Been a while since we've had a flasher.
What? Remember Fidelma from the bowling club?
Oh, yeah. Whipped her blouse and bra off
and did a lap of the green in her white culottes.
Well, it's not often our seniors make the semifinals, Callum.
What will she do if they win the league?
So, anyway, your man this morning, he was on the beach.
Chasing after ramblers,
scared the life out of the auld dolls.
Help!
Help... Help!
Help!
I am arresting you for indecent exposure. What?!
You do not have to say anything...
I can't find my girlfriend.
You should be looking for her. She could be in danger.
Callum, is there any chance...?!
Yeah, yeah.
She planned a surprise for me,
a romantic night under the stars.
Brought a picnic, loads of booze -
but I think I was the only one drinking.
She suggested going for a dip.
Naked?
Next thing I wake up like this.
My car's gone, everything in it - and so's Roisin.
Er, OK, well... look, let's get you somewhere a bit more private
and we'll take some details down, like your girlfriend's name,
address, that sort of thing, OK?
I haven't known her that long, we met online.
Ditto, pal. A week and going strong.
I don't have an address, but her name's Roisin Quinley.
So, mobile phone, wallet and your car.
Anything missing from here?
Don't think so.
What if she's been abducted?
Could you do some door to door?
If she's been back, someone might've seen her.
Yeah. Cheers.
Peter, have you any photos of Roisin?
Yeah, loads.
On my phone.
Although I got a new tablet yesterday -
we were trying out the camera, just mucking about.
Oh, no.
That's gone too, yeah?
It was still in the box, right there.
It looks like your girlfriend's had you over.
I can't believe it.
She was into me.
Like...
..well into me.
No CCTV, but the couple next door
saw a blonde lady come home last night, in Peter's car.
She woke them up knocking over a wheelie bin.
Ten minutes later, she's off again.
Looks like his bird's got sticky fingers. Hm.
And the rest of it, if I know Roisin Quinley.
Siobhan has asked to meet me at lunchtime.
I've a feeling she wants to talk about me and her.
She didn't say anything?
Well, nothing specific, no, but...
I mean, I can't think what else it would be.
I really want to tell Siobhan about us today.
I hate lying to her, I hate keeping secrets.
Have lunch then, see what she has to say.
Regardless of what my ex has to say, she's still my ex.
Today's a new start for us.
No more hiding.
We think Roisin lured Peter to the beach,
plied him with drink until he passed out,
stole his clothes and his belongings
and drove off in his car.
Roisin Quinley only got out of Falbridge Prison
a couple of weeks ago.
It was burglary and drugs charges on probation.
Sounds like a catch.
She also deleted her dating profile.
Yeah, you should get rid of those apps too, kid.
I already have. Have you not heard?
The cub's courtin'.
Oh, the cougar? Beth's not that much older.
And it's more than courtin', all right?
It's the real deal.
It's only been a week!
You can tell us all about her later, at Barry's charity do.
Oh, believe me, I've heard enough.
But the free bar'll take the edge off, Marlene. Mm.
Yeah, well, you'd know!
Surprise!
Lil!
For goodness' sake.
Mm!
I had no clue you were coming.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Hey, Concepta.
How about ya?
How did you hear about this?
Barry and Marlene couldn't get hold of ya.
A little bird told me.
Nicole!
Oh, hi, Lil. New look?
Turns out blondes don't have more fun.
Now, are yous two serving, or what?
Give everyone a double on me.
Someone's in the money.
Aye. Got me own company, selling weight loss supplements.
Great for the old bingo wings.
And the wee pots.
Hey. That's solid muscle.
Actually, I'm in the market for an investor.
£300 buys you a share in my wee company - and my undying gratitude.
He should get that anyway.
Given all Barry's done for you.
Barry...
Would you like to rehearse your speech now or later?
Concepta has my speech.
She's cutting it down with her sharp tongue.
Just because you raised a couple of quid
doesn't mean we need to hear your life story.
And it's just a great opportunity to earn money doing nothing.
Plus, you get a free month's supply of Lil's Pills.
Not for me, hon.
I'm eating healthily, doctor's orders.
You sick, hon? No.
We're having fertility tests done.
Trying for our first baby.
Aye.
With any luck, I'll be a da soon.
You'll have to find someone else to flog those to.
We're not into those pyramid schemes, hon.
She doesn't know, then?
Know what?
That you've got a kid already.
So, Peter's card was used 0900 hours
at the ATM on Main Street this morning.
£300 was withdrawn.
That's promising.
Roisin might still be in the area.
Then someone local could've seen her.
Only me.
Hiya, Ma.
Not interrupting anything, am I? No.
Ma.
Have you seen Roisin Quinley recently?
Can't say that I have...
..but that sister of yours got wind of the free bar.
Lil's here?!
Can you believe that?
I doubt she's just here for Barry's award.
She's got her eye on the main chance, that girl.
How did Lil know?
Cos we couldn't get a hold of her.
No idea - but she's flashing the cash, all right.
She got a round in.
And I missed it?! Where's the justice?
Go and see her. We can spare you for a couple of hours.
I'll just finish this incident report, OK?
Yeah, I should get back to work as well.
Not a fan of Marlene's sister?
Never mind about Lil - it's Siobhan I'm worried about.
Finn's meeting her in a bit.
Do you think she's going to tell him about the cancer?
She better had.
I'm choked, keeping that quiet the last few days.
I was mortified, I tell ya!
Lil!
Hey!
Oh!
Oh, I love the new do!
This is her. The wee wild child.
Anyone looks wild next to Marlene.
Nice to meet you, Lil. I'm Leila.
What are you having, then?
Oh, nothing, thanks. I'm trying to track someone down, actually.
Oh, you'll never guess who.
Roisin Quinley.
Oh, no.
Well, you won't find her in here. She's barred.
Stealing from customers after they'd had a few.
Our Lil can't stand her, can you?
They used to be best mates.
Cheeky mare ran off with my fella.
We were engaged.
He gave her my ring - and what's worse,
she wore it.
For shame.
Remember the engagement party here?
The families.
Rougher than a badger's bum.
And then, to top it all off, they made up these malicious lies
about our Lil stealing the engagement presents.
Where might I find this Roisin?
25 Greencopse Lane.
I've been up there a few times.
You wipe your feet on the way out.
Here you go.
Peanut butter and jam, for old time's sake.
Nice one, sis.
So, how long are you sticking around?
We don't all want to grow roots,
live and die in exactly the same spot. Mm.
Now you sound like Ma - flighty.
She always said you had a spiteful side, underneath the girl guide act.
Well, she should've tried loving me, then,
instead of dropping me when you arrived.
Och, she lost interest in both of us when something else came along. Mm.
New man, new job, new home.
Boohoo.
Life's tough, then you die.
So, um...
Charlie Bear not want to visit his brother?
Mum only bought us those because she messed up again.
Binned mine when I moved.
Oh, OK.
It's your life.
I only pry so I know you're OK.
I worry.
Aye, me too.
Not much has changed since school.
"Hockey's hard."
"Miss Matthews showed me how to swing my stick."
"She's so pretty..."
Stop... You've been hoking!
I didn't have to.
Your old diaries are in the same place, you eej...
Ow! That was really sore!
What are yous up to in here? Ow! She hit me!
Hey, cut that out, you.
Or I'll get the castor oil and the big spoon.
I'm surprised at you, Marlene Pettigrew...
Me?! Scrapping with your own flesh and blood -
and you in uniform.
What are yous like?
Takes me back, I tell ya.
So, you didn't tell us - how did you find out about today?
Wouldn't you like to know? Mm.
Any joy?
I've spoken to Roisin,
but she says she's never heard of a Peter Hughes,
let alone had a naked picnic with him.
There's none of Peter's property in her possession,
and no hits or alerts on the car either.
Marvellous. Don't worry.
I've set up a video ID parade.
Take your time.
She looks a bit like her,
but, no, Roisin's got way better hair.
I wouldn't take any of them out if you paid me.
You know this isn't a dating site, right?
She's not there.
Would you like to take another look?
Do you think I wouldn't recognise my own girlfriend?
Either there's another Roisin Quinley scamming people
or someone's using her name.
Well, whoever's done this has probably set up that dating profile
with the intent of stealing from the men she meets.
Which means it's likely that Peter wasn't the first.
Let's set up an E-FIT.
It'll give us a much clearer picture of what our suspect looks like.
And, Cal, can you run a search for any similar cases?
Yeah, on it.
I better go.
Good luck.
Er, listen, I don't think I'm going to make it to Barry's do.
Er, I've to get back to Belfast for an appointment.
There's something I really need to get off me chest.
I'm seeing someone.
What?
Yeah.
I mean, who?
Leila.
From work.
Yeah, I know who she is.
Finn, sorry, I need a minute, mate, I...
Well, I'll leave you to it, then. I gotta go.
Wait...
You said you wanted to talk to me!
Sorry, mucker.
It's just, um... Lil knows about my daughter.
How?
She's mates with Chanel Kelly. The kid's ma.
I'd no idea.
And you think Lil's going to blab everything to Nicole?
I don't want to take that chance.
You're going to have to decide, mate, who you're more frightened of.
Ronan "the Machete Man" Kelly
or Nicole.
You mean losing Nicole.
You need to tell her, mate, as soon as you can.
Before somebody else does.
Hey.
How was Siobhan?
Well, I've told her.
Which is good.
She was OK?
She couldn't wait to get out of there.
And that's it?
Sorry.
Ah, suspect's E-FIT's in.
Doesn't that look a bit like...?
Lil.
Marlene's sister?
So, why don't you seem surprised?
Because it's not the first time.
The night of Roisin Quinley's engagement party,
my ma caught Lil, here, smashing up Roisin's car.
I let her go, to spare Marlene and Barry.
So, that rumour...
There was never any evidence
that she'd stolen their engagement presents.
But you suspect she did.
More than suspected.
I let Lil go, and it was a mistake.
I can't do it again.
Where did you disappear to?
Lil?
Was it you pretending to be Roisin Quinley?
What are yous doing?
Throwing a party I'm not invited to?
Lilian Pettigrew, I'm arresting you on suspicion of theft.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence
if you do not mention when questioned
something you later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
I'm innocent, Uncle Barry, I swear.
Are you out of your mind?
My stepdaughter is no thief.
Then she's got nothing to worry about.
I've never met Lil, but does it seem like the sort of thing she'd do?
Niamh?
Mum's going back to Belfast.
For good.
Dumping me.
Callum and I can go conduct the interview with Lil.
Yeah.
Why do I never know what's going on?
She was meant to be staying here.
With us.
You know your mother, she's a strong-minded woman.
Mum's not strong, it's all put on.
She's taking tonnes of pills, crying all the time over nothing.
What pills?
Like she'd tell me!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
I just don't get it, Dad!
What made her change her mind so fast?
Lil.
This is Police Constable Callum McCarthy.
Nice to meet you.
You understand the charges against you?
The theft of Peter Hughes' car, tablet, mobile phone,
bank card and cash from an ATM.
No, I don't understand.
Because Peter gave me those things.
Sorry, I... I can't do this.
One moment, please.
That's my... girlfriend.
What?
You've been dating Marlene's sister? No, no.
I was dating a blonde girl named Beth.
Or I... I thought I was.
What's going on?
Niamh says you've been upset.
That you're taking pills. What are they?
Ah, just 50 milligrams of none of your concern.
I know you're angry with me, Siobhan, but she's worried sick.
Well, if she'd asked me I'd have told her.
Multivits, probiotics, the contraceptive pill.
Or is that TMI?
Was that for...?
For you?!
No, Finn - sorry to burst your wee bubble
but not all the ladies of Norn Ireland are queuing outside.
I thought you were single.
Well, I'd been seeing my personal trainer.
Had a wobble.
I mean, the guy's ten years younger and fit as a butcher's dog
and I felt old.
I thought I was wasting my time, but he's convinced me that I'm not.
So that's what I wanted to tell you today.
Does Niamh know about him?
Och, I can do without the judgment.
She'd have me in fluffy pyjamas
and watching boxsets with a boring old fart.
She thinks you're dumping her.
To be honest, I am.
I want to live a little. Is there something wrong with that?
This isn't you, Siobhan. There's something else going on.
What, cos I'm happy?
Well, that says a lot.
So, you leaving has got nothing to do with Leila?
Finn, there was a reason our marriage failed.
I'd be mad to go back there.
Put your keys through the letterbox on your way out.
I should never have let Lil move back in with her mother.
That's why she went a bit wild.
They learn by example. That's for sure.
It wasn't your fault.
Oh, she was 15.
She needed love and stability.
You were grand. You had your start in the police college.
She had a... a flaky mam and Roisin Quinley on her shoulder.
Would you keep still?
Ach, why bother?
My day's ruined anyway. Don't be daft.
I bought a new blouse and I don't do that for just anybody.
Lil said she was innocent, so I'm sure she'll be out soon enough.
Yeah, but the girl will be in bits.
I'll make a wee investment in this business of hers.
That'll put a smile back on her face.
You were saying the items you're accused of stealing were gifts.
I'm not a thief.
Make sure you tell Callum that.
Let's start with the tablet.
Peter bought that for me.
OK, so, this morning, you left him drunk and naked
and used his debit card fraudulently.
No.
I took the exact amount that he was investing in my business.
He gave me his PIN number.
Look, Pete's just jealous, trying to stitch me up.
Jealous why?
I broke up with him last night.
Told him I'd fallen for someone else.
Someone I really care about.
Is that why you took Peter's phone and clothes?
Drove off in his car?
We left our stuff in a bush while we went swimming,
his must still be there -
and I took the car to stop him drink-driving.
Haven't had a chance to return it yet.
You should be thanking me for keeping the roads safe.
Lil insists she misunderstood your intentions,
and when we checked the beach, your clothes were there, like she said.
Did you give her your PIN number?
Well, that was just so she could fill up the car one time.
So, she also had access to your vehicle?
Can I just get out of here now?
Will you make a statement?
Course I won't.
I'd look like a total clown.
Another satisfied customer.
I aim to please.
Not long now. We can go to Nicole's free bar together, as a couple.
Is Siobhan going?
Well, apparently Siobhan has a fella in Belfast.
So she couldn't care less.
You don't think she might just be saying that, to save face?
If Siobhan wants to play games, then let her.
Only me.
Sure, why ring the bell when you can barge in without warning?
You still haven't told him about the cancer.
You saw Finn today.
I didn't want his pity.
Couldn't stomach it.
Besides, I'm leaving.
Go, then.
Your kids are used to seeing the back of your head.
Do you think I want Niamh and Shay to see me get sick?
I'm not running away, I'm protecting them.
And I promise you this, if you tell anyone I'm sick,
I'll take them to Belfast
and you'll see them once a month, if you're lucky.
Don't be ridiculous.
You need your family around.
You think you can do this alone?
You don't want Finn?
Finn doesn't want me.
That's why I'm going.
Give the man a chance.
You left him for someone else...
He's sleeping with your pal Leila.
He's your son and she's living with you.
How could you not know, when you're so nosy?
What I want to know is what you had planned for PC McCarthy.
I didn't know who Callum was when we met.
Just fancied him.
And he's a sweetheart.
I don't come across many of them.
Then he told me about his job -
and his sarge, Marlene.
Yep.
OK to come in?
Just a silly misunderstanding, sis.
Isn't that right, Finn?
Really?
Yeah.
She'll be out of here, once I've done this paperwork.
I ought to have an apology.
And Barry.
Your lot ruined his day.
So, about Barry.
He won't be investing in your company, OK?
He doesn't have the money.
But he just can't say no to you.
But, look, if you're stuck for cash,
why don't you come home for a wee while? We'd love that.
And you know if you're ever in trouble...
Er, did I miss something?
Because I thought I was being released without charge -
and here's you talking like I'm a criminal.
Ahem.
Hi, Barry.
Uncle Barry.
These eejits have finally set me free.
Now I know how poor Nelson Mandela felt.
Oh, hi, Callum. What about ya?
It was all a daft misunderstanding, exactly as I told ya.
Where's Leila?
I want a hefty word.
I'll see you outside.
I'm sorry, Cal.
But at least you know I'm innocent.
Of theft, maybe.
Not cheating.
Not faking an identity.
Beth? Roisin? Lil?
I don't even know who you are.
Were you even a natural blonde?
I just fancied a change.
On the same day Peter Hughes reported you.
Yeah, funny that.
Everything between us was real.
What difference does a name or hair colour matter?
We'll go to Uncle Barry's do together and we'll tell everyone...
You're not serious!
You made an absolute mug of me.
This was over the second I saw your face in that interview room.
Lil.
Hang on.
Key.
Lilian.
They won't trouble you again.
Come on, let's celebrate.
Whew.
Could this day get any worse?
Ah, there's still time.
She told me her name was Beth.
At least now I understand how Lil found out about Barry's do.
And there's me planning to ask her to move in.
You were?
Yeah, I know. Too soon.
She could do a lot worse.
And, here, look, for what it's worth,
she really does like you. I can tell.
Yeah, I'll survive.
Just wish I hadn't gone into so much detail about our sex life.
Aye.
It's pretty awkward.
Yeah.
Let's, um...
Let's not talk about it again, eh?
Yeah. Great.
What is it?
Siobhan? No.
The trial in Nottingham.
It's off.
What?
Yeah. The gang all pleaded guilty.
I don't have to testify!
It's over.
No more hiding. You're safe.
I can go home.
To see my family. Yeah, of course you can -
you can do whatever you like.
We should celebrate tonight.
We could tell everybody about us.
No.
It's Barry's do.
Let him have his moment.
Yeah. Well, maybe after the ceremony.
I can whisk you off somewhere fancy for dinner.
Well, actually, the car's in the garage,
so you'd have to whisk me off.
Clint! You gave me a fright!
What are you doing bursting in on me like that?
I wish I'd told you sooner...
..but it didn't seem so important at the start,
and then all of a sudden it was.
You want kids so bad.
I'm already a dad.
You've got a kid?
Before me?
Yes. Of course.
One drunken night, before I met you.
You're a daddy?
To?
A boy or a girl, Clint?
Er, a girl. She's a wee girl.
A daughter.
I can take her shoe shopping.
We can get our nails done!
I thought you'd kill me!
I mean, yeah, I should...
..but it's kind of reassuring.
There's nothing wrong with your wee swimmers, and...
I'm a step-mummy!
It's complicated.
Um, her other half doesn't know, and he really can't.
Says who?
You're her daddy.
We're going to do the right thing!
Found Charlie Bear in Peter's car with the rest of your stuff.
I knew you'd never get rid of him.
You overestimate me.
Soz about your diary.
I was only having a laugh.
So, um, what else did you see in there?
Nothing I didn't already know.
So, you're gay.
Why keep it a secret?
You think Barry'll disown you? No.
You scared? No!
You are so.
You're as terrified of relationships as I am.
No-one can leave you if you're not together to begin with, right?
Well, we've Ma to thank for that.
All the "uncles", different houses,
new rules, step siblings -
and just as you've learnt to love them,
you're saying goodbye to them again.
You should be out there, living life, sis,
falling for some gorgeous hot lesbian lover.
Well, you should be staying out of trouble - but, look, here we are.
Anyway, thank you.
For not blabbing.
Aw, give over, you big melt.
We're flesh and blood.
Got each other's backs forever.
Well, you played me like a fiddle.
I'm sorry.
Siobhan didn't tell Finn she's sick today,
because she found out about you and him.
Remember when I told you about my mum?
She passed away.
When you were 12.
It was breast cancer.
And I know times have changed, and I'm sure Siobhan will be fine,
but I wouldn't have anyone go through that on their own.
Not on my behalf.
That's why I'm leaving.
Thank you.
You are cutting it fine.
How's about ya?
Oh, Shay. I knew you wouldn't let us down.
I can't lie, Nan.
I'd still be out fishing, but the drama queen called.
Saying Mum's away off to Belfast.
You know, no warnings, no goodbyes.
You should be used to it now.
Mum's had more departures than Belfast International.
OK, everyone, gather forward.
Ready to go.
OK, great, everyone gather round.
That's it, fill all the space.
Now, folks, our Barry.
Come on, Barry, come to the stage!
Over the past few years,
Barry has secretly raised
over £100,000 for our hospital.
There are families here whose lives he has changed for the better.
And, to present him with his award,
Inspector Finn O'Hare!
On behalf of the people of Port Devine,
we name you, Barry Pettigrew, Local Hero of the Year!
Hi, Cal, wish you were here.
Cheers! Cheers!
Mm!
Callum! Where've you been?
Grab yourself a wee drink.
Yeah, I'm on duty. Where's Finn?
I don't know.
I knew you couldn't stay away.
You think I'm here for you?
Ah, come on - it's over with Peter.
I wouldn't lie to you.
Is that what you said to the four other men
whose bank accounts you emptied?
I don't know what you're on about, but...
..I can't love a guy who doesn't trust me.
It was fun while it lasted, eh?
Have I entered the Twilight Zone?
You've been strange with me for days - and lovely to Siobhan.
I've no idea what you're on about.
Yes, you do.
Well, it's none of my business.
Ma, that has never stopped you before.
Leila's flying to Nottingham.
I'm sorry, love, but you need to be told.
She's leaving.
Why?
Because... she found out your wife has cancer.
Siobhan has gone back to Belfast for her first treatment. Alone.
Shay, I need your car keys.
Dad, what's the craic?
That's got to be about Mum.
Boss, I need a word. Not now.
It's about Lil.
Four more victims of theft and fraud identified her as a suspect.
I think we should bring her back in. Arrest her, then.
But how do I tell Marlene?
Tell me what? Finn!
Finn... Finn!
Finn!
You should've told me sooner, Ma.
I'm not going to forgive you for this.
Where are you going?
The airport or the hospital?
Finn, are you OK?
Finn, Finn?
Oh!