Janine: Gooooood morning, Mrs. Howard.
I mean "good morning." I know you told me
not to elongate my vowels before we're in school.
Good morning, Janine. Good morning.
So ‐‐ Ms. Howard?
Yes? Ms. Howard!
It is you! Yo!
I would have thought you would have retired by now!
Yo, I just dropped off my nephew and ‐‐
Yo, you was always my favorite teacher,
and I never got a chance to thank you
for everything you did for me back in kindergarten.
Aw, sweetheart, you don't have to thank me for that.
You did this.
Of course I need to thank you.
Before I was in your class, everyone would have been like,
"Oh, he's gon' be the one that needs to be secured."
But thanks to you, I'm out here securing.
[ Gasps ] Well, I am very proud of you.
By the way, how is your mother?
Well, that's complicated,
but it's gon' mean so much to my moms
that Ms. Howard asked after her.
Well, sweetheart, it was so good to see you,
and have a great rest of your day.
You, too, Ms. Howard. Alright.
You, too. Bye.
[ Chuckles ]
See, Mrs. Howard? That is why we do this.
Mold those young minds.
Just create new lives, make those connections.
That ‐‐ Sweetheart, I have no idea
who that young man was.
Morning.
[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]
♪♪
Well, it looks like a classic Schemmenti good mood day.
You know it! I got my favorite parking spot,
my macchiato is on point,
and my neighbor finally found her cat,
so no more hearing her cry through the walls.
Jacob, are you ready?
[ Scoffs ] I am not just ready,
I am set and go. Yes.
Ready for what? What's going on?
We have this little tradition where we read
our Grades for Teachers reviews out loud
when a new one comes in.
Mine are always just incredibly flattering.
There's a Yelp for teachers?
Yeah. Do you want me to help you set up a page?
Because as it says here,
I am excellent at explaining complicated ideas.
Oh, no, thanks. That just sounds bad.
Hmm.
Oh ‐‐ Oh, dang. Found a new one.
Okay, okay. Mm‐hmm.
What's wrong?
Uh, it's ‐‐ it's nothing.
I just got a C‐minus review,
which will bring down my overall average
and [Clicks tongue] tarnish my reputation forever,
you know? It's like ‐‐ It's no big deal, though.
Well, if traditions were always easy,
everyone would have them.
Everyone does.
"Nice but lacks experience
compared to the other second grade teacher at Abbott."
Hey, that's me. The other second grade teacher at Abbott.
[ Chuckles ] This isn't that bad.
One of my reviews was so rude,
the superintendent had to come check on me at home.
Yeah, well, that's you, though. I don't get bad reviews.
You just did. [ Chuckles ]
[ Coughs ] Girl, please, stop.
You're gonna make me spit my coffee out.
Okay, look, ignore this. Reviews on a poorly designed website
do not determine what kind of teacher you are.
Yeah, no. No, I just can't believe
the entire world can read that I'm a bad teacher.
Hey, kid, listen. There's nothing wrong
with having some room for improvement.
Just take it from me,
the other, better, more experienced teacher at Abbott.
[ Women chuckle ]
Melissa plays a lot. She jokes.
You know? She's good at it.
Just another thing she's better at than me,
according to the reviews.
She's a regular Lucille Ball. [ Chuckles dryly ]
Oh, hey, man. Can you tell me where I can find the mailboxes?
Oh, I'll show you. No, you can just tell me.
No, no, it's good. It's fine. We can walk together.
Oh, speaking of mail, can we talk USPS?
Have you heard of informed delivery?
What up, ol' curly head Arthur from PBS looking boy?
[ Boys laugh ] And good morning to you, Raheem.
You let them talk to you like that?
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but the boys and I are bonding
in the tradition of playing the dozens.
It's also called roasting.
Also called, uh, blazing, frying.
Hmm. Lot of cooking terminology.
Look, man. I'm from Baltimore, okay?
All I know is when somebody roasts you,
you got to roast them back.
Our teachers used to roast us.
If they didn't, we wouldn't have respected them.
You're just getting clowned.
Of course I'm being clowned, okay?
I don't know how to roast. It's not that hard.
You just kind of have to take what people give you, like...
You ol' mothball‐ sweater‐vest‐looking boy.
Hmm. Simple yet cutting.
Mm‐hmm. Okay. Thank you.
I thought you had to bring way more to the table.
In the Dean Martin celebrity roasts ‐‐
Where are the mailboxes?
Oh. Yeah. Come on.
Alright, attendance time.
So raise your hand if you're not here.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, so Nicole's not here.
[ Intercom beeps ]
Ava: Janine, come to my office.
‐Ooh! ‐Ooh!
Alright, everybody, uh, settle down.
Okay, everyone's who's not here, please be good, alright?
I'll be right back.
Mm‐hmm. She'll be right back.
Can she see me?
[ Plastic pops ]
Hey, girl.
Hey, Ava.
You know I can't just leave my classroom
unattended like this, right? It's five minutes.
It's not like something could go wrong in five minutes.
A lot can go wrong, actually.
If you say so. Anyway, one of Melissa's students
will be transferring into your class.
Really? Why?
Girl, I don't know. Things happen all day.
Maybe she wants to be closer to the bathroom.
Maybe she like you more.
Maybe she got some kind of Meek Mill‐Drake feud
going on with one of her classmates. I don't know.
Maybe she likes me better.
If you really want to know, you should read her file.
I have them arranged by sexiest dad.
Her name is Courtney Pierce, and her daddy is "foine."
[ Chuckles ] No, that's okay.
I don't really like to read the file.
I like to get to know the child
so I don't have any preconceived notions.
That's an adorable spin on choosing to be unprepared.
I wonder how Melissa's doing.
Hope she's not taking this too hard.
Find out right now.
[ Intercom beeps ] Melissa, Janine is on her way.
You do know that that's coming out of all the speakers,
not just a specific classroom, right?
I said you're on your way.
[ Laughter ] Looking like Ron Weasley
if he was a pick‐up artist.
This man look like he dream in podcasts.
[ Laughter ]
Well, look at you,
ol' blue shirt,
tan pants wearing guy.
With your bright white shoes
and the laces all tied up into a little bow?
Yeah. [ Laughs ] No way those are accidentally falling off.
Mr. Vampire Weekend,
that really hurt my feelings.
Raheem, I am ‐‐ I am so sorry.
You should be.
With that Twilight‐shaped mouth!
Got him! [ Laughter ]
That's what we're all wearing. It's a uniform.
You ain't even observant, dawg.
They say the first year of teaching is the hardest.
But...
[ Sighs ] What about the second year?
Minus $1 equals ‐‐
Hey, Melissa. Hey. What?
Uh, sorry. I know you talked to Ava, so this is awkward.
Why would it be awkward?
Oh, just the whole your student preferring me thing.
Oh, yeah, no. Not awkward at all. Just,
there's a couple things that you should know about Courtney
before you take her into your class. I know you're more experienced
than I am,
but this transfer kind of proves
I've got something special in my classroom
that's got the kids a‐talkin'.
Courtney, come over here, hon.
It's time for you to go with
your very confident new teacher, Ms. Teagues.
Why don't you go get your stuff? [ Chuckles ]
I'm like the Allen Iverson of teachers,
and you're like that guy he stepped over once.
You mean three‐time NBA champion Tyronn Lue?
That guy? Yes, you know basketball,
but my point is,
maybe I'm not a bad teacher.
Maybe you are.
Okay.
Courtney,
I want you to go and be your wonderful self
with Ms. Teagues, okay? I have no doubt
that you're gonna have a great time in her class.
Alright.
Have fun.
Alright.
Oh, look at you all, being so well‐behaved.
Setting a great example for our new student.
Hi, I'm Janine.
‐Hi, Janine. ‐Hi, Janine.
Uh, no. She's not Janine. Her name is ‐‐
My name is Janine Teagues.
‐Hi, Janine Teagues! ‐Hi, Janine Teagues!
It's not Janine.
Yes, it is.
Melissa: Courtney?
One of the toughest students I've ever had.
She's gonna eat Janine alive.
Okay, everyone, please stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.
Except for Andrew, who is taking a principled stand
against nationalism. Yes.
Alright. Everyone else? I...
Kids: I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of Courtney.
And to the Courtney for which it stands,
one nation under Courtney, indivisible,
with Courtney and Courtney for all.
That's right! Nice job.
That's right. Nice job.
Courtney, go back to your seat.
But I'm done with all my work.
Go.
Your next word is "smooth." Go, go, go.
[ Kids shouting, cheering ]
Done!
"Rebble"? It's "ra‐bell."
[ Chalk clatters ]
[ Kids laughing ]
Courtney?
Courtney, please stop.
Courtney. Just ‐‐ [ Knock on door ]
Hey. Hi. Can I help you?
Yeah, I just stopped by to see how Courtney's doing.
Oh, yeah, Courtney is thriving.
Whole class is, actually. [ Kids laughing ]
She was the missing piece to our little puzzle of learning.
Oh. That's great to hear.
I'm surprised you're not having any problems.
Took me a couple of months to figure out
how to keep her from disrupting the class.
Look at you doing it in a couple of hours.
[ Laughs nervously ] I guess you really are
the superior teacher.
I'm teaching a lesson on gravity.
Here's a little secret ‐‐
Courtney didn't get transferred out of my class
'cause I couldn't handle her.
She got her parents to transfer her
because I'd already caught on to all her little tricks.
Most of them.
Nobody could have seen that macaroni thing coming.
So I said, "I'm not giving you a ride.
I'm 'bout to drop you off at the airport of life."
Oh, I know that's right. [ Door opens ]
Hey, ladies. Sorry to interrupt.
Uh, you mentioned earlier
that there was a file on Courtney Pierce?
Yeah. Thicker than a Snicker. Heavy like a Chevy.
Ooh. Okay.
Are you having issues with Courtney?
Ah, I wouldn't say ‐‐
[ Chuckles ] She need help.
Look at her. With that "I need help" face.
Okay, this is not an "I need help" face.
It is an "I have it under control" face
and arm and leg and ‐‐
And that is good, because I cannot help you.
You see, Ava and I have placed a modest wager
on your success with the whole Courtney situation,
and I will not affect the outcome.
Wait, hold on. You bet on me?
Well, yeah. [ Chuckles ]
You guys are using my performance as a teacher
for entertainment?
Mm‐hmm. Okay, that's it.
You know what? I'm taking everybody's money.
[ Both laugh ]
Janine, you do know
that that is not how bets work, right?
Ava, I'm gonna need to see that file.
Okay. You don't have to say it all determined.
Nobody's stopping you from seeing the file.
I offered it to you yesterday.
Just go in the office and look.
Okay.
[ Both laugh ]
Hey, how's it going?
It's ‐‐ Yeah.
"Psychological warfare?"
"Could make a good cult leader someday.
Melissa Schemmenti."
Well, I found Courtney's file, and it is substantial.
Cannot believe Melissa didn't tell me any of this.
But now that I'm informed, I can handle it.
I'm just gonna have to communicate to Courtney
that this behavior isn't okay.
I bet no one's ever really tried to talk to her, you know?
Meet her where she's at.
Juice?
Apple juice? Really?
Okay. Um...
Courtney, did you know the emotional center
isn't actually in the heart but in the brain?
Pass. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay. Sit down. Hold on. Alright.
You're a leader, Courtney.
And maybe that's something
your other teachers didn't see about you,
but I do.
I know that when you tie your classmates' shoelaces together
and tell them to dance,
you're just looking for affirmation.
And, Courtney, I will affirm you.
We will sit down together, maybe do a puzzle ‐‐
I bet you love puzzles as much as I do ‐‐
and just work through some of those feelings together.
Okay.
[ Chuckles ] I mean...
So I reached out to her, you know? Sat her down.
Because at the end of the day,
teaching is just about communicating,
and that's something I live by.
I don't want to compare, but, like...
Barbara,
have you ever been roasted by your students?
One, they're 5.
Two, they respect me.
Three, what would they even say?
Mm.
Hey, I need to talk. Like to a friend.
You know how sometimes when you're being chased by a dog
and you can't tell if it's playing
or if it's trying to bite you? No.
But at the same time, you don't want to stop running,
because if it isn't playing, you're gonna get bit?
Look, I tried roasting my students back,
and it didn't work.
It got way worse and oddly specific.
Come on. It couldn't have been that bad.
They called me "HuffPo‐reading gay Pete Buttigieg,"
which is repetitive and insulting.
As if I would read a word of Huffington Post
after Arianna stepped down.
You may just have to take the L on this one, man.
I mean, you can't really beat them at their own game.
It's like them challenging you to...
Dungeons & Dragons.
Yeah, you can't really challenge someone to D&D.
It's more like a cooperative game that's all about
the shared experience rather than winning.
[ Gasps, snaps fingers ]
Thank you, you ol' good friendship having man.
[ Door opens ]
Is everything okay?
Oh, you tell me.
You got a little sleepyhead over there.
Do you want to know what I do
when a kid falls asleep in my class?
Sure. Nothing,
'cause it doesn't happen. [ Chuckles ]
I keep my kids engaged.
Anyway, do you have a second
for me to show you something regarding Courtney?
Alright, my little eagles.
We're gonna take quiet time a bit early, okay?
Yes, Ms. Schemmenti. Yes, Ms. Schemmenti. Yes, Ms. Schemmenti.
I know you didn't pull me out of class
just so you could brag.
No, of course not.
Courtney's teaching us a new word.
[ Kids giggling ]
Courtney!
Look away, y'all.
[ Kids continue giggling ]
Alright, guys, we're gonna go into
Ms. Schemmenti's class for a little bit
while Mr. Johnson cleans the board
because Courtney decided to use permanent marker
even though dry‐erase was right there.
But she knew that. [ Chuckles ]
She knew that.
I heard there's a bet going.
Is it too late for me to get in on the action?
[ Camera shutter clicks ] I went from having one teacher
to two. Ain't that some [bleep]
Courtney! Courtney!
You know, I'm glad she's in your class now
so you two can throw your little tantrums together.
I'm sorry, was it not a tantrum
when you sent Courtney to my class
without warning me about her behavioral issues?
Yes, I saw your notes in your file.
I did try to warn you, ya gabbadost,
but you got too big for your britches
and you didn't want to listen.
Well, maybe if you hadn't been making fun of me yesterday,
I wouldn't have gotten defensive.
Janine, I was goofing.
Unlike when you called me a bad teacher,
something I would never call you.
You know, I‐I know that review hit you hard,
but I didn't deserve that.
[ Sighs ] Okay.
I'm sorry. You're right.
You're right.
That review really, really hurt my feelings,
and I took it out on you.
It wasn't even that bad.
It just said you were less experienced.
Listen, if you go look at the Facebook reviews
of my cousin Rocco's hoagie shop, you would think
the man sold food poisoning. [ Chuckles ]
But he's gonna keep making hoagies.
You know why?
Most people love them.
You got to keep making hoagies.
Now, what are we gonna do about this one?
[ Janine sighs ]
Thank you for your business.
Vick: Ol' I should have been a hooper,
but basketball didn't exist lookin' boy.
[ Laughter ]
1800s Slenderman in the face.
Okay, while these are hilarious,
let's try and incorporate some of the lessons into the roast.
Ol' bullet in the head at Ford's Theatre lookin' boy.
My mans got ain't been sleeping four score and seven years ago
bags all up under his eyes.
Abe Lincoln. I'm Abe Lincoln, Mr. Hill.
Yes, yes! Good work, team!
[ Kids cheering ]
Yeah, I guess, like, thumbs up is
kind of our thing now.
Bye. Don't forget your homework.
Ms. Schemmenti. Yes?
Courtney called me stupid.
No, I didn't. I called you "stupendous,"
you idiot. Courtney!
You know what? I'm just gonna go home and take a nap,
'cause I'm utterly depleted.
What'd she say?
[ Scoffs ] One thing I will say,
that girl has a fairly advanced vocabulary.
She corrected my math last week.
She threw a stapler first,
but she was right about the math.
You know, when I was going through Part 2
of Courtney's file earlier,
I realized her grades have never dropped.
Mnh‐mnh. And usually when a kid
is acting out like that,
you see it in their performance.
Yeah, that's what makes it tough.
Hard to discipline a kid who's getting straight A's.
Alright. [ Sighs ]
So, what if we rewarded her?
You might be onto something there, rookie.
Okay, so if B makes it block,
then C makes it what?
Uh, not quite. Try again.
There you go. Good job.
Wow. You think you know someone,
and then they cheat on you with their thumb.
Ol' Siskel & Ebert two thumbs up lookin' ass boy.
Okay.
You want to bump the [Bleep] Puzzles kid up a grade?
Yes. After talking to Melissa
about how she was able to keep Courtney in line,
we realized the only thing that works
is when she feels challenged.
Are you sure you're not just trying
to dump Courtney on another teacher?
No, no, no. I feel
that with a more challenging workload,
Courtney will be much, much easier to handle,
and she won't have time to distract her classmates.
Melissa: Mm‐hmm. Why does that sound so familiar?
Oh. Hold up.
Part 3?
My bad, y'all. She was supposed to skip second grade,
but they told me during Essence Fest.
I missed a lot of paperwork during that month.
Isn't Essence Fest just a weekend?
Maybe for y'all.
[ Door opens ]
Oh, hey, Barbara! Nothing to see here,
just Janine going on and on about what a handful Courtney is
and how she can't handle the situation at all.
Is that so?
[ Clicks tongue ] Fine.
I guess technically Janine succeeded.
She figured out that Courtney needs to be bumped up a grade.
[ Sighs ] Guess you win the bet.
Hmm.
Barbara?
You believed in me?
Janine, why don't you go handle this transfer
so that your class isn't any more disrupted
than it already has been?
Okay.
Mm.
It's a heart.
[ Voice breaking ] I learned that from Courtney.
I thought Barbara bet against me, but she didn't.
She actually thinks I'm a great teacher.
Maybe even better than ‐‐
Courtney!
Hey, Courtney! What, get ‐‐
How'd you get back in the building? Courtney!
[ Sighs ]
It's barely wet. What you, the CDC?
I will expect some non‐brassiere money from you by tomorrow,
because, Ava?
Huh?
You do not want to owe me money.
Hmm.
Oh, damn.
[ Sniffs ] Mm.
What?