know 84 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,145 that nothing went wrong whilst you were gone. 85 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,272 Oh, no. 86 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,150 Oh, my God! 87 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,947 Why do we have 10 new cases of flavored rosé? 88 00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,824 Eh... 89 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,826 Oh no. You got swindled by a hot sales rep. 90 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,744 That is completely false. 91 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,538 It's an adventurous flavor. 92 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,832 Do you consider yourself adventurous? 93 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,959 Oh, very. 94 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,546 I did not get swindled because mint rosé is delicious. 95 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,053 - It tastes like liquefied ass! - Give me that. 96 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,854 You wonder why you don't have any regulars? 97 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,232 ♪ 98 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,735 What do you mean Jared Leto wants to come to the gala 99 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,237 draped in an Icy Hot patchwork quilt? 100 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,200 I'll call you back. Hey! 101 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,701 What are you doing here? 102 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,953 Uh, my temp agency sent me. Is this your-- 103 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:08,457 Office. Yeah. I needed an assistant to help me with hell week. 104 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,792 Wait. Since when are you temping? 105 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,587 Since I quit both my jobs to go on tour. And then, I quit the tour. 106 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:17,508 And then I realized that being alive actually costs a lot of money, so... 107 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,718 So, why don't you go back to teaching? 108 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,222 Oh. Well, uh, Drew and I didn't exactly end things on the best terms. 109 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:26,683 Jesse, every music teacher who quits to become a rock star 110 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,685 eventually comes back. 111 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,480 This is broken. Hm... 112 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,816 Look, Mr. Baskin left to play drums for Tame Impala. 113 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,109 And you know what happened to him? 114 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,196 Didn't he choke to death on a taquito? 115 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,322 He did. 116 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,825 While on the six train heading back here to teach. 117 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,371 Moral of that story is everybody comes back. 118 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,497 Dead or alive. 119 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,959 And when you come crawling back to me, yeah. 120 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,462 I'll probably take you in off the streets. I'm a nice guy, Jess. 121 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,089 But I'll make you say, 122 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,424 "Who's my daddy? 123 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,927 Drew's my daddy." 124 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,013 So clearly, I can never go back. 125 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,890 No, you cannot. 126 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,016 [angry yelling] 127 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,936 [smash, shatter] 128 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:14,606 Valentina! Where are my coconut Behave Gummies? 129 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,608 They're in your left pants pocket, Fred. [Fred sighs] 130 00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:20,028 Oh. So, they are. Sonia! 131 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,822 Tape up my throwing printer, 132 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,907 so he's ready for my afternoon tantrum! 133 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,284 On it. Hey, 134 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,245 did you get my email about taking off Friday 135 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,288 for my sister's wedding? 136 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,164 It's a hard no. 137 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,083 She probably doesn't even want you there. 138 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,710 [laughs] SONIA: But... 139 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,837 I'm officiating. 140 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,089 Still want the job? 141 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,718 Uh, sadly, I do. 142 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:45,470 Uh, hey, but do me a favor. Can we just keep this between us? 143 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,097 All our friends look up to me. 144 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,350 Don't worry. I got you. 145 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,394 Okay. Great. Coffee? 146 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,021 Sure. What can I get you? 147 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,606 Uh, no, I was asking if you want coffee. 148 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,941 Right. Oh, because you work for me! 149 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,903 I'll have a tall soy vanilla latte. 150 00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,321 You got it, boss. 151 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,114 - [door shuts] - Boss. 152 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,075 Boss. [giggles] 153 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,119 Boss! 154 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,204 ♪ 155 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,914 So, last week, 156 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,124 we started unpacking why your marriage ended. 157 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,043 And continuing to do that 158 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,795 would be extremely beneficial to my mental health. 159 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:19,880 But, first, 160 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,883 I wanna talk about a big necklace. 161 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,345 See, I've been... seeing someone. 162 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,429 You mean Rachel, right? 163 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,181 Right. 164 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435 Because I told you about my girlfriend, Rachel. 165 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:37,105 Anywho, she's been wearing an insanely large necklace... 166 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,942 Really? [laughs] 167 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,321 This is going in the notes you're making about me, 168 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,699 off of which you'll draw conclusions about my psychological makeup? 169 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,328 Perf! Perf. [laughs] 170 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,874 You're self-sabotaging. You really like Oscar, 171 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:59,127 so you're using the necklace as a reason to jump ship before you get hurt. 172 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,255 That sounds like me. Keep talking. 173 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,798 You need to ask him about it. 174 00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:05,634 The more you feel connected to Oscar, the less it'll bother you. 175 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:09,096 Damn! She's good. I love my new therapist. 176 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,472 SID: Hey. 177 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,890 Does your therapist have any tips 178 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:15,269 on how to get rid of 10 cases of winter fresh doo-doo water? 179 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,855 Nope, but I do. 180 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:21,400 Add a celeb's name to this crap, and the world will slurp it up! 181 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,611 Just like when we all went crazy for Stanley Tucci's Two-Cheese Tortellini. 182 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,072 Oh! Oh! And Christina Ricci's Three Cheese Ravioli! 183 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,325 That's brilliant! Oh, maybe something off the word "mint." Uh... 184 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,618 [snaps] Mint Romney! 185 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,661 No. 186 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,413 Uh, it needs to be 187 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,999 someone people have welcomed into their homes, 188 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:40,252 day after day, year after year. 189 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,589 You know, someone trustworthy, but feisty. 190 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,883 Tough, but fair. 191 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,344 BOTH: Judge Judy. 192 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,388 Judy Juice! 193 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,765 I love her! She makes wine? 194 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,726 She does now. 195 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,311 ♪ 196 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,687 OSCAR: I had a great time tonight. 197 00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,771 [giggles] 198 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,274 I've never seen someone eat four hot dogs. 199 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:06,153 - [laughs] - Well, it was a buy three, get one free, 200 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,655 and I was trying to impress you. 201 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,325 [Sophie giggles] 202 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,413 - Can I ask you something? - Mm. 203 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,957 What's the story behind the necklace? 204 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,793 Yeah. I know it's kind of a lot. 205 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,254 My mom passed away six months ago. 206 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,631 Oh. 207 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,591 I'm so sorry. 208 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:28,842 And that was her necklace? 209 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,594 This is my mom. 210 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,596 You mean it was your mom's? 211 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,266 It is my mom. We turned her ashes into this diamond. 212 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,228 Oh. 213 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,981 Nice to meet you. 214 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,608 ♪ 215 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,076 NARRATOR [on video]: Why should your loved one rot in the ground 216 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,620 when they could rest in peace around your neck? 217 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,580 ♪ 218 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,376 Okay. I know before that I was self-sabotaging, 219 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,920 but this is a legitimate deal-breaker, am I right? 220 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,464 I say go for it. But you're burying the lede. 221 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,091 What do they do with the bones? 222 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:12,928 Check this out though. My Judy Juice post already has 300 likes! 223 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:16,473 Told ya! I am carrying this whole group. 224 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,644 Oh! There it is. Judy Juice. 225 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,730 It has begun. 226 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,984 Ellen, I need you to ask Dr. Dominguez 227 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,361 if Oscar's necklace makes him a sweet mama's boy 228 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,321 - or a total freak. - Sophie, no. 229 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,573 - Ellen. - Sophie. 230 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:38,078 So, the necklace is Rachel's dead mom in diamond form. 231 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,830 - Fascinating. - Mm-hmm. 232 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,957 But I thought her grandmother was the one that died. 233 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,959 They're both dead. Gas leak. 234 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,505 All this death must have a profound impact on your relationship. 235 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,925 It has a profound impact on something! I'll tell you that! [laughs] 236 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,427 ♪ 237 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,637 People grieve in all kinds of ways. 238 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,140 So, in time, Oscar will likely realize 239 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,225 that he carries his mom with him in spirit. 240 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,935 - So, not a freak? - Not a freak. 241 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,478 - So, I can do him? - Yep. 242 00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:06,773 - [both sigh] - That was... 243 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,026 Incredible. [gasps] 244 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,944 God, I love therapy. 245 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,322 - Sorry, what'd you say? - Oh! 246 00:10:13,322 --> 00:10:16,366 Just more stuff about how good you are at sex. 247 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,411 ♪ 248 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,538 Mm! It's got bite! 249 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,041 It's also down-to-earth and decisive. 250 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,919 - Just like Judy. - The jury's still out. 251 00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:28,545 JK, I love it. [laughter] 252 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,006 Another bottle! If it please the court. 253 00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,758 [happy chatter] [clinking] 254 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,384 Call the reps, order 10 more cases. 255 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,969 We're gonna be rich. 256 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,972 Can you proofread this text I'm about to send to you? 257 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,893 There's no space between "dip" and "shit." 258 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,645 Great. Go ahead and make that change, 259 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,647 and then send it to yourself. 260 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:54,404 Okay. Here are all the dresses that Kaia Gerber said no to. 261 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:58,492 Apparently, they're "too haute and barely couture." Are those words? 262 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,369 Stop talking. Where are we with those pumps? 263 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,916 Those are supposed to be greige. 264 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,668 Do those look greige to you? 265 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:11,171 Uh, I don't really know what greige is. Also, I had to google what pumps are. 266 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,215 Greige is gray beige, pumps are heels, 267 00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,133 and you are a dipshit! 268 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,761 Do you need me to write it on your face? 269 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,516 - Wow. - [deep voice]: Good, Valentina, good. 270 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,310 OSCAR: Good morning, beautiful. 271 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,311 [Sophie sighs] 272 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,690 I went a little crazy and made you breakfast in bed. 273 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,900 What, no bacon? 274 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,905 Oh, my God, I was kidding, but gimme. [Oscar laughs] 275 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,074 [sighs] Hey... 276 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,201 Do you think the necklace is weird? 277 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,703 Be honest. 278 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,582 I think, maybe with time, 279 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:49,376 you'll realize that your mom is with you in spirit, 280 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,379 and you won't always have to... wear her. 281 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,135 Wow. That's actually really perceptive. 282 00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,845 I know! [laughs] 283 00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:02,848 It's like, what am I, some brilliant therapist? 284 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,271 Wow. A-are you sure? 285 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:11,648 [whispers]: Adiós, Mamá. 286 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,942 [chain rattles] I'm sure. 287 00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,154 Oh. [giggles] 288 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,909 And then we made love... 289 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:22,993 necklace-lessly. 290 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,621 That was... 291 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,372 Incredible. 292 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,541 But it wasn't. 293 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,503 And that's when I realized to have good sex, 294 00:12:32,503 --> 00:12:34,880 Oscar needed his mom. 295 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,173 SOPHIE'S SON: I hate it here. 296 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,716 ♪ 297 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,679 ♪ 298 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,265 What is taking so long?! 299 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:49,102 If Paul Giamatti doesn't get his kilt, I'm gonna have you kilt! 300 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,189 Okay, you know what? Enough, alright? You're acting like a straight-up monster. 301 00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,441 - What? No, I'm not. - Look at your arm right now! 302 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,276 You're about to throw that bottle at me! 303 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,653 Huh? Oh! 304 00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,030 Oh God! 305 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,740 I am so sorry. 306 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,325 [sighs] It's okay. 307 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,370 Honestly, your cruelty is just the tip of the iceberg for me. 308 00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,455 No girlfriend, no job prospects. 309 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,499 My hip popped earlier, so add that to the list. 310 00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,584 So, what do we do? How do we fix ourselves? 311 00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:14,211 ♪ 312 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,255 Come on! Just ask your therapist, 313 00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:18,590 "How can I keep working for a monster without becoming one?" 314 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,884 Yeah, and I need to figure out how to get my self-worth back. 315 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,970 There wasn't much to begin with, but it was all mine. 316 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,680 Hey! 317 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,598 Step away from my therapist! 318 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,935 I need you to ask Dr. Dominguez 319 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:33,230 if Oscar's mom necklace could be related to his performance in bed. 320 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,607 Like, he has it on, the sex is good. 321 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,818 He has it off, the sex is bad. 322 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:42,197 Does he feel guilty for taking it off? Should he put it back on? 323 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:44,700 No, no, no, no, no. Don't waste another minute of therapy 324 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,034 on Sophie's stupid thing, okay? 325 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,911 - Help me figure out my terrible life! - And mine. 326 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:51,707 Okay! Okay. I will ask her about all of your problems. 327 00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:53,375 But this is the last time 328 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,044 because after this, I'm focusing on Ellen. 329 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,172 I have a lot of issues that I really need to unpack-- 330 00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,590 - You're the best. - I love you! 331 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,176 ♪ 332 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,386 WOMAN: You two guys own this place? 333 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,347 - Look, look! That's Judge Judy! - Oh, my God! 334 00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,809 Uh, ahem, Your Honor! 335 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,187 Uh, t-to what do we owe the pleasure? 336 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:16,023 Pleasure? I don't see much pleasure here. 337 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:20,694 I was home, enjoying a rare day off. 338 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,739 Just relaxing. Got a bing on my phone. 339 00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:27,451 Looked down, Instagram, and there I was. 340 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,203 Selling wine. 341 00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,663 Judy Juice. 342 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:37,211 I said to myself, you know, I don't remember making wine, 343 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:40,339 so I'm gonna ask you one time. 344 00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:42,007 What the hell is going on around here? 345 00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:45,219 - You tagged her official account? - I wanted it to look legit. 346 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,721 Somebody pour me a glass of me. 347 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,098 Now. Thank you. 348 00:14:56,522 --> 00:14:58,899 Oh, that's awful. Uh... 349 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,109 who's responsible for this photograph? 350 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,820 Well, it was definitely a group effort, but I certainly took the lead with it-- 351 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,864 [laughs] Th-that was rhetorical. 352 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,868 What are all these people doing, drinking this swill? 353 00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,996 See, Your Honor, they don't care what it tastes like. 354 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:16,083 They are totally blinded by their Judy Love. 355 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,252 Fantastic! 356 00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,839 - This is me? - Yes, Your Honor. 357 00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:24,675 - You two guys gonna behave yourselves? - Yes, Your Honor. 358 00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:26,176 Perfect. 359 00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:30,848 Jerry, bring around the car! 360 00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:33,892 I shoulda got a picture. 361 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,690 I've got a lot of problems this week, 362 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,149 so let's jump right in! 363 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,069 Val, you need to quit Fred Z. 364 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,114 [sarcastic]: Wow. Great advice, Dr. Dipshit. 365 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,616 [normal]: Yeah, I gotta get outta there. 366 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,911 And Jesse, you can get your self-worth back 367 00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,664 by being around people who make you feel good about yourself. 368 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:58,166 Oh, great, so I gotta meet new people. 369 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,169 And Sophie? Forget about the necklace. 370 00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:01,837 If you really like this guy, 371 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:04,214 you need to be mature and communicate with him 372 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,883 about what you need from him sexually. 373 00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,885 What? Ew! 374 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,054 Oh, that sounds so embarrassing. 375 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,931 Maybe you didn't ask her right? Could you just go back-- 376 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,185 No! I can't go back! Okay, thanks to you guys, 377 00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:17,895 I don't have a therapist anymore. 378 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,731 I'm diagnosing you with UFS. 379 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,984 Uninsured Friend Syndrome. 380 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,194 Oh... 381 00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:27,571 So she dropped me as a patient. 382 00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:31,200 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go self-soothe, 383 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,619 like I used to before I had a therapist, 384 00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:36,622 and watch that part in Aladdin 385 00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:39,124 where he uses his third wish to... 386 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,418 [sighs] 387 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,423 Shame on you guys. 388 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,092 It was working perfectly when it was just me and Ellen. 389 00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:52,304 ♪ 390 00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:56,975 JUDGE JUDY [on video]: And that's when it hit me. 391 00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,853 People like wine. People like me. 392 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,021 ♪ soft music ♪ 393 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,689 Put those hands together, 394 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,317 and you got Judy Juice. 395 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:08,195 Hm. What a firecracker. 396 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,697 You know, there's a moment where I really thought the three of us 397 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,574 were gonna become an inseparable trio. 398 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:15,160 ♪ 399 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,912 [sighs] Seriously? 400 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,581 I'm in the middle of Aladdin 2: Return of Jafar. 401 00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,167 He comes back?! 402 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,337 No, not about me. Ellen! 403 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,131 We hope you don't have plans next Tuesday at 6:00. 404 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,342 I do. That's when my bocce league meets. 405 00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,344 Well, call 'em and reschedule! 406 00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,430 You can't reschedule a whole league. 407 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,517 - Shut up! We're doing a thing! - Yeah! We got you Dr. Dominguez back! 408 00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:39,601 [cheering] 409 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,936 Really? How? 410 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:45,148 Let's just say, we made some pretty persuasive arguments. 411 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,568 ALL: Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! 412 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,236 Do it! 413 00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,613 Oh, you guys! 414 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,616 You used your overbearing personalities for good, not evil. 415 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,285 We had to get her back for you. 416 00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:58,912 And she really is the best therapist. I took her advice. 417 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,290 Okay, Drew. 418 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,958 You were right. I am back. 419 00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:05,961 I quit the tour, and this is the last job I had 420 00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,880 where people actually made me feel good about myself. 421 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,632 All the kids were bright-eyed, 422 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,176 would say super-cute things like, 423 00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,719 "Don't worry, Mr. Jesse! 424 00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:16,555 When you grow up, your life will be easier." [laughs] 425 00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:18,807 Stupid kids. 426 00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,561 I'm gonna need to hear you say it, Jess. 427 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,439 [sighs] Who's my daddy? Drew's my daddy. 428 00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,400 Yes! Welcome back. I can't believe you actually said it. 429 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,446 She helped with my thing, too. 430 00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:34,114 Listen up, pendejo. 431 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,451 You treat the office supplies better than your employees. 432 00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:39,411 When you destroy our spirits, 433 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:41,705 I don't see you taping us back together! 434 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,917 But that all ends today because I quit! 435 00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,132 There she is. 436 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,802 He promoted me. 437 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:59,890 You are now looking at the new junior stylist for Fred Z. 438 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:03,227 And the job comes with vacation day! 439 00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:05,062 Day or days? 440 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:06,396 Day. 441 00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,942 She was right about Oscar, too. 442 00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:13,111 I should have just tried to communicate my needs, 443 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,363 but instead... 444 00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,322 ♪ 445 00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,617 I had an idea I wanted to run by you. 446 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:22,204 What if, to... spice things up, 447 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,749 I kept all my jewelry on while we did it. 448 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:27,751 Okay. 449 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,838 Oh, wait, that would be so weird! Because... 450 00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:33,507 Uh, well, you wouldn't have any jewelry on. 451 00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,010 Oh! I know. 452 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,179 [chain rattles] 453 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:43,308 [seductive]: You could put on your mom necklace... 454 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,770 Sophie, what's going on? 455 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,689 You were just... 456 00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:51,733 so good when you wore it. 457 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:52,776 I mean her. 458 00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:54,987 He dumped me on the spot. 459 00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:56,905 - I'm Team Oscar on this one. - Me, too. 460 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,323 Same. 461 00:19:58,699 --> 00:19:59,992 I'm just gonna say this one time. 462 00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:02,619 It was a magic sex necklace. 463 00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,829 Gave him powers. 464 00:20:03,829 --> 00:20:05,706 ♪ soft music playing ♪ 465 00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:06,748 How was that for you? 466 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:09,418 It was nice. [nervous laugh] 467 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,797 ♪ epic music plays ♪ 468 00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,340 Screw it. 469 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,760 ♪ Just you and I... ♪ 470 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:23,307 ♪ You know, I need you, baby, by my side ♪ 471 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:26,351 WOMAN: Oh, Oscar! [moans] 472 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,813 SOPHIE'S SON: Mom, there's no way that happened. 473 00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,315 It's what I think happened. 474 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:35,027 I wrote a short story about it. I'm gonna send it to you. 475 00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:36,653 SOPHIE'S SON: Please don't. 476 00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:41,658 ♪ There are diamonds ♪ 477 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,702 ♪ Pearls ♪ 478 00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:47,539 ♪ Emeralds in rings ♪ 479 00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:51,293 ♪ None of these jewels ♪ 480 00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:54,004 ♪ Show me a thing ♪ 481 00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:57,174 ♪ I want only ♪ 482 00:20:57,174 --> 00:21:01,053 ♪ Only, only ♪ 483 00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:06,058 ♪ Your love... ♪ 484 00:21:06,058 --> 00:21:08,393 ♪