Peace be with you.
♪ she was raised to praise a man in the sky ♪
♪ 'til one faithful day ♪
♪ when she was framed for a crime ♪
(person crying)
Okay, I know first break-ups are hard and mannix is special,
But you can't just lie on the couch
Watching part-time nun re-runs forever.
Hail mary full of mace.
Oh, my god. How did this ever get made?
Take that back. Part-time nun is a masterpiece.
Okay, get up!
Poor khia, breaking up in paris, the city of love.
- (grunting) - that should be illegal.
- We should March. - First break-ups are brutal.
How would you know? You never been dumped.
I was living a dump or be dumped lifestyle back then, okay?
But it looked utterly devastating.
(sighing) she needs us.
Khia doesn't need us. She needs me.
And I know exactly how to mend a broken heart.
- Okay, pants first? - Pants first!
♪ and a part-time nun ♪
♪ ooh ♪
(thudding) I'm good.
♪
She won't even eat my aloo paratha.
She's still in stage four.
(sighing) not this again.
The andrew pham 12 step break-up protocol
Is scientifically proven to work.
You just made it up
After your high school girlfriend dumped you.
Oh!
Then why isn't our daughter eating her favourite food?
'cause she's in the deep food stage.
Deep dish pizza,
Seven layer dip, banh da lon.
The depth of the food
Represents the depth of your sadness.
Okay, well, fine.
You take care of this.
Sam's coming over anyways to go through a contract, so...
Don't worry.
I'm gonna mend khia's broken heart, and mine...
(thudding)
..One 10 pound lasagna at a time.
- Okay. - Serves eight?
Challenge accepted.
♪
Oh, dad! What are you doing here?
I drove by sam walking
From the train station.
Can you imagine?!
Oh, I could've picked you up.
Yes, you could have if you replied to my texts.
Oh, shoot.
Right. (nervously laughing)
- Sorry. - Andrew: You love lasagna.
Khia: Enough with the lasagna!
Andrew's implementing his 12 step break-up plan with khia.
She's gen z.
She'll make a tiktok
And be fine in a week.
- Khia: I can't! - Well you know what they say.
Best way to get over someone is to get under...
..Standing love and-- and care from their friends and family.
- Andrew: It's good for you. - Khia: Stop!
Well, I should be going.
I was on my way to the driving range
When I saved samantha's life.
But, dad, you don't golf.
I don't golf yet.
But, barb is an avid golfer and I wanted to learn
So we have a couple's activity.
- Khia: Cake won't help! - Ramesh: Anyway,
Now I've got a set of clubs, which I got from an estate sale
If you can believe it.
Poor fellow died in a horrific wakeboarding accident.
(laughing) okay, just one minute.
Now, I'm ready to hit the slopes.
Pretty sure it's "links." hit "the links."
How do you know so much about golf?
Oh, I'm a lawyer.
So, golf is like linked in, in real life.
Ah, yes. The faculty did the same.
But, alas, this body was made for a cricket bat.
- Oh? - So I never partook.
Camille: She's not hungry.
Andrew: It's not about being hungry.
Hey, why don't I come with you?
I could show you some pointers.
Well, do you have things to do with camille?
- Yeah, but... - Camille: At least use a fork!
Oh, my god. I'm sorry.
(laughing) that's fine.
You, uh, you seem distracted with family stuff.
So, I'm gonna take your dad to the driving range.
- Andrew: One bite! - Uh, I'll make it up to you.
Just check your texts next time.
Got them. (laughing nervously) okay.
Uh, one sec.
Well, you know as a young man,
My friends used to call me tiger.
- Oh? - Unrelated to golf.
Oh?!
I was born with a tail, you see.
Okay.
♪
Ugh, I feel like I'm in a time loop.
Can we do something?
What if we bike over to the creek?
Oh!
Maybe we'll find another dead skunk!
Or a dead person.
Wait. Where's my bike?
Moby: It was right there. Wasn't it?
I bet he took it.
♪
Sebastian.
♪
Happy? I made it to the bottom.
Welcome to stage five, musical catharsis.
♪ you know that I cry, cry, cry ♪
♪ for you once again ♪
♪ you know that I cry, cry, cry ♪
♪ for you once again ♪
Um, what is this?
"I cry"? By bass is base?
Classic '90s break-up jam!
♪ who took those diamonds from your dreams? ♪
Okay.
After this, it's step six, watching love actually.
Love actually is actually the worst.
You're the worst! Sorry.
Every single relationship is problematic.
Okay, you're ruining christmas. What about the notebook?
Ryan gosling threatens to jump off a ferris wheel
Unless he gets a date.
Oh, damn. That's toxic.
Twilight?
Heteronormative cringey vampires.
Oh, stop.
Am I the patriarchy?
♪
How's our heartbreak patient?
(sighing)
She told me everything I love is wrong.
But, stages three through seven can be slow going.
Okay, well, did she at least tell you what happened in paris?
I didn't ask. This is an organic process.
Ah! Oh, really?
So, how long would it take for you to get over me?
Hm.
I'd say somewhere between the 15 to 18 year range?
You serving that time in pen, or something?
I love hard. I also lose hard.
Wait.
How long would it take for you to get over me?
I don't know.
I think I'd probably be in decent shape after,
Like, a year?
(gasping) do I mean nothing to you?!
♪
Uh, let's start with something simple.
The grip. Okay?
- So, kind of-- - like this?
No, but, you know what? Let's see it in motion.
Why don't you take a swing and just see how it feels?
(grunting)
Okay, so have you never seen anyone swing a golf club before?
I thought my cricket skills would transfer.
Ah.
(grunting) oh, no.
Okay, yeah.
- (grunting) - gonna be a long day.
♪
(knocking)
How are the 12 steps going?
(groaning) boo.
Well, you know, it would help if you told me what actually
Happened in paris.
(sighing)
Okay, get up. Come on.
Put on some hard pants and let's get outta here.
We'll go to the mall and buy a bunch of dumb stuff
You don't need.
Come on. Get up!
Up, up, up, up, up! (grunting)
(screaming)
Camille: Andrew!
Sorry. Step seven?
Saying everything you never got to say to your ex.
Look, we tried it your way and it did not work.
So, please, can you help me
Get our daughter outside the house?
All right, but don't blame me if this sets her back to phase two.
(whispering) uncontrollable sobbing.
♪
(excitedly squealing and laughing)
You are outside.
Smell that fresh air? That's the smell of hope.
- It smells like old barbecue. - (andrew happily sighing)
Okay, Wednesday addams, let's just, like,
Go for a walk--
Mannix, mannix!
Step away from the grey hoodie!
♪
Hey, dawg.
Dog.
I bet you're glad to have mannix home.
Yeah, for sure. You know, just...
- You wanna play ball in a bit? - Can't.
Gotta get mannix settled in and all that, so...
Yeah, totally. Another time.
(sighing)
No!
We're not those emotionally repressed dudes
Who don't talk about stuff.
If we let this fester, then before you know it
We'll just be those passive aggressive neighbours.
Stuck in a decades long cold war
That our children's children have to carry on.
I don't want that. You're right.
I just... I didn't know what to say.
You know?
I know it'll be awkward after what mannix did to khia.
- But-- - whoa, whoa.
Wait. "what mannix did to khia"?
Well, khia's basically been locked in her room crying
Since she got home from paris.
Because she feels guilty for what she did to mannix.
I don't know what mannix told you,
But you need to check your facts.
And you need to check yourself.
- My daughter's not a liar. - You know what?
Maybe we should just be
Those passive aggressive neighbours then.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- I'd love that. - I'd love it too.
Oh, okay, so I guess we're both in love.
- We're lovin' it. - We're lovin' it.
- But not lovin'...
- This. - Whatever!
(crow cawing)
Leo: Come on. Let's go.
Jojo: What are we gonna do if he's here?
Brett: Don't worry. He's old and slow.
You really think he would take it?
Well, it wasn't a bike ghost.
That's not a thing!
Is it?
Whoa! Mannequin city!
Jojo: (gasping) what?
♪
Why are there so many wigs?
Because I used to think my worth came from the hair on my head.
♪
What are you doing in my backyard?
We were just, um...
- Leo, look. - That's my bike!
You've been leaving it on my hydrangeas all summer.
Someone needs to teach you a lesson about respect.
I'm sorry. I'll replant them.
(laughing)
If it only were that simple.
You can't just keep his bike.
- Yeah, that's stealing. - Leo: Yeah.
And you're trespassing.
Now, get out of my yard, you kids!
- (kids yelling) - wa-ha-ha-hoo!
Wa-ha-ha-hoo!
♪
Head down, knees slightly bent.
- Front foot flat? - Yeah.
And, follow through.
- (grunting) - (hitting air)
How... How are you getting worse at this?
Maybe you're a bad teacher.
Maybe I need to teach you how to teach
Before you can teach me.
Okay, first, your body is moving like a baby horse
Trying to walk for the first time,
So that's on you.
And, second, you know, I'm actually good at this.
And I just thought I would help you out
So I can feel useful for once.
For once?
What's going on, sam?
Okay, like, don't tell camille, but I've just been feeling
Out of sorts since we quit our jobs.
Building a business is difficult.
It takes time.
Yeah, I get that, just, I feel like she doesn't need me,
Or doesn't have time to include me.
Yes, she can be like that.
- (grunting) - (hitting air)
I just feel like I'm on the bench, you know?
And I really struggle with being idle.
Why be idle? Put some irons in the fire.
- (grunting) - (hitting air)
- (grumbling) - that wouldn't be disloyal?
No, it would be smart.
If you supplement your income, that takes the pressure off
You and camille.
Huh.
I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt to explore other avenues.
Ah! Success!
- (laughing) - okay.
♪
I know it feels bad now, but--
Don't say that it's gonna get better
Because it won't.
Oh, I got snot on your sweater.
I'm sorry.
What happened in paris, khia?
I'll give you 50 bucks if you tell me.
Wait. Really?
No!
Look, I can't make you talk,
But, I think you're gonna feel a lot better if you do.
It was awesome, at first,
But mannix just kept wanting to hang out
With her paris friends.
Oh. Were they jerks?
No!
I just felt out of place.
Well, did you talk to mannix about it?
Well, she just seemed to be having such a great time,
I didn't work up the nerve.
Mm.
Okay, well, what did you tell lisa and mannix when you left?
That I was homesick.
So, wait.
Did you and mannix ever actually
Break up?
♪
I take that as a... A "no"?
Mm.
No wonder the protocol isn't working.
She hasn't done step zero. The actual breaking up.
And she just ghosted mannix!
I mean, did we raise a ghost?
Now, I know why hudson was being so weird.
I don't think this house can handle
Two break-ups at once.
Okay, you two will figure it out.
I wonder how long it'll take hudson to get over me.
Hm. Welcome to the world.
This supper will be your last.
Oh, this is the one where she learns how to cook revenge
And serves it cold.
(knocking on door)
Part-time nun (on tv): Nun ya business.
Woman (on tv): Yes, my sister-- I mean, yes, chef.
I'm sorry for pushing you to deal with the break-up my way.
Okay, so, um, mannix is at the door.
- (turning off tv) - yeah, I'm not here.
♪
Practice makes perfect.
Keep it up?
There's no need to lie, samantha.
Yeah, all right, you suck
And you should throw those clubs into the sun.
It is disappointing. I was hoping to surprise barb.
Well, what else does she like?
Many things.
All of which I struggle with, sadly.
Well, she likes you, obviously.
There is truth to that.
Perhaps I'm going about this the wrong way.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, why suffer through something
Just because you enjoy boning the person
You're doin' it with?
Couldn't have said it better myself.
There's no need to lie, ramesh.
I could have said it better myself.
In a myriad of ways.
I'll find something we both enjoy doing together
And do more of that.
Things like...
You filthy, dirty thing!
Hardly.
Tell me something. Is barb a pointy lover?
You know, like makin' love with a bag of elbows?
I'm right, aren't I? Ramesh!
♪
I think she saw me.
Okay, I know what happened in paris felt bad.
But taking off without telling mannix?
Imagine how you'd feel if she did that to you.
- You're taking her side?! - No.
We're on your side. Always.
But, it's also our job to help you become a good human,
And that means telling you when you're being a jerk.
And right now, well, you're kinda being a jerk.
Dad, can we please go back to your 12 steps?
You have to talk to mannix.
You owe it to her.
And to yourself.
Okay, but before you answer the door,
Maybe take off the hoodie.
It's, like, covered in lasagna.
It's just there and there.
♪
Jojo: Help! I think I broke my ankle!
Come on! Help, help!
We got a broken ankle over here!
Quickly!
♪
Are you okay, child? Let me get my first aid kit.
No!
What I need is some emotional support.
Come on, man. We gotta go!
- I need a second! - We don't have one!
You're doin' great. I support you.
(whimpering)
(yelling)
♪
Oh, no! I've been rumbled!
I'll get you, leo pham, if it's the last thing I do!
Fat chance, old man!
Kids: Leo, leo, leo, leo, leo!
(yelling)
♪
I was so confused when you left.
I felt like you were embarrassed of me,
And I couldn't handle it.
If you'd said something, I would've helped you.
I wanted to say something.
- But I didn't. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, but, maybe, now that we're back home
We can go back to the way things were?
Are we in the same conversation?
When you left I was so hurt,
And then, you just never texted,
Or called, anything.
I... I don't see how we can go back after that.
- Are you breaking up with me? - Yeah.
We can still be friends, right?
I just need some space.
♪ ooh ♪
♪
(sighing)
♪
(crying)
(sobbing)
(both sobbing)
♪ ooh ♪
♪ who put those daggers in your eyes? ♪
Leo: So we didn't find a dead body,
But we did find a bunch of frogs.
Can we go back to the part where sebastian stole your bike?
- Why didn't you tell us? - Mm-hm.
It was my journey to take.
Whoa! She lives.
Mm.
How are you feeling?
Miserable.
But, thanks for helping me.
You guys are pretty okay sometimes.
- Wanna play video games? - Sure.
We're pretty okay sometimes!
- Mm-hm. - (giggling)
So, when you said it would take a year to get over me,
Did you mean like a year to get out of bed,
Or like a year to start dating again?
Okay, so, in this multiverse,
Did idris elba come to your funeral?
Idris elba came to my funeral?!
Sick!
♪
Hm?
♪ hoo ♪
♪
Recycling, am I right?
Yeah, you know, gotta close the loop.
Yeah.
I didn't know the whole story of what went down
Between the girls in paris.
- I'm sorry, man. - Me too.
You know, just seeing mannix hurtin' like that, it...
..It's the worst.
Remember when they were little and we could solve every problem
With a popsicle?
(laughing) tried that. Mannix wanted lasagna.
Oh, step four. That's a good one.
So, we okay?
Yeah, man. We're good.
♪
- Dawg! - Dawg!
♪
(slurping)
Hey. Did you steal leo's bike?
♪
(laughing)
When I was leo's age,
Old man watson lived in the pool house over there.
And he would chase us out of the backyard with a rake
Just for trying to steal a dip.
It was exhilarating.
Leo and his friends were moping around the cul-de-sac for days.
And it was my pleasure, nay, honour,
To be old man watson
For this new generation. (laughing)
Cool, but, like, don't steal my kids' stuff again, okay?
Got it. To the kids!