Yert! What it do, camera crew? Welcome back to the house that Ava built.
It's been a while. Y'all ain't miss anything.
Hey! Look who it is. What's it been, like, five months? How you doin'?
- Oh, what up? We still doin' this? - Yeah.
Oh, my God! You guys! Hey! Oh, sorry.
Um, wow, you got new equipment. Look, I don't wanna say I told you so, but I--
I will. Y'all should've listened to Jacob and made a right on 30th Street
instead of a left that night.
You want me to tell you what happened to you?
Oh, right. Tell the people. [chuckles]
So, they got robbed because they thought it'd be cute to walk around West Philly
at night with all this camera equipment.
Hell, I'd have helped rob you if I was there.
Anyway, here we are, five months later,
because that's how long it takes for three people with art degrees
to save up for new cameras.
Welcome back! It's Career Day today, unfortunately.
Mmm.
Ava!
Not planning on being conscious for Career Day?
This is a district initiative. They can handle it.
Anyone else feel like the people from the district
have been more annoying than usual?
They're not all bad.
- I think they're cool. - [Ava groans]
I actually like 'em this year.
Shocking.
I don't know.
I feel like they've been unequivocally and universally worse than they've ever been.
From unhelpful to unbearable.
Good morning, Abbott Elementary.
- Morning. -"Good morning, Abbott Elementary."
So, yeah, I work for the school district now.
You guys missed a lot.
["Hold 'Em" playing]
[whispering] Hey, guys. Hey.
Left or right?
Uh, left. Thank you.
- Good choice. Good choice. - [giggles]
Girl, this Development Day has me developing a migraine.
Let me have one of those aspirins, please.
It's a sleeping pill.
Wake me if there is a fire or tornado or a volcanic eruption.
Good day to the fine teachers of Abbott Elementary.
What?
No comment about Gregory being F-O-I-N "foin"?
No, Ms. Schemmenti. I was speaking to everyone.
But since all eyes are on him--
Uh, Mr. Eddie, would you mind reading from the first paragraph
of your immaculately assembled binder?
Sexily?
Excuse me?
That is not only suggestive but highly inappropriate in front of our company.
Uh, hi. Hi, everybody. Uh, we're from the school district.
Uh, Principal Coleman invited us to come observe and collaborate with you all
on this Development Day.
Yes. The importance of collaboration is one of the many things I learned
while I was matriculating at Cambridge.
Yep, I went to Harvard this summer.
I sat right there on their campus, and I used their free Wi-Fi
to get my degree in education via Education Connection.
And I've learned what it actually takes to do the job of a principal.
And... [laughs] ...turns out I've been doing it all wrong. [laughs]
Somebody should have told me.
Anyway, uh, now I'm engaged and alert. By the book.
Oh, yeah, I like books now. [chuckles]
We're super excited to be here on behalf of the new superintendent, John Reynolds.
I'm Manny. That's my dream team over there. That's Emily. That's Simon.
And we don't come empty-handed. We come with some iPads and smart boards
for your classrooms loaded with learning apps.
[murmuring]
New and improved models...
Same old engines.
These people aren't gonna change a blessed thing
except how many bodies are in the room.
[Manny] Thank you, and we'll see you around.
- Thank you. - [applause]
Gregory, we still need you to read from section A, there, in your binder.
Um...
"Section A.
Welcome back.
That concludes section A."
Thank you, Mr. Eddie. You may be seated.
"Ask the teachers if they have any ideas from over the summer
they'd like to implement.
Try to make it fun."
[breathes deeply]
Does anyone have any ideas from over the summer that they'd like to implement?
Oh.
Janine, one of our most-- teachers at Abbott.
So I was thinking over the summer while I was spending time with myself
and thinking about what really led me to this--
- [yawns] Get to the point. - Get to the point, Janine.
Yes. So Career Day. I think we should do Career Day at the school
because I checked, and we haven't had one since the only jobs for women
were typists, moms and wet nurses.
I think it'd be a great way for the kids to see all the amazing jobs they can have.
And that's it. That's my idea. I'm done. Career Day.
[Ava] I could go into the plethora of reasons that won't work.
Scheduling, previous failed attempts, the fact that it was your idea...
Right. But there is a way--
...but I'm just gonna go ahead and say "no" and save you the embarrassment.
[Janine] You know, this is my fourth year of teaching here,
and I've wasted a lot of time trying to fight the odds.
So I've just decided to just be a good teacher, you know?
Take a page out of Barbara's book, just do what I can.
And maybe start wearing pearls.
Hey. Janine, right? I'm Manny, which I said up there.
- Mm-hmm. - Um, I just wanted to say that, uh,
Career Day sounded good. It's a good idea.
- I would love to hear more. - [Janine] Thank you.
- So, you guys are new at the district? - Yep, just started over the summer.
Loving it so far. Feel like we're gonna make a lot of positive changes
and do what the last administration didn't.
Nobody embezzling funds on my watch.
- [laughs] Love that. - Uh, hey.
Uh, actually, one of the things we wanted to do today was shadow a teacher.
Can we shadow you?
Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna be settin' up my classroom.
Exciting.
- It is exciting, so-- - Yeah.
I'm just gonna grab my coworkers. They're talking to Principal Coleman over there.
You guys are so lucky. You have such a good principal.
Yes.
[exhales] A little early for this, no?
For Christmas? Maybe. To watch you lift heavy stuff in that shirt? Never.
This thing?
- Well, it is husband material. - [laughs]
Speaking of which, did you hear about Mr. Morton?
What?
He eloped over the summer.
- [gasps] Vegas? - Hersheypark.
- Classy. - Mmm.
Wow. You approve of that, but I bring up marriage and I get a...
- [mock-laughs] - Yeah, yeah. All right.
You just concentrate on getting that mini fridge next to an outlet.
A boyfriend brings it in the room. A husband sets it near an outlet.
Well, a booty call will put it down wherever I want him to,
- so don't make me go find one. - [mock-laughs]
[laughs]
So, where did you teach before pivoting to the school district?
I didn't, actually. But I grew up here, though.
My firsthand experience is more from when I was a student in the area.
Ah, all right.
Well, you know, that's one of the reasons I wanted to teach at Abbott,
because I was a student in the area as well, so--
This is my room.
What are you making here?
Oh, a welcome back sign for the kids. [chuckles]
We're gonna decorate it together so that everyone feels included.
I try to implement a lot of color.
Wanted to go with blue because that inspires focus.
And calm, which is so important for primary classes.
I read about that in Chalk Beat.
- You read Chalk Beat? - Mm-hmm.
I basically live in the comment section, so...
Oh, my God. Are you @JTeagues215?
Yes. And @JTeagues267 when I wanna spice up the discourse.
Ms. Teagues, I'm @Mannyfromtheblock. I'm always using this emoji.
- That's you! - That's me.
- I love your comments. - I love your comments.
[chuckles] Anyway, I wanted to paint the walls blue last year, but you guys--
the district didn't like the idea of painting walls, so...
What? Why not? That is so good.
I think that's exactly an idea that we could and should implement.
It's a low-stakes, high-reward improvement.
Yes, let's revisit that.
- Are you okay? - [Janine] Yeah.
It's just a lot of positive reinforcement.
[Barbara breathes deeply]
Ava, I've already told you,
I'm not interested in auditioning for The Golden Bachelorette.
Gerald is still very much alive.
Actually, I'm here about your desks.
When I was at Harvard,
I learned that communal seating is better for kindergartners' development.
Well, I like my desks separated.
It's easier for me to move about the cabin.
[high-pitched] "I'm little Jonathan, and I never learned
how to make direct eye contact with anyone.
And so now they call me Shifty-Eyed Johnny, and I can't hold down a job."
All right. I will take that into account if I must.
- You must. District mandate. -"Mandate"?
And cursive is no longer in the curriculum.
- Hey. Fancy meeting you here. - Hey.
Oh, I'm just bringing in the workbooks.
Oh, there is a ten-for-ten sale at Nichols School Supply by the way.
Oh, [bleep] yeah. [chuckles]
Trying out cursing. Still gettin' the hang of it. How was Baltimore?
Um, it was good. Yeah, it was good.
I did a really cool job with my dad
- working the grounds crew for the Orioles. - Mm-hmm.
I laid a patch of Kentucky bluegrass right by home plate.
It was so flat! [chuckles]
- [chuckles] - What did you do over the break?
I just spent a lot of time with myself, and it was good for me.
I feel sure, centered, good.
Oh, and Jacob, Erika and I started going out to brunch together.
We're calling ourselves "The Brunchy Bunch." [laughs]
Why not just "The Brunch Bunch"?
- [bleep], that's good. [laughs] - [breathes deeply]
- It's just not working for me, is it? - Not quite there.
Hey, teacher of the year Gregory Eddie.
I heard about that garden you made out front. Really cool, man.
Oh, thanks. I like to do it, and it makes the school and the street look good.
Sure does.
Uh, Ms. Teagues, could I speak with you quick? One-on-one?
Sorry to interrupt.
No, all good. Yeah, sure. And you can call me Janine.
- [Manny] Okay. Janine. - [Janine] Yeah.
Uh, so I was talking with the others from the school district.
You seem to have a ton of great ideas.
There's this fellowship-- uh, the Robeson Fellowship-- at the district.
We want somebody with in-field experience
to come enhance what the district can do to make schools as efficient as possible.
That sounds like a great opportunity.
Yeah, I can help you find somebody for that.
Well, no, I had you in mind for it.
Oh... [chuckles]
...I'm flattered.
But, you know, the summer is when I get a little bit of a break away from school.
This would be during the school year.
- But that's when I'm doing the schooling. - Yes.
Well, a sub would take over your class
while you're with us for the duration of the fellowship.
[chuckles] S-- Sorry, but no.
I can't imagine being away from my students.
So, I'm flattered, but no, thank you.
- Okay. - [Janine] All right.
J-Just give it some thought, okay?
You could help make some real change. Painted walls are just the start.
[bleep]
Feels forced.
This-- This thing. Oh.
Oh, Janine, check out this video I'm gonna show the kids.
Common doing a spoken-word poem about the Korean War.
Oh, that's not spoken word. He's just rapping a cappella.
Oh, tomato, tomato.
Hey, what do you think about these new district people?
Oh, I like 'em.
Ooh, I saw you talking to that cute guy, Manny.
- What's his deal? - [scoffs]
I mean, he's no Gregory. My king. My guy.
No. No, no, no. It wasn't like that.
You know, he was just asking me to do something,
work at the district for a little while. Something about a fellowship.
Oh, my God. The Robeson Fellowship? This is a huge deal, Janine.
- [scoffs] - They asked you? Why didn't they ask me?
Manny can sense my allegiance to Gregory, I bet.
- Jacob. - You should do it, Janine.
You can make a real difference.
I can't be away from my classroom for that long.
I'm gonna cry just thinking about it.
You actually are crying.
Jacob, that is video contraband, not allowed in this school.
- What? Why? - It's not curriculum.
But our textbooks are so old, Ava.
According to these books, we still haven't even pulled out of Iraq yet.
You know, one of the first things I learned
when I was physically located within the legal property lines of Harvard is that
teachers are required to stick to curriculum
for student safety and school protection.
Wait, that's my personal computer. Y-You can't do that.
Did it.
[Ava] Welcome back. First day of school.
All right. Get in line, kids. Single file line.
Tuck them shirts in. No talkin'.
Boy, you lucky.
Last year's Ava would've roasted you
for looking like Adam Sandler at a pick-up game... [chuckles]
...or Adam Sandler at a wedding. [chuckles]
Adam Sandler at the Oscars. [chuckles]
Now go to class.
Good morning. Welcome, welcome.
Welcome, you guys. All right.
Hey. Hi. You wanna sit here?
I don't bite. I'm Ms. Teagues. What's your name?
- Alex. - Alex. Nice to meet you.
All right. You guys, welcome to second grade. You made it.
Let me just say, it's really cool
you guys get to be the first to use our brand-new iPads.
These are old.
Brand-new iPads to us
because Abbott Elementary is on the forefront of cutting-edge technology.
My iPad is dead.
- Ours too! - Ours too.
Uh, okay. Um, all right. That's okay.
How about we just have you guys share with them over there?
This one's on 7%.
Um, all right. So-- We can just charge them while we work.
[whispering] Okay.
And we only have two chargers. [sighs]
Did you see the cherry Ring Pop Gary left in the vending machine?
[Melissa chuckles] Gosh. He is too much.
Girl, he's sending you signals.
He's just joking.
You know how men joke about that stuff all the time.
No, I do not.
I do not know of one man who would ask his girlfriend's friend
for her correct ring size as a joke.
He's probably, like, getting me a Super Bowl replica ring or something.
[laughs]
Okay. Ava is literally gatekeeping when I can use the garden.
She put a padlock on my kumquats.
[sighs] She is making me rearrange the seating in my classroom,
throwing off decades of good educational feng shui.
She made me replace my mop water,
but the best stuff is like a sourdough starter.
The older it is, the better it gets.
All right, l-let's relax.
Ava is finally the principal she is supposed to be.
So, I say we give her a shot, just like we give this new whole-grain tofu spot a shot
for lunch today, because it's my pick.
Who's ready to get "antioxidated"?
Great news, everyone. There are no more free periods.
Instead, everyone will be volunteering for lunch duty, hall monitoring,
library management, et cetera, at all times.
[Gregory sighs]
Well, at least we can still enjoy our lunches.
Oh, and no more off-campus lunches. It's against policy.
She must be stopped.
Yeah, the library to librarian ratio is troubling, but nothing we can't fix.
[laughs] Listen. Speakin' of,
could you look into gettin' a McFlurry machine for my classroom?
Because the McFlurry machine to classroom ratio--
That's-- That's also way off.
- [laughs] - We can't do that.
Typical.
- Hey, Manny? - Hey.
Hey. So, you said to mention ideas, and I think I have one.
- Okay. - Love the iPads that you gave us,
but I was just thinking it would be cool if we had more chargers for charging.
You know, like, three or four or seven.
- Or eight. - Hey, you said it, not me.
Yeah. Guys, we should make sure
that we have enough chargers for the iPads in all the classrooms.
- Yes. - Yes.
Yeah. And I'm just throwing this out there that, um,
you know, LeapFrog tablets could be better.
Ooh, yes. They're built for student use, more cost-efficient.
Right. And they haven't changed their cords in years.
See? That's why I knew you'd be a great fit for the fellowship.
I know that you don't wanna be away from your class.
So, would it help if I told you
that you would get to be at Abbott once or even twice a week?
- Really? - Yeah.
The fellowship is built so that you stay on the ground with a pilot school
where you can still hear from all your teachers and test out all your new ideas.
Well, that's nice to hear.
And I-I don't wanna sound money-hungry,
but is there, like, a pay raise? [chuckles]
- Two dollars. - Two dollars?
That's like a million dollars!
Well, hey, we don't make this offer just to any teacher, okay?
You got a knack for doing this.
Yeah, and if she says no, you gotta-- gotta find somebody else, right?
And if it's about diversity, let me tell you that I am queer.
It's not.
I'm-I'm fun to be around?
- [Emily] Hi there. - Ow.
- [groans] - Everything okay?
Fine, fine.
[grunting] Just trying to move these desks the way you people want them.
Can we help you?
No, I don't have the time to file the paperwork just to move a desk.
No, I can help you lift the desk.
The legendary Mrs. Howard.
I haven't had a chance to connect with you yet, but I hear you're the one.
Charmed.
We're actually working on a program to get assistance in the classroom
at the beginning of the school year
instead of you having to request one that doesn't get here until January.
Thank you. I do not need a whole song and dance.
And thank you for your help.
You don't trust us, do you?
Honestly?
No.
I've seen many versions of you walk through that door,
all with nice smiles, appearing to care.
Mrs. Howard, I get it.
I know what this district was,
and I am aware of how I come off, but I don't know any other way to be.
I started working at the district
because I saw that it needed to change for students like the student that I was,
for teachers like you and for teachers like my mom.
Your mom's an educator?
She was.
And before she retired,
I listened to her complain about the district every single year for 20 years.
[Barbara chuckles]
I just wanted to make the job easier for her.
So, I can't make you trust me,
but I'm not gonna stop trying to make the job easier.
And that goes for me and my team.
It was a pleasure, Mrs. Howard.
- Keeps it-- - [Ava on PA] Break it up, slackers.
Yeah, I'm talking to you, Mrs. Miller, Ms. Schemmenti, ponytail guy.
Yeah, that's right.
I got cameras all over this place
just to make sure we're always working to make Abbott a brighter place.
Well, we made a plan to solve this Ava problem.
We need to, like, reset her.
We looked for a button. There wasn't one.
So we decided to tempt her with things we know she loves.
First, money. We sent Jacob in looking incredibly scammable.
Second, her love of skipping work.
- In this case, for an Usher show. - [grunting]
Nothing has worked so far, so now we're pulling out the big guns.
Ready?
- No. - [Barbara] Oh, come on.
We cannot stand any more of this "new Ava."
And unfortunately, you are a very powerful tool.
Tool? You're literally objectifying me.
Objects don't talk.
Bro, dog, do you wanna continue to live under this new regime?
- No. - Then you know what we must do.
- Take it off. Take off the sweater. - Are we sure there's no other way?
Hush. Roll up a sleeve and tastefully welcome her to the gun show.
And lean against the doorframe.
- You know how. - Yeah.
- Can I help you with something? - Well, it depends.
All these rules are so hard and rigid.
Well, here's a rule.
Put your arms away, Jeremy Allen Black.
This is a school.
[quivers] Please.
Okay. Look, we need old Ava back.
[Barbara] Mm-hmm.
Well, she's dead and gone.
I lead now. I communicate.
I haven't listened to the City Girls in months.
This is who I am now.
Well, I guess this is just life now.
If Gregory's arms didn't work, nothing will.
Oh, no.
There's one card we can play, but we're gonna have to go low.
Nay, get low.
- [Janine] Hey, Barbara. - Hey.
Oh. You changed your desks.
Mandate.
[scoffs] These new district people.
They smile in your face and tell you your ideas are good, but they suck, right?
You know, I can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but I actually have hope for this new group.
I think they can make change.
- What-- Seriously? - [foot tapping]
Wow. I was really hoping for a Barbara bummer.
And what would that be?
Uh, it's when you tell me everything's trash
and that people are useless and I shouldn't have hope.
Beside the fact that I have never said any of that,
I've had a change of heart.
I think this new group--
There's something there, something genuine.
- [scoffs] - What?
They offered me a fellowship.
This thing where I can go work at the district
and help them bring big ideas to life for all of Philly's schools,
and I turned it down.
Well, you don't seem happy you turned it down.
I've been doing this for three years now, and I finally got it in my brain
that you just have to accept the things you can't change.
Just be. Just be a good teacher.
Stop dreaming, I guess.
Dreamers are the only people that can bring about a different reality.
Do you really want this fellowship?
Maybe.
Sweetheart, you know that you still have Abbott to come home to when it ends.
And now, if you will excuse me, I've got to go save the school.
[Janine chuckles]
What?
Ava, you're needed in the gym.
Yeah, there's a bunch of teachers in there saying Princeton's better than Harvard.
Oh, hell, no!
Okay. We have, like, two minutes.
So, can you please fill us in on the rest of this genius plan?
Ava said she stopped listening
- to the Town Women... - City Girls.
...but I know there's one song she cannot resist.
- Jacob, whip out the Walkman. - Phone.
- Open up Napster. - Spotify.
Jesus, close your ears.
Come on.
Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies!
[Barbara on radio] Now, Mr. Johnson.
Let go of your butts.
["Back That Azz Up" playing]
What the hell?
No. No. [chuckles]
Not today, Juvenile. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
No.
♪ Girl you working with some... Yeah, you're bad, yeah ♪
♪ Make a... spend his cash Yeah, his last, yeah ♪
♪ ...frown when you pass Yeah, they mad, yeah ♪
♪ You gon' ride in the Jag ♪
[laughs]
♪ You could smoke or buy a bag ♪
[cheering, laughing]
♪ Got money I can flash Yeah, and trash, yeah ♪
♪ I'm a Big Tymer... ♪
- [all cheering] Yeah! - [Barbara] Yes!
I'm back, y'all!
So, Ava, can we have our free periods back now?
Y'all can do whatever you want.
Mr. Johnson, find my ring light!
I'm about to be on IG live all day!
Yes!
[Melissa, Barbara] Go, Ava! Go A--
[Gregory] So, it turns out,
the only thing worse than Ava being an awful principal
is Ava being a good one.
You should've been there, Janine. We tried everything to get her back.
Gregory even flexed his muscles.
- You flexed? - [clicks tongue] Yeah.
[chuckles]
Well, did you guys try just playing "Back That Azz Up"? Because that--
[gasps] How did you know to do that?
- [chuckles] - Wow. You really are district material.
[Janine] Oh, stop.
Oh, um, so Manny offered me a fellowship at the district,
and I'm, like, 80-20 on doing it.
So, you'd leave Abbott?
Well, yeah, but not permanently.
Well, I'm happy for you and jealous and sad.
I'm emotional, which calls for shots.
Can you see about my cheese fries please?
Uh. Wow. Well, congrats.
[Janine] Mmm.
But I haven't made my mind up yet. Just haven't decided.
Look, you'd be perfect for it.
- What? - What?
What? You--
Uh-- No, it's great. It really is.
It's just-- It'd be weird, you not being at Abbott.
Yeah.
It's-It's a fantastic opportunity, but I don't know.
When I think of Abbott, I think of you.
And when I think of you, I think of Abbott.
Yeah. No, I know.
And I'm gonna miss my students.
I'm gonna miss my classroom.
Will miss knocking on that wall to chat.
[Janine chuckles]
I'm gonna miss that too.
[both sigh]
You're really gonna leave us?
[chattering]
Happy Career Day, Ava.
There's no such thing as a happy career.
To work is to lose in life.
Good to have her back.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. You haven't missed anything.
Nothing is weird with Gregory.
I basically just decided to go work with the district and,
you know, Gregory and I are good.
Me and Janine?
Yeah-- No, we-- We're fine.
It's-- [stutters] It's just noth-- It's nothing weird.
Oh, hell, yeah, something weird is going on between Gregory and Janine.
They ain't tell you? [giggles]
Well, lucky for y'all, my hidden cameras picked up everything.
Y'all gonna love this.
- [Janine] Hey. - [Gregory] Hey.
[Janine] That was a fun hang the other night, right?
- It was. I really liked that place. - Me too.
But you think the camera crew got home safe though, right?
I mean, we did tell them it was a rough area.
Yeah. I'm sure they're fine.
They're probably all just sick or something.
What are the chances they all got robbed? It's--
- [Gregory laughs] - [Ava cackling]
Hey. So I was thinking about the field trip from last year to the museum.
Okay. Uh-huh.
And, particularly, the part where you told me that you had feelings for me.
And I had some too, I guess.
And I basically still have those feelings.
I realized it at the bar.
Yeah?
So, I don't know. I was wondering if maybe--
What if now we could try to explore that, try to-- I don't know.
- [Gregory chuckles] Uh. - Mmm.
Wow. Um--
- Definitely didn't see that coming. - I know. [laughs]
- Me either. [chuckles] - Uh--
Honestly, Janine, in my mind, I had kinda put a period on that.
Out of respect.
- Yeah. - You know? It just-- It-It see--
[sighs]
I had mentally moved on, and it seemed like that was kind of a--
- The right thing to do, so I did. - Mm-hmm. Right.
I mean, just so you know, I wasn't saying we should never.
Okay, yeah. No.
But, like, you know... [sighs] ...even with you changing your mind right now,
- it just feels like it would be safer... - Mm-hmm.
- ...for both of us if we were just friends. - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- [clicks tongue] Yeah, definitely. - You know?
- 'Cause I really value what we have... - So do I.
- ...and I don't want this to get all-- - Yeah.
- You know what I mean? - I get it. I really do. I understand.
- Okay. - Safer is better. Safe is great.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay.
Look at Janine's face. [laughing]
She mad.
[Janine] Good morning, everyone. We are so excited.
And let me just tell you, this isn't your mothers' Career Day.
- No, it's not. - Yep.
Though, we're sure all your mothers have vibrant professional careers.
Yeah, if they so choose.
Uh, the main goal of this fellowship is piloting new programs and initiatives
for the entire district.
[Janine] Which is why I've spent the last four months
making sure that Career Day is a fresh and impactful experience
for students, staff and professionals all over this great city.
- All over. - It's major.
- Yeah. - [both chuckle]
Connections will be made, dreams will be born--
- [Emily] Wow. - Janines will be quiet. [chuckles]
Okay.
Um, so, for you, Mrs. Murphy, an anesthesiologist.
For Mrs. Howard, a licensed cosmetologist.
- Oh. - Lovely.
Cosmetology is quite lucrative these days.
Um, a zoologist for my class.
I'm sorry. I mean the substitute, Ms. Lee's class.
I don't like animals.
Well, the students will love it. Uh, so--
Ms. Schemmenti, we have a marketing professional...
- Boo. - ...from the Philadelphia Eagles.
- Yes! Hell, yes! - [cheering]
What about me? Tell me I got him please, please, please.
Yes, Jacob, as requested, you have Mr. Johnson.
Yes! Oh, he's had, like, every job under the sun.
Very useful in today's gig economy.
Oh, the places we'll go.
[Janine chuckles]
Um, and for Mr. Eddie, you'll have a botanist from the Longwood Gardens.
Cool. Thank you, Ms. Teagues.
Cool. Okay.
[Barbara] Hey, Gary.
I thought you restocked the vending machines yesterday.
Oh, I'm here to dispense more than just high sodium.
- Yeah, he's here for Career Day. - [Barbara] Mmm.
This man has got a 401(k).
I mean, it's all in quarters. But, hey, money's money.
- [laughs] Yeah. - [Melissa laughs]
- I'm really loving Career Day, though. - Mm-hmm.
I'm hoping that cosmetologist will do my nails also.
Oh, maybe she could do your nails too.
You never know when you're gonna need a ring photo.
- [laughs] I'm just teasing. Just teasing. - [Melissa] Okay.
Okay. Yeah, I know.
'Cause you love to make these little jokes...
- Yeah. - ...but, uh, yeah,
just checking in that we're on the same page.
'Cause, like, Gary, you know I don't wanna get married again, right?
Like, I did it before. I don't wanna do it again.
- Yeah, I got you. - Okay, okay.
Just 'cause I want us to be clear, all right?
So, it would take like a miracle for me to want to get hitched again.
- All right. Okay. - Okay. All right.
Like, an absolute friggin' miracle.
Thank you all so much for coming.
It means a lot to the kids
to be able to see all the different career possibilities.
- We cannot pay you enough. - You're paying us nothing.
And I assure you that any amount would not be enough.
Oh, I can't believe it's finally here.
All these weeks of work for one day.
I can't blow this.
If I mess this up, the district won't let me pitch anything else.
That's right.
Yeah, I tanked the rollout for electric school buses,
and I haven't been allowed to speak in meetings since.
It's gonna be great.
Okay, this is you.
Hey.
Hi.
All right.
Oh. And this just gets harder and harder, because they go crazy for me. [laughs]
Hey, guys.
They get tired after lunch.
- It's 8:30. - Is it?
I don't think it-it--
I see why they're being weird.
She put the date on the bottom of the board instead of the top.
Classic mistake. Let me just...
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, I was gonna just put the date at the top of the board.
I like my dates at the bottom,
and I like to fight.
- Oh. - Territorial behavior.
- [Janine] Oh. - Pretty common in the wild.
Yes. You see that in the kingdom all the time.
Now let's see those cheetahs.
I did not bring any cheetahs.
Okay. Let's see a cheetah.
I brought a fake sloth.
Really? That's what you brought?
So what I do is make a little palm tree on the forehead
in a straight line down my nose all the way to the Cupid's bow area.
Mrs. Howard, if you're interested,
you can find my tutorials on Instagram and TikTok.
No, I've been doing my makeup now for well over 30 years.
And you look fantastic,
but maybe some face contouring and some underpainting
could take you to the next level.
Maybe that would be all right.
When you put these two kinds of fruit trees close together
- that can lead to-- - Cross-pollination.
Sorry, I was, um, just trying to help.
You know, this summer I--
- Worked with the Orioles grounds crew. - Yeah.
You mentioned it. Several times. [chuckles]
Were you the guy that got caught under the tarp?
[students laughing]
Kentucky bluegrass is slippery.
Well, at this point in my story, you may be asking yourself,
"How did you get elected to the State Senate?"
Yes, I was asking myself that.
[Mr. Johnson] Well, it's real simple.
You see, the incumbent passed away right before the election.
Everybody would just vote for him when they saw his name.
Just so happens that this man's name was also Mr. Johnson.
I got myself on the ballot, and the rest is history.
Anyway, I served three terms, and we won the Cold War.
So then I come over here and I create a hyperlink,
which I then put in an email
that I blast to our platinum members.
And then comes the fun part.
We wait.
This guy does not look like a Eagle.
[Melissa] Hey, pipe down.
He could be a punter if he wanted to. Go ahead.
Thank you. No, that-- You know, that's okay.
It happens all the time.
That's why I've arranged a special guest to come say hi to everyone.
Think you might like him more than me.
Well, I mean if we start a database,
then there's no reason not to do Career Day
in every school across the city.
And if we're short on volunteers,
we can get vocational schools to send students over for credit.
- That is brilliant. - [zoologist] Hey.
Why did you invite me here just to speak to an empty classroom?
All the kids left. The teacher left. I just brought my fake sloth for nothing?
- What? - [zoologist] Yeah.
[Janine] Whoa, whoa. Hey, guys, no running!
Hey, no running! Guys!
Ava, what is going on?
The world's finest starting quarterback is here. Everybody, move!
What?
Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Hey, little girl. Look at you all dressed up for Career Day.
Good one, Jalen Hurts. [chuckles]
Melissa, how is Jalen Hurts on your screen right now?
Because sometimes God has favorites, Janine.
America's sweetheart is here.
Thanks to that boat-shoe-wearing hero over there.
It's an absolute freaking miracle! [laughs]
Do we get to talk to Jalen too?
Oh, no, kids. I don't think Jalen Hurts is gonna be able to stay. [chuckles]
Career Day blows.
This makes you wanna never work.
All right, that's dramatic.
Dang it, Eagles marketing guy. Why'd you have to go above and beyond?
Why couldn't you just bring Eagles pencils or something?
Jay, since we only have but so much time together, uh,
I was wondering. What do you dream about at night?
That I'm the prince of the underwater kingdom of Atlantis.
[Ava giggling]
Hey, I got a crazy favor to ask you.
- I got it. I got it. - [Manny] Hmm?
Let's call an audible.
We'll get the video link set up in every classroom.
Then we'll take the kids back to the rooms with their teachers.
We get Jalen to talk to everybody at once.
And we've got eight charged iPads now, so that shouldn't be a problem.
Now, that's a great play.
Ready for kickoff.
- Oh, my gosh. District on three? - [Manny] Absolutely.
- Okay. One, two, three! - [all] Two, three!
- [all] District! - [Ava] Nerds!
- [Janine groans] Okay. - [Jalen Hurts] Uh,
excellence from the people around you and have fun with them as well.
Hey, Jalen, um, you might remember me from earlier.
Janine Teagues from the district.
Do you think you can give us ten minutes so we can put you in every classroom?
For the kids, I got all the time in the world,
as long as it's wrapped up in ten minutes. I gotta get to practice.
Thank you. Your face is incredible.
[chuckles] Excuse me.
Oh, my gosh. That could have been a mess.
But we found a solution.
No kids or professionals feel left out, and Jalen meets every class.
Efficient after all.
As the girls say, "I ate that." [chuckles]
I consumed it.
Thank you to everyone
who took the time out of their day to be here.
After football, I have to start another career.
So I wish I had been there to hear the other professionals talk.
Now, before I go,
there's a special someone who wants to propose, because,
"This love feels like a first down,
and he wants to be in the end zone of your heart.
Let's touch down on our future together."
Is Jalen Hurts proposing to me?
I don't think so.
You said it would take a miracle,
and there's no clearer sign than me being able to get Jalen Hurts
to be part of the proposal.
So I'm throwing a Hail Mary.
Melissa Ann Katerina Schemmenti...
[all] Oh.
...will you marry me?
- Oh. - Oh.
No.
[all] Oh.
Damn. They usually say yes.
Babe, why not?
Hey, man. You're late for practice.
Yeah, what's happening?
He just asked me to ask her to marry him, and she said no.
[Brandon Graham] Another proposal?
Jalen, you gotta say no to this kind of stuff.
Boundaries.
You know my boundaries porous as hell.
I-I really thought we had a great thing.
It has been great.
Really. It has.
But I just-- Gar, I don't wanna get married again.
And I told you this, like, a lot.
I know. I-I--
I just thought if the perfect moment ever came around,
and then suddenly Jalen freaking Hurts is...
- [Melissa] Oh, my God. - ...talking in your class. I mean--
Hey, guys. I think maybe you should take this outside
because everyone's watching, and I don't think you want that.
Yeah, okay. Class, uh, Miss Schemmenti is gonna step outside for a sec.
Guys, watch 'em, okay?
Oh, you guys don't have to do that.
Heads down, thumbs up. Time to play Seven Up.
They actually listened. Have you ever considered teaching?
Uh, y'all hiring? I mostly work on Sundays.
[laughing]
That's really funny.
So what do we do now?
You really wanna get married?
I really wanna get married.
And you deserve that.
But, Gar, I'm never getting married again.
- I-- - I-I-I don't need to be convinced.
This is my truth.
Maybe the best thing for both of us...
is not each other.
So...
we're breaking up?
I hate to say it, but I think so.
I'm okay.
I'll be all right.
Even though I feel like a zero right now.
Oh, honey, you're not a zero.
- You're a Philly 11. - [Gary chuckles]
So the bald guy was on his knee, right?
And Miss Schemmenti's like, "Not today."
[shushes] She's back. She's back. Sit down.
We just wanna say, we think it's cool you trusted your gut.
You're cold, but you're bold.
And that, as a man with an all-woman management team,
I support a woman's right to stand up for what she wants or doesn't want.
[chuckles, sniffles]
Get to practice, you guys.
- All right now. - Bye, Jalen Hurts.
I mean, it could have been worse, right?
I think now we know, we-we lay some ground rules, right?
No football players.
No football at all to be safe.
No proposals.
What are you doing in here?
Oh, um, Ava hasn't given me any office space.
Well, this is my mop's office,
and we're about to have an important meeting.
Yes, that's--
Hey, guys. I am so sorry about that.
Sorry about what?
That was a mess. It wasn't streamlined at all.
I know that's the key to the district picking up these things. I mean--
Uh, Jalen Hurts was here.
- Go Birds. - [Manny] Yeah.
[Simon] That alone makes this event a success.
The kids loved it.
Anybody can execute under perfect circumstances.
You know how to improvise.
Well, I do watch a lot of Whose Line Is It Anyway?
- Oh. - It's usually Wayne Brady's.
- [laughs] Right? I know. - [Emily] Right?
[Manny] Yeah.
Ooh, this look is a slay, Mrs. Howard.
- It's giving grade A baddie. - [Barbara gasps]
Well, period to that.
I could never do this on my own every day,
but it's nice to see what I could look like.
Thank you.
Oh.
[Barbara squeals]
Gerald.
Honey, grab your gators, 'cause we are going out tonight
'cause mama looks good, baby.
[bell rings]
[Ms. Lee] Okay, let's keep some order.
That'll be it.
[Gregory] Okay, really think about the career you wanna pursue.
Also remember, superhero, not really a career.
[knocks]
- [Janine] Hey. - Hey.
Hey.
Uh, how do you feel about your first Career Day?
Oh. You know, it was--
It was actually good. The kids loved it.
Well, you should feel really great about it.
And that botanist that you brought in taught me
how to use borage as a cover crop to improve the soil.
We're about to have some of the richest radishes in Philly.
I'm sorry. You--
You just are the only person I know that gets this excited about radishes.
Well, it's one of the only foods that I love.
- It's dry, bitter. It's... - Bitter.
- Yeah. I know. - ...perfect as a whole. Yeah.
Your fave.
I miss this.
Just chatting about our days. It's...
Oh, my God. Me too.
So much.
Like anytime anything happens here, I want to tell you about it.
- Really? - Yes.
Like earlier with Melissa and Gary.
- She said no to him... - Yeah. Mm-hmm.
...in front of the Eagles.
- I just wanted to tell you immediately-- - Just-- Wow, that's--
Okay.
Yeah, 'cause the vibes were just off.
Yeah, it was weird.
I was kind of just giving you your space.
I noticed that.
Why?
I thought our conversation was the reason why you left.
Oh, my God.
N-No. No, no, no, no.
I really respected what you said.
I only left because I wanted to try working for the district.
That was it.
Well, that's good to hear.
Okay.
So I heard you got caught under a tarp.
What, do you have like a Google Alert for me?
No, I have a Google Alert for humiliating tarp incidents.
[Gregory] Hmm.
Don't you have a lot of work to do at the district?
[Mr. Johnson] Right when I thought I was finally a made man,
they had the audacity to try and whack me.
- [Jacob gasps] - Can you believe that?
So after making short work of those goons,
I left Sicily, officially became an American citizen and landed here.
I tried about 400 careers
until I picked up this mop and never looked back.
I still can't look at tortellini the same.
Anyway, janitorial work is self-explanatory.
You see me around.
You know what I do.
[Jacob laughs]
- [all cheering] - [Jacob] Yeah! Whoo!