[barking]
[gunfire]
[laughing]
[man] Suburban USA.
White America's private playground in all its glory.
Immaculately manicured green lawns
with white picket fences
and perfectly painted pastel tract houses.
A utopian world made for a chosen few.
Seems nice, doesn't it?
[sighs]
Living the dream.
It's all built for you to do exactly that:
live... in... a... dream.
Meet Mrs. Karen Smith.
The true matriarch of the neighborhood.
All is white in this world.
[woman humming]
Operator, get me Murray Hill, 275.
[operator] Right away, Mrs. Smith.
[woman 2 vocalizing]
[woman 2] Oh, that's swingin', Dick. I love that.
That's a great song.
Good evening, White residence.
Good gracious, Karen, it rang so many times
I thought maybe you were out with Jonathan.
Sorry, Karen, I didn't hear my ringer.
I'm in the middle of my weekly vocal lessons with Dick.
Jonathan is still in Florida visiting his grandparents.
They just moved from the city.
Too many... mmm... how should we say...
the right kind of people
and living on top of each other as well.
Oh, that tropical heat, not for me.
I'm fine right here, thank you.
Karen, are you calling about my peach cobbler
for the Tupperware party tonight?
[laughs]
Yes, of course, Karen.
We have a new family coming, just moved in.
The Freemans.
What kind of name is that, Freemans?
Oh, funny you should ask.
It's an ancient Anglo-Saxon name.
Just got back from the library.
You know me, must stay on top of
the goings on of the neighborhood.
Anyway, I really wanted to lay it on
so they know how good it is to be out of that jungle
they call a city. Ugh.
Mmm, good idea.
Oh, before you hang up,
are we still having our meet up tonight?
Most certainly, Karen.
And tomorrow night is our HOA gathering.
Oh, and bring your dues. It's the first of the month.
[electronic tone]
[radio announcer] This is not a test.
I repeat, this is not a test.
An asteroid from outer space has just
hit the Atlantic ocean off the coast of Cuba.
Our Navy is reporting waves engulfing ships
and turning the sea into a boiling, radioactive lava.
Hundreds of seamen dead.
Lord give me strength. Damn commies.
A strange haze of radioactive matter
is floating north from the impact.
The CDC recommends to stay indoors.
The National Guard will be dispersed into all major cities
within the next 24 hours.
-Hi there, Karen. -Sorry I'm late.
Almost forgot my HOA dues.
Did you hear what the radio was saying about this haze?
Sounds like a bunch of malarkey to me.
[coughing]
Probably just a 48-hour virus.
Won't touch us in our tight-knit community.
We are safe and sound in the suburbs,
thank you very much.
[man] Oh, stupid ass me,
coming up to all these white women
like I thought we were living in the summer of love
in San Francisco or something.
-Uh, what's he doing here? -[gasps]
I'll just calmly walk right up into one of their houses
and ask them in my best white man's voice,
"Do you need a hand?
My wife asked me to drop off
some chairs for the meeting tonight.
She won't be able to make it tonight.
She's at a Bible study.
You guessed it, we're the Freemans."
I'm afraid you're lost, dear boy.
The food drive is back on the main road two blocks over.
Oh, you're the new neighborhood handyman.
Uh, no.
Well, you're clearly trespassing.
Caren with a "C", mustn't be uncouth.
Oh. Are you sweating?
[coughing]
I'll put on the air.
Let me be more clear. We're the Freemans.
We moved in down the street.
My wife Tanya, who you spoke to,
she will be your children's kindergarten teacher this year.
[barking]
Oh, don't worry, she's mine.
Real friendly, loves kids.
Go home now, girl.
I'm afraid that breaks our HOA regulations
penal code 1482B.
My wife and I just sold our Brownstone in Harlem...
for this?
Excuse me?
[laughing] Where's our manners?
I'm Mrs. Smith and you can call me... well... Mrs. Smith.
I'm Mrs. White.
We are the ladies of the HOA. Welcome.
You know that last name of yours is an old English name.
Yeah, a lot of slave names are.
Ah... what a peculiar thing to say.
How did you end up moving to our safe little oasis anyway?
Actually, my mother lived in the pink house
on Rosebud Drive for years.
I find that to be highly unlikely.
I've been living here for over 20 years.
Well, my mama, Mrs. Freeman, was in the house for almost 25.
Sadly, she just passed.
Now my family and my wife's have moved in,
so it looks like we're your neighbors.
Oh, really?
The old colored woman? We thought she was the help.
Aw... [thunder crashes]
[distorted voice] Oh, goodness, excuse me.
Had way too much coffee today. [sinister giggle]
Oh, would you look at the time? I better get going.
Don't want the little woman worrying about me.
I have to pick up a few things
from the market for breakfast tomorrow.
You know, Saturday morning, breakfast in bed.
[chuckles] The life of luxury, am I right?
He shops.
[voice distorts] My husband doesn't even know
where the market is.
[thunder]
[radio announcer] We are seeing unusual behavior
from Caucasian folks from the...
[Freeman] Caucasians, did you say?
Yeah, I tried to tell them about them Caucas mountains.
-Asteroids? -...unseen radioactive haze
is moving at a fast pace reaching Westchester
by noon today.
Take cover, especially in the suburbs,
where there are high numbers of Caucasians congregating.
Replenish your sundries, and return home.
Some witnesses have sighted cannibalism being involved.
[Freeman] What the fuck does that mean?
-[man] Hey, boy. -[thunder]
[Freeman] Who said that?
Oh, God. Oh, man. What the fuck?
Hey, unbelievable. Wait, who's this clown?
[man] My car!
[Freeman] Hey man, stop, this ain't your car.
Damn, you look fucked up, you ashy-assed motherfucker.
Hey, get back!
[man] My car!
[Freeman] Man, what the hell are you doing, man?
You're a lunatic!
Wait, aren't you the mayor?
Hey, my God. What the fuck?
Hey, you smelly-ass freak, where are you going?
You fucked up my car! Ah!
God damn, I just got this.
It ain't gonna start?
Fuck you, Karl.
I'm not voting for your ass next year.
Man, how'm I gonna get home now?
[radio announcer] Please stay inside until further notice.
Well... that's a wrap on suburbia.
I mean, we gave it the old college try.
We can go home now. Deadass.
I'm getting worried, Mama.
He's been gone for hours now.
He was just supposed to pick up things from the market
and come right back home.
Where is he? Where is Malik?
Oh, child, please.
I'm sure Malik can handle a bunch of stuffy white ladies
at a Tupperware party and suburban supermarket.
But with these news reporters, I'm not so certain.
Where is he?
We should have never left Harlem.
What kind of black people move to the suburbs
to live with a bunch of racist-ass crackers?
Please don't start, boy.
This ain't about you right now, you hear?
Make yourself useful and go check on my grandbabies.
Don't pay him no mind.
I spoiled him too much when he was young.
I know, I was there.
But maybe he's right. Maybe we should have stayed
in our own community, what we know and trust.
These people are awful to us.
Not a hair parlor or church or restaurant that will take us.
We ain't here for that.
We're here for the education.
I did my best for you,
and you must do your best for those little ones upstairs.
Just as they'll do for theirs, someday.
That's the only way out of this, Tanya.
Baby, Malik is a good man.
A smart man, and a strong man.
If he is out there in this mess,
he'll know what to do.
I understand, Mama.
But right now, I'm just concerned.
Why hasn't he come back or at least called?
He should have been back from the store hours ago.
I just know something's happened.
I can feel it, Mama!
[sobbing]
Oh, it was weird before.
But this is where shit gets freaky deaky.
Hello? Hello?
Is anyone home? Can I use your phone?
Sorry, I was in an accident and ran into a tree
on the side of the road and...
Hello? Operator?
Operator?
What in the hell is going on?
This is not good, nope, not even a little.
-We're calling the police! -[thunder]
Damn, there's a lot of them.
-All lives matter! -I'm calling the police!
[chattering]
-[woman] I know my rights. -[indistinct shouting]
[Malik] What in the hell?
[woman] Show me your ID.
[woman squealing]
[thunder]
Okay, so let's recap.
One minute, I'm buying toilet paper at the store,
the next minute, it's the end of the damn world as we know it.
I think that about sums it up.
Oh, and I'm stuck in this big ass house by myself
with fire as my only weapon.
This shit is bananas.
Oh, shit.
[radio announcer] As we stated this haze,
invisible to the naked eye, seems to be
turning seemingly normal, law-abiding citizens
into raging bigots.
By God, this is bad.
It-it could happen to any of us!
Not all of us, my guy.
The infectious disease experts are widely concerned
about this particular syndrome
seemingly being corrosive to the brain,
and creating incurable damage.
No shit.
Tell me something I don't know.
Hello?
Damn it.
Did one of those sick-ass soulless fucks get inside?
-What? -Whoa, whoa,
-I want to hear the news. -Wait a minute,
you've been here the whole time and you didn't help me?
Oh, no, you've got it all wrong there, Skipper.
We've just been holed up in the basement.
Man, get the fuck out of here. Are you serious?
Whoa, whoa, I want to hear the news, please.
This motherfucker.
[radio announcer] We're now learning
that there have been mass attacks
happening up and down the coastal towns.
Karens are everywhere,
and the Karl numbers are growing.
Stay indoors at all costs.
Karens? Karls?
-More on their names later. -Oh, okay.
Like I was saying, I'm here with my wife and child
in the basement.
Personally, I think it's safer down there.
My daughter's been injured.
We need to get her to a hospital,
she was bitten by a friend at a slumber party.
No. Oh, man. Yeah, the radio just said that, uh--
Yeah, I know, I have ears, tough guy.
Oh, sorry, I'm just a bit on edge right now.
Do you even live here?
No, we just found the door open and our car ran out of gas
so we just... we're holding out in the basement
with some food we found in the icebox.
Look, the basement is a death trap, man.
We can help each other more if we can see them coming.
Take turns keeping post.
No way, I'm going down to the basement
and I'm taking this radio with me.
Ha-ha. The hell you are.
I'd like to see you try.
That thing is bigger than you.
Oh, look here, boy, know this: you may have the gun now,
but you won't have it later. Mark my words.
Easy there, cowboy. Remember your place.
-[clattering] -[man] All lives matter!
-[woman] I'm calling the police! -[clamoring]
[Karen] You're breaking HOA rules!
[Malik] What the actual fuck is going on?
[gunshot]
[scream]
Hey, boy.
[Malik] Wait, that's my mailman Karl.
Damn! That's my chiropractor Karlin.
And that's Caroline from the corner store!
[clamoring]
Damn, Caroline, that's some cold-ass shit.
[indistinct zombie chatter]
[Malik] Of course they don't die.
Why should I be surprised?
[moaning, shouting]
[woman] We are the ladies of the HOA.
[woman 2] All lives matter.
[woman 3] Drain the swamp!
It's important to get your nutrition anywhere you can!
Mustn't ever look weak.
Man, we got to figure out a way to stop them, man.
These bullets ain't working.
They work on some things.
Uh, no, please,
that's not what I mean.
I'm... just surprised that they're not working is all.
Fuck that mean?
You better watch yourself, old man.
[chuckles] This blows hard.
Was that a radio I heard?
Yeah, that was a radio.
I tried to bring it down but that... Oh-ho-ho.
He won't let me.
Heh heh. His rules.
Wait until I get that gun.
[laughs]
You can't get that gun.
Why don't we just go upstairs?
How is she going to get better down here
in this smelly old basement?
It always has to be your way.
You're going to get us killed.
Shut your trap, woman.
That's always your answer, isn't it?
Listen to me,
we need to think about our little girl.
And we need to bring her upstairs. It's the only way.
[grunts]
Hey, hey, don't get any funny ideas.
I just wanna live.
So do I.
[television static]
[television announcer] As you know, an asteroid
has hit the Atlantic ocean...
Turn it up, Ma.
...110 miles off the coast of Florida.
At least 680 seamen are dead.
But strangely another phenomenon is happening
presently in 28 states.
There is an invisible radioactive fog
that is creating a chemical reaction in white citizens
who have pre-existing and deep prejudices
towards the Negro people.
We don't need no funky haze to tell us
that white people got problems.
God, when is this gonna end?
We believe the haze will dissipate
within the next 48 hours.
Good to know.
But still, where is Malik?
I know these are trying times, my sweet girl,
but this too shall pass.
Hey, Ma, is that apple pie still in the fridge?
All this cannibal talk got me hungry.
What is wrong with you?
Not a damn thing.
Wait, you think black people can get this?
-[doorbell rings] -[man] All lives matter.
-[clamoring] -[doorbell ringing]
I told y'all not to come here.
Nothing good happens in the suburbs.
Tanya, where's Malik's gun?
They're so loud.
[Ma] And smelly, too!
Smell like old cheese.
I'll get some boards and nails.
Oh, grab my cross by the bed stand.
Can't hurt to bring Jesus into this mess.
...women and men who were racist before
are now cannibal Karens and Karls.
I want to hear the news, please.
Hey man, stop it.
...asking all Negro citizens to stay inside,
and for now, stay away from all white people.
Oh, shit. Too late for that.
Experts are calling this syndrome Karenastia for women,
and Karlastasia in men,
making them both more violent than usual.
New evidence suggests this syndrome
is peaking in the suburbs and cannot be treated,
so please, stay away from any Karen or Karl
you come in contact with.
We do think if a racist person is bitten
within less than 24 hours,
there is a 92.5% chance
of them becoming a Karen or a Karl.
If you think you may be turning into a Karen or Karl,
or even have the slightest tendencies,
isolate yourself at once from the public.
May God rest your soul, and God bless America.
[no audible dialogue]
[television announcer] Breaking news:
the governor and his wife are now infected.
The highest number of sightings are in the suburbs of Florida,
as well as--
[Malik] Schools. We moved because of the damn schools.
Should've never left Harlem because of goddamn schools.
I can't even remember the last time I saw
another brother or sister.
This is no way to live.
Got to get back home.
-[glass breaks] -Ah!
[Malik grunting]
[gunshots]
[man] That's my car!
[Malik] Ew, you're still eating that shit.
This shit is frustrating.
We have to get out of here.
Is that your car out there?
Um... technically, it's a truck,
but yeah. Dry as a bone, though.
There's a gas tank out there near the barn.
If we go out there--
I'm not going out there. No way, no how.
You must! Think about our daughter.
I'll go alone.
But you best let me back in this house when I come back.
We can get your daughter to a specialist,
although he did just say that this was untreatable.
I'm hoping it might be different for children.
Don't worry, we will. We have to!
Look, find some sheets.
There's some bottles in the kitchen.
Check the garage for gasoline. We're gonna blow shit up.
-Got it. -Be ready
with the Molotov cocktails for the east window upstairs.
Shit.
-[clamoring] -[man] All lives matter!
-[woman] I'm calling the police! -[woman 2] You'll be arrested!
[woman 3] Hey, you don't belong here.
[moaning]
[man 2] I'm making a citizen's arrest!
[man 3] I know my rights.
[Malik] Yeah, I know my rights, too.
Now!
[woman 2] You'll be arrested!
[chattering]
[woman] I'm calling the police!
[Malik] That smell, man, is terrible.
Fuck you, Karen. Fuck you, Karl.
-[indistinct shouting] -[gunshots]
-[clamoring] -Back! Get back!
-Back, I say! -I'm making a citizen's arrest!
[clamoring]
Oh, Jesus.
[Malik] And just like that,
my dreams of getting home were gone.
[man] Hey. Hey you.
[groaning]
Aah!
Help me!
Help you?
[woman] Someone call the police!
I'm being attacked!
[clamoring]
[man] Call the police.
[indistinct chattering]
[Malik] Nasty, man.
Ah, get back! Get back!
Get back, come on! Get back!
Come on!
Go on, now.
Open up, open up!
Hey man, what the hell?
Open the door!
Hey, get back.
[wife] Open the door!
[Malik] Open up the goddamn door!
I'm gonna take care of your ass
as soon as I get my--
Come and help me, man.
[pounding on door]
[husband] Careful with the fingers.
[Malik] Man, fuck your fingers.
Just get the other side.
Just hold it down.
Wait, I didn't mean-- Oh!
Tough!
You stupid cracker!
Don't you see I'm trying to help you and your family!
Don't you get it!
This is why we're in this mess to begin with!
Oh... please.
When are y'all gonna finally understand?
Is this what it takes?
You getting your ass beat down in front of your wife?
Huh?
[chatter]
[laughing]
-[man] You'll be arrested. -[man 2] You're trespassing!
[man 3] I'm making a citizen's arrest!
[clamoring]
-[man] I'm calling the police! -[woman] Trespasser!
[Malik] Help us, you dick!
Now's not the time, you stupid bigot!
These boards won't hold.
[grunts]
No, I'm not listening to you! I'm the man!
I'm in charge, me now!
Get downstairs, you harlot.
No.
[wife] This is exhausting.
Go ahead, shoot me!
We're all going to die anyway, asshole!
My own kid bit me last night.
It was just a matter of time.
[gunshot]
[groans]
Right in the gut.
[laughs] Boom. Yes.
I'm not like him.
I know.
-[clamoring] -Somebody help me!
Oh, God, my daughter!
Honey, where are you?
Oh, no. Not you! My sweet angel.
Your father should have never have brought you
to those rallies! I'm so sorry!
[child] I'm making a citizen's arrest!
[wife] No! No!
[screams]
Oh, God! God! I'm dying!
Not today, Karen. Not today.
[man] I'm calling the police!
[indistinct chattering]
-[woman] Drain the swamp! -[woman 2] All lives matter!
[indistinct chattering]
...making a citizen's arrest.
[woman] All lives matter!
[banging]
48 hours, that's all I need.
Hang in there for 48 hours.
I can do that.
[man] I'm calling the police.
Damn it to hell!
[clamoring]
[indistinct radio chatter]
[birds chirping]
Thank you for joining us wherever you are.
I hope you and your family are safe.
In conjunction with local law enforcement
and the national guard,
they are hoping to clear out all Karens and Karls
from North America within the next 48 hours.
Unfortunately, there was a surge in Canada.
[Malik] Come on, I can do that.
That ain't nothing but 48 episodes of "Law & Order."
[Malik] I'm awake now.
Don't sleep.
Don't. Sleep.
America, wake the fuck up!