What is it?
I just wanted to make sure.
'Bout what?
About Dumpling.
Why would you bother coming all the way here just for this?
Do as you see fit.
You know what is to be done.
The F-6, the grim reaper.
It was horrifying to learn that my friend
was a trained assassin who had killed dozens of our comrades.
But honestly, it was also a relief.
I wasn't the only one who'd been lying all these years.
And I could use his expertise.
Wait, I can help with that.
Fuck!
Yeah.
Black pudding.
Black pudding?
And what brings you here out of the blue?
I just thought I'd drop by.
'Kay. We might need to add another ground rule.
No surprise visits.
You look nice.
You're not too shabby yourself for someone just "dropping by."
Have you ever been to a longevity celebration?
No.
But did I maybe see one on an episode of "Star Trek"?
You want me to go with you?
If I do say yes,
how will you introduce me to other guests?
Why do I feel that, however I answer, I'm doomed?
This isn't a trap.
Come on, baby, relax. You're far too tense sometimes.
True, I agree, but does that mean you're coming with me?
Call you tonight.
Heartbreaking.
Are you...
are you following me?
No, no. This is pure coincidence.
Hence my astonished expression.
I didn't know you had a dog.
Oh, this thing. Yeah, it's a good prop.
Nobody pays much mind to a homosexual walking his foofoo dog.
Are you a homosexual?
I'm whoever I need to be. Just like you.
Is he CIA-issued?
Let's just say he's susceptible to suspicion.
Speaking of which, any leads on the General's suspicions?
Did your man in Saigon turn up anything worth looking into?
Quell the General's anxieties, stat.
Tell you why. Because we need him.
But now he's just an impotent clown, isn't he?
Yeah, but he's still the king.
A clown with a crown.
So, stop your waffling, get out there, and get me some goddamn proof.
It would also serve you well.
Remember, you're the one who brought up this candy business in the first place.
Unwrap a few treats for the General to suck on.
Proof?
We could just call the Major into the "Yellow Flag,"
rough him up a little.
But what are we gonna do if he flat-out denies it?
Keep in mind, this is America.
If only we were still in Vietnam
where you could torture civilians with impunity, right?
Am I really supposed to pick that up now?
Well, a civic-minded homosexual would.
Christ. You're right.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, don't eat it now. Christ.
Look, what if I can't turn up any proof?
Well, then you move on to the next guy
and the next guy, and the next guy, and the next after that
until you figure somethin' out.
And one more thing.
Can you do somethin' with this?
Let's go.
Ignoring the fact that patience is the spy's number one virtue,
I decided to ask Man one last time.
The Major was an innocent man,
or as innocent as anyone in that army.
And still no directive from Man on whether or not
I should kill the Major.
I started to wonder if it was a silent "no"
or a silent "yes."
Fuck it.
Hey, hey.
It's a new world here.
You can go anywhere, climb to any heights, as long as you make money first.
And in America, we don't have to stay just a chink and a bastard.
And if you fully commit to this land,
you become fully American.
But if you don't,
you're just a wandering ghost living between two worlds, forever.
Sound wisdom.
"Embraced in the arms of the man I was meant to kill,
I suddenly thought about his mother."
Are you sure you guys are refugees?
You know Asian families.
I wonder how he scraped up enough for all this.
- Ms. Mori? - Thank you.
One moment, I'll be right back.
Betrayal.
By whom?
Isn't it obvious?
The Major?
How dare she humiliate her father in front of all our people?
And how dare the Major permit her to whore herself out on stage?
I wouldn't be suffering this humiliation
if you had just done your fucking job already.
I thought I should be generous and let him celebrate his mother's 80th.
"Generous"?
You think you're in a position to grant such generosity?
Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Wow.
Okay, could everyone please find their assigned seats?
- Lana. - Not the schoolgirl you once knew.
Well, congrats.
Looks like today's also your graduation from living as "someone's daughter."
And you?
You graduated from "someone's aide-de-camp"?
I hope so.
You have a wonderful voice.
Thank you.
This is the General's daughter. I mean, Lana.
And this is my boss.
I mean, my girlfriend, Ms. Mori.
Sofia.
Come on, let's have a drink.
It's a party, isn't it?
I'll come with you. What are you having?
- Margarita? - Sure, if you can find one.
- Sonny. - Sofia.
A Green Beret who served alongside us for four years
and who still fights for our people today in the halls of the U.S. Congress.
Please welcome our friend, Congressman Ned Godwin!
Holy shit. Napalm Ned himself.
Thank you. Thank you, Major.
Did I interrupt your introduction? I apologize.
Just take a look at the card there.
Welcome, Congressman.
Your commitment to our people is as clear as the scars on your hand.
This old thing?
These wounds are nothing compared to the scars
inflicted on your homeland.
It is a true honor to be here with you today to celebrate
the longevity of this wonderful Vietnamese lady.
And please accept this gift as a symbol of the fellowship
between our two countries.
You know, when I was fighting the Viet Cong,
this handcrafted American blade was the best ally I had.
It saved my lily-white ass more than once.
It's bad luck to gift a Vietnamese person a knife.
They sever relationships.
What a dickwad.
This is a gift. Hold this right here.
You know, looking out at your proud faces today,
it reminds me of something dear to my heart.
The great promise of America.
The promise of the American Dream.
The promise that America is the land of freedom and independence,
land of heroes who will not relent
in the cause of helping our friends and smiting our foes.
One day, America will stand tall again,
and it will do so because of courageous immigrants like you.
And on that day, in gratitude, America will hear your plea.
America will offer its assistance.
And on that day, General Trong,
who fought bravely at my side in the Northern Highlands.
Listen well, the land you have lost will once again be yours.
Communism never wins.
Capitalism will triumph.
America! Vietnam! America! Vietnam!
Machine gunnist, hey. Cheers.
Inspiring words, Ned.
Well, they have the added benefit of being true.
And the generous gift of your personal knife.
Oh, no, no, no, that's just a-- It's a good replica.
Congressman,
this is the young man I was telling you about.
He's my Chief of Communications.
As you can see, he is of mixed race.
Oh, yeah.
Let me introduce my twins.
Spinach, because of that American "Popeye" cartoon.
Popeye eats spinach and become all-powerful.
And then, Broccoli just come naturally.
Strength and health!
This country isn't for the weak.
Your business, let me in.
They are cute, right?
Why?
You know what was funny about the speech back there?
I have a feeling you're about to tell me.
Freedom and independence, democracy.
That's similar to the slogan the Communist Party uses.
A slogan is an empty suit. Anyone can wear it.
Hey, I like that. Mind if I use it?
Your friend, he's interesting.
He seems proud to flirt with the graffiti underground.
- He's not my friend. - Okay, everybody here?
Can someone turn that mirror ball off?
Spinach, Broccoli. Cheese!
- Smile. - Cheese!
The Americans showered our people with the American candy.
They got us hooked on the stuff.
So, you box up the expired candy, and then that guy ships them to...
Hong Kong. And our guy in Kowloon
disguises the packages as the North Korean-donated school supplies.
- Right. - Then, he ships them on to Saigon.
No one is going to touch the donated school supplies
from a fellow socialist ally.
You should put one of these on your bumper, too.
- Thanks. - Hey.
Look at us! A pair of real Americans!
And next weekend, we are gonna celebrate our first Independence Day in America.
I heard it's a real party.
And this year, even bigger because it's one year before the Bicentennial.
There will be no sky, just fireworks!
Fireworks.
A Chinese invention, of course.
Major.
Hey!
That funky smell.
Thank you.
Is it Halloween or something,
like, wearing costume and handing out treats?
You look like you're full white now!
That way.
Has my business made the General angry?
Tell him I'll cut him in. 50/50.
I told you not to turn around.
When?
40/60. Okay, like, 20/70.
The remaining 10 goes to you.
- Turn around. - You said don't turn around.
Just do what I say, for fuck's sake!
Fireworks are over.
Hello?
It's done.
Good.
Can you write a eulogy for me?
Sir?
They'll be holding a funeral soon,
and I have a feeling that they'll ask me to give a eulogy.
I mean, who else?
Try it.
Just like the good old days.
Good night.
Allow me to introduce our wiliest adversary.
You heard about the dual-bomb attacks in Bình Duong? Yeah?
They used a modified wristwatch as the triggering device?
You're talkin' about a double detonation kill
and then a second kill on the rescuers?
You mean "The Watchman"?
Well, that was his country nickname when he was a solo act.
But now he's the leader of a band,
churning out hits with such perfect timing,
we know he has an inside ear.
Certainly not how I imagined him.
Yep, we played over 100 different songs to see which spiked his adrenaline.
As a consequence, we've been blaring this particular ditty
for the past five days nonstop.
Now, funny thing, these Commies,
they'd rather listen to a wet fart than country music.
But he hasn't said a word.
We made affairs mighty miserable for him, but he won't budge.
That's why you're here. Get in there, do somethin'.
You'll need to be creative to crack him.
Come dance with me.
You know, that song is too cruel for someone innocent until proven guilty?
Hey, you Yankees in there! You hear that bullshit?
We yellow-faces are guilty until proven innocent.
Otherwise, why would your people shoot us first and ask questions later?
You Americans believe that we yellow-faces are evil
from the time we are formed in our mothers' wombs.
We spring out as fully formed VC.
Obviously, I can't authorize your release,
but I can certainly make your stay here more hospitable.
Play you a communist revolutionary song.
Get you a parrot to talk to.
Some bougainvillea, maybe.
Birds.
Flowers.
Fuck off.
Those CIA butchers out there?
They have a torture manual.
Do we?
It's as intricate and precise as one of those
fine Swiss watches ya like so much.
Everyone talks eventually.
Now,
we know you've placed moles
within our ranks.
And you're going to give them up.
Why put it off?
Why wait until the Americans have electrocuted your balls
with a thousand volts?
You know the CIA's nickname for a prisoner's penis
that's been through that process?
"The electric eel."
You're going to pray for death
while it's happening.
And you'll have betrayed every comrade and everything you once believed in,
and you'll still be alive.
You'll feel so guilty
that you'll pray for death all over again.
I know what I want.
If you grant me this request,
I'll tell you what you want to hear.
Yes.
The food here...
well...
frankly...
it's fucking terrible.
So, I just want some boiled eggs for breakfast tomorrow.
Hard-boiled eggs.
Would...
three be enough?
Isn't this the part where you get a medic?
Oh, yeah.
Don't just do somethin', stand there!
Come on!
I think it's too late.
Let's go.
Let's go! Let's go!
We lost him.
Crafty bugger.
He knew if he peeled it, it'd be too smooth to stick in his throat.
What?
It's not dirty. Oh, no, the shell provides a perfectly hygienic seal.
Can a question also double as an order?
Even if it can, it holds no power after the deed is done.
I laughed a long time when I read the message from Man
because that's the exact question I'd asked myself a thousand times.
Only difference was that mine was now in the past tense.
Was it necessary?
Should I drive you home, sir?
You see that hump in the tree over there?
That bird's nest-looking thing?
Did you know that that hump is chock-full of rats?
It's a rat's nest.
Fuck! I fuckin' hate rats!
It pretends to be clean, but this city is filthy.
"Love it or leave it!" It's clever.
Racially motivated crime on the Fourth of July, very clever.
But you know what, my friend? You are a bit twisted.
Well, everything twisted about me, I learned from you.
You got the right guy.
We found a letter in one of his candy boxes.
The cipher was so rudimentary,
our boys at Langley cracked it in about 20 minutes.
And what'd the message say?
He was on to you.
Here ya go.
How do you know "him" means me?
Well, remember at the liquor store
we told you how someone pegged you for a spy?
Guess who?
What a fool. He pegged the guy we trust most.
Welcome to the world of spycraft!
One more round, then we're good.
Ridiculous, right?
Who is this? I like it.
Give it a shot.
That's the J.B.'s.
My protégé, you're coming along very nicely, very nicely.
- Thanks, Claude. - Yep.
So where are we going?
On to the next harbor on your voyage.
It's just begun.
You can't just work for the General forever.
It's time for a bigger assignment.
- Marco, table one. Yeah? - Yes, right this way.
This is the natural habitat of the most dangerous creature on Earth,
a white man in a suit and tie.
Welcome to the steakhouse, the quintessential American institution.
But your job today is to be quintessentially Vietnamese.
Here you go, sir.
It turns out the professor inspired our friend's next project.
Actually, he read an article of mine in "The New Republic."
It was about the first forays of the Green Berets
into the Highlands and he's latched onto it--
Yeah.
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery.
I wouldn't mind a bit of compensation--
But then he comes on strong, makin' all kinds of demands
about hardware that I can provide, you know,
'cause of my relationship with the National Guard.
Trucks, tanks...
- Who does he mean by "he"? - Thank God I'm here.
- How's everyone doin'? - Right this way.
- Fashionably late, huh? - Thanks. All is good, I trust?
Our sacred Allied Force.
So you're my Vietnamese guy?
- Excuse me, who are you? - Really?
- First words out of his mouth? - You don't know who he is?
It's Nicos Damianos.
You never heard of "The Combination"?
And "The Combination 2."
Oh, sure.
You don't know-- He knows the movies,
- just not your face, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, but, for starters, have you seen the movies?
The first? About a quarter?
So you got bored, you walked out, what, you thought it was garbage?
- What are ya, a critic? - Air raid warning.
Evacuated the cinema.
I liked what I saw, though, so don't tell me the ending.
Look at him guzzlin'. Hammer's gettin' hammered over here.
- Take it easy, buddy. - Despite my best judgment,
I like this kid.
He's plucky. Are you plucky, kid?
- He is wildly plucky. - How deep does it go?
- The pluckiness? - No, your blood. How deep?
'Cause what I'm lookin' for is 100% "gook."
You know, and you look, pardon my French, a tad diluted.
Oh, wow. Dinner and a show. Well...
- Captain, we were hopin' you'd help us. - By helping his new movie.
To ensure its cultural integrity.
- Yeah, yeah. What he said. - To act as an interpreter of sorts.
A mediator between the two worlds, Oriental and Occidental.
The General speaks so highly of you, Captain, you know,
a half-and-half who will give 100% to do whatever is necessary.
Right now, what seems necessary
is to demand an apology for the insult I just received.
Cool your jets, kid.
There's no apology comin',
but I am gonna give you the opportunity of your fuckin' life.
I'll take an opportunity over an apology eight days a week.
Doesn't sound like such a bad deal.
Looks like we just sealed the deal there.
Come on. Calm down.
Cheers. Start with a test drive.
Is there at least a script I could read first?
But don't start readin' it now. You won't be able to put it down.
I'm tellin' you, it's genius.
Hey, gents, who feels like somethin' sweet?
- Club Room? - Oh, right.
- Yeah, yeah. Okay. - Never a bad idea.
Oh, dude. That's no way to treat a lady.
Come here, sweetheart, we got you.
Didn't you learn any finesse from your French father?
He was French wasn't, he?
Welcome aboard.
Three lines into "The Hamlet" and I was back in my hamlet as a boy.
I could hear the bamboo rustling in the wind.
And I was home.
And cut, print, perfect.
Reset, rolling, action.
Love it or leave it.