1 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:28,446 [laughing] 2 00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:30,073 - We don't have time for this. 3 00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:32,075 You're hurt. I get it. 4 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,868 Now, there's a way out of this. 5 00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,453 Okay? 6 00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,205 [laughing] 7 00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:43,211 [clicking] 8 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,754 This never happened to me before. 9 00:00:44,796 --> 00:00:46,798 Really. Man. 10 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,426 Oh, man. 11 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,138 Damn it. 12 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,265 You never get a second chance to make a first impression. 13 00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:59,227 You know? [engine starting] 14 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,604 Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! No! 15 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,567 This time it's loaded. 16 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,111 Six bullets, each with your name on it 17 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:10,154 if you don't get out of my car right now! 18 00:01:12,657 --> 00:01:14,659 That said, I'm willing to negotiate. 19 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,202 [engine sputtering] 20 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:20,081 Oh, I guess Evelyn doesn't like you very much. 21 00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,541 I'll make you a deal. 22 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,793 You scooch over, I'll get you out of this alive. 23 00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:24,836 But you better think fast, 24 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:27,171 'cause that ain't no birthday clown. 25 00:01:31,718 --> 00:01:33,553 Okay, go! 26 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,014 [horn honks] 27 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:40,226 Oh, shit. 28 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:46,107 Okay, L1, R1, up, down, left, right, right, down, up. 29 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:50,528 [engine revving] 30 00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:51,988 All right, Evelyn, we have nine days 31 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,281 to get away from this clown, 32 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,283 ditch this psychopathic hitchhiker, 33 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,744 and make it to New Chicago. 34 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,370 Hey, look! You forgot your seatbelt. 35 00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:02,331 [brakes squealing] Agh! 36 00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,647 - Here for the show? 37 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,525 - I'm definitely here for the show! 38 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,402 [gunfire] 39 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:48,711 Oh, shit! 40 00:02:48,753 --> 00:02:52,465 [laughing] 41 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,060 - You're not coming to my show? 42 00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:07,563 Well, then the show is coming to you! 43 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:26,916 ** 44 00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,505 * Oh baby I like it raw * 45 00:03:32,547 --> 00:03:34,632 * Yeah baby I like it raw * 46 00:03:34,674 --> 00:03:36,050 * Oh baby I like it raw * 47 00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,594 - Suppertime! 48 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:43,349 - Stu, I love you, but this is all your fault. 49 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,559 - How was I supposed to know 50 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,768 the woods would be crawling with butchers. 51 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,562 - They're talking about getting us exiled. 52 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,522 You had to get caught sleeping on duty! 53 00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:51,566 - Hey! You were sleeping, too! 54 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,443 - I wasn't the one snoring like a goat in heat! 55 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:54,610 - It's called sleep apnea. 56 00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:55,820 It's a real medical condition. 57 00:03:55,862 --> 00:03:57,864 And it would be a lot more manageable 58 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,700 if you hadn't traded in my CPAP machine for porno. 59 00:04:00,742 --> 00:04:02,535 - Well, excuse me for trying to get you something dope 60 00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:03,661 for your birthday! 61 00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:04,829 - You know what's dope? 62 00:04:04,871 --> 00:04:07,039 A full eight hours of sleep. 63 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,124 Dreaming is dope! 64 00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:09,208 - [Butcher] Francis! - [Francis] What? 65 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,127 - Why did you season both meat baths 66 00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:12,378 in teriyaki sauce? 67 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,922 Francis, we talked about diversifying flavors. 68 00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,424 - Fine! Um... 69 00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:18,426 Oh, I'll cover the thick one in lemon pepper. 70 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:21,137 - No, no! [sputtering] 71 00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:23,473 Oh, god, it's so tangy, dude! 72 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,183 - I call dibs on the man titties. 73 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,517 [gunshots] 74 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,482 - Holy cow! 75 00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:35,359 - Clear! 76 00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:37,070 [whimpering] 77 00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:49,373 - We don't usually find the pigs alive 78 00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:53,795 before the luau. You can cut 'em loose. 79 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,338 Butchers! 80 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:58,758 They'd rather eat the flesh of their own kind than starve. 81 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,014 You guys are guards? 82 00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:06,974 - We, uh, we used to be. 83 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,935 Uh, Mike and I were... - On a scouting mission 84 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,937 from Seattle looking for trading routes. 85 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,814 Our car broke down and the next thing you know 86 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,732 we're getting grabbed by these assholes. 87 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:20,446 - We're always on the lookout for upstanding citizens. 88 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,864 I'll give you guys a choice. 89 00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,783 You can try and make your way back up north 90 00:05:23,825 --> 00:05:26,327 where it can be pretty dicey, 91 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,496 or if you can take the grit, 92 00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,498 join us in bringing law and order 93 00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:34,168 back to the Divided States of America. 94 00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:36,087 What do you say? 95 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,885 - Come on. 96 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,182 - Sweet. - All right. 97 00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:50,059 Welcome to the law, huh? 98 00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:51,561 [cheers and applause] - [agent] Yeah! 99 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,688 - [Agent Stone] You guys. - [agent] Don't go dying on us. 100 00:05:55,857 --> 00:05:57,400 - [John Doe] I can't believe 101 00:05:57,442 --> 00:05:59,694 I already got a flat tire. 102 00:05:59,736 --> 00:06:01,738 Way to go, John. Way to go. 103 00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:05,867 Hey, silent but not very deadly, 104 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,618 you gonna come over here and help me with this? 105 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:08,870 Don't shush me! 106 00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:10,037 You come over here and help me with the tire. 107 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:13,541 [Sweet Tooth] * Toyland Toyland * 108 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:17,879 * Little girl and boy land * 109 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,048 - I'm gonna handle this shit. Watch my back. 110 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,507 Ahh! 111 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,801 Ah, shit. Ahh! 112 00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:26,512 [Sweet Tooth] * When you dwell within it * 113 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:29,640 * You are ever happy then * 114 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:36,397 You can hide, 115 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,900 but I have ways to find you. 116 00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:45,865 Marco! Marco! 117 00:06:45,907 --> 00:06:47,533 - I'll be right back, Evelyn. 118 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,494 I'll get us outta here. 119 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,829 - [Sweet Tooth] Marco! 120 00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:58,252 Damn! That usually works. 121 00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:02,048 [electrical humming] 122 00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:03,466 [clangs] 123 00:07:03,508 --> 00:07:05,134 Huh? 124 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,887 - Shh. 125 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,349 [glass breaking] Oh, shit. 126 00:07:11,391 --> 00:07:12,809 [jackpot ringing] 127 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,941 - Marco. 128 00:07:28,241 --> 00:07:29,867 [growls] 129 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,166 - [Sweet Tooth] Well, hi there! 130 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,960 [laughing] 131 00:07:40,712 --> 00:07:42,422 Oh, that tickled. 132 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,841 You know, my dad always wanted to play catch, 133 00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,634 but he could never catch a ball. 134 00:07:46,676 --> 00:07:48,594 He could catch a bullet. 135 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,680 [gunshot] 136 00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:52,682 Why are you scurrying away, little squirrel? 137 00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:55,101 Looking for a nut? 138 00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:02,066 This is gonna be fun! Machete! 139 00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:04,402 Huh, swung a little wide there. 140 00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:09,240 Well, aren't we a tall glass of water! 141 00:08:09,282 --> 00:08:12,160 Me, I'm more of a Hawaiian punch! 142 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,870 [groans] 143 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:14,871 I'm guessing you don't fight much 144 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,414 outside of your car now, do you? 145 00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:19,375 - Look, clown, I don't need four wheels to kick your ass. 146 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,380 [laughing] 147 00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:26,716 [growling] 148 00:08:26,758 --> 00:08:28,593 Any chance we could get this back in the cars? 149 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,303 [laughing] 150 00:08:33,306 --> 00:08:36,434 - How about a little kill music? 151 00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,102 * Livin' la vida loca * 152 00:08:38,144 --> 00:08:40,480 * She had dumps like a truck truck truck * 153 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,273 * Thighs like what what what * 154 00:08:42,315 --> 00:08:44,734 * Baby move your butt butt butt * 155 00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:45,985 * I think I'll sing it again * 156 00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:48,488 * She had dumps like a truck truck truck * 157 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,406 * Thighs like what what what * 158 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,408 * All night long * 159 00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:56,120 * Let me see that thong * 160 00:08:56,162 --> 00:08:57,580 * Likin' where the beat go * 161 00:08:57,622 --> 00:08:58,456 * Da-da-da-da * 162 00:08:58,498 --> 00:08:59,290 * Baby let your bootie go * 163 00:08:59,332 --> 00:09:00,374 * Da-da-da-da * 164 00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:01,417 * Girl you wanna show * 165 00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:02,543 * Da-da-da-da * 166 00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,795 * That thong thong thong thong thong * 167 00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:06,464 - Do you love the silver-haired god? 168 00:09:06,506 --> 00:09:07,799 And don't lie to me. 169 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,008 - Yeah, man. 170 00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,635 Look, I listened to "Unleash the Dragon" 171 00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,261 so many times the disc broke. 172 00:09:12,303 --> 00:09:13,429 I'm not a liar. 173 00:09:13,471 --> 00:09:15,431 - Well, you said you were coming to my show 174 00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:16,766 and then you shot at me! 175 00:09:16,808 --> 00:09:18,393 - It was a misunderstanding. 176 00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:21,479 I been getting shot at ever since I can remember. 177 00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:23,773 It's force of habit, I guess. 178 00:09:23,815 --> 00:09:25,650 - Sounds like you have trust issues. 179 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:26,984 - Yeah, you're not wrong. 180 00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,694 Nice pipes, dude, I have to say. 181 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,155 That high note, whoo! It was perfect. 182 00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:33,491 - Oh, word? - Yeah, can I go? 183 00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:34,826 I got somewhere to be. 184 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:36,452 - I thought you said you were coming to the show! 185 00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:39,539 - Of course, I am. 186 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:42,458 Just can I leave after the show? 187 00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:50,633 - Well, in that case, tonight is opening night! 188 00:09:50,675 --> 00:09:52,844 [laughing] 189 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,222 - How were your showers? 190 00:09:56,264 --> 00:09:57,932 - Aw, I don't know the last time 191 00:09:57,974 --> 00:10:00,435 I felt hot water that wasn't my own piss. 192 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,686 Uh, sir. 193 00:10:01,728 --> 00:10:03,229 - Consider it your recompense 194 00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:05,356 for upholding law and order. 195 00:10:05,398 --> 00:10:11,112 Warm showers, warm blankets, warm meals. 196 00:10:11,154 --> 00:10:14,240 - Oh. - Aw, fuck, mashed potatoes? 197 00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:17,160 - [Mike] And goddamn, look at all that gravy! 198 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,954 I wonder how we can get one of those punch cards. 199 00:10:19,996 --> 00:10:23,458 - Now, let's proceed to your initiation. 200 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:28,588 Right this way, gentlemen. 201 00:10:30,882 --> 00:10:34,010 What you see down there is our supply truck. 202 00:10:34,052 --> 00:10:35,845 It brings us important provisions. 203 00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:39,015 As you can see, it's broken down. 204 00:10:39,057 --> 00:10:40,933 That's why it's not moving. 205 00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:45,229 What I need for you to do is to protect that truck. 206 00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:46,647 - From what? 207 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,524 - Seagulls. 208 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,242 - [Sweet Tooth] Skittles? - [John Doe] No, I'm good. 209 00:10:58,284 --> 00:11:01,245 [chomping] - Pre-show jitters. 210 00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:03,956 Listen, I really appreciate you coming along willingly. 211 00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:05,708 Normally I have to drag people into the theater 212 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,001 kicking and screaming. 213 00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,795 But word of advice, 214 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,255 you won't like what happens if you run. 215 00:11:13,591 --> 00:11:14,717 What? Oh, him? 216 00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:15,968 Nah, he was here before. 217 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,095 Hey, Donald. 218 00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:19,055 Don't worry, he can't hear us. 219 00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:21,391 I love names. I'm kind of a name guy. 220 00:11:21,432 --> 00:11:23,726 You know, the right one can send a shudder 221 00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:24,894 down your spine. 222 00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:26,938 Wanna know what I go by? 223 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,773 - There's not a person on the West Coast 224 00:11:28,815 --> 00:11:31,442 that hasn't heard of Sweet Tooth. 225 00:11:31,484 --> 00:11:32,610 - See what I mean? 226 00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:36,197 I mean, you really feel that in your bones! 227 00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:38,574 What's your name, friend? 228 00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,993 - John Doe. 229 00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,787 - Nah, I'll give it a seven. 230 00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:44,163 - Hey, I didn't pick it. 231 00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:45,832 I don't know what name I was born with 232 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,210 or who I am really. 233 00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:51,796 - Oh, amnesia. What's your brand? 234 00:11:51,838 --> 00:11:54,757 Post-traumatic, transient, dissociative? 235 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:55,842 - All I know is my first memory 236 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,844 is me waking up in my car 237 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,345 with blood coming out of my head. 238 00:11:59,387 --> 00:12:00,930 - Wait, that's my first memory too! 239 00:12:00,972 --> 00:12:03,182 My head covered in blood. 240 00:12:03,224 --> 00:12:04,350 Of course, it was being pushed 241 00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:05,768 out of my mom's whisker biscuit, but... 242 00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:06,936 - Whoa! You remember that? 243 00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:10,440 - Oh, yeah. I remember everything. 244 00:12:10,481 --> 00:12:12,233 You should consider yourself lucky. 245 00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:14,777 There are some things I wish I could forget. 246 00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:17,572 Like the time I shit my pants 247 00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:20,533 in my elementary school production of "Oklahoma". 248 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:24,203 I can still see the audience's faces 249 00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:26,748 laughing, mocking. 250 00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,544 Did you know Sisqo's real name was Mark? 251 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,761 [grunting] 252 00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:42,680 - [Stu] Oh, a rock. 253 00:12:45,016 --> 00:12:46,559 - Man, what is wrong with you? 254 00:12:46,601 --> 00:12:48,644 You holding in a fart or something? 255 00:12:48,686 --> 00:12:51,314 - If the truck is so important, why don't they just move it? 256 00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,483 Something doesn't smell right, man. 257 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,651 - Smells good to me. 258 00:12:55,693 --> 00:12:57,612 Back in Seattle, they treated us like morons. 259 00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:00,448 Now look at us; we holding .30-cals, dude! 260 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,076 Come on, baby, get your head in the game. 261 00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,828 Come on. Come on. 262 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:07,663 There you go. - Fuck you! 263 00:13:07,705 --> 00:13:09,499 - Eyes up, boys. 264 00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:13,002 Those seagulls lay a fingernail on our supplies, 265 00:13:13,044 --> 00:13:15,546 it's open season. 266 00:13:15,588 --> 00:13:16,964 - What the hell? 267 00:13:17,006 --> 00:13:19,008 Hey, why do you call 'em seagulls? 268 00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:20,718 These look like normal survivors to me. 269 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,679 - What else would you call a bunch of fucking trash eaters? 270 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:36,275 - Dude, are we really gonna kill these guys? 271 00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:39,946 [suppressed gunshot] 272 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,531 - There's one left, Stu. 273 00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,366 He's all yours. 274 00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:56,421 Clean it up! 275 00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,180 [suppressed gunshot] 276 00:14:06,222 --> 00:14:09,726 [laughter] Melon down. 277 00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,227 - I saved your ass. 278 00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,896 - [Agent Stone] Seagulls, butchers, exiles. 279 00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:17,233 They see the world in shades of gray. 280 00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:19,902 What I need from you two lawmen 281 00:14:19,944 --> 00:14:21,112 is to just show them 282 00:14:21,154 --> 00:14:23,740 that there's only two colors in the world, 283 00:14:23,781 --> 00:14:27,326 black and blue. 284 00:14:27,368 --> 00:14:31,289 Now, you missed, Stu. It can happen to anyone. 285 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,833 Rookie mistake. 286 00:14:33,875 --> 00:14:36,878 Hey, don't let it happen again. 287 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,507 Okay. 288 00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:44,385 You guys want some burgers? 289 00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:46,471 - Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 290 00:14:46,512 --> 00:14:48,181 Tip of the teat, tip of the teat. 291 00:14:48,222 --> 00:14:49,640 Tip of the teat. 292 00:14:49,682 --> 00:14:54,187 My marvelous mutterer makes me mingy on Monday. 293 00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,314 - You sleep here? 294 00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,107 What, the penthouse was booked up? 295 00:14:58,149 --> 00:15:00,026 - Nah, way too much space up there. 296 00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,235 Nice bidet, though. 297 00:15:01,277 --> 00:15:03,488 Like taking a shotgun up the ass. 298 00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:05,990 No, I sleep here because it reminds me 299 00:15:06,032 --> 00:15:08,409 of where I was before Vegas. 300 00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:11,370 Back then, I lived with a real solid group of dudes. 301 00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:15,041 But then the world took a shit and I came to Sin City. 302 00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:18,503 Now that was a party. 303 00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:21,130 - You've been here alone for over two decades? 304 00:15:21,172 --> 00:15:24,050 - Oh, shit, has it been that long? 305 00:15:24,092 --> 00:15:25,301 Look at this guy. 306 00:15:25,343 --> 00:15:27,929 Hasn't aged a day. What a beauty. 307 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,305 Nah, I'm not alone. 308 00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:31,307 I got Harold, which, have you-- 309 00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:32,975 you haven't met Harold yet. 310 00:15:33,017 --> 00:15:35,812 I'm gonna introduce you. 311 00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:38,439 This is Harold. 312 00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:40,650 Been my best friend since I was a kid. 313 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,944 You know, my entire life people have been lying to me. 314 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,405 Even my fucking parents! 315 00:15:45,446 --> 00:15:47,448 But, uh, never Harold. 316 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:50,993 No, he can't lie to me. He can't lie to anyone. 317 00:15:51,035 --> 00:15:52,578 - I can see that. 318 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:53,704 [sighing] 319 00:15:53,746 --> 00:15:55,665 - I don't know what I'd do without him. 320 00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:57,708 Look at that smile. 321 00:15:57,750 --> 00:15:59,419 So, you got a Harold? 322 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:01,671 - No. I got an Evelyn. 323 00:16:01,713 --> 00:16:03,339 - Oh, that's cute. 324 00:16:03,381 --> 00:16:07,510 - Before I met her, being alone was all I knew. 325 00:16:07,552 --> 00:16:10,012 You know, she makes everything easier, you know? 326 00:16:10,054 --> 00:16:13,683 Sometimes I wish I could make her laugh. Right? 327 00:16:13,725 --> 00:16:15,351 I have to say after all this time 328 00:16:15,393 --> 00:16:17,937 that's the sound I miss the most. 329 00:16:17,979 --> 00:16:20,189 - [Sweet Tooth] You know what sound I miss the most? 330 00:16:20,231 --> 00:16:23,192 The sound of hand meat clapping together. 331 00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:25,611 Nothing like that glorious applause. 332 00:16:25,653 --> 00:16:27,405 I mean, it's almost better than, I don't know, 333 00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,449 hearing somebody choking on their own blood. 334 00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:31,284 But look at me getting carried away. 335 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,578 Good thing that your Evelyn's got hands, huh? 336 00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:35,538 She must clap for you all the time. 337 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,874 - Nah, she doesn't. She's my car. 338 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:39,333 - You talk to your car? 339 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:42,879 That's weird, man. 340 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,216 Ah, mwah! There you are. 341 00:16:47,258 --> 00:16:51,304 So, if Evelyn's not the girl, who's she? 342 00:16:54,015 --> 00:16:56,601 I caught this little pest crawling through my vents. 343 00:16:56,642 --> 00:16:58,478 See, I was gonna starve her. 344 00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:00,480 Watching the life slowly drain from their eyes. 345 00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,857 Kind of my artistic process. 346 00:17:02,899 --> 00:17:04,567 [laughing] 347 00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:08,321 You know, the last guy lasted almost four weeks. 348 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:09,864 Hey, Wilbur! 349 00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:12,200 I think she's gonna give you a run for you money. 350 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:13,659 She won't. 351 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,413 Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 352 00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:19,957 - Hey, you tried to kill me every chance you get. 353 00:17:19,999 --> 00:17:21,709 Why should I show you mercy? 354 00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:26,756 Goddamn it! 355 00:17:30,301 --> 00:17:32,929 Hey, man, why don't you let her out? 356 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,431 - And why would I do that? - No, no, no, listen. 357 00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:37,392 What good is an audience of one? 358 00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:39,143 Think about all the meat slapping 359 00:17:39,185 --> 00:17:42,772 you'll hear with four hands. 360 00:17:42,814 --> 00:17:44,941 - Ah, that's true. 361 00:17:44,982 --> 00:17:46,401 I don't often get feedback 362 00:17:46,442 --> 00:17:50,154 from the 18 to 35 female demographic. 363 00:17:50,196 --> 00:17:53,408 Fine! [sighs] 364 00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:55,618 You fish her out and take a seat. 365 00:17:55,660 --> 00:18:00,206 Don't worry, I got a table just for you. 366 00:18:00,248 --> 00:18:02,375 - And what happens after the show? 367 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:04,919 - Well, you go on your merry way. 368 00:18:04,961 --> 00:18:06,546 - Really? 369 00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:07,797 - Well, if I'm being honest, 370 00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:10,925 nobody has survived all three acts. 371 00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:12,635 Gird your loins! 372 00:18:24,522 --> 00:18:25,356 - Tonight, you will be enjoying 373 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,817 white tiger prepared three ways. 374 00:18:27,859 --> 00:18:30,111 There's a whole pack of those milky white assholes 375 00:18:30,153 --> 00:18:31,988 breeding up on the fourth floor. 376 00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:33,948 Anyway, enjoy. 377 00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:35,575 Bony tit! 378 00:18:39,454 --> 00:18:40,747 - Give me back those keys! Hey, hey! 379 00:18:40,788 --> 00:18:41,914 If it wasn't for me, 380 00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:43,916 you would be a starving corpse right now. 381 00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:57,972 Listen, neither one of us made it pretty far on our own. 382 00:18:58,014 --> 00:19:02,101 So, instead of us trying to-- holy shit, this steak is good. 383 00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:03,811 Instead of us trying to stab each other in the back, 384 00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:05,521 we should put our heads together and figure out 385 00:19:05,563 --> 00:19:07,398 how in the hell we're going to make it through the show. 386 00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,694 Is any of this getting through to you? 387 00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:18,785 Blink twice for yes. 388 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,914 Cool, we're fucked. 389 00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:23,998 [clapping] 390 00:19:26,209 --> 00:19:27,418 [clears throat] 391 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:34,467 - Tonight, I will be presenting a one-man play entitled 392 00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:37,595 "That's In-Room Entertainment", 393 00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:40,348 based on the hotel's in-room entertainment. 394 00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:46,479 ** 395 00:19:46,521 --> 00:19:49,023 Hi, I'm Debra from guest services. 396 00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:51,359 And welcome to Nevada! 397 00:19:51,401 --> 00:19:55,279 Deep in the heart of Vegas is the Monte Cristo, 398 00:19:55,321 --> 00:19:57,782 a veritable oasis in the sand. 399 00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:04,497 And don't forget about our promenade. 400 00:20:04,539 --> 00:20:06,541 It features all the latest brands 401 00:20:06,582 --> 00:20:09,836 and is just a stone's throw from the salon. 402 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,047 Girl, might be time to take care of those split ends! 403 00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,597 And for all you lovebirds out there, 404 00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:26,352 Las Vegas is still the marriage capital of the world. 405 00:20:26,394 --> 00:20:28,771 Time for kisses! 406 00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:36,779 And you have selected express checkout. 407 00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:39,907 Please leave your key at the drop box 408 00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:42,744 at the front desk. 409 00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:46,080 And thank you for staying with us. 410 00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:57,383 Well, we've come to the Q&A 411 00:20:57,425 --> 00:21:00,386 where I ask the Q's or I kick your A. 412 00:21:00,428 --> 00:21:03,347 So, now is the moment of truth. 413 00:21:03,389 --> 00:21:05,099 What do you think? 414 00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:12,899 - Oh, um, I loved it. 415 00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,359 - Liar! 416 00:21:15,401 --> 00:21:17,945 What exactly did you love about it? 417 00:21:17,987 --> 00:21:19,697 - Uh, your performance! I was moved! 418 00:21:23,534 --> 00:21:25,995 What? It was a tour de force! 419 00:21:26,037 --> 00:21:29,415 - I am gonna tour de force this machete down your throat! 420 00:21:29,457 --> 00:21:31,626 If you're not gonna tell the truth, 421 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:34,295 then I'm gonna make you shut up and bleed. 422 00:21:34,337 --> 00:21:37,090 - It was a fucking snooze-fest. 423 00:21:37,131 --> 00:21:39,133 - Now you talk? 424 00:21:39,175 --> 00:21:40,176 - What the hell did you say? 425 00:21:40,218 --> 00:21:42,303 - It sucked. 426 00:21:42,345 --> 00:21:43,971 Your performance was dull as dick water 427 00:21:44,013 --> 00:21:46,474 and frankly beneath you. 428 00:21:46,516 --> 00:21:48,267 - And you? 429 00:21:48,309 --> 00:21:50,019 You agree with her? 430 00:21:56,818 --> 00:21:59,695 - Yes. I agree with her. 431 00:22:02,448 --> 00:22:03,991 Come on, man, it was boring. 432 00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:04,992 I get it, you've been here forever, 433 00:22:05,034 --> 00:22:06,828 but you did a play about a hotel! 434 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,459 - But didn't Mark Twain say you should write what you know? 435 00:22:13,501 --> 00:22:14,752 - Well, Mark Twain's a dumbass. 436 00:22:14,794 --> 00:22:16,129 You gotta get out in the world, man. 437 00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:17,547 - Yeah. Look, trust me, 438 00:22:17,588 --> 00:22:20,425 you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. 439 00:22:20,466 --> 00:22:22,009 You end up talking to a car. 440 00:22:22,051 --> 00:22:23,636 - Yeah, like this guy. 441 00:22:23,678 --> 00:22:25,304 - You know what? You're right. 442 00:22:25,346 --> 00:22:27,056 I can't wait here for my audience. 443 00:22:27,098 --> 00:22:30,935 I need to get out there and hunt my audience down. 444 00:22:30,977 --> 00:22:32,019 - Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. 445 00:22:32,061 --> 00:22:33,980 - No, that's exactly what you meant. 446 00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:36,983 I'm gonna get out there, and I'm gonna embrace the chaos. 447 00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:41,446 Who knows, maybe I'll even fall in love! 448 00:22:41,487 --> 00:22:44,073 The show is going on the road! 449 00:22:44,115 --> 00:22:53,833 ** 450 00:22:53,875 --> 00:22:56,127 - That was beautiful, man! 451 00:22:56,169 --> 00:23:04,135 ** 452 00:23:17,565 --> 00:23:19,859 - Well, a night of firsts. 453 00:23:19,901 --> 00:23:21,110 My first honest critique, 454 00:23:21,152 --> 00:23:23,821 first people I ever let leave here alive, 455 00:23:23,863 --> 00:23:27,867 but most importantly, my first two fans. 456 00:23:27,909 --> 00:23:29,619 You two. 457 00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:31,954 I got you a headshot. 458 00:23:31,996 --> 00:23:33,831 There's an inscription in that. 459 00:23:33,873 --> 00:23:36,709 - [John Doe] "See you soon." - I hope not. 460 00:23:36,751 --> 00:23:39,295 - Hey, thanks for being honest. 461 00:23:43,508 --> 00:23:45,843 [engine revving and tires squealing] 462 00:23:45,885 --> 00:24:00,316 ** 463 00:24:00,358 --> 00:24:03,528 [gunshots] 464 00:24:03,569 --> 00:24:05,363 * Come on * 465 00:24:05,405 --> 00:24:07,490 * Come on * 466 00:24:07,532 --> 00:24:09,659 * Come on * 467 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:14,914 * Yeah * 468 00:24:14,956 --> 00:24:17,625 * Baby That thong * 469 00:24:17,667 --> 00:24:21,379 * I said I like the way * 470 00:24:21,421 --> 00:24:24,757 * Baby * 471 00:24:24,799 --> 00:24:29,762 * Listen Said I like the way * 472 00:24:29,804 --> 00:24:33,474 * I don't think you heard me * 473 00:24:33,516 --> 00:24:37,311 * Oh-oh-oh * 474 00:24:39,647 --> 00:24:41,774 * Baby * 475 00:24:41,816 --> 00:24:45,445 * Oh-oh-oh * 476 00:24:45,486 --> 00:24:49,115 * Yeah * 477 00:24:49,157 --> 00:24:52,243 * All right * 478 00:24:52,285 --> 00:24:53,619 - [John Doe] You know, I have to admit I didn't think 479 00:24:53,661 --> 00:24:56,497 we were gonna make it out of there alive. 480 00:24:56,539 --> 00:24:57,832 I mean, it would have been a lot easier 481 00:24:57,874 --> 00:24:59,500 if you had piped up instead of just trying to-- 482 00:24:59,542 --> 00:25:01,085 oh, come on! Have you learned nothing? 483 00:25:04,839 --> 00:25:06,340 What is your problem anyway? 484 00:25:06,382 --> 00:25:07,467 - I'm trying to find someone. 485 00:25:07,508 --> 00:25:08,426 - Well, I'm trying to get somewhere, 486 00:25:08,468 --> 00:25:09,385 and I lost a hell of a lot of time 487 00:25:09,427 --> 00:25:11,179 watching that god-awful play. 488 00:25:13,222 --> 00:25:15,391 If you put the gun down, I'll drop you off 489 00:25:15,433 --> 00:25:17,643 as close as I can to where you're going. Deal? 490 00:25:17,685 --> 00:25:20,021 - Fine. But I'm keeping the gun. 491 00:25:20,063 --> 00:25:22,398 - No, come on, that one's new. All right, all right, take it. 492 00:25:27,904 --> 00:25:29,739 What's your name anyway? 493 00:25:32,575 --> 00:25:34,327 Okay, I'll start. Hi, I'm John. 494 00:25:34,368 --> 00:25:36,496 You're...? 495 00:25:36,537 --> 00:25:38,581 Bridget? 496 00:25:38,623 --> 00:25:40,083 Yolanda? Jennifer? 497 00:25:41,751 --> 00:25:43,795 Okay. So, since you like to be quiet, 498 00:25:43,836 --> 00:25:45,505 that's what I'm gonna call you: Quiet. 499 00:25:45,546 --> 00:25:48,174 Is that okay, Quiet? - Yep. 500 00:25:48,216 --> 00:25:50,009 - So, you're really not gonna tell me your name? 501 00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:51,719 - Nope. 502 00:25:52,678 --> 00:25:54,347 - Fine. 503 00:25:54,389 --> 00:25:55,932 Makes it easier when I drop your ass off 504 00:25:55,973 --> 00:25:58,476 in the middle of nowhere, Quiet. 505 00:26:05,108 --> 00:26:06,526 - [Agent Shepard] Sack up, newbs. 506 00:26:06,567 --> 00:26:09,237 Got a live one. 507 00:26:09,278 --> 00:26:11,030 I'll stop the vehicle 508 00:26:11,072 --> 00:26:13,116 and demand to see their open road license. 509 00:26:13,157 --> 00:26:15,118 If they don't got it, they don't pass. 510 00:26:19,455 --> 00:26:20,415 What? 511 00:26:20,456 --> 00:26:22,542 - Hey, sorry, just one question. 512 00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:24,919 Where do we bring 'em? 513 00:26:24,961 --> 00:26:28,798 Oh, and why are we stopping them? 514 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,551 And what's an open road license? 515 00:26:31,592 --> 00:26:33,886 Is it common at the-- - Just get in. 516 00:26:33,928 --> 00:26:36,097 - We learn on the job. I respect that. 517 00:26:36,931 --> 00:26:37,932 - I've never seen a checkpoint 518 00:26:37,974 --> 00:26:39,934 that wasn't outside of a settlement. 519 00:26:39,976 --> 00:26:41,144 And these guys aren't on the map. 520 00:26:41,185 --> 00:26:43,938 So, more delays. 521 00:26:43,980 --> 00:26:45,022 Let me do all the talking. 522 00:26:45,064 --> 00:26:46,399 I deal with these guys all the time. 523 00:26:46,441 --> 00:26:49,235 I speak their lingo. 524 00:26:49,277 --> 00:26:52,029 - Hey, ORL, please. 525 00:26:52,071 --> 00:26:54,449 - Did you just ask me for oral? 526 00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:58,286 - Uh, no, sir. ORL. 527 00:26:58,327 --> 00:26:59,954 Open road license. 528 00:26:59,996 --> 00:27:02,582 - That's an awful acronym. 529 00:27:02,623 --> 00:27:04,584 Hey, look, I'm just a milkman. 530 00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:07,211 I'm just passing through, man. Come on. 531 00:27:07,253 --> 00:27:08,838 And you guys look great, by the way. 532 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,173 I love your shirts, man. 533 00:27:10,214 --> 00:27:12,008 What are you, like a club or a team or something? 534 00:27:12,050 --> 00:27:14,761 - We're officers. Of the law. 535 00:27:14,802 --> 00:27:17,305 - Ah, angry black friend. Okay. 536 00:27:26,731 --> 00:27:29,108 Hey, where-- Get back in the car! 537 00:27:29,150 --> 00:27:30,485 - [Stu] Listen to your friend! 538 00:27:30,526 --> 00:27:31,861 - Eat my ass, motherfucker! 539 00:27:31,903 --> 00:27:35,823 [clicking and buzzing] 540 00:27:35,865 --> 00:27:38,117 [wincing] 541 00:27:38,159 --> 00:27:44,499 **