1
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前情提要

2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,464
我想我找到可以共度餘生的男人了

3
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,675
我要搬去澳洲了

4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,219
我們結婚了

5
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:16,016
瓦倫提娜,我不想要孩子

6
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,475
我們分手了

7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,562
我想要一個全新的開始
和我哥重修舊好,所以搬來紐約

8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,773
-我哥和我...
-好了

9
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,525
傑西和我價值觀相似

10
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,445
從第一次見面以來
我們之間就有火花了

11
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,697
我們必須分手

12
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,657
什麼?

13
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:34,325
我愛你,蘇菲

14
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,454
我們根本不知道事情能不能順利

15
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,413
知道了

16
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,749
傑西除了太快說出

17
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,251
你最想從男人口中聽到的那句話

18
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,712
還有做錯什麼事嗎?

19
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,680
-嗨
-嗨,你現在方便說話嗎?

20
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:17,077
{\an8}媽?媽,你在哪裡?

21
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,828
{\an8}如果你三秒內不回來

22
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,497
我就要掛電話了

23
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,290
三、二...

24
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,459
冷靜點,我就在這裡

25
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,129
你對我的故事太著迷了

26
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,591
你說你馬上回來,然後你就消失了

27
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,134
感覺像過了一年

28
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,552
等等,你做了食物嗎?

29
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:37,305
對,番茄義大利麵

30
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,849
我還小睡了一下

31
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,978
講這麼長的故事很累人

32
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,732
好,回到我第一場攝影展那晚

33
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,192
{\an8}你現在方便說話嗎?

34
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,860
{\an8}(現今)

35
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,696
-我回到紐約了
-我看得出來

36
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,533
我看到你開攝影展的貼文
所以我決定給你一個驚喜

37
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驚喜

38
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,916
希望你不介意我突然出現

39
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,711
我是說,我不知道
你現在的生活過得如何

40
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,422
尤其是...感情方面

41
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:16,052
我想到我過去48小時的生活有多混亂

42
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,637
禁忌之吻

43
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:22,058
分手、親熱、在睡夢中說“我愛你”

44
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:26,521
感情冷卻、背叛、謀殺

45
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,814
等等,什麼?

46
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,400
我在攝影展開始之前殺了一隻老鼠

47
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,528
那跟我悲慘的愛情生活無關

48
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,364
只是那件事讓我壓力很大

49
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,659
總之,我很掙扎

50
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,453
我的意思是,他的時機很糟糕

51
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,455
但另一方面來說

52
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:48,418
我跟我錯過的舊愛
又得到了第二次機會

53
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,753
所以我對他說...

54
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:54,591
我的感情生活一片空白

55
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,385
{\an8}太好了,結束後我能請你喝一杯嗎?

56
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,179
我很樂意

57
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:06,603
{\an8}不好意思,我得把藝術家帶走一下
讓她面對現實

58
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,229
-你在做什麼?
-什麼?

59
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,106
{\an8}你跟傑西才剛分手

60
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:13,026
{\an8}五分鐘前你還很難過

61
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,069
{\an8}你真的準備好跟別的男人約會了?

62
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:18,406
{\an8}我不知道,但我上次已眼睜睜地看著
伊恩離開我的生活

63
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:19,949
{\an8}我不會再讓他從我身邊溜走了

64
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,492
{\an8}我知道我聽起來有點像跟蹤狂

65
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,161
{\an8}但沒關係,你知道為什麼嗎?

66
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:26,581
{\an8}是他來我的攝影展找我
現在誰才是跟蹤狂?

67
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,336
嘿

68
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,129
嘿

69
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,592
{\an8}快跟我說你們私奔的事

70
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,385
事實上...

71
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:40,637
{\an8}(結婚登記)

72
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,639
恭喜你們,你們結婚了

73
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,266
{\an8}真的嗎?就這樣?

74
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,852
{\an8}你甚至不會說
“席德,你願意娶漢娜嗎?”

75
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:48,978
席德和漢娜是誰?

76
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,856
{\an8}你覺得呢?

77
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,859
{\an8}天啊,我下半輩子

78
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,194
都要說這個故事,而且...

79
00:03:56,194 --> 00:04:00,073
{\an8}它爛透了,每次我們講這個故事
大家都會發出這種聲音

80
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,076
{\an8}但他們的眼神會是這樣

81
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,619
我覺得很甜蜜

82
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,079
我很喜歡那個故事

83
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,623
{\an8}已經開始了,看看他們的眼神

84
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,417
{\an8}好

85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,211
{\an8}好,今天還是我們的婚禮日

86
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,213
{\an8}我們把所有朋友都叫來酒吧

87
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,215
{\an8}辦一場史上最棒的婚禮派對

88
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,051
那就會成為我們的婚禮故事

89
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,178
砰,我有老公了

90
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,847
{\an8}也許你們倆能舉辦情侶抱怨大會

91
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,349
{\an8}一定會很好笑

92
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,726
{\an8}但別提到我愛表演
安娜坎卓克的《杯子歌》

93
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:37,860
{\an8}我們不能舉辦情侶抱怨大會,因為...

94
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,862
{\an8}我們已經不是情侶了

95
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,197
等等,什麼?

96
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,617
{\an8}我們發現我們想要的東西不一樣

97
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,411
所以我們現在是朋友了

98
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,122
{\an8}你們真的可以就這樣熄滅愛火嗎?

99
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,666
你們的互動非常性感

100
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,002
你們創造了新動詞
就是“Netflix愛愛...”

101
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,013
那些都過去了

102
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,223
-我們現在只是好兄弟們了
-對

103
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,476
我們是好兄弟,抱一下吧,兄弟?

104
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,645
抱一下,兄弟

105
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:14,856
你硬了,兄弟

106
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,067
-嘿,大家好
-嘿

107
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,402
我來了,我到了...

108
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,738
天啊,我一看到你的簡訊就趕來了

109
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,449
天啊,老兄,你結婚了?那...

110
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,909
你們的婚禮和印度婚禮呢?

111
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:27,910
為什麼我不在場?

112
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,787
你找了別的伴郎嗎?他是印度人嗎?

113
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:32,415
那也沒關係
我甚至不知道我為什麼要問

114
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,209
不,沒有伴郎,我們私奔了

115
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,130
-你現在開心了吧?
-開心...

116
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,715
那是伊恩嗎?

117
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:45,762
對,他剛回到紐約,他來給我驚喜

118
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,264
這樣沒問題吧?

119
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,268
-沒問題,為什麼會有問題?
-不會有問題

120
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,770
太好了,所以沒問題?

121
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,814
顯然有問題

122
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,399
誰來說明一下狀況?

123
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,070
蘇菲和我決定我們交往是個壞主意

124
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,572
所以你們現在只是朋友?

125
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,324
給你個建議,別抱她

126
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:11,954
好,我不在乎誰在跟誰交往
誰跟誰只是朋友,或誰硬了

127
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,707
今天是我和漢娜唯一的婚禮日
而你們是我們最好的朋友

128
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,001
所以你們全都要來酒吧
然後表現得很正常

129
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,961
一起慶祝我們的愛,該死

130
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,132
-有免費的酒可以喝
-謝天謝地

131
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,306
抱歉,我想偷偷加入你們歡呼的行列

132
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,599
我時間沒算好

133
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,769
嘿,我知道我答應你去喝一杯

134
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187
但我的朋友們臨時決定

135
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,064
在他們的酒吧辦婚禮派對,所以...

136
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,566
聽起來很有趣,我也要加入

137
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,737
好,我要分配每個人的工作

138
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,280
-傑西,你負責伴郎敬酒
-是

139
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,159
容我說一句
你選了最棒的伴郎做這份工作

140
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,787
敬酒時別說這一句

141
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,331
-蘇菲,你負責拍照
-我沒帶相機

142
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,667
真的嗎?你的手機沒有相機嗎?

143
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,918
多拍照,少說話

144
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,087
小瓦、查理,你們負責剪輯相片集

145
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,798
你們都聽清楚了嗎?
還是你們要學蘇菲?

146
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:07,343
當然還要感謝各位
出席我們的大喜之日

147
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,846
她說得沒錯
艾倫,你負責播放音樂清單

148
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,556
一定要有電子滑步舞曲

149
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:14,725
不...大家都討厭電子滑步舞曲

150
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,144
你還沒學到教訓嗎?

151
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,562
我們上大學的第一週

152
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,440
席德試圖在中庭引領滑步熱潮

153
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,608
傑西,我要上了

154
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,571
一起跳滑步吧,各位

155
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:30,950
很好

156
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:38,749
那傢伙成了衛斯理大學的傳奇人物
他們叫他“踏步人”

157
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,002
拜託,各位,這是我們的婚禮

158
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,379
我寧願被電死

159
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,548
真冷酷

160
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:47,884
我尊重你們

161
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,014
你去幫我們拿飲料,佔個位子吧?

162
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,725
-好,你想喝什麼?
-給我驚喜吧

163
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,226
聽著,各位

164
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,605
我不想讓伊恩知道我在過去一天內

165
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,731
跟兩個男人分手

166
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,817
所以大家表現得又酷又冷靜
就像我一樣

167
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,152
又酷又冷靜,好嗎?

168
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,403
重複一遍,我怎麼樣?

169
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:08,988
-又酷又冷靜
-又酷又冷靜

170
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:12,116
好,現在換我,我又高又古怪

171
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,667
(潘伯頓酒吧)

172
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:30,676
我不懂,你們一天前還那麼喜歡對方

173
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,761
發生了什麼事?

174
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,514
你很擅長保守秘密,對吧?

175
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,225
不,我很擅長貼亮片

176
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,897
-天啊,跟你好像
-是啊

177
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,857
我只花12個週六夜就貼好了

178
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,484
只有12個?

179
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,194
好,快說吧,小魚兒

180
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,530
好吧,但別把這件事說出去,好嗎?

181
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,698
我不想破壞席德和漢娜的大日子

182
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,117
別擔心,嘿,我是你妹妹

183
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,536
-我會幫你保密
-好

184
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,871
我很會保守姐妹秘密

185
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,165
好,總之,昨晚

186
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,459
我不小心在睡夢中告訴蘇菲我愛她

187
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,460
-什麼?
-她嚇壞了

188
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,170
她說我應該和梅瑞迪絲一起去巡演

189
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,547
-什麼?
-所以我很生氣

190
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,966
我叫她離開,然後我打給梅瑞迪絲
邀請她過來

191
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,634
-什麼?
-對,所以她來了

192
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,010
突然間我們開始親熱

193
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,388
然後我算是答應她跟她去巡演了

194
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,347
什麼?

195
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,059
抱歉,我發不出更高的聲音
所以我改低音

196
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,645
我真的很困惑,我很喜歡蘇菲

197
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,480
誰在乎你的愚蠢愛情生活?

198
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,066
你要離開我,然後去參加巡演?

199
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,276
等等,什麼?

200
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,945
我橫跨美國搬來跟你重修舊好

201
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:34,949
現在你卻要拋下我
跟你的前女友去巡演?

202
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:39,537
那完全不會觸發
我身為被領養者的遺棄情結

203
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,955
艾倫,拜託

204
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,880
她真的很有天分

205
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,843
這裡有一份“塞德”的餐點

206
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,013
是席德,謝謝,謝謝你

207
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,850
漢娜,婚禮怎麼能沒有蛋糕?

208
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,144
好,我沒有太多選擇

209
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,896
但我找到一家熟食店
那裡有你最喜歡的...

210
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,610
-這是什麼東西?
-這是魚餅凍

211
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,194
我媽會在逾越節做這道菜

212
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,989
這是傳統的猶太碎魚肉糕

213
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,825
這應該是紅絲絨蛋糕

214
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,286
不是這...是紅絲絨蛋糕

215
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,789
為什麼我們沒有漢娜和席德的照片?

216
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,252
我有嚴格的不准認真微笑政策
他們兩個有病

217
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:34,342
我很以我們為榮,我們理性地分手

218
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,511
然後變成好兄弟

219
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,305
我也是

220
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,682
我覺得我們很成熟

221
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:45,186
我們是成熟的好兄弟

222
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,230
就像伊恩麥克連和派屈克史都華

223
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,987
我喜歡當你的朋友

224
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,990
我覺得你很好相處

225
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,577
你也是

226
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,628
你也是

227
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,302
好喔

228
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,062
嘿,為什麼你照片裡的朋友

229
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,147
一直那樣盯著我們看?

230
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:35,277
他看起來像剛看到螃蟹的安康魚

231
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:36,946
什麼?

232
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,615
天啊,船上的人聽到這個笑話
一定會笑破肚皮

233
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,702
不,說真的,他有什麼問題?

234
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,249
自從我拍了他那張照片

235
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,583
他就一直想當模特兒

236
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,669
他不斷炫耀自己的外表,就像...

237
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,838
神仙魚一樣

238
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:58,300
真好笑...

239
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,511
說到模特兒

240
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,888
我應該要為這場派對拍照

241
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,640
-你能再幫我們拿一輪酒嗎?
-沒問題

242
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,599
好

243
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,981
嘿,大家一起說“席德和漢娜”

244
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,733
很好

245
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:18,112
別再盯著我的男伴了,你嚇到伊恩了

246
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,905
抱歉,我只是很困惑

247
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:23,909
-因為他突然冒出來
-那讓你很困惑嗎?

248
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:27,621
過去的戀愛對象
突然出現在某人的生活裡

249
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:28,956
讓你感到困惑嗎?

250
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:32,251
什麼意思?艾倫跟你說了什麼嗎?

251
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,170
知道嗎?我現在沒辦法談這個,傑西

252
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,963
不要再盯著我的男伴了

253
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:38,132
我不會讓你毀了我的約會

254
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,551
她來了,傷透我的心的女人

255
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:42,970
很高興見到你,蘇菲

256
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,139
他才會毀了我的約會

257
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,312
德魯

258
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,315
-你在這裡做什麼?
-漢娜邀請我來的

259
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,650
對了,你看起來很美
我喜歡你的圓形紙牌襯衫

260
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,320
那是圓形紙牌嗎?
不管是什麼,我都愛死了

261
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,282
-你還好嗎?
-我怎麼會不好?

262
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,200
因為你甩了我

263
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,035
還是因為我爸
可能要到我50歲才能出獄

264
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,788
還是因為我今天稍早
在公寓裡獨自喝著

265
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,914
燕麥奶白俄羅斯調酒

266
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,874
然後漫無目的地在市中心遊蕩

267
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,585
直到我看見一家水療中心
在宣傳牙齒美白

268
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,797
和特價49.99美元
名叫“橙色冰棒”的仿曬噴霧

269
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,090
然後我對自己說
“我該對自己好一點”

270
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:25,429
你噴了仿曬噴霧嗎?
好自然,我都沒注意到

271
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,015
抱歉...

272
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:31,143
我的兩顆門牙偶爾會有刺痛感

273
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,686
去紐約閣樓美白及仿曬中心的人

274
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,730
有1%的機率會這樣

275
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,440
看來我是幸運兒之一

276
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,776
-我有止痛藥能給你
-不用了

277
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:42,321
接待員說我能用一個吻
交換一整杯可待因

278
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,950
嗨,我是伊恩

279
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,910
你好嗎?我是德魯

280
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,370
這是我前女友蘇菲

281
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,291
別浪費精力在我們身上,德魯

282
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,794
-快去恭喜那對幸福的新人吧
-有道理

283
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,588
如果你要找我,就跟著亮光走

284
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,258
那是魚餅凍的味道嗎?

285
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,972
聽著,我知道你在生我的氣

286
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:11,392
但你把我們的姐妹秘密告訴蘇菲
真的很糟糕

287
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,519
還有,為什麼要叫“姐妹秘密”?
我們不是姐妹,我是個男孩

288
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,146
我是說男人,該死,我是個男人

289
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,440
我沒告訴蘇菲

290
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,526
-你沒說?
-沒有

291
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,446
但我一向喜歡惱怒的白人
對著我大吼說他“是個男人”

292
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,575
所以謝謝你

293
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,416
那到底是怎麼做出來的?

294
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,170
你和德魯是什麼時候分手的?

295
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,006
感覺才剛發生不久

296
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,632
事情就是在那時發生的

297
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,763
他們兩個同時朝我衝過來

298
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:54,852
就像情緒激動的男人小行星
決心要炸毀我的地盤

299
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,856
所以我做出了
唯一能讓他們不跟我說話的事

300
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:03,444
席德和漢娜跳第一支舞的時間到了

301
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,990
請大家安靜地待在原地

302
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:11,285
我們要靜靜地看他們跳舞

303
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,204
艾倫,播放音樂

304
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,415
但我的藍牙連不上

305
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,708
沒關係

306
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,127
因為我要現場演唱

307
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,173
席德、漢娜
你們的定情曲是哪一首?

308
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,216
《當男人愛上女人》

309
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,928
哇,好的

310
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,057
我會唱我知道的那首歌,沒問題

311
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:41,899
(當男人愛上女人)

312
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:43,901
天啊

313
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:50,491
(他和那女人上床)

314
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,036
(但只有她同意時)

315
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,455
(不過誰又會不願意呢?)

316
00:15:56,455 --> 00:16:00,167
(看看那男人)

317
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,544
-這是怎麼回事?
-我不知道

318
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:07,466
(當男人愛上女人)

319
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:11,845
(他無法假裝若無其事)

320
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:15,975
(他會用全世界來交換
只為了他找到的美好事物)

321
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,643
交給你了,德魯

322
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,521
(即使她有缺點,他也不會...)

323
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,565
刺痛

324
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:28,195
-刺痛
-好,我要喊停了,謝謝

325
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,241
蘇菲,我真的需要

326
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,575
-跟你談談
-不,我正要離開了

327
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,743
-但我得先去找伊恩
-問個問題

328
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,370
我應該把仿曬噴霧沖掉嗎?

329
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,663
因為我好像還在繼續...

330
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:40,040
你剛剛說過去的戀愛對象突然出現

331
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,001
-是什麼意思?
-我沒別的意思

332
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,002
你有

333
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,337
我的皮膚聞起來有毒
蘇菲,聞聞我的手臂

334
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,505
不

335
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008
-請恕我失陪...
-你能告訴我你是什麼意思嗎?

336
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,219
我看到你在公寓外面親吻梅瑞迪絲

337
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,472
你吻了梅瑞迪絲?

338
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,478
什麼?你怎麼會看到?

339
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,855
因為我回去了

340
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,608
我回去是為了...

341
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:11,447
對

342
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,450
我要再問一個問題

343
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,122
你在甩了我的24小時內
就和傑西在一起了嗎?

344
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:27,254
對,德魯,沒錯,我很抱歉

345
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,674
如果我沒吃這麼多止痛藥

346
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,968
我可能會有點難過

347
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:39,433
-嘿,這裡沒事吧?
-不,伊恩,我有事

348
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,311
我得出去透透氣

349
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,938
沒錯,德魯
你應該要把仿曬噴霧沖掉的

350
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,232
還有,你不該為了可待因而親吻別人

351
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,487
有人吃醋了

352
00:17:56,700 --> 00:18:01,705
(潘伯頓酒吧)

353
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:09,630
嘿

354
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:11,548
嘿

355
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:17,262
蘇菲,聽起來我不在的這段期間
你的生活很混亂

356
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:19,556
是啊

357
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,102
-關於這件事...
-沒關係

358
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:28,816
我的生活也很混亂
有條鯨魚在我面前爆炸了

359
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:35,030
重點是我們現在都在這裡
我想再給這段感情一次機會

360
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,366
真的嗎?

361
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,409
真的

362
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:43,288
你真的要跟梅瑞迪絲去巡演?

363
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,249
應該是吧

364
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,877
席德,我本來準備好和她共度餘生了

365
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,421
那些感覺不會因為
她拒絕我的求婚就消失

366
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:52,923
那蘇菲呢?

367
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,885
蘇菲很棒,但她也很複雜

368
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,388
在我們開始交往的那一瞬間
她就毀了一切

369
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:03,892
我只想找到真愛

370
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:10,732
或許真愛就在我眼前

371
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,277
我卻逃跑了

372
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,823
在我弄清楚原因之前

373
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,870
我要繼續搞砸
一些可能會很棒的好事

374
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,622
等等,所以你愛其中一位男生?

375
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:27,374
那個橘色的男生?

376
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,253
不,是神仙魚

377
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:35,215
也許她沒那麼複雜
她可能只是沒那麼喜歡我

378
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,802
好吧,現在時機不對

379
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:43,015
但就像一位睿智的女人曾對我說的
“也許會有那麼一天”

380
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,145
晚安,蘇菲

381
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,230
晚安,伊恩

382
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,749
好吧,如果你真的想知道
你和梅瑞迪絲能不能走在一起

383
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,542
-我會試著想通的
-謝謝

384
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,794
我該在你巡演時找新房客嗎?

385
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,087
不...我只會去一個月

386
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,673
-等等,你只離開一個月?
-對

387
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,508
我以為是一年

388
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:22,888
天啊,你一定覺得我很誇張

389
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,975
我不敢相信你要拋棄我
整整一個月,不

390
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:33,273
大家準備好
看席德和漢娜的愛情相簿了嗎?

391
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,025
-好耶
-太好了

392
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,822
(恭喜)

393
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,243
天啊,這很棒

394
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,621
對,這會是我們婚禮上的美好回憶

395
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,376
這是什麼?

396
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:58,590
似乎是今晚稍早
在你辦公室錄製的性愛影片

397
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,094
他們一定是不小心
把影片剪輯進我們的照片集了

398
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:06,348
還是我們故意
把這個特殊的禮物剪輯進去

399
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,891
為你們的新婚之夜增添情趣?

400
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:10,310
-查理,不
-對,這其實是個錯誤

401
00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:13,063
-關掉...
-等等,那是我最愛的外套嗎?

402
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,731
那是我最愛的外套

403
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:16,108
-你們毀了我的人生
-快關掉

404
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,025
我在試了

405
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,448
等等,你們復合了?

406
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,534
不,那只是最後一次狂歡

407
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,495
我們決定錄下來留作紀念

408
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:34,209
但從現在起
我們正式成為柏拉圖式的朋友

409
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,336
-抱一下吧?
-把那東西拿遠一點

410
00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:42,426
-嗨
-嗨

411
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:43,343
你去哪了?

412
00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:45,762
我眼睜睜地看著伊恩
再次離開我的生活

413
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:47,806
對

414
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:51,059
我想我得再等久一點
才能擁有你們這樣的感情

415
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:55,022
希望你能找到一個
比我更會辦婚禮派對的男人

416
00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:56,356
等等

417
00:21:56,356 --> 00:22:00,110
你今晚表現得這麼瘋狂
是因為你擔心我嗎?

418
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:04,448
對,漢娜,我希望你度過最棒的夜晚

419
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:08,368
那是我身為你丈夫的首要責任
我卻搞砸了

420
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,707
好,夠了,大家站起來

421
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,042
為什麼?

422
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,044
大家排好隊

423
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:20,714
-天啊,它要成真了嗎?
-好像是的

424
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,674
對,我們要跳滑步了

425
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,510
讓這兩個呆瓜
有個難忘的新婚之夜吧

426
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,387
-好耶
-我可以的

427
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:30,974
五、六、七、八

428
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:38,148
嘿,關於這一切,我真的很抱歉

429
00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:40,984
對,我也是

430
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:47,032
我在48小時內跟三個男人分手

431
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,992
現在我還在跳滑步

432
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,078
我想這就是我人生的谷底了

433
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:52,662
我錯了

434
00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:55,499
我下半年才會跌到谷底

435
00:22:55,665 --> 00:22:57,125
媽,拜託打給我

436
00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,378
我覺得我好像在跟我爸約會

437
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:08,762
不...我的天啊

438
00:23:17,187 --> 00:23:18,438
大姐

439
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:22,609
等等,那是誰?

440
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:24,277
遲早會說到那裡

441
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,405
如果這就是你人生的谷底

442
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:29,533
那麼它很適合你
因為我的姐妹很會跳滑步

443
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:32,160
很好

444
00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:38,500
手舉起來

445
00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:40,502
好耶

446
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:41,670
太好了

447
00:24:18,498 --> 00:24:21,418
字幕翻譯:林思余