1 00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:17,158 [applause] 2 00:02:19,994 --> 00:02:23,330 [man] Gay wedding. Gay wedding! 3 00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:24,874 Gay wedding today! 4 00:02:24,957 --> 00:02:26,667 First in our town. 5 00:02:28,002 --> 00:02:32,548 I now pronounce you husband and husband. 6 00:02:32,631 --> 00:02:33,924 [man] Woohoo! 7 00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:37,178 Gay wedding party! Gay wedding party! 8 00:02:37,261 --> 00:02:41,182 Get on into this gay wedding party, y'all. 9 00:02:41,265 --> 00:02:43,893 Well, folks, we've made it here. 10 00:02:43,976 --> 00:02:46,228 Somehow, we made it, and I get to see 11 00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:48,230 two of my best friends get married. 12 00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:49,148 [crowd exclaims] 13 00:02:49,231 --> 00:02:51,775 Two of my best male friends. 14 00:02:51,859 --> 00:02:55,654 Wow, even hearing me say it gives me the butterflies. 15 00:02:55,738 --> 00:02:57,907 I just-- Uh! I wish it was cool to be gay 16 00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:00,242 when I had my thing going for me. 17 00:03:00,326 --> 00:03:02,536 I was a total fox, just trust me. 18 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:05,664 Now I'm old, so I'll be payin' for any action I get. 19 00:03:05,748 --> 00:03:07,791 -[laughter] -I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'. 20 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:10,377 Sort of. Not really, actually. 21 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:12,087 I often pay for sex. 22 00:03:12,171 --> 00:03:14,798 But hey, that's the gig, right, boys? 23 00:03:14,882 --> 00:03:16,342 Anyway, I just want to say-- 24 00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:18,302 I'd like to say something, too. 25 00:03:18,385 --> 00:03:21,055 Okay. I mean, you don't really know the grooms that well. 26 00:03:21,138 --> 00:03:23,432 We kinda had a-- a line up of close friends. 27 00:03:23,515 --> 00:03:26,477 Doesn't everyone just think it's a little odd? 28 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:27,978 Everything that's happening? 29 00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:33,192 I mean, two men, married, seems a little yucky. No? 30 00:03:33,275 --> 00:03:35,819 Hey, let-- let's take it easy now, Trevor. 31 00:03:35,903 --> 00:03:39,782 Easy? Easy is when a man and a woman get married. 32 00:03:39,865 --> 00:03:41,575 Uh, I want to tell a little story 33 00:03:41,659 --> 00:03:43,661 about how the two grooms met. 34 00:03:43,744 --> 00:03:45,496 [mocking] I want to tell a little story 35 00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:47,498 about how the two grooms met. 36 00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,583 [crowd exclaims] 37 00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,293 What?! That's what he sounds like. 38 00:03:51,377 --> 00:03:52,878 It's an homage. 39 00:03:52,962 --> 00:03:54,296 Thanks, everyone, for coming. 40 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:56,924 I think that's enough for the speeches. 41 00:03:57,007 --> 00:03:58,342 Let's dance! 42 00:03:59,343 --> 00:04:02,179 A little less twirling, darling, I'm very drunk. 43 00:04:02,263 --> 00:04:05,975 [chuckles] Oh, Holly. I love how wasted you get. 44 00:04:06,058 --> 00:04:08,060 -It's so charming. -[giggles] 45 00:04:08,143 --> 00:04:10,771 Maybe you'll have a wedding like this one day. 46 00:04:10,854 --> 00:04:13,941 -Holly. I'm straight. -[laughs] 47 00:04:14,024 --> 00:04:16,318 -I am. -Okay. 48 00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:18,028 [applause] 49 00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:20,990 You'll keep helping me pick out my outfits, though, right? 50 00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:23,200 Darling, I would never let you go out 51 00:04:23,284 --> 00:04:25,035 looking like utter trash. 52 00:04:25,119 --> 00:04:28,247 Wasn't that wonderful? I just love love. 53 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:31,583 What can I say? I love love. 54 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:35,254 I'm just that girl, that girl who loves love. 55 00:04:35,337 --> 00:04:37,631 I have to say, it did get me excited 56 00:04:37,715 --> 00:04:39,049 for our big day. 57 00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,677 The thought of you and I together in the chapel? 58 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,263 -Got a real smile to my-- -Faggots. 59 00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:46,974 -Excuse me? -I said faggots! 60 00:04:47,057 --> 00:04:48,726 They're all faggots. 61 00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:51,186 Now they can do anything regular people can do? 62 00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:53,022 It makes my blood boil. 63 00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:55,024 Trevor, you take that back right now! 64 00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:57,401 You know most of my friends are gay. 65 00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:58,736 And I accepted that when I knew 66 00:04:58,819 --> 00:05:00,404 they didn't have basic human rights. 67 00:05:00,487 --> 00:05:03,157 I could watch you flounce around with those pillow biters 68 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,075 just as long as I knew I was above them 69 00:05:05,159 --> 00:05:07,119 in the eyes of the law, but now, 70 00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:09,246 their rights are making me question everything. 71 00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:11,040 But questioning things is too hard, 72 00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:12,833 so instead, I'm just angry! 73 00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:15,336 Why, I had no idea you felt this way. 74 00:05:15,419 --> 00:05:17,129 My gays are everything to me. 75 00:05:17,212 --> 00:05:19,882 They give me so much a straight man couldn't; 76 00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,718 genuine assurance, cultural critique, 77 00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:25,596 new slang, fun sex stories, 78 00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:27,806 access to the best parties, 79 00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,892 honesty about my appearance, 80 00:05:29,975 --> 00:05:32,686 sensitivity to my current set of circumstances-- 81 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,480 And that's the problem, Holly! 82 00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:36,190 They need to live in the counter-culture 83 00:05:36,273 --> 00:05:38,233 because if they start to seep into real culture, 84 00:05:38,317 --> 00:05:40,277 they will just make everyone think differently, 85 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:43,655 and then everyone will just be confused and slutty. 86 00:05:43,739 --> 00:05:45,783 No one will want to do hard labor anymore, 87 00:05:45,866 --> 00:05:49,661 no one will want to have kids, and humanity will crumble. 88 00:05:49,745 --> 00:05:51,246 It's really that simple, Holly. 89 00:05:51,330 --> 00:05:53,832 Well, I don't know about any of that. 90 00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:57,544 I just know that I love gays, and I love you, 91 00:05:57,628 --> 00:05:59,713 so please, no more funny business. 92 00:05:59,797 --> 00:06:02,466 And if you're a good boy, you can do something to me 93 00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:04,176 that one of my gay friends taught me. 94 00:06:04,259 --> 00:06:06,720 It's called a rim job. 95 00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:09,098 Okay. I'll rim job you. 96 00:06:09,181 --> 00:06:12,351 -This isn't over. -[moans] 97 00:06:14,395 --> 00:06:16,605 [moaning] 98 00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:22,528 -Ahh... -[Trevor] You like that? 99 00:06:22,611 --> 00:06:24,196 Mm-hm. 100 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,448 [Trevor] That's the way a homophobe eats ass. 101 00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:30,285 -You like it? -Mm-hm. 102 00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:31,870 Three-- 103 00:06:31,954 --> 00:06:33,122 [Sebastian] Hey, we still hangin' later? 104 00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:34,581 Yeah, just two more dishes 105 00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:37,960 and I've made my quota for the day. Five dishes. 106 00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:40,295 Thanks for hooking me up with this ladder repair job. 107 00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:42,089 Well, I knew you were looking for something 108 00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:44,007 sort of mindless with flexible hours 109 00:06:44,091 --> 00:06:46,093 that wouldn't define your identity, so... 110 00:06:46,176 --> 00:06:48,011 Yeah. This is perfect. 111 00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:50,055 Hey, so remember that new drug 112 00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:52,015 that half the gays were on at the wedding? 113 00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:54,685 -GHB? -No, the other half. 114 00:06:54,768 --> 00:06:57,354 Well, I found a guy who can get it for us. 115 00:06:57,438 --> 00:06:59,481 Oh, my God! Yay! 116 00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:02,317 Yeah. The woman who invented its name is Molly 117 00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:03,777 so they're calling it that for now. 118 00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:06,238 What? I'm out here washing dishes 119 00:07:06,321 --> 00:07:08,907 while women are out there inventing drugs? 120 00:07:08,991 --> 00:07:10,742 Just say you'll do it with me, bitch. 121 00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:12,703 Of course. But after that, 122 00:07:12,786 --> 00:07:14,580 I really do need to start to create 123 00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:16,915 actionable goals for myself. 124 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,169 [Holly] Oh, Sebastian, 125 00:07:20,252 --> 00:07:21,753 how fun was last night? 126 00:07:21,837 --> 00:07:23,464 Really made me believe in love. 127 00:07:23,547 --> 00:07:25,883 It actually made me kind of sad, Holly. 128 00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,426 Sad? Why? 129 00:07:27,509 --> 00:07:30,637 When you alluded to the fact that maybe I like men, 130 00:07:30,721 --> 00:07:32,431 well, it got me thinking. 131 00:07:32,514 --> 00:07:34,057 -Oh? -And I wonder, 132 00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:36,977 would you be willing to walk across the room for me? 133 00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:38,604 Sure, but why? 134 00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:41,982 I want to pay really close attention to that fat ass 135 00:07:42,065 --> 00:07:43,609 and see if it gives me a tingle. 136 00:07:43,692 --> 00:07:47,029 Oh, boy. Well, for you, 137 00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:48,989 of course. 138 00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:53,494 Hm... no tingle. 139 00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:55,078 Mind taking off your clothes? 140 00:07:55,162 --> 00:07:57,414 -Sebastian! -Holly, come on. 141 00:07:57,498 --> 00:08:00,250 It's important for my development as a human. 142 00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:01,835 Okay, okay. 143 00:08:01,919 --> 00:08:04,546 The things I do for men. 144 00:08:11,803 --> 00:08:13,639 Well? 145 00:08:13,722 --> 00:08:15,557 Well, I'm gay. 146 00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:17,768 Oh, Seb, that's wonderful to hear! 147 00:08:17,851 --> 00:08:20,020 When do you think you'll start having sex with men? 148 00:08:20,103 --> 00:08:22,773 As soon as you get the hell out of here. 149 00:08:22,856 --> 00:08:24,191 Bye, Holly. 150 00:08:24,274 --> 00:08:26,818 Would you mind also taking this pot of coffee with you? 151 00:08:26,902 --> 00:08:30,113 -Thanks, doll. -Anything for my best gay. 152 00:08:32,282 --> 00:08:35,869 Trevor, you'll never believe it but Sebastian came out to me. 153 00:08:35,953 --> 00:08:39,248 -He's gay, too. -Another one. Of course. 154 00:08:39,331 --> 00:08:41,416 Trevor, enough is enough with this attitude! 155 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,876 It's 1952. 156 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,546 Gene Kelly is a fag, Judy Garland is a dyke. 157 00:08:45,629 --> 00:08:48,131 This is the world we live in, get used to it. 158 00:08:48,215 --> 00:08:49,258 I love you. 159 00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:50,842 I love you so much it hurts. 160 00:08:50,926 --> 00:08:53,095 Let's just focus on that, okay? 161 00:08:53,178 --> 00:08:55,264 Okay. 162 00:08:55,347 --> 00:08:56,431 I love you, too. 163 00:08:56,515 --> 00:08:59,268 But this is still really pissing me off. 164 00:08:59,351 --> 00:09:01,311 I'm going out for a smoke. 165 00:09:01,395 --> 00:09:02,396 Smoke and a think. 166 00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:04,523 -Smoke? -And a think! 167 00:09:04,606 --> 00:09:07,734 Just promise me you won't do anything to hurt the gays. 168 00:09:07,818 --> 00:09:11,572 You have my word, I won't hurt the gays. 169 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,204 The thinking. 170 00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:21,623 [traffic noise] 171 00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:24,209 [Trevor] Sweetheart, I've got it. 172 00:09:24,293 --> 00:09:27,337 I'm going to build the world's tallest ladder, 173 00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:30,090 and whoever wants to teach these gays a lesson 174 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:32,801 will plummet from the ladder to their death in a protest 175 00:09:32,884 --> 00:09:35,679 of their gayness and the rights they have because of it. 176 00:09:35,762 --> 00:09:37,222 Mm, that's good. 177 00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:38,765 Now I've told you my plan and you've heard it 178 00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,018 and expressed your support for it. 179 00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:43,979 -Goodnight. -Mm-hmm... 180 00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:50,068 [Trevor] Well, my big boy plan is working. 181 00:09:50,152 --> 00:09:51,945 I'm building the tallest ladder in the world. 182 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,655 I made sure they measured it. 183 00:09:53,739 --> 00:09:56,950 Not just this ladder but every ladder in the world 184 00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:58,493 just to be sure. 185 00:09:58,577 --> 00:10:01,288 I'm a little bit OCD with that stuff. 186 00:10:02,331 --> 00:10:04,875 [indistinct chatter] 187 00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:06,293 We haven't been out in ages. 188 00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:08,211 That's because it costs money to go out. 189 00:10:08,295 --> 00:10:09,838 I want to tell you about a new phenomenon. 190 00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:13,216 Surely you've heard about it, everyone's talking about it. 191 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,676 It's in the air you breathe, 192 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,220 it may be happening in your own backyard. 193 00:10:17,304 --> 00:10:20,474 -It's called gay marriage. -[crowd exclaims] 194 00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:23,018 Here we all were living our lives, 195 00:10:23,101 --> 00:10:24,686 our straight, happy lives. 196 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:27,898 -You were happy, right? -Were we happy, darling? 197 00:10:27,981 --> 00:10:30,067 Yes, darling, but this guy is selling something. 198 00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,693 I can't tell what it is yet. 199 00:10:31,777 --> 00:10:34,237 Maybe hair gel, which I'm actually fresh out of. 200 00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:36,823 Of course you were happy. You could walk down the street 201 00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:38,283 without a care in the world. 202 00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,911 -You were sexy and popular. -Here we go. 203 00:10:40,994 --> 00:10:43,080 Well, you couldn't keep your hands off each other, 204 00:10:43,163 --> 00:10:44,665 you were like famous people. 205 00:10:44,748 --> 00:10:46,208 How very glamorous. 206 00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:47,918 And then gay marriage came along, 207 00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,295 and now it's only the gay people touching each other, 208 00:10:50,379 --> 00:10:51,421 not the straights. 209 00:10:51,505 --> 00:10:52,881 It has been a while, darling. 210 00:10:52,964 --> 00:10:55,050 Well, which is it? You want to go out 211 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,718 or you want to stay home and touch? 212 00:10:56,802 --> 00:10:59,763 Soon enough, gay weddings will replace real weddings. 213 00:10:59,846 --> 00:11:02,265 It's too confusing to have both kinds. 214 00:11:02,349 --> 00:11:04,393 One will have to go. 215 00:11:04,476 --> 00:11:06,103 Gay weddings will win. 216 00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:07,938 The only way you'll be able to get married 217 00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:09,314 will be to get gay married, 218 00:11:09,398 --> 00:11:11,483 which means everyone will have to become gay! 219 00:11:11,566 --> 00:11:14,277 Does this apply to us, too, do you think, 220 00:11:14,361 --> 00:11:17,280 or only to future marriages? 221 00:11:17,364 --> 00:11:19,574 -I think we're safe, darling. -No one is safe. 222 00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:22,077 [gasps] Do gay people even like us? 223 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,538 How could they like us while they're also taking away 224 00:11:24,621 --> 00:11:26,665 our right to be the only people who ought to get married? 225 00:11:26,748 --> 00:11:29,167 Why is it us who has to become like them? 226 00:11:29,251 --> 00:11:31,628 Because gay people are so fabulous? 227 00:11:31,712 --> 00:11:34,297 Well, straight people are fabulous, too. 228 00:11:34,381 --> 00:11:37,217 That's what they don't want you to know. 229 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:40,053 You are fabulous. Say it with me. 230 00:11:40,137 --> 00:11:41,346 I am fabulous! 231 00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:43,724 Now say it to the person sitting next to you. 232 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:46,518 -You are fabulous, darling. -Thank you, darling. 233 00:11:46,601 --> 00:11:49,855 Straight people need a symbol, something that represents us 234 00:11:49,938 --> 00:11:52,607 the way that gay marriage represents the gays. 235 00:11:52,691 --> 00:11:55,318 Something grand. A showstopper! 236 00:11:55,402 --> 00:11:57,070 Oh, I love that. 237 00:11:57,154 --> 00:11:58,405 Here's what I'm thinking. 238 00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,574 A straight person needs to climb this ladder 239 00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:02,951 and plummet to their death in protest of gayness 240 00:12:03,034 --> 00:12:05,746 and the rights they have because of it. 241 00:12:05,829 --> 00:12:08,331 Do I have a volunteer? 242 00:12:08,415 --> 00:12:09,666 -[woman] No! -Come on! 243 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,543 Just one enchanting volunteer. 244 00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:15,172 One stunning protest death and gay marriage is over. 245 00:12:15,255 --> 00:12:16,798 It'll be breathtaking. 246 00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:18,383 Everyone will be talking about it. 247 00:12:18,467 --> 00:12:20,552 Every magazine will write about it. 248 00:12:20,635 --> 00:12:22,179 With pictures. 249 00:12:32,814 --> 00:12:36,026 I understand. It's the grand thing to do. 250 00:12:40,363 --> 00:12:42,699 Okay, let's hurry this up. The ladder's right here. 251 00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,266 [woman] It worked, my love. 252 00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:12,103 I finally feel... grand. 253 00:13:12,187 --> 00:13:13,355 Ahh! 254 00:13:13,438 --> 00:13:16,858 -[body thudding] -[crowd exclaiming] 255 00:14:06,658 --> 00:14:09,578 Boom! We did it! We stopped gay marriage! 256 00:14:09,661 --> 00:14:13,039 -We won! -[crowd exclaiming] 257 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,377 What's wrong, my love? You seem sad. 258 00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:20,130 Yeah, I guess I am a little upset. 259 00:14:20,213 --> 00:14:21,631 A woman is dead, Trevor. 260 00:14:21,715 --> 00:14:24,467 A homophobic woman, but still, a woman. 261 00:14:24,551 --> 00:14:27,470 And it just makes me feel a little icky, 262 00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:29,055 like it didn't need to happen. 263 00:14:29,139 --> 00:14:30,974 But it did need to happen, Holly. 264 00:14:31,057 --> 00:14:32,475 And the lesson is now learned, 265 00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:34,394 so no need for any more straight deaths. 266 00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:38,523 Do you even care what I'm thinking about you right now? 267 00:14:38,607 --> 00:14:40,191 The names I'm calling you in my head? 268 00:14:40,275 --> 00:14:43,236 No, I don't. Listen, it's just politics, love. 269 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,072 You have to be able to separate the politics from the man. 270 00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:48,074 These are just my views. 271 00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:49,951 Oh? 272 00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:51,411 And my opinions. 273 00:14:51,494 --> 00:14:53,496 Mm-hm. 274 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,165 And my actions. 275 00:14:55,248 --> 00:14:57,834 But how can I separate all those things? 276 00:14:57,918 --> 00:15:00,170 That is so much to separate. 277 00:15:01,588 --> 00:15:05,091 What's left after your thoughts, actions and opinions? 278 00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:08,345 Well... 279 00:15:08,428 --> 00:15:10,847 I think you know what's left. 280 00:15:12,557 --> 00:15:14,768 Oh, Trevor. 281 00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:19,272 Mm-hm. 282 00:15:19,356 --> 00:15:20,899 [Trevor] You really know how to separate the man 283 00:15:20,982 --> 00:15:22,317 from the politics. 284 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:29,115 Mm-hmmmmm! 285 00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:32,369 My plan worked. I'm in the paper. 286 00:15:32,452 --> 00:15:34,329 With pictures. 287 00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:43,296 Hmm... Now what to do with the rest of my life? 288 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:44,756 So many hours to fill. 289 00:15:44,839 --> 00:15:46,841 Uh! Watch it, fag! 290 00:15:49,135 --> 00:15:51,429 [Sebastian] Should we do something fun with my hair? 291 00:15:51,513 --> 00:15:53,848 Is pink too obvious? What about sea foam? 292 00:15:53,932 --> 00:15:56,768 [Sebastian] I don't know. I'm feeling gay and reckless. 293 00:15:56,851 --> 00:16:00,271 By the way, it's terrific that you're still gay married. 294 00:16:00,355 --> 00:16:01,481 Hm! 295 00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:04,818 [sighs] 296 00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:09,030 [women giggling] 297 00:16:09,114 --> 00:16:10,490 Ooh! They should kill themselves. 298 00:16:10,573 --> 00:16:13,535 [Trevor] This ladder is more than just a symbol. 299 00:16:13,618 --> 00:16:15,704 This ladder is a movement, 300 00:16:15,787 --> 00:16:18,206 a movement greater than one man, 301 00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:21,292 than one town, than one ladder. 302 00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:22,669 And this is just the beginning. 303 00:16:22,752 --> 00:16:25,547 Soon there will be ladders in every town, 304 00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:26,923 all across the world. 305 00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:29,801 You can be anti gay marriage in any language. 306 00:16:29,884 --> 00:16:31,302 We do not discriminate. 307 00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:33,555 And now, our volunteers who made this decision 308 00:16:33,638 --> 00:16:36,141 without any pressure from me. 309 00:17:17,307 --> 00:17:19,809 Every time I come, I see fewer familiar faces, 310 00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:21,061 which makes sense being that 311 00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:22,896 most of the audience kills themselves. 312 00:17:22,979 --> 00:17:26,649 Do you bring all your dates to the site of your wife's suicide? 313 00:17:26,733 --> 00:17:28,985 Yes. You'll love it. It's fabulous. 314 00:17:29,069 --> 00:17:31,821 Any day now, we'll be getting the call 315 00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,698 that gay marriage is over. 316 00:17:33,782 --> 00:17:37,368 And what a gay day indeed that will be. 317 00:17:37,452 --> 00:17:40,538 -Can you see all right? -Yes, we're in the front row. 318 00:17:40,622 --> 00:17:43,958 See, it takes a while to climb since the ladder is so tall. 319 00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:45,752 Tallest ladder in the world, they say. 320 00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:47,212 Tall enough for them to doubt 321 00:17:47,295 --> 00:17:48,797 whether they should go through with it. 322 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:52,008 They usually stop and pause right about... now! 323 00:17:52,092 --> 00:17:53,927 Yes, I got it right that time! 324 00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:56,471 And this is all about being anti gay marriage? 325 00:17:56,554 --> 00:17:58,139 Oh, come on! What are you waiting for? 326 00:17:58,223 --> 00:17:59,641 Just end it! 327 00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:01,976 Hot damn! Now we're getting somewhere. 328 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,478 [woman] Okay. Apparently, 329 00:18:03,561 --> 00:18:05,188 no one in your life has told you this, 330 00:18:05,271 --> 00:18:07,148 so I suppose it falls on me. 331 00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:09,234 No, no, the falling happens over there. 332 00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:11,778 You have experienced a trauma, 333 00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:13,738 and now it's manifesting through-- 334 00:18:13,822 --> 00:18:16,658 there's no other word for it but-- addiction. 335 00:18:16,741 --> 00:18:19,869 You're addicted to watching people fall off ladders 336 00:18:19,953 --> 00:18:21,830 in opposition to gay rights. 337 00:18:21,913 --> 00:18:24,916 Are you kidding me? Step on the gas! 338 00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:27,293 [Holly] I can't take it anymore. 339 00:18:27,377 --> 00:18:29,629 All this madness. I'm going crazy. 340 00:18:29,712 --> 00:18:32,549 Too many deaths around. What is the point of it all? 341 00:18:32,632 --> 00:18:34,092 Why are they taking their own lives 342 00:18:34,175 --> 00:18:35,927 just to take something away from you? 343 00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:39,013 Holly, if I've learned anything in my one day 344 00:18:39,097 --> 00:18:40,932 living as an out and proud gay man, 345 00:18:41,015 --> 00:18:43,726 it's that straight people can be psychotic. 346 00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:45,728 There is no rhyme or reason to their actions 347 00:18:45,812 --> 00:18:47,063 most of the time. 348 00:18:47,147 --> 00:18:49,399 You really just have to ignore them. 349 00:18:49,482 --> 00:18:51,151 Hard to ignore when one of those straights 350 00:18:51,234 --> 00:18:53,611 sleeps in the twin bed across from my twin bed, 351 00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:57,824 and then climbs into my bed when we have sex. 352 00:18:57,907 --> 00:18:59,075 I'm sad. 353 00:18:59,159 --> 00:19:02,245 I have a little something that will take the edge off. 354 00:19:02,328 --> 00:19:04,330 -[gasps] You got it. -I sure did. 355 00:19:04,414 --> 00:19:05,999 The Molly has been secured. 356 00:19:06,082 --> 00:19:08,418 Girl, we are going out tonight. 357 00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:11,754 Let me change. And I got something for you to wear, too. 358 00:19:11,838 --> 00:19:15,175 Oh, my God. You didn't. You didn't! 359 00:19:15,258 --> 00:19:17,635 Oh, Sebastian. 360 00:19:17,719 --> 00:19:19,220 You always nail my style. 361 00:19:19,304 --> 00:19:22,557 Here, take the pill. 362 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,392 Hmm. Drugs are yummy. 363 00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:26,978 - [dance] -[Holly] Oh, this is intense. 364 00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:28,771 -But sexy. -[Sebastian] Hell, yeah, it is. 365 00:19:28,855 --> 00:19:31,191 [Holly] Oh, this is the best night of my life. 366 00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:33,109 Oh, I love you so much! 367 00:19:33,193 --> 00:19:34,527 [Sebastian] Fuck, I love you, too, Holly! 368 00:19:34,611 --> 00:19:36,321 [Holly] Why is my jaw going nuts? 369 00:19:36,404 --> 00:19:38,323 [Sebastian] Don't worry, you're gorgeous! 370 00:19:38,406 --> 00:19:40,825 [Holly] Everyone here is fucking hot! 371 00:19:40,909 --> 00:19:42,619 Oh, I love gay! 372 00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:45,663 [Sebastian] You're a queen, Holly. A damn queen! 373 00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:48,416 [Holly] Yes! Yes! 374 00:19:48,499 --> 00:19:50,293 Man, that was amazing. 375 00:19:50,376 --> 00:19:52,420 I love drugs. 376 00:19:56,257 --> 00:20:00,011 Oh, Seb, I have to admit I'm a little conflicted. 377 00:20:00,094 --> 00:20:03,723 I really hate most if not all of Trevor's personality, 378 00:20:03,806 --> 00:20:05,725 but I just love him. 379 00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:08,478 And sometimes I ask myself why. 380 00:20:08,561 --> 00:20:10,480 And it's gonna sound a little bit shallow, 381 00:20:10,563 --> 00:20:14,234 but you see, Trevor-- Trevor has a 10-inch cock, 382 00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:17,862 perfect thickness, uncut, which I adore. 383 00:20:17,946 --> 00:20:20,406 And I just can't quit it! 384 00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:23,910 You must think I'm a real loser. 385 00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:27,580 Oh, Holly. Of course I understand. 386 00:20:27,664 --> 00:20:30,291 Sometimes, when that dick hits you where you live 387 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,126 all you can do is love it, 388 00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:34,087 and the man that comes with it. 389 00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:38,174 I don't blame you for dating a sociopath with a 10-inch cock. 390 00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:40,051 I don't think many would. 391 00:20:40,134 --> 00:20:41,719 Rejoice, Holly. 392 00:20:41,803 --> 00:20:45,306 Rejoice and thank God for that sublime pole. 393 00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:48,601 -Goodnight. -Mm, kiss? 394 00:20:48,685 --> 00:20:50,979 [moaning] 395 00:20:56,985 --> 00:21:00,071 [Trevor] Holly, you've been in bed for two days! 396 00:21:00,154 --> 00:21:03,700 Holly, get up and get dressed, you drug addict! 397 00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:04,784 Holly? 398 00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,577 [groans] 399 00:21:06,661 --> 00:21:09,789 You changed into the outfit you did drugs in? 400 00:21:09,872 --> 00:21:12,125 Disgusting! 401 00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:14,419 Ick, and you stink! 402 00:21:14,502 --> 00:21:17,880 Well, Holly, I hope those drugs felt good. 403 00:21:17,964 --> 00:21:19,757 Yes. Great. 404 00:21:19,841 --> 00:21:22,510 I was being sarcastic, you dumb bitch. 405 00:21:22,593 --> 00:21:24,429 Holly, Holly, Holly. 406 00:21:24,512 --> 00:21:27,640 Well, it looks like you really ruined your life this time. 407 00:21:27,724 --> 00:21:30,143 You haven't washed dishes in two days. 408 00:21:30,226 --> 00:21:32,312 Just when your career was taking off. 409 00:21:32,395 --> 00:21:33,730 What's your excuse? 410 00:21:33,813 --> 00:21:35,690 It's called Suicide Tuesday. 411 00:21:35,773 --> 00:21:38,693 You get extremely depressed two days after you take Molly. 412 00:21:38,776 --> 00:21:40,862 I don't know why, buy it skips a day. 413 00:21:40,945 --> 00:21:42,363 Well, it serves you right. 414 00:21:42,447 --> 00:21:44,866 Taking drugs with those depraved monsters. 415 00:21:44,949 --> 00:21:47,160 All they want to do is take drugs and have sex 416 00:21:47,243 --> 00:21:48,745 and talk about female celebrities 417 00:21:48,828 --> 00:21:50,079 then do it again! 418 00:21:50,163 --> 00:21:51,956 Their whole lives, that's it, 419 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,624 and now you're one of them. 420 00:21:53,708 --> 00:21:55,168 You disgust me. 421 00:21:55,251 --> 00:21:59,255 Trevor, I'm not. I'm not like that. 422 00:21:59,339 --> 00:22:01,841 Oh, I feel so ashamed of myself. 423 00:22:01,924 --> 00:22:04,761 You should. You should feel like dying right now 424 00:22:04,844 --> 00:22:08,181 of shame for your actions associated with homosexuality. 425 00:22:08,264 --> 00:22:11,768 I wouldn't come near you with a 10 foot pole, 426 00:22:11,851 --> 00:22:12,852 and I've got one. 427 00:22:12,935 --> 00:22:14,979 What are you saying, Trevor? 428 00:22:15,063 --> 00:22:17,690 I'm saying I've lost you to the dark side. 429 00:22:17,774 --> 00:22:20,735 You are one of them now. You might as well be gay. 430 00:22:20,818 --> 00:22:23,488 And so I will never rim you again, 431 00:22:23,571 --> 00:22:25,990 never fuck you again. None of it. 432 00:22:26,074 --> 00:22:29,869 You will never see my fat 10-inch cock 433 00:22:29,952 --> 00:22:31,454 -ever again. -Trevor, no! 434 00:22:31,537 --> 00:22:33,081 The only way you can prove your love to me 435 00:22:33,164 --> 00:22:34,624 is by climbing that ladder and showing the world 436 00:22:34,707 --> 00:22:37,710 you're against gays by plummeting to your death. 437 00:22:37,794 --> 00:22:40,254 Trevor I-- I couldn't. 438 00:22:40,338 --> 00:22:41,631 Not to the gays. 439 00:22:41,714 --> 00:22:43,049 You think they care about you? 440 00:22:43,132 --> 00:22:45,802 They only care about having sex with other men. 441 00:22:45,885 --> 00:22:46,969 It's not true, Trevor, 442 00:22:47,053 --> 00:22:49,597 I love my gays and they love me. 443 00:22:50,473 --> 00:22:52,809 Ow! 444 00:22:52,892 --> 00:22:54,477 I hope you enjoy your life 445 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,313 when every day is Suicide Tuesday. 446 00:22:57,397 --> 00:22:59,982 Oh... [panting] Oh... 447 00:23:00,066 --> 00:23:03,694 [Holly] Sebastian, the most horrible thing just happened. 448 00:23:03,778 --> 00:23:06,364 Holly, I'm a little busy. I got a guy coming over. 449 00:23:06,447 --> 00:23:08,908 He's a real smoke show. I gotta clean out for him. 450 00:23:08,991 --> 00:23:10,868 But you don't understand. It's Trevor. 451 00:23:10,952 --> 00:23:13,621 The things he said to me were horrible. 452 00:23:13,704 --> 00:23:15,832 -He wants me to-- -Not now, Holly. 453 00:23:15,915 --> 00:23:17,834 I can't deal with your drama. 454 00:23:17,917 --> 00:23:19,919 It's always Trevor this, Trevor that. 455 00:23:20,002 --> 00:23:22,922 Figure it out, girl, let me get some dick. 456 00:23:23,005 --> 00:23:24,715 [gasps] Trevor was right. 457 00:23:24,799 --> 00:23:27,051 Gays are selfish and I'm gonna kill myself. 458 00:23:27,135 --> 00:23:29,262 Move, I'm gonna kill myself! 459 00:23:29,345 --> 00:23:31,389 It's time to climb that ladder. 460 00:23:42,525 --> 00:23:44,777 [Trevor] That's my girl! 461 00:23:56,372 --> 00:23:58,291 [Trevor] I'll talk to ya in heaven! 462 00:24:08,801 --> 00:24:11,512 [Sebastian] Holly, what are you doing? 463 00:24:11,596 --> 00:24:13,723 Don't jump! I love you! 464 00:24:13,806 --> 00:24:14,849 We love you! 465 00:24:14,932 --> 00:24:16,058 [Trevor] Don't listen to that fag! 466 00:24:16,142 --> 00:24:17,977 You promised you'd jump, Holly. 467 00:24:18,060 --> 00:24:20,188 The only thing worse than a fag is a liar. 468 00:24:20,271 --> 00:24:23,024 You shut up. I'm sick of your shit! 469 00:24:23,107 --> 00:24:24,567 [grunting] 470 00:24:24,650 --> 00:24:26,027 [Holly] Oh, no, they're fighting. 471 00:24:26,110 --> 00:24:28,571 Boys. Boys! I'm coming down there, 472 00:24:28,654 --> 00:24:29,906 stop fighting. 473 00:24:29,989 --> 00:24:33,326 Look at you. [grunts] You-- You're pathetic! 474 00:24:33,409 --> 00:24:35,661 Look around. Your plan is ridiculous. 475 00:24:35,745 --> 00:24:37,997 All the straights are dead now. 476 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,208 You are the only straight left. 477 00:24:40,291 --> 00:24:41,709 It's just you 478 00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:43,544 -and a bunch of gays. -Ahh! 479 00:24:44,629 --> 00:24:47,757 This just proves how dumb straight people are. 480 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,343 He's... right. 481 00:24:52,053 --> 00:24:53,262 I'm alone. 482 00:24:53,346 --> 00:24:56,933 No gal, no straight guys to pal around with. 483 00:24:57,016 --> 00:24:58,893 I've done this to myself. 484 00:24:58,976 --> 00:25:01,145 There's only one straight left to climb the ladder 485 00:25:01,229 --> 00:25:04,607 and it's... me. 486 00:25:12,073 --> 00:25:14,242 Trevor, you don't have to! 487 00:25:14,325 --> 00:25:15,993 I know. 488 00:25:16,077 --> 00:25:17,453 But I want to. 489 00:25:17,537 --> 00:25:19,205 -[Holly] Oh! -[body thuds] 490 00:25:19,288 --> 00:25:21,207 -[applause] -Oh, boy. 491 00:25:38,099 --> 00:25:39,225 You okay, doll? 492 00:25:39,308 --> 00:25:42,228 I know how important that hog was to you. 493 00:25:42,311 --> 00:25:44,272 I'm okay, Harry, thanks. 494 00:25:44,355 --> 00:25:45,648 Now that all the straights are dead, 495 00:25:45,731 --> 00:25:47,608 I guess I'll never find love. 496 00:25:47,692 --> 00:25:49,777 But that's okay, right? 497 00:25:49,860 --> 00:25:52,738 A lot of women grow old surrounded by gay men. 498 00:25:52,822 --> 00:25:54,657 Honey, we can be single together 499 00:25:54,740 --> 00:25:56,993 and make Key lime pies 'til we croak. 500 00:25:57,076 --> 00:25:59,453 One more thing, thought you should know. 501 00:25:59,537 --> 00:26:01,998 Turns out, he was also taking money 502 00:26:02,081 --> 00:26:03,499 from the straight jumpers. 503 00:26:03,583 --> 00:26:06,168 I do believe his initial goal was definitively 504 00:26:06,252 --> 00:26:08,421 for the straight people to kill themselves 505 00:26:08,504 --> 00:26:10,131 in protest of gay marriage, 506 00:26:10,214 --> 00:26:13,843 but I also think there was a money component there, too. 507 00:26:13,926 --> 00:26:15,886 I can't say with certainty which comes first, 508 00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:19,849 the cause or the money, but the money never hurts. 509 00:26:19,932 --> 00:26:21,100 Oh, wow. 510 00:26:21,183 --> 00:26:23,019 So, what are you gonna do with it? 511 00:26:23,102 --> 00:26:26,689 [sighs] I know exactly what I'll do with it. 512 00:26:32,486 --> 00:26:34,697 [Holly] I will start a foundation, 513 00:26:34,780 --> 00:26:39,577 a pro-gay foundation based on my ex's shortcomings. 514 00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,829 We will call it... 515 00:26:41,912 --> 00:26:45,750 L-G-B-T, 516 00:26:45,833 --> 00:26:49,295 Ladders Get Better Today. 517 00:26:49,378 --> 00:26:51,297 From this day forward, 518 00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:52,882 ladders will no longer symbolize 519 00:26:52,965 --> 00:26:55,134 straight people plummeting to their deaths 520 00:26:55,217 --> 00:26:57,219 in protest of gay rights. 521 00:26:57,303 --> 00:27:00,723 Now the ladder is a symbol for gay rights. 522 00:27:00,806 --> 00:27:05,019 Every time you see a ladder, you will think to yourself, 523 00:27:05,102 --> 00:27:08,689 "Gee, gay people are great!" 524 00:27:08,773 --> 00:27:12,151 We will take every last cent of the money Trevor made 525 00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:15,446 and use it to build ladders across the globe, 526 00:27:15,529 --> 00:27:18,574 and we will help gay men buy their own ladders. 527 00:27:18,658 --> 00:27:21,869 By June of 1955, I project that 528 00:27:21,952 --> 00:27:26,457 over 80 percent of gay men will own their very own ladder; 529 00:27:26,540 --> 00:27:30,503 ladders that will reach so high into the sky, 530 00:27:30,586 --> 00:27:36,467 gays will finally feel like birds. 531 00:27:36,550 --> 00:27:37,593 Goodbye. 532 00:27:37,677 --> 00:27:40,721 Sending prayers of love 533 00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:43,349 Proud of who we are 534 00:27:43,432 --> 00:27:46,268 We stand united 535 00:27:46,352 --> 00:27:49,188 We stand united 536 00:27:49,271 --> 00:27:51,816 Sending prayers of hope 537 00:27:51,899 --> 00:27:55,027 We're stronger than what they know 538 00:27:55,111 --> 00:27:57,697 We stand united 539 00:27:57,780 --> 00:28:00,741 We stand united 540 00:28:00,825 --> 00:28:03,494 Sending prayers of hope 541 00:28:03,577 --> 00:28:06,580 We're stronger than what they know 542 00:28:06,664 --> 00:28:09,291 We stand united 543 00:28:09,375 --> 00:28:12,586 We stand united 544 00:28:12,670 --> 00:28:15,381 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh 545 00:28:25,182 --> 00:28:28,436 Oh, oh 546 00:28:32,481 --> 00:28:35,359 Don't cry 547 00:28:35,443 --> 00:28:42,575 Let the angels wipe the tears from your eyes 548 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,121 Don't fear 549 00:28:47,204 --> 00:28:53,836 Even though it's like the sun just disappeared 550 00:28:53,919 --> 00:28:57,214 Well, they can't take away my pride 551 00:28:57,298 --> 00:29:03,179 'Cause I'm stronger than I've ever been before 552 00:29:03,262 --> 00:29:05,765 Oh, oh 553 00:29:05,848 --> 00:29:08,851 Sending prayers of love 554 00:29:08,934 --> 00:29:11,687 Proud of who we are 555 00:29:11,771 --> 00:29:14,523 We stand united 556 00:29:14,607 --> 00:29:17,610 We stand united 557 00:29:17,693 --> 00:29:20,279 Sending prayers of hope 558 00:29:20,362 --> 00:29:23,324 We're stronger than what they know 559 00:29:23,407 --> 00:29:26,243 We stand united 560 00:29:26,327 --> 00:29:28,871 We stand united 561 00:29:28,954 --> 00:29:30,498 Oh, oh, oh, oh 562 00:29:30,581 --> 00:29:33,334 [Rapping] We stand together, we stand tall, 563 00:29:33,417 --> 00:29:37,963 Like when they made that stance out at Stone Wall...