1 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:07,257 After a long week of pop quizzes, food fights, and unlimited homework, 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,010 it is time for a much-needed escape. 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:14,264 And for me and my girls, that escape is always Saturdays. 4 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,725 But first, a sis gotta get ready. 5 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,562 Ready. 6 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,649 (snoring) 7 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,733 (snorts) 8 00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:27,945 (groans) 9 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,571 About to get ready. 10 00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:34,618 Y'all know I stay ready. 11 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,746 Yep, time to get our skate on. 12 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,837 That is, after we get our chores done. 13 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,799 But once the chores are done, 14 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,968 and we're looking as cute as can be, 15 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,011 it's all good. 16 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,475 Closed? 17 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,102 -For two weeks? -For two weeks? 18 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,395 (gasps) 19 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,939 That is not all good. 20 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,529 ♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪ 21 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,364 ♪ All we do is celebrate ♪ 22 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:16,159 ♪ Long as I got fun, family and friends ♪ 23 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,245 ♪ I got everything that I need ♪ 24 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:21,206 ♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪ 25 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,001 ♪ We ain't got no time to waste ♪ 26 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,629 ♪ No work, all play, no stress ♪ 27 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,381 ♪ We got everything that we need ♪ 28 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,925 ♪ 'Cause there ain't no other day Like Saturday ♪ 29 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,597 How about we just hang out at the mall for a couple weeks? 30 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:37,890 Boring. 31 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,141 {\an8}-Oh, the kids are here. -Thank you. 32 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,684 {\an8}-Yeah. -Isn't it Saturday? 33 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,394 {\an8}Oh, how about we go swimming? 34 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,938 {\an8}Uh-uh, I just got the hair did. Not happening. 35 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,399 {\an8}Oh, we could work on our science project. 36 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,901 {\an8}It is due Monday. 37 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,235 {\an8}And use our time wisely? 38 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,029 {\an8}Have you met me, Simone? 39 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,198 {\an8}-Hey, y'all. Quick question. -Hey. 40 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,408 {\an8}Um, why are you all here and not at Saturdays? 41 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,744 {\an8}It's closed for repairs for the next two weeks. 42 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,454 {\an8}BOTH: Oh. 43 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,580 {\an8}That's, uh... 44 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,040 {\an8}That's just so too bad. 45 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,416 {\an8}I mean, too bad for your father and I. 46 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,919 {\an8}We rather enjoy our no-kids-at-home Saturdays. 47 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,421 {\an8}Yes, yes, we're actually pushing for it to be a national holiday. 48 00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,756 {\an8}You know what? 49 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,049 {\an8}If we can't go to Saturdays, 50 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,967 why can't we just bring Saturdays to us? 51 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,802 I say we throw a party on the block. 52 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,263 -You mean like a block party? -Yeah, that's what I just said. 53 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,265 A party on the block. It'll be fun. 54 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,435 {\an8}We'll have friends, family, and I'll get London to do the music. 55 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,812 {\an8}Ooh, and I'll do the grilling. 56 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,314 {\an8}ALL: No. 57 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,565 {\an8}What are y'all, a choir or something? 58 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,650 {\an8}Why can't I grill? 59 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,277 {\an8}Cal, you know why you can't grill. 60 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:33,946 {\an8}Okay, you start one little, teensy-weensy, 61 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,573 {\an8}itsy-bitsy forest fire, and the whole world turns against you. 62 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,950 {\an8}-Look, I'm grilling. -Whatever. 63 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,701 {\an8}I think a block party sounds fun. 64 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,745 {\an8}You just have to get the signatures from all the neighbors. 65 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,414 {\an8}-No problem. -Including old lady Whitaker. 66 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,999 {\an8}ALL: That's a problem. 67 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,084 {\an8}Her house is scary. 68 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,460 {\an8}Even the mailman won't deliver there. 69 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087 {\an8}He just throws the mail in the yard. 70 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,006 {\an8}I heard that old lady Whitaker is actually a ghost, okay? 71 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,592 {\an8}And she only comes out if you say her name three times in a row. 72 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,803 {\an8}Like this, "Old lady Whitaker, old lady Whitaker, old lady..." 73 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,264 {\an8}-BOTH: Ari! -Okay, I wasn't going to say it. 74 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,936 {\an8}-Old lady Whitaker. -Oh, she... 75 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,187 {\an8}Who is...? 76 00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,731 {\an8}Are you serious? I mean... 77 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,527 {\an8}Folks just stay being scared. (chuckles) 78 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,822 {\an8}Ah! Not today! Shotgun! 79 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,117 {\an8}(distant howling) 80 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,956 {\an8}Paris, girl, I don't know, 81 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,749 {\an8}but this don't seem like the move. 82 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,543 {\an8}No, I think the move is to go back home alive. 83 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,587 {\an8}Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys. Come on. 84 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,505 {\an8}We only got one last signature. 85 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,048 {\an8}Yeah, key word being "last," 86 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,633 'cause if we go in there, Paris, 87 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,095 I am telling you, it will be the last time anyone ever sees us. 88 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,722 Yeah, my butterfly senses are telling me 89 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,974 this party may be another case of you doing too much, Paris. 90 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,435 Me doing too much? When's the last time I did that? 91 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,228 BOTH: Indoor skydiving. 92 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,397 (whimpering) 93 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,859 {\an8}(alarm blaring) 94 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,027 (screaming) 95 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,117 We survived, right? 96 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,619 -Barely. -Barely. 97 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,871 Do you guys want to have a block party or not? 98 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,122 Yeah? 99 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,207 (whimpers) 100 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,875 -No. -No, I... I guess. 101 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:10,959 Wait. 102 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,505 LONDON: Man, scrape harder. 103 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,383 Come on. Dad, when is the last time you cleaned this thing? 104 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,551 I don't know. What year is it? 105 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:21,053 That long, huh? 106 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,804 I think we need chisels for all this buildup. 107 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,182 Boy, that buildup is layers and layers 108 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,643 of juices and spices caked on throughout the years. 109 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,977 That's historical flavor. 110 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,772 More like historical food poisoning. 111 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,607 -That is nasty. -What is that? 112 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,442 -LONDON: I don't... -Hey, you guys! 113 00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,361 How's it going? 114 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,739 Just coming out here to check on you, see how my boys are doing. 115 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,407 Oh, it's going good, it's going good. 116 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,826 Can't wait to fire it up. Work on my practice brisket. 117 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:45,911 Well, I was just wondering, you know, 118 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,288 if maybe I could help out with the grilling this time? 119 00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,582 You know? Share some of my recipes. 120 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,293 Help out with some of those grilling techniques. (laughs) 121 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,712 Oh, that... that is super sweet. 122 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,714 Thank you. Thank you. But no, thanks, okay? 123 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,092 I'm a Johnson. I'm from a long line of master grillers. 124 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,845 -I got this. -Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, Cal, whoo. 125 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,388 I'm a Johnson too, remember? 126 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,056 -(laughs) -Oh, okay. Correction. 127 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,226 Johnson men come from a long line of master grillers. 128 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,394 -Can I get some? -All right. 129 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,604 All right. Give me some. Okay? It's a man thing. 130 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,439 -Yeah. -You wouldn't understand, baby. 131 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,984 Yeah, you tell 'em, Dad. That's right, Mom. 132 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,402 This is a man thing. 133 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,408 Wow, okay, so, let me get this straight. 134 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:28,078 As long as I'm in the kitchen cooking for you all, 135 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,162 it's cool. 136 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,124 But because we're standing here outside, grilling, 137 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,584 all of a sudden, I can't cook? 138 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:34,960 -Pretty much. -Yeah, pretty much. 139 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,336 You hit the nail on the head with that one, yeah. 140 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,130 Okay, so you know what I'm gonna do? 141 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,340 I'm gonna take my non-grilling self back inside, 142 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,384 because clearly, I'm only worth anything 143 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,219 when I'm barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen! 144 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:45,971 -(laughs) Yeah. -CAL: Sounds good. 145 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,139 Hey, baby, on the way back out, 146 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,640 can you bring me an iced tea from the fridge? 147 00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:50,225 Grilling really parches a bro. 148 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,560 -Make that two. -Make that two. 149 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,980 DEB: You just gonna count to ten today, Deb. 150 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,148 You gonna count to ten. 151 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,482 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... 152 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,276 All right, boys, you guys keep scraping away at it, 153 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,360 I'm gonna go get the gas can. 154 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,821 Whoa, whoa. Gas can? Gas can for what? 155 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,406 (laughs) Come on, man. 156 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,616 I got to light the grill. 157 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,783 How else you gonna start a fire? 158 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,285 (Cal chuckles) 159 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,661 (hawk screams) 160 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,375 (cackles) 161 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,547 (crow cawing) 162 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,299 What a cute, little crow. 163 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,176 Cute and terrifying. 164 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,263 {\an8}-(nervous laughter) -PARIS: All right, guys. 165 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,682 All we need to do is ring that doorbell, 166 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,018 get old lady Whitaker's signature, and be out. 167 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:34,770 (sighs) 168 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,485 {\an8}Okay. 169 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,195 I'm gonna ring the doorbell. 170 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,865 (doorbell rings) 171 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,662 You know what? I don't think the doorbell works. 172 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,080 Maybe I should knock. 173 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,706 -No, no, no. -Ooh. 174 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,166 And get knocked out? 175 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,835 SIMONE: I say we just leave 176 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,212 and send old lady Whitaker an email for her signature. 177 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,338 -Oh, yes. -Bye. 178 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,384 (door creaking) 179 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:07,886 Hello? 180 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,014 Old lady Whitaker? 181 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,476 SIMONE: No, don't go in. 182 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,019 -She's going in. -(whimpers) 183 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,107 Mrs. Whitaker? 184 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,572 Mrs. Whitaker? 185 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,323 ARI: Did they pay the light bill? 186 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,076 PARIS: Come on, it's not that scary. 187 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,870 Hello? 188 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,496 It's your neighbors. 189 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,831 (breeze growls) 190 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,208 (all scream) 191 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,585 ARI: Open! 192 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,587 (thunder crashes) 193 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,297 (all scream) 194 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,426 (girls screaming) 195 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,097 Please! Please don't hurt us, okay? 196 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,266 I just wanted to get your signature! 197 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,059 Yeah, and I just want to live to see another day. 198 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,270 And I just ordered some neon wings online yesterday. 199 00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,938 Please let me live to see them glow. 200 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,607 Please! 201 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,400 -Sorry, girls. -(all gasp) 202 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:07,613 I can't allow you to leave this house. 203 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,283 At least not before I say... 204 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,076 (sobbing) 205 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,370 (clears throat) 206 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,705 ...bonjour. 207 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,750 And welcome to the House of Whitaker. 208 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,294 PARIS: Wait a minute. 209 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,962 I've seen you in the news. 210 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:25,923 Aren't you that lady that went to the gas station, 211 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759 bought some lottery ticket and won, like, a gazillion dollars? 212 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,802 Actually, it was two gazillion. 213 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,971 But who keeps counting after a gazillion? 214 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,431 (laughs) 215 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,558 You're Mrs. Whitaker? 216 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,977 Once upon a time, when I was broke, 217 00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,729 I used to answer to such. 218 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,690 But since my elevation to a higher tax bracket, 219 00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:45,192 I now answer 220 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:50,322 to Michelle von Wellington Othella. 221 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,574 But you can call me Miss Michelle. 222 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,660 -And you live here? -On occasion. 223 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:59,414 The house used to belong to my great-aunt, your Mrs. Whitaker. 224 00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,251 And when she passed, she left me this house, 225 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:05,462 along with $10,000. 226 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,757 So I did what any sensible human being would do 227 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,801 with such a windfall of cash. 228 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,678 You donated to a butterfly foundation? 229 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,179 I bought a scratch-off. 230 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,014 -Oh. -And boom! I got paid! 231 00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:19,476 So I use this place as a secret getaway 232 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,520 when life gets a little crazy. 233 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,689 But what about the horror story front yard 234 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,191 and the 10-foot weeds that's just growing everywhere? 235 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,360 Yeah, and what about that scary, little crow? 236 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,696 It's to keep out tax attorneys, 237 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,573 new cousins, and my latest husband, 238 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,367 who's upset with me because I forced him to use the mini yacht. 239 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,078 Two hundred feet is more than enough for him. 240 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,372 -Yeah, I think... -This is insane, okay? 241 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,374 My mind is blown. 242 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,168 Only your mind? 243 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,672 Well, I think I can do better than that. 244 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,516 Lunch is served. 245 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,685 ALL: Wow. 246 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,605 Oh, wait until you taste the duck. 247 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,398 You'll want me to adopt you. 248 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:07,983 (weak laugh) 249 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,863 Okay, boys, now the key to a good brisket 250 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,407 is not only catching it on sale at your local grocery store, 251 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,534 but the act of the rub. 252 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,911 -The rub. -The rub. 253 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,037 We like the sound of that. 254 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,121 It's like a massage, right? 255 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,331 Yes, precisely. 256 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,999 Swedish or deep tissue? 257 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,502 I'm a hot-stone man myself. 258 00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,420 Oh, you a man of culture. See, I like that too. 259 00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:31,548 But the shiatsu, that be having a brother screaming. 260 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,884 Okay, okay, okay. No, no, no. No shiatsu, all right? 261 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,385 Now, back to the rub. 262 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,762 Now, what you want to do is... 263 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,931 Get you some mustard and pickle juice, 264 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:42,142 mix, slather it on it before you apply the Dalmatian mix. 265 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,769 Time-out. Wait a second. 266 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,729 Dalmatian mix? We putting dog on biscuit now? 267 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,023 What parts of the dog are we talking about? 268 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,566 It makes a difference. 269 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,736 Dalmatian mix, meaning kosher salt and black pepper. 270 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,947 The mustard and pickle juice help the salt and pepper 271 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,282 adhere to the brisket. 272 00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,785 But, hey, master griller over there already knew that, right? 273 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,912 Of course I did, all right? Don't confuse kids, all right? 274 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,121 (laughs) I was getting to that. 275 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,790 Uh-huh. 276 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,251 Now, before you apply the denomination mix... 277 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,127 -BOTH: Dalmatian. -Whatever. 278 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,589 You want to really let her know who's boss. 279 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,258 (yelling) 280 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,177 -No, no. No, no, no. Close, close, close. -That's it. 281 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,263 Yes, no, no. Okay, pick it up, just like you're doing. 282 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,347 Yeah. All right? 283 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,932 And then you squeeze. 284 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,559 -BOTH: Squeeze it. -Yeah, yeah. 285 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,519 This starts the tenderization process. 286 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,770 Gotta really squeeze it. You know what I'm talking about? 287 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,855 -Squeeze it. -Squeeze it. 288 00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,773 CAL: Yeah! Use your legs. I like that. Yeah? 289 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,776 And you want to keep on squeezing it until... 290 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:37,614 Until it's done. And guess what? It ain't done. 291 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:38,949 But, hey, what do I know? 292 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,909 (laughs) I can't grill, right? 293 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:42,828 LONDON: ♪ Shiatsu ♪ 294 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,204 -♪ Shiatsu ♪ -♪ Shiatsu ♪ 295 00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,914 -♪ Shiatsu ♪ -♪ Shiatsu ♪ 296 00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,040 ♪ Shi-shiatsu ♪ 297 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,125 We got to hit that! 298 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,626 (beatboxing) 299 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,590 (all sigh) 300 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,426 Miss Michelle, you sure do make a mean chicken wing. 301 00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:58,510 It's so true. 302 00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:02,222 If I eat any more, I may have to pop a button on my cute jumpsuit. 303 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,891 I may have to pop two. 304 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:07,352 I'm glad you ladies are enjoying yourselves. 305 00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,354 I'm even happier I decided to open the door 306 00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,064 and let you all in. 307 00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:14,151 If I may ask, why did you open the door? 308 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:19,156 Well, I was watching you three from my surveillance cameras. 309 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,449 You have cameras? 310 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:22,868 Where? 311 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,411 Everywhere. 312 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:28,373 Anyway, I watched how you three toiled 313 00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,083 over approaching the house, 314 00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,212 how you stuck together as friends. 315 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,047 It reminded me how important it is 316 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,757 to have good friends in your life. 317 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,258 We all need them, 318 00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:41,553 especially if you can't buy them. 319 00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,721 We are good friends. 320 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,181 Yes. Free-of-charge friends. 321 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,767 So, the real reason why we came is... 322 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,770 Your rink closed for two weeks for repairs, 323 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,523 and you need my signature to throw a block party, correct? 324 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,066 How do you know that? 325 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,902 Never mind. 326 00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:00,781 So, if you don't mind... 327 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,577 Of course I'll sign. 328 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:06,662 -Yes! -Yes! 329 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,331 I'm always down for a good block party. 330 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,208 (squealing) 331 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,292 But... 332 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:16,296 I'm also down for a good... 333 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,215 challenge. 334 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,760 -SIMONE: Should we be here? -ARI: Can we just... We can turn back. 335 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,307 What in the out of the blue? 336 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,443 ALL: Miss Michelle? 337 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,653 Correction. 338 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,947 Down here, it's Chi-Town Shelly. 339 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,285 And if you want my signature, boo-boo, 340 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,745 you're gonna have to skate for it. 341 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,129 ALL: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 342 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,800 Lace up, ladies. 343 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,434 These quads are dope. 344 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,311 -Ari, you got to focus. -Yeah. 345 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:16,315 Come on, girls. Come on and get spanked like you stole something. 346 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,817 Wow. The language on that billionaire? 347 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,152 Atrocious, I tell you. 348 00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,321 I don't care what she's saying, okay? 349 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,780 We're gonna get that signature. 350 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,450 Chi-Town Shelly's about to get dealt with. 351 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,118 Let me do the honors, ladies. 352 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,995 I'll take care of old Shelly-Shell. 353 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,997 She don't want these wings. 354 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,499 SIMONE: Mm-hmm. Get her, girl. 355 00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:35,709 Just so you know, 356 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,544 those butterflies won't save you. 357 00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,463 Yeah, and just so you know... 358 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,797 I got nothing. 359 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,049 Pity. 360 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,679 (hip-hop music playing) 361 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,431 ♪ Agitated, exacerbate ♪ 362 00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,642 ♪ Why you look so mad When the woman's a lady? ♪ 363 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,976 ♪ Gotta wipe that look off your face ♪ 364 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,895 ♪ When you see a girl Come through in first place ♪ 365 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,022 ♪ Know that she bad 'Cause she worked through the hate ♪ 366 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,690 ♪ Too bad on the... ♪ 367 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,028 Sorry. I got Chi-Towned. 368 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,323 (laughing) Call me when you buy some hips. 369 00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,038 (hip-hop music continues) 370 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,677 My bad, y'all. But Chi-Town Shelly is the truth. 371 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,555 Paris, care to play? 372 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,932 Oh, yeah. Let's play. 373 00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:37,855 (hip-hop music continues) 374 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,566 (screams) 375 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,028 I think we're gonna have to play with her a little differently. 376 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,113 (Michelle laughs) 377 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,909 CAL: Just a little more of that. 378 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,121 -Taste tester says "huh." -Huh? 379 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,873 -(gags) -(chuckles) 380 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,499 -Oh! -How's that taste? 381 00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,710 -Flammable. -Okay, all right, all right. 382 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,670 No, Mr. J. I'm good. 383 00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,339 I'd like to keep my nose hairs. They're one of my best features. 384 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:09,636 Okay. Well, Cal's secret sauce is ready, so it is time to get our flame on. 385 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,513 (grunts) 386 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,098 All right! 387 00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:14,600 Uh, Dad, thanks for shedding the gasoline, 388 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,268 but you getting a little too happy 389 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,270 with having squirt-squirt with the dang lighter fluid. 390 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,898 Yeah, you should douse, not drown. 391 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,608 The more accelerant, the better, all right? 392 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,235 This is going to save us at least two hours of grilling, son. 393 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:28,030 Actually, everything I've read on grilling says that for the best results, 394 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,948 the flame should be low and slow. 395 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:33,160 Well, I am Cal Johnson, and everything I do is hot and fast. 396 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,912 (chuckles) 397 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,413 Now, stand back. 398 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,290 Oh, yeah, we gonna stand way back. 399 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,833 Way back in the house! 400 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:42,085 -Save yourself! -Really? 401 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:44,755 (door closes) 402 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,465 DEB: What's going on out there, boys? 403 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,720 -(flames flump) -(Cal shrieks) 404 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,139 That answer your question? 405 00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:55,390 (groans) 406 00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:58,477 (Cal whimpering) 407 00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,605 (Deb clears throat) 408 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,814 Mm-mm-mm. 409 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,775 (shuddering) 410 00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:07,069 Bet you want to apologize, don't you? 411 00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,654 -Mm-mm. -DEB: Mm-hmm. 412 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,030 Still think a woman can't grill? 413 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,490 -No, no. -Mm-hmm. 414 00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,325 Why don't you take that burnt piece of meat and put it on the counter? 415 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,494 Okay, it's okay. It's okay. 416 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,912 -(whimpering) -Can you see me? 417 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,830 -Can you see me? Look at me. -(stuttering) 418 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,749 It's a good thing I got my special Debbie Deb's Hickory Rub 419 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,000 on standby, okay? 420 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:24,670 Now, London, I need you to get that backup brisket out the fridge, 421 00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,381 get the thermometer and the applewood chips, pronto, okay? 422 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,465 Derek... 423 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,300 just stay under the table. 424 00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,344 All right, come on. Let's get this show on the road. 425 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,471 Take them singed eyebrows and go under the table with Derek. 426 00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:35,973 Go on now. Derek, get him some salve. 427 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,267 All right, come on, get the brisket and applewood chips. 428 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,144 -Applewood chips, okay. -Not an apple. Applewood chips. 429 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,855 Every time I come over this house. 430 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,566 MICHELLE: I thought y'all said y'all could skate? 431 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,694 We-B-Girlz needs to be We-B-Practicing. 432 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:51,029 (laughs) 433 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,740 Guys, obviously, Chi-Town Shelly ain't no joke. 434 00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:56,201 But we need to get that signature. 435 00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:58,787 Well, we can't take her down individually. That's proven. 436 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,873 We need a different approach. 437 00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,542 The only approach. 438 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,212 {\an8}ALL: The Bum Rush. 439 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,846 Oh, so you want to come with the Bum Rush. 440 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,556 Figures as much. 441 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,141 Sorry, Chi-Town Shelly. 442 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,393 It's time to get audited. 443 00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:30,611 (upbeat music playing) 444 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,590 (upbeat music continues) 445 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,525 {\an8}Oh! Well played, ladies. 446 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,276 Well played. 447 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,361 (grunts) 448 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:18,116 Well, looks like y'all will be having y'all's block party. 449 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,326 I'll sign. 450 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,495 Yes! Thank you, Miss Michelle. 451 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,080 No need to thank me. 452 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,374 Oh, but make sure you bring me back a plate. 453 00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:28,168 Oh, and never mention what happened here. 454 00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,795 Or even me staying here. 455 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:33,507 I would hate to have to send my security detail to your door. 456 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,759 Yeah, right. I'm not afraid of no rent-a-cop. 457 00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:36,844 -Me neither. -(laughter) 458 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,393 Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and keep this a secret. 459 00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:45,602 Mm-hmm. 460 00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,312 Brisket. 461 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:48,605 That's what I like. 462 00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:49,982 Potato salad. 463 00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,525 Macaroni and cheese. 464 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,485 Uh, just put everything in the plate. 465 00:19:57,114 --> 00:19:58,949 (indistinct chattering) 466 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,410 ♪ I woke up this morning ♪ 467 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,829 ♪ And I said... ♪ 468 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,122 -Come on, let's go. -Let's go. 469 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,331 Man, this is hungry. 470 00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:07,624 DEREK: My stomach yelling at me. 471 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:08,834 LONDON: I can hear it. 472 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,669 (indistinct chatter) 473 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,799 CAL: Huh? Huh? 474 00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,509 -(laughing) -WOMAN: Wow! 475 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,515 Now, I would love to take credit for this amazing brisket. 476 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:24,808 You'd best not. 477 00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:26,685 -(all laugh) -I know, that's right. 478 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:31,190 Look, all props to my lovely and beautifully talented wife. 479 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,692 The real grill master of the Johnson family. 480 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,528 (laughter) 481 00:20:36,612 --> 00:20:38,447 Thank you, baby. I love you. 482 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,199 Thank you. (laughs) 483 00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:42,242 -CAL: Hey, girls. -DEB: Hey. 484 00:20:42,326 --> 00:20:44,536 Congratulations on pulling this block party together. 485 00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,288 -Job well done. -ALL: Thanks. 486 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,372 DEB: It's not that we doubted you, 487 00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,249 but how did you get Mrs. Whitaker to sign off? 488 00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:52,586 Ooh, we had to battle her in this crazy subterranean skating rink. 489 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:53,754 SIMONE: It's under her house, 490 00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:56,715 which is just a scary front to keep the IRS, her greedy husband, 491 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,717 -and newfound relatives out. -DEB: Ooh. 492 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,053 And she skates by the name Chi-Town Shelly, 493 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:03,347 -but she's really... -(car horn honks) 494 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:14,149 Uh, really low-key and kind of cheap. 495 00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,859 Yeah, and she really loves her privacy, 496 00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,779 so I would advise for you to never disturb her like that, ever. 497 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,405 Like, ever. 498 00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:22,157 SIMONE: What they said, yeah. 499 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,493 MICHELLE: Hey. 500 00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,454 How much for the brisket? 501 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,498 Not for sale. 502 00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:33,210 (laughs) Sold! 503 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,628 Mm. 504 00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:41,218 Maybe I'll play the lottery. 505 00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,594 (chuckles) Whoa. 506 00:21:42,678 --> 00:21:45,097 ♪ Ain't nobody got to cry today ♪ 507 00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,766 ♪ You can save that trouble For another day ♪ 508 00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:50,310 ♪ Hey, we're gonna have a good day ♪ 509 00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,357 ♪ The truth, coming to the barbecue ♪ 510 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,733 ♪ Promise it gonna be a moo' ♪ 511 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:58,193 ♪ Holla if you rollin' through ♪ 512 00:21:58,277 --> 00:21:59,653 ♪ Like I... ♪ 513 00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:00,946 ♪ Bring the homey, bring the boo ♪ 514 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:02,406 ♪ You can bring your mama too ♪ 515 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:04,992 ♪ Oh, that is how we do, oh ♪ 516 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:08,495 ♪ Monday through Friday Got us like "meh" ♪ 517 00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:12,207 ♪ Everybody out the way, it's Saturday ♪ 518 00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,960 ♪ All we do is celebrate ♪ 519 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,879 ♪ We got everything that we need ♪ 520 00:22:16,962 --> 00:22:19,965 ♪ 'Cause there ain't no other day Like Saturday ♪